Wemustleavethisplace,directly,saidMr。Pickwick,asherefoldedthenote。Itwouldnothavebeendecentforustoremainhere,underanycircumstances,afterwhathashappened。andnowweareboundtofollowinsearchofourfriend。Andsosaying,heledthewaytothehouse。
Hisintentionwasrapidlycommunicated。Theentreatiestoremainwerepressing,butMr。Pickwickwasinflexible。Business,hesaid,requiredhisimmediateattendance。
Theoldclergymanwaspresent。
Youarenotreallygoing?saidhe,takingMr。Pickwickaside。
Mr。Pickwickreiteratedhisformerdetermination。
Thenhere,saidtheoldgentleman,isalittlemanuscript,whichIhadhopedtohavethepleasureofreadingtoyoumyself。Ifounditonthedeathofafriendofmine——amedicalman,engagedinourCountyLunaticAsylum——amongavarietyofpapers,whichIhadtheoptionofdestroyingorpreserving,asIthoughtproper。Icanhardlybelievethatthemanuscriptisgenuine,thoughitcertainlyisnotinmyfriend’shand。However,whetheritbethegenuineproductionofamaniac,orfoundedupontheravingsofsomeunhappybeingwhichIthinkmoreprobable,readit,andjudgeforyourself。
Mr。Pickwickreceivedthemanuscript,andpartedfromthebenevolentoldgentlemanwithmanyexpressionsofgood-willandesteem。
ItwasamoredifficulttasktotakeleaveoftheinmatesofManorFarm,fromwhomtheyhadreceivedsomuchhospitalityandkindness。Mr。Pickwickkissedtheyoungladies——weweregoingtosay,asiftheywerehisowndaughters,onlyashemightpossiblyhaveinfusedalittlemorewarmthintothesalutation,thecomparisonwouldnotbequiteappropriate——huggedtheoldladywithfilialcordiality:andpattedtherosycheeksofthefemaleservantsinamostpatriarchalmanner,asheslippedintothehandsofeach,somemoresubstantialexpressionofhisapproval。TheexchangeofcordialitieswiththeirfineoldhostandMr。Trundle,wereevenmoreheartyandprolonged。anditwasnotuntilMr。Snodgrasshadbeenseveraltimescalledfor,andatlastemergedfromadarkpassagefollowedsoonafterbyEmilywhosebrighteyeslookedunusuallydim,thatthethreefriendswereenabledtotearthemselvesfromtheirfriendlyentertainers。
ManyabackwardlooktheygaveattheFarm,astheywalkedslowlyaway:
andmanyakissdidMr。Snodgrasswaftintheair,inacknowledgmentofsomethingverylikealady’shandkerchief,whichwaswavedfromoneoftheupperwindows,untilaturnofthelanehidtheoldhousefromtheirsight。
AtMuggletontheyprocuredaconveyancetoRochester。Bythetimetheyreachedthelast-namedplace,theviolenceoftheirgriefhadsufficientlyabatedtoadmitoftheirmakingaveryexcellentearlydinner。andhavingprocuredthenecessaryinformationrelativetotheroad,thethreefriendssetforwardagainintheafternoontowalktoCobham。
Adelightfulwalkitwas:foritwasapleasantafternooninJune,andtheirwaylaythroughadeepandshadywood,cooledbythelightwindwhichgentlyrustledthethickfoliage,andenlivenedbythesongsofthebirdsthatperchedupontheboughs。Theivyandthemosscreptinthickclustersovertheoldtrees,andthesoftgreenturfoverspreadthegroundlikeasilkenmat。Theyemergeduponanopenpark,withanancienthall,displayingthequaintandpicturesquearchitectureofElizabeth’stime。Longvistasofstatelyoaksandelmtreesappearedoneveryside:largeherdsofdeerwerecroppingthefreshgrass。andoccasionallyastartledharescouredalongtheground,withthespeedoftheshadowsthrownbythelightcloudswhichsweptacrossasunnylandscapelikeapassingbreathofsummer。
Ifthis,saidMr。Pickwick,lookingabouthim,ifthisweretheplacetowhichallwhoaretroubledwithourfriend’scomplaintcame,Ifancytheiroldattachmenttothisworldwouldverysoonreturn。
Ithinksotoo,saidMr。Winkle。
Andreally,addedMr。Pickwick,afterhalfanhour’swalkinghadbroughtthemtothevillage,really,foramisanthrope’schoice,thisisoneoftheprettiestandmostdesirableplacesofresidenceIevermetwith。
Inthisopinionalso,bothMr。WinkleandMr。Snodgrassexpressedtheirconcurrence。andhavingbeendirectedtotheLeathernBottle,acleanandcommodiousvillageale-house,thethreetravellersentered,andatonceinquiredforagentlemanofthenameofTupman。
Showthegentlemenintotheparlour,Tom,saidthelandlady。
Astoutcountryladopenedadoorattheendofthepassage,andthethreefriendsenteredalong,low-roofedroom,furnishedwithalargenumberofhigh-backedleather-cushionedchairsoffantasticshapes,andembellishedwithagreatvarietyofoldportraitsandroughly-colouredprintsofsomeantiquity。Attheupperendoftheroomtherewasatable,withawhiteclothuponit,wellcoveredwitharoastfowl,bacon,ale,andetceteras。
andatthetablesatMr。Tupman,lookingasunlikeamanwhohadtakenhisleaveoftheworld,aspossible。
Ontheentranceofhisfriends,thatgentlemanlaiddownhisknifeandfork,andwithamournfulairadvancedtomeetthem。
Ididnotexpecttoseeyouhere,hesaid,ashegraspedMr。Pickwick’shand。It’sverykind。
Ah!saidMr。Pickwick,sittingdown,andwipingfromhisforeheadtheperspirationwhichthewalkhadengendered。
Finishyourdinner,andwalkoutwithme。Iwishtospeaktoyoualone。
Mr。Tupmandidashewasdesired。andMr。Pickwickhavingrefreshedhimselfwithacopiousdraughtofale,waitedhisfriend’sleisure。Thedinnerwasquicklydespatched,andtheywalkedouttogether。
Forhalfanhour,theirformsmighthavebeenseenpacingthechurchyardtoandfro,whileMr。Pickwickwasengagedincombattinghiscompanion’sresolution。Anyrepetitionofhisargumentswouldbeuseless。forwhatlanguagecouldconveytothemthatenergyandforcewhichtheirgreatoriginator’smannercommunicated?WhetherMr。Tupmanwasalreadytiredofretirement,orwhetherhewaswhollyunabletoresisttheeloquentappealwhichwasmadetohim,mattersnot,hedidnotresistitatlast。
Itmatteredlittletohim,hesaid,wherehedraggedoutthemiserableremainderofhisdays:andsincehisfriendlaidsomuchstressuponhishumblecompanionship,hewaswillingtosharehisadventures。
Mr。Pickwicksmiled。theyshookhands。andwalkedbacktore-jointheircompanions。
ItwasatthismomentthatMr。Pickwickmadethatimmortaldiscovery,whichhasbeentheprideandboastofhisfriends,andtheenvyofeveryantiquarianinthisoranyothercountry。Theyhadpassedthedooroftheirinn,andwalkedalittlewaydownthevillage,beforetheyrecollectedtheprecisespotinwhichitstood。Astheyturnedback,Mr。Pickwick’seyefelluponasmallbrokenstone,partiallyburiedintheground,infrontofacottagedoor。Hepaused。
Thisisverystrange,saidMr。Pickwick。
Whatisstrange?inquiredMr。Tupman,staringeagerlyateveryobjectnearhim,buttherightone。Godblessme,what’sthematter?
Thislastwasanejaculationofirrepressibleastonishment,occasionedbyseeingMr。Pickwick,inhisenthusiasmfordiscovery,fallonhiskneesbeforethelittlestone,andcommencewipingthedustoffitwithhispocket-handkerchief。
Thereisaninscriptionhere,saidMr。Pickwick。
Isitpossible?saidMr。Tupman。
Icandiscern,continuedMr。Pickwick,rubbingawaywithallhismight,andgazingintentlythroughhisspectacles:Icandiscernacross,andaB,andthenaT。Thisisimportant,continuedMr。Pickwick,startingup。Thisissomeveryoldinscription,existingperhapslongbeforetheancientalms-housesinthisplace。Itmustnotbelost。
Hetappedatthecottagedoor。Alabouringmanopenedit。
Doyouknowhowthisstonecamehere,myfriend?inquiredthebenevolentMr。Pickwick。
No,Idoan’t,sir,repliedthemancivilly。ItwasherelongaforeIwarborn,oranyonus。
Mr。Pickwickglancedtriumphantlyathiscompanion。
You——you——arenotparticularlyattachedtoit,Idaresay,saidMr。
Pickwick,tremblingwithanxiety。Youwouldn’tmindsellingit,now?
Ah!butwho’dbuyit?inquiredtheman,withanexpressionoffacewhichheprobablymeanttobeverycunning。
I’llgiveyoutenshillingsforit,atonce,saidMr。Pickwick,ifyouwouldtakeitupforme。
Theastonishmentofthevillagemaybeeasilyimagined,whenthelittlestonehavingbeenraisedwithonewrenchofaspade,Mr。Pickwick,bydintofgreatpersonalexertion,boreitwithhisownhandstotheinn,andafterhavingcarefullywashedit,depositeditonthetable。
TheexultationandjoyofthePickwickiansknewnobounds,whentheirpatienceandassiduity,theirwashingandscraping,werecrownedwithsuccess。
Thestonewasunevenandbroken,andtheletterswerestragglingandirregular,butthefollowingfragmentofaninscriptionwasclearlytobedeciphered:BILSTUMPSHIS。M。ARK
Mr。Pickwick’seyessparkledwithdelight,ashesatandgloatedoverthetreasurehehaddiscovered。Hehadattainedoneofthegreatestobjectsofhisambition。Inacountyknowntoaboundinremainsoftheearlyages。
inavillageinwhichtherestillexistedsomememorialsoftheoldentime,he——he,theChairmanofthePickwickClub——haddiscoveredastrangeandcuriousinscriptionofunquestionableantiquity,whichhadwhollyescapedtheobservationofthemanylearnedmenwhohadprecededhim。Hecouldhardlytrusttheevidenceofhissenses。
This——this,saidhe,determinesme。Wereturntotown,to-morrow。
To-morrow!exclaimedhisadmiringfollowers。
To-morrow,saidMr。Pickwick。Thistreasuremustbeatoncedepositedwhereitcanbethoroughlyinvestigated,andproperlyunderstood。Ihaveanotherreasonforthisstep。Inafewdays,anelectionistotakeplacefortheboroughofEatanswill,atwhichMr。Perker,agentlemanwhomI
latelymet,istheagentofoneofthecandidates。Wewillbehold,andminutelyexamine,ascenesointerestingtoeveryEnglishman。
Wewill,wastheanimatedcryofthreevoices。
Mr。Pickwicklookedroundhim。Theattachmentandfervourofhisfollowers,lightedupaglowofenthusiasmwithinhim。Hewastheirleader,andhefeltit。
Letuscelebratethishappymeetingwithaconvivialglass,saidhe。
Thisproposition,liketheother,wasreceivedwithunanimousapplause。
Havinghimselfdepositedtheimportantstoneinasmalldealbox,purchasedfromthelandladyforthepurpose,heplacedhimselfinanarm-chairattheheadofthetable。andtheeveningwasdevotedtofestivityandconversation。
Itwaspasteleveno’clock——alatehourforthelittlevillageofCobham——whenMr。Pickwickretiredtothebed-roomwhichhadbeenpreparedforhisreception。
Hethrewopenthelattice-window,andsettinghislightuponthetable,fellintoatrainofmeditationonthehurriedeventsofthetwoprecedingdays。
Thehourandtheplacewerebothfavourabletocontemplation。Mr。Pickwickwasrousedbythechurch-clockstrikingtwelve。Thefirststrokeofthehoursoundedsolemnlyinhisear,butwhenthebellceasedthestillnessseemedinsupportable——healmostfeltasifhehadlostacompanion。Hewasnervousandexcited。andhastilyundressinghimselfandplacinghislightinthechimney,gotintobed。
Everyonehasexperiencedthatdisagreeablestateofmind,inwhichasensationofbodilywearinessinvaincontendsagainstaninabilitytosleep。ItwasMr。Pickwick’sconditionatthismoment:hetossedfirstononesideandthenontheother。andperseveringlyclosedhiseyesasiftocoaxhimselftoslumber。Itwasofnouse。Whetheritwastheunwontedexertionhehadundergone,ortheheat,orthebrandyandwater,orthestrangebed——whateveritwas,histhoughtskeptrevertingveryuncomfortablytothegrimpicturesdown-stairs,andtheoldstoriestowhichtheyhadgivenriseinthecourseoftheevening。Afterhalfanhour’stumblingabout,hecametotheunsatisfactoryconclusion,thatitwasofnousetryingtosleep。sohegotup,andpartiallydressedhimself。Anything,hethought,wasbetterthanlyingtherefancyingallkindsofhorrors。
Helookedoutofthewindow——itwasverydark。Hewalkedabouttheroom——itwasverylonely。
Hehadtakenafewturnsfromthedoortothewindow,andfromthewindowtothedoor,whentheclergyman’smanuscriptforthefirsttimeenteredhishead。Itwasagoodthought。Ifitfailedtointeresthim,itmightsendhimtosleep。Hetookitfromhiscoat-pocket,anddrawingasmalltabletowardshisbed-side,trimmedthelight,putonhisspectacles,andcomposedhimselftoread。Itwasastrangehand-writing,andthepaperwasmuchsoiledandblotted。Thetitlegavehimasuddenstart,too。andhecouldnotavoidcastingawistfulglanceroundtheroom。Reflectingontheabsurdityofgivingwaytosuchfeelings,however,hetrimmedthelightagain,andreadasfollows:AMADMAN’SMANUSCRIPT
Yes!——amadman’s!Howthatwordwouldhavestrucktomyheart,manyyearsago!Howitwouldhaverousedtheterrorthatusedtocomeuponmesometimes。sendingthebloodhissingandtinglingthroughmyveins,tillthecolddewoffearstoodinlargedropsuponmyskin,andmykneesknockedtogetherwithfright!Ilikeitnowthough。It’safinename。Shewmethemonarchwhoseangryfrownwaseverfearedliketheglareofamadman’seye——whosecordandaxewereeverhalfsosureasamadman’sgrip。Ho!
ho!It’sagrandthingtobemad!tobepeepedatlikeawildlionthroughtheironbars——tognashone’steethandhowl,throughthelongstillnight,tothemerryringofaheavychain——andtorollandtwineamongthestraw,transportedwithsuchbravemusic。Hurrahforthemadhouse!Oh,it’sarareplace!
IrememberdayswhenIwasafraidofbeingmad。whenIusedtostartfrommysleep,andfalluponmyknees,andpraytobesparedfromthecurseofmyrace。whenIrushedfromthesightofmerrimentorhappiness,tohidemyselfinsomelonelyplace,andspendthewearyhoursinwatchingtheprogressofthefeverthatwastoconsumemybrain。Iknewthatmadnesswasmixedupwithmyveryblood,andthemarrowofmybones。thatonegenerationhadpassedawaywithoutthepestilenceappearingamongthem,andthatI
wasthefirstinwhomitwouldrevive。Iknewitmustbeso:thatsoitalwayshadbeen,andsoiteverwouldbe:andwhenIcoweredinsomeobscurecornerofacrowdedroom,andsawmenwhisper,andpoint,andturntheireyestowardsme,Iknewtheyweretellingeachotherofthedoomedmadman。andIslunkawayagaintomopeinsolitude。
Ididthisforyears。long,longyearstheywere。Thenightsherearelongsometimes——verylong。buttheyarenothingtotherestlessnights,anddreadfuldreamsIhadatthattime。Itmakesmecoldtorememberthem。
Largeduskyformswithslyandjeeringfacescrouchedinthecornersoftheroom,andbentovermybedatnight,temptingmetomadness。Theytoldmeinlowwhispers,thattheflooroftheoldhouseinwhichmyfather’sfatherdied,wasstainedwithhisownblood,shedbyhisownhandinragingmadness。Idrovemyfingersintomyears,buttheyscreamedintomyheadtilltheroomrangwithit,thatinonegenerationbeforehimthemadnessslumbered,butthathisgrandfatherhadlivedforyearswithhishandsfetteredtotheground,topreventhistearinghimselftopieces。Iknewtheytoldthetruth——Iknewitwell。Ihadfounditoutyearsbefore,thoughtheyhadtriedtokeepitfromme。Ha!ha!Iwastoocunningforthem,madmanastheythoughtme。
Atlastitcameuponme,andIwonderedhowIcouldeverhavefearedit。Icouldgointotheworldnow,andlaughandshoutwiththebestamongthem。IknewIwasmad,buttheydidnotevensuspectit。HowIusedtohugmyselfwithdelight,whenIthoughtofthefinetrickIwasplayingthemaftertheiroldpointingandleering,whenIwasnotmad,butonlydreadingthatImightonedaybecomeso!AndhowIusedtolaughforjoy,whenIwasalone,andthoughthowwellIkeptmysecret,andhowquicklymykindfriendswouldhavefallenfromme,iftheyhadknownthetruth。
IcouldhavescreamedwithecstasywhenIdinedalonewithsomefineroaringfellow,tothinkhowpalehewouldhaveturned,andhowfasthewouldhaverun,ifhehadknownthatthedearfriendwhosatclosetohim,sharpeningabrightglitteringknife,wasamadmanwithallthepower,andhalfthewill,toplungeitinhisheart。Oh,itwasamerrylife!
Richesbecamemine,wealthpouredinuponme,andIriotedinpleasuresenhancedathousandfoldtomebytheconsciousnessofmywell-keptsecret。
Iinheritedanestate。Thelaw——theeagle-eyedlawitself——hadbeendeceived,andhadhandedoverdisputedthousandstoamadman’shands。Wherewasthewitofthesharp-sightedmenofsoundmind?Wherethedexterityofthelawyers,eagertodiscoveraflaw?Themadman’scunninghadover-reachedthemall。
Ihadmoney。HowIwascourted!Ispentitprofusely。HowIwaspraised!
Howthosethreeproudoverbearingbrothershumbledthemselvesbeforeme!
Theoldwhite-headedfather,too——suchdeference——suchrespect——suchdevotedfriendship——heworshippedme!Theoldmanhadadaughter,andtheyoungmenasister。andallthefivewerepoor。Iwasrich。andwhenImarriedthegirl,Isawasmileoftriumphplayuponthefacesofherneedyrelatives,astheythoughtoftheirwell-plannedscheme,andtheirfineprize。Itwasformetosmile。Tosmile!Tolaughoutright,andtearmyhair,androlluponthegroundwithshrieksofmerriment。Theylittlethoughttheyhadmarriedhertoamadman。
Stay。Iftheyhadknownit,wouldtheyhavesavedher?Asister’shappinessagainstherhusband’sgold。ThelightestfeatherIblowintotheair,againstthegaychainthatornamentsmybody!
InonethingIwasdeceivedwithallmycunning。IfIhadnotbeenmad——forthoughwemadmenaresharp-wittedenough,wegetbewilderedsometimes——I
shouldhaveknownthatthegirlwouldratherhavebeenplaced,stiffandcoldinadullleadencoffin,thanborneanenviedbridetomyrich,glitteringhouse。Ishouldhaveknownthatherheartwaswiththedark-eyedboywhosenameIonceheardherbreatheinhertroubledsleep。andthatshehadbeensacrificedtome,torelievethepovertyoftheoldwhite-headedman,andthehaughtybrothers。
Idon’trememberformsorfacesnow,butIknowthegirlwasbeautiful。
Iknowshewas。forinthebrightmoonlightnights,whenIstartfrommysleep,andallisquietaboutme,Isee,standingstillandmotionlessinonecornerofthiscell,aslightandwastedfigurewithlongblackhair,whichstreamingdownherback,stirswithnoearthlywind,andeyesthatfixtheirgazeonme,andneverwinkorclose。Hush!thebloodchillsatmyheartasIwriteitdown——thatformisher’s。thefaceisverypale,andtheeyesareglassybright。butIknowthemwell。Thatfigurenevermoves。itneverfrownsandmouthsasothersdo,thatfillthisplacesometimes。butitismuchmoredreadfultome,eventhanthespiritsthattemptedmemanyyearsago——itcomesfreshfromthegrave。andissoverydeath-like。
FornearlyayearIsawthatfacegrowpaler。fornearlyayearIsawthetearsstealdownthemournfulcheeks,andneverknewthecause。Ifounditoutatlastthough。Theycouldnotkeepitfrommelong。Shehadneverlikedme。Ihadneverthoughtshedid:shedespisedmywealth,andhatedthesplendourinwhichshelived——Ihadnotexpectedthat。Shelovedanother。
ThisIhadneverthoughtof。Strangefeelingscameoverme,andthoughts,forceduponmebysomesecretpower,whirledroundandroundmybrain。
Ididnothateher,thoughIhatedtheboyshestillweptfor。Ipitied——yes,Ipitied——thewretchedlifetowhichhercoldandselfishrelationshaddoomedher。Iknewthatshecouldnotlivelong,butthethoughtthatbeforeherdeathshemightgivebirthtosomeill-fatedbeing,destinedtohanddownmadnesstoitsoffspring,determinedme。Iresolvedtokillher。
FormanyweeksIthoughtofpoison,andthenofdrowning,andthenoffire。Afinesightthegrandhouseinflames,andthemadman’swifesmoulderingawaytocinders。Thinkofthejestofalargereward,too,andofsomesanemanswinginginthewindforadeedheneverdid,andallthroughamadman’scunning!Ithoughtoftenofthis,butIgaveitupatlast。Oh!thepleasureofstroppingtherazordayafterday,feelingthesharpedge,andthinkingofthegashonestrokeofitsthinbrightedgewouldmake!
Atlasttheoldspiritswhohadbeenwithmesooftenbeforewhisperedinmyearthatthetimewascome,andthrusttheopenrazorintomyhand。
Igraspeditfirmly,rosesoftlyfromthebed,andleanedovermysleepingwife。Herfacewasburiedinherhands。Iwithdrewthemsoftlyandtheyfelllistlesslyonherbosom。Shehadbeenweeping。forthetracesofthetearswerestillwetuponhercheek。Herfacewascalmandplacid。andevenasIlookeduponit,atranquilsmilelightedupherpalefeatures。
Ilaidmyhandsoftlyonhershoulder。Shestarted——itwasonlyapassingdream。Ileantforwardagain。Shescreamed,andwoke。
Onemotionofmyhand,andshewouldneveragainhaveutteredcryorsound。ButIwasstartled,anddrewback。Hereyeswerefixedonmine。
Iknownothowitwas,buttheycowedandfrightenedme。andIquailedbeneaththem。Sherosefromthebed,stillgazingfixedlyandsteadilyonme。Itrembled。therazorwasinmyhand,butIcouldnotmove。Shemadetowardsthedoor。Asshenearedit,sheturned,andwithdrewhereyesfrommyface。Thespellwasbroken。Iboundedforward,andclutchedherbythearm。Utteringshriekuponshriek,shesunkupontheground。
NowIcouldhavekilledherwithoutastruggle。butthehousewasalarmed。
Iheardthetreadoffootstepsonthestairs。Ireplacedtherazorinitsusualdrawer,unfastenedthedoor,andcalledloudlyforassistance。
Theycame,andraisedher,andplacedheronthebed。Shelaybereftofanimationforhours。andwhenlife,look,andspeechreturned,hersenseshaddesertedher,andsheravedwildlyandfuriously。
Doctorswerecalledin——greatmenwhorolleduptomydoorineasycarriages,withfinehorsesandgaudyservants。Theywereatherbed-sideforweeks。Theyhadagreatmeeting,andconsultedtogetherinlowandsolemnvoicesinanotherroom。One,thecleverestandmostcelebratedamongthem,tookmeaside,andbiddingmepreparefortheworst,toldme——me,themadman!——thatmywifewasmad。Hestoodclosebesidemeatanopenwindow,hiseyeslookinginmyface,andhishandlaiduponmyarm。Withoneeffort,Icouldhavehurledhimintothestreetbeneath。Itwouldhavebeenraresporttohavedoneit。butmysecretwasatstake,andIlethimgo。Afewdaysafter,theytoldmeImustplaceherundersomerestraint:
Imustprovideakeeperforher。I!Iwentintotheopenfieldswherenonecouldhearme,andlaughedtilltheairresoundedwithmyshouts!
Shediednextday。Thewhite-headedoldmanfollowedhertothegrave,andtheproudbrothersdroppedatearovertheinsensiblecorpseofherwhosesufferingstheyhadregardedinherlifetimewithmusclesofiron。
Allthiswasfoodformysecretmirth,andIlaughedbehindthewhitehandkerchiefwhichIhelduptomyface,aswerodehome,’tillthetearscameintomyeyes。
ButthoughIhadcarriedmyobjectandkilledher,Iwasrestlessanddisturbed,andIfeltthatbeforelongmysecretmustbeknown。Icouldnothidethewildmirthandjoywhichboiledwithinme,andmademewhenIwasalone,athome,jumpandbeatmyhandstogether,anddanceroundandround,androaraloud。WhenIwentout,andsawthebusycrowdshurryingaboutthestreets。ortothetheatre,andheardthesoundofmusic,andbeheldthepeopledancing,Ifeltsuchglee,thatIcouldhaverushedamongthem,andtornthemtopieceslimbfromlimb,andhowledintransport。
ButIgroundmyteeth,andstruckmyfeetuponthefloor,anddrovemysharpnailsintomyhands。Ikeptitdown。andnooneknewIwasamadmanyet。
Iremember——thoughit’soneofthelastthingsIcanremember:
fornowImixuprealitieswithmydreams,andhavingsomuchtodo,andbeingalwayshurriedhere,havenotimetoseparatethetwo,fromsomestrangeconfusioninwhichtheygetinvolved——IrememberhowIletitoutatlast。Ha!ha!IthinkIseetheirfrightenedlooksnow,andfeeltheeasewithwhichIflungthemfromme,anddashedmyclenchedfistintotheirwhitefaces,andthenflewlikethewind,andleftthemscreamingandshoutingfarbehind。ThestrengthofagiantcomesuponmewhenIthinkofit。There——seehowthisironbarbendsbeneathmyfuriouswrench。I
couldsnapitlikeatwig,onlytherearelonggalleriesherewithmanydoors——Idon’tthinkIcouldfindmywayalongthem。andevenifIcould,Iknowthereareirongatesbelowwhichtheykeeplockedandbarred。TheyknowwhataclevermadmanIhavebeen,andtheyareproudtohavemehere,toshow。
Letmesee——yes,Ihadbeenout。ItwaslateatnightwhenIreachedhome,andfoundtheproudestofthethreeproudbrotherswaitingtoseeme——urgentbusinesshesaid:Irecollectitwell。Ihatedthatmanwithallamadman’shate。Manyandmanyatimehadmyfingerslongedtotearhim。Theytoldmehewasthere。Iranswiftlyup-stairs。Hehadawordtosaytome。Idismissedtheservants。Itwaslate,andwewerealonetogether——forthefirsttime。
Ikeptmyeyescarefullyfromhimatfirst,forIknewwhathelittlethought——andIgloriedintheknowledge——thatthelightofmadnessgleamedfromthemlikefire。Wesatinsilenceforafewminutes。Hespokeatlast。
Myrecentdissipation,andstrangeremarks,madesosoonafterhissister’sdeath,wereaninsulttohermemory。Couplingtogethermanycircumstanceswhichhadatfirstescapedhisobservation,hethoughtIhadnottreatedherwell。HewishedtoknowwhetherhewasrightininferringthatImeanttocastareproachuponhermemory,andadisrespectuponherfamily。Itwasduetotheuniformhewore,todemandthisexplanation。
Thismanhadacommissioninthearmy——acommission,purchasedwithmymoney,andhissister’smisery!Thiswasthemanwhohadbeentheforemostintheplottoensnareme,andgraspmywealth。Thiswasthemanwhohadbeenthemaininstrumentinforcinghissistertowedme。wellknowingthatherheartwasgiventothatpulingboy。Duetohisuniform!
Theliveryofhisdegradation!Iturnedmyeyesuponhim——Icouldnothelpit——butIspokenotaword。
Isawthesuddenchangethatcameuponhimbeneathmygaze。Hewasaboldman,butthecolourfadedfromhisface,andhedrewbackhischair。
Idraggedminenearertohim。andasIlaughed——Iwasverymerrythen——I
sawhimshudder。Ifeltthemadnessrisingwithinme。Hewasafraidofme。
`Youwereveryfondofyoursisterwhenshewasalive’——Isaid——`Very。’
Helookeduneasilyroundhim,andIsawhishandgraspthebackofhischair:buthesaidnothing。
`Youvillain,’saidI,`Ifoundyouout。Idiscoveredyourhellishplotsagainstme。Iknowherheartwasfixedonsomeoneelsebeforeyoucompelledhertomarryme。Iknowit——Iknowit。’
Hejumpedsuddenlyfromhischair,brandisheditaloft,andbidmestandback——forItookcaretobegettingclosertohimallthetimeI
spoke。
Iscreamedratherthantalked,forIfelttumultuouspassionseddyingthroughmyveins,andtheoldspiritswhisperingandtauntingmetotearhisheartout。
`Damnyou,’saidI,startingup,andrushinguponhim。`Ikilledher。
Iamamadman。Downwithyou。Blood,blood!Iwillhaveit!’
Iturnedasidewithoneblowthechairhehurledatmeinhisterror,andclosedwithhim。andwithaheavycrashwerolleduponthefloortogether。
Itwasafinestrugglethat。forhewasatallstrongman,fightingforhislife。andI,apowerfulmadman,thirstingtodestroyhim。Iknewnostrengthcouldequalmine,andIwasright。Rightagain,thoughamadman!
Hisstrugglesgrewfainter。Ikneltuponhischest,andclaspedhisbrawnythroatfirmlywithbothhands。Hisfacegrewpurple。hiseyeswerestartingfromhishead,andwithprotrudedtongue,heseemedtomockme。Isqueezedthetighter。
Thedoorwassuddenlyburstopenwithaloudnoise,andacrowdofpeoplerushedforward,cryingaloudtoeachothertosecurethemadman。
Mysecretwasout。andmyonlystrugglenowwasforlibertyandfreedom。
Igainedmyfeetbeforeahandwasonme,threwmyselfamongmyassailants,andclearedmywaywithmystrongarm,asifIboreahatchetinmyhand,andhewedthemdownbeforeme。Igainedthedoor,droppedoverthebanisters,andinaninstantwasinthestreet。
StraightandswiftIran,andnoonedaredtostopme。Iheardthenoiseoffeetbehind,andredoubledmyspeed。Itgrewfainterandfainterinthedistance,andatlengthdiedawayaltogether:butonIbounded,throughmarshandrivulet,overfenceandwall,withawildshoutwhichwastakenupbythestrangebeingsthatflockedaroundmeoneveryside,andswelledthesound,tillitpiercedtheair。Iwasborneuponthearmsofdemonswhosweptalonguponthewind,andboredownbankandhedgebeforethem,andspunmeroundandroundwitharustleandaspeedthatmademyheadswim,untilatlasttheythrewmefromthemwithaviolentshock,andIfellheavilytotheearth。WhenIwokeIfoundmyselfhere——hereinthisgraycellwherethesunlightseldomcomes,andthemoonstealsin,inrayswhichonlyservetoshowthedarkshadowsaboutme,andthatsilentfigureinitsoldcorner。WhenIlieawake,Icansometimeshearstrangeshrieksandcriesfromdistantpartsofthislargeplace。Whattheyare,Iknownot。buttheyneithercomefromthatpaleform,nordoesitregardthem。Forfromthefirstshadesofdusk’tilltheearliestlightofmorning,itstillstandsmotionlessinthesameplace,listeningtothemusicofmyironchain,andwatchingmygambolsonmystrawbed。
Attheendofthemanuscriptwaswritten,inanotherhand,thisnote:
[Theunhappymanwhoseravingsarerecordedabove,wasamelancholyinstanceofthebanefulresultsofenergiesmisdirectedinearlylife,andexcessesprolongeduntiltheirconsequencescouldneverberepaired。
Thethoughtlessriot,dissipation,anddebaucheryofhisyoungerdays,producedfeveranddelirium。Thefirsteffectsofthelatterwasthestrangedelusion,foundeduponawell-knownmedicaltheory,stronglycontendedforbysome,andasstronglycontestedbyothers,thatanhereditarymadnessexistedinhisfamily。Thisproducedasettledgloom,whichintimedevelopedamorbidinsanity,andfinallyterminatedinravingmadness。Thereiseveryreasontobelievethattheeventshedetailed,thoughdistortedinthedescriptionbyhisdiseasedimaginationreallyhappened。Itisonlymatterofwondertothosewhowereacquaintedwiththevicesofhisearlycareer,thathispassions,whennolongercontrolledbyreason,didnotleadhimtothecommissionofstillmorefrightfuldeeds。]
Mr。Pickwick’scandlewasjustexpiringinthesocket,asheconcludedtheperusaloftheoldclergyman’smanuscript。andwhenthelightwentsuddenlyout,withoutanypreviousflickerbywayofwarning,itcommunicatedaveryconsiderablestarttohisexcitedframe。Hastilythrowingoffsucharticlesofclothingashehadputonwhenherosefromhisuneasybed,andcastingafearfulglancearound,heoncemorescrambledhastilybetweenthesheets,andsoonfellfastasleep。
Thesunwasshiningbrilliantlyintohischamberwhenheawoke,andthemorningwasfaradvanced。Thegloomwhichhadoppressedhimonthepreviousnight,haddisappearedwiththedarkshadowswhichshroudedthelandscape,andhisthoughtsandfeelingswereaslightandgayasthemorningitself。Afteraheartybreakfast,thefourgentlemensalliedforthtowalktoGravesend,followedbyamanbearingthestoneinitsdealbox。Theyreachedthattownaboutoneo’clocktheirluggagetheyhaddirectedtobeforwardedtotheCity,fromRochester,andbeingfortunateenoughtosecureplacesontheoutsideofacoach,arrivedinLondoninsoundhealthandspirits,onthatsameafternoon。
ThenextthreeorfourdayswereoccupiedwiththepreparationswhichwerenecessaryfortheirjourneytotheboroughofEatanswill。Asanyreferencetothatmostimportantundertakingdemandsaseparatechapter,wemaydevotethefewlineswhichremainatthecloseofthis,tonarrate,withgreatbrevity,thehistoryoftheantiquariandiscovery。
ItappearsfromtheTransactionsoftheClub,then,thatMr。PickwicklectureduponthediscoveryataGeneralClubMeeting,convenedonthenightsucceedingtheirreturn,andenteredintoavarietyofingeniousanderuditespeculationsonthemeaningoftheinscription。Italsoappearsthataskilfulartistexecutedafaithfuldelineationofthecuriosity,whichwasengravenonstone,andpresentedtotheRoyalAntiquarianSociety,andotherlearnedbodies——thatheart-burningsandjealousieswithoutnumber,werecreatedbyrivalcontroversieswhichwerepenneduponthesubject——andthatMr。Pickwickhimselfwroteapamphlet,containingninety-sixpagesofverysmallprint,andtwenty-sevendifferentreadingsoftheinscription。
Thatthreeoldgentlemencutofftheireldestsonswithashillinga-pieceforpresumingtodoubttheantiquityofthefragment——andthatoneenthusiasticindividualcuthimselfoffprematurely,indespairatbeingunabletofathomitsmeaning。ThatMr。Pickwickwaselectedanhonorarymemberofseventeennativeandforeignsocieties,formakingthediscovery。thatnoneoftheseventeencouldmakeanythingofit。butthatalltheseventeenagreeditwasveryextraordinary。
Mr。Blotton,indeed——andthenamewillbedoomedtotheundyingcontemptofthosewhocultivatethemysteriousandthesublime——Mr。Blotton,wesay,withthedoubtandcavillingpeculiartovulgarminds,presumedtostateaviewofthecase,asdegradingasridiculous。Mr。Blotton,withameandesiretotarnishthelustreoftheimmortalnameofPickwick,actuallyundertookajourneytoCobhaminperson,andonhisreturn,sarcasticallyobservedinanorationattheclub,thathehadseenthemanfromwhomthestonewaspurchased。thatthemanpresumedthestonetobeancient,butsolemnlydeniedtheantiquityoftheinscription——inasmuchasherepresentedittohavebeenrudelycarvedbyhimselfinanidlemood,andtodisplaylettersintendedtobearneithermorenorlessthanthesimpleconstructionof——BILLSTUMPS,HISMARK。andthatMr。Stumps,beinglittleinthehabitoforiginalcomposition,andmoreaccustomedtobeguidedbythesoundofwordsthanbythestrictrulesoforthography,hadomittedtheconcludingLofhisChristianname。
ThePickwickClubasmighthavebeenexpectedfromsoenlightenedanInstitutionreceivedthisstatementwiththecontemptitdeserved,expelledthepresumptuousandill-conditionedBlotton,andvotedMr。Pickwickapairofgoldspectacles,intokenoftheirconfidenceandapprobation。
inreturnforwhich,Mr。Pickwickcausedaportraitofhimselftobepainted,andhungupintheclubroom。
Mr。Blottonthoughejectedwasnotconquered。Healsowroteapamphlet,addressedtotheseventeenlearnedsocieties,nativeandforeign,containingarepetitionofthestatementhehadalreadymade,andrathermorethanhalfintimatinghisopinionthattheseventeenlearnedsocietiesweresomanyhumbugs。Hereuponthevirtuousindignationoftheseventeenlearnedsocieties,nativeandforeign,beingroused,severalfreshpamphletsappeared。
theforeignlearnedsocietiescorrespondedwiththenativelearnedsocieties。
thenativelearnedsocietiestranslatedthepamphletsoftheforeignlearnedsocietiesintoEnglish。theforeignlearnedsocietiestranslatedthepamphletsofthenativelearnedsocietiesintoallsortsoflanguages。andthuscommencedthatcelebratedscientificdiscussionsowellknowntoallmen,asthePickwickcontroversy。
ButthisbaseattempttoinjureMr。Pickwick,recoiledupontheheadofitscalumniousauthor。TheseventeenlearnedsocietiesunanimouslyvotedthepresumptuousBlottonanignorantmeddler,andforthwithsettoworkuponmoretreatisesthanever。Andtothisdaythestoneremains,anillegiblemonumentofMr。Pickwick’sgreatness,andalastingtrophytothelittlenessofhisenemies。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers:Chapter12[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERXIIDESCRIPTIVEOFAVERYIMPORTANTPROCEEDINGONTHE
PARTOFMR。PICKWICK。NOLESSANEPOCHINHISLIFE,THANINTHISHISTORY
MR。PICKWICK’SapartmentsinGoswellStreet,althoughonalimitedscale,werenotonlyofaveryneatandcomfortabledescription,butpeculiarlyadaptedfortheresidenceofamanofhisgeniusandobservation。Hissitting-roomwasthefirstfloorfront,hisbedroomthesecondfloorfront。andthus,whetherheweresittingathisdeskinhisparlour,orstandingbeforethedressing-glassinhisdormitory,hehadanequalopportunityofcontemplatinghumannatureinallthenumerousphasesitexhibits,inthatnotmorepopulousthanpopularthoroughfare。Hislandlady,Mrs。Bardell——therelictandsoleexecutrixofadeceasedcustom-houseofficer——wasacomelywomanofbustlingmannersandagreeableappearance,withanaturalgeniusforcooking,improvedbystudyandlongpractice,intoanexquisitetalent。Therewerenochildren,noservants,nofowls。Theonlyotherinmatesofthehousewerealargemanandasmallboy。thefirstalodger,thesecondaproductionofMrs。
Bardell’s。Thelargemanwasalwayshomepreciselyatteno’clockatnight,atwhichhourheregularlycondensedhimselfintothelimitsofadwarfishFrenchbedsteadinthebackparlour。andtheinfantinesportsandgymnasticexercisesofMasterBardellwereexclusivelyconfinedtotheneighbouringpavementsandgutters。Cleanlinessandquietreignedthroughoutthehouse。
andinitMr。Pickwick’swillwaslaw。
Toanyoneacquaintedwiththesepointsofthedomesticeconomyoftheestablishment,andconversantwiththeadmirableregulationofMr。Pickwick’smind,hisappearanceandbehaviouronthemorningprevioustothatwhichhadbeenfixeduponforthejourneytoEatanswill,wouldhavebeenmostmysteriousandunaccountable。Hepacedtheroomtoandfrowithhurriedsteps,poppedhisheadoutofthewindowatintervalsofaboutthreeminuteseach,constantlyreferredtohiswatch,andexhibitedmanyothermanifestationsofimpatienceveryunusualwithhim。Itwasevidentthatsomethingofgreatimportancewasincontemplation,butwhatthatsomethingwas,notevenMrs。Bardellherselfhadbeenenabledtodiscover。
Mrs。Bardell,saidMr。Pickwick,atlast,asthatamiablefemaleapproachedtheterminationofaprolongeddustingoftheapartment。
Sir,saidMrs。Bardell。
Yourlittleboyisaverylongtimegone。
Whyit’sagoodlongwaytotheBorough,sir,remonstratedMrs。Bardell。
Ah,saidMr。Pickwick,verytrue。soitis。
Mr。Pickwickrelapsedintosilence,andMrs。Bardellresumedherdusting。
Mrs。Bardell,saidMr。Pickwick,attheexpirationofafewminutes。
Sir,saidMrs。Bardellagain。
Doyouthinkitamuchgreaterexpensetokeeptwopeople,thantokeepone?
La,Mr。Pickwick,saidMrs。Bardell,colouringuptotheveryborderofhercap,asshefanciedsheobservedaspeciesofmatrimonialtwinkleintheeyesofherlodger。La,Mr。Pickwick,whataquestion!
Well,butdoyou?inquiredMr。Pickwick。
Thatdepends——saidMrs。Bardell,approachingthedusterveryneartoMr。Pickwick’selbow,whichwasplantedonthetable——thatdependsagooddealupontheperson,youknow,Mr。Pickwick。andwhetherit’sasavingandcarefulperson,sir。
That’sverytrue,saidMr。Pickwick,butthepersonIhaveinmyeyeherehelookedveryhardatMrs。BardellIthinkpossessesthesequalities。andhas,moreover,aconsiderableknowledgeoftheworld,andagreatdealofsharpness,Mrs。Bardell。whichmaybeofmaterialusetome。
La,Mr。Pickwick,saidMrs。Bardell。thecrimsonrisingtohercap-borderagain。
Ido,saidMr。Pickwick,growingenergetic,aswashiswontinspeakingofasubjectwhichinterestedhim,Ido,indeed。andtotellyouthetruth,Mrs。Bardell,Ihavemadeupmymind。
Dearme,sir,exclaimedMrs。Bardell。
You’llthinkitverystrangenow,saidtheamiableMr。Pickwick,withagood-humouredglanceathiscompanion,thatIneverconsultedyouaboutthismatter,andneverevenmentionedit,tillIsentyourlittleboyoutthismorning——eh?
Mrs。Bardellcouldonlyreplybyalook。ShehadlongworshippedMr。
Pickwickatadistance,buthereshewas,allatonce,raisedtoapinnacletowhichherwildestandmostextravaganthopeshadneverdaredtoaspire。
Mr。Pickwickwasgoingtopropose——adeliberateplan,too——sentherlittleboytotheBorough,togethimoutoftheway——howthoughtful——howconsiderate!
Well,saidMr。Pickwick,whatdoyouthink?
Oh,Mr。Pickwick,saidMrs。Bardell,tremblingwithagitation,you’reverykind,sir。
It’llsaveyouagooddealoftrouble,won’tit?saidMr。Pickwick。
Oh,Ineverthoughtanythingofthetrouble,sir,repliedMrs。Bardell。
and,ofcourse,Ishouldtakemoretroubletopleaseyouthen,thanever。
butitissokindofyou,Mr。Pickwick,tohavesomuchconsiderationformyloneliness。
Ah,tobesure,saidMr。Pickwick。Ineverthoughtofthat。WhenIamintown,you’llalwayshavesomebodytositwithyou。Tobesure,soyouwill。
I’msureIoughttobeaveryhappywoman,saidMrs。Bardell。
Andyourlittleboy——saidMr。Pickwick。
Blesshisheart!interposedMrs。Bardell,withamaternalsob。
He,too,willhaveacompanion,resumedMr。Pickwick,alivelyone,who’llteachhim,I’llbebound,moretricksinaweekthanhewouldeverlearninayear。AndMr。Pickwicksmiledplacidly。
Ohyoudear——saidMrs。Bardell。
Mr。Pickwickstarted。
Ohyoukind,good,playfuldear,saidMrs。Bardell。andwithoutmoreado,sherosefromherchair,andflungherarmsroundMr。Pickwick’sneck,withacataractoftearsandachorusofsobs。
Blessmysoul,criedtheastonishedMr。Pickwick——Mrs。Bardellmygoodwoman——dearme,whatasituation——prayconsider——Mrs。Bardell,don’t——ifanybodyshouldcome——
Oh,letthemcome,exclaimedMrs。Bardell,frantically。I’llneverleaveyou,——dear,kind,good,soul。andwiththesewords,Mrs。Bardellclungthetighter。
Mercyuponme,saidMr。Pickwick,strugglingviolently,Ihearsomebodycomingupthestairs。Don’t,don’t,there’sagoodcreature,don’t。Butentreatyandremonstrancewerealikeunavailing:forMrs。BardellhadfaintedinMr。Pickwick’sarms。andbeforehecouldgaintimetodepositheronachair,MasterBardellenteredtheroom,usheringinMr。Tupman,Mr。Winkle,andMr。Snodgrass。
Mr。Pickwickwasstruckmotionlessandspeechless。Hestoodwithhislovelyburdeninhisarms,gazingvacantlyonthecountenancesofhisfriends,withouttheslightestattemptatrecognitionorexplanation。They,intheirturn,staredathim。andMasterBardell,inhisturn,staredateverybody。
TheastonishmentofthePickwickianswassoabsorbing,andtheperplexityofMr。Pickwickwassoextreme,thattheymighthaveremainedinexactlythesamerelativesituationsuntilthesuspendedanimationoftheladywasrestored,haditnotbeenforamostbeautifulandtouchingexpressionoffilialaffectiononthepartofheryouthfulson。Cladinatightsuitofcorduroy,spangledwithbrassbuttonsofaveryconsiderablesize,heatfirststoodatthedoorastoundedanduncertain。butbydegrees,theimpressionthathismothermusthavesufferedsomepersonaldamage,pervadedhispartiallydevelopedmind,andconsideringMr。Pickwickastheaggressor,hesetupanappallingandsemi-earthlykindofhowling,andbuttingforwardwithhishead,commencedassailingthatimmortalgentlemanaboutthebackandlegs,withsuchblowsandpinchesasthestrengthofhisarm,andtheviolenceofhisexcitement,allowed。
Takethislittlevillainaway,saidtheagonisedMr。Pickwick,he’smad。
Whatisthematter?saidthethreetongue-tiedPickwickians。
Idon’tknow,repliedMr。Pickwick,pettishly。Takeawaytheboy
hereMr。Winklecarriedtheinterestingboy,screamingandstruggling,tothefurtherendoftheapartment。Now,helpme,leadthiswomandown-stairs。
Oh,Iambetternow,saidMrs。Bardell,faintly。
Letmeleadyoudown-stairs,saidtheever-gallantMr。Tupman。
Thankyou,sir——thankyou。exclaimedMrs。Bardell,hysterically。Anddown-stairsshewasleadaccordingly,accompaniedbyheraffectionateson。
Icannotconceive——saidMr。Pickwick,whenhisfriendreturned——I
cannotconceivewhathasbeenthematterwiththatwoman。Ihadmerelyannouncedtohermyintentionofkeepingaman-servant,whenshefellintotheextraordinaryparoxysminwhichyoufoundher。Veryextraordinarything。
Very,saidhisthreefriends。
Placedmeinsuchanextremelyawkwardsituation,continuedMr。Pickwick。
Very,wasthereplyofhisfollowers,astheycoughedslightly,andlookeddubiouslyateachother。
ThisbehaviourwasnotlostuponMr。Pickwick。Heremarkedtheirincredulity。
Theyevidentlysuspectedhim。
Thereisamaninthepassagenow,saidMr。Tupman。
It’sthemanIspoketoyouabout,saidMr。Pickwick。IsentforhimuptotheBoroughthismorning。Havethegoodnesstocallhimup,Snodgrass。
Mr。Snodgrassdidashewasdesired。andMr。SamuelWellerforthwithpresentedhimself。
Oh——yourememberme,Isuppose?saidMr。Pickwick。Ishouldthinkso,repliedSam,withapatronisingwink。Queerstartthat’ere,buthewasonetoomanyforyou,warn’the?Uptosnuffandapinchortwoover——eh?
Nevermindthatmatternow,saidMr。Pickwickhastily。Iwanttospeaktoyouaboutsomethingelse。Sitdown。
Thank’ee,sir,saidSam。Anddownhesatwithoutfurtherbidding,havingpreviouslydepositedhisoldwhitehatonthelandingoutsidethedoor。Tan’tawerrygood’untolookat,saidSam,butit’sanastonishin’
’untowear。andaforethebrimwent,itwasawerryhandsometile。Hows’everit’slighterwithoutit,that’sonething,andeveryholeletsinsomeair,that’sanother——wentilationgossamerIcallsit。Onthedeliveryofthissentiment,Mr。WellersmiledagreeablyupontheassembledPickwickians。
NowwithregardtothematteronwhichI,withtheconcurrenceofthesegentlemen,sentforyou,saidMr。Pickwick。
That’sthepint,sir,interposedSam。outvithit,asthefathersaidtothechild,wenheswallowedafarden。
Wewanttoknowinthefirstplace,saidMr。Pickwick,whetheryouhaveanyreasontobediscontentedwithyourpresentsituation。
AforeIanswersthat’erequestion,gen’l’m’n,repliedMr。Weller,Ishouldliketoknow,inthefirstplace,whetheryou’reagoin’
topurwidemewithabetter?
AsunbeamofplacidbenevolenceplayedonMr。Pickwick’sfeaturesashesaid,Ihavehalfmadeupmymindtoengageyoumyself。
Haveyou,though?saidSam。
Mr。Pickwicknoddedintheaffirmative。
Wages?inquiredSamTwelvepoundsayear,repliedMr。Pickwick。
Clothes?
Twosuits。
Work?
Toattenduponme。andtravelaboutwithmeandthesegentlemenhere。
Takethebilldown,saidSam,emphatically。I’mlettoasinglegentleman,andthetermsisagreedupon。
Youacceptthesituation?inquiredMr。Pickwick。
Cert’nly,repliedSam。Iftheclothesfitsmehalfaswellastheplace,they’lldo。
Youcangetacharacterofcourse?saidMr。Pickwick。
Askthelandladyo’theWhiteHartaboutthat,sir,repliedSam。
Canyoucomethisevening?
I’llgetintotheclothesthisminute,ifthey’rehere,saidSamwithgreatalacrity。
Callateightthisevening,saidMr。Pickwick。andiftheinquiriesaresatisfactory,theyshallbeprovided。
Withthesingleexceptionofoneamiableindiscretion,inwhichanassistanthousemaidhadequallyparticipated,thehistoryofMr。Weller’sconductwassoveryblameless,thatMr。Pickwickfeltfullyjustifiedinclosingtheengagementthatveryevening。Withthepromptnessandenergywhichcharacterisednotonlythepublicproceedings,butalltheprivateactionsofthisextraordinaryman,heatonceledhisnewattendanttooneofthoseconvenientemporiumswheregentlemen’snewandsecond-handclothesareprovided,andthetroublesomeandinconvenientformalityofmeasurementdispensedwith。andbeforenighthadclosedin,Mr。WellerwasfurnishedwithagreycoatwiththeP。C。button,ablackhatwithacockadetoit,apinkstripedwaistcoat,lightbreechesandgaiters,andavarietyofothernecessaries,toonumeroustorecapitulate。
Well,saidthatsuddenly-transformedindividual,ashetookhisseatontheoutsideoftheEatanswillcoachnextmorning。IwonderwhetherI’mmeanttobeafootman,oragroom,oragamekeeper,oraseedsman。
Ilookslikeasortofcompoofeveryoneon’em。Nevermind。there’schangeofair,plentytosee,andlittletodo。andallthissuitsmycomplaintuncommon。solonglifetothePickvicks,saysI!
[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers:Chapter13[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERXIIISOMEACCOUNTOFEATANSWILL。OFTHESTATEOFPARTIES
THEREIN。ANDOFTHEELECTIONOFAMEMBERTOSERVEINPARLIAMENTFORTHAT
ANCIENT,LOYAL,ANDPATRIOTICBOROUGH
WEwillfranklyacknowledge,thatuptotheperiodofourbeingfirstimmersedinthevoluminouspapersofthePickwickClub,wehadneverheardofEatanswill。wewillwithequalcandouradmit,thatwehaveinvainsearchedforproofoftheactualexistenceofsuchaplaceatthepresentday。KnowingthedeepreliancetobeplacedoneverynoteandstatementofMr。Pickwick’s,andnotpresumingtosetupourrecollectionagainsttherecordeddeclarationsofthatgreatman,wehaveconsultedeveryauthority,bearinguponthesubject,towhichwecouldpossiblyrefer。
WehavetracedeverynameinschedulesAandB,withoutmeetingwiththatofEatanswill。wehaveminutelyexaminedeverycornerofthePocketCountyMapsissuedforthebenefitofsocietybyourdistinguishedpublishers,andthesameresulthasattendedourinvestigation。Wearethereforeledtobelieve,thatMr。Pickwick,withthatanxiousdesiretoabstainfromgivingoffencetoany,andwiththosedelicatefeelingsforwhichallwhoknewhimwellknowhewassoeminentlyremarkable,purposelysubstitutedafictitiousdesignation,fortherealnameoftheplaceinwhichhisobservationsweremade。Weareconfirmedinthisbeliefbyalittlecircumstance,apparentlyslightandtrivialinitself,butwhenconsideredinthispointofview,notundeservingofnotice。InMr。Pickwick’snote-book,wecanjusttraceanentryofthefact,thattheplaceofhimselfandfollowerswerebookedbytheNorwichcoach。butthisentrywasafterwardslinedthrough,asifforthepurposeofconcealingeventhedirectioninwhichtheboroughissituated。Wewillnot,therefore,hazardaguessuponthesubject,butwillatonceproceedwiththishistory。contentwiththematerialswhichitscharactershaveprovidedforus。
Itappears,then,thattheEatanswillpeople,likethepeopleofmanyothersmalltowns,consideredthemselvesoftheutmostandmostmightyimportance,andthateverymaninEatanswill,consciousoftheweightthatattachedtohisexample,felthimselfboundtounite,heartandsoul,withoneofthetwogreatpartiesthatdividedthetown——theBluesandtheBuffs。
NowtheBlueslostnoopportunityofopposingtheBuffs,andtheBuffslostnoopportunityofopposingtheBlues。andtheconsequencewas,thatwhenevertheBuffsandBluesmettogetheratpublicmeeting,Town-Hall,fair,ormarket,disputesandhighwordsarosebetweenthem。WiththesedissensionsitisalmostsuperfluoustosaythateverythinginEatanswillwasmadeapartyquestion。IftheBuffsproposedtonewskylightthemarket-place,theBluesgotuppublicmeetings,anddenouncedtheproceeding。iftheBluesproposedtheerectionofanadditionalpumpintheHighStreet,theBuffsroseasonemanandstoodaghastattheenormity。TherewereBlueshopsandBuffshops,BlueInnsandBuffInns——therewasaBlueaisleandaBuffaisleintheverychurchitself。
Ofcourseitwasessentiallyandindispensablynecessarythateachofthesepowerfulpartiesshouldhaveitschosenorganandrepresentative:
and,accordingly,thereweretwonewspapersinthetown——theEatanswillGazetteandtheEatanswillIndependent。theformeradvocatingBlueprinciples,andthelatterconductedongroundsdecidedlyBuff。Finenewspaperstheywere。Suchleadingarticles,andsuchspiritedattacks!——Ourworthlesscontemporary,theGazette——Thatdisgracefulanddastardlyjournal,theIndependent——Thatfalseandscurrilousprint,theIndependent——Thatvileandslanderouscalumniator,theGazette。these,andotherspirit-stirringdenunciationswerestrewnplentifullyoverthecolumnsofeach,ineverynumber,andexcitedfeelingsofthemostintensedelightandindignationinthebosomsofthetownspeople。
Mr。Pickwick,withhisusualforesightandsagacity,hadchosenapeculiarlydesirablemomentforhisvisittotheborough。Neverwassuchacontestknown。TheHonourableSamuelSlumkey,ofSlumkeyHall,wastheBluecandidate。
andHoratioFizkin,Esq。,ofFizkinLodge,nearEatanswill,hadbeenprevaileduponbyhisfriendstostandforwardontheBuffinterest。TheGazettewarnedtheelectorsofEatanswillthattheeyesnotonlyofEngland,butofthewholecivilisedworld,wereuponthem。andtheIndependentimperativelydemandedtoknow,whethertheconstituencyofEatanswillwerethegrandfellowstheyhadalwaystakenthemfor,orbaseandserviletools,undeservingalikethenameofEnglishmenandtheblessingsoffreedom。Neverhadsuchacommotionagitatedthetownbefore。
Itwaslateintheevening,whenMr。Pickwickandhiscompanions,assistedbySam,dismountedfromtheroofoftheEatanswillcoach。LargebluesilkflagswereflyingfromthewindowsoftheTownArmsInn,andbillswerepostedineverysash,intimating,ingiganticletters,thatthehonourableSamuelSlumkey’sCommitteesattheredaily。Acrowdofidlerswereassembledintheroad,lookingatahoarsemaninthebalcony,whowasapparentlytalkinghimselfveryredinthefaceinMr。Slumkey’sbehalf。buttheforceandpointofwhoseargumentsweresomewhatimpairedbytheperpetualbeatingoffourlargedrumswhichMr。Fizkin’scommitteehadstationedatthestreetcorner。Therewasabusylittlemanbesidehim,though,whotookoffhishatatintervalsandmotionedtothepeopletocheer,whichtheyregularlydid,mostenthusiastically。andasthered-facedgentlemanwentontalkingtillhewasredderinthefacethanever,itseemedtoanswerhispurposequiteaswellasifanybodyhadheardhim。
ThePickwickianshadnosoonerdismounted,thantheyweresurroundedbyabranchmobofthehonestandindependent,whoforthwithsetupthreedeafeningcheers,whichbeingrespondedtobythemainbodyforit’snotatallnecessaryforacrowdtoknowwhattheyarecheeringaboutswelledintoatremendousroaroftriumph,whichstoppedeventhered-facedmaninthebalcony。
Hurrah!shoutedthemobinconclusion。
Onecheermore,screamedthelittlefuglemaninthebalcony,andoutshoutedthemobagain,asiflungswerecastiron,withsteelworks。
Slumkeyforever!roaredthehonestandindependent。
Slumkeyforever!echoedMr。Pickwick,takingoffhishat。
NoFizkin!roaredthecrowd。
Certainlynot!shoutedMr。Pickwick。
Hurrah!Andthentherewasanotherroaring,likethatofawholemenageriewhentheelephanthasrungthebellforthecoldmeat。
WhoisSlumkey?whisperedMr。Tupman。
Idon’tknow,repliedMr。Pickwickinthesametone。
HushDon’taskanyquestions。It’salwaysbestontheseoccasionstodowhatthemobdo。
Butsupposetherearetwomobs?suggestedMr。Snodgrass。
Shoutwiththelargest,repliedMr。Pickwick。V
Volumescouldnothavesaidmore。
Theyenteredthehouse,thecrowdopeningrightandlefttoletthempass,andcheeringvociferously。Thefirstobjectofconsiderationwastosecurequartersforthenight。
Canwehavebedshere?inquiredMr。Pickwick,summoningthewaiter。
Don’tknow,sir,repliedtheman。afraidwe’refull,sir——I’llinquire,sir。Awayhewentforthatpurpose,andpresentlyreturned,toaskwhetherthegentlemenwereBlue。
AsneitherMr。Pickwicknorhiscompanionstookanyvitalinterestinthecauseofeithercandidate,thequestionwasratheradifficultonetoanswer。InthisdilemmaMr。Pickwickbethoughthimselfofhisnewfriend,Mr。Perker。
DoyouknowagentlemanofthenameofPerker?inquiredMr。Pickwick。
Certainly,sir。honourableMr。SamuelSlumkey’sagent。
HeisBlue,Ithink?
Ohyes,sir。
ThenweareBlue,saidMr。Pickwick。butobservingthatthemanlookedratherdoubtfulatthisaccommodatingannouncement,hegavehimhiscard,anddesiredhimtopresentittoMr。Perkerforthwith,ifheshouldhappentobeinthehouse。Thewaiterretired。andre-appearingalmostimmediatelywitharequestthatMr。Pickwickwouldfollowhim,ledthewaytoalargeroomonthefirstfloor,where,seatedatalongtablecoveredwithbooksandpapers,wasMr。Perker。
Ah——ah,mydearsir,saidthelittleman,advancingtomeethim。veryhappytoseeyou,mydearsir,very。Praysitdown。Soyouhavecarriedyourintentionintoeffect。Youhavecomedownheretoseeanelection——eh?
Mr。Pickwickrepliedintheaffirmative。
Spiritedcontest,mydearsir,saidthelittleman。
Iamdelightedtohearit,saidMr。Pickwick,rubbinghishands。I
liketoseesturdypatriotism,onwhateversideitiscalledforth——andsoit’saspiritedcontest?
Ohyes,saidthelittleman,verymuchsoindeed。Wehaveopenedallthepublic-housesintheplace,andleftouradversarynothingbutthebeer-shops——masterlystrokeofpolicythat,mydearsir,eh?——thelittlemansmiledcomplacently,andtookalargepinchofsnuff。
Andwhataretheprobabilitiesastotheresultofthecontest?inquiredMr。Pickwick。
Whydoubtful,mydearsir。ratherdoubtfulasyet,repliedthelittleman。Fizkin’speoplehavegotthree-and-thirtyvotersinthelock-upcoach-houseattheWhiteHart。
Inthecoach-house!saidMr。Pickwick,considerablyastonishedbythissecondstrokeofpolicy。
Theykeep’emlockeduptheretilltheywant’em,resumedthelittleman。Theeffectofthatis,yousee,topreventourgettingatthem。andevenifwecould,itwouldbeofnouse,fortheykeepthemverydrunkonpurpose。SmartfellowFizkin’sagent——verysmartfellowindeed。
Mr。Pickwickstared,butsaidnothing。
Weareprettyconfident,though,saidMr。Perker,sinkinghisvoicealmosttoawhisper。Wehadalittletea-partyhere,lastnight——five-and-fortywomen,mydearsir——andgaveeveryoneof’emagreenparasolwhenshewentaway。
Aparasol!saidMr。Pickwick。
Fact,mydearsir,fact。Five-and-fortygreenparasols,atsevenandsixpencea-piece。Allwomenlikefinery,——extraordinarytheeffectsofthoseparasols。Securedalltheirhusbands,andhalftheirbrothers——beatsstockings,andflannel,andallthatsortofthinghollow。Myidea,mydearsir,entirely,Hail,rain,orsunshine,youcan’twalkhalfadozenyardsupthestreet,withoutencounteringhalfadozengreenparasols。
Herethelittlemanindulgedinaconvulsionofmirth,whichwasonlycheckedbytheentranceofathirdparty。
Thiswasatallthinman,withasandy-colouredheadinclinedtobaldness,andafaceinwhichsolemnimportancewasblendedwithalookofunfathomableprofundity。Hewasdressedinalongbrownsurtout,withablackclothwaistcoat,anddrabtrousers。Adoubleeye-glassdangledathiswaistcoat:
andonhisheadheworeaverylow-crownedhatwithabroadbrim。Thenew-comerwasintroducedtoMr。PickwickasMr。Pott,theeditoroftheEatanswillGazette。Afterafewpreliminaryremarks,Mr。PottturnedroundtoMr。
Pickwick,andsaidwithsolemnity——
Thiscontestexcitesgreatinterestinthemetropolis,sir?
Ibelieveitdoes,saidMr。Pickwick。
TowhichIhavereasontoknow,saidPott,lookingtowardsMr。Perkerforcorroboration,——towhichIhavereasontoknowthatmyarticleoflastSaturdayinsomedegreecontributed。
Nottheleastdoubtofit,saidthelittleman。
Thepressisamightyengine,sir,saidPott。
Mr。Pickwickyieldedhisfullestassenttotheproposition。
ButItrust,sir,saidPott,thatIhaveneverabusedtheenormouspowerIwield。Itrust,sir,thatIhaveneverpointedthenobleinstrumentwhichisplacedinmyhands,againstthesacredbosomofprivatelife,orthetenderbreastofindividualreputation——Itrust,sir,thatIhavedevotedmyenergiesto——toendeavours——humbletheymaybe,humbleIknowtheyare——toinstilthoseprinciplesof——which——are——
HeretheeditoroftheEatanswillGazette,appearingtoramble,Mr。
Pickwickcametohisrelief,andsaid