Istoodandwarmedmynumbedfingersovertheblaze,thenIlookedround;therewasnocandle,buttheuncertainlightfromthehearthshowed,byintervals,paperedwalls,carpet,curtains,shiningmahoganyfurniture:itwasaparlour,notsospaciousorsplendidasthedrawing—roomatGateshead,butcomfortableenough。Iwaspuzzlingtomakeoutthesubjectofapictureonthewall,whenthedooropened,andanindividualcarryingalightentered;anotherfollowedclosebehind。
Thefirstwasatallladywithdarkhair,darkeyes,andapaleandlargeforehead;herfigurewaspartlyenvelopedinashawl,hercountenancewasgrave,herbearingerect。
“Thechildisveryyoungtobesentalone,”saidshe,puttinghercandledownonthetable。Sheconsideredmeattentivelyforaminuteortwo,thenfurtheradded—
“Shehadbetterbeputtobedsoon;shelookstired:areyoutired?”sheasked,placingherhandonmyshoulder。
“Alittle,ma’am。”
“Andhungrytoo,nodoubt:letherhavesomesupperbeforeshegoestobed,MissMiller。Isthisthefirsttimeyouhaveleftyourparentstocometoschool,mylittlegirl?”
IexplainedtoherthatIhadnoparents。Sheinquiredhowlongtheyhadbeendead:thenhowoldIwas,whatwasmyname,whetherIcouldread,write,andsewalittle:thenshetouchedmycheekgentlywithherforefinger,andsaying,“ShehopedIshouldbeagoodchild,”dismissedmealongwithMissMiller。
TheladyIhadleftmightbeabouttwenty—nine;theonewhowentwithmeappearedsomeyearsyounger:thefirstimpressedmebyhervoice,look,andair。MissMillerwasmoreordinary;ruddyincomplexion,thoughofacareworncountenance;hurriedingaitandaction,likeonewhohadalwaysamultiplicityoftasksonhand:shelooked,indeed,whatIafterwardsfoundshereallywas,anunder—teacher。Ledbyher,Ipassedfromcompartmenttocompartment,frompassagetopassage,ofalargeandirregularbuilding;till,emergingfromthetotalandsomewhatdrearysilencepervadingthatportionofthehousewehadtraversed,wecameuponthehumofmanyvoices,andpresentlyenteredawide,longroom,withgreatdealtables,twoateachend,oneachofwhichburntapairofcandles,andseatedallroundonbenches,acongregationofgirlsofeveryage,fromnineortentotwenty。Seenbythedimlightofthedips,theirnumbertomeappearedcountless,thoughnotinrealityexceedingeighty;theywereuniformlydressedinbrownstufffrocksofquaintfashion,andlonghollandpinafores。Itwasthehourofstudy;theywereengagedinconningovertheirto—morrow’stask,andthehumIhadheardwasthecombinedresultoftheirwhisperedrepetitions。
MissMillersignedtometositonabenchnearthedoor,thenwalkinguptothetopofthelongroomshecriedout—
“Monitors,collectthelesson—booksandputthemaway!Fourtallgirlsarosefromdifferenttables,andgoinground,gatheredthebooksandremovedthem。MissMilleragaingavethewordofcommand—
“Monitors,fetchthesupper—trays!”
Thetallgirlswentoutandreturnedpresently,eachbearingatray,withportionsofsomething,Iknewnotwhat,arrangedthereon,andapitcherofwaterandmuginthemiddleofeachtray。Theportionswerehandedround;thosewholikedtookadraughtofthewater,themugbeingcommontoall。Whenitcametomyturn,Idrank,forIwasthirsty,butdidnottouchthefood,excitementandfatiguerenderingmeincapableofeating:Inowsaw,however,thatitwasathinoatencakesharedintofragments。
Themealover,prayerswerereadbyMissMiller,andtheclassesfiledoff,twoandtwo,upstairs。Overpoweredbythistimewithweariness,Iscarcelynoticedwhatsortofaplacethebedroomwas,exceptthat,liketheschoolroom,Isawitwasverylong。To—nightIwastobeMissMiller’sbed—fellow;shehelpedmetoundress:whenlaiddownIglancedatthelongrowsofbeds,eachofwhichwasquicklyfilledwithtwooccupants;intenminutesthesinglelightwasextinguished,andamidstsilenceandcompletedarknessIfellasleep。
Thenightpassedrapidly。Iwastootiredeventodream;Ionlyonceawoketohearthewindraveinfuriousgusts,andtherainfallintorrents,andtobesensiblethatMissMillerhadtakenherplacebymyside。WhenIagainunclosedmyeyes,aloudbellwasringing;thegirlswereupanddressing;dayhadnotyetbeguntodawn,andarushlightortwoburnedintheroom。Itoorosereluctantly;itwasbittercold,andIdressedaswellasIcouldforshivering,andwashedwhentherewasabasinatliberty,whichdidnotoccursoon,astherewasbutonebasintosixgirls,onthestandsdownthemiddleoftheroom。Againthebellrang:allformedinfile,twoandtwo,andinthatorderdescendedthestairsandenteredthecoldanddimlylitschoolroom:hereprayerswerereadbyMissMiller;afterwardsshecalledout—
“Formclasses!”
Agreattumultsucceededforsomeminutes,duringwhichMissMillerrepeatedlyexclaimed,“Silence!”and“Order!”Whenitsubsided,Isawthemalldrawnupinfoursemicircles,beforefourchairs,placedatthefourtables;allheldbooksintheirhands,andagreatbook,likeaBible,layoneachtable,beforethevacantseat。Apauseofsomesecondssucceeded,filledupbythelow,vaguehumofnumbers;MissMillerwalkedfromclasstoclass,hushingthisindefinitesound。
Adistantbelltinkled:immediatelythreeladiesenteredtheroom,eachwalkedtoatableandtookherseat。MissMillerassumedthefourthvacantchair,whichwasthatnearestthedoor,andaroundwhichthesmallestofthechildrenwereassembled:tothisinferiorclassIwascalled,andplacedatthebottomofit。
Businessnowbegan,theday’sCollectwasrepeated,thencertaintextsofScriptureweresaid,andtothesesucceededaprotractedreadingofchaptersintheBible,whichlastedanhour。Bythetimethatexercisewasterminated,dayhadfullydawned。Theindefatigablebellnowsoundedforthefourthtime:theclassesweremarshalledandmarchedintoanotherroomtobreakfast:howgladIwastobeholdaprospectofgettingsomethingtoeat!Iwasnownearlysickfrominanition,havingtakensolittlethedaybefore。
Therefectorywasagreat,low—ceiled,gloomyroom;ontwolongtablessmokedbasinsofsomethinghot,which,however,tomydismay,sentforthanodourfarfrominviting。Isawauniversalmanifestationofdiscontentwhenthefumesoftherepastmetthenostrilsofthosedestinedtoswallowit;fromthevanoftheprocession,thetallgirlsofthefirstclass,rosethewhisperedwords—
“Disgusting!Theporridgeisburntagain!”
“Silence!”ejaculatedavoice;notthatofMissMiller,butoneoftheupperteachers,alittleanddarkpersonage,smartlydressed,butofsomewhatmoroseaspect,whoinstalledherselfatthetopofonetable,whileamorebuxomladypresidedattheother。IlookedinvainforherIhadfirstseenthenightbefore;shewasnotvisible:MissMilleroccupiedthefootofthetablewhereIsat,andastrange,foreign—looking,elderlylady,theFrenchteacher,asIafterwardsfound,tookthecorrespondingseatattheotherboard。Alonggracewassaidandahymnsung;thenaservantbroughtinsometeafortheteachers,andthemealbegan。
Ravenous,andnowveryfaint,Idevouredaspoonfulortwoofmyportionwithoutthinkingofitstaste;butthefirstedgeofhungerblunted,IperceivedIhadgotinhandanauseousmess;burntporridgeisalmostasbadasrottenpotatoes;famineitselfsoonsickensoverit。Thespoonsweremovedslowly:Isaweachgirltasteherfoodandtrytoswallowit;butinmostcasestheeffortwassoonrelinquished。Breakfastwasover,andnonehadbreakfasted。Thanksbeingreturnedforwhatwehadnotgot,andasecondhymnchanted,therefectorywasevacuatedfortheschoolroom。Iwasoneofthelasttogoout,andinpassingthetables,Isawoneteachertakeabasinoftheporridgeandtasteit;shelookedattheothers;alltheircountenancesexpresseddispleasure,andoneofthem,thestoutone,whispered—
“Abominablestuff!Howshameful!”
Aquarterofanhourpassedbeforelessonsagainbegan,duringwhichtheschoolroomwasinaglorioustumult;forthatspaceoftimeitseemedtobepermittedtotalkloudandmorefreely,andtheyusedtheirprivilege。Thewholeconversationranonthebreakfast,whichoneandallabusedroundly。Poorthings!itwasthesoleconsolationtheyhad。MissMillerwasnowtheonlyteacherintheroom:agroupofgreatgirlsstandingaboutherspokewithseriousandsullengestures。IheardthenameofMr。Brocklehurstpronouncedbysomelips;atwhichMissMillershookherheaddisapprovingly;butshemadenogreatefforttocheekthegeneralwrath;doubtlessshesharedinit。
Aclockintheschoolroomstrucknine;MissMillerlefthercircle,andstandinginthemiddleoftheroom,cried—
“Silence!Toyourseats!”
Disciplineprevailed:infiveminutestheconfusedthrongwasresolvedintoorder,andcomparativesilencequelledtheBabelclamouroftongues。Theupperteachersnowpunctuallyresumedtheirposts:butstill,allseemedtowait。Rangedonbenchesdownthesidesoftheroom,theeightygirlssatmotionlessanderect;aquaintassemblagetheyappeared,allwithplainlockscombedfromtheirfaces,notacurlvisible;inbrowndresses,madehighandsurroundedbyanarrowtuckeraboutthethroat,withlittlepocketsofholland(shapedsomethinglikeaHighlander’spurse)tiedinfrontoftheirfrocks,anddestinedtoservethepurposeofawork—bag:all,too,wearingwoollenstockingsandcountry—madeshoes,fastenedwithbrassbuckles。Abovetwentyofthosecladinthiscostumewerefull—growngirls,orratheryoungwomen;itsuitedthemill,andgaveanairofoddityeventotheprettiest。
Iwasstilllookingatthem,andalsoatintervalsexaminingtheteachers—noneofwhompreciselypleasedme;forthestoutonewasalittlecoarse,thedarkonenotalittlefierce,theforeignerharshandgrotesque,andMissMiller,poorthing!lookedpurple,weather—beaten,andover—worked—when,asmyeyewanderedfromfacetoface,thewholeschoolrosesimultaneously,asifmovedbyacommonspring。
Whatwasthematter?Ihadheardnoordergiven:Iwaspuzzled。EreIhadgatheredmywits,theclasseswereagainseated:butasalleyeswerenowturnedtoonepoint,minefollowedthegeneraldirection,andencounteredthepersonagewhohadreceivedmelastnight。Shestoodatthebottomofthelongroom,onthehearth;fortherewasafireateachend;shesurveyedthetworowsofgirlssilentlyandgravely。MissMillerapproaching,seemedtoaskheraquestion,andhavingreceivedheranswer,wentbacktoherplace,andsaidaloud—
“Monitorofthefirstclass,fetchtheglobes!”
Whilethedirectionwasbeingexecuted,theladyconsultedmovedslowlyuptheroom。IsupposeIhaveaconsiderableorganofveneration,forIretainyetthesenseofadmiringawewithwhichmyeyestracedhersteps。Seennow,inbroaddaylight,shelookedtall,fair,andshapely;browneyeswithabenignantlightintheiririds,andafinepencillingoflonglashesround,relievedthewhitenessofherlargefront;oneachofhertemplesherhair,ofaverydarkbrown,wasclusteredinroundcurls,accordingtothefashionofthosetimes,whenneithersmoothbandsnorlongringletswereinvogue;herdress,alsointhemodeoftheday,wasofpurplecloth,relievedbyasortofSpanishtrimmingofblackvelvet;agoldwatch(watcheswerenotsocommonthenasnow)shoneathergirdle。Letthereaderadd,tocompletethepicture,refinedfeatures;acomplexion,ifpale,clear;andastatelyairandcarriage,andhewillhave,atleast,asclearlyaswordscangiveit,acorrectideaoftheexteriorofMissTemple—MariaTemple,asIafterwardssawthenamewritteninaprayer—bookintrustedtometocarrytochurch。
ThesuperintendentofLowood(forsuchwasthislady)havingtakenherseatbeforeapairofglobesplacedononeofthetables,summonedthefirstclassroundher,andcommencedgivingalessonongeography;thelowerclasseswerecalledbytheteachers:repetitionsinhistory,grammar,&c。,wentonforanhour;writingandarithmeticsucceeded,andmusiclessonsweregivenbyMissTempletosomeoftheeldergirls。Thedurationofeachlessonwasmeasuredbytheclock,whichatlaststrucktwelve。Thesuperintendentrose—
“Ihaveawordtoaddresstothepupils,”saidshe。
Thetumultofcessationfromlessonswasalreadybreakingforth,butitsankathervoice。Shewenton—
“Youhadthismorningabreakfastwhichyoucouldnoteat;youmustbehungry:—Ihaveorderedthatalunchofbreadandcheeseshallbeservedtoall。”
Theteacherslookedatherwithasortofsurprise。
“Itistobedoneonmyresponsibility,”sheadded,inanexplanatorytonetothem,andimmediatelyafterwardslefttheroom。
Thebreadandcheesewaspresentlybroughtinanddistributed,tothehighdelightandrefreshmentofthewholeschool。Theorderwasnowgiven“Tothegarden!”Eachputonacoarsestrawbonnet,withstringsofcolouredcalico,andacloakofgreyfrieze。Iwassimilarlyequipped,and,followingthestream,Imademywayintotheopenair。
Thegardenwasawideinclosure,surroundedwithwallssohighastoexcludeeveryglimpseofprospect;acoveredverandahrandownoneside,andbroadwalksborderedamiddlespacedividedintoscoresoflittlebeds:thesebedswereassignedasgardensforthepupilstocultivate,andeachbedhadanowner。Whenfullofflowerstheywoulddoubtlesslookpretty;butnow,atthelatterendofJanuary,allwaswintryblightandbrowndecay。IshudderedasIstoodandlookedroundme:itwasaninclementdayforoutdoorexercise;notpositivelyrainy,butdarkenedbyadrizzlingyellowfog;allunderfootwasstillsoakingwetwiththefloodsofyesterday。Thestrongeramongthegirlsranaboutandengagedinactivegames,butsundrypaleandthinonesherdedtogetherforshelterandwarmthintheverandah;andamongstthese,asthedensemistpenetratedtotheirshiveringframes,Iheardfrequentlythesoundofahollowcough。
AsyetIhadspokentonoone,nordidanybodyseemtotakenoticeofme;Istoodlonelyenough:buttothatfeelingofisolationIwasaccustomed;itdidnotoppressmemuch。Ileantagainstapillaroftheverandah,drewmygreymantlecloseaboutme,and,tryingtoforgetthecoldwhichnippedmewithout,andtheunsatisfiedhungerwhichgnawedmewithin,deliveredmyselfuptotheemploymentofwatchingandthinking。Myreflectionsweretooundefinedandfragmentarytomeritrecord:IhardlyyetknewwhereIwas;Gatesheadandmypastlifeseemedfloatedawaytoanimmeasurabledistance;thepresentwasvagueandstrange,andofthefutureIcouldformnoconjecture。Ilookedroundtheconvent—likegarden,andthenupatthehouse—alargebuilding,halfofwhichseemedgreyandold,theotherhalfquitenew。Thenewpart,containingtheschoolroomanddormitory,waslitbymullionedandlatticedwindows,whichgaveitachurch—likeaspect;astonetabletoverthedoorborethisinscription:—
“LowoodInstitution。—ThisportionwasrebuiltA。D。—,byNaomiBrocklehurst,ofBrocklehurstHall,inthiscounty。”“Letyourlightsoshinebeforemen,thattheymayseeyourgoodworks,andglorifyyourFatherwhichisinheaven。”—St。Matt。v。16。
Ireadthesewordsoverandoveragain:Ifeltthatanexplanationbelongedtothem,andwasunablefullytopenetratetheirimport。Iwasstillponderingthesignificationof“Institution,”andendeavouringtomakeoutaconnectionbetweenthefirstwordsandtheverseofScripture,whenthesoundofacoughclosebehindmemademeturnmyhead。Isawagirlsittingonastonebenchnear;shewasbentoverabook,ontheperusalofwhichsheseemedintent:fromwhereIstoodIcouldseethetitle—itwasRasselas;anamethatstruckmeasstrange,andconsequentlyattractive。Inturningaleafshehappenedtolookup,andIsaidtoherdirectly—
“Isyourbookinteresting?”Ihadalreadyformedtheintentionofaskinghertolendittomesomeday。
“Ilikeit,”sheanswered,afterapauseofasecondortwo,duringwhichsheexaminedme。
“Whatisitabout?”Icontinued。IhardlyknowwhereIfoundthehardihoodthustoopenaconversationwithastranger;thestepwascontrarytomynatureandhabits:butIthinkheroccupationtouchedachordofsympathysomewhere;forItoolikedreading,thoughofafrivolousandchildishkind;Icouldnotdigestorcomprehendtheseriousorsubstantial。
“Youmaylookatit,”repliedthegirl,offeringmethebook。
Ididso;abriefexaminationconvincedmethatthecontentswerelesstakingthanthetitle:Rasselaslookeddulltomytriflingtaste;Isawnothingaboutfairies,nothingaboutgenii;nobrightvarietyseemedspreadovertheclosely—printedpages。Ireturnedittoher;shereceiveditquietly,andwithoutsayinganythingshewasabouttorelapseintoherformerstudiousmood:againIventuredtodisturbher—
“Canyoutellmewhatthewritingonthatstoneoverthedoormeans?WhatisLowoodInstitution?”
“Thishousewhereyouarecometolive。”
“AndwhydotheycallitInstitution?Isitinanywaydifferentfromotherschools?”
“Itispartlyacharity—school:youandI,andalltherestofus,arecharity—children。Isupposeyouareanorphan:arenoteitheryourfatheroryourmotherdead?”
“BothdiedbeforeIcanremember。”
“Well,allthegirlsherehavelosteitheroneorbothparents,andthisiscalledaninstitutionforeducatingorphans。”
“Dowepaynomoney?Dotheykeepusfornothing?”
“Wepay,orourfriendspay,fifteenpoundsayearforeach。”
“Thenwhydotheycalluscharity—children?”
“Becausefifteenpoundsisnotenoughforboardandteaching,andthedeficiencyissuppliedbysubscription。”
“Whosubscribes?”
“Differentbenevolent—mindedladiesandgentlemeninthisneighbourhoodandinLondon。”
“WhowasNaomiBrocklehurst?”
“Theladywhobuiltthenewpartofthishouseasthattabletrecords,andwhosesonoverlooksanddirectseverythinghere。”
“Why?”
“Becauseheistreasurerandmanageroftheestablishment。”
“Thenthishousedoesnotbelongtothattallladywhowearsawatch,andwhosaidweweretohavesomebreadandcheese?”
“ToMissTemple?Oh,no!Iwishitdid:shehastoanswertoMr。Brocklehurstforallshedoes。Mr。Brocklehurstbuysallourfoodandallourclothes。”
“Doeshelivehere?”
“No—twomilesoff,atalargehall。”
“Isheagoodman?”
“Heisaclergyman,andissaidtodoagreatdealofgood。”
“DidyousaythattallladywascalledMissTemple?”
“Yes。”
“Andwhataretheotherteacherscalled?”
“TheonewithredcheeksiscalledMissSmith;sheattendstothework,andcutsout—forwemakeourownclothes,ourfrocks,andpelisses,andeverything;thelittleonewithblackhairisMissScatcherd;sheteacheshistoryandgrammar,andhearsthesecondclassrepetitions;andtheonewhowearsashawl,andhasapocket—handkerchieftiedtohersidewithayellowribband,isMadamePierrot:shecomesfromLisle,inFrance,andteachesFrench。”
“Doyouliketheteachers?”
“Wellenough。”
“Doyoulikethelittleblackone,andtheMadame—?—Icannotpronouncehernameasyoudo。”
“MissScatcherdishasty—youmusttakecarenottooffendher;MadamePierrotisnotabadsortofperson。”
“ButMissTempleisthebest—isn’tshe?”
“MissTempleisverygoodandveryclever;sheisabovetherest,becausesheknowsfarmorethantheydo。”
“Haveyoubeenlonghere?”
“Twoyears。”
“Areyouanorphan?”
“Mymotherisdead。”
“Areyouhappyhere?”
“Youaskrathertoomanyquestions。Ihavegivenyouanswersenoughforthepresent:nowIwanttoread。”
Butatthatmomentthesummonssoundedfordinner;allre—enteredthehouse。Theodourwhichnowfilledtherefectorywasscarcelymoreappetisingthanthatwhichhadregaledournostrilsatbreakfast:thedinnerwasservedintwohugetin—platedvessels,whenceroseastrongsteamredolentofrancidfat。Ifoundthemesstoconsistofindifferentpotatoesandstrangeshredsofrustymeat,mixedandcookedtogether。Ofthispreparationatolerablyabundantplatefulwasapportionedtoeachpupil。IatewhatIcould,andwonderedwithinmyselfwhethereveryday’sfarewouldbelikethis。
Afterdinner,weimmediatelyadjournedtotheschoolroom:lessonsrecommenced,andwerecontinuedtillfiveo’clock。
Theonlymarkedeventoftheafternoonwas,thatIsawthegirlwithwhomIhadconversedintheverandahdismissedindisgracebyMissScatcherdfromahistoryclass,andsenttostandinthemiddleofthelargeschoolroom。Thepunishmentseemedtomeinahighdegreeignominious,especiallyforsogreatagirl—shelookedthirteenorupwards。Iexpectedshewouldshowsignsofgreatdistressandshame;buttomysurprisesheneitherweptnorblushed:composed,thoughgrave,shestood,thecentralmarkofalleyes。“Howcanshebearitsoquietly—sofirmly?”Iaskedofmyself。“WereIinherplace,itseemstomeIshouldwishtheearthtoopenandswallowmeup。Shelooksasifshewerethinkingofsomethingbeyondherpunishment—beyondhersituation:ofsomethingnotroundhernorbeforeher。Ihaveheardofday—dreams—issheinaday—dreamnow?Hereyesarefixedonthefloor,butIamsuretheydonotseeit—hersightseemsturnedin,gonedownintoherheart:sheislookingatwhatshecanremember,Ibelieve;notatwhatisreallypresent。Iwonderwhatsortofagirlsheis—whethergoodornaughty。”
Soonafterfivep。m。wehadanothermeal,consistingofasmallmugofcoffee,andhalf—a—sliceofbrownbread。Idevouredmybreadanddrankmycoffeewithrelish;butIshouldhavebeengladofasmuchmore—Iwasstillhungry。Half—an—hour’srecreationsucceeded,thenstudy;thentheglassofwaterandthepieceofoat—cake,prayers,andbed。SuchwasmyfirstdayatLowood。
Chapter6
Thenextdaycommencedasbefore,gettingupanddressingbyrushlight;butthismorningwewereobligedtodispensewiththeceremonyofwashing;thewaterinthepitcherswasfrozen。Achangehadtakenplaceintheweathertheprecedingevening,andakeennorth—eastwind,whistlingthroughthecrevicesofourbedroomwindowsallnightlong,hadmadeusshiverinourbeds,andturnedthecontentsoftheewerstoice。
BeforethelonghourandahalfofprayersandBible—readingwasover,Ifeltreadytoperishwithcold。Breakfast—timecameatlast,andthismorningtheporridgewasnotburnt;thequalitywaseatable,thequantitysmall。Howsmallmyportionseemed!Iwishedithadbeendoubled。
InthecourseofthedayIwasenrolledamemberofthefourthclass,andregulartasksandoccupationswereassignedme:hitherto,IhadonlybeenaspectatoroftheproceedingsatLowood;Iwasnowtobecomeanactortherein。Atfirst,beinglittleaccustomedtolearnbyheart,thelessonsappearedtomebothlonganddifficult;thefrequentchangefromtasktotask,too,bewilderedme;andIwasgladwhen,aboutthreeo’clockintheafternoon,MissSmithputintomyhandsaborderofmuslintwoyardslong,togetherwithneedle,thimble,&c。,andsentmetositinaquietcorneroftheschoolroom,withdirectionstohemthesame。Atthathourmostoftheothersweresewinglikewise;butoneclassstillstoodroundMissScatcherd’schairreading,andasallwasquiet,thesubjectoftheirlessonscouldbeheard,togetherwiththemannerinwhicheachgirlacquittedherself,andtheanimadversionsorcommendationsofMissScatcherdontheperformance。ItwasEnglishhistory:amongthereadersIobservedmyacquaintanceoftheverandah:atthecommencementofthelesson,herplacehadbeenatthetopoftheclass,butforsomeerrorofpronunciation,orsomeinattentiontostops,shewassuddenlysenttotheverybottom。Eveninthatobscureposition,MissScatcherdcontinuedtomakeheranobjectofconstantnotice:shewascontinuallyaddressingtohersuchphrasesasthefollowing:—
“Burns”(suchitseemswashername:thegirlsherewereallcalledbytheirsurnames,asboysareelsewhere),“Burns,youarestandingonthesideofyourshoe;turnyourtoesoutimmediately。”“Burns,youpokeyourchinmostunpleasantly;drawitin。”“Burns,Iinsistonyourholdingyourheadup;Iwillnothaveyoubeforemeinthatattitude,”&c。&c。
Achapterhavingbeenreadthroughtwice,thebookswereclosedandthegirlsexamined。ThelessonhadcomprisedpartofthereignofCharlesI。,andthereweresundryquestionsabouttonnageandpoundageandship—money,whichmostofthemappearedunabletoanswer;still,everylittledifficultywassolvedinstantlywhenitreachedBurns:hermemoryseemedtohaveretainedthesubstanceofthewholelesson,andshewasreadywithanswersoneverypoint。IkeptexpectingthatMissScatcherdwouldpraiseherattention;but,insteadofthat,shesuddenlycriedout—
“Youdirty,disagreeablegirl!youhavenevercleanedyournailsthismorning!”
Burnsmadenoanswer:Iwonderedathersilence。“Why,”thoughtI,“doesshenotexplainthatshecouldneithercleanhernailsnorwashherface,asthewaterwasfrozen?”
MyattentionwasnowcalledoffbyMissSmithdesiringmetoholdaskeinofthread:whileshewaswindingit,shetalkedtomefromtimetotime,askingwhetherIhadeverbeenatschoolbefore,whetherIcouldmark,stitch,knit,&c。;tillshedismissedme,IcouldnotpursuemyobservationsonMissScatcherd’smovements。WhenIreturnedtomyseat,thatladywasjustdeliveringanorderofwhichIdidnotcatchtheimport;butBurnsimmediatelylefttheclass,andgoingintothesmallinnerroomwherethebookswerekept,returnedinhalfaminute,carryinginherhandabundleoftwigstiedtogetheratoneend。ThisominoustoolshepresentedtoMissScatcherdwitharespectfulcurtesy;thenshequietly,andwithoutbeingtold,unloosedherpinafore,andtheteacherinstantlyandsharplyinflictedonherneckadozenstrokeswiththebunchoftwigs。NotatearrosetoBurns’eye;and,whileIpausedfrommysewing,becausemyfingersquiveredatthisspectaclewithasentimentofunavailingandimpotentanger,notafeatureofherpensivefacealtereditsordinaryexpression。
“Hardenedgirl!”exclaimedMissScatcherd;“nothingcancorrectyouofyourslatternlyhabits:carrytherodaway。”
Burnsobeyed:Ilookedathernarrowlyassheemergedfromthebook—closet;shewasjustputtingbackherhandkerchiefintoherpocket,andthetraceofatearglistenedonherthincheek。
Theplay—hourintheeveningIthoughtthepleasantestfractionofthedayatLowood:thebitofbread,thedraughtofcoffeeswallowedatfiveo’clockhadrevivedvitality,ifithadnotsatisfiedhunger:thelongrestraintofthedaywasslackened;theschoolroomfeltwarmerthaninthemorning—itsfiresbeingallowedtoburnalittlemorebrightly,tosupply,insomemeasure,theplaceofcandles,notyetintroduced:theruddygloaming,thelicenseduproar,theconfusionofmanyvoicesgaveoneawelcomesenseofliberty。
OntheeveningofthedayonwhichIhadseenMissScatcherdflogherpupil,Burns,Iwanderedasusualamongtheformsandtablesandlaughinggroupswithoutacompanion,yetnotfeelinglonely:whenIpassedthewindows,Inowandthenliftedablind,andlookedout;itsnowedfast,adriftwasalreadyformingagainstthelowerpanes;puttingmyearclosetothewindow,Icoulddistinguishfromthegleefultumultwithin,thedisconsolatemoanofthewindoutside。
Probably,ifIhadlatelyleftagoodhomeandkindparents,thiswouldhavebeenthehourwhenIshouldmostkeenlyhaveregrettedtheseparation;thatwindwouldthenhavesaddenedmyheart;thisobscurechaoswouldhavedisturbedmypeace!asitwas,Iderivedfrombothastrangeexcitement,andrecklessandfeverish,Iwishedthewindtohowlmorewildly,thegloomtodeepentodarkness,andtheconfusiontorisetoclamour。
Jumpingoverforms,andcreepingundertables,Imademywaytooneofthefire—places;there,kneelingbythehighwirefender,IfoundBurns,absorbed,silent,abstractedfromallroundherbythecompanionshipofabook,whichshereadbythedimglareoftheembers。
“IsitstillRasselas?”Iasked,comingbehindher。
“Yes,”shesaid,“andIhavejustfinishedit。”
Andinfiveminutesmoresheshutitup。Iwasgladofthis。“Now,”thoughtI,“Icanperhapsgethertotalk。”Isatdownbyheronthefloor。
“WhatisyournamebesidesBurns?”
“Helen。”
“Doyoucomealongwayfromhere?”
“Icomefromaplacefarthernorth,quiteonthebordersofScotland。”
“Willyouevergoback?”
“Ihopeso;butnobodycanbesureofthefuture。”
“YoumustwishtoleaveLowood?”
“No!whyshouldI?IwassenttoLowoodtogetaneducation;anditwouldbeofnousegoingawayuntilIhaveattainedthatobject。”
“Butthatteacher,MissScatcherd,issocrueltoyou?”
“Cruel?Notatall!Sheissevere:shedislikesmyfaults。”
“AndifIwereinyourplaceIshoulddislikeher;Ishouldresisther。Ifshestruckmewiththatrod,Ishouldgetitfromherhand;Ishouldbreakitunderhernose。”
“Probablyyouwoulddonothingofthesort:butifyoudid,Mr。Brocklehurstwouldexpelyoufromtheschool;thatwouldbeagreatgrieftoyourrelations。Itisfarbettertoendurepatientlyasmartwhichnobodyfeelsbutyourself,thantocommitahastyactionwhoseevilconsequenceswillextendtoallconnectedwithyou;andbesides,theBiblebidsusreturngoodforevil。”
“Butthenitseemsdisgracefultobeflogged,andtobesenttostandinthemiddleofaroomfullofpeople;andyouaresuchagreatgirl:Iamfaryoungerthanyou,andIcouldnotbearit。”
“Yetitwouldbeyourdutytobearit,ifyoucouldnotavoidit:itisweakandsillytosayyoucannotbearwhatitisyourfatetoberequiredtobear。”
Iheardherwithwonder:Icouldnotcomprehendthisdoctrineofendurance;andstilllesscouldIunderstandorsympathisewiththeforbearancesheexpressedforherchastiser。StillIfeltthatHelenBurnsconsideredthingsbyalightinvisibletomyeyes。IsuspectedshemightberightandIwrong;butIwouldnotponderthematterdeeply;likeFelix,Iputitofftoamoreconvenientseason。