Thiswouldgivehimtwoweeksinsteadofseventy-twohours。AtthisheburstoutviolentlythathewouldnotsetfootinEngland；thatheneverwantedtohaveanythingtodowithEnglandorwiththeEnglish:"Why，I
amamarine!"heexclaimed，"andwemarineswouldsoonerknockdownanyEnglishsailorthanspeaktohim。"
TheEnglishlady，naturally，didnotthentellhimhernationality。ShenowrealizedthathehadsupposedhertobeAmerican，becauseshehadfrequentlybeeninAmericaandhadtalkedtohimasnostrangertothecountrycould。She，ofcourse，didnoturgehisgoingtoEngland；sheadvisedhimwhattoseeinFrance。Hetookhisleaveofseventy-twohoursandwhenhereturnedwasverygratefulfortheadviceshehadgivenhim。
Shesawhimoftenafterthis，andhegrewtorelyverymuchuponherfriendlycounsel。Finally，whenthetimecameforhertogoawayfromBrest，shetoldhimthatshewasEnglish。Andthenshesaidsomethinglikethistohim:
"Now，youtoldmeyouhadneverbeeninEnglandandhadneverknownanEnglishpersoninyourlife，andyetyouhadalltheseideasagainstusbecausesomebodyhadtaughtyouwrong。Itisnotatallyourfault。Youareonlynineteenyearsoldandyoucannotreadaboutus，becauseyouhavenochance；butatleastyoudoknowoneEnglishpersonnow，andthatEnglishpersonbegsyou，whenyoudohaveachancetoreadandinformyourselfofthetruth，tofindoutwhatEnglandreallyhasbeen，andwhatshehasreallydoneinthiswar。"
Theendofthestoryisthattheboy，whohadbecomedevotedtoher，didasshesuggested。To-dayshereceiveslettersfromhimwhichshowthatnothingisleftofhisanti-Englishcomplex。ItisanotherinstanceofhowclearlyournativeAmericanmind，ifonlythefactsaregivenit，thinks，judges，andconcludes。
Itisforthoseofmycountrymenwhowillneverhavethischance，nevermeetsomeonewhocanguidethemtothefacts"，thatItellthesethings。
Letthem"cutoutthedope。"AtthisverymomentthatIwrite——November24，1919——thedopeisbeingfedfreelytoallwhoareready，whetherthroughignoranceorthroughinterestedmotives，toswallowit。TheancientgrudgeisbeingplayedupstrongoverthewholecountryintheinterestofIrishindependence。
IanHayinhistwobookssotimelyandsoexcellent，GettingTogetherandTheOppressedEnglish，couldnotbeasunreserved，naturally，asIcanbeaboutthosetraitsinmyowncountrymenwhichhave，inthepastatanyrate，retardedEnglishcordialitytowardsAmericans。OftheseIshallspeakasplainlyasIknowhow。Butalso，beinganAmericanandthereforebybirthmoreindiscreetthanIanHay，IshallspeakasplainlyasIknowhowofthosetraitsintheEnglishwhichhavehelpedtokeepwarmourancientgrudge。ThusImayrenderbothcountriesforeveruninhabitabletome，butshallatleasttakewithmeintoexileacharacterforstrict，ifdisastrous，impartiality。
IbeginwithanAmericanwhowastravelinginanEnglishtrain。Itstoppedsomewhere，andoutofthewindowhesawsomebuildingswhichinterestedhim。
"Canyoutellmewhatthoseare?"heaskedanEnglishman，astranger，whosatintheothercornerofthecompartment。
"Betterasktheguard，"saidtheEnglishman。
Sincethatbriefdialogue，thisAmericandoesnotthinkwelloftheEnglish。
Now，twointerpretationsoftheEnglishman'sanswerarepossible。Oneis，thathedidn'thimselfknow，andsaidsoinhisEnglishway。Englishtalkisoftenveryshort，muchshorterthanours。Thatisbecausetheyallunderstandeachother，aremuchcloserknitthanweare。Behindthemaregenerationsof"doingit"inthesameestablishedway，awaythattheirlongexperienceoflifehashammeredoutfortheirownconvenience，andwhichtheylike。We'renotnearlysocloselyknittogetherhere，saveincertainspots，especiallytheoldspots。InBostontheyunderstandeachotherwithveryfewwordssaid。SotheydoinCharleston。Butthesespotsofcondensedandhoardedunderstandingliefarapart，areneverconfluent，andalsodifferintheirdetails；whilethewholeofEnglandisconfluent，andthedetailshavebeenslowlyworkedoutthroughcenturiesofgettingontogether，andareacceptedandobservedexactlyliketherulesofagame。
InAmerica，iftheAmericandidn'tknow，hewouldhaveanswered，"Idon'tknow。Ithinkyou'llhavetoasktheconductor，"oratanyrate，hisreplywouldhavebeenlongerthantheEnglishman's。ButIamnotgoingtoaccepttheideathattheEnglishmandidn'tknowandsaidsoinhisbriefusualway。It'sequallypossiblethathedidknow。Then，younaturallyask，whyinthenameofcommoncivilitydidhegivesuchananswertotheAmerican?
IbelievethatIcantellyou。Hedidn'tknowthatmyfriendwasanAmerican，hethoughthewasanEnglishmanwhohadbrokentherulesofthegame。WedohavesomeruleshereinAmerica，onlywehavenotnearlysomany，they'remuchmorestretchable，andit'snotallofuswhohavelearnedthem。Butneverthelessagoodmanyhave。
Supposeyouweretravelinginatrainhere，andthemannextyou，whosefaceyouhadneverseenbefore，andwithwhomyouhadnotyetexchangedasyllable，said:"What'syourpetnameforyourwife?"
Wouldn'tyourimmediateinclinationbetosay，"Whatdamnedbusinessisthatofyours?"orwordstothatgeneraleffect?
Butagain，youmostnaturallyobject，therewasnothingpersonalinmyfriend'squestionaboutthebuildings。No；butthatisnotit。Atthebottom，bothquestionsareaninvasionofthesamedeep-seatedthing——therighttoprivacy。InAmerica，whatwiththenewspaperreportersandthisandthatandtheother，theterritoryofaman'sprivacyhasbeenlessenedandlesseneduntilverylittleofitremains；butmostofusstilldodrawthelinesomewhere；wemaynotalldrawitatthesameplace，butwedodrawaline。Thedifference，then，betweenourselvesandtheEnglishinthisrespectissimply，thatwiththemtheterritoryofaman'sprivacycoversmoreground，anddifferentgroundaswell。
AnEnglishmandoesn'texpectstrangerstoaskhimquestionsofaguide-booksort。ForallsuchquestionshisEnglishsystemprovidesperfectlydefinitepersonstoanswer。Ifyouwanttoknowwheretheticketofficeis，orwheretotakeyourbaggage，orwhattimethetraingoes，orwhatplatformitstartsfrom，orwhattownsitstopsat，andwhatchurchesorotherbuildingsofinterestaretobeseeninthosetowns，thereareportersandguardsandBradshawsandguidebookstotellyou，andit'stheywhomyouareexpectedtoconsult，notanyfellow-travelerwhohappenstobeathand。Ifyouaskhim，youbreaktherules。Hadmyfriendsaid:"IamanAmerican。Wouldyoumindtellingmewhatthosebuildingsare?"allwouldhavegonewell。TheEnglishmanwouldhaverecognizednotfiftyyearsago，butcertainlyto-daythatitwasn'taquestionofrulesbetweenthem，andwouldhaveatonceexplained——eitherthathedidn'tknow，orthatthebuildingsweresuchandsuch。
Donot，Ibeg，supposeforamomentthatIamholdinguptheEnglishwayasbetterthanourown——orworse。Iamnotmakingcomparisons；Iamtryingtoshowdifferences。VerylikelytherearemanypointswhereinwethinktheEnglishmightdowelltoborrowfromus；anditisquiteaslikelythattheEnglishthinkwemighthereandtheretakealeaffromtheirbooktoouradvantage。ButIamnottheorizing，Iamnotseekingtoshowthatwemanagelifebetterorthattheymanagelifebetter；theonlymoralthatIseektodrawfromtheseanecdotesis，thatweshouldeachunderstandandhencemakeallowancefortheotherfellow'sway。Youwilladmit，Iamsure，beyouAmericanorEnglish，thateverybodyhasarighttohisownway?Theproverb"WheninRomeyoumustdoasRomedoes"
coversit，andwouldsavetroubleifwealwaysobeyedit。ThepeoplewhoforgetitmostaretheythatgotoRomeforthefirsttime；andIshallgiveyoubothEnglishandAmericanexamplesofthispresently。ItisgoodtoascertainbeforeyougotoRome，ifyoucan，whatRomedoesdo。
Haveyouneverbeenmistakenforawaiter，orsomethingofthatsort?
PerhapsyouwillhaveheardtheanecdoteaboutoneofourambassadorstoEngland。Allambassadors，saveours，wearonformaloccasionsadistinguishinguniform，justasourarmyandnavyofficersdo；itisconvenient，practical，andsavestrouble。Butwehavedeclareditmenial，ordespotic，orun-American，orsomethingequallysilly，andhenceourambassadorsmustweareveningdressresemblingcloselytheattireofthosewhoarehandingthesupperoransweringthedoor-bell。AnEnglishmansawMr。Choateatsomediplomaticfunction，standingaboutinthiseveningcostume，andsaid:
"Callmeacab。"
"Youareacab，"saidMr。Choate，obediently。
ThusdidhemakeknowntotheEnglishmanthathewasnotawaiter。
Similarlyincrowdedhoteldining-roomsorcrowdedrailroadstationshaveagitatedladiesclutchedmyarmandsaid:
"Iwantatableforthree，"or"WhendoesthetraingotoPoughkeepsie?"
JustasweinAmericahaveregularpeopletoattendtothesethings，sodotheyinEngland；andastheEnglishrespecteachother'srighttoprivacyverymuchmorethanwedo，theyresentinvasionsofitverymuchmorethanwedo。But，letmesayagain，theyarelikelytominditonlyinsomebodytheythinkknowstherules。Withthosewhodon'tknowthemitisdifferent。IsaythiswithallthemorecertaintybecauseofafairlyrecentafternoonspentinanEnglishgardenwithEnglishfriends。Thequestionofpronunciationcameup。Nowyouwillreadilyseethatwiththemandtheircompactness，theirgreatpublicschools，theirtwogreatUniversities，andtheirgreatLondon，theoneeternalfocusofthemall，boththechanceofdiversityinsocialcustomsandthetoleranceofitmustbefarlessthaninourhugeunfocusedcountry。Withus，Boston，NewYork，Philadelphia，Chicago，SanFrancisco，iseachacentre。Hereyoucanpronouncethewordcalm，forexample，inonewayoranother，anditmerelyindicateswhereyoucomefrom。DepartureinEnglandfromcertainestablishedpronunciationshasanothereffect。
"Ofcourse，"saidoneofmyfriends，"oneknowswheretoplaceanybodywhosays'girl'"pronouncingitasitisspelled。
"That'sfrightful，"saidI，"becauseIsay'girl'。"
"Oh，butyouareanAmerican。Itdoesn'tapply。"
ButhadIbeenEnglish，itwouldhavebeensomethinglikecomingtodinnerwithoutyourcollar。
ThatiswhyIthinkthat，hadmyfriendinthetrainbegunhisquestionaboutthebuildingsbysayingthathewasanAmerican，theanswerwouldhavebeendifferent。NotalltheEnglishyet，butmanymorethantherewerefiftyoreventwentyyearsago，haveceasedtoapplytheirrulestous。
About1874afriendofminefromNewYorkwastakentoaLondonClub。
IntotheroomwherehewascamethePrinceofWales，whotookoutacigar，feltforandfoundnomatches，lookedabout，andtherewasasilence。Myfriendthereuponproducedmatches，struckone，andofferedittothePrince，whobowed，thankedhim，lightedhiscigar，andpresentlywentaway。
ThenanEnglishmanobservedtomyfriend:"It'snotthethingforacommonertoofferalighttothePrince。"
"I'mnotacommoner，I'manAmerican，"saidmyfriendwithperfectgoodnature。
Whatevertheirrulemaybeto-dayaboutthePrinceandmatches，astoustheyhavecometoacceptmyfriend'spertinentdistinction:theydon'texpectustokeeporeventoknowtheirownsetofrules。
Indeed，theysurpassusinthis，theymakemoreallowancesforusthanweforthem。Theydon'tcriticizeAmericansfornotbeingEnglish。AmericansstillconstantlydocriticizetheEnglishfornotbeingAmericans。Now，themeasureinwhichyoudon'tallowforthecustomsofanothercountryisthemeasureofyourownprovincialism。IhaveheardsomeofourownsoldiersexpressdislikeoftheEnglishbecauseoftheircoldness。TheEnglisharenotcold；theyaresilentuponcertainmatters。Butitisallthere。DoyourememberthatsailoratZeebruggecarryingtheunconsciousbodyofacomradetosafety，notsureyetifhewerealiveordead，andstrokingthatcomrade'sheadashewent，sayingoverandover，"DidyouthinkIwouldleaveyer?"Wearemoredemonstrative，wespellthingsoutwhichitisthewayoftheEnglishtoleavebetweenthelines。Butitisallthere!Behindthatunconciliatingwallofshynessandreserve，beatsandhidesthewarm，loyalBritishheart，themostconstantheartintheworld。
"Itisn'tdone。"
ThatphraseappliestomanythingsinEnglandbesidesofferingalighttothePrince，oraskingafellowtravelerwhatthosebuildingsare；andI
thinkthattheEnglishman'snotionofhisrighttoprivacyliesatthebottomofquiteanumberofthesethings。Youmaylaysomeofthemtosnobbishness，tocaste，toshyness，theymayhavevarioussecondaryorigins；butIprefertocoverthemallwiththebroaderterm，therighttoprivacy，becauseitseemsphilosophicallytoaccountforthemandexplainthem。
InMay，1915，anOxfordprofessorwasinNewYork。AfewyearsbeforethisIhadreadabookofhiswhichhaddelightedme。Imethimatlunch，Ihadnotknownhimbefore。Evenasweshookhands，Iblurtedouttohimmyadmirationforhisbook。
"Oh。"
Thatwasthewholeofhisreply。Itmademelaughatmyself，forIshouldhaveknownbetter。IhadoftenbeeninEnglandandcouldhavetoldanybodythatyoumustn'ttooabruptlyorobviouslyrefertowhattheotherfellowdoes，stilllesstowhatyoudoyourself。"Itisn'tdone。"
It'sasortofindecentexposure。It'soneoftheinvasionsoftherighttoprivacy。
InAmerica，noteverywherebutinmanyplaces，amanuponenteringaclubandseeingafriendacrosstheroom，willnothesitatetocallouttohim，"Hullo，Jack!"or"Hullo，George!"orwhatever。InEngland"itisn'tdone。"Thegreetingwouldbeconveyedbyashortnodoraglance。
Tocalloutaman'snameacrossaroomfullofpeople，someofwhommaybetotalstrangers，invadeshisprivacyandtheirs。Haveyounoticedhow，inourPullmanparlorcars，apartysittingtogether，generallyyoungwomen，willshriektheirconversationinavoicethatboreslikeagimletthroughthewholeplace?Thatisaninvasionofprivacy。InEngland"itisn'tdone。"Weshouldn'tstanditinatheatre，butinparlorcarswedostandit。ItisagoodinstancetoshowthattheEnglishman'srighttoprivacyislargerthanours，andthusthathislibertyislargerthanours。
Beforeleavingthispoint，whichtomythinkingisthecauseofmanyfrictionsandmisunderstandingsbetweenourselvesandtheEnglish，I
mustn'tomittogiveinstancesofdivergence，whereanEnglishmanwillspeakofmattersuponwhichwearesilent，andissilentuponsubjectsofwhichwewillspeak。
YoumaypresentaletterofintroductiontoanEnglishman，andhewishestobecivil，tohelpyoutohaveagoodtime。Itisquitepossiblehemaysaysomethinglikethis:
"IthinkyouhadbetterknowmysisterSophy。Youmayn'tlikeher。Butherdinnersareratheramusing。Ofcoursethefood'sghastlybecauseshe'sthestingiestwomaninLondon。"
Ontheotherhand，manyAmericansthoughlesswillingthantheFrench
arewillingtodiscusscreed，immortality，faith。ThereisnothingfromwhichtheEnglishmanmoreperemptorilyrecoils，althoughhehateswellnighasdeeplyallabstractdiscussion，ortobeclever，ortohaveyoubeclever。AnAmericanfriendofminehadgrowntiredofanEnglishmanwhohadbeenfindingfaultwithoneAmericanthingafteranother。Sohesuddenlysaid:
"WillyoutellmewhyyouEnglishwhenyouenteryourpewsonSundayalwaysimmediatelysmellyourhats?"
TheEnglishmanstiffened。"Irefusetodiscussreligioussubjectswithyou，"hesaid。
Tobeponderousoverthisanecdotegrievesme——butyoumaynotknowthatorthodoxEnglishmenusuallydon'tkneel，aswedo，afterreachingtheirpews；theystandforamoment，coveringtheirfaceswiththeirwell-brushedhats:witheachnationtheobservanceisthesame，itisinthemanneroftheobservingthatwediffer。
Muchissaidaboutour"commonlanguage，"anditsbeingareasonforourunderstandingeachother。Yes；butitisalsoalmostasmuchacauseforourmisunderstandingeachother。Itisbothahelpandatrap。IfweAmericansspokesomethingsowhollydifferentfromEnglishasFrenchis，comparisonscouldn'tbemade；andsomebodyhasremarkedthatcomparisonsareodious。
"Whydoyoucallyourluggagebaggage?"saystheEnglishman——orusedtosay。
"Whydoyoucallyourbaggageluggage?"saystheAmerican——orusedtosay。
"Whydon'tyousaytreacle?"inquirestheEnglishman。
"Becausewecallitmolasses，"answerstheAmerican。
"Howabsurdtospeakofacarwhenyoumeanacarriage!"exclaimstheEnglishman。
"Wedon'tmeanacarriage，wemeanacar，"retortstheAmerican。
You，myreader，mayhaveheardorperhapsevenheldfoolishconversationslikethat；andyouwillreadilyperceivethatifwedidn'tsay"car"whenwespokeofthevehicleyougetintowhenyouboardatrain，butcalleditavoiture，orsomethingelsequite"foreign，"theEnglishmanwouldnotfeelthatwehadtakenasortoflibertywithhismother-tongue。Adeeppointlieshere:formostEnglishtheworldisdividedintothreepeoples，English，foreigners，andAmericans；andformostofuslikewiseitisdividedintoAmericans，foreigners，andEng-
lish。Nowa"foreigner"cancallmolasseswhateverhepleases；wedonotfeelthathehastakenanylibertywithourmother-tongue；histonguehasadifferentmother；hecan'thelpthat；he'snottobecriticizedforthat。ButweandtheEnglishspeakatonguethathasthesamemother。
Thisidentityinpedigreehasledandstillleadstocountlessfamilydiscords。I'venotadoubtthatdivergencesinvocabularyandinaccentwerethefountandoriginofsomeswollennoses，somebatteredeyes，whenourYankeesmixedwiththeTommies。Eachwouldbecertaintothinkthattheothercouldn't"talkstraight"——andeachwouldbecertaintosayso。
IshallnotherespinoutalistofdifferentnamesforthesamethingsnowcurrentinEnglishandAmericanusage:molassesandtreaclewillsufficeforanexample；youwillbeableeasilytothinkofothers，andtherearemanysuchthatoccurineverydayspeech。Almostmoretrickyarethosewordswhichbothpeoplesusealike，butwithdifferentmeanings。I
shallspinnolistoftheseeither；oneexamplethereiswhichIcannotname，oftwowordsconstantlyusedinbothcountries，eachwordquiteproperinonecountry，whileintheotheritismorethanimproper。
ThirtyyearsagoIexplainedthisoneeveningtoayoungEnglishmanwhowashereforawhile。Twoorthreedayslater，hethankedmeferventlyforthewarning:ithadsavedhim，duringagameoftennis，fromafrightfulshock，whenhispartner，acharminggirl，meaningtotellhimtocheerup，hadusedthewordthatissoharmlesswithusandinEnglandsofarbeyondthepaleofpolitesociety。
Quiteasmuchaswords，accentalsoleadstodissension。IhaveheardmanyanAmericanspeakoftheEnglishaccentas"affected"；andouraccentdispleasestheEnglish。NowwhatEnglishman，orwhatAmerican，evercriticizesaFrenchmanfornotpronouncingourlanguageaswedo?
Histonguehasadifferentmother!
Iknownothowinthecourseoftheyearsallthesedivergencesshouldhavecomeabout，andnoneofusneedcare。Theretheyare。Asamatteroffact，bothEnglandandAmericaaremottledwithvaryingaccentsliterateandilliterate；equallytrueitisthateachnationhasitsnotionoftheother'swayofspeaking——we'reknownbyourshrillnasaltwang，theybytheirbroadvowelsandhesitation；andquiteastrueisitthatnotallAmericansandnotallEnglishdointheirenunciationconformtothesetypes。
OneMayafternoonin1919IstoppedatSalisburytoseethatbeautifulcathedralanditssereneandgraciousclose。"Star-scatteredonthegrass，"andbeneaththenobletrees，layNewZealandsoldiers，solitaryorinlittlegroups，gazing，drowsing，talkingatease。Later，attheinnIwasshowntoasmalltable，wheresatalreadyayoungEnglishmanineveningdress，athisdinner。AsIsatdownoppositehim，Ibowed，andhereturnedit。Presentlyweweretalking。WhenIsaidthatIwasstoppingexpresslytoseethecathedral，andhowlikeatranceitwastofindascenesoutterlyEnglishfullofNewZealanderslyingallabout，helookedpuzzled。Itwasatthis，orimmediatelyafterthis，thatI
explainedtohimmynationality。
"Ishouldn'thaveknownit，"heremarked，afteraninstant'spause。
Ipressedhimforhisreason，whichhegave；somewhatreluctantly，I
think，butwithexcellentgood-will。Ofcourseitwasthesameoldmother-tongue!
"Youmean，"Isaid，"thatIhaven'thappenedtosay'Iguess，'andthatI
don't，perhaps，talkthroughmynose?Butwedon'talldothat。Wedoallsortsofthings。"
Hestucktoit。"Youtalklikeus。"
"Well，I'msureIdon'tmeantotalklikeanybody!"Isighed。
Thisdivertedhim，andbroughtuscloser。
"Andseehere，"Icontinued，"IknewyouwereEnglish，althoughyou'venotdroppedasingleh。"
"Oh，but，"hesaid，"droppingh's——that's——that'snot——"
"Iknowitisn't，"Isaid。"Neitheristalkingthroughyournose。Andwedon'tallsay'Amurrican。'"
Buthestucktoit。"AllthesamethereisanAmericanvoice。Thetrainyesterdaywasfullofit。Officers。Unmistakable。"Andheshookhishead。
Afterthiswegotonbetterthanever；andashewenthisway，hegavemesomeadviceaboutthehotel。Ishoulddowelltoavoidthereadingroom。
Thehotelwentinrathertoomuchforbeingold-fashioned。Ranitintotheground。Tiresome。Good-night。
PresentlyIshalldisclosemoreplainlytoyouthemoralofmySalisburyanecdote。
Isittheirdiscretion，doyouthink，thatclosesthelipsoftheFrenchwhentheyvisitourshores?NotfromtheFrenchdoyouhearpromptaspersionsastoourdifferencesfromthem。TheyobservethatproverbaboutbeinginRome:theymaynotbeabletodoasRomedoes，buttheydonotinquirewhyRomeisn'tlikeParis。Ifyouaskthemhowtheylikeourhotelsorourtrains，theymaypossiblyreplythattheyprefertheirown，buttheywillhardlyvolunteerthisopinion。ButtheAmericaninEnglandandtheEnglishmaninAmericagoaboutvolunteeringopinions。AretheFrenchmorediscreet?Ibelievethattheyare；butIwonderifthereisnotalsosomethingelseatthebottomofit。YouandIwillsaythingsaboutourcousinstoouraunt。Ourauntwouldnotallowoutsiderstosaythosethings。Isitthis，the-members-of-the-familyprinciple，whichmakesuslessdiscreetthantheFrench?Isitthis，too，whichleadsusbyaseemingparadoxtoresentcriticismmorewhenitcomesfromEngland?
Iknownothowitmaybewithyou；butwithme，whenIpickupthepaperandreadthattheGermansarecallinguspig-dogsagain，Iammerelyamused。WhenIreadFrenchorItalianabuseofus，Iamsorry，tobesure；butwhensomeEnglishpaperjumpsonus，Ihateit，evenwhenI
knowthatwhatitsaysisn'ttrue。Sohere，ifIamrightinmymembers-of-the-familyhypothesis，youhavetheEnglishandourselvesfeelingfreetobedisagreeabletoeachotherbecausewearerelations，andyetfeelingespeciallyresentfulbecauseit'sarelationwhoisbeingdisagreeable。Imerelyputthepointtoyou，Ilaynodogmadownconcerningmembersofthefamily；butIamperfectlysurethatdiscretionisaqualitymorecommontotheFrenchthantoourselvesorourrelations:Imeansomethingalittlemorethandiscretion，Imeanespritdeconduits，forwhichitishardtofindatranslation。
Uponmyfirsttwopoints，therighttoprivacyandthemother-tongue，I
havelingeredlong，feelingthesetobenotonlyofprimeimportanceandwideapplication，butalsotobequitebeyondmypowertomakelucidinshortcompass。Itrustthattheyhavebeenmadelucid。Imustnowgetontofurtheranecdotes，illustratingotherandlesssubtlecausesofmisunderstanding；andIfeelsomewhatliketheauthorofDonJuanwhenheexclaimsthathealmostwisheshehadne'erbegunthatveryremarkablepoem。IrenounceallpretensetotheFrenchvirtueofdiscretion。
Eveningdresshasbeenthesourceofmanyirritations。EnglishmendidnotappeartothinkthattheyneedwearitatAmericandinnerparties。Therewasagooddealofthisatonetime。DuringthatperiodanEnglishman，whohadbroughtletterstoagentlemaninBostonandinconsequencehadbeenaskedtodinner，enteredthehouseofhishostinatweedsuit。Hishost，ineveningdressofcourse，methiminthehall。
"Oh，Isee，"saidtheBostonian，"thatyouhaven'tyourdresssuitwithyou。Themanwilltakeyouupstairsandoneofminewillfityouwellenough。We'llwait。"
InEngland，acricketerfromPhiladelphia，afterthematchatLord's，hadbeeninvitedtodineatagreathousewiththerestofhiseleven。Theyweretogothereonacoach。TheAmericandiscoveredafterarrivalthathealoneoftheelevenhadnotbroughtadresssuitwithhim。Heaskedhishostwhathewastodo。
"Iadviseyoutogohome，"saidthehost。
ThemoralhereisnotthatallhostsinEnglandwouldhavetreatedaguestso，orthatallAmericanhostswouldhavemetthesituationsowellasthatBostongentleman:buttoomanyEnglishusedtobesociallybrutal——quiteasmuchsotoeachotherastous，oranyone。Oneshouldbearthatinmind。IknowofnothingmoreEnglishinitswaythanwhatEtonansweredtoBeaumontIthinkwhenBeaumontsentachallengetoplaycricket:"Harrowweknow，andRugbywehaveheardof。Butwhoareyou?"
ThatsortofthingbelongsrathertothePalmerstondaysthantothese；
belongstodaysthatwerenearerinspirittotheWaterlooof1815，whichahaughtyEnglandwon，thantotheWaterlooof1914-18，whichahumblerEnglandsonearlylost。
Turnwenexttheotherwayforalookatourselves。AnAmericanladywhohadbroughtaletterofintroductiontoanEnglishmaninLondonwasinconsequenceaskedtolunch。Henaturallyandhospitablygatheredtomeethervariousdistinguishedguests。Afterwardsshewrotehimthatshewishedhimtoinvitehertolunchagain，asshehadmattersofimportancetotellhim。Why，then，didn'tsheaskhimtolunchwithher?Canyousee?IthinkIdo。
AnAmericanladywasatahousepartyinScotlandatwhichshemetagentlemanofoldandfamousScotchblood。Hewaswearingthekiltofhisclan。Whileshetalkedwithhimshestared，andfinallyburstoutlaughing。"Ideclare，"shesaid，"that'spositivelythemostridiculousthingIeversawamandressedin。"
AttheSavoyhotelinAugust，1914，whenEnglanddeclaredwaruponGermany，manyAmericanwomenmadescenesofconfusionandvociferation。
AboutEnglandandtheblastofFatewhichhadstruckhertheyhadnothingtosay，butcrowdedandwailedoftheirowndiscomforts，meals，rooms，everypaltrypersonalinconveniencetowhichtheyweresubjected，orfearedthattheyweregoingtobesubjected。Undertheunprecedentedstressthiswas，perhaps，notunnatural；butitwouldhaveseemedlessdispleasinghadtheyalsooccasionallyshowedconcernforEngland'splightandperil。
AnAmerican，thistimeamanourcruditiesarenotlimitedtothesex
stoodupinatheatre，disputingthesixpencewhichyoualwayshavetopayforyourprogramintheLondontheatres。Hedisputedsolongthatmanypeoplehadtostandwaitingtobeshowntheirseats。
DuringdealsatagameofbridgeonaCunardsteamer，thetalkhadturneduponacertainhistorichouseinanEnglishcounty。Thetalkwasfriendly，everythinghadbeenfriendlyeachday。
"Well，"saidaveryrichAmericantohisEnglishpartnerinthegame，"thosebigestateswillallbeoursprettysoon。We'regoingtobuythemupandturnyourislandintooursummerresort。"Nodoubtthismillionaireintendedtobeplayfullyhumorous。
AtatablewhereseveralBritishandoneAmerican——anofficer——satduringanotheroceanvoyagebetweenLiverpoolandHalifaxinJune，1919，theofficerexpressedsatisfactiontobegettinghomeagain。Hehadgoneover，hesaid，to"cleanupthemesstheBritishhadmade。"
ToacompanyofAmericanswhohadneverhearditbefore，wastoldthewell-knownexploitofanAmericangirlinEurope。Inanancientchurchshewasshownthetombofasoldierwhohadbeenkilledinbattlethreecenturiesago。Inhishonorandmemory，becausehelosthislifebravelyinagreatcause，hisfamilyhadkeptalittleglimmeringlampalighteversince。Ithungthere，besidethetomb。
"Andthat'snevergoneoutinallthistime?"askedtheAmericangirl。
"Never，"shewastold。
"Well，it'soutnow，anyway，"andsheblewitout。
AlltheAmericanswhoheardthiswereshockedallbutone，whosaid:
"Well，Ithinkshewasright。"
Thereyouare!Thereyouhaveusatourveryworst!AndwiththisplumpspecimenoftheAmericaninEuropeathisveryworst，IturnbacktotheEnglish:only，praydonotfailtogivethoseotherAmericanswhowereshockedbytheoutrageofthelamptheirdue。Howwideofthemarkwouldyoubeifyoujudgedusallbytheonewhoapprovedofthathorriblevandalgirl'sact!Itcannotbetoooftenrepeatedthatwemustnevercondemnawholepeopleforwhatsomeofthepeopledo。
Inthetwo-and-a-halfanecdoteswhichfollow，youmustwatchoutforsomethingwhichliesbeneaththeirveryobvioussurface。
AnAmericansatatlunchwithagreatEnglishladyinhercountry-house。
Althoughshehadseenhimbutoncebefore，shebeganaconversationlikethis:
DidtheAmericanknowthevanSquibbers?
Hedidnot。
Well，thevanSquibbers，hishostessexplained，wereAmericanswholivedinLondonandwenteverywhere。Onecertainlydidseethemeverywhere。
Theywerealmosttooextraordinary。
NowtheAmericanknewquiteallaboutthesevanSquibbers。HeknewalsothatinNewYork，andBoston，andPhiladelphia，andinmanyotherplaceswhereexistedasocietywithstillsomeraggedremnantsofdecencyanddecorumleft，onewouldnotmeetthishighlystar-spangledfamily"everywhere。"
Thehostesskeptitup。DidtheAmericanknowtheButteredbuns?No?Well，onemettheButteredbunseverywheretoo。TheywererathermoreextraordinarythanthevanSquibbers。AndthenthereweretheCakewalks，andtheSmith-Trapezes'Mrs。Smith-Trapezewasn'tasextraordinaryasherdaughter——theonethatputthelivefroginLordMeldon'ssoup——andofcourseneitherofthemwere"talkedabout"inthesamewaythattheeldestCakewalkgirlwastalkedabout。Everybodywenttothem，ofcourse，becauseonereallyneverknewwhatonemightmissifonedidn'tgo。
AtlengththeAmericansaid:
"YoumustcorrectmeifIamwronginanimpressionIhavereceived。
VulgarAmericansseemtometogetonverywellinLondon。"
Thehostesspausedforamoment，andthenshesaid:
"Thatisperfectlytrue。"
Thisacknowledgmentwascomplete，andperfectlyfriendly，andafterthatallwentbetterthanithadgonebefore。
Thehalfanecdoteisapartofthisone，andhappenedafewweekslaterattable——dinnerthistime。
SittingnexttothesameAmericanwasanEnglishladywhoseconversationledhimtorepeattoherwhathehadsaidtohishostessatlunch:
"VulgarAmericansseemtogetonverywellinLondonsociety。"
"Theydo，"saidthelady，"andIwilltellyouwhy。WeEnglish——ImeanthatsetofEnglish——areblase。Weseeeachothertoomuch，weareallalikeinourways，andweareawfullytiredofit。Thereforeitrefreshesusandamusesustoseesomethingnewanddifferent。"
"Then，"saidtheAmerican，"youacceptthesehideouspeople'sinvitations，andgototheirhouses，andeattheirfood，anddrinktheirchampagne，andit'sjustlikegoingtoseethemonkeysattheZoo?"
"Itis，"returnedthelady。
"But，"theAmericanasked，"isn'tthatawfullylowdownofyou?"Hesmiledashesaidit。
ImmediatelytheEnglishladyassented；andgrewmorecordial。Whennextdaythepartycametobreakup，shecontrivedinthemannerofherfarewelltomaketheAmericanunderstandthatbecauseoftheirconversationsheborehimnotillwillbutgoodwill。
Oncemore，thesceneofmyanecdoteisattable，alongtableinaclub，wheremencametolunch。AllwereEnglishmen，exceptasinglestranger。
HewasanAmerican，whothroughthekindnessofonebelovedmemberofthatclub，nolongerlivingnow，hadreceivedacardtotheclub。TheAmerican，uponsittingdownaloneinthiscompany，feltwhatIsupposethatmanyofusfeelinlikecircumstances:hewishedthereweresomebodytherewhoknewhimandcouldnodtohim。Nevertheless，hewasspokento，askedquestionsaboutvariousofhisfellowcountrymen，andmadeathome。
Presently，however，anelderlymemberwhohadbeensilentandwhomIwilldesignateasbeingoftheDr。SamuelJohnsontype，said:"YouseemtobehavingtroubleinyourpackinghousesoverinAmerica?"
Wewere。
"Verydisgraceful，thoseexposures。"
Theywere。ItwasMay，1906。
"YourGovernmentseemstobedoingsomethingaboutit。It'scertainlyscandalous。Suchabusesshouldneverhavebeenpossibleinthefirstplace。Itoughtn'ttorequireyourGovernmenttostopit。Itshouldn'thavestarted。"
"Ifancythefactsaren'tquitesobadasthatsensationalnovelaboutChicagomakesthemout，"saidtheAmerican。"AtleastIhavebeentoldso。"
"Itallsoundscharacteristictome，"saidtheSamJohnson。"It'squitethesortofthingoneexpectstohearfromtheStates。"
"Itischaracteristic，"saidtheAmerican。"Inspiteofalltheyearsthattheseahasseparatedus，we'restillinveteratelylikeyou，abullying，dishonestlot——thoughwe'vehadnothingquitesobadyetasyouropiumtradewithChina。"
TheSamJohnsonsaidnomore。
AtaranchinWyomingwereanumberofAmericansandoneEnglishman，amanofnote，bearingacelebratedname。HewastellingthecompanywhatonecoulddointhewayofamusementintheeveninginLondon。
"Andifthere'snothingatthetheatresandeverythingelsefails，youcanalwaysgotooneoftherestaurantsandheartheAmericanseat。"
Thereyouhavethem，myanecdotes。Theyarechosenfrommany。Ihopeandbelievethat，betweenthemall，theycovertheground；that，takentogetherasIwantyoutotakethemafteryouhavetakenthemsingly，theymakemyseveralpointsclear。AsIseeit，theyrevealthechiefwhysandwhereforesoffrictionbetweenEnglishandAmericans。ItisalsomyhopethatIhavebeenequallydisagreeabletoeverybody。IfIamtobebanishedfrombothcountries，IshalltrynottopassmyexileinSwitzerland，whichisindeedalovelyplace，butjustnowtoofullofcelebratedGermans。
Beyondmytwoearlypoints，therighttoprivacyandthemother-tongue，whatarethegeneralizationstobedrawnfrommydata?Ishouldliketododgespellingthemout，Ishouldimmenselyprefertoleaveithere。Somereadersknowitalready，knewitbeforeIbegan；whileforothers，whathasbeensaidwillbeenough。These，iftheyhavethewilltofriendshipinsteadofthewilltohate，willgetridoftheiranti-Englishcomplex，supposingthattheyhadone，andunderstandbetterinfuturewhathasnotbeencleartothembefore。ButIseemtofeelthatsomereaderstheremaybewhowillwishmetobemoreexplicit。
First，then。Englandhasathousandyearsofgreatnesstohercredit。Whowouldnotbeproudofthat?Arroganceistheseamysideofpride。ThatiswhathasrubbedusAmericansthewrongway。Wearerecent。Ourthousandyearsofgreatnessaretocome。Suchisourpassionatebelief。Crudityistheseamysideofyouth。OurcrudityrubstheEnglishthewrongway。
ComparetheAmericanwhosaidweweregoingtobuyEnglandforasummerresortwiththeEnglishmanwhosaidthatwhenallotherentertainmentinLondonfailed，youcouldalwayslistentotheAmericanseat。Crudity，"freshness"onourside，arrogance，toploftinessontheirs:suchisonegeneralizationIwouldhaveyoudisengagefrommyanecdotes。