"What’sonyourmind，Mr。Chops？"
　　"Theydon’tusemewell。Theyan’tgratefultome。Theyputsmeonthemantel—piecewhenIwon’thaveinmoreChampagne—wine，andtheylocksmeinthesideboardwhenIwon’tgiveupmyproperty。"
　　"Getridof’em，Mr。Chops。"
　　"Ican’t。We’reinSocietytogether，andwhatwouldSocietysay？"
　　"ComeoutofSociety！"saysI。
　　"Ican’t。Youdon’tknowwhatyou’retalkingabout。WhenyouhaveoncegoneintoSociety，youmustn’tcomeoutofit。"
　　"Thenifyou’llexcusethefreedom，Mr。Chops，"weremyremark，shakingmyheadgrave，"Ithinkit’sapityyoueverwentin。"
　　Mr。ChopsshookthatdeepEdofhis，toasurprisinextent，andslappedithalfadozentimeswithhishand，andwithmoreWicethanIthoughtwereinhim。Then，hesays，"You’reagoodfellow，butyoudon’tunderstand。Good—night，goalong。Magsman，thelittlemanwillnowwalkthreetimesroundtheCairawan，andretirebehindthecurtain。"ThelastIseeofhimonthatoccasionwashistryin，ontheextremestwergeofinsensibility，toclimbupthestairs，onebyone，withhishandsandknees。They’dhavebeenmuchtoosteepforhim，ifhehadbeensober;buthewouldn’tbehelped。
　　Itwarn’tlongafterthat，thatIreadinthenewspaperofMr。
　　Chops’sbeingpresentedatcourt。Itwasprinted，"Itwillberecollected"——andI’venoticedinmylife，thatitissuretobeprintedthatitWILLberecollected，wheneveritwon’t——"thatMr。
　　Chopsistheindividualofsmallstature，whosebrilliantsuccessinthelastStateLotteryattractedsomuchattention。"Well，Isaystomyself，SuchisLife！Hehasbeenanddoneitinearnestatlast。HehasastonishedGeorgetheFourth！
　　（Onaccountofwhich，Ihadthatcanvassnew—painted，himwithabagofmoneyinhishand，apresentinittoGeorgetheFourth，andaladyinOstrichFeathersfallininlovewithhiminabag—wig，sword，andbucklescorrect。）
　　ItooktheHouseasisthesubjectofpresentinquiries——thoughnotthehonourofbeinacquainted——andIrunMagsman’sAmusementsinitthirteenmonths——sometimesonething，sometimesanother，sometimesnothinparticular，butalwaysallthecanvassesoutside。Onenight，whenwehadplayedthelastcompanyout，whichwasashycompany，throughitsrainingHeavenshard，Iwastakinapipeintheonepairbackalongwiththeyoungmanwiththetoes，whichIhadtakenonforamonth（thoughheneverdrawed——exceptonpaper），andIheardakickinatthestreetdoor。"Halloa！"Isaystotheyoungman，"what’sup！"Herubshiseyebrowswithhistoes，andhesays，"I
　　can’timagine，Mr。Magsman"——whichhenevercouldimaginenothin，andwasmonotonouscompany。
　　Thenoisenotleavinoff，Ilaiddownmypipe，andItookupacandle，andIwentdownandopenedthedoor。Ilookedoutintothestreet;butnothincouldIsee，andnothinwasIawareof，untilI
　　turnedroundquick，becausesomecreeturrunbetweenmylegsintothepassage。TherewasMr。Chops！
　　"Magsman，"hesays，"takeme，ontheoldterms，andyou’vegotme;
　　ifit’sdone，saydone！"
　　Iwasallofamaze，butIsaid，"Done，sir。"
　　"Donetoyourdone，anddoubledone！"sayshe。"Haveyougotabitofsupperinthehouse？"
　　Bearininmindthemsparklinwarietiesofforeigndrainsaswe’dguzzledawayatinPallMall，Iwasashamedtoofferhimcoldsassagesandgin—and—water;buthetook’embothandtook’emfree;
　　havinachairforhistable，andsittindownatitonastool，likeholdtimes。I，allofamazeallthewhile。
　　Itwasarterhehadmadeacleansweepofthesassages（beef，andtothebestofmycalculationstwopoundandaquarter），thatthewisdomaswasinthatlittlemanbegantocomeoutofhimlikeprespiration。
　　"Magsman，"hesays，"lookuponme！Youseeaforeyou，OneashasbothgoneintoSocietyandcomeout。"
　　"O！YouAREoutofit，Mr。Chops？Howdidyougetout，sir？"
　　"SOLDOUT！"sayshe。YouneversawthelikeofthewisdomashisEdexpressed，whenhemadeuseofthemtwowords。
　　"MyfriendMagsman，I’llimparttoyouadiscoveryI’vemade。It’swallable;it’scosttwelvethousandfivehundredpound;itmaydoyougoodinlife——Thesecretofthismatteris，thatitain’tsomuchthatapersongoesintoSociety，asthatSocietygoesintoaperson。"
　　Notexactlykeepinupwithhismeanin，Ishookmyhead，putonadeeplook，andsaid，"You’rerightthere，Mr。Chops。"
　　"Magsman，"hesays，twitchinmebytheleg，"Societyhasgoneintome，tothetuneofeverypennyofmyproperty。"
　　IfeltthatIwentpale，andthoughnat’rallyaboldspeaker，I
　　couldn’thardlysay，"Where’sNormandy？"
　　"Bolted。Withtheplate，"saidMr。Chops。
　　"Andt’otherone？"meaninghimasformerlyworethebishop’smitre。
　　"Bolted。Withthejewels，"saidMr。Chops。
　　Isatdownandlookedathim，andhestoodupandlookedatme。
　　"Magsman，"hesays，andheseemedtomyselftogetwiserashegothoarser;"Society，takeninthelump，isalldwarfs。AtthecourtofSt。James’s，theywasalladoingmyoldbusiness——allagointhreetimesroundtheCairawan，intheholdcourt—suitsandproperties。Elsewheres，theywasmostof’emringintheirlittlebellsoutofmake—believes。Everywheres，thesarserwasagoinround。Magsman，thesarseristheuniwersalInstitution！"
　　Iperceived，youunderstand，thathewassouredbyhismisfortunes，andIfeltforMr。Chops。
　　"AstoFatLadies，"hesays，givinghisheadatremendiousoneaginthewall，"there’slotsofTHEMinSociety，andworsethantheoriginal。HERSwasaoutrageuponTaste——simplyaoutrageuponTaste——awakenincontempt——carryinitsownpunishmentintheformofaIndian。"Herehegivhimselfanothertremendiousone。"ButTHEIRS，Magsman，THEIRSismercenaryoutrages。LayinCashmeershawls，buybracelets，strew’emandalotof’andsomefansandthingsaboutyourrooms，letitbeknownthatyougiveawaylikewatertoallascometoadmire，andtheFatLadiesthatdon’texhibitforsomuchdownuponthedrum，willcomefromallthepintsofthecompasstoflockaboutyou，whateveryouare。They’lldrillholesinyour’art，Magsman，likeaCullender。Andwhenyou’venomorelefttogive，they’lllaughatyoutoyourface，andleaveyoutohaveyourbonespickeddrybyWulturs，likethedeadWildAssofthePrairiesthatyoudeservetobe！"Herehegivhimselfthemosttremendiousoneofall，anddropped。
　　Ithoughthewasgone。HisEdwassoheavy，andheknockeditsohard，andhefellsostoney，andthesassagerialdisturbanceinhimmusthavebeensoimmense，thatIthoughthewasgone。But，hesooncomeroundwithcare，andhesatuponthefloor，andhesaidtome，withwisdomcominoutofhiseyes，ifeveritcome:
　　"Magsman！Themostmaterialdifferencebetweenthetwostatesofexistencethroughwhichyourunhappyfriendhaspassed;"hereachedouthispoorlittlehand，andhistearsdroppeddownonthemoustachiowhichitwasacredittohimtohavedonehisbesttogrow，butitisnotinmortalstocommandsuccess，——"thedifferencethis。WhenIwasoutofSociety，Iwaspaidlightforbeingseen。
　　WhenIwentintoSociety，Ipaidheavyforbeingseen。Iprefertheformer，evenifIwasn’tforceduponit。Givemeoutthroughthetrumpet，intheholdway，to—morrow。"
　　Arterthat，heslidintothelineagainaseasyasifhehadbeeniledallover。Buttheorganwaskepfromhim，andnoallusionswasevermade，whenacompanywasin，tohisproperty。Hegotwisereveryday;hisviewsofSocietyandthePublicwasluminous，bewilderin，awful;andhisEdgotbiggerandbiggerashisWisdomexpandedit。
　　Hetookwell，andpulled’eminmostexcellentfornineweeks。Attheexpirationofthatperiod，whenhisEdwasasight，heexpressedoneevenin，thelastCompanyhavinbeenturnedout，andthedoorshut，awishtohavealittlemusic。
　　"Mr。Chops，"Isaid（Ineverdroppedthe"Mr。"withhim;theworldmightdoit，butnotme）;"Mr。Chops，areyousureasyouareinastateofmindandbodytositupontheorgan？"
　　Hisanswerwasthis:"Toby，whennextmetwithonthetramp，I
　　forgiveherandtheIndian。AndIam。"
　　ItwaswithfearandtremblingthatIbegantoturnthehandle;buthesatlikealamb。Iwillbemybelieftomydyingday，thatIseehisEdexpandashesat;youmaythereforejudgehowgreathisthoughtswas。Hesatoutallthechanges，andthenhecomeoff。
　　"Toby，"hesays，withaquietsmile，"thelittlemanwillnowwalkthreetimesroundtheCairawan，andretirebehindthecurtain。"
　　Whenwecalledhiminthemorning，wefoundhimgoneintoamuchbetterSocietythanmineorPallMall’s。IgivMr。Chopsascomfortableafuneralaslayinmypower，followedmyselfasChief，andhadtheGeorgetheFourthcanvasscarriedfirst，intheformofabanner。But，theHousewassodismalarterwards，thatIgivitup，andtooktotheWanagain。
　　"Idon’ttriumph，"saidJarber，foldingupthesecondmanuscript，andlookinghardatTrottle。"Idon’ttriumphoverthisworthycreature。Imerelyaskhimifheissatisfiednow？"
　　"Howcanhebeanythingelse？"Isaid，answeringforTrottle，whosatobstinatelysilent。"Thistime，Jarber，youhavenotonlyreadusadelightfullyamusingstory，butyouhavealsoansweredthequestionabouttheHouse。Ofcourseitstandsemptynow。Whowouldthinkoftakingitafterithadbeenturnedintoacaravan？"I
　　lookedatTrottle，asIsaidthoselastwords，andJarberwavedhishandindulgentlyinthesamedirection。
　　"Letthisexcellentpersonspeak，"saidJarber。"Youwereabouttosay，mygoodman？"—
　　"Ionlywishedtoask，sir，"saidTrottledoggedly，"ifyoucouldkindlyobligemewithadateortwoinconnectionwiththatlaststory？"
　　"Adate！"repeatedJarber。"Whatdoesthemanwantwithdates！"
　　"Ishouldbegladtoknow，withgreatrespect，"persistedTrottle，"ifthepersonnamedMagsmanwasthelasttenantwholivedintheHouse。It’smyopinion——ifImaybeexcusedforgivingit——thathemostdecidedlywasnot。"
　　Withthosewords，Trottlemadealowbow，andquietlylefttheroom。
　　ThereisnodenyingthatJarber，whenwewerelefttogether，lookedsadlydiscomposed。Hehadevidentlyforgottentoinquireaboutdates;and，inspiteofhismagnificenttalkabouthisseriesofdiscoveries，itwasquiteasplainthatthetwostorieshehadjustread，hadreallyandtrulyexhaustedhispresentstock。Ithoughtmyselfbound，incommongratitude，tohelphimoutofhisembarrassmentbyatimelysuggestion。SoIproposedthatheshouldcometoteaagain，onthenextMondayevening，thethirteenth，andshouldmakesuchinquiriesinthemeantime，asmightenablehimtodisposetriumphantlyofTrottle’sobjection。
　　Hegallantlykissedmyhand，madeaneatlittlespeechofacknowledgment，andtookhisleave。FortherestoftheweekI
　　wouldnotencourageTrottlebyallowinghimtorefertotheHouseatall。Isuspectedhewasmakinghisowninquiriesaboutdates，butI
　　putnoquestionstohim。
　　OnMondayevening，thethirteenth，thatdearunfortunateJarbercame，punctualtotheappointedtime。Helookedsoterriblyharassed，thathewasreallyquiteaspectacleoffeeblenessandfatigue。Isaw，ataglance，thatthequestionofdateshadgoneagainsthim，thatMr。MagsmanhadnotbeenthelasttenantoftheHouse，andthatthereasonofitsemptinesswasstilltoseek。
　　"WhatIhavegonethrough，"saidJarber，"wordsarenoteloquentenoughtotell。OSophonisba，Ihavebegunanotherseriesofdiscoveries！Acceptthelasttwoasstorieslaidonyourshrine;
　　andwaittoblamemeforleavingyourcuriosityunappeased，untilyouhaveheardNumberThree。"
　　NumberThreelookedlikeaveryshortmanuscript，andIsaidasmuch。Jarberexplainedtomethatweweretohavesomepoetrythistime。InthecourseofhisinvestigationshehadsteppedintotheCirculatingLibrary，toseekforinformationontheoneimportantsubject。AlltheLibrary—peopleknewabouttheHousewas，thatafemalerelativeofthelasttenant，astheybelieved，had，justafterthattenantleft，sentalittlemanuscriptpoemtothemwhichshedescribedasreferringtoeventsthathadactuallypassedintheHouse;andwhichshewantedtheproprietoroftheLibrarytopublish。Shehadwrittennoaddressonherletter;andtheproprietorhadkeptthemanuscriptreadytobegivenbacktoher（thepublishingofpoemsnotbeinginhisline）whenshemightcallforit。Shehadnevercalledforit;andthepoemhadbeenlenttoJarber，athisexpressrequest，toreadtome。
　　Beforehebegan，IrangthebellforTrottle;beingdeterminedtohavehimpresentatthenewreading，asawholesomecheckonhisobstinacy。TomysurprisePeggyansweredthebell，andtoldme，thatTrottlehadsteppedoutwithoutsayingwhere。Iinstantlyfeltthestrongestpossibleconvictionthathewasathisoldtricks:
　　andthathissteppingoutintheevening，withoutleave，meant——
　　Philandering。
　　Controllingmyselfonmyvisitor’saccount，IdismissedPeggy，stifledmyindignation，andprepared，aspolitelyasmightbe，tolistentoJarber。