SuddenlyBarbara,pointingtothefloor,cried:
"Oh！Granny,forHeaven'ssake,standstill;haven'tyousquashedthehornetenough,evenifhedidcomeinwherehehadn'tanybusiness？"
LadyCasterleylookeddownatthedebrisoftheinsect。
"Disgusting！"shesaid;butwhenshenextspokeitwasinalesshard,morequerulousvoice。
"Thatman——whatwashisname——haveyougotridofhim？"
Barbarawentcrimson。
"Abusemyfriends,andIwillgostraighthomeandneverspeaktoyouagain。"
ForamomentLadyCasterleylookedalmostasifshemightstrikehergranddaughter;thenalittlesardonicsmilebrokeoutonherface。
"Acreditablesentiment！"shesaid。
Lettingfallheruncle'shand,Barbaracried:
"Inanycase,I'dbettergo。Idon'tknowwhyyousentforme。"
LadyCasterleyansweredcoldly:
"Toletyouandyourmotherknowofthiswoman'smostunselfishbehaviour;toputyouonthe'quivive'forwhatEustacemaydonow;
togiveyouachancetomakeupforyourfolly。Moreovertowarnyouagainst————"shepaused。
"Yes？"
"Letme————"interruptedLordDennis。
"No,UncleDennis,letGrannytakehershoe！"
Shehadwithdrawnagainstthewall,tall,andasitwere,formidable,withherheadup。LadyCasterleyremainedsilent。
"Haveyougotitready？"criedBarbara:"Unfortunatelyhe'sflown！"
Avoicesaid:
"LordMiltoun。"
Hehadcomeinquietlyandquickly,precedingtheannouncement,andstoodalmosttouchingthatlittlegroupatthewindowbeforetheycaughtsightofhim。Hisfacehadtheratherghastlylookofsunburntfacesfromwhichemotionhasdriventheblood;andhiseyes,alwayssomuchthemostlivingpartofhim,werefullofsuchstabbinganger,thatinvoluntarilytheyalllookeddown。
"Iwanttospeaktoyoualone,"hesaidtoLadyCasterley。
Visibly,forperhapsthefirsttimeinherlife,thatindomitablelittlefigureflinched。LordDennisdrewBarbaraaway,butatthedoorhewhispered:
"Stayherequietly,Babs;Idon'tlikethelookofthis。"
Unnoticed,Barbararemainedhovering。
Thetwovoices,low,andsofaroffinthelongwhiteroom,wereuncannilydistinct,emotionchargingeachwordwithpreternaturalpowerofpenetration;andeverymovementofthespeakershadtothegirl'sexcitedeyesaweirdprecision,asoflittlefiguresshehadonceseenataParispuppetshow。ShecouldhearMiltounreproachinghisgrandmotherinwordsterriblydryandbitter。Sheedgednearerandnearer,till,seeingthattheypaidnomoreheedtoherthanifshewereanattendantstatue,shehadregainedherpositionbythewindow。
LadyCasterleywasspeaking。
"Iwasnotgoingtoseeyouruinedbeforemyeyes,Eustace。IdidwhatIdidatverygreatcost。Ididmybestforyou。"
BarbarasawMiltoun'sfacetransfiguredbyadreadfulsmile——thesmileofonedefyinghistorturerwithhate。LadyCasterleywenton:
"Yes,youstandtherelookinglikeadevil。Hatemeifyoulike——butdon'tbetrayus,moaningandmopingbecauseyoucan'thavethemoon。
Putonyourarmour,andgodownintothebattle。Don'tplaythecoward,boy！"
Miltoun'sanswercutlikethelashofawhip。
"ByGod！Besilent！"
Andweirdly,therewassilence。Itwasnotthebrutalityofthewords,butthesightofforcesuddenlynakedofalldisguise——likeafiercedogletforamomentoffitschain——whichmadeBarbarautteralittledismayedsound。LadyCasterleyhaddroppedintoachair,trembling。AndwithoutalookMiltounpassedher。Iftheirgrandmotherhadfallendead,Barbaraknewhewouldnothavestoppedtosee。Sheranforward,buttheoldwomanwavedheraway。
"Goafterhim,"shesaid,"don'tlethimgoalone。"
Andinfectedbythefearinthatwizenedvoice,Barbaraflew。
Shecaughtherbrotherashewasenteringthetaxi—cabinwhichhehadcome,andwithoutawordslippedinbesidehim。Thedriver'sfaceappearedatthewindow,butMiltounonlymotionedwithhishead,asiftosay:Anywhere,awayfromhere！
ThethoughtflashedthroughBarbara:"IfonlyIcankeephiminherewithme！"
Sheleanedout,andsaidquietly:
"ToNettlefold,inSussex——nevermindyourpetrol——getmoreontheroad。Youcanhavewhatfareyoulike。Quick！"
Themanhesitated,lookedinherface,andsaid:
"Verywell;miss。ByDorking,ain'tit？"
Barbaranodded。
CHAPTERXXVIII
TheclockoverthestableswaschimingsevenwhenMiltounandBarbarapassedoutofthetallirongates,intheirswift—movingsmallworld,thatsmelledfaintlyofpetrol。Thoughthecabwasclosed,lightspurtsofraindriftedinthroughtheopenwindows,refreshingthegirl'shotface,relievingalittleherdreadofthisdrive。For,nowthatFatehadbeenreallycruel,nowthatitnolongerlayinMiltoun'shandstosavehimselffromsuffering,herheartbledforhim;andsherememberedtoforgetherself。Theimmobilitywithwhichhehadreceivedherintrusion,wasominous。Andthoughsilentinhercorner,shewasdesperatelyworkingallherwoman'switstodiscoverawayofbreakingintothehouseofhissecretmood。HeappearednoteventohavenoticedthattheyhadturnedtheirbacksonLondon,andpassedintoRichmondPark。
Herethetrees,madedarkbyrain,seemedtowatchgloomilytheprogressofthiswhirring—wheeledredbox,unreconciledevenyettosuchharshintrudersontheirwind—scentedtranquillity。Andthedeer,pursuinghappinessonthesweetgrasses,raiseddisquietednoses,aswhoshouldsay:Poisonersofthefern,defilersofthetrailsofair！
Barbaravaguelyfelttheserenityoutthereintheclouds,andthetrees,andwind。Ifitwouldbutcreepintothisdim,travellingprison,andhelpher;ifitwouldbutcome,likesleep,andstealawaydarksorrow,andinonemomentmakegrief—joy。Butitstayedoutsideonitswistfulwings;andthatgrandchasmwhichyawnsbetweensoulandsoulremainedunbridged。Forwhatcouldshesay？
Howmakehimspeakofwhathewasgoingtodo？Whatalternativesindeedwerenowbeforehim？Wouldhesullenlyresignhisseat,andwaittillhecouldfindAudreyNoelagain？Butevenifhedidfindher,theywouldonlybewheretheywere。Shehadgone,inordernottobeadragonhim——itwouldonlybethesamethingalloveragain！
Wouldhethen,asGrannyhadurgedhim,putonhisarmour,andgodownintothefight？Butthatindeedwouldmeantheend,forifshehadhadthestrengthtogoawaynow,shewouldsurelynevercomebackandbreakinonhislifeasecondtime。AndagrimthoughtswoopeddownonBarbara。Whatifheresignedeverything！Wentoutintothedark！Mendidsometimes——sheknew——caughtlikethisinthefullflushofpassion。ButsurelynotMiltoun,withhisfaith！'Ifthelark'ssongmeansnothing——ifthatskyisamorassofourinvention——
ifwearepettilycreepingon,furtheringnothing——persuademeofit,Babs,andI'llblessyou。'Buthadhestillthatanchorage,topreventhimslippingouttosea？Thissuddenthoughtofdeathtooneforwhomlifewasjoy,whohadneverevenseentheGreatStillness,wasveryterrifying。Shefixedhereyesonthebackofthechauffeur,inhisdrabcoatwiththeredcollar,findingsomecomfortinitssolidity。Theywereinataxi—cab,inRichmondPark！Death—
incongruous,incredibledeath！Itwasstupidtobefrightened！SheforcedherselftolookatMiltoun。Heseemedtobeasleep;hiseyeswereclosed,hisarmsfolded——onlyaquiveringofhiseyelidsbetrayedhim。Impossibletotellwhatwasgoingoninthatgrimwakingsleep,whichmadeherfeelthatshewasnotthereatall,soutterlydidheseemwithdrawnintohimself！
Heopenedhiseyes,andsaidsuddenly:
"SoyouthinkI'mgoingtolayhandsonmyself,Babs？"
Horriblystartledbythisreadingofherthoughts,Barbaracouldonlyedgeawayandstammer:
"No;oh,no！"
"Wherearewegoinginthisthing？"
"Nettlefold。Wouldyoulikehimstopped？"
"Itwilldoaswellasanywhere。"
Terrifiedlestheshouldrelapseintothatgrimsilence,shetimidlypossessedherselfofhishand。
Itwasfastgrowingdark;thecab,havingleftthevillasofSurbitonbehind,wasflyingalongatgreatspeedamongpine—treesandstretchesofheathergloomywithfadeddaylight。
Miltounsaidpresently,inaqueer,slowvoice"IfIwant,Ihaveonlytoopenthatdoorandjump。Youwhobelievethat'to—morrowwedie'——givemethefaithtofeelthatIcanfreemyselfbythatjump,andoutIgo！"Then,seemingtopityherterrifiedsqueezeofhishand,headded:"It'sallright,Babs;we,shallsleepcomfortablyenoughinourbedstonight。"
But,sodesolatetothegirlwashisvoice,thatshehopednowforsilence。
"Letusbeskinnedquietly,"mutteredMiltoun,"ifnothingelse。
Sorrytohavedisturbedyou。"
Pressingcloseuptohim,Barbaramurmured:
"Ifonly————Talktome！"。
ButMiltoun,thoughhestrokedherhand,wassilent。
Thecab,movingatunaccustomedspeedalongthesedesertedroads,moaneddismally;andBarbarawaspossessednowbyadesirewhichshedarednotputinpractice,topullhisheaddown,androckitagainsther。Herheartfeltempty,andtimid;tohavesomethingwarmrestingonitwouldhavemadeallthedifference。Everythingreal,substantial,comforting,seemedtohaveslippedaway。Amongtheseflyingdarkghostsofpine—trees——asitweretheunfrequentedborderlandbetweentwoworlds——thefeelingofacheekagainstherbreastalonecouldhelpmufflethedeepdisquietinher,lostlikeachildinawood。
Thecabslackenedspeed,thedriverwaslightinghislamps;andhisredfaceappearedatthewindow。
"We'll'avetostophere,miss;I'moutofpetrol。Willyougetsomedinner,orgothrough？"
"Through,"answeredBarbara:
Whiletheywerepassingthelittletheir,buyingthenpetrol,askingtheway,shefeltlessmiserable,andevenlookedaboutherwithasortofeagerness。Thenwhentheyhadstartedagain,shethought:IfIcouldgethimtosleep——theseawillcomforthim！Buthiseyeswerestaring,wide—open。Shefeignedsleepherself;lettingherheadslipalittletooneside,causingsmallsoundsofbreathingtoescape。Thewhirringofthewheels,themoaningofthecabjoints,thedarktreesslippingby,thescentofthewetferndriftingin,allthesemustsurelyhelp！Andpresentlyshefeltthathewasindeedslippingintodarkness——andthen—shefeltnothing。
WhensheawokefromthesleepintowhichshehadseenMiltounfall,thecabwasslowlymountingasteephill,abovewhichthemoonhadrisen。Theairsmelledstrongandsweet,asthoughithadpassedoverleaguesofgrass。
"TheDowns！"shethought;"Imusthavebeenasleep！"
Insuddenterror,shelookedroundforMiltoun。Buthewasstillthere,exactlyasbefore,leaningbackrigidinhiscornerofthecab,withstaringeyes,andnoothersignsoflife。Andstillonlyhalfawake,likeagreatwarmsleepychildstartledoutoftoodeepslumber,sheclutched,andclungtohim。Thethoughtthathehadbeensittinglikethat,withhisspiritfaraway,allthetimethatshehadbeenbetrayingherwatchinsleep,wasdreadful。Buttoherembracetherewasnoresponse,andawakeindeednow,ashamed,sore,Barbarareleasedhim,andturnedherfacetotheair。
Outthere,twothin,dense—black,longclouds,shapedlikethewingsofahawk,hadjoinedthemselvestogether,sothatnothingofthemoonshowedbutalivingbrightnessimprisoned,liketheeyesandlifeofabird,betweenthoseswiftsweepsofdarkness。Thisgreatuncannyspirit,broodingmalevolentoverthehighleaguesofmoon—wangrass,seemedwaitingtoswoop,andpluckupinitstalons,anddevour,allthatintrudedonthewildlonenessofthesefar—upplainsoffreedom。Barbaraalmostexpectedtohearcomingfromitthelostwhistleofthebuzzardhawks。Andherdreamcamebacktoher。Wherewereherwings—thewingsthatinsleephadbornehertothestars;
thewingsthatwouldneverlifther——waking——fromtheground？WheretoowereMiltoun'swings？Shecrouchedbackintohercorner;atearstoleupandtrickledoutbetweenherclosedlids—anotherandanotherfollowed。Fasterandfastertheycame。ThenshefeltMiltoun'sarmroundher,andheardhimsay:"Don'tcry,Babs！"Instincttellingherwhattodo,shelaidherheadagainsthischest,andsobbedbitterly。Strugglingwiththosesobs,shegrewlessandlessunhappy——knowingthathecouldneveragainfeelquitesodesolate,asbeforehetriedtogivehercomfort。Itwasallabaddream,andtheywouldsoonwakefromit！Andtheywouldbehappy;ashappyastheyhadbeenbefore——beforetheselastmonths！Andshewhispered:
"Onlyalittlewhile,Eusty！"
CHAPTERXXIX
OldLadyHarbingerdyingintheearlyFebruaryofthefollowingyear,themarriageofBarbarawithhersonwaspostponedtillJune。
MuchofthewildsweetnessofSpringstillclungtothehighmoorbordersofMonklandontheearlymorningoftheweddingday。
Barbarawasalreadyupanddressedforridingwhenhermaidcametocallher;andnotingStacey'sastonishedeyesfixthemselvesonherboots,shesaid:
"Well,Stacey？"
"It'lltireyou。"
"Nonsense;I'mnotgoingtobehung。"
Refusingthecompanyofagroom,shemadeherwaytowardsthestretchofhighmoorwhereshehadriddenwithCourtierayearago。Hereovertheshort,asyetunflowering,heather,therewasamileormoreoflevelgallopingground。Shemountedsteadily,andherspiritrode,asitwere,beforeher,longingtogetupthereamongthepeewitsandcurlew,tofeelthecrisp,peatyearthslipawayunderher,andthewinddriveinherface,underthatdeepbluesky。
Carriedbythiswarm—bloodedsweetheartofhers,readytojumpoutofhissmoothhidewithpleasure,snufflingandsneezinginsheerjoy,whoseeyeshecouldseestrayingroundtocatchaglimpseofherintentions,fromwhoselipsshecouldhearissuingthesweetbitt—
music,whosevagariesevenseemeddesignedtostartlefromheracloserembracing——shewasfilledwithasortofdeliciousimpatiencewitheverythingthatwasnotthisperfectcommuningwithvigour。
Reachingthetop,sheputhimintoagallop。Withthewindfuriouslyassailingherfaceandthroat,everymusclecrisped;andallherbloodtingling——thiswasaveryecstasyofmotion！
ShereinedinatthecairnwhencesheandCourtierhadlookeddownattheherdsofponies。Itwasthemerestmemorynow,vagueandalittlesweet,liketheremembranceofsomeexceptionalSpringday,whentreesseemtoflowerbeforeyoureyes,andinsheerwantonnessexhaleascentoflemons。Theponiesweretherestill,andindistancetheshiningsea。Shesatthinkingofnothing,buthowgooditwastobealive。Thefullnessandsweetnessofitall,thefreedomandstrength！AwaytotheWestoveralonelyfarmshecouldseetwobuzzardhawkshuntinginwidecircles。Shedidnotenvythem——sohappywasshe,ashappyasthemorning。Andtherecametohersuddenlythetrue,theovermasteringlongingofmountaintops。
"Imust,"shethought;"Isimplymust！"
Slippingoffherhorseshelaydownonherback,andatonceeverythingwaslostexceptthesky。Overherbody,supportedabovesolidearthbythewarm,softheather,thewindskimmedwithoutsoundortouch。Herspiritbecameonewiththatcalmunimaginablefreedom。
Transportedbeyondherowncontentment,shenolongerevenknewwhethershewasjoyful。
ThehorseHal,attemptingtoeathersleeve,arousedher。Shemountedhim,androdedown。Nearhomeshetookashortcutacrossameadow,throughwhichflowedtwothinbrightstreams,formingadeltafulloflingering'milkmaids,'mauvemarshorchis,andyellowflags。
>Fromendtoendofthislongmeadow,sovaried,sopiedwithtreesandstones,andflowers,andwater,thelastoftheSpringwaspassing。
Someponies,shylycuriousofBarbaraandherhorse,stoleup,andstoodatasafedistance,withtheirnosesdubiouslystretchedout,swishingtheirleantails。Andsuddenly,farup,followingtheirownmusic,twocuckoosflewacross,seekingthethorn—treesoutonthemoor。Whileshewaswatchingthearrowybirds,shecaughtsightofsomeonecomingtowardsherfromaclumpofbeech—trees,andsuddenlysawthatitwasMrs。Noel！
Sherodeforward,flushing。Whatdaredshesay？Couldshespeakofherwedding,andbetrayMiltoun'spresence？Couldsheopenhermouthatallwithoutrousingpainfulfeelingofsomesort？Then,impatientofindecision,shebegan:
"I'msogladtoseeyouagain。Ididn'tknowyouwerestilldownhere。"
"IonlycamebacktoEnglandyesterday,andI'mjustheretoseetothepackingofmythings。"
"Oh！"murmuredBarbara。"Youknowwhat'shappeningtome,I
suppose？"
Mrs。Noelsmiled,lookedup,andsaid:"Iheardlastnight。Alljoytoyou！"
AlumproseinBarbara'sthroat。
"I'msogladtohaveseenyou,"shemurmuredoncemore;"IexpectI
oughttobegettingon,"andwiththeword"Good—bye,"gentlyechoed,sherodeaway。
Buthermoodofdelightwasgone;eventhehorseHalseemedtotreadunevenly,forallthathewasgoingbacktothatstablewhicheverappearedtohimdesirabletenminutesafterhehadleftit。
Exceptthathereyesseemeddarker,Mrs。Noelhadnotchanged。Ifshehadshownthefaintestsignofself—pity,thegirlwouldneverhavefelt,asshedidnow,sosorryandupset。
Leavingthestables,shesawthatthewindwasdrivingupahuge,white,shiningcloud。"Isn'titgoingtobefineafterall！"shethought。
Re—enteringthehousebyanoldandso—calledsecretstairwaythatledstraighttothelibrary,shehadtotraversethatgreatdarkroom。There,buriedinanarmchairinfrontofthehearthshesawMiltounwithabookonhisknee,notreading,butlookingupatthepictureoftheoldCardinal。Shehurriedon,tiptoeingoverthe。
softcarpet,holdingherbreath,fearfulofdisturbingthequeerinterview,feelingguilty,too,ofhernewknowledge,whichshedidnotmeantoimpart。Shehadburntherfingersonceattheflamebetweenthem;shewouldnotdosoasecondtime！
Throughthewindowatthefarendshesawthatthecloudhadburst;
itwasrainingfuriously。Sheregainedherbedroomunseen。Inspiteofherjoyoutthereonthemoor,thislastadventureofhergirlhoodhadnotbeenallsuccess;shehadagaintheoldsensations,theolddoubts,thedissatisfactionwhichshehadthoughtdead。Thosetwo！
Toshutone'seyes,andbehappy——wasitpossible！Agreatrainbow,thenearestshehadeverseen,hadsprungupinthepark,andwascometoearthagaininsomefieldscloseby。Thesunwasshiningoutalreadythroughthewind—drivenbrightrain。Jewelsofbluehadbeguntostartheblackandwhiteandgoldenclouds。Astrangewhitelight—ghostofSpringpassinginthislastviolentoutburst—paintedtheleavesofeverytree;andahundredsavagehueshadcomedownlikeamotleyofbrightbirdsonmoorandfields。
ThemomentofdesperatebeautycaughtBarbarabythethroat。Itsspiritofgallopingwildnessflewstraightintoherheart。Sheclaspedherhandsacrossherbreasttotryandkeepthatmoment。Farout,acuckoohooted—andtheimmortalcallpassedonthewind。Inthatcallallthebeauty,andcolour,andraptureoflifeseemedtobeflyingby。Ifshecouldonlyseizeandevermorehaveitinherheart,asthebuttercupsoutthereimprisonedthesun,orthefallenraindropsonthesweetbriarsroundthewindowsenclosedallchanginglight！Ifonlytherewerenochains,nowalls,andfinalityweredead！
Herclockstruckten。Atthistimeto—morrow！Hercheeksturnedhot;inamirrorshecouldseethemburning,herlipsscornfullycurved,hereyesstrange。Standingthere,shelookedlongatherself,till,littlebylittle,herfacelosteveryvestigeofthatdisturbance,becamesolidandresoluteagain。Sheceasedtohavethegallopingwildfeelinginherheart,andinsteadfeltcold。Detachedfromherselfshewatched,withcontentment,herowncalmandradiantbeautyresumethearmourithadforthatmomentputoff。
Afterdinnerthatnight,whenthemenleftthedining—hall,Miltounslippedawaytohisden。Ofallthosepresentinthelittlechurchhehadseemedmostunemotional,andhadbeenmostmoved。Thoughithadbeensoquietandprivateawedding,hehadresentedallcheapfestivityaccompanyingthepassingofhisyoungsister。HewouldhavehadthatceremonyinthelittledarkdisusedchapelattheCourt;thosetwo,andthepriestalone。Here,inthishalf—paganlittlecountrychurchsmotheredhastilyinflowers,withtherawsingingofthehalf—paganchoir,andallthevillagecuriosityandhomage—everythinghadjarred,andthestaleaftermathsickenedhim。
Changinghisswallow—tailtoanoldsmokingjacket,hewentoutontothelawn。Inthewidedarknesshecouldridhimselfofhisexasperation。
SincethedayofhiselectionhehadnotoncebeenatMonkland;sinceMrs。Noel'sflighthehadneverleftLondon。InLondonandworkhehadburiedhimself;byLondonandworkhehadsavedhimself！Hehadgonedownintothebattle。
Dewhadnotyetfallen,andhetookthepathacrossthefields。
Therewasnomoon,nostars,nowind;thecattlewerenoiselessunderthetrees;therewerenoowlscalling,nonight—jarschurring,thefly—by—nightchaferswerenotabroad。Thestreamalonewasaliveinthequietdarkness。AndasMiltounfollowedthewispylineofgreypathcleavingthedimglamourofdaisiesandbuttercups,therecametohimthefeelingthathewasinthepresence,notofsleep,butofeternalwaiting。Thesoundofhisfootfallsseemeddesecration。Sodevotionalwasthathush,burningthespicyincenseofmillionsofleavesandbladesofgrass。
Crossingthelaststilehecameout,closetoherdesertedcottage,underherlime—tree,whichonthenightofCourtier'sadventurehadhungblue—blackroundthemoon。Onthatside,onlyarail,andafewshrubsconfinedhergarden。
Thehousewasalldark,butthemanytallwhiteflowers,likeabrightvapourrisingfromearth,clungtotheairabovethebeds。
LeaningagainstthetreeMiltoungavehimselftomemory。
>Fromthesilentboughswhichdroopedroundhisdarkfigure,alittlesleepybirdutteredafaintcheep;ahedgehog,orsomesmallbeastofnight,rustledawayinthegrasscloseby;amothflewpast,seekingitscandleflame。AndsomethinginMiltoun'shearttookwingsafterit,searchingforthewarmthandlightofhisblowncandleoflove。
Then,inthehushheheardasoundasofabranchceaselesslytrailedthroughlonggrass,fainterandfainter,moreandmoredistinct;
againfainter;butnothingcouldheseethatshouldmakethathomelesssound。Andthesenseofsomenearbutunseenpresencecreptonhim,tillthehairmovedonhisscalp。IfGodwouldlightthemoonorstars,andlethimsee！IfGodwouldendtheexpectationofthisnight,letonewanglimmerdownintohergarden,andonewanglimmerintohisbreast！Butitstayeddark,andthehomelessnoiseneverceased。TheweirdthoughtcametoMiltounthatitwasmadebyhisownheart,wanderingoutthere,tryingtofeelwarmagain。Heclosedhiseyesandatonceknewthatitwasnothisheart,butindeedsomeexternalpresence,unconsoled。Andstretchinghishandsouthemovedforwardtoarrestthatsound。Ashereachedtherailing,itceased。Andhesawaflameleapup,apalebroadpathwayoflightblanchingthegrass。
And,realizingthatshewasthere,within,hegasped。Hisfinger—
nailsbentandbrokeagainsttheironrailingwithouthisknowing。
Itwasnotasonthatnightwhentheredflowersonherwindowsillhadwaftedtheirscenttohim;itwasnosheeroverpoweringrushofpassion。Profounder,moreterrible,wasthisrisingupwithinhimofyearningforlove——asif,nowdefeated,itwouldnevermorestir,butliedeadonthatdarkgrassbeneaththosedarkboughs。Andifvictorious——whatthen？Hestolebackunderthetree。
Hecouldseelittlewhitemothstravellingdownthatpathoflamplight;hecouldseethewhiteflowersquiteplainlynow,apalewatchofblossomsguardingthedarksleepyones;andhestood,notreasoning,hardlyanylongerfeeling;stunned,batteredbystruggle。
Hisfaceandhandswerestickywiththehoney—dew,slowly,invisiblydistillingfromthelime—tree。Hebentdownandfeltthegrass。Andsuddenlytherecameoverhimthecertaintyofherpresence。Yes,shewasthere——outontheverandah！Hecouldseeherwhitefigurefromheadtofoot;and,notrealizingthatshecouldnotseehim,heexpectedhertouttersomecry。Butnosoundcamefromher,nogesture;sheturnedbackintothehouse。Miltounranforwardtotherailing。Butthere,oncemore,hestopped——unabletothink,unabletofeel;asitwereabandonedbyhimself。Andhesuddenlyfoundhishandupathismouth,asthoughtherewerebloodtheretobestaunchedthathadescapedfromhisheart。
Stillholdingthathandbeforehismouth,andsmotheringthesoundofhisfeetinthelonggrass,hecreptaway。
CHAPTERXXX
InthegreatglasshouseatRavensham,LadyCasterleystoodclosetosomeJapaneselilies,withaletterinherhand。Herfacewasverywhite,foritwasthefirstdayshehadbeenalloweddownafteranattackofinfluenza;norhadthehandinwhichsheheldtheletteritsusualsteadiness。Sheread:
"MONKLANDCOURT。
"Justaline,dear,beforethepostgoes,totellyouthatBabshasgoneoffhappily。Thechildlookedbeautiful。Shesentyouherlove,andsomeabsurdmessage——thatyouwouldbegladtohear,shewasperfectlysafe,withbothfeetfirmlyontheground。"
AgrimlittlesmileplayedonLadyCasterley'spalelips:—Yes,indeed,andtimetoo！Thechildhadbeenveryneartheedgeofthecliffs！Verynearcommittingapieceofromanticfolly！Thatwaswellover！Andraisingtheletteragain,shereadon:
"Wewerealldownforit,ofcourse,andcomebacktomorrow。
Geoffreyisquitecutup。Thingscan'tbewhattheywerewithoutourBabs。I'vewatchedEustaceverycarefully,andIreallybelievehe'ssafelyoverthataffairatlast。HeisdoingextraordinarilywellintheHousejustnow。GeoffreysayshisspeechonthePoorLawwasheadandshouldersthebestmade。"
LadyCasterleyletfallthehandwhichheldtheletter。Safe？Yes,hewassafe！Hehaddonetheright——thenaturalthing！Andintimehewouldbehappy！Hewouldrisenowtothatpinnacleofdesiredauthoritywhichshehaddreamedofforhim,eversincehewasatinything,eversincehislittlethinbrownhandhadclaspedhersintheirwanderingsamongsttheflowers,andthefurnitureoftallrooms。But,asshestood——crumplingtheletter,grey—whiteassomesmallresoluteghost,amonghertallliliesthatfilledwiththeirscentthegreatglasshouse—shadowsflittedacrossherface。Wasitthefugitivenoonsunshine？OrwasitsomeglimmeringperceptionoftheoldGreeksaying——'CharacterisFate;'somesuddensenseoftheuniversaltruththatallareinbondtotheirownnatures,andwhatamanhasmostdesiredshallintheendenslavehim？