Butnowelectricityisingeneraluseandnodentist'sestablishmentiscompletewithoutadynamoattachmentwhichmakesacrooningsoundwheninoperationandprovidesinstrumentalaccompanimenttothesongoftheofficialcanary。
　　IknowwhyabarberinacountrytownisalwayslearningtoplayontheguitarandIknowwhyamanwithanemotionalAdam'sapplealwayswearsanopenfrontcollar。Iknowthesethings，butamdebarredfromtellingthembyreasonofasolemnoath。ButIhavenotyetbeenabletodiscoverwhyeverydentistkeepsacanaryinhisoffice。NordoIknowwhyitis，justasyousettleyourneckbackonaheadrestthat'severybitascomfortableasananvil，andjustasadentistclimbsintoyouasfarasthearmpitsandbeginsprobingatthebottomofatoothwhichhasrootsextendingbackbehindyourears，likeanold—fashionedpairofspectacles，thatthecanarybirdshouldwipehisnoseonacuttleboneanddashintoamelodiousoutburstoftwohundredthousandtwitters，allofthembeingtwittersofthesamesize，shape，andcolor。
　　Forthatmatter，Idon'tevenknowwhatkindofananimalacuttleis，althoughIshouldsayfromtheshapeofhisboneasusedbythecanaryinsteadofapockethandkerchief，thatheiscircularandflatandstandsonedgeonlywiththeutmostdifficulty。Ifyouwillpardonmytemporarydigressionsintotherealmofnaturalhistory，wewillnowreturntothemainsubject，whichwasyourtooth。
　　Themomentthemuscularyoungmanstartsuphismotorandgivesthecanaryitsmusiccueandbeginspawingoverhistoolcollectiontopickoutagoodsharpone，yourecover。Allofasuddenyoufeelfine，andsodoesthetooth。Neitheroneofyoueverfeltbetter。Thefoxterriermusthavekilledthewoodchuckandthencommittedsuicide。Youareabouttomentionthisdoubletragedyandbegtheyoungman'spardonforcausinghimanytroubleandexcuseyourselfandgoaway，butjustthenhequitsfeelingofhisbicepsandsuddenlyseizesyoubyyourfeaturesandundoesthem。
　　Ifyouarewhereyoucancatchaglimpseofyourselfinamirroryouwillimmediatelynotehowmuchthehumanfacedivinecanbemadetolooklikeanold—fashionedredbrickColonialfireplace。
　　Therearelikelytobeseveralthingsyouwouldliketotalkabout。
　　Youarefullofthoughtsseekingutterance。Foronethingyouwanttotellhimyoudon'tthinkthebrandofsoapheusesonhishandsisgoingtoagreewithyouatall。Youprobablydon'tcarepersonallyforthewayyourbarber'sthumbtasteseither，butabarber'sthumbisPeachesMelbaalongsideofadentist's。Beforeyoucansayanythingthoughhediscoversacavityororificeofsomesortinthebaseofyourtooth。Itseemstogivehimpleasure。Filledwithintensegratificationbythisdiscoveryandfiredmoreoverbytheimpetuousardorofthechase，hegrabsupacrochetneedlewitharedhotstingerontheendofitandjabsitdownyourtoothtoapointaboutoppositewhereyoursuspendersforkintheback。
　　Youhavewordswithhimthen，oratleastyoustarttohavewordswithhim，butheputshiskneeinyourchestandtellsyouthatitreallydoesn'thurtatall，butisonlyyourimagination，anduttersothersoothingremarksofthatgeneralnature。Hethenexchangesthecrochetneedleforakindofaninstrumentwithaburrontheendofit。ThisinstrumentfirstcameintouseatthetimeoftheSpanishInquisitionbuthassincebeengreatlyimprovedonandbroughtrightuptodate。Hetakesthishandylittleutensilandproceedstostirupyourimaginationsomemore。
　　Youagaintrytosaysomething，speakinginamuffledtone，butheisnotlistening。Heiscallingtoabrotherassassinintheadjoiningroomtocomeandseeamagnificentexampleofaprimeold—vattedtripleXexposednerve。SotheSecondGraveDiggerrestshistoolsagainstthepalateofhisvictimandcomesin。
　　Asnearlyasyoucangatherfromhearsayevidence，younotbeinganeyewitnessyourself，oneofthemharpoonsthenervejustbackofthegillswithanutpick——rememberpleaseitisyournervethattheyaretakingalltheselibertieswith——andpullsitoutofitsretreatandtheothermantakesatackhammerandtriestobeatitsbrainsout。Anytimehemissesthenervehehitsyou，sohisaverageisstillathousand，anditisfinepracticeforhim。A
　　pleasanttimeishadbyeverybodypresentexceptyouandthenerve。
　　Thenervewrapsitshindlegsaroundyourbreastboneandhangsondesperately。YouperspirefreelyandmakenoiseslikeadrunkenZulutryingtosingaSwedishfolksongwhileholdingaspoonfulofhotmushinhismouth。
　　Intimebecomingweariedevenofthesecongenialdiversionsandtiringoftheshoptalkthathasbeengoingon，theseconddentistreturnstohisoriginalpreyandthepartywhohasyouinchargetriesanewexperiment。Hearmshimselfwithakindofanautomatichammeringmachine，somewhatsimilartothesteamriveterusedinconstructingsteelofficebuildings，exceptthatthisoneismorecompactandcandeliverabouteighty—fivemoreblowstothesecond。Thusequipped，hedescendsfarbelowyourhighwatermarkandengagesinaquaticsportsandpastimesforaconsiderableperiodoftime。Itseemstoyouthatyouneversawamanwhocouldgodownandstaydownaslongasthisyoungmancan。Youbegintofeelthatyoumisjudgedhisrealvocationinlifewhenyoudecidedthatheoughttobeaboilermaker。Youknowthathewasintendedforpearlfishing。He'sanaturalborndeepseadiver。Hedoesn'tevenhavetocomeuptobreathe，butstaysbelow，kneedeepinyourtidewash，merrilyknockingchunksoffyourlowermostcoralreefswithhislittlesteamriveterandhavingaperfectlylovelytime。
　　Youareoverflowingcopiouslyandyouwishhewouldtakethetimetostopandbailyouout。Youabhortheideaofbeingdrownedasaninsidejob。Butno，hekeepsrightonandalongabouthereitiscustomaryforyoutoswoonaway。
　　Onrecovering，youobservethathehaschangedhismindagain。Heisnowgoinginforamateurtheatricalsandisusingyouforatheatre。Firstthoughtfullydrapingalittlerubberdropcurtainacrossyourprosceniumarchtokeepyoufromseeingwhatisgoingonbehindyourownscenes，heissettingthestageforthethrillingsawmillsceneinBlueJeans。Youcandistinctlyfeelthecircularsawatworkandyoucantasteahodofmortarandabucketofhottarandonethingandanotherthathavebeenleftinthewings。Youalsojudgethattheinsulationisburningoffofanelectricfixturesomewhereupstage。
　　Allthistimethetoothisstillofferingresistance，andeventuallythedentistcomesoutinfrontoncemoreandmakesalittlecurtainspeechtoyou。Hehasjustascertainedthatwhatthetoothreallyneededwasnotfillingbutpulling。Hethoughtatfirstthatitshouldbefilledandthatiswhathehasbeendoing——fillingit——butnowheknowsthatpullingistheindicatedprocedure。Hedoesnotunderstandhowatooththatseemedsoopencouldhavedeceivedhim。Neverthelesshewillnowpullthetooth。
　　Hepullsher。Shedoesherlevelbestbuthepullsher。Heharvestssmallsectionsofthegumfromtimetotimeandoccasionallyhestopslongenoughtoloosenuptherootsasfardownasyourfloatingribs。Buthepullsher。Hesparesnopainstopullthattooth。Orifhesparesanyyouarenotablesubsequentlytorememberwhattheywere。Youuttervariousloudsoundsinastrangeandincomprehensiblelanguageandhelaysbackandbraceshiskneesagainstyourlowerjaw，andthetoothuttersthedeathrattleandbeginspickingthecover—lid。Andthenhegivesonefinalheaveandbreakstherootsawayfromthelowerpartofyourspinalcolumntowhichtheywereadhering，andemergesintotheopenpantingbuttriumphant，andholdshistrophyupforyoutolookat。Ifyoudidn'tknowitwasyourtoothyouwouldtakeitforanold—fashionedchinacuspidorthathadbeenneglectedbythejanitor。
　　Itwasatooththatyouhadbeenprizingforyears，butnowyouwouldn'thaveitasagraciousgift。Youarethroughwiththattoothforever。Youneverwanttoseeitagain。
　　Asforthedentist，hecollectsthefixedchargeforstumpageandcorkageandonethingandanotherandyoucomeawaywithafeelinginthesideofyourjawlikeavacantlot。Yourtonguekeepsgoingovertheretoseeifitcanrecognizetheoldplacebytheholewherethefoundationsusedtobe。Youneverrealizedbeforewhatabasementtherewastoatooth。
　　Asyoucomeoutyoupassafreshvictimgoinginandyouseethedentistwelcomehimandthenturntocrankuphismotorandyouhearthecanarytuningupwithanewlineofv—shapedtwitters。
　　Andyouaregladthatheistheonewhoisgoinginandthatyouaretheonewhoiscomingout。
　　Sciencetellsusthattheteetharethehardestthingsinthehumancomposition，whichisallverywellasfarasitgoes，butwhatscienceshoulddoistogoonandfinishthesentence。Itmeansthehardesttokeep。
　　HairAsIremarkedintheprecedingchapterofthiswork，oneofthepleasantestfeaturesaboutbeingbornisthatwearebornwithoutteethandotherresponsibilities。Teeth，likedebtsandinstallmentpayments，comealonglateron。Itisthesamewaywithhair。
　　Born，weare，hairlessorcomparativelyso。Weareinahighlyincompletestateatthatperiodofourlives。Ittakesafondanddotingparenttodetectevidencesofanactualhumanaspectinus。
　　Onlytheearsandthemouthappeartobeuptotheplansandspecifications。Thereisamouthwhichwhenopened，asitgenerallyis，makestherestofthefacelooklikeatire，andthereisapairofearsofsuchgeneroussizethatonlyathirdoneisneeded，roundatthebacksomewhere，togiveustheappearanceofalovingcup。
　　Andwearesmockedandhem—stitchedwithamillionwrinklesapiece，moreorless，whichpartlyaccountsforthefactthateverynewborninfantlookstobeabouttwohundredyearsold。Anduniformlywehavetheniceredcomplexionofarestaurantlobster。Youknowthatlive—broiledlook？
　　Asforourotherfeatures，theyaremoreorlessrudimentary。Ofanosethereisonlywhatachemistwouldcallatrace。Itseemshardtoimaginethatadinkylittlenubbinlikethat，adimpleturnedinsideout，asitwere，willeverdevelopintoaregularnose，withacapacityforfrecklinginthesummerandcatchingcoldinthewinter——anosethatyoucansneezethroughandblowwith。
　　Therearenoeyebrowstospeakofeither，andtheskullrunsuptoasharppointlikeapineapplecheese。Justbackofthepeakisakindofsoft，dented—inplacelikeaParkerHouseroll，andifyoutouchitwedie。Insomecasesthisspotremainssoftthroughoutlife，andthesepersonsgrowupandgothroughrailroadtrainsinpresidentialyearstakingstrawvotes。
　　And，asIsaidbefore，thereisn'tanyhair;onlyontheslopesofthecheesearesomeverypale，faint，downylines，whichlookasthoughtheyhadbeensketchedonlightlywithaverysoftdrawingpencilandwouldwipeoffreadily。That，howeveristheinceptionandbeginningofwhatafterwardbecomes，amongourrace，hair。Tolookatityoucouldhardlybelieveit，butitis。Barringaccidentsorbackwardness，itcontinuestogrowfromthattimeonthroughourchildhood，butitsbehaviorisalwaysaprofounddisappointment。Ifthechildisagirland，therefore，entitledtocurlyhair，herhairissuretocomeinstiffandstraight。Ifit'saboy，towhomcurlswillbeacurseandacrossofaffliction，heismorallycertaintobeascurlyasafrizzlychicken，anduntilhegetsoldenoughtorebelhewillwearlongringletsandboysofhisacquaintancewillinsertcockle—bursandchewinggumintohistresses，andhewillbeknownpopularlyasSissieandotherwisehislifewithbemadejoyousandcarefreeforhim。Ifareddishtoneofhairisdesireditiscertaintogrowoutyelloworbrownorblack;andifbrownisyourfavoriteshadeyouareabsolutelysuretobeniceandred—headed，witheyebrowsandlashestomatch，andsomanycowlicksthatwhenyouremoveyourhatpeoplewillthinkyou'rewearingtwoorthreehalosatonce。Hairrarelyorneveractsuptoitsadvancenotices。
　　Oneoftheearliestandmostpainfulrecollectionsofmyyouthisassociatedwithhair。IstilltinglewarmlywhenIthinkofit。
　　IshouldsayIwasabouteightyearsoldatthetime。Mymothersentmedownthestreettothebarber'stohavemyhairtrimmed——
　　shingledwasthetermthenused。Someofmyprivatecollectionofcowlickshadbeguntostandupinawaythatinvitedadversecriticismandremindedpeopleofsunbursts。Theymademelookasthoughmyhairweretryingtopullitselfoutbytherootsandescape。SoIwassenttothebarber's。Mylittlecousin，twoyearsyounger，wentalonginmycharge。Itwasthoughtthattheperformancemightentertainher。Iwasmountedinachairandhadaclothtuckedinroundmyneck，likeaself—mademillionaireabouttoeatconsomme。Theofficiatingbarbergotoutashinysteelinstrumentwithjaws——thefirstpairofclippersIhadeverseen——
　　andheranthisupthebackofmyneck，producingamostagreeablefeeling。HereachedthetopofmyheadandwouldhavepausedbutItoldhimtogorightaheadandclipmecloseallover，whichhedid。WhenhehadfinishedthejobIwassodelightedwiththesensationandwiththeattendantresultasviewedinamirrorthatIsuggestedhemightgivemylittlecousinasimilartreat。FromamerechildIwaseverso——willingalwaystosharemysimplepleasureswiththoseaboutme，especiallywhereitentailednoinconvenienceonmypart。Itoldhimmyfatherwouldpaythebillforbothofuswhenhecamebythatnight。
　　Thebarberfellinwiththesuggestion。Ithaseverbeenmyexperiencethatabarberwillfallinreadilywithanysuggestionwherebythebarberisgoingtogetsomethingoutofitforhimself。
　　Inthisinstancehewasgoingtogetanotherquarter，andaquarterwentfartherinthosedaysthanitdoesnow。Idismountedfromthechairandmyinnocentlittlecousinwasinstalledinmyplace。AsInowrecallshemadenoprotest。Thebarberranhisclippersconscientiouslyandpainstakinglyoverhertenderyoungscalp，whileIstoodadmiringlybyandwatchedthelongyellowcurlsfallwrithingupontheflooratmyfeet。Itseemedtomethatagreatandmanifestimprovementwasproducedinhergeneralappearance。
　　Insteadofbeinghamperedbythosesillycurlsdanglingdownallroundherface，shenowhadaround，slick，smoothdomedecoratedwithastiffyellowishstubble，andtheskinshowedthroughniceandpinkandtheearswerewelldisplayed，whereasbeforetheyhadbeenpracticallyhidden。Shewasalsorelievedofthosefoolishbangshangingdowninhereyes。This，Ishouldhavestated，occurredintheperiodwhenwomankindofwhatsoeverageandalsosomemenworebangs，adiseasefromwhichallhavesincerecoveredwiththeexceptionofracehorsesandprincessesofthevariousreigninghousesofEurope。Andnowmylittlecousinwasshutofthoseannoyingbangs，andherforeheadranupsohighthatyouhadtogoroundbehindhertoseewhereitleftoff。
　　Filledwithajoyoussenseofachievementandconsciousofakindlydeedworthilyperformed，Itookmylittlecousinbyherhandandledherhome。
　　Mymotherwaswaitingforusatthefrontdoor。SheseemedsurprisedwhenItookoffmyhatandgaveheralook，butthatwasn'tacircumstancetohersurprisewhenIproudlytookoffmylittlecousin'scap。Sheutteredakindofastrangledcryandmycousin'smothercamerunning，andthewayshecarriedonwasscandalousandilltimed。Iwilldrawaveilovertheproceedingsofthenextfewminutes。AtthetimeitwouldhavebeenasourceofgreatpersonalgratificationandcomforttomeifIcouldhavedrawnanumberofveils，good，thick，woolenones，overtheproceedings。Mymotherwept，myauntwept，mylittlecousinwept，andIamnotashamedtostatethatIweptquitecopiouslymyself。
　　ButIhadmoreprovocationtoweepthananyofthem。
　　Whenthispartoftheaffairwasovermymothersentmebacktothebarberwithamessage。Iwastosaythataheart—brokenwomandemandedtohavethecurlsofwhichherdarlingchildhadbeendenuded。Ibelievethattherewassomeideaentertainedofsewingthemintoacapandrequiringmycousintowearthecapuntilnewoneshadsprouted。Eventome，amerechildofeight，thisseemedafoolishandtotallyunnecessaryproceeding，butthesituationhadalreadybecomesostrainedthatIthoughtitthepartofprudencetogoatoncewithoutofferinganyargumentsofmyown。
　　Ifelt，anyhow，thatIwouldratherbeawayfromthehouseforawhile，untilcalmersecondjudgmenthadsucceededexcitementandtumult。
　　ThemanwhoownedthebarbershopseemedsurprisedwhenIdeliveredthemessage，buthetoldmetocomebackinafewminutesandhe'ddowhathecould。Idriftedondowntotheconfectionerystoreatthecornertoforgetmysorrowsforthemomentinaworshipfuladmirationofadisplayofprizeboxesandcracknelsinglass—frontcases——youshouldbeabletofixtheperiodbythefactthatcracknelsandprizeboxeswerestillinvogueamongtheyoung。WhenIreturnedtheheadbarberhandedmequitealargebox——ashoebox——withastringtiedroundit。Itdidnotseempossibletomethatmycousincouldhavehadawholeshoeboxfullofcurls，butthingshadbeengoingprettybadlythatafternoonandmymotiveshadbeenmisjudgedandeverything，sowithoutanytalkItooktheboxandhurriedhomewithit。Mymothercutthestringandmyauntliftedthelid。
　　Ishouldpreferagaintodrawaveiloverthescenesthatnowensued，butthenecessityoffinishingthisnarrativerequiresmetostatethatitbeingaSaturdayandtheheadbarberbeingabusyman，hehadnottakentimetosortoutmycousin'scurlsfromamongtheflotsamandjetsamofhisestablishment，buthadjustsweptupenoughoffthefloortomakeagoodassortedboxful。Ithinktheoldestinhabitanthadprobablydroppedinthatdaytohavehimselftrimmedupalittleroundtheedges。Iseemtorememberaquantityofsandywhiskersshotwithgray。Therewasenoughhairinthatboxandenoughdifferentkindsandcolorsofhairandstufftosatisfyalmostanytaste，youwouldhavethought，butmymotherandauntwereanythingbutsatisfied。Onthecontrary，farfromit。
　　Andyetmycousin'shairwasallthere，iftheyhadonlybeenwillingtospendafewdayssortingitoutandseparatingitfromtheothercontents。
　　InthisparticularinstanceIwastheexceptiontotherule，thathairgenerallygivesaboynogreattroublefromthetimehemergesoutofbabyhooduntilheputsonlongpantsandbeginstodiscernsomethingstrangelyandsubtlyattractiveaboutthesexdescribedbyMr。Kiplingasbeingthemoredeadlyofthespecies。Duringthisinterimitisamatterofnomomenttoaboywhetherhegoesshaggyorcropped，shornorunshorn。Atintervalsafrugalparenttrimshimtoseeifbothhisearsarestillthere，orelseabarberdoesitwithmorethoroughness，oftenrecoveringsmallarticlesofhouseholdusethathavebeenmysteriouslymissingformonths;butinthemainhegoesalongcarefreeandunbarbered，notgreatlyconcernedwithputtinganythinginhisheadortakinganythingoffofit。