ThisandmanyabygonescenethrongedonmeasIstoodthere,andtheroomfilledagainwiththememoriesofchildishmirth。Andfollowingclosecamethoseofchildishterrors。Horrorswhichhadoppressedmethen,whollyimaginedordimlyapprehendedfromhalf-
heardtraditions,andneverthoughtofsince,flittedaroundmeinthegatheringdusk。Andwiththemitseemedtomeasiftherecameothermemoriestoo,——memorieswhichhadneverbeenmyown,ofsceneswhoseactorshadlongbeenwiththedead,butwhich,immortalasthespiritbeforewhoseeyestheyhaddwelt,stilllingeredinthespotwheretheirvictimhadfirstlearnttoshudderattheirpresence。Oncetheghastlynotioncametome,itseizedonmyimaginationwithirresistibleforce。Itseemedasiffromthedarkenedcornersoftheroomvague,ill-definedshapeswereactuallypeeringoutatme。Whennightcametheywouldshowthemselvesinthatform,lividandterrible,inwhichtheyhadbeenburntintothebrainandheartofthelongagodead。
IturnedandglancedtowardswhereIhadleftAlan。Icouldseehisfigureframedinbythewindow,ablackshadowagainstthegraytwilightoftheskybehind。Erectandperfectlymotionlesshesat,somotionlessastolookalmostlifeless,gazingbeforehimdownthevalleyintotheillimitabledistancebeyond。Therewassomethinginthatsternimmobilityoflookandattitudewhichstruckmewithacurioussenseofcongruity。Itwasrightthatheshouldbethus——rightthatheshouldbenolongerthelaughingboywhoamomentbeforehadbeeninmymemory。Thehauntinghorrorsofthatplaceseemedtodemandit,andforthefirsttimeIfeltthatIunderstoodthechange。WithaneffortIshookmyselffreefromthesefancies,andturnedtogo。AsIdidso,myeyefelluponaqueer-shapedpaintedboard,leaningupagainstthewall,whichI
wellrecollectedinoldtimes。Manyadiscussionhadwehadaboutthelegendinscribeduponit,whichinourwisdomwehadfinallypronouncedtobeGerman,chieflybecauseitwasillegible。ThoughIhadloudlyprofessedmyfaithinthistheoryatthetime,Ihadalwayshaduneasydoubtsonthesubject,andnowhalfsmilingI
bentdowntoverifyorremovethem。ThelanguagewasEnglish,notGerman。butthebadlypainted,fadedGothiclettersinwhichitwaswrittenmadethemistakeexcusable。InthedimlightIhaddifficultyevennowindecipheringthewords,andfeltwhenIhaddonesothatneithertheinformationconveyednorthestyleofthecompositionwassufficientrewardforthetroubleIhadtaken。
ThisiswhatIread:
Wherethewomansinnedthemaidshallwin。
ButGodhelpthemaidthatsleepswithin。
WhatthelinescouldrefertoIneitherhadanynotionnordidI
pausetheneveninmyownmindtoinquire。Ionlyremembervaguelywonderingwhethertheywereintendedforatombstoneorforadoorway。Then,continuingmyway,Irapidlydescendedthestepsandremountedmyhorse,gladtofindmyselfonceagainintheopenairandbymycousin’sside。
Thetrainofthoughtintowhichhehadsunkduringmyabsencewasapparentlyanabsorbingone,fortomyfirstquestionastothepaintedboardhecouldhardlyrousehimselftoanswer。
Aboardwithalegendwrittenonit?Yes,herememberedsomethingofthekindthere。Ithadalwaysbeenthere,hethought。Heknewnothingaboutit,——andsothesubjectwasnotcontinued。
Theweirdfeelingswhichhadhauntedmeinthetowerstilloppressedme,andIproceededtoaskAlanaboutthatoldDameAlicewhomthetraditionsofmychildhoodrepresentedasthelastoccupantoftheruinedbuilding。Alanrousedhimselfnow,butdidnotseemanxioustoimpartinformationonthesubject。Shehadlivedthere,headmitted,andnoonehadlivedtheresince。Hadshenot,Iinquired,somethingtodowiththemysteriouscabinetatthehouse?Irememberhearingitspokenofas’DameAlice’scabinet。’
Sotheysay,heassented。sheandanItalianartificerwhowasinherservice,andwho,chieflyIimagineonaccountofhisskill,sharedwithherthehonorofreputedwitchcraft。
ShewasthemotherofHughMervyn,themanwhowasmurderedbyhiswife,wasshenot?Iasked。
Yes,saidAlan,briefly。
Andhadshenotsomethingtodowiththecurse?Iinquiredafterashortpause,andnervouslyIrememberedmyfather’sexperienceonthatsubject,andIhadneverbeforedaredtoalludetoitinthepresenceofanymemberofthefamily。Mynervousnesswasfullywarranted。ThegloomonAlan’sbrowdeepened,andafteraveryshortTheysaysoheturnedfulluponme,andinquiredwithsomeasperitywhyonearthIhaddevelopedthissuddencuriosityabouthisancestress。
Ihesitatedamoment,forIwasalittleashamedofmyfancies。butthedarknessgavemecourage,andbesidesIwasnotafraidoftellingAlan——hewouldunderstand。ItoldhimofthestrangesensationsIhadhadwhileinthetower——sensationswhichhadstruckmewithallthatforceandclearnesswhichweusuallyassociatewithadirectexperienceoffact。Ofcourseitwasatrickofimagination,Icommented。butIcouldnotgetridofthefeelingthatthepersonwhohaddwelttherelastmusthavehadterriblethoughtsforthecompanionsofherlife。
Alanlistenedinsilence,andthesilencecontinuedforsometimeafterIhadceasedspeaking。
Itisstrange,hesaidatlast。instinctswhichwedonotunderstandformthemotive-powerofmostofourlife’sactions,andyetwerefusetoadmitthemasevidenceofanyexternaltruth。I
supposeitisbecauseweMUSTactsomehow,rightlyorwrongly。andthereareagreatmanythingswhichweneednotbelieveunlesswechoose。Asforthisoldlady,shelivedlong——longenough,likemostofus,todoevil。unlikemostofus,longenoughtowitnesssomeoftheresultsofthatevil。Tosaythat,istosaythatthelastyearsofherlifemusthavebeenweightedheavilyenoughwithtragicthought。
Igavealittleshudderofrepulsion。
Thatisadepressingviewoflife,Alan,Isaid。Doesourpeaceofminddependonlyupondeathcomingearlyenoughtohidefromusthetruth?And,afterall,canit?Ourspiritsdonotdie。Fromanotherworldtheymaywitnessthefruitsofourlivesinthisone。
Iftheydo,heansweredwithsuddenviolence,itisabsurdtodoubttheexistenceofapurgatory。Theremustinsuchacasebeaterribleoneinstoreforthebestamongus。
Iwassilent。Theshadowthatlayonhissouldidnotpenetratetomine,butithungroundmenevertheless,acloudwhichIfeltpowerlesstodisperse。
Afteramomenthewenton,——Providedthattheyaredistantenough,howlittle,afterall,dowethinkoftheresultsofouractions!
Therearefewmenwhowoulddeliberatelyinstillintoachildaloveofdrink,orwilfullydeprivehimofhisreason。andyetamanwithdrunkennessormadnessinhisbloodthinksnothingofbringingchildrenintotheworldtaintedasdeeplywiththecurseasifhehadinoculatedthemwithitdirectly。Thereisnoresponsibilitysocompletelyignoredasthisoneofmarriageandfatherhood,andyethowheavyitisandfar-reaching。
Well,Isaid,smiling,letusconsoleourselveswiththethoughtthatwearenotalllunaticsanddrunkards。
No,heanswered。butthereareotherevilsbesidesthese,moraltaintsaswellasphysical,curseswhichhavetheirrootsinworldsbeyondourown,——sinsofthefatherswhicharevisiteduponthechildren。
Hehadlostallviolenceandbitternessoftonenow。butthewearydejectionwhichhadtakentheirplacecommunicateditselftomyspiritwithmoresubtlepowerthanhispreviousmoodhadowned。
Thatiswhy,hewenton,andhismannerseemedtogivemorepurposetohisspeechthanhitherto,——thatiswhy,sofarasIamconcerned,Imeantoshirktheresponsibilityandremainunmarried。
Iwashardlysurprisedathiswords。IfeltthatIhadexpectedthem,buttheirutteranceseemedtointensifythegloomwhichresteduponus。Alanwasthefirsttoarousehimselffromitsinfluence。
Afterall,hesaid,turningroundtomeandspeakinglightly,withoutlookingsofarandsodeep,Ithinkmyresolveisaprudentone。Aboveallthings,letustakelifeeasily,andyouknowwhatSt。Paulsaysabout’troubleintheflesh,’——aremarkwhichIamsureisspeciallyapplicabletobrieflessbarristers,eventhoughpossessedofamodestcompetenceoftheirown。Perhapsoneofthesedays,whenIamafatoldjudge,Ishallgivemycookachanceifsheissatisfactoryinherclearsoups。buttillthenI
shallexpectyou,Evie,toworkmeonepairofcarpet-slippersperannum,astributeduetoabachelorcousin。
Idon’tquiteknowwhatIanswered,——myheartwasheavyandaching,——butItriedwithtruefemininedocilitytofollowtheleadhehadsetme。Hecontinuedforsometimeinthesamevein。butasweapproachedthehousetheeffortseemedtobecometoomuchforhim,andwerelapsedagainintosilence。
ThistimeIwasthefirsttobreakit。Isuppose,Isaid,drearily,allthosehorridpeoplewillhavecomebynow。
Horridpeople,herepeated,withratheranuncertainlaugh,andthroughthedarknessIsawhisfigurebendforwardashestretchedouthishandtocaressmyhorse’sneck。Why,Evie,Ithoughtyouwerepiningforgayety,andthatitwas,infact,forthepurposeofmeetingthese’horridpeople’thatyoucamehere。
Yes,Iknow,Isaid,wistfully。butsomehowthelastweekhasbeensopleasantthatIcannotbelievethatanythingwilleverbequitesoniceagain。
WehadarrivedatthehouseasIspoke,andthegroomwasstandingatourhorses’heads。Alangotoffandcameroundtohelpmetodismount。butinsteadofputtinguphisarmasusualasasupportformetospringfrom,helaidhishandonmine。Yes,Evie,hesaid,ithasbeenindeedapleasanttime。Godblessyouforit。
Foraninstanthestoodtherelookingupatme,hisfacefullinthelightwhichstreamedfromtheopendoor,hisgrayeyesshiningwitharadiancewhichwasnotwhollyfromthence。Thenhestraightenedhisarm,Isprangtotheground,andasiftoprecludethepossibilityofanyansweronmypart,heturnedsharplyonhisheel,andbegangivingsomeorderstothegroom。Iwentonaloneintothehouse,feeling,Iknewnotandcarednottoknowwhy,thatthegloomhadfledfrommyspirit,andthatthelastridehadnotafterallbeensuchamelancholyfailureasithadbidfairatonetimetobecome。
III
InthehallIwasmetbythehousekeeper,whoinformedmethat,owingtoamisunderstandingaboutdates,agentlemanhadarrivedwhomLucyhadnotexpectedatthattime,andthatinconsequencemyroomhadbeenchanged。MythingshadbeenputintotheEastRoom,——
thehauntedroom,——theroomoftheClosedCabinet,asIrememberedwithacertainsenseofpleasedimportance,thoughwithoutanysurprise。Itstoodapartfromtheotherguest-rooms,attheendofthepassagefromwhichopenedGeorgeandLucy’sprivateapartment。
andasitwasconsequentlydisagreeabletohaveastrangerthere,itwasalwaysusedwhenthehousewasfullforamemberofthefamily。Myfatherandmotherhadoftensleptthere:therewasalittleroomnexttoit,thoughnotcommunicatingwithit,whichservedforadressing-room。ThoughIhadneverpassedthenighttheremyself,Iknewitaswellasanyroominthehouse。Iwentthereatonce,andfoundLucysuperintendingthelastarrangementsformycomfort。
Shewasfullofapologiesforthetroubleshewasgivingme。I
toldherthattheapologieswereduetomymaidandtoherownservantsratherthantome。andbesides,Iadded,glancinground,Iamdistinctlyagainerbythechange。
Youknow,ofcourse,shesaid,lightly,thatthisisthehauntedroomofthehouse,andthatyouhavenorighttobehere?
Iknowitisthehauntedroom,Ianswered。butwhyhaveInorighttobehere?
Oh,Idon’tknow,shesaid。ThereisoneofthosetiresomeMervyntraditionsagainstallowingunmarriedgirlstosleepinthisroom。Ibelievetwogirlsdiedinitahundredandfiftyyearsago,orsomethingofthatsort。
ButIshouldthinkthatpeople,marriedorunmarried,musthavediedinnearlyeveryroominthehouse,Iobjected。
Oh,yes,ofcoursetheyhave,saidLucy。butonceyoucomeacrossabitofsuperstitioninthisfamily,itisofnousetoaskforreasons。However,thisparticularbitistooridiculousevenforGeorge。OwingtoMr。Lesliehavingcometo-day,wemustuseeveryroominthehouse:itisintolerablehavingastrangerhere,andyouaretheonlyrelationstayingwithus。IpointedallthatouttoGeorge,andheagreedthat,underthecircumstances,itwouldbeabsurdnottoputyouhere。
Iamquiteagreeable,Ianswered。and,indeed,IthinkIamratherfavoredinhavingaroomwherethelastrecordeddeathappearstohavetakenplaceahundredandfiftyyearsago,particularlyasIshouldthinkthattherecanbescarcelyanythingnowleftinitwhichwasherethen,except,ofcourse,thecabinet。
Theroomhad,infact,beenentirelydoneupandrefurnishedbymyuncle,andwasasbrightandmodern-lookinganapartmentasyoucouldwishtosee。Itwaslarge,andthewallswerecoveredwithoneofthosewhiteandgoldpaperswhichwerefashionablethirtyyearsago。Oppositeus,aswestoodwarmingourbacksbeforethefire,wasthebed——alargedoubleone,hungwithaprettyshadeofpaleblue。Materialofthesamecolorcoveredthecomfortablemodernfurniture,andhungfromgildedcornicesbeforethetwowindowswhichpiercedthesideoftheroomonourleft。Betweenthemstoodthetoilet-table,allmuslin,blueribbons,andsilver。
ThecarpetwasagrayandblueBrusselsone。Thewholeeffectwascheerful,thoughIfearinartistic,andsadlyoutofkeepingwiththecharacterofthehouse。Theexceptiontotheseremarkswas,asIhadobserved,thefamousclosedcabinet,towhichIhavemorethanoncealluded。Itstoodagainstthesamewalloftheroomasthatinwhichthefireplacewas,andonourright——thatis,onthatsideofthefireplacewhichwasfarthestfromthewindows。AsI
spoke,Iturnedtogoandlookatit,andLucyfollowedme。ManyanhourasachildhadIpassedinfrontofit,fingeringthesevencarvedbrasshandles,orratherbuttons,whichwererangeddownitscenter。Theyallslid,twisted,orscrewedwiththegreatestease,andapparentlylikemanyanotheringeniouslycontrivedlock。butneitherInoranyoneelsehadeveryetsucceededinsliding,twisting,orscrewingthemaftersuchafashionastoopenthecloseddoorsofthecabinet。NooneyethadrobbedthemoftheirsecretsincefirstitwasplacedtherethreehundredyearsagobytheoldladyandherfaithfulItalian。Itwasabeautifulpieceofworkmanship,wasthistantalizingcabinet。Carvedoutofsomedarkforeignwood,thedoorsandpanelswererichlyinlaidwithlapis-
lazuli,ivory,andmother-of-pearl,amongwhichweretwisteddelicatelychasedthreadsofgoldandsilver。Abovethedoors,betweenthemandthecornice,layanothermystery,fullyastormentingaswasthefirst。Inasmoothstripofwoodaboutaninchwide,andextendingalongthewholebreadthofthecabinet,wasinlaidafinepatterningoldwire。Thisatfirstsightseemedtoconsistofalegendormotto。Onlookingcloser,however,thoughthepatternstilllookedasifitwasformedoutofcharactersofthealphabetcuriouslyentwinedtogether,youfoundyourselfunabletofixuponanydefiniteword,orevenletter。Youlookedagainandagain,andthelongerthatyoulookedthemorecertainbecameyourbeliefthatyouwereonthevergeofdiscovery。
Ifyoucouldapproachthemysteriouslegendfromaslightlydifferentpointofview,orlookatitfromanotherdistance,theclewtothepuzzlewouldbeseized,andthewordswouldstandforthclearandlegibleinyoursight。Buttheclewneverhadbeendiscovered,andthemotto,iftherewasone,remainedunread。
Forafewminuteswestoodlookingatthecabinetinsilence,andthenLucygaveadiscontentedlittlesigh。There’sanothertiresomepieceofsuperstition,sheexclaimed。byfarthehandsomestpieceoffurnitureinthehousestuckawayhereinabedroomwhichishardlyeverused。AgainandagainhaveIaskedGeorgetoletmehaveitmoveddownstairs,buthewon’thearofit。
WasitnotplacedherebyDameAliceherself?Iinquiredalittlereproachfully,forIfeltthatLucywasnottreatingthecabinetwiththerespectwhichitreallydeserved。
Yes,sotheysay,sheanswered。andthetoneoflightcontemptinwhichshespokewasnowpiercedbyanotunnaturalprideintheromanticmysteriesofherhusband’sfamily。Sheplacedithere,anditissaid,youknow,thatwhentheclosedcabinetisopened,andthemysteriousmottoisread,thecursewilldepartfromtheMervynfamily。
Butwhydon’ttheybreakitopen?Iasked,impatiently。IamsurethatIwouldneverhaveremainedallmylifeinahousewithathinglikethat,andnotfoundoutinsomewayoranotherwhatwasinsideit。
Oh,butthatwouldbequitefatal,answeredshe。ThecursecanonlyberemovedwhenthecabinetisopenedasDameAliceintendedittobe,inanorthodoxfashion。Ifyouweretoforceitopen,thatcouldneverhappen,andthecursewouldthereforeremainforever。
Andwhatisthecurse?Iasked,withverydifferentfeelingstothosewithwhichIhadtimidlyapproachedthesamesubjectwithAlan。LucywasnotaMervyn,andnotapersontoinspireaweunderanycircumstances。Myinstinctswererightagain,forsheturnedawaywithaslightshrugofhershoulders。
Ihavenoidea,shesaid。GeorgeandAlanalwayslookportentouslysolemnandgloomywheneveronementionsthesubject,soIdon’t。Ifyouaskmeforthetruth,Ibelieveittobeapureinvention,devisedbytheMervynsforthepurposeofdelicatelyaccountingforsomeofthedisreputableactionsoftheirancestors。
Foryouknow,Evie,sheadded,withalittlelaugh,thelesssaidaboutthecharacterofthefamilyintowhichyourauntandIhavemarriedthebetter。
Theremarkmademeangry,Idon’tknowwhy,andIansweredstiffly,thatasfarasIwasacquaintedwiththem,Iatleastsawnothingtocomplainof。
Oh,asregardsthepresentgeneration,no,——exceptforthatpoor,wretchedJack,acquiescedLucy,withherusualimperturbablegood-
humor。
Andasregardsthenext?Isuggested,smiling,andalreadyashamedofmylittletemper。
Thenextisperfect,ofcourse,——poordearboys。Shesighedasshespoke,andIwonderedwhethershewasreallyasunconsciousasshegenerallyappearedtobeofthestrangedissatisfactionwithwhichherhusbandseemedtoregardhischildren。Anyhowthementionofthemhadevidentlychangedhermood,andalmostdirectlyafterwards,withtheremarkthatshemustgoandlookafterherguests,whohadallarrivedbynow,sheleftmetomyself。
ForsomeminutesIsatbythebrightfire,lostinaimless,wanderingthought,whichbeganwithDameAliceandhercabinet,andwhichendedsomehowwithAlan’sface,asIhadlastseenitlookingupatmeinfrontofthehall-door。WhenIhadreachedthatpoint,IrousedmyselftodecidethatIhaddreamtlongenough,andthatitwasquitetimetogodowntotheguestsandtotea。I
accordinglydonnedmybestteagown,arrangedmyhair,andproceededtowardsthedrawing-room。Mywaytherelaythroughthegreatcentralhall。Thisapartmentwasapproachedfrommostofthebedroomsinthehousethroughalarge,archeddoorwayatoneendofit,whichcommunicateddirectlywiththegreatstaircase。Mybedroom,however,which,asIhavesaid,layamongtheprivateapartmentsofthehouse,openedintoapassagewhichledintoabroadgallery,orupperchamber,stretchingrightacrosstheendofthehall。Fromthisyoudescendedbymeansofasmallstaircaseinoak,whosecarvedbalustrade,bendingroundthecornerofthehall,formedoneoftheprettiestfeaturesofthepicturesqueoldroom。
Thebarrierwhichranalongthefrontofthegallerywasinsolidoak,andofsuchaheightthat,unlessstandingcloseuptoit,youcouldneitherseenorbeseenbytheoccupantsoftheroombelow。
OnapproachingthisgalleryIheardvoicesinthehall。TheywereGeorge’sandAlan’s,evidentlyinhotdiscussion。AsIissuedfromthepassage,Georgewasspeaking,andhisvoicehadthatexasperatedtoneinwhichanangrymantriestobringtoacloseanargumentinwhichhehaslosthistemper。Forheaven’ssakeleaveitalone,Alan。Ineithercannorwillinterfere。Wehaveenoughtobearfromthesecursedtraditionsasitis,withoutaddingonewhichhasnofoundationwhatevertojustifyit——amerecontemptiblepieceofsuperstition。
Nomemberofourfamilyhasarighttocallanytraditioncontemptiblewhichisconnectedwiththatplace,andyouknowit,
answeredAlan。andthoughhespokelow,hisvoicetrembledwithsomestrongemotion。AfirstimpulseofhesitationwhichIhadhadIchecked,feelingthatasIhadheardsomuchitwasfairertogoon,andIadvancedtothetopofthestaircase。Alanstoodbythefireplacefacingme,butfartoooccupiedtoseeme。HislastspeechhadseeminglyarousedGeorgetofury,forthelatterturnedonhimnowwithsavagepassion。
Damnitall,Alan!hecried,can’tyoubequiet?Iwillbemasterinmyownhouse。Takecare,Itellyou。thecursemaynotbequitefulfilledyetafterall。
AsGeorgeutteredthesewords,Alanliftedhiseyestohimwithaglanceofawfulhorror:hisfaceturnedghastlywhite。hislipstrembledforamoment。andthenheansweredbackwithonehalf-
whisperedwordofsupremeappeal——George!Therewasalong-
drawn,unutterableanguishinhistone,andhisvoice,thoughscarcelyaudible,penetratedtoeverycorneroftheroom,andseemedtohangquiveringintheairaroundoneafterthesoundhadceased。Thentherewasaterriblestillness。Alanstoodtremblingineverylimb,incapableapparentlyofspeechoraction,andGeorgefacedhim,assilentandmotionlessashewas。Foraninstanttheyremainedthus,whileIlookedbreathlesslyon。ThenGeorge,withamutteredimprecation,turnedonhisheelandlefttheroom。Alanfollowedhimashewentwithdulllifelesseyes。andasthedoorclosedhebreatheddeeply,withabreaththatwasalmostagroan。
Takingmycourageinbothhands,Inowdescendedthestairs,andatthesoundofmyfootfallheglancedup,started,andthencamerapidlytomeetme。
Evie!youhere,hesaid。Ididnotnoticeyou。Howlonghaveyoubeenhere?Hewasstillquitewhite,andInoticedthathepantedforbreathashespoke。
Notlong,Ianswered,timidly,andratherspasmodically。Ionlyheardasentenceortwo。YouwantedGeorgetodosomethingaboutsometraditionorother,——andhewasangry,——andhesaidsomethingaboutthecurse。
WhileIspokeAlankepthiseyesfixedonmine,readingthroughthem,asIknew,intomymind。WhenIhadfinishedheturnedhisgazeawaysatisfied,andansweredveryquietly,Yes,thatwasit。
Thenhewentbacktothefireplace,restedhisarmagainstthehighmantelpieceaboveit,andleaninghisforeheadonhisarm,remainedsilentlylookingintothefire。Icouldseebyhisbentbrowandcompressedlipsthathewasengageduponsomeearnesttrainofthoughtorreasoning,andIstoodwaiting——worried,puzzled,curious,butaboveallthings,pitiful,andoh!longingsointenselytohelphimifIcould。Presentlyhestraightenedhimselfalittle,andaddressedmemoreinhisordinarytoneofvoice,thoughwithoutlookinground。SoIheartheyhavechangedyourroom。
Yes,Ianswered。Andthen,flushingrather,IsthatwhatyouandGeorgehavebeenquarrelingabout?Ireceivednoreply,andtakingthissilenceforassent,Iwentondeprecatingly,Becauseyouknow,ifitwas,Ithinkyouareratherfoolish,Alan。AsI
understand,twogirlsaresaidtohavediedinthatroommorethanahundredyearsago,andforthatreasonthereisaprejudiceagainstputtingagirltosleepthere。Thatisall。Merelyavague,unreasonabletradition。
Alantookamomenttoanswer。
Yes,hesaidatlength,speakingslowly,andasifreplyingtoargumentsinhisownmindasmuchastothosewhichIhaduttered。
Yes,itisnothingbutatraditionafterall,andthatoftheveryvaguestandmostunsupportedkind。
Isthereevenanyproofthatgirlshavenotslepttheresincethosetwodied?Iasked。Ithinkthatthesuggestionconveyedinthisquestionwasarelieftohim,forafteramoment’spause,asiftosearchhismemory,heturnedround。
No,heanswered,Idon’tthinkthatthereisanysuchproof。andIhavenodoubtthatyouareright,andthatitisamereprejudicethatmakesmedislikeyoursleepingthere。
Then,Isaid,withalittleassumptionofsisterlysuperiority,IthinkGeorgewasright,andthatyouwerewrong。
Alansmiled,——asmiledwhichsatoddlyonthestillpaleface,andinthewearied,worn-lookingeyes。Verylikely,hesaid。I
daresaythatIamsuperstitious。Ihavehadthingstomakemeso。
Thencomingnearertome,andlayinghishandsonmyshoulders,hewenton,smilingmorebrightly,Weareaqueer-tempered,bad-
nervedrace,weMervyns,andyoumustnottakeustooseriously,Evie。Thebestthingthatyoucandowithouroddwaysistoignorethem。
Oh,Idon’tmind,Ianswered,laughing,toogladtohavewonhimbacktoeventemporarybrightness,aslongasyouandGeorgedon’tcometoblowsoverthequestionofwhereIamtosleep。whichafterallischieflymyconcern,——andLucy’s。
Well,perhapsitis,hereplied,inthesametone。andnowbeofftothedrawing-room,whereLucyisdefendingthetea-tablesingle-handedallthistime。
Iobeyed,andshouldhavegonemorecheerfullyhadInotturnedatthedoorwaytolookbackathim,andcaughtoneglimpseofhisfaceashesankheavilydownintothelargearm-chairbythefireside。
However,bydinner-timeheappearedtohavedismissedallpainfulreflectionsfromhismind,ortohaveburiedthemtoodeepfordiscovery。Thepeoplestayinginthehousewere,inspiteofmysenseofgrievanceattheirarrival,individuallypleasant,andafterdinnerIdiscoveredthemtobesociallywellassorted。Forthefirsthourortwo,indeed,aftertheirarrival,eachglaredattheotheracrossthosetriplelinesofmoralfortificationbehindwhicheverywell-bredBritontakesrefugeonappearingatafriend’scountry-house。Butflagsoftrucewereinterchangedoverthesoup,anarmisticewasagreeduponduringtheroast,andthetermsofatreatyofpeaceandamitywerefinallyratifiedunderthesympatheticinfluenceofGeorge’sbestchampagne。FortheachievementofthishappyresultAlancertainlyworkedhard,andreceivedthereformanyagratefulglancefromhissister-in-law。
HewasmoreexcitedthanIhadeverseenhimbefore,andtalkedbrilliantlyandwell——thoughperhapsnotasexclusivelytohisneighborsastheymayhavewished。Hiseyesandhisattentionseemedeverywhereatonce:onemomenthewasthrowingremarksacrosstosomedespairingcoupleopposite,andthenexthewasbreakinganembarrassingpauseintheconversationbysomerapidsallyofnonsenseaddressedtothetableingeneral。Heformedagreatcontrasttohisbrother,whosatgloomyanddejected,makinglittleornoresponsetotheadvancesofthetwodowagersbetweenwhomhewasplaced。AfterdinnertheyoungermembersofthepartyspenttheeveningbyAlan’sinitiative,andchieflyunderhisdirection,inaseriesoflivelyandratherriotousgamessuchasmynurserydayshaddelightedin,andmyschoolroomoneshaddisdained。Itwasagreatandhappysurprisetodiscoverthat,grownup,Imightagainenjoythem。Ididso,hugely,andwhenbedtimecameallmemoriesmoreseriousthanthoseofmusicalchairsorfollowmyleaderhadvanishedfrommymind。Ithink,fromAlan’sglanceashehandedmemybedcandle,thatthepleasureandexcitementmusthaveimprovedmylooks。
Ihopeyouhaveenjoyedyourfirsteveningofgayety,Evie,hesaid。
Ihave,Ianswered,withhappyconviction。andreallyIbelievethatitischieflyowingtoyou,Alan。Hemetmysmilebyanother。butIthinkthattheremusthavebeensomethinginhislookwhichrecalledotherthoughts,forasIstartedupthestairsIthrewamischievousglancebackathimandwhispered,Nowforthehorrorsofthehauntedchamber。
Helaughedratherloudly,andsayingGood-night,andgood-luck,
turnedtoattendtotheotherladies。
Hiswisheswerecertainlyfulfilled。Igottobedquickly,and——assoonasmyhappyexcitementwassufficientlycalmedtoadmitofit——
tosleep。Theonlythingwhichdisturbedmewasthewind,whichblewfiercelyandloudlyalltheearlierportionofthenight,halfarousingmemorethanonce。Ispokeofitatbreakfastthenextmorning。buttherestoftheworldseemedtohaveslepttooheavilytohavebeenawareofit。
IV
Themenwentoutshootingdirectlyafterbreakfast,andwewomenpassedthedayinorthodoxcountry-housefashion,——workingandeating。walkingandriding。drivingandplayingcroquet。andabove,beyond,andthroughallthings,chattering。BeyondapassingsighwhileIwaswashingmyhands,oramomentofmournfulremembrancewhileIchangedmydress,Ihadscarcelytimeeventoregretthequiethappinessoftheweekthatwaspast。Intheeveningwedancedinthegreathall。IhadtwovalseswithAlan。Duringapauseforbreath,Ifoundthatwewerestandingnearthefireplace,ontheveryspotwhereheandGeorgehadstoodonthepreviousafternoon。Therecollectionmademeinvoluntarilyglanceupathisface。Itlookedsadandworried,andthethoughtsuddenlystruckmethathisextravagantspiritsofthenightbefore,andevenhisquieter,carefulcheerfulnessofto-night,hadbeenbutartificialmoodsatbest。Heturned,andfindingmyeyesfixedonhim,atonceplungedintoconversation,discussedthepeculiaritiesofoneoftheguests,good-humoredlyenough,butwithsomuchfunastomakemelaughinspiteofmyself。Thenwedancedagain。Theplaintivemusic,thesmoothfloor,andthepartnerwereallalikeperfect,andIexperiencedthatentiredelightofphysicalenjoymentwhichIbelievenothingbutavalseundersuchcircumstancescangive。WhenitwasoverIturnedtoAlan,andexclaimedwithimpulsiveappeal,Oh,Iamsohappy,——youmustbehappytoo!Hesmiledratheruncertainly,andanswered,Don’tbotheryourselfaboutme,Evie,Iamallright。ItoldyouthatweMervynshadbadnerves。andIamrathertired。That’sall。Iwastoopassionatelydeterminedjustthenuponhappiness,andhiswastoonecessarytomineformenottobelievethathewasspeakingthetruth。
WekeptupthedancingtillLucydiscoveredwithashockthatmidnighthadstruck,andthatSundayhadbegun,andwewereallsentofftobed。Iwasnotlonginmakingmynightlypreparations,andhadscarcelyinsertedmyselfbetweenthesheetswhen,withafewlongmoans,thewindbeganagain,moreviolentlyeventhanthenightbefore。Ithadbeenacalm,fineday,andImadewisereflectionsasIlistenedupontheuncertaintyofthenorth-countryclimate。Whatatempestitwas!Howitmoaned,andhowled,andshrieked!WherehadIheardthesuperstitionwhichnowcametomymind,thatborneuponthewindcomethespiritsofthedrowned,wailingandcryingforthesepulturewhichhadbeendeniedthem?
Buttherewereothersoundsinthatwind,too。Evil,murderousthoughts,perhaps,whichhadnevertakenbodyindeeds,butwhich,caughtupintheair,nowhurledthemselvesinimpotentfurythroughtheworld。HowIwishedthewindwouldstop。Itseemedfullofhorriblefancies,anditkeptknockingthemintomyhead,anditwouldn’tleaveoff。Fancies,ormemories——which?——andmymindrevertedwithaflashtothefearfulthoughtswhichhadhaunteditthedaybeforeinDameAlice’stower。Itwasdarknow。
Thoseghastlyintangibleshapesmusthavetakenfullformandcolor,peoplingtheoldruinwiththeiragelesshideousness。Andthestormhadfoundthemthereandbornethemalongwithitasitblewthroughthecrevicedwalls。Thatwaswhythewind’ssoundstrucksostrangelyonmybrain。Ah!Icouldhearthemnow,thosestilllivingmemoriesofdeadhorror。Throughthewindowcranniestheycameshriekingandwailing。Theyfilledthechimneywithspiritsobs,andnowtheywerepressingon,crowdingthroughtheroom,——eager,eagertoreachtheirprey。Nearertheycame——nearerstill!Theywereroundmybednow!ThroughmyclosedeyelidsI
couldalmostseetheirdreadfulshapes。inallmyquiveringfleshI
felttheirterrorsastheybentoverme,——lower,lower……
WithastartIarousedmyselfandsatup。WasIasleeporawake?
Iwastremblingalloverstill,anditrequiredthegreatesteffortofcourageIhadevermadetoenablemetospringfrommybedandstrikealight。Whatastatemynervesormydigestionmustbein!
Frommychildhoodthewindhadalwaysaffectedmestrangely,andI
blamedmyselfnowforallowingmyimaginationtorunawaywithmeatthefirst。IfoundanovelwhichIhadbroughtuptomyroomwithme,oneofthemodern,Chinese-Americanschool,wherehumannatureisanalyzedwiththepatient,industriousindifferenceofthetrueCelestial。Itookthebooktobedwithme,andsoonunderitssoothinginfluencesfellasleep。Idreamtagooddeal,——
nightmares,thedefiniterecollectionofwhich,asissooftenthecase,vanishedfrommymindassoonasIawoke,leavingonlyavagueimpressionofhorror。Theyhadbeenconnectedwiththewind,ofthataloneIwasconscious,andIwentdowntobreakfast,maliciouslyhopingthatothers’resthadbeenasmuchdisturbedasmyown。
Tomysurprise,however,IfoundthatIhadagainbeentheonlysufferer。Indeed,soimpressedweremostofthepartywiththequietinwhichtheirnighthadbeenpassed,thattheyboldlydeclaredmystormtohavebeenthecreatureofmydreams。Thereisnothingmoreannoyingwhenyoufeelyourselfaggrievedbyfatethantobetoldthatyourtroubleshaveoriginatedinyourownfancy。soIdroppedthesubject。Thoughthediscussionspreadforafewminutesroundthewholetable,Alantooknopartinit。NeitherdidGeorge,exceptforwhatIthoughtaratherunnecessarilyroughexpressionofhisdisbeliefinthecauseofmynight’sdisturbance。
AswerosefrombreakfastIsawAlanglancetowardshisbrother,andmakeamovement,evidentlywiththepurposeofspeakingtohim。
WhetherornotGeorgewasawareofthelookoraction,Icannotsay。butatthesamemomenthemaderapidlyacrosstheroomtowhereoneofhisprincipalguestswasstanding,andatonceengagedhiminconversation。Soearnestlyandsovolublywasheborneon,thattheywerestilltalkingtogetherwhenweladiesappearedagainsomeminuteslater,preparedforourwalktochurch。ThatwasnottheonlyoccasionduringthedayonwhichIwitnessedasIthoughtthesameby-playgoingon。AgainandagainAlanappearedtobemakingeffortstoengageGeorgeinprivateconversation,andagainandagainthelattersuccessfullyeludedhim。
Thechurchwasaboutamileawayfromthehouse,andasLucydidnotlikehavingthecarriagesoutonaSunday,oneserviceaweekasarulecontentedthehousehold。IntheafternoonwetooktheusualSundaywalk。Onreturningfromit,Ihadjusttakenoffmyoutdoorthings,andwasissuingfrommybedroom,whenIfoundmyselffacetofacewithAlan。HewascomingoutofGeorge’sstudy,andhadsucceededapparentlyinobtainingthatinterviewforwhichhehadbeenalldayseeking。Oneglanceathisfacetoldmewhatitsnaturehadbeen。Wepausedoppositeeachotherforamoment,andhelookedatmeearnestly。
Areyougoingtochurch?heinquiredatlast,abruptly。
No,Ianswered,withsomesurprise。Ididnotknowthatanyonewasgoingthisevening。
Willyoucomewithme?
Yes,certainly。ifyoudon’tmindwaitingamomentformetoputmythingson。
There’splentyoftime,heanswered。meetmeinthehall。
Afewminuteslaterwestarted。
Itwasacalm,cloudlessnight,andalthoughthemoonwasnotyethalf-full,andalreadypasthermeridian,shefilledtheclearairwithgentlelight。Notawordbrokeoursilence。Alanwalkedhurriedly,lookingstraightbeforehim,hisheadupright,hislipstwitchingnervously,whileeverynowandthenahalf-utteredmoanescapedunconsciouslyfrombetweenthem。AtlastIcouldbearitnolonger,andburstforthwiththefirstremarkwhichoccurredtome。Wewerepassingabig,black,queer-shapedstonestandinginratheralonelyuncultivatedspotatoneendofthegarden。Itwasanoldacquaintanceofmychildhood。butmythoughtshadbeenturnedtowardsitnowfromthefactthatIcouldseeitfrommybedroomwindow,andhadbeenstruckafreshbyitsuncouth,incongruousappearance。
Isn’ttheresomestoryconnectedwiththatstone?Iasked。I
rememberthatwealwayscalledittheDeadStoneaschildren。
Alancastaquick,sidelongglanceinthatdirection,andhisbrowscontractedinanirritablefrown。Idon’tknow,heansweredshortly。theysaythatthereisawomanburiedbeneathit,I
believe。
Awomanburiedthere!Iexclaimedinsurprise。butwho?
HowshouldIknow?Theyknownothingwhateveraboutit。Theplaceisfullofstupidtraditionsofthatkind。Then,lookingsuspiciouslyroundatme,Whydoyouask?
Idon’tknow。itwasjustsomethingtosay,Iansweredplaintively。Hisstrangemoodsoworkeduponmynerves,thatitwasallthatIcoulddotorestrainmytears。Ithinkthatmytonestruckhisconscience,forhemadeafewfeverishattemptsatconversationafterthat。Buttheyweresoentirelyabortivethathesoonabandonedtheeffort,andwefinishedourwalktochurchasspeechlesslyaswehadbegunit。
Theservicewasbright,andthesermonperhapsalittlecommonplace,butsensibleasitseemedtomeinmatter,andadequateinstyle。Thepeacefuleveninghymnwhichfollowed,theshortsolemnpauseofsilentprayerattheend,soothedandrefreshedmyspirit。Ahastyglanceatmycompanion’sfaceashestoodwaitingformeintheporch,withthefulllightfromthechurchstreamingroundhim,assuredmethatthesameinfluencehadtouchedhimtoo。Haggardandsadhestilllooked,itistrue。buthisfeatureswerecomposed,andtheexpressionofactualpainhadlefthiseyes。
Silentaswehadcomewestartedhomewardthroughthewaningmoonlight,butthissilencewasofaverydifferentnaturetotheother,andafteraminuteortwoIdidnothesitatetobreakit。
Itwasagoodsermon?Iobserved,interrogatively。
Yes,heassented,Isupposeyouwouldcallitso。butIconfessthatIshouldhavefoundthetextmoreimpressivewithoutitsexposition。
Poorman!
Butdon’tyouoftenfinditso?heasked。Doyounotoftenwish,totakethisevening’sinstance,thatclergymenwouldinfusethemselveswithsomethingofSt。Paul’sownspirit?Thenperhapstheywouldnotwaterallthestrengthoutofhiswordsintheireffortstoexplainthem。
Thatisratheralargedemandtomakeuponthem,isitnot?
Isit?hequestioned。Idon’taskthemtobeinspiredsaints。
Idon’texpectSt。Paul’sbreadthanddepthofthought。Butcouldtheynothavesomethingofhisvigorouscompleteness,somethingoftheintensityofhisfeelingandbelief?Lookatthetextofto-
night。Didnotthepreacher’sexamplesandapplicationstakesomethingfromitsawfulunqualifiedstrength?
Awful!Iexclaimed,insurprise。thatishardlytheexpressionI
shouldhaveusedinconnectionwiththosewords。
Whynot?
Oh,Idon’tknow。Thetextisverybeautiful,ofcourse,andattimes,whenpeoplearetiresomeandoneoughttobenicetothem,itisverydifficulttoactupto。But——
Butyouthinkthat’awful’isratherabigadjectivetouseforsosmalladuty,interposedAlan,andthemoonlightshowedtheflickerofasmileuponhisface。Thenhecontinued,gravely,I
doubtwhetheryouyourselfrealizethefullimportofthewords。
Thepreceptofcharityisnotmerelyacodeofrulesbywhichtoorderourconducttoourneighbors。itisthepictureofaspiritualcondition,andsuch,whereitexistsinus,mustbyitsverynatureberousedintoactivitybyanythingthataffectsus。
Sowiththisparticularinjunction,everycircumstanceinourlivesisachallengetoit,andinpresenceofallalikeitadmitsofoneattitudeonly:’Bearethallthings,endurethallthings。’Ihopeitwillbelongbeforethat’all’sticksinyourgizzard,Evie,——
beforeyoucomefacetofacewiththingswhichnaturecannotbear,andyetwhichmustbeborne。
Hestopped,hisvoicequivering。andthenafterapausewentonagainmorecalmly,Andthroughoutitisthesame。Moralpreceptseverywhere,whichwilladmitofnocompromise,nolimitation,andyetwhichareatwarwithourstrongestpassions。Ifonecouldonlyinterposesome’unless,’some’except,’evenan’until,’whichshouldbeshortofthegrave。Butwecannot。Thelawisinfinite,universal,eternal。thereisnoescape,norepose。Resist,strive,endure,thatistherecurringcry。thatisexistence。
Andpeace,Iexclaimed,appealingly。Whereisthereroomforpeace,ifthatbetrue?
Hesighedforanswer,andtheninachangedandlowertoneadded,Howeverthicklythecloudsmass,howevervainlywesearchforacomingglimmerintheirmidst,weneverdoubtthattheskyISstillbeyond——beyondandaroundus,infiniteandinfinitelyrestful。
Heraisedhiseyesashespoke,andminefollowedhis。Wehadenteredthewoodedglen。Throughthescantyautumnfoliagewecouldseethestarsshiningfaintlyinthedimmoonlight,andbeyondthemthedeepillimitableblue。Adarkworlditlooked,distantandmysterious,andmyyoungspiritrebelledattheconsolationofferedme。
Peaceseemsalongwayoff,Iwhispered。
Itisforme,heanswered,gently。notnecessarilyforyou。
Oh,butIamworseandweakerthanyouare。Iflifeistobeallwarfare,Imustbebeaten。Icannotalwaysbefighting。
Cannotyou?Evie,whatIhavebeensayingistrueofeverymorallawworthhaving,ofeveryidealoflifeworthstrivingafter,thatmenhaveyetconceived。ButitisonlyhalfthetruthofChristianity。Youknowthat。Wemuststrive,forthepromiseistohimthatovercometh。butthoughouraimbeevenhigherthanisthatofothers,wecannotintheendfailtoreachit。ThevictoryoftheCrossisours。Youknowthat?Youbelievethat?
YesIanswered,softly,toosurprisedtosaymore。Inspeakingofreligionhe,asarule,showedtothefullthereservewhichischaracteristicofhisclassandcountry,andthissuddenoutburstwasinitselfastonishing。buttheeageranxietywithwhichheemphasizedthelastwordsofappealimpressedandbewilderedmestillfurther。Wewalkedonforsomeminutesinsilence。ThensuddenlyAlanstopped,andturning,tookmyhandinhis。InwhatdirectionhismindhadbeenworkingintheintervalIcouldnotdivine。butthemomenthebegantospeakIfeltthathewasnowforthefirsttimegivingutterancetowhathadbeenreallyatthebottomofhisthoughtsthewholeevening。EveninthatdimlightI
couldseetheanxiouslookuponhisface,andhisvoiceshookwithrestrainedemotion。
Evie,hesaid,haveyoueverthoughtoftheworldinwhichourspiritsdwell,asourbodiesdointhisoneofmatterandsense,andofhowitmaybepeopled?Iknow,hewentonhurriedly,thatitisthefashionnowadaystolaughatsuchideas。Ienvythosewhohaveneverhadcausetobeconvincedoftheirreality,andI
hopethatyoumaylongremainamongthenumber。Butshouldthatnotbeso,shouldthoseunseeninfluencesevertouchyourlife,I
wantyoutorememberthen,that,asoneoftheraceforwhomChristdied,youhaveashighacitizenshipinthatspiritlandasanycreaturethere:thatyouareyourownsoul’swarden,andthatneitherprincipalitiesnorpowerscanrobyouofthatyourbirthright。
Ithinkmyfacemusthaveshownmybewilderment,forhedroppedmyhand,andwalkedonwithanimpatientsigh。
Youdon’tunderstandme。Whyshouldyou?Idare-saythatIamtalkingnonsense——only——only——
HisvoiceexpressedsuchanagonyofdoubtandhesitationthatI
burstout——
IthinkthatIdounderstandyoualittle,Alan。Youmeanthatevenfromunearthlyenemiesthereisnothingthatweneedreallyfear——atleast,thatis,Isuppose,nothingworsethandeath。Butthatissurelyenough!
Whyshouldyoufeardeath?hesaid,abruptly。yoursoulwilllive。
Yes,Iknowthat,butstill——Istoppedwithashudder。
Whatislifeafterallbutonelongdeath?hewenton,withsuddenviolence。Ourpleasures,ourhopes,ouryoutharealldying。ambitiondies,andevendesireatlast。ourpassionsandtasteswilldie,orwillliveonlytomourntheirdeadopportunity。
Thehappinessoflovedieswiththelossoftheloved,and,worstofall,loveitselfgrowsoldinourheartsanddies。Whyshouldweshrinkonlyfromtheonedeathwhichcanfreeusfromalltheothers?
Itisnottrue,Alan!Icried,hotly。Whatyousayisnottrue。
Therearemanythingsevenherewhicharelivingandshalllive。
andifitwereotherwise,ineverything,lifethatendsindeathisbetterthannolifeatall。
Yousaythat,heanswered,becauseforyouthesethingsareyetliving。Toleavelifenow,therefore,whileitisfullandsweet,untaintedbydeath,surelythatisnotafatetofear。Better,athousandtimesbetter,toseethecordcutwithoneblowwhileitisstillwholeandstrong,andtolaunchoutstraightintothegreatocean,thantositwatchingthroughtheslowyears,whilestrandafterstrand,threadbythread,loosensandunwindsitself,——
eachwithitsownseparatepangbreaking,bringingthebitternessofdeathwithoutitsrelease。
Hismanner,thedespairingringinhisvoice,alarmedmeevenmorethanhiswords。Clingingtohisarmwithbothhands,whilethetearssprangtomyeyes——
Alan,Icried,don’tsaysuchthings,——don’ttalklikethat。
Youaremakingmemiserable。
Hestoppedshortatmywords,withbenthead,hisfeatureshiddenintheshadowthuscastuponthem,——nothinginhismotionlessformtoshowwhatwaspassingwithinhim。Thenhelookedup,andturnedhisfacetothemoonlightandtome,layinghishandononeofmine。
Don’tbeafraid,hesaid。itisallright,mylittleDavid。Youhavedriventheevilspiritaway。Andliftingmyhand,hepresseditgentlytohislips。Thendrawingitwithinhisarm,hewenton,ashewalkedforward,Andevenwhenitwasonmeatitsworst,I
wasnotmeditatingsuicide,asIthinkyouimagine。Iamaveryaveragespecimenofhumanity,——neitherbraveenoughtodefythepossibilitiesofeternitynorcowardlyenoughtoshirkthoseoftime。No,Iwasonlytryingidioticallytopersuadeagirlofeighteenthatlifewasnotworthliving。andmorefutilelystill,myself,thatIdidnotwishhertolive。Iamafraid,thatinmymindphilosophyandfacthavebutsmallconnectionwitheachother。
andthoughmytheorizingforyourwelfaremaybetrueenough,yet,——
Icannothelpit,Evie,——itwouldgoterriblyhardwithmeifanythingweretohappentoyou。
Hisvoicetrembledashefinished。Myfearhadgonewithhisreturntohisnaturalmanner,butmybewildermentremained。
WhySHOULDthereanythinghappentome?Iasked。
Thatisjustit,heanswered,afterapause,lookingstraightinfrontofhimanddrawinghishandwearilyoverhisbrow。Iknowofnoreasonwhythereshould。Thengivingasigh,asiffinallytodismissfromhismindaworryingsubject——Ihaveactedforthebest,hesaid,andmayGodforgivemeifIhavedonewrong。
Therewasalittlesilenceafterthat,andthenhebegantotalkagain,steadilyandquietly。Thesubjectwasdeepenoughstill,asdeepasanythatwehadtouchedupon,butbothvoiceandsentimentwerecalm,bringingpeacetomyspirit,andsoonmakingmeforgetthewonderandfearofafewmomentsbefore。Veryopenlydidhetalkaswepassedonacrossthelongtrunkshadowsandthroughthegladesofsilverlight。andIsawfartherthenintothemostsacredrecessesofhissoulthanIhaveeverdonebeforeorsince。
Whenwereachedhomethemoonhadalreadyset。butsomeofherbeamsseemedtohavebeenleftbehindwithinmyheart,sopureandpeacefulwasthelightwhichfilledit。
Thesamefeelingcontinuedwithmeallthroughthatevening。Afterdinnersomeofthepartyplayedandsang。AsitwasSunday,andLucywasrigidinherviews,themusicwasofasacredcharacter。
Isatinalowarmchairinadarkcorneroftheroom,mymindtoodreamytothink,andtoopassivetodream。IhardlyinterchangedthreewordswithAlan,whoremainedinastilldarkerspot,invisibleandsilentthewholetime。Onlyaswelefttheroomtogotobed,IheardLucyaskhimifhehadaheadache。Ididnothearhisanswer,andbeforeIcouldseehisfacehehadturnedbackagainintothedrawing-room。
V
Itwasearly,andwhenfirstIgottomyroomIfeltlittleinclinedforsleep。Iwanderedtothewindow,anddrawingasidethecurtains,lookedoutuponthestill,starlitsky。AtleastI
shouldrestquietto-night。Theairwasveryclear,andtheskyseemedfullofstars。AsIstoodtherescrapsofschoolroomlearningcamebacktomymind。Thatthestarswereallsuns,surroundedperhapsintheirturnbyworldsaslargeorlargerthanourown。Worldsbeyondworlds,andothersfartherstill,whichnomanmightnumberorevendescry。Andaboutthedistanceofthosewonderfulsunstoo,——thatone,forinstance,atwhichIwaslooking,——whatwasitthatIhadbeentold?Thatourworldwasnotyetpeopled,perhapsnotyetformed,whentheactualspotoflightwhichnowstruckmysightfirststartedfromthestar’ssurface!
Whileitflashedalong,itselftheverysymbolofspeed,thewholeofmankindhadhadtimetobeborn,andlive,anddie!
Mygazedropped,andfelluponthedim,half-seenoutlineoftheDeadStone。Thatwomantoo。Whilethatonerayspeededtowardsmeherlifehadbeenlivedandended,andherbodyhadrottedawayintotheground。Howclosetogetherweallwere!Herlifeandmine。ourjoys,sufferings,deaths——allcrowdedtogetherintothespaceofoneflashoflight!Andyettherewasnothingtherebutahorribleskeletonofdeadbones,whileI——!
Istoppedwithashudder,andturnedbackintotheroom。IwishedthatAlanhadnottoldmewhatlayunderthestone。IwishedthatI
hadneveraskedhim。Itwasaghastlythingtothinkabout,andspoiltallthebeautyofthenighttome。
Igotquicklyintobed,andsoondroppedasleep。IdonotknowhowlongIslept。butwhenIwokeitwaswiththeconsciousnessagainofthathauntingwind。
Itwasworsethanever。Theworldseemedfilledwithitsdin。
Hurlingitselfpassionatelyagainstthehouse,itgatheredstrengthwitheverygust,tillitseemedasiftheoldwallsmustsooncrashinruinsroundme。Gustupongust。blowuponblow。swelling,lessening,neverceasing。Thenoisesurroundedme。itpenetratedmyinmostbeing,asall-pervadingassilenceitself,andwrappingmeinasolitudeevenmorecomplete。TherewasnothingleftintheworldbutthewindandI,andthenaweirdintangibledoubtastomyownidentityseizedme。Thewindwasreal,thewindwithitsechoesofpassionandmiseryfromtheeternalabyss。butwasthereanythingelse?Whatwas,andwhathadbeen,theworldofsenseandofknowledge,myownconsciousness,myveryself,——allseemedgatheredupandsweptawayinthatonesole-existentfuryofsound。
Ipulledmyselftogether,andgettingoutofbed,gropedmywaytothetablewhichstoodbetweenthebedandthefireplace。Thematcheswerethere,andmyhalf-burntcandle,whichIlit。Thewindpenetratingtherattlingcasementcircledroundtheroom,andtheflameofmycandlebentandflaredandshrankbeforeit,throwingstrangemovinglightsandshadowsineverycorner。I
stoodthereshiveringinmythinnightdress,halfstunnedbythecataractofnoisebeatingonthewallsoutside,andpeeredanxiouslyaroundme。Theroomwasnotthesame。Somethingwaschanged。Whatwasit?Howtheshadowsleapedandfell,dancingintimetothewind’smusic。Everythingseemedalive。Iturnedmyheadslowlytotheleft,andthentotheright,andthenround——andstoppedwithasuddengaspoffear。
Thecabinetwasopen!
Ilookedaway,andback,andagain。Therewasnoroomfordoubt。
Thedoorswerethrownback,andwerewavinggentlyinthedraught。
Oneofthelowerdrawerswaspulledout,andinasuddenflareofthecandle-lightIcouldseesomethingglisteningatitsbottom。
Thenthelightdwindledagain,thecandlewasalmostout,andthecabinetshowedadimblackmassinthedarkness。Upanddownwenttheflame,andeachreturningbrightnessflashedbackatmefromthethinginsidethedrawer。Istoodfascinated,myeyesfixeduponthespot,waitingforthefitfulglitterasitcameandwent。
Whatwastherethere?IknewthatImustgoandsee,butIdidnotwantto。IfonlythecabinetwouldcloseagainbeforeIlooked,beforeIknewwhatwasinsideit。Butitstoodopen,andtheglitteringthinglaythere,draggingmetowardsitself。
Slowlyatlast,andwithinfinitereluctance,Iwent。Thedrawerwaslinedwithsoftwhitesatin,anduponthesatinlayalong,slenderknife,hiltedandsheathedinantiquesilver,richlysetwithjewels。Itookitupandturnedbacktothetabletoexamineit。ItwasItalianinworkmanship,andIknewthatthecarvingandchasingofthesilverweremorepreciouseventhanthejewelswhichstuddedit,andwhoseroughsettinggavesofirmagrasptomyhand。Wasthebladeasfairasthecovering,Iwondered?Alittleresistanceatfirst,andthenthelongthinsteelslideasilyout。
Sharp,andbright,andfinelytempereditlookedwithitsdeadly,taperingpoint。Stains,dullandirregular,crossedthefineengravingonitssurfaceanddimmeditspolish。Ibenttoexaminethemmoreclosely,andasIdidsoasuddenstrongergustofwindblewoutthecandle。Ishudderedalittleatthedarknessandlookedup。Butitdidnotmatter:thecurtainwasstilldrawnawayfromthewindowoppositemybedside,andthroughitafloodofmoonlightwaspouringinuponfloorandbed。
Puttingthesheathdownuponthetable,Iwalkedtothewindowtoexaminetheknifemorecloselybythatpalelight。Howgloriouslybrilliantitwas!darkenednowandagainbythequicklypassingshadowsofwind-drivenclouds。AtleastsoIthought,andI
glancedupandoutofthewindowtoseethem。Ablackworldmetmygaze。Neithermoonwastherenormoonlight:thebroadsilverbeaminwhichIstoodstretchednofartherthanthewindow。Icaughtmybreath,andmylimbsstiffenedasIlooked。Nomoon,nocloud,nomovementintheclear,calm,starlitsky。whilestilltheghastlylightstretchedroundme,andthespectralshadowsdriftedacrosstheroom。
Butitwasnotalldarkoutside:onespotcaughtmyeye,brightwithalividunearthlybrightness——theDeadStoneshiningoutintothenightlikeanemberfromhell’sfurnace!Therewasahorridsemblanceoflifeinthelight,——apalpitating,breathingglow,——
andmypulsesbeatintimetoit,tillIseemedtobedrawingitintomyveins。Ithadnowarmth,andasitenteredmybloodmyheartgrewcolder,andmymusclesmorerigid。Myfingersclutchedthedagger-hilttillitsjeweledroughnesspressedpainfullyintomypalm。Allthestrengthofmystrainedpowersseemedgatheredinthatgrasp,andthemoretightlyIheldthemorevividlydidtherockgleamandquiverwithinfernallife。Thedeadwoman!Thedeadwoman!WhathadItodowithher?Letherbonesrestinthefilthoftheirowndecay,——outthereundertheaccursedstone。
Andnowthenoiseofthewindlessensinmyears。Letitgoon,——
yes,louderandwilder,drowningmysensesinitstumult。Whatistherewithmeintheroom——thegreatemptyroombehindme?
Nothing。onlythecabinetwithitswavingdoors。Theyarewavingtoandfro,toandfro——Iknowit。Butthereisnootherlifeintheroombutthat——no,no。nootherlifeintheroombutthat。
Oh!don’tletthewindstop。Ican’thearanythingwhileitgoeson——butifitstops!Ah!thegustsgrowweaker,struggling,forcedintorest。Now——now——theyhaveceased。
Silence!
Afearfulpause。
WhatisthatthatIhear?There,behindmeintheroom?
DoIhearit?Isthereanything?
Thethrobbingofmyownbloodinmyears。
No,no!Thereissomethingaswell,——somethingoutsidemyself。
Whatisit?
Low。heavy。regular。
God!itis——itisthebreathofalivingcreature!Alivingcreature!here——closetome——alonewithme!
Thenumbnessofterrorconquersme。Icanneitherstirnorspeak。
Onlymywholesoulstrainsatmyearstolisten。
Wheredoesthesoundcomefrom?
Closebehindme——close。
Ah-h!
Itisfromthere——fromthebedwhereIwaslyingamomentago!……
Itrytoshriek,butthesoundgurglesunutteredinmythroat。I
clutchthestonemullionsofthewindow,andpressmyselfagainstthepanes。IfIcouldbutthrowmyselfout!——anywhere,anywhere——
awayfromthatdreadfulsound——fromthatthingclosebehindmeinthebed!ButIcandonothing。Thewindhasbrokenforthagainnow。thestormcrashesroundme。AndstillthroughitallIheartheghastlybreathing——even,low,scarcelyaudible——butIhearit。
IshallhearitaslongasIlive!……
Isthethingmoving?
Isitcomingnearer?