`Come!'rejoinedStryver,laughingboastfully,`thoughIdon'tpreferanyclaimtobeingthesoulofRomanceforIhopeI,knowbetter,stillIamatenderersortoffellowthanyou.
`Youarealuckier,ifyoumeanthat.'
`Idon'tmeanthat.ImeanIamamanofmore——more——'
`Saygallantry,whileyouareaboutit,'suggestedCarton.
`Well!I'llsaygallantry.MymeaningisthatIamaman,'saidStryver,inflatinghimselfathisfriendashemadethepunch,`whocaresmoretobeagreeable,Whotakesmorepainstobeagreeable,whoknowsbetterhowtobeagreeable,inawoman'ssociety,thanyoudo.'
`Goon,'saidSydneyCarton.
`No;butbeforeIgoon,'saidStryver,shakinghisheadinhisbullyingway,`I'llhavethisoutwithyou.You'vebeenatDr.Manette'shouseasmuchasIhave,ormorethanIhave.Why,Ihavebeenashamedofyourmorosenessthere!Yourmannershavebeenofthatsilentandsullenandhang-dogkind,that,uponmylifeandsoul,Ihavebeenashamedofyou,Sydney!'
`Itshouldbeverybeneficialtoamaninyourpracticeatthebar,tobeashamedofanything,'returnedSydney;`yououghttobemuchobligedtome.
`YoushallnotgetoffinthatWay,'rejoinedStryver,shoulderingtherejoinderathim;`no,Sydney,it'smydutytotellyou——andItellyoutoyourfacetodoyougood——thatyouareadevilishill-conditionedfellowinthatsortofsociety.Youareadisagreeablefellow.'
Sydneydrankabumperofthepunchhehadmade,andlaughed.
`Lookatme!'saidStryver,squaringhimself:`Ihavelessneedtomakemyselfagreeablethanyouhave,beingmoreindependentincircumstances.WhydoIdoit?'
`Ineversawyoudoityet,'mutteredCarton.
`Idoitbecauseit'spolitic;Idoitonprinciple.Andlookatme!Igeton.'
`Youdon'tgetonwithyouraccountofyourmatrimonialintentions,'answeredCarton,withacarelessair;`Iwishyouwouldkeeptothat.Astome——willyouneverunderstandthatIamincorrigible?'
Heaskedthequestionwithsomeappearanceofscorn.
`Youhavenobusinesstobeincorrigible,'washisfriend'sanswer,deliveredinnoverysoothingtone.
`Ihavenobusinesstobe,atall,thatIknowof,'saidSydneyCarton.`Whoisthelady?'
`Now,don'tletmyannouncementofthenamemakeyouuncomfortable,Sydney,'saidMr.Stryver,preparinghimwithostentatiousfriendlinessforthedisclosurehewasabouttomake,`becauseIknowyoudon'tmeanhalfyousay;andifyoumeantitall,itwouldbeofnoimportance.Imakethislittlepreface,because,youoncementionedtheyoungladytomeinslightingterms.
`Idid?'
`Certainly;andinthesechambers.'
SydneyCartonlookedathispunchandlookedathiscomplacentfriend;drankhispunchandlookedathiscomplacentfriend.
`Youmadementionoftheyoungladyasagolden-haireddoll.TheyoungladyisMissManette.Ifyouhadbeenafellowofanysensitivenessordelicacyoffeelinginthatkindofway,Sydney,Imighthavebeenalittleresentfulofyouremployingsuchadesignation;butyouarenot.Youwantthatsensealtogether;thereforeIamnomoreannoyedwhenIthinkoftheexpression,thanIshouldbeannoyedbyaman'sopinionofapictureofmine,whohadnoeyeforpictures:orofapieceofmusicofmine,whohadnoearformusic.'
SydneyCartondrankthepunchatagreatrate;drankitbybumpers,lookingathisfriend.
`Nowyouknowallaboutit,Syd,'saidMr.Stryver.`Idon'tcareaboutfortune:sheisacharmingcreature,andIhavemadeupmymindtopleasemyself:onthewhole,IthinkIcanaffordtopleasemyself.Shewillhaveinmeamanalreadyprettywelloffandarapidlyrisingman,andamanofsomedistinction:itisapieceofgoodfortuneforher,butsheisworthyofgoodfortune.Areyouastonished?'
Carton,stilldrinkingthepunch,rejoined,`WhyshouldIbeastonished?'
`Youapprove?'
Carton,stilldrinkingthepunch,rejoined,`WhyshouldInotapprove?'`Well!'saidhisfriendStryver,`youtakeitmoreeasilythanIfanciedyouwould,andarelessmercenaryonmybehalfthanIthoughtyouwouldbe;though,tobesure,youknowwellenoughbythistimethatyourancientchumisamanofaprettystrongwill.Yes,Sydney,Ihavehadenoughofthisstyleoflife,withnootherasachangeiron'it;Ifeelthatitisapleasantthingforamantohaveahomewhenhefeelsinclinedtogotoitwhenhedoesn't,hecanstayaway,andIfeelthatMissManettewilltellwellinanystation,andwillalwaysdomecredit.SoIhavemadeupmymind.Andnow,Sydney,oldboy,Iwanttosayawordtoyouaboutyourprospects.Youareinabadway,youknow;youreallyareinabadway.Youdon'tknowthevalueofmoney,youlivehard,you'llknockuponeofthesedays,andbeillandpoor;youreallyoughttothinkaboutanurse.
Theprosperouspatronagewithwhichhesaidit,madehimlooktwiceasbigashewas,andfourtimesasoffensive.
`Now,letmerecommendyou,'pursuedStryver,`tolookitintheface.Ihavelookeditintheface,inmydifferentway;lookitintheface,you,inyourdifferentway.Marry.Providesomebodytotakecareofyou.Nevermindyourhavingnoenjoymentofwomen'ssociety,norunderstandingofit,nortactforit.Findoutsomebody.Findoutsomerespectablewomanwithalittleproperty——somebodyinthelandladyway,orlodging-lettingway——andmarryher,againstarainyday.That'sthekindofthingforyou.Nowthinkofit,Sydney.'
`I'llthinkofit,'saidSydney.
CHAPTERXII
TheFellowofDelicacy
MR.STRYVERhavingmadeuphismindtothatmagnanimousbestowalofgoodfortuneontheDoctor'sdaughter,resolvedtomakeherhappinessknowntoherbeforehelefttownfortheLongVacation.Aftersomementaldebatingofthepoint,hecametotheconclusionthatitwouldbeaswelltogetallthepreliminariesdonewith,andtheycouldthenarrangeattheirleisurewhetherheshouldgiveherhishandaweekortwobeforeMichaelmasTerm,orinthelittleChristmasvacationbetweenitandHilary.
Astothestrengthofhiscase,hehadnotadoubtaboutit,butclearlysawhiswayto'theverdict.Arguedwiththejuryonsubstantialworldlygrounds——theonlygroundseverworthtakingintoaccount——itwasaplaincase,andhadnotaweakspotinit.Hecalledhimselffortheplaintiff,therewasnogettingoverhisevidence,thecounselforthedefendantthrewuphisbrief,andthejurydidnoteventurntoconsider.Aftertryingit,Stryver,C.J.,wassatisfiedthatnoplainercasecouldbe.
Accordingly,Mr.StryverinauguratedtheLongVacationwithaformalproposaltotakeMissManettetoVauxhallGardens;thatfailing,toRanelagh;thatunaccountablyfailingtoo,itbehovedhimtopresenthimselfinSoho,andtheredeclarehisnoblemind.
TowardsSoho,therefore,Mr.SteershoulderedhiswayfromtheTemple,whilethebloomoftheLongVacation'sinfancywasstilluponit.AnybodywhohadseenhimprojectinghimselfintoSohowhilehewasyetonSaintDunstan'ssideofTempleBar,burstinginhisfull-blownwayalongthepavement,tothejostlementofallweakerpeople,mighthaveseenhowsafeandstronghewas.
HiswaytakinghimpastTellson's,andhebothbankingatTellson'sandknowingMr.LorryastheintimatefriendoftheManettes,itenteredMr.Stryver'smindtoenterthebank,andrevealtoMr.LorrythebrightnessoftheSohohorizon.So,hepushedopenthedoorwiththeweakrattleinitsthroat,stumbleddownthetwosteps,gotpastthetwoancientcashiers,andshoulderedhimselfintothemustybackclosetwhereMr.Lorrysatatgreatbooksruledforfigures,withperpendicularironbarstohiswindowasifthatwereruledforfigurestoo,andeverythingunderthecloudswereasum.
`Halloa!'saidMr.Stryver.`Howdoyoudo?Ihopeyouarewell!'
ItwasStryver'sgrandpeculiaritythathealwaysseemedtoobigforanyplace,orspace.HewassomuchtoobigforTellson's,thatoldclerksindistantcornerslookedupwithlooksofremonstrance,asthoughhesqueezedthemagainstthewall.TheHouseitself,magnificentlyreadingthepaperquiteinthefar-offperspective,lowereddispleased,asiftheStryverheadhadbeenbuttedintoitsresponsiblewaistcoat.
ThediscreetMr.Lorrysaid,inasampletoneofthevoicehewouldrecommendunderthecircumstances,`Howdoyoudo,Mr.Stryver?Howdoyoudo,sir?'andshookhands.Therewasapeculiarityinhismannerofshakinghands,alwaystobeseeninanyclerkatTellson'swhoshookhandswithacustomerwhentheHousepervadedtheair.Heshookinaself-abnegatingway,asonewhoshookforTellsonandCo.
`CanIdoanythingforyou,Mr.Stryver?'askedMr.Lorry,inhisbusinesscharacter.
`Why,no,thankyou;thisisaprivatevisittoyourself,Mr.Lorry;Ihavecomeforaprivateword.'
`Ohindeed!'saidMr.Lorry,bendingdownhisear,whilehiseyestrayedtotheHouseafaroff.
`Iamgoing,'saidMr.Stryver,leaninghisarmsconfidentiallyonthedesk:whereupon,althoughitwasalargedoubleone,thereappearedtobenothalfdeskenoughforhim:`Iamgoingtomakeanofferofmyselfinmarriagetoyouragreeablelittlefriend,MissManette,Mr.Lorry.'
Ohdearme!'criedMr.Lorry,rubbinghischin,andlookingathisvisitordubiously.
`Ohdearme,sir?'repeatedStryver,drawingback.
`Ohdearyou,sir?Whatmayyourmeaningbe,Mr.Lorry?'
`Mymeaning,'answeredthemanofbusiness,`is,ofcourse,friendlyandappreciative,andthatitdoesyouthegreatestcredit,and——inshort,mymeaningiseverythingyoucoulddesire.But——really,youknow,Mr.Stryver——'Mr.Lorrypaused,andshookhisheadathimintheoddestmanner,asifhewerecompelledagainsthiswilltoadd,internally,`youknowtherereallyissomuchtoomuchofyou!'
`Well!'saidStryver,slappingthedeskwithhiscontentioushand,openinghiseyeswider,andtakingalongbreath,`ifIunderstandyou,Mr.Lorry,I'llbehanged!'
Mr.Lorryadjustedhislittlewigatbothearsasameanstowardsthatend,andbitthefeatherofapen.
`D——nitall,sir!'saidStryver,staringathim,`amInoteligible?'
`Ohdearyes!Yes.Ohyes,you'reeligible!'saidMr.Lorry.`Ifyousayeligible,youareeligible.'
`AmInotprosperous?'askedStryver.
`Oh!ifyoucometoprosperous,youareprosperous,'saidMr.Lorry.
`Andadvancing?'
`Ifyoucometoadvancing,youknow,'saidMr.Lorry,delightedtobeabletomakeanotheradmission,`nobodycandoubtthat.'
`Thenwhatonearthisyourmeaning,Mr.Lorry?'demandedStryver,perceptiblycrestfallen.
`Well!IWereyougoingtherenow?'askedMr.Lorry.`Straight!'saidStryver,withaplumpofhisfistonthedesk.`ThenIthinkIwouldn't,ifIwasyou.'
`Why?'saidStryver.`Now,I'llputyouinacorner,'forensicallyshakingaforefingerathim.`Youareamanofbusinessandboundtohaveareason.Stateyourreason.
Whywouldn'tyougo?'
`Because,'saidMr.Lorry,`Iwouldn'tgoonsuchanobjectwithouthavingsomecausetobelievethatIshouldsucceed.'
`D——nME!'criedStryver,`butthisbeatseverything.'
Mr.LorryglancedatthedistantHouse,andglancedattheangryStryver.
`Here'samanofbusiness——amanofyears——amanofexperience——inaBank,'saidStryver;`andhavingsummedupthreeleadingreasonsforcompletesuccess,hesaysthere'snoreasonatall!Saysitwithhisheadon!'Mr.Stryverremarkedupontilepeculiarityasifitwouldhavebeeninfinitelylessremarkableifhehadsaiditwithhisheadoff.
`WhenIspeakofsuccess,Ispeakofsuccesswiththeyounglady;andwhenIspeakofcausesandreasonstomakesuccessprobable,Ispeakofcausesandreasonsthatwilltellassuchwiththeyounglady.Theyounglady,mygoodsir,'saidMr.Lorry,mildlytappingtheStryverarm,`theyounglady.Theyoungladygoesbeforeall.'
`Thenyoumeantotellme,Mr.Lorry,'saidStryver,squaringhiselbows,`thatitisyourdeliberateopinionthattheyoungladyatpresentinquestionisamincingFool?'
`Notexactlyso.Imeantotellyou,Mr.Stryver,'saidMr.Lorry,reddening,`thatIwillhearnodisrespectfulwordOfthatyoungladyfromanylips;andthatifIknewanyman——whichIhopeIdonot——whosetastewassocoarse,andwhosetemperwassooverbearing,thathecouldnotrestrainhimselffromspeakingdisrespectfullyofthatyoungladyatthisdesk,notevenTellson'sshouldpreventmygivinghimapieceofmymind.'
ThenecessityofbeingangryinasuppressedtonehadputMr.Stryver'sblood-vesselsintoadangerousstatewhenitwashisturntobeangry;Mr.Lorry'sveins,methodicalastheircoursescouldusuallybe,wereinnobetterstatenowitwashisturn.
`ThatiswhatImeantotellyou,sir,'saidMr.Lorry.`Praylettherebenomistakeaboutit.'
Mr.Stryversuckedtileendofarulerforalittlewhileandthenstoodhittingatuneoutofhisteethwithit,which'probablygavehimthetoothache.Hebroketheawkwardsilencebysaying:
`Thisissomethingnewtome,Mr.Lorry.YoudeliberatelyadvisemenottogouptoSohoandoffermyself——myself,StryveroftheKing'sBenchbar?'
`Doyouaskmeformyadvice,Mr.Stryver?'
`Yes,Ido.'
`Verygood.ThenIgiveit,andyouhaverepeateditcorrectly.'
`AndallIcansayofitis,'laughedStryverwithavexedlaugh,`thatthis——ha,ha!——beatseverythingpast,present,andtocome.'
`Nowunderstandme,'pursuedMr.Lorry.`Asamanofbusiness,Iamnotjustifiedinsayinganythingaboutthismatter,for,asamanofbusiness,Iknownothingofit.But,asanoldfellow,whohascarriedMissManetteinhisarms,whoisthetrustedfriendofMissManetteandofherfathertoo,andwhohasagreataffectionforthemboth,Ihavespoken.Theconfidenceisnotofmyseeking,recollect.Now,youthinkImaynotberight?'
`NotI!'saidStryver,whistling.`Ican'tundertaketofindthirdpartiesincommonsense;IcanonlyfinditformyselfIsupposesenseincertainquarters;yousupposemincingbread-and-butternonsense.It'snewtome,butyouareright,Idaresay.'
`WhatIsuppose,Mr.Stryver,IclaimtocharacteriseformyselfAndunderstandme,sir,'saidMr.Lorry,quicklyflushingagain,`Iwillnot——notevenatTellson's——haveitcharacterisedformebyanygentlemanbreathing.'
`There!Ibegyourpardon!'saidStryver.
`Granted.Thankyou.Well,Mr.Stryver,Iwasabouttosay——itmightbepainfultoyoutofindyourselfmistaken,itmightbepainfultoDoctorManettetohavethetaskofbeingexplicitwithyou,itmightbeverypainfultoMissManettetohavethetaskofbeingexplicitwithyou.YouknowthetermsuponwhichIhavethehonourandhappinesstostandwiththefamily.Ifyouplease,committingyouinnoway,representingyouinnoway,Iwillundertaketocorrectmyadvicebytheexerciseofalittlenewobservationandjudgmentexpresslybroughttobearuponit.Ifyoushouldthenbedissatisfiedwithit,youcanbuttestitssoundnessforyourself;if,ontheotherhand,youshouldbesatisfiedwithit,anditshouldbewhatitnowis,itmayspareallsideswhatisbestspared.Whatdoyousay?'
`Howlongwouldyoukeepmeintown?'
`Oh!Itisonlyaquestionofafewhours.IcouldgotoSohointheevening,andcometoyourchambersafterwards.'
`ThenIsayyes,'saidStryver:`Iwon'tgouptherenow,Iamnotsohotuponitasthatcomesto;Isayyes,andIshallexpectyoutolookinto-night.Good-morning.'
ThenMr.StryverturnedandburstoutoftheBank,causingsuchaconcussionofaironhispassagethrough,thattostandupagainstitbowingbehindthetwocounters,requiredtheutmostremainingstrengthofthetwoancientclerks.
Thosevenerableandfeeblepersonswerealwaysseenbythepublicintheactofbowing,andwerepopularlybelieved,whentheyhadbowedacustomerout,stilltokeeponbowingintheemptyofficeuntiltheybowedanothercustomerin.
Thebarristerwaskeenenoughtodivinethatthebankerwouldnothavegonesofarinhisexpressionofopiniononanylesssolidgroundthanmoralcertainty.Unpreparedashewasforthelargepillhehadtoswallow,hegotitdown.`Andnow,'saidMr.Stryver,shakinghisforensicforefingerattheTempleingeneral,whenitwasdown,`mywayoutofthis,is,toputyouallinthewrong.'
ItwasabitoftheartofanOldBaileytactician,inwhichhefoundgreatrelief.`Youshallnotputmeinthewrong,younglady,'saidMr.Stryver;`I'lldothatforyou.'
Accordingly,whenMr.Lorrycalledthatnightaslateasteno'clock,Mr.Stryver,amongaquantityofbooksandpaperslitteredoutforthepurpose,seemedtohavenothinglessonhismindthanthesubjectofthemorning.HeevenshowedsurprisewhenhesawMr.Lorry,andwasaltogetherinanabsentandpreoccupiedstate.
`Well!'saidthatgood-naturedemissary,afterafullhalf-hourofbootlessattemptstobringhimroundtothequestion.`IhavebeentoSoho.'
`ToSoho?'repeatedMr.Stryver,coldly.`Oh,tobesure!WhatamIthinkingof!'
`AndIhavenodoubt,'saidMr.Lorry,`thatIwasrightintheconversationwehad.Myopinionisconfirmed,andIreiteratemyadvice.'
`Iassureyou,'returnedMr.Stryver,inthefriendliestway,`thatIamsorryforitonyouraccount,andsorryforitonthepoorfather'saccount.Iknowthismustalwaysbeasoresubjectwiththefamily;letussaynomoreaboutit.'
`Idon'tunderstandyou,'saidMrLorry.
`Idaresaynot,'rejoinedStryver,noddinghisheadinasmoothingandfinalway;nomatter,nomatter.'
`Butitdoesmatter,'Mr.Lorryurged.
`Noitdoesn't;Iassureyouitdoesn't.Havingsupposedthattherewassensewherethereisnosense,andalaudableambitionwherethereisnotalaudableambition,Iamwelloutofmymistake,andnoharmisdone.Youngwomenhavecommittedsimilarfolliesoftenbefore,andhaverepentedtheminpovertyandobscurityoftenbefore.Inanunselfishaspect,Iamsorrythatthethingisdropped,becauseitwouldhavebeenabadthingformeinaworldlypointofview;inaselfishaspect,Iamgladthatthethinghasdropped,becauseitwouldhavebeenabadthingformeinaworldlypointofview——itishardlynecessarytosayIcouldhavegainednothingbyit.Thereisnoharmatalldone.Ihavenotproposedtotheyounglady,and,betweenourselves,Iambynomeanscertain,onreflection,thatIevershouldhavecommittedmyselftothatextent.Mr.Lorry,youcannotcontrolthemincingvanitiesandgiddinessesofempty-headedgirls;youmustnotexpecttodoit,oryouwillalwayshedisappointed.
Now,praysaynomoreaboutit.Itellyou,Iregretitonaccountofothers,butIamsatisfiedonmyownaccount.AndIamreallyverymuchobligedtoyouforallowingmetosoundyou,andforgivingmeyouradvice;youknowtheyoungladybetterthanIdo;youwereright,itneverwouldhavedone.
Mr.Lorrywassotakenaback,thathelookedquitestupidlyatMr.Stryvershoulderinghimtowardsthedoor,withanappearanceofshoweringgenerosity,forbearance,andgoodwill,onhiserringhead.'Makethebestofit,mydearsir,'saidStryver;`saynomoreaboutit;thankyouagainforallowingmetosoundyou;good-night!'Mr.Lorrywasoutinthenight,beforeheknewwherehewas.Mr.Stryverwaslyingbackonhissofa,winkingathisCeiling.
CHAPTERXIII
TheFellowofNoDelicacy
IFSydneyCartonevershoneanywhere,hecertainlynevershonethehouseofDoctorManette.Hehadbeenthereoften,duringawholeyear,andhadalwaysbeenthesamemoodyandmoroseloungerthere.Whenhecaredtotalk,hetalkedwell;but,thecloudofcaringfornothing,whichovershadowedhimwithsuchafataldarkness,wasveryrarelypiercedbythelightwithinhim.
Andyethedidcaresomethingforthestreetsthatenvironedthathouse,andforthesenselessstonesthatmadetheirpavements.Manyanighthevaguelyandunhappilywanderedthere,whenwinehadbroughtnotransitorygladnesstohim;manyadrearydaybreakrevealedhissolitaryfigurelingeringthere,andstilllingeringtherewhenthefirstbeamsofthesunbroughtintostrongrelief,removedbeautiesofarchitectureinspiresofchurchesandloftybuildings,asperhapsthequiettimebroughtsomesenseofbetterthings,elseforgottenandunattainable,intohismind.Oflate,theneglectedbedintheTempleCourthadknownhimmorescantilythinever;andoftenwhenhehadthrownhimselfuponitnolongerthanafewminutes,hehadgotupagain,andhauntedthatneighbourhood.
OnadayinAugust,whenMr.Stryverafternotifyingtohisjackalthat`hehadthoughtbetterofthatmarryingmatter'hadcarriedhisdelicacyintoDevonshire,andwhenthesightandscentofflowersintheCitystreetshadsomewaifsofgoodnessinthemfortheworst,ofhealthforthesickliest,andofyouthfortheoldest,Sydney'sfeetstilltrodthosestones.Frombeingirresoluteandpurposeless,hisfeetbecameanimatedbyanintention,and,intheworkingoutofthatintention,theytookhimtotheDoctor'sdoor.
Hewasshownupstairs,andfoundLucieatherwork,alone.Shehadneverbeenquiteathereasewithhim,andreceivedhimwithsomelittleembarrassmentasheseatedhimselfnearhertable.But,lookingupathisfaceintheinterchangeofthefirstfewcommonplaces,sheobservedachangeinit.
`Ifearyouarenotwell,Mr.Carton!'
`No.ButthelifeIlead,MissManette,isnotconducivetohealth.Whatistobeexpectedoforby,suchprofligates?'
`Isitnot——forgiveme;Ihavebegunthequestiononmylips——apitytolivenobetterlife?'
`Godknowsitisashame!'
`Thenwhynotchangeit?'
Lookinggentlyathimagain,shewassurprisedandsaddenedtoseethatthereweretearsinhiseyes.Thereweretearsinhisvoicetoo,asheanswered:
`Itistoolateforthat.IshallneverbebetterthanIam.Ishallsinklower,andbeworse.'
Heleanedanelbowonhertable,andcoveredhiseyeswithhishand.Thetabletrembledinthesilencethatfollowed.
Shehadneverseenhintsoftened,andwasmuchdistressed.Heknewhertobeso,withoutlookingather,andsaid:
`Prayforgiveme,MissManette.IbreakdownbeforetheknowledgeofwhatIwanttosaytoyou.Willyouhearme?'
`Ifitwilldoyouanygood,Mr.Carton,ifitwouldmakeyouhappier,itwouldmakemeveryglad!'
`Godblessyouforyoursweetcompassion!'
Heunshadedhisfaceafteralittlewhile,andspokesteadily.`Don'tbeafraidtohearme.Don'tshrinkfromanything
Isay.Iamlikeonewhodiedyoung.Allmylifemighthavebeen.'
`No,Mr.Carton.Iamsurethatthebestpartofitmightstillbe;Iamsurethatyoumightbemuch,muchworthierofyourself.'
`Sayofyou,MissManette,andalthoughIknowbetter——althoughinthemysteryofmyownwretchedheartIknowbetter——IshallneverforgetitI'
Shewaspaleandtrembling.Hecametoherreliefwithafixeddespairofhimselfwhichmadetheinterviewunlikeanyotherthatcouldhavebeenholden.
`Ifithadbeenpossible,MissManette,thatyoucouldhavereturnedtheloveofthemanyouseebeforeyou——self-flungaway,wasted,drunken,poorcreatureofmisuseasyouknowhimtobe——hewouldhavebeenconsciousthisdayandhour,inspiteofhishappiness,thathewouldbringyoutomisery,bringyoutosorrowandrepentance,blightyou,disgraceyou,pullyoudownwithhim.Iknowverywellthatyoucanhavenotendernessforme;Iaskfornone;Iameventhankfulthatitcannothe.'
`Withoutit,canInotsaveyou,Mr.Carton?CanInotrecallyou——forgivemeagain!——toabettercourse?CanIinnowayrepayyourconfidence?Iknowthisisaconfidence,'shemodestlysaid,afteralittlehesitation,andinearnesttears,`Iknowyouwouldsaythistonooneelse.CanIturnittonogoodaccountforyourself,Mr.Carton?'
Heshookhishead.
`Tonone.No,MissManette,tonone.Ifyouwillhearmethroughaverylittlemore,allyoucaneverdoformeisdone.Iwishyoutoknowthatyouhavebeenthelastdreamofmysoul.InmydegradationIhavenotbeensodegradedbutthatthesightofyouwithyourfather,andofthishomemadesuchahomebyyou,hasstirredoldshadowsthatIthoughthaddiedoutofme.SinceIknewyou,IhavebeentroubledbyaremorsethatIthoughtwouldneverreproachmeagain,andhaveheardwhispersfromoldvoicesimpellingmeupward,thatIthoughtweresilentforever.Ihavehadunformedideasofstrivingafresh,beginninganew,shakingoffslothandsensuality,andfightingouttheabandonedfight.Adream,alladream,thatendsinnothing,andleavesthesleeperwherehelaydown,butIwishyoutoknowthatyouinspiredit.'
`Willnothingofitremain?OMr.Carton,thinkagain!Tryagain!'
`No,MissManette;allthroughit,Ihaveknownmyselftobequiteundeserving.AndyetIhavehadtheweakness,andhavestilltheweakness,towishyoutoknowwithwhatasuddenmasteryyoukindledme,heapofashesthatIam,intofire——afire,however,inseparableinitsnaturefrommyself,quickeningnothing,lightingnothing,doingnoservice,idlyburningaway.'
`Sinceitismymisfortune,Mr.Carton,tohavemoreunhappythanyouwerebeforeyouknewme——
`Don'tsaythat,MissManette,foryouwouldhavereclaimedme,ifanythingcould.Youwillnotbethecauseofmybecomingworse.'
`Sincethestateofyourmindthatyoudescribe,is,atallevents,attributabletosomeinfluenceofmine——thisiswhatImean,ifIcanmakeitplain——canIusenoinfluencetoserveyou?HaveInopowerforgood,withyou,atall?'
`TheutmostgoodthatIamcapableofnow,MissManette,Ihavecomeheretorealise.Letmecarrythroughtherestofmymisdirectedlife,theremembrancethatIopenedmyhearttoyou,lastofalltheworld;andthattherewassomethingleftinmeatthistimewhichyoucoulddeploreandpity.'
`WhichIentreatedyoutobelieve,againandagain,mostfervently,withallmyheart,wascapableofbetterthings,Mr.Carton!'
`Entreatmetobelieveitnomore,MissManette.Ihaveprovedmyself,andIknowbetter.Idistressyou;Idrawfasttoanend.Willyouletmebelieve,whenIrecallthisday,thatthelastconfidenceofmylifewasreposedinyourpureandinnocentbreast,andthatitliestherealone,andwillbesharedbynoone?'
`Ifthatwillbeaconsolationtoyou,yes.'
`Notevenbythedearestoneevertobeknowntoyou?'
`Mr.Carton,'sheanswered,afteranagitatedpause,`thesecretisyours,notmine;andIpromisetorespectit.'
`Thankyou.Andagain,Godblessyou.'
Heputherhandtohislips,andmovedtowardsthedoor.`Beundernoapprehension,MissManette,ofmyeverresumingthisconversationbysomuchasapassingword.Iwillneverrefertoitagain.IfIweredead,thatcouldnotbesurerthanitishenceforth.Inthehourofmydeath,Ishallholdsacredtheonegoodremembrance——andshallthankandblessyouforit——thatmylastavowalofmyselfwasmadetoyou,andthatmyname,andfaults,andmiseriesweregentlycarriedinyourheart.Mayitotherwisebelightandhappy!'
Hewassounlikewhathehadevershownhimselftobe,anditwassosadtothinkhowmuchhehadthrownaway,andhowmuchheeverydaykeptdownandperverted,thatLucieManetteweptmournfullyforhimashestoodlookingbackather.
`Becomforted!'hesaid,`Iamnotworthsuchfeeling,MissManette.Anhourortwohence,andthelowcompanionsandlowhabitsthatIscornbutyieldto,willrendermelessworthsuchtearsasthose,thananywretchwhocreepsalongthestreets.BecomfortedBut,withinmyself,Ishallalwaysbe,towardsyou,whatIamnow,thoughoutwardlyIshallbewhatyouhaveheretoforeseenme.ThelastsupplicationbutoneImaketoyou,is,thatyouwillbelievethisofme.'
`Iwill,Mr.Carton.'
`Mylastsupplicationofall,isthis;andwithit,IwillrelieveyouofavisitorwithwhomIwellknowyouhavenothinginunison,andbetweenwhomandyouthereisanimpassablespace.Itisuselesstosayit,Iknow,butitrisesoutofmysoul.Foryou,andforanydeartoyou,Iwoulddoanything.Ifmycareerwereofthatbetterkindthattherewasanyopportunityorcapacityofsacrificeinit,Iwouldembraceanysacrificeforyouandforthosedeartoyou.Trytoholdmeinyourmind,atsomequiettimes,asardentandsincereinthisonething.Thetimewillcome,thetimewillnotbelongincoming,whennewtieswillbeformedaboutyou——tiesthatwillbindyouyetmoretenderlyandstronglytothehomeyousoadorn——thedearesttiesthatwillevergraceandgladdenyou.OMissManette,whenthelittlepictureofahappyfather'sfacelooksupinyours,whenyouseeyourownbrightbeautyspringingupanewatyourfeet,thinknowandthenthatthereisamanwhowouldgivehislife,tokeepalifeyoulovebesideyou!'Hesaid,`Farewell!'saidalast`Godblessyou!'andlefther.
CHAPTERXIV
TheHonestTradesman
TOtheeyesofMr.JeremiahCruncher,sittingonhisstoolinFleetStreetwithhisgrislyurchinbesidehim,avastnumberandvarietyofobjectsinmovementwereeverydaypresented.WhocouldsituponanythinginFleetStreetduringthebusyhoursoftheday,andnotbedazedanddeafenedbytwoimmenseprocessions,oneevertendingwestwardwiththesun,theotherevertendingeastwardfromthesun,bothevertendingtotheplainsbeyondtherangeofredandpurplewherethesungoesdown!
Withhisstrawinhismouth,Mr.Crunchersatwatchingthetwostreams,liketheheathenrusticwhohasforseveralcenturiesbeenondutywatchingonestream——savingthatJerryhadnoexpectationoftheireverrunningdry.Norwouldithavebeenanexpectationofahopefulkind,sinceBallpartofhisincomewasderivedfromthepilotageoftimidwomenmostlyofafullhabitandpastthemiddleoflifefromTellson'ssideofthetidestotheoppositeore.Briefassuchcompanionshipwasineveryseparateinstance,Mr.Cruncherneverfailedtobecomesointerestedtheladyastoexpressastrongdesiretohavethehonourdrinkingherverygoodhealth.Anditwasfromthegiftstoweduponhimtowardstheexecutionofthisbenevolentpurpose,thatherecruitedhisfinances,asjustnowobserved.
Timewas,whenapoetsatuponastoolinapublicplace,andmusedinthesightofmen.Mr.Cruncher,sittingonstoolinapublicplace,butnotbeingapoet,musedaslittleaspossible,andlookedabouthim.
Itfelloutthathewasthusengagedinaseasonwhencrowdswerefew,andbelatedwomenfew,andwhenhisaffairsingeneralweresounprosperousastoawakenastrongsuspicioninhisbreastthatMrs.Crunchermusthavebeen`flopping'insomepointedmanner,whenanunusualconcoursepouringdownFleetStreetwestward,attractedhisattention.Lookingthatway,Mr.Crunchermadeoutthatmekindoffuneralwascomingalong,andthattherewaspopularobjectiontothisfuneral,whichengendereduproar.
`YoungJerry,'saidMr.Cruncher,turningtohisoffspring,`it'saburyin'.'
`Hooroar,father!'criedYoungJerry.
Theyounggentlemanutteredthisexultantsoundwithmysterioussignificance.Theeldergentlemantookthecrysoill,thathewatchedhisopportunity,andsmotetheyounggentlemanontheear.
`Whatd'yemean?Whatareyouhooroaringat?Whatdoyouwanttoconweytoyourownfather,youyoungRip?Thisboyisagettingtoomanyforme!'saidMr.Cruncher,surveyinghim.`Himandhishooroars.Don'tletmehearnomoreofyou,oryoushallfeelsomemoreofme.D'yehear?'
`Iwarn'tdoingnoharm,'YoungJerryprotested,rubbinghischeek.
`Dropitthen,'saidMr.Cruncher;`Iwon'thavenoneofyournoharms.Getatopofthatthereseat,andlookatthecrowd.'
Hissonobeyed,andthecrowdapproached;theywerebawlingandhissingroundadingyhearseanddingymourningcoach,inwhichmourningcoachtherewasonlyonemourner,dressedinthedingytrappingsthatwereconsideredessentialtothedignityoftheposition.Thepositionappearedbynomeanstopleasehim,however,withanincreasingrabblesurroundingthecoach,deridinghim,makinggrimacesathim,andincessantlygroaningandcallingout:`Yah!Spies!Tst!Yaha!Spies!'withmanycomplimentstoonumerousandforcibletorepeat.
FuneralshadatalltimesaremarkableattractionforMr.Cruncher;healwaysprickeduphissenses,andbecameexcited,whenafuneralpassedTellson's.Naturally,therefore,afuneralwiththisuncommonattendanceexcitedhimgreatly,andheaskedofthefirstmanwhoranagainsthim:
`Whatisit,brother?What'sitabout?'
`Idon'tknow,'saidtheman.`Spies!Yaha!Tst!Spies!'
Heaskedanotherman.`Whoisit?'
`Idon'tknow,'returnedtheman,clappinghishandstohismouthnevertheless,andvociferatinginasurprisingheatandwiththegreatestardour,`Spies!Yaha!Tst,tst!Spi-ies!'
Atlength,apersonbetterinformedonthemeritsofthecase,tumbledagainsthim,andfromthispersonhelearnedthatthefuneralwasthefuneralofOneRogerCly.
`WasHeaspy?'askedMr.Cruncher.
`OldBaileyspy,'returnedhisinformant.`YahaTst!Yah!OldBaileySpi-i-ies!'
`Why,tobesure!'exclaimedJerry,recallingtheTrialatwhichhehadassisted.`I'veseenhim.Dead,ishe?'
`Deadasmutton,'returnedtheother,`andcan'tbetoodead.Have`emout,thereSpies!Pull`emout,there!Spies!'
Theideawassoacceptableintheprevalentabsenceofanyidea,thatthecrowdcaughtitupwitheagerness,and,loudlyrepeatingthesuggestiontohave`emout,andtopullemout,mobbedthetwovehiclessocloselythattheycametoastop.Onthecrowd'sopeningthecoachdoors,theonemournerscuffledoutofhimselfandwasintheirhandsforamoment;buthewassoalert,andmadesuchgooduseofhistime,thatinanothermomenthewasscouringawayupabystreet,aftersheddinghiscloak,hat,longhatband,whitepockethandkerchief,andothersymbolicaltears.