ThePresidentoftheUnitedStatesisonlytheenginedriverofourbroad-gaugemail-train；andeveryhonest，independentthinkerhasaseatinthefirst-classcarsbehindhim——
Thereissomethinginwhatyousay，——repliedthedivinity-student；——
andyetitseemstomethereareplacesandtimeswheredisputeddoctrinesofreligionshouldnotbeintroduced。Youwouldnotattackachurchdogma——sayTotalDepravity——inalyceum-lecture，forinstance？
Certainlynot；Ishouldchooseanotherplace，——Ianswered——But，mindyou，atthistableIthinkitisverydifferent。IshallexpressmyideasonanysubjectIlike。Thelawsofthelecture-
room，towhichmyfriendsandmyselfarealwaysamenable，donotholdhere。Ishallnotoftengivearguments，butfrequentlyopinions，——I
trustwithcourtesyandpropriety，but，atanyrate，withsuchnaturalformsofexpressionasithaspleasedtheAlmightytobestowuponme。
Aman’sopinions，lookyou，aregenerallyofmuchmorevaluethanhisarguments。Theselastaremadebyhisbrain，andperhapshedoesnotbelievethepropositiontheytendtoprove，——asisoftenthecasewithpaidlawyers；butopinionsareformedbyourwholenature，——
brain，heart，instinct，brutelife，everythingallourexperiencehasshapedforusbycontactwiththewholecircleofourbeing——
Thereisonethingmore，——saidthedivinity-student，——thatIwishedtospeakof；Imeanthatideaofyours，expressedsometimesince，ofdepolarizingthetextofsacredbooksinordertojudgethemfairly。
MayIaskwhyyoudonottrytheexperimentyourself？
Certainly，——Ireplied，——ifitgivesyouanypleasuretoaskfoolishquestions。Ithinktheoceantelegraph-wireoughttobelaidandwillbelaid，butIdon’tknowthatyouhaveanyrighttoaskmetogoandlayit。But，forthatmatter，IhaveheardagooddealofScripturedepolarizedinandoutofthepulpit。IheardtheRev。
Mr。F。oncedepolarizethestoryoftheProdigalSoninPark-StreetChurch。Manyyearsafterwards，IheardhimrepeatthesameorasimilardepolarizedversioninRome，NewYork。Iheardanadmirabledepolarizationofthestoryoftheyoungmanwho"hadgreatpossessions"fromtheRev。Mr。H。inanotherpulpit，andfeltthatIhadneverhalfunderstooditbefore。Allparaphrasesaremoreorlessperfectdepolarizations。ButItellyouthis:thefaithofourChristiancommunityisnotrobustenoughtobeartheturningofourmostsacredlanguageintoitsdepolarizedequivalents。YouhaveonlytolookbacktoDr。Channing’sfamousBaltimorediscourseandremembertheshrieksofblasphemywithwhichitwasgreeted，tosatisfyyourselfonthispoint。Time，timeonly，cangraduallyweanusfromourEpeolatry，orword-worship，byspiritualizingourideasofthethingsignified。Manisanidolaterorsymbol-worshipperbynature，which，ofcourse，isnofaultofhis；butsoonerorlaterallhislocalandtemporarysymbolsmustbegroundtopowder，likethegoldencalf，——word-imagesaswellasmetalandwoodenones。Roughwork，iconoclasm，——buttheonlywaytogetattruth。Itis，indeed，asthatquaintandrareolddiscourse，"ASummonsforSleepers，"hathit，"nodoubtathanklessoffice，andaverieunthriftieoccupation；
veritasodiumparit，truthnevergoethwithoutascratchtface；hethatwillbebusiewithvoevobis，lethimlookeshortlyforcoramnobas。"
Theveryaimandendofourinstitutionsisjustthis:thatwemaythinkwhatwelikeandsaywhatwethink——
Thinkwhatwelike！——saidthedivinity-student；——thinkwhatwelike！What！againstallhumananddivineauthority？
Againstallhumanversionsofitsownoranyotherauthority。Atourownperilalways，ifwedonotliketheright，——butnotattheriskofbeinghangedandquarteredforpoliticalheresy，orbroiledongreenfagotsforecclesiasticaltreason！Nay，wehavegotsofar，thattheverywordheresyhasfallenintocomparativedisuseamongus。
Andnow，myyoungfriend，let-usshakehandsandstopourdiscussion，whichwewillnotmakeaquarrel。Itrustyouknow，orwilllearn，agreatmanythingsinyourprofessionwhichwecommonscholarsdonotknow；butmarkthis:whenthecommonpeopleofNewEnglandstoptalkingpoliticsandtheology，itwillbebecausetheyhavegotanEmperortoteachthemtheone，andaPopetoteachthemtheother！
Thatwastheendofmylongconferencewiththedivinity-student。
Thenextmorningwegottalkingalittleonthesamesubject，verygood-naturedly，aspeoplereturntoamattertheyhavetalkedout。
Youmustlooktoyourself，——saidthedivinity-student，——ifyourdemocraticnotionsgetintoprint。Youwillbefiredintofromallquarters。
Ifitwereonlyabullet，withthemarksman’snameonit！——Isaid——
Ican’tstoptopickoutthepeep-shotoftheanonymousscribblers。
Right，Sir！right！——saidtheLittleGentleman。Thescamps！Iknowthefellows。Theycan’tgivefiftycentstooneoftheAntipodes，buttheymusthaveitjingledalongthrougheverybody’spalmsalltheway，tillitreacheshim，——andfortycentsofitgetsspilt，likethewateroutofthefire-bucketspassedalonga"lane"atafire；——butwhenitcomestoanonymousdefamation，puttingliesintopeople’smouths，andthenadvertisingthosepeoplethroughthecountryastheauthorsofthem，——oh，thenitisthattheyletnottheirlefthandknowwhattheirrighthanddoeth！
Idon’tlikeEhud’sstyleofdoingbusiness，Sir。Hecomesalongwithaverysanctimoniouslook，Sir，withhis"secreterranduntothee，"andhis"messagefromGoduntothee，"andthenpullsouthishiddenknifewiththatunsuspectedhandofhis，——theLittleGentlemanliftedhisclenchedlefthandwiththeblood-redjewelonthering-finger，——andrunsit，bladeandhaft，intoaman’sstomach！
Don’tmeddlewiththesefellows，Sir。Theyarereadmostlybypersonswhomyouwouldnotreach，ifyouweretowriteeversomuch。
Let’emalone。Amanwhoseopinionsarenotattackedisbeneathcontempt。
Ihopeso，——Isaid——Igotthreepamphletsandinnumerablesquibsflungatmyheadforattackingoneofthepseudo-sciences，informeryears。When，bythepermissionofProvidence，Ihelduptotheprofessionalpublicthedamnablefactsconnectedwiththeconveyanceofpoisonfromoneyoungmother’schambertoanother’s，——fordoingwhichhumbleofficeIdesiretobethankfulthatIhavelived，thoughnothingelsegoodshouldevercomeofmylife，——IhadtobearthesneersofthosewhosepositionIhadassailed，and，asIbelieve，haveatlastdemolished，sothatnothingbuttheghostsofdeadwomenstiramongtheruins——Whatwouldyoudo，ifthefolkswithoutnameskeptatyou，tryingtogetaSanBenitoontoyourshouldersthatwouldfityou？——Wouldyoustandstillinfly-time，orwouldyougiveakicknowandthen？
Let’embite！——saidtheLittleGentleman，——let’embite！Itmakes’emhungrytoshake’emoff，andtheysettledownagainasthickaseverandtwiceassavage。Doyouknowwhatmeddlingwiththefolkswithoutnames，asyoucall’em，islike？——Itislikeridingatthequintaan。Yourunfulltiltattheboard，buttheboardisonapivot，withabagofsandonanarmthatbalancesit。Theboardgiveswayassoonasyoutouchit；andbeforeyouhavegotby，thebagofsandcomesroundwhackonthebackofyourneck。"Ananias，"
forinstance，pitchesintoyourlecture，wewillsay，insomepapertakenbythepeopleinyourkitchen。Yourservantsgetsaucyandnegligent。Iftheirnewspapercallsyounames，theyneednotbesoparticularaboutshuttingdoorssoftlyorboilingpotatoes。Soyouloseyourtemper，andcomeoutinanarticlewhichyouthinkisgoingtofinish"Ananias，"provinghimaboobywhodoesn’tknowenoughtounderstandevenalyceum-lecture，orelseapersonthattellslies。
Nowyouthinkyou’vegothim！Notsofast。"Ananias"keepsstillandwinksto"Shimei，"and"Shimei"comesoutinthepaperwhichtheytakeinyourneighbor’skitchen，tentimesworsethant’otherfellow。
Ifyoumeddlewith"Shimei，"hestepsout，andnextweekappears"Rab-shakeh，"anunsavorywretch；andnow，atanyrate，youfindoutwhatgoodsensetherewasinHezekiah’s"Answerhimnot。"——No，no，——
keepyourtemper——Sosaying，theLittleGentlemandoubledhisleftfistandlookedatitasifheshouldliketohitsomethingorsomebodyamostperniciouspunchwithit。
Good！——saidI——NowletmegiveyousomeaxiomsIhavearrivedat，afterseeingsomethingofagreatmanykindsofgoodfolks——
Ofahundredpeopleofeachofthedifferentleadingreligioussects，aboutthesameproportionwillbesafeandpleasantpersonstodealandtolivewith——
Thereare，atleast，threerealsaintsamongthewomentooneamongthemen，ineverydenomination——
ThespiritualstandardofdifferentclassesIwouldreckonthus:
1。Thecomfortablyrich。
2。Thedecentlycomfortable。
3。Theveryrich，whoareapttobeirreligious。
4。Theverypoor，whoareapttobeimmoral——
Thecutnailsofmachine-divinitymaybedrivenin，buttheywon’tclinch——
Theargumentswhichthegreatestofourschoolmencouldnotrefuteweretwo:thebloodinmen’sveins，andthemilkinwomen’sbreasts——
Humilityisthefirstofthevirtues——forotherpeople——
Faithalwaysimpliesthedisbeliefofalesserfactinfavorofagreater。Alittlemindoftenseestheunbelief，withoutseeingthebeliefofalargeone。
ThePoorRelationhadbeenfidgetingaboutandworkinghermouthwhileallthiswasgoingon。Shebrokeoutinspeechatthispoint。
Ihatetohearfolkstalkso。Idon’tseethatyouareanybetterthanaheathen。
IwishIwerehalfasgoodasmanyheathenshavebeen，——Isaid——
Dyingforaprincipleseemstomeahigherdegreeofvirtuethanscoldingforit；andthehistoryofheathenracesisfullofinstanceswheremenhavelaiddowntheirlivesfortheloveoftheirkind，oftheircountry，oftruth，nay，evenforsimplemanhood’ssake，ortoshowtheirobedienceorfidelity。Whatwouldnotsuchbeingshavedoneforthesoulsofmen，fortheChristiancommonwealth，fortheKingofKings，iftheyhadlivedindaysoflargerlight？Whichseemstoyounearestheaven，Socratesdrinkinghishemlock，Regulusgoingbacktotheenemy’scamp，orthatoldNewEnglanddivinesittingcomfortablyinhisstudyandchucklingoverhisconceitofcertainpoorwomen，whohadbeenburnedtodeathinhisowntown，going"roaringoutofonefireintoanother"？
Idon’tbelievehesaidanysuchthing，——repliedthePoorRelation。
Itishardtobelieve，——saidI，——butitistrueforallthat。Inanotherhundredyearsitwillbeasincrediblethatmentalkedaswesometimeshearthemnow。
Pectusestquodfacittheologum。Theheartmakesthetheologian。
Everyrace，everycivilization，eitherhasanewrevelationofitsownoranewinterpretationofanoldone。DemocraticAmerica，hasadifferenthumanityfromfeudalEurope，andsomusthaveanewdivinity。See，foronemoment，howintelligencereactsonourfaiths。TheBiblewasadivining-booktoourancestors，andissostillinthehandsofsomeofthevulgar。ThePuritanswenttotheOldTestamentfortheirlaws；theMormonsgotoitfortheirpatriarchalinstitution。Everygenerationdissolvessomethingnewandprecipitatessomethingonceheldinsolutionfromthatgreatstorehouseoftemporaryandpermanenttruths。
Youmayobservethis:thattheconversationofintelligentmenofthestrictersectsisstrangelyinadvanceoftheformulathatbelongtotheirorganizations。Sotrueisthis，thatIhavedoubtswhetheralargeproportionofthemwouldnothavebeenratherpleasedthanoffended，iftheycouldhaveoverheardour，talk。For，lookyou，I
thinkthereishardlyaprofessionalteacherwhowillnotinprivateconversationallowalargepartofwhatwehavesaid，thoughitmayfrightenhiminprint；andIknowwellwhatanunder-currentofsecretsympathygivesvitalitytothosepoorwordsofminewhichsometimesgetahearing。
Idon’tmindtheexclamationofanyoldstagerwhodrinksMadeiraworthfromtwotosixBiblesabottle，andburns，accordingtohisownpremises，adozensoulsayearinthecigarswithwhichhemuddleshisbrains。Butasforthegoodandtrueandintelligentmenwhomweseeallaroundus，laborious，self-denying，hopeful，helpful，——menwhoknowthattheactivemindofthecenturyistendingmoreandmoretothetwopoles，RomeandReason，thesovereignchurchorthefreesoul，authorityorpersonality，GodinusorGodinourmasters，andthat，thoughamanmaybyaccidentstandhalf-waybetweenthesetwopoints，hemustlookonewayortheother，——Idon’tbelievetheywouldtakeoffenceatanythingIhavereportedofourlateconversation。
Butsupposinganyonedotakeoffenceatfirstsight，lethimlookoverthesenotesagain，andseewhetherheisquitesurehedoesnotagreewithmostofthesethingsthatweresaidamongstus。Ifheagreeswithmostofthem，lethimbepatientwithanopinionhedoesnotaccept，oranexpressionorillustrationalittletoovivacious。
Idon’tknowthatIshallreportanymoreconversationsonthesetopics；butIdoinsistontherighttoexpressacivilopiniononthisclassofsubjectswithoutgivingoffence，justwhenandwhereI
please，——unless，asinthelecture-room，thereisanimpliedcontracttokeepclearofdoubtfulmatters。Youdidn’tthinkamancouldsitatabreakfast-tabledoingnothingbutmakingpunseverymorningforayearortwo，andnevergiveathoughttothetwothousandofhisfellow-creatureswhoarepassingintoanotherstateduringeveryhourthathesitstalkingandlaughing。Ofcourse，theonematterthatarealhumanbeingcaresforiswhatisgoingtobecomeofthemandofhim。Andtheplaintruthis，thatagoodmanypeoplearesayingonethingaboutitandbelievinganother——
HowdoIknowthat？Why，Ihaveknownandlovedtotalkwithgoodpeople，allthewayfromRometoGenevaindoctrine，aslongasIcanremember。Besides，therealreligionoftheworldcomesfromwomenmuchmorethanfrommen，——frommothersmostofall，whocarrythekeyofoursoulsintheirbosoms。Itisintheirheartsthatthe"sentimental"religionsomepeoplearesofondofsneeringathasitssource。Thesentimentoflove，thesentimentofmaternity，thesentimentoftheparamountobligationoftheparenttothechildashavingcalleditintoexistence，enhancedjustinproportiontothepowerandknowledgeoftheoneandtheweaknessandignoranceoftheother，——thesearethe"sentiments"thathavekeptoursoullesssystemsfromdrivingmenofftodieinholeslikethosethatriddlethesidesofthehilloppositetheMonasteryofSt。Saba，wherethemiserablevictimsofafalsely-interpretedreligionstarvedandwitheredintheirdelusion。
Ihavelookedonthefaceofasaintlywomanthisveryday，whosecreedmanydreadandhate，butwhoselifeislovelyandnoblebeyondallpraise。WhenIrememberthebitterwordsIhaveheardspokenagainstherfaith，bymenwhohaveanInquisitionwhichexcommunicatesthosewhoasktoleavetheircommunioninpeace，andanIndexExpurgatoriusonwhichthisarticlemaypossiblyhavethehonoroffiguring，——and，farworsethanthese，thereluctant，pharisaicalconfession，thatitmightperhapsbepossiblethatonewhosobelievedshouldbeacceptedoftheCreator，——andthenrecallthesweetpeaceandlovethatshowthroughallherlooks，thepriceofuntoldsacrificesandlabors，andagainrecollecthowthousandsofwomen，filledwiththesamespirit，die，withoutamurmur，toearthlylife，dietotheirownnameseven，thattheymayknownothingbuttheirholyduties，——whilemenaretorturinganddenouncingtheirfellows，andwhilewecanheardayandnighttheclinkingofthehammersthataretrying，likethebruteforcesinthe"Prometheus，"
torivettheiradamantinewedgesrightthroughthebreastofhumannature，——Ihavebeenreadytobelievethatwehaveevennowanewrevelation，andthenameofitsMessiahisWOMAN！——
Ishouldbesorry，——Iremarked，adayortwoafterwards，tothedivinity-student，——ifanythingIsaidtendedinanywaytofosteranyjealousybetweentheprofessions，ortothrowdisrespectuponthatoneonwhosecounselandsympathiesalmostallofusleaninourmomentsoftrial。Butwearefalsetoournewconditionsoflife，ifwedonotresolutelymaintainourreligiousaswellasourpoliticalfreedom，inthefaceofanyandallsupposedmonopolies。Certainmenwill，ofcourse，saytwothings，ifwedonottaketheirviews:
first，thatwedon’tknowanythingaboutthesematters；and，secondly，thatwearenotsogoodastheyare。Theyhaveapolarizedphraseologyforsayingthesethings，butitcomestopreciselythat。
Towhichitmaybeanswered，inthefirstplace，thatwehavegoodauthorityforsayingthatevenbabesandsucklingsknowsomething；
and，inthesecond，that，ifthereisamoteorsotoberemovedfromourpremises，thecourtsandcouncilsofthelastfewyearshavefoundbeamsenoughinsomeotherquarterstobuildachurchthatwouldholdallthegoodpeopleinBostonandhavesticksenoughlefttomakeabonfireforalltheheretics。
Astothatterribledepolarizingprocessofmine，ofwhichweweretalkingtheotherday，Iwillgiveyouaspecimenofonewayofmanagingit，ifyoulike。Idon’tbelieveitwillhurtyouoranybody。Besides，Ihadagreatdealratherfinishourtalkwithpleasantimagesandgentlewordsthanwithsharpsayings，whichwillonlyaffordatext，ifanybodyrepeatsthem，forendlessrelaysofattacksfromMessrs。Ananias，Shimei，andRabshakeh。
[Imustleavesuchgentry，ifanyofthemshowthemselves，inthehandsofmyclericalfriends，manyofwhomarereadytostandupfortherightsofthelaity，——andtothoseblessedsouls，thegoodwomen，towhomthisversionofthestoryofamother’shiddenhopesandtenderanxietiesisdedicatedbytheirpeacefulandlovingservant。]
AMOTHER’SSECRET。
Howsweetthesacredlegend——ifunblamedInmyslightversesuchholythingsarenamed——
OfMary’ssecrethoursofhiddenjoy，Silent，butponderingonherwondrousboy！
Ave，Maria！Pardon，ifIwrongThoseheavenlywordsthatshamemyearthlysong！
Thechoralhosthadclosedtheangel’sstrainSungtothemidnightwatchonBethlehem’splain；
Andnowtheshepherds，hasteningontheirway，SoughtthestillhamletwheretheInfantlay。
TheypassedthefieldsthatgleaningRuthtoiledO’er，Theysawafartheruinedthreshing-floorWhereMoab’sdaughter，homelessandforlorn，FoundBoazslumberingbyhisheapsofcorn；
Andsomerememberedhowtheholyscribe，Skilledintheloreofeveryjealoustribe，TracedthewarmbloodofJesse’sroyalsonTothatfairalien，bravelywooedandwon。
SofaredtheyontoseekthepromisedsignThatmarkedtheanointedheirofDavid’sline。
Atlast，byformsofearthlysemblanceled，Theyfoundthecrowdedinn，theoxen’sshed。
Nopompwasthere，nogloryshonearoundOnthecoarsestrawthatstrewedthereekingground；
Onedimretreataflickeringtorchbetrayed，InthatpoorcelltheLordofLifewaslaid！
ThewonderingshepherdstoldtheirbreathlesstaleOfthebrightchoirthatwokethesleepingvale；
Toldhowtheskieswithsuddengloryflamed；
Toldhowtheshiningmultitudeproclaimed"Joy，joytoearth！Beholdthehallowedmorn！
InDavid’scityChristtheLordisborn！
’GlorytoGod！’letangelsshoutonhigh，’Good-willtomen！’thelisteningEarthreply！"
Theyspokewithhurriedwordsandaccentswild；
Calminhiscradleslepttheheavenlychild。
Notremblingwordthemother’sjoyrevealed，Onesighofrapture，andherlipsweresealed；
Unmovedshesawtherustictraindepart，Butkepttheirwordstoponderinherheart。
Twelveyearshadpassed；theboywasfairandtall，Growinginwisdom，findinggracewithall。
ThemaidsofNazareth，astheytroopedtofillTheirbalancedurnsbesidethemountain-rill，Thegatheredmatrons，astheysatandspun，SpokeinsoftwordsofJoseph’squietson。
NovoicehadreachedtheGalileanvaleOfstar-ledkingsorawe-struckshepherds’tale；
Inthemeek，studiouschildtheyonlysawThefutureRabbi，learnedinIsrael’slaw。
Sogrewtheboy；andnowthefeastwasnear，Whenattheholyplacethetribesappear。
Scarcehadthehome-bredchildofNazarethseenBeyondthehillsthatgirtthevillage-green，Savewhenatmidnight，o’erthestar-litsands，SnatchedfromthesteelofHerod’smurderingbands，Ababe，close-foldedtohismother’sbreast，ThroughEdom’swildshesoughttheshelteringWest。
ThenJosephspake:"Thyboyhathlargelygrown；
Weavehimfineraiment，fittingtobeshown；
Fairrobesbeseemthepilgrim，asthepriestGoeshenotwithustotheholyfeast？"
AndMaryculledtheflaxenfibreswhite；
Tilleveshespun；shespuntillmorninglight。
Thethreadwastwined；itspartingmeshesthrough>Fromhandtohandherrestlessshuttleflew，Tillthefullwebwaswounduponthebeam，Love’scurioustoil，——avestwithoutaseam！
Theyreachtheholyplace，fulfilthedaysTosolemnfeastinggiven，andgratefulpraise。
Atlasttheyturn，andfarMoriah’sheightMeltsinthesouthernskyandfadesfromsight。
AlldaytheduskycaravanhasflowedIndevioustrailsalongthewindingroad，Formanyasteptheirhomewardpathattends，AndallthesonsofAbrahamareasfriends。
Eveninghascome，——thehourofrestandjoy；
Hush！hush！——thatwhisper，-"WhereisMary’sboy？"
Owearyhour！OachingdaysthatpassedFilledwithstrangefears，eachwilderthanthelast:
Thesoldier’slance，——thefiercecenturion’ssword，ThecrushingwheelsthatwhirlsomeRomanlord，Themidnightcryptthatsuck’sthecaptive’sbreath，TheblisteringsunonHinnom’svaleofdeath！
Thriceonhischeekhadrainedthemorninglight，Thriceonhislipsthemildewedkissofnight，Crouchedbysomeporphyrycolumn’sshiningplinth，Orstretchedbeneaththeodorousterebinth。
Atlast，indesperatemood，theysoughtoncemoreTheTemple’sporches，searchedinvainbefore；
Theyfoundhimseatedwiththeancientmen，Thegrimoldrufflersofthetongueandpen，Theirbaldheadsglisteningastheyclusterednear；
Theirgraybeardsslantingastheyturnedtohear，Lostinhalf-enviouswonderandsurpriseThatlipssofreshshouldutterwordssowise。
AndMarysaid，——asonewho，triedtoolong，Tellsallhergriefandhalfhersenseofwrong，Whatisthisthoughtlessthingwhichthouhastdone？
Lo，wehavesoughttheesorrowing，Omyson！
"Fewwordshespake，andscarceoffilialtone，Strangewords，theirsenseamysteryyetunknown；
Thenturnedwiththemandlefttheholyhill，Toalltheirmildcommandsobedientstill。
ThetalewastoldtoNazareth’ssobermen，AndNazareth’smatronstolditoftagain；
Themaidsretolditatthefountain’sside；
Theyouthfulshepherdsdoubtedordenied；
Itpassedaroundamongthelisteningfriends，Withallthatfancyaddsandfictionfends，TillnewermarvelsdimmedtheyoungrenownOfJoseph’sson，whotalkedtheRabbisdown。
ButMary，faithfultoitslightestword，Keptinherheartthesayingsshehadheard，TillthedreadmorningrenttheTemple’sveil，AndshudderingEarthconfirmedthewondroustale。
Youthfades；lovedroops；theleavesoffriendshipfall；
Amother’ssecrethopeoutlivesthemall。
VI
Youdon’tlooksodreadfulpoorinthefaceasyoudidawhileback。
Bloatedsome，Iexpect。
ThiswasthecheerfulandencouragingandelegantremarkwithwhichthePoorRelationgreetedthedivinity-studentonemorning。
Ofcourseeverygoodmanconsidersitagreatsacrificeonhisparttocontinuelivinginthistransitory，unsatisfactory，andparticularlyunpleasantworld。Thisissomuchamatterofcourse，thatIwassurprisedtoseethedivinity-studentchangecolor。Hetookalookatasmallanduncertain-mindedglasswhichhungslantingforwardoverthechappedsideboard。Theimageitreturnedtohimhadthecolorofaveryyoungpeasomewhatoverboiled。Thesceneryofalongtragicdramaflashedthroughhismindasthelightning-express-
trainwhishesbyastation:thegradualdismantlingprocessofdisease；friendslookingon，sympathetic，butsecretlychucklingovertheirownstomachsofironandlungsofcaoutchouc；nursesattentive，butcalculatingtheircrop，andthinkinghowsoonitwillberipe，sothattheycangotoyourneighbor，whoisgoodforayearorsolonger；doctorsassiduous，butgivingthemselvesamentalshake，astheygooutofyourdoor，whichthrowsoffyourparticulargriefasaduckshedsaraindropfromhisoilyfeathers；undertakerssolemn，buthappy；thenthegreatsubsoilcultivator，whoplants，butneverlooksforfruitinhisgarden；thenthestone-cutter，whoputsyournameontheslabwhichhasbeenwaitingforyoueversincethebirdsorbeastsmadetheirtracksonthenewredsandstone；thenthegrassandthedandelionsandthebuttercups，——Earthsayingtothemortalbody，withhersweetsymbolism，"Youhavescarredmybosom，butyouareforgiven"；thenaglimpseofthesoulasafloatingconsciousnesswithoutverydefiniteformorplace，butdimlyconceivedofasanuprightcolumnofvaporormistseveraltimeslargerthanlife-size，sofarasitcouldbesaidtohaveanysizeatall，wanderingaboutandlivingathinandhalf-awakelifeforwantofgoodold-fashionedsolidmattertocomedownuponwithfootandfist，——infact，havingneitherfootnorfist，norconveniencesfortakingthesittingposture。
Andyetthedivinity-studentwasagoodChristian，andthoseheathenimageswhichremindoneofthechildlikefanciesofthedyingAdrianwereonlytheeffortsofhisimaginationtogiveshapetotheformlessandpositiontotheplaceless。NeitherdidhisthoughtsspreadthemselvesoutandlinkthemselvesasIhavedisplayedthem。
Theycameconfusedlyintohismindlikeaheapofbrokenmosaics，——
sometimesapartofthepicturecompleteinitself，sometimesconnectedfragments，andsometimesonlysingleseveredstones。
Theydidnotdiffusealightofcelestialjoyoverhiscountenance。
Onthecontrary，thePoorRelation’sremarkturnedhimpale，asI
havesaid；andwhentheterriblewrinkledandjaundicedlooking-glassturnedhimgreeninaddition，andhesawhimselfinit，itseemedtohimasifitwereallsettled，andhisbookoflifeweretobeshutnotyethalf-read，andgobacktothedustoftheunder-groundarchives。Hecoughedamildshortcough，asiftopointthedirectioninwhichhisdownwardpathwastending。Itwasanhonestlittlecoughenough，sofarasappearanceswent。Butcoughsareungratefulthings。Youfindoneoutinthecold，takeitupandnurseitandmakeeverythingofit，dressitupwarm，giveitallsortsofbalsamsandotherfooditlikes，andcarryitroundinyourbosomasifitwereaminiaturelapdog。Andby-and-byitslittlebarkgrowssharpandsavage，and——confoundthething！——youfinditisawolf’swhelpthatyouhavegotthere，andheisgnawinginthebreastwherehehasbeennestlingsolong——ThePoorRelationsaidthatsomebody’ssurrupwasgoodforfolksthatweregettin’intoabadway——Thelandladyhadheardofdesperatecasescuredbycherry-
pictorial。
Whiskey’sthefellah，——saidtheyoungmanJohn——Makeitintopunch，coldatdinner-time’n’hotatbed-time。I’llcomeup’n’showyouhowtomixit。Haven’tanyofyouseenthewonderfulfatmanexhibitin’downinHanoverStreet？
MasterBenjaminFranklinrushedintothedialoguewithabreezyexclamation，thathehadseenagreatpicteroutsideoftheplacewherethefatmanwasexhibitin’。Triedtogetinathalf-price，butthemanatthedoorlookedathisteethandsaidhewasmore’ntenyearold。
Itisn’ttwoyears，——saidtheyoungmanJohn，sincethatfatfellahwasexhibitin’hereastheLivin’Skeleton。Whiskey——that’swhatdidit，——realBurbon’sthestuff。Hotwater，sugar，’n’jestalittleshavin’oflemon-skininit，——skin，mindyou，noneo’yourjuice；
takeitoffthin，——shapeofoneofthemflatcurlsthefactory-girlswearonthesidesoftheirforeheads。
ButIamateetotaller，——saidthedivinity-studentinasubduedtone；——notnoticingtheenormouslengthofthebow-stringtheyoungfellowhadjustdrawn。
Hetookuphishatandwentout。
Ithinkyouhaveworriedthatyoungmanmorethanyoumeant，——Isaid——
Idon’tbelievehewilljumpoffoneofthebridges，forhehastoomuchprinciple；butImeantofollowhimandseewherehegoes，forhelooksasifhismindweremadeuptosomething。
Ifollowedhimatareasonabledistance。Hewalkeddoggedlyalong，lookingneithertotherightnortheleft，turnedintoStateStreet，andmadeforawell-knownLife-InsuranceOffice。Luckily，thedoctorwasthereandoverhauledhimonthespot。Therewasnothingthematterwithhim，hesaid，andhecouldhavehislifeinsuredasasoundone。Hecameoutingoodspirits，andtoldmethissoonafter。
Thisledmetomakesomeremarksthenextmorningonthemannersofwell-bredandill-bredpeople。
Ibegan，——Thewholeessenceoftruegentle-breedingonedoesnotliketosaygentilityliesinthewishandthearttobeagreeable。
Good-breedingissurface-Christianity。Everylook，movement，tone，expression，subjectofdiscourse，thatmaygivepaintoanotherishabituallyexcludedfromconversationalintercourse。Thisisthereasonwhyrichpeopleareapttobesomuchmoreagreeablethanothers——
Ithoughtyouwereagreatchampionofequality，——saidthediscreetandsevereladywhohadaccompaniedouryoungfriend，theLatinTutor’sdaughter。
Igopoliticallyforequality，——Isaid，——andsociallyforthequality。
Whoarethe"quality，"——saidtheModel，etc。，inacommunitylikeours？
IconfessIfindthisquestionalittledifficulttoanswer，——Isaid——
Nothingisbetterknownthanthedistinctionofsocialrankswhichexistsineverycommunity，andnothingishardertodefine。Thegreatgentlemenandladiesofaplaceareitsreallordsandmastersandmistresses；theyarethequality，whetherinamonarchyorarepublic；mayorsandgovernorsandgeneralsandsenatorsandex-
presidentsarenothingtothem。Howwellweknowthis，andhowseldomitfindsadistinctexpression！NowItellyoutruly，I
believeinmanasman，andIdisbelieveinalldistinctionsexceptsuchasfollowthenaturallinesofcleavageinasocietywhichhascrystallizedaccordingtoitsowntruelaws。Buttheessenceofequalityistobeabletosaythetruth；andthereisnothingmorecuriousthanthesetruthsrelatingtothestratificationofsociety。
Ofallthefactsinthisworldthatdonottakeholdofimmortality，thereisnotonesointenselyreal，permanent，andengrossingasthisofsocialposition，——asyouseebythecircumstancesthatthecoreofallthegreatsocialorderstheworldhasseenhasbeen，andisstill，forthemostpart，aprivilegedclassofgentlemenandladiesarrangedinaregularscaleofprecedenceamongthemselves，butsuperiorasabodytoallelse。
NothingbutanidealChristianequality，whichwehavebeengettingfartherawayfromsincethedaysofthePrimitiveChurch，canpreventthissubdivisionofsocietyintoclassesfromtakingplaceeverywhere，——inthegreatcentresofourrepublicasmuchasinoldEuropeanmonarchies。Onlytherepositionismoreabsolutelyhereditary，——hereitismorecompletelyelective——
Whereistheelectionheld？andwhatarethequalifications？andwhoaretheelectors？——saidtheModel。
Nobodyeverseeswhenthevoteistaken；thereneverisaformalvote。Thewomensettleitmostly；andtheyknowwonderfullywellwhatispresentable，andwhatcan’tstandtheblazeofthechandeliersandthecriticaleyeandearofpeopletrainedtoknowastaringshadeinaribbon，afalselightinajewel，anill-bredtone，anangularmovement，everythingthatbetraysacoarsefibreandcheaptraining。Asageneralthing，youdonotgeteleganceshortoftwoorthreeremovesfromthesoil，outofwhichourbestblooddoubtlesscomes，——quiteasgood，nodoubt，asifitcamefromthoseoldprize-fighterswithironpotsontheirheads，towhomsomegreatpeoplearesofondoftracingtheirdescentthroughalineofsmallartisansandpettyshopkeeperswhoseveinshaveheld"base"fluidenoughtofilltheCloacaMaxima！
Doesnotmoneygoeverywhere？——saidtheModel。
Almost。Andwithgoodreason。Forthoughtherearenumerousexceptions，richpeopleare，asIsaid，commonlyaltogetherthemostagreeablecompanions。Theinfluenceofafinehouse，gracefulfurniture，goodlibraries，well-orderedtables，trimservants，and，aboveall，apositionsosecurethatonebecomesunconsciousofit，givesaharmonyandrefinementtothecharacterandmannerswhichwefeel，ifwecannotexplaintheircharm。Yetwecangetatthereasonofitbythinkingalittle。
Alltheseappliancesaretoshieldthesensibilityfromdisagreeablecontacts，andtosootheitbyvariednaturalandartificialinfluences。Inthiswaythemind，thetaste，thefeelings，growdelicate，justasthehandsgrowwhiteandsoftwhensavedfromtoilandincasedinsoftgloves。Thewholenaturebecomessubduedintosuavity。IconfessIlikethequalityladiesbetterthanthecommonkindevenofliteraryones。Theyhaven’treadthelastbook，perhaps，buttheyattendbettertoyouwhenyouaretalkingtothem。
Iftheyareneverlearned，theymakeupforitintactandelegance。
Besides，Ithink，onthewhole，thereislessself-assertionindiamondsthanindogmas。Idon’tknowwhereyouwillfindasweeterportraitofhumilitythaninEsther，thepoorplay-girlofKingAhasuerus；yetEstherputonherroyalapparelwhenshewentbeforeherlord。IhavenodoubtshewasamoregraciousandagreeablepersonthanDeborah，whojudgedthepeopleandwrotethestoryofSisera。Thewisestwomanyoutalkwithisignorantofsomethingthatyouknow，butanelegantwomanneverforgetsherelegance。
Dowdyismisclearlyanexpressionofimperfectvitality。Thehighestfashionisintenselyalive，——notalivenecessarilytothetruestandbestthings，butwithitsbloodtingling，asitwere，inallitsextremitiesandtothefarthestpointofitssurface，sothatthefeatherinitsbonnetisasfreshasthecrestofafighting-cock，andtherosetteonitsslipperasclean-cutandpimpantpronounceitEnglishfashion，——itisagoodwordasadahlia。Asageneralrule，thatsocietywhereflatteryisactedismuchmoreagreeablethanthatwhereitisspoken。Don’tyouseewhy？Attentionanddeferencedon’trequireyoutomakefinespeechesexpressingyoursenseofunworthinessliesandreturningallthecomplimentspaidyou。Thisisonereason——
Awomanofsenseoughttobeaboveflatteringanyman，——saidtheModel。
[Myreflection。Oh！oh！nowonderyoudidn’tgetmarried。Servedyouright。]Myremark。Surely，Madam，——ifyoumeanbyflatterytellingpeopleboldlytotheirfacesthattheyarethisorthat，whichtheyarenot。Butawomanwhodoesnotcarryaboutwithherwherevershegoesahaloofgoodfeelinganddesiretomakeeverybodycontented，——anatmosphereofgrace，mercy，andpeace，ofatleastsixfeetradius，whichwrapseveryhumanbeinguponwhomshevoluntarilybestowsherpresence，andsoflattershimwiththecomfortablethoughtthatsheisrathergladheisalivethanotherwise，isn’tworththetroubleoftalkingto，asawoman；shemaydowellenoughtoholddiscussionswith——
Idon’tthinktheModelexactlylikedthis。Shesaid，——alittlespitefully，Ithought，——thatasensiblemanmightstandalittlepraise，butwouldofcoursesoongetsickofit，ifhewereinthehabitofgettingmuch。
Oh，yes，——Ireplied，——justasmengetsickoftobacco。Itisnotorioushowapttheyaretogettiredofthatvegetable——
That’sso！——saidtheyoungfellowJohn，——I’vegottiredofmycigarsandburnt’emallup。
Iamheartilygladtohearit，——saidtheModel，——Iwishtheywerealldisposedofinthesameway。
SodoI，——saidtheyoungfellowJohn。
Can’tyougetyourfriendstounitewithyouincommittingthoseodiousinstrumentsofdebaucherytotheflamesinwhichyouhaveconsumedyourown？
IwishIcould，——saidtheyoungfellowJohn。
Itwouldbeanoblesacrifice，——saidtheModel，andeveryAmericanwomanwouldbegratefultoyou。Letusburnthemallinaheapoutintheyard。
Thata’n’tmyway，——saidtheyoungfellowJohn；——Iburn’emone’t’
time，——littleendinmymouthandbigendoutside——
Iwatchedfortheeffectofthissuddenchangeofprogramme，whenitshouldreachthecalmstillnessoftheModel’sinteriorapprehension，asaboywatchesforthesplashofastonewhichhehasdroppedintoawell。Butbeforeithadfairlyreachedthewater，poorIris，whohadfollowedtheconversationwithacertaininterestuntilitturnedthissharpcorner，forsheseemsrathertofancytheyoungfellowJohn，laughedoutsuchaclear，loudlaugh，thatitstartedusalloff，asthelocust-cryofsomefull-throatedsopranodragsamultitudinouschorusafterit。Itwasplainthatsomedamorotherhadbrokeninthesoulofthisyounggirl，andshewassquaringupoldscoresoflaughter，outofwhichshehadbeencheated，withagrandfloodofmerrimentthatsweptallbeforeit。
Sowehadagreatlaughallround，inwhichtheModel——who，ifshehadasmanyvirtuesastherearespokestoawheel，allcompactedwithapersonalityasroundandcompleteasitstire，yetwantedthatonelittleadditionofgrace，whichseemssosmall，andisasimportantasthelinchpinintrundlingovertheroughwaysoflife——
hadnotthetacttojoin。Sheseemedtobe"stuffy"aboutit，astheyoungfellowJohnsaid。Infact，Iwasafraidthejokewouldhavecostusbothournewlady-boarders。Ithadnoeffect，however，except，perhaps，tohastenthedepartureoftheelderofthetwo，whocould，onthewhole，bespared——
Ihadmeanttomakethisnoteofourconversationatextforafewaxiomsonthematterofbreeding。Butitsohappened，that，exactlyatthispointofmyrecord，averydistinguishedphilosopher，whomseveralofourboardersandmyselfgotohear，andwhomnodoubtmanyofmyreadersfollowhabitually，treatedthismatterofmanners。Uptothispoint，ifIhavebeensofortunateastocoincidewithhiminopinion，andsounfortunateastotrytoexpresswhathehasmorefelicitouslysaid，nobodyistoblame；forwhathasbeengiventhusfarwasallwrittenbeforethelecturewasdelivered。ButwhatshallIdonow？Hetoldusitwaschildishtolaydownrulesfordeportment，——buthecouldnothelplayingdownafew。
Thus，——Nothingsovulgarastobeinahurry。True，buthardofapplication。Peoplewithshortlegsstepquickly，becauselegsarependulums，andswingmoretimesinaminutetheshortertheyare。
Generallyanaturalrhythmrunsthroughthewholeorganization:
quickpulse，fastbreathing，hastyspeech，rapidtrainsofthought，excitabletemper。Stillnessofpersonandsteadinessoffeaturesaresignalmarksofgood-breeding。Vulgarpersonscan’tsitstill，or，atleast，theymustworktheirlimbsorfeatures。
Talkingofone’sownailsandgrievances——Badenough，butnotsobadasinsultingthepersonyoutalkwithbyremarkingonhisill-
looks，orappealingtonoticeanyofhispersonalpeculiarities。
Apologizing——Averydesperatehabit，——onethatisrarelycured。
Apologyisonlyegotismwrongsideout。Ninetimesoutoften，thefirstthingaman’scompanionknowsofhisshortcomingisfromhisapology。Itismightypresumptuousonyourparttosupposeyoursmallfailuresofsomuchconsequencethatyoumustmakeatalkaboutthem。
Gooddressing，quietways，lowtonesofvoice，lipsthatcanwait，andeyesthatdonotwander，——shynessofpersonalities，exceptincertainintimatecommunions，——tobelightinhandinconversation，tohaveideas，buttobeabletomaketalk，ifnecessary，withoutthem，——tobelongtothecompanyyouarein，andnottoyourself，——tohavenothinginyourdressorfurnituresofinethatyoucannotaffordtospoilitandgetanotherlikeit，yettopreservetheharmonies，throughoutyourpersonand——dwelling:Ishouldsaythatthiswasafaircapitalofmannerstobeginwith。
Underbadmanners，asundergraverfaults，liesverycommonlyanoverestimateofourspecialindividuality，asdistinguishedfromourgenerichumanity。Itisjustherethattheveryhighestsocietyassertsitssuperiorbreeding。Amongtrulyelegantpeopleofthehighestton，youwillfindmorerealequalityinsocialintercoursethaninacountryvillage。Asnunsdroptheirbirth-namesandbecomeSisterMargaretandSisterMary，sohigh-bredpeopledroptheirpersonaldistinctionsandbecomebrothersandsistersofconversationalcharity。Norarefashionablepeoplewithouttheirheroism。Ibelievetherearemenwhohaveshownasmuchself-
devotionincarryingalonewall-flowerdowntothesupper-tableaseversaintormartyrintheactthathascanonizedhisname。ThereareFlorenceNightingalesoftheballroom，whomnothingcanholdbackfromtheirerrandsofmercy。Theyfindoutthered-handed，glovelessundergraduateofbucolicantecedents，ashesquirmsinhiscorner，anddistilltheirsoftwordsuponhimlikedewuponthegreenherb。Theyreacheventhepoorrelation，whosedrearyapparitionsaddenstheperfumedatmosphereofthesumptuousdrawing-
room。Ihaveknownoneoftheseangelsask，ofherownaccord，thatadesolatemiddle-agedman，whomnobodyseemedtoknow，shouldbepresentedtoherbythehostess。Heworenoshirt-collar，——hehadonblackgloves，——andwasflourishingaredbandannahandkerchief！
Matchmethis，yeproudchildrenofpoverty，whoboastofyourpaltrysacrificesforeachother！Virtueinhumblelife！Whatisthattothegloriousself-renunciationofamartyrinpearlsanddiamonds？AsIsawthisnoblewomanbendinggracefullybeforethesocialmendicant，——thewhitebillowsofherbeautyheavingunderthefoamofthetraitorouslacesthathalfrevealedthem，——Ishouldhaveweptwithsympatheticemotion，butthattears，exceptasaprivatedemonstration，areanill-disguisedexpressionofself-consciousnessandvanity，whichisinadmissibleingoodsociety。
Ihavesometimesthought，withapang，ofthepositioninwhichpoliticalchanceorcontrivancemighthereafterplacesomeoneofourfellow-citizens。Ithashappenedhitherto，sofarasmylimitedknowledgegoes，thatthePresidentoftheUnitedStateshasalwaysbeenwhatmightbecalledingeneraltermsagentleman。Butwhatifatsomefuturetimethechoiceofthepeopleshouldfallupononeonwhomthatloftytitlecouldnot，byanystretchofcharity，bebestowed？Thismayhappen，——howsoonthefutureonlyknows。Thinkofthismiserablemanofcomingpoliticalpossibilities，——anunpresentableboorsuckedintoofficebyoneofthoseeddiesintheflowofpopularsentimentwhichcarrystrawsandchipsintothepublicharbor，whiletheprostratetrunksofthemonarchsoftheforesthurrydownonthesenselessstreamtothegulfofpoliticaloblivion！Thinkofhim，Isay，andoftheconcentratedgazeofgoodsocietythroughitsthousandeyes，allconfluent，asitwere，inonegreatburning-glassoficethatshrivelsitswretchedobjectinfierytorture，itselfcoldastheglacierofanunsunnedcavern！
No，——therewillbeangelsofgood-breedingthenasnow，toshieldthevictimoffreeinstitutionsfromhimselfandfromhistorturers。
Icanfancyalovelywomanplayfullywithdrawingtheknifewhichhewouldabusebymakingitaninstrumentfortheconveyanceoffood，——
or，failinginthiskindartifice，sacrificingherselfbyimitatinghisuseofthatimplement；howmuchharderthantoplungeitintoherbosom，likeLucretia！IcanseeherstudyinginhisprovincialdialectuntilshebecomestheChampollionofNewEnglandorWesternorSouthernbarbarisms。Shehaslearnedthathaowmeanswhat；thatthink-in’isthesamethingasthinking，orshehasfoundoutthemeaningofthatextraordinarymonosyllable，whichnosingle-tonguedphonographercanmakelegible，prevailingonthebanksoftheHudsonandatitsembouchure，andelsewhere，——whattheysaywhentheythinktheysayfirst，fe-eest，——feasintheFrenchle，——orthatcheermeanschair，——orthaturritationmeansirritation，——andsoofotherenormities。Nothingsurprisesher。Thehighestbreeding，youknow，comesroundtotheIndianstandard，——totakeeverythingcoolly，——niladmirari，——ifyouhappentobelearnedandliketheRomanphraseforthesamething。
Ifyoulikethecompanyofpeoplethatstareatyoufromheadtofoottoseeifthereisaholeinyourcoat，orifyouhavenotgrownalittleolder，orifyoureyesarenotyellowwithjaundice，orifyourcomplexionisnotalittlefaded，andsoon，andthenconveythefacttoyou，inthestyleinwhichthePoorRelationaddressedthedivinity-student，——gowiththemasmuchasyoulike。
Ihatethesightofthewretches。Don’tformercy’ssakethinkI
hatethem；thedistinctionisonemyfriendorIdrewlongago。Nomatterwhereyoufindsuchpeople；theyareclowns。
TherichwomanwholooksandtalksinthiswayisnothalfsomuchaladyasherIrishservant，whosepretty"savingyourpresence，"whenshehastosaysomethingwhichoffendshernaturalsenseofgoodmanners，hasahintinitofthebreedingofcourts，andthebloodofoldMilesiankings，whichverylikelyrunsinherveins，——thinnedbytwohundredyearsofpotato，which，beinganundergroundfruit，tendstodragdownthegenerationsthataremadeofittotheearthfromwhichitcame，and，fillingtheirveinswithstarch，turnthemintoakindofhumanvegetable。
Isay，ifyoulikesuchpeople，gowiththem。ButIamgoingtomakeapracticalapplicationoftheexampleatthebeginningofthisparticularrecord，whichsomeyoungpeoplewhoaregoingtochooseprofessionaladvisersby-and-bymayrememberandthankmefor。Ifyouaremakingchoiceofaphysician，besureyougetone，ifpossible，withacheerfulandserenecountenance。Aphysicianisnot——atleast，oughtnottobe——anexecutioner；andasentenceofdeathonhisfaceisasbadasawarrantforexecutionsignedbytheGovernor。Asageneralrule，nomanhasarighttotellanotherbywordorlookthatheisgoingtodie。Itmaybenecessaryinsomeextremecases；butasarule，itisthelastextremeofimpertinencewhichonehumanbeingcanoffertoanother。"Youhavekilledme，"
saidapatientoncetoaphysicianwhohadrashlytoldhimhewasincurable。Heoughttohavelivedsixmonths，buthewasdeadinsix’weeks。IfwewillonlyletNatureandtheGodofNaturealone，personswillcommonlylearntheirconditionasearlyastheyoughttoknowit，andnotbecheatedoutoftheirnaturalbirthrightofhopeofrecovery，whichisintendedtoaccompanysickpeopleaslongaslifeiscomfortable，andisgraciouslyreplacedbythehopeofheaven，oratleastofrest，whenlifehasbecomeaburdenwhichthebearerisreadytoletfall。
Underbredpeopleteasetheirsickanddyingfriendstodeath。Thechanceofagentlemanorladywithagivenmortalailmenttoliveacertaintimeisasgoodagainasthatofthecommonsortofcoarsepeople。Asyougodownthesocialscale，youreachapointatlengthwherethecommontalkinsickroomsisofchurchyardsandsepulchres，andakindofperpetualvivisectionisforevercarriedon，uponthepersonofthemiserablesufferer。
Andso，inchoosingyourclergyman，otherthingsbeingequal，prefertheoneofawholesomeandcheerfulhabitofmindandbody。Ifyoucangetalongwithpeoplewhocarryacertificateintheirfacesthattheirgoodnessissogreatastomakethemverymiserable，yourchildrencannot。AndwhateveroffendsoneoftheselittleonescannotberightintheeyesofHimwholovedthemsowell。
Afterall，asyouareagentlemanoralady，youwillprobablyselectgentlemenforyourbodilyandspiritualadvisers，andthenallwillberight。
Thisrepetitionoftheabovewords，——gentlemanandlady，——whichcouldnotbeconvenientlyavoided，remindsmewhatstrangeusesaremadeofthembythosewhooughttoknowwhattheymean。Thus，atamarriageceremony，once，oftwoveryexcellentpersonswhohadbeenatservice，insteadof，Doyoutakethisman，etc。？and，Doyoutakethiswoman？howdoyouthinktheofficiatingclergymanputthequestions？Itwas，Doyou，MissSoandSo，takethisGENTLEMAN？
and，Doyou，Mr。ThisorThat，takethisLADY？！WhatwouldanyEnglishduchess，ay，ortheQueenofEnglandherself，havethought，iftheArchbishopofCanterburyhadcalledherandherbridegroomanythingbutplainwomanandmanatsuchatime？
Idon’tdoubtthePoorRelationthoughtitwasallveryfine，ifshehappenedtobeinthechurch；butiftheworthymanwhoutteredthesemonstrouswords——monstrousinsuchaconnection——hadknowntheludicroussurprise，theconvulsionofinwarddisgustandcontempt，thatseizeduponmanyofthepersonswhowerepresent，——hadguessedwhatasuddenflashoflightitthrewontheDutchgilding，thepinchbeck，theshabby，perkingpretensionbelongingtocertainsociallayers，——soinherentintheirwholemodeofbeing，thattheholiestofficesofreligioncannotexcludeitsimpertinences，——thegoodmanwouldhavegivenhismarriage-feetwiceovertorecallthatsuperbandfull-blownvulgarism。Anypersonswhomitcouldpleasecouldhavenobetternotionofwhatthewordsreferredtosignifythanofthemeaningofapsidesandasymptotes。
MAN！Sir！WOMAN！Sir！Gentilityisafinething，nottobeundervalued，asIhavebeentryingtoexplain；buthumanitycomesbeforethat。
"WhenAdamdelvedandEvespan，Whowasthenthegentleman？"
Thebeautyofthatplainnessofspeechandmannerswhichcomesfromthefinesttrainingisnottobeunderstoodbythosewhosehabitatisbelowacertainlevel。Justastheexquisitesea-anemonesandallthegracefulocean-flowersdieoutatsomefathomsbelowthesurface，theelegancesandsuavitiesoflifedieoutonebyoneaswesinkthroughthesocialscale。Fortunately，thevirtuesaremoretenaciousoflife，andlastprettywelluntilwegetdowntothemudofabsolutepauperism，wheretheydonotflourishgreatly——
Ihadalmostforgottenaboutourboarders。AstheModelofalltheVirtuesisabouttoleaveus，Ifindmyselfwonderingwhatisthereasonwearenotallverysorry。Surelywealllikegoodpersons。Sheisagoodperson。Thereforewelikeher——Onlywedon’t。
Thisbriefsyllogism，anditsbriefernegative，involvingtheprinciplewhichsomeEnglishconveyancerborrowedfromaFrenchwitandembodiedinthelinesbywhichDr。Fellismadeunamiablyimmortal，thissyllogism，Isay，isonethatmostpersonshavehadoccasiontoconstructanddemolish，respectingsomebodyorother，asIhavedonefortheModel。"Piousandpainefull。"Whyhasthatexcellentoldphrasegoneoutofuse？Simplybecausethesegoodpainefullorpainstakingpersonsprovedtobesuchnuisancesinthelongrun，thattheword"painefull"came，beforepeoplethoughtofit，tomeanpain-givinginsteadofpainstaking——
So，theoldfellah’soffto-morrah，——saidtheyoungmanJohn。
Oldfellow？——saidI，——whomdoyoumean？
Why，theonethatcamewithourlittlebeauty，theoldfellahinpetticoats——
Nowthatmeanssomething，——saidItomyself——Theseroughyoungrascalsveryoftenhitthenailonthehead，iftheydostrikewiththeireyesshut。Arealwomandoesagreatmanythingswithoutknowingwhyshedoesthem；butthesepatternmachinesmixuptheirintellectswitheverythingtheydo，justlikemen。Theycan’thelpit，nodoubt；butwecan’thelpgettingsickofthem，either。
Intellectistoawoman’snaturewhatherwatch-springskirtistoherdress；itoughttounderliehersilksandembroideries，butnottoshowitselftoostaringlyontheoutside——Youdon’tknow，perhaps，butIwilltellyou；thebrainisthepalestofalltheinternalorgans，andtheheartthereddest。Whatevercomesfromthebraincarriesthehueoftheplaceitcamefrom，andwhatevercomesfromtheheartcarriestheheatandcolorofitsbirthplace。
TheyoungmanJohndidnothearmysoliloquy，ofcourse，butsentuponemorebubblefromoursinkingconversation，intheformofastatement，thatshewasatlibertytogotoapersonagewhoreceivesnovisits，asiscommonlysupposed，fromvirtuouspeople。
Why，Iaskagain，ofmyreader，shouldapersonwhoneverdidanybodyanywrong，but，onthecontrary，isanestimableandintelligent，nay，aparticularlyenlightenedandexemplarymemberofsociety，failtoinspireinterest，love，anddevotion？Becauseofthereversedcurrentintheflowofthoughtandemotion。Theredheartsendsallitsinstinctsuptothewhitebraintobeanalyzed，chilled，blanched，andsobecomepurereason，whichisjustexactlywhatwedonotwantofwomanaswoman。Thecurrentshouldruntheother-way。Thenice，calm，coldthought，whichinwomenshapesitselfsorapidlythattheyhardlyknowitasthought，shouldalwaystraveltothelipsviatheheart。Itdoessointhosewomenwhomallloveandadmire。IttravelsthewrongwayintheModel。ThatisthereasonwhytheLittleGentlemansaid"Ihateher，Ihateher。"ThatisthereasonwhytheyoungmanJohncalledherthe"oldfellah，"andbanishedhertothecompanyofthegreatUnpresentable。
ThatisthereasonwhyI，theProfessor，ampickinghertopieceswithscalpelandforceps。Thatisthereasonwhytheyounggirlwhomshehasbefriendedrepaysherkindnesswithgratitudeandrespect，ratherthanwiththedevotionandpassionatefondnesswhichliesleepingbeneaththecalmnessofherambereyes。Icanseeher，asshesitsbetweenthisestimableandmostcorrectofpersonagesandthemisshapen，crotchety，oftenviolentandexplosivelittlemanontheothersideofher，leaningandswayingtowardshimasshespeaks，andlookingintohissadeyesasifshefoundsomefountaininthematwhichhersoulcouldquietitsthirst。
WomenliketheModelareanaturalproductofachillyclimateandhighculture。Itisnot"Thefrolicwindthatbreathesthespring，ZephyrwithAuroraplaying，"
whenthetwomeet"——onbedsofvioletsblue，Andfresh-blownroseswashedindew，"
thatclaimsuchwomenastheiroffspring。Itisrathertheeastwind，asitblowsoutofthefogsofNewfoundland，andclaspsaclear-eyedwintrynoononthechillbridalcouchofaNewEnglandice-quarry——Don’tthrowupyourcapnow，andhurrahasifthisweregivingupeverything，andturningagainstthebestgrowthofourlatitudes，——thedaughtersofthesoil。Thebrain-womenneverinterestusliketheheartwomen；whiterosespleaselessthanred。
ButourNorthernseasonshaveanarrowgreenstreakofspring，aswellasabroadwhitezoneofwinter，——theyhaveaglowingbandofsummerandagoldenstripeofautumnintheirmany-coloredwardrobe；
andwomenareborntousthatwearallthesehuesofearthandheavenintheirsouls。Ourice-eyedbrain-womenarereallyadmirable，ifweonlyaskofthemjustwhattheycangive，andnomore。Onlycomparethem，talkingorwriting，withoneofthosebabbling，chatteringdolls，ofwarmerlatitudes，whodonotknowenougheventokeepoutofprint，andwhoareinterestingtousonlyasspecimensofarrestofdevelopmentforourpsychologicalcabinets。
Good-bye，ModelofalltheVirtues！Wecanspareyounow。Alittleclearperfection，undilutedwithhumanweakness，goesagreatway。
Go！beuseful，behonorableandhonored，bejust，becharitable，talkpurereason，andhelptodisenchanttheworldbythelightofanachromaticunderstanding。Goodbye！WhereismyBeranger？I
mustreadaverseortwoof"Fretillon。"
Fairplayforall。Butdon’tclaimincompatiblequalitiesforanybody。Justiceisaveryrarevirtueinourcommunity。
EverythingthatpublicsentimentcaresaboutisputintoaPapin’sdigester，andboiledunderhighpressuretillallisturnedintoonehomogeneouspulp，andtheverybonesgiveuptheirjelly。Whatareallthestrongestepithetsofourdictionarytousnow？Thecriticsandpoliticians，andespeciallythephilanthropists，havechewedthem，tilltheyaremerewadsofsyllable-fibre，withoutasuggestionoftheiroldpungencyandpower。
Justice！Agoodmanrespectstherightsevenofbrutematterandarbitrarysymbols。Ifhewritesthesamewordtwiceinsuccession，byaccident，healwayserasestheonethatstandssecond；hasnotthefirst-comerthepriorright？Thisactofabstractjustice，whichItrustmanyofmyreaders，likemyself，haveoftenperformed，isacuriousanti-illustration，bytheway，oftheabsolutewickednessofhumandispositions。Whydoesn’tamanalwaysstrikeoutthefirstofthetwowords，togratifyhisdiabolicalloveofinjustice？
So，Isay，weoweagenuine，substantialtributeofrespecttothesefilteredintellectswhichhavelefttheirwomanhoodonthestrainer。
Theyaresoclearthatitisapleasureattimestolookattheworldofthoughtthroughthem。Buttheroseandpurpletintsofrichernaturestheycannotgiveus，anditisnotjusttothemtoaskit。
Fashionablesocietygetsattheserichnaturesveryofteninawayonewouldhardlyatfirstthinkof。Itlovesvitalityaboveallthings，sometimesdisguisedbyaffectedlanguor，alwayswellkeptunderbythelawsofgood-breeding，——butstillitlovesabundantlife，opulentandshowyorganizations，——thesphericalratherthantheplanetrigonometryoffemalearchitecture，——plentyofredblood，flashingeyes，tropicalvoices，andformsthatbearthesplendorsofdresswithoutgrowingpalebeneaththeirlustre。Amongtheseyouwillfindthemostdeliciouswomenyouwillevermeet，——womenwhomdressandflatteryandtheroundofcitygayetiescannotspoil，——
talkingwithwhom，youforgettheirdiamondsandlaces，——andaroundwhomallthenicedetailsofelegance，whichthecold-bloodedbeautynextthemisscanningsonicely，blendinoneharmoniouswhole，tooperfecttobedisturbedbythepetulantsparkleofajewel，ortheyellowglareofabangle，orthegaytossofafeather。
TherearemanythingsthatI，personally，lovebetterthanfashionorwealth。Nottospeakofthosehighestobjectsofourloveandloyalty，IthinkIloveeaseandindependencebetterthanthegoldenslaveryofperpetualmatineesandsoirees，orthepleasuresofaccumulation。
Butfashionandwealtharetwoverysolemnrealities，whichthefrivolousclassofmoralistshavetalkedagreatdealofsillystuffabout。FashionisonlytheattempttorealizeArtinlivingformsandsocialintercourse。Whatbusinesshasamanwhoknowsnothingaboutthebeautiful，andcannotpronouncethewordview，totalkaboutfashiontoasetofpeoplewho，ifoneofthequalityleftacardattheirdoors，wouldcontrivetokeepitontheverytopoftheirheapofthenamesoftheirtwo-storyacquaintances，tillitwasasyellowastheCodexVaticanus？
Wealth，too，——whatanendlessrepetitionofthesamefoolishtrivialitiesaboutit！Takethesinglefactofitsallegeduncertaintenureandtransitorycharacter。Inoldtimes，whenmenwereallthetimefightingandrobbingeachother，——inthosetropicalcountrieswheretheSabeansandtheChaldeansstoleallaman’scattleandcamels，andtherewerefrightfultornadoesandrainsoffirefromheaven，itwastrueenoughthatrichestookwingstothemselvesnotunfrequentlyinaveryunexpectedway。But，withcommonprudenceininvestments，itisnotsonow。Infact，thereisnothingearthlythatlastssowell，onthewhole，asmoney。Aman’slearningdieswithhim；evenhisvirtuesfadeoutofremembrance，butthedividendsonthestockshebequeathstohischildrenliveandkeephismemorygreen。
Idonotthinkthereismuchcourageororiginalityingivingutterancetotruthsthateverybodyknows，butwhichgetoverlaidbyconventionaltrumpery。Theonlydistinctionwhichitisnecessarytopointouttofeeble-mindedfolkisthis:that，inassertingthebreadthanddepthofthatsignificancewhichgivestofashionandfortunetheirtremendouspower，wedonotindorsetheextravaganceswhichoftendisgracetheone，northemeannesswhichoftendegradestheother。
Aremarkwhichseemstocontradictauniversallycurrentopinionisnotgenerallytobetaken"neat，"butwateredwiththeideasofcommon-senseandcommonplacepeople。So，ifanyofmyyoungfriendsshouldbetemptedtowastetheirsubstanceonwhitekidsand"all-
rounds，"ortoinsistonbecomingmillionairesatonce，byanythingIhavesaid，Iwillgivethemreferencestosomeoftheclassreferredto，wellknowntothepublicasprovidersofliterarydiluents，whowillweakenanytruthsothatthereisnotanoldwomaninthelandwhocannottakeitwithperfectimpunity。
IamafraidsomeoftheblessedsaintsindiamondswillthinkImeantoflatterthem。Ihopenot；——ifIdo，setitdownasaweakness。
Butthereissomuchfoolishtalkaboutwealthandfashion，which，ofcourse，drawagoodmanyheartlessandessentiallyvulgarpeopleintotheglareoftheircandelabra，butwhichhavearealrespectabilityandmeaning，ifwewillonlylookatthemstereoscopically，withbotheyesinsteadofone，thatIthoughtitadutytospeakafewwordsforthem。Whycan’tsomebodygiveusalistofthingsthateverybodythinksandnobodysays，andanotherlistofthingsthateverybodysaysandnobodythinks？
Lestmyparishshouldsupposewehaveforgottengravermattersintheselessertopics，Ibegthemtodropthesetriflesandreadthefollowinglessonfortheday。
THETWOSTREAMS。
BeholdtherockywallThatdownitsslopingsidesPourstheswiftrain-drops，blending，astheyfall，Inrushingriver-tides！
Yonstream，whosesourcesrunTurnedbyapebble’sedge，IsAthabasca，rollingtowardthesunThroughthecleftmountain-ledge。
Theslenderrillhadstrayed，Butfortheslantingstone，Toevening’socean，withthetangledbraidOffoam-fleckedOregon。
SofromtheheightsofWillLife’spartingstreamdescends，And，asamomentturnsitsslenderrill，Eachwideningtorrentbends，>Fromthesamecradle’sside，>Fromthesamemother’sknee，——
Onetolongdarknessandthefrozentide，OnetothePeacefulSea！
VII
Ourlandlady’sdaughterisayoungladyofsomepretensionstogentility。Shewearsherbonnetwellbackonherhead，whichisknownbyalltobeamarkofhighbreeding。Shewearshertrainsverylong，asthegreatladiesdoinEurope。Tobesure，theirdressesaresomadeonlytosweepthetapestriedfloorsofchateauxandpalaces；asthoseodiousaristocratsoftheothersidedonotgodragglingthroughthemudinsilksandsatins，but，forsooth，mustrideincoacheswhentheyareinfulldress。Itistrue，that，consideringvarioushabitsoftheAmericanpeople，alsothelittleaccidentswhichthebest-keptsidewalksareliableto，aladywhohassweptamileofthemisnotexactlyinsuchaconditionthatonewouldcaretobeherneighbor。Butthenthereisnoneedofbeingsohardontheseslightweaknessesofthepoor，dearwomenasourlittledeformedgentlemanwastheotherday——
TherearenosuchwomenastheBostonwomen，Sir，——hesaid。
Forty-twodegrees，northlatitude，Rome，Sir，Boston，Sir！TheyhadgrandwomeninoldRome，Sir，——andthewomenboresuchmen——childrenasnevertheworldsawbefore。Andsoitwashere，Sir。Itellyou，therevolutiontheBostonboysstartedhadtoruninwoman’smilkbeforeitraninman’sblood，Sir！
Butconfoundthemake-believewomenwehaveturnedlooseinourstreets！——wheredotheycomefrom？NotoutofBostonparlors，I
trust。Why，thereisn’tabeastorabirdthatwoulddragitstailthroughthedirtinthewaythesecreaturesdotheirdresses。
Becauseaqueenoraduchesswearslongrobesongreatoccasions，amaid-of-all-workorafactory-girlthinksshemustmakeherselfanuisancebytrailingthroughthestreet，pickingupandcarryingaboutwithherpah！——that’swhatIcallgettingvulgarityintoyourbonesandmarrow。Makingbelievebewhatyouarenotistheessenceofvulgarity。Showoverdirtistheoneattributeofvulgarpeople。
Ifanymancanwalkbehindoneofthesewomenandseewhatsherakesupasshegoes，andnotfeelsqueamish，hehasgotatoughstomach。
Iwouldn’tletoneof’emintomyroomwithoutserving’emasDavidservedSaulatthecaveinthewilderness，——cutoffhisskirts，Sir！
cutoffhisskirts！
Isuggested，thatIhadseensomeprettystylishladieswhooffendedinthewayhecondemned。