thisfairyprincessofachildalreadytohavesomeone!Hewonderedifshewentaboutaskingeveryonethesequestions,withthatsomeoneinherthoughts。Poorchild!Andquicklyhesaid:
"Afterall,lookatme!Iwasoutthereayear,andhereIamwithonlyhalfagameleg;timeswerealotworse,then,too。IoftenwishIwerebackthere。Anything’sbetterthanLondonandtheWarOffice。"Butjustthenhesawthepadrecoming,andtookherhand。
"Goodnight,MissPierson。Don’tworry。Thatdoesnogood,andthereisn’thalftheriskyouthink。"
Herhandstirred,squeezedhisgratefully,asachild’swouldsqueeze。
"Goodnight,"shemurmured;"thankyouawfully。"
And,inthedarkcabagain,herememberedthinking:’Fancythatchild!Ajollyluckyboy,outthere!Toobad!Poorlittlefairyprincess!’
PARTII
I
1
Towashupisnotanexcitingoperation。TowashupinAugustbecameforNoelaprocesswhichtaxedherstrengthandenthusiasm。Shecombineditwithotherformsofinstructionintheartofnursing,hadverylittleleisure,andintheeveningsathomewouldoftenfallasleepcurledupinalargechintz—coveredchair。
GeorgeandGratianhadlonggonebacktotheirrespectivehospitals,andsheandherfatherhadthehousetothemselves。ShereceivedmanylettersfromCyrilwhichshecarriedaboutwithherandreadonherwaytoandfromthehospital;andeveryotherdayshewrotetohim。Hewasnotyetinthefiringline;hislettersweredescriptiveofhismen,hisfood,orthenatives,orreminiscentofKestrel;hersdescriptiveofwashingup,orreminiscentofKestrel。Butinboththerewasalwayssomelittlewordofthelongingwithinthem。
ItwastowardstheendofAugustwhenshehadtheletterwhichsaidthathehadbeenmovedup。Fromnowonhewouldbeinhourlydanger!
Thateveningafterdinnershedidnotgotosleepinthechair,butsatundertheopenwindow,clenchingherhands,andreading"PrideandPrejudice"withoutunderstandingaword。Whileshewassoengagedherfathercameupandsaid:
"CaptainFort,Nollie。Willyougivehimsomecoffee?I’mafraidI
mustgoout。"
Whenhehadgone,Noellookedathervisitordrinkinghiscoffee。Hehadbeenoutthere,too,andhewasalive;withonlyalittlelimp。
Thevisitorsmiledandsaid:
"Whatwereyouthinkingaboutwhenwecamein?"
"Onlythewar。"
"Anynewsofhim?"
Noelfrowned,shehatedtoshowherfeelings。
"Yes!he’sgonetotheFront。Won’tyouhaveacigarette?"
"Thanks。Willyou?"
"Iwantoneawfully。Ithinksittingstillandwaitingismoredreadfulthananythingintheworld。"
"Except,knowingthatothersarewaiting。WhenIwasoutthereI
usedtoworryhorriblyovermymother。Shewasillatthetime。Thecruelestthinginwaristheanxietyofpeopleabouteachother——
nothingtouchesthat。"
ThewordsexactlysummedupNoel’shourlythought。Hesaidnicethings,thismanwiththelonglegsandthethinbrownbumpyface!
"IwishIwereaman,"shesaid,"Ithinkwomenhavemuchtheworsttimeinthewar。Isyourmotherold?"Butofcourseshewasoldwhyhewasoldhimself!
"ShediedlastChristmas。"
"Oh!I’msosorry!"
"Youlostyourmotherwhenyouwereababe,didn’tyou?"
"Yes。That’sherportrait。"Attheendoftheroom,hangingonastripofblackvelvetwasapastel,veryfaintincolouring,asthoughfaded,ofayoungwoman,withaneager,sweetface,darkeyes,andbentalittleforward,asifquestioningherpainter。Fortwentuptoit。
"It’snotabitlikeyou。Butshemusthavebeenaverysweetwoman。"
"It’sasortofpresenceintheroom。IwishIwerelikeher!"
Fortturned。"No,"hesaid;"no。Betterasyouare。Itwouldonlyhavespoiledacompletething。"
"Shewasgood。"
"Andaren’tyou?"
"Oh!no。Igetadevil。"
"You!Why,you’reoutofafairy—tale!"
"ItcomesfromDaddy——onlyhedoesn’tknow,becausehe’saperfectsaint;butIknowhe’shadadevilsomewhere,orhecouldn’tbethesaintheis。"
"H’m!"saidFort。"That’sverydeep:andIbelieveit’strue——thesaintsdidhavedevils。"
"PoorDaddy’sdevilhasbeendeadages。It’sbeenstarvedoutofhim,Ithink。"
"Doesyourdevilevergetawaywithyou?"
Noelfelthercheeksgrowingredunderhisstare,andsheturnedtothewindow:
"Yes。It’sarealdevil。"
VividlytherehadcomebeforeherthedarkAbbey,andthemoonbalancingoverthetopofthecrumblingwall,andthewhiteowlflyingacross。And,speakingtotheair,shesaid:
"Itmakesyoudothingsthatyouwanttodo。"
Shewonderedifhewouldlaugh——itsoundedsosilly。Buthedidnot。
"Anddamntheconsequences?Iknow。It’sratherajollythingtohave。"
Noelshookherhead。"Here’sDaddycomingback!"
Fortheldouthishand。
"Iwon’tstay。Goodnight;anddon’tworrytoomuch,willyou?"
Hekeptherhandratheralongtime,andgaveitahardsqueeze。
Don’tworry!Whatadvice!Ah!ifshecouldseeCyriljustforaminute!
2
InSeptember,1916,SaturdaystillcamebeforeSunday,inspiteofthewar。ForEdwardPiersonthisSaturdayhadbeenastrenuousday,andevennow,atnearlymidnight,hewasstillconninghisjust—
completedsermon。
Apatriotofpatriots,hehadoftenapassionatelongingtoresignhisparish,andgolikehiscurateforachaplainattheFront。Itseemedtohimthatpeoplemustthinkhislifeidleandshelteredanduseless。EvenintimesofpeacehehadbeensensitiveenoughtofeelthecolddraughtyblastswhichtheChurchencountersinamaterialage。Heknewthatninepeopleoutoftenlookedonhimassomethingofaparasite,withnorealworkintheworld。Andsincehewasnothingifnotconscientious,healwaysworkedhimselftothebone。
To—dayhehadrisenathalf—pastsix,andafterhisbathandexercises,hadsatdowntohissermon——for,evennow,hewroteanewsermononceamonth,thoughhehadthefruitsoftwenty—sixyearstochoosefrom。True,thesenewsermonswererathercompiledthanwritten,because,bereftofhiscurate,hehadnottimeenoughforfreshthoughtonoldsubjects。AteighthehadbreakfastedwithNoel,beforeshewentofftoherhospital,whenceshewouldreturnateightintheevening。Ninetotenwashishourforseeingparishionerswhohadtroubles,orwantedhelporadvice,andhehadreceivedthreeto—daywhoallwantedhelp,whichhehadgiven。Fromtentoelevenhehadgonebacktohissermon,andhadspentfromeleventooneathischurch,attendingtosmallmatters,writingnotices,fixinghymns,holdingthedailyhalf—hourServiceinstitutedduringwartime,towhichbutfewevercame。Hehadhurriedbacktolunch,scampingitsothathemightgettohispianoforanhourofforgetfulness。Atthreehehadchristenedaverynoisybaby,andbeendetainedbyitsparentswhowishedforinformationonavarietyoftopics。Athalf—pastfourhehadsnatchedacupoftea,readingthepaper;andhadspentfromfivetosevenvisitingtwoParishClubs,andthosewhosewar—pensionmattershehadinhand,andfillingupformswhichwouldbekeptinofficialplacestillsuchtimeasthesystemshouldbechangedandafreshsetofformsissued。
>Fromseventoeighthewasathomeagain,incasehisflockwantedtoseehim;to—dayfoursheephadcome,andgoneaway,hewasafraid,butlittlethewiser。Fromhalf—pasteighttohalf—pastninehehadspentinchoirpractice,becausetheorganistwasonhisholiday。
Slowlyinthecooloftheeveninghehadwalkedhome,andfallenasleepinhischairongettingin。Atelevenhehadwokenwithastart,and,hardeninghisheart,hadgonebacktohissermon。Andnow,atnearlymidnight,itwasstilllessthantwentyminuteslong。
Helightedoneofhisrarecigarettes,andletthoughtwander。Howbeautifulthosepalepinkroseswereinthatoldsilverbowl—likealittlestrangepoem,orapieceofDebussymusic,oraMathieuMarispicture—remindinghimoddlyofthewordLeila。WashewronginlettingNoelseesomuchofLeila?Butthenshewassoimproved——
dearLeila!……Thepinkroseswerejustgoingtofall!Andyethowbeautiful!……Itwasquietto—night;hefeltverydrowsy……DidNolliestillthinkofthatyoungman,orhaditpassed?Shehadneverconfidedinhimsince!Afterthewar,itwouldbenicetotakehertoItaly,toallthelittletowns。TheywouldseetheAssisiofSt。Francis。TheLittleFlowersofSt。Francis。TheLittleFlowers!……Hishanddropped,thecigarettewentout。Hesleptwithhisfaceinshadow。Slowlyintothesilenceofhissleeplittlesinistersoundsintruded。Shortconcussions,dragginghimbackoutofthatdeepslumber。Hestartedup。Noelwasstandingatthedoor,inalongcoat。Shesaidinhercalmvoice:
"Zeps,Daddy!"
"Yes,mydear。Wherearethemaids?"
AnIrishvoiceansweredfromthehall:"Here,sir;trustin’inGod;
but’tisbetteronthegroundfloor。"
Hesawahuddleofthreefigures,queerlycostumed,againstthestairs。
"Yes,Yes,Bridgie;you’resafedownhere。"ThenhenoticedthatNoelwasgone。HefollowedheroutintotheSquare,alivewithfacesfaintlyluminousinthedarkness,andfoundheragainstthegardenrailings。
"Youmustcomebackin,Nollie。"
"Oh,no!Cyrilhasthiseveryday。"
Hestoodbesideher;notloth,forexcitementhadbeguntostirhisblood。Theystayedthereforsomeminutes,strainingtheireyesforsightofanythingsavethelittlezaggedsplashesofburstingshrapnel,whilevoicesbuzzed,andmuttered:"Look!There!There!
Thereitis!"
ButtheseershadeyesofgreaterfaiththanPierson’s,forhesawnothing:Hetookherarmatlast,andledherin。Inthehallshebrokefromhim。
"Let’sgoupontheroof,Daddy!"andranupstairs。
Againhefollowed,mountingbyaladder,throughatrapdoorontotheroof。
"It’ssplendiduphere!"shecried。
Hecouldseehereyesblazing,andthought:’Howmychilddoesloveexcitement——it’salmostterrible!’
Overthewide,dark,star—strewnskytravellingsearchlights,werelightingupthefewlittleclouds;thedomesandspiresrosefromamongthespread—outroofs,allfineandghostly。Thegunshadceasedfiring,asthoughpuzzled。Onedistantbangrumbledout。
"Abomb!Oh!IfwecouldonlygetoneoftheZeps!"
Afuriousoutburstoffiringfollowed,lastingperhapsaminute,thenceasedasifbymagic。Theysawtwosearchlightsconvergeandmeetrightoverhead。
"It’saboveus!"murmuredNoel。
Piersonputhisarmroundherwaist。’Shefeelsnofear!’hethought。Thesearch—lightsswitchedapart;andsuddenly,fromfaraway,cameaconfusionofweirdsounds。
"Whatisit?They’recheering。Oh!Daddy,look!"Thereintheheavens,towardstheeast,hungadullredthing,lengtheningastheygazed。
"They’vegotit。It’sonfire!Hurrah!"
Throughthedarkfirmamentthatfieryorangeshapebegancantingdownward;andthecheeringswelledinasavagefrenzyofsound。AndPierson’sarmtightenedonherwaist。
"ThankGod!"hemuttered。
Thebrightoblongseemedtobreakandspread,tilteddownbelowtheleveloftheroofs;andsuddenlytheheavensflared,asifsomehugejugofcrimsonlighthadbeenflungoutonthem。SomethingturnedoverinPierson’sheart;heflunguphishandtohiseyes。
"Thepoormeninit!"hesaid。"Howterrible!"
Noel’svoiceanswered,hardandpitiless:
"Theyneedn’thavecome。They’remurderers!"
Yes,theyweremurderers——buthowterrible!Andhestoodquivering,withhishandspressedtohisface,tillthecheeringhaddiedoutintosilence。
"Let’spray,Nollie!"hewhispered。"OGod,WhoinThygreatmercyhathdeliveredusfromperil,takeintoThykeepingthesoulsoftheseourenemies,consumedbyThywrathbeforeoureyes;giveusthepowertopitythem——menlikeourselves。"
ButevenwhileheprayedhecouldseeNoel’sfaceflame—whiteinthedarkness;and,asthatglowintheskyfadedout,hefeltoncemorethethrilloftriumph。
Theywentdowntotellthemaids,andforsometimeaftersatuptogether,talkingoverwhattheyhadseen,eatingbiscuitsanddrinkingmilk,whichtheywarmedonanetna。Itwasnearlytwoo’clockbeforetheywenttobed。Piersonfellasleepatonce,andneverturnedtillawakenedathalf—pastsixbyhisalarum。HehadHolyCommuniontoadministerateight,andhehurriedtogetearlytohischurchandseethatnothinguntowardhadhappenedtoit。Thereitstoodinthesunlight;tall,grey,quiet,unharmed,withbellgentlyringing。
3
AndatthathourCyrilMorland,undertheparapetofhistrench,tighteninghisbelt,waslookingathiswrist—watchforthehundredthtime,calculatingexactlywherehemeanttoputfootandhandforthegoingover:’Iabsolutelymustn’tletthosechapsgetinfrontofme,’hethought。Somanyyardsbeforethefirstlineoftrenches,somanyyardstothesecondline,andtherestop。Sohisrehearsalshadgone;itwastheperformancenow!Anotherminutebeforetheterrificracketofthedrum—fireshouldbecomethecurtain—fire,whichwouldadvancebeforethem。Heranhiseyedownthetrench。Themannexthimwaslickinghistwofirstfingers,asifhemightbegoingtobowlatcricket。Furtherdown,amanwasfeelinghisputtees。A
voicesaid:"Wotpricetheorchestranah!"Hesawteethgleaminfacesburntalmostblack。Thenhelookedup;theskywasbluebeyondthebrownishfilmofdustraisedbythestrikingshells。Noel!
Noel!Noel!……Hedughisfingersdeepintotheleftsideofhistunictillhecouldfeeltheoutlineofherphotographbetweenhisdispatch—caseandhisheart。Hisheartflutteredjustasitusedwhenhewasstretchedoutwithhandtouchingtheground,beforethestartofthe"hundredyards"atschool。Outofthecornerofhiseyehecaughttheflashofaman’s"briquet"lightingacigarette。Allrightforthosechaps,butnotforhim;hewantedallhisbreath——
thisrifle,andkitwerehandicapenough!Twodaysagohehadbeenreadinginsomepaperhowmenfeltjustbeforeanattack。Andnowheknew。Hejustfeltnervous。Ifonlythemomentwouldcome,andgetitselfover!Forallthethoughthegavetotheenemytheremighthavebeennone——nothingbutshellsandbullets,withlivesoftheirown。Heheardthewhistle;hisfootwasonthespothehadmarkeddown;hishandwherehehadseenit;hecalledout:"Now,boys!"Hisheadwasoverthetop,hisbodyover;hewasconsciousofsomeonefalling,andtwomenneckandneckbesidehim。Nottotryandrun,nottobreakoutofawalk;togosteady,andyetkeepahead!D——ntheseholes!Abullettorethroughhissleeve,grazinghisarm——ared—hotsensation,likethetouchofaniron。ABritishshellfromcloseoverhisheadburstsixtyyardsahead;hestumbled,fellflat,pickedhimselfup。Threeaheadofhimnow!Hewalkedfaster,anddrewalongside。Twoofthemfell。’Whatluck!’hethought;andgrippinghisrifleharder,pitchedheadlongintoadeclivity。Deadbodieslaythere!ThefirstGermantrenchline,andnothingaliveinit,nothingtocleanup,nothingofitleft!Hestopped,gettinghiswind;watchingthemenpantingandstumblingin。Theroarofthegunswaslouderthaneveragain,barragingthesecondline。Sofar,good!Andherewashiscaptain!
"Ready,boys?On,then!"
Thistimehemovedmoreslowlystill,overterriblegoing,allholesandhummocks。Halfconsciouslyhetookcoverallhecould。Theairwasalivewiththewhistlefrommachine—gunfirestormingacrosszigzagfashion—aliveitwaswithbullets,dust,andsmoke。’HowshallItellher?’hethought。Therewouldbenothingtotellbutjustasortofjaggedbrownsensation。Hekepthiseyessteadilybeforehim,notwantingtoseethemenfalling,notwantinganythingtodiverthimfromgettingthere。Hefeltthefaintfanningofthepassingbullets。Thesecondlinemustbeclosenow。Whydidn’tthatbarragelift?Wasthisnewdodgeoffiringtillthelastsecondgoingtodothemin?Anotherhundredyardsandhewouldbebangintoit。Heflunghimselfflatandwaited;lookingathiswrist—watchhenotedthathisarmwassoakedwithblood。Hethought:’Awound!NowIshallgohome。ThankGod!Oh,Noel!’Thepassingbulletswhirledabovehim;hecouldhearthemeventhroughthescreechandthunderoftheshell—fire。’Thebeastlythings!’hethought:Avoicebesidehimgaspedout:
"It’slifted,sir。"
Hecalled:"Comeon,boys!"andwentforward,stooping。Abulletstruckhisrifle。Theshockmadehimstaggerandsentanelectricshockspinninguphisarm。’Luckagain!’hethought。’Nowforit!
Ihaven’tseenaGermanyet!’Heleapedforward,spunround,flunguphisarms,andfellonhisback,shotthroughandthrough……
Thepositionwasconsolidated,astheysay,andinthedarknessstretcher—bearerswereoutoverthehalf—mile。Likewill—o’—the—
wisps,withtheirshadedlanterns,theymoved,hourafterhour,slowlyquarteringtheblackhoneycombwhichlaybehindthenewBritishline。Nowandtheninthelightofsomestar—shelltheirfiguresweredisclosed,bendingandraisingtheformsofthewounded,orwieldingpickandshovel。
"Officer。"
"Dead?"
"Sure。"
"Search。"
>Fromtheshadedlantern,loweredtojustabovethebody,ayellowishglarefellonfaceandbreast。Thehandsofthesearchermovedinthatlittlepooloflight。Thebearerwhowastakingnotesbentdown。
"Anotherboy,"hesaid。"Thatallhehas?"
Thesearcherraisedhimself。
"Justthose,andaphoto。"
"Dispatch—case;poundloose;cigarette—case;wristwatch;photo。
Let’sseeit。"
Thesearcherplacedthephotointhepooloflight。Thetinyfaceofagirlstaredupatthem,unmoved,fromitsshorthair。
"Noel,"saidthesearcher,reading。
"H’m!Takecareofit。Stickitinhiscase。Comeon!"
Thepooloflightdissolved,anddarknessforevercoveredCyrilMorland。
II
WhenthosefourtooktheirseatsintheGrandCircleatQueen’sHalltheprogrammewasalreadyatthesecondnumber,which,inspiteofalltheeffortsofpatriotism,wasofGermanorigin——aBrandenburgconcertobyBach。Morecuriousstill,itwasencored。Piersondidnotapplaud,hewastoofargoneinpleasure,andsatwitharaptsmileonhisface,obliviousofhissurroundings。Heremainedthusremovedfrommortaljoysandsorrowstillthelastapplausehaddiedaway,andLeila’svoicesaidinhisear:
"Isn’titawonderfulaudience,Edward?Lookatallthatkhaki。
Who’dhavethoughtthoseyoungmencaredformusic——goodmusic——
Germanmusic,too?"
Piersonlookeddownatthepatientmassofstandingfiguresinstrawhatsandmilitarycaps,withfacesturnedalloneway,andsighed。
"IwishIcouldgetanaudiencelikethatinmychurch。"
AsmilecreptoutatthecornerofLeila’slips。Shewasthinking:
’Ah!YourChurchisoutofdate,mydear,andsoareyou!YourChurch,withitssmellofmouldandincense,itsstained—glass,andnarrowedlengthanddroningorgan。PoorEdward,sooutoftheworld!’Butsheonlypressedhisarm,andwhispered:
"LookatNoel!"
ThegirlwastalkingtoJimmyFort。Hercheeksweregushed,andshelookedprettierthanPiersonhadseenherlookforalongtimenow,eversinceKestrel,indeed。HeheardLeilasigh。
"Doesshegetnewsofherboy?DoyourememberthatMayWeek,Edward?Wewereveryyoungthen;evenyouwereyoung。Thatwassuchaprettylittleletteryouwroteme。Icanseeyoustill—wanderinginyourdressclothesalongtheriver,amongthe’holy’cows。"
Buthereyesslidroundagain,watchingherotherneighbourandthegirl。AviolinisthadbeguntoplaytheCesarFranckSonata。ItwasPierson’sfavouritepieceofmusic,bringinghim,asitwere,aviewofheaven,ofdevotionalblueairwheredevoutstarswereshininginasunlitnoon,aboveecstatictreesandwaterswhereecstaticswanswereswimming。
"Queerworld,Mr。Pierson!Fancythoseboyshavingtogobacktobarracklifeafterlisteningtothat!,What’syourfeeling?Arewemovingbacktotheapes?DidwetouchtopnotewiththatSonata?"
Piersonturnedandcontemplatedhisquestionershrewdly。
"No,CaptainFort,Idonotthinkwearemovingbacktotheapes;ifweevercamefromthem。Thoseboyshavethesoulsofheroes!"
"Iknowthat,sir,perhapsbetterthanyoudo。"
"Ah!yes,"saidPiersonhumbly,"Iforgot,ofcourse。"Buthestilllookedathisneighbourdoubtfully。ThisCaptainFort,whowasafriendofLeila’s,andwhohadtwicebeentoseethem,puzzledhim。
Hehadafrankface,afrankvoice,butqueeropinions,orsoitseemedto,Pierson—littlebitsofMoslemism,littlebitsofthebackwoods,andtheveldt;queerunexpectedcynicisms,allsortsofsideviewsonEnglandhadlodgedinhim,andhedidnothidethem。
Theycamefromhimlikebullets,inthatfrankvoice,anddrilledlittleholesinthelistener。Thosecriticalsayingsflewsomuchmorepoignantlyfromonewhohadbeenthroughthesameeducationalmillashimself,thaniftheyhadmerelycomefromsomeroughdiamond,someartist,someforeigner,evenfromadoctorlikeGeorge。
Andtheyalwaysmadehimuncomfortable,likethetouchofapricklyleaf;theydidnotamusehim。CertainlyEdwardPiersonshrankfromtheroughtouchesofaknock—aboutphilosophy。Afterall,itwasbutnaturalthatheshould。
HeandNoelleftafterthefirstpartoftheconcert,partingfromtheothertwoatthedoor。Heslippedhishandthroughherarm;and,followingoutthosethoughtsofhisintheconcert—hall,asked:
"DoyoulikeCaptainFort,Nollie?"
"Yes;he’saniceman。"
"Heseemsaniceman,certainly;hehasanicesmile,butstrangeviews,I’mafraid。"
"HethinkstheGermansarenotmuchworsethanweare;hesaysthatagoodmanyofusarebulliestoo。"
"Yes,thatisthesortofthingImean。"
"Butarewe,Daddy?"
"Surelynot。"
"ApolicemanItalkedtooncesaidthesame。CaptainFortsaysthatveryfewmencanstandhavingpowerputintotheirhandswithoutbeingspoiled。Hetoldmesomedreadfulstories。Hesayswehavenoimagination,sothatweoftendothingswithoutseeinghowbrutaltheyare。"
"We’renotperfect,Nollie;butonthewholeIthinkwe’reakindpeople。"
Noelwassilentamoment,thensaidsuddenly:
"Kindpeopleoftenthinkothersarekindtoo,whentheyreallyaren’t。CaptainFortdoesn’tmakethatmistake。"
"Ithinkhe’salittlecynical,andalittledangerous。"
"Areallpeopledangerouswhodon’tthinklikeothers,Daddy?"
Pierson,incapableofmockery,wasnotincapableofseeingwhenhewasbeingmocked。Helookedathisdaughterwithasmile。
"Notquitesobadasthat,Nollie;butMr。Fortiscertainlysubversive。Ithinkperhapshehasseentoomanyqueersidesoflife。"
"Ilikehimthebetterforthat。"
"Well,well,"Piersonansweredabsently。HehadworktodoinpreparationforaConfirmationClass,andsoughthisstudyongettingin。
Noelwenttothedining—roomtodrinkherhotmilk。Thecurtainswerenotdrawn,andbrightmoonlightwascomingin。Withoutlightingup,shesettheetnagoing,andstoodlookingatthemoon—fullforthesecondtimesincesheandCyrilhadwaitedforitintheAbbey。
Andpressingherhandstoherbreast,sheshivered。Ifonlyshecouldsummonhimfromthemoonlightoutthere;ifonlyshewereawitch—couldseehim,knowwherehewas,whatdoing!Forafortnightnowshehadreceivednoletter。Everydaysincehehadleftshehadreadthecasualtylists,withthesuperstitiousfeelingthattodosowouldkeephimoutofthem。ShetookuptheTimes。Therewasjustenoughlight,andshereadtherollofhonour——tillthemoonshoneinonher,lyingonthefloor,withthedroppedjournal……
Butshewasproud,andsoontookgrieftoherroom,asonthatnightafterhelefther,shehadtakenlove。Nosignbetrayedtothehouseherdisaster;thejournalonthefloor,andthesmelloftheburntmilkwhichhadboiledover,revealednothing。Afterall,shewasbutoneofathousandheartswhichspentthatmoonlitnightinagony。
Eachnight,yearin,yearout,athousandfaceswereburiedinpillowstosmotherthatfirstawfulsenseofdesolation,andgropeforthesecretspirit—placewherebereavedsoulsgo,toreceivesomefeebletouchofhealingfromknowledgeofeachother’strouble