"Butprevention，"IheardMargaretbehindme，"istheessenceofourwork。"
Iturned。"There'snopreventionbuteducation。There'snoantisepticsinlifebutloveandfinethinking。Makepeoplefine，makefinepeople。Don'tbeafraid。TheseToryleadersarebetterpeopleindividuallythantheaverage；whycastthemforthevillainsofthepiece？Therealvillaininthepiece——inthewholehumandrama——isthemuddle-headedness，anditmattersverylittleifit'svirtuous-mindedorwicked。Iwanttogetatmuddle-headedness。IfIcoulddothatIcouldletallthatyoucallwickednessintheworldrunaboutanddowhatitjollywellpleased。Itwouldmatteraboutasmuchasaslightlyneglecteddog——inanotherwisewell-
managedhome。"
Mythoughtshadrunawaywithme。
"Ican'tunderstandyou，"saidMargaret，intheprofoundestdistress。"Ican'tunderstandhowitisyouarecomingtoseethingslikethis。"
10
Themoodsofathinkingmaninpoliticsarecuriouslyevasiveanddifficulttodescribe。Neitherthepublicnorthehistorianwillpermitthestatesmanmoods。HehasfromthefirsttoassumehehasanAim，adefiniteAim，andtopretendtoanabsoluteconsistencywiththat。Thosesubtlequestioningsabouttheveryfundamentalsoflifewhichplagueusallsorelentlesslynowadaysaresupposedtobesilenced。HeliftshischinandpursueshisAimexplicitlyinthesightofallmen。Thosewhohavenorealpoliticalexperiencecanscarcelyimaginetheimmensementalandmoralstrainthereisbetweenone'severydayactsandutterancesontheonehandandthe"thinking-out"processontheother。Itisperplexinglydifficulttokeepinyourmind，fixedandfirm，aschemeessentiallycomplex，tokeepbalancingaswayingpossibilitywhileatthesametimeunderjealous，hostile，andstupidobservationyoutreadyourpartintheplatitudinous，quarrelsome，ill-presentedmarchofaffairs……
Themostimpossibleofallautobiographiesisanintellectualautobiography。IhavethrowntogetherinthecrudestwaytheelementsoftheproblemIstruggledwith，butIcangivenorecordofthesubtledetails；IcantellnothingofthelongvacillationsbetweenProteanvalues，thetalksandre-talks，themeditations，thebleakluciditiesofsleeplessnights……
AndyetthesethingsIhavestruggledwithmustbethoughtout，and，tobeginwith，theymustbethoughtoutinthismuddled，experimentingway。Togointoastudytothinkaboutstatecraftistoturnyourbackontherealitiesyouareconstantlyneedingtofeelandtestandsoundifyourthinkingistoremainvital；tochooseanaimandpursueitindespiteofallsubsequentquestioningsistoburythetalentofyourmind。Itisnousedealingwiththeintricateasthoughitweresimple，toleaphaphazardatthefirstcourseofactionthatpresentsitself；thewholeworldofpoliticiansisfartoolikeamanwhosnatchesapokertoafailingwatch。Itiseasytosayhewantsto"getsomethingdone，"buttheonlysanethingtodoforthemomentistoputasidethatpokerandtakethoughtandgetabetterimplement……
OneoftheresultsofthesefundamentalpreoccupationsofminewasacuriousirritabilitytowardsMargaretthatIfounddifficulttoconceal。Itwasoneoftheincidentalcrueltiesofourpositionthatthisshouldhappen。Iwasinsuchdoubtmyself，thatIhadnopowertophrasethingsforherinaformshecoulduse。HithertoI
hadstage-managedour"serious"conversations。NowIwastoomuchinearnestandtoouncertaintogoondoingthis。Iavoidedtalkwithher。Herserene，sustainedconfidenceinvagueformulaeandsentimentalaspirationsexasperatedme；herwantofsympatheticapprehensionmademyfeweffortstoindicatemychangingattitudesdistressingandfutile。Itwasn'tthatIwasalwaysthinkingright，andthatshewasalwayssayingwrong。ItwasthatIwasstrugglingtogetholdofadifficultthingthatwas，atanyrate，halftrue，I
couldnotgaugehowtrue，andthatMargaret'shabitualphrasingignoredtheseelusiveelementsoftruth，andwithoutpremeditationfittedintotheweaknessesofmynewintimations，asthoughtheyhadnothingbutweaknesses。Itwas，forexample，obviousthatthesebigpeople，whowerethebackboneofImperialismandConservatism，weretemperamentallylax，muchmoreindolent，muchmoresensuous，thanourdeliberatelyvirtuousYoungLiberals。Ididn'twanttoberemindedofthat，justwhenIwasinfullefforttorealisethefinerelementsintheircomposition。Margaretclassedthemanddisposedofthem。Itwasourincurabledifferencesinhabitsandgesturesofthoughtcomingbetweenusagain。
Thedesertofmisunderstandingwidened。Iwasforcedbackuponmyselfandmyownsecretcouncils。ForatimeIwentmywayalone；
anunmixedevilforbothofus。ExceptforthatPentagramevening，aseriesoftalkswithIsabelRivers，whowasnowbecomingmoreandmoreimportantinmyintellectuallife，andtheargumentsI
maintainedwithCrupp，Ineverreallyopenedmymindatallduringthatperiodofindecisions，slowabandonments，andslowacquisitions。
CHAPTERTHETHIRD
SECESSION
1
Atlast，outofavastaccumulationofimpressions，decisiondistilledquitesuddenly。IsuccumbedtoEveshamandthatdreamoftherightthingtriumphantthroughexpression。IdeterminedIwouldgoovertotheConservatives，andusemyeverygiftandpoweronthesideofsuchforcesonthatsideasmadeforeducationalreorganisation，scientificresearch，literature，criticism，andintellectualdevelopment。Thatwasin1909。IjudgedtheToriesweredrivingstraightataconflictwiththecountry，andIthoughtthemboundtoincuranelectoraldefeat。Iunder-estimatedtheirstrengthinthecounties。Therewouldfollow，Icalculated，aperiodofprofoundreconstructioninmethodandpolicyalike。IwasentirelyatonewithCruppinperceivinginthisanimmenseopportunityforthethingswedesired。Anaristocracyquickenedbyconflictandonthedefensive，andfulloftheideaofjustificationbyreconstruction，mightprovealtogethermoreaptforthoughtandhighprofessionsthanMrs。Redmondson'sspoiltchildren。BehindthenowinevitablestruggleforareformoftheHouseofLords，therewouldbegreatheartsearchingsandeducationalendeavour。Onthatwereckoned……
Atlastwetalkeditouttothepracticalpitch，andCruppandShoesmith，andIandGane，madeourdefiniteagreementtogether……
IemergedfromenormoussilencesuponMargaretoneevening。
ShewasjustbackfromthedisplayofsomenewmusiciansattheHartsteins。Iremembersheworeadressofgoldensatin，veryrich-
lookingandsplendid。Aboutherslendernecktherewasaropeofgold-setamberbeads。Herhaircaughtupandechoedandreturnedthesegoldennotes。I，too，wasineveningdress，butwhereIhadbeenescapesme，——someforgottendinner，Isuppose。Iwentintoherroom。IrememberIdidn'tspeakforsomemoments。Iwentacrosstothewindowandpulledtheblindaside，andlookedoutupontherailedgardenofthesquare，withitsshrubsandshadowedturfgleamingpallidlyandirregularlyinthelightofthebigelectricstandardinthecorner。
"Margaret，"Isaid，"IthinkIshallbreakwiththeparty。"
Shemadenoanswer。Iturnedpresently，amovementofenquiry。
"Iwasafraidyoumeanttodothat，"shesaid。
"I'moutoftouch，"Iexplained。"Altogether。"
"Oh！Iknow。"
"Itplacesmeinadifficultposition，"Isaid。
Margaretstoodatherdressing-table，lookingsteadfastlyatherselfintheglass，andwithherfingersplayingwithalitterofstopperedbottlesoftintedglass。"Iwasafraiditwascomingtothis，"shesaid。
"Inaway，"Isaid，"we'vebeenallies。Iowemyseattoyou。I
couldn'thavegoneintoParliament……"
"Idon'twantconsiderationslikethattoaffectus，"sheinterrupted。
Therewasapause。Shesatdowninachairbyherdressing-table，liftedanivoryhand-glass，andputitdownagain。
"Iwish，"shesaid，withsomethinglikeasobinhervoice，"itwerepossiblethatyoushouldn'tdothis。"Shestoppedabruptly，andI
didnotlookather，becauseIcouldfeeltheeffortshewasmakingtocontrolherself。
"Ithought，"shebeganagain，"whenyoucameintoParliament——"
Therecameanothersilence。"It'sallgonesodifferently，"shesaid。"Everythinghasgonesodifferently。"
Ihadasuddenmemoryofher，shiningtriumphantaftertheKinghampsteadelection，andforthefirsttimeIrealisedjusthowperplexinganddisappointingmysubsequentcareermusthavebeentoher。
"I'mnotdoingthiswithoutconsideration，"Isaid。
"Iknow，"shesaid，inavoiceofdespair，"I'veseenitcoming。
But——Istilldon'tunderstandit。Idon'tunderstandhowyoucangoover。"
"Myideashavechangedanddeveloped，"Isaid。
Iwalkedacrosstoherbearskinhearthrug，andstoodbythemantel。
"Tothinkthatyou，"shesaid；"youwhomighthavebeenleader——"
Shecouldnotfinishit。"Alltheforcesofreaction，"shethrewout。
"Idon'tthinktheyaretheforcesofreaction，"Isaid。"IthinkI
canfindworktodo——betterworkonthatside。"
"Againstus！"shesaid。"Asifprogresswasn'thardenough！Asifitdidn'tcalluponeveryableman！"
"Idon'tthinkLiberalismhasamonopolyofprogress。"
Shedidnotanswerthat。Shesatquitestilllookinginfrontofher。"WHYhaveyougoneover？"sheaskedabruptlyasthoughIhadsaidnothing。
TherecameasilencethatIwasimpelledtoend。Ibeganastiffdissertationfromthehearthrug。"Iamgoingover，becauseIthinkImayjoininanintellectualrenascenceontheConservativeside。
Ithinkthatinthecomingstruggletherewillbeapartialandaltogetherconfusedanddemoralisingvictoryfordemocracy，thatwillstirtheclasseswhichnowdominatetheConservativepartyintoanenergeticrevival。Theywillsetouttowinback，andwinback。
Evenifmyestimateofcon-temporaryforcesiswrongandtheywin，theywillstillbeforcedtoreconstructtheiroutlook。Awarabroadwillsupplythechasteningifhomepoliticsfail。Theeffortatrenascenceisboundtocomebyeitheralternative。IbelieveI
candomoreinrelationtothateffortthaninanyotherconnexionintheworldofpoliticsatthepresenttime。That'smycase，Margaret。"
ShecertainlydidnotgraspwhatIsaid。"Andsoyouwillthrowasideallthebeginnings，allthebeliefsandpledges——"Againhersentenceremainedincomplete。"Idoubtifeven，onceyouhavegoneover，theywillwelcomeyou。"
"Thathardlymatters。"
Imadeanefforttoresumemyspeech。
"IcameintoParliament，Margaret，"Isaid，"alittleprematurely。
Still——IsupposeitwasonlybycomingintoParliamentthatIcouldseethingsasIdonowintermsofpersonalityandimaginativerange……"Istopped。Herstiff，unhappy，unlisteningsilencebrokeupmydisquisition。
"Afterall，"Iremarked，"mostofthishasbeenimplicitinmywritings。"
Shemadenosignofadmission。
"Whatareyougoingtodo？"sheasked。
"Keepmyseatforatimeandmakethereasonsofmybreachclear。
TheneitherImustresignor——probablythisnewBudgetwillleadtoaGeneralElection。It'sevidentlymeanttostraintheLordsandprovokeaquarrel。"
"Youmight，Ithink，havestayedtofightfortheBudget。"
"I'mnot，"Isaid，"sokeenagainsttheLords。"
Onthatwehalted。
"Butwhatareyougoingtodo？"sheasked。
"IshallmakemyquarreloversomepointsintheBudget。Ican'tquitetellyouyetwheremychancewillcome。ThenIshalleitherresignmyseat——orifthingsdrifttodissolutionIshallstandagain。"
"It'spoliticalsuicide。"
"Notaltogether。"
"Ican'timagineyououtofParliamentagain。It'sjustlike——likeundoingallwehavedone。Whatwillyoudo？"
"Write。Makeanew，moredefiniteplaceformyself。Youknow，ofcourse，there'salreadyasortofgroupaboutCruppandGane。"
Margaretseemedlostforatimeinpainfulthought。
"Forme，"shesaidatlast，"ourpoliticalworkhasbeenareligion——
ithasbeenmorethanareligion。"
Iheardinsilence。Ihadnoformofprotestavailableagainsttheimplicationsofthat。
"AndthenIfindyouturningagainstallweaimedtodo——talkingofgoingover，almostlightly——tothoseothers。"……
Shewaswhite-lippedasshespoke。Inthemostcuriouswayshehadcapturedthemoralvaluesofthesituation。Ifoundmyselfprotestingineffectuallyagainstherfixedconviction。"It'sbecauseIthinkmydutyliesinthischangethatImakeit，"Isaid。
"Idon'tseehowyoucansaythat，"sherepliedquietly。
Therewasanotherpausebetweenus。
"Oh！"shesaidandclenchedherhanduponthetable。"Thatitshouldhavecometothis！"
Shewasextraordinarilydignifiedandextraordinarilyabsurd。Shewashurtandthwartedbeyondmeasure。Shehadnoplaceinherideas，Ithought，forme。Icouldseehowitappearedtoher，butI
couldnotmakeherseeanythingoftheintricateprocessthathadbroughtmetothisdivergence。Theoppositionofourintellectualtemperamentswaslikeagaginmymouth。Whatwasthereformetosay？Aflashofintuitiontoldmethatbehindherwhitedignitywasapassionatedisappointment，ashatteringofdreamsthatneededbeforeeverythingelsethereliefofweeping。
"I'vetoldyou，"Isaidawkwardly，"assoonasIcould。"
Therewasanotherlongsilence。"Sothatishowwestand，"Isaidwithanairofhavingthingsdefined。Iwalkedslowlytothedoor。
Shehadrisenandstoodnowstaringinfrontofher。
"Good-night，"Isaid，makingnomovementtowardsourhabitualkiss。
"Good-night，"sheansweredinatragicnote……
Iclosedthedoorsoftly。Iremainedforamomentorsoonthebiglanding，hesitatingbetweenmybedroomandmystudy。AsIdidsoI
heardthesoftrustleofhermovementandtheclickofthekeyinherbedroomdoor。Theneverythingwasstill……
Shehidhertearsfromme。Somethinggrippedmyheartatthethought。
"Damnation！"Isaidwincing。"Whythedevilcan'tpeopleatleastTHINKinthesamemanner？"
2
Andthatinsufficientcolloquywasthebeginningofaprolongedestrangementbetweenus。Itwascharacteristicofourrelationsthatweneverreopenedthediscussion。Thethinghadbeenintheairforsometime；wehadrecogniseditnow；thewideningbreachbetweenuswasconfessed。Myownfeelingswerecuriouslydivided。
ItisremarkablethatmyveryrealaffectionforMargaretonlybecameevidenttomewiththisquarrel。Thechangesoftheheartareverysubtlechanges。Iamquiteunawarehoworwhenmyearlyromanticloveforherpurityandbeautyandhigh-principleddevotionevaporatedfrommylife；butIdoknowthatquiteearlyinmyparliamentarydaystherehadcomeavague，unconfessedresentmentatthetiethatseemedtoholdmeinservitudetoherstandardsofprivatelivingandpublicact。IfeltIwascaught，andnonethelesssobecauseithadbeenmyownacttorivetonmyshackles。SolongasIstillheldmyselfboundtoherthatresentmentgrew。Now，sinceIhadbrokenmybondsandtakenmylineitwitheredagain，andIcouldthinkofMargaretwithareturningkindliness。
ButIstillfeltembarrassmentwithher。Ifeltmyselfdependentuponherforhouseroomandfoodandsocialsupport，asitwereunderfalsepretences。Iwouldhavelikedtohaveseparatedourfinancialaffairsaltogether。ButIknewthattoraisetheissuewouldhaveseemedalastbrutalindelicacy。SoItriedalmostfurtivelytokeepmypersonalexpenditurewithinthescopeoftheprivateincomeImadebywriting，andwewentouttogetherinhermotorbrougham，dinedandmadeappearances，metpolitelyatbreakfast——partedatnightwithakissuponhercheek。Thelockingofherdooruponme，whichatthattimeIquiteunderstood，whichI
understandnow，becameforatimeinmymind，throughsomeobscureprocessofthesoul，anoffence。Inevercrossedthelandingtoherroomagain。
Inallthismatter，and，indeed，inallmyrelationswithMargaret，IperceivenowIbehavedbadlyandfoolishly。MymanifestblunderisthatI，whowasseveralyearsolderthanshe，muchsubtlerandinmanywayswiser，neverinanymeasuresoughttoguideandcontrolher。AfterourmarriageItreatedheralwaysasanequal，andlethergoherway；heldherresponsibleforalltheweakandineffectiveandunfortunatethingsshesaidanddidtome。Shewasn'tcleverenoughtojustifythat。Itwasn'tfairtoexpecthertosympathise，anticipate，andunderstand。Ioughttohavetakencareofher，ropedhertomewhenitcametocrossingthedifficultplaces。IfIhadlovedhermore，andwiselierandmoretenderly，iftherehadnotbeentheconsciousnessofmyfinancialdependenceonheralwaysstiffeningmypride，Ithinkshewouldhavemovedwithmefromtheoutset，andlefttheLiberalswithme。ButshedidnotgetanyinklingoftheendsIsoughtinmychangeofsides。Itmusthaveseemedtoherinexplicableperversity。Shehad，Iknew——forsurelyIknewitthen——animmensecapacityforloyaltyanddevotion。
Thereshewaswiththesetreasuresuntouched，neglectedandperplexed。Awomanwholoveswantstogive。Itisthedutyandbusinessofthemanshehasmarriedforlovetohelphertohelpandgive。ButIwasstupid。Myeyeshadneverbeenopened。Iwasstiffwithheranddifficulttoher，becauseevenonmyweddingmorningtherehadbeen，deepdowninmysoul，voicelessthoughpresent，somethingweaklyprotesting，afaintperceptionofwrong-
doing，theinfinitesimallysmall，slow-multiplyinggermsofshame。
3
ImademybreachwiththepartyontheBudget。
InmanywaysIwasdisposedtoregardthe1909Budgetasafinepieceofstatecraft。ItsproductionwascertainlyaveryunexpecteddisplayofvigourontheLiberalside。But，onthewhole，thismovementtowardscollectivistorganisationonthepartoftheLiberalsratherstrengthenedthanweakenedmyresolvetocrossthefloorofthehouse。Itmadeitmorenecessary，Ithought，toleaventhepurelyobstructiveandreactionaryelementsthatwereatoncemanifestintheopposition。Iassailedthelandtaxationproposalsinonemainspeech，andaseriesofminorspeechesincommittee。
ThelineofattackIchosewasthatthelandwasagreatpublicservicethatneededtobecontrolledonbroadandfar-sightedlines。
Ihadnoobjectiontoitsnationalisation，butIdidobjectmoststrenuouslytotheideaofleavingitinprivatehands，andattemptingtoproducebeneficialsocialresultsthroughthepressureoftaxationupontheland-owningclass。Thatmightbreakitupinanutterlydisastrousway。Thedriftofthegovernmentproposalswasallinthedirectionofsweatingthelandownertogetimmediatevaluesfromhisproperty，andsuchacourseofactionwasboundtogiveusanirritatedandvindictiveland-owningclass，theclassuponwhichwehadhithertorelied——notunjustifiably——forcertainbroad，patrioticservicesandaninfluenceuponourcollectivejudgmentsthatnootherclassseemedpreparedtoexercise。Abolishlandlordismifyouwill，Isaid，buyitout，butdonotdriveittoadefensivefight，andleaveitstillsufficientlystrongandwealthytobecomeamalcontentelementinyourstate。YouhavetaxedandcontrolledthebrewerandthepublicanuntiltheoutragedLiquorInteresthasbecomeanationaldanger。Younowproposetodothesamethingonalargerscale。Youturnaclasswhichhasmanyfineandtrulyaristocratictraditionstowardsrevolt，andthereisnothingintheseoranyotherofyourproposalsthatshowsanysenseoftheneedforleadershiptoreplacethesetraditionalleadersyouareousting。Thiswasthesubstanceofmycase，andIhammeredatitnotonlyintheHouse，butinthepress……
TheKinghampsteaddivisionremainedforsometimeinsensitivetomydefection。
Thenitwokeupsuddenly，andbegan，inthecolumnsoftheKINGSHAMPSTEADGUARDIAN，anindignant，confusedoutcry。Iwastreatedtoanopenletter，signedJuniusSecundus，"andIrepliedinprovocativeterms。Thereweretwothinlyattendedpublicmeetingsatdifferentendsoftheconstituency，andthenIhadacorrespondencewithmyoldfriendParvill，thephotographer，whichendedinmyseeingadeputation。
Myimpressionisthatitconsistedofabouteighteenortwentypeople。Theyhadhadtocomeupstairstomeandtheyweremanifestlyfullofindignationandalittleshortofbreath。TherewasParvillhimself，J。P。，dressedwhollyinblack——Ithinktomarkhissenseoftheoccasion——andcuriouslysuggestiveinhisrespectformycharacterandhisconcernforthehonourablenessoftheKINGHAMPSTEADGUARDIANeditor，ofMarkAntonyatthefuneralofCesar。TherewasMrs。Bulger，alsoinmourning；shehadneverabandonedthewidow'sstreamerssincethedeathofherhusbandtenyearsago，andherloyaltytoLiberalismoftheseveresttypewaspartasitwereofherweeds。TherewasanephewofSirRoderickNewton，abrightyoungHebrewofthegravertype，andacoupleofdissentingministersinhighcollarsandhatsthatstoppedhalfwaybetweenthebowlerofthisworldandtheshovel-hatofheaven。
TherewasalsoayoungsolicitorfromLurkydoneinthehorseystyle，andtherewasaverylittlenervousmanwithahighbrowandafacecontractingbelowasthoughthejawbonesandteethhadbeentakenoutandthefeaturescompressed。Therestofthedeputation，whichincludedtwootherpublic-spiritedladiesandseveralministersofreligion，mighthavebeenrakedoutofanyomnibusgoingStrandwardduringtheMaymeetings。TheythrustParvillforwardasspokesman，andmanifestedastrongdispositiontosay"Hear，hear！"tohismorestrenuousprotestsprovidedmyeyewasn'tuponthematthetime。
IregardedthisappallingdeputationasParvill'sapologeticbutquitedefiniteutterancesdrewtoanend。Ihadamomentofvision。
BehindthemIsawthewonderfularrayofskeletonforcesthatstandforpublicopinion，thatareasmuchpublicopinionasexistsindeedatthepresenttime。Thewholeprocessofpoliticswhichbulkssosolidlyinhistoryseemedforthatclairvoyantinstantbutafrothofpettymotivesaboveabysmsofindifference……
Someonehadfinished。IperceivedIhadtospeak。
"Verywell，"Isaid，"Iwon'tkeepyoulonginreplying。I'llresignifthereisn'tadissolutionbeforenextFebruary，andifthereisIshan'tstandagain。Youdon'twantthebotherandexpenseofabye-electionapprovingmurmursifitcanbeavoided。
ButImaytellyouplainlynowthatIdon'tthinkitwillbenecessaryformetoresign，andthesooneryoufindmysuccessorthebetterfortheparty。TheLordsareinacorner；they'vegottofightnowornever，andIthinktheywillthrowouttheBudget。
Thentheywillgoonfighting。Itisafightthatwilllastforyears。Theyhaveasortofsocialdiscipline，andyouhaven't。YouLiberalswillfindyourselveswithacountrybehindyou，vaguelyindignantperhaps，buttotallyunpreparedwithanyideaswhateverinthematter，facetofacewiththeproblemofbringingtheBritishconstitutionup-to-date。Anythingmayhappen，providedonlythatitissufficientlyabsurd。IftheKingbackstheLords——andIdon'tseewhyheshouldn't——youhavenoRepublicanmovementwhatevertofallbackupon。YoulostitduringtheEraofGoodTaste。Thecountry，Isay，isdestituteofideas，andyouhavenoideastogiveit。Idon'tseewhatyouwilldo……Formyownpart，Imeantospendayearorsobetweenawindowandmywritingdesk。"
Ipaused。"Ithink，gentlemen，"beganParvill，"thatwehearallthiswithverygreatregret……"
4
MyestrangementfromMargaretstandsinmymemorynowassomethingthatplayeditselfoutwithinthefourwallsofourhouseinRadnorSquare，whichwas，indeed，confinedtothoselimits。IwenttoandfrobetweenmyhouseandtheHouseofCommons，andthedining-roomsandclubsandofficesinwhichwewerepreparingournewdevelopments，inastateofaggressiveandenergeticdissociation，inthenascentstate，asachemistwouldsay。Iwasfreenow，andgreedyforfreshcombination。Ihadatremendoussenseofreleasedenergies。IhadgotbacktothesortofthingIcoulddo，andtotheworkthathadbeenshapingitselfforsolonginmyimagination。
Ourpurposenowwasplain，bold，andextraordinarilycongenial。WemeantnolessthantoorganiseanewmovementinEnglishthoughtandlife，toresuscitateaPublicOpinionandpreparethegroundforarevisedandrenovatedrulingculture。
ForatimeIseemedquitewonderfullyabletodowhateverIwantedtodo。Shoesmithrespondedtomyfirstadvances。Wedecidedtocreateaweeklypaperasournucleus，andCruppandIsettoworkforthwithtocollectagroupofwritersandspeakers，includingEsmeer，Britten，LordGane，Neal，andoneortwoyoungermen，whichshouldconstituteamoreorlessdefiniteeditorialcouncilaboutme，andmeetataweeklylunchonTuesdaytosustainourgeneralco-
operations。WemarkedourclaimuponToryismeveninthecolourofourwrapper，andspokeofourselvescollectivelyastheBlueWeeklies。Butourluncheswereopentoallsortsofguests，andourdeliberationswereneverofacharactertocontrolmeeffectivelyinmyeditorialdecisions。MyonlyinfluentialcouncilloratfirstwasoldBritten，whobecamemysub-editor。Itwascurioushowwetwohadpickedupourancientintimacyagainandresumedtheeasygiveandtakeofourspeculativedreamingschoolboydays。
Foratimemylifecentredaltogetheruponthisjournalisticwork。
Brittenwasanexperiencedjournalist，andIhadmostofthenecessaryinstinctsforthebusiness。Wemeanttomakethepaperrightandgooddowntothesmallestdetail，andwesetourselvesatthiswithextraordinaryzeal。Itwasn'tourintentiontoshowourpoliticalmotivestoomarkedlyatfirst，andthroughalltheduststormandtumultandstressofthepoliticalstruggleof1910，wemadealittleintellectualoasisofgoodartcriticismandgoodwriting。ItwasthefirmbeliefofnearlyallofusthattheLordsweredestinedtobebeatenbadlyin1910，andourgamewasthelongergameofreconstructionthatwouldbeginwhentheshoutingandtumultofthatimmediateconflictwereover。Meanwhilewehadtogetintotouchwithjustasmanygoodmindsaspossible。
Aswefeltourfeet，Idevelopedslowlyandcarefullyabroadlyconceivedandconsistentpoliticalattitude。AsIwillexplainlater，wewerefeministfromtheoutset，thoughthatcausedShoesmithandGanegreatsearchingofheart；wedevelopedEsmeer'sHouseofLordsreformschemeintoageneralcultofthearistocraticvirtues，andwedidmuchtohumaniseandliberalisethenarrowexcellenciesofthatBreak-upofthePoorLawagitation，whichhadbeenorganisedoriginallybyBeatriceandSidneyWebb。Inaddition，withoutanyverydefiniteexplanationtoanyonebutEsmeerandIsabelRivers，andasifitwasquiteasmallmatter，Isetmyselftosecureauniformphilosophicalqualityinourcolumns。
That，indeed，wasthepeculiarvirtueandcharacteristicoftheBLUE
WEEKLY。Iwasnowverydefinitelyconvincedthatmuchoftheconfusionandfutilityofcontemporarythoughtwasduetothegeneralneedofmetaphysicaltraining……Thegreatmassofpeople——andnotsimplycommonpeople，butpeopleactiveandinfluentialinintellectualthings——arestillquiteuntrainedinthemethodsofthoughtandabsolutelyinnocentofanycriticismofmethod；itisscarcelyacaricaturetocalltheirthinkingacrazypatchwork，discontinuousandchaotic。Theyarriveatconclusionsbyakindofaccident，anddonotsuspectanyotherwaymaybefoundtotheirattainment。Astageabovethisgeneralconditionstandsthatminorityofpeoplewhohaveatsometimeorotherdiscoveredgeneraltermsandacertainuseforgeneralisations。Theyare——tofallbackontheancienttechnicality——Realistsofacrudesort。WhenIsayRealistofcourseImeanRealistasopposedtoNominalist，andnotRealistinthealmostdiametricallydifferentsenseofoppositiontoIdealist。SucharetheBaileys；such，totaketheirgreatprototype，wasHerbertSpencerwhocouldn'treadKant；sucharewholeregimentsofprominentandentirelyself-satisfiedcontemporaries。Theygothroughqueerlittleprocessesofdefinitionandgeneralisationanddeductionwiththecompletestbeliefinthevalidityoftheintellectualinstrumenttheyareusing。TheyareRealists——Cocksurists——inmatteroffact；
sentimentalistsinbehaviour。TheBaileyshavinggottothisgloriousstageinmentaldevelopment——itisgloriousbecauseithasnodoubts——werealwaystalkingabouttraining"Experts"toapplythesamesimpleprocesstoalltheaffairsofmankind。Well，Realismisn'tthelastwordofhumanwisdom。Modest-mindedpeople，doubtfulpeople，subtlepeople，andthelike——thekindofpeopleWilliamJameswritesofas"tough-minded，"goonbeyondthismethodicalhappiness，andareforeveraftercriticalofpremisesandterms。
Theyaretruer——andlessconfident。Theyhavereachedscepticismandtheartisticmethod。TheyhaveemergedintothenewNominalism。
BothIsabelandIbelievefirmlythatthesedifferencesofintellectualmethodmatterprofoundlyintheaffairsofmankind，thatthecollectivemindofthisintricatecomplexmodernstatecanonlyfunctionproperlyuponneo-Nominalistlines。Thishasalwaysbeenhersideofourmentalco-operationratherthanmine。Hermindhasthelightmovementthatgoessooftenwithnaturalmentalpower；
shehasawonderfulartinillustration，and，asthereaderprobablyknowsalready，shewritesofmetaphysicalmatterswithararecharmandvividness。Sofartherehasbeennocollectionofherpaperspublished，buttheyaretobefoundnotonlyintheBLUEWEEKLY
columnsbutscatteredaboutthemonthlies；manypeoplemustbefamiliarwithherstyle。Itwasanintentionwedidmuchtorealisebeforeourprivatedownfall，thatwewouldusetheBLUEWEEKLYtomaintainastreamofsuggestionagainstcrudethinking，andatlastscarcelyaweekpassedbutsomepopulardistinction，somelargeimposinggeneralisation，wastouchedtoflacciditybyherpenormine……
Iwasatgreatpainstogivemyphilosophical，political，andsocialmatterthebestliteraryandcriticalbackingwecouldgetinLondon。Ihuntedsedulouslyforgooddescriptivewritingandgoodcriticism；Iwasindefatigableinmyreadinesstohearandconsider，ifnottoacceptadvice；Iwatchedeverycornerofthepaper，andhadadozenmenalerttogetmespecialmatterofthesortthatdrawsintheunattachedreader。Thechiefdangerontheliterarysideofaweeklyisthatitshouldfallintothehandsofsomeparticularschool，andthisIwatchedforclosely。Itseemsimpossibletogetvividnessofapprehensionandbreadthofviewtogetherinthesamecritic。Soitfallstothewiseeditortosecurethefirstandimposethesecond。DirectlyIdetectedtheshrillpartisannoteinourcriticism，theattempttopuffapoorthingbecauseitwas"intherightdirection，"ordamnavigorouspieceofworkbecauseitwasn't，Itackledthemanandhaditoutwithhim。Ourpaywasgoodenoughforthattomatteragooddeal……
Ourdistinctivelittleblueandwhiteposterkeptupitsneatpersistentappealtothepubliceye，andbefore1911wasout，theBLUEWEEKLYwasprintingtwentypagesofpublishers'advertisements，andwentintoalltheclubsinLondonandthree-quartersofthecountryhouseswhereweek-endpartiesgathertogether。Itssalebynewsagentsandbookstallsgrewsteadily。Onegotmoreandmorethereassuringsenseofbeingdiscussed，andinfluencingdiscussion。
5
OurofficewasattheverytopofabigbuildingneartheendofAdelphiTerrace；themainwindowbesidemydesk，abigundividedwindowofplateglass，lookedoutuponCleopatra'sNeedle，thecorneroftheHotelCecil，thefinearchesofWaterlooBridge，andthelongsweepofsouthbankwithitsshottowersandchimneys，pastBanksidetothedimlyseenpiersofthegreatbridgebelowtheTower。ThedomeofSt。Paul'sjustfloatedintoviewontheleftagainstthehotelfacade。Bynightandday，ineverylightandatmosphere，itwasabeautifulandvariousview，aliveasathrobbingheart；aperpetualflowoftrafficploughedandsplashedthestreamingsilveroftheriver，andbynighttheshapesofthingsbecamevelvetblackandgrey，andthewaterashiningmirrorofsteel，wearingcoruscatinggemsoflight。IntheforegroundtheEmbankmenttramssailedglowingby，acrossthewateradvertisementsflashedandflickered，trainswentandcameandarollingdriftofsmokereflectedunseenfires。Bydaythatspectaclewassometimesamarvelofshiningwetandwind-clearedatmosphere，sometimesamysteryofdriftingfog，sometimesamiracleofcrowdeddetails，minutelyfine。
AsIthinkofthatview，sovariouslyspaciousineffect，Iambackthere，andthissunlitpapermightbelamp-litandlyingonmyolddesk。Iseeitallagain，feelitallagain。Intheforegroundisagreenshadedlampandcrumpledgalleyslipsandpagedproofsandletters，twoorthreepapersinmanuscript，andsoforth。Intheshadowsarechairsandanothertablebearingpapersandbooks，arotatingbookcasedimlyseen，alongwindowseatblackinthedarkness，andthenthecoolunbrokenspectacleofthewindow。HowoftenIwouldwatchsometram-car，somestringofbargesgofrommeslowlyoutofsight。Thepeoplewereblackanimalculaebyday，clustering，collecting，dispersing，bynight，theywerephantomface-speckscoming，vanishing，stirringobscurelybetweenlightandshade。
Irecallmanyhoursatmydeskinthatroombeforethecrisiscame，hoursfullofthepeculiarhappinessofeffectivestrenuouswork。
Oncesomepieceofwritingwenton，holdingmeintentandforgetfuloftimeuntilIlookedupfromthewarmcircleofmyelectriclamptoseetheeastwardskyabovethepalesilhouetteoftheTowerBridge，flushedandbandedbrightlywiththedawn。
CHAPTERTHEFOURTH
THEBESETTINGOFSEX
1
Artisselectionandsoismostautobiography。ButIamconcernedwithamoretangledbusinessthanselection，Iwanttoshowacontemporarymaninrelationtothestateandsocialusage，andthesocialorganisminrelationtothatman。TotellmystoryatallI
havetosimplify。Ihavegivennowthebroadlinesofmypoliticaldevelopment，andhowIpassedfrommyinitialliberal-socialismtotheconceptionofaconstructivearistocracy。Ihavetriedtosetthatoutintheformofamandiscoveringhimself。Incidentallythatself-developmentledtoaprofoundbreachwithmywife。Onehasreadstoriesbeforeofhusbandandwifespeakingseverallytwodifferentlanguagesandcomingtoanunderstanding。ButMargaretandIbeganinherdialect，and，asIcamemoreandmoretousemyown，diverged。
IhadthoughtwhenImarriedthatthematterofwomankindhadendedforme。IhavetriedtotellallthatsexandwomenhadbeentomeuptomymarriedlifewithMargaretandourfatalentanglement，triedtoshowthequeer，crippled，embarrassedandlimitedwayinwhichtheseinterestsbreakuponthelifeofayoungmanundercontemporaryconditions。Idonotthinkmylotwasaveryexceptionalone。Imissedthechanceofsistersandgirlplaymates，butthatisnotanuncommonmisadventureinanageofsmallfamilies；InevercametoknowanywomanatallintimatelyuntilI
wasmarriedtoMargaret。Myearlierloveaffairswereencountersofsex，underconditionsoffurtivenessandadventurethatmadethemthingsinthemselves，restrictedandunilluminating。FromaboyishdispositiontobemysticalandworshippingtowardswomenIhadpassedintoadisregardfulattitude，asthoughwomenwerethingsinferiororirrelevant，disturbersingreataffairs。ForatimeMargarethadblottedoutallotherwomen；shewassodifferentandsonear；shewaslikeapersonwhostandssuddenlyinfrontofalittlewindowthroughwhichonehasbeensurveyingacrowd。Shedidn'tbecomewomankindformesomuchaseliminatewomankindfrommyworld……Andthencamethissecretseparation……
UntilthisestrangementandtherapidanduncontrollabledevelopmentofmyrelationswithIsabelwhichchancedtofollowit，Iseemedtohavesolvedtheproblemofwomenbymarriageanddisregard。I
thoughtthesethingswereover。IwentaboutmycareerwithMargaretbesideme，herbrowslightlyknit，hermannerfaintlystrenuous，helping，helping；andifwehadnotaltogetherabolishedsexwehadatleastsocircumscribedandisolateditthatitwouldnothaveaffectedthegeneraltenorofourlivesintheslightestdegreeifwehad。
Andthen，clothingitselfmoreandmoreintheformofIsabelandherproblems，thisold，thisfundamentalobsessionofmylifereturned。ThethingstoleuponmymindsothatIwasunawareofitsinvasionandhowitwaschangingourlongintimacy。IhavealreadycomparedthelotofthemodernpublicisttoMachiavelliwritinginhisstudy；inhisdaywomenandsexwereasdisregardedinthesehighaffairsas，letussay，thechemistryofairorthewillofthebeastsinthefields；inoursthecasehasaltogetherchanged，andwomanhascomenowtostandbesidethetallcandles，halfinthelight，halfinthemysteryoftheshadows，besetting，interrupting，demandingunrelentinglyanaltogetherunprecedentedattention。I
feelthatinthesemattersmylifehasbeenalmosttypicalofmytime。Womaninsistsuponherpresence。Sheisnolongeramerephysicalneed，anaestheticbye-play，asentimentalbackground；sheisamoralandintellectualnecessityinaman'slife。Shecomestothepoliticiananddemands，Issheachildoracitizen？Issheathingorasoul？Shecomestotheindividualman，asshecametomeandasks，Issheacherishedweaklingoranequalmate，anunavoidablehelper？Isshetobetriedandtrustedorguardedandcontrolled，bondorfree？Forifsheisamate，onemustatoncetrustmoreandexactmore，exactingtoil，courage，andthehardest，mostnecessarythingofall，theclearest，mostshameless，explicitnessofunderstanding……
2
InallmyearlierimaginingsofstatecraftIhadtacitlyassumedeitherthattherelationsofthesexeswereallrightorthatanyhowtheydidn'tconcernthestate。Itwasamatterthey，whoever"they"
were，hadtosettleamongthemselves。Thatsortofdisregardwaspossiblethen。Butevenbefore1906therewereendlessintimationsthatthedamsholdingbackgreatreservoirsofdiscussionwerecrumbling。Wepoliticalschemerswereploughingwiderthananyonehadploughedbeforeinthefieldofsocialreconstruction。Wehadalso，werealised，toploughdeeper。Wehadtoploughdownatlasttothepassionateelementsofsexualrelationshipandexamineanddecideuponthem。
Thesignsmultiplied。InayearorsohalfthepoliceofthemetropoliswerescarcesufficienttoprotecttheHousefromoneclamorousaspectofthenewproblem。ThememberswentaboutWestminsterwithanodd，newsenseofbeingbeset。AgoodproportionofuskeptupthepretencethattheVoteforWomenwasanisolatedfad，andtheagitationanepidemicmadnessthatwouldpresentlypass。Butitwasmanifesttoanyonewhosoughtmorethancomfortinthematterthatthestreamsofwomenandsympathisersandmoneyforthcomingmarkedfardeeperandwiderthingsthananidlefancyforthefranchise。TheexistinglawsandconventionsofrelationshipbetweenManandWomanwerejustasunsatisfactoryadisorderasanythingelseinourtumbledconfusionofaworld，andthatalsowascomingtobearuponstatecraft。
MyfirstparliamentwastheparliamentoftheSuffragettes。Idon'tproposetotellhereofthatamazingcampaign，withitsabsurditiesandfollies，itscourageanddevotion。Therewereaspectsofthatunquenchableagitationthatwereabsolutelyheroicandaspectsthatwereabsolutelypitiful。Itwasunreasonable，unwise，and，exceptforitsonecentralinsistence，astonishinglyincoherent。Itwasamazinglyeffective。Theveryincoherenceofthedemandwitnessed，Ithink，totheforcesthatlaybehindit。Itwasn'tasimpleargumentbasedonasimpleassumption；itwasthefirstcrudeexpressionofagreatmassandminglingofconvergentfeelings，ofawidespread，confusedpersuasionamongmoderneducatedwomenthattheconditionsoftheirrelationswithmenwereoppressive，ugly，dishonouring，andhadtobealtered。TheyhadnotmerelyadoptedtheVoteasasymbolofequality；itwasfairlymanifesttomethat，givenit，theymeanttouseit，andtouseitperhapsevenvindictivelyandblindly，asaweaponagainstmanythingstheyhadeveryreasontohate……
Iremember，withexceptionalvividness，thatgreatnightearlyinthesessionof1909，when——Ithinkitwas——fiftyorsixtywomenwenttoprison。IhadbeendiningattheBarham's，andLordBarhamandI
camedownfromthedirectionofSt。James'sParkintoacrowdandaconfusionoutsidetheCaxtonHall。WefoundourselvesdriftingwithanimmensemultitudetowardsParliamentSquareandparallelwithasilent，close-packedcolumnofgirlsandwomen，forthemostpartwhite-facedandintent。Istillremembertheeffectoftheirfacesuponme。Itwasquitedifferentfromthegeneraleffectofstaringaboutanddividedattentiononegetsinapoliticalprocessionofmen。Therewasanexpressionofheroictension。
Therehadbeenaprettydeliberateappealonthepartofthewomen'sorganiserstotheUnemployed，whohadbeendemonstratingthroughoutthatwinter，tojoinforceswiththemovement，andtheresultwasshowninthequalityofthecrowduponthepavement。Itwasanugly，dangerous-lookingcrowd，butasyetgood-temperedandsympathetic。WhenatlastwegotwithinsightoftheHousethesquarewasaseethingseatofexcitedpeople，andthearrayofpoliceonhorseandonfootmighthavebeenassembledforarevolutionaryoutbreak。ThereweredensemassesofpeopleupWhitehall，andrightontoWestminsterBridge。Thescufflethatendedinthearrestswasthepoorestexplosiontofollowsuchstupendouspreparations……
3
Lateroninthatyearthewomenbegananewattack。Dayandnight，andallthroughthelongnightsoftheBudgetsittings，atallthepiersofthegatesofNewPalaceYardandatSt。Stephen'sPorch，stoodwomenpickets，andwatchedussilentlyandreproachfullyaswewenttoandfro。Theywerewomenofallsorts，though，ofcourse，theindependentworker-classpredominated。Thereweregrey-headedoldladiesstandingthere，sturdilycharmingintherain；battered-
looking，ambiguouswomen，withsomethingofthedesperatebitternessofbatteredwomenshowingintheireyes；north-countryfactorygirls；cheaply-dressedsuburbanwomen；trim，comfortablemothersoffamilies；valiant-eyedgirlgraduatesandundergraduates；lank，hungry-lookingcreatures，whostirredone'simagination；oneverydaintylittlewomanindeepmourning，Irecall，graveandsteadfast，witheyesfixedondistantthings。Someofthosewomenlookeddefiant，sometimidlyaggressive，somefullofthestirofadventure，somedroopingwithcoldandfatigue。Thesupplyneverceased。Ihadamortalfearthatsomehowthesupplymighthaltorcease。Ifoundthatcontinualsiegeofthelegislatureextraordinarilyimpressive——infinitelymoreimpressivethanthefeeble-forcible"ragging"ofthemoremilitantsection。Ithoughtoftheappealthatmustbegoingthroughthecountry，summoningthewomenfromcountlessscatteredhomes，rooms，colleges，toWestminster。
IremembertoothepettylittledifficultyIfeltwhetherIshouldignorethesepicketsaltogether，orliftahatasIhurriedpastwithavertedeyes，orlooktheminthefaceasIdidso。TowardstheendtheHouseevokedanetiquetteofsalutation。
4
Therewasatendency，evenonthepartofitssympathisers，totreatthewholesuffrageagitationasifitwereadisconnectedissue，irrelevanttoallotherbroaddevelopmentsofsocialandpoliticallife。Westruggled，allofus，toignoretheindicatingfingeritthrustoutbeforeus。"Yourschemes，foralltheirbigness，"itinsistedtoourreluctant，avertedminds，"stilldon'tgodowntotheessentialthings……"
Wehavetogodeeper，orourinadequatechildren'sinsufficientchildrenwillstarveamidstharvestsofearlessfutility。Thatconservatismwhichworksineveryclasstopreserveinitsessentialsthehabitualdailylifeisallagainstaprofoundertreatmentofpoliticalissues。Thepolitician，almostasabsurdlyasthephilosopher，tendsconstantly，inspiteofmagnificentpreludes，vastintimations，tospecialisehimselfoutoftherealityhehassostupendouslysummoned——heboltsbacktolittleness。Theworldhastobemouldedanew，hecontinuestoadmit，butwithout，headds，anyriskofupsettinghisweek-endvisits，hismorningcupoftea……
Thediscussionoftherelationsofmenandwomendisturbseveryone。
Itreactsupontheprivatelifeofeveryonewhoattemptsit。Andatanyparticulartimeonlyasmallminorityhaveapersonalinterestinchangingtheestablishedstateofaffairs。Habitandinterestareinaconstantlyrecruitedmajorityagainstconsciouschangeandadjustmentinthesematters。Driftrulesus。Thegreatmassofpeople，andanoverwhelmingproportionofinfluentialpeople，arepeoplewhohavebanishedtheirdreamsandmadetheircompromise。Wonderfulandbeautifulpossibilitiesarenolongertobethoughtabout。Theyhavegivenupanyaspirationsforintenselove，theirsplendidoffspring，forkeendelights，haveacceptedacultivatedkindlinessandanuncriticalsenseofrighteousnessastheircompensation。It'sasettledaffairwiththem，asettled，dangerousaffair。Mostofthemfear，andmanyhate，theslightestreminderofthoseabandoneddreams。AsDaytononcesaidtothePentagramCircle，whenwewerediscussingtheproblemofauniversalmarriageanddivorcelawthroughouttheEmpire，"Iamforleavingallthesethingsalone。"Andthen，withagroaninhisvoice，"Leavethemalone！Leavethemallalone！"
Thatwashiswholespeechfortheevening，inanoteofsuppressedpassion，andpresently，againstallouretiquette，hegotupandwentout。
Forsomeyearsaftermymarriage，Itoowasforleavingthemalone。
Idevelopedadreadanddislikeforromance，foremotionalmusic，forthehumanfigureinart——turningmyhearttolandscape。I
wantedtosneeratloversandtheirecstasies，andwasuncomfortableuntilIfoundtheeffectivesneer。Inmattersofprivatemoralstheseweremymostuncharitableyears。Ididn'twanttothinkofthesethingsanymoreforever。Ihatedthepeoplewhosetalkorpracticeshowedtheywerenotofmyopinion。Iwantedtobelievethattheirviewswereimmoralandobjectionableandcontemptible，becauseIhaddecidedtotreatthemasatthatlevel。Iwas，infact，fallingintotheattitudeofthenormaldecentman。
Andyetonecannothelpthinking！Thesensiblemoralisedmanfindsithardtoescapethestreamofsuggestionthattherearestilldreamsbeyondthesecommonplaceacquiescences，——theappealofbeautysuddenlyshininguponone，themothlikestirringsofserenesummernights，thesweetnessofdistantmusic……
Itisoneoftheparadoxicalfactorsinourpubliclifeatthepresenttime，whichpenalisesabandonmenttolovesoabundantlyandsoheavily，thatpower，influenceandcontrolfalllargelytounencumberedpeopleandsterilepeopleandpeoplewhohavemarriedforpassionlesspurposes，peoplewhoseverydeficiencyinfeelinghasleftthemfreetofollowambition，peoplebeautyblind，whodon'tunderstandwhatitistofallinlove，whatitistodesirechildrenorhavethem，whatitistofeelintheirbloodandbodiesthesupremeclaimofgoodbirthsandselectivebirthsaboveallotheraffairsinlife，peoplealmostofnecessityaversefromthismostfundamentalaspectofexistence……
5
Itwasn't，however，mydeepeningsympathywithandunderstandingofthepositionofwomeningeneral，orthechangeinmyideasaboutalltheseintimatethingsmyfastfriendshipwithIsabelwasbringingabout，thatledmetothehereticalviewsIhaveinthelastfiveyearsdraggedfromtheregionofacademicandtimiddiscussionintothefieldofpracticalpolitics。Thoseinfluences，nodoubt，haveconvergedtothesameend，andgivenmeapowerfulemotionalpushuponmyroad，butitwasabroaderandcolderviewofthingsthatfirstdeterminedmeinmyattempttografttheEndowmentofMotherhoodinsomeformorotheruponBritishImperialism。NowthatIamexiledfromthepoliticalworld，itispossibletoestimatejusthoweffectuallythatgraftinghasbeendone。
Ihaveexplainedhowtheideasofatrainedaristocracyandauniversaleducationgrewtoparamountimportanceinmypoliticalscheme。Itisbutashortstepfromthistothequestionofthequantityandqualityofbirthsinthecommunity，andfromthatagaintotheseforbiddenandfear-besettopicsofmarriage，divorce，andthefamilyorganisation。Asporadicdiscussionoftheseaspectshadbeengoingonforyears，aEugenicsocietyexisted，andarticlesontheFallingBirthRate，andtheRapidMultiplicationoftheUnfitwerestaplesofthemonthlymagazines。Butbeyondanintermittentscoldingofprosperouschildlesspeopleingeneral——oneneveraddressedtheminparticular——nothingwasdonetowardsarrestingthoseadverseprocesses。Almostagainstmynaturalinclination，I
foundmyselfforcedtogointothesethings。Icametotheconclusionthatundermodernconditionstheisolatedprivatefamily，basedontheexistingmarriagecontract，wasfailinginitswork。
Itwasn'tproducingenoughchildren，andchildrengoodenoughandwelltrainedenoughforthedemandsofthedevelopingcivilisedstate。Ourcivilisationwasgrowingoutwardly，anddecayinginitsintimatesubstance，andunlessitwaspresentlytocollapse，someveryextensiveandcourageousreorganisationwasneeded。Theoldhaphazardsystemofpairing，qualifiedmoreandmorebyworldlydiscretions，nolongersecuresayoungpopulationnumerousenoughorgoodenoughforthegrowingneedsandpossibilitiesofourEmpire。
Statecraftsitsweavingsplendidgarments，nodoubt，butwithapuny，ugly，insufficientbabyinthecradle。
Noonesofarhasdaredtotakeupthisproblemasapresentquestionforstatecraft，butitcomesunheralded，unadvocated，andsitsateverylegislativeboard。Everyimprovementisprovisionalexcepttheimprovementoftherace，anditbecamemoreandmoredoubtfultomeifwewereimprovingtheraceatall！Splendidandbeautifulandcourageouspeoplemustcometogetherandhavechildren，womenwiththeirfinesensesandgloriousdevotionmustbefreedfromthenetthatcompelsthemtobecelibate，compelsthemtobechildlessanduseless，ortobearchildrenignoblytomenwhomneedandignoranceandthetreacherouspressureofcircumstanceshaveforceduponthem。Weallknowthat，andsofewdareeventowhisperitforfearthattheyshouldseem，inseekingtosavethefamily，tothreatenitsexistence。Itisasifapartyofpigmiesinanottoocapaciousroomhadbeenjoinedbyacarnivorousgiant——
anddecidedtogoonlivinghappilybycuttinghimdead……
Theproblemthedevelopingcivilisedstatehastosolveishowitcangetthebestpossibleincreaseunderthebestpossibleconditions。Ibecamemoreandmoreconvincedthattheindependentfamilyunitofto-day，inwhichthemanismasterofthewifeandownerofthechildren，inwhichallaredependentuponhim，subordinatedtohisenterprisesandliabletofollowhisfortunesupordown，doesnotsupplyanythinglikethebestconceivableconditions。Wewanttomodernisethefamilyfootingaltogether。Anenormouspremiumbothinpleasureandcompetitiveefficiencyisputuponvoluntarychildlessness，andenormousinducementsareheldouttowomentosubordinateinstinctiveandselectivepreferencestosocialandmaterialconsiderations。
Thepracticalreactionofmodernconditionsupontheoldtraditionofthefamilyisthis：thatbeneaththepretencethatnothingischanging，secretlyandwithalltheunwholesomenessofsecrecyeverythingischanged。Offspringfallaway，thebirthratefallsandfallsmostamongjustthemostefficientandactiveandbestadaptedclassesinthecommunity。Thespeciesisrecruitedfromamongitsfailuresandfromamonglesscivilisedaliens。
Contemporarycivilisationsareineffectburningthebestoftheirpossiblebabiesinthefurnacesthatrunthemachinery。IntheUnitedStatesthenativeAnglo-Americanstrainhasscarcelyincreasedatallsince1830，andinmostWesternEuropeancountriesthesameisprobablytrueoftheablestandmostenergeticelementsinthecommunity。Thewomenoftheseclassesstillremainlegallyandpracticallydependentandprotected，withtheonlynaturalexcusefortheirdependencegone……
Themodernworldbecomesanimmensespectacleofunsatisfactorygroupings；herechildlesscouplesboredtodeathinthehopelessefforttosustainanincessanthoneymoon，herehomesinwhichasolitarychildgrowsunsocially，heresmalltwoorthree-childhomesthatdonomorethancontinuethecultureoftheparentsatagreatsocialcost，herenumbersofunhappyeducatedbutchildlessmarriedwomen，herecareless，decivilisedfecundhomes，hereorphanagesandasylumsfortheheedlesslybegotten。ItisjustthedisorderlyproliferationofBromsteadoveragain，inlivesinsteadofinhouses。
Whatisthegood，whatisthecommonsense，ofrectifyingboundaries，pushingresearchanddiscovery，buildingcities，improvingallthefacilitiesoflife，makinggreatfleets，wagingwars，whilethisaimlessdecadenceremainsthequalityofthebiologicaloutlook？……
ItisdifficultnowtotracehowIchangedfrommyearlyaversionuntilIfacedthismassofproblems。Butsofarbackas1910IhaditclearinmymindthatIwouldratherfailutterlythanparticipateinallthesurrendersofmindandbodythatareimpliedinDayton'ssnarlof"Leaveitalone；leaveitallalone！"Marriageandthebegettingandcareofchildren，istheverygroundsubstanceinthelifeofthecommunity。Inaworldinwhicheverythingchanges，inwhichfreshmethods，freshadjustmentsandfreshideasperpetuallyrenewthecircumstancesoflife，itispreposterousthatweshouldnotevenexamineintothesematters，shouldrestcontenttoberuledbytheuncriticisedtraditionsofabarbaricage。
Now，itseemstomethatthesolutionofthisproblemisalsothesolutionofthewoman'sindividualproblem。Thetwogotogether，arerightandleftofonequestion。TheonlyconceivablewayoutfromourIMPASSEliesintherecognitionofparentage，thatistosayofadequatemothering，asnolongerachanceproductofindividualpassionsbutaservicerenderedtotheState。Womenmustbecomelessandlesssubordinatedtoindividualmen，sincethisworksoutinamoreorlesscompletelimitation，waste，andsterilisationoftheiressentiallysocialfunction；theymustbecomemoreandmoresubordinatedasindividuallyindependentcitizenstothecollectivepurpose。Or，toexpressthethingbyafamiliarphrase，thehighlyorganised，scientificstatewedesiremust，ifitistoexistatall，baseitselfnotupontheirresponsibleman-ruledfamily，butuponthematriarchalfamily，thecitizen-shipandfreedomofwomenandthepublicendowmentofmotherhood。
Aftertwogenerationsofconfusedandexperimentalrevoltitgrowscleartomodernwomenthataconscious，deliberatemotherhoodandmotheringistheirspecialfunctionintheState，andthatapersonalsubordinationtoanindividualmanwithanunlimitedpowerofcontroloverthisintimateandsupremedutyisadegradation。Nocontemporarywomanofeducationputtothetestiswillingtorecogniseanyclaimamancanmakeuponherbuttheclaimofherfreely-givendevotiontohim。Shewantstherealityofherchoiceandshemeans"family"whileamantoooftenmeansonlypossession。
Thisaltersthespiritofthefamilyrelationshipsfundamentally。
Theirformremainsjustwhatitwaswhenwomanwasesteemedapretty，desirable，andincidentallyachild-producing，chattel。
Againstthesetime-honouredideasthenewspiritofwomanhoodstrugglesinshame，astonishment，bitterness，andtears……
Iconfessmyselfaltogetherfeminist。Ihavenodoubtsinthematter。Iwantthiscoddlingandbrowbeatingofwomentocease。I
wanttoseewomencomein，freeandfearless，toafullparticipationinthecollectivepurposeofmankind。Women，Iamconvinced，areasfineasmen；theycanbeaswiseasmen；theyarecapableoffargreaterdevotionthanmen。Iwanttoseethemcitizens，withamarriagelawframedprimarilyforthemandfortheirprotectionandthegoodoftherace，andnotformen'ssatisfactions。IwanttoseethembearingandrearinggoodchildrenintheStateasagenerouslyrewardedpublicdutyandservice，choosingtheirhusbandsfreelyanddiscerningly，andinnowayenslavedbyorsubordinatedtothementheyhavechosen。Thesocialconsciousnessofwomenseemstomeanunworked，analmostuntouchedmineofwealthfortheconstructivepurposeoftheworld。Iwanttochangetherespectivevaluesofthefamilygroupaltogether，andmakethehomeindeedthewomen'skingdomandthemothertheownerandresponsibleguardianofherchildren。
Itisnousepretendingthatthisisnotnovelandrevolutionary；itis。TheEndowmentofMotherhoodimpliesanewmethodofsocialorganization，arearrangementofthesocialunit，untriedinhumanexpericnce——asuntriedaselectrictractionwasorflyingin1800。
Ofcourse，itmayworkouttomodifymen'sideasofmarriageprofoundly。Tomethatisasecondaryconsideration。Idonotbelievethatparticularassertionmyself，becauseIamconvincedthatapracticalmonogamyisapsychologicalnecessitytothemassofcivilisedpeople。ButevenifIdidbelieveitIshouldstillkeeptomypresentline，becauseitistheonlylinethatwillpreventahighlyorganisedcivilisationfromendinginbiologicaldecay。ThepublicEndowmentofMotherhoodistheonlypossiblewaywhichwillensurethepermanentlydevelopingcivilisedstateatwhichallconstructivemindsareaiming。Apointisreachedinthelife-historyofacivilisationwheneitherthisreconstructionmustbeeffectedorthequalityandMORALEofthepopulationproveinsufficientfortheneedsofthedevelopingorganisation。Itisnotsomuchmoraldecadencethatwilldestroyusasmoralinadaptability。Theoldcodefailsunderthenewneeds。Theonlyalternativetothisprofoundreconstructionisadecayinhumanqualityandsocialcollapse。Eitherthisunprecedentedrearrangementmustbeachievedbyourcivilisation，oritmustpresentlycomeuponaphaseofdisorderandcrumbleandperish，asRomeperished，asFrancedeclines，asthestrainofthePilgrimFathersdwindlesoutofAmerica。Whateverhopetheremaybeintheattempttherefore，thereisnoalternativetotheattempt。
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Iwantedpoliticalsuccessnowdearlyenough，butnotatthepriceofconstructiverealities。Thesequestionswerenodoubtmonstrouslydangerousinthepoliticalworld；therewasn'tapoliticianalivewhodidn'tlookscaredatthementionof"TheFamily，"butifraisingtheseissueswereessentialtothesocialreconstructionsonwhichmylifewasset，thatdidnotmatter。ItonlyimpliedthatIshouldtakethemupwithdeliberatecaution。
Therewasnoreleasebecauseofriskordifficulty。
ThequestionofwhetherIshouldcommitmyselftosomeopenprojectinthisdirectionwasgoingoninmymindconcurrentlywithmyspeculationsaboutachangeofparty，likebassandtrebleinacomplexpieceofmusic。Thetwodrewtoaconclusiontogether。I
wouldnotonlygoovertoImperialism，butIwouldattempttobiologiseImperialism。
IthoughtatfirstthatIwasundertakingamonstrousuphilltask。
ButasIcametolookintothepossibilitiesofthematter，astrongpersuasiongrewupinmymindthatthispanicfearoflegislativeproposalsaffectingthefamilybasiswasexcessive，thatthingsweremuchriperfordevelopmentinthisdirectionthanold-experiencedpeopleoutoftouchwiththeyoungergenerationimagined，thattophrasethethinginaparliamentaryfashion，"somethingmightbedoneintheconstituencies"withtheEndowmentofMotherhoodforthwith，providedonlythatitwasmadeperfectlyclearthatanythingasanepersoncouldpossiblyintendby"morality"wasleftuntouchedbytheseproposals。
Iwenttoworkverycarefully。IgotRoperoftheDAILYTELEPHONE
andBurkettoftheDIALtotryoverasilly-seasondiscussionofStateHelpforMothers，andIputaseriesofarticlesoneugenics，uponthefallinthebirth-rate，andsimilartopicsintheBLUE
WEEKLY，leadinguptoatentativeandgeneralisedadvocacyofthepublicendowmentofthenation'schildren。Iwasmoreandmorestruckbytheacceptancewonbyasoberandrestrainedpresentationofthissuggestion。
Andthen，inthefourthyearoftheBLUEWEEKLY'Scareer，cametheHanditchelection，andIwasforcedbytheclamourofmyantagonist，andverywillinglyforced，toputmyconvictionstothetest。I
returnedtriumphantlytoWestminsterwiththePublicEndowmentofMotherhoodaspartofmyopenprofessionandwiththefullapprovalofthepartypress。ApplaudingbenchesofImperialistscheeredmeonmywaytothetablebetweenthewhips。
ThatsecondtimeItooktheoathIwasnotoneofacrowdofnewmembers，butsalient，anevent，asymbolofprofoundchangesandnewpurposesinthenationallife。
Hereitismypoliticalbookcomestoanend，andinasensemybookendsaltogether。FortherestisbuttotellhowIwassweptoutofthisgreatworldofpoliticalpossibilities。IclosethisThirdBookasIopenedit，withanadmissionofdifficultiesandcomplexities，butnowwithapileofmanuscriptbeforemeIhavetoconfessthemunsurmountedandstillentangled。
Yetmyaimwasafinalsimplicity。Ihavesoughttoshowmygrowingrealisationthattheessentialqualityofallpoliticalandsocialeffortisthedevelopmentofagreatracemindbehindtheinterplayofindividuallives。Thatisthecollectivehumanreality，thebasisofmorality，thepurposeofdevotion。Tothatourlivesmustbegiven，fromthatwillcometheperpetualfreshreleaseandfurtherennoblementofindividuallives……
IhavewantedtomakethatideaofacollectivemindplayinthisbookthepartUnitedItalyplaysinMachiavelli'sPRINCE。Ihavecalleditthehinterlandofreality，shownitaccumulatingadominatingtruthandrightnesswhichmustforcemen'snowsporadicmotivesmoreandmoreintoadisciplinedandunderstandingrelationtoaplan。AndIhavetriedtoindicatehowIsoughttoservethisgreatclarificationofourconfusions……
NowIcomebacktopersonalityandthestoryofmyself-betrayal，andhowitisIhavehadtoleaveallthatfar-reachingschemeofmine，amereprojectandbeginningforothermentotakeorleaveasitpleasesthem。
BOOKTHEFOURTH
ISABEL
CHAPTERTHEFIRST
LOVEANDSUCCESS