Thoughtfully,hedrummedwithhisfingersagainstthetableandexaminedhisface,whichwasreflectedinthebrightlypolishedbrassofthesamovar。Thenheraisedhishead,winkedhiseyesandsaidimpressivelyandirritably:
"Theyarenotmen,theyaresores!ThebloodoftheRussianpeoplehasbecomemixed,ithasbecomemixedandspoiled,andfromthebadbloodhavecomeallthesebookandnewspaper-
writers,theseterriblePharisees。Theyhavebrokenouteverywhere,andtheyarestillbreakingout,moreandmore。
Whencecomesthisspoilingoftheblood?Fromslownessofmotion。
Whencethemosquitoes,forinstance?Fromtheswamp。Allsortsofuncleanlinessmultiplyinstagnantwaters。Thesameistrueofadisorderedlife。"
"Thatisn'tright,papa!"saidLubov,softly。
"Whatdoyoumeanby——notright?"
"Writersarethemostunselfishpeople,theyarenoblepersonalities!Theydon'twantanything——alltheystriveforisjustice——truth!They'renotmosquitoes。"
Lubovgrewexcitedasshelaudedherbelovedpeople;herfacewasflushed,andhereyeslookedatherfatherwithsomuchfeeling,asthoughimploringhimtobelieveher,beingunabletoconvincehim。
"Eh,you!"saidtheoldman,withasigh,interruptingher。
"You'vereadtoomuch!You'vebeenpoisoned!Tellme——whoarethey?Nooneknows!ThatYozhov——whatishe?OnlyGodknows。Alltheywantisthetruth,yousay?Whatmodestpeopletheyare!Andsupposetruthistheverydearestthingthereis?Perhapseverybodyisseekingitinsilence?Believeme——mancannotbeunselfish。Manwillnotfightforwhatbelongsnottohim,andifhedoesfight——hisnameis'fool,'andheisofnousetoanybody。Amanmustbeabletostandupforhimself,forhisown,thenwillheattainsomething!Hereyouhaveit!Truth!HereI
havebeenreadingthesamenewspaperforalmostfortyyears,andIcanseewell——hereismyfacebeforeyou,andbeforeme,thereonthesamovarisagainmyface,butitisanotherface。Yousee,thesenewspapersgiveasamovarfacetoeverything,anddonotseetherealone。Andyetyoubelievethem。ButIknowthatmyfaceonthesamovarisdistorted。Noonecantelltherealtruth;
man'sthroatistoodelicateforthis。Andthen,therealtruthisknowntonobody。"
"Papa!"exclaimedLubov,sadly,"Butinbooksandinnewspaperstheydefendthegeneralinterestsofallthepeople。"
"Andinwhatpaperisitwrittenthatyouarewearyoflife,andthatitwastimeforyoutogetmarried?So,thereyourinterestisnotdefended!Eh!You!Neitherisminedefended。WhoknowswhatIneed?Who,butmyself,understandsmyinterests?"
"No,papa,thatisn'tright,thatisn'tright!Icannotrefuteyou,butIfeelthatthisisn'tright!"saidLubovalmostwithdespair。
"Itisright!"saidtheoldman,firmly。"Russiaisconfused,andthereisnothingsteadfastinit;everythingisstaggering!
Everybodylivesawry,everybodywalksononeside,there'snoharmonyinlife。Allareyellingoutoftune,indifferentvoices。Andnotoneunderstandswhattheotherisinneedof!
Thereisamistovereverything——everybodyinhalesthatmist,andthat'swhythebloodofthepeoplehasbecomespoiled——hencethesores。Manisgivengreatlibertytoreason,butisnotpermittedtodoanything——that'swhymandoesnotlive;butrotsandstinks。"
"Whatoughtonetodo,then?"askedLubov,restingherelbowsonthetableandbendingtowardherfather。
"Everything!"criedtheoldman,passionately。"Doeverything。Goahead!Leteachmandowhateverheknowsbest!Butforthatlibertymustbegiventoman——completefreedom!Sincetherehascomeatime,wheneveryrawyouthbelievesthatheknowseverythingandwascreatedforthecompletearrangementoflife——
givehim,givetheroguefreedom!Here,Carrion,live!Come,come,live!Ah!Thensuchacomedywillfollow;feelingthathisbridleisoff,manwillthenrushuphigherthanhisears,andlikeafeatherwillflyhitherandthither。He'llbelievehimselftobeamiracleworker,andthenhe'llstarttoshowhisspirit。"
Theoldmanpausedawhileand,loweringhisvoice,wenton,withamalicioussmile:
"Butthereisverylittleofthatcreativespiritinhim!He'llbristleupforadayortwo,stretchhimselfonallsides——andthepoorfellowwillsoongrowweak。Forhisheartisrotten——he,he,he!Here,he,he,he!Thedearfellowwillbecaughtbythereal,worthypeople,bythoserealpeoplewhoarecompetenttobetheactualcivilmasters,whowillmanagelifenotwitharodnorwithapen,butwithafingerandwithbrains。
"What,theywillsay。Haveyougrowntired,gentlemen?What,theywillsay,yourspleenscannotstandarealfire,canthey?So——
"and,raisinghisvoice,theoldmanconcludedhisspeechinanauthoritativetone:
"Well,then,now,yourabble,holdyourtongues,anddon'tsqueak!Orwe'llshakeyouofftheearth,likewormsfromatree!
Silence,dearfellows!Ha,ha,ha!That'showit'sgoingtohappen,Lubavka!He,he,he!"
Theoldmanwasinamerrymood。Hiswrinklesquivered,andcarriedawaybyhiswords,hetrembled,closedhiseyesnowandthen,andsmackedhislipsasthoughtastinghisownwisdom。
"Andthenthosewhowilltaketheupperhandintheconfusionwillarrangelifewisely,aftertheirownfashion。Thenthingswon'tgoatrandom,butasifbyrote。It'sapitythatweshallnotlivetoseeit!"
Theoldman'swordsfelloneafteranotheruponLubovlikemeshesofabigstrongnet——theyfellandenmeshedher,andthegirl,unabletofreeherselffromthem,maintainedsilence,dizziedbyherfather'swords。Staringintohisfacewithanintenselook,shesoughtsupportforherselfinhiswordsandheardinthemsomethingsimilartowhatshehadreadinbooks,andwhichseemedtohertherealtruth。Butthemalignant,triumphantlaughterofherfatherstungherheart,andthewrinkles,whichseemedtocreepaboutonhisfacelikesomanydarklittlesnakes,inspiredherwithacertainfearforherselfinhispresence。Shefeltthathewasturningherasidefromwhathadseemedsosimpleandsoeasyinherdreams。
"Papa!"shesuddenlyaskedtheoldman,inobediencetoathoughtandadesirethatunexpectedlyflashedthroughhermind。"Papa!
andwhatsortofaman——whatinyouropinionisTaras?"
Mayakinshuddered。Hiseyebrowsbegantomoveangrily,hefixedhiskeen,smalleyesonhisdaughter'sfaceandaskedherdrily:
"Whatsortoftalkisthis?"
"Musthenotevenbementioned?"saidLubov,softlyandconfusedly。
Idon'twanttospeakofhim——andIalsoadviseyounottospeakofhim!"——theoldmanthreatenedherwithhisfingerandloweredhisheadwithagloomyfrown。Butwhenhesaidthathedidnotwanttospeakofhisson,heevidentlydidnotunderstandhimselfcorrectly,forafteraminute'ssilencehesaidsternlyandangrily:
"Taraska,too,isasore。Lifeisbreathinguponyou,milksops,andyoucannotdiscriminateitsgenuinescents,andyouswallowallsortsoffilth,whereforethereistroubleinyourheads。
That'swhyyouarenotcompetenttodoanything,andyouareunhappybecauseofthisincompetence。Taraska。Yes。Hemustbeaboutfortynow。Heislosttome!Agalley-slave——isthatmyson?Ablunt-snoutedyoungpig。Hewouldnotspeaktohisfather,and——hestumbled。"
"Whatdidhedo?"askedLubov,eagerlylisteningtotheoldman'swords。
"Whoknows?Itmaybethatnowhecannotunderstandhimself,ifhebecamesensible,andhemusthavebecomeasensibleman;he'sthesonofafatherwho'snotstupid,andthenhemusthavesufferednotalittle。Theycoddlethem,thenihilists!Theyshouldhaveturnedthemovertome。I'dshowthemwhattodo。
Intothedesert!Intotheisolatedplaces——march!Come,now,mywisefellows,arrangelifethereaccordingtoyourownwill!Goahead!AndasauthoritiesoverthemI'dstationtherobustpeasants。Well,now,honourablegentlemen,youweregiventoeatandtodrink,youweregivenaneducation——whathaveyoulearned?
Payyourdebts,pray。Yes,Iwouldnotspendabrokengroshonthem。Iwouldsqueezeallthepriceoutofthem——giveitup!Youmustnotsetamanatnaught。Itisnotenoughtoimprisonhim!
Youtransgressedthelaw,andareagentleman?Nevermind,youmustwork。Outofasingleseedcomesanearofcorn,andamanoughtnotbepermittedtoperishwithoutbeingofuse!Aneconomicalcarpenterfindsaplaceforeachandeverychipofwood——justsomusteverymanbeprofitablyusedup,andusedupentire,totheverylastvein。Allsortsoftrashhaveaplaceinlife,andmanisnevertrash。Eh!itisbadwhenpowerliveswithoutreason,norisitgoodwhenreasonliveswithoutpower。
TakeFomanow。Whoiscomingthere——givealook。"
Turningaround,Lubovnoticedthecaptainofthe"Yermak,"Yefim,comingalongthegardenpath。Hehadrespectfullyremovedhiscapandbowedtoher。Therewasahopelesslyguiltyexpressiononhisfaceandheseemedabashed。YakovTarasovichrecognizedhimand,instantlygrownalarmed,hecried:
"Whereareyoucomingfrom?Whathashappened?"
"I——Ihavecometoyou!"saidYefim,stoppingshortatthetable,withalowbow。
"Well,Isee,you'vecometome。What'sthematter?Where'sthesteamer?"
"Thesteameristhere!"Yefimthrusthishandsomewhereintotheairandheavilyshiftedfromonefoottotheother。
"Whereisit,devil?Speakcoherently——whathashappened?"criedtheoldman,enraged。
"So——amisfortune,Yakov。"
"Haveyoubeenwrecked?"
"No,Godsavedus。"
"Burnedup?Well,speakmorequickly。"
Yefimdrewairintohischestandsaidslowly:
"BargeNo。9wassunk——smashedup。Oneman'sbackwasbroken,andoneisaltogethermissing,sothathemusthavedrowned。Aboutfivemorewereinjured,butnotsoverybadly,thoughsomeweredisabled。"
"So-o!"drawledoutMayakin,measuringthecaptainwithanill-
omenedlook。
"Well,Yefimushka,I'llstripyourskinoff"
"Itwasn'tIwhodidit!"saidYefim,quickly。
"Notyou?"criedtheoldman,shakingwithrage。"Whothen?"
"Themasterhimself。"
"Foma?Andyou。Wherewereyou?"
"Iwaslyinginthehatchway。"
"Ah!Youwerelying。"
"Iwasboundthere。"
"Wha-at?"screamedtheoldmaninashrillvoice。
"Allowmetotellyoueverythingasithappened。Hewasdrunkandheshouted:"'Getaway!I'lltakecommandmyself!'Isaid'I
can't!Iamthecaptain。''Bindhim!'saidhe。Andwhentheyhadboundme,theyloweredmeintothehatchway,withthesailors。
Andasthemasterwasdrunk,hewantedtohavesomefun。Afleetofboatswascomingtowardus。Sixemptybargestowedby'Cheruigorez。'SoFomaIgnatyichblockedtheirway。Theywhistled。Morethanonce。Imusttellthetruth——theywhistled!"
"Well?"
"Well,andtheycouldn'tmanageit——thetwobargesinfrontcrashedintous。Andastheystruckthesideofourninth,weweresmashedtopieces。Andthetwobargeswerealsosmashed。Butwefaredmuchworse。"
Mayakinrosefromthechairandburstintojarring,angrylaughter。AndYefimsighed,and,outstretchinghishands,said:xxx"Hehasaveryviolentcharacter。Whenheissoberheissilentmostofthetime,andwalksaroundthoughtfully,butwhenhewetshisspringswithwine——thenhebreaksloose。Thenheisnotmasterofhimselfandofhisbusiness——buttheirwildenemy——
youmustexcuseme!AndIwanttoleave,YakovTarasovich!Iamnotusedtobeingwithoutamaster,Icannotlivewithoutamaster!"
"Keepquiet!"saidMayakin,sternly。"Where'sFoma?"
"There;atthesameplace。Immediatelyaftertheaccident,hecametohimselfandatoncesentforworkmen。They'llliftthebarge。Theymayhavestartedbythistime。"
"Ishetherealone?"askedMayakin,loweringhishead。
"Notquite,"repliedYefim,softly,glancingstealthilyatLubov。
"Really?"
"There'saladywithhim。Adarkone。"
"So。"
"Itlooksasthoughthewomanisoutofherwits,"saidYefim,withasigh。"She'sforeversinging。Shesingsverywell。It'sverycaptivating。"
"Iamnotaskingyouabouther!"criedMayakin,angrily。Thewrinklesofhisfacewerepainfullyquivering,anditseemedtoLubovthatherfatherwasabouttoweep。
"Calmyourself,papa!"sheentreatedcaressingly。"Maybethelossisn'tsogreat。"
"Notgreat?"criedYakovTarasovichinaringingvoice。"Whatdoyouunderstand,youfool?Isitonlythatthebargewassmashed?
Eh,you!Amanislost!That'swhatitis!Andheisessentialtome!Ineedhim,dulldevilsthatyouare!"Theoldmanshookhisheadangrilyandwithbriskstepswalkedoffalongthegardenpathleadingtowardthehouse。
AndFomawasatthistimeaboutfourhundredverstsawayfromhisgodfather,inavillagehut,ontheshoreoftheVolga。Hehadjustawakenedfromsleep,andlyingonthefloor,onabedoffreshhay,inthemiddleofthehut,hegazedgloomilyoutofthewindowatthesky,whichwascoveredwithgray,scatteredclouds。
Thewindwastearingthemasunderanddrivingthemsomewhere;
heavyandweary,oneovertakinganother,theywerepassingacrosstheskyinanenormousflock。Nowformingasolidmass,nowbreakingintofragments,nowfallinglowovertheearth,insilentconfusion,nowagainrisingupward,oneswallowedbyanother。
Withoutmovinghishead,whichwasheavyfromintoxication,Fomalookedlongatthecloudsandfinallybegantofeelasthoughsilentcloudswerealsopassingthroughhisbreast,——passing,breathingadampcoldnessuponhisheartandoppressinghim。
Therewassomethingimpotentinthemotionofthecloudsacrossthesky。Andhefeltthesamewithinhim。Withoutthinking,hepicturedtohimselfallhehadgonethroughduringthepastmonths。Itseemedtohimasthoughhehadfallenintoaturbid,boilingstream,andnowhehadbeenseizedbydarkwaves,thatresembledthesecloudsinthesky;hadbeenseizedandcarriedawaysomewhere,evenasthecloudswerecarriedbythewind。Inthedarknessandthetumultwhichsurroundedhim,hesawasthoughthroughamistthatcertainotherpeoplewerehasteningtogetherwithhim——to-daynotthoseofyesterday,newoneseachday,yetalllookingalike——equallypitifulandrepulsive。
Intoxicated,noisy,greedy,theyflewabouthimasinawhirlwind,carousedathisexpense,abusedhim,fought,screamed,andevenweptmorethanonce。Andhebeatthem。Herememberedthatonedayhehadstrucksomebodyontheface,tornsomeone'scoatoffandthrownitintothewaterandthatsomeonehadkissedhishandswithwet,coldlipsasdisgustingasfrogs。Hadkissedandwept,imploringhimnottokill。Certainfacesflashedthroughhismemory,certainsoundsandwordsranginit。Awomaninayellowsilkwaist,unfastenedatthebreast,hadsunginaloud,sobbingvoice:
"AndsoletuslivewhilewecanAndthen——e'engrassmayceasetogrow。"
Allthesepeople,likehimself,grownwildandbeastlike,wereseizedbythesamedarkwaveandcarriedawaylikerubbish。Allthesepeople,likehimself,musthavebeenafraidtolookforwardtoseewhitherthispowerful,wildwavewascarryingthem。Anddrowningtheirfearinwine,theywererushingforwarddownthecurrentstruggling,shouting,doingsomethingabsurd,playingthefool,clamouring,clamouring,withouteverbeingcheerful。Hewasdoingthesame,whirlingintheirmidst。Andnowitseemedtohim,thathewasdoingallthisforfearofhimself,inordertopassthesoonerthisstripoflife,orinordernottothinkofwhatwouldbeafterward。
Amidtheburningturmoilofcarouses,inthecrowdofpeople,seizedbydebauchery,perplexedbyviolentpassions,half-crazyintheirlongingtoforgetthemselves——onlySashawascalmandcontained。Sheneverdranktointoxication,alwaysaddressedpeopleinafirm,authoritativevoice,andallhermovementswereequallyconfident,asthoughthisstreamhadnottakenpossessionofher,butshewasherselfmasteringitsviolentcourse。SheseemedtoFomathecleverestpersonofallthosethatsurroundedhim,andthemosteagerfornoiseandcarouse;sheheldthemallinhersway,foreverinventingsomethingnewandspeakinginoneandthesamemannertoeverybody;forthedriver,thelackeyandthesailorshehadthesametoneandthesamewordsasforherfriendsandforFoma。ShewasyoungerandprettierthanPelageya,buthercaressesweresilent,cold。Fomaimaginedthatdeepinherheartshewasconcealingfromeverybodysomethingterrible,thatshewouldneverloveanyone,neverrevealherselfentire。
Thissecrecyinthewomanattractedhimtowardherwithafeelingoftimorouscuriosity,ofagreat,strainedinterestinhercalm,coldsoul,whichseemedevenasdarkashereyes。
SomehowFomasaidtoheroneday:
"ButwhatpilesofmoneyyouandIhavesquandered!"
Sheglancedathim,andasked:
"Andwhyshouldwesaveit?"
"Indeed,why?"thoughtFoma,astonishedbythefactthatshereasonedsosimply。
"Whoareyou?"heaskedheratanotheroccasion。
"Why,haveyouforgottenmyname?"
"Well,theidea!"
"Whatdoyouwishtoknowthen?"
"Iamaskingyouaboutyourorigin。"
"Ah!IamanativeoftheprovinceofYaroslavl。I'mfromOoglich。Iwasaharpist。Well,shallItastesweetertoyou,nowthatyouknowwhoIam?"
"DoIknowit?"askedFoma,laughing。
"Isn'tthatenoughforyou?Ishalltellyounothingmoreaboutit。Whatfor?Weallcomefromthesameplace,bothpeopleandbeasts。AndwhatistherethatIcantellyouaboutmyself?Andwhatfor?Allthistalkisnonsense。Let'sratherthinkalittleastohowweshallpasstheday。"
Onthatdaytheytookatriponasteamer,withanorchestraofmusic,drankchampagne,andeveryoneofthemgotterriblydrunk。
Sashasangapeculiar,wonderfullysadsong,andFoma,movedbyhersinging,weptlikeachild。Thenhedancedwithherthe"Russiandance,"andfinally,perspiringandfatigued,threwhimselfoverboardinhisclothesandwasnearlydrowned。
Now,recallingallthisandagreatdealmore,hefeltashamedofhimselfanddissatisfiedwithSasha。Helookedatherwell-shapedfigure,heardherevenbreathingandfeltthathedidnotlovethiswoman,andthatshewasunnecessarytohim。Certaingray,oppressivethoughtswereslowlyspringingupinhisheavy,achinghead。Itseemedtohimasthougheverythinghehadlivedthroughduringthistimewastwistedwithinhimintoaheavyandmoistball,andthatnowthisballwasrollingaboutinhisbreast,unwindingitselfslowly,andthethingraycordswerebindinghim。
"Whatisgoingoninme?"hethought。"I'vebeguntocarouse。
Why?Idon'tknowhowtolive。Idon'tunderstandmyself。WhoamI?"
Hewasastonishedbythisquestion,andhepausedoverit,attemptingtomakeitcleartohimself——whyhewasunabletoliveasfirmlyandconfidentlyasotherpeopledo。Hewasnowstillmoretortured。byconscience。Moreuneasyatthisthought,hetossedaboutonthehayandirritated,pushedSashawithhiselbow。
"Becareful!"saidshe,althoughnearlyasleep。
"It'sallright。You'renotsuchaladyofquality!"mutteredFoma。
"What'sthematterwithyou?"
"Nothing。"
Sheturnedherbacktohim,andsaidlazily,withalazyyawn:
"IdreamedthatIbecameaharpistagain。ItseemedtomethatI
wassingingasolo,andoppositemestoodabig,dirtydog,snarlingandwaitingformetofinishthesong。AndIwasafraidofthedog。AndIknewthatitwoulddevourme,assoonasI
stoppedsinging。SoIkeptsinging,singing。Andsuddenlyitseemedmyvoicefailedme。Horrible!Andthedogisgnashinghisteeth。0hLord,havemercyonme!Whatdoesitmean?"
"Stopyouridletalk!"Fomainterruptedhersternly。"Youbettertellmewhatyouknowaboutme。"
"Iknow,forinstance,thatyouareawakenow,"sheanswered,withoutturningtohim。
"Awake?That'strue。I'veawakened,"saidFoma,thoughtfullyand,throwinghisarmbehindhishead,wenton:"That'swhyIamaskingyou。WhatsortofmandoyouthinkIam?"
"Amanwithadrunkenheadache,"answeredSasha,yawning。
"Aleksandra!"exclaimedFoma,beseechingly,"don'ttalknonsense!
Tellmeconscientiously,whatdoyouthinkofme?"
"Idon'tthinkanything!"shesaiddrily。"Whyareyoubotheringmewithnonsense?"
"Isthisnonsense?"saidFoma,sadly。"Eh,youdevils!Thisistheprincipalthing。Themostessentialthingtome。"
Heheavedadeepsighandbecamesilent。Afteraminute'ssilence,Sashabegantospeakinherusual,indifferentvoice:
"Tellhimwhoheis,andwhyheissuchasheis?Didyoueversee!Isitpropertoasksuchquestionsofourkindofwomen?AndonwhatgroundshouldIthinkabouteachandeveryman?Ihavenoteventimetothinkaboutmyself,and,perhaps,Idon'tfeellikedoingitatall。"
Fomalaugheddrilyandsaid:
"IwishIwerelikethis——andhadnodesiresforanything。"
Thenthewomanraisedherheadfromthepillow,lookedintoFoma'sfaceandlaydownagain,saying:
"Youaremusingtoomuch。Lookout——nogoodwillcomeofittoyou。Icannottellyouanythingaboutyourself。Itisimpossibletosayanythingtrueaboutaman。Whocanunderstandhim?Mandoesnotknowhimself。Well,here,I'lltellyou——youarebetterthanothers。Butwhatofit?"
"AndinwhatwayamIbetter?"askedFoma,thoughtfully。
"So!Whenonesingsagoodsong——youweep。Whenonedoessomemeanthing——youbeathim。Withwomenyouaresimple,youarenotimpudenttothem。Youarepeaceable。Andyoucanalsobedaring,sometimes。"
YetallthisdidnotsatisfyFoma。
"You'renottellingmetherightthing!"saidhe,softly。
"Well,Idon'tknowwhatyouwant。Butseehere,whatarewegoingtodoaftertheyhaveraisedthebarge?"
"Whatcanwedo?"askedFoma。
"ShallwegotoNizhniortoKazan?"
"Whatfor?"
Tocarouse。"
"1don'twanttocarouseanymore。"
"Whatelseareyougoingtodo?"
"What?Nothing。"
Andbothweresilentforalongtime,withoutlookingateachother。
"Youhaveadisagreeablecharacter,"saidSasha,"awearisomecharacter。"
"ButneverthelessIwon'tgetdrunkanymore!"saidFoma,firmlyandconfidently。
"Youarelying!"retortedSasha,calmly。
"You'llsee!Whatdoyouthink——isitgoodtoleadsuchalifeasthis?"
"I'llsee。"
"No,justtellme——isitgood?"
"Butwhatisbetter?"
Fomalookedatheraskanceand,irritated,said:
"Whatrepulsivewordsyouspeak。"
"Well,hereagainIhaven'tpleasedhim!"saidSasha,laughing。
"Whatafinecrowd!"saidFoma,painfullywrinklinghisface。
"They'reliketrees。Theyalsolive,buthow?Nooneunderstands。
Theyarecrawlingsomewhere。Andcangivenoaccounteithertothemselvesortoothers。Whenthecockroachcrawls,heknowswhitherandwhereforehewantstogo?Andyou?Whitherareyougoing?"
"Holdon!"Sashainterruptedhim,andaskedhimcalmly:"Whathaveyoutodowithme?Youmaytakefrommeallthatyouwant,butdon'tyoucreepintomysoul!"
"Intoyourso-o-ul!"Fomadrawledout,withcontempt。"Intowhatsoul?He,he!"
Shebegantopacetheroom,gatheringtogethertheclothesthatwerescatteredeverywhere。Fomawatchedherandwasdispleasedbecauseshedidnotgetangryathimforhiswordsabouthersoul。Herfacelookedcalmandindifferent,asusual,buthewishedtoseeherangryoroffended;hewishedforsomethinghumanfromthewoman。
"Thesoul!"heexclaimed,persistinginhisaim。"Canonewhohasasoulliveasyoulive?Asoulhasfireburninginit,thereisasenseofshameinit。"
Bythistimeshewassittingonabench,puttingonherstockings,butathiswordssheraisedherheadandsternlyfixedhereyesuponhisface。
"Whatareyoustaringat?"askedFoma。
"Whydoyouspeakthatway?"saidshe,withoutliftinghereyesfromhim。
"BecauseImust。"
"Lookout——mustyoureally?"
Therewassomethingthreateninginherquestion。Fomafeltintimidatedandsaid,thistimewithoutprovocationinhisvoice:
"HowcouldIhelpspeaking?"
"Oh,you!"sighedSashaandresumeddressingherself"Andwhataboutme?"
"Merelyso。Youseemasthoughyouwerebornoftwofathers。DoyouknowwhatIhaveobservedamongpeople?"
"Well?"
"Ifamancannotanswerforhimself,itmeansthatheisafraidofhimself,thathispriceisagrosh!"
"Doyourefertome?"askedFoma,afterapause。
"Toyou,too。"
Shethrewapinkmorninggownoverhershouldersand,standinginthecentreoftheroom,stretchedoutherhandtowardFoma,wholayatherfeet,andsaidtohiminalow,dullvoice:
"Youhavenorighttospeakaboutmysoul。Youhavenothingtodowithit!Andthereforeholdyourtongue!Imayspeak!IfI
please,Icouldtellsomethingtoallofyou。Eh,howIcouldtellit!Only,——whowilldaretolistentome,ifIshouldspeakatthetopofmyvoice?AndIhavesomewordsaboutyou,——they'relikehammers!AndIcouldknockyouallonyourheadssothatyouwouldloseyourwits。Andalthoughyouareallrascals——youcannotbecuredbywords。Youshouldbeburnedinthefire——justasfrying-pansareburnedoutonthefirstMondayofLent。"
Raisingherhandssheabruptlyloosenedherhair,andwhenitfelloverhershouldersinheavy,blacklocks——thewomanshookherheadhaughtilyandsaid,withcontempt:
"NevermindthatIamleadingalooselife!Itoftenhappens,thatthemanwholivesinfilthispurerthanhewhogoesaboutinsilks。IfyouonlyknewwhatIthinkofyou,youdogs,whatwrathIbearagainstyou!Andbecauseofthiswrath——Iamsilent!
ForIfearthatifIshouldsingittoyou——mysoulwouldbecomeempty。Iwouldhavenothingtoliveon。"Fomalookedather,andnowhewaspleasedwithher。Inherwordstherewassomethingakintohisframeofmind。Laughing,hesaidtoher,withsatisfactiononhisfaceandinhisvoice:
"AndIalsofeelthatsomethingisgrowingwithinmysoul。Eh,I
tooshallhavemysay,whenthetimecomes。"
"Againstwhom?"askedSasha,carelessly。
"I——againsteverybody!"exclaimedFoma,jumpingtohisfeet。
"Againstfalsehood。Ishallask——"
"Askwhetherthesamovarisready,"Sashaorderedindifferently。
Fomaglancedatherandcried,enraged:
"Gotothedevil!Askyourself。"
"Well,allright,Ishall。Whatareyousnarlingabout?"
Andshesteppedoutofthehut。
Inpiercingguststhewindblewacrosstheriver,strikingagainstitsbosom,andcoveredwithtroubleddarkwaves,theriverwasspasmodicallyrushingtowardthewindwithanoisysplash,andallinthefrothofwrath。Thewillowbushesontheshorebentlowtotheground——trembling,theynowwereabouttoliedownontheground,now,frightened,theythrustthemselvesawayfromit,drivenbytheblowsofthewind。Intheairrangawhistling,ahowling,andadeepgroaningsound,thatburstfromdozensofhumanbreasts:
"Itgoes——itgoes——itgoes!"
Thisexclamation,abruptasablow,andheavyasthebreathfromanenormousbreast,whichissuffocatingfromexertion,wassoaringovertheriver,fallinguponthewaves,asifencouragingtheirmadplaywiththewind,andtheystrucktheshoreswithmight。
Twoemptybargeslayanchoredbythemountainousshore,andtheirtallmasts,risingskyward,rockedincommotionfromsidetoside,asthoughdescribingsomeinvisiblepatternintheair。Thedecksofbothbargeswereencumberedwithscaffolds,builtofthickbrownbeams;hugesheaveswerehangingeverywhere;chainsandropeswerefastenedtothem,androckingintheair;thelinksofthechainswerefaintlyclanging。Athrongofpeasantsinblueandinredblousespulledalargebeamacrossthedockand,heavilystampingtheirfeet,groanedwithfullchest:
"Itgoes——itgoes——itgoes!"
Hereandtherehumanfiguresclungtothescaffoldings,likebiglumpsofblueandred;thewind,blowingtheirblousesandtheirtrousers,gavethemenoddforms,makingthemappearnowhump-
backed,nowroundandpuffeduplikebladders。Thepeopleonthescaffoldsandonthedecksofthebargesweremakingfast,hewing,sawing,drivinginnails;andbigarms,withshirtsleevesrolleduptotheelbowswereseeneverywhere。Thewindscatteredsplintersofwood,andavaried,lively,brisknoiseintheair;thesawgnawedthewood,chokingwithwickedjoy;thebeams,woundedbytheaxes,moanedandgroaneddrily;theboardscrackedsicklyastheysplitfromtheblowstheyreceived;thejointersqueakedmaliciously。Theironclinkingofthechainsandthegroaningcreakingofthesheavesjoinedthewrathfulroaringofthewaves,andthewindhowledloudly,scatteringovertheriverthenoiseoftoilanddrovethecloudsacrossthesky。
"Mishka-a!Thedeucetakeyou!"criedsomeonefromthetopofthescaffolding。Andfromthedeck,alarge-formedpeasant,withhisheadthrownupward,answered:
"Wh-a-at?"Andthewind,playingwithhislong,flaxenbeard,flungitintohisface。
"Handustheend。"
Aresoundingbassoshoutedasthroughaspeaking-trumpet:
"Seehowyou'vefastenedthisboard,youblinddevil?Can'tyousee?I'llrubyoureyesforyou!"
"Pull,myboys,comeon!"
"Oncemore——brave——boys!"criedoutsomeoneinaloud,beseechingvoice。
Handsomeandstately,inashortclothjacketandhighboots,Fomastood,leaninghisbackagainstamast,andstrokinghisbeardwithhistremblinghand,admiredthedaringworkofthepeasants。Thenoiseabouthimcalledforthinhimapersistentdesiretoshout,toworktogetherwiththepeasants,tohewwood,tocarryburdens,tocommand——tocompeleverybodytopayattentiontohim,andtoshowthemhisstrength,hisskill,andthelivesoulwithinhim。Butherestrainedhimself。Andstandingspeechless,motionless,hefeltashamedandafraidofsomething。
Hewasembarrassedbythefactthathewasmasterovereverybodythere,andthatifheweretostarttoworkhimself,noonewouldbelievethathewasworkingmerelytosatisfyhisdesire,andnottospurthemonintheirwork;tosetthemanexample。Andthen,thepeasantsmightlaughathim,inallprobability。
Afairandcurly-headedfellow,withhisshirtcollarunbuttoned,wasnowandagainrunningpasthim,nowcarryingalogonhisshoulder,nowanaxeinhishands;hewasskippingalong,likeafrolicsomegoat,scatteringabouthimcheerful,ringinglaughter,jests,violentoaths,andworkingunceasingly,nowassistingone,nowanother,ashewascleverlyandquicklyrunningacrossthedeck,whichwasobstructedwithtimberandshavings。Fomawatchedhimclosely,andenviedthismerryfellow,whowasradiantwithsomethinghealthyandinspiring。
"Evidentlyheishappy,"thoughtFoma,andthisthoughtprovokedinhimakeen,piercingdesiretoinsulthimsomehow,toembarrasshim。Allthoseabouthimwereseizedwiththezestofpressingwork,allwereunanimouslyandhastilyfasteningthescaffoldings,arrangingthepulleys,preparingtoraisethesunkenbargefromthebottomoftheriver;allweresoundandmerry——theyalllived。Whilehestoodalone,asidefromthem,notknowingwhattodo,notknowinghowtodoanything,feelinghimselfsuperfluoustothisgreattoil。Itvexedhimtofeelthathewassuperfluousamongmen,andthemorecloselyhewatchedthem,themoreintensewasthisvexation。Andhewasstungmostbythethoughtthatallthiswasbeingdoneforhim。Andyethewasoutofplacethere。
"Whereismyplace,then?"hethoughtgloomily。"Whereismywork?AmI,then,somedeformedbeing?Ihavejustasmuchstrengthasanyofthem。Butofwhatuseisittome?"Thechainsclanged,thepulleysgroaned,theblowsoftheaxesresoundedloudovertheriver,andthebargesrockedfromtheshocksofthewaves,buttoFomaitseemedthathewasrockingnotbecausethebargewasrockingunderhisfeet,butratherbecausehewasnotabletostandfirmlyanywhere,hewasnotdestinedtodoso。
Thecontractor,asmall-sizedpeasantwithasmallpointedgraybeard,andwithnarrowlittleeyesonhisgraywrinkledface,cameuptohimandsaid,notloud,butpronouncinghiswordswithacertainmthebottomoftheriver。Hewishedthattheymightnotsucceed,thattheymightfeelembarrassedinhispresence,andawickedthoughtflashedthroughhismind:
"Perhapsthechainswillbreak。"
"Boys!Attention!"shoutedthecontractor。"Startalltogether。
Godblessus!"Andsuddenly,claspinghishandsintheair,hecriedinashrillvoice:
"Let——her——go-o-o!"
Thelabourerstookuphisshout,andallcriedoutinonevoice,withexcitementandexertion:
"Lethergo!Shemoves。"
Thepulleyssqueakedandcreaked,thechainsclanked,strainedundertheheavyweightthatsuddenlyfelluponthem;andthelabourers,bracingtheirchestsagainstthehandleofthewindlasses,roaredandtrampedheavily。Thewavessplashednoisilybetweenthebargesasthoughunwillingtogiveuptheirprizetothemen。EverywhereaboutFoma,chainsandropeswerestretchedandtheyquiveredfromthestrain——theywerecreepingsomewhereacrossthedeck,pasthisfeet,likehugegrayworms;
theywereliftedupward,linkafterlink,fallingbackwitharattlingnoise,andallthesesoundsweredrownedbythedeafeningroaringofthelabourers。
"Itgoes,itgoes,itgoes,"theyallsanginunison,triumphantly。Buttheringingvoiceofthecontractorpiercedthedeepwaveoftheirvoices,andcutitevenasaknifecutsbread。
"Myboys!Goahead,allatonce,allatonce。"
Fomawasseizedwithastrangeemotion;passionatelyhenowlongedtominglewiththisexcitedroaringofthelabourers,whichwasasbroadandaspowerfulastheriver——toblendwiththisirritating,creaking,squeaking,clangingofironandturbulentsplashingofwaves。Perspirationcameoutonhisfacefromtheintensityofhisdesire,andsuddenlypalefromagitation,hetorehimselfawayfromthemast,andrushedtowardthewindlasseswithbigstrides。
"Allatonce!Atonce!"hecriedinafiercevoice。Whenhereachedtheleverofthewindlass,hedashedhischestagainstitwithallhismight,andnotfeelingthepain,hebegantogoaroundthewindlass,roaring,andfirmlystampinghisfeetagainstthedeck。Somethingpowerfulandburningrushedintohisbreast,replacingtheeffortswhichhespentwhileturningthewindlass-lever!Inexpressiblejoyragedwithinhimandforceditselfoutsideinanagitatedcry。Itseemedtohimthathealone,thatonlyhisstrengthwasturningthelever,thusraisingtheweight,andthathisstrengthwasgrowingandgrowing。
Stooping,andloweringhishead,likeabullhemassedthepoweroftheweight,whichthrewhimback,butyieldedtohim,nevertheless。Eachstepforwardexcitedhimthemore,eachexpendedeffortwasimmediatelyreplacedinhimbyafloodofburningandvehementpride。Hisheadreeled,hiseyeswereblood-
shot,hesawnothing,heonlyfeltthattheywereyieldingtohim,thathewouldsoonconquer,thathewouldoverthrowwithhisstrengthsomethinghugewhichobstructedhisway——wouldoverthrow,conquerandthenbreatheeasilyandfreely,fullofprouddelight。Forthefirsttimeinhislifeheexperiencedsuchapowerful,spiritualizingsensation,andhedrankitwithallthestrengthofahungry,thirstysoul;hewasintoxicatedbyitandhegaveventtohisjoyinloud,exultingcriesinunisonwiththeworkers:
"Itgoes——itgoes——itgoes。"
"Holdon!Fasten!Holdon,boys!"
SomethingdashedagainstFoma'schest,andhewashurledbackward。
"Icongratulateyouonasuccessfulresult,FomaIgnatyich!"thecontractorcongratulatedhimandthewrinklesquiveredonhisfaceincheerfulbeams。
"ThankGod!Youmustbequitetirednow?"
ColdwindblewinFoma'sface。Acontented,boastfulbustlewasintheairabouthim;swearingatoneanotherinafriendlyway,merry,withsmilesontheirperspiringbrows,thepeasantsapproachedhimandsurroundedhimclosely。Hesmiledinembarrassment:theexcitementwithinhimhadnotyetcalmeddownandthishinderedhimfromunderstandingwhathadhappenedandwhyallthosewhosurroundedhimweresomerryandcontented。
"We'veraisedahundredandseventythousandpudsasifwepluckedaradishfromagarden-bed!"saidsomeone。
"Weoughttogetavedroofwhiskyfromourmaster。"
Foma,standingonaheapofcable,lookedovertheheadsoftheworkersandsaw;betweenthebarges,sidebysidewiththem,stoodathirdbarge,black,slippery,damaged,wrappedinchains。
Itwaswarpedallover,itseemedasthoughitswelledfromsometerriblediseaseand,impotent,clumsy,itwassuspendedbetweenitscompanions,leaningagainstthem。Itsbrokenmaststoodoutmournfullyinthecentre;reddishstreamsofwater,likeblood,wererunningacrossthedeck,whichwascoveredwithstainsofrust。Everywhereonthedecklayheapsofiron,ofblack,wetstumpsofwood,andofropes。
"Raised?"askedFoma,notknowingwhattosayatthesightofthisugly,heavymass,andagainfeelingoffendedatthethoughtthatmerelyforthesakeofraisingthisdirty,bruisedmonsterfromthewater,hissoulhadfoamedupwithsuchjoy。
"How'sthebarge?"askedFoma,indefinitely,addressingthecontractor。
"It'sprettygood!Wemustunloadrightaway,andputacompanyofabouttwentycarpenterstoworkonit——they'llbringitquicklyintoshapeI"saidthecontractorinaconsolingtone。
Andthelight-hairedfellow,gailyandbroadlysmilingintoFoma'sface,asked:
"Arewegoingtohaveanyvodka?"
"Can'tyouwait?Youhavetime!"saidthecontractor,sternly。
"Don'tyousee——themanistired。"
Thenthepeasantsbegantospeak:
"Ofcourse,heistired!
"Thatwasn'teasywork!"
"Ofcourse,onegetstiredifheisn'tusedtowork。"
"Itisevenhardtoeatgruelifyouarenotusedtoit。"
"Iamnottired,"saidFoma,gloomily,andagainwereheardtherespectfulexclamationsofthepeasants,astheysurroundedhimmoreclosely。
"Work,ifonelikesit,isapleasantthing。"
"It'sjustlikeplay。"
"It'slikeplayingwithawoman。"
Butthelight-hairedfellowpersistedinhisrequest:
"YourHonour!Yououghttotreatustoavedroofvodka,eh?"hesaid,smilingandsighing。
Fomalookedatthebeardedfacesbeforehimandfeltlikesayingsomethingoffensivetothem。Butsomehoweverythingbecameconfusedinhisbrain,hefoundnothoughtsinitand,finally,withoutgivinghimselfanaccountofhiswords,saidangrily:
"Allyouwantistodrinkallthetime!Itmakesnodifferencetoyouwhatyoudo!Youshouldhavethought——why?towhatpurpose?
Eh,you!"
Therewasanexpressionofperplexityonthefacesofthosethatsurroundedhim,blueandred,beardedfiguresbegantosigh,scratchthemselves,shiftthemselvesfromonefoottoanother。
OtherscastahopelessglanceatFomaandturnedaway。
"Yes,yes!"saidthecontractor,withasigh。"Thatwouldn'tharm!Thatis——tothink——whyandhow。Thesearewordsofwisdom。"
Thelight-hairedfellowhadadifferentopiniononthematter;
smilingkind-heartedly,hewavedhishandandsaid:
"Wedon'thavetothinkoverourwork!Ifwehaveit——wedoit!
Ourbusinessissimple!Whenaroubleisearned——thankGod!wecandoeverything。"
"Anddoyouknowwhat'snecessarytodo?"questionedFoma,irritatedbythecontradiction。
"Everythingisnecessary——thisandthat。"
"Butwhere'sthesense?"
"There'sbutoneandthesamesenseineverythingforourclass——
whenyouhaveearnedforbreadandtaxes——live!Andwhenthere'ssomethingtodrink,intothebargain。"
"Eh,you!"exclaimedFoma,withcontempt。"You'realsotalking!
Whatdoyouunderstand?"
"Isitourbusinesstounderstand?"saidthelight-hairedfellow,withanodofthehead。ItnowboredhimtospeaktoFoma。Hesuspectedthathewasunwillingtotreatthemtovodkaandhewassomewhatangry。
"That'sit!"saidFoma,instructively,pleasedthatthefellowyieldedtohim,andnotnoticingthecross,sarcasticglances。
"Andhewhounderstandsfeelsthatitisnecessarytodoeverlastingwork!"
"Thatis,forGod!"explainedthecontractor,eyeingthepeasants,andadded,withadevoutsigh:
"That'strue。Oh,howtruethatis!"
AndFomawasinspiredwiththedesiretosaysomethingcorrectandimportant,afterwhichthesepeoplemightregardhiminadifferentlight,forhewasdispleasedwiththefactthatall,savethelight-hairedfellow,keptsilentandlookedathimaskance,surlily,withsuchweary,gloomyeyes。
"Itisnecessarytodosuchwork,"hesaid,movinghiseyebrows。
"Suchworkthatpeoplemaysayathousandyearshence:'ThiswasdonebythepeasantsofBogorodsk——yes!
Thelight-hairedfellowglancedatFomawithastonishmentandasked:
"Arewe,perhaps,todrinktheVolgadry?"Thenhesniffedand,noddinghishead,announced:"Wecan'tdothat——weshouldallburst。"
Fomabecameconfusedathiswordsandlookedabouthim;thepeasantsweresmilingmorosely,disdainfully,sarcastically。Andthesesmilesstunghimlikeneedles。Aserious-lookingpeasant,withabiggraybeard,whohadnotyetopenedhismouthuptothattime,suddenlyopeneditnow,cameclosertoFomaandsaidslowly:
"AndevenifweweretodrinktheVolgadry,andeatupthatmountain,intothebargain——thattoowouldbeforgotten,yourHonour。Everythingwillbeforgotten。Lifeislong。Itisnotforustodosuchdeedsaswouldstandoutaboveeverythingelse。Butwecanputupscaffoldings——thatwecan!"
Hespokeandscepticallyspittingathisfeet,indifferentlywalkedofffromFoma,andslippedintothecrowd,asawedgeintoatree。HiswordscrushedFomacompletely;hefelt,thatthepeasantsconsideredhimstupidandridiculous。Andinordertosavehisimportanceasmasterintheireyes,toattractagainthenowexhaustedattentionofthepeasantstohimself,hebristledup,comicallypuffeduphischeeksandblurtedoutinanimpressivevoice:
"Imakeyouapresentofthreebucketsofvodka。"
Briefspeecheshavealwaysthemostmeaningandarealwaysapttoproduceastrongimpression。ThepeasantsrespectfullymadewayforFoma,makinglowbowstohim,and,smilingmerrilyandgratefully,thankedhimforhisgenerosityinaunanimousroarofapproval。
"Takemeovertotheshore,"saidFoma,feelingthattheexcitementthathadjustbeenarousedinhimwouldnotlastlong。
Awormwasgnawinghisheart,andhewasweary。
"Ifeeldisgusted!"hesaid,enteringthehutwhereSasha,inasmart,pinkgown,wasbustlingaboutthetable,arrangingwinesandrefreshments。"Ifeeldisgusted,Aleksandra!Ifyoucouldonlydosomethingwithme,eh?"
Shelookedathimattentivelyand,seatingherselfonthebench,shouldertoshoulderwithhim,said:
"Sinceyoufeeldisgusted——itmeansthatyouwantsomething。Whatisityouwant?"
"Idon'tknow!"repliedFoma,noddinghisheadmournfully。
"Thinkofit——search。"
"Iamunabletothink。Nothingcomesoutofmythinking。"
"Eh,you,mychild!"saidSasha,softlyanddisdainfully,movingawayfromhim。"Yourheadissuperfluoustoyou。"
Fomaneithercaughthertonenornoticedhermovement。Leaninghishandsagainstthebench,hebentforward,lookedatthefloor,and,swayinghisbodytoandfro,said:
"SometimesIthinkandthink——andthewholesoulisstuckroundwiththoughtsaswithtar。Andsuddenlyeverythingdisappears,withoutleavinganytrace。Thenitisdarkinthesoulasinacellar——dark,dampandempty——thereisnothingatallinit!Itiseventerrible——IfeelthenasthoughIwerenotaman,butabottomlessravine。YouaskmewhatIwant?"
Sashalookedathimaskanceandpensivelybegantosingsoftly:
"Eh,whenthewindblows——mistcomesfromthesea。"
"Idon'twanttocarouse——itisrepulsive!Alwaysthesame——thepeople,theamusements,thewine。WhenIgrowmalicious——I'dthrasheverybody。Iamnotpleasedwithmen——whatarethey?Itisimpossibletounderstandthem——whydotheykeeponliving?Andwhentheyspeakthetruth——towhomarewetolisten?Onesaysthis,anotherthat。WhileI——Icannotsayanything。"
"Eh,withoutthee,dear,mylifeisweary,"
sangSasha,staringatthewallbeforeher。AndFomakeptonrockingandsaid:
"TherearetimeswhenIfeelguiltybeforemen。Everybodylives,makesnoise,whileIamfrightened,staggered——asifIdidnotfeeltheearthunderme。Wasit,perhaps,mymotherthatendowedmewithapathy?Mygodfathersaysthatshewasascoldasice——
thatshewasforeveryearningtowardssomething。Iamalsoyearning。TowardmenIamyearning。I'dliketogotothemandsay:'Brethren,helpme!Teachme!Iknownothowtolive!。AndifIamguilty——forgiveme!'Butlookingabout,Iseethere'snoonetospeakto。Noonewantsit——theyareallrascals!AnditseemstheyareevenworsethanIam。ForIam,atleast,ashamedoflivingasIam,whiletheyarenot!Theygoon。"
Fomautteredsomeviolent,unbecominginvectivesandbecamesilent。Sashabrokeoffhersongandmovedstillfartherawayfromhim。Thewindwasragingoutsidethewindow,hurlingdustagainstthewindow-panes。Cockroacheswererustlingontheovenastheycrawledoverabunchofpinewoodsplinters。Somewhereintheyardacalfwaslowingpitifully。
SashaglancedatFoma,withasarcasticsmile,andsaid:
"There'sanotherunfortunatecreaturelowing。Yououghttogotohim;perhapsyoucouldsinginunison。Andplacingherhandonhiscurlyheadshejestinglypusheditontheside。
"Whatarepeoplelikeyourselfgoodfor?That'swhatyououghttothinkof。Whatareyougroaningabout?Youaredisgustedwithbeingidle——occupyyourself,then,withbusiness。"
"0hLord!"Fomanoddedhishead。"Itishardforonetomakehimselfunderstood。Yes,itishard!"Andirritated,healmostcriedout:"Whatbusiness?Ihavenoyearningtowardbusiness!
Whatisbusiness?Businessismerelyaname——andifyoushouldlookintothedepth,intotherootofit——you'llfinditisnothingbutabsurdity!DoInotunderstandit?Iunderstandeverything,Iseeeverything,Ifeeleverything!Onlymytongueisdumb。Whataimisthereinbusiness?Money?Ihaveplentyofit!Icouldchokeyoutodeathwithit,coveryouwithit。Allthisbusinessisnothingbutfraud。Imeetbusinesspeople——well,andwhataboutthem?Theirgreedinessisimmense,andyettheypurposelywhirlaboutinbusinessthattheymightnotseethemselves。Theyhidethemselves,thedevils。Trytofreethemfromthisbustle——whatwillhappen?Likeblindmentheywillgropeabouthitherandthither;they'lllosetheirmind——they'llgomad!Iknowit!Doyouthinkthatbusinessbringshappinessintoman?No,that'snotso——somethingelseismissinghere。Thisisnoteverythingyet!Theriverflowsthatmenmaysailonit;
thetreegrows——tobeuseful;thedog——toguardthehouse。Thereisjustificationforeverythingintheworld!Andmen,likecockroaches,arealtogethersuperfluousonearth。Everythingisforthem,andthey——whataretheyfor?Aha!Whereinistheirjustification?Ha,ha,ha!"
Fomawastriumphant。Itseemedtohimthathehadfoundsomethinggoodforhimself,somethingsevereagainstmen。Andfeelingthat,becauseofthis,therewasgreatjoyinhim,helaughedloudly。
"Doesnotyourheadache?"inquiredSasha,anxiously,scrutinizinghisface。
"Mysoulaches!"exclaimedFoma,passionately。"Anditachesbecauseitisupright——becauseitisnottobesatisfiedwithtrifles。Answerit,howtolive?Towhatpurpose?There——takemygodfather——heiswise!Hesays——createlife!Buthe'stheonlyonelikethis。Well,I'llaskhim,wait!Andeverybodysays——lifehasusurpedus!Lifehaschokedus。Ishallaskthese,too。Andhowcanwecreatelife?Youmustkeepitinyourhandstodothis,youmustbemasteroverit。Youcannotmakeevenapot,withouttakingtheclayintoyourhands。"
"Listen!"saidSasha,seriously。"Ithinkyououghttogetmarried,that'sall!"
"Whatfor?"askedFoma,shrugginghisshoulders。
"Youneedabridle。"
"Allright!Iamlivingwithyou——youareallofakind,areyounot?Oneisnotsweeterthantheother。Ihadonebeforeyou,ofthesamekindasyou。No,butthatonediditforlove'ssake。
Shehadtakenalikingtome——andconsented;shewasgood——but,otherwise,shewasineverywaythesameasyou——thoughyouareprettierthanshe。ButItookalikingtoacertainlady——aladyofnoblebirth!Theysaidsheledalooselife,butIdidnotgether。Yes,shewasclever,intelligent;shelivedinluxury。I
usedtothink——that'swhereI'lltastetherealthing!Ididnotgether——and,itmaybe,ifIhadsucceeded,allwouldhavetakenadifferentturn。Iyearnedtowardher。Ithought——Icouldnottearmyselfaway。WhilenowthatIhavegivenmyselftodrink,I'vedrownedherinwine——Iamforgettingher——andthatalsoiswrong。0man!Youarearascal,tobefrank。"
Fomabecamesilentandsankintomeditation。AndSasharosefromthebenchandpacedthehuttoandfro,bitingherlips。Thenshestoppedshortbeforehim,and,claspingherhandstoherhead,said:
"Doyouknowwhat?I'llleaveyou。"
"Wherewillyougo?"askedFoma,withoutliftinghishead。
"Idon'tknow——it'sallthesame!"
"Butwhy?"
"You'realwayssayingunnecessarythings。Itislonesomewithyou。Youmakemesad。"
Fomaliftedhishead,lookedatherandburstintomournfullaughter。
"Really?Isitpossible?"
"Youdomakemesad!Doyouknow?IfIshouldreflectonit,I
wouldunderstandwhatyousayandwhyyousayit——forIamalsoofthatsort——whenthetimecomes,Ishallalsothinkofallthis。AndthenIshallbelost。Butnowitistooearlyforme。
No,Iwanttoliveyet,andthen,later,comewhatwill!"
"AndI——willI,too,belost?"askedFoma,indifferently,alreadyfatiguedbyhiswords。
"Ofcourse!"repliedSasha,calmlyandconfidently。"Allsuchpeoplearelost。He,whosecharacterisinflexible,andwhohasnobrains——whatsortofalifeishis?Wearelikethis。"
"Ihavenocharacteratall,"saidFoma,stretchinghimself。Thenafteramoment'ssilenceheadded:
"AndIhavenobrains,either。"
Theyweresilentforaminute,eyeingeachother。
"Whatarewegoingtodo?"askedFoma。
"Wemusthavedinner。"
"No,Imean,ingeneral?Afterward?"
"Afterward?Idon'tknow?"
"Soyouareleavingme?"
"Iam。Come,let'scarousesomemorebeforewepart。Let'sgotoKazan,andtherewe'llhaveaspree——smokeandflame!I'llsingyourfarewellsong。"
"Verywell,"assentedFoma。"It'squiteproperatleavetaking。
Eh,youdevil!That'samerrylife!Listen,Sasha。Theysaythatwomenofyourkindaregreedyformoney;areeventhieves。"
"Letthemsay,"saidSasha,calmly。
"Don'tyoufeeloffended?"askedFoma,withcuriosity。"Butyouarenotgreedy。It'sadvantageoustoyoutobewithme。Iamrich,andyetyouaregoingaway;thatshowsyou'renotgreedy。"
"I?"Sashathoughtawhileandsaidwithawaveofthehand:
"PerhapsIamnotgreedy——whatofit?Iamnotoftheverylowestofthestreetwomen。AndagainstwhomshallIfeelagrudge?Letthemsaywhatevertheyplease。Itwillbeonlyhumantalk,notthebellowingofbulls。Andhumanholinessandhonestyarequitefamiliartome!Eh,howwellIknowthem!IfIwerechosenasajudge,Iwouldacquitthedeadonlyl"andburstingintomaliciouslaughter,Sashasaid:"Well,thatwilldo,we'vespokenenoughnonsense。Sitdownatthetable!"