"ThisisatrickIlearnedfromtheRussiansafterPlevna;theyhadmylittlefinger,soIdeservedsomethinginexchange。"Helookedround;hiseyes,hiswholeface,seemedtotwinkle。"Iassureyouitwasworthit——makesallthedifference。Try!"Hepouredoffthetea。
"HadyouasympathywiththeTurks?"
"Theweakerside——"Hepausedabruptly,thenadded:"Butitwasnotthat。"Overhisfaceinnumerablecrow’s—feethadsuddenlyappeared,hiseyestwitched;hewentonhurriedly,"Ihadtofindsomethingtodojustthen——itwasnecessary。"Hestaredintohisglass;anditwassometimebeforeIventuredtoaskifhehadseenmuchfighting。
"Yes,"herepliedgravely,"nearlytwentyyearsaltogether;IwasoneofGaribaldi’sMillein’60。"
"SurelyyouarenotItalian?"
Heleanedforwardwithhishandsonhisknees。"IwasinGenoaatthattimelearningbanking;Garibaldiwasawonderfulman!Onecouldnothelpit。"Hespokequitesimply。"Youmightsayitwaslikeseeingalittlemanstanduptoaringofgreathulkingfellows;I
went,justasyouwouldhavegone,ifyou’dbeenthere。Iwasnotlongwiththem——ourwarbegan;Ihadtogobackhome。"Hesaidthisasiftherehadbeenbutonewarsincetheworldbegan。"In’60,"hemused,"till’65。Justthinkofit!Thepoorcountry。Why,inmyState,SouthCarolina——Iwasthroughitall——nobodycouldbesparedthere——wewereonetothree。"
"Isupposeyouhavealoveoffighting?"
"H’m!"hesaid,asifconsideringtheideaforthefirsttime。
"SometimesIfoughtforaliving,andsometimes——becauseIwasobliged;onemusttrytobeagentleman。Butwon’tyouhavesomemore?"
Irefusedmoreteaandtookmyleave,carryingawaywithmeapictureoftheoldfellowlookingdownfromthetopofthesteepstaircase,onehandpressedtohisback,theothertwistingupthoselittlewhitemoustaches,andmurmuring,"Takecare,mydearsir,there’sastepthereatthecorner。"
"Tobeagentleman!"Irepeatedinthestreet,causinganoldFrenchladytodropherparasol,sothatforabouttwominuteswestoodbowingandsmilingtoeachother,thenseparatedfullofthebestfeeling。
II
AweeklaterIfoundmyselfagainseatednexthimataconcert。InthemeantimeIhadseenhimnowandthen,butonlyinpassing。Heseemeddepressed。Thecornersofhislipsweretightened,histannedcheekshadagreyishtinge,hiseyeswererestless;and,betweentwonumbersoftheprogramme,hemurmured,tappinghisfingersonhishat,"Doyoueverhavebaddays?Yes?Notpleasant,arethey?"
ThensomethingoccurredfromwhichallthatIhavetotellyoufollowed。Therecameintotheconcert—halltheheroineofoneofthoseromances,crimes,follies,orirregularities,callitwhatyouwill,whichhadjustattractedthe"world’s"stare。Shepasseduswithherpartner,andsatdowninachairafewrowstoourright。
Shekeptturningherheadround,andateveryturnIcaughtthegleamofheruneasyeyes。Someonebehindussaid:"Thebrazenbaggage!"
Mycompanionturnedfullround,andglaredatwhoeveritwaswhohadspoken。Thechangeinhimwasquiteremarkable。Hislipsweredrawnbackfromhisteeth;hefrowned;thescaronhistemplehadreddened。
"Ah!"hesaidtome。"Thehueandcry!Contemptible!HowIhateit!Butyouwouldn’tunderstand——!"hebrokeoff,andslowlyregainedhisusualairofself—obliteration;heevenseemedashamed,andbegantryingtobrushhismoustacheshigherthanever,asifawarethathisheathadrobbedthemofneatness。
"I’mnotmyself,whenIspeakofsuchmatters,"hesaidsuddenly;andbeganreadinghisprogramme,holdingitupsidedown。Aminutelater,however,hesaidinapeculiarvoice:"Therearepeopletobefoundwhoobjecttovivisectinganimals;butthevivisectionofawoman,whomindsthat?Willyoutellmeit’sright,thatbecauseofsometragedylikethis——believeme,itisalwaysatragedy——weshouldhuntdownawoman?Thatherfellow—womenshouldmakeanoutcastofher?
Thatwe,whoaremen,shouldmakeapreyofher?IfIthoughtthat……"Againhebrokeoff,staringveryhardinfrontofhim。
"Itiswewhomakethemwhattheyare;andevenifthatisnotso——
why!ifIthoughttherewasawomanintheworldIcouldnottakemyhatoffto——I——I——couldn’tsleepatnight。"Hegotupfromhisseat,putonhisoldstrawhatwithtremblingfingers,and,withoutaglanceback,wentout,stumblingoverthechair—legs。
Isatthere,horriblydisturbed;thewords,"Onemusttrytobeagentleman!"hauntingme。WhenIcameout,hewasstandingbytheentrancewithonehandonhishipandtheotheronhisdog。Inthatattitudeofwaitinghewassuchapatientfigure;thesunglareddownandshowedthethreadbarenatureofhisclothesandthethinnessofhisbrownhands,withtheirlongforgersandnailsyellowfromtobacco。Seeingmehecameupthestepsagain,andraisedhishat。
"Iamgladtohavecaughtyou;pleaseforgetallthat。"Iaskedifhewoulddomethehonourofdiningatmyhotel。
"Dine?"herepeatedwiththesortofsmileachildgivesifyouofferhimaboxofsoldiers;"withthegreatestpleasure。Iseldomdineout,butIthinkIcanmusterupacoat。Yes——yes——andatwhattimeshallIcome?Athalf—pastseven,andyourhotelis——?Good!I
shallbethere。Freda,miacara,youwillbealonethisevening。
Youdonotsmokecaporal,Ifear。Ifinditfairlygood;thoughithastoomuchbite。"HewalkedoffwithFreda,puffingathisthinrollofcaporal。
Onceortwicehestopped,asifbewilderedorbesetbysomesuddendoubtormemory;andeverytimehestopped,Fredalickedhishand。
Theydisappearedroundthecornerofthestreet,andIwenttomyhoteltoseeaboutdinner。OnthewayImetJulesleFerrier,andaskedhimtocometoo。
"Myfaith,yes!"hesaid,withtherosypessimismcharacteristicoftheFrencheditor。"Manmustdine!"
Athalf—pastsixweassembled。My"Cosmopolitan"wasinanoldfrock—coatbraidedroundtheedges,buttonedhighandtight,definingmorethaneverthesharplinesofhisshouldersandtheslightkinkofhisback;hehadbroughtwithhim,too,adark—peakedcapofmilitaryshape,whichhehadevidentlyselectedasmorefittingtothecoatthanastrawhat。Hesmelledslightlyofsomeherb。
Wesatdowntodinner,anddidnotrisefortwohours。Hewasacharmingguest,praisedeverythingheate——notwithcommonplaces,butinwordsthatmadeyoufeelithadgivenhimrealpleasure。Atfirst,wheneverJulesmadeoneofhiscausticremarks,helookedquitepained,butsuddenlyseemedtomakeuphismindthatitwasbark,notbite;andthenateachofthemhewouldturntomeandsay,"Aha!that’sgood——isn’tit?"Witheveryglassofwinehebecamemoregentleandmoregenial,sittingveryupright,andtightlybuttoned—in;whilethelittlewhitewingsofhismoustacheseemedabouttoleavehimforabetterworld。
Inspiteofthemostleadingquestions,however,wecouldnotgethimtotalkabouthimself,forevenJules,mostcynicalofmen,hadrecognisedthathewasaheroofromance。Hewouldanswergentlyandprecisely,andthensittwistinghismoustaches,perfectlyunconsciousthatwewantedmore。Presently,asthewinewentalittletohishead,histhin,highvoicegrewthinner,hischeeksbecameflushed,hiseyesbrighter;attheendofdinnerhesaid:"I
hopeIhavenotbeennoisy。"
Weassuredhimthathehadnotbeennoisyenough。"You’relaughingatme,"heanswered。"SurelyI’vebeentalkingallthetime!"
"MonDieu!"saidJules,"wehavebeenlookingforsomefablesofyourwars;butnothing——nothing,notenoughtofeedafrog!"
Theoldfellowlookedtroubled。
"Tobesure!"hemused。"Letmethink!thereisthataboutColhounatGettysburg;andthere’sthestoryofGaribaldiandtheMiller。"
Heplungedintoatale,notatallabouthimself,whichwouldhavebeenextremelydull,butfortheconvictioninhiseyes,andthewayhestoppedandcommented。"Soyousee,"heended,"that’sthesortofmanGaribaldiwas!Icouldtellyouanothertaleofhim。"
CatchinganintrospectivelookinJules’seye,however,Iproposedtakingourcigarsovertothecafeopposite。
"Delightful!"theoldfellowsaid:"Weshallhaveabandandthefreshair,andclearconsciencesforourcigars。Icannotlikethissmokinginaroomwherethereareladiesdining。"
Hewalkedoutinfrontofus,smokingwithanairofgreatenjoyment。
Jules,glowingabovehiscandidshirtandwaistcoat,whisperedtome,"MoncherGeorges,howheisgood!"thensighed,andaddeddarkly:
"Thepoorman!"
Wesatdownatalittletable。Closeby,thebranchesofaplane—
treerustledfaintly;theirleaveshunglifeless,speckledlikethebreastsofbirds,orblackagainstthesky;then,caughtbythebreeze,flutteredsuddenly。
Theoldfellowsat,withheadthrownback,asmileonhisface,comingnowandthenoutofhisenchanteddreamstodrinkcoffee,answerourquestions,orhumthetunethatthebandwasplaying。Theashofhiscigargrewverylong。OneofthosebizarrefiguresinOrientalgarb,who,nightafternight,offertheirdoubtfulwaresatagreatprice,appearedinthewhiteglareofalamp,lookedwithafurtivesmileathisface,andglidedback,discomfitedbyitsunconsciousness。Itwasanightfordreams!Afaint,half—easternscentintheair,ofblacktobaccoandspice;fewpeopleasyetatthelittletables,thewaitersleisurely,thebandsoft!Whatwashedreamingof,thatoldfellow,whosecigar—ashgrewsolong?Ofyouth,ofhisbattles,ofthosethingsthatmustbedonebythosewhotrytobegentlemen;perhapsonlyofhisdinner;anywayofsomethinggildedinvaguefashionasthelightwasgildingthebranchesoftheplane—tree。
Julespulledmysleeve:"Hesleeps。"Hehadsmilinglydroppedoff;
thecigar—ash——thatfeatherytowerofhisdreams——hadbrokenandfallenonhissleeve。Heawoke,andfelltodustingit。
Thelittletablesroundusbegantofill。Oneofthebandsmenplayedaczardasontheczymbal。TwoyoungFrenchmen,talkingloudly,satdownattheadjoiningtable。Theywerediscussingtheladywhohadbeenattheconcertthatafternoon。
"It’sabet,"saidoneofthem,"butthere’sthepresentman。Itakethreeweeks,that’senoughelleestdeclassee;cen’estquelepremierpas——’
Myoldfriend’scigarfellonthetable。"Monsieur,"hestammered,"youspeakofaladyso,inapublicplace?"
Theyoungmanstaredathim。"Whoisthisperson?"hesaidtohiscompanion。
MyguesttookupJules’sglovethatlayonthetable;beforeeitherofuscouldraiseafinger,hehadswungitinthespeaker’sface。
"Enough!"hesaid,and,droppingtheglove,walkedaway。
Wealljumpedtoourfeet。IleftJulesandhurriedafterhim。Hisfacewasgrim,hiseyesthoseofacreaturewhohasbeenstruckonarawplace。Hemadeamovementofhisfingerswhichsaidplainly。
"Leaveme,ifyouplease!"
Iwentbacktothecafe。Thetwoyoungmenhaddisappeared,sohadJules,buteverythingelsewasgoingonjustasbefore;thebandsmanstilltwangingouthisczardas;thewaitersservingdrinks;theorientalstryingtoselltheircarpets。Ipaidthebill,soughtoutthemanager,andapologised。Heshruggedhisshoulders,smiledandsaid:"Aneccentric,yourfriend,nichtwahr?"CouldhetellmewhereM。LeFerrierwas?Hecouldnot。IlefttolookforJules;
couldnotfindhim,andreturnedtomyhoteldisgusted。Iwassorryformyoldguest,butvexedwithhimtoo;whatbusinesshadhetocarryhisQuixotismtosuchanunpleasantlength?Itriedtoread。
Eleveno’clockstruck;thecasinodisgorgedastreamofpeople;thePlaceseemedfulleroflifethanever;thenslowlyitgrewemptyandquitedark。Thewhimseizedmetogoout。Itwasastillnight,verywarm,veryblack。Ononeoftheseatsamanandwomansatembraced,onanotheragirlwassobbing,onathird——strangesight——apriestdozed。Ibecameawareofsomeoneatmyside;itwasmyoldguest。
"Ifyouarenottootired,"hesaid,"canyougivemetenminutes?"
"Certainly;willyoucomein?"
"No,no;letusgodowntotheTerrace。Ishan’tkeepyoulong。"
Hedidnotspeakagaintillwereachedaseatabovethepigeon—
shootinggrounds;there,inadarknessdenserforthestringoflightsstillburninginthetown,wesatdown。
"Ioweyouanapology,"hesaid;"firstintheafternoon,thenagainthisevening——yourguest——yourfriend’sglove!Ihavebehavedasnogentlemanshould。"Hewasleaningforwardwithhishandsonthehandleofastick。Hisvoicesoundedbrokenanddisturbed。
"Oh!"Imuttered。"It’snothing!"’
"Youareverygood,"hesighed;"butIfeelthatImustexplain。I
considerIowethistoyou,butImusttellyouIshouldnothavethecourageifitwerenotforanotherreason。YouseeIhavenofriend。"Helookedatmewithanuncertainsmile。Ibowed,andaminuteortwolaterhebegan……
III
"YouwillexcusemeifIgobackratherfar。Itwasin’74,whenI
hadbeenillwithCubanfever。TokeepmealivetheyhadputmeonboardashipatSantiago,andattheendofthevoyageIfoundmyselfinLondon。Ihadverylittlemoney;Iknewnobody。Itellyou,sir,therearetimeswhenit’shardforafightingmantogetanythingtodo。Peoplewouldsaytome:’Afraidwe’venothingforamanlikeyouinourbusiness。’Itriedpeopleofallsorts;butitwastrue——I
hadbeenfightinghereandtheresince’60,Iwasn’tfitforanything——"Heshookhishead。"IntheSouth,beforethewar,theyhadasaying,Iremember,aboutadogandasoldierhavingthesamevalue。ButallthishasnothingtodowithwhatIhavetotellyou。"
Hesighedagainandwenton,moisteninghislips:"IwaswalkingalongtheStrandoneday,verydisheartened,whenIheardmynamecalled。It’saqueerthing,that,inastrangestreet。Bytheway,"
heputinwithdryceremony,"youdon’tknowmyname,Ithink:itisBrune——RogerBrune。AtfirstIdidnotrecognisethepersonwhocalledme。Hehadjustgotoffanomnibus——asquare—shoulderedmanwithheavymoustaches,androundspectacles。ButwhenheshookmyhandIknewhimatonce。HewasamancalledDalton,whowastakenprisoneratGettysburg;oneofyouEnglishmenwhocametofightwithus——amajorintheregimentwhereIwascaptain。Wewerecomradesduringtwocampaigns。IfIhadbeenhisbrotherhecouldn’thaveseemedmorepleasedtoseeme。Hetookmeintoabarforthesakeofoldtimes。Thedrinkwenttomyhead,andbythetimewereachedTrafalgarSquareIwasquiteunabletowalk。Hemademesitdownonabench。Iwasinfact——drunk。It’sdisgracefultobedrunk,buttherewassomeexcuse。NowItellyou,sir"(allthroughhisstoryhewasalwaysmakinguseofthatexpression,itseemedtoinfusefreshspiritintohim,tohelphismemoryinobscureplaces,togivehimthemasteryofhisemotions;itwaslikethepieceofpaperanervousmanholdsinhishandtohelphimthroughaspeech),"thereneverwasamanwithafinersoulthanmyfriendDalton。Hewasnotclever,thoughhehadreadmuch;andsometimesperhapshewastoofondoftalking。Buthewasagentleman;helistenedtomeasifI
hadbeenachild;hewasnotashamedofme——andittakesagentlemannottobeashamedofadrunkenmaninthestreetsofLondon;GodknowswhatthingsIsaidtohimwhileweweresittingthere!Hetookmetohishomeandputmetobedhimself;forIwasdownagainwithfever。"Hestopped,turnedslightlyfromme,andputhishanduptohisbrow。"Well,thenitwas,sir,thatIfirstsawher。IamnotapoetandIcannottellyouwhatsheseemedtome。Iwasdelirious,butIalwaysknewwhenshewasthere。Ihaddreamsofsunshineandcornfields,ofdancingwavesatsea,youngtrees——neverthesamedreams,neveranythingforlongtogether;andwhenIhadmysensesI
wasafraidtosaysoforfearshewouldgoaway。She’dbeinthecorneroftheroom,withherhairhangingaboutherneck,abrightgoldcolour;sheneverworkedandneverread,butsatandtalkedtoherselfinawhisper,orlookedatmeforalongtimetogetheroutofherblueeyes,alittlefrownbetweenthem,andherupperlipclosedfirmonherlowerlip,whereshehadanuneventooth。Whenherfathercame,she’djumpupandhangontohisneckuntilhegroaned,thenrunaway,butpresentlycomestealingbackontiptoe。Iusedtolistenforherfootstepsonthestairs,thentheknock,thedoorflungbackoropenedquietly——younevercouldtellwhich;andhervoice,withalittlelisp,’Areyoubettertoday,Mr。Brune?Whatfunnythingsyousaywhenyou’redelirious!Fathersaysyou’vebeeninheapsofbattles!"’
Hegotup,pacedrestlesslytoandfro,andsatdownagain。"I
remembereverywordasifitwereyesterday,allthethingsshesaid,anddid;I’vehadalongtimetothinkthemover,yousee。Well,I
musttellyou,thefirstmorningthatIwasabletogetup,Imissedher。Daltoncameinherplace,andIaskedhimwhereshewas。’Mydearfellow,’heanswered,’I’vesentEilieawaytoheroldnurse’sinndownontheriver;she’sbetterthereatthistimeofyear。’Welookedateachother,andIsawthathehadsentherawaybecausehedidn’ttrustme。Iwashurtbythis。Illnessspoilsone。Hewasright,hewasquiteright,forallheknewaboutmewasthatIcouldfightandhadgotdrunk;butIamveryquick—tempered。Imadeupmymindatoncetoleavehim。ButIwastooweak——hehadtoputmetobedagain。TheverynextmorninghecameandproposedthatIshouldgointopartnershipwithhim。Hekeptafencing—schoolandpistol—
gallery。ItseemedlikethefingerofGod;andperhapsitwas——whoknows?"Hefellintoareverie,andtakingouthiscaporal,rolledhimselfacigarette;havinglightedit,hewentonsuddenly:"There,intheroomabovetheschool,weusedtositintheevenings,oneoneachsideofthegrate。Theroomwasonthesecondfloor,Iremember,withtwowindows,andaviewofnothingbutthehousesopposite。Thefurniturewascoveredupwithchintz。Thethingsonthebookshelfwereneverdisturbed,theywereEilie’s——half—brokencaseswithbutterflies,adeadfroginabottle,ahorse—shoecoveredwithtinfoil,someshellstoo,andacardboardboxwiththreespeckledeggsinit,andthesewordswrittenonthelid:’Missel—
thrushfromLucy’stree——secondfamily,onlyoneblown。’"Hesmokedfiercely,withpuffsthatwerelikesharpsighs。
"Daltonwaswrappedupinher。Hewasnevertiredoftalkingtomeabouther,andIwasnevertiredofhearing。Wehadanumberofpupils;butintheeveningwhenwesatthere,smoking——ourtalkwouldsoonerorlater——comeroundtoher。Herbedroomopenedoutofthatsitting——room;hetookmeinonceandshowedmeanarrowlittleroomthewidthofapassage,freshandwhite,withaphotographofhermotherabovethebed,andanemptybasketforadogorcat。"Hebrokeoffwithavexedair,andresumedsternly,asiftryingtobindhimselftothenarrationofhismoreimportantfacts:"Shewasthenfifteen——hermotherhadbeendeadtwelveyears——abeautiful,face,hermother’s;ithadbeenherdeaththatsentDaltontofightwithus。Well,sir,onedayinAugust,veryhotweather,heproposedarunintothecountry,andwhoshouldmeetusontheplatformwhenwearrivedbutEilie,inabluesun—bonnetandfrock—flaxblue,herfavouritecolour。IwasangrywithDaltonfornottellingmethatweshouldseeher;myclotheswerenotquite——myhairwantedcutting。
Itwasblackthen,sir,"headded,tracingapatterninthedarknesswithhisstick。"Shehadalittledonkey—cart;shedrove,and,whilewewalkedoneoneachside,shekeptlookingatmefromunderhersunbonnet。Imusttellyouthatsheneverlaughed——hereyesdanced,hercheekswouldgopink,andherhairshakeaboutonherneck,butsheneverlaughed。Heroldnurse,Lucy,averybroad,goodwoman,hadmarriedtheproprietoroftheinninthevillagethere。Ihaveneverseenanythinglikethatinn:sweetbriaruptotheroof!Andthescent——Iamverysusceptibletoscents!"Hisheaddrooped,andthecigarettefellfromhishand。Atrainpassingbeneathsentupashowerofsparks。Hestarted,andwenton:"Wehadourlunchintheparlour——Irememberthatroomverywell,forIspentthehappiestdaysofmylifeafterwardsinthatinn……Wewentintoameadowafterlunch,andmyfriendDaltonfellasleep。Awonderfulthinghappenedthen。Eiliewhisperedtome,’Let’shaveajollytime。’
Shetookmeforthemostgloriouswalk。Theriverwascloseby。
Alovelystream,yourriverThames,socalmandbroad;itislikethespiritofyourpeople。Iwasbewitched;Iforgotmyfriend,I
thoughtofnothingbuthowtokeephertomyself。Itwassuchaday!
Therearedaysthatarethedevil’s,butthatwastrulyoneofGod’s。
Shetookmetoalittlepondunderanelm—tree,andwedraggedit,wetwo,anhour,forakindoftinyredwormtofeedsomecreaturethatshehad。Wefoundtheminthemud,andwhileshewasbendingover,thecurlsgotinhereyes。Ifyoucouldhaveseenherthen,Ithink,sir,youwouldhavesaidshewaslikethefirstsightofspring……
Wehadteaafterwards,alltogether,inthelonggrassundersomefruit—trees。IfIhadtheknackofwords,therearethingsthatI
couldsay。"Hebent,asthoughindeferencetothoseunspokenmemories。"Twilightcameonwhileweweresittingthere。Awonderfulthingistwilightinthecountry!Itbecametimeforustogo。
Therewasanavenueoftreescloseby——likeachurchwithawindowattheend,wheregoldenlightcamethrough。Iwalkedupanddownitwithher。’Willyoucomeagain?’shewhispered,andsuddenlysheliftedupherfacetobekissed。Ikissedherasifshewerealittlechild。Andwhenwesaidgood—bye,hereyeswerelookingatmeacrossherfather’sshoulder,withsurpriseandsorrowinthem。’Whydoyougoaway?’theyseemedtosay……ButImusttellyou,"hewentonhurriedly,"ofathingthathappenedbeforewehadgoneahundredyards。Weweresmokingourpipes,andI,thinkingofher——whenoutshesprangfromthehedgeandstoodinfrontofus。Daltoncriedout,’Whatareyouhereforagain,youmadgirl?’Sherusheduptohimandhuggedhim;butwhenshelookedatme,herfacewasquitedifferent——careless,defiant,asonemightsay——ithurtme。I
couldn’tunderstandit,andwhatonedoesn’tunderstandfrightensone。
IV
"Timewenton。Therewasnoswordsman,orpistol—shotlikemeinLondon,theysaid。Wehadasmanypupilsasweliked——itwastheonlypartofmylifewhenIhavebeenabletosavemoney。Ihadnochancetospendit。Wegavelessonsallday,andintheeveningweretootiredtogoout。ThatyearIhadthemisfortunetolosemydearmother。Ibecamearichman——yes,sir,atthattimeImusthavehadnotlessthansixhundredayear。
"ItwasalongtimebeforeIsawEilieagain。ShewentabroadtoDresdenwithherfather’ssistertolearnFrenchandGerman。Itwasintheautumnof1875whenshecamebacktous。Shewasseventeenthen——abeautifulyoungcreature。"Hepaused,asiftogatherhisforcesfordescription,andwenton。
"Tall,asayoungtree,witheyeslikethesky。Iwouldnotsayshewasperfect,butherimperfectionswerebeautifultome。Whatisitmakesyoulove——ah!sir,thatisveryhiddenandmysterious。Shehadneverlostthetrickofclosingherlipstightlywhensherememberedheruneventooth。Youmaysaythatwasvanity,butinayounggirl——
andwhichofusisnotvain,eh?’Oldmenandmaidens,youngmenandchildren!’
"AsIsaid,shecamebacktoLondontoherlittleroom,andintheeveningswasalwaysreadywithourtea。Youmustn’tsupposeshewashousewifely;thereissomethinginmethatneveradmiredhousewifeliness——afinequality,nodoubt,still——"Hesighed。
"No,"heresumed,"Eiliewasnotlikethat,forshewasneverquitethesametwodaystogether。Itoldyouhereyeswerelikethesky——
thatwastrueofallofher。Inonething,however,atthattime,shealwaysseemedthesame——inloveforherfather。Forme!Idon’tknowwhatIshouldhaveexpected;butmypresenceseemedtohavetheeffectofmakingherdumb;Iwouldcatchherlookingatmewithafrown,andthen,asiftomakeuptoherownnature——andamorelovingnaturenevercameintothisworld,thatIshallmaintaintomydyingday——shewouldgotoherfatherandkisshim。WhenItalkedwithhimshepretendednottonotice,butIcouldseeherfacegrowcoldandstubborn。Iamnotquick;anditwasalongtimebeforeI
understoodthatshewasjealous,shewantedhimalltoherself。I’veoftenwonderedhowshecouldbehisdaughter,forhewastheverysoulofjusticeandaslowmantoo——andshewasasquickasabird。
ForalongtimeafterIsawherdislikeofme,Irefusedtobelieveit——ifonedoesnotwanttobelieveathingtherearealwaysreasonswhyitshouldnotseemtrue,atleastsoitiswithme,andIsupposewithallselfishmen。
"Ispenteveningaftereveningthere,when,ifIhadnotthoughtonlyofmyself,Ishouldhavekeptaway。ButonedayIcouldnolongerbeblind。
"ItwasaSundayinFebruary。IalwayshadaninvitationonSundaystodinewiththeminthemiddleoftheday。Therewasnooneinthesitting—room;butthedoorofEilie’sbedroomwasopen。Iheardhervoice:’Thatman,alwaysthatman!’Itwasenoughforme,Iwentdownagainwithoutcomingin,andwalkedaboutallday。
"ForthreeweeksIkeptaway。TotheschoolofcourseIcameasusual,butnotupstairs。Idon’tknowwhatItoldDalton——itdidnotsignifywhatyoutoldhim,healwayshadatheoryofhisown,andwaspersuadedofitstruth——averysingle—mindedman,sir。
"ButnowIcometothemostwonderfuldaysofmylife。Itwasanearlyspringthatyear。Ihadfallenawayalreadyfrommyresolution,andusedtoslinkup——seldom,it’strue——andspendtheeveningwiththemasbefore。OneafternoonIcameuptothesitting—
room;thelightwasfailing——itwaswarm,andthewindowswereopen。
Intheairwasthatfeelingwhichcomestoyouonceayear,inthespring,nomatterwhereyoumaybe,inacrowdedstreet,oraloneinaforest;onlyonce——afeelinglike——butIcannotdescribeit。
"Eiliewassittingthere。Ifyoudon’tknow,sir,Ican’ttellyouwhatitmeanstobenearthewomanoneloves。Shewasleaningonthewindowsill,staringdownintothestreet。Itwasasthoughshemightbelookingoutforsomeone。Istood,hardlybreathing。Sheturnedherhead,andsawme。Hereyeswerestrange。Theyseemedtoaskmeaquestion。ButIcouldn’thavespokenfortheworld。Ican’ttellyouwhatIfelt——Idarednotspeak,orthink,orhope。Ihavebeeninnineteenbattles——severaltimesinpositionsofsomedanger,whentheliftingofafingerperhapsmeantdeath;butIhaveneverfeltwhatIwasfeelingatthatmoment。Iknewsomethingwascoming;andIwasparalysedwithterrorlestitshouldnotcome!"Hedrewalongbreath。
"Theservantcameinwithalightandbrokethespell。AllthatnightIlayawakeandthoughtofhowshehadlookedatme,withthecolourcomingslowlyupinhercheeks"ItwasthreedaysbeforeIpluckedupcouragetogoagain;andthenIfelthereyesonmeatonce——shewasmakinga’cat’scradle’withabitofstring,butIcouldseethemstealingupfromherhandstomyface。Andshewentwanderingabouttheroom,fingeringateverything。Whenherfathercalledout:’What’sthematterwithyou,Elie?’shestaredathimlikeachildcaughtdoingwrong。Ilookedstraightatherthen,shetriedtolookatme,butshecouldn’t;andaminutelatershewentoutoftheroom。GodknowswhatsortofnonsenseItalked——Iwastoohappy。
"Thenbeganourlove。Ican’ttellyouofthattime。OftenandoftenDaltonsaidtome:’What’scometothechild?NothingIcandopleasesher。’Alltheloveshehadgivenhimwasnowforme;buthewastoosimpleandstraighttoseewhatwasgoingon。Howmanytimeshaven’tIfeltcriminaltowardshim!Butwhenyou’rehappy,withthetideinyourfavour,youbecomeacowardatonce……
V
"Well,sir,"hewenton,"weweremarriedonhereighteenthbirthday。
ItwasalongtimebeforeDaltonbecameawareofourlove。Butonedayhesaidtomewithaverygravelook:
"’Eiliehastoldme,Brune;Iforbidit。She’stooyoung,andyou’re——tooold!’Iwasthenforty—five,myhairasblackandthickasarook’sfeathers,andIwasstrongandactive。Iansweredhim:
’Weshallbemarriedwithinamonth!’Wepartedinanger。ItwasaMaynight,andIwalkedoutfarintothecountry。There’snoremedyforanger,or,indeed,foranything,sofineaswalking。OnceI
stopped——itwasonacommon,withoutahouseorlight,andthestarsshininglikejewels。Iwashotfromwalking,Icouldfeelthebloodboilinginmyveins——Isaidtomyself’Old,areyou?’AndIlaughedlikeafool。Itwasthethoughtoflosingher——Iwishedtobelievemyselfangry,butreallyIwasafraid;fearandangerinmeareverymuchthesame。Afriendofmine,abitofapoet,sir,oncecalledthem’thetwoblackwingsofself。’Andsotheyare,sotheyare……!
ThenextmorningIwenttoDaltonagain,andsomehowImadehimyield。I’mnotaphilosopher,butithasoftenseemedtomethatnobenefitcancometousinthislifewithoutanequallosssomewhere,butdoesthatstopus?No,sir,notoften……
"Weweremarriedonthe3othofJune1876,intheparishchurch。TheonlypeoplepresentwereDalton,Lucy,andLucy’shusband——abig,red—facedfellow,withblueeyesandagoldenbeardpartedintwo。
Ithadbeenarrangedthatweshouldspendthehoneymoondownattheirinnontheriver。Mywife,DaltonandI,wenttoarestaurantforlunch。Shewasdressedingrey,thecolourofapigeon’sfeathers。"
Hepaused,leaningforwardoverthecrutchhandleofhisstick;