Mr。Pickwickmadenoreply,but,pushingtheletteracrossthetable,anddesiringMr。Tupmantoreaditaloud,fellbackinhischairwithalookofvacantastonishmentquitealarmingtobehold。
Mr。Tupman,withatremblingvoice,readtheletter,ofwhichthefollowingisacopy:——Freeman’sCourt,Cornhill,August28th,1830。BardellagainstPickwick。Sir,HavingbeeninstructedbyMrs。MarthaBardelltocommenceanactionagainstyouforabreachofpromiseofmarriage,forwhichtheplaintifflaysherdamagesatfifteenhundredpounds,webegtoinformyouthatawrithasbeenissuedagainstyouinthissuitintheCourtofCommonPleas。
andrequesttoknow,byreturnofpost,thenameofyourattorneyinLondon,whowillacceptservicethereof。
Weare,Sir,Yourobedientservants,DodsonandFogg。
Mr。SamuelPickwick。
Therewassomethingsoimpressiveinthemuteastonishmentwithwhicheachmanregardedhisneighbour,andeverymanregardedMr。Pickwick,thatallseemedafraidtospeak。ThesilencewasatlengthbrokenbyMr。Tupman。
DodsonandFogg,herepeatedmechanically。
BardellandPickwick,saidMr。Snodgrass,musing。
Peaceofmindandhappinessofconfidingfemales,murmuredMr。winkle,withanairofabstraction。
It’saconspiracy,saidMr。Pickwick,atlengthrecoveringthepowerofspeech。abaseconspiracybetweenthesetwograspingattorneys,DodsonandFogg。Mrs。Bardellwouldneverdoit——shehasn’tthehearttodoit——shehasn’tthecasetodoit。Ridiculous——ridiculous。
Ofherheart,saidWardle,withasmile,youshouldcertainlybethebestjudge。Idon’twishtodiscourageyou,butIshouldcertainlysaythat,ofhercase,DodsonandFoggarefarbetterjudgesthananyofuscanbe。
It’savileattempttoextortmoney,saidMr。Pickwick。
Ihopeitis,saidWardle,withashort,drycough。
Whoeverheardmeaddressherinanywaybutthatinwhichalodgerwouldaddresshislandlady?continuedMr。Pickwick,withgreatvehemence。
Whoeversawmewithher?Notevenmyfriendshere——
Exceptononeoccasion,saidMr。Tupman。
Mr。Pickwickchangedcolour。
Ah,saidMr。Wardle。Well,that’simportant。Therewasnothingsuspiciousthen,Isuppose?
Mr。Tupmanglancedtimidlyathisleader。Why,saidhe,therewasnothingsuspicious。but——Idon’tknowhowithappened,mind——shecertainlywasreclininginhisarms。
Graciouspowers!ejaculatedMr。Pickwick,astherecollectionofthesceneinquestionstruckforciblyuponhim。whatadreadfulinstanceoftheforceofcircumstances!Soshewas——soshewas。
Andourfriendwassoothingheranguish,saidMr。Winkle,rathermaliciously。
SoIwas,saidMr。Pickwick。Iwon’tdenyit。SoIwas。
Hallo!saidWardle。foracaseinwhichthere’snothingsuspicious,thislooksratherqueer——eh,Pickwick?Ah,slydog——slydog!andhelaughedtilltheglassesonthesideboardrangagain。
Whatadreadfulconjunctionofappearances!exclaimedMr。Pickwick,restinghischinuponhishands。Winkle——Tupman——IbegyourpardonfortheobservationsImadejustnow。Weareallthevictimsofcircumstances,andIthegreatest。WiththisapologyMr。Pickwickburiedhisheadinhishands,andruminated。whileWardlemeasuredoutaregularcircleofnodsandwinks,addressedtotheothermembersofthecompany。
I’llhaveitexplained,though,saidMr。Pickwick,raisinghisheadandhammeringthetable。I’llseethisDodsonandFogg!I’llgotoLondonto-morrow。
Notto-morrow,saidWardle。you’retoolame。
Well,then,nextday。
NextdayisthefirstofSeptember,andyou’repledgedtorideoutwithus,asfarasSirGeoffreyManning’sgrounds,atallevents,andtomeetusatlunch,ifyoudon’ttakethefield。
Well,then,thedayafter,saidMr。Pickwick。Thursday——Sam!
Sir,repliedMr。Weller。
TaketwoplacesoutsidetoLondon,onThursdaymorning,foryourselfandme。
Werywell,sir。
Mr。Wellerlefttheroom,anddepartedslowlyonhiserrand,withhishandsinhispocket,andhiseyesfixedontheground。
Rumfeller,thehemperor,saidMr。Weller,ashewalkedslowlyupthestreet。Thinko’hismakinguptothatereMrs。Bardell——vithalittleboy,too!Alwaysthevayviththesehereold’unshows’ever,asissuchsteadygoerstolookat。Ididn’tthinkhe’dha’doneit,though——Ididn’tthinkhe’dha’doneit!Moralisinginthisstrain,Mr。SamuelWellerbenthisstepstowardsthebooking-office。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers:Chapter19[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERXIXAPLEASANTDAY,WITHANUNPLEASANTTERMINATION
THEbirds,who,happilyfortheirownpeaceofmindandpersonalcomfort,wereinblissfulignoranceofthepreparationswhichhadbeenmakingtoastonishthem,onthefirstofSeptember,haileditnodoubt,asoneofthepleasantestmorningstheyhadseenthatseason。
Manyayoungpartridgewhostruttedcomplacentlyamongthestubble,withallthefinickingcoxcombryofyouth,andmanyanolderonewhowatchedhislevityoutofhislittleroundeye,withthecontemptuousairofabirdofwisdomandexperience,alikeunconsciousoftheirapproachingdoom,baskedinthefreshmorningairwithlivelyandblithesomefeelings,andafewhoursafterwardswerelaidlowupontheearth。Butwegrowaffecting:
letusproceed。
Inplaincommon-placematter-of-fact,then,itwasafinemorning——sofinethatyouwouldscarcelyhavebelievedthatthefewmonthsofanEnglishsummerhadyetflownby。Hedges,fields,andtrees,hillandmoorland,presentedtotheeyetheirever-varyingshadesofdeeprichgreen。scarcealeafhadfallen,scarceasprinkleofyellowmingledwiththehuesofsummer,warnedyouthatautumnhadbegun。Theskywascloudless,thesunshoneoutbrightandwarm。thesongsofbirds,andhumofmyriadsofsummerinsects,filledtheair。andthecottagegardens,crowdedwithflowersofeveryrichandbeautifultint,sparkled,intheheavydew,likebedsofglitteringjewels。Everythingborethestampofsummer,andnoneofitsbeautifulcolourshadyetfadedfromthedye。
Suchwasthemorning,whenanopencarriage,inwhichwerethreePickwickiansMr。Snodgrasshavingpreferredtoremainathome,Mr。Wardle,andMr。
Trundle,withSamWellerontheboxbesidethedriver,pulledupbyagateattheroad-side,beforewhichstoodatall,raw-bonedgame-keeper,andahalf-booted,leather-legginedboy:eachbearingabagofcapaciousdimensions,andaccompaniedbyabraceofpointers。
Isay,whisperedMr。WinkletoWardle,asthemanletdownthesteps,theydon’tsupposewe’regoingtokillgameenoughtofillthosebags,dothey?
Fillthem!exclaimedoldWardle。Blessyou,yes!Youshallfillone,andItheother。andwhenwe’vedonewiththem,thepocketsofourshootingjacketswillholdasmuchmore。
Mr。Winkledismountedwithoutsayinganythinginreplytothisobservation。
buthethoughtwithinhimself,thatifthepartyremainedintheopenair,untilhehadfilledoneofthebags,theystoodaconsiderablechanceofcatchingcoldsintheirheads。
``Hi,Juno,lass——hi,oldgirl。down,Daph,down,saidWardle,caressingthedogs。SirGeoffreystillinScotland,ofcourse,Martin?
Thetallgamekeeperrepliedintheaffirmative,andlookedwithsomesurprisefromMr。Winkle,whowasholdinghisgunasifhewishedhiscoatpockettosavehimthetroubleofpullingthetrigger,toMr。Tupman,whowasholdinghisasifhewereafraidofit——asthereisnoearthlyreasontodoubthereallywas。
Myfriendsarenotmuchinthewayofthissortofthingyet,Martin,
saidWardle,noticingthelook。Liveandlearn,youknow。They’llbegoodshotsoneofthesedays。IbegmyfriendWinkle’spardon,though。hehashadsomepractice。
Mr。Winklesmiledfeeblyoverhisblueneckerchiefinacknowledgmentofthecompliment,andgothimselfsomysteriouslyentangledwithhisgun,inhismodestconfusion,thatifthepiecehadbeenloaded,hemustinevitablyhaveshothimselfdeaduponthespot。
Youmusn’thandleyourpieceinthatereway,whenyoucometohavethechargeinit,sir,saidthetallgamekeeper,gruffly,orI’mdamnedifyouwon’tmakecoldmeatofsomeonus。
Mr。Winkle,thusadmonished,abruptlyaltereditsposition,andinsodoing,contrivedtobringthebarrelintoprettysharpcontactwithMr。
Weller’shead。
Hallo!saidSam,pickinguphishat,whichhadbeenknockedoff,andrubbinghistemple。Hallo,sir!ifyoucomesitthisvay,you’llfilloneo’thembags,andsomethingtospare,atonefire。
Heretheleather-legginedboylaughedveryheartily,andthentriedtolookasifitwassomebodyelse,whereatMr。Winklefrownedmajestically。
Wheredidyoutelltheboytomeetuswiththesnack,Martin?inquiredWardle。
SideofOne-treeHill,attwelveo’clock,sir。
That’snotSirGeoffrey’sland,isit?
No,sir。butit’sclosebyit。It’sCaptainBoldwig’sland。butthere’llbenobodytointerruptus,andthere’safinebitofturfthere。
Verywell,saidoldWardle。Nowthesoonerwe’reoffthebetter。
Willyoujoinusattwelve,then,Pickwick?
Mr。Pickwickwasparticularlydesiroustoviewthesport,themoreespeciallyashewasratheranxiousinrespectofMr。Winkle’slifeandlimbs。Onsoinvitingamorning,too,itwasverytantalisingtoturnback,andleavehisfriendstoenjoythemselves。Itwas,therefore,withaveryruefulairthathereplied,Why,IsupposeImust。
An’tthegentlemanashot,sir?inquiredthelonggamekeeper。
No,repliedWardle。andhe’slamebesides。
Ishouldverymuchliketogo,saidMr。Pickwick,verymuch。
Therewasashortpauseofcommiseration。
There’sabarrowt’othersidethehedge,saidtheboy。Ifthegentleman’sservantwouldwheelalongthepaths,hecouldkeepnighus,andwecouldliftitoverthestiles,andthat。
Thewerything,saidMr。Weller,whowasapartyinterested,inasmuchasheardentlylongedtoseethesport。Thewerything。Wellsaid,Smallcheek。
I’llhaveitoutinaminute。
Buthereadifficultyarose。Thelonggamekeeperresolutelyprotestedagainsttheintroductionintoashootingparty,ofagentlemaninabarrow,asagrossviolationofallestablishedrulesandprecedents。
Itwasagreatobjection,butnotaninsurmountableone。Thegamekeeperhavingbeencoaxedandfeed,andhaving,moreover,easedhismindbypunching
theheadoftheinventiveyouthwhohadfirstsuggestedtheuseofthemachine,Mr。Pickwickwasplacedinit,andoffthepartyset。Wardleandthelonggamekeeperleadingtheway,andMr。Pickwickinthebarrow,propelledbySam,bringinguptherear。
Stop,Sam,saidMr。Pickwick,whentheyhadgothalfacrossthefirstfield。
What’sthematternow?saidWardle。
Iwon’tsufferthisbarrowtobemovedanotherstep,saidMr。Pickwick,resolutely,unlessWinklecarriesthatgunofhis,inadifferentmanner。
HowamItocarryit?saidthewretchedWinkle。
Carryitwiththemuzzletotheground,repliedMr。Pickwick。
It’ssounsportsman-like,reasonedWinkle。
Idon’tcarewhetherit’sunsportsman-likeornot,repliedMr。Pickwick。
Iamnotgoingtobeshotinawheelbarrow,forthesakeofappearances,topleaseanybody。
Iknowthegentleman’llputthaterechargeintosomebodyaforehe’sdone,growledthelongman。
Well,well——Idon’tmind,saidpoorWinkle,turninghisgun-stockuppermost——there。
Anythin’foraquietlife,saidMr。Weller。andontheywentagain。
Stop!saidMr。Pickwick,aftertheyhadgoneafewyardsfurther。
Whatnow?saidWardle。
ThatgunofTupman’sisnotsafe:Iknowitisn’tsaidMr。Pickwick。
Eh?What!notsafe?saidMr。Tupman,inatoneofgreatalarm。
Notasyouarecarryingit,saidMr。Pickwick。Iamverysorrytomakeanyfurtherobjection,butIcannotconsenttogoon,unlessyoucarryitasWinkledoeshis。
Ithinkyouhadbetter,sir,saidthelonggamekeeper,oryou’requiteaslikelytolodgethechargeinyourselfasinanythingelse。
Mr。Tupman,withthemostobliginghaste,placedhispieceinthepositionrequired,andthepartymovedonagain。thetwoamateursmarchingwithreversedarms,likeacoupleofprivatesataroyalfuneral。
Thedogssuddenlycametoadeadstop,andthepartyadvancingstealthilyasinglepace,stoppedtoo。
What’sthematterwiththedogs’legs?whisperedMr。Winkle。Howqueerthey’restanding。
Hush,can’tyou?repliedWardle,softly。Don’tyouseethey’remakingapoint?
Makingapoint!saidMr。Winkle,staringabouthim,asifheexpectedtodiscoversomeparticularbeautyinthelandscape,whichthesagaciousanimalswerecallingspecialattentionto。Makingapoint!Whataretheypointingat?
Keepyoueyesopen,saidWardle,notheedingthequestionintheexcitementofthemoment。Nowthen。
Therewasasharpwhirringnoise,thatmadeMr。Winklestartbackasifhehadbeenshothimself。Bang,bang,wentacoupleofguns——thesmokesweptquicklyawayoverthefield,andcurledintotheair。
Wherearethey?saidMr。Winkle,inastateofthehighestexcitement,turningroundandroundinalldirections。Wherearethey?Tellmewhentofire。Wherearethey——wherearethey?
Wherearethey?saidWardle,takingupabraceofbirdswhichthedogshaddepositedathisfeet。Why,heretheyare。
No,no。Imeantheothers,saidthebewilderedWinkle。
Farenoughoff,bythistime,repliedWardle,coollyreloadinghisgun。
Weshallverylikelybeupwithanothercoveyinfiveminutes,saidthelonggamekeeper。Ifthegentlemanbeginstofirenow,perhapshe’lljustgettheshotoutofthebarrelbythetimetheyrise。
Ha!ha!ha!roaredMr。Weller。
Sam,saidMr。Pickwick,compassionatinghisfollower’sconfusionandembarrassment。
Sir。
Don’tlaugh。
Certainlynot,sir。So,bywayofindemnification,Mr。Wellercontortedhisfeaturesfrombehindthewheel-barrowfortheexclusiveamusementoftheboywiththeleggings,whothereuponburstintoaboisterouslaugh,andwassummarilycuffedbythelonggamekeeper,whowantedapretextforturninground,tohidehisownmerriment。
Bravo,oldfellow!saidWardletoMr。Tupman。youfiredthattime,atallevents。
Ohyes,repliedMr。Tupman,withconsciouspride。Iletitoff。
Welldone。You’llhitsomethingnexttime,ifyoulooksharp。Veryeasy,ain’tit?
Yes,it’sveryeasy,saidMr。Tupman。Howithurtsone’sshoulder,though。Itnearlyknockedmebackwards。Ihadnoideathesesmallfire-armskickedso。
Ah,saidtheoldgentleman,smiling。you’llgetusedtoitintime。
Nowthen——allready——allrightwiththebarrowthere?
Allright,sir,repliedMr。Weller。
Comealongthen。
Holdhard,sir,saidSam,raisingthebarrow。
Aye,aye,repliedMr。Pickwick。andontheywent,asbrisklyasneedbe。
Keepthatbarrowbacknow,criedWardlewhenithadbeenhoistedoverastileintoanotherfield,andMr。Pickwickhadbeendepositedinitoncemore。
Allright,sir,repliedMr。Weller,pausing。
Now,Winkle,saidtheoldgentleman,followmesoftly,anddon’tbetoolatethistime。
Neverfear,saidMr。Winkle。Aretheypointing?
No,no。notnow。Quietlynow,quietly。Ontheycrept,andveryquietlytheywouldhaveadvanced,ifMr。Winkle,intheperformanceofsomeveryintricateevolutionswithhisgun,hadnotaccidentallyfired,atthemostcriticalmoment,overtheboy’shead,exactlyintheveryspotwherethetallman’sbrainswouldhavebeen,hadhebeenthereinstead。
Why,whatonearthdidyoudothatfor?saidoldWardle,asthebirdsflewunharmedaway。
Ineversawsuchaguninmylife,repliedpoorMr。Winkle,lookingatthelock,asifthatwoulddoanygood。Itgoesoffofitsownaccord。
Itwilldoit。
Willdoit!echoedWardle,withsomethingofirritationinhismanner。
Iwishitwouldkillsomethingofitsownaccord。
It’lldothataforelong,sir,observedthetallman,inalow,propheticvoice。
Whatdoyoumeanbythatobservation,sir?inquiredMr。Winkle,angrily。
Nevermind,sir,nevermind,repliedthelonggamekeeper。I’venofamilymyself,sir。andthishereboy’smotherwillgetsomethinghandsomefromSirGeoffrey,ifhe’skilledonhisland。Loadagain,sir,loadagain。
Takeawayhisgun,criedMr。Pickwickfromthebarrow,horror-strickenatthelongman’sdarkinsinuations。Takeawayhisgun,doyouhear,somebody?
Nobody,however,volunteeredtoobeythecommand。andMr。Winkle,afterdartingarebelliousglanceatMr。Pickwick,reloadedhisgun,andproceededonwardswiththerest。
Wearebound,ontheauthorityofMr。Pickwick,tostate,thatMr。Tupman’smodeofproceedingevincedfarmoreofprudenceanddeliberation,thanthatadoptedbyMr。Winkle。Still,thisbynomeansdetractsfromthegreatauthorityofthelattergentleman,onallmattersconnectedwiththefield。
because,asMr。Pickwickbeautifullyobserves,ithassomehoworotherhappened,fromtimeimmemorial,thatmanyofthebestandablestphilosophers,whohavebeenperfectlightsofscienceinmattersoftheory,havebeenwhollyunabletoreducethemtopractice。
Mr。Tupman’sprocess,likemanyofourmostsublimediscoveries,wasextremelysimple。Withthequicknessandpenetrationofamanofgenius,hehadatonceobservedthatthetwogreatpointstobeattainedwere——first,todischargehispiecewithoutinjurytohimself,andsecondly,todoso,withoutdangertotheby-standers——obviouslythebestthingtodoaftersurmountingthedifficultyoffiringatall,wastoshuthiseyesfirmly,andfireintotheair。
Ononeoccasion,afterperformingthisfeat,Mr。Tupman,onopeninghiseyes,beheldaplumppartridgeintheactoffallingwoundedtotheground。HewasonthepointofcongratulatingMr。Wardleonhisinvariablesuccess,whenthatgentlemanadvancedtowardshim,andgraspedhimwarmlybythehand。
Tupman,saidtheoldgentleman,yousingledoutthatparticularbird?
No,saidMr。Tupman——no。
Youdid,saidWardle。Isawyoudoit——Iobservedyoupickhimout——I
noticedyou,asyouraisedyourpiecetotakeaim。andIwillsaythis,thatthebestshotinexistencecouldnothavedoneitmorebeautifully。
Youareanolderhandatthis,thanIthoughtyou,Tupman。youhavebeenoutbefore。
ItwasinvainforMr。Tupmantoprotest,withasmileofself-denialthatheneverhad。Theverysmilewastakenasevidencetothecontrary。
andfromthattimeforth,hisreputationwasestablished。Itisnottheonlyreputationthathasbeenacquiredaseasily,noraresuchfortunatecircumstancesconfinedtopartridge-shooting。
Meanwhile,Mr。Winkleflashed,andblazed,andsmokedaway,withoutproducinganymaterialresultsworthyofbeingnoteddown。sometimesexpendinghischargeinmid-air,andatotherssendingitskimmingalongsonearthesurfaceofthegroundastoplacethelivesofthetwodogsonaratheruncertainandprecarioustenure。Asadisplayoffancyshooting,itwasextremelyvariedandcurious。asanexhibitionoffiringwithanypreciseobject,itwas,uponthewhole,perhapsafailure。Itisanestablishedaxiom,thateverybullethasitsbillet。’Ifitapplyinanequaldegreetoshot,thoseofMr。Winklewereunfortunatefoundlings,deprivedoftheirnaturalrights,castlooseupontheworld,andbilletednowhere。
Well,saidWardle,walkinguptothesideofthebarrow,andwipingthestreamsofperspirationfromhisjollyredface。smokingday,isn’tit?
Itis,indeed,repliedMr。Pickwick。Thesunistremendouslyhot,eventome。Idon’tknowhowyoumustfeelit。
Why,saidtheoldgentleman,prettyhot。It’spasttwelve,though。
Youseethatgreenhillthere?
Certainly。
That’stheplacewherewearetolunch。and,byJove,there’stheboywiththebasket,punctualasclockwork!
Soheis,saidMr。Pickwick,brighteningup。Goodboy,that。I’llgivehimashilling,presently。Now,then,Sam,wheelaway。
Holdon,sir,saidMr。Weller,invigoratedwiththeprospectofrefreshments。
Outofthevay,youngleathers。Ifyouwalleymypreciouslifedon’tupsetme,asthegen’l’m’nsaidtothedriverwhentheywasacarryin’himtoTyburn。Andquickeninghispacetoasharprun,Mr。Wellerwheeledhismasternimblytothegreenhill,shothimdexterouslyoutbytheverysideofthebasket,andproceededtounpackitwiththeutmostdispatch。
Wealpie,saidMr。Weller,soliloquising,ashearrangedtheeatablesonthegrass。Werygoodthingiswealpie,whenyouknowtheladyasmadeit,andisquitesureitan’tkittens。andarterallthough,where’stheodds,whenthey’resolikewealthatthewerypiementhemselvesdon’tknowthedifference?
Don’tthey,Sam?saidMr。Pickwick。
Notthey,sir,repliedMr。Weller,touchinghishat。Ilodgedinthesamehousevithapiemanonce,sir,andawerynicemanhewas——reg’larcleverchap,too——makepiesouto’anything,hecould。`Whatanumbero’
catsyoukeep,Mr。Brooks,’saysI,whenI’dgotintimatewithhim。`Ah,’
sayshe,`Ido——agoodmany,’sayshe。`Youmustbeweryfondo’cats,’
saysI。`Otherpeopleis,’sayshe,awinkin’atme。`theyan’tinseasontillthewinterthough,’sayshe。`Notinseason!’saysI。`No,’sayshe,`fruitsisin,catsisout。’`Why,whatdoyoumean?’saysI。`Mean?’sayshe。`ThatI’llneverbeapartytothecombinationo’thebutchers,tokeepupthepriceso’meat,’sayshe。`Mr。Weller,’sayshe,asqueezingmyhandweryhard,andvisperinginmyear——`don’tmentionthishereagin——butit’stheseasonin’asdoesit。They’reallmadeo’themnobleanimals,’
sayshe,apointin’toawerynicelittletabbykitten,`andIseasons’emforbeef-steak,weal,orkidney,’cordin’tothedemand。Andmorethanthat,’sayshe,`Icanmakeawealabeef-steak,orabeef-steakakidney,oranyoneon’emamutton,ataminute’snotice,justasthemarketchanges,andappetiteswary!’
Hemusthavebeenaveryingeniousyoungman,that,Sam,saidMr。
Pickwick,withaslightshudder。
Justwas,sir,repliedMr。Weller,continuinghisoccupationofemptyingthebasket,andthepieswasbeautiful。Tongue。wellthat’sawerygoodthingwhenitan’tawoman’s。Bread——knuckleo’ham,reg’larpicter——coldbeefinslices,werygood。What’sinthemstonejars,youngtouch-and-go?
Beerinthisone,repliedtheboy,takingfromhisshoulderacoupleoflargestonebottles,fastenedtogetherbyaleathernstrap——coldpunchint’other。
Andawerygoodnotionofalunchitis,takeitaltogether,saidMr。Weller,surveyinghisarrangementsoftherepastwithgreatsatisfaction。
Now,gen’l’m’n,`fallon,’astheEnglishsaidtotheFrenchwhentheyfixedbagginets。
Itneedednosecondinvitationtoinducethepartytoyieldfulljusticetothemeal。andaslittlepressingdiditrequiretoinduceMr。Weller,thelonggamekeeper,andthetwoboys,tostationthemselvesonthegrass,atalittledistance,anddogoodexecutionuponadecentproportionoftheviands。Anoldoakaffordedapleasantsheltertothegroup,andarichprospectofarableandmeadowland,intersectedwithluxurianthedges,andrichlyornamentedwithwood,layspreadoutbeforethem。
Thisisdelightful——thoroughlydelightful!saidMr。Pickwick,theskinofwhoseexpressivecountenancewasrapidlypeelingoff,withexposuretothesun。
Soitis:soitis,oldfellow,repliedWardle。Come。aglassofpunch!
Withgreatpleasure,saidMr。Pickwick。thesatisfactionofwhosecountenance,afterdrinkingit,boretestimonytothesincerityofthereply。
Good,saidMr。Pickwick,smackinghislips。Verygood。I’lltakeanother。Cool。verycool。Come,gentlemen,continuedMr。Pickwick,stillretaininghisholduponthejar,atoast。OurfriendsatDingleyDell。
Thetoastwasdrunkwithloudacclamations。
I’lltellyouwhatIshalldo,togetupmyshootingagain,saidMr。
Winkle,whowaseatingbreadandhamwithapocket-knife。I’llputastuffedpartridgeonthetopofapost,andpracticeatit,beginningatashortdistance,andlengtheningitbydegrees。Iunderstandit’scapitalpractice。
Iknowagen’l’man,sir,saidMr。Weller,asdidthat,andbegunattwoyards。buthenevertrieditonagin。forheblowedthebirdrightcleanawayatthefirstfire,andnobodyeverseedafeatheronhimarterwards。
Sam,saidMr。Pickwick。
Sir,repliedMr。WellerHavethegoodnesstoreserveyouranecdotestilltheyarecalledfor。
Cert’nly,sir。
HereMr。Wellerwinkedtheeyewhichwasnotconcealedbythebeer-canhewasraisingtohislipswithsuchexquisiteness,thatthetwoboyswentintospontaneousconvulsions,andeventhelongmancondescendedtosmile。
Wellthatcertainlyismostcapitalcoldpunch,saidMr。Pickwick,lookingearnestlyatthestonebottle。andthedayisextremelywarm,and——Tupman,mydearfriend,aglassofpunch?
Withthegreatestdelight,repliedMr。Tupman。andhavingdrankthatglass,Mr。Pickwicktookanother,justtoseewhethertherewasanyorangepeelinthepunch,becauseorangepeelalwaysdisagreedwithhim。andfindingthattherewasnot,Mr。Pickwicktookanotherglasstothehealthoftheirabsentfriend,andthenfelthimselfimperativelycalledupontoproposeanotherinhonourofthepunch-compounder,unknown。
ThisconstantsuccessionofglassesproducedconsiderableeffectuponMr。Pickwick。hiscountenancebeamedwiththemostsunnysmiles,laughterplayedaroundhislips,andgood-humouredmerrimenttwinkledinhiseye。
Yieldingbydegreestotheinfluenceoftheexcitingliquid,renderedmoresobytheheat,Mr。Pickwickexpressedastrongdesiretorecollectasongwhichhehadheardinhisinfancy,andtheattemptprovingabortive,soughttostimulatehismemorywithmoreglassesofpunch,whichappearedtohavequiteacontraryeffect。for,fromforgettingthewordsofthesong,hebegantoforgethowtoarticulateanywordsatall。andfinally,afterrisingtohislegstoaddressthecompanyinaneloquentspeech,hefellintothebarrow,andfastasleep,simultaneously。
Thebaskethavingbeenrepacked,anditbeingfoundperfectlyimpossibletoawakenMr。Pickwickfromhistorpor,somediscussiontookplacewhetheritwouldbebetterforMr。Wellertowheelhismasterbackagain,ortoleavehimwherehewas,untiltheyshouldallbereadytoreturn。Thelattercoursewasatlengthdecidedon。andasthefurtherexpeditionwasnottoexceedanhour’sduration,andasMr。Wellerbeggedveryhardtobeoneoftheparty,itwasdeterminedtoleaveMr。Pickwickasleepinthebarrow,andtocallforhimontheirreturn。Soawaytheywent,leavingMr。Pickwicksnoringmostcomfortablyintheshade。
ThatMr。Pickwickwouldhavecontinuedtosnoreintheshadeuntilhisfriendscameback,or,indefaultthereof,untiltheshadesofeveninghadfallenonthelandscape,thereappearsnoreasonablecausetodoubt。
alwayssupposingthathehadbeensufferedtoremainthereinpeace。Buthewasnotsufferedtoremainthereinpeace。Andthiswaswhatpreventedhim。
CaptainBoldwigwasalittlefiercemaninastiffblackneckerchiefandbluesurtout,who,whenhedidcondescendtowalkabouthisproperty,diditincompanywithathickrattanstickwithabrassferrule,andagardenerandsubgardenerwithmeekfaces,towhomthegardeners,notthestickCaptainBoldwiggavehisorderswithallduegrandeurandferocity:
forCaptainBoldwig’swife’ssisterhadmarriedaMarquis,andtheCaptain’shousewasavilla,andhislandgrounds,anditwasallveryhigh,andmighty,andgreat。
Mr。PickwickhadnotbeenasleephalfanhourwhenlittleCaptainBoldwig,followedbythetwogardeners,camestridingalongasfastashissizeandimportancewouldlethim。andwhenhecameneartheoaktree,CaptainBoldwigpaused,anddrewalongbreath,andlookedattheprospectasifhethoughttheprospectoughttobehighlygratifiedathavinghimtotakenoticeofit。andthenhestruckthegroundemphaticallywithhisstick,andsummonedthehead-gardener。
Hunt,saidCaptainBoldwig。
Yes,sir,saidthegardener。
Rollthisplaceto-morrowmorning——doyouhear,Hunt?
Yes,sir。
Andtakecarethatyoukeepmethisplaceingoodorder——doyouhear,Hunt?
Yes,sir。
Andremindmetohaveaboarddoneabouttrespassers,andspringguns,andallthatsortofthing,tokeepthecommonpeopleout。Doyouhear,Hunt。doyouhear?
I’llnotforgetit,sir。
Ibegyourpardon,sir,saidtheotherman,advancing,withhishandtohishat。
Well,Wilkins,what’sthematterwithyou?saidCaptainBoldwig。
Ibegyourpardon,sir——butIthinktherehavebeentrespassershereto-day。
Ha!saidtheCaptain,scowlingaroundhim。
Yes,sir——theyhavebeendininghere,Ithink,sir。
Why,confoundtheiraudacity,sotheyhave,saidCaptainBoldwig,asthecrumbsandfragmentsthatwerestrewnuponthegrassmethiseye。
Theyhaveactuallybeendevouringtheirfoodhere。IwishIhadthevagabondshere!saidtheCaptain,clenchingthethickstick。
IwishIhadthevagabondshere,saidtheCaptain,wrathfully。
Begyourpardon,sir,saidWilkins,but——
Butwhat?Eh?roaredtheCaptain。andfollowingthetimidglanceofWilkins,hiseyesencounteredthewheel-barrowandMr。Pickwick。
Whoareyou,yourascal?saidtheCaptain,administeringseveralpokestoMr。Pickwick’sbodywiththethickstick。What’syourname?
Coldpunch,murmuredMr。Pickwick,ashesunktosleepagain。
What?demandedCaptainBoldwig。
Noreply。
Whatdidhesayhisnamewas?askedtheCaptain。
Punch,Ithink,sir,repliedWilkins。
That’shisimpudence,that’shisconfoundedimpudence,saidCaptainBoldwig。He’sonlyfeigningtobeasleepnow,saidtheCaptain,inahighpassion。He’sdrunk。he’sadrunkenplebeian。Wheelhimaway,Wilkins,wheelhimawaydirectly。
WhereshallIwheelhimto,sir?inquiredWilkins,withgreattimidity。
WheelhimtotheDevil,repliedCaptainBoldwig。
Verywell,sir,saidWilkins。
Stay,saidtheCaptain。
Wilkinsstoppedaccordingly。
Wheelhim,saidtheCaptain,wheelhimtothePound。andletusseewhetherhecallshimselfPunchwhenhecomestohimself。Heshallnotbullyme,heshallnotbullyme。Wheelhimaway。
AwayMr。Pickwickwaswheeledincompliancewiththisimperiousmandate。
andthegreatCaptainBoldwig,swellingwithindignation,proceededonhiswalk。
Inexpressiblewastheastonishmentofthelittlepartywhentheyreturned,tofindthatMr。Pickwickhaddisappeared,andtakenthewheelbarrowwithhim。Itwasthemostmysteriousandunaccountablethingthatwaseverheardof。Foralamemantohavegotuponhislegswithoutanypreviousnotice,andwalkedoff,wouldhavebeenmostextraordinary。butwhenitcametohiswheelingaheavybarrowbeforehim,bywayofamusement,itgrewpositivelymiraculous。Theysearchedeverynookandcornerround,togetherandseparately。
theyshouted,whistled,laughed,called——andallwiththesameresult。
Mr。Pickwickwasnottobefound。Aftersomehoursoffruitlesssearch,theyarrivedattheunwelcomeconclusionthattheymustgohomewithouthim。
MeanwhileMr。PickwickhadbeenwheeledtothePound,andsafelydepositedtherein,fastasleepinthewheelbarrow,totheimmeasurabledelightandsatisfaction,notonlyofalltheboysinthevillage,butthree-fourthsofthewholepopulation,whohadgatheredround,inexpectationofhiswaking。Iftheirmostintensegratificationhadbeenexcitedbyseeinghimwheeledin,howmanyhundredfoldwastheirjoyincreasedwhen,afterafewindistinctcriesofSam!hesatupinthebarrow,andgazedwithindescribableastonishmentonthefacesbeforehim。
Ageneralshoutwasofcoursethesignalofhishavingwokeup。andhisinvoluntaryinquiryofWhat’sthematter?occasionedanother,louderthanthefirst,ifpossible。
Here’sagame!roaredthepopulace。
WhereamI?exclaimedMr。Pickwick。
InthePound,repliedthemob。
HowcameIhere?WhatwasIdoing?WherewasIbroughtfrom?
Boldwig!CaptainBoldwig!wastheonlyreply。
Letmeout,criedMr。Pickwick。Where’smyservant?Wherearemyfriends?
Youan’tgotnofriends。Hurrah!Thentherecameaturnip,thenapoato,andthenanegg:withafewotherlittletokensoftheplayfuldispositionofthemany-headed。
Howlongthisscenemighthavelasted,orhowmuchMr。Pickwickmighthavesuffered,noonecantell,hadnotacarriage,whichwasdrivingswiftlyby,suddenlypulledup,fromwhencetheredescendedoldWardleandSamWeller,theformerofwhom,infarlesstimethanittakestowriteit,ifnottoreadit,hadmadehiswaytoMr。Pickwick’sside,andplacedhiminthevehicle,justasthelatterhadconcludedthethirdandlastroundofasinglecombatwiththetown-beadle。
RuntotheJustice’s!criedadozenvoices。
Ah,runavay,saidMr。Weller,jumpinguponthebox。Givemycompliments——Mr。
Veller’scompliments——totheJustice,andtellhimI’vespiledhisbeadle,andthat,ifhe’llsvearinanew’un,I’llcomebackaginto-morrowandspilehim。Driveon,oldfeller。
I’llgivedirectionsforthecommencementofanactionforfalseimprisonmentagainstthisCaptainBoldwig,directlyIgettoLondon,saidMr。Pickwick,assoonasthecarriageturnedoutofthetown。
Weweretrespassing,itseems,saidWardle。
Idon’tcare,saidMr。Pickwick,I’llbringtheaction。
No,youwon’t,saidWardle。
Iwill,by——butastherewasahumorousexpressioninWardle’sface,Mr。Pickwickcheckedhimself,andsaid:Whynot?
Because,saidoldWardle,half-burstingwithlaughter,becausetheymightturnroundonsomeofus,andsaywehadtakentoomuchcoldpunch。
Dowhathewould,asmilewouldcomeintoMr。Pickwick’sface。thesmileextendedintoalaugh。thelaughintoaroar。theroarbecamegeneral。
So,tokeepuptheirgoodhumour,theystoppedatthefirstroadsidetaverntheycameto,andorderedaglassofbrandyandwaterallround,withamagnumofextrastrengthforMr。SamuelWeller。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers:Chapter20[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERXXSHOWINGHOWDODSONANDFOGGWEREMENOFBUSINESS,ANDTHEIRCLERKSMENOFPLEASURE。ANDHOWANAFFECTINGINTERVIEWTOOKPLACE
BETWEENMR。WELLERANDHISLONG-LOSTPARENT。SHOWINGALSOWHATCHOICESPIRITS
ASSEMBLEDATTHEMAGPIEANDSTUMP,ANDWHATACAPITALCHAPTERTHENEXT
ONEWILLBE
INtheground-floorfrontofadingyhouse,attheveryfurthestendofFreeman’sCourt,Cornhill,satthefourclerksofMessrs。DodsonandFogg,twoofhisMajesty’sAttorneysoftheCourtsofKing’sBenchandCommonPleasatWest-minster,andsolicitorsoftheHighCourtofChancery:theaforesaidclerkscatchingasfavourableglimpsesofHeaven’slightandHeaven’ssun,inthecourseoftheirdailylabours,asamanmighthopetodo,wereheplacedatthebottomofareasonablydeepwell。andwithouttheopportunityofperceivingthestarsintheday-time,whichthelattersecludedsituationaffords。
Theclerks’officeofMessrs。DodsonandFoggwasadark,mouldy,earthy-smellingroom,withahighwainscottedpartitiontoscreentheclerksfromthevulgargaze:acoupleofoldwoodenchairs:averyloud-tickingclock:analmanack,anumbrella-stand,arowofhat-pegs,andafewshelves,onwhichweredepositedseveralticketedbundlesofdirtypapers,someolddealboxeswithpaperlabels,andsundrydecayedstoneinkbottlesofvariousshapesandsizes。Therewasaglassdoorleadingintothepassagewhichformedtheentrancetothecourt,andontheoutersideofthisglassdoor,Mr。
Pickwick,closelyfollowedbySamWeller,presentedhimselfontheFridaymorningsucceedingtheoccurrence,ofwhichafaithfulnarrationisgiveninthelastchapter。
Comein,can’tyou!criedavoicefrombehindthepartition,inreplytoMr。Pickwick’sgentletapatthedoor。AndMr。PickwickandSamenteredaccordingly。
Mr。DodsonorMr。Foggathome,sir?inquiredMr。Pickwick,gently,advancing,hatinhand,towardsthepartition。
Mr。Dodsonain’tathome,andMr。Fogg’sparticularlyengaged,repliedthevoice。andatthesametimetheheadtowhichthevoicebelonged,withapenbehinditsear,lookedoverthepartition,andatMr。Pickwick。
Itwasaraggedhead,thesandyhairofwhich,scrupulouslypartedononeside,andflatteneddownwithpomatum,wastwistedintolittlesemi-circulartailsroundaflatfaceornamentedwithapairofsmalleyes,andgarnishedwithaverydirtyshirtcollar,andarustyblackstock。
Mr。Dodsonain’tathome,andMr。Fogg’sparticularlyengaged,saidthemantowhomtheheadbelonged。
WhenwillMr。Dodsonbeback,sir?inquiredMr。Pickwick。
Can’tsay。
WillitbelongbeforeMr。Foggisdisengaged,sir?
Don’tknow。
Herethemanproceededtomendhispenwithgreatdeliberation,whileanotherclerk,whowasmixingaSeidlitzpowder,undercoverofthelidofhisdesk,laughedapprovingly。
IthinkI’llwait,saidMr。Pickwick。Therewasnoreply。soMr。Pickwicksatdownunbidden,andlistenedtotheloudtickingoftheclockandthemurmuredconversationoftheclerks。
Thatwasagame,wasn’tit?saidoneofthegentlemen,inabrowncoatandbrassbuttons,inkydrabs,andbluchers,attheconclusionofsomeinaudiblerelationofhispreviousevening’sadventures。
Devilishgood——devilishgood,saidtheSeidlitz-powderman。
TomCumminswasinthechair,saidthemanwiththebrowncoat。Itwashalf-pastfourwhenIgottoSomersTown,andthenIwassouncommonlushey,thatIcouldn’tfindtheplacewherethelatch-keywentin,andwasobligedtoknockuptheold’ooman。Isay,IwonderwhatoldFogg’udsay,ifheknewit。Ishouldgetthesack,Is’pose——eh?
Atthishumorousnotion,alltheclerkslaughedinconcert。
TherewassuchagamewithFogghere,thismornin’,saidthemaninthebrowncoat,whileJackwasup-stairssortingthepapers,andyoutwoweregonetothestamp-office。Foggwasdownhere,openingtheletters,whenthatchapasweissuedthewritagainstatCamberwell,youknow,camein——what’shisnameagain?
Ramsey,saidtheclerkwhohadspokentoMr。Pickwick。
Ah,Ramsey——apreciousseedy-lookingcustomer。`Well,sir,’saysoldFogg,lookingathimveryfierce——youknowhisway——`well,sir,haveyoucometosettle?’`Yes,Ihave,sir,’saidRamsey,puttinghishandinhispocket,andbringingoutthemoney,`thedebt’stwopoundten,andthecoststhreepoundfive,andhereitis,sir。andhesighedlikebricks,asheluggedoutthemoney,doneupinabitofblotting-paper。OldFogglookedfirstatthemoney,andthenathim,andthenhecoughedinhisrumway,sothatIknewsomethingwascoming。Youdon’tknowthere’sadeclarationfiled,whichincreasesthecostsmaterially,Isuppose?’saidFogg。`Youdon’tsaythat,sir,’saidRamsey,startingback。`thetimewasonlyoutlastnight,sir。’`Idosayit,though,’saidFogg,`myclerk’sjustgonetofileit。Hasn’tMr。JacksongonetofilethatdeclarationinBullmanandRamsey,Mr。Wicks?’OfcourseIsaidyes,andthenFoggcoughedagain,andlookedatRamsey。`MyGod!’saidRamsey。`andherehaveInearlydrivenmyselfmad,scrapingthismoneytogether,andalltonopurpose。’`Noneatall,’saidFogg,coolly。`soyouhadbettergobackandscrapesomemoretogether,andbringithereintime。’`Ican’tgetit,byGod!’saidRamsey,strikingthedeskwithhisfist。`Don’tbullyme,sir,’saidFogg,gettingintoapassiononpurpose。`Iamnotbullyingyou,sir,’saidRamsey。`Youare,’saidFogg。`getout,sir。getoutofthisoffice,sir,andcomeback,sir,whenyouknowhowtobehaveyourself。’
Well,Ramseytriedtospeak,butFoggwouldn’tlethim,soheputthemoneyinhispocket,andsneakedout。Thedoorwasscarcelyshut,whenoldFoggturnedroundtome,withasweetsmileonhisface,anddrewthedeclarationoutofhiscoatpocket。`Here,Wicks,’saysFogg,`takeacab,andgodowntotheTempleasquickasyoucan,andfilethat。Thecostsarequitesafe,forhe’sasteadymanwithalargefamily,atasalaryoffive-and-twentyshillingsaweek,andifhegivesusawarrantofattorney,ashemustintheend,Iknowhisemployerswillseeitpaid。sowemayaswellgetallwecanoutofhim,Mr。Wicks。it’saChristianacttodoit,Mr。Wicks,forwithhislargefamilyandsmallincome,he’llbeallthebetterforagoodlessonagainstgettingintodebt,——won’the,Mr。Wicks,won’the?’——andhesmiledsogood-naturedlyashewentaway,thatitwasdelightfultoseehim。Heisacapitalmanofbusiness,saidWicks,inatoneofthedeepestadmiration,capital,isn’the?
Theotherthreecordiallysubscribedtothisopinion,andtheanecdoteaffordedthemostunlimitedsatisfaction。
Nicementhesehere,sir,whisperedMr。Wellertohismaster。werynicenotionoffuntheyhas,sir。
Mr。Pickwicknoddedassent,andcoughedtoattracttheattentionoftheyounggentlemenbehindthepartition,who,havingnowrelaxedtheirmindsbyalittleconversationamongthemselves,condescendedtotakesomenoticeofthestranger。
IwonderwhetherFogg’sdisengagednow?saidJackson。
I’llsee,saidWicks,dismountingleisurelyfromhisstool。WhatnameshallItellMr。Fogg?
Pickwick,repliedtheillustrioussubjectofthesememoirs。
Mr。Jacksondepartedup-stairsonhiserrand,andimmediatelyreturnedwithamessagethatMr。FoggwouldseeMr。Pickwickinfiveminutes。andhavingdeliveredit,returnedagaintohisdesk。
Whatdidhesayhisnamewas?whisperedWicks。
Pickwick,repliedJackson。it’sthedefendantinBardellandPickwick。
Asuddenscrapingoffeet,mingledwiththesoundofsuppressedlaughter,washeardfrombehindthepartition。
They’reatwiggin’ofyou,sir,whisperedMr。Weller。
Twiggingofme,Sam!repliedMr。Pickwick。whatdoyoumeanbytwiggingme?
Mr。Wellerrepliedbypointingwithhisthumboverhisshoulder,andMr。Pickwick,onlookingup,becamesensibleofthepleasingfact,thatallthefourclerks,withcountenancesexpressiveoftheutmostamusement,andwiththeirheadsthrustoverthewoodenscreen,wereminutelyinspectingthefigureandgeneralappearanceofthesupposedtriflerwithfemalehearts,anddisturberoffemalehappiness。Onhislookingup,therowofheadssuddenlydisappeared,andthesoundofpenstravellingatafuriousrateoverpaper,immediatelysucceeded。
Asuddenringatthebellwhichhungintheoffice,summonedMr。JacksontotheapartmentofFogg,fromwhencehecamebacktosaythatheFogg
wasreadytoseeMr。Pickwickifhewouldstepup-stairs。
Up-stairsMr。Pickwickdidstepaccordingly,leavingSamWellerbelow。
Theroomdooroftheone-pairback,boreinscribedinlegiblecharacterstheimposingwordsMr。Fogg。and,havingtappedthereat,andbeendesiredtocomein,JacksonusheredMr。Pickwickintothepresence。
IsMr。Dodsonin?inquiredMr。Fogg。
Justcomein,sir,repliedJackson。
Askhimtostephere。
Yes,sir。ExitJackson。
Takeaseat,sir,saidFogg。thereisthepaper,sir。mypartnerwillbeheredirectly,andwecanconverseaboutthismatter,sir。
Mr。Pickwicktookaseatandthepaper,butinsteadofreadingthelatter,peepedoverthetopofit,andtookasurveyofthemanofbusiness,whowasanelderly,pimply-faced,vegetable-dietsortofman,inablackcoat,darkmixturetrousers,andsmallblackgaiters。akindofbeingwhoseemedtobeanessentialpartofthedeskatwhichhewaswriting,andtohaveasmuchthoughtorsentiment。
Afterafewminutes’silence,Mr。Dodson,aplump,portly,stern-lookingman,withaloudvoice,appeared。andtheconversationcommenced。
ThisisMr。Pickwick,saidFogg。
Ah!Youarethedefendant,sir,inBardellandPickwick?saidDodson。
Iam,sir,repliedMr。Pickwick。
Well,sir,saidDodson,andwhatdoyoupropose?
Ah!saidFogg,thrustinghishandsintohistrousers’pockets,andthrowinghimselfbackinhischair,whatdoyoupropose,Mr。Pickwick?
Hush,Fogg,saidDodson,letmehearwhatMr。Pickwickhastosay。
Icame,gentlemen,saidMr。Pickwick,gazingplacidlyonthetwopartners,Icamehere,gentlemen,toexpressthesurprisewithwhichIreceivedyourletteroftheotherday,andtoinquirewhatgroundsofactionyoucanhaveagainstme。
Groundsof——Fogghadejaculatedthismuch,whenhewasstoppedbyDodson。
Mr。Fogg,saidDodson,Iamgoingtospeak。
Ibegyourpardon,Mr。Dodson,saidFoggForthegroundsofaction,sir,continuedDodson,withmoralelevationinhisair,youwillconsultyourownconscienceandyourownfeelings。
We,sir,we,areguidedentirelybythestatementofourclient。Thatstatement,sir,maybetrue,oritmaybefalse。itmaybecredible,oritmaybeincredible。but,ifitbetrue,andifitbecredible,Idonothesitatetosay,sir,thatourgroundsofaction,sir,arestrong,andnottobeshaken。Youmaybeanunfortunateman,sir,oryoumaybeadesigningone。
butifIwerecalledupon,asajurymanuponmyoath,sir,toexpressanopinionofyourconduct,sir,IdonothesitatetoassertthatIshouldhavebutoneopinionaboutit。HereDodsondrewhimselfup,withanairofoffendedvirtue,andlookedatFogg,whothrusthishandsfurtherinhispockets,and,noddinghisheadsagely,said,inatoneofthefullestconcurrence,Mostcertainly。
Well,sir,saidMr。Pickwick,withconsiderablepaindepictedinhiscountenance,youwillpermitmetoassureyou,thatIamamostunfortunateman,sofarasthiscaseisconcerned。
Ihopeyouare,sir,repliedDodson。Itrustyoumaybe,sir。Ifyouarereallyinnocentofwhatislaidtoyourcharge,youaremoreunfortunatethanIhadbelievedanymancouldpossiblybe。Whatdoyousay,Mr。Fogg?
Isaypreciselywhatyousay,repliedFogg,withasmileofincredulity。
Thewrit,sir,whichcommencestheaction,continuedDodson,wasissuedregularly。Mr。Fogg,whereisthepraecipebook?
Hereitis,saidFogg,handingoverasquarebook,withaparchmentcover。
Hereistheentry,resumedDodson。`Middlesex,CapiasMarthaBardell,widow,v。SamuelPickwick。Damages,1500。DodsonandFoggfortheplaintiff,Aug。28,1830。’Allregular,sir。perfectly。DodsoncoughedandlookedatFogg,whosaidPerfectly,also。AndthentheybothlookedatMr。Pickwick。
Iamtounderstand,then,saidMr。Pickwick,thatitreallyisyourintentiontoproceedwiththisaction?
Understand,sir?Thatyoucertainlymay,repliedDodson,withsomethingasnearasmileashisimportancewouldallow。
Andthatthedamagesareactuallylaidatfifteenhundredpounds?
saidMr。Pickwick。
Towhichunderstandingyoumayaddmyassurance,thatifwecouldhaveprevaileduponourclient,theywouldhavebeenlaidattrebletheamount,sir:repliedDodson。
IbelieveMrs。Bardellspeciallysaid,however,observedFogg,glancingatDodson,thatshewouldnotcompromiseforafarthingless。
Unquestionably,repliedDodson,sternly。Fortheactionwasonlyjustbegun。anditwouldn’thavedonetoletMr。Pickwickcompromiseitthen,evenifhehadbeensodisposed。
Asyouoffernoterms,sir,saidDodson,displayingaslipofparchmentinhisrighthand,andaffectionatelypressingapapercopyofit,onMr。
Pickwickwithhisleft,Ihadbetterserveyouwithacopyofthiswrit,sirHereistheoriginal,sir。
Verywell,gentlemen,verywell,saidMr。Pickwick,risinginpersonandwrathatthesametime。youshallhearfrommysolicitor,gentlemen。
Weshallbeveryhappytodoso,saidFogg,rubbinghishands。
Very,saidDodson,openingthedoor。
AndbeforeIgo,gentlemen,saidtheexcitedMr。Pickwick,turningroundonthelanding,permitmetosay,thatofallthedisgracefulandrascallyproceedings——
Stay,sir,stay,interposedDodson,withgreatpoliteness。Mr。Jackson!
Mr。Wicks。
Sir,saidthetwoclerks,appearingatthebottomofthestairs。
Imerelywantyoutohearwhatthisgentlemansays,repliedDodson。
Pray,goon,sir——disgracefulandrascallyproceedings,Ithinkyousaid?
Idid,saidMr。Pickwick,thoroughlyroused。Isaid,sir,thatofallthedisgracefulandrascallyproceedingsthateverwereattempted,thisisthemostso。Irepeatit,sir。
Youhearthat,Mr。Wicks?saidDodson。
Youwon’tforgettheseexpressions,Mr。Jackson?saidFogg。
Perhapsyouwouldliketocallusswindlers,sir,saidDodson。Praydo,sir,ifyoufeeldisposed。nowpraydo,sir。
Ido,saidMr。Pickwick。Youareswindlers。
Verygood,saidDodson。Youcanheardownthere,Ihope,Mr。Wicks?
Ohyes,sir,saidWicks。
Youhadbettercomeupasteportwohigher,ifyoucan’t,addedMr。
Fogg。Goon,sir。dogoon。Youhadbettercallusthieves,sir。orperhapsyouwouldliketoassaultoneofus。Praydoit,sir,ifyouwould。wewillnotmakethesmallestresistance。Praydoit,sir。
AsFoggputhimselfverytemptinglywithinthereachofMr。Pickwick’sclenchedfist,thereislittledoubtthatthatgentlemanwouldhavecompliedwithhisearnestentreaty,butfortheinterpositionofSam,who,hearingthedispute,emergedfromtheoffice,mountedthestairs,andseizedhismasterbythearm。
Youjustcomeavay,saidMr。Weller。Battledoreandshuttlecock’sawerygoodgame,vhenyouan’ttheshuttlecockandtwolawyersthebattledores,inwhichcaseitgetstooexcitin’tobepleasant。Comeavay,sir。Ifyouwanttoeaseyourmindbyblowingupsomebody,comeoutintothecourtandblowupme。butit’sraythertooexpensiveworktobecarriedonhere。
Andwithouttheslightestceremony,Mr。Wellerhauledhismasterdownthestairs,anddownthecourt,andhavingsafelydepositedhiminCornhill,fellbehind,preparedtofollowwhithersoeverheshouldlead。
Mr。Pickwickwalkedonabstractedly,crossedoppositetheMansionHouse,andbenthisstepsupCheapside。Sambegantowonderwheretheyweregoing,whenhismasterturnedroundandsaid:
Sam,IwillgoimmediatelytoMr。Perker’s。
That’sjustexactlytheweryplacevereyououghttohavegonelastnight,sir,repliedMr。Weller。
Ithinkitis,Sam,saidMr。Pickwick。
Iknowitis,saidMr。Weller。
Well,well,Sam,repliedMr。Pickwick,wewillgothereatonce,butfirst,asIhavebeenratherruffled,Ishouldlikeaglassofbrandyandwarmwater,Sam。WherecanIhaveit,Sam?
Mr。Weller’sknowledgeofLondonwasextensiveandpeculiar。Herepliedwithouttheslightestconsideration:
Secondcourtontherighthandside——lasthousebutvunonthesamesidethevay——taketheboxasstandsinthefirstfire-place,’costherean’tnoleginthemiddleo’thetable,wichalltheothershas,andit’sweryinconvenient。
Mr。Pickwickobservedhisvalet’sdirectionsimplicitly,andbiddingSamfollowhim,enteredthetavernhehadpointedout,wherethehotwaterandbrandywasspeedilyplacedbeforehim。whileMr。Weller,seatedatarespectfuldistance,thoughatthesametablewithhismaster,wasaccommodatedwithapintofporter。
Theroomwasoneofaveryhomelydescription,andwasapparentlyundertheespecialpatronageofstagecoachmen:forseveralgentlemen,whohadalltheappearanceofbelongingtothatlearnedprofession,weredrinkingandsmokinginthedifferentboxes。Amongthenumberwasonestout,redfaced,elderlymaninparticular,seatedinanoppositebox,whoattractedMr。
Pickwick’sattention。Thestoutmanwassmokingwithgreatvehemence,butbetweeneveryhalf-dozenpuffs,hetookhispipefromhismouth,andlookedfirstatMr。WellerandthenatMr。Pickwick。Then,hewouldburyinaquartpot,asmuchofhiscountenanceasthedimensionsofthequartpotadmittedofitsreceiving,andtakeanotherlookatSamandMr。Pickwick。
Thenhewouldtakeanotherhalf-dozenpuffswithanairofprofoundmeditationandlookatthemagain。Atlastthestoutman,puttinguphislegsontheseat,andleaninghisbackagainstthewall,begantopuffathispipewithoutleavingoffatall,andtostarethroughthesmokeatthenew-comers,asifhehadmadeuphismindtoseethemosthecouldofthem。