AtlastitoccurredtomethatsomethingwaslackingintheHavanacigar。Itdidnotquitefulfilmyyouthfulanticipations。I
experimented。Iboughtwhatwascalledaseed—leafcigarwithaConnecticutwrapper。AfterawhileIbecamesatiatedofthese,andI
searchedforsomethingelse。ThePittsburgstogywasrecommendedtome。Itcertainlyhadthemeritofcheapness,ifthatbeameritintobacco,andIexperimentedwiththestogy。
Then,oncemore,Ichangedoff,sothatImightacquirethesubtlerflavoroftheWheelingtoby。Nowthatpalled,andIlookedaroundNewYorkinthehopeoffindingcigarswhichwouldseemtomostpeoplevile,butwhich,Iamsure,wouldbeambrosialtome。I
couldn'tfindany。Theyputintomyhandssomeofthoselittlethingsthatcosttencentsabox,buttheyareadelusion。
Isaidtoafriend,"IwanttoknowifyoucandirectmetoanhonesttobaccomerchantwhowilltellmewhatistheworstcigarintheNewYorkmarket,exceptingthosemadeforChineseconsumption—I
wantrealtobacco。IfyouwilldothisandIfindthemanisasgoodashisword,Iwillguaranteehimaregularmarketforafairamountofhiscigars。"
Wefoundatobaccodealerwhowouldtellthetruth—who,ifacigarwasbad,wouldboldlysayso。Heproducedwhathecalledtheveryworstcigarshehadeverhadinhisshop。Heletmeexperimentwithonethenandthere。Thetestwassatisfactory。
Thiswas,afterall,therealthing。Inegotiatedforaboxofthemandtookthemawaywithme,sothatImightbesureofhavingthemhandywhenIwantthem。
Idiscoveredthatthe"worstcigars,"socalled,arethebestformeafterall。
BILLIARDS
BILLIARDS。
Mr。ClemensattendedabilliardtourneyontheeveningofApril24,1906,andwascalledontotellastory。
THEgameofbilliardshasdestroyedmynaturallysweetdisposition。Once,whenIwasanunderpaidreporterinVirginiaCity,wheneverIwishedtoplaybilliardsIwentouttolookforaneasymark。Onedayastrangercametotownandopenedabilliardparlor。Ilookedhimovercasually。Whenheproposedagame,I
answered,"Allright。"
"JustknocktheballsaroundalittlesothatIcangetyourgait,"hesaid;andwhenIhaddoneso,heremarked:"Iwillbeperfectlyfairwithyou。I'llplayyouleft—handed。"Ifelthurt,forhewascross—eyed,freckled,andhadredhair,andIdeterminedtoteachhimalesson。Hewonfirstshot,ranout,tookmyhalf—dollar,andallIgotwastheopportunitytochalkmycue。
"Ifyoucanplaylikethatwithyourlefthand,"Isaid,"I'dliketoseeyouplaywithyourright。"
"Ican't,hesaid。"I'mleft—handed。"
THEUNIONRIGHTORWRONG？
REMINISCENCESOFNEVADA。
ICANassureyou,ladiesandgentlemen,thatNevadahadlivelynewspapersinthosedays。
MygreatcompetitoramongthereporterswasBoggs,oftheUnion,anexcellentreporter。
Onceinthreeorfourmonthshewouldgetalittleintoxicated;but,asageneralthing,hewasawaryandcautiousdrinker,althoughalwaysreadytodamphimselfalittlewiththeenemy。
Hehadtheadvantageofmeinonething:hecouldgetthemonthlypublic—schoolreportandIcouldnot,becausetheprincipalhatedmysheet—theEnterprise。
Onesnowynight,whenthereportwasdue,Istartedout,sadlywonderinghowIwastogetit。
Presently,afewstepsupthealmostdesertedstreet,IstumbledonBoggs,andaskedhimwherehewasgoing。
"Aftertheschoolreport。"
"I'llgoalongwithyou。"
"No,sir。I'llexcuseyou。"
"Haveityourownway。"
Asaloon—keeper'sboypassedbywithasteamingpitcherofhotpunch,andBoggssnuffedthefragrancegratefully。
Hegazedfondlyaftertheboy,andsawhimstartuptheEnterprisestairs。
Isaid:
"Iwishyoucouldhelpmegetthatschoolbusiness,butsinceyoucan't,ImustrunuptotheUnionofficeandseeifIcangetaproofofitafterit'ssetup,thoughIdon'tbegintosupposeI
can。Goodnight。"
"Holdonaminute。Idon'tmindgettingthereportandsittingaroundwiththeboysalittlewhileyoucopyit,ifyou'rewillingtodropdowntotheprincipal'swithme。"
"Nowyoutalklikeahumanbeing。Comealong。"
Weploughedacoupleofblocksthroughthesnow,gotthereport—ashortdocument—andsooncopieditinouroffice。
Meantime,Boggshelpedhimselftothepunch。
Igavethemanuscriptbacktohim,andwestartedbacktogetaninquest。
Atfouro'clockinthemorning,whenwehadgonetopressandwerehavingarelaxingconcertasusual（forsomeoftheprintersweregoodsingersandothersgoodperformersontheguitarandonthatatrocitytheaccordion）,theproprietoroftheUnionstrodeinandaskedifanybodyhadheardanythingofBoggsortheschoolreport。
Westatedthecase,andallturnedouttohelphuntforthedelinquent。
Wefoundhimstandingonatableinasaloon,withanoldtinlanterninonehandandtheschoolreportintheother,haranguingagangof"corned"minersontheiniquityofsquanderingthepublicmoneyoneducation"whenhundredsandhundredsofhonest,hard—workingmenwereliterallystarvingforwhiskey。"
Hehadbeenassistinginaregalspreewiththosepartiesforhours。
Wedraggedhimaway,andputhimintobed。
OfcoursetherewasnoschoolreportintheUnion,andBoggsheldmeaccountable,thoughIwasinnocentofanyintentionordesiretocompassitsabsencefromthatpaper,andwasassorryasanyonethatthemisfortunehadoccurred。Butwewereperfectlyfriendly。
ThedaythenextschoolreportwasduetheproprietoroftheTennesseeMinefurnishedusabuggy,andaskedustogodownandwritesomethingabouttheproperty—averycommonrequest,andonealwaysgladlyaccededtowhenpeoplefurnishedbuggies,forwewereasfondofpleasureexcursionsasotherpeople。
The"mine"wasaholeinthegroundninetyfeetdeep,andnowayofgettingdownintoitbutbyholdingontoaropeandbeingloweredwithawindlass。
Theworkmenhadjustgoneoffsomewheretodinner。
IwasnotstrongenoughtolowerBoggs'sbulk,soItookanunlightedcandleinmyteeth,madealoopformyfootintheendoftherope,imploredBoggsnottogotosleeporletthewindlassgetthestartofhim,andthenswungoutovertheshaft。
Ireachedthebottommuddyandbruisedabouttheelbows,butsafe。
Ilitthecandle,madeanexaminationoftherock,selectedsomespecimens,andshoutedtoBoggstohoistaway。
Noanswer。
Presentlyaheadappearedinthecircleofdaylightawayaloft,andavoicecamedown:
"Areyouallset？"
"Allset—hoistaway！"
"Areyoucomfortable？"
"Perfectly。"
"Couldyouwaitalittle？"
"Oh,certainly—noparticularhurry。"
"Well—good—bye。"
"Why,whereareyougoing？"
"Aftertheschoolreport！"
Andhedid。
Istayeddownthereanhour,andsurprisedtheworkmenwhentheyhauledupandfoundamanontheropeinsteadofabucketofrock。
Iwalkedhome,too—fivemiles—up—hill。
Wehadnoschoolreportnextmorning—buttheUnionhad。
ANIDEALFRENCHADDRESS。
EXTRACTFROM"PARISNOTES,"IN"TOMSAWYER
ABROAD,"ETC。
IAMtoldthataFrenchsermonislikeaFrenchspeech—itnevernamesanhistoricalevent,butonlythedateofit;ifyouarenotupindates,yougetleft。AFrenchspeechissomethinglikethis:
"Comrades,citizens,brothers,noblepartsoftheonlysublimeandperfectnation,letusnotforgetthatthe21stJanuarycastoffourchains;thatthe10thAugustrelievedusoftheshamefulpresenceofforeignspies;thatthe5thSeptemberwasitsownjustificationbeforeheavenandhumanity;thatthe18thBrumairecontainedtheseedsofitsownpunishment;thatthe14thJulywasthemightyvoiceoflibertyproclaimingtheresurrection,thenewday,andinvitingtheoppressedpeoplesoftheearthtolookuponthedivinefaceofFranceandlive;andletushererecordoureverlastingcurseagainstthemanofthe2dDecember,anddeclareinthundertones,thenativetonesofFrance,thatbutforhimtherehadbeenno17thMarchinhistory,no12thOctober,no19thJanuary,no22dApril,no16thNovember,no30thSeptember,no2dJuly,no14thFebruary,no29thJune,no15thAugust,no31stMay—thatbutforhim,France,thepure,thegrand,thepeerless,hadhadasereneandvacantalmanacto—day。"
IhaveheardofoneFrenchsermonwhichclosedinthisoddyeteloquentway:
"Myhearers,wehavesadcausetorememberthemanofthe13thJanuary。Theresultsofthevastcrimeofthe13thJanuaryhavebeeninjustproportiontothemagnitudeoftheactitself。Butforittherehadbeenno30thNovember—sorrowfulspectacle！Thegrislydeedofthe16thJunehadnotbeendonebutforit,norhadthemanofthe16thJuneknownexistence;toitalonethe3dSeptemberwasdue,alsothefatal12thOctober。Shallwe,then,begratefulforthe13thJanuary,withitsfreightofdeathforyouandmeandallthatbreathe？Yes,myfriends,foritgaveusalsothatwhichhadnevercomebutforit,anditalone—theblessed25thDecember。"
Itmaybewellenoughtoexplain。Themanofthe13thJanuaryisAdam;thecrimeofthatdatewastheeatingoftheapple;thesorrowfulspectacleofthe30thNovemberwastheexpulsionfromEden;thegrislydeedofthe16thJunewasthemurderofAbel;theactofthe3dSeptemberwasthebeginningofthejourneytothelandofNod;the12thdayofOctober,thelastmountaintopsdisappearedundertheflood。WhenyougotochurchinFrance,youwanttotakeyouralmanacwithyou—annotated。
STATISTICS
STATISTICS。
EXTRACTFROM"THEHISTORYOFTHESAVAGECLUB。"
DuringthatperiodofgloomwhendomesticbereavementhadforcedMr。
Clemensandhisdearonestosecuretheprivacytheycraveduntiltheirwoundsshouldheal,hisaddresswasknowntoonlyaveryfewofhisclosestfriends。OneoldfriendinNewYork,aftervaineffortstogethisaddress,wrotehimaletteraddressedasfollows:
MARKTWAIN,GodKnowsWhere,TryLondon。
Theletterfoundhim,andMr。Clemensrepliedtotheletterexpressinghimselfsurprisedandcomplimentedthatthepersonwhowascreditedwithknowinghiswhereaboutsshouldtakesomuchinterestinhim,adding:"Hadtheletterbeenaddressedtothecareofthe'otherparty,'Iwouldnaturallyhaveexpectedtoreceiveitwithoutdelay。"
Hiscorrespondenttriedagain,andaddressedthesecondletter:
MARKTWAIN,TheDevilKnowsWhere,TryLondon。
Thisfoundhimalsonolesspromptly。
OnJune9,1899,heconsentedtovisittheSavageClub,London,onconditionthattherewastobenopublicityandnospeechwastobeexpectedfromhim。Thetoastmaster,inproposingthehealthoftheirguest,saidthatasaScotchman,andthereforeasabornexpert,hethoughtMarkTwainhadlittleornoclaimtothetitleofhumorist。
Mr。Clemenshadtriedtobefunnybuthadfailed,andhistrueroleinlifewasstatistics;thathewasamasterofstatistics,andlovedthemfortheirownsake,anditwouldbetheeasiesttaskheeverundertookifhewouldtrytocountalltherealjokeshehadevermade。Whilethetoastmasterwasspeaking,thememberssawMr。
Clemens'seyesbegintosparkleandhischeekstoflush。Hejumpedup,andmadeacharacteristicspeech。
PERHAPSIamnota。humorist,butIamafirst—classfool—asimpleton;foruptothismomentIhavebelievedChairmanMacAlistertobeadecentpersonwhomIcouldallowtomixupwithmyfriendsandrelatives。Theexhibitionhehasjustmadeofhimselfrevealshimtobeascoundrelandaknaveofthedeepestdye。Ihavebeencruellydeceived,anditservesmerightfortrustingaScotchman。Yes,Idounderstandfigures,andIcancount。IhavecountedthewordsinMacAlister'sdrivel（Icertainlycannotcallitaspeech）,andtherewereexactlythreethousandfourhundredandthirty—nine。Ialsocarefullycountedthelies—therewereexactlythreethousandfourhundredandthirty—nine。Therefore,IleaveMacAlistertohisfate。
Iwassorrytohavemynamementionedasoneofthegreatauthors,becausetheyhaveasadhabitofdyingoff。Chaucerisdead,Spencerisdead,soisMilton,soisShakespeare,andIamnotfeelingverywellmyself。
GALVESTONORPHANBAZAAR。
ADDRESSATAFAIRHELDATTHEWALDORF—ASTORIA,NEWYORK,INOCTOBER,1900,INAIDOF
THEORPHANSATGALVESTON。
IEXPECTEDthattheGovernorofTexaswouldoccupythisplacefirstandwouldspeaktoyou,andinthecourseofhisremarkswoulddropatextformetotalkfrom;butwiththeproverbialobstinacythatisproverbialwithgovernors,theygobackontheirduties,andhehasnotcomehere,andhasnotfurnishedmewithatext,andIamherewithoutatext。Ihavenotextexceptwhatyoufurnishmewithyourhandsomefaces,and—butIwon'tcontinuethat,forIcouldgoonforeveraboutattractivefaces,beautifuldresses,andotherthings。
But,afterall,complimentsshouldbeinorderinaplacelikethis。
IhavebeeninNewYorktwoorthreedays,andhavebeeninaconditionofstrictdiligencenightandday,theobjectofthisdiligencebeingtoregulatethemoralandpoliticalsituationonthisplanet—putitonasoundbasis—andwhenyouareregulatingtheconditionsofaplanetitrequiresagreatdealoftalkinagreatmanykindsofways,andwhenyouhavetalkedalottheemptieryouget,andgetalsoinapositionofcorking。WhenIamsituatedlikethat,withnothingtosay,IfeelasthoughIwereasortoffraud;
Iseemtobeplayingapart,andpleaseconsiderIamplayingapartforwantofsomethingbetter,andthisisnotunfamiliartome;Ihaveoftendonethisbefore。
WhenIwashereabouteightyearsagoIwascomingupinacaroftheelevatedroad。Veryfewpeoplewereinthatcar,andononeendofittherewasnoone,exceptontheoppositeseat,wheresatamanaboutfiftyyearsold,withamostwinningfaceandaneleganteye—
abeautifuleye;andItookhimfromhisdresstobeamastermechanic,amanwhohadavocation。Hehadwithhimaveryfinelittlechildofaboutfourorfiveyears。Iwaswatchingtheaffectionwhichexistedbetweenthosetwo。Ijudgedhewasthegrandfather,perhaps。Itwasreallyaprettychild,andIwasadmiringher,andassoonashesawIwasadmiringherhebegantonoticeme。
Icouldseehisadmirationofmeinhiseye,andIdidwhateverybodyelsewoulddo—admiredthechildfourtimesasmuch,knowingIwouldgetfourtimesasmuchofhisadmiration。Thingswentonverypleasantly。Iwasmakingmywayintohisheart。
By—and—by,whenhealmostreachedthestationwherehewastogetoff,hegotup,crossedover,andhesaid:"NowIamgoingtosaysomethingtoyouwhichIhopeyouwillregardasacompliment。"Andthenhewentontosay:"IhaveneverseenMarkTwain,butIhaveseenaportraitofhim,andanyfriendofminewilltellyouthatwhenI
haveonceseenaportraitofamanIplaceitinmyeyeandstoreitawayinmymemory,andIcantellyounowthatyoulookenoughlikeMarkTwaintobehisbrother。Now,"hesaid,"Ihopeyoutakethisasacompliment。Yes,youareaverygoodimitation;butwhenIcometolookcloser,youareprobablynotthatman。"
Isaid:"Iwillbefrankwithyou。InmydesiretolooklikethatexcellentcharacterIhavedressedforthecharacter;Ihavebeenplayingapart。"
Hesaid:"Thatisallright,thatisallright;youlookverywellontheoutside,butwhenitcomestotheinsideyouarenotinitwiththeoriginal。"
SowhenIcometoaplacelikethiswithnothingvaluabletosayI
alwaysplayapart。ButIwillsaybeforeIsitdownthatwhenitcomestosayinganythinghereIwillexpressmyselfinthisway:I
amheartilyinsympathywithyouinyoureffortstohelpthosewhoweresufferersinthiscalamity,andinyourdesiretohelpthosewhowererenderedhomeless,andinsayingthisIwishtoimpressonyouthefactthatIamnotplayingapart。
SANFRANCISCOEARTHQUAKE。
AftertheaddressattheRobertFultonFundmeeting,June19,1906,Mr。ClemenstalkedtotheassembledreportersabouttheSanFranciscoearthquake。
IHAVEN'Tbeentheresince1868,andthatgreatcityofSanFranciscohasgrownupsincemyday。WhenIwasthereshehadonehundredandeighteenthousandpeople,andofthisnumbereighteenthousandwereChinese。IwasareporterontheVirginiaCityEnterpriseinNevadain1862,andstayedthere,Ithink,abouttwoyears,whenIwenttoSanFranciscoandgotajobasareporteronTheCall。Iwastherethreeorfouryears。
IrememberonedayIwaswalkingdownThirdStreetinSanFrancisco。
Itwasasleepy,dullSundayafternoon,andnoonewasstirring。
SuddenlyasIlookedupthestreetaboutthreehundredyardsthewholesideofahousefellout。Thestreetwasfullofbricksandmortar。AtthesametimeIwasknockedagainstthesideofahouse,andstoodtherestunnedforamoment。
Ithoughtitwasanearthquake。Nobodyelsehadheardanythingaboutitandnoonesaidearthquaketomeafterward,butIsawitandI
wroteit。Nobodyelsewroteit,andthehouseIsawgointothestreetwastheonlyhouseinthecitythatfeltit。I'vealwayswonderedifitwasn'talittleperformancegottenupformyespecialentertainmentbythenetherregions。
CHARITYANDACTORS。
ADDRESSATTHEACTORS'FUNDFAIRINTHEMETROPOLITAN
OPERAHOUSE,NEWYORK,MAY6,1907。
Mr。Clemens,inhiswhitesuit,formallydeclaredthefairopen。Mr。
DanielFrohman,inintroducingMr。Clemens,said:
"WeintendtomakethisabannerweekinthehistoryoftheFund,whichtakesaninterestineveryoneonthestage,beheactor,singer,dancer,orworkman。Wehavespentmorethan$40,000duringthepastyear。Charitycoversamultitudeofsins,butitalsorevealsamultitudeofvirtues。AttheopeningoftheformerfairwehadtheassistanceofEdwinBoothandJosephJefferson。Intheirplacewehaveto—daythatAmericaninstitutionandapostleofwidehumanity—MarkTwain。"
ASMr。Frohmanhassaid,charityrevealsamultitudeofvirtues。
Thisistrue,anditistobeprovedherebeforetheweekisover。Mr。
Frohmanhastoldyousomethingoftheobjectandsomethingofthecharacterofthework。Hetoldmehewoulddothis—andhehaskepthisword！Ihadexpectedtohearofitthroughthenewspapers。I
wouldn'ttrustanythingbetweenFrohmanandthenewspapers—exceptwhenit'sacaseofcharity！
Youshouldallrememberthattheactorhasbeenyourbenefactormanyandmanyayear。Whenyouhavebeenwearyanddowncasthehasliftedyourheartoutofgloomandgivenyouafreshimpulse。Youareallunderobligationtohim。Thisisyouropportunitytobehisbenefactor—tohelpprovideforhiminhisoldageandwhenhesuffersfrominfirmities。
Atthisfairnooneistobepersecutedtobuy。Ifyouofferatwenty—dollarbillinpaymentforapurchaseof$1youwillreceive$19inchange。Thereistobenorobberyhere。Thereistobenocreedhere—noreligionexceptcharity。Wewanttoraise$250,000—andthatisagreattasktoattempt。
ThePresidenthassetthefairinmotionbypressingthebuttoninWashington。Nowyourgoodwishesaretobetransmutedintocash。
ByvirtueoftheauthorityinmevestedIdeclarethefairopen。I
calltheballgame。Letthetransmutingbegin！
RUSSIANREPUBLIC。
TheAmericanauxiliarymovementtoaidthecauseoffreedominRussiawaslaunchedontheeveningofApril11,1906,attheClubA
house,3FifthAvenue,withMr。ClemensandMaximGorkyastheprincipalspokesmen。Mr。Clemensmadeanintroductoryaddress,presentingMr。Gorky。
IFwecanbuildaRussianrepublictogivetothepersecutedpeopleoftheTsar'sdomainthesamemeasureoffreedomthatweenjoy,letusgoaheadanddoit。Weneednotdiscussthemethodsbywhichthatpurposeistobeattained。Letushopethatfightingwillbepostponedoravertedforawhile,butifitmustcome—
Iammostemphaticallyinsympathywiththemovement,nowonfootinRussia,tomakethatcountryfree。Iamcertainthatitwillbesuccessful,asitdeservestobe。Anysuchmovementshouldhaveanddeservesourearnestandunanimousco—operation,andsuchapetitionforfundsashasbeenexplainedbyMr。Hunter,withitsjustandpowerfulmeaning,shouldhavetheutmostsupportofeachandeveryoneofus。Anybodywhoseancestorswereinthiscountrywhenweweretryingtofreeourselvesfromoppression,mustsympathizewiththosewhonowaretryingtodothesamethinginRussia。
TheparallelIhavejustdrawnonlygoestoshowthatitmakesnodifferencewhethertheoppressionisbitterornot;menwithred,warmbloodintheirveinswillnotendureit,butwillseektocastitoff。
IfwekeepourheartsinthismatterRussiawillbefree。
RUSSIANSUFFERERS。
OnDecember18,1905,anentertainmentwasgivenattheCasinoforthebenefitoftheRussiansufferers。AftertheperformanceMr。
Clemensspoke。
LADIESANDGENTLEMEN,—ItseemsasortofcrueltytoinflictuponanaudiencelikethisourrudeEnglishtongue,afterwehaveheardthatdivinespeechflowinginthatlucidGallictongue。
Ithasalwaysbeenamarveltome—thatFrenchlanguage;ithasalwaysbeenapuzzletome。Howbeautifulthatlanguageis。Howexpressiveitseemstobe。Howfullofgraceitis。
Andwhenitcomesfromlipslikethose,howeloquentandhowliquiditis。And,oh,Iamalwaysdeceived—IalwaysthinkIamgoingtounderstandit。
Oh,itissuchadelighttome,suchadelighttome,tomeetMadameBernhardt,andlaughhandtohandandhearttoheartwithher。
Ihaveseenherplay,asweallhave,andoh,thatisdivine;butIhavealwayswantedtoknowMadameBernhardtherself—herfieryself。
Ihavewantedtoknowthatbeautifulcharacter。
Why,sheistheyoungestpersonIeversaw,exceptmyself—forI
alwaysfeelyoungwhenIcomeinthepresenceofyoungpeople。
Ihaveapleasantrecollectionofanincidentsomanyyearsago—
whenMadameBernhardtcametoHartford,whereIlived,andshewasgoingtoplayandtheticketswerethreedollars,andthereweretwolovelywomen—awidowandherdaughter—neighborsofours,highlycultivatedladiestheywere;theirtasteswerefineandelevated,buttheywereverypoor,andtheysaid:"Well,wemustnotspendsixdollarsonapleasureofthemind,apleasureoftheintellect;wemustspendit,ifitmustgoatall,tofurnishtosomebodybreadtoeat。"
AndsotheysorrowedoverthefactthattheyhadtogiveupthatgreatpleasureofseeingMadameBernhardt,butthereweretwoneighborsequallyhighlycultivatedandwhocouldnotaffordbread,andthosegood—heartedJonesessentthatsixdollars—deprivedthemselvesofit—andsentittothosepoorSmithstobuybreadwith。AndthoseSmithstookitandboughtticketswithittoseeMadameBernhardt。
Ohyes,somepeoplehavetastesandintelligencealso。
Now,Iwasgoingtomakeaspeech—IsupposedIwas,butIamnot。
Itislate,late;andsoIamgoingtotellastory;andthereisthisadvantageaboutastory,anyway,thatwhatevermoralorvaluablethingyouputintoaspeech,why,itgetsdiffusedamongthoseinvolutedsentencesandpossiblyyouraudiencegoesawaywithoutfindingoutwhatthatvaluablethingwasthatyouweretryingtoconferuponit;
but,dearme,youputthesamejewelintoastoryanditbecomesthekeystoneofthatstory,andyouareboundtogetit—itflashes,itflames,itisthejewelinthetoad'shead—youdon'toverlookthat。
Now,ifIamgoingtotalkonsuchasubjectas,forinstance,thelostopportunity—oh,thelostopportunity。Anybodyinthishousewhohasreachedtheturnoflife—sixtyorseventy,orevenfifty,oralongthere—whenhegoesbackalonghishistory,therehefindsitmile—stonedallthewaywiththelostopportunity,andyouknowhowpatheticthatis。
Youyoungeronescannotknowthefullpathosthatliesinthosewords—thelostopportunity;butanybodywhoisold,whohasreallylivedandfeltthislife,heknowsthepathosofthelostopportunity。
Now,Iwilltellyouastorywhosemoralisthat,whoselessonisthat,whoselamentisthat。
IwasinavillagewhichisasuburbofNewBedfordseveralyearsago—well,NewBedfordisasuburbofFairHaven,orperhapsitistheotherway;inanycase,ittookbothofthosetownstomakeagreatcentreofthegreatwhalingindustryofthefirsthalfofthenineteenthcentury,andIwasupthereatFairHavensomeyearsagowithafriendofmine。
Therewasadedicationofagreattown—hall,apublicbuilding,andwewerethereintheafternoon。Thisgreatbuildingwasfilled,likethisgreattheatre,withrejoicingvillagers,andmyfriendandI
starteddownthecentreaisle。Hesawamanstandinginthataisle,andhesaid:
"Now,lookatthatbronzedveteran—atthatmahogany—facedman。Now,tellme,doyouseeanythingaboutthatman'sfacethatisemotional？Doyouseeanythingaboutitthatsuggeststhatinsidethatmananywheretherearefiresthatcanbestarted？Wouldyoueverimaginethatthatisahumanvolcano？"
"Why,no,"Isaid,"Iwouldnot。HelookslikeawoodenIndianinfrontofacigarstore。"
"Verywell,"saidmyfriend,"Iwillshowyouthatthereisemotioneveninthatunpromisingplace。IwilljustgotothatmanandIwilljustmentioninthemostcasualwayanincidentinhislife。
Thatmanisgettingalongtowardninetyyearsold。Heispasteighty。Iwillmentionanincidentoffiftyorsixtyyearsago。Now,justwatchtheeffect,anditwillbesocasualthatifyoudon'twatchyouwon'tknowwhenIdosaythatthing—butyoujustwatchtheeffect。"