IleftMoorHouseatthreeo’clockp。m。,andsoonafterfourIstoodatthefootofthesign—postofWhitcross,waitingthearrivalofthecoachwhichwastotakemetodistantThornfield。Amidstthesilenceofthosesolitaryroadsanddeserthills,Ihearditapproachfromagreatdistance。Itwasthesamevehiclewhence,ayearago,Ihadalightedonesummereveningonthisveryspot—howdesolate,andhopeless,andobjectless!ItstoppedasIbeckoned。Ientered—notnowobligedtopartwithmywholefortuneasthepriceofitsaccommodation。OncemoreontheroadtoThornfield,Ifeltlikethemessenger—pigeonflyinghome。
Itwasajourneyofsix—and—thirtyhours。IhadsetoutfromWhitcrossonaTuesdayafternoon,andearlyonthesucceedingThursdaymorningthecoachstoppedtowaterthehorsesatawaysideinn,situatedinthemidstofscenerywhosegreenhedgesandlargefieldsandlowpastoralhills(howmildoffeatureandverdantofhuecomparedwiththesternNorth—MidlandmoorsofMorton!)metmyeyelikethelineamentsofaoncefamiliarface。Yes,Iknewthecharacterofthislandscape:Iwassurewewerenearmybourne。
“HowfarisThornfieldHallfromhere?”Iaskedoftheostler。
“Justtwomiles,ma’am,acrossthefields。”
“Myjourneyisclosed,”Ithoughttomyself。Igotoutofthecoach,gaveaboxIhadintotheostler’scharge,tobekepttillIcalledforit;paidmyfare;satisfiedthecoachman,andwasgoing:thebrighteningdaygleamedonthesignoftheinn,andIreadingiltletters,“TheRochesterArms。”Myheartleaptup:Iwasalreadyonmymaster’sverylands。Itfellagain:thethoughtstruckit:—
“YourmasterhimselfmaybebeyondtheBritishChannel,foraughtyouknow:andthen,ifheisatThornfieldHall,towardswhichyouhasten,whobesideshimisthere?Hislunaticwife:andyouhavenothingtodowithhim:youdarenotspeaktohimorseekhispresence。Youhavelostyourlabour—youhadbettergonofarther,”urgedthemonitor。“Askinformationofthepeopleattheinn;theycangiveyouallyouseek:theycansolveyourdoubtsatonce。Gouptothatman,andinquireifMr。Rochesterbeathome。”
Thesuggestionwassensible,andyetIcouldnotforcemyselftoactonit。Isodreadedareplythatwouldcrushmewithdespair。Toprolongdoubtwastoprolonghope。ImightyetoncemoreseetheHallundertherayofherstar。Therewasthestilebeforeme—theveryfieldsthroughwhichIhadhurried,blind,deaf,distractedwitharevengefulfurytrackingandscourgingme,onthemorningIfledfromThornfield:ereIwellknewwhatcourseIhadresolvedtotake,Iwasinthemidstofthem。HowfastIwalked!HowIransometimes!HowIlookedforwardtocatchthefirstviewofthewell—knownwoods!WithwhatfeelingsIwelcomedsingletreesIknew,andfamiliarglimpsesofmeadowandhillbetweenthem!
Atlastthewoodsrose;therookeryclustereddark;aloudcawingbrokethemorningstillness。Strangedelightinspiredme:onIhastened。Anotherfieldcrossed—alanethreaded—andtherewerethecourtyardwalls—thebackoffices:thehouseitself,therookerystillhid。“Myfirstviewofitshallbeinfront,”Idetermined,“whereitsboldbattlementswillstriketheeyenoblyatonce,andwhereIcansingleoutmymaster’sverywindow:perhapshewillbestandingatit—herisesearly:perhapsheisnowwalkingintheorchard,oronthepavementinfront。CouldIbutseehim!—butamoment!Surely,inthatcase,Ishouldnotbesomadastoruntohim?Icannottell—Iamnotcertain。AndifIdid—whatthen?Godblesshim!Whatthen?Whowouldbehurtbymyoncemoretastingthelifehisglancecangiveme?Irave:perhapsatthismomentheiswatchingthesunriseoverthePyrenees,oronthetidelessseaofthesouth。”
Ihadcoastedalongthelowerwalloftheorchard—turneditsangle:therewasagatejustthere,openingintothemeadow,betweentwostonepillarscrownedbystoneballs。FrombehindonepillarIcouldpeeproundquietlyatthefullfrontofthemansion。Iadvancedmyheadwithprecaution,desiroustoascertainifanybedroomwindow—blindswereyetdrawnup:battlements,windows,longfront—allfromthisshelteredstationwereatmycommand。
ThecrowssailingoverheadperhapswatchedmewhileItookthissurvey。Iwonderwhattheythought。TheymusthaveconsideredIwasverycarefulandtimidatfirst,andthatgraduallyIgrewveryboldandreckless。Apeep,andthenalongstare;andthenadeparturefrommynicheandastrayingoutintothemeadow;andasuddenstopfullinfrontofthegreatmansion,andaprotracted,hardygazetowardsit。“Whataffectationofdiffidencewasthisatfirst?”theymighthavedemanded;“whatstupidregardlessnessnow?”
Hearanillustration,reader。
Aloverfindshismistressasleeponamossybank;hewishestocatchaglimpseofherfairfacewithoutwakingher。Hestealssoftlyoverthegrass,carefultomakenosound;hepauses—fancyingshehasstirred:hewithdraws:notforworldswouldhebeseen。Allisstill:heagainadvances:hebendsaboveher;alightveilrestsonherfeatures:heliftsit,bendslower;nowhiseyesanticipatethevisionofbeauty—warm,andblooming,andlovely,inrest。Howhurriedwastheirfirstglance!Buthowtheyfix!Howhestarts!Howhesuddenlyandvehementlyclaspsinbotharmstheformhedarednot,amomentsince,touchwithhisfinger!Howhecallsaloudaname,anddropshisburden,andgazesonitwildly!Hethusgraspsandcries,andgazes,becausehenolongerfearstowakenbyanysoundhecanutter—byanymovementhecanmake。Hethoughthislovesleptsweetly:hefindssheisstonedead。
Ilookedwithtimorousjoytowardsastatelyhouse:Isawablackenedruin。
Noneedtocowerbehindagate—post,indeed!—topeepupatchamberlattices,fearinglifewasastirbehindthem!Noneedtolistenfordoorsopening—tofancystepsonthepavementorthegravel—walk!Thelawn,thegroundsweretroddenandwaste:theportalyawnedvoid。Thefrontwas,asIhadonceseenitinadream,butawell—likewall,veryhighandveryfragile—looking,perforatedwithpanelesswindows:noroof,nobattlements,nochimneys—allhadcrashedin。
Andtherewasthesilenceofdeathaboutit:thesolitudeofalonesomewild。Nowonderthatlettersaddressedtopeopleherehadneverreceivedananswer:aswelldespatchepistlestoavaultinachurchaisle。ThegrimblacknessofthestonestoldbywhatfatetheHallhadfallen—byconflagration:buthowkindled?Whatstorybelongedtothisdisaster?Whatloss,besidesmortarandmarbleandwood—workhadfolloweduponit?Hadlifebeenwreckedaswellasproperty?Ifso,whose?Dreadfulquestion:therewasnooneheretoanswerit—notevendumbsign,mutetoken。
Inwanderingroundtheshatteredwallsandthroughthedevastatedinterior,Igatheredevidencethatthecalamitywasnotoflateoccurrence。Wintersnows,Ithought,haddriftedthroughthatvoidarch,winterrainsbeateninatthosehollowcasements;for,amidstthedrenchedpilesofrubbish,springhadcherishedvegetation:grassandweedgrewhereandtherebetweenthestonesandfallenrafters。Andoh!wheremeantimewasthehaplessownerofthiswreck?Inwhatland?Underwhatauspices?Myeyeinvoluntarilywanderedtothegreychurchtowernearthegates,andIasked,“IshewithDamerdeRochester,sharingtheshelterofhisnarrowmarblehouse?”
Someanswermustbehadtothesequestions。Icouldfinditnowherebutattheinn,andthither,erelong,Ireturned。Thehosthimselfbroughtmybreakfastintotheparlour。Irequestedhimtoshutthedoorandsitdown:Ihadsomequestionstoaskhim。Butwhenhecomplied,Iscarcelyknewhowtobegin;suchhorrorhadIofthepossibleanswers。AndyetthespectacleofdesolationIhadjustleftpreparedmeinameasureforataleofmisery。Thehostwasarespectable—looking,middle—agedman。
“YouknowThornfieldHall,ofcourse?”Imanagedtosayatlast。
“Yes,ma’am;Ilivedthereonce。”
“Didyou?”Notinmytime,Ithought:youareastrangertome。
“IwasthelateMr。Rochester’sbutler,”headded。
Thelate!Iseemtohavereceived,withfullforce,theblowIhadbeentryingtoevade。
“Thelate!”gasped。“Ishedead?”
“Imeanthepresentgentleman,Mr。Edward’sfather,”heexplained。Ibreathedagain:mybloodresumeditsflow。FullyassuredbythesewordsthatMr。Edward—myMr。Rochester(Godblesshim,whereverhewas!)—wasatleastalive:was,inshort,“thepresentgentleman。”Gladdeningwords!ItseemedIcouldhearallthatwastocome—whateverthedisclosuresmightbe—withcomparativetranquillity。Sincehewasnotinthegrave,Icouldbear,Ithought,tolearnthathewasattheAntipodes。
“IsMr。RochesterlivingatThornfieldHallnow?”Iasked,knowing,ofcourse,whattheanswerwouldbe,butyetdesirousofdeferringthedirectquestionastowherehereallywas。
“No,ma’am—oh,no!Nooneislivingthere。Isupposeyouareastrangerintheseparts,oryouwouldhaveheardwhathappenedlastautumn,—ThornfieldHallisquitearuin:itwasburntdownjustaboutharvest—time。Adreadfulcalamity!suchanimmensequantityofvaluablepropertydestroyed:hardlyanyofthefurniturecouldbesaved。Thefirebrokeoutatdeadofnight,andbeforetheenginesarrivedfromMillcote,thebuildingwasonemassofflame。Itwasaterriblespectacle:Iwitnesseditmyself。”
“Atdeadofnight!”Imuttered。Yes,thatwaseverthehouroffatalityatThornfield。“Wasitknownhowitoriginated?”Idemanded。
“Theyguessed,ma’am:theyguessed。Indeed,Ishouldsayitwasascertainedbeyondadoubt。Youarenotperhapsaware,”hecontinued,edginghischairalittlenearerthetable,andspeakinglow,“thattherewasalady—a—alunatic,keptinthehouse?”
“Ihaveheardsomethingofit。”
“Shewaskeptinverycloseconfinement,ma’am:peopleevenforsomeyearswasnotabsolutelycertainofherexistence。Noonesawher:theyonlyknewbyrumourthatsuchapersonwasattheHall;andwhoorwhatshewasitwasdifficulttoconjecture。TheysaidMr。Edwardhadbroughtherfromabroad,andsomebelievedshehadbeenhismistress。Butaqueerthinghappenedayearsince—averyqueerthing。”
Ifearednowtohearmyownstory。Iendeavouredtorecallhimtothemainfact。
“Andthislady?”
“Thislady,ma’am,”heanswered,“turnedouttobeMr。Rochester’swife!Thediscoverywasbroughtaboutinthestrangestway。Therewasayounglady,agovernessattheHall,thatMr。Rochesterfellin—”
“Butthefire,”Isuggested。
“I’mcomingtothat,ma’am—thatMr。Edwardfellinlovewith。Theservantssaytheyneversawanybodysomuchinloveashewas:hewasafterhercontinually。Theyusedtowatchhim—servantswill,youknow,ma’am—andhesetstoreonherpasteverything:forall,nobodybuthimthoughthersoveryhandsome。Shewasalittlesmallthing,theysay,almostlikeachild。Ineversawhermyself;butI’veheardLeah,thehouse—maid,tellofher。Leahlikedherwellenough。Mr。Rochesterwasaboutforty,andthisgovernessnottwenty;andyousee,whengentlemenofhisagefallinlovewithgirls,theyareoftenlikeasiftheywerebewitched。Well,hewouldmarryher。”
“Youshalltellmethispartofthestoryanothertime,”Isaid;“butnowIhaveaparticularreasonforwishingtohearallaboutthefire。Wasitsuspectedthatthislunatic,Mrs。Rochester,hadanyhandinit?”
“You’vehitit,ma’am:it’squitecertainthatitwasher,andnobodybuther,thatsetitgoing。ShehadawomantotakecareofhercalledMrs。Poole—anablewomaninherline,andverytrustworthy,butforonefault—afaultcommontoadealofthemnursesandmatrons—shekeptaprivatebottleofginbyher,andnowandthentookadropover—much。Itisexcusable,forshehadahardlifeofit:butstillitwasdangerous;forwhenMrs。Poolewasfastasleepaftertheginandwater,themadlady,whowasascunningasawitch,wouldtakethekeysoutofherpocket,letherselfoutofherchamber,andgoroamingaboutthehouse,doinganywildmischiefthatcameintoherhead。Theysayshehadnearlyburntherhusbandinhisbedonce:butIdon’tknowaboutthat。However,onthisnight,shesetfirefirsttothehangingsoftheroomnextherown,andthenshegotdowntoalowerstorey,andmadeherwaytothechamberthathadbeenthegoverness’s—(shewaslikeasifsheknewsomehowhowmattershadgoneon,andhadaspiteather)—andshekindledthebedthere;buttherewasnobodysleepinginit,fortunately。Thegovernesshadrunawaytwomonthsbefore;andforallMr。Rochestersoughtherasifshehadbeenthemostpreciousthinghehadintheworld,henevercouldhearawordofher;andhegrewsavage—quitesavageonhisdisappointment:heneverwasawildman,buthegotdangerousafterhelosther。Hewouldbealone,too。HesentMrs。Fairfax,thehousekeeper,awaytoherfriendsatadistance;buthedidithandsomely,forhesettledanannuityonherforlife:andshedeservedit—shewasaverygoodwoman。MissAdèle,awardhehad,wasputtoschool。Hebrokeoffacquaintancewithallthegentry,andshuthimselfuplikeahermitattheHall。”
“What!didhenotleaveEngland?”
“LeaveEngland?Blessyou,no!Hewouldnotcrossthedoor—stonesofthehouse,exceptatnight,whenhewalkedjustlikeaghostaboutthegroundsandintheorchardasifhehadlosthissenses—whichitismyopinionhehad;foramorespirited,bolder,keenergentlemanthanhewasbeforethatmidgeofagovernesscrossedhim,youneversaw,ma’am。Hewasnotamangiventowine,orcards,orracing,assomeare,andhewasnotsoveryhandsome;buthehadacourageandawillofhisown,ifevermanhad。Iknewhimfromaboy,yousee:andformypart,IhaveoftenwishedthatMissEyrehadbeensunkintheseabeforeshecametoThornfieldHall。”
“ThenMr。Rochesterwasathomewhenthefirebrokeout?”
“Yes,indeedwashe;andhewentuptotheatticswhenallwasburningaboveandbelow,andgottheservantsoutoftheirbedsandhelpedthemdownhimself,andwentbacktogethismadwifeoutofhercell。Andthentheycalledouttohimthatshewasontheroof,whereshewasstanding,wavingherarms,abovethebattlements,andshoutingouttilltheycouldhearheramileoff:Isawherandheardherwithmyowneyes。Shewasabigwoman,andhadlongblackhair:wecouldseeitstreamingagainsttheflamesasshestood。Iwitnessed,andseveralmorewitnessed,Mr。Rochesterascendthroughthesky—lightontotheroof;weheardhimcall‘Bertha!’Wesawhimapproachher;andthen,ma’am,sheyelledandgaveaspring,andthenextminuteshelaysmashedonthepavement。”
“Dead?”
“Dead!Ay,deadasthestonesonwhichherbrainsandbloodwerescattered。”
“GoodGod!”
“Youmaywellsayso,ma’am:itwasfrightful!”
Heshuddered。
“Andafterwards?”Iurged。
“Well,ma’am,afterwardsthehousewasburnttotheground:thereareonlysomebitsofwallsstandingnow。”
“Wereanyotherliveslost?”
“No—perhapsitwouldhavebeenbetteriftherehad。”
“Whatdoyoumean?”
“PoorMr。Edward!”heejaculated,“Ilittlethoughtevertohaveseenit!Somesayitwasajustjudgmentonhimforkeepinghisfirstmarriagesecret,andwantingtotakeanotherwifewhilehehadoneliving:butIpityhim,formypart。”
“Yousaidhewasalive?”Iexclaimed。
“Yes,yes:heisalive;butmanythinkhehadbetterhedead。”
“Why?How?”Mybloodwasagainrunningcold。“Whereishe?”Idemanded。“IsheinEngland?”
“Ay—ay—he’sinEngland;hecan’tgetoutofEngland,Ifancy—he’safixturenow。”
Whatagonywasthis!Andthemanseemedresolvedtoprotractit。
“Heisstone—blind,”hesaidatlast。“Yes,heisstone—blind,isMr。Edward。”
Ihaddreadedworse。Ihaddreadedhewasmad。Isummonedstrengthtoaskwhathadcausedthiscalamity。
“Itwasallhisowncourage,andabodymaysay,hiskindness,inaway,ma’am:hewouldn’tleavethehousetilleveryoneelsewasoutbeforehim。Ashecamedownthegreatstaircaseatlast,afterMrs。Rochesterhadflungherselffromthebattlements,therewasagreatcrash—allfell。Hewastakenoutfromundertheruins,alive,butsadlyhurt:abeamhadfalleninsuchawayastoprotecthimpartly;butoneeyewasknockedout,andonehandsocrushedthatMr。Carter,thesurgeon,hadtoamputateitdirectly。Theothereyeinflamed:helostthesightofthatalso。Heisnowhelpless,indeed—blindandacripple。”
“Whereishe?Wheredoeshenowlive?”
“AtFerndean,amanor—houseonafarmhehas,aboutthirtymilesoff:quiteadesolatespot。”
“Whoiswithhim?”
“OldJohnandhiswife:hewouldhavenoneelse。Heisquitebrokendown,theysay。”
“Haveyouanysortofconveyance?”
“Wehaveachaise,ma’am,averyhandsomechaise。”
“Letitbegotreadyinstantly;andifyourpost—boycandrivemetoFerndeanbeforedarkthisday,I’llpaybothyouandhimtwicethehireyouusuallydemand。”
Chapter37
Themanor—houseofFerndeanwasabuildingofconsiderableantiquity,moderatesize,andnoarchitecturalpretensions,deepburiedinawood。Ihadheardofitbefore。Mr。Rochesteroftenspokeofit,andsometimeswentthere。Hisfatherhadpurchasedtheestateforthesakeofthegamecovers。Hewouldhaveletthehouse,butcouldfindnotenant,inconsequenceofitsineligibleandinsalubrioussite。Ferndeanthenremaineduninhabitedandunfurnished,withtheexceptionofsometwoorthreeroomsfittedupfortheaccommodationofthesquirewhenhewentthereintheseasontoshoot。
TothishouseIcamejusteredarkonaneveningmarkedbythecharacteristicsofsadsky,coldgale,andcontinuedsmallpenetratingrain。ThelastmileIperformedonfoot,havingdismissedthechaiseanddriverwiththedoubleremunerationIhadpromised。Evenwhenwithinaveryshortdistanceofthemanor—house,youcouldseenothingofit,sothickanddarkgrewthetimberofthegloomywoodaboutit。Irongatesbetweengranitepillarsshowedmewheretoenter,andpassingthroughthem,Ifoundmyselfatonceinthetwilightofclose—rankedtrees。Therewasagrass—growntrackdescendingtheforestaislebetweenhoarandknottyshaftsandunderbranchedarches。Ifollowedit,expectingsoontoreachthedwelling;butitstretchedonandon,itwouldfarandfarther:nosignofhabitationorgroundswasvisible。
IthoughtIhadtakenawrongdirectionandlostmyway。Thedarknessofnaturalaswellasofsylvanduskgatheredoverme。Ilookedroundinsearchofanotherroad。Therewasnone:allwasinterwovenstem,columnartrunk,densesummerfoliage—noopeninganywhere。
Iproceeded:atlastmywayopened,thetreesthinnedalittle;presentlyIbeheldarailing,thenthehouse—scarce,bythisdimlight,distinguishablefromthetrees;sodankandgreenwereitsdecayingwalls。Enteringaportal,fastenedonlybyalatch,Istoodamidstaspaceofenclosedground,fromwhichthewoodsweptawayinasemicircle。Therewerenoflowers,nogarden—beds;onlyabroadgravel—walkgirdlingagrass—plat,andthissetintheheavyframeoftheforest。Thehousepresentedtwopointedgablesinitsfront;thewindowswerelatticedandnarrow:thefrontdoorwasnarrowtoo,onestepleduptoit。Thewholelooked,asthehostoftheRochesterArmshadsaid,“quiteadesolatespot。”Itwasasstillasachurchonaweek—day:thepatteringrainontheforestleaveswastheonlysoundaudibleinitsvicinage。
“Cantherebelifehere?”Iasked。
Yes,lifeofsomekindtherewas;forIheardamovement—thatnarrowfront—doorwasunclosing,andsomeshapewasabouttoissuefromthegrange。
Itopenedslowly:afigurecameoutintothetwilightandstoodonthestep;amanwithoutahat:hestretchedforthhishandasiftofeelwhetheritrained。Duskasitwas,Ihadrecognisedhim—itwasmymaster,EdwardFairfaxRochester,andnoother。
Istayedmystep,almostmybreath,andstoodtowatchhim—toexaminehim,myselfunseen,andalas!tohiminvisible。Itwasasuddenmeeting,andoneinwhichrapturewaskeptwellincheckbypain。Ihadnodifficultyinrestrainingmyvoicefromexclamation,mystepfromhastyadvance。
Hisformwasofthesamestrongandstalwartcontourasever:hisportwasstillerect,hisheirwasstillravenblack;norwerehisfeaturesalteredorsunk:notinoneyear’sspace,byanysorrow,couldhisathleticstrengthbequelledorhisvigorousprimeblighted。ButinhiscountenanceIsawachange:thatlookeddesperateandbrooding—thatremindedmeofsomewrongedandfetteredwildbeastorbird,dangeroustoapproachinhissullenwoe。Thecagedeagle,whosegold—ringedeyescrueltyhasextinguished,mightlookaslookedthatsightlessSamson。
And,reader,doyouthinkIfearedhiminhisblindferocity?—ifyoudo,youlittleknowme。AsofthopeblestwithmysorrowthatsoonIshoulddaretodropakissonthatbrowofrock,andonthoselipssosternlysealedbeneathit:butnotyet。Iwouldnotaccosthimyet。
Hedescendedtheonestep,andadvancedslowlyandgropinglytowardsthegrass—plat。Wherewashisdaringstridenow?Thenhepaused,asifheknewnotwhichwaytoturn。Heliftedhishandandopenedhiseyelids;gazedblank,andwithastrainingeffort,onthesky,andtowardtheamphitheatreoftrees:onesawthatalltohimwasvoiddarkness。Hestretchedhisrighthand(theleftarm,themutilatedone,hekepthiddeninhisbosom);heseemedtowishbytouchtogainanideaofwhatlayaroundhim:hemetbutvacancystill;forthetreesweresomeyardsoffwherehestood。Herelinquishedtheendeavour,foldedhisarms,andstoodquietandmuteintherain,nowfallingfastonhisuncoveredhead。AtthismomentJohnapproachedhimfromsomequarter。
“Willyoutakemyarm,sir?”hesaid;“thereisaheavyshowercomingon:hadyounotbettergoin?”
“Letmealone,”wastheanswer。
Johnwithdrewwithouthavingobservedme。Mr。Rochesternowtriedtowalkabout:vainly,—allwastoouncertain。Hegropedhiswaybacktothehouse,and,re—enteringit,closedthedoor。
Inowdrewnearandknocked:John’swifeopenedforme。“Mary,”Isaid,“howareyou?”
Shestartedasifshehadseenaghost:Icalmedher。Toherhurried“Isitreallyyou,miss,comeatthislatehourtothislonelyplace?”Iansweredbytakingherhand;andthenIfollowedherintothekitchen,whereJohnnowsatbyagoodfire。Iexplainedtothem,infewwords,thatIhadheardallwhichhadhappenedsinceIleftThornfield,andthatIwascometoseeMr。Rochester。IaskedJohntogodowntotheturn—pike—house,whereIhaddismissedthechaise,andbringmytrunk,whichIhadleftthere:andthen,whileIremovedmybonnetandshawl,IquestionedMaryastowhetherIcouldbeaccommodatedattheManorHouseforthenight;andfindingthatarrangementstothateffect,thoughdifficult,wouldnotbeimpossible,IinformedherIshouldstay。Justatthismomenttheparlour—bellrang。
“Whenyougoin,”saidI,“tellyourmasterthatapersonwishestospeaktohim,butdonotgivemyname。”
“Idon’tthinkhewillseeyou,”sheanswered;“herefuseseverybody。”
Whenshereturned,Iinquiredwhathehadsaid。“Youaretosendinyournameandyourbusiness,”shereplied。Shethenproceededtofillaglasswithwater,andplaceitonatray,togetherwithcandles。
“Isthatwhatherangfor?”Iasked。
“Yes:healwayshascandlesbroughtinatdark,thoughheisblind。”
“Givethetraytome;Iwillcarryitin。”
Itookitfromherhand:shepointedmeouttheparlourdoor。ThetrayshookasIheldit;thewaterspiltfromtheglass;myheartstruckmyribsloudandfast。Maryopenedthedoorforme,andshutitbehindme。
Thisparlourlookedgloomy:aneglectedhandfuloffireburntlowinthegrate;and,leaningoverit,withhisheadsupportedagainstthehigh,old—fashionedmantelpiece,appearedtheblindtenantoftheroom。Hisolddog,Pilot,layononeside,removedoutoftheway,andcoiledupasifafraidofbeinginadvertentlytroddenupon。PilotprickeduphisearswhenIcamein:thenhejumpedupwithayelpandawhine,andboundedtowardsme:healmostknockedthetrayfrommyhands。Isetitonthetable;thenpattedhim,andsaidsoftly,“Liedown!”Mr。Rochesterturnedmechanicallytoseewhatthecommotionwas:butashesawnothing,hereturnedandsighed。
“Givemethewater,Mary,”hesaid。
Iapproachedhimwiththenowonlyhalf—filledglass;Pilotfollowedme,stillexcited。
“Whatisthematter?”heinquired。
“Down,Pilot!”Iagainsaid。Hecheckedthewateronitswaytohislips,andseemedtolisten:hedrank,andputtheglassdown。“Thisisyou,Mary,isitnot?”
“Maryisinthekitchen,”Ianswered。
Heputouthishandwithaquickgesture,butnotseeingwhereIstood,hedidnottouchme。“Whoisthis?Whoisthis?”hedemanded,trying,asitseemed,toSEEwiththosesightlesseyes—unavailinganddistressingattempt!“Answerme—speakagain!”heordered,imperiouslyandaloud。
“Willyouhavealittlemorewater,sir?Ispilthalfofwhatwasintheglass,”Isaid。
“Whoisit?Whatisit?Whospeaks?”
“Pilotknowsme,andJohnandMaryknowIamhere。Icameonlythisevening,”Ianswered。
“GreatGod!—whatdelusionhascomeoverme?Whatsweetmadnesshasseizedme?”
“Nodelusion—nomadness:yourmind,sir,istoostrongfordelusion,yourhealthtoosoundforfrenzy。”
“Andwhereisthespeaker?Isitonlyavoice?Oh!Icannotsee,butImustfeel,ormyheartwillstopandmybrainburst。Whatever—whoeveryouare—beperceptibletothetouchorIcannotlive!”
Hegroped;Iarrestedhiswanderinghand,andprisoneditinbothmine。
“Herveryfingers!”hecried;“hersmall,slightfingers!Ifsotheremustbemoreofher。”
Themuscularhandbrokefrommycustody;myarmwasseized,myshoulder—neck—waist—Iwasentwinedandgatheredtohim。
“IsitJane?Whatisit?Thisishershape—thisishersize—”
“Andthishervoice,”Iadded。“Sheisallhere:herheart,too。Godblessyou,sir!Iamgladtobesonearyouagain。”
“JaneEyre!—JaneEyre,”wasallhesaid。
“Mydearmaster,”Ianswered,“IamJaneEyre:Ihavefoundyouout—Iamcomebacktoyou。”
“Intruth?—intheflesh?MylivingJane?”
“Youtouchme,sir,—youholdme,andfastenough:Iamnotcoldlikeacorpse,norvacantlikeair,amI?”
“Mylivingdarling!Thesearecertainlyherlimbs,andtheseherfeatures;butIcannotbesoblest,afterallmymisery。Itisadream;suchdreamsasIhavehadatnightwhenIhaveclaspedheroncemoretomyheart,asIdonow;andkissedher,asthus—andfeltthatshelovedme,andtrustedthatshewouldnotleaveme。”
“WhichIneverwill,sir,fromthisday。”
“Neverwill,saysthevision?ButIalwayswokeandfounditanemptymockery;andIwasdesolateandabandoned—mylifedark,lonely,hopeless—mysoulathirstandforbiddentodrink—myheartfamishedandnevertobefed。Gentle,softdream,nestlinginmyarmsnow,youwillfly,too,asyoursistershaveallfledbeforeyou:butkissmebeforeyougo—embraceme,Jane。”
“There,sir—andthere!”’
Ipressedmylipstohisoncebrilliantandnowraylesseyes—Iswepthishairfromhisbrow,andkissedthattoo。Hesuddenlyseemedtoarousehimself:theconvictionoftherealityofallthisseizedhim。
“Itisyou—isit,Jane?Youarecomebacktomethen?”
“Iam。”
“Andyoudonotliedeadinsomeditchundersomestream?Andyouarenotapiningoutcastamongststrangers?”
“No,sir!Iamanindependentwomannow。”
“Independent!Whatdoyoumean,Jane?”
“MyuncleinMadeiraisdead,andheleftmefivethousandpounds。”
“Ah!thisispractical—thisisreal!”hecried:“Ishouldneverdreamthat。Besides,thereisthatpeculiarvoiceofhers,soanimatingandpiquant,aswellassoft:itcheersmywitheredheart;itputslifeintoit。—What,Janet!Areyouanindependentwoman?Arichwoman?”
“Ifyouwon’tletmelivewithyou,Icanbuildahouseofmyowncloseuptoyourdoor,andyoumaycomeandsitinmyparlourwhenyouwantcompanyofanevening。”
“Butasyouarerich,Jane,youhavenow,nodoubt,friendswhowilllookafteryou,andnotsufferyoutodevoteyourselftoablindlameterlikeme?”
“ItoldyouIamindependent,sir,aswellasrich:Iammyownmistress。”
“Andyouwillstaywithme?”
“Certainly—unlessyouobject。Iwillbeyourneighbour,yournurse,yourhousekeeper。Ifindyoulonely:Iwillbeyourcompanion—toreadtoyou,towalkwithyou,tositwithyou,towaitonyou,tobeeyesandhandstoyou。Ceasetolooksomelancholy,mydearmaster;youshallnotbeleftdesolate,solongasIlive。”
Herepliednot:heseemedserious—abstracted;hesighed;hehalf—openedhislipsasiftospeak:heclosedthemagain。Ifeltalittleembarrassed。PerhapsIhadtoorashlyover—leapedconventionalities;andhe,likeSt。John,sawimproprietyinmyinconsiderateness。Ihadindeedmademyproposalfromtheideathathewishedandwouldaskmetobehiswife:anexpectation,notthelesscertainbecauseunexpressed,hadbuoyedmeup,thathewouldclaimmeatonceashisown。Butnohinttothateffectescapinghimandhiscountenancebecomingmoreovercast,IsuddenlyrememberedthatImighthavebeenallwrong,andwasperhapsplayingthefoolunwittingly;andIbegangentlytowithdrawmyselffromhisarms—butheeagerlysnatchedmecloser。
“No—no—Jane;youmustnotgo。No—Ihavetouchedyou,heardyou,feltthecomfortofyourpresence—thesweetnessofyourconsolation:Icannotgiveupthesejoys。Ihavelittleleftinmyself—Imusthaveyou。Theworldmaylaugh—maycallmeabsurd,selfish—butitdoesnotsignify。Myverysouldemandsyou:itwillbesatisfied,oritwilltakedeadlyvengeanceonitsframe。”
“Well,sir,Iwillstaywithyou:Ihavesaidso。”
“Yes—butyouunderstandonethingbystayingwithme;andIunderstandanother。You,perhaps,couldmakeupyourmindtobeaboutmyhandandchair—towaitonmeasakindlittlenurse(foryouhaveanaffectionateheartandagenerousspirit,whichpromptyoutomakesacrificesforthoseyoupity),andthatoughttosufficeformenodoubt。IsupposeIshouldnowentertainnonebutfatherlyfeelingsforyou:doyouthinkso?Come—tellme。”
“Iwillthinkwhatyoulike,sir:Iamcontenttobeonlyyournurse,ifyouthinkitbetter。”
“Butyoucannotalwaysbemynurse,Janet:youareyoung—youmustmarryoneday。”
“Idon’tcareaboutbeingmarried。”
“Youshouldcare,Janet:ifIwerewhatIoncewas,Iwouldtrytomakeyoucare—but—asightlessblock!”
Herelapsedagainintogloom。I,onthecontrary,becamemorecheerful,andtookfreshcourage:theselastwordsgavemeaninsightastowherethedifficultylay;andasitwasnodifficultywithme,Ifeltquiterelievedfrommypreviousembarrassment。Iresumedalivelierveinofconversation。
“Itistimesomeoneundertooktorehumaniseyou,”saidI,partinghisthickandlonguncutlocks;“forIseeyouarebeingmetamorphosedintoalion,orsomethingofthatsort。Youhavea‘fauxair’ofNebuchadnezzarinthefieldsaboutyou,thatiscertain:yourhairremindsmeofeagles’feathers;whetheryournailsaregrownlikebirds’clawsornot,Ihavenotyetnoticed。”
“Onthisarm,Ihaveneitherhandnornails,”hesaid,drawingthemutilatedlimbfromhisbreast,andshowingittome。“Itisamerestump—aghastlysight!Don’tyouthinkso,Jane?”
“Itisapitytoseeit;andapitytoseeyoureyes—andthescaroffireonyourforehead:andtheworstofitis,oneisindangeroflovingyoutoowellforallthis;andmakingtoomuchofyou。”
“Ithoughtyouwouldberevolted,Jane,whenyousawmyarm,andmycicatrisedvisage。”
“Didyou?Don’ttellmeso—lestIshouldsaysomethingdisparagingtoyourjudgment。Now,letmeleaveyouaninstant,tomakeabetterfire,andhavethehearthsweptup。Canyoutellwhenthereisagoodfire?”
“Yes;withtherighteyeIseeaglow—aruddyhaze。”
“Andyouseethecandles?”
“Verydimly—eachisaluminouscloud。”