"Thegods,thegodsarestronger;timeFallsdownbeforethem,allmen'skneesBow,allmen'sprayersandsorrowsclimbLikeincensetowardthem;yea,fortheseAregods,Felise。"
Carquinezhadrelaxedfinally。Hestoleaglanceattherattlingwindows,lookedupwardatthebeamedroof,andlistenedforamomenttothesavageroarofthesouth-easterasitcaughtthebungalowinitsbellowingjaws。
Thenheheldhisglassbetweenhimandthefireandlaughedforjoythroughthegoldenwine。
"Itisbeautiful,"hesaid。"Itissweetlysweet。Itisawoman'swine,anditwasmadeforgray-robedsaintstodrink。"
"Wegrowitonourownwarmhills,"Isaid,withpardonableCaliforniapride。"Yourodeupyesterdaythroughthevinesfromwhichitwasmade。"
ItwasworthwhiletogetCarquineztoloosenup。Norwasheeverreallyhimselfuntilhefeltthemellowwarmthofthevinesinginginhisblood。
Hewasanartist,itistrue,alwaysanartist;butsomehow,sober,thehighpitchandliltwentoutofhisthought-processesandhewaspronetobeasdeadlydullasaBritishSunday——notdullasothermenaredull,butdullwhenmeasuredbythesprightlywightthatMonteCarquinezwaswhenhewasreallyhimself。
FromallthisitmustnotbeinferredthatCarquinez,whoismydearfriendanddearercomrade,wasasot。Farfromit。Herarelyerred。AsIhavesaid,hewasanartist。Heknewwhenhehadenough,andenough,withhim,wasequilibrium——theequilibriumthatisyoursandminewhenwearesober。
HiswasawiseandinstinctivetemperatenessthatsavouredoftheGreek。
YethewasfarfromGreek。"IamAztec,IamInca,IamSpaniard,"Ihaveheardhimsay。Andintruthhelookedit,acompoundofstrangeandancientraces,whatwithhisswarthyskinandtheasymmetryandprimitivenessofhisfeatures。Hiseyes,undermassivelyarchedbrows,werewideapartandblackwiththeblacknessthatisbarbaric,whilebeforethemwasperpetuallyfallingdownagreatblackmopofhairthroughwhichhegazedlikearoguishsatyrfromathicket。Heinvariablyworeasoftflannelshirtunderhisvelvet-corduroyjacket,andhisnecktiewasred。
ThislatterstoodfortheredflaghehadoncelivedwiththesocialistsofParis,anditsymbolizedthebloodandbrotherhoodofman。Also,hehadneverbeenknowntowearanythingonhisheadsavealeather-bandedsombrero。Itwasevenrumouredthathehadbeenbornwiththisparticularpieceofheadgear。AndinmyexperienceitwasprovocativeofnothingshortofsheerdelighttoseethatMexicansombrerohailingacabinPiccadillyorstorm-tossedinthecrushfortheNewYorkElevated。
AsIhavesaid,Carquinezwasmadequickbywine——"astheclaywasmadequickwhenGodbreathedthebreathoflifeintoit,"washiswayofsayingit。IconfessthathewasblasphemouslyintimatewithGod;andImustaddthattherewasnoblasphemyinhim。Hewasatalltimeshonest,and,becausehewascompoundedofparadoxes,greatlymisunderstoodbythosewhodidnotknowhim。Hecouldbeaselementallyrawattimesasascreamingsavage;andatothertimesasdelicateasamaid,assubtleasaSpaniard。
And——well,washenotAztec?Inca?Spaniard?
AndnowImustaskpardonforthespaceIhavegivenhim。Heismyfriend,andIlovehim。Thehousewasshakingtothestorm,ashedrewclosertothefireandlaughedatitthroughhiswine。Helookedatme,andbytheaddedlustreofhiseye,andbythealertnessofit,Iknewthatatlasthewaspitchedinhisproperkey。
"Andsoyouthinkyou'vewonoutagainstthegods?"hedemanded。
"Whythegods?"
"Whosewillbuttheirshasputsatietyuponman?"hecried。
"Andwhencethewillinmetoescapesatiety?"Iaskedtriumphantly。
"Againthegods,"helaughed。"Itistheirgameweplay。Theydealandshuffleallthecards……andtakethestakes。Thinknotthatyouhaveescapedbyfleeingfromthemadcities。Youwithyourvine-cladhills,yoursunsetsandyoursunrises,yourhomelyfareandsimpleroundofliving!
"I'vewatchedyoueversinceIcame。Youhavenotwon。Youhavesurrendered。Youhavemadetermswiththeenemy。Youhavemadeconfessionthatyouaretired。Youhaveflownthewhiteflagoffatigue。Youhavenailedupanoticetotheeffectthatlifeisebbingdowninyou。Youhaverunawayfromlife。Youhaveplayedatrick,shabbytrick。Youhavebalkedatthegame。Yourefusetoplay。Youhavethrownyourcardsunderthetableandrunawaytohide,hereamongstyourhills。"
Hetossedhisstraighthairbackfromhisflashingeyes,andscarcelyinterruptedtorollalong,brown,Mexicancigarette。
"Butthegodsknow。Itisanoldtrick。Allthegenerationsofmanhavetriedit……andlost。Thegodsknowhowtodealwithsuchasyou。Topursueistopossess,andtopossessistobesated。Andsoyou,inyourwisdom,haverefusedanylongertopursue。Youhaveelectedsurcease。
Verywell。Youwillbecomesatedwithsurcease。Yousayyouhaveescapedsatiety!Youhavemerelybartereditforsenility。Andsenilityisanothernameforsatiety。Itissatiety'smasquerade。Bah!"
"Butlookatme!"Icried。
Carquinezwaseverademonforhalingonessouloutandmakingragsandtattersofit。
Helookedmewitheringlyupanddown。
"Youseenosigns,"Ichallenged。
"Decayisinsidious,"heretorted。"Youarerottenripe。"
Ilaughedandforgavehimforhisverydeviltry。Butherefusedtobeforgiven。
"DoInotknow?"heasked。"Thegodsalwayswin。Ihavewatchedmenplayforyearswhatseemedawinninggame。Intheendtheylost。"
"Don'tyouevermakemistakes?"Iasked。
Heblewmanymeditativeringsofsmokebeforereplying。
"Yes,Iwasnearlyfooled,once。Letmetellyou。TherewasMarvinFiske。
Yourememberhim?AndhisDantesquefaceandpoet'ssoul,singinghischantoftheflesh,theverypriestofLove?AndtherewasEthelBaird,whomalsoyoumustremember。"
"Awarmsaint,"Isaid。
"Thatisshe!HolyasLove,andsweeter!Justawoman,madeforlove;andyet——howshallIsay?——drenchedthroughwithholinessasyourownairhereiswiththeperfumeofflowers。Well,theymarried。Theyplayedahandwiththegods——"
"Andtheywon,theygloriouslywon!"Ibrokein。
Carquinezlookedatmepityingly,andhisvoicewaslikeafuneralbell。
"Theylost。Theysupremely,colossallylost。"
"Buttheworldbelievesotherwise,"Iventuredcoldly。
"Theworldconjectures。Theworldseesonlythefaceofthings。ButI
know。Hasiteverenteredyourmindtowonderwhyshetooktheveil,buriedherselfinthatdolorousconventofthelivingdead?"
"Becauseshelovedhimso,andwhenhedied……"
SpeechwasfrozenonmylipsbyCarquinez'ssneer。
"Apatanswer,"hesaid,"machine-madelikeapieceofcotton-drill。Theworld'sjudgment!Andmuchtheworldknowsaboutit。Likeyou,shefledfromlife。Shewasbeaten。Sheflungoutthewhiteflagoffatigue。Andnobeleagueredcityeverflewthatflaginsuchbitternessandtears。
"NowIshalltellyouthewholetale,andyoumustbelieveme,forIknow。
Theyhadponderedtheproblemofsatiety。TheylovedLove。TheyknewtotheuttermostfarthingthevalueofLove。Theylovedhimsowellthattheywerefaintokeephimalways,warmanda-thrillintheirhearts。Theywelcomedhiscoming;theyfearedtohavehimdepart。
"Lovewasdesire,theyheld,adeliciouspain。Hewaseverseekingeasement,andwhenhefoundthatforwhichhesought,hedied。LovedeniedwasLovealive;LovegrantedwasLovedeceased。Doyoufollowme?Theysawitwasnotthewayoflifetobehungryforwhatithas。Toeatandstillbehungry——manhasneveraccomplishedthatfeat。Theproblemofsatiety。Thatisit。Tohaveandtokeepthesharpfamine-edgeofappetiteatthegroaningboard。Thiswastheirproblem,fortheylovedLove。Oftendidtheydiscussit,withallLove'ssweetardoursbrimmingintheireyes;hisruddybloodsprayingtheircheeks;hisvoiceplayinginandoutwiththeirvoices,nowhidingasatremolointheirthroats,andagainshadingatonewiththatineffabletendernesswhichhealonecanutter。
"HowdoIknowallthis?Isaw——much。MoreIlearnedfromherdiary。
ThisIfoundinit,fromFionaMacleod:'For,truly,thatwanderingvoice,thattwilight-whisper,thatbreathsodewy-sweet,thatflame-wingedlute-
playerwhomnoneseesbutforamoment,inarainbow-shimmerofjoy,orasuddenlightning-flareofpassion,thisexquisitemysterywecallAmor,comes,tosomeraptvisionariesatleast,notwithasonguponthelipsthatallmayhear,orwithblitheviolofpublicmusic,butasonewroughtbyecstasy,dumblyeloquentwithdesire。'
"Howtokeeptheflame-wingedlute-playerwithhisdumbeloquenceofdesire?Tofeasthimwastolosehim。Theirloveforeachotherwasagreatlove。Theirgranarieswereoverflowingwithplenitude;yettheywantedtokeepthesharpfamine-edgeoftheirloveundulled。
"NorweretheyleanlittlefledglingstheorizingonthethresholdofLove。
Theywererobustandrealizedsouls。Theyhadlovedbefore,withothers,inthedaysbeforetheymet;andinthosedaystheyhadthrottledLovewithcaresses,andkilledhimwithkisses,andburiedhiminthepitofsatiety。
"Theywerenotcoldwraiths,thismanandwoman。Theywerewarmhuman。
TheyhadnoSaxonsobernessintheirblood。Thecolourofitwassunset-
red。Theyglowedwithit。TemperamentallytheirswastheFrenchjoyintheflesh。Theywereidealists,buttheiridealismwasGallic。ItwasnottemperedbythechillandsombrefluidthatfortheEnglishservesasblood。Therewasnostoicismaboutthem。TheywereAmericans,descendedoutoftheEnglish,andyettherefrainingandself-denyingoftheEnglishspirit-gropingwerenottheirs。
"TheywereallthisthatIhavesaid,andtheyweremadeforjoy,onlytheyachievedaconcept。Acurseonconcepts!Theyplayedwithlogic,andthiswastheirlogic——Butfirstletmetellyouofatalkwehadonenight。ItwasofGautier'sMadelinedeMaupin。Yourememberthemaid?Shekissedonce,andonceonly,andkissesshewouldhavenomore。Notthatshefoundkisseswerenotsweet,butthatshefearedwithrepetitiontheywouldcloy。
Satietyagain!Shetriedtoplaywithoutstakesagainstthegods。Nowthisiscontrarytoaruleofthegamethegodsthemselveshavemade。Onlytherulesarenotpostedoverthetable。Mortalsmustplayinordertolearntherules。
"Well,tothelogic。Themanandthewomanarguedthus:Whykissonceonly?Iftokissoncewerewise,wasitnotwisertokissnotatall?
ThuscouldtheykeepLovealive。Fasting,hewouldknockforeverattheirhearts。
"Perhapsitwasoutoftheirhereditythattheyachievedthisunholyconcept。Thebreedwilloutandsometimesmostfantastically。ThusinthemdidcursedAlbionarrayherselfaschemingwanton,abold,cold-
calculating,andartfulhussy。Afterall,Idonotknow。ButthisIknow:
itwasoutoftheirinordinatedesireforjoythattheyforewentjoy。
"AshesaidIreaditlongafterwardinoneofhisletterstoher:'Toholdyouinmyarms,close,andyetnotclose。Toyearnforyou,andnevertohaveyou,andsoalwaystohaveyou。'Andshe:'Foryoutobealwaysjustbeyondmyreach。Tobeeverattainingyou,andyetneverattainingyou,andforthistolastforever,alwaysfreshandnew,andalwayswiththefirstflushuponus。
"Thatisnotthewaytheysaidit。Onmylipstheirlove-philosophyismangled。AndwhoamItodelveintotheirsoul-stuff?Iamafrog,onthedankedgeofagreatdarkness,gazinggoggle-eyedatthemysteryandwonderoftheirflamingsouls。
"Andtheywereright,asfarastheywent。Everythingisgood……aslongasitisunpossessed。SatietyandpossessionareDeath'shorses;theyruninspan。
"'AndtimecouldonlytutorustoekeOurrapture'swarmthwithcustom'safterglow。'
"TheygotthatfromasonnetofAlfredAustin's。Itwascalled'Love'sWisdom。'ItwastheonekissofMadelinedeMaupin。Howdiditrun?
"'Kissweandpart;nofurthercanwego;
AndbetterdeaththanwefromhightolowShoulddwindle,ordeclinefromstrongtoweak。'
"Buttheywerewiser。Theywouldnotkissandpart。Theywouldnotkissatall,andthustheyplannedtostayatLove'stopmostpeak。Theymarried。YouwereinEnglandatthetime。Andneverwastheresuchamarriage。Theykepttheirsecrettothemselves。Ididnotknow,then。
Theirrapture'swarmthdidnotcool。Theirloveburnedwithincreasingbrightness。Neverwasthereanythinglikeit。Thetimepassed,themonths,theyears,andevertheflame-wingedlute-playergrewmoreresplendent。
"Everybodymarvelled。Theybecamethewonderfullovers,andtheyweregreatlyenvied。Sometimeswomenpitiedherbecauseshewaschildless;itistheformtheenvyofsuchcreaturestakes。
"AndIdidnotknowtheirsecret。IponderedandImarvelled。AsfirstI
hadexpected,subconsciouslyIimagine,thepassingoftheirlove。ThenI
becameawarethatitwasTimethatpassedandLovethatremained。ThenI
becamecurious。Whatwastheirsecret?WhatwerethemagicfetterswithwhichtheyboundLovetothem?Howdidtheyholdthegracelesself?WhatelixirofeternallovehadtheydrunktogetherashadTristramandIseultofoldtime?Andwhosehandhadbrewedthefairydrink?
"AsIsay,Iwascurious,andIwatchedthem。Theywerelove-mad。TheylivedinanunendingrevelofLove。Theymadeapompandceremonialofit。
TheysaturatedthemselvesintheartandpoetryofLove。No,theywerenotneurotics。Theyweresaneandhealthy,andtheywereartists。Buttheyhadaccomplishedtheimpossible。Theyhadachieveddeathlessdesire。
"AndI?IsawmuchofthemandtheireverlastingmiracleofLove。I
puzzledandwondered,andthenoneday——"
Carquinezbrokeoffabruptlyandasked,"Haveyoueverread,'Love'sWaitingTime'?"
Ishookmyhead。
"Pagewroteit——CurtisHiddenPage,Ithink。Well,itwasthatbitofversethatgavemetheclue。Oneday,inthewindow-seatnearthebigpiano——yourememberhowshecouldplay?Sheusedtolaugh,sometimes,anddoubtwhetheritwasforthemIcame,orforthemusic。Shecalledmea'music-sot'once,a'sound-debauchee。'Whatavoicehehad!WhenhesangIbelievedinimmortality,myregardforthegodsgrewalmostpatronizingandIdevisedwaysandmeanswherebyIsurelycouldoutwitthemandtheirtricks。
"ItwasaspectacleforGod,thatmanandwoman,yearsmarried,andsinginglove-songswithafreshnessvirginalasnew-bornLovehimself,witharipenessandwealthofardourthatyoungloverscanneverknow。Youngloverswerepaleandanaemicbesidethatlong-marriedpair。Toseethem,allfireandflameandtenderness,atatremblingdistance,lavishingcaressesofeyeandvoicewitheveryaction,througheverysilence——theirlovedrivingthemtowardeachother,andtheywithholdinglikeflutteringmoths,eachtotheotheracandle-flame,andrevolvingeachabouttheotherinthemadgyrationsofanamazingorbit-flight!Itseemed,inobediencetosomegreatlawofphysics,morepotentthangravitationandmoresubtle,thattheymustcorporeallymelteachintoeachtherebeforemyveryeyes。
Smallwondertheywerecalledthewonderfullovers。
"Ihavewandered。Nowtotheclue。Onedayinthewindow-seatIfoundabookofverse。Itopenedofitself,betrayinglonghabit,to'Love'sWaitingTime。'Thepagewasthumbedandlimpwithoverhandling,andthereIread:——
"'Sosweetitistostandbutjustapart,Toknoweachotherbetter,andtokeepThesoft,delicioussenseoftwothattouch……
Olove,notyet!……Sweet,letuskeepourloveWrappedroundwithsacredmysteryawhile,Waitingthesecretofthecomingyears,Thatcomenotyet,notyet……sometime……
notyet……
Oh,yetalittlewhileourlovemaygrow!
Whenithasblossomeditwillhaplydie。
Feeditwithliplesskisses,letitsleep,Beddedindeaddenialyetsomewhile……
Oh,yetalittlewhile,alittlewhile。'
"Ifoldedthebookonmythumbandsattheresilentandwithoutmovingforalongtime。Iwasstunnedbytheclearnessofvisiontheversehadimpartedtome。Itwasillumination。ItwaslikeaboltofGod'slightninginthePit。TheywouldkeepLove,theficklesprite,theforerunnerofyounglife——younglifethatisimperativetobeborn!
"Iconnedthelinesoverinmymind——'Notyet,sometime'——'OLove,notyet'——'Feeditwithliplesskisses,letitsleep。'AndIlaughedaloud,ha,ha!Isawwithwhitevisiontheirblamelesssouls。Theywerechildren。Theydidnotunderstand。TheyplayedwithNature'sfireandbeddedwithanakedsword。Theylaughedatthegods。Theywouldstopthecosmicsap。Theyhadinventedasystem,andbroughtittothegaming-tableoflife,andexpectedtowinout。'Beware!'Icried。'Thegodsarebehindthetable。Theymakenewrulesforeverysystemthatisdevised。Youhavenochancetowin。'
"ButIdidnotsocrytothem。Iwaited。Theywouldlearnthattheirsystemwasworthlessandthrowitaway。Theywouldbecontentwithwhateverhappinessthegodsgavethemandnotstrivetowrestmoreaway。
"Iwatched。Isaidnothing。Themonthscontinuedtocomeandgo,andstillthefamine-edgeoftheirlovegrewthesharper。Neverdidtheydullitwithapermittedlove-clasp。Theygroundandwhetteditonself-denial,andsharperandsharperitgrew。ThiswentonuntilevenIdoubted。Didthegodssleep?Iwondered。Orweretheydead?Ilaughedtomyself。Themanandthewomanhadmadeamiracle。TheyhadoutwittedGod。Theyhadshamedtheflesh,andblackenedthefaceofthegoodEarthMother。Theyhadplayedwithherfireandnotbeenburned。Theywereimmune。Theywerethemselvesgods,knowinggoodfromevilandtastingnot。'Wasthisthewaygodscametobe?'Iaskedmyself。'Iamafrog,'Isaid。'Butformymud-
liddedeyesIshouldhavebeenblindedbythebrightnessofthiswonderI
havewitnessed。Ihavepuffedmyselfupwithmywisdomandpassedjudgmentupongods。'
"Yeteveninthis,mylatestwisdom,Iwaswrong。Theywerenotgods。
Theyweremanandwoman——softclaythatsighedandthrilled,shotthroughwithdesire,thumbedwithstrangeweaknesseswhichthegodshavenot。"
Carquinezbrokefromhisnarrativetorollanothercigaretteandtolaughharshly。Itwasnotaprettylaugh;itwaslikethemockeryofadevil,anditroseoverandrodetheroarofthestormthatcamemuffledtoourearsfromthecrashingoutsideworld。
"Iamafrog,"hesaidapologetically。"Howweretheytounderstand?Theywereartists,notbiologists。Theyknewtheclayofthestudio,buttheydidnotknowtheclayofwhichtheythemselvesweremade。ButthisIwillsay——theyplayedhigh。Neverwastheresuchagamebefore,andIdoubtmeiftherewilleverbesuchagameagain。
"Neverwaslovers'ecstasyliketheirs。TheyhadnotkilledLovewithkisses。Theyhadquickenedhimwithdenial。Andbydenialtheydrovehimontillhewasallaburstwithdesire。Andtheflame-wingedlute-playerfannedthemwithhiswarmwingstilltheywereallbutswooning。ItwastheverydeliriumofLove,anditcontinuedundiminishedandincreasingthroughtheweeksandmonths。
"Theylongedandyearned,withallthefondpangsandsweetdeliciousagonies,withanintensityneverfeltbyloversbeforenorsince。
"Andthenonedaythedrowsygodsceasednodding。Theyarousedandlookedatthemanandwomanwhohadmadeamockofthem。Andthemanandwomanlookedintoeachother'seyesonemorningandknewthatsomethingwasgone。
Itwastheflame-wingedone。Hehadfled,silently,inthenight,fromtheiranchorites'board。
"Theylookedintoeachother'seyesandknewthattheydidnotcare。
Desirewasdead。Doyouunderstand?Desirewasdead。Andtheyhadneverkissed。Notoncehadtheykissed。Lovewasgone。Theywouldneveryearnandburnagain。Forthemtherewasnothingleft——nomoretremblingsandflutteringsanddeliciousanguishes,nomorethrobbingandpulsing,andsighingandsong。Desirewasdead。Ithaddiedinthenight,onacouchcoldandunattended;norhadtheywitnesseditspassing。Theylearneditforthefirsttimeineachother'seyes。
"Thegodsmaynotbekind,buttheyareoftenmerciful。Theyhadtwirledthelittleivoryballandsweptthestakesfromthetable。Allthatremainedwasthemanandwomangazingintoeachother'scoldeyes。Andthenhedied。Thatwasthemercy。WithintheweekMarvinFiskewasdead——
youremembertheaccident。Andinherdiary,writtenatthistime,IlongafterwardreadMitchellKennerly's:——
"'TherewasnotasinglehourWemighthavekissedanddidnotkiss。'"
"Oh,theironyofit!"Icriedout。
AndCarquinez,inthefirelightaveritableMephistophelesinvelvetjacket,fixedmewithhisblackeyes。
"Andtheywon,yousaid?Theworld'sjudgment!Ihavetoldyou,andI
know。Theywonasyouarewinning,hereinyourhills。"
"Butyou,"Idemandedhotly;"youwithyourorgiesofsoundandsense,withyourmadcitiesandmadderfrolics——bethinkyouthatyouwin?"
Heshookhisheadslowly。"Becauseyouwithyoursoberbucolicregime,lose,isnoreasonthatIshouldwin。Weneverwin。Sometimeswethinkwewin。Thatisalittlepleasantryofthegods。"
THEAPOSTATE
"NowIwakemeuptowork;
IpraytheLordImaynotshirk。
IfIshoulddiebeforethenight,IpraytheLordmywork'sallright。
Amen。"
"Ifyoudon'tgitup,Johnny,Iwon'tgiveyouabitetoeat!"
Thethreathadnoeffectontheboy。Heclungstubbornlytosleep,fightingforitsoblivionasthedreamerfightsforhisdream。Theboy'shandslooselyclenchedthemselves,andhemadefeeble,spasmodicblowsattheair。Theseblowswereintendedforhismother,butshebetrayedpractisedfamiliarityinavoidingthemassheshookhimroughlybytheshoulder。
"Lemme'lone!"
Itwasacrythatbegan,muffled,inthedeepsofsleep,thatswiftlyrushedupward,likeawail,intopassionatebelligerence,andthatdiedawayandsankdownintoaninarticulatewhine。Itwasabestialcry,asofasoulintorment,filledwithinfiniteprotestandpain。
Butshedidnotmind。Shewasasad-eyed,tired-facedwoman,andshehadgrownusedtothistask,whichsherepeatedeverydayofherlife。Shegotagriponthebedclothesandtriedtostripthemdown;buttheboy,ceasinghispunching,clungtothemdesperately。Inahuddle,atthefootofthebed,hestillremainedcovered。Thenshetrieddraggingthebeddingtothefloor。Theboyopposedher。Shebracedherself。Herswasthesuperiorweight,andtheboyandbeddinggave,theformerinstinctivelyfollowingthelatterinordertoshelteragainstthechilloftheroomthatbitintohisbody。
Ashetoppledontheedgeofthebeditseemedthathemustfallhead-firsttothefloor。Butconsciousnessflutteredupinhim。Herightedhimselfandforamomentperilouslybalanced。Thenhestrucktheflooronhisfeet。Ontheinstanthismotherseizedhimbytheshouldersandshookhim。
Againhisfistsstruckout,thistimewithmoreforceanddirectness。Atthesametimehiseyesopened。Shereleasedhim。Hewasawake。
"Allright,"hemumbled。
Shecaughtupthelampandhurriedout,leavinghimindarkness。
"You'llbedocked,"shewarnedbacktohim。
Hedidnotmindthedarkness。Whenhehadgotintohisclothes,hewentoutintothekitchen。Histreadwasveryheavyforsothinandlightaboy。Hislegsdraggedwiththeirownweight,whichseemedunreasonablebecausetheyweresuchskinnylegs。Hedrewabroken-bottomedchairtothetable。
"Johnny,"hismothercalledsharply。
Hearoseassharplyfromthechair,and,withoutaword,wenttothesink。
Itwasagreasy,filthysink。Asmellcameupfromtheoutlet。Hetooknonoticeofit。Thatasinkshouldsmellwastohimpartofthenaturalorder,justasitwasapartofthenaturalorderthatthesoapshouldbegrimywithdish-waterandhardtolather。Nordidhetryveryhardtomakeitlather。Severalsplashesofthecoldwaterfromtherunningfaucetcompletedthefunction。Hedidnotwashhisteeth。Forthatmatterhehadneverseenatoothbrush,nordidheknowthatthereexistedbeingsintheworldwhowereguiltyofsogreatafoolishnessastoothwashing。
"Youmightwashyourselfwunstadaywithoutbein'told,"hismothercomplained。
Shewasholdingabrokenlidonthepotasshepouredtwocupsofcoffee。
Hemadenoremark,forthiswasastandingquarrelbetweenthem,andtheonethinguponwhichhismotherwashardasadamant。"Wunst"adayitwascompulsorythatheshouldwashhisface。Hedriedhimselfonagreasytowel,dampanddirtyandragged,thatlefthisfacecoveredwithshredsoflint。
"Iwishwedidn'tlivesofaraway,"shesaid,ashesatdown。"ItrytodothebestIcan。Youknowthat。Butadollarontherentissuchasavin',an'we'vemoreroomhere。Youknowthat。"
Hescarcelyfollowedher。Hehadhearditallbefore,manytimes。Therangeofherthoughtwaslimited,andshewaseverharkingbacktothehardshipworkeduponthembylivingsofarfromthemills。
"Adollarmeansmoregrub,"heremarkedsententiously。"I'dsoonerdothewalkin'an'gitthegrub。"
Heatehurriedly,halfchewingthebreadandwashingtheunmasticatedchunksdownwithcoffee。Thehotandmuddyliquidwentbythenameofcoffee。Johnnythoughtitwascoffee——andexcellentcoffee。Thatwasoneofthefewoflife'sillusionsthatremainedtohim。Hehadneverdrunkrealcoffeeinhislife。
Inadditiontothebread,therewasasmallpieceofcoldpork。Hismotherrefilledhiscupwithcoffee。Ashewasfinishingthebread,hebegantowatchifmorewasforthcoming。Sheinterceptedhisquestioningglance。
"Now,don'tbehoggish,Johnny,"washercomment。"You'vehadyourshare。
Yourbrothersan'sistersaresmaller'nyou。"
Hedidnotanswertherebuke。Hewasnotmuchofatalker。Also,heceasedhishungryglancingformore。Hewasuncomplaining,withapatiencethatwasasterribleastheschoolinwhichithadbeenlearned。Hefinishedhiscoffee,wipedhismouthonthebackofhishand,andstartedtorise。
"Waitasecond,"shesaidhastily。"Iguesstheloafkinstandyouanotherslice——athinun。"
Therewaslegerdemaininheractions。Withalltheseemingofcuttingaslicefromtheloafforhim,sheputloafandslicebackinthebreadboxandconveyedtohimoneofherowntwoslices。Shebelievedshehaddeceivedhim,buthehadnotedhersleight-of-hand。Nevertheless,hetookthebreadshamelessly。Hehadaphilosophythathismother,becauseofherchronicsickliness,wasnotmuchofaneateranyway。
Shesawthathewaschewingthebreaddry,andreachedoverandemptiedhercoffeecupintohis。
"Don'tsetgoodsomehowonmystomachthismorning,"sheexplained。
Adistantwhistle,prolongedandshrieking,broughtbothofthemtotheirfeet。Sheglancedatthetinalarm-clockontheshelf。Thehandsstoodathalf-pastfive。Therestofthefactoryworldwasjustarousingfromsleep。Shedrewashawlabouthershoulders,andonherheadputadingyhat,shapelessandancient。
"We'vegottorun,"shesaid,turningthewickofthelampandblowingdownthechimney。
Theygropedtheirwayoutanddownthestairs。Itwasclearandcold,andJohnnyshiveredatthefirstcontactwiththeoutsideair。Thestarshadnotyetbeguntopaleinthesky,andthecitylayinblackness。BothJohnnyandhismothershuffledtheirfeetastheywalked。Therewasnoambitioninthelegmusclestoswingthefeetclearoftheground。
Afterfifteensilentminutes,hismotherturnedofftotheright。
"Don'tbelate,"washerfinalwarningfromoutofthedarkthatwasswallowingherup。
Hemadenoresponse,steadilykeepingonhisway。Inthefactoryquarter,doorswereopeningeverywhere,andhewassoononeofamultitudethatpressedonwardthroughthedark。Asheenteredthefactorygatethewhistleblewagain。Heglancedattheeast。Acrossaraggedsky-lineofhousetopsapalelightwasbeginningtocreep。Thismuchhesawofthedayasheturnedhisbackuponitandjoinedhisworkgang。
Hetookhisplaceinoneofmanylongrowsofmachines。Beforehim,aboveabinfilledwithsmallbobbins,werelargebobbinsrevolvingrapidly。
Uponthesehewoundthejute-twineofthesmallbobbins。Theworkwassimple。Allthatwasrequiredwascelerity。Thesmallbobbinswereemptiedsorapidly,andthereweresomanylargebobbinsthatdidtheemptying,thattherewerenoidlemoments。
Heworkedmechanically。Whenasmallbobbinranout,heusedhislefthandforabrake,stoppingthelargebobbinandatthesametime,withthumbandforefinger,catchingtheflyingendoftwine。Also,atthesametime,withhisrighthand,hecaughtuptheloosetwine-endofasmallbobbin。Thesevariousactswithbothhandswereperformedsimultaneouslyandswiftly。
Thentherewouldcomeaflashofhishandsasheloopedtheweaver'sknotandreleasedthebobbin。Therewasnothingdifficultaboutweaver'sknots。
Heonceboastedhecouldtietheminhissleep。Andforthatmatter,hesometimesdid,toilingcenturieslonginasinglenightattyinganendlesssuccessionofweaver'sknots。
Someoftheboysshirked,wastingtimeandmachinerybynotreplacingthesmallbobbinswhentheyranout。Andtherewasanoverseertopreventthis。HecaughtJohnny'sneighbouratthetrick,andboxedhisears。
"LookatJohnnythere——whyain'tyoulikehim?"theoverseerwrathfullydemanded。
Johnny'sbobbinswererunningfullblast,buthedidnotthrillattheindirectpraise。Therehadbeenatime……butthatwaslongago,verylongago。Hisapatheticfacewasexpressionlessashelistenedtohimselfbeingheldupasashiningexample。Hewastheperfectworker。Heknewthat。Hehadbeentoldso,often。Itwasacommonplace,andbesidesitdidn'tseemtomeananythingtohimanymore。Fromtheperfectworkerhehadevolvedintotheperfectmachine。Whenhisworkwentwrong,itwaswithhimaswiththemachine,duetofaultymaterial。Itwouldhavebeenaspossibleforaperfectnail-dietocutimperfectnailsasforhimtomakeamistake。
Andsmallwonder。Therehadneverbeenatimewhenhehadnotbeeninintimaterelationshipwithmachines。Machineryhadalmostbeenbredintohim,andatanyratehehadbeenbroughtuponit。Twelveyearsbefore,therehadbeenasmallflutterofexcitementintheloomroomofthisverymill。Johnny'smotherhadfainted。Theystretchedheroutonthefloorinthemidstoftheshriekingmachines。Acoupleofelderlywomenwerecalledfromtheirlooms。Theforemanassisted。Andinafewminutestherewasonemoresoulintheloomroomthanhadenteredbythedoors。ItwasJohnny,bornwiththepounding,crashingroaroftheloomsinhisears,drawingwithhisfirstbreaththewarm,moistairthatwasthickwithflyinglint。Hehadcoughedthatfirstdayinordertoridhislungsofthelint;andforthesamereasonhehadcoughedeversince。
TheboyalongsideofJohnnywhimperedandsniffed。Theboy'sfacewasconvulsedwithhatredfortheoverseerwhokeptathreateningeyeonhimfromadistance;buteverybobbinwasrunningfull。Theboyyelledterribleoathsintothewhirlingbobbinsbeforehim;butthesounddidnotcarryhalfadozenfeet,theroaringoftheroomholdingitinandcontainingitlikeawall。
OfallthisJohnnytooknonotice。Hehadawayofacceptingthings。
Besides,thingsgrowmonotonousbyrepetition,andthisparticularhappeninghehadwitnessedmanytimes。Itseemedtohimasuselesstoopposetheoverseerastodefythewillofamachine。Machinesweremadetogoincertainwaysandtoperformcertaintasks。Itwasthesamewiththeoverseer。
Butateleveno'clocktherewasexcitementintheroom。Inanapparentlyoccultwaytheexcitementinstantlypermeatedeverywhere。Theone-leggedboywhoworkedontheothersideofJohnnybobbedswiftlyacrossthefloortoabintruckthatstoodempty。Intothishedivedoutofsight,crutchandall。Thesuperintendentofthemillwascomingalong,accompaniedbyayoungman。Hewaswelldressedandworeastarchedshirt——agentleman,inJohnny'sclassificationofmen,andalso,"theInspector。"
Helookedsharplyattheboysashepassedalong。Sometimeshestoppedandaskedquestions。Whenhedidso,hewascompelledtoshoutatthetopofhislungs,atwhichmomentshisfacewasludicrouslycontortedwiththestrainofmakinghimselfheard。HisquickeyenotedtheemptymachinealongsideofJohnny's,buthesaidnothing。Johnnyalsocaughthiseye,andhestoppedabruptly。HecaughtJohnnybythearmtodrawhimbackastepfromthemachine;butwithanexclamationofsurprisehereleasedthearm。
"Prettyskinny,"thesuperintendentlaughedanxiously。
"Pipestems,"wastheanswer。"Lookatthoselegs。Theboy'sgottherickets——incipient,buthe'sgotthem。Ifepilepsydoesn'tgethimintheend,itwillbebecausetuberculosisgetshimfirst。"
Johnnylistened,butdidnotunderstand。Furthermorehewasnotinterestedinfutureills。Therewasanimmediateandmoreseriousillthatthreatenedhimintheformoftheinspector。
"Now,myboy,Iwantyoutotellmethetruth,"theinspectorsaid,orshouted,bendingclosetotheboy'seartomakehimhear。"Howoldareyou?"
"Fourteen,"Johnnylied,andheliedwiththefullforceofhislungs。Soloudlydidheliethatitstartedhimoffinadry,hackingcoughthatliftedthelintwhichhadbeensettlinginhislungsallmorning。
"Lookssixteenatleast,"saidthesuperintendent。
"Orsixty,"snappedtheinspector。
"He'salwayslookedthatway。"
"Howlong?"askedtheinspector,quickly。
"Foryears。Nevergetsabitolder。"
"Oryounger,Idaresay。Isupposehe'sworkedhereallthoseyears?"
"Offandon——butthatwasbeforethenewlawwaspassed,"thesuperintendenthastenedtoadd。
"Machineidle?"theinspectorasked,pointingattheunoccupiedmachinebesideJohnny's,inwhichthepart-filledbobbinswereflyinglikemad。
"Looksthatway。"Thesuperintendentmotionedtheoverseertohimandshoutedinhisearandpointedatthemachine。"Machine'sidle,"hereportedbacktotheinspector。
Theypassedon,andJohnnyreturnedtohiswork,relievedinthattheillhadbeenaverted。Buttheone-leggedboywasnotsofortunate。Thesharp-
eyedinspectorhaledhimoutatarmslengthfromthebintruck。Hislipswerequivering,andhisfacehadalltheexpressionofoneuponwhomwasfallenprofoundandirremediabledisaster。Theoverseerlookedastounded,asthoughforthefirsttimehehadlaideyesontheboy,whilethesuperintendent'sfaceexpressedshockanddispleasure。
"Iknowhim,"theinspectorsaid。"He'stwelveyearsold。I'vehadhimdischargedfromthreefactoriesinsidetheyear。Thismakesthefourth。"
Heturnedtotheone-leggedboy。"Youpromisedme,wordandhonour,thatyou'dgotoschool。"
Theone-leggedboyburstintotears。"Please,Mr。Inspector,twobabiesdiedonus,andwe'reawfulpoor。"
"Whatmakesyoucoughthatway?"theinspectordemanded,asthoughcharginghimwithcrime。
Andasindenialofguilt,theone-leggedboyreplied:"Itain'tnothin'。
Ijes'caughtacoldlastweek,Mr。Inspector,that'sall。"
Intheendtheone-leggedboywentoutoftheroomwiththeinspector,thelatteraccompaniedbytheanxiousandprotestingsuperintendent。Afterthatmonotonysettleddownagain。Thelongmorningandthelongerafternoonworeawayandthewhistleblewforquittingtime。DarknesshadalreadyfallenwhenJohnnypassedoutthroughthefactorygate。Intheintervalthesunhadmadeagoldenladderofthesky,floodedtheworldwithitsgraciouswarmth,anddroppeddownanddisappearedinthewestbehindaraggedsky-lineofhousetops。
Supperwasthefamilymealoftheday——theonemealatwhichJohnnyencounteredhisyoungerbrothersandsisters。Itpartookofthenatureofanencounter,tohim,forhewasveryold,whiletheyweredistressinglyyoung。Hehadnopatiencewiththeirexcessiveandamazingjuvenility。Hedidnotunderstandit。Hisownchildhoodwastoofarbehindhim。Hewaslikeanoldandirritableman,annoyedbytheturbulenceoftheiryoungspiritsthatwastohimarrantsilliness。Hegloweredsilentlyoverhisfood,findingcompensationinthethoughtthattheywouldsoonhavetogotowork。Thatwouldtaketheedgeoffofthemandmakethemsedateanddignified——likehim。Thusitwas,afterthefashionofthehuman,thatJohnnymadeofhimselfayardstickwithwhichtomeasuretheuniverse。
Duringthemeal,hismotherexplainedinvariouswaysandwithinfiniterepetitionthatshewastryingtodothebestshecould;sothatitwaswithrelief,thescantmealended,thatJohnnyshovedbackhischairandarose。Hedebatedforamomentbetweenbedandthefrontdoor,andfinallywentoutthelatter。Hedidnotgofar。Hesatdownonthestoop,hiskneesdrawnupandhisnarrowshouldersdroopingforward,hiselbowsonhiskneesandthepalmsofhishandssupportinghischin。
Ashesatthere,hedidnothinking。Hewasjustresting。Sofarashismindwasconcerned,itwasasleep。Hisbrothersandsisterscameout,andwithotherchildrenplayednoisilyabouthim。Anelectricglobeatthecornerlightedtheirfrolics。Hewaspeevishandirritable,thattheyknew;butthespiritofadventureluredthemintoteasinghim。Theyjoinedhandsbeforehim,and,keepingtimewiththeirbodies,chantedinhisfaceweirdanduncomplimentarydoggerel。Atfirsthesnarledcursesatthem——
curseshehadlearnedfromthelipsofvariousforemen。Findingthisfutile,andrememberinghisdignity,herelapsedintodoggedsilence。
HisbrotherWill,nexttohiminage,havingjustpassedhistenthbirthday,wastheringleader。Johnnydidnotpossessparticularlykindlyfeelingstowardhim。HislifehadearlybeenembitteredbycontinualgivingoverandgivingwaytoWill。HehadadefinitefeelingthatWillwasgreatlyinhisdebtandwasungratefulaboutit。Inhisownplaytime,farbackinthedimpast,hehadbeenrobbedofalargepartofthatplaytimebybeingcompelledtotakecareofWill。Willwasababythen,andthen,asnow,theirmotherhadspentherdaysinthemills。ToJohnnyhadfallenthepartoflittlefatherandlittlemotheraswell。
Willseemedtoshowthebenefitofthegivingoverandthegivingway。Hewaswell-built,fairlyrugged,astallashiselderbrotherandevenheavier。Itwasasthoughthelife-bloodoftheonehadbeendivertedintotheother'sveins。Andinspiritsitwasthesame。Johnnywasjaded,wornout,withoutresilience,whilehisyoungerbrotherseemedburstingandspillingoverwithexuberance。
Themockingchantroselouderandlouder。Willleanedcloserashedanced,thrustingouthistongue。Johnny'sleftarmshotoutandcaughttheotheraroundtheneck。Atthesametimeherappedhisbonyfisttotheother'snose。Itwasapatheticallybonyfist,butthatitwassharptohurtwasevidencedbythesquealofpainitproduced。Theotherchildrenwereutteringfrightenedcries,whileJohnny'ssister,Jennie,haddashedintothehouse。
HethrustWillfromhim,kickedhimsavagelyontheshins,thenreachedforhimandslammedhimfacedownwardinthedirt。Nordidhereleasehimtillthefacehadbeenrubbedintothedirtseveraltimes。Thenthemotherarrived,ananaemicwhirlwindofsolicitudeandmaternalwrath。
"Whycan'theleavemealone?"wasJohnny'sreplytoherupbraiding。
"Can'theseeI'mtired?"
"I'masbigasyou,"Willragedinherarms,hisfaceamassoftears,dirt,andblood。"I'masbigasyounow,an'I'mgoin'togitbigger。
ThenI'lllickyou——seeifIdon't。"
"Yououghttobetowork,seein'howbigyouare,"Johnnysnarled。"That'swhat'sthematterwithyou。Yououghttobetowork。An'it'suptoyourmatoputyoutowork。"
"Buthe'stooyoung,"sheprotested。"He'sonlyalittleboy。"
"Iwasyounger'nhimwhenIstartedtowork。"
Johnny'smouthwasopen,furthertoexpressthesenseofunfairnessthathefelt,butthemouthclosedwithasnap。Heturnedgloomilyonhisheelandstalkedintothehouseandtobed。Thedoorofhisroomwasopentoletinwarmthfromthekitchen。Asheundressedinthesemi-darknesshecouldhearhismothertalkingwithaneighbourwomanwhohaddroppedin。Hismotherwascrying,andherspeechwaspunctuatedwithspiritlesssniffles。
"Ican'tmakeoutwhat'sgittin'intoJohnny,"hecouldhearhersay。"Hedidn'tusedtobethisway。Hewasapatientlittleangel。
"An'heisagoodboy,"shehastenedtodefend。"He'sworkedfaithful,an'
hedidgotoworktooyoung。Butitwasn'tmyfault。IdothebestIcan,I'msure。"
Prolongedsnifflingfromthekitchen,andJohnnymurmuredtohimselfashiseyelidscloseddown,"YoubetcherlifeI'veworkedfaithful。"
Thenextmorninghewastornbodilybyhismotherfromthegripofsleep。
Thencamethemeagrebreakfast,thetrampthroughthedark,andthepaleglimpseofdayacrossthehousetopsasheturnedhisbackonitandwentinthroughthefactorygate。Itwasanotherday,ofallthedays,andallthedayswerealike。
Andyettherehadbeenvarietyinhislife——atthetimeshechangedfromonejobtoanother,orwastakensick。Whenhewassix,hewaslittlemotherandfathertoWillandtheotherchildrenstillyounger。Atsevenhewentintothemills——windingbobbins。Whenhewaseight,hegotworkinanothermill。Hisnewjobwasmarvellouslyeasy。Allhehadtodowastositdownwithalittlestickinhishandandguideastreamofcloththatflowedpasthim。Thisstreamofclothcameoutofthemawofamachine,passedoverahotroller,andwentonitswayelsewhere。Buthesatalwaysinoneplace,beyondthereachofdaylight,agas-jetflaringoverhim,himselfpartofthemechanism。
Hewasveryhappyatthatjob,inspiteofthemoistheat,forhewasstillyoungandinpossessionofdreamsandillusions。Andwonderfuldreamshedreamedashewatchedthesteamingclothstreamingendlesslyby。Buttherewasnoexerciseaboutthework,nocalluponhismind,andhedreamedlessandless,whilehismindgrewtorpidanddrowsy。Nevertheless,heearnedtwodollarsaweek,andtwodollarsrepresentedthedifferencebetweenacutestarvationandchronicunderfeeding。
Butwhenhewasnine,helosthisjob。Measleswasthecauseofit。Afterherecovered,hegotworkinaglassfactory。Thepaywasbetter,andtheworkdemandedskill。Itwaspiecework,andthemoreskilfulhewas,thebiggerwagesheearned。Herewasincentive。Andunderthisincentivehedevelopedintoaremarkableworker。
Itwassimplework,thetyingofglassstoppersintosmallbottles。Athiswaisthecarriedabundleoftwine。Heheldthebottlesbetweenhiskneessothathemightworkwithbothhands。Thus,inasittingpositionandbendingoverhisownknees,hisnarrowshouldersgrewhumpedandhischestwascontractedfortenhourseachday。Thiswasnotgoodforthelungs,buthetiedthreehundreddozenbottlesaday。
Thesuperintendentwasveryproudofhim,andbroughtvisitorstolookathim。Intenhoursthreehundreddozenbottlespassedthroughhishands。
Thismeantthathehadattainedmachine-likeperfection。Allwastemovementswereeliminated。Everymotionofhisthinarms,everymovementofamuscleinthethinfingers,wasswiftandaccurate。Heworkedathightension,andtheresultwasthathegrewnervous。Atnighthismusclestwitchedinhissleep,andinthedaytimehecouldnotrelaxandrest。Heremainedkeyedupandhismusclescontinuedtotwitch。Alsohegrewsallowandhislint-coughgrewworse。Thenpneumonialaidholdofthefeeblelungswithinthecontractedchest,andhelosthisjobintheglass-works。
Nowhehadreturnedtothejutemillswherehehadfirstbegunwithwindingbobbins。Butpromotionwaswaitingforhim。Hewasagoodworker。Hewouldnextgoonthestarcher,andlaterhewouldgointotheloomroom。
Therewasnothingafterthatexceptincreasedefficiency。
Themachineryranfasterthanwhenhehadfirstgonetowork,andhismindranslower。Henolongerdreamedatall,thoughhisearlieryearshadbeenfullofdreaming。Oncehehadbeeninlove。Itwaswhenhefirstbeganguidingtheclothoverthehotroller,anditwaswiththedaughterofthesuperintendent。Shewasmucholderthanhe,ayoungwoman,andhehadseenheratadistanceonlyapaltryhalf-dozentimes。Butthatmadenodifference。Onthesurfaceoftheclothstreamthatpouredpasthim,hepicturedradiantfutureswhereinheperformedprodigiesoftoil,inventedmiraculousmachines,wontothemastershipofthemills,andintheendtookherinhisarmsandkissedhersoberlyonthebrow。
Butthatwasallinthelongago,beforehehadgrowntoooldandtiredtolove。Also,shehadmarriedandgoneaway,andhismindhadgonetosleep。
Yetithadbeenawonderfulexperience,andheusedoftentolookbackuponitasothermenandwomenlookbackuponthetimetheybelievedinfairies。
HehadneverbelievedinfairiesnorSantaClaus;buthehadbelievedimplicitlyinthesmilingfuturehisimaginationhadwroughtintothesteamingclothstream。
Hehadbecomeamanveryearlyinlife。Atseven,whenhedrewhisfirstwages,beganhisadolescence。Acertainfeelingofindependencecreptupinhim,andtherelationshipbetweenhimandhismotherchanged。Somehow,asanearnerandbreadwinner,doinghisownworkintheworld,hewasmorelikeanequalwithher。Manhood,full-blownmanhood,hadcomewhenhewaseleven,atwhichtimehehadgonetoworkonthenightshiftforsixmonths。Nochildworksonthenightshiftandremainsachild。
Therehadbeenseveralgreateventsinhislife。OneofthesehadbeenwhenhismotherboughtsomeCaliforniaprunes。Twoothershadbeenthetwotimeswhenshecookedcustard。Thosehadbeenevents。Herememberedthemkindly。Andatthattimehismotherhadtoldhimofablissfuldishshewouldsometimemake——"floatingisland,"shehadcalledit,"betterthancustard。"Foryearshehadlookedforwardtothedaywhenhewouldsitdowntothetablewithfloatingislandbeforehim,untilatlasthehadrelegatedtheideaofittothelimboofunattainableideals。
Oncehefoundasilverquarterlyingonthesidewalk。That,also,wasagreateventinhislife,withalatragicone。Heknewhisdutyontheinstantthesilverflashedonhiseyes,beforeevenhehadpickeditup。
Athome,asusual,therewasnotenoughtoeat,andhomeheshouldhavetakenitashedidhiswageseverySaturdaynight。Rightconductinthiscasewasobvious;butheneverhadanyspendingofhismoney,andhewassufferingfromcandyhunger。Hewasravenousforthesweetsthatonlyonred-letterdayshehadevertastedinhislife。
Hedidnotattempttodeceivehimself。Heknewitwassin,anddeliberatelyhesinnedwhenhewentonafifteen-centcandydebauch。Tencentshesavedforafutureorgy;butnotbeingaccustomedtothecarryingofmoney,helostthetencents。Thisoccurredatthetimewhenhewassufferingallthetormentsofconscience,anditwastohimanactofdivineretribution。HehadafrightenedsenseoftheclosenessofanawfulandwrathfulGod。Godhadseen,andGodhadbeenswifttopunish,denyinghimeventhefullwagesofsin。
Inmemoryhealwayslookedbackuponthatastheonegreatcriminaldeedofhislife,andattherecollectionhisconsciencealwaysawokeandgavehimanothertwinge。Itwastheoneskeletoninhiscloset。Also,beingsomade,andcircumstanced,helookedbackuponthedeedwithregret。Hewasdissatisfiedwiththemannerinwhichhehadspentthequarter。Hecouldhaveinvesteditbetter,and,outofhislaterknowledgeofthequicknessofGod,hewouldhavebeatenGodoutbyspendingthewholequarteratonefellswoop。Inretrospecthespentthequarterathousandtimes,andeachtimetobetteradvantage。
Therewasoneothermemoryofthepast,dimandfaded,butstampedintohissouleverlastingbythesavagefeetofhisfather。Itwasmorelikeanightmarethanarememberedvisionofaconcretething——moreliketherace-
memoryofmanthatmakeshimfallinhissleepandthatgoesbacktohisarborealancestry。
ThisparticularmemorynevercametoJohnnyinbroaddaylightwhenhewaswideawake。Itcameatnight,inbed,atthemomentthathisconsciousnesswassinkingdownandlosingitselfinsleep。Italwaysarousedhimtofrightenedwakefulness,andforthemoment,inthefirstsickeningstart,itseemedtohimthathelaycrosswiseonthefootofthebed。Inthebedwerethevagueformsofhisfatherandmother。Heneversawwhathisfatherlookedlike。Hehadbutoneimpressionofhisfather,andthatwasthathehadsavageandpitilessfeet。
Hisearliermemorieslingeredwithhim,buthehadnolatememories。Alldayswerealike。Yesterdayorlastyearwerethesameasathousandyears——
oraminute。Nothingeverhappened。Therewerenoeventstomarkthemarchoftime。Timedidnotmarch。Itstoodalwaysstill。Itwasonlythewhirlingmachinesthatmoved,andtheymovednowhere——inspiteofthefactthattheymovedfaster。
Whenhewasfourteen,hewenttoworkonthestarcher。Itwasacolossalevent。Somethinghadatlasthappenedthatcouldberememberedbeyondanight'ssleeporaweek'spay-day。Itmarkedanera。ItwasamachineOlympiad,athingtodatefrom。"WhenIwenttoworkonthestarcher,"or,"after,"or"beforeIwenttoworkonthestarcher,"weresentencesoftenonhislips。
Hecelebratedhissixteenthbirthdaybygoingintotheloomroomandtakingaloom。Herewasanincentiveagain,foritwaspiece-work。Andheexcelled,becausetheclayofhimhadbeenmouldedbythemillsintotheperfectmachine。Attheendofthreemonthshewasrunningtwolooms,and,later,threeandfour。
Attheendofhissecondyearattheloomshewasturningoutmoreyardsthananyotherweaver,andmorethantwiceasmuchassomeofthelessskilfulones。Andathomethingsbegantoprosperasheapproachedthefullstatureofhisearningpower。Not,however,thathisincreasedearningswereinexcessofneed。Thechildrenweregrowingup。Theyatemore。Andtheyweregoingtoschool,andschool-bookscostmoney。Andsomehow,thefasterheworked,thefasterclimbedthepricesofthings。
Eventherentwentup,thoughthehousehadfallenfrombadtoworsedisrepair。