MissTemple,throughallchanges,hadthusfarcontinuedsuperintendentoftheseminary:toherinstructionIowedthebestpartofmyacquirements;herfriendshipandsocietyhadbeenmycontinualsolace;shehadstoodmeinthesteadofmother,governess,and,latterly,companion。Atthisperiodshemarried,removedwithherhusband(aclergyman,anexcellentman,almostworthyofsuchawife)toadistantcounty,andconsequentlywaslosttome。
FromthedaysheleftIwasnolongerthesame:withherwasgoneeverysettledfeeling,everyassociationthathadmadeLowoodinsomedegreeahometome。Ihadimbibedfromhersomethingofhernatureandmuchofherhabits:moreharmoniousthoughts:whatseemedbetterregulatedfeelingshadbecometheinmatesofmymind。Ihadgiveninallegiancetodutyandorder;Iwasquiet;IbelievedIwascontent:totheeyesofothers,usuallyeventomyown,Iappearedadisciplinedandsubduedcharacter。
Butdestiny,intheshapeoftheRev。Mr。Nasmyth,camebetweenmeandMissTemple:Isawherinhertravellingdressstepintoapost—chaise,shortlyafterthemarriageceremony;Iwatchedthechaisemountthehillanddisappearbeyonditsbrow;andthenretiredtomyownroom,andtherespentinsolitudethegreatestpartofthehalf—holidaygrantedinhonouroftheoccasion。
Iwalkedaboutthechambermostofthetime。Iimaginedmyselfonlytoberegrettingmyloss,andthinkinghowtorepairit;butwhenmyreflectionswereconcluded,andIlookedupandfoundthattheafternoonwasgone,andeveningfaradvanced,anotherdiscoverydawnedonme,namely,thatintheintervalIhadundergoneatransformingprocess;thatmymindhadputoffallithadborrowedofMissTemple—orratherthatshehadtakenwithherthesereneatmosphereIhadbeenbreathinginhervicinity—andthatnowIwasleftinmynaturalelement,andbeginningtofeelthestirringofoldemotions。Itdidnotseemasifapropwerewithdrawn,butratherasifamotiveweregone:itwasnotthepowertobetranquilwhichhadfailedme,butthereasonfortranquillitywasnomore。MyworldhadforsomeyearsbeeninLowood:myexperiencehadbeenofitsrulesandsystems;nowIrememberedthattherealworldwaswide,andthatavariedfieldofhopesandfears,ofsensationsandexcitements,awaitedthosewhohadcouragetogoforthintoitsexpanse,toseekrealknowledgeoflifeamidstitsperils。
Iwenttomywindow,openedit,andlookedout。Therewerethetwowingsofthebuilding;therewasthegarden;thereweretheskirtsofLowood;therewasthehillyhorizon。Myeyepassedallotherobjectstorestonthosemostremote,thebluepeaks;itwasthoseIlongedtosurmount;allwithintheirboundaryofrockandheathseemedprison—ground,exilelimits。Itracedthewhiteroadwindingroundthebaseofonemountain,andvanishinginagorgebetweentwo;howIlongedtofollowitfarther!IrecalledthetimewhenIhadtravelledthatveryroadinacoach;Iremembereddescendingthathillattwilight;anageseemedtohaveelapsedsincethedaywhichbroughtmefirsttoLowood,andIhadneverquitteditsince。Myvacationshadallbeenspentatschool:Mrs。ReedhadneversentformetoGateshead;neithershenoranyofherfamilyhadeverbeentovisitme。Ihadhadnocommunicationbyletterormessagewiththeouterworld:school—rules,school—duties,school—habitsandnotions,andvoices,andfaces,andphrases,andcostumes,andpreferences,andantipathies—suchwaswhatIknewofexistence。AndnowIfeltthatitwasnotenough;Itiredoftheroutineofeightyearsinoneafternoon。Idesiredliberty;forlibertyIgasped;forlibertyIutteredaprayer;itseemedscatteredonthewindthenfaintlyblowing。Iabandoneditandframedahumblersupplication;forchange,stimulus:thatpetition,too,seemedsweptoffintovaguespace:“Then,”Icried,halfdesperate,“grantmeatleastanewservitude!”
Hereabell,ringingthehourofsupper,calledmedownstairs。
Iwasnotfreetoresumetheinterruptedchainofmyreflectionstillbedtime:eventhenateacherwhooccupiedthesameroomwithmekeptmefromthesubjecttowhichIlongedtorecur,byaprolongedeffusionofsmalltalk。HowIwishedsleepwouldsilenceher。Itseemedasif,couldIbutgobacktotheideawhichhadlastenteredmymindasIstoodatthewindow,someinventivesuggestionwouldriseformyrelief。
MissGrycesnoredatlast;shewasaheavyWelshwoman,andtillnowherhabitualnasalstrainshadneverbeenregardedbymeinanyotherlightthanasanuisance;to—nightIhailedthefirstdeepnoteswithsatisfaction;Iwasdebarrassedofinterruption;myhalf—effacedthoughtinstantlyrevived。
“Anewservitude!Thereissomethinginthat,”Isoliloquised(mentally,beitunderstood;Ididnottalkaloud),“Iknowthereis,becauseitdoesnotsoundtoosweet;itisnotlikesuchwordsasLiberty,Excitement,Enjoyment:delightfulsoundstruly;butnomorethansoundsforme;andsohollowandfleetingthatitismerewasteoftimetolistentothem。ButServitude!Thatmustbematteroffact。Anyonemayserve:Ihaveservedhereeightyears;nowallIwantistoserveelsewhere。CanInotgetsomuchofmyownwill?Isnotthethingfeasible?Yes—yes—theendisnotsodifficult;ifIhadonlyabrainactiveenoughtoferretoutthemeansofattainingit。”
Isatupinbedbywayofarousingthissaidbrain:itwasachillynight;Icoveredmyshoulderswithashawl,andthenIproceededTOthinkagainwithallmymight。
“WhatdoIwant?Anewplace,inanewhouse,amongstnewfaces,undernewcircumstances:Iwantthisbecauseitisofnousewantinganythingbetter。Howdopeopledotogetanewplace?Theyapplytofriends,Isuppose:Ihavenofriends。Therearemanyotherswhohavenofriends,whomustlookaboutforthemselvesandbetheirownhelpers;andwhatistheirresource?”
Icouldnottell:nothingansweredme;Ithenorderedmybraintofindaresponse,andquickly。Itworkedandworkedfaster:Ifeltthepulsesthrobinmyheadandtemples;butfornearlyanhouritworkedinchaos;andnoresultcameofitsefforts。Feverishwithvainlabour,Igotupandtookaturnintheroom;undrewthecurtain,notedastarortwo,shiveredwithcold,andagaincrepttobed。
Akindfairy,inmyabsence,hadsurelydroppedtherequiredsuggestiononmypillow;forasIlaydown,itcamequietlyandnaturallytomymind。—“Thosewhowantsituationsadvertise;youmustadvertiseinthe—shireHerald。”
“How?Iknownothingaboutadvertising。”
Repliesrosesmoothandpromptnow:—
“YoumustenclosetheadvertisementandthemoneytopayforitunderacoverdirectedtotheeditoroftheHerald;youmustputit,thefirstopportunityyouhave,intothepostatLowton;answersmustbeaddressedtoJ。E。,atthepost—officethere;youcangoandinquireinaboutaweekafteryousendyourletter,ifanyarecome,andactaccordingly。”
ThisschemeIwentovertwice,thrice;itwasthendigestedinmymind;Ihaditinaclearpracticalform:Ifeltsatisfied,andfellasleep。
Withearliestday,Iwasup:Ihadmyadvertisementwritten,enclosed,anddirectedbeforethebellrangtorousetheschool;itranthus:—
“Ayoungladyaccustomedtotuition”(hadInotbeenateachertwoyears?)“isdesirousofmeetingwithasituationinaprivatefamilywherethechildrenareunderfourteen(IthoughtthatasIwasbarelyeighteen,itwouldnotdotoundertaketheguidanceofpupilsnearermyownage)。SheisqualifiedtoteachtheusualbranchesofagoodEnglisheducation,togetherwithFrench,Drawing,andMusic”(inthosedays,reader,thisnownarrowcatalogueofaccomplishments,wouldhavebeenheldtolerablycomprehensive)。“Address,J。E。,Post—office,Lowton,—shire。”
Thisdocumentremainedlockedinmydrawerallday:aftertea,IaskedleaveofthenewsuperintendenttogotoLowton,inordertoperformsomesmallcommissionsformyselfandoneortwoofmyfellow—teachers;permissionwasreadilygranted;Iwent。Itwasawalkoftwomiles,andtheeveningwaswet,butthedayswerestilllong;Ivisitedashoportwo,slippedtheletterintothepost—office,andcamebackthroughheavyrain,withstreaminggarments,butwitharelievedheart。
Thesucceedingweekseemedlong:itcametoanendatlast,however,likeallsublunarythings,andoncemore,towardsthecloseofapleasantautumnday,IfoundmyselfafootontheroadtoLowton。Apicturesquetrackitwas,bytheway;lyingalongthesideofthebeckandthroughthesweetestcurvesofthedale:butthatdayIthoughtmoreoftheletters,thatmightormightnotbeawaitingmeatthelittleburghwhitherIwasbound,thanofthecharmsofleaandwater。
Myostensibleerrandonthisoccasionwastogetmeasuredforapairofshoes;soIdischargedthatbusinessfirst,andwhenitwasdone,Isteppedacrossthecleanandquietlittlestreetfromtheshoemaker’stothepost—office:itwaskeptbyanolddame,whoworehornspectaclesonhernose,andblackmittensonherhands。
“ArethereanylettersforJ。E。?”Iasked。
Shepeeredatmeoverherspectacles,andthensheopenedadrawerandfumbledamongitscontentsforalongtime,solongthatmyhopesbegantofalter。Atlast,havingheldadocumentbeforeherglassesfornearlyfiveminutes,shepresenteditacrossthecounter,accompanyingtheactbyanotherinquisitiveandmistrustfulglance—itwasforJ。E。
“Isthereonlyone?”Idemanded。
“Therearenomore,”saidshe;andIputitinmypocketandturnedmyfacehomeward:Icouldnotopenitthen;rulesobligedmetobebackbyeight,anditwasalreadyhalf—pastseven。
Variousdutiesawaitedmeonmyarrival。Ihadtositwiththegirlsduringtheirhourofstudy;thenitwasmyturntoreadprayers;toseethemtobed:afterwardsIsuppedwiththeotherteachers。Evenwhenwefinallyretiredforthenight,theinevitableMissGrycewasstillmycompanion:wehadonlyashortendofcandleinourcandlestick,andIdreadedlestsheshouldtalktillitwasallburntout;fortunately,however,theheavysuppershehadeatenproducedasoporificeffect:shewasalreadysnoringbeforeIhadfinishedundressing。Therestillremainedaninchofcandle:Inowtookoutmyletter;thesealwasaninitialF。;Ibrokeit;thecontentswerebrief。
“IfJ。E。,whoadvertisedinthe—shireHeraldoflastThursday,possessestheacquirementsmentioned,andifsheisinapositiontogivesatisfactoryreferencesastocharacterandcompetency,asituationcanbeofferedherwherethereisbutonepupil,alittlegirl,undertenyearsofage;andwherethesalaryisthirtypoundsperannum。J。E。isrequestedtosendreferences,name,address,andallparticularstothedirection:—
“Mrs。Fairfax,Thornfield,nearMillcote,—shire。”
Iexaminedthedocumentlong:thewritingwasold—fashionedandratheruncertain,likethatofinelderlylady。Thiscircumstancewassatisfactory:aprivatefearhadhauntedme,thatinthusactingformyself,andbymyownguidance,Irantheriskofgettingintosomescrape;and,aboveallthings,Iwishedtheresultofmyendeavourstoberespectable,proper,enrègle。InowfeltthatanelderlyladywasnobadingredientinthebusinessIhadonhand。Mrs。Fairfax!Isawherinablackgownandwidow’scap;frigid,perhaps,butnotuncivil:amodelofelderlyEnglishrespectability。Thornfield!that,doubtless,wasthenameofherhouse:aneatorderlyspot,Iwassure;thoughIfailedinmyeffortstoconceiveacorrectplanofthepremises。Millcote,—shire;IbrushedupmyrecollectionsofthemapofEngland,yes,Isawit;boththeshireandthetown。—shirewasseventymilesnearerLondonthantheremotecountywhereInowresided:thatwasarecommendationtome。Ilongedtogowheretherewaslifeandmovement:MillcotewasalargemanufacturingtownonthebanksoftheA—;abusyplaceenough,doubtless:somuchthebetter;itwouldbeacompletechangeatleast。Notthatmyfancywasmuchcaptivatedbytheideaoflongchimneysandcloudsofsmoke—“but,”Iargued,“Thornfieldwill,probably,beagoodwayfromthetown。”
Herethesocketofthecandledropped,andthewickwentout。
Nextdaynewstepsweretobetaken;myplanscouldnolongerbeconfinedtomyownbreast;Imustimparttheminordertoachievetheirsuccess。Havingsoughtandobtainedanaudienceofthesuperintendentduringthenoontiderecreation,ItoldherIhadaprospectofgettinganewsituationwherethesalarywouldbedoublewhatInowreceived(foratLowoodIonlygot£15perannum);andrequestedshewouldbreakthematterformetoMr。Brocklehurst,orsomeofthecommittee,andascertainwhethertheywouldpermitmetomentionthemasreferences。Sheobliginglyconsentedtoactasmediatrixinthematter。ThenextdayshelaidtheaffairbeforeMr。Brocklehurst,whosaidthatMrs。Reedmustbewrittento,asshewasmynaturalguardian。Anotewasaccordinglyaddressedtothatlady,whoreturnedforanswer,that“ImightdoasIpleased:shehadlongrelinquishedallinterferenceinmyaffairs。”Thisnotewenttheroundofthecommittee,andatlast,afterwhatappearedtomemosttediousdelay,formalleavewasgivenmetobettermyconditionifIcould;andanassuranceadded,thatasIhadalwaysconductedmyselfwell,bothasteacherandpupil,atLowood,atestimonialofcharacterandcapacity,signedbytheinspectorsofthatinstitution,shouldforthwithbefurnishedme。
ThistestimonialIaccordinglyreceivedinaboutamonth,forwardedacopyofittoMrs。Fairfax,andgotthatlady’sreply,statingthatshewassatisfied,andfixingthatdayfortnightastheperiodformyassumingthepostofgovernessinherhouse。
Inowbusiedmyselfinpreparations:thefortnightpassedrapidly。Ihadnotaverylargewardrobe,thoughitwasadequatetomywants;andthelastdaysufficedtopackmytrunk,—thesameIhadbroughtwithmeeightyearsagofromGateshead。
Theboxwascorded,thecardnailedon。Inhalf—an—hourthecarrierwastocallforittotakeittoLowton,whetherImyselfwastorepairatanearlyhourthenextmorningtomeetthecoach。Ihadbrushedmyblackstufftravelling—dress,preparedmybonnet,gloves,andmuff;soughtinallmydrawerstoseethatnoarticlewasleftbehind;andnowhavingnothingmoretodo,Isatdownandtriedtorest。Icouldnot;thoughIhadbeenonfootallday,Icouldnotnowreposeaninstant;Iwastoomuchexcited。Aphaseofmylifewasclosingto—night,anewoneopeningto—morrow:impossibletoslumberintheinterval;Imustwatchfeverishlywhilethechangewasbeingaccomplished。
“Miss,”saidaservantwhometmeinthelobby,whereIwaswanderinglikeatroubledspirit,“apersonbelowwishestoseeyou。”
“Thecarrier,nodoubt,”Ithought,andrandownstairswithoutinquiry。Iwaspassingtheback—parlourorteachers’sitting—room,thedoorofwhichwashalfopen,togotothekitchen,whensomeoneranout—
“It’sher,Iamsure!—Icouldhavetoldheranywhere!”criedtheindividualwhostoppedmyprogressandtookmyhand。
Ilooked:Isawawomanattiredlikeawell—dressedservant,matronly,yetstillyoung;verygood—looking,withblackhairandeyes,andlivelycomplexion。
“Well,whoisit?”sheasked,inavoiceandwithasmileIhalfrecognised;“you’venotquiteforgottenme,Ithink,MissJane?”
InanothersecondIwasembracingandkissingherrapturously:“Bessie!Bessie!Bessie!”thatwasallIsaid;whereatshehalflaughed,halfcried,andwebothwentintotheparlour。Bythefirestoodalittlefellowofthreeyearsold,inplaidfrockandtrousers。
“Thatismylittleboy,”saidBessiedirectly。
“Thenyouaremarried,Bessie?”
“Yes;nearlyfiveyearssincetoRobertLeaven,thecoachman;andI’vealittlegirlbesidesBobbythere,thatI’vechristenedJane。”
“Andyoudon’tliveatGateshead?”
“Iliveatthelodge:theoldporterhasleft。”
“Well,andhowdotheyallgeton?Tellmeeverythingaboutthem,Bessie:butsitdownfirst;and,Bobby,comeandsitonmyknee,willyou?”butBobbypreferredsidlingovertohismother。
“You’renotgrownsoverytall,MissJane,norsoverystout,”continuedMrs。Leaven。“Idaresaythey’venotkeptyoutoowellatschool:MissReedistheheadandshoulderstallerthanyouare;andMissGeorgianawouldmaketwoofyouinbreadth。”
“Georgianaishandsome,Isuppose,Bessie?”
“Very。ShewentuptoLondonlastwinterwithhermama,andthereeverybodyadmiredher,andayounglordfellinlovewithher:buthisrelationswereagainstthematch;and—whatdoyouthink?—heandMissGeorgianamadeituptorunaway;buttheywerefoundoutandstopped。ItwasMissReedthatfoundthemout:Ibelieveshewasenvious;andnowsheandhersisterleadacatanddoglifetogether;theyarealwaysquarrelling—”
“Well,andwhatofJohnReed?”
“Oh,heisnotdoingsowellashismamacouldwish。Hewenttocollege,andhegot—plucked,Ithinktheycallit:andthenhisuncleswantedhimtobeabarrister,andstudythelaw:butheissuchadissipatedyoungman,theywillnevermakemuchofhim,Ithink。”
“Whatdoeshelooklike?”
“Heisverytall:somepeoplecallhimafine—lookingyoungman;buthehassuchthicklips。”
“AndMrs。Reed?”
“Missislooksstoutandwellenoughintheface,butIthinkshe’snotquiteeasyinhermind:Mr。John’sconductdoesnotpleaseher—hespendsadealofmoney。”
“Didshesendyouhere,Bessie?”
“No,indeed:butIhavelongwantedtoseeyou,andwhenIheardthattherehadbeenaletterfromyou,andthatyouweregoingtoanotherpartofthecountry,IthoughtI’djustsetof,andgetalookatyoubeforeyouwerequiteoutofmyreach。”
“Iamafraidyouaredisappointedinme,Bessie。”Isaidthislaughing:IperceivedthatBessie’sglance,thoughitexpressedregard,didinnoshapedenoteadmiration。
“No,MissJane,notexactly:youaregenteelenough;youlooklikealady,anditisasmuchaseverIexpectedofyou:youwerenobeautyasachild。”
IsmiledatBessie’sfrankanswer:Ifeltthatitwascorrect,butIconfessIwasnotquiteindifferenttoitsimport:ateighteenmostpeoplewishtoplease,andtheconvictionthattheyhavenotanexteriorlikelytosecondthatdesirebringsanythingbutgratification。
“Idaresayyouareclever,though,”continuedBessie,bywayofsolace。“Whatcanyoudo?Canyouplayonthepiano?”
“Alittle。”
Therewasoneintheroom;Bessiewentandopenedit,andthenaskedmetositdownandgiveheratune:Iplayedawaltzortwo,andshewascharmed。
“TheMissReedscouldnotplayaswell!”saidsheexultingly。“Ialwayssaidyouwouldsurpasstheminlearning:andcanyoudraw?”
“Thatisoneofmypaintingsoverthechimney—piece。”Itwasalandscapeinwatercolours,ofwhichIhadmadeapresenttothesuperintendent,inacknowledgmentofherobligingmediationwiththecommitteeonmybehalf,andwhichshehadframedandglazed。
“Well,thatisbeautiful,MissJane!ItisasfineapictureasanyMissReed’sdrawing—mastercouldpaint,letalonetheyoungladiesthemselves,whocouldnotcomenearit:andhaveyoulearntFrench?”
“Yes,Bessie,Icanbothreaditandspeakit。”
“Andyoucanworkonmuslinandcanvas?”
“Ican。”
“Oh,youarequitealady,MissJane!Iknewyouwouldbe:youwillgetonwhetheryourrelationsnoticeyouornot。TherewassomethingIwantedtoaskyou。Haveyoueverheardanythingfromyourfather’skinsfolk,theEyres?”
“Neverinmylife。”
“Well,youknowMissisalwayssaidtheywerepoorandquitedespicable:andtheymaybepoor;butIbelievetheyareasmuchgentryastheReedsare;foroneday,nearlysevenyearsago,aMr。EyrecametoGatesheadandwantedtoseeyou;Mississaidyouwereitschoolfiftymilesoff;heseemedsomuchdisappointed,forhecouldnotstay:hewasgoingonavoyagetoaforeigncountry,andtheshipwastosailfromLondoninadayortwo。Helookedquiteagentleman,andIbelievehewasyourfather’sbrother。”
“Whatforeigncountrywashegoingto,Bessie?”
“Anislandthousandsofmilesoff,wheretheymakewine—thebutlerdidtellme—”
“Madeira?”Isuggested。
“Yes,thatisit—thatistheveryword。”
“Sohewent?”
“Yes;hedidnotstaymanyminutesinthehouse:Missiswasveryhighwithhim;shecalledhimafterwardsa‘sneakingtradesman。’MyRobertbelieveshewasawine—merchant。”
“Verylikely,”Ireturned;“orperhapsclerkoragenttoawine—merchant。”
BessieandIconversedaboutoldtimesanhourlonger,andthenshewasobligedtoleaveme:IsawheragainforafewminutesthenextmorningatLowton,whileIwaswaitingforthecoach。WepartedfinallyatthedooroftheBrocklehurstArmsthere:eachwentherseparateway;shesetoffforthebrowofLowoodFelltomeettheconveyancewhichwastotakeherbacktoGateshead,ImountedthevehiclewhichwastobearmetonewdutiesandanewlifeintheunknownenvironsofMillcote。
Chapter11
Anewchapterinanovelissomethinglikeanewsceneinaplay;andwhenIdrawupthecurtainthistime,reader,youmustfancyyouseearoomintheGeorgeInnatMillcote,withsuchlargefiguredpaperingonthewallsasinnroomshave;suchacarpet,suchfurniture,suchornamentsonthemantelpiece,suchprints,includingaportraitofGeorgetheThird,andanotherofthePrinceofWales,andarepresentationofthedeathofWolfe。Allthisisvisibletoyoubythelightofanoillamphangingfromtheceiling,andbythatofanexcellentfire,nearwhichIsitinmycloakandbonnet;mymuffandumbrellalieonthetable,andIamwarmingawaythenumbnessandchillcontractedbysixteenhours’exposuretotherawnessofanOctoberday:IleftLowtonatfouro’clocka。m。,andtheMillcotetownclockisnowjuststrikingeight。
Reader,thoughIlookcomfortablyaccommodated,Iamnotverytranquilinmymind。Ithoughtwhenthecoachstoppedheretherewouldbesomeonetomeetme;IlookedanxiouslyroundasIdescendedthewoodenstepsthe“boots”placedformyconvenience,expectingtohearmynamepronounced,andtoseesomedescriptionofcarriagewaitingtoconveymetoThornfield。Nothingofthesortwasvisible;andwhenIaskedawaiterifanyonehadbeentoinquireafteraMissEyre,Iwasansweredinthenegative:soIhadnoresourcebuttorequesttobeshownintoaprivateroom:andhereIamwaiting,whileallsortsofdoubtsandfearsaretroublingmythoughts。
Itisaverystrangesensationtoinexperiencedyouthtofeelitselfquitealoneintheworld,cutadriftfromeveryconnection,uncertainwhethertheporttowhichitisboundcanbereached,andpreventedbymanyimpedimentsfromreturningtothatithasquitted。Thecharmofadventuresweetensthatsensation,theglowofpridewarmsit;butthenthethroboffeardisturbsit;andfearwithmebecamepredominantwhenhalf—an—hourelapsedandstillIwasalone。Ibethoughtmyselftoringthebell。
“IsthereaplaceinthisneighbourhoodcalledThornfield?”Iaskedofthewaiterwhoansweredthesummons。
“Thornfield?Idon’tknow,ma’am;I’llinquireatthebar。”Hevanished,butreappearedinstantly—
“IsyournameEyre,Miss?”
“Yes。”
“Personherewaitingforyou。”
Ijumpedup,tookmymuffandumbrella,andhastenedintotheinn—passage:amanwasstandingbytheopendoor,andinthelamp—litstreetIdimlysawaone—horseconveyance。
“Thiswillbeyourluggage,Isuppose?”saidthemanratherabruptlywhenhesawme,pointingtomytrunkinthepassage。
“Yes。”Hehoisteditontothevehicle,whichwasasortofcar,andthenIgotin;beforeheshutmeup,IaskedhimhowfaritwastoThornfield。
“Amatterofsixmiles。”
“Howlongshallwebebeforewegetthere?”
“Happenanhourandahalf。”
Hefastenedthecardoor,climbedtohisownseatoutside,andwesetoff。Ourprogresswasleisurely,andgavemeampletimetoreflect;Iwascontenttobeatlengthsoneartheendofmyjourney;andasIleanedbackinthecomfortablethoughnotelegantconveyance,Imeditatedmuchatmyease。
“Isuppose,”thoughtI,“judgingfromtheplainnessoftheservantandcarriage,Mrs。Fairfaxisnotaverydashingperson:somuchthebetter;Ineverlivedamongstfinepeoplebutonce,andIwasverymiserablewiththem。Iwonderifshelivesaloneexceptthislittlegirl;ifso,andifsheisinanydegreeamiable,Ishallsurelybeabletogetonwithher;Iwilldomybest;itisapitythatdoingone’sbestdoesnotalwaysanswer。AtLowood,indeed,Itookthatresolution,keptit,andsucceededinpleasing;butwithMrs。Reed,Iremembermybestwasalwaysspurnedwithscorn。IprayGodMrs。FairfaxmaynotturnoutasecondMrs。Reed;butifshedoes,Iamnotboundtostaywithher!lettheworstcometotheworst,Icanadvertiseagain。Howfarareweonourroadnow,Iwonder?”
Iletdownthewindowandlookedout;Millcotewasbehindus;judgingbythenumberofitslights,itseemedaplaceofconsiderablemagnitude,muchlargerthanLowton。Wewerenow,asfarasIcouldsee,onasortofcommon;buttherewerehousesscatteredalloverthedistrict;IfeltwewereinadifferentregiontoLowood,morepopulous,lesspicturesque;morestirring,lessromantic。
Theroadswereheavy,thenightmisty;myconductorlethishorsewalkalltheway,andthehourandahalfextended,Iverifybelieve,totwohours;atlastheturnedinhisseatandsaid—
“You’renoansofarfro’Thornfieldnow。”
AgainIlookedout:wewerepassingachurch;Isawitslowbroadtoweragainstthesky,anditsbellwastollingaquarter;Isawanarrowgalaxyoflightstoo,onahillside,markingavillageorhamlet。Abouttenminutesafter,thedrivergotdownandopenedapairofgates:wepassedthrough,andtheyclashedtobehindus。Wenowslowlyascendedadrive,andcameuponthelongfrontofahouse:candlelightgleamedfromonecurtainedbow—window;alltherestweredark。Thecarstoppedatthefrontdoor;itwasopenedbyamaid—servant;Ialightedandwentin。
“Willyouwalkthisway,ma’am?”saidthegirl;andIfollowedheracrossasquarehallwithhighdoorsallround:sheusheredmeintoaroomwhosedoubleilluminationoffireandcandleatfirstdazzledme,contrastingasitdidwiththedarknesstowhichmyeyeshadbeenfortwohoursinured;whenIcouldsee,however,acosyandagreeablepicturepresenteditselftomyview。
Asnugsmallroom;aroundtablebyacheerfulfire;anarm—chairhigh—backedandold—fashioned,whereinsattheneatestimaginablelittleelderlylady,inwidow’scap,blacksilkgown,andsnowymuslinapron;exactlylikewhatIhadfanciedMrs。Fairfax,onlylessstatelyandmilderlooking。Shewasoccupiedinknitting;alargecatsatdemurelyatherfeet;nothinginshortwaswantingtocompletethebeau—idealofdomesticcomfort。Amorereassuringintroductionforanewgovernesscouldscarcelybeconceived;therewasnograndeurtooverwhelm,nostatelinesstoembarrass;andthen,asIentered,theoldladygotupandpromptlyandkindlycameforwardtomeetme。
“Howdoyoudo,mydear?Iamafraidyouhavehadatediousride;Johndrivessoslowly;youmustbecold,cometothefire。”
“Mrs。Fairfax,Isuppose?”saidI。
“Yes,youareright:dositdown。”
Sheconductedmetoherownchair,andthenbegantoremovemyshawlanduntiemybonnet—strings;Ibeggedshewouldnotgiveherselfsomuchtrouble。
“Oh,itisnotrouble;Idaresayyourownhandsarealmostnumbedwithcold。Leah,makealittlehotnegusandcutasandwichortwo:herearethekeysofthestoreroom。”
Andsheproducedfromherpocketamosthousewifelybunchofkeys,anddeliveredthemtotheservant。
“Now,then,drawnearertothefire,”shecontinued。“You’vebroughtyourluggagewithyou,haven’tyou,mydear?”
“Yes,ma’am。”
“I’llseeitcarriedintoyourroom,”shesaid,andbustledout。
“Shetreatsmelikeavisitor,”thoughtI。“Ilittleexpectedsuchareception;Ianticipatedonlycoldnessandstiffness:thisisnotlikewhatIhaveheardofthetreatmentofgovernesses;butImustnotexulttoosoon。”
Shereturned;withherownhandsclearedherknittingapparatusandabookortwofromthetable,tomakeroomforthetraywhichLeahnowbrought,andthenherselfhandedmetherefreshments。IfeltratherconfusedatbeingtheobjectofmoreattentionthanIhadeverbeforereceived,and,thattoo,shownbymyemployerandsuperior;butasshedidnotherselfseemtoconsidershewasdoinganythingoutofherplace,Ithoughtitbettertotakehercivilitiesquietly。
“ShallIhavethepleasureofseeingMissFairfaxto—night?”Iasked,whenIhadpartakenofwhatsheofferedme。
“Whatdidyousay,mydear?Iamalittledeaf,”returnedthegoodlady,approachinghereartomymouth。
Irepeatedthequestionmoredistinctly。
“MissFairfax?Oh,youmeanMissVarens!Varensisthenameofyourfuturepupil。”
“Indeed!Thensheisnotyourdaughter?”
“No,—Ihavenofamily。”
Ishouldhavefollowedupmyfirstinquiry,byaskinginwhatwayMissVarenswasconnectedwithher;butIrecollecteditwasnotpolitetoasktoomanyquestions:besides,Iwassuretohearintime。
“Iamsoglad,”shecontinued,asshesatdownoppositetome,andtookthecatonherknee;“Iamsogladyouarecome;itwillbequitepleasantlivingherenowwithacompanion。Tobesureitispleasantatanytime;forThornfieldisafineoldhall,ratherneglectedoflateyearsperhaps,butstillitisarespectableplace;yetyouknowinwinter—timeonefeelsdrearyquitealoneinthebestquarters。Isayalone—Leahisanicegirltobesure,andJohnandhiswifeareverydecentpeople;butthenyouseetheyareonlyservants,andonecan’tconversewiththemontermsofequality:onemustkeepthematduedistance,forfearoflosingone’sauthority。I’msurelastwinter(itwasaverysevereone,ifyourecollect,andwhenitdidnotsnow,itrainedandblew),notacreaturebutthebutcherandpostmancametothehouse,fromNovembertillFebruary;andIreallygotquitemelancholywithsittingnightafternightalone;IhadLeahintoreadtomesometimes;butIdon’tthinkthepoorgirllikedthetaskmuch:shefeltitconfining。Inspringandsummeronegotonbetter:sunshineandlongdaysmakesuchadifference;andthen,justatthecommencementofthisautumn,littleAdelaVarenscameandhernurse:achildmakesahousealiveallatonce;andnowyouarehereIshallbequitegay。”
MyheartreallywarmedtotheworthyladyasIheardhertalk;andIdrewmychairalittlenearertoher,andexpressedmysincerewishthatshemightfindmycompanyasagreeableassheanticipated。
“ButI’llnotkeepyousittinguplateto—night,”saidshe;“itisonthestrokeoftwelvenow,andyouhavebeentravellingallday:youmustfeeltired。Ifyouhavegotyourfeetwellwarmed,I’llshowyouyourbedroom。I’vehadtheroomnexttominepreparedforyou;itisonlyasmallapartment,butIthoughtyouwouldlikeitbetterthanoneofthelargefrontchambers:tobesuretheyhavefinerfurniture,buttheyaresodrearyandsolitary,Ineversleepinthemmyself。”