Beforethevigilofthatnightwasover,hedecidedthathecouldnotmeeteitherIdaMayheworJennieBurtonagain.HebelievedthatIdaMayhewunderstoodhimonlytoowellnow,andthatshethoroughlydespisedhim.Indeed,fromhermannerofpassinghim,hedoubtedwhethershewillinglywouldspeaktohimagain,forherveilhadpreventedhimfromseeingthepallorandtracesofgriefwhichshewassoanxioustohide.Inhismorbidlysensitivestate,itseemedadeliberatebutjustwithdrawalofevenheracquaintance.
　　HefeltthatthebriefdreamofIdaMayhewwasoverforever,andthatshewouldindeedkeepthepricelesskingdomofherheartfromhimaboveallothers.Hebelievedthatnow,afterherconversationwithStanton,sheclearlysawthattheabsurdlyardentfriendshiphehadurgeduponherwasonlytheincipientstageofanewpassioninaficklewretchwhohaddaredtotriflewithagirllikeJennieBurton——amaidenthat,ofallothersintheworld,amanofhonorwouldshield.
　　AsforMissBurtonherself,nowthatherealizedhissituation,hefeltthathecouldneverlookherinthefaceagain.Totrytoresumehisoldrelationsseemedtobeimpossible.Heneverhadandnevercouldsaytoherawordthatheknewwasinsincere.Besides,hewassurethatsuchaneffortwouldbefutile,forshewoulddetecthishollownessatonce,andhefearedaglanceofscornfromherblueeyesmorethanthelightningofheaven.HeresolvedtoleavetheLakeHouseonMonday,andfromNewYorkwritetoMissBurtontheunvarnishedtruth,assuringherthatheknewhimselftobeunworthyeventospeaktoheragain.Then,assoonashecouldcompletehispreparations,hewouldgoabroadandgivehimselfwhollytohisart.
　　Havingcometotheseconclusions,hestolebyasideentrancelikeaguiltyshadowtohisroomandtriedtoobtainsuchrestasispossibletothosewhoareinthehellofmentaltorment.Afteranearlybreakfastthefollowingmorning,hestartedforthemountains,andnowildbeastthateverroamedthemwouldhavetornhimmorepitilesslythandidhisownoutragedsenseofhonorandmanhood.
　　Hereturnedlateintheevening,wearyandfaint,andwiththefurtivenessofanoutlaw,againreachedhisroomwithoutmeetingthosewhomhesowishedtoavoid.Aftertheheavy,unrefreshingsleepofutterexhaustionheoncemoreleftthehouseearly,withhissketch-bookinhandtodisguisehispurpose,foritwashisintentiontovisittheoldgardenbeforehefinallyleftthescenestowhichhehadbeenledbyfollowingamerefreakoffancy.HelearnedfromoneofMr.Eltinge'sworkmanthattheoldgentlemanwouldbeabsentfromhometheentireday,andthusfeelingsecurefrominterruption,heenteredthequite,shadyplaceinwhichhadbegunthesymphonywhichwasnowendinginsuchharshdiscord.
　　Seeingthathewasalonehethrewhimselfintotherusticseat,andburyinghisfaceinhishands,soonbecameunconsciousofthelapseoftimeinhispainfulrevery.
　　ChapterLII.AnIlluminedFace.
　　Ida'sexpressionandmannerwhenshecamedowntobreakfastonSabbathmorning,remindedMissBurtonofthetimewhenthepoorgirlbelievedthatthemansheloved,bothdespisedandmisjudgedher.Andyettherewasavitaldifference.Thenshewasicyanddefiant;now,withallandmorethantheoldsadness,therewasanaspectofhumilityandgentlenesswhichhadneverbeenseeninformertimes,butthewomanwhoshouldhavebeensogladtocheerherandremoveallmisunderstandingsfoundthatshewasabsolutelyunapproachableexceptbyasortofsocialviolenceofwhichJennieBurtonwasnotcapable.Ida'seffort——whichwasbutpartiallysuccessful——tobebraveandevencheerfulforherfather'ssake,causedMr.Mayhewmorethanoncetogoawaybyhimselfinordertohidehisfeelings.Mrs.Mayhewbecamemoreandmoremystifiedanduncomfortable.Shehadenjoyed,inhercold-bloodedway,atranquil,gossipyweekduringherdaughter'sandhusband'sabsence,butnowshefeltasifsomekindofadomesticconvulsionmightoccuranymoment.
　　"Idon'tseewhypeoplehavetomakesuchafussoverlife,"shecomplained."Iftheywouldonlydowhatwasstylish,properandreligioustheywouldn'thaveanytrouble,"andthestrongandnotwhollyrepressedfeelingofIdaandherfather,ofwhichshewasuncomfortablyconscious,seemedtoherabsurdanduncalledfor.
　　Likethemajorityofmatter-of-factpeople,shehadnopatienceorcharityforemotionordeepregret."Dotheproperthingunderthecircumstancesandletthatendthematter,"wasoneofherfavoritesayings.
　　StantonlearnedfromMr.BurleighthatVanBerghadgoneonamountaintramp,and,whenhetoldIda,hopewhisperedtoher,"IfhelovedJennieBurtonorfeltthathecouldreturntoherside,hewouldnotdothatafterhislongabsence."
　　Butwhenhedidnotreturntosuppershebegantodroopandbecomepalelikeaflowergrowingintoodenseashade.Shewasgladwhentheinterminabledaycametoanendandshecouldshutherselfawayfromeveryone,fortherearewoundswhichtheheartwouldhideevenfromtheeyesofloveandsympathy.IthadbeenarrangedduringthedaythatMr.Mayhewshouldfindanotherplaceatwhichtospendhisvacation,andthatasearlyintheweekaspossibleStantonshouldtakehiswifeanddaughterthither.
　　WhenatlastpoorIdasleptshedreamtthatshewassailingonabeautifulyachtwithsilvercanvasandcrimsonflags——thatVanBergstoodathersidepointingtoalovelyislandwhichtheywererapidlyapproaching.Thenasuddengustofwindsweptheroverboardandshewassinking,sinkingtillthewatersbecamesocoldanddarkthatsheawokewithacryofterror."Oh,"shesobbed,"mydreamistrue!mydreamistrue!"
　　Mr.Mayhewreturnedtothecityinthemorning,leavinghisdaughterveryreluctantly,andIda,asearlyaspossible,setoutagaininthelowphaetontovisitMr.Eltinge,forneverbeforehadshefeltagreaterneedofhiscounselandhelp.Tearscameintohereyeswheninformedofhisabsence."Everythingisagainstme,"shemurmured;butshedecidedtospendsometimeinthegardenbeforeshereturned.Shehadalmostreachedtherusticseatwhenaturninthewalkrevealedthatitwasoccupied.Herfirstimpulsewastoretreathastily,butobservingthatVanBerghadnotheardherlightstep,shehesitated.Then,hisattitudeofutterdejectionsowonhersympathythatshecouldnotleavehimwithoutspeaking,forsherememberedhowsorelyinneedsheoncehadbeenofareassuringword.Moreover,herheartsaid,"Speaktohim;"hopecried,"Stay;"andhertemptationtowinhimifpossible,rightorwrong,sprangupwithtenfoldpowerandwhispered:"ThemanwhomJennieBurtonwelcomedsocordiallySaturdayeveningwouldnotwearthisaspectifhehadthepowertoreturnreadilytohersideagain."Stillshehesitatedandfounditalmostashardtoobtainwordsorcouragenowaswhenshesawhimpullingaparttheworm-eatenrosebud.Atlastshefaltered:
　　"Mr.VanBerg,areyouill?"
　　Hestartedtohisfeetwithadazedlookandpassedhishandacrosshisbrow——thesamegestureshesowellrememberedseeinghimmakeatthecloseofthehappyeveninghehadspentatherhome.Asherealizedthatthemaidenbeforehimwasfleshandblood,andnotacreationofhismorbidfancy,thehotbloodrushedswiftlyintohisface,andhiseyesfellbeforeher.
　　"Yes,MissMayhew,Iam,"hesaid,briefly.
　　"Iamverysorry.CanInotdoanythingforyou?"sheasked,kindly.
　　Helookedupatherinstrongsurprise,andwasstillmoreperplexedbythesympatheticexpressionofherface,butheonlysaid,"I
　　regrettosayyoucannot."
　　"Mr.VanBerg,"saidIda,intonesfullofdistress,"yourwordsandappearancepainmeexceedingly.Youlookasifyouhadbeenillamonth.Whathashappened?"Hisaspectmighttroubleonelessinterestedinhimthanherself,forhiseyeswereblood-shot,andhehadbecomesohaggardthatshecouldscarcelyrealizethathewasthemanwhobutfourdaysprevioushadcomparedhisheartymerrimentwiththe"laughterofthegods."
　　"MissMayhew,"hesaid,bitterlyandslowly,too,asifhewerecarefullychoosinghiswords,"youhadapresentimentlastSaturdaythatsomeevilwasabouttohappen.AsfarasIamconcernedtheworsthashappened.Ihavelostmyself-respect.Ihavenorighttostandhereinyourpresence.Ihavenorighttobeinthisplaceeven.Ioncetossedawayalittleflowerthathadbeensadlymarred,throughnofaultofitsown,andasIdidsoIsaidinmyprideandself-complacencythatitsimperfectionjustifiedmyact.
　　Youunderstoodmetoowell,andmyaccursedPhariseeismwoundedyourveryheart.Youafterwardsgenerouslyforgavemyoffenceandaworseone,butGodisjustandIamnowpunishedintheseverestpossibleway.Iperceivenowthatyoudonotunderstandme,oryoucouldnotlookandspeaksokindly.Ithoughtyouhadlearnedmebetter,foryouspokewordsontheboatthatpiercedmyverysoul,revealingmetomyself,andlateryoupassedmewithoutaglance.
　　Youwererightinbothinstances.Youarewrongnow,andishallnottakeadvantageofyourpresentignorance,whichcircumstanceswillsoonremove.Irepeatit,MissMayhew,Ihavenorighttobehereandspeakingtoyou,andyet"——hemadeapassionateanddespairinggesture,andwasabouttoturnhastilyaway,whenIdasaid,earnestly,withhereyesfixedonhisface,aswasherinstinctivecustomwhenshesoughttolearnmorefromtheexpressionofthespeakerthanfromhiswords:
　　"Mr.VanBerg,beforewepart,answermeonequestion.Haveyoudeliberatelyandselfishlyintendedtodowrong,ortowronganyone?"
　　"No,"hepromptlyrepliedmeeting,hersearchinglookunhesitatingly.
　　Then,withanimpatientgesture,headded:"Butnoonewilleverbelieveit."
　　"Ibelieveit,"shesaidwithareassuringsmile.
　　"You?Youofallothers?Butyouaretalkingatrandom,MissMayhew.Whenyoulearnthetruthyouwilllookandspeakverydifferently.Andyoushalllearnitnow.Youoncetoldmeofawickedanddesperatepurposetowhichyouweredrivenbythewrongofothers.YoursinseemstomeadeedoflightcomparedwiththeactIhavebeenledtocommit,undertheguidanceofmyproudreason,mysuperiorjudgement,mycool,well-balancednature——infernallycoolitwas,indeed!Pardonme,butIambesidemyselfwithrageandself-loathing.True,Ihavenotbeenintentionallyfalse,buttherearecircumstancesinwhichfolly,weakness,andstupidblunderingarenearlyasbad,andtheresultsquiteasbad.Whatcanyousayofthemanwhopaysopensuitandmakesadistinctofferandpledgetoalady,andtheretreatsfromthatsuitandbreaksthatpledge,andthroughnofaultwhateverintheladyherself?
　　Whatcanyousayofthatmanwhentheladyisapoorandorphanedgirl,whomanyonewithasparkofhonorwouldshieldwithhislife,butthatheisabase,ficklewretch,whodeservesthecontemptofallgoodmenandwomen,andthatheoughttobe——asheshallbe——avagabondonthefaceoftheearth?"
　　IdahadburiedherfaceinherhandsasshelearnedhowthoroughlyVanBerghadcommittedhimselftoMissBurton,andtheartistconcluded,abruptly:"Onethingiscertain,hehasnorighttobehere.Ishallnotwaitandseeyourlookofscorn,or——worse——ofpity,forIcouldnotendureit,"andhesnatcheduphissketch-bookandwasabouttohastenfromtheplace,whenIdasprangforwardandsaidpassionately:
　　"Wait.Thisisallwrong.Answermethis——whenyoudiscoveredtheawfulcrime,whichinheartIhadalreadycommitted,howdidyoutreatme?"
　　"Yourpurposewaswicked,butnotbase."
　　"Youhavenotintendedtobeeitherbaseorwicked,"shebegan.
　　"Hush!"heinterruptedsternly,"youshallnotpalliatemyweaknessbysmoothwords,andtoaman,weaknessandstupidity,insomecircumstances,aremorecontemptiblethancrime.Oh,howIenvyStanton!Hiscoursehasbeenstraightforward,noble,regal——Ihaveactedlikeoneofthe'canaille.'"
　　"Youdeeplyregretthen,thatyourfeelingshavesochangedtowardsMissBurton?"saidIda,withhereyesagainfasteneduponhisface.
　　"Idonotthinkmyfeelingshavechangedtowardsher,"hereplied;
　　"sheisadmirable,perfect,andIhonorherfromthedepthsofmyheart.Don'tyousee?Imistookmydeeprespect,sympathy,andadmirationforsomethingmore,andIsmiledcomplacentlyinmysuperiorwayandflatteredmyselfthatitwasinthiseminentlywell-bredandrationalmannerthatHaroldVanBergwouldpayhisaddressestoalady,andthatStanton'sabsorbingpassionwasonlytheresultofungoverned,unbalancednature——accursedprigthatI
　　was!WhileinthisverycomplacentandsuperiorconditionofmindIcommittedmyselftoacoursethatIcannotcarryout,andyetmyfailuretodososlaysmyhonorandself-respect.Now,Ihavebeenasexplicitwithyouasyouwerewithme,andwithwhatyouhaveseenofyourself,youknowthewholemiserabletruth.Byastrangefatewewhoonlymetafewmonthssincehavecometoshareacommon,verysadknowledge.Thememoryofyourownpast,andIsuppose,yourChristianfaithalso,havemadeyouverymercifulandgenerous,butIshalltaxthesequalitiesnofurther."
　　"Whatwillyoudo,Mr.VanBerg?"Idaaskedinsuddendread.
　　"IshallneverlookMissBurtoninthefaceagain,andafterIhavewrittentohersimplyandbrieflywhatIhavetoldyou,herregretwillbesmallindeed.Good-by,MissMayhew.IfIstayanylongerImayspeakwordstoyouthatwouldbeinsults,comingfromme."
　　"Stay,"shesaid,earnestly,"Ihavesomethingveryimportanttosaytoyou."
　　Hehesitatedandlookedatherinstrongsurprise.
　　"Givemeafewminutestothink,"shepleaded,andhesaw,fromthequickriseandfallofherbosomandthenervousclaspofherhands,thatshewasdeeplyagitated.SheturnedfromhimandlookedwistfullyattheyoungtreeonwhichshehadinscribedhernamethedayshehadpromisedMr.Eltingetoreceiveallheavenlyinfluencesandguidance.Shesoonliftedhereyesabovethetreeandherlipsmovedinearnestprayerasevercamefromahumanheart.Shewasfacingthesoresttemptationofherlife,forshehadonlytobesilentnow,shebelieved,andthesuccessofhereffortstowinhimfromJennieBurtonwouldbecomplete.Iflefttohimselfinthiswild,distractedmoodhewouldindeedbreakeverytiethatboundhimtoherrival;butaftertimehadbluntedhispoignantself-condemnationhewouldinevitablycomebacktoher.Theconsciencewhispered:"Whoforgaveyouhere?Whatdidyoupromisehere?Whatdoesthattreemeanwithitsbranchesreachingouttowardsheaven?WhatwouldyouthinkofJennieBurtonwereshetryingtowinhimfromyou?"
　　"OFriendoftheweak!bethoughmystrengthinthismomentofdesperateneed,"shesighed.
　　VanBergwatchedherwithincreasingwonder,andhisheartbeatthickandfastassheatlastturnedtohimwithanexpressionsuchasheneverhadseenbeforeonahumanface.Wasittheautumnsunlightthatilluminedherfeatures?Helearnedeventuallythatitwasthespiritualradianceofthenoblestself-sacrificeofwhichawomaniscapable.
　　"Mr.VanBerg,"shesaid,intonesthatwerequietandfirm,"pleasetakeMr.Eltinge'sseat,forIwishtospeaktoyouasafriend."
　　Heobeyedmechanically,withoutremovinghiseyesfromherface.
　　"Ioncetookcounselofpassionanddespair,"sheresumed,"andyouknowwhatmighthaveresulted,butonthisspotGodforgavemeandIpromisedtotrytodoright.WithshameIconfessIhavenotfullykeptthatpromise,butIshalltrytodosohereafter,betheconsequenceswhattheymay.Pardonmeforspeakingsoplainly,butyouarenowtakingcounselofpassionandturningyourbackonduty.Whilealmostinsanefromself-reproachandwoundedprideyouaretakingstepsthatmayblastyourownlifeandthelivesofothers.TomymindthereisaninfinitedistancebetweentheerroryounaturallyfellintoinviewofMissBurton'slovelinessofcharacterandanybaseintent,butevenifIshouldshareinyourharshjudgement——whichInevercan——Iwouldstillsaythatyoucannothelpthepast,andyouarenowboundbyallthat'ssacredtoaskonlywhatisright,andtodothatateverycosttoyourself.
　　YouarepledgedtoMissBurton,andyoumustmakegoodyourpledge."
　　"What!Igotothatsnow-whitemaidenwithalieonmylips!"heexclaimedindignantly.
　　"No!gotoherwithtruthonyourlipsandinyourheart,exceptasinunselfishloyaltytoherandtoyourwordyoumayhidesometruththatwouldgiveherpain.Mr.VanBerg,youwordispledged.
　　Youhavewonherloveandthisisyouronlyhonorablecourse.Thusfaryouhavenotdoneherintentionalwrong,butifyourushawayfromdutynowincowardlyflightyouwilldoherabitterandfatalwrong,forshelovesyouasonlyfewwomencanlove.Shehasgrownwanandpaleinyourabsence,andittouchedmetothehearttoseeheryesterday,thoughshemadesuchbraveeffortstobecheerfulandtoencouragefather.OGod,forgivemethatI——Gotoherwhenyouhavebecomecalm——yourtrueself.Lovelikeherswilltakewhatyoucangivetillyoucangivemore,andsurelyonesolovelywillsoonwinall.IfeverIhaveseenhumanidolatryinanyfaceithasbeeninhers,andshewillsoonbanishallthiswildpassionfromyourmind.Butbethatasitmayyoumustkeepyourwordifyouwouldkeepmyrespect,andIwouldnotlosemyrespectforyoufortheworld.Iknowyoutoowelltodoubtbutthatyouwilltakeupthissacreddutyandseektoperformitwiththewholestrengthofyourmanhood."
　　NeverforamomenthadVanBergremovedhiseyesfromIda'sface,andherwordsandmannerseemedbothtoaweandcontrolhim.Asshespoke,hisexpressionbecamequietandstrong,andwhensheconcludedhecametohersideandsaidearnestly:
　　"MissMayhew,sinceitisstillpossible,Iwillkeepyourrespect,foritisabsolutelyessentialtome.Godhasindeedgivenyouawoman'ssoul,andheNEVERMADEANOBLERWOMAN.Youareafriendintruthandnotinname,andyouhavesavedmefrommadlydestroyingmyownfuture,andperhapsthefutureofothers,whichisoffarmoreconsequence.IfIfailinobeyingboththeletterandspiritofyourwordsitwillbebecauseIcannothelpmyself."
　　Herface,whichhadbeensosweetandluminouswithhergenerousimpulseandnoblethoughts,wasgrowingverypalenow,butsheroseandgavehimherhand,sayingwithafaintsmilethatwaslikethefadinglightofevening,"Iknewyouwouldnotdisappointme;
　　Iwassureyouwereworthyofmytrust.Letthehonestrightbeourmottohenceforth,andallwillbewellsomeday.Good-by."
　　Hepressedherhandinbothofhisashesaidfervently,"Godblessyou,IdaMayhew!"Thenheturnedandhastenedaway,flyingfromhisownweaknessandawomanlylovelinesswhichatthemomentfarexcelledanyidealhehadeverformed.
　　Hehadscarcelyreachedtheroadbeforeherememberedthathehadlefthissketch-book,andhewentbackforit,butasheturnedthecorneroftheshadypathhestoppedinstantly.Thestrong,clear-eyedmaidenwhohadralliedtheforcesofhisshatteredmanhood,andgivenhimthevantage-groundagaininlife'sbattle,hadbowedherheadonthearmoftherusticseatandwassobbingconvulsively.Indeed,hergriefwassouncontrollableandpassionatethatinhisverysoulhetrembledbeforeit.
　　"Oh,JennieBurton,"shemoaned,"itwouldhavebeeneasierformetodieforyouthantogivehimup.Godhelphim——Godhelpmethroughthedreadfulyearstocome!"
　　Hisfirstimpulsewastospringtoherside,buthehesitated,andthenwithagestureandlookofinfiniteregretheturnedandstolesilentlyaway.
　　ChapterLIII.ANight'sVigil.
　　AsVanBergleftMr.Eltinge'sgroundshehadtheaspectofamanwhohadseenavision.Hehadseenmore,forthehumanfaceexpressiveofabsolute,eventhoughbrief,masteryoverevilisanoblerobjectthancanbetheserenevisageofasinlessanduntemptedangel.
　　AtlastheunderstoodIdaMayhew.Ifhehaddeeplyhonoredherwhenhesupposedthatasasincere,honestfriendonlyshehadspokenherstrong,truewords,whichmightsavehimfromwreckinghislifefromimpulsesofshameandwoundedpride,howinstantaneouslywasthishonorchangedintoreverenceandwonderasherecognizedherself-sacrificeatthedictatesofconscience.Allwasnowperfectlyclear.Thetruthofherlovehadflashedoutfromthedarkcloudofherpassionategrief,andinitswhiteradianceallthebafflingmysteryofherpastactionwasdissipatedinstantly.Nowheknewwhythebrilliantmusicattheconcertgardencouldnotbrightenherface,andtheendofthesymphonysawherintears.NowheunderstoodwhyshecouldnotbeJennieBurton'sfriend,eventhoughcapableofbecomingamartyrforhersakefromasenseofduty.Thedespairingfarewelllettershehadoncewrittentohimnowbecamefraughtwithadeepermeaning,andhesawthatinthrowingawaytheimperfectrose-bud,andinlookingatherasacreatureakintoSibley,hehadinflictedmortalwoundsonaheartthatgavehimonlyloveinreturn.Inherdesperateefforttoconcealanunsoughtloveshehadsoughtthenearestcovert,andthestainsSibleyhadleftuponherwerenomorehersthanifhehadbeenablackenedwall.Afterallherwoman'ssoulhadcometoherasintheoldandsimpletimeswhenevenwaternymphshadhearts,andlovewasstillthemightiestforceintheuniverse.
　　Hisfeelingnowwasfartoodeepforhisformerhalf-frenziedexcitement.Therewasnotatraceofexultationinhismanner,andtherewasindeednogroundforrapture.Onlytheknowledgethathecarriedawayherrespect,andthathewasgoingtotheperformanceofwhathebelievedasacredduty,kepthimfromdespair.
　　Hedidnotblamehimselfasbitterlyasmighthavebeensupposedthathehadnotdiscoveredhersecretearlier,anditincreasedhisadmirationforher,ifthatwerepossible,thatshehadsocarefullymaintainedhermaidenlyreserve.Aconceitedman,oratleastamanwhosesoulwasinfestedwiththemeanestkindofconceit——thatofimaginingthatthewomanwhogiveshimafriendlywordorsmileisdisposedtothrowherselfintohisarms——wouldnodoubthavesurmisedhersecretbefore;butalthoughVanBergwasintenselyproud,aswehaveseen,andhadbeenrenderedself-complacentandself-confidentbythecircumstancesofhislot,hehadnoneofthiscontemptiblevanity.ThediscoveryofIda'slovecausedhimfargreatersurprisethanwhenherecognizedhisown,anditwasasourceofdeepsatisfactiontohimthatthismodernandconventionalUndinehadreceivedanatureofsuchtrueandwomanlydelicacythatithadledhertoconcealherlovelikethetrailing-arbutusthathidesitsfragrantblossomsunderfallenleaves.
　　Thelighthadbeensoclearthatheevensawthetemptationwhichheunconsciouslyhadsuggestedtoherwhileinthecity.Unlikethelittlevioletthatweaklyboweditsheadanddiedbecausethebrookwouldnotstop,shehadresolutelysetaboutthetaskofmakinghimstop,andyetneverlethimsuspectthatshewasevenlookingathim.Henceherattempttopenetratethewildernessofknowledgewhichwasatoncesopatheticandcomical;hencealsoherwishtolearntheauthorsandsubjectswhichinterestedhim.
　　"AndshehadeveryreasontobelievethatshemighthavewonmefromtheonehonorableallegianceIcangive,"heexclaimed,indeephumiliation,"andprobablyshewouldhavedonesoeventuallyhadshenotactedliekasaintratherthanawoman.I'velostfaithutterlyinHaroldVanBerg,anditwillrequireagreatmanyyearstoregainit."
　　Whenhereachedadensetractofwoodlandthroughwhichtheroadran,heconcealedhimselfandwaitedtillsheshouldpass.Twohourselapsedbeforeshedidso.Thepassionategriefthathadoverwhelmedherwasnoslightandpassinggust.Hesawthatsheleanedbackweaklyandlanguidlyinthephaeton,andhadhiddenherfacebyavailofdoublethickness.Hefollowedheratadistancefartoogreatforrecognitionuntilsheenteredthehotel,andthensoughttoobtainalittlerestandfoodatthenearestvillageinn;forhefoundnowthathisfierceparoxysmofrageandmentaltormentwasover,hehadbecomeveryfaintandexhausted.Afterhehadregainedsomewhatthepowertothinkandact,heturnedhisstepstowardsanarrow,secludedravine,aboutamilefromthehotel,knowingthatherehewouldfindthedeepestsolitudeinwhichtogrowcalmandpreparehimselfforthequietself-sacrificeofwhichIdahadgiventheexample,andwhichnoeyemustbeabletodetectsavehistowhomthesecretsofallheartsareopen.
　　Hemadenoefforttofollowanypath,butsprangcarelesslyandrapidlydownthesteephillside.Whenhehadalmostreachedthebottomoftheravine,hisfootslippedonarockhalfhiddenbyleaves,andhefellandrolledhelplesslydown.Beforehecouldrecoverhimself,therock,whichhadbeenlooselyimbeddedinthesoilandwhichhisfoothadstrucksoheavily,rolledafterhimandonhislegandfoot.Insuddenandincreasingdismay,hefoundthathecouldnotextricatehimself.Thestonewouldhavebeenbeyondhisabilitytoliftevenifhehadthefulluseofallhispowers;buthewasheldinapositionthatgavehimverylittlechancetoexerthisstrength.
　　Whenhefoundthatitwasutterlyimpossibletopushthestoneaway,hetriedtoexcavatetheearth,bymeansofsticksandhissmallpocket-knife,fromunderhisleg,butsoonfound,withasenseofmortalfear,thathislimbwasrestinginalittledepressionbetweentwootherlargerocksdeeplyimbeddedinthebottomoftheravine.Thisdepression,andthesoft,dryleaveswhichhadcovereditlikeacushion,preventedthestonefromcrushinghislimbandfoot,butalsoheldhiminasortofnaturalsock.
　　Astheseappallingfactsbecameclear,hesawthathewasinimminentdangerofdeathbystarvation.Thenaworsefearthanthatchilledhisverysoul.Hemightdieinthatlonelyspotandneverbediscovered.Theprowlingverminofthenightmighttearawayhisflesh,anddraghisboneshitherandthither,tilltheleavesthatnowwouldsoonfallcoveredthemforeverfromsightandknowledge;
　　butIdaMayhew,andtheorphangirltowhomhishonorboundhim,wouldthinkthathehadbrokenhispledges,andwasintruthavagabondontheearth——eatinganddrinking,rioting,perhapsinignobleobscurity.Theprospectmadehimsickandfaintforatime,forthatwhichinhisfirstblindsenseofshamehehadproposedtodo,nowthathehadheardIda'sheaven-inspiredwords,seemedbaseandcowardlytothelastdegree.Ifshehadnotbroughttohimsaneandquietthought,hewouldhavegrimlysaidtohimselfthatfatehadtakenhimoutofhisdilemmainafittingway,punishinganddestroyinghimatoneandthesametime;butnowtodieandforeverseemunworthyofthetrustofthewomanhesolovedandreveredwasakindofeternalpunishmentinitself.HecalledandshoutedwithdesperateenergyforaidbutthefresheningwindofearlySeptemberrustledmillionsofleavesintheforestaroundhimanddrownedhisvoice.Hesoonrealizedthatonestandingonthebankjustabovehimwouldscarcelybeabletohear,eventhoughlistening.Oh,whywouldthatremorselesswindblowsosteadily!
　　Wastherenopityinnature?
　　Theninafrenzyhestruggledandwrenchedhislegtillitwasbruisedandbleeding,buttherockygripwouldnotyield.Hesoonbegantoconsiderthathewasexhaustinghimselfandthuslesseninghischancesofescape,andhelayquietlyonhissideandtriedtothinkhowlonghecouldsurvive,andnowdeeplyregrettedthathiswildpassionforthepasttwodayshaddrawnsolargelyonhisvitalpowers.Already,afterbutanhour'sdurance,hewasweakandfaint.
　　Thenvariousexpedientstoattractattentionbegantopresentthemselves.Bymeansofastickhedrewdowntheoverhangingbranchofatreeandtiedtoithishandkerchief.Healsomanagedtoinsertastickinthegroundnearhim,andonitstopplacedhishat,buthesawthattheycouldnotbeseenthroughthethickundergrowthatanygreatdistance.Thenmoredeliberately,andwithanefforttoeconomizehisstrength,heagainattemptedtounderminetherocksonwhichhislegrested,butfoundthattheyranunderhimandhopelesslydeep.Atintervalshewouldshoutforhelp,buthiscriesgrewfainterashebecameweakanddiscouraged.
　　"OGod,"hesaid,"thereisjustthebarechancethatsomeonemaystumbleuponme,andthatisall;"andastheglenfellintodeeperanddeepershadowinthedecliningday,evenmoreswiftlyitseemedtohimthattheshadowofdeathwasdarkeningabouthim.
　　Atlastthebarkofsquirrelsandthechirpandtwitterofbirdsthathauntedthelonelyplaceceasedanditwasnight.Onlythenotesoffallinsectsintheirmonotonousandceaselessiterationwereheardabovethesighingwind,whichnowsoundedlikearequiemtothedisheartenedman.Suddenlyagreatowlflappedheavilyoverhim,andlightinginatreenearby,beganitsdiscordanthootings.
　　"That'sanomenofdeath,"hemuttered,grimly.Thenatlast,inuncontrollableirritation,heshouted,"Curseyou,begone!"andtheill-bodingbirdflappedawaywithastartledscreech,thattoVanBerg'smorbidfancywaslikeademon'slaugh.Butitalightedagainalittlefurtheroffanddrovehimhalfwildwithitsdismalcries.Atlasttherewasaradianceamongthetreesontheeasternsideoftheravine,andsoonthemoonroseclearandbright;thewindwentdown,andexceptthe"audiblesilence"ofinsectsoundsallwasstill.Natureseemedtohimholdingherbreathinsuspense,waitingfortheend.Hecalledoutfromtimetotimetill,fromthelatenessofthehour,heknewthatitwasutterlyuseless.
　　Hebeganinadreamyway,towonderifIdahadmissedhimyetandwassurprisedthathehadnotreturned.Hethoughthowstrange,howunaccountableeven,hisconductmustappeartoMissBurton,andhowverydifficultitwouldhavebeentoexplainitatbest.
　　"Idawaswrong,however,inthinkingthatitisformethatsheisgrievingsodeeply,"hemurmured,"althoughshemayberightinbelievingthatIhaveraisedhopesinJennie'smindofahappierfuture,whentimehadhealedthewoundsmadeinthepast.IfI
　　hadlived,ifbyanyhappychanceIDOlive,myonlycoursewillbetomaintainthecharacterofafrienduntilshegivesupthepastforthesakeofwhatIcanoffer.Inacertainsensewewillbeonequalfooting,forherloverisdeadandmyloveisthesameasdeadtome.Butwhatistheuseofsuchthoughts!Ishallbedeadtothembothinafewhoursmore,andwhatisfarworse,despisedbythemboth,"andforthefirsttimeinallthatawfulvigilbittertearsrolleddownhischeeks.
　　Then,slowlyandminutely,hewentoverallthathadoccurredduringthateventfulsummer.Hefoundamelancholypleasurewhichservedtobeguiletheinterminablehoursofpain——fornowhislegandunnaturalpositionbegantocauseveryseveresuffering——inportrayingtohimselfthechangesinIda'smindandcharacterfromthehouroftheirfirstmeeting,anditseemedtohimverymysteriousindeedthatthethreadofhislifeshouldhavebeencaughtinhersbythatmerecasualglanceattheconcertgarden,andthenthatitshouldhavebeensostrangelyandintimatelywovenwithhersonlytobesnappedatlastinthisuntimelyandmeaninglessfashion.Hegroaned,"itsallmorelikethemaliciousingenuityofafiendseekingtocausetheweakhumanpuppetsthatitmisleadsthegreatestamountofsuffering,thanlikethehap-hazardofablindfate,ortheworkofakindandgoodGod.Oh,ifIhadonlywaitedtillmyUndinereceivedherwoman'ssoul,whataheavenImighthavehadonearth!Shewouldhavefilledmystudiowithlightandbeauty,andmylifewithhonorandhappiness.Never,neverwasthereamorecruelfatethanmine!Ishalldie,andmyonlyburialwillbetheinfamywhichwillcovermymemoryforever."
　　Then,withadrearysinkingofheart,hismindrevertedtothelongfuturebeforehimthatwasnowsoterriblyvagueanddark.Intheconsciousnessofsolitudeandinordertobreaktheoppressivestillness,hespokealoudatintervalsbetweenhisparoxysmsofpain."Afterall,whatisdying?Iknowhowdeeplyrootedinthehumanmindisthebeliefthatitisonlyadeparturetoanotherplaceandadifferentconditionoflife.Canaconvictionthathasbeenuniversalinallagesandamongallpeoplesbeadelusion?
　　Thenwhoeverorwhatevercreatedhumannaturebuiltitonalie.
　　Thisaccursedrockhasfallenonmybody,andholdsitasifitwereamereclodofearth,asitsoonmaybe;butitdoesnotholdmymind.Mythoughtshavefollowedfatheranddear,dearmother,andsisterLauraacrosstheseaahundredtimesto-night.Butoh,howstrangelymythoughtscomebackfromeveryone——everythingtothatdearsaintwhosacrificedherselfformeto-day——AndyetI'mleavingher,I'mleavingall.WhitheramIgoing?It'salldark,DARK;vagueanddreary.Oh,thatIhadhersimplefaith!Whethertrueornoitwouldbeaninfinitecomfortnow.Whatdidshesay?——'I'vefoundaFriendpledgedtotakecareofme.'ThatisallIwouldask.IwouldnotbeafraidtogooutintothisgreatuniverseifIonlyhadsuchaFriendasshebelievesin,waitingtoreceiveme.Whocareshowstrangeaplacemaybeifalovedfriendmeetsandgreetsus.Buttogoalone,andawayfromsomuchtowhichmyheartclings——oh,itisawful!awful!——
　　"Amancan'tdie,oughtnottodie,likeastupidbeastunlessheisabeastonly;norshoulddeathdragusliketremblingcaptivesfromtheshoresoftime.AndyetImustdooneofthreethings:
　　eitherwaithelplesslyandintremblingexpectancy,ortakecouselofpride,andstubbornlyandsullenlymeetthefuture,orelseappealtoIda'sFriend.Itseemsmeanbusinesstodothelastnowinmyextremity,butIwellknowthatIdawouldcounselit,andbyreachingherFriendImayatsometimeinthefuturereachheragain.Iknowwellhowmymother——wereIdying——wouldurgemetolooktohim,whomsheinloyalfaithworshipsdaily,andthusImayseeheroncemore.TheBibleteacheshowmanyintheirextremitylookedtoChristandhehelpedthem.Butthentheyhadnotknownabouthim,andcoldlyandalmostcontemptuouslyneglectedhimforyearsasIhave.Oh,whathasmyreason,ofwhichIhavebeensoproud,doneforme,saveblastmyearthlylifewithfolly,andpermittedtheneglectofallpreparationforaneternallife.Ifeveraself-confidentmanwastaughthowutterlyincapablehewasofmeetingeventsandquestionsthatmightoccurwithinafewbriefdays,Iamhe,andyet,vainfoolthatIwas!IwaspracticallyactingasifIcouldmeetallthatwouldhappentoalleternityinacool,well-bred,masterfulway.Pooruntrained,untaughtIdaMayhewsaidshehad'foundaFriendpledgedtotakecareofher,'
　　andhehastakencareofher.Hehasmadeherlifetrue,noble,heroic,beneficent.Iwascontenttotakecareofmyself,andthisistheresult.Godmightwellturnawayindisgustfromanyprayerofminenow,butmayIbeaccursedifIdonotbecomeaChristianman,ifbyanymeansInowescapedeath!"
　　Butinhisintenselongingtoseeagainthosehelovedsowell,andtellthemthathehadnotbaselybrokenhispledgesandfledlikeacowardfromduty,hedidpraywithalltheagonizedearnestnessofasoulclingingtotheonehopethatintervenedbetweenitselfandutterdespair,butthemoonmovedonserenelyandsankamongthetreesonthewesternbankoftheravine.Thenightdarkenedagainandthestarscameoutmoreclearlywiththeircolddistantglitter.Nature'sbreathlesshushandexpectancycontinued,andtherewasnosoundwithoutandnoanswerwithintheheartofthedespairingman.Atlast,inweaknessanddiscouragement,hemoaned: