Yvettereplied:
　　"Isawyou，mamma，lastnight。Youcannot——ifyouknew——wewillbothgoaway。Iwillloveyousomuchthatyouwillforget——"
　　MadameObardisaidinatremblingvoice:"Listen，my，daughter，therearesomethingswhichyoudonotyetunderstand。Well，don'tforget——don'tforget-thatIforbidyouevertospeaktomeaboutthosethings。"
　　Buttheyounggirl，brusquelytakingtheroleofsaviorwhichshehadimposeduponherself，rejoined:
　　"No，mamma，Iamnolongerachild，andIhavetherighttoknow。I
　　knowthatwereceivepersonsofbadrepute，adventurers，andIknowthat，onthataccount，peopledonotrespectus。Iknowmore。Well，itmustnotbe，anylonger，doyouhear？Idonotwishit。Wewillgoaway:youwillsellyourjewels；wewillwork，ifneedbe，andwewillliveashonestwomen，somewhereveryfaraway。AndifIcanmarry，somuchthebetter。"
　　Sheanswered:"Youarecrazy。Youwilldomethefavortoriseandcomedowntobreakfastwithalltherest。"
　　"No，mamma。ThereissomeonewhomIshallneverseeagain，youunderstandme。Iwanthimtoleave，orIshallleave。Youshallchoosebetweenhimandme。"
　　Shewassittingupinbed，andsheraisedhervoice，speakingastheydoonthestage，playing，finally，thedramawhichshehaddreamed，almostforgettinghergriefintheefforttofulfillhermission。
　　TheMarquise，stupefied，againrepeated:"Youarecrazy——"notfindinganythingelsetosay。
　　Yvetterepliedwithatheatricalenergy:"No，mamma，thatmanshallleavethehouse，orIshallgomyself，forIwillnotweaken。"
　　"Andwherewillyougo？Whatwillyoudo？"
　　"Idonotknow，itmatterslittle——Iwantyoutobeanhonestwoman。"
　　Thesewordswhichrecurred，arousedintheMarquiseaperfectfury，andshecried:
　　"Besilent。Idonotpermityoutotalktomelikethat。Iamasgoodasanybodyelse，doyouunderstand？Ileadacertainsortoflife，itistrue，andIamproudofit；the'honestwomen'arenotasgoodasIam。"
　　Yvette，astonished，lookedather，andstammered:"Oh！mammal"
　　ButtheMarquise，carriedawaywithexcitement，continued:
　　"Yes，Ileadacertainlife——whatofit？Otherwiseyouwouldbeacook，asIwasonce，andearnthirtysousaday。Youwouldbewashingdishes，andyourmistresswouldsendyoutomarket——doyouunderstand——andshewouldturnyououtifyouloitered，justasyouloiter，nowbecauseIam——becauseIleadthislife。Listen。Whenapersonisonlyanursemaid，apoorgirl，withfiftyfrancssavedup，shemustknowhowtomanage，ifshedoesnotwanttostarvetodeath；andtherearenottwowaysforus，therearenottwoways，doyouunderstand，whenweareservants。Wecannotmakeourfortunewithofficialpositions，norwithstockjobbingtricks。Wehaveonlyoneway——onlyoneway。"
　　Shestruckherbreastasapenitentattheconfessional，andflushedandexcited，comingtowardthebed，shecontinued:"Somuchtheworse。Aprettygirlmustliveorsuffer——shehasnochoice！"Thenreturningtoherformeridea:"Muchtheydenythemselves，your'honestwomen。'Theyareworse，becausenothingcompelsthem。Theyhavemoneytoliveonandamusethemselves，andtheychooseviciouslivesoftheirownaccord。Theyarethebadonesinreality。"
　　ShewasstandingnearthebedofthedistractedYvette，whowantedtocryout"Help，"toescape。Yvetteweptaloud，likechildrenwhoarewhipped。TheMarquisewassilentandlookedatherdaughter，and，seeingheroverwhelmedwithdespair，felt，herself，thepangsofgrief，remorse，tenderness，andpity，andthrowingherselfuponthebedwithopenarms，shealsobegantosobandstammered:
　　"Mypoorlittlegirl，mypoorlittlegirl，ifyouknew，howyouwerehurtingme。"Andtheywepttogether，alongwhile。
　　ThentheMarquise，inwhomgriefcouldnotlongendure，softlyrose，andgentlysaid:
　　"Come，darling，itisunavoidable；whatwouldyouhave？Nothingcanbechangednow。Wemusttakelifeasitcomestous。"
　　Yvettecontinuedtoweep。Theblowhadbeentooharshandtoounexpectedtopermithertoreflectandtorecoveratonce。
　　Hermotherresumed:"Now，getupandcomedowntobreakfast，sothatnoonewillnoticeanything。"
　　Theyounggirlshookherheadasiftosay，"No，"withoutbeingabletospeak。Thenshesaid，withaslowvoicefullofsobs:
　　"No，mamma，youknowwhatIsaid，Iwon'taltermydetermination。I
　　shallnotleavemyroomtilltheyhavegone。Ineverwanttoseeoneofthosepeopleagain，never，never。Iftheycomeback，youwillseenomoreofme。"
　　TheMarquisehaddriedhereyes，andweariedwithemotion，shemurmured:
　　"Come，reflect，bereasonable。"
　　Then，afteramoment'ssilence:
　　"Yes，youhadbetterrestthismorning。Iwillcomeuptoseeyouthisafternoon。"Andhavingkissedherdaughterontheforehead，shewenttodressherself，alreadycalmed。
　　Yvette，assoonashermotherhaddisappeared，rose，andrantoboltthedoor，tobealone，allalone；thenshebegantothink。Thechambermaidknockedabouteleveno'clock，andaskedthroughthedoor:"MadametheMarquisewantstoknowifMademoisellewishesanything，andwhatshewilltakeforherbreakfast。"
　　Yvetteanswered:"Iamnothungry，Ionlyasknottobedisturbed。"
　　Andsheremainedinbed，justasifshehadbeenill。Towardthreeo'clock，someoneknockedagain。Sheasked:
　　"Whoisthere？"
　　Itwashermother'svoicewhichreplied:"ItisI，darling，Ihavecometoseehowyouare。"
　　Shehesitatedwhatsheshoulddo。Sheopenedthedoor，andthenwentbacktobed。TheMarquiseapproached，and，speakinginlowtones，aspeopledotoaconvalescent，said:
　　"Well，areyoubetter？Won'tyoueatanegg？"
　　"No，thanks，nothingatall。"
　　MadameObardisatdownnearthebed。Theyremainedwithoutsayinganything，then，finally，asherdaughterstayedquiet，withherhandsinertuponthebedclothes，sheasked:
　　"Don'tyouintendtogetup？"
　　Yvetteanswered:"Yes，prettysoon。"
　　Theninagraveandslowtoneshesaid:"Ihavethoughtagreatdeal，mamma，andthis——thisismyresolution。Thepastisthepast，letusspeaknomoreofit。ButthefutureshallbedifferentorI
　　knowwhatisleftformetodo。Now，letussaynomoreaboutit。"
　　TheMarquise，whothoughttheexplanationfinished，feltherimpatiencegainingalittle。Itwastoomuch。Thisbiggooseofagirloughttohaveknownaboutthingslongago。Butshedidnotsayanythinginreply，onlyrepeating:
　　"Youaregoingtogetup？"
　　"Yes，Iamready。"
　　Thenhermotherbecamemaidforher，bringingherstockings，hercorset，andherskirts。Thenshekissedher。
　　"Willyoutakeawalkbeforedinner？"
　　"Yes，mamma。"
　　Andtheytookastrollalongthewater，speakingonlyofcommonplacethings。
　　CHAPTERIV。
　　FROMEMOTIONTOPHILOSOPHY
　　Thefollowingday，earlyinthemorning，YvettewentoutalonetotheplacewhereServignyhadreadherthehistoryoftheants。Shesaidtoherself:
　　"Iamnotgoingawayfromthisspotwithouthavingformedaresolution。"
　　Beforeher，atherfeet，thewaterflowedrapidly，filledwithlargebubbleswhichpassedinsilentflightwithdeepwhirlings。Shealreadyhadsummedupthepointsofthesituationandthemeansofextricatingherselffromit。Whatshouldshedoifhermotherwouldnotaccepttheconditionswhichshehadimposed，wouldnotrenounceherpresentwayofliving，hersetofvisitors——everythingandgoandhidewithherinadistantland？
　　Shemightgoalone，takeflight，butwhere，andhow？Whatwouldsheliveon？Byworking？Atwhat？Towhomshouldsheapplytofindwork？
　　And，then，thedullandhumblelifeofworking-women，daughtersofthepeople，seemedalittledisgraceful，unworthyofher。Shethoughtofbecomingagoverness，likeyounggirlsinnovels，andofbecominglovedbythesonofthehouse，andthenmarryinghim。Buttoaccomplishthatshemusthavebeenofgoodbirth，sothat，whentheexasperatedfathershouldapproachherwithhavingstolenhisson'slove，shemightsayinaproudvoice:
　　"MynameisYvetteObardi。"
　　Shecouldnotdothis。Andthen，eventhatwouldhavebeenatriteandthreadbaremethod。
　　Theconventwasnotworthmuchmore。Besides，shefeltnovocationforareligiouslife，havingonlyanintermittentandfleetingpiety。Noonewouldsaveherbymarryingher，beingwhatshewas！Noaidwasacceptablefromaman，nopossibleissue，nodefiniteresource。
　　Andthenshewishedtodosomethingenergeticandreallygreatandstrong，whichshouldserveasanexample:sosheresolvedupondeath。
　　Shedecideduponthisstepsuddenly，buttranquilly，asifitwereajourney，withoutreflecting，withoutlookingatdeath，withoutunderstandingthatitistheendwithoutrecommencement，thedeparturewithoutreturn，theeternalfarewelltoearthandtothislife。
　　Sheimmediatelysettledonthisextrememeasure，withthelightnessofyoungandexcitedsouls，andshethoughtofthemeanswhichshewouldemploy。Buttheyallseemedtoherpainfulandhazardous，and，furthermore，requiredaviolenceofactionwhichrepelledher。
　　Shequicklyabandonedtheponiardandrevolver，whichmightwoundonly，blindherordisfigureher，andwhichdemandedapracticedandsteadyhand。Shedecidedagainsttherope；itwassocommon，thepoorman'swayofsuicide，ridiculousandugly；andagainstwaterbecausesheknewhowtoswimSopoisonremained——butwhichkind？
　　Almostallofthemcausesufferingandincitevomitings。Shedidnotwanteitherofthesethings。
　　Thenshethoughtofchloroform，havingreadinanewspaperhowayoungwomanhadmanagedtoasphyxiateherselfbythisprocess。Andshefeltatonceasortofjoyinherresolution，aninnerpride，asensationofbravery。Peopleshouldseewhatshewas，andwhatshewasworth。
　　ShereturnedtoBougivalandwenttoadruggist，fromwhomsheaskedalittlechloroformforatoothwhichwasaching。Theman，whoknewher，gaveheratinybottleofthenarcotic。
　　ThenshesetoutonfootforCroissy，wheresheprocuredasecondphialofpoison。SheobtainedathirdatChaton，afourthatRuril，andgothomelateforbreakfast。
　　Asshewasveryhungryafterthislongwalk，sheateheartilywiththepleasurableappetiteofpeoplewhohavetakenexercise。
　　Hermother，happytoseehersohungry，andnowfeelingtranquilherself，saidtoherastheyleftthetable:
　　"AllourfriendsarecomingtospendSundaywithus。IhaveinvitedthePrince，theChevalier，andMonsieurdeBelvigne。"
　　Yvetteturnedalittlepale，butdidnotreply。Shewentoutalmostimmediately，reachedtherailwaystation，andtookaticketforParis。Andduringalltheafternoon，shewentfromdruggisttodruggist，buyingfromeachoneafewdropsofchloroform。Shecamebackintheeveningwithherpocketsfulloflittlebottles。
　　Shebeganthesamesystemonthefollowingday，andbychancefoundachemistwhogaveher，atonestroke，aquarterofaliter。ShedidnotgooutonSaturday；itwasaloweringandsultryday；shepasseditentirelyontheterrace，stretchedonalongwicker-chair。
　　Shethoughtofalmostnothing，veryresoluteandverycalm。Sheputonthenextmorning，abluecostumewhichwasverybecomingtoher，wishingtolookwell。Thenlookingatherselfintheglass，shesuddenlysaid:
　　"To-morrow，Ishallbedead。"Andapeculiarshudderpassedoverherbody。"Dead！Ishallspeaknomore，thinknomore，noonewillseememore，andIshallneverseeanythingagain。"
　　Andshegazedattentivelyathercountenance，asifshehadneverobservedit，examiningespeciallyhereyes，discoveringathousandthingsinherself，asecretcharacterinherphysiognomywhichshehadnotknownbefore，astonishedtoseeherself，asifshehadoppositeherastrangeperson，anewfriend。
　　Shesaidtoherself:"ItisI，inthemirror，there。Howqueeritistolookatoneself。Butwithoutthemirrorwewouldneverknowourselves。Everybodyelsewouldknowhowwelook，andweourselveswouldknownothing。"
　　Sheplacedtheheavybraidsofherthickhairoverherbreast，followingwithherglanceallhergestures，allherposes，andallhermovements。"HowprettyIam！"shethought。"TomorrowIshallbedead，there，uponmybed。"Shelookedatherbed，andseemedtoseeherselfstretchedout，whiteasthesheets。
　　Dead！Inaweekshewouldbenothingbutdust，todustreturned！A
　　horribleanguishoppressedherheart。Thebrightsunlightfellinfloodsuponthefields，andthesoftmorningaircameinatthewindow。
　　Shesatdownthinkingofit。Death！Itwasasiftheworldwasgoingtodisappearfromher；butno，sincenothingwouldbechangedintheworld，notevenherbedroom。Yes，herroomwouldremainjustthesame，withthesamebed，thesamechairs，thesametoilettearticles，butshewouldbeforevergone，andnoonewouldbesorry，excepthermother，perhaps。
　　Peoplewouldsay:"Howprettyshewas！thatlittleYvette，"andnothingmore。Andasshelookedatherarmleaningonthearmofherchair，shethoughtagain，ashestoashes，dusttodust。Andagainagreatshudderofhorrorranoverherwholebody，andshedidnotknowhowshecoulddisappearwithoutthewholeearthbeingblottedout，somuchitseemedtoherthatshewasapartofeverything，ofthefields，oftheair，ofthesunshine，oflifeitself。
　　Therewereburstsoflaughterinthegarden，agreatnoiseofvoicesandofcalls，thebustlinggaietyofcountryhouseparties，andsherecognizedthesonoroustonesofM。deBelvigne，singing:
　　"Iamunderneaththywindow，Oh，deigntoshowthyface。"Sherose，withoutreflecting，andlookedout。Theyallapplauded。Theywereallfivethere，withtwogentlemenwhomshedidnotknow。
　　Shebrusquelywithdrew，annoyedbythethoughtthatthesemenhadcometoamusethemselvesathermother'shouse，asatapublicplace。
　　Thebellsoundedforbreakfast。"Iwillshowthemhowtodie，"shesaid。
　　Shewentdownstairswithafirmstep，withsomethingoftheresolutionoftheChristianmartyrsgoingintothecircus，wherethelionsawaitedthem。
　　Shepressedtheirhands，smilinginanaffablebutratherhaughtymanner。Servignyaskedher:
　　"Areyoulesscrossto-day，Mam'zelle？"
　　Sheansweredinasevereandpeculiartone:"Today，Iamgoingtocommitfollies。IaminmyParismood，lookout！"
　　ThenturningtowardMonsieurdeBelvigne，shesaid:
　　"Youshallbemyescort，mylittleMalmsey。IwilltakeyouallafterbreakfasttothefeteatMarly。"
　　Therewas，infact，afeteatMarly。Theyintroducedthetwonewcomerstoher，theComtedeTamineandtheMarquisdeBriquetot。
　　Duringthemeal，shesaidnothingfurther，strengtheningherselftobegayintheafternoon，sothatnooneshouldguessanything，——sothattheyshouldbeallthemoreastonished，andshouldsay:"Whowouldhavethoughtit？Sheseemedsohappy，socontented！Whatdoestakeplaceinthoseheads？"
　　Sheforcedherselfnottothinkoftheevening，thechosenhour，whentheyshouldallbeupontheterrace。Shedrankasmuchwineasshecouldstand，tonerveherself，andtwolittleglassesofbrandy，andshewasflushedassheleftthetable，alittlebewildered，heatedinbodyandmind。Itseemedtoherthatshewasstrengthenednow，andresolvedforeverything。
　　"Letusstart！"shecried。ShetookMonsieurdeBelvigne'sarmandsetthepacefortheothers。"Come，youshallformmybattalion，Servigny。Ichooseyouassergeant；youwillkeepoutsidetheranks，ontheright。Youwillmaketheforeignguardmarchinfront——thetwoexotics，thePrince，andtheChevalier——andintherearthetworecruitswhohaveenlistedto-day。Come！"
　　Theystarted。AndServignybegantoimitatethetrumpet，whilethetwonewcomersmadebelievetobeatthedrum。MonsieurdeBelvigne，alittleconfused，saidinalowtone:
　　"MademoiselleYvette，bereasonable，youwillcompromiseyourself。"
　　Sheanswered:"ItisyouwhomIamcompromising，Raisine。Asforme，Idon'tcaremuchaboutit。To-morrowitwillnotoccur。Somuchtheworseforyou:yououghtnottogooutwithgirlslikeme。"
　　TheywentthroughBougivaltotheamazementofthepassers-by。Allturnedtolookatthem；thecitizenscametotheirdoors；thetravelersonthelittlerailwaywhichrunsfromRuriltoMarlyjeeredatthem。Themenontheplatformscried:
　　"Tothewaterwiththem！"
　　Yvettemarchedwithamilitarystep，holdingBelvignebythearm，asaprisonerisled。Shedidnotlaugh；uponherfeaturessatapaleseriousness，asortofsinistercalm。Servignyinterruptedhistrumpetblastsonlytoshoutorders。ThePrinceandtheChevalierweregreatlyamused，findingallthisveryfunnyandingoodtaste。
　　Thetworecruitsdrummedawaycontinually。
　　Whentheyarrivedatthefete，theymadeasensation。Girlsapplauded；youngmenjeered，andastoutgentlemanwithhiswifeonhisarmsaidenviously:"Therearesomepeoplewhoarefulloffun。"
　　YvettesawthewoodenhorsesandcompelledBelvignetomountatherright，whilehersquadscrambleduponthewhirlingbeastsbehind。
　　Whenthetimewasupsherefusedtodismount，constrainingherescorttotakeseveralmoreridesonthebackofthesechildren'sanimals，tothegreatdelightofthepublic，whoshoutedjokesatthem。MonsieurdeBelvignewaslividanddizzywhenhegotoff。
　　Thenshebegantowanderamongthebooths。Sheforcedallhermentogetweighedamongacrowdofspectators。Shemadethembuyridiculoustoyswhichtheyhadtocarryintheirhands。ThePrinceandtheChevalierbegantothinkthejokewasbeingcarriedtoofar。
　　Servignyandthedrummers，alone，didnotseemtobediscouraged。
　　Theyfinallycametotheendoftheplace。Thenshegazedatherfollowersinapeculiarmanner，withashyandmischievousglance，andastrangefancycametohermind。Shedrewthemuponthebankoftheriver。
　　"Lettheonewholovesmethemostjumpintothewater，"shesaid。
　　Nobodyleaped。Amobgatheredbehindthem。Womeninwhiteapronslookedoninstupor。Twotroopers，inredbreeches，laughedloudly。
　　Sherepeated:"Thenthereisnotoneofyoucapableofjumpingintothewateratmydesire？"
　　Servignymurmured:"Oh，yes，thereis，"andleapedfeetforemostintotheriver。HisplungecastasplashoverasfarasYvette'sfeet。Amurmurofastonishmentandgaietyaroseinthecrowd。
　　Thentheyounggirlpickedupfromthegroundalittlepieceofwood，andthrowingitintothestream:"Fetchit，"shecried。
　　Theyoungmanbegantoswim，andseizingthefloatingstickinhismouth，likeadog，hebroughtitashore，andthenclimbingthebankhekneeledononekneetopresentit。
　　Yvettetookit。"Youarehandsome，"saidshe，andwithafriendlystroke，shecaressedhishair。
　　Astoutwomanindignantlyexclaimed:"Aresuchthingspossible！"
　　Anotherwomansaid:"Canpeopleamusethemselveslikethat！"
　　Amanremarked:"Iwouldnottakeaplungeforthatsortofagirl。"
　　SheagaintookBelvigne'sarm，exclaiminginhisface:"Youareagoose，myfriend；youdon'tknowwhatyoumissed。"