Fred。Patties,ma’am!kickshaws!Ihatekickshaws。Notworthputtingunderacover,ma’am。Andwhynothaveglasscovers,thatonemayseeone’sdinnerbeforeone,beforeitgrowscoldwithaskingquestions,Mrs。
  Carbuncle,andliftingupcovers?Butnobodyhasanysense:andIseenowaterplatesanywhere,lately。
  Mar。Do,pray,doctor,letmehelpyoutoabitofchickenbeforeitgetscold,mydear。
  Fred。aside。Mydear,again,Marianne!
  Mar。Yes,brother,becausesheisfrightened,youknow,andMrs。
  Carbunclealwayssaysmydeartohimwhenshe’sfrightened,andlookssopalefromsidetoside。andsometimesshecriesbeforedinner’sdone,andthenallthecompanyarequitesilent,anddon’tknowwhattodo。
  Oh,suchalittlecreature。tohavesomuchsense,too!exclaimedMrs。
  Theresa,withrapture。Mr。Frederick,you’llmakemediewithlaughing!
  Praygoon,Dr。Carbuncle。
  Fred。Well,ma’am,thenifImusteatsomething,sendmeabitoffowl。
  alegandwing,theliverwing,andabitofthebreast,oystersauce,andasliceofthatham,ifyouplease,ma’am。
  Dr。Carbuncleeatsvoraciously,withhisheaddowntohisplate,and,droppingthesauce,hebuttonsuphiscoattightacrossthebreast。
  Fred。Here。aplate,knifeandfork,bito’bread,aglassofDorchesterale!
  Oh,admirable!exclaimedMrs。Tattle,clappingherhands。
  Now,brother,supposethatitisafterdinner,saidMarianne。andshowushowthedoctorgoestosleep。
  Frederickthrewhimselfbackinanarm-chair,leaninghisheadback,withhismouthopen,snoring。noddedfromtimetotime,crossedanduncrossedhislegs,triedtoawakehimselfbytwitchinghiswig,settlinghiscollar,blowinghisnoseandrappingonthelidofhissnuff-box。
  AllwhichinfinitelydivertedMrs。Tattle,who,whenshecouldstopherselffromlaughing,declaredItmadehersigh,too,tothinkofthelifepoorMrs。Carbuncleledwiththatman,andallfornothing,too。forherjointurewasnothing,nexttonothing,thoughagreatthing,tobesure,herfriendsthoughtforher,whenshewasonlySallyRidgewaybeforeshewasmarried。Suchawifeasshemakes,continuedMrs。
  Theresa,liftingupherhandsandeyestoheaven,andsomuchasshehasgonethrough,thebruteoughttobeashamedofhimselfifhedoesnotleavehersomethingextraordinaryinhiswill。forturnitwhichwayshewill,shecanneverkeepacarriage,orlivelikeanybodyelse,onherjointure,afterall,shetellsme,poorsoul!Asadprospect,afterherhusband’sdeath,tolookforwardto,insteadofbeingcomfortable,asherfriendsexpected。andshe,pooryoungthing!knowingnobetterwhentheymarriedher!Peopleshouldlookintothesethings,beforehand,ornevermarryatall,Isay,MissMarianne。
  MissMarianne,whodidnotclearlycomprehendthisaffairofthejointure,orthereasonwhyMrs。Carbunclewouldbesounhappyafterherhusband’sdeath,turnedtoFrederick,whowasatthatinstantstudyingMrs。Theresaasafuturecharactertomimic。Brother,saidMarianne,nowsinganItaliansongforuslikeMissCroker。Pray,MissCroker,favouruswithasong。Mrs。TheresaTattlehasneverhadthepleasureofhearingyousing。she’squiteimpatienttohearyousing。
  Yes,indeed,Iam,saidMrs。Theresa。
  Frederickputhishandsbeforehimaffectedly。Oh,indeed,ma’am!
  indeed,ladies!Ireallyamsohoarse,itdistressesmesotobepressedtosing。besides,uponmyword,Ihavequiteleftoffsinging。I’veneversungonce,exceptforveryparticularpeople,thiswinter。
  Mar。ButMrs。TheresaTattleisaveryparticularperson。I’msureyou’llsingforher。
  Fred。Certainly,ma’am,Iallowthatyouuseapowerfulargument。butI
  assureyounow,Iwoulddomybesttoobligeyou,butIabsolutelyhaveforgottenallmyEnglishsongs。NobodyhearsanythingbutItaliannow,andIhavebeensogiddyastoleavemyItalianmusicbehindme。
  Besides,Imakeitarulenevertohazardmyselfwithoutanaccompaniment。
  Mar。Oh,try,MissCroker,foronce。
  [Fredericksings,aftermuchpreluding。]
  Violanteinthepantry,Gnawingofamutton-bone。
  Howshegnawedit,Howsheclaw’dit,Whenshefoundherselfalone!
  Charming!exclaimedMrs。Tattle。solikeMissCroker,I’msureIshallthinkofyou,Mr。Frederick,whenIhearheraskedtosingagain。Hervoice,however,introduceshertoverypleasantparties,andshe’sagirlthat’sverymuchtakennoticeof,andIdon’tdoubtwillgooffvastlywell。She’saparticularfavouriteofmine,youmustknow。andImeantodoherapieceofservicethefirstopportunity,bysayingsomethingorother,thatshallgoroundtoherrelationsinNorthumberland,andmakethemdosomethingforher。aswelltheymay,fortheyareallrollingingold,andwon’tgiveherapenny。
  Mar。Now,brother,readthenewspaperlikeCounsellorPuff。
  Oh,praydo,Mr。Frederick,forIdeclareIadmireyouofallthings!
  Youarequiteyourselfto-night。Here’sanewspaper,sir,prayletushaveCounsellorPuff。It’snotlate。
  [Frederickreadsinapompousvoice。]
  Asadelicatewhitehandhaseverbeendeemedadistinguishingornamentineithersex,Messrs。ValiantandWiseconceiveittobetheirdutytotaketheearliestopportunitytoadvertisethenobilityandgentryofGreatBritainingeneral,andtheirfriendsinparticular,thattheyhavenowreadyforsale,asusual,attheHippocrates’Head,afreshassortmentofnew-invented,muchadmired,primrosesoap。Topreventimpositionsandcounterfeits,thepublicarerequestedtotakenotice,thattheonlygenuineprimrosesoapisstampedontheoutside,’ValiantandWise。’
  Oh,youmostincomparablemimic!’tisabsolutelythecounsellorhimself。
  Iabsolutelymustshowyou,someday,tomyfriendLadyBattersby。you’dabsolutelymakeherdiewithlaughing。andshe’dquiteadoreyou,saidMrs。Theresa,whowaswellawarethateverypausemustbefilledwithflattery。Praygoon,praygoon。Ishallneverbetired,ifIsitlookingatyouthesehundredyears。
  Stimulatedbytheseplaudits,FrederickproceededtoshowhowColonelEpauletteblewhisnose,flourishedhiscambrichandkerchief,bowedtoLadyDianaPeriwinkle,andadmiredherwork,saying,Donebynohands,asyoumayguess,butthoseofFairlyFair。WhilstLadyDiana,heobserved,simperedsoprettily,andtookherselfsoquietlyforFairlyFair,notperceivingthatthecolonelwasadmiringhisownnailsallthewhile。
  NexttoColonelEpaulette,Frederick,atMarianne’sparticulardesire,cameintotheroomlikeSirCharlesSlang。
  Verywell,brother,criedshe,yourhanddowntotheverybottomofyourpocket,andyourothershoulderuptoyourear。butyouarenotquitewoodenenough,andyoushouldwalkasifyourhipwereoutofjoint。Therenow,Mrs。Tattle,arenotthosegoodeyes?Theystaresolikehis,withoutseemingtoseeanythingallthewhile。
  Excellent!admirable!Mr。Frederick。ImustsaythatyouarethebestmimicofyourageIeversaw,andI’msureLadyBattersbywillthinksotoo。ThatisSirCharlestotheverylife。Butwithallthat,youmustknowhe’samightypleasant,fashionableyoungmanwhenyoucometoknowhim,andhasagreatdealofsenseunderallthat,andisofaverygoodfamily——theSlangs,youknow。SirCharleswillcomeintoafinefortunehimselfnextyear,ifhecankeepclearofgambling,whichIhearishisfoible,pooryoungman!Praygoon。Iinterruptyou,Mr。Frederick。
  Now,brother,saidMarianne。
  No,Marianne,Icandonomore。I’mquitetired,andIwilldonomore,saidFrederick,stretchinghimselfatfulllengthuponasofa。
  Eveninthemidstoflaughter,andwhilstthevoiceofflatteryyetsoundedinhisear,Frederickfeltsad,displeasedwithhimself,anddisgustedwithMrs。Theresa。
  Whatadeepsighwasthere!saidMrs。Theresa。whatcanmakeyousighsobitterly?You,whomakeeverybodyelselaugh。Oh,suchanothersighagain!
  Marianne,criedFrederick,doyourememberthemaninthemask?
  Whatmaninthemask,brother?
  Theman——theactor——thebuffoon,thatmyfathertoldusof,whousedtocrybehindthemaskthatmadeeverybodyelselaugh。
  Cry!blessme,saidMrs。Theresa,mightyodd!veryextraordinary!butonecan’tbesurprisedatmeetingwithextraordinarycharactersamongstthatraceofpeople,actorsbyprofession,youknow。fortheyarebroughtupfromtheeggtomaketheirfortune,oratleasttheirbreadbytheiroddities。But,mydearMr。Frederick,youarequitepale,quiteexhausted。nowonder——whatwillyouhave?aglassofcowslip-wine?
  Ohno,thankyou,ma’am,saidFrederick。
  Ohyes。indeedyoumustnotleavemewithouttakingsomething。andMissMariannemusthaveanothermacaroon。Iinsistuponit,saidMrs。
  Theresa,ringingthebell。Itisnotlate,andmymanChristopherwillbringupthecowslip-wineinaminute。
  But,Sophy!andpapaandmamma,youknow,willcomehomepresently,
  saidMarianne。
  Oh!MissSophyhasherbooksanddrawings。Youknowshe’sneverafraidofbeingalone。Besides,to-nightitwasherownchoice。Andastoyourpapaandmamma,theywon’tbehometo-night,I’mprettysure。foragentleman,whohaditfromtheirownauthority,toldmewheretheyweregoing,whichisfurtheroffthantheythink。buttheydidnotconsultme。
  andIfancythey’llbeobligedtosleepout。soyouneednotbeinahurryaboutthem。We’llhavecandles。
  ThedooropenedjustasMrs。Tattlewasgoingtoringthebellagainforcandlesandthecowslip-wine。Christopher!Christopher!saidMrs。
  Theresa,whowasstandingatthefire,withherbacktothedoor,whenitopened,Christopher!praybring——Doyouhear?butnoChristopheranswered。and,uponturninground,Mrs。Tattle,insteadofChristopher,beheldtwolittleblackfigures,whichstoodperfectlystillandsilent。
  Itwassodark,thattheirformscouldscarcelybediscerned。
  Inthenameofheaven,whoandwhatmayyoube?Speak,Iconjureyou!
  whatareye?
  Thechimney-sweepers,ma’am,an’pleaseyourladyship。
  Chimney-sweepers!repeatedFrederickandMarianne,burstingouta-
  laughing。
  Chimney-sweepers!repeatedMrs。Theresa,provokedattherecollectionofherlatesolemnaddresstothem。Chimney-sweepers!andcouldnotyousaysoalittlesooner?Pray,whatbringsyouhere,gentlemen,atthistimeofnight?
  Thebellrang,ma’am,,answeredasqueakingvoice。
  Thebellrang!yes,forChristopher。Theboy’smad,ordrunk。
  Ma’am,saidthetallestofthechimney-sweepers,whohadnotyetspoken,andwhonowbeganinaverybluntmanner。ma’am,yourbrotherdesiredustocomeupwhenthebellrang。sowedid。
  Mybrother?Ihavenobrother,dunce,saidMrs。Theresa。
  Mr。Eden,madam。
  Ho,ho!saidMrs。Tattle,inamorecomplacenttone,theboytakesmeforMissBerthaEden,Iperceive。and,flatteredtobetakeninthedarkbyachimney-sweeperforayoungandhandsomelady,Mrs。Theresalaughed,andinformedhimthattheyhadmistakentheroom。andtheymustgoupanotherpairofstairs,andturntotheleft。
  Thechimney-sweeperwiththesqueakingvoicebowed,thankedherladyshipforthisinformation,said,Goodnighttoye,quality。andtheybothmovedtowardsthedoor。
  Stay,saidMrs。Tattle,whosecuriositywasexcited。whatcantheEdenswantwithchimney-sweepersatthistimeo’night,Iwonder?
  Christopher,didyouhearanythingaboutit?saidtheladytoherfootman,whowasnowlightingthecandles。
  Uponmyword,ma’am,saidtheservant,Ican’tsay。butI’llstepdownbelowandinquire。Iheardthemtalkingaboutitinthekitchen。butI
  onlygotawordhereandthere,forIwashuntingforthesnuff-dish,asIknewitmustbeforcandleswhenIheardthebellring,ma’am。soI
  thoughttofindthesnuff-dishbeforeIansweredthebell,forIknewitmustbeforcandlesyourang。But,ifyouplease,I’llstepdownnow,ma’am,andseeaboutthechimney-sweepers。
  Yes,stepdown,do。and,Christopher,bringupthecowslip-wine,andsomemoremacaroonsformylittleMarianne。
  MariannewithdrewrathercoldlyfromakisswhichMrs。Tattlewasgoingtogiveher。forshewassomewhatsurprisedatthefamiliaritywithwhichthisladytalkedtoherfootman。Shehadnotbeenaccustomedtothesefamiliaritiesinherfatherandmother,andshedidnotlikethem。
  Well,saidMrs。TattletoChristopher,whowasnowreturned,whatisthenews?
  Ma’am,thelittlefellowwiththesqueakingvoicehasbeentellingmethewholestory。Theothermorning,ma’am,early,heandtheotherweredownthehillsweepinginParadiseRow。Thosechimneys,theysay,aredifficult。andthesquarefellow,ma’am,thebiggestofthetwoboys,gotwedgedinthechimney。Theotherlittlefellowwasupatthetopatthetime,andheheardthecry。butinhisfright,andall,hedidnotknowwhattodo,ma’am。forhelookedaboutfromthetopofthechimney,andnotasoulcouldheseestirring,butafewthathecouldnotmakeattendtohisscreech。theboywithinalmoststiflingtoo。Sohescreeched,andscreeched,allhecould。andbythegreatestchanceinlife,ma’am,oldMr。Edenwasjustgoingdownthehilltofetchhismorningwalk。
  Ay,interruptedMrs。Theresa,friendEphraimisoneofyourearlyrisers。
  Well,saidMarianne,impatiently。
  So,ma’am,hearingthescreech,heturnsandseesthesweep。andatonceheunderstandsthematter——
  I’msurehemusthavetakensometimetounderstandit,interposedMrs。
  Tattle,forhe’stheslowestcreaturebreathing,andthedeafestincompany。Goon,Christopher。Sothesweepdidmakehimhear。
  Sohesays,ma’am。andsotheoldgentlemanwentinandpulledtheboyoutofthechimney,withmuchado,ma’am。
  Blessme!exclaimedMrs。Theresa。butdidoldEdengoupthechimneyhimselfaftertheboy,wigandall?
  Why,ma’am,saidChristopher,withalookofgreatdelight,thatwasallasone,asthevery’denticalwordsIputtotheboymyself,whenhetelledmehisstory。But,ma’am,thatwaswhatIcouldn’tgetoutofhim,neither,rightly,forheisachurl——thebigboythatwasstuckinthechimney,Imean。forwhenIputthequestiontohimaboutthewig,laughinglike,hewouldn’ttakeitlaughinglikeatall。butwouldonlymakeanswertouslikeabear,’Hesavedmylife,that’sallIknow’。andthisoveragain,ma’am,toallthekitchenround,thatcross-questionedhim。ButIfindshimstupidandill-manneredlike,forIofferedhimashilling,ma’am,myself,totellaboutthewig。butheputitbackinawaythatdidnotbecomesuchashe,tonolady’sbutler,ma’am。whereuponIturnstotheslimfellowandhe’ssmarterer,andmoremannerly,ma’am,withatongueinhisheadforhisbetters,buthecouldnotresolvememyquestioneither。forhewasupatthetopofthechimneythebestparto’thetime:andwhenhecamedownMr。Edenhadhiswigon,buthadhisarmallbareandbloody,ma’am。
  PoorMr。Eden!exclaimedMarianne。
  Oh,miss,continuedtheservant,andthechimney-sweephimselfwassobruised,andmusthavebeenkilled。
  Well,well!buthe’salivenow。goonwithyourstory,Christopher,
  saidMrs。T。Chimney-sweepersgetwedgedinchimneyseveryday。it’spartoftheirtrade,andit’sahappythingwhentheycomeoffwithafewbruises。*Tobesure,addedshe,observingthatbothFrederickandMariannelookeddispleasedatthisspeech,tobesure,ifonemaybelievethisstory,therewassomerealdanger。
  *Thisatrociouspracticeisnowhappilysupersededbytheuseofsweepingmachines。
  Realdanger!yes,indeed,saidMarianne。andI’msureIthinkMr。Edenwasverygood。
  Certainlyitwasamostcommendableaction,andquiteprovidential。SoIshalltakeanopportunityofsaying,whenItellthestoryinallcompanies。andtheboymaythankhiskindstars,I’msure,totheendofhisdays,forsuchanescape——Butpray,Christopher,saidshe,persistinginherconversationwithChristopher,whowasnowlayingtheclothforsupper,pray,whichhousewasitinParadiseRow?wheretheEaglesortheMissRoperslodge?orwhich?
  ItwasatmyLadyBattersby’s,ma’am。
  Ha!ha!criedMrs。Theresa,Ithoughtweshouldgettothebottomoftheaffairatlast。Thisisexcellent!ThiswillmakeanadmirablestoryformyLadyBattersbythenexttimeIseeher。TheseQuakersaresosly!OldEden,Iknow,haslongwantedtoobtainanintroductionintothathouse。andacharmingcharitableexpedienthitupon!MyLadyBattersbywillenjoythis,ofallthings。
  CHAPTERIII。
  Now,continuedMrs。Theresa,turningtoFrederick,assoonastheservanthadlefttheroom,now,Mr。FrederickMontague,Ihaveafavour——
  suchafavour——toaskofyou。it’safavourwhichonlyyoucangrant。
  youhavesuchtalents,andwoulddothethingsoadmirably。andmyLadyBattersbywouldquiteadoreyouforit。Shewilldomethehonourtobeheretospendaneveningto-morrow。I’mconvincedMr。andMrs。Montaguewillfindthemselvesobligedtostayoutanotherday,andIsolongtoshowyouofftoherladyship。andyourDoctorCarbuncle,andyourCounsellorPuff,andyourMissCroker,andallyourcharmingcharacters。
  Youmustletmeintroduceyoutoherladyshipto-morrowevening。Promiseme。
  Oh,ma’am,saidFrederick,Icannotpromiseyouanysuchthing,indeed。Iammuchobligedtoyou。butindeedIcannotcome。
  Whynot,mydearsir?whynot?Youdon’tthinkImeanyoushouldpromise,ifyouarecertainyourpapaandmammawillbehome。
  Iftheydocomehome,Iwillaskthemaboutit,saidFrederick,hesitating。forthoughhebynomeanswishedtoaccepttheinvitation,hehadnotyetacquiredthenecessarypowerofdecidedlysayingNo。
  Askthem!repeatedMrs。Theresa。Mydearsir,atyourage,mustyouaskyourpapaandmammaaboutsuchthings?
  Must!no,ma’am,saidFrederick。butIsaidIwould。IknowIneednot,becausemyfatherandmotheralwaysletmejudgeformyselfalmostabouteverything。
  Andaboutthis,Iamsure,criedMarianne。Papaandmamma,youknow,justastheyweregoingaway,said,’IfMrs。Theresaasksyoutocome,doasyouthinkbest’
  Well,then,saidMrs。Theresa,youknowitrestswithyourselves,ifyoumaydoasyouplease。
  TobesureImay,madam,saidFrederick,colouringfromthatspeciesofemotionwhichisjustlycalledfalseshame,andwhichoftenconquersrealshame。tobesure,ma’am,ImaydoasIplease。
  ThenImaymakesureofyou,saidMrs。Theresa。fornowitwouldbedownrightrudenesstotellaladyyouwon’tdoasshepleases。Mr。
  FrederickMontague,I’msure,istoowellbredayounggentlemantodosounpolite,soungallantathing!
  Thejargonofpolitenessandgallantryisfrequentlybroughtbythesillyacquaintanceofyoungpeopletoconfusetheirsimplemoralityandcleargoodsense。Anewandunintelligiblesystemispresentedtothem,inalanguageforeigntotheirunderstanding,andcontradictorytotheirfeelings。Theyhesitatebetweennewmotivesandoldprinciples。Fromthefearofbeingthoughtignorant,theybecomeaffected。andfromthedreadofbeingthoughttobechildrenactlikefools。ButallthistheyfeelonlywhentheyareinthecompanyofsuchpeopleasMrs。TheresaTattle。
  Ma’am,Frederickbegan,Idon’tmeantoberude。butIhopeyou’llexcusemefromcomingtodrinkteawithyouto-morrow,becausemyfatherandmotherarenotacquaintedwithLadyBattersby,andmaybetheymightnotlike——
  Takecare,takecare,saidMrs。Theresa,laughingathisperplexity:
  youwanttogetofffromobligingme,andyoudon’tknowhow。YouhadverynearlymadeamostshockingblunderinputtingitalluponpoorLadyBattersby。Nowyouknowit’simpossiblethatMr。andMrs。MontaguecouldhaveinnaturetheslightestobjectiontointroducingyoutomyLadyBattersbyatmyownhouse。for,don’tyouknow,that,besidesherladyship’smanyunquestionablequalities,whichoneneednottalkof,sheiscousin,butonceremoved,totheTrottersofLancashire——yourmother’sgreatfavourites?AndthereisnotapersonattheWells,I’llventuretosay,couldbeofmoreadvantagetoyoursisterSophy,inthewayofpartners,whenshecomestogotheballs,whichit’stobesupposedshewill,sometimeorother。andasyouaresogoodabrother,that’sathingtobelookedto,youknow。Besides,astoyourself,there’snothingherladyshipdelightsinsomuchasinagoodmimic。andshe’llquiteadoreyou!
  ButIdon’twanthertoadoreme,ma’am,saidFrederick,bluntly。then,correctinghimself,added,Imeanforbeingamimic。
  Whynot,mylove?Betweenfriends,cantherebeanyharminshowingone’stalents?Youthathavesuchtalentstoshow。She’llkeepyoursecret,I’llanswerforher。and,addedshe,youneedn’tbeafraidofhercriticism。for,betweenyouandme,she’snogreatcritic。soyou’llcome。Well,thankyou,that’ssettled。Howyouhavemademebegandpray!butyouknowyourownvalue,Isee。asyouentertainingpeoplealwaysdo。Onemustaskawit,likeafinesinger,sooften。Well,butnowforthefavourIwasgoingtoaskyou。
  Fredericklookedsurprised。forhethoughtthatthefavourofhiscompanywaswhatshemeant:butsheexplainedherselffarther。
  AstotheoldQuakerwholodgesabove,oldEphraimEden——myLadyBattersbyandIhavesomuchdiversionabouthim。Heisthebestcharacter,theoddestcreature!Ifyouwerebuttoseehimcomeintotheroomswiththosestiffskirts,orwalkingwithhiseternalsisterBertha,andhiseverlastingbroad-brimmedhat!Oneknowshimamileoff!Butthenhisvoiceandway,andaltogether,ifonecouldgetthemtothelife,they’dbebetterthananythingonthestage。bettereventhananythingI’veseento-night。andIthinkyou’dmakeacapitalQuakerformyLadyBattersby。butthenthethingis,onecannevergettoheartheoldquiztalk。Nowyou,whohavesomuchinventionandcleverness——I
  havenoinventionmyself。butcouldyounothituponsomewayofseeinghim,sothatyoumightgethimbyheart?I’msureyou,whoaresoquick,wouldonlywanttoseehim,andhearhim,forhalfaminute,tobeabletotakehimoff,soastokillonewithlaughing。ButIhavenoinvention。
  Oh,astotheinvention,saidFrederick,Iknowanadmirablewayofdoingthething,ifthatisall。butthenremember,Idon’tsayIwilldothething,forIwillnot。ButIknowawayofgettingupintohisroom,andseeinghim,withouthisknowingmetobethere。
  Oh,tellitme,youcharming,clevercreature!
  But,remember,IdonotsayIwilldoit。
  Well,well,letushearit。andyoushalldoasyoupleaseafterwards。
  Mercifulgoodness!exclaimedMrs。Tattle,domyearsdeceiveme?I
  declareIlookedround,andthoughtIheardthesqueakingchimney-sweeperwasintheroom!
  SodidI,Frederick,Ideclare,criedMarianne,laughing,Ineverheardanythingsolikehisvoiceinmylife。
  Frederickimitatedthesqueakingvoiceofthischimney-sweepertogreatperfection。
  Now,continuedhe,thisfellowisjustmyheight。TheoldQuaker,ifmyfacewereblackened,andifIweretochangeclotheswiththechimney-
  sweeper,I’llanswerforit,wouldneverknowme。
  Oh,it’sanadmirableinvention!Igiveyouinfinitecreditforit!
  exclaimedMrs。Theresa。Itshall,itmustbedone。I’llring,andhavethefellowupthisminute。
  Oh,no。donotring,saidFrederick,stoppingherhand,Idon’tmeantodoit。YouknowyoupromisedthatIshoulddoasIpleased。Ionlytoldyoumyinvention。
  Well,well。butonlyletmering,andaskwhetherthechimney-sweepersarebelow。Youshalldoasyoupleaseafterwards。
  Christopher,shutthedoor。Christopher,saidshetotheservantwhocameupwhensherang,prayarethesweepsgoneyet?
  No,ma’am。
  ButhavetheybeenuptooldEdenyet?
  Oh,no,ma’am。norbenottogotillthebellrings。forMissBertha,ma’am,wasasleepa-lyingdown,andherbrotherwouldn’thaveherwakenedonnoaccountwhatsomever。Hecamedownhisselftothekitchentothesweeps,though。butwouldn’thave,asIheardhimsay,hissisterwakedfornoaccount。ButMissBertha’sbellwillringwhenshewakensforthesweeps,ma’am。’Twasshewantedtoseetheboyasherbrothersaved,andIsupposesentforhimtogivehimsomethingcharitable,ma’am。
  Well,nevermindyoursuppositions,saidMrs。Theresa。rundownthisveryminutetothelittlesqueakingchimney-sweep,andsendhimuptome。
  Quick,butdon’tlettheotherbearcomeupwithhim。
  Christopher,whohadcuriosity,aswellashismistress,whenhereturnedwiththechimney-sweeper,prolongedhisownstayintheroombysweepingthehearth,throwingdownthetongsandshovel,andpickingthemupagain。
  Thatwilldo,Christopher!Christopher,thatwilldo,Isay,Mrs。
  Theresarepeatedinvain。Shewasobligedtosay,Christopher,youmaygo,beforehewoulddepart。
  Now,saidshetoFrederick,stepinheretothenextroomwiththiscandle,andyou’llbeequippedinaninstant。Onlyjustchangeclotheswiththeboy。onlyjustletmeseewhatacharmingchimney-sweeperyou’dmake。Youshalldoasyoupleaseafterwards。
  Well,I’llonlychangeclotheswithhim,justtoshowyouforoneminute。
  But,saidMariannetoMrs。TheresawhilstFrederickwaschanginghisclothes,IthinkFrederickisrightabout——
  Aboutwhat,love?
  Ithinkheisintherightnottogoup,thoughhecandoitsoeasily,toseethatgentleman。Imeanonpurposetomimicandlaughathimafterwards。Idon’tthinkthatwouldbequiteright。
  Why,pray,MissMarianne?
  Why,becauseheissogood-naturedtohissister。Hewouldnotletherbewakened。
  Dear,it’seasytobegoodinsuchlittlethings。andhewon’thavelongtobegoodtoherneither。forIdon’tthinkshewilltroublehimlonginthisworld,anyhow。
  Whatdoyoumean?saidMarianne。
  Thatshe’lldie,child。
  Die!diewiththatbeautifulcolourinhercheeks!Howsorryherpoor,poorbrotherwillbe!Butshewillnotdie,I’msure,forshewalksaboutandrunsupstairssolightly!Oh,youmustbequitemistaken,I
  hope。
  IfI’mmistaken,Dr。PanadoCardamum’smistakentoo,then,that’smycomfort。Hesays,unlessthewatersworkamiracle,shestandsabadchance。andshewon’tfollowmyadvice,andconsultthedoctorforherhealth。
  Hewouldfrightenhertodeath,perhaps,saidMarianne。IhopeFrederickwon’tgouptodisturbher。
  Lud,child,youareturnedsimpletonallofasudden。howcanyourbrotherdisturbhermorethantherealchimney-sweeper?
  ButIdon’tthinkit’sright,persistedMarianne,andIshalltellhimso。
  Nay,MissMarianne,Idon’tcommendyounow。Youngladiesshouldnotbesoforwardtogiveopinionsandadvicetotheirelderbrothersunasked。
  andIpresumethatMr。FrederickandImustknowwhat’srightaswellasMissMarianne。Hush!hereheis。Oh,thecapitalfigure!criedMrs。
  Theresa。Bravo,bravo!criedshe,asFrederickenteredinthechimney-
  sweeper’sdress。andashespoke,saying,I’mafraid,pleaseyourladyship,todirtyourladyship’scarpet,shebrokeoutintoimmoderateraptures,callinghimhercharmingchimney-sweeper!andrepeatingthatsheknewbeforehandthecharacterwoulddoforhim。
  Mrs。Theresainstantlyrangthebell,inspiteofallexpostulation——
  orderedChristophertosenduptheotherchimney-sweeper——triumphedinobservingthatChristopherdidnotknowFrederickwhenhecameintotheroom。andofferedtolayanywagerthattheotherchimney-sweeperwouldmistakehimforhiscompanion。Andsohedid。andwhenFrederickspoke,thevoicewassoverylike,thatitwasscarcelypossiblethatheshouldhaveperceivedthedifference。
  Mariannewasdivertedbythisscene。butshestarted,wheninthemidstofittheyheardabellring。
  That’sthelady’sbell,andwemustgo,saidthebluntchimney-sweeper。
  Go,then,aboutyourbusiness,saidMrs。Theresa,andhere’sashillingforyou,todrink,myhonestfellow。IdidnotknowyouweresomuchbruisedwhenIfirstsawyou。Iwon’tdetainyou。Go,saidshe,pushingFredericktowardsthedoor。Mariannesprangforwardtospeaktohim。butMrs。Theresakeptheroff。and,thoughFrederickresisted,theladyshutthedooruponhimbysuperiorforce,and,havinglockedit,therewasnoretreat。Mrs。TattleandMariannewaitedimpatientlyforFrederick’sreturn。
  Ihearthem,criedMarianne,Ihearthemcomingdownstairs。Theylistenedagain,andallwassilent。Atlengththeysuddenlyheardagreatnoiseofmanystepsinthehall。
  Merciful!exclaimedMrs。Theresa,itmustbeyourfatherandmothercomeback。Mariannerantounlocktheroomdoor,andMrs。Theresafollowedherintothehall。Thehallwasratherdark,butunderthelampacrowdofpeople,alltheservantsinthehousehavinggatheredtogether。
  AsMrs。Theresaapproached,thecrowdopenedinsilence,andinthemidstshebeheldFrederick,withbloodstreamingfromhisface。HisheadwasheldbyChristopher。andthechimney-sweeperwasholdingabasinforhim。
  Merciful!whatwillbecomeofme?exclaimedMrs。Theresa。Bleeding!
  he’llbleedtodeath!Cannobodythinkofanythingthatwillstopbloodinaminute?Akey,alargekeydownhisback——akey——hasnobodyakey?
  Mr。andMrs。Montaguewillbeherebeforehehasdonebleeding。Akey!
  cobwebs!apuffball!formercy’ssake!Cannobodythinkofanythingthatwillstopbloodinaminute?Graciousme!he’llbleedtodeath,I
  believe。
  He’llbleedtodeath!Oh,mybrother!criedMarianne,catchingholdofthewords。andterrified,sheranupstairs,crying,Sophy,oh,Sophy!
  comedownthisminute,orhe’llbedead!Mybrother’sbleedingtodeath!
  Sophy!Sophy!comedown,orhe’llbedead!
  Letgothebasin,you,saidChristopher,pullingthebasinoutofthechimney-sweeper’shand,whohadallthistimestoodinsilence。youarenotfittoholdthebasinforagentleman。
  Lethimholdit,saidFrederick。hedidnotmeantohurtme。
  That’smorethanhedeserves。I’mcertainsurehemighthaveknownwellenoughitwasMr。Frederickallthetime,andhe’dnobusinesstogotofight——suchaoneashe——withagentleman。
  Ididnotknowhewasagentleman!saidthechimney-sweeper,howcouldI?
  Howcouldhe,indeed!saidFrederick。heshallholdthebasin。
  Graciousme!I’mgladtohearhimspeaklikehimselfagain,atanyrate,criedMrs。Theresa。AndherecomesMissSophy,too。
  Sophy!criedFrederick。Oh,Sophy,don’tyoucome——don’tlookatme。
  you’lldespiseme。
  Mybrother!where?where?saidSophy,looking,asshethought,atthetwochimney-sweepers。
  It’sFrederick,saidMarianne:that’smybrother。
  MissSophy,don’tbealarmed,Mrs。Theresabegan。butgraciousgoodness!IwishMissBertha——
  Atthisinstantafemalefigureinwhiteappeareduponthestairs。shepassedswiftlyon,whilsteveryonegavewaybeforeher。Oh,MissBertha!criedMrs。Theresa,catchingholdofhergowntostopher,asshecamenearFrederick。Oh,MissEden,yourbeautifulIndiamuslin!
  takecareofthechimneysweeper,forheaven’ssake。Butshepressedforward。
  It’smybrother,willhedie?criedMarianne,throwingherarmsroundher,andlookingupasiftoabeingofasuperiororder。Willhebleedtodeath?
  No,mylove!answeredasweetvoice:donotfrightenthyself。
  I’vedonebleeding,saidFrederick。
  Dearme,MissMarianne,ifyouwouldnotmakesucharout,criedMrs。
  Tattle。MissBertha,it’snothingbutafrolic。YouseeMr。FrederickMontagueonlyinamasqueradedress。Nothingintheworldbutafrolic,ma’am。Youseehe’sstoppedbleeding。Iwasfrightenedoutofmywitsatfirst。Ithoughtitwashiseye,butIseeit’sonlyhisnose。All’swellthatendswell。Mr。Frederick,we’llkeepyourcounsel。Pray,ma’am,letusasknoquestions。it’sonlyaboyishfrolic。Come,Mr。
  Frederick,thisway,intomyroom,andI’llgiveyouatowelandsomecleanwater,andyoucangetridofthismasqueradedress。Makehaste,forfearyourfatherandmothershoulddropinuponus。
  Donotbeafraidofthyfatherandmother。Theyaresurelythybestfriends,saidavoice。Itwasthevoiceofanelderlygentleman,whonowstoodbehindFrederick。
  Oh,sir,oh,Mr。Eden,saidFrederick,turningtohim。
  Don’tbetrayme!forgoodness’sake!whisperedMrs。Tattle,saynothingaboutme。
  I’mnotthinkingaboutyou。Letmespeak,criedhe,pushingawayherhand,whichstoppedhismouth。Ishallsaynothingaboutyou,Ipromiseyou,saidFrederick,withalookofcontempt。
  No,butforyourownsake,mydearsir,yourpapaandmamma。Blessme!
  isnotthatMrs。Montague’scarriage?
  Mybrother,ma’am,saidSophy,isnotafraidofmyfatherandmother’scomingback。Lethimspeak。hewasgoingtospeakthetruth。
  Tobesure,MissSophia,Iwouldn’thinderhimfromspeakingthetruth。
  butit’snotproper,Ipresume,ma’am,tospeaktruthatalltimes,andinallplaces,andbeforeeverybody,servantsandall。Ionlywanted,ma’am,tohinderyourbrotherfromexposinghimself。Ahall,I
  apprehend,isnotaproperplaceforexplanation。
  Here,saidMr。Eden,openingthedoorofhisroom,whichwasontheoppositesideofthehalltoMrs。Tattle’s。Hereisaplace,saidhetoFrederick,wherethoumaystspeakthetruthatalltimes,andbeforeeverybody。
  Nay,myroom’satMr。FrederickMontague’sservice,andmydoor’sopentoo。Thisway,pray,saidshe,pullinghisarm。ButFrederickbrokefromher,andfollowedMr。Eden。
  Oh,sir,willyouforgiveme?criedhe。
  Forgivethee!——andwhathaveItoforgive!
  Forgive,brother,withoutaskingwhat,saidBertha,smiling。
  Heshallknowall!criedFrederick。allthatconcernsmyself,Imean。
  Sir,Idisguisedmyselfinthisdress。Icameuptoyourroomto-nightonpurposetoseeyou,withoutyourknowingit,thatImightmimicyou。Thechimney-sweeper,whereishe?saidFrederick,lookinground。andheranintothehalltoseeforhim。Mayhecomein?hemay——heisabrave,anhonest,good,gratefulboy。HeneverguessedwhoIwas。Afterweleftyouwewentdowntothekitchentogether,andthere,foolasIwas,forthepleasureofmakingMr。Christopherandtheservantslaugh,begantomimicyou。Thisboysaidhewouldnotstandbyandhearyoulaughedat。
  thatyouhadsavedhislife。thatIoughttobeashamedofmyself。thatyouhadjustgivenmehalfacrown。andsoyouhad。butIwenton,andtoldhimI’dknockhimdownifhesaidanotherword。Hedid。Igavethefirstblow。wefought。Icametotheground。theservantspulledmeupagain。Theyfoundout,Idon’tknowhow,thatIwasnotachimney-
  sweeper。Therestyousaw。Andnowcanyouforgiveme,sir?saidFredericktoMr。Eden,seizingholdofhishand。
  Theotherhand,friend,saidtheQuaker,gentlywithdrawinghisrighthand,whicheverybodynowobservedwasmuchswelled,andputtingitintohisbosomagain。This,andwelcome,offeringhisotherhandtoFrederick,andshakinghiswithasmile。
  Oh,thatotherhand!saidFrederick,thatwashurt,Iremember。HowillIhavebehaved——extremelyill!ButthisisalessonthatIshallneverforgetaslongasIlive。IhopeforthefutureIshallbehavelikeagentleman。
  Andlikeaman——andlikeagoodman,Iamsurethouwilt,saidthegoodQuaker,shakingFrederick’shandaffectionately。orIammuchmistaken,friend,inthatblackcountenance。
  Youarenotmistaken,criedMarianne。Frederickwillneverbepersuadedagainbyanybodytodowhathedoesnotthinkright:andnow,brother,youmaywashyourblackcountenance。
  JustwhenFrederickhadgotridofhalfhisblackcountenance,adoubleknockwasheardatthedoor。ItwasMr。andMrs。Montague。Whatwillyoudonow?whisperedMrs。TheresatoFrederick,ashisfatherandmothercameintotheroom。
  Achimney-sweepercoveredwithblood!exclaimedMr。andMrs。Montague。
  Father,IamFrederick,saidhe,steppingforwardtowardsthem,astheystoodinastonishment。
  Frederick!myson!
  Yes,mother,I’mnothurthalfsomuchasIdeserve。I’lltellyou——
  Nay,interruptedBertha,letmybrothertellthestorythistime。
  Thouhasttolditonce,andtolditwell。noonebutmybrothercouldtellitbetter。
  Astorynevertellssowellthesecondtime,tobesure,saidMrs。
  Theresa。butMr。Edenwillcertainlymakethebestofit。
  WithouttakinganynoticeofMrs。Tattle,orherapprehensivelooks,Mr。
  Edenexplainedallheknewoftheaffairinafewwords。Yourson,
  concludedhe,willquicklyputoffhisdirtydress。Thedresshathnotstainedthemind。thatisfairandhonourable。Whenhefoundhimselfinthewrong,hesaidso。norwasheinhastetoconcealhisadventurefromhisfather。thismademethinkwellofbothfatherandson。Ispeakplainly,friend,forthatisbest。Butwhatisbecomeoftheotherchimney-sweeper?Hewillwanttogohome,saidMr。Eden,turningtoMrs。Theresa。Withoutmakinganyreply,shehurriedoutoftheroomasfastaspossible,andreturnedinafewmoments,withalookofextremeconsternation。
  Hereisacatastropheindeed!Now,indeed,Mr。Frederick,yourpapaandmammahavereasontobeangry。Anewsuitofclothes!——thebarefacedvillain!gone!nosignoftheminmycloset,oranywhere。Thedoorwaslocked。hemusthavegoneupthechimney,outupontheleads,andsoescaped。butChristopherisafterhim。Iprotest,Mrs。Montague,youtakeittooquietly。Thewretch!——anewsuitofclothes,bluecoatandbuffwaistcoat。Ineverheardofsuchathing!Ideclare,Mr。Montague,youarevastlygood,nottobeinapassion,addedMrs。Theresa。
  Madam,repliedMr。Montague,withalookofmuchcivilcontempt,I
  thinkthelossofasuitofclothes,andeventhedisgracethatmysonhasbeenbroughttothisevening,fortunatecircumstancesinhiseducation。Hewill,Iampersuaded,judgeandactforhimselfmorewiselyinfuture。Norwillhebetemptedtooffendagainsthumanity,forthesakeofbeingcalled’Thebestmimicintheworld。’
  THEBARRINGOUT。OR,PARTYSPIRIT。
  Themotherofmischief,saysanoldproverb,isnobiggerthanamidge’swing。
  AtDoctorMiddleton’sschool,therewasagreattalldunceofthenameofFisher,whonevercouldbetaughthowtolookoutawordinthedictionary。Heusedtotormenteverybodywith——Doprayhelpme!I
  can’tmakeoutthisoneword。Thepersonwhousuallyhelpedhiminhisdistresswasaveryclever,goodnaturedboy,ofthenameofDeGrey,whohadbeenmanyyearsunderDr。Middleton’scare,andwho,byhisabilitiesandgoodconduct,didhimgreatcredit。Thedoctorcertainlywasbothproudandfondofhim。buthewassowellbeloved,orsomuchesteemedbyhiscompanions,thatnobodyhadevercalledhimbytheodiousnameoffavourite,untilthearrivalofanewscholarofthenameofArcher。
  TillArchercame,theideasofFAVOURITESandPARTIESwerealmostunknownatDr。Middleton’s。buthebroughtalltheseideasfreshfromagreatpublicschool,atwhichhehadbeeneducated——atwhichhehadacquiredasufficientquantityofGreekandLatin,andasuperabundantquantityofpartyspirit。Hisaim,themomenthecametoanewschool,wastogettotheheadofit,oratleasttoformthestrongestparty。Hisinfluence,forhewasaboyofconsiderableabilities,wasquicklyfelt,thoughhehadapowerfulrival,ashethoughtpropertocallhim,inDeGrey。and,withHIM,arivalwasalwaysanenemy。DeGrey,sofarfromgivinghimanycauseofhatred,treatedhimwithadegreeofcordiality,whichwouldprobablyhavehadaneffectuponArcher’smind,ifithadnotbeenfortheartificesofFisher。
  Itmayseemsurprising,thataGREATDUNCEshouldbeabletoworkuponaboylikeanArcher,whowascalledagreatgenius。butwhengeniusisjoinedtoaviolenttemper,insteadofbeingunitedtogoodsense,itisatthemercyevenofdunces。
  FisherwasmortallyoffendedonemorningbyDeGrey’srefusingtotranslatehiswholelessonforhim。HewentovertoArcher,who,consideringhimasapartisandesertingfromtheenemy,receivedhimwithopenarms,andtranslatedhiswholelessonwithoutexpressingMUCH
  contemptforhisstupidity。FromthismomentFisherforgotallDeGrey’sformerkindness,andconsideredonlyhowhecouldinhisturnmortifythepersonwhomhefelttobesomuchhissuperior。
  DeGreyandArcherwerenowreadingforapremium,whichwastobegivenintheirclass。FisherbettedonArcher’shead,whohadnotsenseenoughtodespisethebetofablockhead。Onthecontraryhesufferedhimtoexcitethespiritofrivalshipinitsutmostfurybycollectingthebetsofalltheschool。Sothatthispremiumnowbecameamatterofthegreatestconsequence,andArcher,insteadoftakingthemeanstosecureajudgmentinhisfavour,waslisteningtotheopinionsofallhiscompanions。Itwasaprizewhichwastobewonbyhisownexertions。buthesufferedhimselftoconsideritasanaffairofchance。Theconsequencewas,thathetrustedtochance——hispartisanslosttheirwagers,andhethepremium——andhistemper。
  Mr。Archer,saidDr。Middleton,afterthegrandaffairwasdecided,youhavedoneallthatgeniusalonecoulddo。butyou,DeGrey,havedoneallthatgeniusandindustryunitedcoulddo。
  Well!criedArcher,withaffectedgaiety,assoonasthedoctorhadlefttheroom——Well,I’mcontentwithMYsentence。Geniusalone!forme——industryforthosewhoWANTit,addedhe,withasignificantlookatDeGrey。
  Fisherapplaudedthisasaveryspiritedspeech。and,byinsinuationsthatDr。MiddletonalwaysgavethepremiumtoDeGrey,andthatthosewhohadlosttheirbetsmightthankthemselvesforit,forbeingsuchsimpletonsastobetagainstthefavourite,heraisedamurmurhighlyflatteringtoArcher,amongstsomeofthemostcredulousboys。whilstothersloudlyproclaimedtheirbeliefinDr。Middleton’simpartiality。
  ThesewarmlycongratulatedDeGrey。AtthisArchergrewmoreandmoreangry,andwhenFisherwasproceedingtospeaknonsenseFORhim,pushedforwardintothecircletoDeGrey,crying,Iwish,Mr。Fisher,youwouldletmefightmyownbattles!
  And_I_wish,saidyoungTownsend,whowasfonderofdiversionsthanofpremiums,orbattles,orofanythingelse——_I_wish,thatwewerenottohaveanybattles。afterhavingworkedlikehorses,don’tsetabouttofightlikedogs。Come,saidhe,tappingDeGrey’sshoulder,letusseeyournewplayhouse,do——it’saholiday,andletusmakethemostofit。
  Letushavethe’SchoolforScandal,’do。andI’llplayCharlesforyou,andyou,DeGrey,shallbeMYLITTLEPREMIUM。Come,doopenthisnewplayhouseofyoursto-night。
  Comethen!saidDeGrey,andheranacrosstheplaygroundtoawastebuildingatthefarthestendofit,inwhich,attheearnestrequestofthewholecommunity,andwiththepermissionofDr。Middleton,hehadwithmuchpainandingenuityerectedatheatre。
  Thenewtheatreisgoingtobeopened!Followthemanager!Followthemanager!echoedamultitudeofvoices。
  FOLLOWTHEMANAGER!echoedverydisagreeablyinArcher’sear。butashecouldnotbeLEFTALONE,hewasalsoobligedtofollowthemanager。Themomentthatthedoorwasunlocked,thecrowdrushedin:thedelightandwonderexpressedatthesightwasgreat,andtheapplauseandthankswhichwerebestoweduponthemanagerwerelongandloud。
  Archeratleastthoughtthemlong,forhewasimpatienttillhisvoicecouldbeheard。Whenatlengththeacclamationshadspentthemselves,hewalkedacrossthestagewithaknowingair,andlookingroundcontemptuously。
  AndisTHISyourfamousplayhouse?criedhe。Iwishyouhad,anyofyou,seentheplayhouse_I_havebeenusedto?
  Thesewordsmadeagreatandvisiblechangeinthefeelingsandopinionsofthepublic。Whowouldbeaservantofthepublic?orwhowouldtoilforpopularapplause?Afewwordsspokeninadecisivetonebyanewvoiceoperatedasacharm,andtheplayhousewasinaninstantmetamorphosedintheeyesofthespectators。Allgratitudeforthepastwasforgotten,andtheexpectationofsomethingbetterjustifiedtothecapriciousmultitudetheirdisdainofwhattheyhadsolatelypronouncedtobeexcellent。
  Everyonenowbegantocriticise。Oneobserved,thatthegreencurtainwasfullofholes,andwouldnotdrawup。Anotherattackedthescenes。
  Scenes!theywerenotlikerealscenes——Archermustknowbest,becausehewasusedtothesethings。SoeverybodycrowdedtohearsomethingoftheOTHERplayhouse。TheygatheredroundArchertohearthedescriptionofhisplayhouse,andateverysentenceinsultingcomparisonsweremade。
  Whenhehaddone,hisauditorslookedround,sighedandwishedthatArcherhadbeentheirmanager。TheyturnedfromDeGreyasfromapersonwhohaddonethemaninjury。Someofhisfriends——forhehadfriendswhowerenotswayedbythepopularopinion——feltindignationatthisingratitude,andweregoingtoexpresstheirfeelings。butDeGreystoppedthem,andbeggedthathemightspeakforhimself。
  Gentlemen,saidhe,comingforward,assoonashefeltthathehadsufficientcommandofhimself。Myfriends,Iseeyouarediscontentedwithmeandmyplayhouse。Ihavedonemybesttopleaseyou。butifanybodyelsecanpleaseyoubetter,Ishallbegladofit。Ididnotworksohardforthegloryofbeingyourmanager。Youhavemyfreeleavetoteardown——Herehisvoicefaltered,buthehurriedon——Youhavemyfreeleavetoteardownallmyworkasfastasyouplease。Archer,shakehandsfirst,however,toshowthatthere’snomaliceinthecase。
  Archer,whowastouchedbywhathisrivalsaid,and,stoppingthehandofhisnewpartisan,Fisher,cried,No,Fisher!no!——nopullingdown。Wecanalterit。Thereisagreatdealofingenuityinit,considering。
  InvainArcherwouldnowhaverecalledthepublictoreason,——thetimeforreasonwaspassed:enthusiasmhadtakenholdoftheirminds。Downwithit!Downwithit!Archerforever!criedFisher,andtoredownthecurtain。Theriotoncebegun,nothingcouldstopthelittlemob,tillthewholetheatrewasdemolished。TheloveofpowerprevailedinthemindofArcher。hewassecretlyflatteredbythezealofhisPARTY,andhemistooktheirloveofmischiefforattachmenttohimself。DeGreylookedonsuperior。IsaidIcouldbeartoseeallthis,andIcan,
  saidhe。nowitisallover。Andnowitwasallover,therewassilence。Theriotersstoodstilltotakebreath,andtolookatwhattheyhaddone。Therewasablankspacebeforethem。
  Inthismomentofsilencetherewasheardsomethinglikeavoice。Hush!
  Whatstrangevoiceisthat?saidArcher。Fishercaughtfastholdofhisarm。Everybodylookedroundtoseewherethevoicecamefrom。Itwasdusk。Twowindow-shuttersatthefarthestendofthebuildingwereseentomoveslowlyinwards。DeGrey,andinthesameinstantArcher,wentforward。and,astheshuttersopened,thereappearedthroughtheholethedarkfaceandshrivelledhandsofaveryoldgipsy。Shedidnotspeak。
  butshelookedfirstatoneandthenatanother。AtlengthshefixedhereyesonDeGrey。Well,woman,saidhe,whatdoyouwantwithme?
  Want!——nothing——withYOU,saidtheoldwoman。doyouwantnothingwithME?
  Nothing,saidDeGrey。HereyeimmediatelyturneduponArcher,——YOU
  wantsomethingwithme,saidshe,withemphasis。
  I——whatdoIwant?repliedArcher。
  No,saidshe,changinghertone,youwantnothing——nothingwillyoueverwant,orIammuchmistakeninthatFACE。
  InthatWATCH-CHAIN,sheshouldhavesaid,forherquickeyehadespiedArcher’swatch-chain。Hewastheonlypersoninthecompanywhohadawatch,andshethereforejudgedhimtobetherichest。
  Hadyoueveryourfortunetold,sir,inyourlife?
  NotI!saidhe,lookingatDeGrey,asifhewasafraidofhisridicule,ifhelistenedtothegipsy。
  Notyou!No!foryouwillmakeyourownfortune,andthefortuneofallthatbelongtoyou!
  There’sgoodnewsformyfriends!criedArcher。
  AndI’moneofthem,rememberthat,criedFisher。AndI,AndI,
  joinedanumberofvoices。
  Goodlucktothem!criedthegipsy,goodlucktothemall!
  Then,assoonastheyhadacquiredsufficientconfidenceinhergoodwill,theypresseduptothewindow。There,criedTownsend,ashechancedtostumbleoverthecarpenter’smitrebox,whichstoodintheway,there’sagoodomenforme。I’vestumbledonthemitrebox。I
  shallcertainlybeabishop。
  Happyhewhohadsixpence,forhebidfairtobeajudgeuponthebench。
  Andhappierhewhohadashilling,forhewasinthehighroadtobeonedayuponthewoolsack,LordHighChancellorofEngland。Noonehadhalfacrown,ornoonewouldsurelyhavekeptitinhispocketuponsuchanoccasion,forhemighthavebeenanarchbishop,aking,orwhathepleased。
  Fisher,wholikeallweakpeoplewasextremelycredulous,kepthispostimmovableinthefrontrowallthetime,hismouthopen,andhisstupideyesfixeduponthegipsy,inwhomhefeltimplicitfaith。
  Thosewhohaveleastconfidenceintheirownpowers,andwhohaveleastexpectationfromthesuccessoftheirownexertions,arealwaysmostdisposedtotrustinfortune-tellersandfortune。TheyhopetoWIN,whentheycannotEARN。andastheycanneverbeconvincedbythosewhospeaksense,itisnowondertheyarealwayspersuadedbythosewhotalknonsense。
  Ihaveaquestiontoput,saidFisher,inasolemntone。
  Putit,then,saidArcher,whathindersyou?
  Buttheywillhearme,saidhe,lookingsuspiciouslyatDeGrey。
  _I_shallnothearyou,saidDeGrey,Iamgoing。Everybodyelsedrewback,andlefthimtowhisperhisquestioninthegipsy’sear。
  WhatisbecomeofmyLivy?
  YourSISTERLivy,doyoumean?saidthegipsy。
  No,myLATINLivy。
  Thegipsypausedforinformation。Ithadaleaftornoutinthebeginning,andIHATEDR。MIDDLETON——
  Writteninit,interruptedthegipsy。
  Right——theverybook!criedFisherwithjoy。ButhowCOULDyouknowitwasDr。Middleton’sname?IthoughtIhadscratchedit,sothatnobodycouldmakeitout。
  NobodyCOULDmakeitoutbutME,repliedthegipsy。Butneverthinktodeceiveme,saidshe,shakingherheadathiminamannerthatmadehimtremble。
  Idon’tdeceiveyouindeed,Itellyouthewholetruth。Ilostitaweekago。
  True。
  AndwhenshallIfindit?
  Meetmehereatthishourto-morrowevening,andIwillansweryou。Nomore!Imustbegone。Notawordmoreto-night。
  Shepulledtheshutterstowardsher,andlefttheyouthindarkness。Allhiscompanionsweregone。Hehadbeensodeeplyengagedinthisconference,thathehadnotperceivedtheirdeparture。Hefoundalltheworldatsupper,butnoentreatiescouldprevailuponhimtodisclosehissecret。Townsendralliedinvain。AsforArcher,hewasnotdisposedtodestroybyridiculetheeffectwhichhesawthattheoldwoman’spredictionsinhisfavourhadhadupontheimaginationofmanyofhislittlepartisans。Hehadprivatelyslippedtwogoodshillingsintothegipsy’shandtosecureher。forhewaswillingtopayanypriceforANY
  meansofacquiringpower。
  Thewatch-chainhadnotdeceivedthegipsy,forArcherwastherichestpersoninthecommunity。Hisfriendshadimprudentlysuppliedhimwithmoremoneythanisusuallytrustedtoboysofhisage。Dr。Middletonhadrefusedtogivehimalargermonthlyallowancethantherestofhiscompanions。buthebroughttoschoolwithhimsecretlythesumoffiveguineas。Thisappearedtohisfriendsandtohimselfaninexhaustibletreasure。
  Richesandtalentswould,heflatteredhimself,securetohimthatascendancyofwhichhewassoambitious。AmIyourmanager,ornot?
  wasnowhisquestion。Iscorntotakeadvantageofahastymoment。butsincelastnightyouhavehadtimetoconsider。Ifyoudesiremetobeyourmanager,youshallseewhatatheatreIwillmakeforyou。Inthispurse,saidhe,showingthroughthenetworkaglimpseoftheshiningtreasure——inthispurseisAladdin’swonderfullamp。AmIyourmanager?
  Putittothevote。
  Itwasputtothevote。Abouttenofthemostreasonableoftheassemblydeclaredtheirgratitudeandhighapprobationoftheiroldfriend,DeGrey。butthenumberswereinfavourofthenewfriend。Andasnometaphysicaldistinctionsrelativetotheideaofamajorityhadeverenteredtheirthoughts,themostnumerouspartyconsideredthemselvesasnowbeyonddisputeintheright。Theydrewoffononesideintriumph,andtheirleader,whoknewtheconsequenceofanameinpartymatters,immediatelydistinguishedhispartisansbythegallantnameofARCHERS,stigmatizingthefriendsofDeGreybytheodiousepithetofGreybeards。
  AmongsttheArcherswasaclassnotveryremarkablefortheirmentalqualifications。butwho,bytheirbodilyactivity,andbythepeculiaradvantagesannexedtotheirwayoflife,renderedthemselvesofthehighestconsequence,especiallytotherichandenterprising。
  ThejudiciousreaderwillapprehendthatIalludetothepersonscalleddayscholars。Amongstthese,Fisherwasdistinguishedbyhisknowledgeofallthestreetsandshopsintheadjacenttown。and,thoughadullscholar,hehadsuchreputationasamanofbusiness,thatwhoeverhadcommissionstoexecuteattheconfectioner’s,wassuretoapplytohim。
  Someoftheyoungestofhisemployershad,itistrue,attimescomplainedthathemademistakesofhalfpenceandpenceintheiraccounts。butastheseaffairscouldneverbebroughttoapublictrial,Fisher’scharacterandconsequencewereundiminished,tillthefataldaywhenhisAuntBarbaraforbadehisvisitstotheconfectioner’s。or,rather,tillsherequestedtheconfectioner,whohadhisprivatereasonsforobeyingher,notTORECEIVEhernephew’svisits,ashehadmadehimselfsickathishouse,andMrs。Barbara’sfearsforhishealthwereincessant。
  Thoughhisvisitstotheconfectioner’swerethusatanend,thereweremanyothershopsopentohim。andwithofficiouszealheofferedhisservicestothenewmanager,topurchasewhatevermightbewantingforthetheatre。
  Sincehisfather’sdeathFisherhadbecomeaboarderatDr。Middleton’s,buthisfrequentvisitstohisAuntBarbaraaffordedhimopportunitiesofgoingintothetown。Thecarpenter,DeGrey’sfriend,wasdiscardedbyArcher,forhavingsaidLACK-A-DAISY!whenhesawthattheoldtheatrewaspulleddown。Anewcarpenterandpaperhanger,recommendedbyFisher,wereappointedtoattend,withtheirtools,fororders,attwoo’clock。Archer,impatienttoshowhisingenuityandhisgenerosity,gavehisplanandhisordersinafewminutes,inamostdecidedmanner。
  Thesethings,heobserved,shouldbedonewithsomespirit。
  Towhichthecarpenterreadilyassented,andadded,thatgentlemenofspiritneverlookedtotheEXPENSE,butalwaystotheEFFECT。UponthisprincipleMr。Chipsettoworkwithallpossiblealacrity。Inafewhours’timehepromisedtoproduceagrandeffect。Highexpectationswereformed。Nothingwastalkedofbutthenewplayhouse。andsointentuponitwaseveryhead,thatnolessonscouldbegot。Archerwasobliged,inthemidstofhisvariousoccupations,toperformthepartofgrammaranddictionaryfortwentydifferentpeople。
  OyeAthenians!heexclaimed,howharddoIworktoobtainyourpraise!
  Impatienttoreturntothetheatre,themomentthehoursdestinedforinstruction,or,astheyaretermedbyschoolboys,school-hours,wereover,eachprisonerstartedupwithashoutofjoy。
  Stoponemoment,gentlemen,ifyouplease,saidDr。Middleton,inanawfulvoice。Mr。Archer,returntoyourplace。Areyouallhere?Thenamesofalltheboyswerecalledover,andwheneachhadansweredtohisname,Dr。Middletonsaid——
  Gentlemen,Iamsorrytointerruptyouramusements。but,tillyouhavecontraryordersfromme,noone,onpainofmyseriousdispleasure,mustgointoTHATbuildingpointingtotheplacewherethetheatrewaserecting。Mr。Archer,yourcarpenterisatthedoor。Youwillbesogoodastodismisshim。Idonotthinkpropertogivemyreasonsfortheseorders。butyouwhoKNOWme,saidthedoctor,andhiseyeturnedtowardsDeGrey,willnotsuspectmeofcaprice。Idepend,gentlemen,uponyourobedience。
  Tothedeadsilencewithwhichtheseorderswerereceived,succeededinafewminutesauniversalgroan。So!saidTownsend,allourdiversionisover。So,whisperedFisherinthemanager’sear,thisissometrickoftheGreybeard’s。DidyounotobservehowhelookedatDeGrey?
  Firedbythisthought,whichhadneverenteredhismindbefore,Archerstartedfromhisreverie,andstrikinghishanduponthetable,sworethathewouldnotbeoutwittedbyanyGreybeardinEurope——no,norbyallofthemputtogether。TheArchersweresurelyamatchforthem。Hewouldstandbythem,iftheywouldstandbyhim,hedeclared,withaloudvoice,againstthewholeworld,andDr。Middletonhimself,with’LITTLEPREMIUMS’athisrighthand。
  EverybodyadmiredArcher’sspirit,butwerealittleappalledatthesoundofstandingagainstDr。Middleton。