TheTanner。"Easily。Thetwohavenotquotedtheremarkinexactlythesamewords。Youwouldhavenoticedthat，iftherehadn'tbeenaconsiderablestretchoftimeandanexcitingquarrelinsertedbetweenthetworeadings。"
AVoice。"Namethedifference。"
TheTanner。"ThewordVERYisinBillson'snote，andnotintheother。"
ManyVoices。"That'sso——he'sright！"
TheTanner。"Andso，iftheChairwillexaminethetest-remarkinthesack，weshallknowwhichofthesetwofrauds——[TheChair。
"Order！"]——whichofthesetwoadventurers——[TheChair。"Order！
order！"]——whichofthesetwogentlemen——[laughterandapplause]——isentitledtowearthebeltasbeingthefirstdishonestblatherskiteeverbredinthistown——whichhehasdishonoured，andwhichwillbeasultryplaceforhimfromnowout！"[Vigorousapplause。]
ManyVoices。"Openit！——openthesack！"
Mr。Burgessmadeaslitinthesack，slidhishandin，andbroughtoutanenvelope。Initwereacoupleoffoldednotes。Hesaid：
"Oneoftheseismarked，'NottobeexamineduntilallwrittencommunicationswhichhavebeenaddressedtotheChair——ifany——shallhavebeenread。'Theotherismarked'THETEST。'Allowme。Itisworded——towit：
"'Idonotrequirethatthefirsthalfoftheremarkwhichwasmadetomebymybenefactorshallbequotedwithexactness，foritwasnotstriking，andcouldbeforgotten；butitsclosingfifteenwordsarequitestriking，andIthinkeasilyrememberable；unlessTHESE
shallbeaccuratelyreproduced，lettheapplicantberegardedasanimpostor。Mybenefactorbeganbysayingheseldomgaveadvicetoanyone，butthatitalwaysborethehallmarkofhighvaluewhenhedidgiveit。Thenhesaidthis——andithasneverfadedfrommymemory：'YOUAREFARFROMBEINGABADMAN——'"
FiftyVoices。"Thatsettlesit——themoney'sWilson's！Wilson！
Wilson！Speech！Speech！"
PeoplejumpedupandcrowdedaroundWilson，wringinghishandandcongratulatingfervently——meantimetheChairwashammeringwiththegavelandshouting：
"Order，gentlemen！Order！Order！Letmefinishreading，please。"
Whenquietwasrestored，thereadingwasresumed——asfollows：
"'GO，ANDREFORM——OR，MARKMYWORDS——SOMEDAY，FORYOURSINSYOU
WILLDIEANDGOTOHELLORHADLEYBURG——TRYANDMAKEITTHEFORMER。'"
Aghastlysilencefollowed。Firstanangrycloudbegantosettledarklyuponthefacesofthecitizenship；afterapausethecloudbegantorise，andatickledexpressiontriedtotakeitsplace；
triedsohardthatitwasonlykeptunderwithgreatandpainfuldifficulty；thereporters，theBrixtonites，andotherstrangersbenttheirheadsdownandshieldedtheirfaceswiththeirhands，andmanagedtoholdinbymainstrengthandheroiccourtesy。Atthismostinopportunetimeburstuponthestillnesstheroarofasolitaryvoice——JackHalliday's：
"THAT'Sgotthehall-markonit！"
Thenthehouseletgo，strangersandall。EvenMr。Burgess'sgravitybrokedownpresently，thentheaudienceconsidereditselfofficiallyabsolvedfromallrestraint，anditmadethemostofitsprivilege。Itwasagoodlonglaugh，andatempestuouslywholeheartedone，butitceasedatlast——longenoughforMr。Burgesstotrytoresume，andforthepeopletogettheireyespartiallywiped；thenitbrokeoutagain，andafterwardyetagain；thenatlastBurgesswasabletogetouttheseseriouswords：
"Itisuselesstotrytodisguisethefact——wefindourselvesinthepresenceofamatterofgraveimport。Itinvolvesthehonourofyourtown——itstrikesatthetown'sgoodname。Thedifferenceofasinglewordbetweenthetest-remarksofferedbyMr。WilsonandMr。
Billsonwasitselfaseriousthing，sinceitindicatedthatoneortheotherofthesegentlemenhadcommittedatheft——"
Thetwomenweresittinglimp，nerveless，crushed；butatthesewordsbothwereelectrifiedintomovement，andstartedtogetup。
"Sitdown！"saidtheChair，sharply，andtheyobeyed。"That，asI
havesaid，wasaseriousthing。Anditwas——butforonlyoneofthem。Butthematterhasbecomegraver；forthehonourofBOTHisnowinformidableperil。ShallIgoevenfurther，andsayininextricableperil？BOTHleftoutthecrucialfifteenwords。"Hepaused。Duringseveralmomentsheallowedthepervadingstillnesstogatheranddeepenitsimpressiveeffects，thenadded："Therewouldseemtobebutonewaywherebythiscouldhappen。Iaskthesegentlemen——WasthereCOLLUSION？——AGREEMENT？"
Alowmurmursiftedthroughthehouse；itsimportwas，"He'sgotthemboth。"
Billsonwasnotusedtoemergencies；hesatinahelplesscollapse。
ButWilsonwasalawyer。Hestruggledtohisfeet，paleandworried，andsaid：
"IasktheindulgenceofthehousewhileIexplainthismostpainfulmatter。IamsorrytosaywhatIamabouttosay，sinceitmustinflictirreparableinjuryuponMr。Billson，whomIhavealwaysesteemedandrespecteduntilnow，andinwhoseinvulnerabilitytotemptationIentirelybelieved——asdidyouall。ButforthepreservationofmyownhonourImustspeak——andwithfrankness。I
confesswithshame——andInowbeseechyourpardonforit——thatI
saidtotheruinedstrangerallofthewordscontainedinthetest-
remark，includingthedisparagingfifteen。[Sensation。]WhenthelatepublicationwasmadeIrecalledthem，andIresolvedtoclaimthesackofcoin，forbyeveryrightIwasentitledtoit。NowI
willaskyoutoconsiderthispoint，andweighitwell；thatstranger'sgratitudetomethatnightknewnobounds；hesaidhimselfthathecouldfindnowordsforitthatwereadequate，andthatifheshouldeverbeablehewouldrepaymeathousandfold。
Now，then，Iaskyouthis；couldIexpect——couldIbelieve——couldI
evenremotelyimagine——that，feelingashedid，hewoulddosoungratefulathingastoaddthosequiteunnecessaryfifteenwordstohistest？——setatrapforme？——exposemeasaslandererofmyowntownbeforemyownpeopleassembledinapublichall？Itwaspreposterous；itwasimpossible。Histestwouldcontainonlythekindlyopeningclauseofmyremark。OfthatIhadnoshadowofdoubt。YouwouldhavethoughtasIdid。Youwouldnothaveexpectedabasebetrayalfromonewhomyouhadbefriendedandagainstwhomyouhadcommittednooffence。Andsowithperfectconfidence，perfecttrust，Iwroteonapieceofpapertheopeningwords——endingwith"Go，andreform，"——andsignedit。WhenIwasabouttoputitinanenvelopeIwascalledintomybackoffice，andwithoutthinkingIleftthepaperlyingopenonmydesk。"Hestopped，turnedhisheadslowlytowardBillson，waitedamoment，thenadded："Iaskyoutonotethis；whenIreturned，alittlelatter，Mr。Billsonwasretiringbymystreetdoor。"[Sensation。]
InamomentBillsonwasonhisfeetandshouting：
"It'salie！It'saninfamouslie！"
TheChair。"Beseated，sir！Mr。Wilsonhasthefloor。"
Billson'sfriendspulledhimintohisseatandquietedhim，andWilsonwenton：
"Thosearethesimplefacts。MynotewasnowlyinginadifferentplaceonthetablefromwhereIhadleftit。Inoticedthat，butattachednoimportancetoit，thinkingadraughthadblownitthere。
ThatMr。Billsonwouldreadaprivatepaperwasathingwhichcouldnotoccurtome；hewasanhonourableman，andhewouldbeabovethat。Ifyouwillallowmetosayit，Ithinkhisextraword'VERY'
standsexplained：itisattributabletoadefectofmemory。Iwastheonlymanintheworldwhocouldfurnishhereanydetailofthetest-mark——byHONOURABLEmeans。Ihavefinished。"
Thereisnothingintheworldlikeapersuasivespeechtofuddlethementalapparatusandupsettheconvictionsanddebauchtheemotionsofanaudiencenotpractisedinthetricksanddelusionsoforatory。
Wilsonsatdownvictorious。Thehousesubmergedhimintidesofapprovingapplause；friendsswarmedtohimandshookhimbythehandandcongratulatedhim，andBillsonwasshouteddownandnotallowedtosayaword。TheChairhammeredandhammeredwithitsgavel，andkeptshouting：
"Butletusproceed，gentlemen，letusproceed！"
Atlasttherewasameasurabledegreeofquiet，andthehattersaid：
"Butwhatistheretoproceedwith，sir，buttodeliverthemoney？"
Voices。"That'sit！That'sit！Comeforward，Wilson！"
TheHatter。"ImovethreecheersforMr。Wilson，Symbolofthespecialvirtuewhich——"
Thecheersburstforthbeforehecouldfinish；andinthemidstofthem——andinthemidstoftheclamourofthegavelalso——someenthusiastsmountedWilsononabigfriend'sshoulderandweregoingtofetchhimintriumphtotheplatform。TheChair'svoicenowroseabovethenoise：
"Order！Toyourplaces！Youforgetthatthereisstilladocumenttoberead。"Whenquiethadbeenrestoredhetookupthedocument，andwasgoingtoreadit，butlaiditdownagainsaying"Iforgot；
thisisnottobereaduntilallwrittencommunicationsreceivedbymehavefirstbeenread。"Hetookanenvelopeoutofhispocket，removeditsenclosure，glancedatit——seemedastonished——helditoutandgazedatit——staredatit。
Twentyorthirtyvoicescriedout：
"Whatisit？Readit！readit！"
Andhedid——slowly，andwondering：
"'TheremarkwhichImadetothestranger——[Voices。"Hello！how'sthis？"]——wasthis：'Youarefarfrombeingabadman。[Voices。
"GreatScott！"]Go，andreform。'"[Voice。"Oh，sawmylegoff！"]
SignedbyMr。Pinkertonthebanker。"
Thepandemoniumofdelightwhichturneditselfloosenowwasofasorttomakethejudiciousweep。Thosewhosewitherswereunwrunglaughedtillthetearsrandown；thereporters，inthroesoflaughter，setdowndisorderedpot-hookswhichwouldneverintheworldbedecipherable；andasleepingdogjumpedupscaredoutofitswits，andbarkeditselfcrazyattheturmoil。Allmannerofcrieswerescatteredthroughthedin："We'regettingrich——TWO
SymbolsofIncorruptibility！——withoutcountingBillson！""THREE！——
countShadbellyin——wecan'thavetoomany！""Allright——Billson'selected！""Alas，poorWilson！victimofTWOthieves！"
APowerfulVoice。"Silence！TheChair'sfishedupsomethingmoreoutofitspocket。"
Voices。"Hurrah！Isitsomethingfresh？Readit！read！read！"
TheChair[reading]。"'TheremarkwhichImade，'etc。'Youarefarfrombeingabadman。Go，'etc。Signed，'GregoryYates。'"
TornadoofVoices。"FourSymbols！""'RahforYates！""Fishagain！"
Thehousewasinaroaringhumournow，andreadytogetallthefunoutoftheoccasionthatmightbeinit。SeveralNineteeners，lookingpaleanddistressed，gotupandbegantoworktheirwaytowardstheaisles，butascoreofshoutswentup：
"Thedoors，thedoors——closethedoors；noIncorruptibleshallleavethisplace！Sitdown，everybody！"Themandatewasobeyed。
"Fishagain！Read！read！"
TheChairfishedagain，andoncemorethefamiliarwordsbegantofallfromitslips——"'Youarefarfrombeingabadman——'"
"Name！name！What'shisname？"
"'L。IngoldsbySargent。'"
"Fiveelected！PileuptheSymbols！Goon，goon！"
"'Youarefarfrombeingabad——'"
"Name！name！"
"'NicholasWhitworth。'"
"Hooray！hooray！it'sasymbolicalday！"
Somebodywailedin，andbegantosingthisrhymeleavingout"it's"tothelovely"Mikado"tuneof"Whenaman'safraidofabeautifulmaid；"theaudiencejoinedin，withjoy；then，justintime，somebodycontributedanotherline——
"Anddon'tyouthisforget——"
Thehouseroareditout。Athirdlinewasatoncefurnished——
"CorruptiblesfarfromHadleyburgare——"
Thehouseroaredthatonetoo。Asthelastnotedied，JackHalliday'svoicerosehighandclear，freightedwithafinalline——
"ButtheSymbolsarehere，youbet！"
Thatwassung，withboomingenthusiasm。Thenthehappyhousestartedinatthebeginningandsangthefourlinesthroughtwice，withimmenseswinganddash，andfinishedupwithacrashingthree-
times-threeandatigerfor"HadleyburgtheIncorruptibleandallSymbolsofitwhichweshallfindworthytoreceivethehall-markto-night。"
ThentheshoutingsattheChairbeganagain，allovertheplace：
"Goon！goon！Read！readsomemore！Readallyou'vegot！"
"That'sit——goon！Wearewinningeternalcelebrity！"
Adozenmengotupnowandbegantoprotest。Theysaidthatthisfarcewastheworkofsomeabandonedjoker，andwasaninsulttothewholecommunity。Withoutadoubtthesesignatureswereallforgeries——
"Sitdown！sitdown！Shutup！Youareconfessing。We'llfindyournamesinthelot。"
"Mr。Chairman，howmanyofthoseenvelopeshaveyougot？"
TheChaircounted。
"Togetherwiththosethathavebeenalreadyexamined，therearenineteen。"
Astormofderisiveapplausebrokeout。
"Perhapstheyallcontainthesecret。Imovethatyouopenthemallandreadeverysignaturethatisattachedtoanoteofthatsort——
andreadalsothefirsteightwordsofthenote。"
"Secondthemotion！"
Itwasputandcarried——uproariously。ThenpooroldRichardsgotup，andhiswiferoseandstoodathisside。Herheadwasbentdown，sothatnonemightseethatshewascrying。Herhusbandgaveherhisarm，andsosupportingher，hebegantospeakinaquaveringvoice：
"Myfriends，youhaveknownustwo——Maryandme——allourlives，andIthinkyouhavelikedusandrespectedus——"
TheChairinterruptedhim：
"Allowme。Itisquitetrue——thatwhichyouaresaying，Mr。
Richards；thistownDOESknowyoutwo；itDOESlikeyou；itDOES
respectyou；more——ithonoursyouandLOVESyou——"
Halliday'svoicerangout：
"That'sthehall-markedtruth，too！IftheChairisright，letthehousespeakupandsayit。Rise！Now，then——hip！hip！hip！——alltogether！"
Thehouseroseinmass，facedtowardtheoldcoupleeagerly，filledtheairwithasnow-stormofwavinghandkerchiefs，anddeliveredthecheerswithallitsaffectionateheart。
TheChairthencontinued：
"WhatIwasgoingtosayisthis：Weknowyourgoodheart，Mr。
Richards，butthisisnotatimefortheexerciseofcharitytowardoffenders。[Shoutsof"Right！right！"]Iseeyourgenerouspurposeinyourface，butIcannotallowyoutopleadforthesemen——"
"ButIwasgoingto——"
"Pleasetakeyourseat，Mr。Richards。Wemustexaminetherestofthesenotes——simplefairnesstothemenwhohavealreadybeenexposedrequiresthis。Assoonasthathasbeendone——Igiveyoumywordforthis——youshallheheard。"
Manyvoices。"Right！——theChairisright——nointerruptioncanbepermittedatthisstage！Goon！——thenames！thenames！——accordingtothetermsofthemotion！"
Theoldcouplesatreluctantlydown，andthehusbandwhisperedtothewife，"Itispitifullyhardtohavetowait；theshamewillbegreaterthaneverwhentheyfindwewereonlygoingtopleadforOURSELVES。"
Straightwaythejollitybrokelooseagainwiththereadingofthenames。
"'Youarefarfrombeingabadman——'Signature，'RobertJ。
Titmarsh。'"
'"Youarefarfrombeingabadman——'Signature，'EliphaletWeeks。'"
"'Youarefarfrombeingabadman——'Signature，'OscarB。Wilder。'"
AtthispointthehouselitupontheideaoftakingtheeightwordsoutoftheChairman'shands。Hewasnotunthankfulforthat。
Thenceforwardheheldupeachnoteinitsturnandwaited。Thehousedronedouttheeightwordsinamassedandmeasuredandmusicaldeepvolumeofsoundwithadaringlycloseresemblancetoawell-knownchurchchant——"Youaref-a-rfrombeingab-a-a-a-dman。"ThentheChairsaid，"Signature，'ArchibaldWilcox。'"Andsoon，andsoon，nameaftername，andeverybodyhadanincreasinglyandgloriouslygoodtimeexceptthewretchedNineteen。Nowandthen，whenaparticularlyshiningnamewascalled，thehousemadetheChairwaitwhileitchantedthewholeofthetest-remarkfromthebeginningtotheclosingwords，"AndgotohellorHadleyburg——
tryandmakeitthefor-or-m-e-r！"andinthesespecialcasestheyaddedagrandandagonisedandimposing"A-a-a-a-MEN！"
Thelistdwindled，dwindled，dwindled，pooroldRichardskeepingtallyofthecount，wincingwhenanameresemblinghisownwaspronounced，andwaitinginmiserablesuspenseforthetimetocomewhenitwouldbehishumiliatingprivilegetorisewithMaryandfinishhisplea，whichhewasintendingtowordthus："……foruntilnowwehaveneverdoneanywrongthing，buthavegoneourhumblewayunreproached。Weareverypoor，weareold，and，havenochicknorchildtohelpus；weweresorelytempted，andwefell。ItwasmypurposewhenIgotupbeforetomakeconfessionandbegthatmynamemightnotbereadoutinthispublicplace，foritseemedtousthatwecouldnotbearit；butIwasprevented。Itwasjust；itwasourplacetosufferwiththerest。Ithasbeenhardforus。Itisthefirsttimewehaveeverheardournamefallfromanyone'slips——sullied。Bemerciful——forthesakeorthebetterdays；makeourshameaslighttobearasinyourcharityyoucan。"AtthispointinhisreverieMarynudgedhim，perceivingthathismindwasabsent。Thehousewaschanting，"Youaref-a-r，"etc。
"Beready，"Marywhispered。"Yournamecomesnow；hehasreadeighteen。"
Thechantended。
"Next！next！next！"camevolleyingfromalloverthehouse。
Burgessputhishandintohispocket。Theoldcouple，trembling，begantorise。Burgessfumbledamoment，thensaid：
"IfindIhavereadthemall。"
Faintwithjoyandsurprise，thecouplesankintotheirseats，andMarywhispered：
"Oh，blessGod，wearesaved！——hehaslostours——Iwouldn'tgivethisforahundredofthosesacks！"
Thehouseburstoutwithits"Mikado"travesty，andsangitthreetimeswithever-increasingenthusiasm，risingtoitsfeetwhenitreachedforthethirdtimetheclosingline——
"ButtheSymbolsarehere，youbet！"
andfinishingupwithcheersandatigerfor"Hadleyburgpurityandoureighteenimmortalrepresentativesofit。"
ThenWingate，thesaddler，gotupandproposedcheers"forthecleanestmanintown，theonesolitaryimportantcitizeninitwhodidn'ttrytostealthatmoney——EdwardRichards。"
Theyweregivenwithgreatandmovingheartiness；thensomebodyproposedthat"RichardsbeelectedsoleGuardianandSymbolofthenowSacredHadleyburgTradition，withpowerandrighttostandupandlookthewholesarcasticworldintheface。"
Passed，byacclamation；thentheysangthe"Mikado"again，andendeditwith——
"Andthere'sONESymbolleft，youbet！"
Therewasapause；then——
AVoice。"Now，then，who'stogetthesack？"
TheTannerwithbittersarcasm。"That'seasy。ThemoneyhastobedividedamongtheeighteenIncorruptibles。Theygavethesufferingstrangertwentydollarsapiece——andthatremark——eachinhisturn——ittooktwenty-twominutesfortheprocessiontomovepast。Stakedthestranger——totalcontribution，$360。Alltheywantisjusttheloanback——andinterest——fortythousanddollarsaltogether。"
ManyVoices[derisively。]"That'sit！Divvy！divvy！Bekindtothepoor——don'tkeepthemwaiting！"
TheChair。"Order！Inowofferthestranger'sremainingdocument。
Itsays：'Ifnoclaimantshallappear[grandchorusofgroans]，I
desirethatyouopenthesackandcountoutthemoneytotheprincipalcitizensofyourtown，theytotakeitintrust[Criesof"Oh！Oh！Oh！"]，anduseitinsuchwaysastothemshallseembestforthepropagationandpreservationofyourcommunity'snoblereputationforincorruptiblehonesty[morecries]——areputationtowhichtheirnamesandtheireffortswilladdanewandfar-reachinglustre。"[Enthusiasticoutburstofsarcasticapplause。]Thatseemstobeall。No——hereisapostscript：
"'P。S——CITIZENSOFHADLEYBURG：ThereISnotest-remark——nobodymadeone。[Greatsensation。]Therewasn'tanypauperstranger，noranytwenty-dollarcontribution，noranyaccompanyingbenedictionandcompliment——theseareallinventions。[Generalbuzzandhumofastonishmentanddelight。]Allowmetotellmystory——itwilltakebutawordortwo。Ipassedthroughyourtownatacertaintime，andreceivedadeepoffencewhichIhadnotearned。Anyothermanwouldhavebeencontenttokilloneortwoofyouandcallitsquare，buttomethatwouldhavebeenatrivialrevenge，andinadequate；forthedeaddonotSUFFER。BesidesIcouldnotkillyouall——and，anyway，madeasIam，eventhatwouldnothavesatisfiedme。Iwantedtodamageeverymanintheplace，andeverywoman——andnotintheirbodiesorintheirestate，butintheirvanity——theplacewherefeebleandfoolishpeoplearemostvulnerable。SoI
disguisedmyselfandcamebackandstudiedyou。Youwereeasygame。
Youhadanoldandloftyreputationforhonesty，andnaturallyyouwereproudofit——itwasyourtreasureoftreasures，theveryappleofyoureye。AssoonasIfoundoutthatyoucarefullyandvigilantlykeptyourselvesandyourchildrenOUTOFTEMPTATION，I
knewhowtoproceed。Why，yousimplecreatures，theweakestofallweakthingsisavirtuewhichhasnotbeentestedinthefire。I
laidaplan，andgatheredalistofnames。MyprojectwastocorruptHadleyburgtheIncorruptible。Myideawastomakeliarsandthievesofnearlyhalfahundredsmirchlessmenandwomenwhohadneverintheirlivesutteredalieorstolenapenny。IwasafraidofGoodson。HewasneitherbornnorrearedinHadleyburg。IwasafraidthatifIstartedtooperatemyschemebygettingmyletterlaidbeforeyou，youwouldsaytoyourselves，'Goodsonistheonlymanamonguswhowouldgiveawaytwentydollarstoapoordevil'——
andthenyoumightnotbiteatmybait。ButheaventookGoodson；
thenIknewIwassafe，andIsetmytrapandbaitedit。ItmaybethatIshallnotcatchallthementowhomImailedthepretendedtest-secret，butIshallcatchthemostofthem，ifIknowHadleyburgnature。[Voices。"Right——hegoteverylastoneofthem。"]IbelievetheywillevenstealostensibleGAMBLE-money，ratherthanmiss，poor，tempted，andmistrainedfellows。IamhopingtoeternallyandeverlastinglysquelchyourvanityandgiveHadleyburganewrenown——onethatwillSTICK——andspreadfar。IfI
havesucceeded，openthesackandsummontheCommitteeonPropagationandPreservationoftheHadleyburgReputation。'"
ACycloneofVoices。"Openit！Openit！TheEighteentothefront！CommitteeonPropagationoftheTradition！Forward——theIncorruptibles！"
TheChairrippedthesackwide，andgatheredupahandfulofbright，broad，yellowcoins，shookthemtogether，thenexaminedthem。
"Friends，theyareonlygildeddisksoflead！"
Therewasacrashingoutbreakofdelightoverthisnews，andwhenthenoisehadsubsided，thetannercalledout：
"Byrightofapparentseniorityinthisbusiness，Mr。WilsonisChairmanoftheCommitteeonPropagationoftheTradition。I
suggestthathestepforwardonbehalfofhispals，andreceiveintrustthemoney。"
AHundredVoices。"Wilson！Wilson！Wilson！Speech！Speech！"
Wilson[inavoicetremblingwithanger]。"Youwillallowmetosay，andwithoutapologiesformylanguage，DAMNthemoney！"
AVoice。"Oh，andhimaBaptist！"
AVoice。"SeventeenSymbolsleft！Stepup，gentlemen，andassumeyourtrust！"
Therewasapause——noresponse。
TheSaddler。"Mr。Chairman，we'vegotONEcleanmanleft，anyway，outofthelatearistocracy；andheneedsmoney，anddeservesit。I
movethatyouappointJackHallidaytogetupthereandauctionoffthatsackofgilttwenty-dollarpieces，andgivetheresulttotherightman——themanwhomHadleyburgdelightstohonour——EdwardRichards。"
Thiswasreceivedwithgreatenthusiasm，thedogtakingahandagain；thesaddlerstartedthebidsatadollar，theBrixtonfolkandBarnum'srepresentativefoughthardforit，thepeoplecheeredeveryjumpthatthebidsmade，theexcitementclimbedmomentbymomenthigherandhigher，thebiddersgotontheirmettleandgrewsteadilymoreandmoredaring，moreandmoredetermined，thejumpswentfromadollaruptofive，thentoten，thentotwenty，thenfifty，thentoahundred，then——
AtthebeginningoftheauctionRichardswhisperedindistresstohiswife："Oh，Mary，canweallowit？It——it——yousee，itisanhonour——reward，atestimonialtopurityofcharacter，and——and——canweallowit？Hadn'tIbettergetupand——Oh，Mary，whatoughtwetodo？——whatdoyouthinkwe——"[Halliday'svoice。"FifteenI'mbid！——
fifteenforthesack！——twenty！——ah，thanks！——thirty——thanksagain！
Thirty，thirty，thirty！——doIhearforty？——fortyitis！Keeptheballrolling，gentlemen，keepitrolling！——fifty！——thanks，nobleRoman！——goingatfifty，fifty，fifty！——seventy！——ninety！——
splendid！——ahundred！——pileitup，pileitup！——hundredandtwenty——
forty！——justintime！——hundredandfifty！——Twohundred！——superb！DoIheartwoh——thanks！——twohundredandfifty！——"]
"Itisanothertemptation，Edward——I'mallinatremble——but，oh，we'veescapedonetemptation，andthatoughttowarnus，to——["SixdidIhear？——thanks！——sixfifty，sixf——SEVENhundred！"]Andyet，Edward，whenyouthink——nobodysusp——["Eighthundreddollars！——
hurrah！——makeitnine！——Mr。Parsons，didIhearyousay——thanks！——
nine！——thisnoblesackofvirginleadgoingatonlyninehundreddollars，gildingandall——come！doIhear——athousand！——gratefullyyours！——didsomeonesayeleven？——asackwhichisgoingtobethemostcelebratedinthewholeUni——"]"Oh，Edward"beginningtosob，"wearesopoor！——but——but——doasyouthinkbest——doasyouthinkbest。"
Edwardfell——thatis，hesatstill；satwithaconsciencewhichwasnotsatisfied，butwhichwasoverpoweredbycircumstances。
Meantimeastranger，wholookedlikeanamateurdetectivegottenupasanimpossibleEnglishearl，hadbeenwatchingtheevening'sproceedingswithmanifestinterest，andwithacontentedexpressioninhisface；andhehadbeenprivatelycommentingtohimself。Hewasnowsoliloquisingsomewhatlikethis：'NoneoftheEighteenarebidding；thatisnotsatisfactory；Imustchangethat——thedramaticunitiesrequireit；theymustbuythesacktheytriedtosteal；theymustpayaheavyprice，too——someofthemarerich。Andanotherthing，whenImakeamistakeinHadleyburgnaturethemanthatputsthaterroruponmeisentitledtoahighhonorarium，andsomeonemustpay。ThispooroldRichardshasbroughtmyjudgmenttoshame；
heisanhonestman：——Idon'tunderstandit，butIacknowledgeit。
Yes，hesawmydeuces——ANDwithastraightflush，andbyrightsthepotishis。Anditshallbeajack-pot，too，ifIcanmanageit。
Hedisappointedme，butletthatpass。"
Hewaswatchingthebidding。Atathousand，themarketbroke：thepricestumbledswiftly。Hewaited——andstillwatched。Onecompetitordroppedout；thenanother，andanother。Heputinabidortwonow。Whenthebidshadsunktotendollars，headdedafive；
someoneraisedhimathree；hewaitedamoment，thenflunginafifty-dollarjump，andthesackwashis——at$1，282。Thehousebrokeoutincheers——thenstopped；forhewasonhisfeet，andhadliftedhishand。Hebegantospeak。
"Idesiretosayaword，andaskafavour。Iamaspeculatorinrarities，andIhavedealingswithpersonsinterestedinnumismaticsallovertheworld。Icanmakeaprofitonthispurchase，justasitstands；butthereisaway，ifIcangetyourapproval，wherebyI
canmakeeveryoneoftheseleadentwenty-dollarpiecesworthitsfaceingold，andperhapsmore。Grantmethatapproval，andIwillgivepartofmygainstoyourMr。Richards，whoseinvulnerableprobityyouhavesojustlyandsocordiallyrecognisedtonight；hisshareshallbetenthousanddollars，andIwillhandhimthemoneyto-morrow。[Greatapplausefromthehouse。Butthe"invulnerableprobity"madetheRichardsesblushprettily；however，itwentformodesty，anddidnoharm。]Ifyouwillpassmypropositionbyagoodmajority——Iwouldlikeatwo-thirdsvote——Iwillregardthatasthetown'sconsent，andthatisallIask。Raritiesarealwayshelpedbyanydevicewhichwillrousecuriosityandcompelremark。
NowifImayhaveyourpermissiontostampuponthefacesofeachoftheseostensiblecoinsthenamesoftheeighteengentlemenwho——"
Nine-tenthsoftheaudiencewereontheirfeetinamoment——dogandall——andthepropositionwascarriedwithawhirlwindofapprovingapplauseandlaughter。
Theysatdown，andalltheSymbolsexcept"Dr。"ClayHarknessgotup，violentlyprotestingagainsttheproposedoutrage，andthreateningto——
"Ibegyounottothreatenme，"saidthestrangercalmly。"Iknowmylegalrights，andamnotaccustomedtobeingfrightenedatbluster。"[Applause。]Hesatdown。"Dr。"Harknesssawanopportunityhere。Hewasoneofthetwoveryrichmenoftheplace，andPinkertonwastheother。Harknesswasproprietorofamint；
thatistosay，apopularpatentmedicine。HewasrunningfortheLegislatureononeticket，andPinkertonontheother。Itwasacloseraceandahotone，andgettinghottereveryday。Bothhadstrongappetitesformoney；eachhadboughtagreattractofland，withapurpose；therewasgoingtobeanewrailway，andeachwantedtobeintheLegislatureandhelplocatetheroutetohisownadvantage；asinglevotemightmakethedecision，andwithittwoorthreefortunes。Thestakewaslarge，andHarknesswasadaringspeculator。Hewassittingclosetothestranger。HeleanedoverwhileoneoranotheroftheotherSymbolswasentertainingthehousewithprotestsandappeals，andasked，inawhisper，"Whatisyourpriceforthesack？"
"Fortythousanddollars。"
"I'llgiveyoutwenty。"
"No。"
"Twenty-five。"
"No。"
"Saythirty。"
"Thepriceisfortythousanddollars；notapennyless。"
"Allright，I'llgiveit。Iwillcometothehotelatteninthemorning。Idon'twantitknown；willseeyouprivately。"
"Verygood。"Thenthestrangergotupandsaidtothehouse：
"Ifinditlate。Thespeechesofthesegentlemenarenotwithoutmerit，notwithoutinterest，notwithoutgrace；yetifImayheexcusedIwilltakemyleave。Ithankyouforthegreatfavourwhichyouhaveshownmeingrantingmypetition。IasktheChairtokeepthesackformeuntilto-morrow，andtohandthesethreefive-
hundred-dollarnotestoMr。Richards。"TheywerepasseduptotheChair。
"AtnineIwillcallforthesack，andatelevenwilldelivertherestofthetenthousandtoMr。Richardsinpersonathishome。
Good-night。"
Thenheslippedout，andlefttheaudiencemakingavastnoise，whichwascomposedofamixtureofcheers，the"Mikado"song，dog-
disapproval，andthechant，"Youaref-a-rfrombeingab-a-a-dman——
a-a-aa-men！"
IV
AthometheRichardseshadtoendurecongratulationsandcomplimentsuntilmidnight。Thentheywerelefttothemselves。Theylookedalittlesad，andtheysatsilentandthinking。FinallyMarysighedandsaid：
"Doyouthinkwearetoblame，Edward——MUCHtoblame？"andhereyeswanderedtotheaccusingtripletofbigbank-noteslyingonthetable，wherethecongratulatorshadbeengloatingoverthemandreverentlyfingeringthem。Edwarddidnotansweratonce；thenhebroughtoutasighandsaid，hesitatingly：
"We——wecouldn'thelpit，Mary。It——wellitwasordered。ALL
thingsare。"
Maryglancedupandlookedathimsteadily，buthedidn'treturnthelook。Presentlyshesaid：
"Ithoughtcongratulationsandpraisesalwaystastedgood。But——itseemstome，now——Edward？"
"Well？"
"Areyougoingtostayinthebank？"
"N——no。"
"Resign？"
"Inthemorning——bynote。"
"Itdoesseembest。"
Richardsbowedhisheadinhishandsandmuttered：
"BeforeIwasnotafraidtoletoceansofpeople'smoneypourthroughmyhands，but——Mary，Iamsotired，sotired——"
"Wewillgotobed。"
Atnineinthemorningthestrangercalledforthesackandtookittothehotelinacab。AttenHarknesshadatalkwithhimprivately。Thestrangeraskedforandgotfivechequesonametropolitanbank——drawnto"Bearer，"——fourfor$1，500each，andonefor$34，000。Heputoneoftheformerinhispocket-book，andtheremainder，representing$38，500，heputinanenvelope，andwiththeseheaddedanotewhichhewroteafterHarknesswasgone。AtelevenhecalledattheRichards'houseandknocked。Mrs。Richardspeepedthroughtheshutters，thenwentandreceivedtheenvelope，andthestrangerdisappearedwithoutaword。Shecamebackflushedandalittleunsteadyonherlegs，andgaspedout：
"IamsureIrecognisedhim！LastnightitseemedtomethatmaybeIhadseenhimsomewherebefore。"
"Heisthemanthatbroughtthesackhere？"
"Iamalmostsureofit。"
"ThenheistheostensibleStephensontoo，andsoldeveryimportantcitizeninthistownwithhisbogussecret。Nowifhehassentchequesinsteadofmoney，wearesoldtoo，afterwethoughtwehadescaped。Iwasbeginningtofeelfairlycomfortableoncemore，aftermynight'srest，butthelookofthatenvelopemakesmesick。
Itisn'tfatenough；$8，500ineventhelargestbank-notesmakesmorebulkthanthat。"
"Edward，whydoyouobjecttocheques？"
"ChequessignedbyStephenson！Iamresignedtotakethe$8，500ifitcouldcomeinbank-notes——foritdoesseemthatitwassoordered，Mary——butIhaveneverhadmuchcourage，andIhavenottheplucktotrytomarketachequesignedwiththatdisastrousname。
Itwouldbeatrap。Thatmantriedtocatchme；weescapedsomehoworother；andnowheistryinganewway。Ifitischeques——"
"Oh，Edward，itisTOObad！"Andsheheldupthechequesandbegantocry。
"Puttheminthefire！quick！wemustn'tbetempted。ItisatricktomaketheworldlaughatUS，alongwiththerest，and——GivethemtoME，sinceyoucan'tdoit！"Hesnatchedthemandtriedtoholdhisgriptillhecouldgettothestove；buthewashuman，hewasacashier，andhestoppedamomenttomakesureofthesignature。
Thenhecameneartofainting。
"Fanme，Mary，fanme！Theyarethesameasgold！"
"Oh，howlovely，Edward！Why？"
"SignedbyHarkness。Whatcanthemysteryofthatbe，Mary？"
"Edward，doyouthink——"
"Lookhere——lookatthis！Fifteen——fifteen——fifteen——thirty-four。
Thirty-eightthousandfivehundred！Mary，thesackisn'tworthtwelvedollars，andHarkness——apparently——haspaidaboutparforit。"
"Anddoesitallcometous，doyouthink——insteadofthetenthousand？"
"Why，itlookslikeit。Andthechequesaremadeto'Bearer，'too。"
"Isthatgood，Edward？Whatisitfor？"
"Ahinttocollectthematsomedistantbank，Ireckon。PerhapsHarknessdoesn'twantthematterknown。Whatisthat——anote？"
"Yes。Itwaswiththecheques。"
Itwasinthe"Stephenson"handwriting，buttherewasnosignature。
Itsaid：
"Iamadisappointedman。Yourhonestyisbeyondthereachoftemptation。Ihadadifferentideaaboutit，butIwrongedyouinthat，andIbegpardon，anddoitsincerely。Ihonouryou——andthatissinceretoo。Thistownisnotworthytokissthehemofyourgarment。Dearsir，Imadeasquarebetwithmyselfthattherewerenineteendebauchablemeninyourself-righteouscommunity。Ihavelost。Takethewholepot，youareentitledtoit。"
Richardsdrewadeepsigh，andsaid：
"Itseemswrittenwithfire——itburnsso。Mary——Iammiserableagain。"
"I，too。Ah，dear，Iwish——"
"Tothink，Mary——heBELIEVESinme。"
"Oh，don't，Edward——Ican'tbearit。"
"Ifthosebeautifulwordsweredeserved，Mary——andGodknowsI
believedIdeservedthemonce——IthinkIcouldgivethefortythousanddollarsforthem。AndIwouldputthatpaperaway，asrepresentingmorethangoldandjewels，andkeepitalways。Butnow——Wecouldnotliveintheshadowofitsaccusingpresence，Mary。"
Heputitinthefire。
Amessengerarrivedanddeliveredanenvelope。Richardstookfromitanoteandreadit；itwasfromBurgess：
"Yousavedme，inadifficulttime。Isavedyoulastnight。Itwasatcostofalie，butImadethesacrificefreely，andoutofagratefulheart。NoneinthisvillageknowssowellasIknowhowbraveandgoodandnobleyouare。Atbottomyoucannotrespectme，knowingasyoudoofthatmatterofwhichIamaccused，andbythegeneralvoicecondemned；butIbegthatyouwillatleastbelievethatIamagratefulman；itwillhelpmetobearmyburden。
[Signed]'BURGESS。'"
"Saved，oncemore。Andonsuchterms！"Heputthenoteinthelire。"I——IwishIweredead，Mary，IwishIwereoutofitall！"
"Oh，thesearebitter，bitterdays，Edward。Thestabs，throughtheirverygenerosity，aresodeep——andtheycomesofast！"
Threedaysbeforetheelectioneachoftwothousandvoterssuddenlyfoundhimselfinpossessionofaprizedmemento——oneoftherenownedbogusdouble-eagles。Aroundoneofitsfaceswasstampedthesewords："THEREMARKIMADETOTHEPOORSTRANGERWAS——"Aroundtheotherfacewasstampedthese："GO，ANDREFORM。[SIGNED]
PINKERTON。"Thustheentireremainingrefuseoftherenownedjokewasemptieduponasinglehead，andwithcalamitouseffect。ItrevivedtherecentvastlaughandconcentratedituponPinkerton；
andHarkness'selectionwasawalk-over。
Withintwenty-fourhoursaftertheRichardseshadreceivedtheirchequestheirconscienceswerequietingdown，discouraged；theoldcouplewerelearningtoreconcilethemselvestothesinwhichtheyhadcommitted。Buttheyweretolearn，now，thatasintakesonnewandrealterrorswhenthereseemsachancethatitisgoingtobefoundout。Thisgivesitafreshandmostsubstantialandimportantaspect。Atchurchthemorningsermonwasoftheusualpattern；itwasthesameoldthingssaidinthesameoldway；theyhadheardthemathousandtimesandfoundtheminnocuous，nexttomeaningless，andeasytosleepunder；butnowitwasdifferent：thesermonseemedtobristlewithaccusations；itseemedaimedstraightandspeciallyatpeoplewhowereconcealingdeadlysins。Afterchurchtheygotawayfromthemobofcongratulatorsassoonastheycould，andhurriedhomeward，chilledtotheboneattheydidnotknowwhat——
vague，shadowy，indefinitefears。AndbychancetheycaughtaglimpseofMr。Burgessasheturnedacorner。Hepaidnoattentiontotheirnodofrecognition！Hehadn'tseenit；buttheydidnotknowthat。Whatcouldhisconductmean？Itmightmean——itmight——
mean——oh，adozendreadfulthings。WasitpossiblethatheknewthatRichardscouldhaveclearedhimofguiltinthatbygonetime，andhadbeensilentlywaitingforachancetoevenupaccounts？Athome，intheirdistresstheygottoimaginingthattheirservantmighthavebeeninthenextroomlisteningwhenRichardsrevealedthesecrettohiswifethatheknewofBurgess'sinnocence；nextRichardsbegantoimaginethathehadheardtheswishofagowninthereatthattime；next，hewassureheHADheardit。TheywouldcallSarahin，onapretext，andwatchherface；ifshehadbeenbetrayingthemtoMr。Burgess，itwouldshowinhermanner。Theyaskedhersomequestions——questionswhichweresorandomandincoherentandseeminglypurposelessthatthegirlfeltsurethattheoldpeople'smindshadbeenaffectedbytheirsuddengoodfortune；thesharpandwatchfulgazewhichtheybentuponherfrightenedher，andthatcompletedthebusiness。Sheblushed，shebecamenervousandconfused，andtotheoldpeoplethesewereplainsignsofguilt——guiltofsomefearfulsortorother——withoutdoubtshewasaspyandatraitor。Whentheywerealoneagaintheybegantopiecemanyunrelatedthingstogetherandgethorribleresultsoutofthecombination。WhenthingshadgotabouttotheworstRichardswasdeliveredofasuddengaspandhiswifeasked：
"Oh，whatisit？——whatisit？"
"Thenote——Burgess'snote！Itslanguagewassarcastic，Iseeitnow。"Hequoted："'Atbottomyoucannotrespectme，KNOWING，asyoudo，ofTHATMATTEROFwhichIamaccused'——oh，itisperfectlyplain，now，Godhelpme！HeknowsthatIknow！Youseetheingenuityofthephrasing。Itwasatrap——andlikeafool，Iwalkedintoit。AndMary——！"
"Oh，itisdreadful——Iknowwhatyouaregoingtosay——hedidn'treturnyourtranscriptofthepretendedtest-remark。"
"No——keptittodestroyuswith。Mary，hehasexposedustosomealready。Iknowit——Iknowitwell。Isawitinadozenfacesafterchurch。Ah，hewouldn'tanswerournodofrecognition——heknewwhathehadbeendoing！"
Inthenightthedoctorwascalled。Thenewswentaroundinthemorningthattheoldcouplewereratherseriouslyill——prostratedbytheexhaustingexcitementgrowingoutoftheirgreatwindfall，thecongratulations，andthelatehours，thedoctorsaid。Thetownwassincerelydistressed；fortheseoldpeoplewereaboutallithadlefttobeproudof，now。
Twodayslaterthenewswasworse。Theoldcoupleweredelirious，andweredoingstrangethings。Bywitnessofthenurses，Richardshadexhibitedcheques——for$8，500？No——foranamazingsum——$38，500！
Whatcouldbetheexplanationofthisgiganticpieceofluck？
Thefollowingdaythenurseshadmorenews——andwonderful。Theyhadconcludedtohidethecheques，lestharmcometothem；butwhentheysearchedtheyweregonefromunderthepatient'spillow——vanishedaway。Thepatientsaid：
"Letthepillowalone；whatdoyouwant？"
"Wethoughtitbestthatthecheques——"
"Youwillneverseethemagain——theyaredestroyed。TheycamefromSatan。Isawthehell-brandonthem，andIknewtheyweresenttobetraymetosin。"Thenhefelltogabblingstrangeanddreadfulthingswhichwerenotclearlyunderstandable，andwhichthedoctoradmonishedthemtokeeptothemselves。
Richardswasright；thechequeswereneverseenagain。
Anursemusthavetalkedinhersleep，forwithintwodaystheforbiddengabblingswerethepropertyofthetown；andtheywereofasurprisingsort。TheyseemedtoindicatethatRichardshadbeenaclaimantforthesackhimself，andthatBurgesshadconcealedthatfactandthenmaliciouslybetrayedit。
Burgesswastaxedwiththisandstoutlydeniedit。Andhesaiditwasnotfairtoattachweighttothechatterofasickoldmanwhowasoutofhismind。Still，suspicionwasintheair，andtherewasmuchtalk。
AfteradayortwoitwasreportedthatMrs。Richards'sdeliriousdeliveriesweregettingtobeduplicatesofherhusband's。
Suspicionflamedupintoconviction，now，andthetown'sprideinthepurityofitsoneundiscreditedimportantcitizenbegantodimdownandflickertowardextinction。
Sixdayspassed，thencamemorenews。Theoldcoupleweredying。
Richards'smindclearedinhislatesthour，andhesentforBurgess。
Burgesssaid：
"Lettheroombecleared。Ithinkhewishestosaysomethinginprivacy。"
"No！"saidRichards；"Iwantwitnesses。Iwantyoualltohearmyconfession，sothatImaydieaman，andnotadog。Iwasclean——
artificially——liketherest；andliketherestIfellwhentemptationcame。Isignedalie，andclaimedthemiserablesack。
Mr。BurgessrememberedthatIhaddonehimaservice，andingratitudeandignorancehesuppressedmyclaimandsavedme。YouknowthethingthatwaschargedagainstBurgessyearsago。Mytestimony，andminealone，couldhaveclearedhim，andIwasacowardandlefthimtosufferdisgrace——"
"No——no——Mr。Richards，you——"
"Myservantbetrayedmysecrettohim——"
"Noonehasbetrayedanythingtome——"-
"Andthenhedidanaturalandjustifiablething；herepentedofthesavingkindnesswhichhehaddoneme，andheEXPOSEDme——asI
deserved——"
"Never！——Imakeoath——"
"OutofmyheartIforgivehim。"
Burgess'simpassionedprotestationsfellupondeafears；thedyingmanpassedawaywithoutknowingthatoncemorehehaddonepoorBurgessawrong。Theoldwifediedthatnight。
ThelastofthesacredNineteenhadfallenapreytothefiendishsack；thetownwasstrippedofthelastragofitsancientglory。
Itsmourningwasnotshowy，butitwasdeep。
ByactoftheLegislature——uponprayerandpetition——Hadleyburgwasallowedtochangeitsnametonevermindwhat——Iwillnotgiveitaway，andleaveonewordoutofthemottothatformanygenerationshadgracedthetown'sofficialseal。
Itisanhonesttownoncemore，andthemanwillhavetoriseearlythatcatchesitnappingagain。
MYFIRSTLIE，ANDHOWIGOTOUTOFIT
AsIunderstandit，whatyoudesireisinformationabout'myfirstlie，andhowIgotoutofit。'Iwasbornin1835；Iamwellalong，andmymemoryisnotasgoodasitwas。Ifyouhadaskedaboutmyfirsttruthitwouldhavebeeneasierformeandkinderofyou，forIrememberthatfairlywell。Irememberitasifitwerelastweek。Thefamilythinkitwasweekbefore，butthatisflatteryandprobablyhasaselfishprojectbackofit。Whenapersonhasbecomeseasonedbyexperienceandhasreachedtheageofsixty-four，whichistheageofdiscretion，helikesafamilycomplimentaswellasever，buthedoesnotlosehisheadoveritasintheoldinnocentdays。
Idonotremembermyfirstlie，itistoofarback；butIremembermysecondoneverywell。Iwasninedaysoldatthetime，andhadnoticedthatifapinwasstickinginmeandIadvertiseditintheusualfashion，Iwaslovinglypettedandcoddledandpitiedinamostagreeablewayandgotarationbetweenmealsbesides。
Itwashumannaturetowanttogettheseriches，andIfell。Iliedaboutthepin——advertisingonewhentherewasn'tany。Youwouldhavedoneit；GeorgeWashingtondidit，anybodywouldhavedoneit。DuringthefirsthalfofmylifeIneverknewachildthatwasabletoriseaboutthattemptationandkeepfromtellingthatlie。Upto1867allthecivilisedchildrenthatwereeverbornintotheworldwereliars——
includingGeorge。Thenthesafety-pincameinandblockedthegame。Butisthatreformworthanything？No；foritisreformbyforceandhasnovirtueinit；itmerelystopsthatformoflying，itdoesn'timpairthedispositiontolie，byashade。Itisthecradleapplicationofconversionbyfireandsword，orofthetemperanceprinciplethroughprohibition。
Toreturntothatearlylie。Theyfoundnopinandtheyrealisedthatanotherliarhadbeenaddedtotheworld'ssupply。Forbygraceofarareinspirationaquitecommonplacebutseldomnoticedfactwasborneinupontheirunderstandings——thatalmostallliesareacts，andspeechhasnopartinthem。Then，iftheyexaminedalittlefurthertheyrecognisedthatallpeopleareliarsfromthecradleonwards，withoutexception，andthattheybegintolieassoonastheywakeinthemorning，andkeepitupwithoutrestorrefreshmentuntiltheygotosleepatnight。Iftheyarrivedatthattruthitprobablygrievedthem——did，iftheyhadbeenheedlesslyandignorantlyeducatedbytheirbooksandteachers；forwhyshouldapersongrieveoverathingwhichbytheeternallawofhismakehecannothelp？Hedidn'tinventthelaw；itismerelyhisbusinesstoobeyitandkeepstill；jointheuniversalconspiracyandkeepsostillthatheshalldeceivehisfellow-conspiratorsintoimaginingthathedoesn'tknowthatthelawexists。Itiswhatwealldo——wethatknow。I
amspeakingofthelieofsilentassertion；wecantellitwithoutsayingaword，andwealldoit——wethatknow。Inthemagnitudeofitsterritorialspreaditisoneofthemostmajesticliesthatthecivilisationsmakeittheirsacredandanxiouscaretoguardandwatchandpropagate。
Forinstance。Itwouldnotbepossibleforahumaneandintelligentpersontoinventarationalexcuseforslavery；yetyouwillrememberthatintheearlydaysoftheemancipationagitationintheNorththeagitatorsgotbutsmallhelporcountenancefromanyone。Argueandpleadandprayastheymight，theycouldnotbreaktheuniversalstillnessthatreigned，frompulpitandpressallthewaydowntothebottomofsociety——theclammystillnesscreatedandmaintainedbythelieofsilentassertion——thesilentassertionthattherewasn'tanythinggoingoninwhichhumaneandintelligentpeoplewereinterested。
FromthebeginningoftheDreyfuscasetotheendofitallFrance，exceptacoupleofdozenmoralpaladins，layunderthesmotherofthesilent-assertionliethatnowrongwasbeingdonetoapersecutedandunoffendingman。ThelikesmotherwasoverEnglandlately，agoodhalfofthepopulationsilentlylettingonthattheywerenotawarethatMr。
ChamberlainwastryingtomanufactureawarinSouthAfricaandwaswillingtopayfancypricesforthematerials。
Nowtherewehaveinstancesofthreeprominentostensiblecivilisationsworkingthesilent-assertionlie。Couldonefindotherinstancesinthethreecountries？Ithinkso。Notsoverymanyperhaps，butsayabillion——justsoastokeepwithinbounds。Arethosecountriesworkingthatkindoflie，dayinanddayout，inthousandsandthousandsofvarieties，withouteverresting？Yes，weknowthattobetrue。Theuniversalconspiracyofthesilent-assertionlieishardatworkalwaysandeverywhere，andalwaysintheinterestofastupidityorasham，neverintheinterestofathingfineorrespectable。Isitthemosttimidandshabbyofalllies？Itseemstohavethelookofit。Foragesandagesithasmutelylabouredintheinterestofdespotismsandaristocraciesandchattelslaveries，andmilitaryslaveries，andreligiousslaveries，andhaskeptthemalive；keepsthemaliveyet，hereandthereandyonder，allabouttheglobe；andwillgoonkeepingthemaliveuntilthesilent-assertionlieretiresfrombusiness——thesilentassertionthatnothingisgoingonwhichfairandintelligentmenareawareofandareengagedbytheirdutytotrytostop。
WhatIamarrivingatisthis：Whenwholeracesandpeoplesconspiretopropagategiganticmuteliesintheinterestoftyranniesandshams，whyshouldwecareanythingaboutthetriflingliestoldbyindividuals？Whyshouldwetrytomakeitappearthatabstentionfromlyingisavirtue？
Whyshouldwewanttobeguileourselvesinthatway？Whyshouldwewithoutshamehelpthenationlie，andthenbeashamedtodoalittlelyingonourownaccount？Whyshouldn'twebehonestandhonourable，andlieeverytimewegetachance？Thatistosay，whyshouldn'twebeconsistent，andeitherlieallthetimeornotatall？Whyshouldwehelpthenationliethewholedaylongandthenobjecttotellingonelittleindividualprivatelieinourowninteresttogotobedon？Justfortherefreshmentofit，Imean，andtotaketherancidtasteoutofourmouth。
HereinEnglandtheyhavetheoddestways。Theywon'ttellaspokenlie——nothingcanpersuadethem。Exceptinalargemoralinterest，likepoliticsorreligion，Imean。Totellaspokenlietogeteventhepoorestlittlepersonaladvantageoutofitisathingwhichisimpossibletothem。Theymakemeashamedofmyselfsometimes，theyaresobigoted。Theywillnoteventellalieforthefunofit；theywillnottellitwhenithasn'teveasuggestionofdamageoradvantageinitforanyone。Thishasarestraininginfluenceuponmeinspiteofreason，andIamalwaysgettingoutofpractice。
Ofcourse，theytellallsortsoflittleunspokenlies，justlikeanybody；buttheydon'tnoticeituntiltheirattentioniscalledtoit。
TheyhavegotmesothatsometimesInevertellaverballienowexceptinamodifiedform；andeveninthemodifiedformtheydon'tapproveofit。Still，thatisasfarasIcangointheinterestofthegrowingfriendlyrelationsbetweenthetwocountries；Imustkeepsomeofmyself-respect——andmyhealth。Icanliveonaprettylowdiet，butI
can'tgetalongonnosustenanceatall。
Ofcourse，therearetimeswhenthesepeoplehavetocomeoutwithaspokenlie，forthatisathingwhichhappenstoeverybodyonceinawhile，andwouldhappentotheangelsiftheycamedownheremuch。
Particularlytotheangels，infact，fortheliesIspeakofareself-
sacrificingonestoldforagenerousobject，notameanone；butevenwhenthesepeopletellalieofthatsortitseemstoscarethemandunsettletheirminds。Itisawonderfulthingtosee，andshowsthattheyareallinsane。Infact，itisacountrywhichisfullofthemostinterestingsuperstitions。
IhaveanEnglishfriendoftwenty-fiveyears'standing，andyesterdaywhenwewerecomingdown-townontopofthe'busIhappenedtotellhimalie——amodifiedone，ofcourse；ahalf-breed，amulatto；Ican'tseemtotellanyotherkindnow，themarketissoflat。IwasexplainingtohimhowIgotoutofanembarrassmentinAustrialastyear。IdonotknowwhatmighthavebecomeofmeifIhadn'thappenedtoremembertotellthepolicethatIbelongedtothesamefamilyasthePrinceofWales。Thatmadeeverythingpleasantandtheyletmego；andapologised，too，andwereeversokindandobligingandpolite，andcouldn'tdotoomuchforme，andexplainedhowthemistakecametobemade，andpromisedtohangtheofficerthatdidit，andhopedIwouldletbygonesbebygonesandnotsayanythingaboutit；andIsaidtheycoulddependonme。Myfriendsaid，austerely：
'Youcallitamodifiedlie？Whereisthemodification？'
Iexplainedthatitlayintheformofmystatementtothepolice。
'Ididn'tsayIbelongedtotheRoyalFamily；IonlysaidIbelongedtothesamefamilyasthePrince——meaningthehumanfamily，ofcourse；andifthosepeoplehadhadanypenetrationtheywouldhaveknownit。I
can'tgoaroundfurnishingbrainstothepolice；itisnottobeexpected。'
'Howdidyoufeelafterthatperformance？'
'Well，ofcourseIwasdistressedtofindthatthepolicehadmisunderstoodme，butaslongasIhadnottoldanylieIknewtherewasnooccasiontositupnightsandworryaboutit。'
Myfriendstruggledwiththecaseseveralminutes，turningitoverandexaminingitinhismind，thenhesaidthatsofarashecouldseethemodificationwasitselfalie，itbeingamisleadingreservationofanexplanatoryfact，andsoIhadtoldtwoliesinsteadofonlyone。
'Iwouldn'thavedoneit，'saidhe；'Ihavenevertoldalie，andI
shouldbeverysorrytodosuchathing。'
Justthenheliftedhishatandsmiledabasketfulofsurprisedanddelightedsmilesdownatagentlemanwhowaspassinginahansom。
'Whowasthat，G——？'
'Idon'tknow。'
'Thenwhydidyoudothat？'
'BecauseIsawhethoughtheknewmeandwasexpectingitofme。IfI
hadn'tdoneithewouldhavebeenhurt。Ididn'twanttoembarrasshimbeforethewholestreet。'
'Well，yourheartwasright，G——，andyouractwasright。Whatyoudidwaskindlyandcourteousandbeautiful；Iwouldhavedoneitmyself；butitwasalie。'
'Alie？Ididn'tsayaword。Howdoyoumakeitout？'
'Iknowyoudidn'tspeak，stillyousaidtohimveryplainlyandenthusiasticallyindumbshow，"Hello！youintown？Awfulgladtoseeyou，oldfellow；whendidyougetback？"Concealedinyouractionswaswhatyouhavecalled"amisleadingreservationofanexplanatoryfact"——
theactthatyouhadneverseenhimbefore。Youexpressedjoyinencounteringhim——alie；andyoumadethatreservation——anotherlie。Itwasmypairoveragain。Butdon'tbetroubled——wealldoit。'