No,no。notthat,——thatwasbutafancytofreezemedead。
Buttostandhere,withthatcreaturebehindme,listening,waitingforthewarmhorrorofitsbreathtotouchmyneck!Ah!Icannot。
Iwilllook。Iwillseeitfacetoface。Betteranyagonythanthisone。
Slowly,withheldbreath,andeyesachingintheirstretchedfixity,Iturn。Thereitis!ClearinthemoonlightIseethemonstrousformwithinthebed,——thedarkcoverletrisesandfallswithitsheavingbreath……Ah!heavenhavemercy!Istherenonetohelp,nonetosavemefromthisawfulpresence?……
Andtheknife-hiltdrawsmyfingersroundit,whilemyfleshquivers,andmysoulgrowssickwithloathing。Thewindhowls,theshadowschasethroughtheroom,huntingwithfearfuldarknessmorefearfullight。andIstandlooking,……listening……
Imustnotstandhereforever。Imustbeupanddoing。Whatanoisethewindmakes,andtherattlingofthewindowsandthedoors。Ifhesleepsthroughthishewillsleepthroughall。
NoiselesslymybarefeettreadthecarpetasIapproachthebed。
noiselesslymyleftarmraisestheheavycurtain。Whatdoesithide?DoInotknow?Thebestialfeatures,half-hiddenincoarse,blackgrowth。themuddy,blotchedskin,oozingfoulnessateverypore。Oh,Iknowthemtoowell!Whatamonsteritis!Howtherankbreathgurglesthroughhisthroatinhisdrunkensleep。Theeyesareclosednow,butIknowthemtoo。theirodiousleer,andthevenomoushatredwithwhichtheycanglareatmefromtheirbloodshotsetting。Butthetimehascomeatlast。Neveragainshalltheirpassioninsultme,ortheirfurydegrademeinslavishterror。Therehelies。thereatmymercy,themanwhoforfifteenyearshasmadeGod’slightashametome,andHisdarknessaterror。Theendhascomeatlast,——theonlyendpossible,theonlyendleftme。Onhisheadbethebloodandthecrime!Godalmighty,Iamnotguilty!Theendhascome。Icanbearmyburdennofarther。
Bearethallthings,endurethallthings。
WherehaveIheardthosewords?TheyareintheBible。thepreceptofcharity。Whathasthattodowithme?Nothing。Iheardthewordsinmydreamssomewhere。Awhite-facedmansaidthem,awhite-facedmanwithpureeyes。Tome?——no,no,nottome。toagirlitwas——anignorant,innocentgirl,andsheacceptedthemasaneternal,unqualifiedlaw。LetherbearbuthalfthatIhaveborne,letherendurebutone-tenthofwhatIhaveendured,andthenifshedareletherspeakinjudgmentagainstme。
Softlynow。Imustdrawtheheavycoveringsaway,andbarehisbreasttothestroke,——thestrokethatshallfreeme。Iknowwellwheretoplantit。Ihavelearnedthatfromtheoldlady’sItalian。
DidheguesswhyIquestionedhimsocloselyofthesurest,straightestroadtoaman’sheart?Nomatter,hecannothindermenow。Gently!Ah!Ihavedisturbedhim。Hemoves,muttersinhissleep,throwsouthisarm。Down。down。crouchingbehindthecurtain。Heavens!ifhewakesandseesme,hewillkillme。No!
alas!ifonlyhewould。Iwouldkissthehandthathestruckmewith。butheistoocruelforthat。Hewillimaginesomenewandmorehellishtorturetopunishmewith。Buttheknife!Ihavegotthat。heshallnevertouchmelivingagain……Heisquieternow。Ihearhisbreath,hoarseandheavyasawildbeast’spanting。Hedrawsitmoreevenly,moredeeply。Thedangerispast。ThankGod!
God!WhathaveItodowithHim?AGodofJudgment。Ha,ha!
Hellcannotfrightenme。itwillnotbeworsethanearth。Onlyhewillbetheretoo。Notwithhim,notwithhim,——sendmetothelowestcircleoftorment,butnotwithhim。There,hisbreastisbarenow。Istheknifesharp?Yes。andthebladeisstrongenough。Nowletmestrike——myselfafterwardsifneedbe,buthimfirst。Isitthedevilthatpromptsme?Thenthedevilismyfriend,andthefriendoftheworld。No。GodisaGodoflove。
Hecannotwishsuchamantolive。Hemadehim,butthedevilspoilthim。andletthedevilhavehishandiworkbackagain。Ithasservedhimlongenoughhere。anditslastserviceshallbetomakemeamurderess。
Howthemoonlightgleamsfromthebladeasmyarmswingsupandback:withhowcloseagrasptheroughhiltdrawsmyfingersroundit。Now。
Amurderess?
Waitamoment。Amomentmaymakemefree。amomentmaymakeme——
that!
Wait。
Handanddaggerdroopagain。Hislifehasdraggeditsslimeovermysoul。shallhisdeathpoisonitwithafoulercorruptionstill?
Myownsoul’swarden。
Whatwasthat?Dreammemoriesagain。
Resist,strive,endure。
Easywords。Whatdotheymeanforme?Tocreepbacknowtobedbyhisside,andtobeginlivingagainto-morrowthelifewhichIhavelivedto-day?No,no。Icannotdoit。Heavencannotaskitofme。
Andthereisnootherway。Thatorthis。thisorthat。Whichshallitbe?Ah!Ihavestriven,Godknows。IhaveenduredsolongthatIhopedeventodosototheend。Butto-day!Oh!thetormentandtheoutrage:bodyandsoulstillbearthestainofit。
Ithoughtthatmyheartandmyprideweredeadtogether,buthehasstungthemagainintoaching,shamefullife。YesterdayImighthavesparedhim,tosavemyowncoldsoulfromsin。butnowitiscoldnolonger。Itburns,itburnsandthefiremustbeslaked。
Ay,Iwillkillhim,andhavedonewithit。WhyshouldIpauseanylonger?Theknifedragsmyhandbackforthestroke。Onlythedreamsurroundsme。thepureman’sfaceisthere,white,beseeching,andGod’svoiceringsinmyheart——
Tohimthatovercometh。
ButIcannotovercome。Evilhasgovernedmylife,andevilisstrongerthanIam。WhatshallIdo?whatshallIdo?God,ifThouartstrongerthanevil,fightforme。
ThevictoryoftheCrossisours。
Yes,Iknowit。Itistrue,itistrue。Buttheknife?IcannotloosetheknifeifIwould。Howtowrenchitfrommyownhold?
ThouGodofVictorybewithme!Christhelpme!
Iseizethebladewithmylefthand。thetwo-edgedsteelslidesthroughmygrasp。asharppaininfingersandpalm。andthen——
nothing……
VI
WhenIagainbecameconscious,Ifoundmyselfhalfkneeling,halflyingacrossthebed,myarmsstretchedoutinfrontofme,myfaceburiedintheclothes。Bodyandmindwerealikenumbed。A
smartingpaininmylefthand,adreadfulterrorinmyheart,wereatfirsttheonlysensationsofwhichIwasaware。Slowly,veryslowly,senseandmemoryreturnedtome,andwiththemamorevividintensityofmentalanguish,asdetailbydetailIrecalledtheweirdhorrorofthenight。Haditreallyhappened,——wasthethingstillthere,——orwasitallaghastlynightmare?ItwassomeminutesbeforeIdaredeithertomoveorlookup,andthenfearfullyIraisedmyhead。Beforemestretchedthesmoothwhitecoverlet,faintlybrightwithyellowsunshine。Weakandgiddy,I
struggledtomyfeet,and,steadyingmyselfagainstthefootofthebed,withclenchedteethandburstingheart,forcedmygazeroundtotheotherend。Thepillowlaythere,bareandunmarkedsaveforwhatmightwellhavebeenthepressureofmyownhead。Mybreathcamemorefreely,andIturnedtothewindow。Thesunhadjustrisen,thegoldentree-topsweretouchedwithlight,faintthreadsofmisthunghereandthereacrossthesky,andthetwitteringofbirdssoundedclearlythroughthecrispautumnair。
Itwasnothingbutabaddreamthen,afterall,thishorrorwhichstillhungroundme,leavingmeincapableofeffort,almostofthought。Irememberedthecabinet,andlookedswiftlyinthatdirection。Thereitstood,closedasusual,closedasithadbeentheeveningbefore,asithadbeenforthelastthreehundredyears,exceptinmydreams。
Yes,thatwasit。nothingbutadream,——agruesome,hauntingdream。
Withaninstinctofwipingoutthedreadfulmemory,Iraisedmyhandwearilytomyforehead。AsIdidso,Ibecameconsciousagainofhowithurtme。Ilookedatit。Itwascoveredwithhalf-driedblood,andtwostraightcleancutsappeared,oneacrossthepalmandoneacrosstheinsideofthefingersjustbelowtheknuckles。
Ilookedagaintowardsthebed,and,intheplacewheremyhandhadrestedduringmyfaint,asmallpatchofredbloodwastobeseen。
Thenitwastrue!Thenithadallhappened!WithalowshudderingsobIthrewmyselfdownuponthecouchatthefootofthebed,andlaythereforsomeminutes,mylimbstrembling,andmysoulshrinkingwithinme。Amistofevil,fearfulandloathsome,haddescendeduponmygirlhood’slife,sullyingitsignorantinnocence,saddeningitsbrightness,asIfelt,forever。Ilaytheretillmyteethbegantochatter,andIrealizedthatIwasbitterlycold。
Toreturntothataccursedbedwasimpossible,soIpulledarugwhichhungatoneendofthesofaoverme,and,utterlywornoutinmindandbody,felluneasilyasleep。
Iwasrousedbytheentranceofmymaid。IstoppedherexclamationsandquestionsbyshortlystatingthatIhadhadabadnight,hadbeenunabletorestinbed,andhadhadanaccidentwithmyhand,——withoutfurtherspecifyingofwhatdescription。
Ididn’tknowthatyouhadbeenfeelingunwellwhenyouwenttobedlastnight,miss,shesaid。
WhenIwenttobedlastnight?Unwell?Whatdoyoumean?
OnlyMr。Alanhasjustaskedmetolethimknowhowyoufindyourselfthismorning,sheanswered。
Thenheexpectedsomething,dreadedsomething。Ah!whyhadheyieldedandallowedmetosleephere,Iaskedmyselfbitterly,astheincidentsofthedaybeforeflashedthroughmymind。
Tellhim,Isaid,whatIhavetoldyou。andsaythatIwishtospeaktohimdirectlyafterbreakfast。Icouldnotconfidemystorytoanyoneelse,butspeakofitImusttosomeoneorgomad。
Everymomentpassedinthatplacewasanaddedmisery。Muchtomymaid’ssurpriseIsaidthatIwoulddressinherroom——thelittleonewhich,asIhavesaid,wasclosetomyown。Ifeltbetterthere。butmyutterfatigueandmywoundedhandcombinedtomakemytoiletslow,andIfoundthatmostofthepartyhadfinishedbreakfastwhenIreachedthedining-room。Iwasgladofthis,forevenasitwasIfounditdifficultenoughtogivecoherentanswerstothequestionswhichmywhitefaceandbandagedhandcalledforth。Alanhelpedmebygivingaresoluteturntotheconversation。Onceonlyoureyesmetacrossthetable。HelookedashaggardandwornasIdid:Ilearnedafterwardsthathehadpassedmostofthatfearfulnightpacingthepassageoutsidemydoor,thoughhelistenedinvainforanyindicationofwhatwasgoingonwithintheroom。
ThemomentIhadfinishedbreakfasthewasbymyside。Youwishtospeaktome?now?heaskedinalowtone。
Yes。now,Ianswered,breathlessly,andwithoutraisingmyeyesfromtheground。
Whereshallwego?Outside?Itisabrightday,andweshallbefreertherefrominterruption。
Iassented。andthenlookingupathimappealingly,Willyoufetchmythingsforme?ICANNOTgouptothatroomagain。
Heseemedtounderstandme,nodded,andwasgone。Afewminuteslaterweleftthehouse,andmadeourwayinsilencetowardsagrassyspotonthesideoftheravinewherewehadalreadyindulgedinmorethanonefriendlytalk。
Aswewent,theDeadStonecameforamomentintoview。IseizedAlan’sarminanalmostconvulsivegrip。Tellme,Iwhispered,——
yourefusedtotellmeyesterday,butyoumustnow,——whoisburiedbeneaththatrock?
Therewasnowneithertimiditynorembarrassmentinmytone。Thehorrorsofthathousehadbecomepartofmylifeforever,andtheirsecretswereminebyright。Alan,afteramoment’spause,aquestioningglanceatmyface,tacitlyacceptedtheposition。
Itoldyouthetruth,hereplied,whenIsaidthatIdidnotknow。butIcantellyouthepopulartraditiononthesubject,ifyoulike。TheysaythatMargaretMervyn,thewomanwhomurderedherhusband,isburiedthere,andthatDameAlicehadtherockplacedoverhergrave,——whethertosaveitfrominsultortomarkitoutforopprobrium,Ineverheard。Thepoorpeopleaboutheredonotcaretogoneartheplaceafterdark,andamongtheolderonestherearestillsome,Ibelieve,whospitatthesuicide’sgraveastheypass。
Poorwoman,poorwoman!Iexclaimed,inaburstofuncontrollablecompassion。
Whyshouldyoupityher?demandedhewithsuddensternness。sheWASasuicideandamurderesstoo。Itwouldbebetterforthepublicconscience,Ibelieve,ifsuchwerestillhunginchains,orburiedatthecross-roadswithastakethroughtheirbodies。
Hush,Alan,hush!Icriedhysterically,asIclungtohim。don’tspeakharshlyofher:youdonotknow,youcannottell,howterriblyshewastempted。Howcanyou?
Helookeddownatmeinbewilderedsurprise。HowcanI?herepeated。YouspeakasifYOUcould。Whatdoyoumean?
Don’taskme,Ianswered,turningtowardshimmyface,——white,quivering,tear-stained。Don’taskme。Notnow。Youmustanswermyquestionsfirst,andafterthatIwilltellyou。ButIcannottalkofitnow。Notyet。
WehadreachedtheplacewewereinsearchofasIspoke。There,wherethespreadingrootsofagreatbeech-treeformedanaturalrestingplaceuponthesteepsideoftheravine,Itookmyseat,andAlanstretchedhimselfuponthegrassbesideme。Thenlookingupatme——Idonotknowwhatquestionsyouwouldask,hesaid,quietly。butIwillanswerthem,whatevertheymaybe。
ButIdidnotaskthemyet。Isatinsteadwithmyhandsclaspingmyknee,lookingoppositeatthegloryofharmoniouscolor,ordowntheglenatthevistaoffar-off,dream-likeloveliness,onwhichitopenedout。Theyellowautumnsunshinemadeeverythinggolden,thefreshautumnbreezesfilledtheairwithlife。buttomealoathsomeshadowseemedtorestuponall,andtostretchitselfoutfarbeyondwheremyeyescouldreach,befoulingthebeautyofthewholewideworld。AtlastIspoke。Youhaveknownofitall,I
suppose。ofthiscursethatisintheworld,——sinandsuffering,andwhatsuchwordsmean。
Yes,hesaid,lookingatmewithwonderingpity,Iamafraidso。
Buthaveyouknownthemastheyareknowntosome,——agonized,hopelesssuffering,andsinthatisallbutinevitable?Sometimeinyourlifeprobablyyouhaverealizedthatsuchthingsare:ithascomehometoyou,andtoeveryoneelse,nodoubt,exceptafewignorantgirlssuchasIwasyesterday。Buttherearesome,——yes,thousandsandthousands,——whoevennow,atthismoment,arefeelingsorrowlikethat,aresinkingdeep,deeperintothebottomlesspitoftheirsoul’sdegradation。Andyetmenwhoknowthis,whohaveseenit,laugh,talk,arehappy,amusethemselves——howcanthey,howcanthey?Istoppedwithacatchinmyvoice,andthenstretchingoutmyarmsinfrontofme——Anditisnotonlymen。
Lookhowbeautifultheearthis,andGodhasmadeit,andletsthesuncrowniteverydaywithanewglory,whilethishorrorofevilbroodsoverandpoisonsitall。Oh,whyisitso?Icannotunderstandit。
MyarmsdroopedagainasIfinished,andmyeyessoughtAlan’s。
Hiswerefulloftears,buttherewasalmostasmilequiveringatthecornersofhislipsashereplied:Whenyouhavefoundananswertothatquestion,Evie,comeandtellmeandmankindatlarge:itwillbenewstousall。Thenhecontinued——But,afterall,theearthisbeautiful,andthesundoesshine:wehaveourownhappinesstorejoicein,ourownsorrowstobear,thesufferingthatisneartoustograpplewith。Fortherest,forthisblacknessofevilwhichsurroundsus,andwhichwecandonothingtolighten,itwillsoon,thankGod,becomevagueandfarofftoyouasitistoothers:yourfeelingofitwillbedulled,and,exceptatmoments,youtoowillforget。
Butthatishorrible,Iexclaimed,passionately。theevilwillbethereallthesame,whetherIfeelitornot。Menandwomenwillbestrugglingintheirmiseryandsin,onlyIshallbetooselfishtocare。
Wecannotgooutsidethelimitsofourownnature,hereplied。
ourknowledgeisshallowandourspiritualinsightdark,andGodinHismercyhasmadeourheartsshallowtoo,andourimaginationdull。If,knowingandtrustingonlyasmendo,weweretofeelasangelsfeel,earthwouldbehellindeed。
Itwascoldcomfort,butatthatmomentanythingwarmerorbrighterwouldhavebeenunrealandutterlyrepellenttome。Ihardlytookinthemeaningofhiswords,butitwasasifahandhadbeenstretchedouttome,strugglinginthedeepmire,byonewhohimselffeltsolidgroundbeneathhim。WherehestoodIalsomightsomedaystand,andthatthoughtseemedtomakepatiencepossible。
Itwashewhofirstbrokethesilencewhichfollowed。Youweresayingthatyouhadquestionstoaskme。Iamimpatienttoputmineinreturn,sopleasegoon。
Ithadbeenarelieftometoturneventogeneralizationsofdespairfromtheactualhorrorwhichhadinspiredthem,andtowhichmymindwasthusrecalled。WithaneffortIreplied,Yes,I
wanttoaskyouaboutthatroom——theroominwhichIslept,and——
andthemurderwhichwascommittedthere。InspiteofallthatI
coulddo,myvoicesankalmosttoawhisperasIconcluded,andI
wastremblingfromheadtofoot。
Whotoldyouthatamurderwascommittedthere?Somethinginmyfaceasheaskedthequestionmadehimaddquickly,Nevermind。
Youareright。ThatistheroominwhichHughMervynwasmurderedbyhiswife。Iwassurprisedatyourquestion,forIdidnotknowthatanyonebutmybrothersandmyselfwereawareofthefact。Thesubjectisnevermentioned:itiscloselyconnectedwithoneintenselypainfultoourfamily,andbesides,ifspokenof,therewouldbeinconveniencesarisingfromthesuperstitiousterrorsofservants,andthenaturaldislikeofgueststosleepinaroomwheresuchathinghadhappened。Indeeditwaslargelywiththeviewofwipingoutthelastmemoryofthecrime’slocality,thatmyfatherrenewedtheinterioroftheroomsometwentyyearsago。Theonlytraditionwhichhasbeenadheredtoinconnectionwithitistheonewhichhasnowbeenviolatedinyourperson——theonewhichprecludesanyunmarriedwomanfromsleepingthere。Exceptforthat,theroomhas,asyouknow,lostallsinisterreputation,anditstitleof’haunted’hasbecomepurelyconventional。
Nevertheless,asIsaid,youareright——thatisundoubtedlytheroominwhichthemurderwascommitted。
Hestoppedandlookedupatme,waitingformore。
Goon。tellmeaboutit,andwhatfollowed。Mylipsformedthewords。myheartbeattoofaintlyformybreathtoutterthem。
Aboutthemurderitselfthereisnotmuchtotell。Theman,I
believe,wasaninhumanscoundrel,andthewomanfirstkilledhimindesperation,andafterwardsherselfindespair。TheonlydetailconnectedwiththeactualcrimeofwhichIhaveeverheard,wasthegalethatwasblowingthatnight——thefiercestknowntothiscountrysideinthatgeneration。andithasalwaysbeensaidsincethatanymisfortunetotheMervyns——especiallyanymisfortuneconnectedwiththecurse——comeswithastormofwind。ThatwaswhyIsodislikedyourstoryoftheimaginarytempestswhichhavedisturbedyournightssinceyousleptthere。Astowhatfollowed,——hegaveasigh,——thatstoryislongenoughandfullofincident。Onthemorningafterthemurder,sorunsthetale,DameAlicecamedowntotheGrangefromthetowertowhichshehadretiredwhenherson’swickednesseshaddrivenherfromhishouse,andthereinthepresenceofthetwocorpsessheforetoldthecursewhichshouldrestupontheirdescendantsforgenerationstocome。
Aclergymanwhowaspresent,horrified,itissaidatherwords,adjuredherbythemercyofHeaventoplacesometermtothedoomwhichshehadpronounced。Sherepliedthatnomortalmightreckonthefruitofaplantwhichdrewitslifefromhell。thatatermthereshouldbe,butasitpassedthewisdomofmantofixit,soitshouldpassthewitofmantodiscoverit。Shethenplacedintheroomthiscabinet,constructedbyherselfandherItalianfollower,andsaidthatthecurseshouldnotdepartfromthefamilyuntilthedaywhenitsdoorswereunlockedanditslegendread。
Suchisthestory。Itellittoyouasitwastoldtome。Onethingonlyiscertain,thatthedoomthustraditionallyforetoldhasbeenonlytooamplyfulfilled。
Andwhatwasthedoom?
Alanhesitatedalittle,andwhenhespokehisvoicewasalmostawfulinitspassionlesssternness,initsdespairingfinality。itseemedtoechotheirrevocablejudgmentwhichhiswordspronounced:
ThatthecrimesagainstGodandeachotherwhichhaddestroyedtheparents’lifeshouldenterintothechildren’sblood,andthatneverthereaftershouldtherefailaMervyntobringshameordeathupononegenerationofhisfather’shouse。
Thereweretwosonsofthatill-fatedmarriage,hewentonafterapause,boysatthetimeoftheirparents’death。Whentheygrewuptheybothfellinlovewiththesamewoman,andonekilledtheotherinaduel。Thestoryofthenextgenerationwasapeculiarlysadone。Twobrotherstookoppositesidesduringtheciviltroubles。butsofearfulweretheyofthecursewhichlayuponthefamily,thattheychieflymadeuseoftheirmutualpositioninordertoprotectandguardeachother。Afterthewarswereover,theyoungerbrother,whiletravelinguponsomeparliamentarycommission,stoppedanightattheGrange。There,throughamistake,heexchangedthereportwhichhewasbringingtoLondonforapacketofpapersimplicatinghisbrotherandseveralbesidesinaroyalistplot。Heonlydiscoveredhiserrorashehandedthepaperstohissuperior,andwasbutjustabletowarnhisbrotherintimeforhimtosavehislifebyflight。Theothermeninvolvedweretakenandexecuted,andasitwasknownbywhatmeansinformationhadreachedtheGovernment,theelderMervynwasuniversallychargedwiththevilesttreachery。ItissaidthatwhenaftertheRestorationhisreturnhomewasrumoredtheneighboringgentryassembled,armedwithridingwhips,tofloghimoutofthecountryifheshoulddaretoshowhisfacethere。Hediedabroad,shame-strickenandbroken-hearted。Itwashisson,broughtupbyhisuncleinthesternesttenetsofPuritanism,who,cominghomeafteralengthenedjourney,foundthatduringhisabsencehissisterhadbeenshamefullyseduced。Heturnedheroutofdoors,thenandthere,inthemidstofabitterJanuarynight,andthenextmorningherdeadbodyandthatofhernew-borninfantwerefoundhalfburiedinthefresh-fallensnowonthetopofthewolds。The’whitelady’isstillsupposedbythevillagerstohauntthatsideoftheglen。Andsoitwenton。Abeautiful,heartlessMervyninQueenAnne’stimeenticedawaytheaffectionsofhersister’sbetrothed,andonthedayofherownweddingwithhim,herforsakensisterwasfounddrownedbyherownactinthepondatthebottomofthegarden。TwobrothersweresoldierstogetherinsomeContinentalwar,andonewasinvoluntarilythemeansofdiscoveringandexposingthetreasonoftheother。Agirlwasbetrayedintoafalsemarriage,andherliferuinedbyamanwhocameintothehouseasherbrother’sfriend,andwhoseinfamousdesignswereforwardedandfinallyaccomplishedbythatsamebrother’sactivethoughunsuspectingassistance。Generationaftergeneration,menorwomen,guiltyorinnocent,throughtheactionoftheirownwillorinspiteofit,thecursehasneveryetfailedofitsvictims。
Neveryet?Butsurelyinourowntime——yourfather?Ididnotdaretoputthequestionwhichwasburningmylips。
Haveyouneverheardofthetragicendofmypooryounguncles?
hereplied。Theywereseveralyearsolderthanmyfather。Whenboysoffourteenandfifteentheyweresentoutwiththekeeperfortheirfirstshootinglesson,andtheeldershothisbrotherthroughtheheart。Hehimselfwasdelicate,andtheysaythatheneverentirelyrecoveredfromtheshock。Hediedbeforehewastwenty,andmyfather,thenachildofsevenyearsold,becametheheir。
Itwaspartly,nodoubt,owingtothiscalamityhavingthusoccurredbeforehewasoldenoughtofeelit,thathiscomparativeskepticismonthewholesubjectwasdue。TothatIsuppose,andtothefactthathegrewupinanageofrailwaysandliberalculture。
Hedidn’tbelieve,then,inthecurse?
Well,rather,hethoughtnothingaboutit。Until,thatis,thetimecamewhenittookeffect,tobreakhisheartandendhislife。
Howdoyoumean?
Therewassilenceforalittle。Alanhadturnedawayhishead,sothatIcouldnotseehisface。Then——
IsupposeyouhaveneverbeentoldthetruestoryofwhyJackleftthecountry?
No。Washe——ishe——?
Heisonevictimofthecurseinthisgeneration,andI,Godhelpme,amtheother,andperhapsmorewretchedone。
Hisvoicetrembledandbroke,andforthefirsttimethatdayI
almostforgotthemysterioushorrorofthenightbefore,inmypityfortheactual,tangiblesufferingbeforeme。Istretchedoutmyhandtohis,andhisfingersclosedonminewithasudden,painfulgrip。Thenquietly——
Iwilltellyouthestory,hesaid,thoughsincethatmiserabletimeIhavespokenofittonoone。
Therewasapausebeforehebegan。Helaytherebymyside,hisgazeturnedacrossmeupthesunbright,autumn-tintedglen,buthiseyesshadowedbythememorieswhichhewasstrivingtorecallandarrangeindueorderinhismind。Andwhenhedidspeakitwasnotdirectlytobeginthepromisedrecital。
YouneverknewJack,hesaid,abruptly。
Hardly,Iacquiesced。Irememberthinkinghimveryhandsome。
Therecouldnotbetwoopinionsastothat,heanswered。Andamanwhocouldhavedoneanythinghelikedwithlife,hadthingsgonedifferently。Hisabilitieswerefine,buthisstrengthlayaboveallinhischaracter:hewasstrong,——stronginhislikesandinhisdislikes,resolute,fearless,incapableofhalfmeasures——aman,everyinchofhim。Hewasnotgenerallypopular——stiff,hard,unsympathetic,peoplecalledhim。Fromonepointofview,andoneonly,heperhapsdeservedtheepithets。Ifawomanlosthisrespectsheseemedtolosehispitytoo。Likeamediaevalmonk,helookeduponsuchratherasthecausethantheresultofmaledepravity,andhiscontemptforthemmingledwithanger,almost,asIsometimesthought,withhatred。Andthisattitudewas,Ihavenodoubt,resentedbythemenofhisownclassandset,whosharedneitherhisfaultsnorhisvirtues。Butinotherwayshewasnothard。Hecouldlove。I,atleast,havecausetoknowit。Ifyouwouldhearhisstoryrightlyfrommylips,Evie,youmusttryandseehimwithmyeyes。Thefriendwholovedme,andwhomIlovedwiththepassionwhich,ifnotthestrongest,iscertainly,I
believe,themostenduringofwhichmenarecapable,——thatperfectbrother’slove,whichsogrowsintoourbeingthatwhenitisatpeacewearescarcelyconsciousofitsexistence,andwhenitiswoundedourverylife-bloodseemstoflowatthestroke。Brothersdonotalwayslovelikethat:Icanonlywishthatwehadnotdoneso。
VII
Well,aboutfiveyearsago,beforeIhadtakenmydegree,IbecameacquaintedwithawomanwhomIwillcall’Delia,’——itisnearenoughtothenamebywhichshewent。Shewasafewyearsolderthanmyself,verybeautiful,andIbelievedhertobewhatshedescribedherself——theinnocentvictimofcircumstanceandfalseappearance,ahelplesspreytothevilecalumniesofworldlings。
Insoberfact,Iamafraidthat,whateverherlifemayhavebeenactuallyatthetimethatIknewher——asubjectwhichIhavenevercaredtoinvestigate——herpasthadbeennotonlybadenoughirretrievablytofixherpositioninsociety,butbadenoughtoleaveherwithoutanidealintheworld,thoughstillretainingwithinherheartthepossibilitiesofapassionwhich,fromthemomentthatitcametolife,wasstrongenoughtoturnherwholeexistenceintoonedesperaterecklessstrainingafteranobjecthopelesslybeyondherreach。Thatwasthewomanwithwhom,attheageoftwenty,Ifanciedmyselfinlove。Shewantedtogetahusband,andshethoughtme——rightly——assenoughtoacceptthepost。Iwasveryyoungthenevenformyyears,——astudent,anidealist,withanimaginationhighlydeveloped,andnoknowledgewhateveroftheworldasitactuallyis。Anyhow,beforeIhadknownheramonth,Ihaddeterminedtomakehermywife。Myparentswereabroadatthetime,GeorgeandLucyhere,sothatitwastoJackthatIimpartedthenewsofmyresolve。Asyoumayimagine,hedidallthathecouldtoshakeit。ButIwasimmovable。Idisbelievedhisfacts,anddespisedhiscontemptfromthestandpointofmyownsuperiormorality。Thisstateofthingscontinuedforseveralweeks,duringthegreaterpartofwhichtimeIwasatOxford。IonlyknewthatwhileIwasthere,JackhadmadeDelia’sacquaintance,andwasapparentlycultivatingitassiduously。
Oneday,duringtheEastervacation,Igotanotefromheraskingmetosupperatherhouse。Jackwasinvitedtoo:welodgedtogetherwhilemypeoplewereaway。
Thereisnoneedtodwelluponthatsupper。Thereweretwoorthreewomenthereofherownsort,orworse,andadozenmenfromamongthemostprofligateinLondon。Theconversationwas,I
shouldthink,badevenforthatclass。andshe,thegoddessofmyidolatry,outstrippedthemallbythefoul,coarseshamelessnessofherlanguageandbehavior。Beforetheentertainmentwashalfover,Iroseandtookmyleave,accompaniedbyJackandanotherman,——
Legardwashisname,——whoIpresumewasbored。Justaswehadpassedthroughintotheanteroom,whichlaybeyondtheoneinwhichwehadbeeneating,Deliafollowedus,andlayingherhandonJack’sarm,saidthatshemustspeakwithhim。LegardandIwentintotheouterhall,andwehadnotbeentheremorethanaminutewhenthedoorfromtheanteroomopened,andweheardDelia’svoice。
Irememberthewordswell,——thatwasnottheonlyoccasiononwhichIwastohearthem。’Iwillkeeptheringasarecordofmylove,’
shesaid,’andunderstand,thatthoughyoumayforget,Inevershall。’Jackcamethrough,thedoorclosed,andaswewentoutI
glancedtowardshislefthand,andsaw,asIexpectedtosee,theabsenceoftheringwhichheusuallyworethere。ItcontainedagemwhichmymotherhadpickedupintheEast,andIknewthathevalueditquitepeculiarly。WealwayscalleditJack’stalisman。
Amiserabletimefollowed,atimeformeofagonizingwonderanddoubt,duringwhichregretformydeadillusionwasentirelyswallowedupintheterribledreadofmybrother’sdegradation。
ThencametheannouncementofhisengagementtoLadySylviaGrey。
andaweeklater,theverydayafterIhadfinallyreturnedtoLondonfromOxford,IreceivedasummonsfromDeliatocomeandseeher。Curiosity,andthehauntingfearaboutJack,whichstillhungroundme,inducedmetoconsenttowhatotherwisewouldhavebeenintolerablyrepellenttome,andIwent。Ifoundherinamadpassionoffury。Jackhadrefusedtoseeherortoanswerherletters,andshehadsentforme,thatImightgivehimhermessage,——tellhimthathebelongedtoherandheronly,andthathenevershouldmarryanotherwoman。Angryatmyinterference,Jackdisdainedeventorepudiateherclaims,onlysendingbackathreatofappealingtothepoliceifsheventureduponanyfurtherannoyance。Iwroteasshetoldme,andsheemphasizedmysilenceonthesubjectbywritingbacktomeamoredefiniteandexplicitassertionofherrights。Beyondthatforsomeweeksshemadenosign。Ihavenodoubtthatshehadmeansofkeepingwatchuponbothhismovementsandmine。andduringthattime,assherelinquishedgraduallyallhopesofinducinghimtoabandonhispurpose,shewasbeingdriventoherlastdespairingresolve。
Later,whenallwasover,Jacktoldmethestoryofthatspringandsummer。Hetoldmehow,whenhefoundmeimmovableonthesubject,hehadresolvedtostopthemarriagesomehowthroughDeliaherself。Hehadmadeheracquaintance,andsoughthersocietyfrequently。Shehadtakenafancytohim,andheadmittedthathehadavailedhimselfofthisfacttoincreasehisintimacywithher,and,ashehopedultimately,hispoweroverher。Buthewasnotconsciousofeverhavingvariedinhismannertowardsherofcontemptuousindifference。Thiscontradictorybehavior,——hisbeingconstantlynearher,yetalwaysbeyondherreach,——wasprobablytheverythingwhichexcitedherfancyintopassion,theonestrongpassionofthepoorwoman’slife。Thencamehisdeliberatedemandthatsheshouldbyherownactunmaskherselfinmysight。Theunfortunatewomantriedtobargainforsomeproofofaffectioninreturn,andonthisoccasionhadfirstopenlydeclaredherfeelingstowardshim。Hedidnotbelieveher。herefusedherterms。butwhenasherpaymentsheaskedfortheringwhichwassoespeciallyassociatedwithhimself,heagreedtogiveittoher。Otherwisehoping,nodoubtagainsthope,dreadingaboveallthingsaquarrelandfinalseparation,shesubmittedunconditionally。Andfromthetimeofthatevening,whenLegardandIhadoverheardherpartingwords,Jackneversawheragainuntilthelastandfinalcatastrophe。
ItwasinJuly。MyparentshadreturnedtoEngland,buthadcomestraightonhere。JackandIwerediningtogetherwithLadySylviaatherfather’shouse——herbrother,youngGrey,makingthefourthatdinner。Ihadarrangedtogotoapartywithyourmother,andI
toldtheservantsthataladywouldcallformeearlyintheevening。ThehousestoodinParkLane,andafterdinnerweallwentoutontothebroadbalconywhichopenedfromthedrawing-
room。Therewasastrongwindblowingthatnight,andIrememberwellthevague,disquietedfeelingofunrealitythatpossessedme,——
sweepingthroughme,asitwere,witheachgustofwind。Then,suddenly,aservantstoodbehindme,sayingthattheladyhadcomeforme,andwasinthedrawing-room。Shockedthatmyauntshouldhavetroubledherselftocomesofar,Iturnedquickly,steppedbackintotheroom,andfoundmyselffacetofacewithDelia。Shewasfullydressedfortheevening,withalongsilkopera-cloakoverhershoulders,herfaceaswhiteashergown,hersplendideyesstrangelywideopenandshining。Idon’tknowwhatIsaidordid。Itriedtogetheraway,butitwastoolate。Theothershadheardus,andappearedattheopenwindow。Jackcameforwardatonce,speakingrapidly,fiercely。tellinghertoleavethehouseatonce。promisingdesperatelythathewouldseeherinhisownroomsonthemorrow。WellIrememberhowheranswerrangout,——
’Neitherto-morrownoranotherday:IwillneverleaveyouagainwhileIlive。’
Atthesameinstantshedrewsomethingswiftlyfromunderhercloak,therewasthesoundofapistolshotandshelaydeadatourfeet,herbloodsplashinguponJack’sshirtandhandsasshefell。
Alanpausedinhisrecital。Hewastremblingfromheadtofoot。
buthekepthiseyesturnedsteadilydownwards,andbothfaceandvoicewerecold——almostexpressionless。
Ofcoursetherewasaninquest,heresumed,which,asusual,exerciseditsveryill-definedpowersininquiringintoallpossiblemotivesforthesuicide。YoungGrey,whohadsteppedintotheroomjustbeforetheshothadbeenfired,sworetothelastwordsDeliahaduttered。Legardtothosehehadoverheardthenightofthatdreadfulsupper:therewerescoresofmentobearwitnesstotheintimaterelationswhichhadexistedbetweenherandJackduringthewholeofthepreviousspring。Ihadtogiveevidence。
Askillfullawyerhadbeenretainedbyoneofhersisters,andhadbeeninstructedbyheronpointswhichnodoubtshehadoriginallylearntfromDeliaherself。Inhishands,IhadnotonlytocorroborateGreyandLegard,andtogivefulldetailsofthatlastinterview,butalsotosweartothepeculiarvaluewhichJackattachedtothetalismanringwhichhehadgivenDelia。tothelanguageshehadheldwhenIsawheraftermyreturnfromOxford。
tohersubsequentletter,andJack’sfatalsilenceontheoccasion。
ThestorybywhichJackandIstrovetoaccountforthefactswaslaughedatasaclumsyinvention,andmyundisguisedreluctanceingivingevidenceaddedgreatlytoitsweightagainstmybrother’scharacter。
Thejuryreturnedaverdictofsuicidewhileofunsoundmind,theresultofdesertionbyherlover。YoumayimaginehowthatverdictwascommenteduponbyeveryRadicalnewspaperinthekingdom,andforoncesocietymorethancorroboratedtheopinionsofthepress。
Thelargerpublicregardedthestoryasanextremecaseoftheinnocentvictimandthecowardlysocietyvillain。ItwasonlyamongacomparativelysmallsetthatDelia’sreputationwasknown,andthere,inviewofJack’snotoriousandpeculiarintimacy,hisrepudiationofallrelationswithherwasreceivedwithcontemptuousincredulity。ThatheshouldhavefirstentereduponsuchrelationsattheverytimewhenhewasalreadycourtingLadySylviawasregardedeveninthosecirclesasa’strongorder,’andtheylookeduponhispresentattitudewithgreatindignation,asacowardlyattempttosavehisowncharacterbycastinguponthedeadwoman’smemoryalltheodiumofafalseaccusation。Withanentireabsenceoflogic,too,hewasmaderesponsibleforthesuicidehavingtakenplaceinLadySylvia’spresence。Shehadbrokenofftheengagementthedayafterthecatastrophe,andherfamily,aclanpowerfulintheLondonworld,furiousatthemudthroughwhichhernamehadbeendragged,didallthattheycouldtointensifythefeelingalreadyexistingagainstJack。
Notavoicewasraisedinhisdefense。Hewasadvisedtoleavethearmy。hewasrequestedtowithdrawfromsomeofhisclubs,turnedoutofothers,avoidedbyhisfastacquaintances,cutbyhisrespectableones。Itwasenoughtokillaweakerman。
Heshowednoresentmentatthemeasurethusdealtouttohim。
Indeed,atthefirst,exceptforSylvia’sdesertionofhim,heseemeddullyindifferenttoitall。Itwasasifhissoulhadbeenstunned,fromthemomentthatthatwretchedwoman’sbloodhadsplasheduponhisfingers,andherdeadeyeshadlookedupintohisown。
Butitwasnotlongbeforeherealizedthefullextentofthesocialdamnationwhichhadbeeninflicteduponhim,andhethenresolvedtoleavethecountryandgotoAmerica。Thenightbeforehestartedhecamedownheretotakeleave。Iwasherelookingaftermyparents——George,whosemindwasalmostunhingedbythefamilydisgrace,havinggoneabroadwithhiswife。Mymotheratthefirstnewsofwhathadhappenedhadtakentoherbed,nevertoleaveitagain。andthusitwasinmypresencealone,upthereinmyfather’slittlestudy,thatJackgavehimthatnightthewholestory。Hetolditquietlyenough。butwhenhehadfinished,withasuddenoutburstoffeelingheturneduponme。ItwasIwhohadbeenthecauseofitall。Myinsensatefollyhadinducedhimtomaketheunhappywoman’sacquaintance,toallowandevenencourageherfatallove,tocommitalltheblundersandsinswhichhadbroughtabouthermiserableendingandhisfinaloverthrow。Itwasbymeansofmethatshehadobtainedaccesstohimonthatdreadfulnight。myevidencewhichmostutterlydamnedhiminpublicopinion。
throughmehehadlosthisreputation,hisfriends,hiscareer,hiscountry,thewomanheloved,hishopesforthefuture。throughme,aboveall,thattheburdenofthathorribledeathwouldlieforeveronhissoul。Hewaslashinghimselftofurywithhisownwordsashespoke。andIstoodleaningagainstthewalloppositetohim,cold,dumb,unresisting,whensuddenlymyfatherinterrupted。
IthinkthatbothJackandIhadforgottenhispresence。butatthesoundofhisvoice,changedfromwhatwehadeverheardit,weturnedtohim,andIthenforthefirsttimesawinhisfacethedeath-lookwhichneverafterwardsquittedit。
’Stop,Jack,’hesaid。’Alanisnottoblame。andifithadnotbeeninthisway,itwouldhavebeeninsomeother。Ionlyamguilty,whobroughtyoubothintoexistencewithmyownhell-
stainedbloodinyourveins。Ifyouwishtocurseanyone,curseyourfamily,yourname,meifyouwill,andmayGodforgivemethatyouwereeverbornintotheworld!’
Alanstoppedwithashudder,andthencontinued,dully,ItwaswhenIheardthosewords,themostterriblethatafathercouldhaveuttered,thatIfirstunderstoodallthatthatoldsixteenth-
centurytalemightmeantomeandmine,——Ihaverealizeditvividlyenoughsince。Earlythenextmorning,whenthedawnwasjustbreaking,Jackcametothedoorofmyroomtobidmegood-by。Allhispassionwasgone。Hislooksandtonesseemedpartandparcelofthedimgraymorninglight。Hefreelywithdrewallthechargeshehadmadeagainstmethenightbefore。forgavemeallthesharethatIhadhadinhismisfortunes。andthenbeggedthatIwouldnevercomenearhim,orlethimhearfrommeagain。’Thecurseisheavyuponusboth,’hesaid,’anditistheonlyfavorwhichyoucandome。’Ihaveneverseenhimsince。
Butyouhaveheardofhim!Iexclaimed。whathasbecomeofhim?
Alanraisedhimselftoasittingposture。ThelastthatIheard,
hesaid,withacatchinhisvoice,wasthatinhismiseryandhopelessnesshewastakingtodrink。Georgewritestohim,anddoeswhathecan。butI——Idarenotsayaword,forfearitshouldturntopoisononmylips,——Idarenotliftahandtohelphim,forfearitshouldhavepowertostrikehimtotheground。Theworstmaybeyettocome。Iamstillliving,stillliving:therearedepthsofshametowhichhehasnotsunk。Andoh,Evie,Evie,heismyown,mybest-lovedbrother!
Allhiscomposurewasgonenow。Hisvoicerosetoakindofwailwiththelastwords,andfoldinghisarmsonhisraisedknee,helethisheadfalluponthem,whilehisfigurequiveredwithscarcelyrestrainedemotion。Therewasasilenceforsomemomentswhilehesatthus,Ilookingoninwretchedhelplessnessbesidehim。Thenheraisedhishead,and,withoutlookingroundatme,wentoninalowtone:Andwhatisinthefuture?Ipraythatdeathinsteadofshamemaybetheportionofthenextgeneration,andIlookatGeorge’sboysonlytowonderwhichofthemisthehappyonewhoshallsomedayliedeadathisbrother’sfeet。Areyousurprisedatmyresolutionnevertomarry?Thefatalprophecyisrichinitsfulfillment。noneofournameandbloodaresafe。
andthedaymightcomewhenItooshouldhavetocalluponmychildrentocursemefortheirbirth,——shouldhavetowatchwhiletheburdenwhichIcouldnolongerbearalonepressedthelifefromtheirmother’sheart。
ThroughthetragedyofthisspeechIwasconsciousofafaintsuggestionofcomfort,afar-offglimmer,asofunseenhome-lightsonamidnightsky。Iwasinnomoodthentounderstand,ortoseektounderstand,whatitwas。butIknownowthathiswordshadremovedtheweightofhelplessbanishmentfrommyspirit——thathisheart,speakingthroughthemtomyown,hadmademeforlifethesharerofhisgrief。
VIII
Presentlyhedrewhisshoulderstogetherwithaslightdeterminedjerk,threwhimselfbackuponthegrass,andturningtome,withthattremulous,haggardsmileuponhislipswhichIknewsowell,butwhichhadneverbeforestruckmewithsuchinfinitepathos,Luckily,hesaid,thereareotherthingstodoinlifebesidesbeinghappy。OnlyperhapsyouunderstandnowwhatImeantlastnightwhenIspokeofthingswhichfleshandbloodcannotbear,andyetwhichmustbeborne。
Suddenlyandsharplyhiswordsrousedagainintoactivitytheloathsomememorywhichmyinterestinhisstoryhadpartiallydeadened。Henoticedthequickinvoluntarycontractionofmymuscles,andreaditaright。Thatremindsme,hewenton。I
mustclaimyourpromise。Ihavetoldyoumystory。Now,tellmeyours。
Itoldhim。notasIhavesetitdownhere,thoughperhapseveningreaterdetail,butincoherently,bitbybit,whilehehelpedmeoutwithgentlequestions,quicklycomprehendinggestures,andpatientwaitingduringthepausesofexhaustionwhichperforceinterposedthemselves。Asmystoryapproacheditsclimax,hisagitationgrewalmostequaltomyown,andhelistenedtotheclose,histeethclenched,hisbrowsbent,asifpassingagainwithmethroughthatawfulconflict。WhenIhadfinished,itwassomemomentsbeforeeitherofuscouldspeak。andthenheburstforthintobitterself-reproachforhavingsofaryieldedtohisbrother’sangryobstinacyastoallowmetosleepthethirdnightinthatfatalroom。
Itwascowardice,hesaid,sheercowardice!Afterallthathashappened,Idarednothaveaquarrelwithoneofmyownblood。AndyetifIhadnothardenedmyheart,IhadreasontoknowwhatIwasrisking。
Howdoyoumean?Iasked。
Thoseothertwogirlswhosleptthere,hesaid,breathlessly。itwasineachcaseafterthethirdnighttherethattheywerefounddead——dead,Evie,sorunsthestory,withamarkupontheirneckssimilarinshapeandpositiontothedeath-woundwhichMargaretMervyninflicteduponherself。
Icouldnotspeak,butIclutchedhishandwithanalmostconvulsivegrip。
AndIknewthestory,——Iknewit!hecried。Asboyswewerenotallowedtohearmuchofourfamilytraditions,butthisoneIknew。
Whenmyfatherredidtheinterioroftheeastroom,heremovedatthesametimeaboardfromabovethedoorwayoutside,onwhichhadbeenwritten——itissaidbyDameAliceherself——awarninguponthisverysubject。Ihappenedtobepresentwhenouroldhousekeeper,whohadbeenhisnurse,remonstratedwithhimwarmlyuponthisact。
andIaskedherafterwardswhattheboardwas,andwhyshecaredaboutitsomuch。Inherexcitementshetoldmethestoryofthoseunhappygirls,repeatingagainandagainthat,ifthewarningweretakenaway,evilwouldcomeofit。
Andshewasright,Isaid,dully。Oh,ifonlyyourfatherhadleftitthere!
Isuppose,heanswered,speakingmorequietly,thathewasimpatientoftraditionswhich,asItoldyou,heatthattimemorethanhalfdespised。Indeedhealteredtheshapeofthedoorway,raisingit,andmakingitflatandsquare,sothattheoldinscriptioncouldnothavebeenreplaced,evenhaditbeenwished。
IrememberitwasfittedroundthelowTudorarchwhichwaspreviouslythere。
Mymind,toowornwithmanyemotionsfordeliberatethought,wanderedonlanguidly,andasitweremechanically,upontheselasttrivialwords。Thedoorwaypresenteditselftomyviewasithadoriginallystood,withthediscardedwarningaboveit。andthen,byaspontaneouscomparisonofmentalvision,IrecalledthepaintedboardwhichIhadnoticedthreedaysbeforeinDameAlice’stower。
IsuggestedtoAlanthatitmighthavebeentheidenticalone——itsshapewasashedescribed。Verylikely,heanswered,absently。
Doyourememberwhatthewordswere?
Yes,Ithinkso,Ireplied。Letmesee。AndIrepeatedthemslowly,draggingthemoutasitwereonebyonefrommymemory:
Wherethewomansinnedthemaidshallwin。
ButGodhelpthemaidthatsleepswithin。
Yousee,Isaid,turningtowardshimslowly,thelastlineisawarningsuchasyouspokeof。
ButtomysurpriseAlanhadsprungtohisfeet,andwaslookingdownatme,hiswholebodyquiveringwithexcitement。Yes,Evie,
hecried,andthefirstlineisaprophecy——wherethewomansinnedthemaidHASwon。HeseizedthehandwhichIinstinctivelyreachedouttohim。Wehavenotseentheendofthisyet,hewenton,speakingrapidly,andasifarticulationhadbecomedifficulttohim。Come,Evie,wemustgobacktothehouseandlookatthecabinet——now,atonce。
Ihadrisentomyfeetbythistime,butIshrankawayatthosewords。Tothatroom?Oh,Alan——no,Icannot。
Hehadholdofmyhandstill,andhetightenedhisgraspuponit。
Ishallbewithyou。youwillnotbeafraidwithme,hesaid。
Come。Hiseyeswereburning,hisfaceflushedandpaledinrapidalternation,andhishandheldminelikeaviceofiron。
Iturnedwithhim,andwewalkedbacktotheGrange,Alanquickeninghispaceashewent,tillIalmosthadtorunbyhisside。Asweapproachedthedreadedroommysenseofrepulsionbecamealmostunbearable。butIwasnowinfectedbyhisexcitement,thoughIbutdimlycomprehendeditscause。Wemetnooneonourway,andinamomenthehadhurriedmeintothehouse,upthestairs,andalongthenarrowpassage,andIwasoncemoreintheeastroom,andinthepresenceofallthememoriesofthataccursednight。ForaninstantIstoodstrengthless,helpless,onthethreshold,mygazefixedpanic-strickenonthespotwhereIhadtakensuchawfulpartinthatphantomtragedyofevil。thenAlanthrewhisarmroundme,anddrewmehastilyoninfrontofthecabinet。Withoutapause,givinghimselftimeneithertospeaknorthink,hestretchedouthislefthandandmovedthebuttonsoneafteranother。HoworinwhatdirectionhemovedthemIknownot。
butasthelastturnedwithaclick,thedoors,whichnomortalhandhadunclosedforthreehundredyears,flewback,andthecabinetstoodopen。Igavealittlegaspoffear。Alanpressedhislipscloselytogether,andturnedtomewitheagerquestioninginhiseyes。IpointedinanswertremblinglyatthedrawerwhichI
hadseenopenthenightbefore。Hedrewitout,andthereonitssatinbedlaythedaggerinitssilversheath。Stillwithoutawordhetookitup,andreachinghisrighthandroundme,forI
couldnotnowhavestoodhadhewithdrawnhissupport,withaswiftstrongjerkheunsheathedtheblade。ThereintheclearautumnsunshineIcouldseethesamedullstainsIhadmarkedintheflickeringcandle-light,andoverthem,stillruddyandmoist,werethedropsofmyownhalf-driedblood。Igraspedthelapelofhiscoatwithbothmyhands,andclungtohimlikeachildinterror,whiletheeyesofbothofusremainedfixedasiffascinatedupontheknife-blade。Then,withasuddenstartofmemory,Alanraisedhistothecorniceofthecabinet,andminefollowed。NochangethatIcoulddetecthadtakenplaceinthattwistedgoldwork。butthere,clearinthesightofusboth,stoodforththewordsofthemagicmotto:
Purebloodshedbytheblood-stainedknifeEndsMervynshame,healsMervynstrife。
InlowsteadytonesAlanreadoutthelines,andthentherewassilence——onmypartofstunnedbewilderment,thebewildermentofaspiritoverwhelmedbeyondthepowerofcomprehensionbyrushing,conflictingemotions。Alanpressedmeclosertohim,whilethesilenceseemedtothrobwiththebeatingofhisheartandthepantingofhisbreath。Butexceptforthatheremainedmotionless,gazingatthegoldenmessagebeforehim。AtlengthIfeltamovement,andlookingupsawhisfaceturneddowntowardsmine,thelipsquivering,thecheeksflushed,theeyessoftwithpassionatefeeling。Wearesaved,mydarling,hewhispered。saved,andthroughyou。Thenhebenthisheadlower,andthereinthatroomofhorror,Ireceivedthefirstlonglover’skissfrommyowndearhusband’slips……
Myhusband,yes。butnottillsometimeafterthat。Alan’sfirstact,whenhehadoncefullyrealizedthatthecursewasindeedremoved,was——throwinghisbuddingpracticetothewinds——tosetsailforAmerica。TherehesoughtoutJack,andlaboredhardtoimparttohimsomeofhisownnewfoundhope。Itwasslowwork,buthesucceededatlast。andonlylefthimwhen,twoyearslater,hehadhandedhimovertothechargeofabright-eyedWesterngirl,towhomthewholestoryhadbeentold,andwhoshowedherselfreadyandanxioustohelpinbuildingupagainthebrokenlifeofherEnglishlover。Tojudgefromthelettersthatwehavesincereceived,shehasshownherselfwellfittedforthetask。Amongotherthingsshehasmoney,andJack’sworldlyaffairshavesoprosperedthatGeorgedeclaresthathecanwellaffordnowtowastesomeofhissuperfluouscashuponfarmingafewofhiselderbrother’sacres。TheideaseemstosmileuponJack,andIhaveeveryhopethiswinterofbeingabletoinstituteanactualcomparisonbetweenoursmallboy,hisnamesake,andhisownthree-
year-oldAlan。Thecomparison,bytheway,willhavetobeconditional,forJacket——thenamebywhichmysonandheirisfamiliarlyknown——isbutalittlemorethantwo。
Iturnmyeyesforamoment,andtheyfalluponthenortherncorneroftheEastRoom,whichshowsroundtheedgeofthehouse。Thentheskeletonleapsfromthecupboardofmymemory。theicyhandwhichliesevernearmysoulgripsitsuddenlywithachillshudder。Notfornothingwasthatwretchedwoman’slifeinterwovenwithmyown,ifonlyforanhour。notfornothingdidmyspiritharboraconflictandanagony,which,thankGod,arefarfromitsownstory。ThoughMargaretMervyn’sdaggerfailedtopiercemyflesh,thewoundinmysoulmayneverwhollybehealed。Iknowthatthatisso。andyetasIturntostartthroughthesunshinetothecedarshadeanditslaughingoccupants,Iwhispertomyselfwithferventconviction,Itwasworthit。
End