Thereiswaterontheroadseverywhere。"
Helookedatherandsmiled。EvidentlyMedinskayanoticedtheeaseofhisbehaviourandsomethingnewinhissmile,forsheadjustedherdressanddrewfartherawayfromhim。Theireyesmet——andMedinskayaloweredherhead。
"Melting!"saidshe,thoughtfully,examiningtheringonherlittlefinger。
"Ye-es,streamseverywhere。"Fomainformedher,admiringhisboots。
"That'sgood。Springiscoming。"
Nowitwon'tbedelayedlong。"
"Springiscoming,"repeatedMedinskaya,softly,asiflisteningtothesoundsofherwords。
"Peoplewillstarttofallinlove,"saidFoma,withasmile,andforsomereasonorotherfirmlyrubbedhishands。
"Areyoupreparingyourself?"askedMedinskaya,drily。
"Ihavenoneedforit。Ihavebeenreadylongago。Iamalreadyinloveforallmylife。"
Shecastaglanceathim,andstartedtoplayagain,lookingatthestringsandsayingpensively:
"Spring。Howgooditisthatyouarebutbeginningtolive。Theheartisfullofpower,andthereisnothingdarkinit。"
"SophyaPavlovna!"exclaimedFoma,softly。Sheinterruptedhimwithacaressinggesture。
"Wait,dearest!TodayIcantellyousomethinggood。Doyouknow,apersonwhohaslivedlonghassuchmomentsthatwhenhelooksintohisheartheunexpectedlyfindstheresomethinglongforgotten。Foryearsitlaysomewhereinthedepthofhisheart,butlostnoneofthefragranceofyouth,andwhenmemorytouchesit,thenspringcomesoverthatperson,breathinguponhimthevivifyingfreshnessofthemorningofhislife。Thisisgood,thoughitisverysad。"
Thestringstrembledandweptunderthetouchofherfingers,anditseemedtoFomathattheirsoundsandthesoftvoiceofthewomanweretouchinghisheartgentlyandcaressingly。But,stillfirminhisdecision,helistenedtoherwordsand,notknowingtheirmeaning,thought:
"Youmayspeak!AndIwon'tbelieveanythingyoumaysay。"
Thisthoughtirritatedhim。Andhefeltsorrythathecouldnotlistentoherwordsasattentivelyandtrustfullyasbefore。
"Areyouthinkingofhowitisnecessarytolive?"askedthewoman。
"SometimesIthinkofit,andthenIforgetagain。Ihavenotimeforit!"saidFomaandsmiled。"Andthen,whatistheretothinkof?Itissimple。Youseehowotherslive。Well,consequently,youmustimitatethem。"
"Ah,don'tdothis!Spareyourself。Youaresogood!Thereissomethingpeculiarinyou;what——Idonotknow。Butitcanbefelt。
Anditseemstome,itwillbeveryhardforyoutogetalonginlife。Iamsure,youwillnotgoalongtheusualwayofthepeopleofyourcircle。No!Youcannotbepleasedwithalifewhichiswhollydevotedtogain,tohuntsaftertherouble,tothisbusinessofyours。Oh,no!Iknow,youwillhaveadesireforsomethingelse,willyounot?"
Shespokequickly,withalookofalarminhereyes。Lookingather,Fomathought:
"Whatisshedrivingat?"
Andheansweredherslowly:
"PerhapsIwillhaveadesireforsomethingelse。PerhapsIhaveitalready。"
Drawingupclosertohim,shelookedintohisfaceandspokeconvincingly:
"Listen!Donotlivelikeallotherpeople!Arrangeyourlifesomehowdifferently。Youarestrong,young。Youaregood!"
"AndifIamgoodthentheremustbegoodforme!"exclaimedFoma,feelingthathewasseizedwithagitation,andthathisheartwasbeginningtobeatwithanxiety。
"Ah,butthatisnotthecase!Hereonearthitisworseforthegoodpeoplethanforthebadones!"saidMedinskaya,sadly。
Andagainthetremblingnotesofmusicbegantodanceatthetouchofherfingers。Fomafeltthatifhedidnotstarttosayatoncewhatwasnecessary,hewouldtellhernothinglater。
"Godblessme!"hesaidtohimself,andinaloweredvoice,strengtheninghisheart,began:
"SophyaPavlovna!Enough!Ihavesomethingtosay。Ihavecometotellyou:'Enough!'Wemustdealfairly,openly。Atfirstyouhaveattractedmetoyourself,andnowyouarefencingawayfromme。I
cannotunderstandwhatyousay。Mymindisdull,butIcanfeelthatyouwishtohideyourself。Icanseeit——doyouunderstandnowwhatbroughtmehere?"
Hiseyesbegantoflashandwitheachwordhisvoicebecamewarmerandlouder。Shemovedherbodyforwardandsaidwithalarm:
"Oh,cease。"
"No,Iwon't,Iwillspeak!"
"Iknowwhatyouwanttosay。"
"Youdon'tknowitall!"saidFoma,threateningly,risingtohisfeet。"ButIknoweverythingaboutyou——everything。"
"Yes?Thenthebetteritisforme,"saidMedinskaya,calmly。
Shealsoarosefromthecouch,asthoughabouttogoawaysomewhere,butafterafewsecondssheagainseatedherselfonthecouch。Herfacewasserious,herlipsweretightlycompressed,buthereyeswerelowered,andFomacouldnotseetheirexpression。Hethoughtthatwhenhetoldher,"Iknoweverythingaboutyou!"shewouldbefrightened,shewouldfeelashamedandconfused,wouldaskhisforgivenessforhavingmadesportofhim。Thenhewouldembraceherandforgiveher。Butthatwasnotthecase;itwashewhowasconfusedbyhercalmness。Helookedather,searchingforwordstoresumehisspeech,butfoundthemnot。
"Itisbetter,"sherepeatedfirmlyanddrily。"Soyouhavelearnedeverything,haveyou?And,ofcourse,you'vecensuredme,asI
deserve。Iunderstand。Iamguiltybeforeyou。Butno,Icannotjustifymyself。"
Shebecamesilentandsuddenly,liftingherhandswithanervousgesture,claspedherhead,andbegantoadjustherhair。
Fomaheavedadeepsigh。Herwordshadkilledinhimacertainhope——ahope,whosepresenceinhisheartheonlyfeltnowthatitwasdead。Andshakinghishead,hesaid,withbitterreproach:
"TherewasatimewhenIlookedatyouandthought,'Howbeautifulsheis,howgood,thedove!'Andnowyousayyourself,'Iamguilty。'Ah!"
Thevoiceoftheyouthbrokedown。Andthewomanbegantolaughsoftly。
"Howfineandhowridiculousyouare,andwhatapitythatyoucannotunderstandallthis!"
Theyouthlookedather,feelinghimselfdisarmedbyhercaressingwordsandmelancholysmile。Thatcold,harshsomething,whichhehadinhisheartagainsther,wasnowmeltingbeforethewarmlightofhereyes。Thewomannowseemedtohimsmall,defenseless,likeachild。Shewassayingsomethinginagentlevoiceasthoughimploring,andforeversmiling,buthepaidnoattentiontoherwords。
"I'vecometoyou,"saidhe,interruptingherwords,"withoutpity。
Imeanttotellyoueverything。AndyetIsaidnothing。Idon'tfeellikedoingit。Myheartsank。Youarebreathinguponmesostrangely。Eh,Ishouldnothaveseenyou!Whatareyoutome?Itwouldbebetterformetogoaway,itseems。"
"Wait,dearest,don'tgoaway!"saidthewoman,hastily,holdingoutherhandtohim。"Whysosevere?Donotbeangryatme!WhatamItoyou?Youneedadifferentfriend,awomanjustassimple-
mindedandsound-souledasyouare。Shemustbegay,healthy。I——I
amalreadyanoldwoman。Iamforeverworrying。Mylifeissoemptyandsoweary,soempty!Doyouknow,whenapersonhasgrownaccustomedtolivemerrily,andthencannotbemerry,hefeelsbad!
Hedesirestolivecheerfully,hedesirestolaugh,yethedoesnotlaugh——itislifethatislaughingathim。Andastomen。Listen!
Likeamother,Iadviseyou,Ibegandimploreyou——obeynooneexceptyourownheart!Liveinaccordancewithitspromptings。Menknownothing,theycannottellyouanythingthatistrue。Donotheedthem。"
Tryingtospeakasplainlyandintelligiblyaspossible,shewasagitated,andherwordscameincoherentlyhurriedlyoneafteranother。Apitifulsmileplayedonherlipsallthetime,andherfacewasnotbeautiful。
"Lifeisverystrict。Itwantsallpeopletosubmittoitsrequests,andonlytheverystrongonescanresistitwithimpunity。Itisyetquestionablewhethertheycandoit!Oh,ifyouknewhowharditistolive。Mangoessofarthathebeginstofearhisownself。Heissplitintojudgeandcriminal——hejudgeshisownselfandseeksjustificationbeforehimself。Andheiswillingtopassdaysandnightswiththosethatdespisehim,andthatarerepulsivetohim——justtoavoidbeingalonewithhimself。"
Fomaliftedhisheadandsaiddistrustfully,withsurprise:
"Icannotunderstandwhatitis!Lubovalsosaysthesame。"
"WhichLubov?Whatdoesshesay?"
"Myfoster-sister。Shesaysthesame,——sheisforevercomplainingoflife。Itisimpossibletolive,shesays。"
"Oh,sheisyetyoung!Anditisagreathappinessthatshealreadyspeaksofthis。"
"Happiness!"Fomadrawledoutmockingly。"Itmustbeafinehappinessthatmakespeoplesighandcomplain。"
"You'dbetterlistentocomplaints。Thereisalwaysmuchwisdominthesecomplaintsofmen。Oh!Thereismorewisdominthesecomplaintsthananywhereelse。Youlistentothese,——theywillteachyoutofindyourway。"
Fomaheardthewoman'svoice,whichsoundedconvincing;andperplexed,lookedabouthim。Everythinghadlongbeenfamiliartohim,buttodayitlookedsomewhatnewtohim。Amassoftriflesfilledtheroom,allthewallswerecoveredwithpicturesandshelves,brightandbeautifulobjectswerestaringfromeverycorner。Thereddishlightofthelampfilledonewithmelancholy。
Twilightwrappedeverythingintheroom,andonlyhereandtherethegoldoftheframes,orthewhitespotsofmarbleflasheddimly。
Heavyfabricsweremotionlesslyhangingbeforethedoors。AllthisembarrassedandalmostchokedFoma;hefeltasthoughhehadlosthisway。Hewassorryforthewoman。Butshealsoirritatedhim。
"DoyouhearhowIspeaktoyou?IwishIwereyourmother,oryoursister。Neverbeforedidanybodyawakeninmesowarmandkindredafeelingasyouhavedone。Andyou,youlookatmeinsuchanunfriendlyway。Doyoubelieveme?Yes?No?"
Helookedatherandsaidwithasigh:
"Idon'tknow。Iusedtobelieveyou。"
"Andnow?"sheaskedhastily。
"Andnow——itisbestformetogo!Idon'tunderstandanything,andyetIlongtounderstand。Idonotevenunderstandmyself。OnmywaytoyouIknewwhattosay,andhereallisconfused。Youhaveputmeupontherack,youhavesetmeonedge。Andthenyoutellme——'Iamasamothertoyou'——whichmeans——begone!"
"Understandme,Ifeelsorryforyou!"thewomanexclaimedsoftly。
Foma'sirritationagainstherwasgrowingstrongerandstronger,andashewentonspeakingtoher,hiswordsbecameabsurd。Whilehespoke,hekeptonmovinghisshouldersasthoughtearingsomethingthatentangledhim。
"Sorry?Whatfor?Idonotneedit。Eh,Icannotspeakwell!Itisbadtobedumb。But——Iwouldhavetoldyou!Youdidnottreatmeproperly——indeed,whyhaveyousoenticedaman?AmIaplaythingforyou?"
"Ionlywantedtoseeyoubymyside,"saidthewomansimply,inaguiltyvoice。
Hedidnothearthesewords。
"Andwhenitcametothepoint,youwerefrightenedandyoushutyourselfofffromme。Youbegantorepent。Ha,ha!Lifeisbad!Andwhyareyoualwayscomplainingofsomelife?Whatlife?Manislife,andexceptmanthereisnolife。Youhaveinventedsomeothermonster。Youhavedonethistodeceivetheeye,tojustifyyourself。Youdosomemischief,youloseyourselfindifferentinventionsandfoolishnessesandthenyousigh!Ah,life!Oh,life!
Andhaveyounotdoneityourself?Andcoveringyourselfwithcomplaints,youconfuseothers。Youhavelostyourway,verywell,butwhydoyouwanttoleadmeastray?Isitwickednessthatspeaksinyou:'Ifeelbad,'yousay,'lethimalsofeelbad——there,I'llbesprinklehisheartwithmypoisonoustears!'Isn'tthatso?Eh!
Godhasgivenyouthebeautyofanangel,butyourheart——whereisit?"
Standingbeforeher,hetrembledineverylimb,andexaminedherfromheadtofootwithreproachfullooks。Nowhiswordscamefreelyfromhisheart,hespokenotloud,butwithpowerandpleasure。Herheadraised,thewomanstaredintohisface,withwide-openeyes。
Herlipsweretremblinganddeepwrinklesappearedatthecornersofhermouth。
"Abeautifulpersonshouldleadagoodlife。Whileofyoutheysaythings。"Foma'svoicebrokedown;heraisedhishandandconcludedinadullvoice:
"Goodbye!"
"Goodbye!"saidMedinskaya,softly。
Hedidnotgiveherhishand,but,turningabruptly,hewalkedawayfromher。Butalreadyatthedoorhefeltthathewassorryforher,andheglancedatheracrosshisshoulder。There,inthecorner,shestoodalone,herheadbent,herhandshangingmotionless。
Understandingthathecouldnotleaveherthus,hebecameconfused,andsaidsoftly,butwithoutrepenting:
"PerhapsIsaidsomethingoffensive——forgiveme!ForafterallI
loveyou,"andheheavedadeepsigh。
Thewomanburstintosoft,nervouslaughter。
"No,youhavenotoffendedme。Godspeedyou。"
"Well,thengoodbye!"repeatedFomainastilllowervoice。
"Yes,"repliedthewoman,alsoinalowvoice。
Fomapushedasidethestringsofbeadswithhishand;theyswungbacknoisilyandtouchedhischeeks。Heshudderedatthiscoldtouchandwentout,carryingawayaheavy,perplexedfeelinginhisbreast,withhisheartbeatingasthoughasoftbutstrongnetwerecastoverit。
Itwasnightbythistime;themoonwasshiningandthefrostcoveredthepuddleswithcoatingsofdullsilver。Fomawalkedalongthesidewalk,hebrokethesewithhiscane,andtheycrackedmournfully。Theshadowsofthehousesfellontheroadinblacksquares,andtheshadowsofthetrees——inwonderfulpatterns。Andsomeofthemlookedlikethinhands,helplesslyclutchingtheground。
"Whatisshedoingnow?"thoughtFoma,picturingtohimselfthewoman,alone,inthecornerofanarrowroom,inthereddishhalf-
light。
"Itisbestformetoforgether,"hedecided。Buthecouldnotforgether;shestoodbeforehim,provokinginhimnowintensepity,nowirritationandevenanger。Andherimagewassoclear,andthethoughtsofherweresopainful,asthoughhewascarryingthiswomaninhisbreast。Acabwascomingfromtheoppositeside,fillingthesilenceofthenightwiththejarringofthewheelsonthecobble-stonesandwiththeircreakingontheice。Whenthecabwaspassingacrossamoonlitstrip,thenoisewaslouderandmorebrisk,andintheshadowsitwasheavierandduller。Thedriverandthepassengerinitwereshakingandhoppingabout;forsomereasonorothertheybothbentforwardandtogetherwiththehorseformedonebig,blackmass。Thestreetwasspeckledwithspotsoflightandshade,butinthedistancethedarknessseemedthickasthoughthestreetwerefencedoffbyawall,risingfromearthtotheskies。SomehowitoccurredtoFomathatthesepeopledidnotknowwhithertheyweregoing。Andhe,too,didnotknowwhitherhewasgoing。Hishouserosebeforehisimagination——sixbigrooms,wherehelivedalone。AuntAnfisahadgonetothecloister,perhapsnevertoreturn——shemightdiethere。AthomewereIvan,theolddeafdvornik,theoldmaid,Sekleteya,hiscookandservant,andablack,shaggydog,withasnoutasbluntasthatofasheat-fish。
Andthedog,too,wasold。
"PerhapsIreallyoughttogetmarried,"thoughtFoma,withasigh。
Buttheverythoughtofhoweasyitwasforhimtogetmarriedmadehimillatease,andevenridiculousinhisowneyes。Itwerebutnecessarytoaskhisgodfathertomorrowforabride,——andbeforeamonthwouldpass,awomanwouldlivewithhiminhishouse。Andshewouldbenearhimdayandnight。Hewouldsaytoher:"Let'sgoforawalk!"andshewouldgo。Hewouldtellher:"Let'sgotosleep!"
andagainshewouldgo。Shouldshedesiretokisshim,shewouldkisshim,eventhoughhedidnotlikeit。Andifheshouldtellher:"Goaway,Idon'twantit,"shewouldfeeloffended。Whatwouldhespeaktoherabout?Whatwouldshetellhim?Hethoughtandpicturedtohimselfyoungladiesofhisacquaintance,daughtersofmerchants。Someofthemwereverypretty,andheknewthatanyoneofthemwouldmarryhimwillingly。Buthedidnotcaretohaveanyofthemashiswife。Howawkwardandshamefulitmustbewhenagirlbecomesawife。Andwhatdoesthenewly-marriedcouplesaytoeachotherafterthewedding,inthebedroom?Fomatriedtothinkwhathewouldsayinsuchacase,andconfused,hebegantolaugh,findingnoappropriatewords。ThenherecalledLubaMayakin。Shewouldsurelybefirsttosaysomething,utteringsomeunintelligiblewords,whichwereforeigntoherself。Somehowitseemedtohimthatallherwordswereforeign,andshedidnotspeakaswasproperforagirlofherage,appearanceanddescent。
AndherehisthoughtsrestedonLubov'scomplaints。Hisgaitbecameslower;hewasnowastoundedbythefactthatallthepeoplethatwereneartohimandwithwhomhetalkedagreatdeal,alwaysspoketohimoflife。Hisfather,hisaunt,hisgodfather,Lubov,SophyaPavlovna,alltheseeithertaughthimtounderstandlife,orcomplainedofit。HerecalledthewordssaidbytheoldmanonthesteameraboutFate,andmanyotherremarksonlife,reproachesandbittercomplaintsagainstit,whichhehappenedtohearfromallsortsofpeople。
"Whatdoesitmean?"hethought,"whatislife,ifitisnotman?
Andmanalwaysspeaksasiflifeweresomethingelse,somethingoutsideofman,andthatsomethinghindershimfromliving。Perhapsitisthedevil?"
Apainfulfeelingoffearfellontheyouth;heshudderedandhastilylookedaround。Thestreetwasdesertedandquiet;thedarkwindowsofthehousesstareddimlyintothedarkofnight,andalongthewallsandfencesFoma'sshadowfollowedhim。
"Driver!"hecriedoutaloud,quickeninghissteps。Theshadowstartedandcrawledafterhim,frightened,black,silent。ItseemedtoFomathattherewasacoldbreathbehindhim,andthatsomethinghuge,invisible,andterriblewasovertakinghim。Frightened,healmostrantomeetthecab,whichappearednoisilyfromthedarkness,andwhenheseatedhimselfinthecab,hedarednotlookback,thoughhewishedtodoso。
CHAPTERVII
ABOUTaweekpassedsinceFomaspoketoMedinskaya。AndherimagestoodfixedlybeforeFomabynightandbyday,awakeninginhisheartagnawingfeelingofanxiety。Helongedtogotoher,andwassomuchafflictedoverherthatevenhisboneswereachingfromthedesireofhishearttobenearheragain。Buthewassternlysilent;hefrownedanddidnotcaretoyieldtothisdesire,industriouslyoccupyinghimselfwithhisaffairsandprovokinginhimselfafeelingofangeragainstthewoman。Hefeltthatifhewentuptoher,hewouldnolongerfindhertobethesameashehadlefther;somethingmusthavechangedwithinherafterthatconversation,andshewouldnolongerreceivehimascordiallyasbefore,wouldnotsmileathimtheclearsmilethatusedtoawakeninhimstrangethoughtsandhopes。Fearingthatallthiswaslostandthatsomethingelsemusthavetakenitsplace,herestrainedhimselfandsuffered。
Hisworkandhislongingforthewomandidnothinderhimfromthinkingoflife。Hedidnotphilosophizeaboutthisenigma,whichwasalreadystirringafeelingofalarminhisheart;hewasnotabletoargue,buthebegantolistenattentivelytoeverythingthatmensaidoflife,andhetriedtoremembertheirwords。Theydidnotmakeanythingcleartohim;nay,theyincreasedhisperplexityandpromptedhimtoregardthemsuspiciously。Theywereclever,cunningandsensible——hesawit;indealingswiththemitwasalwaysnecessarytobeonone'sguard;heknewalreadythatinimportantmattersnoneofthemspokeastheythought。Andwatchingthemcarefully,hefeltthattheirsighsandtheircomplaintsoflifeawakenedinhimdistrust。Silentlyhelookedateverybodywithsuspicion,andathinwrinklemaskedhisforehead。
OnemorninghisgodfathersaidtohimontheExchange:
"Ananyhasarrived。Hewouldliketoseeyou。Gouptohimtowardevening,andseethatyouholdyourtongue。Ananywilltrytoloosenitinordertomakeyoutalkonbusinessmatters。Heiscunning,theolddevil;heisaholyfox;he'lllifthiseyestowardheaven,andmeanwhilewillputhispawintoyourpocketandgrabyourpurse。Beonyourguard。"
"Doweowehimanything?"askedFoma。
"Ofcourse!Wehaven'tpaidyetforthebarge,andthenfiftyfive-
fathombeamsweretakenfromhimnotlongago。Ifhewantseverythingatonce——don'tgive。Aroubleisastickything;thelongeritturnsaboutinyourhand,themorecopeckswillsticktoit。Aroubleislikeagoodpigeon——itgoesupintheair,youturnaroundandsee——ithasbroughtawholeflockwithitintothepigeon-house。"
"Buthowcanwehelppayingitnow,ifhedemandsit?"
"Lethimcryandaskforit——andyouroar——butdon'tgiveittohim。"
I'llgouptheresoon。"
AnanySavvichShchurovwasarichlumber-dealer,hadabigsaw-
mill,builtbargesandranrafts。HehadhaddealingswithIgnat,andFomahadmorethanonceseenthistall,heavily-bearded,long-
armed,white-hairedoldman,whokepthimselfaserectasapine-
tree。Hisbig,handsomefigure,hisopenfaceandhiscleareyescalledforthinFomaafeelingofrespectforShchurov,althoughhehearditrumouredthatthislumber-dealerhadgainedhiswealthnotbyhonesttoilandthathewasleadinganevillifeathome,inanobscurevillageoftheforestdistrict;andIgnathadtoldFomathatwhenShchurovwasyoungandwasbutapoorpeasant,heshelteredaconvictinthebath-house,inhisgarden,andthattheretheconvictmadecounterfeitmoneyforhim。SincethattimeAnanybegantogrowrich。Onedayhisbathhouseburneddown,andintheashestheydiscoveredthecorpseofamanwithafracturedskull。TherewasarumourinthevillagethatShchurovhimselfhadkilledhisworkman——killedandthenburnedhim。Suchthingshadhappenedmorethanoncewiththegood-lookingoldman;butsimilarrumourswereonfootwithreferencetomanyarichmanintown——
theyhadall,itwassaid,hoardeduptheirmillionsbywayofrobberies,murdersand,mainly,bypassingcounterfeitmoney。Fomahadheardsuchstoriesinhischildhoodandheneverbeforeconsideredwhethertheyweretrueornot。
HealsoknewthatShchurovhadgotridoftwowives——oneofthemdiedduringthefirstnightofthewedding,inAnany'sembraces。
Thenhetookhisson'swifeawayfromhim,andhissontooktodrinkforgriefandwouldhaveperishedindrunkennesshadhenotcometohimselfintimeandgoneofftosavehimselfinahermitage,inIrgiz。Andwhenhismistress-daughter-in-lawhadpassedaway,Shchurovtookintohishouseadumbbeggar-girl,whowaslivingwithhimtothisday,andwhohadrecentlybornehimadeadchild。Onhiswaytothehotel,whereAnanystayed,Fomainvoluntarilyrecalledallthis,andfeltthatShchurovhadbecomestrangelyinterestingtohim。
WhenFomaopenedthedoorandstoppedrespectfullyonthethresholdofthesmallroom,whoseonlywindowoverlookedtherustyroofoftheneighbouringhouse,henoticedthattheoldShchurovhadjustrisenfromsleep,andsittingonhisbed,leaninghishandsagainstit,hestaredattheground;andhewassobentthathislong,whitebeardfelloverhisknees。Butevenbent,hewaslarge。
"Whoentered?"askedAnanyinahoarseandangryvoice,withoutliftinghishead。
"I。Howdoyoudo,AnanySavvich?"
Theoldmanraisedhisheadslowlyand,winkinghislargeeyes,lookedatFoma。
"Ignat'sson,isthatright?"
"Thesame。"
"Well,comeoverhere,sitdownbythewindow。Letmeseehowyou'vegrownup。Willyounothaveaglassofteawithme?"
"Iwouldn'tmind。"
"Waiter!"criedtheoldman,expandinghischest,and,takinghisbeardinhishand,hebegantoexamineFomainsilence。Fomaalsolookedathimstealthily。
Theoldman'sloftyforeheadwasallcoveredwithwrinkles,anditsskinwasdark。Gray,curlylockscoveredhistemplesandhissharp-
pointedears;hiscalmblueeyeslenttheupperpartofhisfaceawiseandgoodexpression。Buthischeeksandhislipswerethickandred,andseemedoutofplaceonhisface。Histhin,longnosewasturneddownwardasthoughitwishedtohideitselfinhiswhitemoustache;theoldmanmovedhislips,andfrombeneaththemsmall,yellowteethweregleaming。Hehadonapinkcalicoshirt,asilkbeltaroundhiswaist,andblack,loosetrousers,whichweretuckedintohisboots。Fomastaredathislipsandthoughtthattheoldmanwassurelysuchashewassaidtobe。
"Asaboyyoulookedmorelikeyourfather,"saidShchurovsuddenly,andsighed。Then,afteramoment'ssilence,heasked:"Doyourememberyourfather?Doyoueverprayforhim?Youmust,youmustpray!"hewenton,afterheheardFoma'sbriefanswer。"Ignatwasaterriblesinner,andhediedwithoutrepentance,takenunawares。Hewasagreatsinner!"
"Hewasnotmoresinfulthanothers,"repliedFoma,angrily,offendedinhisfather'sbehalf。
"Thanwho,forinstance?"demandedShchurov,strictly。
"Aretherenotplentyofsinners?"
"ThereisbutonemanonearthmoresinfulthanwasthelateIgnat——
andthatisthatcursedheathen,yourgodfatherYashka,"
ejaculatedtheoldman。
"Areyousureofit?"inquiredFoma,smiling。
"I?Ofcourse,Iam!"saidShchurov,confidently,noddinghishead,andhiseyesbecamesomewhatdarker。"IwillalsoappearbeforetheLord,andthatnotsinless。IshallbringwithmeaheavyburdenbeforeHisholycountenance。Ihavebeenpleasingthedevilmyself,onlyItrusttoGodforHismercy,whileYashkabelievesinnothing,neitherindreams,norinthesingingofbirds。YashkadoesnotbelieveinGod,thisIknow!Andforhisnon-beliefhewillyetreceivehispunishmentonearth。"
"Areyousureofthis,too?"
"Yes,Iam。Anddon'tyouthinkIalsoknowthatyouconsideritludicroustolistentome。Whatasagaciousfellow,indeed!Buthewhohascommittedmanysinsisalwayswise。Sinisateacher。
That'swhyYashkaMayakinisextraordinarilyclever。"
Listeningtotheoldman'shoarseandconfidentvoice,Fomathought:
"Heisscentingdeath,itseems。"
Thewaiter,asmallman,withafacewhichwaspaleandcharacterless,broughtinthesamovarandquicklyhastenedoutoftheroom,withshortsteps。Theoldmanwasundoingsomebundlesonthewindow-sillandsaid,withoutlookingatFoma:
"Youarebold,andthelookofyoureyesisdark。Before,thereusedtobemorelight-eyedpeople,becausethenthesoulsusedtobebrighter。Before,everythingwassimpler——boththepeopleandthesins,andnoweverythinghasbecomecomplicated。Eh,eh!"
Hemadetea,seatedhimselfoppositeFomaandwentonagain:
"Yourfatheratyouragewasawater-pumperandstayedwiththefleetnearourvillage。AtyourageIgnatwasascleartomeasglass。Atasingleglanceyoucouldtellwhatsortofamanhewas。
Whileyou——hereIamlookingatyou,butcannotseewhatyouare。
Whoareyou?Youdon'tknowityourself,mylad,andthat'swhyyou'llsuffer。Everybodynowadaysmustsuffer,becausetheydonotknowthemselves。Lifeisamassofwind-fallentrees,andyoumustknowhowtofindyourwaythroughit。Whereisit?Allaregoingastray,andthedevilisdelighted。Areyoumarried?"
"Notyet,"saidFoma。
"Thereagain,youarenotmarried,andyet,I'mquitesure,youarenotpureanylonger。Well,areyouworkinghardinyourbusiness?"
"Sometimes。MeanwhileIamwithmygodfather。"
"Whatsortofworkisityouhavenowadays?"saidtheoldman,shakinghishead,andhiseyeswereconstantlytwinkling,nowturningdark,nowbrighteningupagain。"Youhavenolabournow!Informeryearsthemerchanttravelledwithhorsesonbusiness。Evenatnight,insnowstorms,heusedtogo!Murderersusedtowaitforhimontheroadandkillhim。Andhediedamartyr,washinghissinsawaywithblood。Nowtheytravelbyrail;theyaresendingtelegrams,orthey'veeveninventedsomethingthatamanmayspeakinhisofficeandyoucanhearhimfivemilesaway。Therethedevilsurelyhasahandinit!Amansits,withoutmotion,andcommitssinsmerelybecausehefeelslonesome,becausehehasnothingtodo:themachinedoesallhiswork。Hehasnowork,andwithouttoilmanisruined!Hehasprovidedhimselfwithmachinesandthinksitisgood!Whilethemachineisthedevil'strapforyou。Hethuscatchesyouinit。Whiletoiling,youfindnotimeforsin,buthavingamachine——youhavefreedom。Freedomkillsaman,evenasthesunbeamskilltheworm,thedwellerofthedepthofearth。
Freedomkillsman!"
Andpronouncinghiswordsdistinctlyandpositively,theoldAnanystruckthetablefourtimeswithhisfinger。Hisfacebeamedtriumphantly,hischestrosehigh,andoveritthesilverhairofhisbeardshooknoiselessly。DreadfellonFomaashelookedathimandlistenedtohiswords,fortherewasaringoffirmfaithinthem,anditwasthepowerofthisfaiththatconfusedFoma。Hehadalreadyforgottenallheknewabouttheoldman,allofwhichhehadbutawhileagobelievedtobetrue。
"Whoevergivesfreedomtohisbody,killshissoul!"saidAnany,lookingatFomasostrangelyasifhesawbehindhimsomebody,whowasgrievedandfrightenedbyhiswords;andwhosefearandpaindelightedhim。"Allyoupeopleoftodaywillperishthroughfreedom。Thedevilhascapturedyou——hehastakentoilawayfromyou,andslippedmachinesandtelegramsintoyourhands。Howfreedomeatsintothesoulsofmen!Justtellme,whyarethechildrenworsethantheirfathers?Becauseoftheirfreedom,yes。
That'swhytheydrinkandleaddepravedliveswithwomen。Theyhavelessstrengthbecausetheyhavelesswork,andtheyhavenotthespiritofcheerfulnessbecausetheyhavenoworries。Cheerfulnesscomesintimeofrest,whilenowadaysnooneisgettingtired。"
"Well,"saidFoma,softly,"theywereleadingdepravedlivesanddrinkingjustasmuchinformerdaysasnow,Isuppose。"
"Doyouknowit?Youshouldkeepsilence!"criedAnany,flashinghiseyessternly。"Informerdaysmanhadmorestrength,andthesinswereaccordingtohisstrength。Whileyou,oftoday,havelessstrength,andmoresins,andyoursinsaremoredisgusting。Thenmenwerelikeoak-trees。AndGod'sjudgmentwillalsobeinaccordancewiththeirstrength。Theirbodieswillbeweighed,andangelswillmeasuretheirblood,andtheangelsofGodwillseethattheweightofthesinsdoesnotexceedtheweightofthebodyandtheblood。Doyouunderstand?Godwillnotcondemnthewolffordevouringasheep,butifamiserableratshouldbeguiltyofthesheep'sdeath,Godwillcondemntherat!"
"HowcanamantellhowGodwilljudgeman?"askedFoma,thoughtfully。"Avisibletrialisnecessary。"
"Whyavisibletrial?"
"Thatpeoplemightunderstand。"
"Who,buttheLord,ismyjudge?"
Fomaglancedattheoldmanandloweringhishead,becamesilent。
Heagainrecalledthefugitiveconvict,whowaskilledandburntbyShchurov,andagainhebelievedthatitreallywasso。Andthewomen——hiswivesandhismistresses——hadsurelybeenhastenedtowardtheirgravesbythisoldman'scaresses;hehadcrushedthemwithhisbonychest,drunkthesapoftheirlifewiththesethicklipsofhiswhichwerescarletyetfromtheclottedbloodofthewomen,whodiedintheembracesofhislongsinewyarms。Andnow,awaitingdeath,whichwasalreadysomewherebesidehim,hecountshissins,judgesothers,andperhapsjudgeshimself,andsays:
"Who,buttheLord,ismyjudge?"
"Isheafraidornot?"Fomaaskedhimselfandbecamepensive,stealthilyscrutinisingtheoldman。
"Yes,mylad!Think,"spokeShchurov,shakinghishead,"think,howyouaretolive。Thecapitalinyourheartissmall,andyourhabitsaregreat,seethatyouarenotreducedtobankruptcybeforeyourownself!Ho-ho-ho!"
"HowcanyoutellwhatandhowmuchIhavewithinmyheart?"saidFoma,gloomily,offendedbyhislaughter。
"Icanseeit!Iknoweverything,becauseIhavelivedlong!Oh-ho-
ho!HowlongIhavelived!Treeshavegrownupandbeencutdown,andhousesbuiltoutofthem,andeventhehouseshavegrownold。
WhileIhaveseenallthisandamstillalive,andwhen,attimes,Irecallmylife,Ithink,'Isitpossiblethatonemancouldaccomplishsomuch?IsitpossiblethatIhavewitnessedallthis?'"TheoldmanglancedatFomasternly,shookhisheadandbecamesilent。
Itbecamequiet。Outsidethewindowsomethingwassoftlyrustlingontheroofofthehouse;therattleofwheelsandthemuffledsoundsofconversationwereheardfrombelow,fromthestreet。Thesamovaronthetablesangasadtune。Shchurovwasfixedlystaringintohisglassoftea,strokinghisbeard,andonecouldhearthatsomethingrattledinhisbreast,asifsomeburdenwasturningaboutinit。
"It'shardforyoutolivewithoutyourfather,isn'tit?"saidhe。
"Iamgettingusedtoit,"repliedFoma。
"Youarerich,andwhenYakovdies,youwillbericherstill。He'llleaveeverythingtoyou。"
"Idon'tneedit。"
"Towhomelseshouldheleaveit?Hehasbutonedaughter,andyououghttomarrythatdaughter,andthatsheisyourgodsisterandfoster-sister——nomatter!Thatcanbearranged——andthenyouwouldbemarried。Whatgoodisthereinthelifeyouarenowleading?I
supposeyouareforeverrunningaboutwiththegirls?"
"No。"
"Youdon'tsay!Eh,eh,eh!themerchantispassingaway。Acertainforestertoldme——Idon'tknowwhetherheliedornot——thatinformerdaysthedogswerewolves,andthendegeneratedintodogs。
Itisthesamewithourcalling;wewillsoonalsobedogs。Wewilltakeupscience,putstylishhatsonourheads,we'lldoeverythingthatisnecessaryinordertoloseourfeatures,andtherewillbenothingbywhichtodistinguishusfromotherpeople。IthasbecomeacustomtomakeGymnasiumstudentsofallchildren。Themerchants,thenobles,thecommoners——allareadjustedtomatchthesamecolour。Theydressthemingrayandteachthemallthesamesubjects。Theygrowmanevenastheygrowatree。Whydotheydoit?Nooneknows。Evenalogcouldbetoldfromanotherbyitsknotatleast,whileheretheywanttoplanethepeopleoversothatallofthemshouldlookalike。Thecoffinisalreadywaitingforusoldpeople。Ye-es!Itmaybethataboutfiftyyearshence,noonewillbelievethatIlivedinthisworld。I,Anany,thesonofSavva,bythesurnameofShchurov。So!AndthatI,Anany,fearednoone,saveGod。AndthatinmyyouthIwasapeasant,thatallthelandI
possessedthenwastwodesyatinsandaquarter;whiletowardmyoldageIhavehoardedupeleventhousanddesyatins,allforests,andperhapstwomillionsincash。"
"There,theyalwaysspeakofmoney!"saidFoma,withdissatisfaction。"Whatjoydoesmanderivefrommoney?""Mm,"
bellowedShchurov。"Youwillmakeapoormerchant,ifyoudonotunderstandthepowerofmoney。"
"Whodoesunderstandit?"askedFoma。
"I!"saidShchurov,withconfidence。"Andeverycleverman。Yashkaunderstandsit。Money?Thatisagreatdeal,mylad!Justspreaditoutbeforeyouandthink,'Whatdoesitcontain?'Thenwillyouknowthatallthisishumanstrength,humanmind。Thousandsofpeoplehaveputtheirlifeintoyourmoneyandthousandsmorewilldoit。Andyoucanthrowitallintothefireandseehowthemoneyisburning,andatthatmomentyouwillconsideryourselfmaster。"
"Butnobodydoesthis。"
"Becausefoolshavenomoney。Moneyisinvestedinbusiness。
Businessgivesbreadtothemasses。Andyouaremasteroverallthosemasses。WhereforedidGodcreateman?ThatmanshouldpraytoHim。HewasaloneandHefeltlonesome,soHebegantodesirepower,andasmanwascreatedintheimageoftheLord,manalsodesirespower。Andwhat,savemoney,cangivepower?That'stheway。Well,andyou——haveyoubroughtmemoney?"
"No,"answeredFoma。FromthewordsoftheoldmanFoma'sheadwasheavyandtroubled,andhewasgladthattheconversationhad,atlast,turnedtobusinessmatters。
"Thatisn'tright,"saidShchurov,sternlyknittinghisbrow。"Itisoverdue——youmustpay。
"You'llgetahalfofittomorrow。"
"Whyahalf?Whynotall?"
"Wearebadlyinneedofmoneynow。"
"Andhaven'tyouany?ButIalsoneedit。"
"Waitalittle。"
"Eh,mylad,Iwillnotwait!Youarenotyourfather。Youngsterslikeyou,milksops,areanunreliablelot。Inamonthyoumaybreakupthewholebusiness。AndIwouldbetheloserforit。Yougivemeallthemoneytomorrow,orI'llprotestthenotes。Itwouldn'ttakemelongtodoit!"
FomalookedatShchurov,withastonishment。Itwasnotatallthatsameoldman,whobutamomentagospokesosagaciouslyaboutthedevil。Thenhisfaceandhiseyesseemeddifferent,andnowhelookedfierce,hislipssmiledpitilessly,andtheveinsonhischeeks,nearhisnostrils,wereeagerlytrembling。Fomasawthatifhedidnotpayhimatonce,Shchurovwouldindeednotsparehimandwoulddishonourthefirmbyprotestingthenotes。
"Evidentlybusinessispoor?"grinnedShchurov。"Well,tellthetruth——wherehaveyousquanderedyourfather'smoney?"
Fomawantedtotesttheoldman:
"Businessisnonetoobrisk,"saidhe,withafrown。"Wehavenocontracts。Wehavereceivednoearnestmoney,andsoitisratherhard。"
"So-o!ShallIhelpyouout?"
"Besokind。Postponethedayofpayment,"beggedFoma,modestlyloweringhiseyes。
"Mm。ShallIassistyououtofmyfriendshipforyourfather?Well,beitso,I'lldoit。"
"Andforhowlongwillyoupostponeit?"inquiredFoma。
"Forsixmonths。"
"Ithankyouhumbly。"
"Don'tmentionit。Youowemeeleventhousandsixhundredroubles。
Nowlisten:rewritethenotesfortheamountoffifteenthousand,paymetheinterestonthissuminadvance。AndassecurityI'lltakeamortgageonyourtwobarges。"
Fomarosefromthechairandsaid,withasmile:
"Sendmethenotestomorrow。I'llpayyouinfull。"
Shchurovalsorosefromhischairand,withoutloweringhiseyesatFoma'ssarcasticlook,said,calmlyscratchinghischest:
"That'sallright。"
"Thankyouforyourkindness。"
"That'snothing!Youdon'tgivemeachance,orIwouldhaveshownyoumykindness!"saidtheoldmanlazily,showinghisteeth。
"Yes!Ifoneshouldfallintoyourhands——"
"He'dfinditwarm——"
"Iamsureyou'dmakeitwarmforhim。"
"Well,mylad,thatwilldo!"saidShchurov,sternly。"Thoughyouconsideryourselfquiteclever,itisrathertoosoon。You'vegainednothing,andalreadyyoubegantoboast!Butyoujustwinfromme——thenyoumayshoutforjoy。Goodbye。Haveallthemoneyfortomorrow。"
"Don'tletthattroubleyou。Goodbye!"
"Godbewithyou!"
WhenFomacameoutoftheroomheheardthattheoldmangaveaslow,loudyawn,andthenbegantohuminaratherhoarsebass:
"Openforusthedoorsofmercy。OhblessedVirginMary!"
Fomacarriedawaywithhimfromtheoldmanadoublefeeling。
Shchurovpleasedhimandatthesametimewasrepulsivetohim。
Herecalledtheoldman'swordsaboutsin,thoughtofthepowerofhisfaithinthemercyoftheLord,andtheoldmanarousedinFomaafeelingakintorespect。
"He,too,speaksoflife;heknowshissins;butdoesnotweepoverthem,doesnotcomplainofthem。Hehassinned——andheiswillingtostandtheconsequences。Yes。Andshe?"HerecalledMedinskaya,andhisheartcontractedwithpain。
"Andsheisrepenting。Itishardtotellwhethershedoesitpurposely,inordertohidefromjustice,orwhetherherheartisreallyaching。'Who,buttheLord,'sayshe,'istojudgeme?'
That'showitis。"
ItseemedtoFomathatheenviedAnany,andtheyouthhastenedtorecallShchurov'sattemptstoswindlehim。ThiscalledforthinhimanaversionfortheoldmanHecouldnotreconcilehisfeelingsand,perplexed,hesmiled。
"Well,IhavejustbeenatShchurov's,"hesaid,comingtoMayakinandseatinghimselfbythetable。
Mayakin,inagreasymorning-gown,acounting-boardinhishand,begantomoveaboutinhisleather-coveredarm-chairimpatiently,andsaidwithanimation:
"Pouroutsometeaforhim,Lubava!Tellme,Foma,ImustbeintheCityCouncilatnineo'clock;tellmeallaboutit,makehaste!"
Smiling,FomarelatedtohimhowShchurovsuggestedtorewritethenotes。
"Eh!"exclaimedYakovTarasovichregretfully,withashakeofthehead。"You'vespoiltthewholemassforme,dear!Howcouldyoubesostraightforwardinyourdealingswiththeman?Psha!Thedevildrovemetosendyouthere!Ishouldhavegonemyself。Iwouldhaveturnedhimaroundmyfinger!"
"Hardly!Hesays,'Iamanoak。'"
"Anoak?AndIamasaw。Anoak!Anoakisagoodtree,butitsfruitsaregoodforswineonly。Soitcomesoutthatanoakissimplyablockhead。"
"Butit'sallthesame,wehavetopay,anyway。"
"Cleverpeopleareinnohurryaboutthis;whileyouarereadytorunasfastasyoucantopaythemoney。Whatamerchantyouare!"
YakovTarasovichwaspositivelydissatisfiedwithhisgodson。Hefrownedandinanangrymannerorderedhisdaughter,whowassilentlypouringouttea:
"Pushthesugarnearertome。Don'tyouseethatIcan'treachit?"
Lubov'sfacewaspale,hereyesseemedtroubled,andherhandsmovedlazilyandawkwardly。Fomalookedatherandthought:
"Howmeeksheisinthepresenceofherfather。"
"Whatdidhespeaktoyouabout?"askedMayakin。
"Aboutsins。"
"Well,ofcourse!Hisownaffairisdearesttoeachandeveryman。
Andheisamanufacturerofsins。Bothinthegalleysandinhelltheyhavelongbeenweepingandlongingforhim,waitingforhimimpatiently。"
"Hespeakswithweight,"saidFoma,thoughtfully,stirringhistea。
"Didheabuseme?"inquiredMayakin,withamaliciousgrimace。
"Somewhat。"
"Andwhatdidyoudo?"
"Ilistened。"
"Mm!Andwhatdidyouhear?"
"'Thestrong,'hesays,'willbeforgiven;butthereisnoforgivenessfortheweak。'"
"Justthinkofit!Whatwisdom!Eventhefleasknowthat。"
Forsomereasonoranother,thecontemptwithwhichMayakinregardedShchurov,irritatedFoma,and,lookingintotheoldman'sface,hesaidwithagrin:
"Buthedoesn'tlikeyou。"
"Nobodylikesme,mydear,"saidMayakin,proudly。"Thereisnoreasonwhytheyshouldlikeme。Iamnogirl。Buttheyrespectme。
Andtheyrespectonlythosetheyfear。"Andtheoldmanwinkedathisgodsonboastfully。
"Hespeakswithweight,"repeatedFoma。"Heiscomplaining。'Therealmerchant,'sayshe,'ispassingaway。Allpeoplearetaughtthesamething,'hesays:'sothatallmaybeequal,lookingalike。"'
"Doesheconsideritwrong?"
"Evidentlyso。"
"Fo-o-o-l!"Mayakindrawledout,withcontempt。
"Why?Isitgood?"askedFoma,lookingathisgodfathersuspiciously。
"Wedonotknowwhatisgood;butwecanseewhatiswise。Whenweseethatallsortsofpeoplearedriventogetherinoneplaceandareallinspiredtherewithoneandthesameidea——thenmustweacknowledgethatitiswise。Because——whatisamanintheempire?
Nothingmorethanasimplebrick,andallbricksmustbeofthesamesize。Doyouunderstand?Andthosepeoplethatareofequalheightandweight——IcanplaceinanypositionIlike。"
"Andwhomdoesitpleasetobeabrick?"saidFoma,morosely。
"Itisnotaquestionofpleasing,itisamatteroffact。Ifyouaremadeofhardmaterial,theycannotplaneyou。Itisnoteverybody'sphizthatyoucanruboff。Butsomepeople,whenbeatenwithahammer,turnintogold。Andiftheheadhappenstocrack——
whatcanyoudo?Itmerelyshowsitwasweak。"
"Healsospokeabouttoil。'Everything,'hesays,'isdonebymachinery,andthusaremenspoiled。"'
"Heisoutofhiswits!"Mayakinwavedhishanddisdainfully。"Iamsurprised,whatanappetiteyouhaveforallsortsofnonsense!
Whatdoesitcomefrom?"
"Isn'tthattrue,either?"askedFoma,breakingintosternlaughter。
"Whattruethingcanheknow?Amachine!Theoldblockheadshouldhavethought——'whatisthemachinemadeof?'Ofiron!Consequently,itneednotbepitied;itiswoundup——anditforgesroublesforyou。Withoutanywords,withouttrouble,yousetitintomotionanditrevolves。Whileaman,heisuneasyandwretched;heisoftenverywretched。Hewails,grieves,weeps,begs。Sometimeshegetsdrunk。Ah,howmuchthereisinhimthatissuperfluoustome!
Whileamachineislikeanarshinyardstick,itcontainsexactlysomuchastheworkrequired。Well,Iamgoingtodress。Itistime。"
Heroseandwentaway,loudlyscrapingwithhisslippersalongthefloor。Fomaglancedafterhimandsaidsoftly,withafrown:
"Thedevilhimselfcouldnotseethroughallthis。Onesaysthis,theother,that。"
"Itispreciselythesamewithbooks,"saidLubovinalowvoice。
Fomalookedather,smilinggood-naturedly。Andsheansweredhimwithavaguesmile。
Hereyeslookedfatiguedandsad。
"Youstillkeeponreading?"askedFoma。
"Yes,"thegirlansweredsadly。
"Andareyoustilllonesome?"
"Ifeeldisgusted,becauseIamalone。There'snooneheretosayawordto。"
"That'sbad。"
Shesaidnothingtothis,but,loweringherhead,sheslowlybegantofingerthefringesofthetowel。
"Yououghttogetmarried,"saidFoma,feelingthathepitiedher。
"Leavemealone,please,"answeredLubov,wrinklingherforehead。
"Whyleaveyoualone?Youwillgetmarried,Iamsure。"
"There!"exclaimedthegirlsoftly,withasigh。"That'sjustwhatIamthinkingof——itisnecessary。Thatis,I'llhavetogetmarried。Buthow?Doyouknow,Ifeelnowasthoughamiststoodbetweenotherpeopleandmyself——athick,thickmist!"
"That'sfromyourbooks,"Fomainterposedconfidently。
"Wait!AndIceasetounderstandwhatisgoingonaboutme。Nothingpleasesme。Everythinghasbecomestrangetome。Nothingisasitshouldbe。Everythingiswrong。Iseeit。Iunderstandit,yetI
cannotsaythatitiswrong,andwhyitisso。"
"Itisnotso,notso,"mutteredFoma。"That'sfromyourbooks。
Yes。AlthoughIalsofeelthatit'swrong。Perhapsthatisbecausewearesoyoungandfoolish。"
"Atfirstitseemedtome,"saidLubov,notlisteningtohim,"thateverythinginthebookswascleartome。Butnow——"
"Dropyourbooks,"suggestedFoma,withcontempt。
"Ah,don'tsaythat!HowcanIdropthem?Youknowhowmanydifferentideasthereareintheworld!OLord!They'resuchideasthatsetyourheadafire。Accordingtoacertainbookeverythingthatexistsonearthisrational。"
"Everything?"askedFoma。
"Everything!Whileanotherbooksaysthecontraryistrue。"
"Wait!Nowisn'tthisnonsense?"
"Whatwereyoudiscussing?"askedMayakin,appearingatthedoor,inalongfrock-coatandwithseveralmedalsonhiscollarandhisbreast。
"Justso,"saidLubov,morosely。
"Wespokeaboutbooks,"addedFoma。
"Whatkindofbooks?"
"Thebookssheisreading。Shereadthateverythingonearthisrational。"
"Really!"
"Well,andIsayitisalie!"
"Yes。"YakovTarasovichbecamethoughtful,hepinchedhisbeardandwinkedhiseyesalittle。
"Whatkindofabookisit?"heaskedhisdaughter,afterapause。
"Alittleyellow-coveredbook,"saidLubov,unwillingly。
"Justputthatbookonmytable。Thatissaidnotwithoutreflection——everythingonearthisrational!Seesomeonethoughtofit。Yes。Itisevenverycleverlyexpressed。Andwereitnotforthefools,itmighthavebeenperfectlycorrect。Butasfoolsarealwaysinthewrongplace,itcannotbesaidthateverythingonearthisrational。Andyet,I'lllookatthebook。Maybethereiscommonsenseinit。Goodbye,Foma!Willyoustayhere,ordoyouwanttodrivewithme?"
"I'llstayherealittlelonger。"
"Verywell。"
LubovandFomaagainremainedalone。
"Whatamanyourfatheris,"saidFoma,noddinghisheadtowardthedirectionofhisgodfather。
"Well,whatkindofamandoyouthinkheis?"
"Heretortseverycall,andwantstocovereverythingwithhiswords。"
"Yes,heisclever。Andyethedoesnotunderstandhowpainfulmylifeis,"saidLubov,sadly。
"NeitherdoIunderstandit。Youimaginetoomuch。"
"WhatdoIimagine?"criedthegirl,irritated。
"Why,allthesearenotyourownideas。Theyaresomeoneelse's。"
"Someoneelse's。Someoneelse's。"
Shefeltlikesayingsomethingharsh;butbrokedownandbecamesilent。Fomalookedatherand,settingMedinskayabyherside,thoughtsadly:
"Howdifferenteverythingis——bothmenandwomen——andyouneverfeelalike。"
Theysatoppositeeachother;bothwerelostinthought,andneitheronelookedattheother。Itwasgettingdarkoutside,andintheroomitwasquitedarkalready。Thewindwasshakingthelinden-trees,andtheirbranchesseemedtoclutchatthewallsofthehouse,asthoughtheyfeltcoldandimploredforshelterintherooms。
"Luba!"saidFoma,softly。
Sheraisedherheadandlookedathim。
"Doyouknow,IhavequarrelledwithMedinskaya。"
"Why?"askedLuba,brighteningup。
"So。Itcameaboutthatsheoffendedme。Yes,sheoffendedme。"
"Well,it'sgoodthatyou'vequarrelledwithher,"saidthegirl,approvingly,"forshewouldhaveturnedyourhead。Sheisavilecreature;sheisacoquette,evenworsethanthat。Oh,whatthingsIknowabouther!"
"She'snotatallavilecreature,"saidFoma,morosely。"Andyoudon'tknowanythingabouther。Youarealllying!"
"Oh,Ibegyourpardon!"
"No。Seehere,Luba,"saidFoma,softly,inabeseechingtone,"don'tspeakillofherinmypresence。Itisn'tnecessary。Iknoweverything。ByGod!Shetoldmeeverythingherself。"
"Herself!"exclaimedLuba,inastonishment。"Whatastrangewomansheis!Whatdidshetellyou?"
"Thatsheisguilty,"Fomaejaculatedwithdifficulty,withawrysmile。
"Isthatall?"Therewasaringofdisappointmentinthegirl'squestion;Fomahearditandaskedhopefully:
"Isn'tthatenough?"
"Whatwillyoudonow?"
"That'sjustwhatIamthinkingabout。"
"Doyouloveherverymuch?"
Fomawassilent。Helookedintothewindowandansweredconfusedly:
"Idon'tknow。ButitseemstomethatnowIlovehermorethanbefore。"
"Thanbeforethequarrel?"
"Yes。"
"Iwonderhowonecanlovesuchawoman!"saidthegirl,shrugginghershoulders。
"Lovesuchawoman?Ofcourse!Whynot?"exclaimedFoma。
"Ican'tunderstandit。Ithink,youhavebecomeattachedtoherjustbecauseyouhavenotmetabetterwoman。"
"No,Ihavenotmetabetterone!"Fomaassented,andafteramoment'ssilencesaidshyly,"Perhapsthereisnonebetter。"
"Amongourpeople,"Lubovinterposed。
"Ineedherverybadly!Because,yousee,Ifeelashamedbeforeher。"
"Whyso?"
"Oh,ingeneral,Ifearher;thatis,Iwouldnotwanthertothinkillofme,asofothers。SometimesIfeeldisgusted。Ithink——
wouldn'titbeagreatideatogooutonsuchaspreethatallmyveinswouldstarttingling。AndthenIrecallherandIdonotventure。Andsoeverythingelse,Ithinkofher,'Whatifshefindsitout?'andIamafraidtodoit。"
"Yes,"thegirldrawledoutthoughtfully,"thatshowsthatyouloveher。Iwouldalsobelikethis。IfIloved,Iwouldthinkofhim——
ofwhathemightsay……"