Asourmutualhappiness（i。e。，Diana’s，Mary’s，andmine）settledintoaquietercharacter，andweresumedourusualhabitsandregularstudies，St。Johnstayedmoreathome:hesatwithusinthesameroom，sometimesforhourstogether。WhileMarydrew，Dianapursuedacourseofencyclopaedicreadingshehad（tomyaweandamazement）undertaken，andIfaggedawayatGerman，heponderedamysticloreofhisown:thatofsomeEasterntongue，theacquisitionofwhichhethoughtnecessarytohisplans。
　　Thusengaged，heappeared，sittinginhisownrecess，quietandabsorbedenough;butthatblueeyeofhishadahabitofleavingtheoutlandish—lookinggrammar，andwanderingover，andsometimesfixinguponus，hisfellow—students，withacuriousintensityofobservation:ifcaught，itwouldbeinstantlywithdrawn;yeteverandanon，itreturnedsearchinglytoourtable。Iwonderedwhatitmeant:Iwondered，too，atthepunctualsatisfactionheneverfailedtoexhibitonanoccasionthatseemedtomeofsmallmoment，namely，myweeklyvisittoMortonschool;andstillmorewasIpuzzledwhen，ifthedaywasunfavourable，iftherewassnow，orrain，orhighwind，andhissistersurgedmenottogo，hewouldinvariablymakelightoftheirsolicitude，andencouragemetoaccomplishthetaskwithoutregardtotheelements。
　　“Janeisnotsuchaweaklingasyouwouldmakeher，”hewouldsay:“shecanbearamountainblast，orashower，orafewflakesofsnow，aswellasanyofus。Herconstitutionisbothsoundandelastic;—bettercalculatedtoendurevariationsofclimatethanmanymorerobust。”
　　AndwhenIreturned，sometimesagooddealtired，andnotalittleweather—beaten，Ineverdaredcomplain，becauseIsawthattomurmurwouldbetovexhim:onalloccasionsfortitudepleasedhim;thereversewasaspecialannoyance。
　　Oneafternoon，however，Igotleavetostayathome，becauseIreallyhadacold。HissistersweregonetoMortoninmystead:IsatreadingSchiller;he，decipheringhiscrabbedOrientalscrolls。AsIexchangedatranslationforanexercise，Ihappenedtolookhisway:thereIfoundmyselfundertheinfluenceoftheever—watchfulblueeye。Howlongithadbeensearchingmethroughandthrough，andoverandover，Icannottell:sokeenwasit，andyetsocold，Ifeltforthemomentsuperstitious—asifIweresittingintheroomwithsomethinguncanny。
　　“Jane，whatareyoudoing？”
　　“LearningGerman。”
　　“IwantyoutogiveupGermanandlearnHindostanee。”
　　“Youarenotinearnest？”
　　“InsuchearnestthatImusthaveitso:andIwilltellyouwhy。”
　　HethenwentontoexplainthatHindostaneewasthelanguagehewashimselfatpresentstudying;that，asheadvanced，hewasapttoforgetthecommencement;thatitwouldassisthimgreatlytohaveapupilwithwhomhemightagainandagaingoovertheelements，andsofixthemthoroughlyinhismind;thathischoicehadhoveredforsometimebetweenmeandhissisters;butthathehadfixedonmebecausehesawIcouldsitatataskthelongestofthethree。WouldIdohimthisfavour？Ishouldnot，perhaps，havetomakethesacrificelong，asitwantednowbarelythreemonthstohisdeparture。
　　St。Johnwasnotamantobelightlyrefused:youfeltthateveryimpressionmadeonhim，eitherforpainorpleasure，wasdeep—gravedandpermanent。Iconsented。WhenDianaandMaryreturned，theformerfoundherscholartransferredfromhertoherbrother:shelaughed，andbothsheandMaryagreedthatSt。Johnshouldneverhavepersuadedthemtosuchastep。Heansweredquietly—
　　“Iknowit。”
　　Ifoundhimaverypatient，veryforbearing，andyetanexactingmaster:heexpectedmetodoagreatdeal;andwhenIfulfilledhisexpectations，he，inhisownway，fullytestifiedhisapprobation。Bydegrees，heacquiredacertaininfluenceovermethattookawaymylibertyofmind:hispraiseandnoticeweremorerestrainingthanhisindifference。Icouldnolongertalkorlaughfreelywhenhewasby，becauseatiresomelyimportunateinstinctremindedmethatvivacity（atleastinme）wasdistastefultohim。Iwassofullyawarethatonlyseriousmoodsandoccupationswereacceptable，thatinhispresenceeveryefforttosustainorfollowanyotherbecamevain:Ifellunderafreezingspell。Whenhesaid“go，”Iwent;“come，”Icame;“dothis，”Ididit。ButIdidnotlovemyservitude:Iwished，manyatime，hehadcontinuedtoneglectme。
　　Oneeveningwhen，atbedtime，hissistersandIstoodroundhim，biddinghimgood—night，hekissedeachofthem，aswashiscustom;and，aswasequallyhiscustom，hegavemehishand。Diana，whochancedtobeinafrolicsomehumour（Shewasnotpainfullycontrolledbyhiswill;forhers，inanotherway，wasasstrong），exclaimed—
　　“St。John！youusedtocallJaneyourthirdsister，butyoudon’ttreatherassuch:youshouldkisshertoo。”
　　Shepushedmetowardshim。IthoughtDianaveryprovoking，andfeltuncomfortablyconfused;andwhileIwasthusthinkingandfeeling，St。Johnbenthishead;hisGreekfacewasbroughttoalevelwithmine，hiseyesquestionedmyeyespiercingly—hekissedme。Therearenosuchthingsasmarblekissesoricekisses，orIshouldsaymyecclesiasticalcousin’ssalutebelongedtooneoftheseclasses;buttheremaybeexperimentkisses，andhiswasanexperimentkiss。Whengiven，heviewedmetolearntheresult;itwasnotstriking:IamsureIdidnotblush;perhapsImighthaveturnedalittlepale，forIfeltasifthiskisswereasealaffixedtomyfetters。Heneveromittedtheceremonyafterwards，andthegravityandquiescencewithwhichIunderwentit，seemedtoinvestitforhimwithacertaincharm。
　　Asforme，Idailywishedmoretopleasehim;buttodoso，IfeltdailymoreandmorethatImustdisownhalfmynature，stiflehalfmyfaculties，wrestmytastesfromtheiroriginalbent，forcemyselftotheadoptionofpursuitsforwhichIhadnonaturalvocation。HewantedtotrainmetoanelevationIcouldneverreach;itrackedmehourlytoaspiretothestandardheuplifted。Thethingwasasimpossibleastomouldmyirregularfeaturestohiscorrectandclassicpattern，togivetomychangeablegreeneyesthesea—bluetintandsolemnlustreofhisown。
　　Nothisascendancyalone，however，heldmeinthrallatpresent。Oflateithadbeeneasyenoughformetolooksad:acankeringevilsatatmyheartanddrainedmyhappinessatitssource—theevilofsuspense。
　　PerhapsyouthinkIhadforgottenMr。Rochester，reader，amidstthesechangesofplaceandfortune。Notforamoment。Hisideawasstillwithme，becauseitwasnotavapoursunshinecoulddisperse，norasand—tracedeffigystormscouldwashaway;itwasanamegravenonatablet，fatedtolastaslongasthemarbleitinscribed。Thecravingtoknowwhathadbecomeofhimfollowedmeeverywhere;whenIwasatMorton，Ire—enteredmycottageeveryeveningtothinkofthat;andnowatMoorHouse，Isoughtmybedroomeachnighttobroodoverit。
　　InthecourseofmynecessarycorrespondencewithMr。Briggsaboutthewill，IhadinquiredifheknewanythingofMr。Rochester’spresentresidenceandstateofhealth;but，asSt。Johnhadconjectured，hewasquiteignorantofallconcerninghim。IthenwrotetoMrs。Fairfax，entreatinginformationonthesubject。Ihadcalculatedwithcertaintyonthisstepansweringmyend:Ifeltsureitwouldelicitanearlyanswer。Iwasastonishedwhenafortnightpassedwithoutreply;butwhentwomonthsworeaway，anddayafterdaythepostarrivedandbroughtnothingforme，Ifellapreytothekeenestanxiety。
　　Iwroteagain:therewasachanceofmyfirstletterhavingmissed。Renewedhopefollowedrenewedeffort:itshoneliketheformerforsomeweeks，then，likeit，itfaded，flickered:notaline，notawordreachedme。Whenhalfayearwastedinvainexpectancy，myhopediedout，andthenIfeltdarkindeed。
　　Afinespringshoneroundme，whichIcouldnotenjoy。Summerapproached;Dianatriedtocheerme:shesaidIlookedill，andwishedtoaccompanymetothesea—side。ThisSt。Johnopposed;hesaidIdidnotwantdissipation，Iwantedemployment;mypresentlifewastoopurposeless，Irequiredanaim;and，Isuppose，bywayofsupplyingdeficiencies，heprolongedstillfurthermylessonsinHindostanee，andgrewmoreurgentinrequiringtheiraccomplishment:andI，likeafool，neverthoughtofresistinghim—Icouldnotresisthim。
　　OnedayIhadcometomystudiesinlowerspiritsthanusual;theebbwasoccasionedbyapoignantlyfeltdisappointment。Hannahhadtoldmeinthemorningtherewasaletterforme，andwhenIwentdowntotakeit，almostcertainthatthelong—lookedfortidingswerevouchsafedmeatlast，IfoundonlyanunimportantnotefromMr。Briggsonbusiness。Thebittercheckhadwrungfrommesometears;andnow，asIsatporingoverthecrabbedcharactersandflourishingtropesofanIndianscribe，myeyesfilledagain。
　　St。Johncalledmetohissidetoread;inattemptingtodothismyvoicefailedme:wordswerelostinsobs。HeandIweretheonlyoccupantsoftheparlour:Dianawaspractisinghermusicinthedrawing—room，Marywasgardening—itwasaveryfineMayday，clear，sunny，andbreezy。Mycompanionexpressednosurpriseatthisemotion，nordidhequestionmeastoitscause;heonlysaid—
　　“Wewillwaitafewminutes，Jane，tillyouaremorecomposed。”AndwhileIsmotheredtheparoxysmwithallhaste，hesatcalmandpatient，leaningonhisdesk，andlookinglikeaphysicianwatchingwiththeeyeofscienceanexpectedandfullyunderstoodcrisisinapatient’smalady。Havingstifledmysobs，wipedmyeyes，andmutteredsomethingaboutnotbeingverywellthatmorning，Iresumedmytask，andsucceededincompletingit。St。Johnputawaymybooksandhis，lockedhisdesk，andsaid—
　　“Now，Jane，youshalltakeawalk;andwithme。”
　　“IwillcallDianaandMary。”
　　“No;Iwantonlyonecompanionthismorning，andthatmustbeyou。Putonyourthings;gooutbythekitchen—door:taketheroadtowardstheheadofMarshGlen:Iwilljoinyouinamoment。”
　　Iknownomedium:Ineverinmylifehaveknownanymediuminmydealingswithpositive，hardcharacters，antagonistictomyown，betweenabsolutesubmissionanddeterminedrevolt。Ihavealwaysfaithfullyobservedtheone，uptotheverymomentofbursting，sometimeswithvolcanicvehemence，intotheother;andasneitherpresentcircumstanceswarranted，normypresentmoodinclinedmetomutiny，IobservedcarefulobediencetoSt。John’sdirections;andintenminutesIwastreadingthewildtrackoftheglen，sidebysidewithhim。
　　Thebreezewasfromthewest:itcameoverthehills，sweetwithscentsofheathandrush;theskywasofstainlessblue;thestreamdescendingtheravine，swelledwithpastspringrains，pouredalongplentifulandclear，catchinggoldengleamsfromthesun，andsapphiretintsfromthefirmament。Asweadvancedandleftthetrack，wetrodasoftturf，mossyfineandemeraldgreen，minutelyenamelledwithatinywhiteflower，andspangledwithastar—likeyellowblossom:thehills，meantime，shutusquitein;fortheglen，towardsitshead，woundtotheirverycore。
　　“Letusresthere，”saidSt。John，aswereachedthefirststragglersofabattalionofrocks，guardingasortofpass，beyondwhichthebeckrusheddownawaterfall;andwhere，stillalittlefarther，themountainshookoffturfandflower，hadonlyheathforraimentandcragforgem—whereitexaggeratedthewildtothesavage，andexchangedthefreshforthefrowning—whereitguardedtheforlornhopeofsolitude，andalastrefugeforsilence。
　　Itookaseat:St。Johnstoodnearme。Helookedupthepassanddownthehollow;hisglancewanderedawaywiththestream，andreturnedtotraversetheuncloudedheavenwhichcolouredit:heremovedhishat，letthebreezestirhishairandkisshisbrow。Heseemedincommunionwiththegeniusofthehaunt:withhiseyehebadefarewelltosomething。
　　“AndIshallseeitagain，”hesaidaloud，“indreamswhenIsleepbytheGanges:andagaininamoreremotehour—whenanotherslumberovercomesme—ontheshoreofadarkerstream！”
　　Strangewordsofastrangelove！Anausterepatriot’spassionforhisfatherland！Hesatdown;forhalf—an—hourweneverspoke;neitherhetomenorItohim:thatintervalpast，herecommenced—
　　“Jane，Igoinsixweeks;IhavetakenmyberthinanEastIndiamanwhichsailsonthe20thofJune。”
　　“Godwillprotectyou;foryouhaveundertakenHiswork，”Ianswered。
　　“Yes，”saidhe，“thereismygloryandjoy。IamtheservantofaninfallibleMaster。Iamnotgoingoutunderhumanguidance，subjecttothedefectivelawsanderringcontrolofmyfeeblefellow—worms:myking，mylawgiver，mycaptain，istheAll—perfect。Itseemsstrangetomethatallroundmedonotburntoenlistunderthesamebanner，—tojoininthesameenterprise。”
　　“Allhavenotyourpowers，anditwouldbefollyforthefeebletowishtomarchwiththestrong。”
　　“Idonotspeaktothefeeble，orthinkofthem:Iaddressonlysuchasareworthyofthework，andcompetenttoaccomplishit。”
　　“Thosearefewinnumber，anddifficulttodiscover。”
　　“Yousaytruly;butwhenfound，itisrighttostirthemup—tourgeandexhortthemtotheeffort—toshowthemwhattheirgiftsare，andwhytheyweregiven—tospeakHeaven’smessageintheirear，—toofferthem，directfromGod，aplaceintheranksofHischosen。”
　　“Iftheyarereallyqualifiedforthetask，willnottheirownheartsbethefirsttoinformthemofit？”
　　Ifeltasifanawfulcharmwasframingroundandgatheringoverme:Itrembledtohearsomefatalwordspokenwhichwouldatoncedeclareandrivetthespell。
　　“Andwhatdoesyourheartsay？”demandedSt。John。
　　“Myheartismute，—myheartismute，”Ianswered，struckandthrilled。
　　“ThenImustspeakforit，”continuedthedeep，relentlessvoice。“Jane，comewithmetoIndia:comeasmyhelpmeetandfellow—labourer。”
　　Theglenandskyspunround:thehillsheaved！ItwasasifIhadheardasummonsfromHeaven—asifavisionarymessenger，likehimofMacedonia，hadenounced，“Comeoverandhelpus！”ButIwasnoapostle，—Icouldnotbeholdtheherald，—Icouldnotreceivehiscall。
　　“Oh，St。John！”Icried，“havesomemercy！”
　　Iappealedtoonewho，inthedischargeofwhathebelievedhisduty，knewneithermercynorremorse。Hecontinued—
　　“Godandnatureintendedyouforamissionary’swife。Itisnotpersonal，butmentalendowmentstheyhavegivenyou:youareformedforlabour，notforlove。Amissionary’swifeyoumust—shallbe。Youshallbemine:Iclaimyou—notformypleasure，butformySovereign’sservice。”
　　“Iamnotfitforit:Ihavenovocation，”Isaid。
　　Hehadcalculatedonthesefirstobjections:hewasnotirritatedbythem。Indeed，asheleanedbackagainstthecragbehindhim，foldedhisarmsonhischest，andfixedhiscountenance，Isawhewaspreparedforalongandtryingopposition，andhadtakeninastockofpatiencetolasthimtoitsclose—resolved，however，thatthatcloseshouldbeconquestforhim。
　　“Humility，Jane，”saidhe，“isthegroundworkofChristianvirtues:yousayrightthatyouarenotfitforthework。Whoisfitforit？Orwho，thateverwastrulycalled，believedhimselfworthyofthesummons？I，forinstance，ambutdustandashes。WithSt。Paul，Iacknowledgemyselfthechiefestofsinners;butIdonotsufferthissenseofmypersonalvilenesstodauntme。IknowmyLeader:thatHeisjustaswellasmighty;andwhileHehaschosenafeebleinstrumenttoperformagreattask，Hewill，fromtheboundlessstoresofHisprovidence，supplytheinadequacyofthemeanstotheend。Thinklikeme，Jane—trustlikeme。ItistheRockofAgesIaskyoutoleanon:donotdoubtbutitwillbeartheweightofyourhumanweakness。”
　　“Idonotunderstandamissionarylife:Ihaveneverstudiedmissionarylabours。”
　　“ThereI，humbleasIam，cangiveyoutheaidyouwant:Icansetyouyourtaskfromhourtohour;standbyyoualways;helpyoufrommomenttomoment。ThisIcoulddointhebeginning:soon（forIknowyourpowers）youwouldbeasstrongandaptasmyself，andwouldnotrequiremyhelp。”
　　“Butmypowers—wherearetheyforthisundertaking？Idonotfeelthem。Nothingspeaksorstirsinmewhileyoutalk。Iamsensibleofnolightkindling—nolifequickening—novoicecounsellingorcheering。Oh，IwishIcouldmakeyouseehowmuchmymindisatthismomentlikearaylessdungeon，withoneshrinkingfearfetteredinitsdepths—thefearofbeingpersuadedbyyoutoattemptwhatIcannotaccomplish！”
　　“Ihaveananswerforyou—hearit。Ihavewatchedyoueversincewefirstmet:Ihavemadeyoumystudyfortenmonths。Ihaveprovedyouinthattimebysundrytests:andwhathaveIseenandelicited？InthevillageschoolIfoundyoucouldperformwell，punctually，uprightly，labouruncongenialtoyourhabitsandinclinations;Isawyoucouldperformitwithcapacityandtact:youcouldwinwhileyoucontrolled。Inthecalmwithwhichyoulearntyouhadbecomesuddenlyrich，IreadamindclearoftheviceofDemas:—lucrehadnounduepoweroveryou。Intheresolutereadinesswithwhichyoucutyourwealthintofourshares，keepingbutonetoyourself，andrelinquishingthethreeotherstotheclaimofabstractjustice，Irecognisedasoulthatrevelledintheflameandexcitementofsacrifice。Inthetractabilitywithwhich，atmywish，youforsookastudyinwhichyouwereinterested，andadoptedanotherbecauseitinterestedme;intheuntiringassiduitywithwhichyouhavesinceperseveredinit—intheunflaggingenergyandunshakentemperwithwhichyouhavemetitsdifficulties—IacknowledgethecomplementofthequalitiesIseek。Jane，youaredocile，diligent，disinterested，faithful，constant，andcourageous;verygentle，andveryheroic:ceasetomistrustyourself—Icantrustyouunreservedly。AsaconductressofIndianschools，andahelperamongstIndianwomen，yourassistancewillbetomeinvaluable。”
　　Myironshroudcontractedroundme;persuasionadvancedwithslowsurestep。ShutmyeyesasIwould，theselastwordsofhissucceededinmakingtheway，whichhadseemedblockedup，comparativelyclear。Mywork，whichhadappearedsovague，sohopelesslydiffuse，condenseditselfasheproceeded，andassumedadefiniteformunderhisshapinghand。Hewaitedforananswer。Idemandedaquarterofanhourtothink，beforeIagainhazardedareply。
　　“Verywillingly，”herejoined;andrising，hestrodealittledistanceupthepass，threwhimselfdownonaswellofheath，andtherelaystill。
　　“Icandowhathewantsmetodo:Iamforcedtoseeandacknowledgethat，”Imeditated，—“thatis，iflifebesparedme。ButIfeelmineisnottheexistencetobelongprotractedunderanIndiansun。Whatthen？Hedoesnotcareforthat:whenmytimecametodie，hewouldresignme，inallserenityandsanctity，totheGodwhogaveme。Thecaseisveryplainbeforeme。InleavingEngland，Ishouldleavealovedbutemptyland—Mr。Rochesterisnotthere;andifhewere，whatis，whatcanthateverbetome？Mybusinessistolivewithouthimnow:nothingsoabsurd，soweakastodragonfromdaytoday，asifIwerewaitingsomeimpossiblechangeincircumstances，whichmightreunitemetohim。Ofcourse（asSt。Johnoncesaid）Imustseekanotherinterestinlifetoreplacetheonelost:isnottheoccupationhenowoffersmetrulythemostgloriousmancanadoptorGodassign？Isitnot，byitsnoblecaresandsublimeresults，theonebestcalculatedtofillthevoidleftbyuptornaffectionsanddemolishedhopes？IbelieveImustsay，Yes—andyetIshudder。Alas！IfIjoinSt。John，Iabandonhalfmyself:ifIgotoIndia，Igotoprematuredeath。AndhowwilltheintervalbetweenleavingEnglandforIndia，andIndiaforthegrave，befilled？Oh，Iknowwell！That，too，isverycleartomyvision。BystrainingtosatisfySt。Johntillmysinewsache，Ishallsatisfyhim—tothefinestcentralpointandfarthestoutwardcircleofhisexpectations。IfIdogowithhim—ifIdomakethesacrificeheurges，Iwillmakeitabsolutely:Iwillthrowallonthealtar—heart，vitals，theentirevictim。Hewillneverloveme;butheshallapproveme;Iwillshowhimenergieshehasnotyetseen，resourceshehasneversuspected。Yes，Icanworkashardashecan，andwithaslittlegrudging。
　　“Consent，then，tohisdemandispossible:butforoneitem—onedreadfulitem。Itis—thatheasksmetobehiswife，andhasnomoreofahusband’sheartformethanthatfrowninggiantofarock，downwhichthestreamisfoaminginyondergorge。Heprizesmeasasoldierwouldagoodweapon;andthatisall。Unmarriedtohim，thiswouldnevergrieveme;butcanIlethimcompletehiscalculations—coollyputintopracticehisplans—gothroughtheweddingceremony？CanIreceivefromhimthebridalring，endurealltheformsoflove（whichIdoubtnothewouldscrupulouslyobserve）andknowthatthespiritwasquiteabsent？CanIbeartheconsciousnessthateveryendearmenthebestowsisasacrificemadeonprinciple？No:suchamartyrdomwouldbemonstrous。Iwillneverundergoit。Ashissister，Imightaccompanyhim—notashiswife:Iwilltellhimso。”
　　Ilookedtowardstheknoll:therehelay，stillasaprostratecolumn;hisfaceturnedtome:hiseyebeamingwatchfulandkeen。Hestartedtohisfeetandapproachedme。
　　“IamreadytogotoIndia，ifImaygofree。”
　　“Youranswerrequiresacommentary，”hesaid;“itisnotclear。”
　　“Youhavehithertobeenmyadoptedbrother—I，youradoptedsister:letuscontinueassuch:youandIhadbetternotmarry。”
　　Heshookhishead。“Adoptedfraternitywillnotdointhiscase。Ifyouweremyrealsisteritwouldbedifferent:Ishouldtakeyou，andseeknowife。Butasitis，eitherourunionmustbeconsecratedandsealedbymarriage，oritcannotexist:practicalobstaclesopposethemselvestoanyotherplan。Doyounotseeit，Jane？Consideramoment—yourstrongsensewillguideyou。”
　　Ididconsider;andstillmysense，suchasitwas，directedmeonlytothefactthatwedidnotloveeachotherasmanandwifeshould:andthereforeitinferredweoughtnottomarry。Isaidso。“St。John，”Ireturned，“Iregardyouasabrother—you，measasister:soletuscontinue。”
　　“Wecannot—wecannot，”heanswered，withshort，sharpdetermination:“itwouldnotdo。YouhavesaidyouwillgowithmetoIndia:remember—youhavesaidthat。”
　　“Conditionally。”
　　“Well—well。Tothemainpoint—thedeparturewithmefromEngland，theco—operationwithmeinmyfuturelabours—youdonotobject。Youhavealreadyasgoodasputyourhandtotheplough:youaretooconsistenttowithdrawit。Youhavebutoneendtokeepinview—howtheworkyouhaveundertakencanbestbedone。Simplifyyourcomplicatedinterests，feelings，thoughts，wishes，aims;mergeallconsiderationsinonepurpose:thatoffulfillingwitheffect—withpower—themissionofyourgreatMaster。Todoso，youmusthaveacoadjutor:notabrother—thatisaloosetie—butahusband。I，too，donotwantasister:asistermightanydaybetakenfromme。Iwantawife:thesolehelpmeetIcaninfluenceefficientlyinlife，andretainabsolutelytilldeath。”
　　Ishudderedashespoke:Ifelthisinfluenceinmymarrow—hisholdonmylimbs。
　　“Seekoneelsewherethaninme，St。John:seekonefittedtoyou。”
　　“Onefittedtomypurpose，youmean—fittedtomyvocation。AgainItellyouitisnottheinsignificantprivateindividual—themereman，withtheman’sselfishsenses—Iwishtomate:itisthemissionary。”
　　“AndIwillgivethemissionarymyenergies—itisallhewants—butnotmyself:thatwouldbeonlyaddingthehuskandshelltothekernel。Forthemhehasnouse:Iretainthem。”
　　“Youcannot—yououghtnot。DoyouthinkGodwillbesatisfiedwithhalfanoblation？WillHeacceptamutilatedsacrifice？ItisthecauseofGodIadvocate:itisunderHisstandardIenlistyou。IcannotacceptonHisbehalfadividedallegiance:itmustbeentire。”
　　“Oh！IwillgivemyhearttoGod，”Isaid。“Youdonotwantit。”
　　Iwillnotswear，reader，thattherewasnotsomethingofrepressedsarcasmbothinthetoneinwhichIutteredthissentence，andinthefeelingthataccompaniedit。IhadsilentlyfearedSt。Johntillnow，becauseIhadnotunderstoodhim。Hehadheldmeinawe，becausehehadheldmeindoubt。Howmuchofhimwassaint，howmuchmortal，Icouldnotheretoforetell:butrevelationswerebeingmadeinthisconference:theanalysisofhisnaturewasproceedingbeforemyeyes。Isawhisfallibilities:Icomprehendedthem。Iunderstoodthat，sittingtherewhereIdid，onthebankofheath，andwiththathandsomeformbeforeme，Isatatthefeetofaman，caringasI。Theveilfellfromhishardnessanddespotism。Havingfeltinhimthepresenceofthesequalities，Ifelthisimperfectionandtookcourage。Iwaswithanequal—onewithwhomImightargue—onewhom，ifIsawgood，Imightresist。
　　HewassilentafterIhadutteredthelastsentence，andIpresentlyriskedanupwardglanceathiscountenance。
　　Hiseye，bentonme，expressedatoncesternsurpriseandkeeninquiry。“Isshesarcastic，andsarcastictome！”itseemedtosay。“Whatdoesthissignify？”
　　“Donotletusforgetthatthisisasolemnmatter，”hesaiderelong;“oneofwhichwemayneitherthinknortalklightlywithoutsin。Itrust，Jane，youareinearnestwhenyousayyouwillserveyourhearttoGod:itisallIwant。Oncewrenchyourheartfromman，andfixitonyourMaker，theadvancementofthatMaker’sspiritualkingdomonearthwillbeyourchiefdelightandendeavour;youwillbereadytodoatoncewhateverfurthersthatend。Youwillseewhatimpetuswouldbegiventoyoureffortsandminebyourphysicalandmentalunioninmarriage:theonlyunionthatgivesacharacterofpermanentconformitytothedestiniesanddesignsofhumanbeings;and，passingoverallminorcaprices—alltrivialdifficultiesanddelicaciesoffeeling—allscrupleaboutthedegree，kind，strengthortendernessofmerepersonalinclination—youwillhastentoenterintothatunionatonce。”
　　“ShallI？”Isaidbriefly;andIlookedathisfeatures，beautifulintheirharmony，butstrangelyformidableintheirstillseverity;athisbrow，commandingbutnotopen;athiseyes，brightanddeepandsearching，butneversoft;athistallimposingfigure;andfanciedmyselfinideaHISWIFE。Oh！itwouldneverdo！Ashiscurate，hiscomrade，allwouldberight:Iwouldcrossoceanswithhiminthatcapacity;toilunderEasternsuns，inAsiandesertswithhiminthatoffice;admireandemulatehiscourageanddevotionandvigour;accommodatequietlytohismasterhood;smileundisturbedathisineradicableambition;discriminatetheChristianfromtheman:profoundlyesteemtheone，andfreelyforgivetheother。Ishouldsufferoften，nodoubt，attachedtohimonlyinthiscapacity:mybodywouldbeunderratherastringentyoke，butmyheartandmindwouldbefree。Ishouldstillhavemyunblightedselftoturnto:mynaturalunenslavedfeelingswithwhichtocommunicateinmomentsofloneliness。Therewouldberecessesinmymindwhichwouldbeonlymine，towhichhenevercame，andsentimentsgrowingtherefreshandshelteredwhichhisausteritycouldneverblight，norhismeasuredwarrior—marchtrampledown:butashiswife—athissidealways，andalwaysrestrained，andalwayschecked—forcedtokeepthefireofmynaturecontinuallylow，tocompelittoburninwardlyandneverutteracry，thoughtheimprisonedflameconsumedvitalaftervital—thiswouldbeunendurable。
　　“St。John！”Iexclaimed，whenIhadgotsofarinmymeditation。
　　“Well？”heansweredicily。
　　“IrepeatIfreelyconsenttogowithyouasyourfellow—missionary，butnotasyourwife;Icannotmarryyouandbecomepartofyou。”
　　“Apartofmeyoumustbecome，”heansweredsteadily;“otherwisethewholebargainisvoid。HowcanI，amannotyetthirty，takeoutwithmetoIndiaagirlofnineteen，unlessshebemarriedtome？Howcanwebeforevertogether—sometimesinsolitudes，sometimesamidstsavagetribes—andunwed？”
　　“Verywell，”Isaidshortly;“underthecircumstances，quiteaswellasifIwereeitheryourrealsister，oramanandaclergymanlikeyourself。”
　　“Itisknownthatyouarenotmysister;Icannotintroduceyouassuch:toattemptitwouldbetofasteninjurioussuspicionsonusboth。Andfortherest，thoughyouhaveaman’svigorousbrain，youhaveawoman’sheartand—itwouldnotdo。”
　　“Itwoulddo，”Iaffirmedwithsomedisdain，“perfectlywell。Ihaveawoman’sheart，butnotwhereyouareconcerned;foryouIhaveonlyacomrade’sconstancy;afellow—soldier’sfrankness，fidelity，fraternity，ifyoulike;aneophyte’srespectandsubmissiontohishierophant:nothingmore—don’tfear。”
　　“ItiswhatIwant，”hesaid，speakingtohimself;“itisjustwhatIwant。Andthereareobstaclesintheway:theymustbehewndown。Jane，youwouldnotrepentmarryingme—becertainofthat;wemustbemarried。Irepeatit:thereisnootherway;andundoubtedlyenoughoflovewouldfollowuponmarriagetorendertheunionrighteveninyoureyes。”
　　“Iscornyourideaoflove，”Icouldnothelpsaying，asIroseupandstoodbeforehim，leaningmybackagainsttherock。“Iscornthecounterfeitsentimentyouoffer:yes，St。John，andIscornyouwhenyouofferit。”
　　Helookedatmefixedly，compressinghiswell—cutlipswhilehedidso。Whetherhewasincensedorsurprised，orwhat，itwasnoteasytotell:hecouldcommandhiscountenancethoroughly。
　　“Iscarcelyexpectedtohearthatexpressionfromyou，”hesaid:“IthinkIhavedoneandutterednothingtodeservescorn。”
　　Iwastouchedbyhisgentletone，andoverawedbyhishigh，calmmien。
　　“Forgivemethewords，St。John;butitisyourownfaultthatIhavebeenrousedtospeaksounguardedly。Youhaveintroducedatopiconwhichournaturesareatvariance—atopicweshouldneverdiscuss:theverynameofloveisanappleofdiscordbetweenus。Iftherealitywererequired，whatshouldwedo？Howshouldwefeel？Mydearcousin，abandonyourschemeofmarriage—forgetit。”
　　“No，”saidhe;“itisalong—cherishedscheme，andtheonlyonewhichcansecuremygreatend:butIshallurgeyounofurtheratpresent。To—morrow，IleavehomeforCambridge:IhavemanyfriendstheretowhomIshouldwishtosayfarewell。Ishallbeabsentafortnight—takethatspaceoftimetoconsidermyoffer:anddonotforgetthatifyourejectit，itisnotmeyoudeny，butGod。Throughmymeans，Heopenstoyouanoblecareer;asmywifeonlycanyouenteruponit。Refusetobemywife，andyoulimityourselfforevertoatrackofselfisheaseandbarrenobscurity。Tremblelestinthatcaseyoushouldbenumberedwiththosewhohavedeniedthefaith，andareworsethaninfidels！”
　　Hehaddone。Turningfromme，heoncemore
　　“Lookedtoriver，lookedtohill。”
　　Butthistimehisfeelingswereallpentinhisheart:Iwasnotworthytohearthemuttered。AsIwalkedbyhissidehomeward，Ireadwellinhisironsilenceallhefelttowardsme:thedisappointmentofanaustereanddespoticnature，whichhasmetresistancewhereitexpectedsubmission—thedisapprobationofacool，inflexiblejudgment，whichhasdetectedinanotherfeelingsandviewsinwhichithasnopowertosympathise:inshort，asaman，hewouldhavewishedtocoercemeintoobedience:itwasonlyasasincereChristianheboresopatientlywithmyperversity，andallowedsolongaspaceforreflectionandrepentance。