II。AMEMORABLESITTING。
　　AndnowtookplacethatmemorablesittingoftheHousewhichbroketworecords。Itlastedthebestpartoftwodaysandanight，surpassingbyhalfanhourthelongestsittingknowntotheworld'spreviousparliamentaryhistory，andbreakingthelong-speechrecordwithDr。
　　Lecher'stwelve-houreffort，thelongestflowofunbrokentalkthatevercameoutofonemouthsincetheworldbegan。
　　At8。45ontheeveningofthe28thofOctober，whentheHousehadbeensittingafewminutesshortoftenhours，Dr。Lecherwasgrantedthefloor。Itwasagoodplacefortheatricaleffects。IthinkthatnootherSenateHouseissoshapelyasthisone，orsorichlyandshowilydecorated。Itsplanisthatofanopera-house。Uptowardthestraightsideofit——thestageside——riseacoupleofterracesofdesksfortheministry，andtheofficialclerksorsecretaries——terracesthirtyfeetlong，andeachsupportingabouthalfadozendeskswithspacesbetweenthem。AbovetheseisthePresident'sterrace，againstthewall。Alongitaredistributedtheproperaccommodationsforthepresidingofficerandhisassistants。Thewallisofrichlycolouredmarblehighlypolished，itspaneledsweeprelievedbyflutedcolumnsandpilastersofdistinguishedgraceanddignity，whichglowsoftlyandfrostilyintheelectriclight。Aroundthespacioushalf-circleofthefloorbendsthegreattwo-storiedcurveoftheboxes，itsfrontageelaboratelyornamentedandsumptuouslygilded。OntheflooroftheHousethe425desksradiatefanwisefromthePresident'stribune。
　　Thegalleriesarecrowdedonthisparticularevening，forwordhasgoneaboutthattheAusgleichisbeforetheHouse；thatthePresident，RittervonAbrahamowicz，hasbeenthrottlingtheRules；thattheOppositionareinaninflammablestateinconsequence，andthatthenightsessionislikelytobeofanexcitingsort。
　　Thegalleryguestsarefashionablydressed，andthefineryofthewomenmakesabrightandprettyshowunderthestrongelectriclight。Butdownonthefloorthereisnocostumery。
　　Thedeputiesaredressedindayclothes；someoftheclothesneatandtrim，othersnot；theremaybethreemembersineveningdress，butnotmore。ThereareseveralCatholicpriestsintheirlongblackgowns，andwithcrucifixeshangingfromtheirnecks。Nomemberwearshishat。OnemayseebythesedetailsthattheaspectsarenotthoseofaneveningsittingofanEnglishHouseofCommons，butratherthoseofasittingofourHouseofRepresentatives。
　　InhishighplacesitsthePresident，Abrahamowicz，objectoftheOpposition'slimitlesshatred。Heissunkbackinthedepthsofhisarm-
　　chair，andhashischindown。Hebringstheendsofhisspreadfingerstogether，infrontofhisbreast，andreflectivelytapsthemtogether，withtheairofonewhowouldliketobeginbusiness，butmustwait，andbeaspatientashecan。ItmakesyouthinkofRichelieu。Nowandthenheswingshisheaduptotheleftortotherightandanswerssomethingwhichsomeonehasbentdowntosaytohim。Thenhetapshisfingersagain。Helookstired，andmaybeatrifleharassed。Heisagray-
　　haired，long，slenderman，withacolourlesslongface，which，inrepose，suggestsadeath-mask；butwhennotinreposeistossedandrippledbyaturbulentsmilewhichwashesthiswayandthat，andisnoteasytokeepupwith——apioussmile，aholysmile，asaintlysmile，adeprecatingsmile，abeseechingandsupplicatingsmile；andwhenitisatworkthelargemouthopens，andtheflexiblelipscrumple，andunfold，andcrumpleagain，andmovearoundinagenialandpersuasiveandangelicway，andexposelargeglimpsesoftheteeth；andthatinterruptsthesacrednessofthesmileandgivesitmomentarilyamixedworldlyandpoliticalandsataniccast。Itisamostinterestingfacetowatch。Andthenthelonghandsandthebody——theyfurnishgreatandfrequenthelptothefaceinthebusinessofaddingtotheforceofthestatesman'swords。
　　Tochangethetense。AtthetimeofwhichIhavejustbeenspeakingthecrowdsinthegalleriesweregazingatthestageandthepitwithraptinterestandexpectancy。Onehalfofthegreatfanofdeskswasineffectempty，vacant；intheotherhalfseveralhundredmemberswerebunchedandjammedtogetherassolidlyasthebristlesinabrush；andtheyalsowerewaitingandexpecting。PresentlytheChairdeliveredthisutterance：
　　'Dr。Lecherhasthefloor。'
　　ThenburstoutsuchanotherwildandfranticanddeafeningclamourashasnotbeenheardonthisplanetsincethelasttimetheComanchessurprisedawhitesettlementatnight。YellsfromtheLeft，counter-yellsfromtheRight，explosionsofyellsfromallsidesatonce，andalltheairsawedandpawedandclawedandclovenbyawrithingconfusionofgesturingarmsandhands。OutofthemidstofthisthunderandturmoilandtempestroseDr。Lecher，sereneandcollected，andtheprovidentiallengthofhisenabledhisheadtoshowoutofit。Hebeganhistwelve-hourspeech。Atanyrate，hislipscouldbeseentomove，andthatwasevidence。OnhighsatthePresident，imploringorder，withhislonghandsputtogetherasinprayer，andhislipsvisiblybutnothearablyspeaking。Atintervalshegraspedhisbellandswungitupanddownwithvigour，addingitskeenclamourtothestormwelteringtherebelow。
　　Dr。Lecherwentonwithhispantomimespeech，contented，untroubled。
　　Hereandthereandnowandthenpowerfulvoicesburstabovethedin，anddeliveredanejaculationthatwasheard。Thenthedinceasedforamomentortwo，andgaveopportunitytohearwhattheChairmightanswer；
　　thenthenoisebrokeoutagain。ApparentlythePresidentwasbeingchargedwithallsortsofillegalexercisesofpowerintheinterestoftheRighttheGovernmentside：amongthese，witharbitrarilyclosinganOrderofBusinessbeforeitwasfinished；withanunfairdistributionoftherighttothefloor；withrefusalofthefloor，uponquibbleandprotest，tomembersentitledtoit；withstoppingaspeaker'sspeechuponquibbleandprotest；andwithothertransgressionsoftheRulesoftheHouse。Oneoftheinterrupterswhomadehimselfheardwasayoungfellowofslightbuildandneatdress，whostoodalittleapartfromthesolidcrowdandleanednegligently，withfoldedarmsandfeetcrossed，againstadesk。Trimandhandsome；strongfaceandthinfeatures；blackhairroughedup；parsimoniousmoustache；resonantgreatvoice，ofgoodtoneandpitch。ItisWolf，capableandhospitablewithswordandpistol；
　　fighteroftherecentduelwithCountBadeni，theheadoftheGovernment。
　　HeshotBadenithroughthearmandthenwalkedoverinthepolitestwayandinspectedhisgame，shookhands，expressedregret，andallthat。Outofhimcameearlythisthunderingpeal，audibleabovethestorm：
　　'Idemandthefloor。Iwishtoofferamotion。'
　　Inthesuddenlullwhichfollowed，thePresidentanswered，'Dr。Lecherhasthefloor。'
　　Wolf。'Imovethecloseofthesitting！'
　　P。'RepresentativeLecherhasthefloor。'[StormyoutburstfromtheLeft——thatis，theOpposition。]
　　Wolf。'Idemandthefloorfortheintroductionofaformalnotion。
　　[Pause]。Mr。President，areyougoingtograntit，ornot？[CrashofapprovalfromtheLeft。]IwillkeepondemandingthefloortillIgetit。'
　　P。'IcallRepresentativeWolftoorder。Dr。Lecherhasthefloor。'
　　Wolf。'Mr。President，areyougoingtoobservetheRulesofthisHouse？'
　　[TempestofapplauseandconfusedejaculationsfromtheLeft——aboomandroarwhichlongendured，andstoppedallbusinessforthetimebeing。]
　　Dr。vonPessler。'BytheRulesmotionsareinorder，andtheChairmustputthemtovote。'
　　ForanswerthePresidentwhoisaPole——Imakethisremarkinpassing
　　begantojanglehisbellwithenergyatthemomentthatthatwildpandemoniumofvoicesbrokeoutagain。
　　Wolfhearableabovethestorm。'Mr。President，Idemandthefloor。Weintendtofindout，hereandnow，whichisthehardest，aPole'sskulloraGerman's！'
　　ThisbroughtoutaperfectcycloneofsatisfactionfromtheLeft。InthemidstofitsomeoneagainmovedanAdjournment。ThePresidentblandlyansweredthatDr。Lecherhadthefloor。Whichwastrue；andhewasspeaking，too，calmly，earnestly，andargumentatively；andtheofficialstenographershadlefttheirplacesandwereathiselbowstakingdownhiswords，heleaningandoratingintotheirears——amostcuriousandinterestingscene。
　　Dr。vonPesslertotheChair。'Donotdriveustoextremities！'
　　Thetempestburstoutagain：yellsofapprovalfromtheLeft，catcallsandironicallaughterfromtheRight。Atthispointanewandmosteffectivenoise-makerwaspressedintoservice。Eachdeskhasanextension，consistingofaremovableboardeighteenincheslong，sixwide，andahalf-inchthick。Amemberpulledoneoftheseoutandbegantobelabourthetopofhisdeskwithit。Instantlyothermembersfollowedsuit，andperhapsyoucanimaginetheresult。Ofallconceivableracketsitisthemostear-splitting，intolerable，andaltogetherfiendish。
　　ThepersecutedPresidentleanedbackinhischair，closedhiseyes，claspedhishandsinhislap，andalookofpatheticresignationcreptoverhislongface。Itisthewayacountryschoolmasterusedtolookindayslongpastwhenhehadrefusedhisschoolaholidayandithadrisenagainsthiminill-manneredriotandviolenceandinsurrection。Twiceamotiontoadjournhadbeenoffered——amotionalwaysinorderinotherHouses，anddoubtlesssointhisonealso。ThePresidenthadrefusedtoputthesemotions。Byconsequence，hewasnotinapleasantplacenow，andwashavingarighthardtime。Votesuponmotions，whethercarriedordefeated，couldmakeendlessdelay，andpostponetheAusgleichtonextcentury。
　　Inthemidstofthesesorrowfulcircumstancesandthishurricaneofyellsandscreamsandsatanicclatterofdesk-boards，RepresentativeDr。
　　KronawetterunfeelinglyremindstheChairthatamotionhasbeenoffered，andadds：'Sayyes，orno！Whatdoyousittherefor，andgivenoanswer？'
　　P。'AfterIhavegivenaspeakerthefloor，Icannotgiveittoanother。
　　AfterDr。Lecheristhrough，Iwillputyourmotion。'[StormofindignationfromtheLeft。]
　　WolftotheChair。'Thunderandlightning！lookattheRulegoverningthecase！'
　　Kronawetter。'Imovethecloseofthesitting！AndIdemandtheayesandnoes！'
　　Dr。Lecher。'Mr。President，haveIthefloor？'
　　P。'Youhavethefloor。'
　　WolftotheChair，inastentorianvoicewhichcleavesitswaythroughthestorm。'Itisbysuchbrutalitiesasthesethatyoudriveustoextremities！Areyouwaitingtillsomeoneshallthrowintoyourfacethewordthatshalldescribewhatyouarebringingabout？[1][TempestofinsultedfuryfromtheRight。]Isthatwhatyouarewaitingfor，oldGrayhead？'[Long-continuedclatterofdesk-boardsfromtheLeft，withshoutsof'Thevote！thevote！'AnironicalshoutfromtheRight，'Wolfisboss！']
　　Wolfkeepsondemandingthefloorforhismotion。Atlength——
　　P。'IcallRepresentativeWolftoorder！Yourconductisunheardof，sir！Youforgetthatyouareinaparliament；youmustrememberwhereyouare，sir。'[ApplausefromtheRight。Dr。Lecherisstillpeacefullyspeaking，thestenographerslisteningathislips。]
　　Wolfbangingonhisdeskwithhisdesk-board。'Idemandthefloorformymotion！Iwon'tstandthistramplingoftheRulesunderfoot——no，notifIdieforit！Iwillneveryield。Youhavegottostopmebyforce。
　　HaveIthefloor？'
　　P。'RepresentativeWolf，whatkindofbehaviouristhis？Icallyoutoorderagain。Youshouldhavesomeregardforyourdignity。'
　　Dr。Lecherspeakson。Wolfturnsuponhimwithanoffensiveinnuendo。
　　Dr。Lecher。'Mr。Wolf，Ibegyoutorefrainfromthatsortofsuggestions。'[Stormofhand-clappingfromtheRight。]
　　Thiswasapplausefromtheenemy，forLecherhimself，likeWolf，wasanObstructionist。
　　WolfgrowlstoLecher，'Youcanscribblethatapplauseinyouralbum！'
　　P。'OncemoreIcallRepresentativeWolftoorder！DonotforgetthatyouareaRepresentative，sir！'
　　Wolfslam-bangingwithhisdesk-board。'Iwillforcethismatter！Areyougoingtograntmethefloor，ornot？'
　　Andstillthesergeant-at-armsdidnotappear。Itwasbecausetherewasn'tany。Itisacuriousthing，buttheChairhasnoeffectualmeansofcompellingorder。
　　Aftersomemoreinterruptions：
　　Wolfbangingwithhisboard。'Idemandthefloor。Iwillnotyield！'
　　P。'IhavenorecourseagainstRepresentativeWolf。Inthepresenceofbehaviourlikethisitistoberegrettedthatsuchisthecase。'[A
　　shoutfromtheRight，'Throwhimout！']
　　Itistruehehadnoeffectiverecourse。Hehadanofficialcalledan'Ordner，'whosehelphecouldinvokeindesperatecases，butapparentlytheOrdnerisonlyapersuader，notacompeller。Apparentlyheisasergeant-at-armswhoisnotloaded；agoodenoughguntolookat，butnotvaluableforbusiness。
　　ForanothertwentyorthirtyminutesWolfwentonbangingwithhisboardanddemandinghisrights；thenatlastthewearyPresidentthreatenedtosummonthedreadorder-maker。Butbothhismannerandhiswordswerereluctant。Evidentlyitgrievedhimtohavetoresorttothisdireextremity。HesaidtoWolf，'Ifthisgoeson，IshallfeelobligedtosummontheOrdner，andbeghimtorestoreorderintheHouse。'
　　Wolf。'I'dliketoseeyoudoit！Supposeyoufetchinafewpolicementoo！[Greattumult。]Areyougoingtoputmymotiontoadjourn，ornot？'
　　Dr。Lechercontinueshisspeech。Wolfaccompanieshimwithhisboard-
　　clatter。
　　ThePresidentdespatchestheOrdner，Dr。Langhimselfadeputy，onhisorder-restoringmission。Wolf，withhisboardupliftedfordefence，confrontstheOrdnerwitharemarkwhichBossTweedmighthavetranslatedinto'Nowlet'sseewhatyouaregoingtodoaboutit！'[NoiseandtumultallovertheHouse。]
　　Wolfstandsuponhisrights，andsayshewillmaintainthemuntilheiskilledinhistracks。Thenheresumeshisbanging，thePresidentjangleshisbellandbegsfororder，andtherestoftheHouseaugmentstheracketthebestitcan。
　　Wolf。'Irequireanadjournment，becauseIfindmyselfpersonallythreatened。[LaughterfromtheRight。]NotthatIfearformyself；
　　Iamonlyanxiousaboutwhatwillhappentothemanwhotouchesme。'
　　TheOrdner。'Iamnotgoingtofightwithyou。'
　　Nothingcameoftheeffortsoftheangelofpeace，andhepresentlymeltedoutofthesceneanddisappeared。Wolfwentonwithhisnoiseandwithhisdemandsthathebegrantedthefloor，restinghisboardatintervalstodischargecriticismsandepithetsattheChair。OnceheremindedtheChairmanofhisviolatedpromisetogranthimWolfthefloor，andsaid，'WhenceIcame，wecallpromise-breakersrascals！'
　　AndheadvisedtheChairmantotakehisconsciencetobedwithhimanduseitasapillow。AnothertimehesaidthattheChairwasmakingitselfridiculousbeforeallEurope。Infact，someofWolf'slanguagewasalmostunparliamentary。By-and-byhestrucktheideaofbeatingoutatunewithhisboard。Laterhedecidedtostopaskingforthefloor，andtoconferituponhimself。AndsoheandDr。Lechernowspokeatthesametime，andmingledtheirspeecheswiththeothernoises，andnobodyheardeitherofthem。Wolfrestedhimselfnowandthenfromspeech-
　　makingbyreading，inhisclarionvoice，fromapamphlet。
　　IwillexplainthatDr。Lecherwasnotmakingatwelve-hourspeechforpastime，butforanimportantpurpose。ItwastheGovernment'sintentiontopushtheAusgleichthroughitspreliminarystagesinthisonesittingforwhichitwastheOrderoftheDay，andthenbyvotereferittoaselectcommittee。ItwastheMajority'sscheme——aschargedbytheOpposition——todrowndebateuponthebillbypurenoise——drownitoutandstopit。Thedebatebeingthusended，thevoteuponthereferencewouldfollow——withvictoryfortheGovernment。ButintotheGovernment'scalculationshadnotenteredthepossibilityofasingle-barrelledspeechwhichshouldoccupytheentiretime-limitofthesetting，andalsogetitselfdeliveredinspiteofallthenoise。GoliathwasnotexpectingDavid。ButDavidwasthere；andduringtwelvehourshetranquillypulledstatistical，historical，andargumentativepebblesoutofhisscripandslungthematthegiant；andwhenhewasdonehewasvictor，andthedaywassaved。
　　IntheEnglishHouseanobstructionisthasheldthefloorwithBible-
　　readingsandotheroutsidematters；butDr。Lechercouldnothavethatrestfulandrecuperativeprivilege——hemustconfinehimselfstrictlytothesubjectbeforetheHouse。Morethanonce，whenthePresidentcouldnothearhimbecauseofthegeneraltumult，hesentpersonstolistenandreportastowhethertheoratorwasspeakingtothesubjectornot。
　　Thesubjectwasapeculiarlydifficultone，anditwouldhavetroubledanyotherdeputytosticktoitthreehourswithoutexhaustinghisammunition，becauseitrequiredavastandintimateknowledge——detailedandparticularisedknowledge——ofthecommercial，railroading，financial，andinternationalbankingrelationsexistingbetweentwogreatsovereignties，HungaryandtheEmpire。ButDr。LecherisPresidentoftheBoardofTradeofhiscityofBrunn，andwasmasterofthesituation。
　　Hisspeechwasnotformallyprepared。Hehadafewnotesjotteddownforhisguidance；hehadhisfactsinhishead；hisheardwasinhiswork；
　　andfortwelvehourshestoodthere，undisturbedbytheclamouraroundhim，andwithgraceandeaseandconfidencepouredouttherichesofhismind，incloselyreasonedarguments，clothedineloquentandfaultlessphrasing。
　　Heisayoungmanofthirty-seven。Heistallandwell-proportioned，andhascultivatedandfortifiedhismusclebymountain-climbing。IfhewerealittlehandsomerhewouldsufficientlyreproduceformetheChaunceyDepewofthegreatNewEnglanddinnernightsofsomeyearsago；hehasDepew'scharmofmannerandgracesoflanguageanddelivery。
　　TherewasbutonewayforDr。Lechertoholdthefloor——hemuststayonhislegs。Ifheshouldsitdowntorestamoment，thefloorwouldbetakenfromhimbytheenemyintheChair。Whenhehadbeentalkingthreeorfourhourshehimselfproposedanadjournment，inorderthathemightgetsomerestfromhiswearinglabours；buthelimitedhismotionwiththeconditionthatifitwaslostheshouldbeallowedtocontinuehisspeech，andifitwascarriedheshouldhavetheflooratthenextsitting。Wolfwasnowappeased，andwithdrewhisownthousand-times-
　　offeredmotion，andDr。Lecher'swasvotedupon——andlost。Sohewentonspeaking。
　　Byoneo'clockinthemorning，excitementandnoise-makinghadtiredoutnearlyeverybodybuttheorator。GraduallytheseatsoftheRightunderwentdepopulation；theoccupantshadslippedouttotherefreshment-
　　roomstoeatanddrink，ortothecorridorstochat。Someoneremarkedthattherewasnolongeraquorumpresent，andmovedacalloftheHouse。
　　TheChairVice-PresidentDr。Kramarzrefusedtoputittovote。Therewasasmalldisputeoverthelegalityofthisruling，buttheChairhelditsground。
　　TheLeftremainedonthebattle-fieldtosupporttheirchampion。Hewentsteadilyonwithhisspeech；andalwaysitwasstrong，virile，felicitous，andtothepoint。Hewasearningapplause，andthisenabledhispartytoturnthatfacttoaccount。Nowandthentheyapplaudedhimacoupleofminutesonastretch，andduringthattimehecouldstopspeakingandresthisvoicewithouthavingthefloortakenfromhim。
　　AtaquartertotwoamemberoftheLeftdemandedthatDr。Lecherbeallowedarecessforrest，andsaidthattheChairmanwas'heartless。'
　　Dr。Lecherhimselfaskedfortenminutes。TheChairallowedhimfive。
　　BeforethetimehadrunoutDr。Lecherwasonhisfeetagain。
　　Wolfburstoutagainwithamotiontoadjourn。RefusedbytheChair。
　　WolfsaidthewholeParliamentwasn'tworthapinchofpowder。TheChairretortedthatthatwastrueinacasewhereasinglememberwasabletomakeallparliamentarybusinessimpossible。Dr。Lechercontinuedhisspeech。
　　ThemembersoftheMajoritywentoutbydetachmentsfromtimetotimeandtooknapsuponsofasinthereception-rooms；andalsorefreshedthemselveswithfoodanddrink——inquantitiesnearlyunbelievable——buttheMinoritystayedloyallybytheirchampion。SomedistinguisheddeputiesoftheMajoritystayedbyhimtoo，compelledtheretobyadmirationofhisgreatperformance。Whenamanhasbeenspeakingeighthours，isitconceivablethathecanstillbeinteresting，stillfascinating？WhenDr。Lecherhadbeenspeakingeighthourshewasstillcompactlysurroundedbyfriendswhowouldnotleavehim，andbyfoesofallpartieswhocouldnot；andallhungenchantedandwonderinguponhiswords，andalltestifiedtheiradmirationwithconstantandcordialoutburstsofapplause。Surelythiswasatriumphwithoutprecedentinhistory。
　　Duringthetwelve-houreffortfriendsbroughttotheoratorthreeglassesofwine，fourcupsofcoffee，andoneglassofbeer——amoststingyre-
　　enforcementofhiswastingtissues，butthehostileChairwouldpermitnoadditiontoit。But，nomatter，theChaircouldnotbeatthatman。Hewasagarrisonholdingafort，andwasnottobestarvedout。
　　Whenhehadbeenspeakingeighthourshispulsewas72；whenhehadspokentwelve，itwas100。
　　Hefinishedhislongspeechintheseterms，asnearlyasapermissiblyfreetranslationcanconveythem：
　　'Iwillnowhastentoclosemyexaminationofthesubject。IconceivethatweoftheLefthavemadeitcleartothehonourablegentlemenoftheothersideoftheHousethatwearestirredbynointemperateenthusiasmforthismeasureinitspresentshape……
　　'Whatwerequire，andshallfightforwithalllawfulweapons，isaformal，comprehensive，anddefinitivesolutionandsettlementofthesevexedmatters。Wedesiretherestorationoftheearlierconditionofthings；thecancellationofallthisincapableGovernment'spernicioustradeswithHungary；andthen——releasefromthesorryburdenoftheBadeniministry！
　　'Ivoicethehope——Iknownotifitwillbefulfilled——Ivoicethedeepandsincereandpatriotichopethatthecommitteeintowhosehandsthisbillwilleventuallybecommittedwilltakeitsstanduponhighground，andwillreturntheAusgleich-ProvisoriumtothisHouseinaformwhichshallmakeittheprotectorandpromoteralikeofthegreatinterestsinvolvedandofthehonourofourfatherland。'Afterapause，turningtowardstheGovernmentbenches：'Butinanycase，gentlemenoftheMajority，makesureofthis：henceforth，asbefore，youfindusatourpost。TheGermansofAustriawillneithersurrendernordie！'
　　Thenburstastormofapplausewhichroseandfell，roseandfell，burstoutagainandagainandagain，explosionafterexplosion，hurricaneafterhurricane，withnoapparentpromiseofevercomingtoanend；andmeantimethewholeLeftwassurgingandwelteringaboutthechampion，allbentuponwringinghishandandcongratulatinghimandglorifyinghim。
　　Finallyhegotaway，andwenthomeandatefiveloavesandtwelvebasketsoffish，readthemorningpapers，sleptthreehours，tookashortdrive，thenreturnedtotheHouse，andsatouttherestofthethirty-three-hoursession。
　　Tomerelystandupinonespottwelvehoursonastretchisafeatwhichveryfewmencouldachieve；toaddtothetasktheutteranceofahundredthousandwordswouldbebeyondthepossibilitiesofthemostofthosefew；tosuperimposetherequirementthatthewordsshouldbeputintotheformofacompact，coherent，andsymmetricalorationwouldprobablyruleouttherestofthefew，barDr。Lecher。
　　III——CURIOUSPARLIAMENTARYETIQUETTE。
　　InconsequenceofDr。Lecher'stwelve-hourspeechandtheotherobstructionsfurnishedbytheMinority，thefamousthirty-three-hoursittingoftheHouseaccomplishednothing。TheGovernmentsidehadmadeasupremeeffort，assistingitselfwithallthehelpsathand，bothlawfulandunlawful，yethadfailedtogettheAusgleichintothehandsofacommittee。Thiswasaseveredefeat。TheRightwasmortified，theLeftjubilant。
　　Parliamentwasadjournedforaweek——toletthememberscooloff，perhaps——asacrificeofprecioustime；forbuttwomonthsremainedinwhichtocarrytheall-importantAusgleichtoaconsummation。
　　IfIhavereportedthebehaviouroftheHouseintelligibly，thereaderhasbeensurprisedbyit，andhaswonderedwhencetheselaw-makerscomeandwhattheyaremadeof；andhehasprobablysupposedthattheconductexhibitedattheLongSittingwasfaroutofthecommon，andduetospecialexcitementandirritation。Astothemake-upoftheHouse，itisthis：thedeputiescomefromallthewalksoflifeandfromallthegradesofsociety。Thereareprinces，counts，barons，priests，peasants，mechanics，labourers，lawyers，judges，physicians，professors，merchants，bankers，shopkeepers。Theyarereligiousmen，theyareearnest，sincere，devoted，andtheyhatetheJews。ThetitleofDoctorissocommonintheHousethatonemayalmostsaythatthedeputywhodoesnotbearitisbythatreasonconspicuous。Iamassuredthatitisnotaself-grantedtitle，andnotanhonoraryone，butanearnedone；thatinAustriaitisveryseldomconferredasamerecompliment；thatinAustriathedegreesofDoctorofMusic，DoctorofPhilosophy，andsoon，arenotconferredbytheseatsoflearning；andso，whenanAustrianiscalledDoctor，itmeansthatheiseitheralawyeroraphysician，andthatheisnotaself-educatedman，butiscollege-bred，andhasbeendiplomaedformerit。
　　ThatanswersthequestionoftheconstitutionoftheHouse。NowastotheHouse'scuriousmanners。ThemannersexhibitedbythisconventionofDoctorswerenotatthattimebeingtriedasawhollynewexperiment。I
　　willgobacktoaprevioussittinginordertoshowthatthedeputieshadalreadyhadsomepractice。
　　Therehadbeenanincident。ThedignityoftheHousehadbeenwoundedbyimproprietiesindulgedininitspresencebyacoupleofthemembers。
　　Thismatterwasplacedinthehandsofacommitteetodeterminewheretheguiltlayandthedegreeofit，andalsotosuggestthepunishment。Thechairmanofthecommitteebroughtinhisreport。Bythisitappearedthatinthecourseofaspeech，DeputySchrammelsaidthatreligionhadnoproperplaceinthepublicschools——itwasaprivatematter。
　　WhereuponDeputyGregorigshouted，'Howaboutfreelove！'
　　Tothis，DeputyIroflungoutthisretort：'Soda-waterattheWimberger！'
　　ThisappearedtodeeplyoffendDeputyGregorig，whoshoutedbackatIro，'Youcowardlyblatherskite，saythatagain！'
　　Thecommitteehadsatthreehours。Gregorighadapologised。Iroexplainedthathedidn'tsayanythingaboutsoda-waterattheWimberger。
　　Heexplainedinwriting，andwasveryexplicit：'IdeclareuponmywordofhonourthatIdidnotsaythewordsattributedtome。'
　　Unhappilyforhiswordofhonour，itwasprovedbytheofficialstenographersandbythetestimonyofseveraldeputiesthathedidsaythem。
　　Thecommitteedidnotofficiallyknowwhytheapparentlyinconsequentialreferencetosoda-waterattheWimbergershouldmoveDeputyGregorigtocalltheuttererofitacowardlyblatherskite；still，afterproperdeliberation，itwasoftheopinionthattheHouseoughttoformallycensurethewholebusiness。Thisverdictseemstohavebeenregardedassharplysevere。IthinksobecauseDeuptyDr。Lueger，BurgermeisterofVienna，feltitadutytosoftentheblowtohisfriendGregorigbyshowingthatthesoda-waterremarkwasnotsoinnocuousasitmightlook；
　　that，indeed，Gregorig'stoughretorywasjustifiable——andheproceededtoexplainwhy。Hereadanumberofscandalouspost-cardswhichheintimatedhadproceededfromIro，asindicatedbythehandwriting，thoughtheywereanonymous。SomeofthemwerepostedtoGregorigathisplaceofbusinessandcouldhavebeenreadbyallhissubordinates；theotherswerepostedtoGregorig'swife。Luegerdidnotsay——buteverybodyknew——
　　thatthecardsreferredtoamatteroftowngossipwhichmadeMr。
　　Gregorigachiefactorinatavernscenewheresiphon-squirtingplayedaprominentandhumorouspart，andwhereinwomenhadashare。
　　Therewereseveralofthecards；morethanseveral，infact；nofewerthanfiveweresentinoneday。Dr。Luegerreadsomeofthem，anddescribedothers。Someofthemhadpicturesonthem；oneapictureofahogwithamonstroussnout，andbesideitasquirtingsoda-siphon；belowitsomesarcasticdoggerel。
　　Gregorigdealtinshirts，cravats，etc。Oneofthecardsborethesewords：'Much-respectedDeputyandcollar-sewer——orstealer。'
　　Another：'HurrahfortheChristian-Socialworkamongthewomen-
　　assemblages！Hurrahforthesoda-squirter！'CommentbyDr。Lueger：'I
　　cannotventuretoreadtherestofthatone，northesignature，either。'
　　Another：'Wouldyoumindtellingmeif……'CommentbyDr。Lueger：'Therestofitisnotproperlyreadable。'
　　ToDeputyGregorig'swife：'Much-respectedMadamGregorig，——Theundersigneddesiresaninvitationtothenextsoda-squirt。'CommentbyDr。Lueger：'NeithertherestofthecardnorthesignaturecanIventuretoreadtotheHouse，sovulgararethey。'
　　Thepurposeofthiscard——toexposeGregorigtohisfamily——wasrepeatedinothersoftheseanonymousmissives。
　　TheHouse，byvote，censuredthetwoimproperdeputies。
　　Thismayhavehadamodifyingeffectuponthephraseologyofthemembershipforawhile，anduponitsgeneralexuberancealso，butitwasnotforlong。Ashasbeenseen，ithadbecomelivelyoncemoreonthenightoftheLongSitting。Atthenextsittingafterthelongonetherewascertainlynolackofliveliness。ThePresidentwaspersistentlyignoringtheRulesoftheHouseintheinterestofthegovernmentside，andtheMinoritywereinanunappeasablefuryaboutit。Theceaselessdinanduproar，theshoutingandstampinganddesk-banging，weredeafening，butthroughitallburstvoicesnowandthenthatmadethemselvesheard。Someoftheremarkswereofaverycandidsort，andI
　　believethatiftheyhadbeenutteredinourHouseofRepresentativestheywouldhaveattractedattention。Iwillinsertsomesampleshere。
　　Notintheirorder，butselectedontheirmerits：
　　Mr。MayredertothePresident。'Youhavelied！Youconcededthefloortome；makeitgood，oryouhavelied！'
　　Mr。GlocknertothePresident。'Leave！Getout！'
　　WolfindicatingthePresident。'Theresitsamantowhomacertaintitlebelongs！'
　　UntoWolf，whoiscontinuouslyreading，inapowerfulvoice，fromanewspaper，arrivethesepersonalremarksfromtheMajority：'Oh，shutyourmouth！''Puthimout！''Outwithhim！'WolfstopsreadingamomenttoshoutatDr。Lueger，whohasthefloorbutcannotgetahearing，'Please，BetrayerofthePeople，begin！'
　　Dr。Lueger，'MeineHerren——'['Oho！'andgroans。]
　　Wolf。'That'stheholylightoftheChristianSocialists！'
　　Mr。KletzenbauerChristianSocialist。'Dam——nation！Areyouevergoingtoquietdown？'
　　WolfdischargesagallingremarkatMr。Wohlmeyer。
　　Wohlmeyerresponding。'YouJew，you！'
　　Thereisamoment'slull，andDr。Luegerbeginshisspeech。Graceful，handsomeman，withwinningmannersandattractivebearing，abrightandeasyspeaker，andissaidtoknowhowtotrimhispoliticalsailstocatchanyfavouringwindthatblows。Hemanagestosayafewwords，thenthetempestoverwhelmshimagain。
　　WolfstopsreadinghispaperamomenttosayadrasticthingaboutLuegerandhisChristian-Socialpieties，whichsetstheC。S。S。inasortoffrenzy。
　　Mr。Vielohlawek。'YouleavetheChristianSocialistsalone，youword-of-
　　honour-breaker！Obstructallyouwantto，butyouleavethemalone！
　　You'venobusinessinthisHouse；youbelonginagin-mill！'
　　Mr。Prochazka。'Inalunatic-asylum，youmean！'
　　Vielohlawek。'It'sapitythatsuchmanshouldbeleaderoftheGermans；
　　hedisgracestheGermanname！'
　　Dr。Scheicher。'It'sashamethatthelikeofhimshouldinsultus。'
　　StrohbachtoWolf。'Contemptiblecub——wewillbouncetheeoutofthis！'[Itisinferablethatthe'thee'isnotintendedtoindicateaffectionthistime，buttore-enforceandemphasiseMr。Storhbach'sscorn。]
　　Dr。Scheicher。'Hisinsultsareofnoconsequence。Hewantshisearsboxed。'
　　Dr。LuegertoWolf。'You'dbetterworryatrifleoveryourIro'swordofhonour。Youarebehavinglikeastreetarab。'
　　Dr。Scheicher。'Itisinfamous！'
　　Dr。Lueger。'AndtheseshamelesscreaturesaretheleadersoftheGermanPeople'sParty！'
　　MeantimeWolfgoeswhoopingalongwithhisnewspaperreadingsingreatcontentment。
　　Dr。Pattai。'Shutup！Shutup！Shutup！Youhaven'tthefloor！'
　　Strohbach。'Themiserablecub！'
　　Dr。LuegertoWolf，raisinghisvoicestrenuouslyabovethestorm。
　　'Youareawhollyhonourlessstreetbrat！'[Avoice，'Firetherapscallionout！'ButWolf'ssoulgoesmarchingnoisilyon，justthesame。]
　　Schonerervastandmuscular，andendowedwiththemostpowerfulvoiceintheReichsrath；comesploughingdownthroughthestandingcrowds，red，andchokingwithanger；haltsbeforeDeputyWohlmeyer，grabsaruleandsmashesitwithablowuponadesk，threatensWohlmeyer'sfacewithhisfist，andbellowsoutsomepersonalities，andapromise。'Onlyyouwait——we'llteachyou！'[AwhirlwindofoffensiveretortsassailshimfromthebandofmeekandhumbleChristianSocialistscompactedaroundtheirleader，thatdistinguishedreligiousexpert，Dr。Lueger，BurgermeisterofVienna。Ourbreathcomesinexcitedgaspsnow，andwearefullofhope。WeimaginethatwearebackfiftyyearsagointheArkansasLegislature，andwethinkweknowwhatisgoingtohappen，andaregladwecame，andgladweareupinthegallery，outoftheway，wherewecanseethewholethingandyetnothavetosupplyanyofthematerialfortheinquest。However，asitturnsout，ourconfidenceisabused，ourhopesaremisplaced。]
　　Dr。Pattaiwildlyexcited。'Youquietdown，orweshallturnourselvesloose！Therewillbecuffingofears！'
　　Prochazkainafury。'No——notearboxing，butgenuineblows！'
　　Vieholawek。'IwouldrathertakemyhatofftoaJewthantoWolf！'
　　StrohbachtoWolf。'Jewflunky！HerewehavebeenfightingtheJewsfortenyears，andnowyouarehelpingthemtopoweragain。Howmuchdoyougetforit？'
　　Holansky。'Whathewantsisastrait-jacket！'
　　Wolfcontinueshisreading。Itisamarketreportnow。
　　RemarkflungacrosstheHousetoSchonerer：'DieGrossmutteraufdemMisthaufenerzeugtworden！'
　　Itwillbejudiciousnottotranslatethat。Itsflavourisprettyhigh，inanycase，butitbecomesparticularlygamywhenyourememberthatthefirstgallerywaswellstockedwithladies。
　　Apparentlyitwasagreathit。ItfetchedthundersofjoyousenthusiasmoutoftheChristianSocialists，andintheirrapturetheyflungbitingepithetswithwastefulliberalityatspeciallydetestedmembersoftheOpposition；amongothers，thisoneatSchonerer，'BordellinderKrugerstrasse！'Thentheyaddedthesewords，whichtheywhooped，howled，andalsoevensand，inadeep-voicedchorus：'SchmulLeebKohn！SchmulLeebKohn！SchmulLeebKohn！'andmadeitsplendidlyaudibleabovethebangingofdesk-boardsandtherestoftheroaringcycloneoffiendishnoises。[Agallerywitticismcomesflittingbyfrommouthtomoutharoundthegreatcurve：'Theswan-songofAustrianrepresentativegovernment！'Youcannoteitsprogressbytheapplausivesmilesandnodsitgetsasitskimsalong。]
　　Kletzenbauer。'Holofernes，whereisJudith？'[Stormoflaughter。]
　　Gregorigtheshirt-merchant。'ThisWolf-Theatreiscosting6，000
　　florins！'
　　Wolfwithsweetness。'Noticehim，gentlemen；itisMr。Gregorig。'
　　[Laughter。]
　　VieholawektoWolf。'YouJudas！'
　　Schneider。'Brothel-knight！'
　　ChorusofVoices。'East-Germanoffaltub！'
　　Andsothewarofepithetscrashesalong，withnever-diminishingenergy，foracoupleofhours。
　　Theladiesinthegallerywerelearning。Thatwaswell；forby-and-byladieswillformapartofthemembershipofallthelegislaturesintheworld；assoonastheycanprovecompetencytheywillbeadmitted。Atpresent，menonlyarecompetenttolegislate；thereforetheylookdownuponwomen，andwouldfeeldegradediftheyhadtohavethemforcolleaguesintheirhighcalling。
　　Wolfisyellinganothermarketreportnow。
　　Gessman。'Shutup，infamouslouse-brat！'
　　DuringamomentarylullDr。Luegergetsahearingforthreesentencesofhisspeech。ThedemandandrequirethatthePresidentshallsuppressthefournoisiestmembersoftheOpposition。
　　Wolfwithathat-settles-ittossofthehead。'TheshiftytricksterofViennahasspoken！'
　　IrobelongedtoSchonerer'sparty。Theword-of-honourincidenthasgivenitanewname。GregorigisaChristianSocialist，andheroofthepost-
　　cardsandtheWimbergersoda-squirtingincident。Hestandsvastandconspicuous，andconceitedandself-satisfied，androosterishandinconsequential，atLueger'selbow，andisproudandcockytobeinsuchagreatcompany。Helooksverywellindeed；reallymajestic，andawareofit。Hecrowsouthislittleemptyremark，nowandthen，andlooksaspleasedasifhehadbeendeliveredoftheAusgleich。Indeed，hedoeslooknotablyfine。Hewearsalmosttheonlydressvestonthefloor；itexposesacontinentalspreadofwhiteshirt-front；hishandsareposedateaseinthelipsofhistrouserspockets；hisheadistiltedbackcomplacently；heisattitudinising；heisplayingtothegallery。
　　However，theyarealldoingthat。Itiscurioustosee。Menwhoonlyvote，andcan'tmakespeeches，anddon'tknowhowtoinventwittyejaculations，wanderaboutthevacatedpartsofthefloor，andstopinagoodplaceandstrikeattitudes——attitudessuggestiveofweightythought，mostly——andglancefurtivelyupatthegalleriestoseehowitworks；oracouplewillcometogetherandshakehandsinanartificialway，andlaughagaymanufacturedlaugh，anddosomeconstrainedandself-
　　consciousattitudinising；andtheystealglancesatthegalleriestoseeiftheyaregettingnotice。Itislikeasceneonthestage——by-playbyminoractorsatthebackwhilethestarsdothegreatworkatthefront。
　　EvenCountBadeniattitudinisesforamoment；strikesareflectiveNapoleonicattitudeoffinepicturesqueness——butsoonthinksbetterofitanddesists。Therearetwowhodonotattitudinise——poorharriedandinsultedPresidentAbrahamowicz，whoseemswhollymiserable，andcanfindnowaytoputinthedrearytimebutbyswinginghisbellanddischargingoccasionalremarkswhichnobodycanhear；andaresignedandpatientpriest，whositslonelyinagreatvacancyonMajorityterritoryandmunchesanapple。
　　Schonererupliftshisfog-hornofavoiceandshakestheroofwithaninsultdischargedattheMajority。
　　Dr。Lueger。'TheHonourlessPartywouldbetterkeepstillhere！'
　　Gregorigtheecho，swellingouthisshirt-front。'Yes，keepquiet，pimp！'
　　SchonerertoLueger。'Politicalmountebank！'
　　ProchazkatoSchonerer。'Drunkenclown！'
　　Duringthefinalhourofthesittingmanyhappyphrasesweredistributedthroughtheproceedings。Amongthemwerethese——andtheyarestrikinglygoodones：
　　'Blatherskite！'
　　'Blackguard！'
　　'Scoundrel！'
　　'Brothel-daddy！'
　　ThislastwasthecontributionofDr。Gessman，andgavegreatsatisfaction。Anddeservedly。Itseemstomethatitwasoneofthemostsparklingthingsthatwassaidduringthewholeevening。
　　Athalf-pasttwointhemorningtheHouseadjourned。ThevictorywaswiththeOpposition。No；notquitethat。TheeffectivepartofitwassnatchedawayfromthembyanunlawfulexerciseofPresidentialforce——
　　anothercontributiontowarddrivingthemistreatedMinorityoutoftheirminds。
　　Atothersittingsoftheparliament，gentlemenoftheOpposition，shakingtheirfiststowardthePresident，addressedhimas'PolishDog'。Atonesittinganangrydeputyturneduponacolleagueandshouted，'——！'
　　Youmusttrytoimaginewhatitwas。IfIshouldofferitevenintheoriginalitwouldprobablynotgetbytheeditor'sbluepencil；toofferatranslationwouldbetowastemyink，ofcourse。ThisremarkwasfranklyprintedinitsentiretybyoneoftheViennadailies，buttheothersdisguisedthetoughesthalfofitwithstars。
　　Ifthereaderwillgobackoverthischapterandgatheritsarrayofextraordinaryepithetsintoabunchandexaminethem，hewillmarvelattwothings：howthisconventionofgentlemencouldconsenttousesuchgrossterms；andwhytheuserswereallowedtogetouttheplacealive。
　　Thereisnowaytounderstandthisstrangesituation。IfeverymanintheHousewereaprofessionalblackguard，andhadhishomeinasailorboarding-house，onecouldstillnotunderstandit；for，althoughthatsortdousesuchterms，theynevertakethem。Thesemenarenotprofessionalblackguards；theyaremainlygentlemen，andeducated；yettheyusetheterms，andtakethemtoo。Theyreallyseemtoattachnoconsequencetothem。Onecannotsaythattheyactlikeschoolboys；forthatisonlyalmosttrue，notentirely。Schoolboysblackguardeachotherfiercely，andbythehour，andonewouldthinkthatnothingwouldevercomeofitbutnoise；butthatwouldbeamistake。Uptoacertainlimittheresultwouldbenoiseonly，but，thatlimitoverstepped，troublewouldfollowrightaway。Therearecertainphrases——phrasesofapeculiarcharacter——phrasesofthenatureofthatreferencetoSchonerer'sgrandmother，forinstance——whichnoteventhemostspiritlessschoolboyintheEnglish-speakingworldwouldallowtopassunavenged。
　　Onedifferencebetweenschoolboysandthelaw-makersoftheReichsrathseemstobethatthelaw-makershavenolimit，nodanger-line。
　　Apparentlytheymaycalleachotherwhattheyplease，andgohomeunmutilated。
　　Now，infact，theydidhaveascuffleontwooccasions，butitwasnotonaccountofnamescalled。Therehasbeennoscufflewherethatwasthecause。
　　ItisnottobeinferredthattheHouselacksasenseofhonourbecauseitlacksdelicacy。Thatwouldbeanerror。Irowascaughtinalie，anditprofoundlydisgracedhim。TheHousecuthim，turneditsbackuponhim。Heresignedhisseat；otherwisehewouldhavebeenexpelled。ButitwaslenientwithGregorig，whohadcalledIroacowardlyblatherskiteindebate。Itmerelywentthroughtheformofmildlycensuringhim。
　　ThatdidnottroubleGregorig。
　　TheViennesesayofthemselvesthattheyareaneasy-going，pleasure-
　　lovingcommunity，makingthebestoflife，andnottakingitveryseriously。Nevertheless，theyaregrievedaboutthewaysoftheirParliament，andsayquitefranklythattheyareashamed。Theyclaimthatthelowconditionoftheparliament'smannersisnew，notold。A
　　gentlemanwhowasattheheadofthegovernmenttwentyyearsagoconfirmsthis，andsaysthatinhistimetheparliamentwasorderlyandwell-
　　behaved。AnEnglishgentlemanoflongresidencehereendorsesthis，andsaysthataloworderofpoliticiansoriginatedthepresentformsofquestionablespeechonthestumpsomeyearsago，andimportedthemintotheparliament。[2]However，somedaytherewillbeaMinisterofEtiquetteandasergeant-at-arms，andthenthingswillgobetter。ImeanifparliamentandtheConstitutionsurvivethepresentstorm。
　　IV——THEHISTORICCLIMAX
　　DuringthewholeofNovemberthingswentfrombadtoworse。Theall-
　　importantAusgleichremainedhardaground，andcouldnotbesparredoff。
　　Badeni'sgovernmentcouldnotwithdrawtheLanguageOrdinanceandkeepitsmajority，andtheOppositioncouldnotbeplacatedoneasierterms。
　　Onenight，whilethecustomarypandemoniumwascrashingandthunderingalongatitsbest，afightbrokeout。Itwasasurging，struggling，shoulder-to-shoulderscramble。Agreatmanyblowswerestruck。TwiceSchonererliftedoneoftheheavyministerialfauteuils——somesaywithonehand——andthreatenedmembersoftheMajoritywithit，butitwaswrenchedawayfromhim；amemberhammeredWolfovertheheadwiththePresident'sbell，andanothermemberchokedhim；aprofessorwasflungdownandbelabouredwithfistsandchoked；heheldupanopenpenknifeasadefenceagainsttheblows；itwassnatchedfromhimandflungtoadistance；ithitapeacefulChristianSocialistwhowasn'tdoinganything，andbroughtbloodfromhishand。Thiswastheonlyblooddrawn。Themenwhogothammeredandchokedlookedsoundandwellnextday。Thefistsandthebellwerenotproperlyhandled，orbetterresultswouldhavebeenapparent。Iamquitesurethatthefighterswerenotinearnest。
　　OnThanksgivingDaythesittingwasahistory-makingone。Onthatdaytheharried，bedevilled，anddespairinggovernmentwentinsane。InordertofreeitselffromthethraldomoftheOppositionitcommittedthiscuriouslyjuvenilecrime；itmovedanimportantchangeoftheRulesoftheHouse，forbadedebateuponthemotion，putittoastand-upvoteinsteadofayesandnoes，andthengravelyclaimedthatithadbeenadopted；whereas，toeventhedullestwitness——ifIwithoutimmodestymaypretendtothatplace——itwasplainthatnothinglegitimatelytobecalledavotehadbeentakenatall。
　　IthinkthatSaltpeterneverutteredatruerthingthanwhenhesaid，'Whomthegodswoulddestroytheyfirstmakemad。'Evidentlythegovernment'smindwastotteringwhenthisbaldinsultstotheHousewasthebestwayitcouldcontriveforgettingoutofthefrying-pan。
　　Theepisodewouldhavebeenfunnyifthematteratstakehadbeenatrifle；butinthecircumstancesitwaspathetic。TheusualstormwasragingintheHouse。Asusual，manyoftheMajorityandthemostoftheMinoritywerestandingup——tohaveabetterchancetoexchangeepithetsandmakeothernoises。IntothisstormCountFalkenhaynentered，withhispaperinhishand；andatoncetherewasarushtogetnearhimandhearhimreadhismotion。Inamomenthewaswalledinbylisteners。
　　Theseveralclausesofhismotionwereloudlyapplaudedbytheseallies，andasloudlydisapplauded——ifImayinventaword——bysuchoftheOppositionascouldhearhisvoice。WhenhetookhisseatthePresidentpromptlyputthemotion——personsdesiringtovoteintheaffirmative，standup！TheHousewasalreadystandingup；hadbeenstandingforanhour；andbeforeathirdofithadfoundoutwhatthePresidenthadbeensaying，hehadproclaimedtheadoptionofthemotion！Andonlyafewheardthat。Infact，whenthatHouseislegislatingyoucan'ttellitfromartillerypractice。
　　Youwillrealisewhatahappyideaitwastoside-trackthelawfulayesandnoesandsubstituteastand-upvotebythisfact：thatalittlelater，whenadeputationofdeputieswaiteduponthePresidentandaskedhimifhewasactuallywillingtoclaimthatthatmeasurehadbeenpassed，heanswered，'Yes——andunanimously。'ItshowsthatineffectthewholeHousewasonitsfeetwhenthattrickwassprung。
　　The'LexFalkenhayn，'thusstrangelyborn，gavethePresidentpowertosuspendforthreedaysanydeputywhoshouldcontinuetobedisorderlyafterbeingcalledtoordertwice，anditalsoplacedathisdisposalsuchforceasmightbenecessarytomakethesuspensioneffective。SotheHousehadasergeant-at-armsatlast，andamoreformidableone，astopower，thananyotherlegislatureinChristendomhadeverpossessed。
　　TheLexFalkenhaynalsogavetheHouseitselfauthoritytosuspendmembersforthirtydays。
　　OnthesetermstheAusgleichcouldbeputthroughinanhour——apparently。
　　TheOppositionwouldhavetositmeekandquiet，andstopobstructing，orbeturnedintothestreet，deputyafterdeputy，leavingtheMajorityanunvexedfieldforitswork。
　　Certainlythethinglookedwell。Thegovernmentwasoutofthefrying-
　　panatlast。Itcongratulateditself，andwasalmostgirlishlyhappy。
　　Itsstockrosesuddenlyfromlessthannothingtoapremium。Itconfessedtoitself，withpride，thatitsLexFalkenhaynwasamaster-
　　stroke——aworkofgenius。
　　However，thereweredoubters——menwhoweretroubled，andbelievedthatagravemistakehadbeenmade。ItmightbethattheOppositionwascrushed，andprofitablyforthecountry，too；butthemannerofit——themannerofit！Thatwastheseriouspart。Itcouldhavefar-reachingresults；resultswhosegravitymighttranscendallguessing。Itmightbetheinitialsteptowardareturntogovernmentbyforce，arestorationoftheirresponsiblemethodsofobsoletetimes。
　　Therewerenovacantseatsinthegalleriesnextday。Infact，standing-
　　roomoutsidethebuildingwasatapremium。Therewerecrowdsthere，andaglitteringarrayofhelmetedandbrass-buttonedpolice，onfootandonhorseback，tokeepthemfromgettingtoomuchexcited。Noonecouldguesswhatwasgoingtohappen，buteveryonefeltthatsomethingwasgoingtohappen，andhopedhemighthaveachancetoseeit，oratleastgetthenewsofitwhileitwasfresh。
　　AtnoontheHousewasempty——forIdonotcountmyself。Halfanhourlaterthetwogalleriesweresolidlypacked，thefloorstillempty。
　　Anotherhalf-hourlaterWolfenteredandpassedtohisplace；thenotherdeputiesbegantostreamin，amongthemmanyformsandfacesgrownfamiliaroflate。Byoneo'clockthemembershipwaspresentinfullforce。AbandofSocialistsstoodgroupedagainsttheministerialdesks，intheshadowofthePresidentialtribune。Itwasobservablethattheseofficialstrongholdswerenowprotectedagainstrushesbyboltedgates，andthatthesewereinwardofservantswearingtheHouse'slivery。Alsotheremovabledesk-boardshadbeentakenaway，andnothingleftfordisorderlymemberstoslatwith。
　　Therewasapervading，anxioushush——atleastwhatstoodverywellforahushinthatHouse。ItwasbelievedbymanythattheOppositionwascowed，andthattherewouldbenomoreobstruction，nomorenoise。Thatwasanerror。
　　PresentlythePresidententeredbythedistantdoortotheright，followedbyVice-PresidentFuchs，andthetwotooktheirwaydownpastthePolishbenchestowardthetribune。Instantlythecustomarystormofnoisesburstout，androsehigherandhigher，andwilderandwilder，andreallyseemedtosurpassanythingthathadgonebeforeitinthatplace。
　　ThePresidenttookhisseatandbeggedfororder，butnoonecouldhearhim。Hislipsmoved——onecouldseethat；bebowedhisbodyforwardappealingly，andspreadhisgreathandeloquentlyoverhisbreast——onecouldseethat；butasconcernedhisutteredwords，heprobablycouldnothearthemhimself。BelowhimwasthatcrowdoftwodozenSocialistsglaringupathim，shakingtheirfistsathim，roaringimprecationsandinsultingepithetsathim。Thiswentonforsometime。SuddenlytheSocialistsburstthroughthegatesandstormedupthroughtheministerialbenches，andamaninaredcravatreachedupandsnatchedthedocumentsthatlayonthePresident'sdeskandflungthemabroad。Thenextmomentheandhisallieswerestrugglingandfightingwiththehalf-dozenuniformedservantswhoweretheretoprotectthenewgates。MeantimeadetailofSocialistshadswarmedupthesidestepsandoverflowedthePresidentandtheVice，andwerecrowdingandshoulderingandshovingthemoutoftheplace。Theycrowdedthemout，anddownthestepsandacrosstheHouse，pastthePolishbenches；andallaboutthemswarmedhostilePolesandCzechs，whoresistedthem。Onecouldseefistsgoupandcomedown，withothersignsandshowsofaheadyfight；thenthePresidentandtheVicedisappearedthroughthedoorofentrance，andthevictoriousSocialiststurnedandmarchedback，mountedthetribune，flungthePresident'sbellandhisremainingpapersabroad，andthenstoodthereinacompactlittlecrowd，elevenstrong，andheldtheplaceasifitwereafortress。Theirfriendsonthefloorwereinafrenzyoftriumph，andmanifesteditintheirdeafeningway。ThewholeHousewasonitsfeet，amazedandwondering。
　　Itwasanastonishingsituation，andimposinglydramatic。Nobodyhadlookedforthis。Theunexpectedhadhappened。Whatnext？Buttherecanbenonext；theplayisover；thegrandclimaxisreached；thepossibilitiesareexhausted；ringdownthecurtain。
　　Notyet。Thatdistantdooropensagain。Andnowweseewhathistorywillbetalkingoffivecenturieshence：auniformedandhelmetedbattalionofbronzedandstalwartmenmarchingindoublefiledowntheflooroftheHouse——afreeparliamentprofanedbyaninvasionofbruteforce！
　　Itwasanodiousspectacle——odiousandawful。Foronemomentitwasanunbelievablething——athingbeyondallcredibility；itmustbeadelusion，adream，anightmare。Butno，itwasreal——pitifullyreal，shamefullyreal，hideouslyreal。Thesesixtypolicemenhadbeensoldiers，andtheywentattheirworkwiththecoldunsentimentalityoftheirtrade。Theyascendedthestepsofthetribune，laidtheirhandsupontheinviolablepersonsoftherepresentativesofanation，anddraggedandtuggedandhauledthemdownthestepsandoutatthedoor；
　　thenrangedthemselvesinstatelymilitaryarrayinfrontoftheministerialestrade，andsostood。
　　Itwasatremendousepisode。Thememoryofitwilloutlastallthethronesthatexistto-day。Inthewholehistoryoffreeparliamentsthelikeofithadbeenseenbutthreetimesbefore。Ittakesitsimposingplaceamongtheworld'sunforgettablethings。ItthinkthatinmylifetimeIhavenottwiceseenabidinghistorymadebeforemyeyes，butI
　　knowthatIhaveseenitonce。
　　Someoftheresultsofthiswildfreakfollowedinstantly。TheBadenigovernmentcamedownwithacrash；therewasapopularoutbreakortwoinVienna；therewerethreeorfourdaysoffuriousriotinginPrague，followedbytheestablishingthereofmartiallaw；theJewsandGermanswereharriedandplundered，andtheirhousesdestroyed；inotherBohemiantownstherewasrioting——insomecasestheGermansbeingtherioters，inotherstheCzechs——andinallcasestheJewhadtoroast，nomatterwhichsidehewason。WearewellalonginDecembernow；[3]thenextnewMinister-Presidenthasnotbeenabletopatchupapeaceamongthewarringfactionsoftheparliament，thereforethereisnouseincallingittogetheragainforthepresent；publicopinionbelievesthatparliamentarygovernmentandtheConstitutionareactuallythreatenedwithextinction，andthatthepermanencyofthemonarchyitselfisanotabsolutelycertainthing！
　　Yes，theLexFalkenhaynwasagreatinvention，anddidwhatwasclaimedforit——itgotthegovernmentoutofthefrying-pan。
　　[1]Thatis，revolution。
　　[2]'Inthatgraciousbygonetimewhenamildandgood-temperedspiritwastheatmosphereofourHouse，whenthemannerofourspeakerswasstudiouslyformalandacademic，andthestormsandexplosionsofto-daywerewhollyunknown，'etc-Translationoftheopeningremarkofaleadingarticleinthismorning's'NeueFreiePresse，'December11。
　　[3]Itisthe9th——M。T。
　　PRIVATEHISTORYOFTHE'JUMPINGFROG'STORY
　　FiveorsixyearsagoaladyfromFinlandaskedmetotellherastoryinourNegrodialect，sothatshecouldgetanideaofwhatthatvarietyofspeechwaslike。ItoldheroneofHopkinsonSmith'sNegrostories，andgaveheracopyof'Harper'sMonthly'containingit。ShetranslateditforaSwedishnewspaper，butbyanoversightnamedmeastheauthorofitinsteadofSmith。Iwasverysorryforthat，becauseIgotagoodlashingintheSwedishpress，whichwouldhavefallentohissharebutforthatmistake；foritwasshownthatBoccacciohadtoldthatverystory，inhiscurtandmeagrefashion，fivehundredyearsbeforeSmithtookholdofitandmadeagoodandtellablethingoutofit。
　　IhavealwaysbeensorryforSmith。Butmyownturnhascomenow。AfewweeksagoProfessorVanDyke，ofPrinceton，askedthisquestion：
　　'Doyouknowhowoldyour"JumpingFrog"storyis？'
　　AndIanswered：
　　'Yes——forty-fiveyears。ThethinghappenedinCalaverasCounty，inthespringof1849。'
　　'No；ithappenedearlier——acoupleofthousandyearsearlier；itisaGreekstory。'
　　Iwasastonished——andhurt。Isaid：
　　'Iamwillingtobealiterarythiefifithasbeensoordained；IamevenwillingtobecaughtrobbingtheancientdeadalongsideofHopkinsonSmith，forheismyfriendandagoodfellow，andIthinkwouldbeashonestasanyoneifhecoulddoitwithoutoccasioningremark；butIamnotwillingtoantedatehiscrimesbyfifteenhundredyears。Imustaskyoutoknockoffpartofthat。'
　　Buttheprofessorwasnotchaffing：hewasinearnest，andcouldnotabateacentury。HeofferedtogetthebookandsendittomeandtheCambridgetext-bookcontainingtheEnglishtranslationalso。IthoughtI
　　wouldlikethetranslationbest，becauseGreekmakesmetired。January30thhesentmetheEnglishversion，andIwillpresentlyinsertitinthisarticle。Itismy'JumpingFrog'taleineveryessential。ItisnotstrungoutasIhavestrungitout，butitisallthere。
　　Tomethisisverycuriousandinteresting。Curiousforseveralreasons。
　　Forinstance：
　　Iheardthestorytoldbyamanwhowasnottellingittohishearersasathingnewtothem，butasathingwhichtheyhadwitnessedandwouldremember。Hewasadullperson，andignorant；hehadnogiftasastory-
　　teller，andnoinvention；inhismouththisepisodewasmerelyhistory——
　　historyandstatistics；andthegravestsortofhistory，too；hewasentirelyserious，forhewasdealingwithwhattohimwereausterefacts，andtheyinterestedhimsolelybecausetheywerefacts；hewasdrawingonhismemory，nothismind；hesawnohumourinhistale，neitherdidhislisteners；neitherhenortheyeversmiledorlaughed；inmytimeIhavenotattendedamoresolemnconference。Tohimandtohisfellowgold-
　　minerstherewerejusttwothingsinthestorythatwereworthconsidering。Onewasthesmartnessofitshero，JimSmiley，intakingthestrangerinwithaloadedfrog；andtheotherwasSmiley'sdeepknowledgeofafrog'snature——forheknewasthenarratorassertedandthelistenersconcededthatafroglikesshotandisalreadyreadytoeatit。Thosemendiscussedthosetwopoints，andthoseonly。Theywereheartyintheiradmirationofthem，andnoneofthepartywasawarethatafirst-ratestoryhadbeentoldinafirst-rateway，andthatitbrimfulofaqualitywhosepresencetheyneversuspected——humour。
　　Now，then，theinterestingquestionis，didthefrogepisodehappeninAngel'sCampinthespringof'49，astoldinmyhearingthatdayinthefallof1865？Iamperfectlysurethatitdid。IamalsosurethatitsduplicatehappenedinBoeotiaacoupleofthousandyearsago。Ithinkitmustbeacaseofhistoryactuallyrepeatingitself，andnotacaseofagoodstoryfloatingdowntheagesandsurvivingbecausetoogoodtobeallowedtoperish。
　　IwouldnowliketohavethereaderexaminetheGreekstoryandthestorytoldbythedullandsolemnCalifornian，andobservehowexactlyaliketheyareinessentials。
　　[Translation。]
　　THEATHENIANANDTHEFROG。[1]
　　AnAthenianoncefellinwithaBoeotianwhowassittingbytheroad-sidelookingatafrog。Seeingtheotherapproach，theBoeotiansaidhiswasaremarkablefrog，andaskedifhewouldagreetostartacontestoffrogs，onconditionthathewhosefrogjumpedfarthestshouldreceivealargesumofmoney。TheAthenianrepliedthathewouldiftheotherwouldfetchhimafrog，forthelakewasnear。Tothisheagreed，andwhenhewasgonetheAtheniantookthefrog，and，openingitsmouth，pouredsomestonesintoitsstomach，sothatitdidnotindeedseemlargerthanbefore，butcouldnotjump。TheBoeotiansoonreturnedwiththeotherfrog，andthecontestbegan。Thesecondfrogfirstwaspinched，andjumpedmoderately；thentheypinchedtheBoeotianfrog。Andhegatheredhimselfforaleap，andusedtheutmosteffort，buthecouldnotmovehisbodytheleast。SotheAtheniandepartedwiththemoney。
　　WhenhewasgonetheBoeotian，wonderingwhatwasthematterwiththefrog，liftedhimupandexaminedhim。Andbeingturnedupsidedown，heopenedhismouthandvomitedoutthestones。
　　AndhereisthewayithappenedinCalifornia：
　　FROM'THECELEBRATEDJUMPINGFROGOFCALAVERASCOUNTY'
　　Well，thish-yerSmileyhadrat-tarriersandchickencocks，andtom-cats，andallofthemkindofthings，tillyoucouldn'trest，andyoucouldn'tfetchnothingforhimtobetonbuthe'dmatchyou。Heketchedafrogoneday，andtookhimhome，andsaidhecal'latedtoeducatehim；andsoheneverdonenothingforthreemonthsbutsetinhisbackyardandlearnthatfrogtojump。Andyoubetyouhedidlearnhim，too。He'dgivehimalittlepunchbehind，andthenextminuteyou'dseethatfrogwhirlingintheairlikeadoughnut——seehimturnonesummerset，ormaybeacoupleifhegotagoodstart，andcomedownflat-footedandallright，likeacat。Hegothimupsointhematterofketchingflies，andkep'himinpracticesoconstant，thathe'dnailaflyeverytimeasfurashecouldseehim。Smileysaidallafrogwantedwaseducation，andhecoulddo'mostanything——andIbelievehim。Why，I'veseenhimsetDan'lWebsterdownhereonthisflor——Dan'lWebsterwasthenameofthefrog——andsingout，'Flies，Dan'l，flies！'andquicker'nyoucouldwinkhe'dspringstraightupandsnakeaflyoff'nthecounterthere，andflopdownonthefloorag'inassolidasagobofmud，andfalltoscratchingthesideofhisheadwithhishindfootasindifferentasifhehadn'tnoideahe'dbeendoin'anymore'nanyfrogmightdo。Youneverseeafrogsomodestandstraightfor'ardashewas，forallhewassogifted。Andwhenitcometofairandsquarejumpingonadeadlevel，hecouldgetovermoregroundatonestraddlethananyanimalofhisbreedyoueversee。
　　Jumpingonadeadlevelwashisstrongsuit，youunderstand；andwhenitcametothat，Smileywouldanteupmoneyonhimaslongashehadared。
　　Smileywasmonstrousproudofhisfrog，andwellhemightbe，forfellersthathadtravelledandbeeneverywheresallsaidhelaidoveranyfrogthatevertheysee。