MobilizationThosewhoseenoprospectheldouttothembythisexceptacountryinwhichallthechildrenshallberoamingsavages，shouldconsider，first，whethertheirconditionwouldbeanyworsethanthatofthelittlecagedsavagesoftoday，andsecond，whethereitherchildrenoradultsaresoapttorunwildthatitisnecessarytotetherthemfasttooneneighborhoodtopreventageneraldissolutionofsociety。Myownobservationleadsmetobelievethatwearenothalfmobilizedenough。True，Icannotdenythatwearemoremobilethanwewere。
　　YouwillstillfindinthehomecountiesoldmenwhohaveneverbeentoLondon，andwhotellyouthattheyoncewenttoWinchesterorStAlbansmuchasiftheyhadbeentotheSouthPole；buttheyarenotsocommonastheclerkwhohasbeentoParisortoLovelyLucerne，andwho"goesawaysomewhere"whenhehasaholiday。Hisgrandfatherneverhadaholiday，and，ifhehad，wouldnomorehavedreamedofcrossingtheChannelthanoftakingaboxattheOpera。ButwithallallowanceforthePolytechnicexcursionandthetouristagency，ourinertiaisstillappalling。IconfesstohavingoncespentnineyearsinLondonwithoutputtingmynoseoutsideit；andthoughthiswasbetter，perhaps，thantherestlessglobe-trottingvagabondageoftheidlerich，wanderingfromhoteltohotelandneverreallylivinganywhere，yetIshouldnomorehavedoneitifIhadbeenproperlymobilizedinmychildhoodthanIshouldhavewornthesamesuitofclothesallthattimewhich，bytheway，Iverynearlydid，myprofessionalincomenothavingasyetbeguntosprout。TherearemassesofpeoplewhocouldaffordatleastatriptoMargate，andagoodmanywhocouldaffordatriproundtheworld，whoaremoreimmovablethanAldgatepump。Toothers，whowouldmoveiftheyknewhow，travellingissurroundedwithimaginarydifficultiesandterrors。
　　Inshort，thedifficultyisnottofixpeople，buttorootthemup。
　　Wekeeprepeatingthesillyproverbthatarollingstonegathersnomoss，asifmosswereadesirableparasite。Whatwemeanisthatavagabonddoesnotprosper。Eventhisisnottrue，ifprosperitymeansenjoymentaswellasresponsibilityandmoney。Therealmiseryofvagabondageisthemiseryofhavingnothingtodoandnowheretogo，themiseryofbeingderelictofGodandMan，themiseryoftheidle，poororrich。Andthisisoneofthemiseriesofunoccupiedchildhood。Theunoccupiedadult，thusafflicted，triesmanydistractionswhichare，tosaytheleast，unsuitedtochildren。Butoneofthem，thedistractionofseeingtheworld，isinnocentandbeneficial。Alsoitischildish，beingacontinuationofwhatnursescall"takingnotice，"bywhichachildbecomesexperienced。Itispitiablenowadaystoseemenandwomendoingaftertheageof45allthetravellingandsightseeingtheyshouldhavedonebeforetheywere15。Merewonderingandstaringatthingsisanimportantpartofachild'seducation:thatiswhychildrencanbethoroughlymobilizedwithoutmakingvagabondsofthem。
　　Avagabondisathomenowherebecausehewanders:achildshouldwanderbecauseitoughttobeathomeeverywhere。Andifithasitspapersanditspassports，andgetswhatitrequiresnotbybeggingandpilfering，butfromresponsibleagentsofthecommunityasofright，andwithsomeformalacknowledgmentoftheobligationsitisincurringandaknowledgeofthefactthattheseobligationsarebeingrecorded:if，further，certainqualificationsareexactedbeforeitispromotedfrompermissiontogoasfarasitslegswillcarryittousingmechanicalaidstolocomotion，itcanroamwithoutmuchdangerofgypsification。
　　Undersuchcircumstancestheboyorgirlcouldalwaysrunaway，andneverbelost；andonnootherconditionscanachildbefreewithoutbeingalsoahomelessoutcast。
　　Parentscouldalsorunawayfromdisagreeablechildrenordrivethemoutofdoorsorevendroptheiracquaintance，temporarilyorpermanently，withoutinhumanity。Thusbothpartieswouldbeontheirgoodbehavior，andnot，asatpresent，ontheirfilialorparentalbehavior，which，likeallunfreebehavior，ismostlybadbehavior。
　　Astowhatotherresultsmightfollow，wehadbetterwaitandsee；fornobodynowalivecanimaginewhatcustomsandinstitutionswouldgrowupinsocietiesoffreechildren。Childlawsandchildfashions，childmannersandchildmoralsarenownottolerated；butamongfreechildrentherewouldcertainlybesurprisingdevelopmentsinthisdirection。Idonotthinktherewouldbeanydangeroffreechildrenbehavingasbadlyasgrown-uppeopledonowbecausetheyhaveneverbeenfree。Theycouldhardlybehaveworse，anyhow。
　　Children'sRightsandParents'WrongsAverydistinguishedmanonceassuredamotherofmyacquaintancethatshewouldneverknowwhatitmeanttobehurtuntilshewashurtthroughherchildren。Childrenareextremelycruelwithoutintendingit；andinninety-ninecasesoutofahundredthereasonisthattheydonotconceivetheireldersashavinganyhumanfeelings。Servetheeldersright，perhaps，forposingassuperhuman!Thepenaltyoftheimpostorisnotthatheisfoundoutheveryseldomisbutthatheistakenforwhathepretendstobe，andtreatedassuch。Andtobetreatedasanythingbutwhatyoureallyaremayseempleasanttotheimaginationwhenthetreatmentisaboveyourmerits；butinactualexperienceitisoftenquitethereverse。WhenIwasaverysmallboy，myromanticimagination，stimulatedbyearlydosesoffiction，ledmetobragtoastillsmallerboysooutrageouslythathe，beingasimplesoul，reallybelievedmetobeaninvinciblehero。Icannotrememberwhetherthispleasedmemuch；butIdorememberverydistinctlythatonedaythisadmirerofmine，whohadapetgoat，foundtheanimalinthehandsofalargerboythaneitherofus，whomockedhimandrefusedtorestoretheanimaltohisrightfulowner。
　　Whereupon，naturally，hecameweepingtome，anddemandedthatI
　　shouldrescuethegoatandannihilatetheaggressor。Myterrorwasbeyonddescription:fortunatelyforme，itimpartedsuchaghastlinesstomyvoiceandaspectasIundertheeyeofmypoorlittledupe，advancedontheenemywiththathideousextremityofcowardicewhichiscalledthecourageofdespair，andsaid"Youletgothatgoat，"thatheabandonedhispreyandfled，tomyunforgettable，unspeakablerelief。Ihaveneversinceexaggeratedmyprowessinbodilycombat。
　　Nowwhathappenedtomeintheadventureofthegoathappensveryoftentoparents，andwouldhappentoschoolmastersiftheprisondooroftheschooldidnotshutoutthetrialsoflife。Irememberonce，atschool，theresidentheadmasterwasbroughtdowntoearthbythesuddenillnessofhiswife。Intheconfusionthatensueditbecamenecessarytoleaveoneoftheschoolroomswithoutamaster。Iwasintheclassthatoccupiedthatschoolroom。
　　Tohavesentushomewouldhavebeentobreakthefundamentalbargainwithourparentsbywhichtheschoolwasboundtokeepusoutoftheirwayforhalfthedayatallhazards。Thereforeanappealhadtobemadetoourbetterfeelings:thatis，toourcommonhumanity，nottomakeanoise。Buttheheadmasterhadneveradmittedanycommonhumanitywithus。Wehadbeencarefullybrokenintoregardhimasabeingquitealooffromandaboveus:onenotsubjecttoerrororsufferingordeathorillnessormortality。Consequentlysympathywasimpossible；andiftheunfortunateladydidnotperish，itwasbecause，asInowcomfortmyselfwithguessing，shewastoomuchpre-occupiedwithherownpains，andpossiblymakingtoomuchnoiseherself，tobeconsciousofthepandemoniumdownstairs。
　　Agreatdealofthefiendishnessofschoolboysandthecrueltyofchildrentotheireldersisproducedjustinthisway。Elderscannotbesuperhumanbeingsandsufferingfellow-creaturesatthesametime。
　　Ifyouposeasalittlegod，youmustposeforbetterforworse。
　　HowLittleWeKnowAboutOurParentsTherelationbetweenparentandchildhascruelmomentsfortheparentevenwhenmoneyisnoobject，andthematerialworriesaredelegatedtoservantsandschoolteachers。Thechildandtheparentarestrangerstooneanothernecessarily，becausetheiragesmustdifferwidely。ReadGoethe'sautobiography；andnotethatthoughhewashappyinhisparentsandhadexceptionalpowersofobservation，divination，andstory-telling，heknewlessabouthisfatherandmotherthanaboutmostoftheotherpeoplehementions。Imyselfwasneveronbadtermswithmymother:welivedtogetheruntilIwasforty-twoyearsold，absolutelywithoutthesmallestfrictionofanykind；yetwhenherdeathsetmethinkingcuriouslyaboutourrelations，IrealizedthatIknewverylittleabouther。IntroducemetoastrangewomanwhowasachildwhenIwasachild，agirlwhenI
　　wasaboy，anadolescentwhenIwasanadolescent；andifwetakenaturallytooneanotherIwillknowmoreofherandsheofmeattheendoffortydaysIhadalmostsaidoffortyminutesthanIknewofmymotherattheendoffortyyears。Acontemporarystrangerisanoveltyandanenigma，alsoapossibility；butamotherislikeabroomstickorlikethesunintheheavens，itdoesnotmatterwhichasfarasone'sknowledgeofherisconcerned:thebroomstickisthereandthesunisthere；andwhetherthechildisbeatenbyitorwarmedandenlightenedbyit，itacceptsitasafactinnature，anddoesnotconceiveitashavinghadyouth，passions，andweaknesses，orasstillgrowing，yearning，suffering，andlearning。IfImeetawidowImayaskherallabouthermarriage；butwhatsoneverdreamsofaskinghismotherabouthermarriage，orcouldenduretohearofitwithoutviolentlybreakingofftheoldsacredrelationshipbetweenthem，andceasingtobeherchildoranythingmoretoherthanthefirstmaninthestreetmightbe?
　　Yetthoughinthissensethechildcannotrealizeitsparent'shumanity，theparentcanrealizethechild's；fortheparentswiththeirexperienceoflifehavenoneoftheillusionsaboutthechildthatthechildhasabouttheparents；andtheconsequenceisthatthechildcanhurtitsparents'feelingsmuchmorethanitsparentscanhurtthechild's，becausethechild，evenwhentherehasbeennoneofthedeliberatehypocrisybywhichchildrenaretakenadvantageofbytheirelders，cannotconceivetheparentasafellow-creature，whilsttheparentsknowverywellthatthechildrenareonlythemselvesoveragain。Thechildcannotconceivethatitsblameorcontemptorwantofinterestcouldpossiblyhurtitsparent，andthereforeexpressesthemallwithanindifferencewhichhasgivenrisetotheterm_enfantterrible_atragicterminspiteofthejestsconnectedwithit；
　　whilsttheparentcansufferfromsuchslightsandreproachesmorefromachildthanfromanyoneelse，evenwhenthechildisnotbeloved，becausethechildissounmistakablysincereinthem。
　　OurAbandonedMothersTakeaverycommoninstanceofthisagonizingincompatibility。A
　　widowbringsuphersontomanhood。Hemeetsastrangewoman，andgoesoffwithandmarriesher，leavinghismotherdesolate。Itdoesnotoccurtohimthatthisisatallhardonher:hedoesitasamatterofcourse，andactuallyexpectshismothertoreceive，ontermsofspecialaffection，thewomanforwhomshehasbeenabandoned。Ifheshewedanysenseofwhathewasdoing，anyremorse；ifhemingledhistearswithhersandaskedhernottothinktoohardlyofhimbecausehehadobeyedtheinevitabledestinyofamantoleavehisfatherandmotherandcleavetohiswife，shecouldgivehimherblessingandacceptherbereavementwithdignityandwithoutreproach。
　　Butthemanneverdreamsofsuchconsiderations。Tohimhismother'sfeelinginthematter，whenshebetraysit，isunreasonable，ridiculous，andevenodious，asshewingaprejudiceagainsthisadorablebride。
　　Ihavetakenthewidowasanextremeandobviouscase；buttherearemanyhusbandsandwiveswhoaretiredoftheirconsorts，ordisappointedinthem，orestrangedfromthembyinfidelities；andtheseparents，inlosingasonoradaughterthroughmarriage，maybelosingeverythingtheycarefor。Noparent'sloveisasinnocentastheloveofachild:theexclusionofallconscioussexualfeelingfromitdoesnotexcludethebitterness，jealousy，anddespairatlosswhichcharacterizesexualpassion:infact，whatiscalledapurelovemayeasilybemoreselfishandjealousthanacarnalone。
　　Anyhow，itisplainmatteroffactthatnaivelyselfishpeoplesometimestrywithfiercejealousytopreventtheirchildrenmarrying。
　　FamilyAffectionUntilthefamilyasweknowitceasestoexist，nobodywilldaretoanalyzeparentalaffectionasdistinguishedfromthatgeneralhumansympathywhichhassecuredtomanyanorphanfondercareinastranger'shousethanitwouldhavereceivedfromitsactualparents。
　　NotevenTolstoy，inTheKreutzerSonata，hassaidallthatwesuspectaboutit。Whenitpersistsbeyondtheperiodatwhichitceasestobenecessarytothechild'swelfare，itisapttobemorbid；andweareprobablywrongtoinculcateitsdeliberatecultivation。Thenaturalcourseisfortheparentsandchildrentocastoffthespecificparentalandfilialrelationwhentheyarenolongernecessarytooneanother。Thechilddoesthisreadilyenoughtoformfreshties，closerandmorefascinating。Parentsarenotalwaysexcludedfromsuchcompensations:ithappenssometimesthatwhenthechildrengooutatthedoorthelovercomesinatthewindow。Indeedithappensnowoftenerthanitusedto，becausepeopleremainmuchlongerinthesexualarena。ThecultivatedJewessnolongercutsoffherhairathermarriage。
　　TheBritishmatronhasdiscardedhercapandherconscientiousugliness；andabishop'swifeatfiftyhasmoreoftheairofa_femmegalante_thananactresshadatthirty-fiveinhergrandmother'stime。Butaspeoplemarrylater，thefactsofageandtimestillinexorablycondemnmostparentstocomparativesolitudewhentheirchildrenmarry。Thismaybeaprivationandmaybearelief:probablyinhealthycircumstancesitisnoworsethanasalutarychangeofhabit；butevenatthatitis，forthemomentatleast，awrench。Forthoughparentsandchildrensometimesdislikeoneanother，thereisanexperienceofsuccorandahabitofdependenceandexpectationformedininfancywhichnaturallyattachesachildtoitsparentortoitsnurseafosterparentinaquitepeculiarway。Abenefittothechildmaybeaburdentotheparent；
　　butpeoplebecomeattachedtotheirburdenssometimesmorethantheburdensareattachedtothem；andto"sufferlittlechildren"hasbecomeanaffectionateimpulsedeepinournature。
　　Nowthereisnosuchimpulsetosufferoursistersandbrothers，ourauntsanduncles，muchlessourcousins。Ifwecouldchooseourrelatives，wemight，byselectingcongenialones，mitigatetherepulsiveeffectoftheobligationtolikethemandtoadmitthemtoourintimacy。Buttohaveapersonimposedonusasabrothermerelybecausehehappenstohavethesameparentsisunbearablewhen，asmayeasilyhappen，heisthesortofpersonweshouldcarefullyavoidifhewereanyoneelse'sbrother。AllEuropeexceptScotland，whichhasclansinsteadoffamiliesdrawsthelineatsecondcousins。
　　Protestantismdrawsitstillcloserbymakingthefirstcousinamarriageablestranger；andtheonlyreasonfornotdrawingitatsistersandbrothersisthattheinstitutionofthefamilycompelsustospendourchildhoodwiththem，andthusimposesonusacuriousrelationinwhichfamiliaritydestroysromanticcharm，andisyetexpectedtocreateaspeciallywarmaffection。Sucharelationisdangerouslyfactitiousandunnatural；andthepracticalmoralisthatthelesssaidathomeaboutspecificfamilyaffectionthebetter。
　　Children，likegrown-uppeople，getonwellenoughtogetheriftheyarenotpusheddownoneanother'sthroats；andgrown-uprelativeswillgetontogetherinproportiontotheirseparationandtheircarenottopresumeontheirbloodrelationship。Weshouldletchildren'sfeelingstaketheirnaturalcoursewithoutprompting。Ihaveseenachildscoldedandcalledunfeelingbecauseitdidnotoccurtoittomakeatheatricaldemonstrationofaffectionatedelightwhenitsmotherreturnedafteranabsence:atypicalexampleofthewayinwhichspuriousfamilysentimentisstokedup。Weare，afterall，sociableanimals；andifweareletaloneinthematterofouraffections，andwellbroughtupotherwise，weshallnotgetonanytheworsewithparticularpeoplebecausetheyhappentobeourbrothersandsistersandcousins。Thedangerliesinassumingthatweshallgetonanybetter。
　　Themainpointtograsphereisthatfamiliesarenotkepttogetheratpresentbyfamilyfeelingbutbyhumanfeeling。Thefamilycultivatessympathyandmutualhelpandconsolationasanyotherformofkindlyassociationcultivatesthem；buttheadditionofadictatedcompulsoryaffectionasanattributeofnearkinshipisnotonlyunnecessary，butpositivelydetrimental；andtheallegedtendencyofmodernsocialdevelopmenttobreakupthefamilyneedalarmnobody。Wecannotbreakupthefactsofkinshipnoreradicateitsnaturalemotionalconsequences。Whatwecandoandoughttodoistosetpeoplefreetobehavenaturallyandtochangetheirbehaviorascircumstanceschange。
　　ToimposeonacitizenofLondonthefamilydutiesofaHighlandcateranintheeighteenthcenturyisasabsurdastocompelhimtocarryaclaymoreandtargetinsteadofanumbrella。Thecivilizedmanhasnospecialuseforcousins；andhemaypresentlyfindthathehasnospecialuseforbrothersandsisters。Theparentseemslikelytoremainindispensable；butthereisnoreasonwhythatnaturaltieshouldbemadetheexcuseforunnaturalaggravationsofit，ascrushingtotheparentastheyareoppressivetothechild。ThemotherandfatherwillnotalwayshavetoshouldertheburthenofmaintenancewhichshouldfallontheAtlasshouldersofthefatherlandandmotherland。Pendingsuchreformsandemancipations，ashatteringbreak-upoftheparentalhomemustremainoneofthenormalincidentsofmarriage。Theparentisleftlonelyandthechildisnot。Woetotheoldiftheyhavenoimpersonalinterests，noconvictions，nopubliccausestoadvance，notastesorhobbies!Itiswelltobeamotherbutnottobeamother-in-law；andifmenwerecutoffartificiallyfromintellectualandpublicinterestsaswomenare，thefather-in-lawwouldbeasdeplorableafigureinpopulartraditionasthemother-in-law。
　　Itisnottobewonderedatthatsomepeopleholdthatbloodrelationshipshouldbekeptasecretfromthepersonsrelated，andthatthehappiestconditioninthisrespectisthatofthefoundlingwho，ifheevermeetshisparentsorbrothersorsisters，passesthembywithoutknowingthem。
　　Andforsuchaviewthereisthistobesaid:thatourfamilysystemdoesunquestionablytakethenaturalbondbetweenmembersofthesamefamily，which，likeallnaturalbonds，isnottootighttobeborne，andsuperimposesonitapainfulburdenofforced，inculcated，suggested，andaltogetherunnecessaryaffectionandresponsibilitywhichweshoulddowelltogetridofbymakingrelativesasindependentofoneanotheraspossible。
　　TheFateoftheFamilyThedifficultyofinducingpeopletotalksensiblyaboutthefamilyisthesameasthatwhichIpointedoutinapreviousvolumeasconfusingdiscussionsofmarriage。Marriageisnotasingleinvariableinstitution:itchangesfromcivilizationtocivilization，fromreligiontoreligion，fromcivilcodetocivilcode，fromfrontiertofrontier。Thefamilyisstillmorevariable，becausethenumberofpersonsconstitutingafamily，unlikethenumberofpersonsconstitutingamarriage，variesfromonetotwenty:indeed，whenawidowerwithafamilymarriesawidowwithafamily，andthetwoproduceathirdfamily，eventhatveryhighnumbermaybesurpassed。
　　Andtheconditionsmayvarybetweenoppositeextremes:forexample，inaLondonorParisslumeverychildaddstotheburdenofpovertyandhelpstostarvetheparentsandalltheotherchildren，whereasinasettlementofpioneercolonistseverychild，fromthemomentitisbigenoughtolendahandtothefamilyindustry，isaninvestmentinwhichtheonlydangeristhatoftemporaryover-capitalization。Thentherearethevariationsinfamilysentiment。Sometimesthefamilyorganizationisasfranklypoliticalastheorganizationofanarmyoranindustry:fathersbeingnomoreexpectedtobesentimentalabouttheirchildrenthancolonelsaboutsoldiers，orfactoryownersabouttheiremployees，thoughthemothermaybeallowedalittletendernessifhercharacterisweak。TheRomanfatherwasadespot:theChinesefatherisanobjectofworship:thesentimentalmodernwesternfatherisoftenaplay-fellowlookedtofortoysandpocket-money。Thefarmerseeshischildrenconstantly:thesquireseesthemonlyduringtheholidays，andnotthenoftenerthanhecanhelp:thetramconductor，whenemployedbyajointstockcompany，sometimesneverseesthematall。
　　UndersuchcircumstancesphraseslikeTheInfluenceofHomeLife，TheFamily，TheDomesticHearth，andsoon，arenomorespecificthanTheMammals，orTheManInTheStreet；andthepiousgeneralizationsfoundedsogliblyonthembyoursentimentalmoralistsareunworkable。
　　Whenhouseholdsaveragetwelvepersonswiththesexesaboutequallyrepresented，theresultsmaybefairlygood。Whentheyaveragethreetheresultsmaybeverybadindeed；andtolumpthetwotogetherunderthegeneraltermTheFamilyistoconfusethequestionhopelessly。
　　Themodernsmallfamilyismuchtoostuffy:children"broughtupathome"initareunfitforsociety。Buthereagaincircumstancesdiffer。Iftheparentsliveinwhatiscalledagardensuburb，wherethereisagooddealofsocialintercourse，andthefamily，insteadofkeepingitselftoitself，astheeviloldsayingis，andgloweringattheneighborsovertheblindsofthelongstreetinwhichnobodyknowshisneighborandeveryonewishestodeceivehimastohisincomeandsocialimportance，isineffectbrokenupbyschoollife，byout-of-doorhabits，andbyfrankneighborlyintercoursethroughdancesandconcertsandtheatricalsandexcursionsandthelike，familiesoffourmayturnoutmuchlessbarbarouscitizensthanfamiliesoftenwhichattaintheBoeridealofbeingoutofsightofoneanother'schimneysmoke。
　　Allonecansayis，roughly，thatthehomelierthehome，andthemorefamiliarthefamily，theworseforeverybodyconcerned。Thefamilyidealisahumbugandanuisance:onemightasreasonablytalkofthebarrackideal，ortheforecastleideal，oranyothersubstitutionofthemachineryofsocialorganizationfortheendofit，whichmustalwaysbethefullestandmostcapablelife:inshort，themostgodlylife。AndthissignificantwordremindsusthatthoughthepopularconceptionofheavenincludesaHolyFamily，itdoesnotattachtothatfamilythenotionofaseparatehome，oraprivatenurseryorkitchenormother-in-law，oranythingthatconstitutesthefamilyasweknowit。Evenbloodrelationshipismiraculouslyabstractedfromit；andtheFatheristhefatherofallchildren，themotherthemotherofallmothersandbabies，andtheSontheSonofManandtheSaviorofhisbrothers:onewhosechiefutteranceonthesubjectoftheconventionalfamilywasaninvitationtoallofustoleaveourfamiliesandfollowhim，andtoleavethedeadtoburythedead，andnotdebauchourselvesatthatgloomyfestivalthefamilyfuneral，withitssequelofhideousmourningandgriefwhichiseitheraffectedormorbid。
　　FamilyMourningIdonotknowhowfarthisdetestablecustomofmourningiscarriedinFrance；butjudgingfromtheappearanceoftheFrenchpeopleIshouldsaythataFrenchwomangoesintomourningforhercousinstotheseventeenthdegree。TheresultisthatwhenIcrosstheChannelI