OnthesamefloorMargarethada"den，"averyneatandprettydenwithgoodcolour-printsofBotticellisandCarpaccios，andtherewasathirdapartmentforsectarialpurposesshouldthenecessityforthemarise，withasevere-lookingdeskequippedwithpatentfiles。
　　AndMargaretwouldcomeflittingintotheroomtome，orappearnoiselesslystanding，atallgracefullydroopingform，inthewideopendoorway。"Iseverythingright，dear？"shewouldask。
　　"Comein，"Iwouldsay，"I'msortingoutpapers。"
　　Shewouldcometothehearthrug。
　　"Imustn'tdisturbyou，"shewouldremark。
　　"I'mnotbusyyet。"
　　"Thingsaregettingintoorder。Thenwemustmakeoutatime-tableastheBaileysdo，andBEGIN！"
　　Altioracameintoseeusonceortwice，andanumberofseriousyoungwivesknowntoAltioracalledandwereshownoverthehouse，anddiscusseditsarrangementswithMargaret。Theywerealltremendouslykeenonefficientarrangements。
　　"Alittlepretty，"saidAltiora，withthefaintestdisapproval，"still——"
　　Itwasclearshethoughtweshouldgrowoutofthat。Fromthedayofourreturnwefoundotherpeople'shousesopentousandeagerforus。WewentoutofLondonforweek-endsanddinedout，andbegandiscussingourprojectsforreciprocatingthesehospitalities。
　　Asasinglemanunattached，Ihadhadawideandmiscellaneoussocialrange，butnowIfoundmyselffallingintoplaceinaset。
　　ForatimeIacquiescedinthis。Iwentverylittletomyclubs，theClimaxandtheNationalLiberal，andparticipatedinnobachelordinnersatall。Foratime，too，IdroppedoutofthegarrulousliteraryandjournalisticcirclesIhadfrequented。IputupfortheReform，notsomuchfortheuseoftheclubasasignofseriousandsubstantialpoliticalstanding。Ididn'tgouptoCambridge，I
　　remember，fornearlyayear，sooccupiedwasIwithmynewadjustments。
　　Thepeoplewefoundourselvesamongatthistimewerepeople，toputitroughly，oftheParliamentarycandidateclass，orpeoplealreadyactuallyplacedinthepoliticalworld。Theyrangedbetweenveryconsiderablewealthandsuchahard，bareindependenceasoldWillersleyandthesisterwhokepthouseforhimpossessed。Therewerequiteanumberofyoungcoupleslikeourselves，alittleyoungerandmoreartless，oralittleolderandmoreestablished。
　　AmongtheyoungermenIhadasortofdistinctionbecauseofmyCambridgereputationandmywriting，andbecause，unlikethem，Iwasanadventurerandhadwonandmarriedmywayintotheircirclesinsteadofbeingnaturallythere。Theycouldn'tquitereckonuponwhatIshoulddo；theyfeltIhadreservesofexperienceandincalculabletraditions。ClosetousweretheCramptons，WillieCrampton，whohassincebeenPostmaster-General，richandveryimportantinRockshire，andhisyoungerbrotherEdward，whohasspecialisedinhistoryandbecomeoneofthoseunimaginativemenofletterswhoarethegloryoflatter-dayEngland。ThentherewasLewis，furthertowardsKensington，wherehiscousinstheSolomonsandtheHartsteinslived，abrilliantrepresentativeofhisrace，able，industriousandinvariablyuninspired，withawifealittleinrevoltagainsttheracialtraditionoffeminineservitudeandinclinedtothesuffragettepointofview，andBuntingHarblow，anoldblue，andwithanerraticdispositionwellunderthecontroloftheablelittlecousinhehadmarried。Ihadknownallthesemen，butnowwithAltiorafloatingangelicallyinbenedictiontheyopenedtheirheartstomeandtookmeintotheirorder。Theywerealllikemyself，prospectiveLiberalcandidates，withafeelingthattheperiodofwanderinginthewildernessofoppositionwasdrawingnearitsclose。Theywerealltremendouslykeenuponsocialandpoliticalservice，andallgreatlyundertheswayoftheidealofasimple，strenuouslife，alifefindingitssatisfactionsinpoliticalachievementsanddistinctions。Theyoungwiveswereaskeenaboutitastheyounghusbands，Margaretmostofall，andI——
　　whateverelementsinmedidn'tmarchwiththeattitudesandhabitsofthissetwereverymuchinthebackgroundduringthattime。
　　Wewouldgivelittledinnersandhaveeveninggatheringsatwhicheverythingwasverysimpleandverygood，withaslightbutperceptibleausterity，andtherewasmoregoodfruitandflowersandlessperhapsinthewayofsavouries，pattiesandentreesthanwascustomary。Sherrywebanished，andMarsalaandliqueurs，andtherewasalwaysgoodhome-madelemonadeavailable。Nomenwaited，butveryexpertparlourmaids。OurmeatwasusuallyWelshmutton——I
　　don'tknowwhy，unlessthatmountainshaveeverbeenthelastrefugeoftheseverervirtues。AndwetalkedpoliticsandbooksandideasandBernardShawwhowasadepartmentbyhimselfandsupposedinthosedaystobeethicallysoundatbottom，andmingledwiththeintellectuals——Imyselfwas，asitwere，apromotedintellectual。
　　TheCramptonshadatendencytoreadgoodthingsaloudontheirlessfrequentedreceptions，butIhaveneverbeenabletoparticipatesubmissivelyinthishyper-digestionofwrittenmatter，andgenerallymanagedtoprovokeadisruptivedebate。Wewereallveryearnesttomakethemostofourselvesandtobeanddo，andIwonderstillattimes，withanunassuagedperplexity，howitisthatinthatphaseofutmostearnestnessIhavealwaysseemedtomyselftobemostremotefromreality。
　　2
　　Ilookbacknowacrossthedetachinginterventionofsixteencrowdedyears，criticallyandIfancyalmostimpartially，tothosebeginningsofmymarriedlife。Itrytorecallsomethingneartotheirproperorderthedevelopingphasesofrelationship。Iamstruckmostofallbytheimmenseunpremeditated，generous-spiritedinsinceritiesuponwhichMargaretandIwerebuilding。
　　ItseemstomethathereIhavetotellperhapsthecommonestexperienceofallamongmarriededucatedpeople，thedeliberate，shy，complexefforttofilltheyawninggapsintemperamentastheyappear，thesustained，failingattempttobridgeabysses，levelbarriers，evadeviolentpressures。Ihavecometheselatteryearsofmylifetobelievethatitispossibleforamanandwomantobeabsolutelyrealwithoneanother，tostandnakedsouledtoeachother，unashamedandunafraid，becauseofthenaturalall-glorifyinglovebetweenthem。Itispossibletoloveandbeloveduntroubling，asabirdfliesthroughtheair。Butitisarareandintricatechancethatbringstwopeoplewithinsightofthatessentialunion，andforthemajoritymarriagemustadjustitselfonotherterms。
　　Mostcoupledpeopleneverreallylookatoneanother。Theylookalittleawaytopreconceivedideas。Andeachfromthefirstdaysoflove-makingHIDESfromtheother，isafraidofdisappointing，afraidofoffending，afraidofdiscoveriesineithersense。Theybuildnotsolidlyupontherockoftruth，butuponarchesandpillarsandqueerprovisionalsupportsthatareneededtomakeacommonfoundation，andbelowintheimprisoneddarknesses，belowthefinefabrictheysustaintogetherbeginsforeachofthemacavernoushiddenlife。Downtherethingsmaybeprowlingthatscarceeverpeepouttoconsciousnessexceptinthegreyhalf-lightofsleeplessnights，passionsthatflashoutforaninstantinanangryglanceandareseennomore，starvedvictimsandbeautifuldreamsbrickeduptodie。Forthemostofusthereisnojaildeliveryofthoseinnerdepths，andthelifeabovegoesontoitshonourableend。
　　IhavetoldhowIlovedMargaretandhowIcametomarryher。
　　PerhapsalreadyunintentionallyIhaveindicatedthequalityoftheinjusticeourmarriagedidusboth。Therewasnokindredbetweenusandnounderstanding。Weweredrawntooneanotherbytheunlikenessofourquality，bythethingswemisunderstoodineachother。Iknowascoreofcoupleswhohavemarriedinthatfashion。
　　Modernconditionsandmodernideas，andinparticulartheintenserandsubtlerperceptionsofmodernlife，pressmoreandmoreheavilyuponamarriagetiewhosefashioncomesfromanearlierandlessdiscriminatingtime。Whenthewifewasherhusband'ssubordinate，meetinghimsimplyanduncriticallyforsimpleends，whenmarriagewasapurelydomesticrelationship，leavingthoughtandthevividthingsoflifealmostentirelytotheunencumberedman，mentalandtemperamentalincompatibilitiesmatteredcomparativelylittle。Butnowthewife，andparticularlythelovingchildlesswife，unpremeditatedlymakesarelentlessdemandforacompleteassociation，andthehusbandexactsunthoughtofdelicaciesofunderstandingandco-operation。Thesearestupendousdemands。
　　Peoplenotonlythinkmorefullyandelaboratelyaboutlifethantheyeverdidbefore，butmarriageobligesustomakethatevermoreaccidentedprogressathree-leggedraceofcarelesslyassortedcouples……
　　Ourverymentaltexturewasdifferent。Iwasrough-minded，tousethephraseofWilliamJames，primaryandintuitiveandillogical；
　　shewastender-minded，logical，refinedandsecondary。Shewasloyaltopledgeandpersons，sentimentalandfaithful；Iamloyaltoideasandinstincts，emotionalandscheming。Myimaginationmovesinbroadgestures；her'swasdelicatewitharealdreadofextravagance。Myqualityissensuousandruledbywarmimpulses；
　　herswasdiscriminatingandessentiallyinhibitory。Ilikethefactsofthecaseandtomentioneverything；Ilikenakedbodiesandthejollysmellsofthings。Sheaboundedinreservations，incircumlocutionsandevasions，inkeenlyappreciatedsecondarypoints。PerhapsthereaderknowsthatTintorettointheNationalGallery，theOriginoftheMilkyWay。Itisanadmirabletestoftempera-mentalquality。InspiteofmyearlytrainingIhavecometoregardthatpictureasaltogetherdelightful；toMargaretithasalwaysbeen"needlesslyoffensive。"Inthatyouhaveourfundamentalbreach。Shehadahabit，bynomeansrare，ofdamningwhatshedidnotlikeorfindsympatheticinmeonthescorethatitwasnotmy"trueself，"andshedidnotsomuchaccepttheuniverseasselectfromitanddoherbesttoignoretherest。AndalsoI
　　hadfarmoreinitiativethanhadshe。Thisisnocatalogueofrightsandwrongs，orsuperioritiesandinferiorities；itisacatalogueofdifferencesbetweentwopeoplelinkedinarelationshipthatconstantlybecomesmoreintolerantofdifferences。
　　Thisishowwestoodtoeachother，andnoneofitwascleartoeitherofusattheoutset。Tobeginwith，Ifoundmyselfreservingmyselffromher，thenslowlyapprehendingajarringbetweenourmindsandwhatseemedtomeatfirstaqueerlittlehabitofmisunderstandinginher……
　　Itdidnothindermybeingveryfondofher……
　　Whereoursystemofreservationbecameatoncemostusualandmostastoundingwasinourpersonalrelations。Itisnottoomuchtosaythatinthatregardweneverforamomentachievedsinceritywithoneanotherduringthefirstsixyearsofourlifetogether。Itgoesevendeeperthanthat，forinmyefforttorealisetheidealofmymarriageIceasedeventoattempttobesincerewithmyself。I
　　wouldnotadmitmyownperceptionsandinterpretations。Itriedtofitmyselftoherthinnerandfinerdeterminations。TherearepeoplewhowillsaywithanoteofapprovalthatIwaslearningtoconquermyself。Irecordthatmuchwithoutanynoteofapproval……
　　ForsomeyearsIneverdeceivedMargaretaboutanyconcretefactnor，exceptforthesilenceaboutmyearlierlifethatshehadalmostforceduponme，didIhideanyconcretefactthatseemedtoaffecther，butfromtheoutsetIwasguiltyofimmensespiritualconcealments，myverymarriagewasbased，Iseenow，onaspiritualsubterfuge；Ihidmoodsfromher，pretendedfeelings……
　　3
　　Theinterestandexcitementofsetting-upahouse，ofwalkingaboutitfromroomtoroomandfromfloortofloor，orsittingatone'sowndinnertableandwatchingone'swifecontrolconversationwithapretty，timidresolution，oftakingaplaceamongthesecureandfreepeopleofourworld，passedalmostinsensiblyintotheinterestandexcitementofmyParliamentarycandidaturefortheKinghamsteadDivision，thatshapelesschunkofagriculturalmidlandbetweentheGreatWesternandtheNorthWesternrailways。Iwasgoingto"takehold"atlast，theKinghamsteadDivisionwasmyappointedhandle。I
　　wastofindmyplaceintheratherindistinctlysketchedconstructionsthatwereimplicitinthemindsofallourcircle。
　　ThepreciseplaceIhadtofillandtheprecisefunctionsIhadtodischargewerenotasyetveryclear，butallthat，wefeltsure，wouldbecomeplainasthingsdeveloped。
　　Afewbriefmonthsofvagueactivitiesof"nursing"gaveplacetotheexcitementsofthecontestthatfollowedthereturnofMr。
　　Camphell-Bannermantopowerin1905。SofarastheKinghamsteadDivisionwasconcerneditwasadepressedandtepidbattle。Iwentabouttheconstituencymakingthreespeechesthatweresoonthreadbare，andanoddlittlecollectionofpeopleworkedforme；
　　twosolicitors，acheapphotographer，ademocraticparson，anumberofdissentingministers，theMayorofKinghamstead，aMrs。Bulger，thewidowofanoldChartistwhohadgrownrichthroughelectrictractionpatents，SirRoderickNewton，aJewwhohadboughtCalershamCastle，andoldSirGrahamRivers，thatsturdyoldsoldier，wereamongmychiefsupporters。Wehadheadquartersineachtownandvillage，mostlytherewereemptyshopsweleasedtemporarily，andthereatleastasortoffussandacomingandgoingweremaintained。Therestofthepopulationstaredinastateofsuspendedjudgmentaswewentaboutthebusiness。Thecountrywassupposedtobeinastateofintellectualconflictanddeliberatedecision，inhistoryitwillnodoubtfigureasamomentousconflict。Yetexceptforanoccasionalflareofbill-
　　stickingorabillinawindoworaplacard-plasteredmotor-caroranargumentativegroupofpeopleoutsideapublic-houseorasluggishmovementtowardstheschoolroomorvillagehall，therewasscarcelyasignthatagreatempirewasrevisingitsdestinies。Nowandthenonesawacanvasseronadoorstep。Forthemostpartpeoplewentabouttheirbusinesswithanentirelyirresponsibleconfidenceinthestabilityoftheuniverse。Attimesonefeltalittleabsurdwithone'sflutterofcoloursandone'sairofsavingthecountry。
　　MyopponentwasaquiteundistinguishedMajor-GeneralwhorelieduponhisadvocacyofProtection，andwasparticularlyanxiousweshouldavoid"personalities"andfighttheconstituencyinagentlemanlyspirit。Hewasalwayswritingmenotes，apologisingforexcessesonthepartofhissupporters，orpointingouttheundesirabilityofsomecoursetakenbymine。
　　Myspeecheshadbeenplanneduponbroadlines，buttheylosttouchwiththeseasthepollingapproached。TobeginwithImadearealattempttoputwhatwasinmymindbeforethepeopleIwastosupplywithapoliticalvoice。Ispokeofthegreatnessofourempireanditsdestinies，ofthesplendidprojectsandpossibilitiesoflifeandorderthatlaybeforetheworld，ofallthataresoluteandconstructiveeffortmightdoatthepresenttime。"Wearebuildingastate，"Isaid，"secureandsplendid，weareinthedawnofthegreatageofmankind。"Sometimesthatwouldgetasolitary"'Ear！
　　'ear！"Thenhavingcreated，asIimagined，afineatmosphere，I
　　turneduponthehistoryofthelastConservativeadministrationandbroughtitintocontrastwiththewideoccasionsoftheage；
　　discusseditsfailuretocontrolthegraspingfinanciersinSouthAfrica，itsfailuretoreleasepubliceducationfromsectariansquabbles，itsmisconductoftheBoerWar，itswasteoftheworld'sresources……
　　Itsoonbecamemanifestthatmyopeningandmygeneralspaciousnessofmethodboredmyaudiencesagooddeal。Thericherandwidermyphrasesthethinnersoundedmyvoiceinthesenon-resonatinggatherings。Eventheplatformsupportersgrewrestiveunconsciously，andstirredandcoughed。Theydidnotrecognisethemselvesasmankind。Buildinganempire，preparingafreshstageinthehistoryofhumanity，hadnoappealforthem。Theyweremostlyeveryday，toilingpeople，fullofsmallpersonalsolicitudes，andtheycametomymeetings，Ithink，verylargelyasarelaxation。
　　Thisstuffwasnotrelaxing。Theydidnotthinkpoliticswasagreatconstructiveprocess，theythoughtitwasakindofdog-fight。
　　Theywantedfun，theywantedspice，theywantedhits，theywantedalsoachancetosay"'Ear'，'ear！"inanintelligentandhonourablemannerandclaptheirhandsanddrumwiththeirfeet。Thegreatconstructiveprocessinhistorygivessolittlescopeforclappinganddrummingandsaying"'Ear，'ear！"Onemightaswellthinkofhoundingonthesolarsystem。
　　Soafteroneortwoattemptstoliftmyaudiencestotheleveloftheissuesinvolved，Ibegantoadaptmyselftothem。Icutdownmyreviewofourimperialoutlookanddestiniesmoreandmore，anddevelopedaseriesofhitsandanecdotesand——whatshallIcallthem？——"crudifications"oftheissue。Myhelper'scongratulatedmeontherapidimprovementofmyplatformstyle。IceasedtospeakofthelatePrimeMinisterwiththerespectIborehim，andbegantofallinwiththepopularcaricatureofhimasanartfulrabbit-
　　wittedpersonintentonlyonkeepinghisleadership，inspiteofthevigorousattemptsofMr。JosephChamberlaintoousthimtherefrom。
　　IceasedtoqualifymystatementthatProtectionwouldmakefooddearerfortheagriculturallabourer。IbegantospeakofMr。
　　AlfredLytteltonasaninfluenceatonceinsaneanddiabolical，asamaninspiredbyapassionatedesiretosubstitutemanacledbutstillcriminalChineseforhonestBritishlabourersthroughouttheworld。
　　Andwhenitcametothementionofourownkindlyleader，ofMr。
　　JohnBurnsoranyoneelseofanyprominenceatallonoursideI
　　fellmoreandmoreintotheintonationofonewhomentionsthehighgods。AndIhadmyrewardinbrightermeetingsandreadierandreadierapplause。
　　Onegoesonfromphasetophaseinthesethings。
　　"Afterall，"Itoldmyself，"ifonewantstogettoWestminsteronemustfollowtheroadthatleadsthere，"butIfoundtheroadneverthelessratherunexpectedlydistasteful。"Whenonegetsthere，"Isaid，"thenitisonebegins。"
　　ButIwouldlieawakeatnightswiththatsorethroatandheadacheandfatiguewhichcomefromspeakinginill-ventilatedrooms，andwonderinghowfaritwaspossibletoeducateawholepeopletogreatpoliticalideals。Whyshouldpoliticalworkalwaysrotdowntopersonalitiesandpersonalappealsinthisway？Lifeis，Isuppose，tobeginwithandendwithamatterofpersonalities，frompersonalitiesallourbroaderinterestsariseandtopersonalitiestheyreturn。Alloursocialandpoliticaleffort，allofit，isliketryingtomakeacrowdofpeoplefallintoformation。Thebroaderlinesappear，butthencomearushandexcitementandirrelevancy，andforthwiththeincipientorderhasvanishedandthemarshalsmustbegintheworkoveragain！
　　Mymemoryofallthattimeisessentiallyconfusion。Therewasafrightfullotoftiresomelocomotioninit；fortheKinghamsteadDivisionisextensive，aboundinginill-gradedandbadlymetalledcross-roadsandviciouslittlehills，andsingularlyunpleasingtotheeyeinamuddywinter。ItissufficientlyneartoLondontohaveundergonethesameprocessofill-regulatedexpansionthatmadeBromsteadtheplaceitis。Severalofitsovergrownvillageshavedevelopedstringsoffactoriesandsidingsalongtherailwaylines，andthereisanabundanceofpettyvillas。Thereseemedtobenoplaceatwhichonecouldtakeholdofmorethanthisorthatelementofthepopulation。Nowwemetinameeting-house，nowinaMasonicHallorDrillHall；Ialsodidacertainamountofopen-airspeakinginthedinnerhouroutsidegas-worksandgroupsoffactories。Somespecialsortofpeoplewas，asitwere，secretedinresponsetoeachspecialappeal。Onesaidthingscarefullyadjustedtothedistinctivelimitationsofeachgathering。Jokesofanincrediblesillinessandshallownessdriftedaboutus。Ouradvisersmadeusdeclarethatifwewereelectedwewouldliveinthedistrict，andonehastyagenthadbillsprinted，"IfMr。Remingtoniselectedhewilllivehere。"Theenemyobtainedanumberofthesebillsandstuckthemonouthouses，pigstyes，dog-kennels；youcannotimaginehowirksometherepetitionofthatjestbecame。Thevastdriftingindifferenceinbetweenmymeetingsimpressedmemoreandmore。I
　　realisedthevaguenessofmyownplansasIhadneverdonebeforeI
　　broughtthemtothetestofthisexperience。IwasperplexedbytheriddleofjusthowfarIwas，inanysenseoftheword，takingholdatall，howfarIwasn'tmyselfflowingintoanacceptedgroove。
　　Margaretwastroubledbynosuchdoubts。ShewasclearIhadtogointoParliamentonthesideofLiberalismandthelight，asagainstthelateGovernmentanddarkness。Essentialtothememoryofmyfirstcontest，isthememoryofherclearbrightface，veryresoluteandgrave，helpingmeconsciously，steadfastly，withallherstrength。Herquietconfidence，whileIwassodissatisfied，workedcuriouslytowardsthealienationofmysympathies。Ifeltshehadnobusinesstobesosureofme。IhadmomentsofvividresentmentatbeingthusmarchedtowardsParliament。
　　Iseemednowalwaystobediscoveringalienforcesofcharacterinher。Herwayoftakinglifedivergedfrommemoreandmore。Shesoundedamazing，independentnotes。Sheboughtsomeparticularlycostlyfursforthecampaignthatrousedenthusiasmwheneversheappeared。ShealsomademeabirthdaypresentinNovemberofaheavilyfur-trimmedcoatandthisshewouldmakemeremoveasIwentontotheplatform，andholdoverherarmuntilIwasreadytoresumeit。Itwasfearfullyheavyforherandshelikedittobeheavyforher。Thatactofservitudewasinessenceatoweringself-assertion。Iwouldglancesidewayswhilesomechairmanflounderedthroughhisintroductionandseetheclearblueeyewithwhichsheregardedtheaudience，whichexistedsofarasshewasconcernedmerelytoreturnmetoParliament。Itwasafriendlyeye，providedtheywerenotsillyortroublesome。Butitkindledalittleatthehintofahostilequestion。Afterwehadcomesofarandtakensomuchtrouble！
　　Sheconstitutedherselfthedragomanofourpoliticaltravels。Inhotelsshewasserenelyresoluteforthequietestandthebest，sherejectedalltheirproposalsformealsandsubstitutedaseverelynourishingdietaryofherown，andeveninprivatehousessheastonishedmebyhertranquilinsistenceuponspecialcomfortsandsustenance。Icanseeherfacenowasitwouldconfrontahostess，alittleintent，butsweetlyresoluteandassured。
　　Sinceourmarriageshehadreadanumberofpoliticalmemoirs，andshehadbeenparticularlyimpressedbythecareerofMrs。Gladstone。
　　Idon'tthinkitoccurredtohertocompareandcontrastmyqualitywiththatofMrs。Gladstone'shusband。Isuspectherofadeliberateintentionofachievingparallelresultsbyparallelmethods。IwastobeGladstonised。Gladstoneitappearedusedtolubricatehisspeecheswithamixture——ifmymemoryservesmeright——
　　ofeggbeatenupinsherry，andMargaretwasveryanxiousIshouldtakealeaffromthatcelebratedbook。Shewanted，Iknow，toholdtheglassinherhandwhileIwasspeaking。
　　ButhereIwasfirm。"No，"Isaid，verydecisively，"simplyIwon'tstandthat。It'samatterofconscience。Ishouldn'tfeel——
　　democratic。I'lltakemychanceofthecommonwaterinthecarafeonthechairman'stable。"
　　"IDOwishyouwouldn't，"shesaid，distressed。
　　Itwasabsurdtofeelirritated；itwassoadmirableofher，alittlechildish，infinitelywomanlyanddevotedandfine——andIseenowhowpathetic。ButIcouldnotaffordtosuccumbtoher。I
　　wantedtofollowmyownleading，toseethingsclearly，andthisreassuringposeofahighdestiny，ofanalmostterriblyefficientpursuitofafixedendwhenasamatteroffactIhadaverydoubtfulendandanaimasyetbynomeansfixed，wasalltooseductivefordalliance……
　　4
　　AndintoallthesethingswiththemannerofatriflingandcasualincidentcomesthefigureofIsabelRivers。Myfirstimpressionsofherwereofaratheruglyandungainly，extraordinarilyinterestingschoolgirlwithabeautifulquickflushunderherwarmbrownskin，whosaidanddidamusingandsurprisingthings。WhenfirstIsawhershewasridingaveryoldbicycledownhillwithherfeetontheforkoftheframe——itseemedtometothepublicdanger，butafterwardsIcametounderstandthequalityofhernervebetter——andonthethirdoccasionshewasforherownprivatesatisfactionclimbingatree。OntheinterveningoccasionwehadwhatseemsnowtohavebeenalongsustainedconversationaboutthepoliticalsituationandthebooksandpapersIhadwritten。
　　Iwonderifitwas。
　　Whatadelightfulmixtureofchildandgravewomanshewasatthattime，andhowlittleIreckonedonthepartshewouldplayinmylife！Andsinceshehasplayedthatpart，howimpossibleitistotellnowofthoseearlydays！SinceIwrotethatopeningparagraphtothissectionmyidlepenhasbeen，asitwere，playingbyitselfandsketchingfacesontheblottingpad——oneimpishwizenedvisageisoddlylikelittleBailey——andIhavebeenthinkingcheekonfistamidstalimitlesswealthofmemories。Shesitsbelowmeonthelowwallundertheolivetreeswithourlittlechildinherarms。Sheisnowthecentralfactinmylife。Itstillseemsalittleincrediblethatthatshouldbeso。Shehasdestroyedmeasapolitician，broughtmetothisbelatedrebeginningoflife。WhenI
　　sitdownandtrytomakeheragirlagain，IfeelliketheArabianfishermanwhotriedtoputthegeniusbackintothepotfromwhichithadspreadgiganticacrosstheskies……
　　Ihaveaveryclearvisionofherrushdownhillpastourlabouringascendantcar——mycoloursflutteredfromhandle-barandshoulder-
　　knot——andherwavinghandandthesharpnoteofhervoice。Shecriedoutsomething，Idon'tknowwhat，somegreeting。
　　"Whataprettygirl！"saidMargaret。
　　Parvill，thecheapphotographer，thatindustriousorganiserforwhombywayofrepaymentIgotthosemagicletters，thatknighthoodoftheunderlings，"J。P。"wasinthecarwithusandexplainedhertous。"Oneofthebestworkersyouhave，"hesaid……
　　Andthenafteratoilsometroubledmorningwecame，rathercrossfromthestrainofsustainedamiability，toSirGrahamRivers'
　　house。Itseemedallsoftnessandquiet——Irecalldeadwhitepanellingandovalmirrorshorizontallysetandamarblefireplacebetweenwhitemarble-blindHomerandmarble-blindVirgil，verygraveandfine——andhowIsabelcameintolunchinashapelessthinglikeabluesmockthatmadeherbrightquick-changingfaceseemyellowunderhercloudofblackhair。Herstep-sisterwasthere，MissGamer，towhomthehousewastodescend，awell-dressedladyofthirty，amiablydisavowingresponsibilityforIsabelineveryphraseandgesture。Andtherewasaverypleasantdoctor，anOxfordman，whoseemedonexcellenttermswitheveryone。Itwasmanifestthathewasinthehabitofsparringwiththegirl，butonthisoccasionshewasn'tsparringandrefusedtobeteasedintoadisplayinspiteofthetauntsofeitherhimorherfather。Shewas，theydiscoveredwithrisingeyebrows，shy。Itseemedanopportunitytoorareforthemtomiss。Theyproclaimedherenthusiasmformeinawaythatbroughtaflushtohercheekandalookintohereyebetweenappealanddefiance。Theydeclaredshehadreadmybooks，whichIthoughtatthetimewasexaggeration，theirdrypoliticalqualitywassodistinctlynotwhatonewasaccustomedtoregardasschoolgirlreading。MissGamerprotestedtoprotecther，"WhenonceinabluemoonIsabeliswell-behaved……！"
　　ExceptfortheseattacksIdonotremembermuchoftheconversationattable；itwas，Iknow，discursiveandconcernedwiththesortoftopographicalandsocialandelectioneeringfactnaturaltosuchavisit。OldRiversstruckmeasadelightfulperson，modestlyunconsciousofhisdoubly-earnedV。C。andthepluckydefenceofKardin-Bergatthatwonhisbaronetcy。Hewasthatexcellenttype，thesoldierradical，andwebeganthatdayafriendshipthatwasonlyendedbyhisdeathinthehunting-fieldthreeyearslater。HeinterestedMargaretintoadisregardofmyplateandthefactthatI
　　hadsecuredtheillegalindulgenceofMoselle。Afterlunchwewentforcoffeeintoanotherlowroom，thistimebrownpanelledandlookingthroughFrenchwindowsonared-walledgarden，gracefuleveninitswinterdesolation。Andtheretheconversationsuddenlypickedupandbecamegood。Ithadfallentoapause，andthedoctor，withanairofdefinitelythrowingoffamaskandwreckinganestablishedtranquillity，remarked："VeryprobablyyouLiberalswillcomein，thoughI'mnotsureyou'llcomeinsomightilyasyouthink，butwhatyoudowhenyoudocomeinpassesmycomprehension。"
　　"There'sgoodworksometimes，"saidSirGraham，"inundoing。"
　　"Youcan'tgovernagreatempirebyamendingandrepealingtheActsofyourpredecessors，"saidthedoctor。
　　Therecamethatkindofpausethathappenswhenasubjectisbroachedtoobiganddifficultforthegathering。Margaret'sblueeyesregardedthespeakerwithquietdisapprovalforamoment，andthencametomeinthenottooconfidenthopethatIwouldsnubhimoutofexistencewithsomepromptrhetoricalstroke。Avoicespokeoutofthebigarm-chair。
　　"We'lldothings，"saidIsabel。
　　Thedoctor'seyelitwiththejoyofthefishermanwhostrikeshisfishatlast。"Whatwillyoudo？"heaskedher。
　　"Everyoneknowswe'reamixedlot，"saidIsabel。
　　"Pooroldchapslikeme！"interjectedthegeneral。
　　"Butthat'snotaprogramme，"saidthedoctor。
　　"ButMr。Remingtonhaspublishedaprogramme，"saidIsabel。
　　Thedoctorcockedhalfaneyeatme。
　　"Insomereview，"thegirlwenton。"Afterall，we'renotgoingtoelectthewholeLiberalpartyintheKinghamsteadDivision。I'maRemington-ite！"
　　"Buttheprogramme，"saidthedoctor，"theprogramme——"
　　"InfrontofMr。Remington！"
　　"Scandalalwayscomeshomeatlast，"saidthedoctor。"Lethimheartheworst。"
　　"I'dliketohear，"Isaid。"Electioneeringshattersconvictionsandenfeeblesthemind。"
　　"Notmine，"saidIsabelstoutly。"Imean——Well，anyhowItakeitMr。Remingtonstandsforconstructingacivilisedstateoutofthismuddle。"
　　"THISmuddle，"protestedthedoctorwithanappealoftheeyetothebeautifullongroomandtheorderedgardenoutsidethebrightcleanwindows。
　　"Well，THATmuddle，ifyoulike！There'saslumwithinamileofusalready。Thedustandblacksgetworseandworse，Sissie？"
　　"Theydo，"agreedMissGamer。
　　"Mr。Remingtonstandsforconstruction，order，education，discipline。"
　　"Andyou？"saidthedoctor。
　　"I'magoodRemington-ite。"
　　"Discipline！"saidthedoctor。
　　"Oh！"saidIsabel。"Attimesonehastobe——Napoleonic。Theywanttolibelme，Mr。Remington。Apoliticalworkercan'talwaysbeintimeformeals，canshe？Attimesonehastomake——splendidcuts。"
　　MissGamersaidsomethingindistinctly。
　　"Order，education，discipline，"saidSirGraham。"Excellentthings！
　　ButI'veasortofmemory——inmyyoungdays——wetalkedaboutsomethingcalledliberty。"
　　"Libertyunderthelaw，"Isaid，withanunexpectedapprovingmurmurfromMargaret，andtookupthedefence。"TheoldLiberaldefinitionoflibertywasatrifleuncritical。Privilegeandlegalrestrictionsarenottheonlyenemiesofliberty。Anuneducated，underbred，andunderfedpropertylessmanisamanwhohaslostthepossibilityofliberty。There'snolibertywortharapforhim。A
　　manwhoisswimminghopelesslyforlifewantsnothingbutthelibertytogetoutofthewater；he'llgiveeveryotherlibertyforit——untilhegetsout。"
　　SirGrahamtookmeupandwefellintoadiscussionofthechangingqualitiesofLiberalism。Itwasagoodgive-and-taketalk，extraordinarilyrefreshingafterthenonsenseandcrowdingsecondaryissuesoftheelectioneeringoutside。WeallcontributedmoreorlessexceptMissGamer；Margaretfollowedwithknittedbrowsandoccasionalinterjections。"Peoplewon'tSEEthat，"forexample，and"Itallseemssoplaintome。"Thedoctorshowedhimselfcleverbutunsubstantialandinconsistent。Isabelsatbackwithherblackmopofhairburieddeepinthechairlookingquicklyfromfacetoface。
　　Hercolourcameandwentwithhervividintellectualexcitement；
　　occasionallyshewoulddartaword，usuallyaveryaptword，likealizard'stongueintothediscussion。IrememberchieflythatachanceillustrationbetrayedthatshehadreadBishopBurnet……
　　AfterthatitwasnotsurprisingthatIsabelshouldaskforaliftinourcarasfarastheLurkyCommitteeRoom，andthatsheshouldoffermequitesoundadviceENROUTEupontheintellectualtemperamentoftheLurkygasworkers。
　　OnthethirdoccasionthatIsawIsabelshewas，asIhavesaid，climbingatree——andaverycreditabletree——forherownprivatesatisfaction。Itwasalapsefromthehighseriousnessofpolitics，andIperceivedshefeltthatImightregarditassuchandattachtoomuchimportancetoit。Ihadsomedifficultyinreassuringher。
　　Andit'soddtonotenow——ithasneveroccurredtomebefore——thatfromthatdaytothisIdonotthinkIhaveeverremindedIsabelofthatencounter。
　　Andafterthatmemorysheseemstobeflickeringaboutalwaysintheelection，aninextinguishableflame；nowsheflewbyonherbicycle，nowshedashedintocommitteerooms，nowsheappearedondoorstepsinanimatedconversationwithdubiousvoters；ItookeverychanceI
　　couldtotalktoher——Ihadnevermetanythinglikeherbeforeintheworld，andsheinterestedmeimmensely——andbeforethepollingdaysheandIhadbecome，inthefrankestsimplicity，fastfriends……
　　That，Ithink，setsoutveryfairlythefactsofourearlyrelationship。Butitishardtogetittrue，eitherinformortexture，becauseofthebright，translucent，coloured，andrefractingmemoriesthatcomebetween。Oneforgetsnotonlythetintandqualityofthoughtsandimpressionsthroughthatinterveninghaze，oneforgetsthemaltogether。Idon'tremembernowthatIeverthoughtinthosedaysofpassionateloveorthepossibilityofsuchlovebetweenus。Imayhavedonesoagainandagain。ButIdoubtitverystrongly。Idon'tthinkIeverthoughtofsuchaspects。Ihadnomoresenseofanydangerbetweenus，seeingtheyearsandthingsthatseparatedus，thanIcouldhavehadifshehadbeenanintelligentbright-eyedbird。Isabelcameintomylifeasanewsortofthing；shedidn'tjoinonatalltomypreviousexperiencesofwomanhood。Theywerenot，asIhavelabouredtoexplain，eitherverywideorverypenetratingexperiences，onthewhole，"strangleddinginess"expressesthem，butIdonotbelievetheywerenarrowerorshallowerthanthoseofmanyothermenofmyclass。Ithoughtofwomenasprettythingsandbeautifulthings，prettyratherthanbeautiful，attractiveandattimesdisconcertinglyattractive，oftenbrightandwitty，but，becauseofthevastreservationsthathidthemfromme，wanting，subtlyandinevitablywanting，inunderstanding。MyidealisationofMargarethadevaporatedinsensiblyafterourmarriage。TheshrineI
　　hadmadeforherinmyprivatethoughtsstoodatlastundisguisedlyempty。ButIsabeldidnotforamomentadmitofeitheridealisationorinterestedcontempt。Sheopenedanewsphereofwomanhoodtome。
　　Withhersteadyamber-browneyes，herunaffectedinterestinimpersonalthings，herupstandingwaistlessbluebody，herenergy，decisionandcourage，sheseemedrathersomenewandinfinitelyfinerformofboyhoodthanafemininecreature，asIhadcometomeasurefemininity。Shewasmyperfectfriend。CouldIhaveforeseen，hadmyworldbeenmorewiselyplanned，tothisdaywemighthavebeensuchfriends。
　　Sheseemedatthattimeunconsciousofsex，thoughshehastoldmesincehowfullshewasofprotestingcuriositiesandrestrainedemotions。Shespoke，asindeedshehasalwaysspoken，simply，clearly，andvividly；schoolgirlslangmingledwithwordsthatmarkedamplevoraciousreading，andshemovedquicklywiththefreedirectnessofsomegracefulyounganimal。Shetookmanyoftheeasyfreedomsamanorasistermighthavedonewithme。Shewouldtouchmyarm，layahandonmyshoulderasIsat，adjustthelapelofabreast-pocketasshetalkedtome。Shesaysnowshelovedmealwaysfromthebeginning。Idoubtiftherewasasuspicionofthatinhermindthosedays。Iusedtofindherregardingmewiththeclearest，steadiestgazeintheworld，exactlylikethegazeofsomenicehealthyinnocentanimalinaforest，interested，inquiring，speculative，butsingularlyuntroubled……
　　5
　　Pollingdaycameafteralasthoarseanddingycrescendo。Theexcitementwasnotofthesortthatmakesoneforgetoneistiredout。Thewaitingfortheendofthecounthasleftalongblankmarkonmymemory，andtheneveryonewasshakingmyhandandrepeating："Ninehundredandseventy-six。"
　　Mysuccesshadbeenaforegoneconclusionsincetheafternoon，butweallbehavedasthoughwehadnotbeenanticipatingthisresultforhours，asthoughanyotherfiguresbutninehundredandseventy-
　　sixwouldhavemeantsomethingentirelydifferent。"Ninehundredandseventy-six！"saidMargaret。"Theydidn'texpectthreehundred。"
　　"Ninehundredandseventy-six，"saidalittleshortmanwithapaper。"Itmeansabigturnover。Twodozenshortofathousand，youknow。"
　　Atremendoushullaboobeganoutside，andalotoffreshpeoplecameintotheroom。
　　Isabel，flushedbutnotoutofbreath，Heavenknowswhereshehadsprungfromatthattimeofnight！wasrunningherhanddownmysleevealmostcaressingly，withtheinnocentboldaffectionofagirl。"Gotyouin！"shesaid。"It'sbeennoendofalark。"
　　"Andnow，"saidI，"Imustgoandbeconstructive。"
　　"Nowyoumustgoandbeconstructive，"shesaid。
　　"You'vegottolivehere，"sheadded。
　　"ByJove！yes，"Isaid。"We'llhavetohousehunt。"
　　"Ishallreadallyourspeeches。"
　　Shehesitated。
　　"IwishIwasyou，"shesaid，andsaiditasthoughitwasnotexactlythethingshewasmeaningtosay。
　　"Theywantyoutospeak，"saidMargaret，withsomethingunsaidinherface。
　　"Youmustcomeoutwithme，"Ianswered，puttingmyarmthroughhers，andfeltsomeoneurgingmetotheFrenchwindowsthatgaveonthebalcony。
　　"Ifyouthink——"shesaid，yieldinggladly"Oh，RATHER！"saidI。
　　TheMayorofKinghamstead，amanaginglittlemanwithnogreatbeliefinmyoratoricalpowers，wasstickinghisfaceuptomine。
　　"It'sallover，"hesaid，"andyou'vewon。Sayallthenicethingsyoucanandsaythemplainly。"
　　IturnedandhandedMargaretoutthroughthewindowandstoodlookingovertheMarket-place，whichwasmorethanhalffilledwithswayingpeople。Thecrowdsetuparoarofapprovalatthesightofus，temperedbyalittlebooing。Downinonecornerofthesquareafightwasgoingonforaflag，afightthateventheprospectofaspeechcouldnotinstantlycheck。"Speech！"criedvoices，"Speech！"
　　andthenabrief"boo-oo-oo"thatwasdrownedinacascadeofshoutsandcheers。Theconflictroundtheflagculminatedinthesmashingofapaneofglassinthechemist'swindowandinstantlysanktopeace。
　　"GentlemenvotersoftheKinghamsteadDivision，"Ibegan。
　　"VotesforWomen！"yelledavoice，amidstlaughter——thefirsttimeI
　　rememberhearingthatmemorablewar-cry。
　　"ThreecheersforMrs。Remington！"
　　"Mrs。Remingtonasksmetothankyou，"Isaid，amidstfurtheruproarandreiteratedcriesof"Speech！"
　　Thensilencecamewithastartlingswiftness。
　　Isabelwasstillinmymind，Isuppose。"IshallgotoWestminster，"Ibegan。Isoughtforsomecompellingphraseandcouldnotfindone。"Todomyshare，"Iwenton，"inbuildingupagreatandsplendidcivilisation。"
　　Ipaused，andtherewasaweakgustofcheering，andthenarenewalofbooing。
　　"Thiselection，"Isaid，"hasbeentheendandthebeginningofmuch。Newideasareabroad——"
　　"Chineselabour，"yelledavoice，andacrossthesquaresweptawildfireofbootingandbawling。
　　ItisoneofthefewoccasionswhenIquitelostmyholdonaspeech。IglancedsidewaysandsawtheMayorofKinghamsteadspeakingbehindhishandtoParvill。ByahappychanceParvillcaughtmyeye。
　　"Whatdotheywant？"Iasked。
　　"Eh？"
　　"Whatdotheywant？"
　　"Saysomethingaboutgeneralfairness——theotherside，"promptedParvill，flatteredbutalittlesurprisedbymyappeal。Ipulledmyselfhastilyintoamorepopularstrainwithagrosseulogyofmyopponent'sgoodtaste。
　　"Chineselabour！"criedthevoiceagain。
　　"You'vegiventhatnoticetoquit，"Ianswered。
　　TheMarket-placeroareddelight，butwhetherthatdelightexpressedhostilitytoChinamenorhostilitytotheirpracticalenslavementnostudentoftheGeneralElectionof1906haseverbeenabletodetermine。Certainlyoneofthemosteffectivepostersonoursidedisplayedahideousyellowface，justthatandnothingmore。Therewasnotevenalegendtoit。Howitimpressedtheelectoratewedidnotknow，butthatitimpressedtheelectorateprofoundlytherecanbenodisputing。
　　6
　　Kinghamsteadwasoneoftheearliestconstituenciesfought，andwecameback——itmusthavebeenSaturday——triumphantbutverytired，toourhouseinRadnorSquare。Inthetrainwereadthefirstintimationsthatthevictoryofourpartywaslikelytobeasweepingone。
　　Thencameaperiodwhenonewasgoingaboutreceivingandgivingcongratulationsandwatchingtheothermenarrive，verylikeaboywhohasreturnedtoschoolwiththefirstbatchaftertheholidays。
　　TheLondonworldreekedwiththeGeneralElection；ithadinvadedthenurseries。Allthechildrenofone'sfriendshadgotbigmapsofEnglandcutupintosquarestorepresentconstituenciesandwerebusystickinggummedbluelabelsovertheconqueredredofUnionismthathadhithertosubmergedthecountry。Andtherewerealsoorangelabels，ifIrememberrightly，torepresentthenewLabourparty，andgreenfortheIrish。IengagedmyselftospeakatoneortwoLondonmeetings，andlunchedattheReform，whichwasfairlytepid，anddinedandspentoneortwotumultuouseveningsattheNationalLiberalClub，whichwasinactiveeruption。TheNationalLiberalbecamefeverishlycongestedtowardsmidnightastheresultsofthecountingcamedroppingin。Abiggreen-baizescreenhadbeenfixedupatoneendofthelargesmoking-roomwiththenamesoftheconstituenciesthatwerevotingthatday，anddirectlythefigurescametohand，uptheywent，amidstcheersthatatlastlosttheirenergythroughsheerrepetition，whenevertherewasrecordofaLiberalgain。Idon'trememberwhathappenedwhentherewasaLiberalloss；Idon'tthinkthatanywereannouncedwhileIwasthere。
　　Howpackedandnoisytheplacewas，andwhatareekoftobaccoandwhiskyfumeswemade！Everybodywasexcitedandtalking，makingwavesofharshconfusedsoundthatbeatuponone'sears，andeverynowandthenhoarsevoiceswouldshoutforsomeonetospeak。Ourlittlesetwasmuchinevidence。BoththeCramptonswerein，Lewis，BuntingHarblow。Wegavebriefaddressesattunedtothisexcitementandthelatehour，amidstmuchenthusiasm。
　　NowwecanDOthings！"Isaidamidstaraptureofapplause。MenI
　　didnotknowfromAdamheldupglassesandnoddedtomeinsolemnfuddledapprovalasIcamedownpastthemintothecrowdagain。
　　MenwerebettingwhethertheUnionistswouldlosemoreorlessthantwohundredseats。
　　"Iwonderjustwhatweshalldowithitall，"Iheardonescepticspeculating……
　　AftertheseorgiesIwouldgethomeverytiredandexcited，andfinditdifficulttogettosleep。IwouldlieandspeculateaboutwhatitwasweWEREgoingtodo。Onehadn'tanticipatedquitesuchatremendousaccessiontopowerforone'sparty。Liberalismwasswirlinginlikeaflood……
　　Ifoundthenextfewweeksveryunsatisfactoryanddistressing。I
　　don'tclearlyrememberwhatitwasIhadexpected；IsupposethefussandstrainoftheGeneralElectionhadbuiltupafeelingthatmyreturnwouldinsomewayputpowerintomyhands，andinsteadI
　　foundmyselfamereundistinguishedunitinavastbutrathervaguemajority。ThereweremomentswhenIfeltverydistinctlythatamajoritycouldbetoobigacrowdaltogether。Ihadallmyworkstillbeforeme，Ihadachievednothingasyetbutopportunity，andaverycrowdedopportunityitwasatthat。EveryoneaboutmewaschattingParliamentandappointments；onebreatheddistractingandirritatingspeculationsastowhatwouldbedoneandwhowouldbeaskedtodoit。Iwaschieflyimpressedbywhatwasunlikelytobedoneandbytheabsenceofanygeneralplanoflegislationtoholdusalltogether。IfoundthetalkaboutParliamentaryprocedureandetiquetteparticularlytrying。WedinedwiththeelderCramptonsoneevening，andoldSirEdwardwaslengthilysageaboutwhattheHouseliked，whatitdidn'tlike，whatmadeagoodimpressionandwhatabadone。"Amanshouldn'tspeakmorethantwiceinhisfirstsession，andnotatfirstontoocontentiousatopic，"saidSirEdward。"No。"
　　"Verymuchdependsonmanner。TheHousehatesalecturer。There'sasortofairyearnestness——"
　　Hewavedhiscigartoekeouthiswords。
　　"Littlepeculiaritiesofcostumecountforagreatdeal。Icouldnameonemanwhospentthreeyearslivingdownapairofspatterdashers。Ontheotherhand——athinglikethat——ifitcatchestheeyeofthePUNCHman，forexample，maybeyourmaking。"
　　HewentoffintoalengthyspeculationofwhytheHousehadcometolikeanoriginallyunpopularIrishmannamedBiggar……
　　TheopeningofParliamentgavemesomepeculiarmoods。Ibegantofeelmoreandmorelikeabrandedsheep。Wewereswornininbatches，dozensandscoresoffreshmen，tryingnottolooktoofreshundertheinspectionofpolicemenandmessengers，allofuscarryingnewsilkhatsandwearingmagisterialcoats。Itisoneofmyvividmemoriesfromthisperiod，thesuddenoutbreakofsilkhatsinthesmoking-roomoftheNationalLiberalClub。AtfirstI
　　thoughttheremusthavebeenafuneral。Familiarfacesthatonehadgrowntoknowundersoftfelthats，underbowlers，underliberal-
　　mindedwidebrims，andaboveartistictiesandtweedjackets，suddenlymetone，staringwiththesterngazeofself-consciousness，fromundersilkhatsofincredibleglossiness。Therewasadispositiontowearthehatmuchtooforward，Ithought，foragoodParliamentarystyle。
　　Therewasmuchplaywiththehatsallthrough；atremendouscompetitiontogetinfirstandputhatsoncovetedseats。AmemoryhangsaboutmeoftheHouseintheearlyafternoon，aninhumanedesolationinhabitedalmostentirelybysilkhats。Thecurrentuseofcardstosecureseatscamelater。Therewereyardsandyardsofemptygreenbencheswithhatsandhatsandhatsdistributedalongthem，resolute-lookingtophats，laxtophatswithakindofshadowygrinunderthem，sensibletopbatsbrimupward，andonescandalousincontinentthathadrolledfromthefrontOppositionbenchrighttothemiddleofthefloor。Aheadlesshatissurelythemostsoullessthingintheworld，farworseeventhanaskull……
　　Atlast，inaleisurelymuddledmannerwegottotheAddress；andI
　　foundmyselfpackedinadenseelbowingcrowdtotherightoftheSpeaker'schair；whiletheattenuatedOpposition，nearlyleaderlessafterthemassacre，tilteditsbrimtoitsnoseandsprawledatitseaseamidstitsemptybenches。
　　Therewasatremendoushullabooaboutsomething，andIcranedtoseeovertheshoulderofthemaninfront。''Order，order，order！"
　　"What'sitabout？"Iasked。
　　Themaninfrontofmewasclearlynobetterinformed，andthenI
　　gatheredfromaslightlycontemptuousScotchmanbesidemethatitwasChrisRobinsonhadwalkedbetweenthebonourablememberinpossessionofthehouseandtheSpeaker。Icaughtaglimpseofhimblushinglywhisperingabouthismisadventuretoacolleague。HewasjustthatsamelittlefigureIhadonceassistedtoentertainatCambridge，butgrey-hairednow，andstillitseemedwiththesameknittedmufflerhehaddiscardedforarecklesshalf-hourwhilehetalkedtousinHatherleigh'srooms。
　　ItdawneduponmethatIwasn'tparticularlywantedintheHouse，andthatIshouldgetallIneededoftheopeningspeechesnextdayfromtheTIMES。
　　Imademywayoutandwaspresentlywalkingratheraimlesslythroughtheouterlobby。
　　Icaughtmyselfregardingtheshadowthatspreaditselfoutbeforeme，multiplieditselfinbluetintsofvariousintensity，shuffleditselflikeapackofcardsunderthemanylights，thesquareshoulders，thesilkhat，alreadywornwithaparliamentarytiltbackward；IfoundIwassurveyingthisstatesmanlikeoutlinewithaweakapproval。"AMEMBER！"Ifeltthelittleclusterofpeoplethatwerescatteredaboutthelobbymustbesaying。
　　"GoodGod！"Isaidinhotreaction，"whatamIdoinghere？"
　　Itwasoneofthosemomentsinfinitelytrivialinthemselves，thatyetarecardinalinaman'slife。Itcametomewithextremevividnessthatitwasn'tsomuchthatIhadgotholdofsomethingasthatsomethinghadgotholdofme。Idistinctlyrecallthereboundofmymind。WhateverhappenedinthisParliament，Iatleastwouldattemptsomething。"ByGod！"Isaid，"Iwon'tbeoverwhelmed。Iamheretodosomething，anddosomethingIwill！"
　　ButIfeltthatforthemomentIcouldnotremainintheHouse。
　　Iwentoutbymyselfwithmythoughtsintothenight。Itwasachillingnight，andrarespotsofrainwerefalling。IglancedovermyshoulderatthelitwindowsoftheLords。Iwalked，Iremember，westward，andpresentlycametotheGrosvenarEmbankmentandfollowedit，watchingtheglitteringblackrushoftheriverandthedark，dimlylitbargesroundwhichthewaterswirled。Acrosstheriverwasthehunchedsky-lineofDoulton'spotteries，andakilnflaredredly。Dimlyluminoustramswereglidingamidstadottedlineoflamps，andtwolittletrainscrawledintoWaterloostation。
　　Mysteriousblackfigurescamebymeandweresuddenlychangedtothecommonplaceatthetouchofthenearerlamps。Itwasabigconfusedworld，Ifelt，foramantolayhishandsupon。
　　IrememberIcrossedVauxhallBridgeandstoodforatimewatchingthehugeblackshapesinthedarknessunderthegas-works。Ashoalofcoalbargeslayindistinctlyonthedarklyshiningmudandwaterbelow，andacolossalcranewasperpetuallyhaulingupcoalintomysteriousblacknessesabove，anddroppingtheemptyclutchbacktothebarges。Justoneortwominuteblackfeaturelessfiguresofmentoiledamidstthesemonstershapes。Theydidnotseemtobecontrollingthembutonlymovingaboutamongthem。Thesegas-workshaveabigchimneythatbelchesaluridflameintothenight，alividshiveringbluishflame，shotwithstrangecrimsonstreaks……
　　OntheothersideofLambethBridgebroadstairsgodowntothelappingwateroftheriver；thelowerstepsareluminousunderthelampsandonetreadsunwarnedintothicksoftThamesmud。Theyseemtobepurelyarchitecturalsteps，theyleadnowhere，theyhaveanairofabsoluteindifferencetomortalends。
　　Thoseshapesandlargeinhumanplaces——forallofmankindthatoneseesatnightaboutLambethisminuteandpitifulbesidetheindustrialmonstersthatsnortandtoilthere——mixupinextricablywithmymemoriesofmyfirstdaysasalegislator。Blackfiguresdriftbyme，heavyvansclatter，anewspaperroughtearsbyonamotorbicycle，andpresently，ontheAlbertEmbankment，everyseathasitsoneortwooutcastshuddledtogetherandslumbering。
　　"Thesethingscome，thesethingsgo，"awhisperingvoiceurgeduponme，"asoncethosevastunmeaningSaurianswhosebonesencumbermuseumscameandwentrejoicingnoisilyinfruitlesslives。"……
　　Fruitlesslives！——wasthatthetruthofitall？……
　　LaterIstoodwithinsightoftheHousesofParliamentinfrontofthecolonnadesofStThomas'sHospital。Ileantontheparapetclosebyalamp-standoftwisteddolphins——andIprayed！
　　Iremembertheswirlofthetideuponthewater，andhowastringofbargespresentlycameswingingandbumpingroundashigh-waterturnedtoebb。Thatsuddenchangeofpositionandmybriefperplexityatit，stickslikeapaperpinthroughthesubstanceofmythoughts。ItwasthenIwasmovedtoprayer。Iprayedthatnightthatlifemightnotbeinvain，thatinparticularImightnotliveinvain。Iprayedforstrengthandfaith，thatthemonstrousblunderingforcesinlifemightnotoverwhelmme，mightnotbeatmebacktofutilityandameaninglessacquiescenceinexistentthings。
　　IknewmyselffortheweaklingIwas，IknewthatneverthelessitwassetformetomakesuchorderasIcouldoutofthesedisorders，andmytaskcowedme，gavemeatthethoughtofitasenseofyieldingfeebleness。
　　"Breakme，OGod，"Iprayedatlast，"disgraceme，tormentme，destroymeasyouwill，butsavemefromself-complacencyandlittleinterestsandlittlesuccessesandthelifethatpassesliketheshadowofadream。"
　　BOOKTHETHIRD
　　THEHEARTOFPOLITICS
　　CHAPTERTHEFIRST
　　THERIDDLEFORTHESTATESMAN
　　1
　　Ihavebeenplanningandreplanning，writingandrewriting，thisnextportionofmybookformanydays。IperceiveImustleaveitrawedgedandilljoined。IhavelearntsomethingoftheimpossibilityofHistory。ForallIhavehadtotellisthestoryofoneman'sconvictionsandaimsandhowtheyreacteduponhislife；andIfindittoosubtleandinvolvedandintricateforthedoing。Ifindittaxesallmypowerstoconveyeventhemainformsandforcesinthatdevelopment。Itislikelookingthroughmovingmediaofchanginghueandvariablerefractionatsomethingvitallyunstable。Broadtheoriesandgeneralisationsaremingledwithpersonalinfluences，withprevalentprejudices；andnotonlycolouredbutalteredbyphasesofhopefulnessandmoodsofdepression。Thewebismadeupofthemostdiverseelements，beyondtreatmentmultitudinous……ForaweekorsoIdesistedaltogether，andwalkedoverthemountainsandreturnedtositthroughthewarmsoftmorningsamongtheshadedrocksabovethislittleperched-uphouseofours，discussingmydifficultieswithIsabelandIthinkonthewholecomplicatingthemfurtherintheefforttosimplifythemtomanageableandstateableelements。
　　Letme，nevertheless，attemptaroughpreliminaryanalysisofthisconfusedprocess。Amainstrandisquiteeasilytraceable。Thismainstrandisthestoryofmyobviouslife，mylifeasitmusthavelookedtomostofmyacquaintances。Itpresentsyouwithayoungcouple，bright，hopeful，andenergetic，startingoutunderAltiora'sauspicestomakeacareer。Youfigureuswelldressedandactive，runningaboutinmotor-cars，visitingingreatpeople'shouses，diningamidstbrilliantcompanies，goingtothetheatre，meetinginthelobby。Margaretworehundredsofbeautifuldresses。Wemusthavehadanairofsucceedingmeritoriouslyduringthattime。
　　Wedidverycontinuallyandfaithfullyserveourjointcareer。I
　　thoughtaboutitagreatdeal，anddidandrefrainedfromdoingtenthousandthingsforthesakeofit。Ikeptupasolicitudeforit，asitwerebyinertia，longafterthingshadhappenedandchangesoccurredinmethatrendereditscompletionimpossible。Undercertainveryartlesspretences，wewantedsteadfastlytomakeahandsomepositionintheworld，achieverespect，SUCCEED。Enormousunseenchangeshadbeeninprogressforyearsinmymindandtherealitiesofmylife，beforeourgeneralcirclecouldhavehadanyinklingoftheirexistence，orsuspectedtheappearancesofourlife。Thensuddenlyourproceedingsbegantobedeflected，ouroutwardunanimityvisiblystrainedandmarredbytheinsurgenceofthesesolong-hiddendevelopments。
　　Thatcareerhaditsownhiddenside，ofcourse；butwhenIwriteoftheseunseenfactorsIdonotmeanthatbutsomethingaltogetherbroader。Idonotmeantheeverydaypettinesseswhichgavethecynicalobserverscopeandtoldofanarrower，baseraspectofthefairbutlimitedambitionsofmyostensibleself。This"sub-
　　careerist"elementnotedlittlethingsthataffectedthecareer，mademesuspiciousoftherivalryofso-and-so，propitiatorytoso-
　　and-so，whom，asamatteroffact，Ididn'trespectorfeelintheleastsympathetictowards；guardedwiththatman，whoforallhischarmandinterestwasn'thelpful，andalittletouchyattheappearanceofneglectfromthat。No，ImeansomethinggreaterandnotsomethingsmallerwhenIwriteofahiddenlife。
　　IntheostensibleselfwhoglowedundertheapprobationofAltioraBailey，andwasenviedanddiscussed，praisedanddepreciated，intheHouseandinsmoking-roomgossip，youreallyhaveasmuchofamanasusuallyfiguresinanoveloranobituarynotice。ButIamtremendouslyimpressednowintheretrospectbytherealisationofhowlittlethatfrontagerepresentedme，andjusthowlittlesuchfrontagesdorepresentthecomplexitiesoftheintelligentcontemporary。Behindit，yetstrugglingtodisorganiseandalterit，altogether，wasafarmoreessentialreality，aselflesspersonal，lessindividualised，andbroaderinitsreferences。Itsaimswereneversimplytogeton；ithadanaltogetherdifferentsystemofdemandsandsatisfactions。Itwascritical，curious，morethanalittleunfeeling——andrelentlesslyilluminating。
　　Itisjusttheexistenceanddevelopmentofthismoregeneralisedself-behind-the-frontagethatismakingmodernlifesomuchmoresubtleandintricatetorender，andsomuchmorehopefulinitsrelationstotheperplexitiesoftheuniverse。Iseethismentalandspiritualhinterlandvaryenormouslyinthepeopleaboutme，fromatypewhichseemstokeep，aspeoplesay，allitsgoodsinthewindow，tootherswho，likemyself，cometoregardtheostensibleexistencemoreandmoreasamereexperimentalfeederandagentforthatgreaterpersonalitybehind。Andthisback-selfhasitshistoryofphases，itscrisesandhappyaccidentsandirrevocableconclusions，moreorlessdistinctfromtheadventuresandachievementsoftheostensibleself。Itmeetspersonsandphrases，itassimilatesthespiritofabook，itisstartledintonewrealisationsbysomeaccidentthatseemsaltogetherirrelevanttothegeneraltenorofone'slife。Itsincreasingindependenceoftheostensiblecareermakesittheorganofcorrectivecriticism；itaccumulatesdisturbingenergy。Thenitbreaksourovertpromisesandrepudiatesourpledges，comingdownatlastlikeanoverbearingmentoruponthesmallengagementsofthepupil。
　　Inthelifeoftheindividualittakestherolethatthegrowthofphilosophy，science，andcreativeliteraturemayplayinthedevelopmentofmankind。
　　2
　　ItiscurioustorecallhowBrittenhelpedshatterthatobvious，lucidlyexplicablepresentationofmyselfuponwhichIhadembarkedwithMargaret。Hereturnedtoreviveamemoryofadolescentdreamsandahabitofadolescentfrankness；hereachedthroughmyshallowfrontageasnooneelseseemedcapableofdoing，anddraggedthatback-selfintorelationwithit。
　　Irememberverydistinctlyadinnerandasubsequentwalkwithhimwhichpresentsitselfnowasaltogethertypicalofthequalityofhisinfluence。
　　IhadcomeuponhimonedaywhilelunchingwithSomersandSuttonatthePlaywrights'Club，andhadaskedhimtodinneronthespurofthemoment。Hewasoddlythesamecurly-headed，red-facedventriloquist，andoddlydifferent，ratherseedyaswellasuntidy，andatfirstalittleinclinedtomakecomparisonswithmysleeksuccessfulness。Butthatdispositionpresentlyevaporated，andhistalkwasgoodandfreshandprovocative。Andsomethingthathadlongbeenstrainingatitschecksinmymindflappedover，andheandIfoundourselvesofoneaccord。
　　Altiorawasn'tatthisdinner。Whenshecamematterswereapttobecomeconfusedlystrenuous。TherewasalwaysaslightandineffectualstruggleattheendonthepartofMargarettoanticipateAltiora'soverpoweringtendencytoarallyandtheestablishmentofsomeentirelyunjustifiableconclusionbyaCOUP-
　　DE-MAIN。When，however，Altiorawasabsent，thequieterinfluenceoftheCramptonsprevailed；temperanceandinformationforitsownsakeprevailedexcessivelyoverdinnerandtheplayofthought……
　　GoodLord！whatborestheCramptonswere！IwonderIenduredthemasIdid。Theyhadallofthemthetrickoflyinginwaitconversationally；theyhadnosenseoftheself-exposures，thegallantexperimentsinstatementthatarenecessaryforgoodconversation。Theywouldwatchonetalkingwithanexpressionexactlylikepeepingthroughbushes。Thentheywould，asitwere，dashout，dissentsuccinctly，contradictsomesecondaryfact，andbacktocover。Theygaveonetwilightnerves。Theirwiveswereeasierbutstilldifficultatastretch；theytalkedagooddealaboutchildrenandservants，butwithanaircaughtfromAltioraofmakingobservationsuponsociologicaltypes。LewisgossipedabouttheHouseinanentirelyfinitemanner。Heneverraisedadiscussion；nobodyeverraisedadiscussion。HewouldaskwhatwethoughtofEvesham'squestionthatafternoon，andEdwardwouldsayitwasgood，andMrs。Willie，whohadbeenbehindthegrille，wouldthinkitwasverygood，andthenWillie，partingthebranches，wouldsayratherconclusivelythathedidn'tthinkitwasverymuchgood，andIwoulddenyhearingthequestioninordertoevadeaprofitlessstatementofviewsinthatvacuum，andthenwewouldcastaboutinourmindsforsomeothertopicofequalinterest……
　　OnthisoccasionAltiorawasabsent，andtoqualifyourYoungLiberalbleaknesswehadMrs。Millingham，withherwhitehairandherfreshmindandcomplexion，andEsmeer。WillieCramptonwaswithus，butnothiswife，whowashavingherthirdbabyonprinciple；
　　hisbrotherEdwardwaspresent，andtheLewises，andofcoursetheBuntingHarblows。Therewasalsosomeotherlady。Irememberheraspaleblue，butforthelifeofmeIcannotrememberhername。
　　QuiteearlytherewasalittlebreezebetweenEdwardCramptonandEsmeer，whohadventuredanopinionaboutthepartitionofPoland。
　　EdwardwasatworkthenupontheseventhvolumeofhismonumentalLifeofKosciusko，andalittleimpatientwithviewsperhapsnotaltogetherfalsebutbetrayingalamentableignoranceofaccessibleliterature。Atanyrate，hiscorrectionofEsmeerwasmagisterial。
　　Afterthattherewasadistinctandnotaltogetherdelightfulpause，andthensomeone，itmayhavebeenthepale-bluelady，askedMrs。
　　LewiswhetherherauntLadyCarmixterhadreturnedfromherrest-
　　and-sun-cureinItaly。Thatledtoaratheranxiouslysustainedtalkaboutregimen，andWillietoldushowhehadprofitedbytheno-breakfastsystem。Ithadincreasedhispowerofworkenormously。
　　Hecouldgetthroughtenhoursadaynowwithoutinconvenience。
　　"Whatdoyoudo？"saidEsmeerabruptly。
　　"Oh！noendofwork。There'salltheestateandlookingafterthings。"
　　"Butpublicly？"
　　"Iaskedthreequestionsyesterday。AndforoneofthemIhadtoconsultninebooks！"