Headvancedastep，andfixedhisangryeyesonhersearchingly。
"DoyouknowwhyLadyJanetsentforme？"heasked。
"No。"
"ThenIwilltellyou。LadyJanetisastanchfriendofyours，thereisnodenyingthat。Shewishedtoinformmethatshehadalteredhermindaboutyourpromisedexplanationofyourconduct。Shesaid，'Reflectionhasconvincedmethatnoexplanationisrequired；Ihavelaidmypositivecommandsonmyadopteddaughterthatnoexplanationshalltakeplace。'Hasshedonethat？"
"Yes。"
"Nowobserve！Iwaitedtillshehadfinished，andthenIsaid，'WhathaveItodowiththis？'LadyJanethasonemerit——shespeaksout。'YouaretodoasIdo，'sheanswered。'Youaretoconsiderthatnoexplanationisrequired，andyouaretoconsignthewholemattertooblivionfromthistimeforth。''Areyouserious？'Iasked。'Quiteserious。''InthatcaseIhavetoinformyourladyshipthatyouinsistonmorethanyoumaysuppose：youinsistonmybreakingmyengagementtoMissRoseberry。EitherIamtohavetheexplanationthatshehaspromisedme，orIrefusetomarryher。'HowdoyouthinkLadyJanettookthat？Sheshutupherlips，andshespreadoutherhands，andshelookedatmeasmuchastosay，'Justasyouplease！Refuseifyoulike；it'snothingtome！'"
Hepausedforamoment。Mercyremainedsilent，onherside：sheforesawwhatwascoming。MistakeninsupposingthatHoracehadleftthehouse，Julianhad，beyondalldoubt，beenequallyinerrorinconcludingthathehadbeenentrappedintobreakingofftheengagementupstairs。
"Doyouunderstandmesofar？"Horaceasked。
"Iunderstandyouperfectly。"
"Iwillnottroubleyoumuchlonger，"heresumed。"IsaidtoLadyJanet，'Besogoodastoanswermeinplainwords。DoyoustillinsistonclosingMissRoseberry'slips？''Istillinsist，'sheanswered。'Noexplanationisrequired。Ifyouarebaseenoughtosuspectyourbetrothedwife，Iamjustenoughtobelieveinmyadopteddaughter。'Ireplied——andIbegyouwillgiveyourbestattentiontowhatIamnowgoingtosay——Irepliedtothat，'Itisnotfairtochargemewithsuspectingher。Idon'tunderstandherconfidentialrelationswithJulianGray，andIdon'tunderstandherlanguageandconductinthepresenceofthepoliceofficer。Iclaimitasmyrighttobesatisfiedonboththosepoints——inthecharacterofthemanwhoistomarryher。'Therewasmyanswer。Ispareyouallthatfollowed。IonlyrepeatwhatIsaidtoLadyJanet。Shehascommandedyoutobesilent。Ifyouobeyhercommands，IoweittomyselfandIoweittomyfamilytoreleaseyoufromyourengagement。ChoosebetweenyourdutytoLadyJanetandyourdutytoMe。"
Hehadmasteredhistemperatlast：hespokewithdignity，andhespoketothepoint。Hispositionwasunassailable；heclaimednothingbuthisright。
"Mychoicewasmade，"Mercyanswered，"whenIgaveyoumypromiseupstairs。"
Shewaitedalittle，strugglingtocontrolherselfonthebrinkoftheterriblerevelationthatwascoming。Hereyesdroppedbeforehis；herheartbeatfasterandfaster；butshestruggledbravely。Withadesperatecourageshefacedtheposition。"Ifyouarereadytolisten，"shewenton，"IamreadytotellyouwhyIinsistedonhavingthepoliceofficersentoutofthehouse。"
Horacehelduphishandwarningly。
"Stop！"hesaid；"thatisnotall。"
HisinfatuatedjealousyofJulianfatallymisinterpretingheragitationdistrustedherattheveryoutset。Shehadlimitedherselftoclearinguptheonequestionofherinterferencewiththeofficerofjustice。TheotherquestionofherrelationswithJulianshehaddeliberatelypassedover。Horaceinstantlydrewhisownungenerousconclusion。
"Letusnotmisunderstandoneanother，"hesaid。"Theexplanationofyourconductintheotherroomisonlyoneoftheexplanationswhichyouoweme。Youhavesomethingelsetoaccountfor。Letusbeginwiththat，ifyouplease。"
Shelookedathiminunaffectedsurprise。
"WhatelsehaveItoaccountfor？"sheasked。
HeagainrepeatedhisreplytoLadyJanet。
"Ihavetoldyoualready，"hesaid。"Idon'tunderstandyourconfidentialrelationswithJulianGray。"
Mercy'scolorrose；Mercy'seyesbegantobrighten。
"Don'treturntothat！"shecried，withanirrepressibleoutbreakofdisgust。"Don't，forGod'ssake，makemedespiseyouatsuchamomentasthis！"
Hisobstinacyonlygatheredfreshencouragementfromthatappealtohisbettersense。
"Iinsistonreturningtoit。"
Shehadresolvedtobearanythingfromhim——asherfitpunishmentforthedeceptionofwhichshehadbeenguilty。ButitwasnotinwomanhoodatthemomentwhenthefirstwordsofherconfessionweretremblingonherlipstoendureHorace'sunworthysuspicionofher。Sherosefromherseatandmethiseyefirmly。
"Irefusetodegrademyself，andtodegradeMr。JulianGray，byansweringyou，"shesaidConsiderwhatyouaredoing，"herejoined。Changeyourmind，beforeitistoolate！"
"Youhavehadmyreply。"
Thoseresolutewords，thatsteadyresistance，seemedtoinfuriatehim。Hecaughtherroughlybythearm。
"Youareasfalseashell！"hecried。"It'salloverbetweenyouandme！"
Theloudthreateningtoneinwhichhehadspokenpenetratedthroughthecloseddoorofthedining-room。Thedoorinstantlyopened。Julianreturnedtothelibrary。
Hehadjustsetfootintheroom，whentherewasaknockattheotherdoor——thedoorthatopenedonthehall。Oneofthemen-servantsappeared，withatelegraphicmessageinhishand。Mercywasthefirsttoseeit。ItwastheMatron'sanswertotheletterwhichshehadsenttotheRefuge。
"ForMr。JulianGray？"sheasked。
"Yes，miss。"
"Giveittome。"
Shesignedtothemantowithdraw，andherselfgavethetelegramtoJulian。"Itisaddressedtoyou，atmyrequest，"shesaid。"Youwillrecognizethenameofthepersonwhosendsit，andyouwillfindamessageinitforme。"
HoraceinterferedbeforeJuliancouldopenthetelegram。
"Anotherprivateunderstandingbetweenyou！"hesaid。"Givemethattelegram。"
Julianlookedathimwithquietcontempt。
"ItisdirectedtoMe，"heanswered——andopenedtheenvelope。
Themessageinsidewasexpressedintheseterms："Iamasdeeplyinterestedinherasyouare。SaythatIhavereceivedherletter，andthatIwelcomeherbacktotheRefugewithallmyheart。Ihavebusinessthiseveningintheneighborhood。IwillcallforhermyselfatMablethorpeHouse。"
Themessageexplaineditself。Ofherownfree-willshehadmadetheexpiationcomplete！Ofherownfree-willshewasgoingbacktothemartyrdomofheroldlife！BoundasheknewhimselftobetoletnocompromisingwordoractionescapehiminthepresenceofHorace，theirrepressibleexpressionofJulian'sadmirationglowedinhiseyesastheyrestedonMercy。Horacedetectedthelook。HesprangforwardandtriedtosnatchthetelegramoutofJulian'shand。
"Giveittome！"hesaid。"Iwillhaveit！"
Juliansilentlyputhimbackatarms-length。
Maddenedwithrage，heliftedhishandthreateningly。"Giveittome！"herepeatedbetweenhissetteeth，"oritwillbetheworseforyou！"
"Giveittome！"saidMercy，suddenlyplacingherselfbetweenthem。
Juliangaveit。Sheturned，andofferedittoHorace，lookingathimwithasteadyeye，holdingitouttohimwithasteadyhand。
"Readit，"shesaid。
Julian'sgenerousnaturepitiedthemanwhohadinsultedhim。Julian'sgreatheartonlyrememberedthefriendofformertimes。
"Sparehim！"hesaidtoMercy。"Rememberheisunprepared。"
Sheneitheranswerednormoved。Nothingstirredthehorribletorporofherresignationtoherfate。Sheknewthatthetimehadcome。
JulianappealedtoHorace。
"Don'treadit！"hecried。"Hearwhatshehastosaytoyoufirst！"
Horace'shandansweredhimwithacontemptuousgesture。Horace'seyesdevoured，wordbyword，theMatron'smessage。
Helookedupwhenhehadreaditthrough。TherewasaghastlychangeinhisfaceasheturneditonMercy。
Shestoodbetweenthetwomenlikeastatue。Thelifeinherseemedtohavediedout，exceptinhereyes。HereyesrestedonHoracewithasteady，glitteringcalmness。
ThesilencewasonlybrokenbythelowmurmuringofJulian'svoice。Hisfacewashiddeninhishands——hewasprayingforthem。
Horacespoke，layinghisfingeronthetelegram。Hisvoicehadchangedwiththechangeinhisface。Thetonewaslowandtrembling：noonewouldhaverecognizeditasthetoneofHorace'svoice。
"Whatdoesthismean？"hesaidtoMercy。"Itcan'tbeforyou？"
"Itisforme。"
"WhathaveYoutodowithaRefuge？"
Withoutachangeinherface，withoutamovementinherlimbs，shespokethefatalwords：
"IhavecomefromaRefuge，andIamgoingbacktoaRefuge。Mr。HoraceHolmcroft，IamMercyMerrick。"
[NextChapter]
[TableofContents]TheNewMagdalen，Chapter26CHAPTERXXVI。
GREATHEARTANDLITTLEHEART。
THEREwasapause。
Themomentspassed——andnotoneofthethreemoved。Themomentspassed——andnotoneofthethreespoke。InsensiblythewordsofsupplicationdiedawayonJulian'slips。Evenhisenergyfailedtosustainhim，triedasitnowwasbythecrushingoppressionofsuspense。Thefirsttriflingmovementwhichsuggestedtheideaofchange，andwhichsobroughtwithitthefirstvaguesenseofrelief，camefromMercy。Incapableofsustainingtheprolongedeffortofstanding，shedrewbackalittleandtookachair。Nooutwardmanifestationofemotionescapedher。Thereshesat——withthedeath-liketorporofresignationinherface——waitinghersentenceinsilencefromthemanatwhomshehadhurledthewholeterribleconfessionofthetruthinonesentence！
Julianliftedhisheadasshemoved。HelookedatHorace，andadvancingafewsteps，lookedagain。Therewasfearinhisface，ashesuddenlyturnedittowardMercy。
"Speaktohim！"hesaid，inawhisper。"Rousehim，beforeit'stoolate！"
Shemovedmechanicallyinherchair；shelookedmechanicallyatJulian。
"WhatmorehaveItosaytohim？"sheasked，infaint，wearytones。"DidInottellhimeverythingwhenItoldhimmyname？"
ThenaturalsoundofhervoicemighthavefailedtoaffectHorace。Thealteredsoundofitrousedhim。HeapproachedMercy'schair，withadullsurpriseinhisface，andputhishand，inaweak，waveringway，onhershoulder。Inthatpositionhestoodforawhile，lookingdownatherinsilence。
TheoneideainhimthatfounditswayoutwardtoexpressionwastheideaofJulian。Withoutmovinghishand，withoutlookingupfromMercy，hespokeforthefirsttimesincetheshockhadfallenonhim。
"WhereisJulian？"heasked，veryquietly。
"Iamhere，Horace——closebyyou。"
"Willyoudomeaservice？"
"Certainly。HowcanIhelpyou？"
Heconsideredalittlebeforehereplied。HishandleftMercy'sshoulder，andwentuptohishead——thendroppedathisside。Hisnextwordswerespokeninasadlyhelpless，bewilderedway。
"Ihaveanidea，Julian，thatIhavebeensomehowtoblame。Isaidsomehardwordstoyou。Itwasalittlewhilesince。Idon'tclearlyrememberwhatitwasallabout。Mytemperhasbeenagooddealtriedinthishouse；Ihaveneverbeenusedtothesortofthingthatgoesonhere——secretsandmysteries，andhatefullow-livedquarrels。Wehavenosecretsandmysteriesathome。Andasforquarrels——ridiculous！Mymotherandmysistersarehighlybredwomenyouknowthem；gentlewomen，inthebestsenseoftheword。WhenIamwiththemIhavenoanxieties。Iamnotharassedathomebydoubtsofwhopeopleare，andconfusionaboutnames，andsoon。Isuspectthecontrastweighsalittleonmymindandupsetsit。Theymakemeover-suspiciousamongthemhere，anditendsinmyfeelingdoubtsandfearsthatIcan'tgetover：doubtsaboutyouandfearsaboutmyself。Ihavegotafearaboutmyselfnow。Iwantyoutohelpme。ShallImakeanapologyfirst？"
"Don'tsayaword。TellmewhatIcando。"
HeturnedhisfacetowardJulianforthefirsttime。
"Justlookatme，"hesaid。"DoesitstrikeyouthatIamatallwronginmymind？Tellmethetruth，oldfellow。"
"Yournervesarealittleshaken，Horace。Nothingmore。"
Heconsideredagainafterthatreply，hiseyesremaininganxiouslyfixedonJulian'sface。
"Mynervesarealittleshaken，"herepeated。"Thatistrue；Ifeeltheyareshaken。Ishouldlike，ifyoudon'tmind，tomakesurethatit'snoworse。Willyouhelpmetotryifmymemoryisallright？"
"Iwilldoanythingyoulike。"
"Ah！youareagoodfellow，Julian——andaclear-headedfellowtoo，whichisveryimportantjustnow。Lookhere！Isayit'saboutaweeksincethetroublesbeganinthishouse。Doyousaysotoo？"
"Yes。"
"ThetroublescameinwiththecomingofawomanfromGermany，astrangertous，whobehavedveryviolentlyinthedining-roomthere。AmIright，sofar？"
"Quiteright。"
"Thewomancarriedmatterswithahighhand。SheclaimedColonelRoseberry——Iwishtobestrictlyaccurate——sheclaimedthelateColonelRoseberryasherfather。Shetoldatiresomestoryaboutherhavingbeenrobbedofherpapersandhernamebyanimpostorwhohadpersonatedher。ShesaidthenameoftheimpostorwasMercyMerrick。Andsheafterwardputtheclimaxtoitall：shepointedtotheladywhoisengagedtobemywife，anddeclaredthatshewasMercyMerrick。Tellmeagain，isthatrightorwrong？"
Julianansweredhimasbefore。Hewenton，speakingmoreconfidentlyandmoreexcitedlythanhehadspokenyet。
"Nowattendtothis，Julian。Iamgoingtopassfrommymemoryofwhathappenedaweekagotomymemoryofwhathappenedfiveminutessince。Youwerepresent；Iwanttoknowifyouheardittoo。"Hepaused，and，withouttakinghiseyesoffJulian，pointedbackwardtoMercy。"Thereistheladywhoisengagedtomarryme，"heresumed。"DidI，ordidInot，hearhersaythatshehadcomeoutofaRefuge，andthatshewasgoingbacktoaRefuge？DidI，ordidInot，hearherowntomyfacethathernamewasMercyMerrick？Answerme，Julian。Mygoodfriend，answerme，forthesakeofoldtimes。"
Hisvoicefalteredashespokethoseimploringwords。Underthedullblankofhisfacethereappearedthefirstsignsofemotionslowlyforcingitswayoutward。Thestunnedmindwasrevivingfaintly。Juliansawhisopportunityofaidingtherecovery，andseizedit。HetookHoracegentlybythearm，andpointedtoMercy。
"Thereisyouranswer！"hesaid。"Look！——andpityher。"
Shehadnotonceinterruptedthemwhiletheyhadbeenspeaking：shehadchangedherpositionagain，andthatwasall。Therewasawriting-tableatthesideofherchair；heroutstretchedarmsrestedonit。Herheadhaddroppedonherarms，andherfacewashidden。Julian'sjudgmenthadnotmisledhim；theutterself-abandonmentofherattitudeansweredHoraceasnohumanlanguagecouldhaveansweredhim。Helookedather。Aquickspasmofpainpassedacrosshisface。Heturnedoncemoretothefaithfulfriendwhohadforgivenhim。HisheadfellonJulian'sshoulder，andheburstintotears。
Mercystartedwildlytoherfeet，andlookedatthetwomen。
"OGod"shecried，"whathaveIdone！"
Julianquietedherbyamotionofhishand。
"Youhavehelpedmetosavehim，"hesaid。"Lethistearshavetheirway。Wait。"
HeputonearmroundHoracetosupporthim。Themanlytendernessoftheaction，thecompleteandnoblepardonofpastinjurieswhichitimplied，touchedMercytotheheart。Shewentbacktoherchair。Againshameandsorrowoverpoweredher，andagainshehidherfacefromview。
JulianledHoracetoaseat，andsilentlywaitedbyhimuntilhehadrecoveredhisself-control。Hegratefullytookthekindhandthathadsustainedhim：hesaid，simply，almostboyishly，"Thankyou，Julian。Iambetternow。"
"Areyoucomposedenoughtolistentowhatissaidtoyou？"Julianasked。
"Yes。Doyouwishtospeaktome？"
Julianlefthimwithoutimmediatelyreplying，andreturnedtoMercy。
"Thetimehascome，"hesaid。"Tellhimall——truly，unreservedly，asyouwouldtellittome。"
Sheshudderedashespoke。"HaveInottoldhimenough？"sheasked。"Doyouwantmetobreakhisheart？Lookathim！LookwhatIhavedonealready！"
HoraceshrankfromtheordealasMercyshrankfromit。
"No，no！Ican'tlistentoit！Idaren'tlistentoit！"hecried，androsetoleavetheroom。
Julianhadtakenthegoodworkinhand：heneverfalteredoveritforaninstant。Horacehadlovedher——howdearlyJuliannowknewforthefirsttime。Thebarepossibilitythatshemightearnherpardonifshewasallowedtopleadherowncausewasapossibilitystillleft。ToletherwinonHoracetoforgiveher，wasdeathtothelovethatstillfilledhisheartinsecret。Butheneverhesitated。Witharesolutionwhichtheweakermanwaspowerlesstoresist，hetookhimbythearmandledhimbacktohisplace。
"Forhersake，andforyoursake，youshallnotcondemnherunheard，"hesaidtoHorace，firmly。"Onetemptationtodeceiveyouafteranotherhastriedher，andshehasresistedthemall。Withnodiscoverytofear，withaletterfromthebenefactresswholoveshercommandinghertobesilent，witheverythingthatawomanvaluesinthisworldtolose，ifsheownswhatshehasdone——thiswoman，forthetruth'ssake，hasspokenthetruth。Doesshedeservenothingatyourhandsinreturnforthat？Respecther，Horace——andhearher。"
Horaceyielded。JulianturnedtoMercy。
"Youhaveallowedmetoguideyousofar，"hesaid。"Willyouallowmetoguideyoustill？"
Hereyessankbeforehis；herbosomroseandfellrapidly。Hisinfluenceoverhermaintaineditssway。Shebowedherheadinspeechlesssubmission。
"Tellhim，"Julianproceeded，inaccentsofentreaty，notofcommand——"tellhimwhatyourlifehasbeen。Tellhimhowyouweretriedandtempted，withnofriendneartospeakthewordswhichmighthavesavedyou。Andthen，"headded，raisingherfromthechair，"lethimjudgeyou——ifhecan！"
HeattemptedtoleadheracrosstheroomtotheplacewhichHoraceoccupied。Buthersubmissionhaditslimits。Half-waytotheplaceshestopped，andrefusedtogofurther。Julianofferedherachair。Shedeclinedtotakeit。Standingwithonehandonthebackofthechair，shewaitedforthewordfromHoracewhichwouldpermithertospeak。Shewasresignedtotheordeal。Herfacewascalm；hermindwasclear。Thehardestofallhumiliationstoendure——thehumiliationofacknowledginghername——shehadpassedthrough。NothingremainedbuttoshowhergratitudetoJulianbyaccedingtohiswishes，andtoaskpardonofHoracebeforetheypartedforever。InalittlewhiletheMatronwouldarriveatthehouse——andthenitwouldbeover。
UnwillinglyHoracelookedather。Theireyesmet。Hebrokeoutsuddenlywithsomethingofhisformerviolence。
"Ican'trealizeitevennow！"hecried。"IsittruethatyouarenotGraceRoseberry？Don'tlookatme！Sayinoneword——YesorNo！"
Sheansweredhim，humblyandsadly，"Yes。"
"Youhavedonewhatthatwomanaccusedyouofdoing？AmItobelievethat？"
"Youaretobelieveit，sir。"
AlltheweaknessofHorace'scharacterdiscloseditselfwhenshemadethatreply。
"Infamous！"heexclaimed。"Whatexcusecanyoumakeforthecrueldeceptionyouhavepracticedonme？Toobad！toobad！Therecanbenoexcuseforyou！"
Sheacceptedhisreproacheswithunshakenresignation。"Ihavedeservedit！"wasallshesaidtoherself，"Ihavedeservedit！"
JulianinterposedoncemoreinMercy'sdefense。
"Waittillyouaresurethereisnoexcuseforher，Horace，"hesaid，quietly。"Grantherjustice，ifyoucangrantnomore。Ileaveyoutogether。"
Headvancedtowardthedoorofthedining-room。Horace'sweaknessdiscloseditselfoncemore。
"Don'tleavemealonewithher！"heburstout。"ThemiseryofitismorethanIcanbear！"
JulianlookedatMercy。Herfacebrightenedfaintly。Thatmomentaryexpressionofrelieftoldhimhowtrulyhewouldbebefriendingherifheconsentedtoremainintheroom。Apositionofretirementwasofferedtohimbyarecessformedbythecentralbay-windowofthelibrary。Ifheoccupiedthisplace，theycouldseeornotseethathewaspresent，astheirowninclinationsmightdecidethem。
"Iwillstaywithyou，Horace，aslongasyouwishmetobehere。"Havingansweredinthoseterms，hestoppedashepassedMercy，onhiswaytothewindow。Hisquickandkindlyinsighttoldhimthathemightstillbeofsomeservicetoher。Ahintfromhimmightshowhertheshortestandtheeasiestwayofmakingherconfession。Delicatelyandbrieflyhegaveherthehint。"ThefirsttimeImetyou，"hesaid，"Isawthatyourlifehadhaditstroubles。Letushearhowthosetroublesbegan。"
Hewithdrewtohisplaceintherecess。Forthefirsttime，sincethefataleveningwhensheandGraceRoseberryhadmetintheFrenchcottage，MercyMerricklookedbackintothepurgatoryonearthofherpastlife，andtoldhersadstorysimplyandtrulyinthesewords。
[NextChapter]
[TableofContents]TheNewMagdalen，Chapter27CHAPTERXXVII。
MAGDALEN'SAPPRENTICESHIP。
"MR。JULIANGRAYhasaskedmetotellhim，andtotellyou，Mr。Holmcroft，howmytroublesbegan。Theybeganbeforemyrecollection。Theybeganwithmybirth。
"MymotherasIhaveheardhersayruinedherprospects，whenshewasquiteayounggirl，byamarriagewithoneofherfather'sservants——thegroomwhorodeoutwithher。Shesuffered，poorcreature，theusualpenaltyofsuchconductashers。Afterashorttimesheandherhusbandwereseparated——ontheconditionofhersacrificingtothemanwhomshehadmarriedthewholeofthelittlefortunethatshepossessedinherright。
"Gainingherfreedom，mymotherhadtogainherdailybreadnext。Herfamilyrefusedtotakeherback。Sheattachedherselftoacompanyofstrollingplayers。
"Shewasearningabarelivinginthisway，whenmyfatheraccidentallymetwithher。Hewasamanofhighrank，proudofhisposition，andwellknowninthesocietyofthattimeforhismanyaccomplishmentsandhisrefinedtastes。Mymother'sbeautyfascinatedhim。Hetookherfromthestrollingplayers，andsurroundedherwitheveryluxurythatawomancoulddesireinahouseofherown。
"Idon'tknowhowlongtheylivedtogether。Ionlyknowthatmyfather，atthetimeofmyfirstrecollections，hadabandonedher。Shehadexcitedhissuspicionsofherfidelity——suspicionswhichcruellywrongedher，asshedeclaredtoherdyingday。Ibelievedher，becauseshewasmymother。ButIcannotexpectotherstodoasIdid——Icanonlyrepeatwhatshesaid。Myfatherleftherabsolutelypenniless。Heneversawheragain；andherefusedtogotoherwhenshesenttohiminherlastmomentsonearth。
"ShewasbackagainamongthestrollingplayerswhenIfirstrememberher。Itwasnotanunhappytimeforme。Iwasthefavoritepetandplaythingofthepooractors。Theytaughtmetosingandtodanceatanagewhenotherchildrenarejustbeginningtolearntoread。AtfiveyearsoldIwasinwhatiscalled'theprofession，'andhadmademypoorlittlereputationinboothsatcountryfairs。Asearlyasthat，Mr。Holmcroft，Ihadbeguntoliveunderanassumedname——theprettiestnametheycouldinventforme'tolookwellinthebills。'Itwassometimesahardstruggleforus，inbadseasons，tokeepbodyandsoultogether。Learningtosinganddanceinpublicoftenmeantlearningtobearhungerandcoldinprivate，whenIwasapprenticedtothestage。AndyetIhavelivedtolookbackonmydayswiththestrollingplayersasthehappiestdaysofmylife！
"IwastenyearsoldwhenthefirstseriousmisfortunethatIcanrememberfelluponme。Mymotherdied，wornoutintheprimeofherlife。Andnotlongafterwardthestrollingcompany，broughttotheendofitsresourcesbyasuccessionofbadseasons，wasbrokenup。
"Iwasleftontheworld，anameless，pennilessoutcast，withonefatalinheritance——Godknows，Icanspeakofitwithoutvanity，afterwhatIhavegonethrough！——theinheritanceofmymother'sbeauty。
"Myonlyfriendswerethepoorstarved-outplayers。Twoofthemhusbandandwifeobtainedengagementsinanothercompany，andIwasincludedinthebargainThenewmanagerbywhomIwasemployedwasadrunkardandabrute。OnenightImadeatriflingmistakeinthecourseoftheperformances——andIwassavagelybeatenforit。PerhapsIhadinheritedsomeofmyfather'sspirit——without，Ihope，alsoinheritingmyfather'spitilessnature。Howeverthatmaybe，Iresolvednomatterwhatbecameofmeneveragaintoservethemanwhohadbeatenme。Iunlockedthedoorofourmiserablelodgingatdaybreakthenextmorning；and，attenyearsold，withmylittlebundleinmyhand，Ifacedtheworldalone。
"Mymotherhadconfidedtome，inherlastmoments，myfather'snameandtheaddressofhishouseinLondon。'Hemayfeelsomecompassionforyou'shesaid，'thoughhefeelsnoneforme：tryhim。'Ihadafewshillings，thelastpitifulremainsofmywages，inmypocket；andIwasnotfarfromLondon。ButIneverwentnearmyfather：childasIwas，Iwouldhavestarvedanddiedratherthangotohim。Ihadlovedmymotherdearly；andIhatedthemanwhohadturnedhisbackonherwhenshelayonherdeathbed。ItmadenodifferencetoMethathehappenedtobemyfather。
"Doesthisconfessionrevoltyou？Youlookatme，Mr。Holmcroft，asifitdid。
"Thinkalittle，sir。DoeswhatIhavejustsaidcondemnmeasaheartlesscreature，eveninmyearliestyears？Whatisafathertoachild——whenthechildhasneversatonhisknee，andneverhadakissorapresentfromhim？Ifwehadmetinthestreet，weshouldnothaveknowneachother。Perhapsinafter-days，whenIwasstarvinginLondon，Imayhavebeggedofmyfatherwithoutknowingit；andhemayhavethrownhisdaughterapennytogetridofher，withoutknowingiteither！Whatistheresacredintherelationsbetweenfatherandchild，whentheyaresuchrelationsasthese？Eventheflowersofthefieldcannotgrowwithoutlightandairtohelpthem！Howisachild'slovetogrow，withnothingtohelpit？
"Mysmallsavingswouldhavebeensoonexhausted，evenifIhadbeenoldenoughandstrongenoughtoprotectthemmyself。Asthingswere，myfewshillingsweretakenfrommebygypsies。Ihadnoreasontocomplain。Theygavemefoodandtheshelteroftheirtents，andtheymademeofusetotheminvariousways。Afterawhilehardtimescametothegypsies，astheyhadcometothestrollingplayers。Someofthemwereimprisoned；therestweredispersed。Itwastheseasonforhop-gatheringatthetime。Igotemploymentamongthehop-pickersnext；andthatdone，IwenttoLondonwithmynewfriends。
"Ihavenowishtowearyandpainyoubydwellingonthispartofmychildhoodindetail。ItwillbeenoughifItellyouthatIsanklowerandloweruntilIendedinsellingmatchesinthestreet。Mymother'slegacygotmemanyasixpencewhichmymatcheswouldneverhavecharmedoutofthepocketsofstrangersifIhadbeenanuglychild。Myface。whichwasdestinedtobemygreatestmisfortuneinafter-years，wasmybestfriendinthosedays。
"Isthereanything，Mr。Holmcroft，inthelifeIamnowtryingtodescribewhichremindsyouofadaywhenwewereoutwalkingtogethernotlongsince？
"Isurprisedandoffendedyou，Iremember；anditwasnotpossibleformetoexplainmyconductatthetime。Doyourecollectthelittlewanderinggirl，withthemiserablefadednosegayinherhand，whoranafterus，andbeggedforahalf-penny？Ishockedyoubyburstingoutcryingwhenthechildaskedustobuyherabitofbread。NowyouknowwhyIwassosorryforher。NowyouknowwhyIoffendedyouthenextdaybybreakinganengagementwithyourmotherandsisters，andgoingtoseethatchildinherwretchedhome。AfterwhatIhaveconfessed，youwilladmitthatmypoorlittlesisterinadversityhadthefirstclaimonme。
"Letmegoon。IamsorryifIhavedistressedyou。Letmegoon。
"TheforlornwanderersofthestreetshaveasIfounditonewayalwaysopentothemofpresentingtheirsufferingstothenoticeoftheirrichandcharitablefellow-creatures。Theyhaveonlytobreakthelaw——andtheymakeapublicappearanceinacourtofjustice。Ifthecircumstancesconnectedwiththeiroffenseareofaninterestingkind，theygainasecondadvantage：theyareadvertisedalloverEnglandbyareportinthenewspapers。
"Yes！evenIhavemyknowledgeofthelaw。IknowthatitcompletelyoverlookedmeaslongasIrespectedit。ButontwodifferentoccasionsitbecamemybestfriendwhenIsetitatdefiance！MyfirstfortunateoffensewascommittedwhenIwasjusttwelveyearsold。
"Itwaseveningtime。Iwashalfdeadwithstarvation；therainwasfalling；thenightwascomingon。Ibegged——openly，loudly，asonlyahungrychildcanbeg。Anoldladyinacarriageatashopdoorcomplainedofmyimportunity。Thepolicemandidhisduty。Thelawgavemeasupperandshelteratthestation-housethatnight。Iappearedatthepolicecourt，and，questionedbythemagistrate，Itoldmystorytruly。Itwastheevery-daystoryofthousandsofchildrenlikeme；butithadoneelementofinterestinit。Iconfessedtohavinghadafatherhewasthendeadwhohadbeenamanofrank；andIownedjustasopenlyasIownedeverythingelsethatIhadneverappliedtohimforhelp，inresentmentofhistreatmentofmymother。Thisincidentwasnew，Isuppose；itledtotheappearanceofmy'case'inthenewspapers。Thereportersfurtherservedmyinterestsbydescribingmeas'prettyandinteresting。'Subscriptionsweresenttothecourt。Abenevolentmarriedcouple，inarespectablesphereoflife，visitedtheworkhousetoseeme。Iproducedafavorableimpressiononthem——especiallyonthewife。Iwasliterallyfriendless；Ihadnounwelcomerelativestofollowmeandclaimme。Thewifewaschildless；thehusbandwasagood-naturedman。Itendedintheirtakingmeawaywiththemtotrymeinservice。
"Ihavealwaysfelttheaspiration，nomatterhowlowImayhavefallen，tostruggleupwardtoapositionaboveme；torise，inspiteoffortune，superiortomylotinlife。Perhapssomeofmyfather'spridemaybeattherootofthisrestlessfeelinginme。Itseemstobeapartofmynature。Itbroughtmeintothishouse——anditwillgowithmeoutofthishouse。Isitmycurseormyblessing？Iamnotabletodecide。
"OnthefirstnightwhenIsleptinmynewhomeIsaidtomyself，'Theyhavetakenmetobetheirservant：Iwillbesomethingmorethanthat——theyshallendintakingmefortheirchild。'BeforeIhadbeenaweekinthehouseIwasthewife'sfavoritecompanionintheabsenceofherhusbandathisplaceofbusiness。Shewasahighlyaccomplishedwoman，greatlyherhusband'ssuperiorincultivation，and，unfortunatelyforherself，alsohissuperiorinyears。Thelovewasallonherside。Exceptingcertainoccasionsonwhichherousedherjealousy，theylivedtogetheronsufficientlyfriendlyterms。Shewasoneofthemanywiveswhoresignthemselvestobedisappointedintheirhusbands——andhewasoneofthemanyhusbandswhoneverknowwhattheirwivesreallythinkofthem。Heronegreathappinesswasinteachingme。Iwaseagertolearn；Imaderapidprogress。AtmypliantageIsoonacquiredtherefinementsoflanguageandmannerwhichcharacterizedmymistress。Itisonlythetruthtosaythatthecultivationwhichhasmademecapableofpersonatingaladywasherwork。
"ForthreehappyyearsIlivedunderthatfriendlyroof。Iwasbetweenfifteenandsixteenyearsofage，whenthefatalinheritancefrommymothercastitsfirstshadowonmylife。Onemiserabledaythewife'smotherlyloveformechangedinaninstanttothejealoushatredthatneverforgives。Canyouguessthereason？Thehusbandfellinlovewithme。
"Iwasinnocent；Iwasblameless。Heownedithimselftotheclergymanwhowaswithhimathisdeath。Bythattimeyearshadpassed。Itwastoolatetojustifyme。
"HewasatanagewhenIwasunderhiscarewhenmenareusuallysupposedtoregardwomenwithtranquillity，ifnotwithindifference。Ithadbeenthehabitofyearswithmetolookonhimasmysecondfather。Inmyinnocentignoranceofthefeelingwhichreallyinspiredhim，Ipermittedhimtoindulgeinlittlepaternalfamiliaritieswithme，whichinflamedhisguiltypassion。Hiswifediscoveredhim——notI。Nowordscandescribemyastonishmentandmyhorrorwhenthefirstoutbreakofherindignationforcedonmetheknowledgeofthetruth。OnmykneesIdeclaredmyselfguiltless。OnmykneesIimploredhertodojusticetomypurityandmyyouth。Atothertimesthesweetestandthemostconsiderateofwomen，jealousyhadnowtransformedhertoaperfectfury。Sheaccusedmeofdeliberatelyencouraginghim；shedeclaredshewouldturnmeoutofthehousewithherownhands。Likeothereasy-temperedmen，herhusbandhadreservesofangerinhimwhichitwasdangeroustoprovoke。Whenhiswifeliftedherhandagainstme，helostallself-control，onhisside。Heopenlytoldherthatlifewasworthnothingtohimwithoutme。HeopenlyavowedhisresolutiontogowithmewhenIleftthehouse。Themaddenedwomanseizedhimbythearm——Isawthat，andsawnomore。Iranoutintothestreet，panic-stricken。Acabwaspassing。Igotintoitbeforehecouldopenthehousedoor，anddrovetotheonlyplaceofrefugeIcouldthinkof——asmallshop，keptbythewidowedsisterofoneofourservants。HereIobtainedshelterforthenight。Thenextdayhediscoveredme。Hemadehisvileproposals；heofferedmethewholeofhisfortune；hedeclaredhisresolution，saywhatImight，toreturnthenextday。Thatnight，byhelpofthegoodwomanwhohadtakencareofme——undercoverofthedarkness，asifIhadbeentoblame！——IwassecretlyremovedtotheEastEndofLondon，andplacedunderthechargeofatrustworthypersonwholived，inaveryhumbleway，bylettinglodgings。
"Here，inalittlebackgarretatthetopofthehouse，Iwasthrownagainontheworld——anagewhenitwasdoublyperilousformetobelefttomyownresourcestoearnthebreadIateandtheroofthatcoveredme。
"Iclaimnocredittomyself——youngasIwas，placedasIwasbetweentheeasylifeofViceandthehardlifeofVirtue——foractingasIdid。Themansimplyhorrifiedme：mynaturalimpulsewastoescapefromhim。Butletitberemembered，beforeIapproachthesaddestpartofmysadstory，thatIwasaninnocentgirl，andthatIwasatleastnottoblame。
"ForgivemefordwellingasIhavedoneonmyearlyyears。Ishrinkfromspeakingoftheeventsthatarestilltocome。
"Inlosingtheesteemofmyfirstbenefactress，Ihad，inmyfriendlessposition，lostallholdonanhonestlife——excepttheonefrailholdofneedle-work。TheonlyreferenceofwhichIcouldnowdisposewastherecommendationofmebymylandladytoaplaceofbusinesswhichlargelyemployedexpertneedle-women。Itisneedlessformetotellyouhowmiserablyworkofthatsortisremunerated：youhavereadaboutitinthenewspapers。AslongasmyhealthlastedIcontrivedtoliveandtokeepoutofdebt。FewgirlscouldhaveresistedaslongasIdidtheslowly-poisoninginfluencesofcrowdedwork-room，insufficientnourishment，andalmosttotalprivationofexercise。Mylifeasachildhadbeenalifeintheopenair：ithadhelpedtostrengthenaconstitutionnaturallyhardy，naturallyfreefromalltaintofhereditarydisease。Butmytimecameatlast。Underthecruelstresslaidonitmyhealthgaveway。Iwasstruckdownbylowfever，andsentencewaspronouncedonmebymyfellow-lodgers：'Ah，poorthing，hertroubleswillsoonbeatanend！'
"Thepredictionmighthaveprovedtrue——Imightneverhavecommittedtheerrorsandenduredthesufferingsofafteryears——ifIhadfallenillinanotherhouse。
"Butitwasmygood，ormyevil，fortune——Idarenotsaywhich——tohaveinterestedinmyselfandmysorrowsanactressatasuburbantheatre，whooccupiedtheroomundermine。Exceptwhenherstagedutiestookherawayfortwoorthreehoursintheevening，thisnoblecreatureneverleftmybedside。Illasshecouldaffordit，herpursepaidmyinevitableexpenseswhileIlayhelpless。Thelandlady，movedbyherexample，acceptedhalftheweeklyrentofmyroom。Thedoctor，withtheChristiankindnessofhisprofession，wouldtakenofees。Allthatthetenderestcarecouldaccomplishwaslavishedonme；myyouthandmyconstitutiondidtherest。Istruggledbacktolife——andthenItookupmyneedleagain。
"ItmaysurpriseyouthatIshouldhavefailedhavinganactressformydearestfriendtousethemeansofintroductionthusofferedtometotrythestage——especiallyasmychildishtraininghadgivenme，insomesmalldegree，afamiliaritywiththeArt。
"Ihadonlyonemotiveforshrinkingfromanappearanceatthetheatre——butitwasstrongenoughtoinducemetosubmittoanyalternativethatremained，nomatterhowhopelessitmightbe。IfIshowedmyselfonthepublicstage，mydiscoverybythemanfromwhomIhadescapedwouldbeonlyaquestionoftime。Iknewhimtobehabituallyaplay-goerandasubscribertoatheatricalnewspaper。Ihadevenheardhimspeakofthetheatretowhichmyfriendwasattached，andcompareitadvantageouslywithplacesofamusementoffarhigherpretensions。Soonerorlater，ifIjoinedthecompanyhewouldbecertaintogoandsee'thenewactress。'Thebarethoughtofitreconciledmetoreturningtomyneedle。BeforeIwasstrongenoughtoenduretheatmosphereofthecrowdedworkroomIobtainedpermission，asafavor，toresumemyoccupationathome。
"Surelymychoicewasthechoiceofavirtuousgirl？AndyetthedaywhenIreturnedtomyneedlewasthefataldayofmylife。
"Ihadnownotonlytoprovideforthewantsofthepassinghour——Ihadmydebtstopay。Itwasonlytobedonebytoilingharderthanever，andbylivingmorepoorlythanever。Isoonpaidthepenalty，inmyweakenedstate，ofleadingsuchalifeasthis。Oneeveningmyheadturnedsuddenlygiddy；myheartthrobbedfrightfully。Imanagedtoopenthewindow，andtoletthefreshairintotheroom，andIfeltbetter。ButIwasnotsufficientlyrecoveredtobeabletothreadmyneedle。Ithoughttomyself，'IfIgooutforhalfanhour，alittleexercisemayputmerightagain。'Ihadnot，asIsuppose，beenoutmorethantenminuteswhentheattackfromwhichIhadsufferedinmyroomwasrenewed。TherewasnoshopnearinwhichIcouldtakerefuge。Itriedtoringthebellofthenearesthousedoor。BeforeIcouldreachitIfaintedinthestreet。
"Howlonghungerandweaknessleftmeatthemercyofthefirststrangerwhomightpassby，itisimpossibleformetosay。
"WhenIpartiallyrecoveredmysensesIwasconsciousofbeingundersheltersomewhere，andofhavingawine-glasscontainingsomecordialdrinkheldtomylipsbyaman。Imanagedtoswallow——Idon'tknowhowlittle，orhowmuch。Thestimulanthadaverystrangeeffectonme。Revivingmeatfirst，itendedinstupefyingme。Ilostmysensesoncemore。
"WhenInextrecoveredmyself，thedaywasbreaking。Iwasinabedinastrangeroom。Anamelessterrorseizedme。Icalledout。Threeorfourwomencamein，whosefacesbetrayed，eventomyinexperiencedeyes，theshamelessinfamyoftheirlives。Istartedupinthebed。IimploredthemtotellmewhereIwas，andwhathadhappened——
"Spareme！Icansaynomore。NotlongsinceyouheardMissRoseberrycallmeanoutcastfromthestreets。Nowyouknow——asGodismyjudgeIamspeakingthetruth！——nowyouknowwhatmademeanoutcast，andinwhatmeasureIdeservedmydisgrace。"
Hervoicefaltered，herresolutionfailedher，forthefirsttime。
"Givemeafewminutes，"shesaid，inlow，pleadingtones。"IfItrytogoonnow，IamafraidIshallcry。"
ShetookthechairwhichJulianhadplacedforher，turningherfaceasidesothatneitherofthemencouldseeit。Oneofherhandswaspressedoverherbosom，theotherhunglistlesslyatherside。
Julianrosefromtheplacethathehadoccupied。Horaceneithermovednorspoke。Hisheadwasonhisbreast：thetracesoftearsonhischeeksownedmutelythatshehadtouchedhisheart。Wouldheforgiveher？Julianpassedon，andapproachedMercy'schair。
Insilencehetookthehandwhichhungatherside。Insilenceheliftedittohislipsandkissedit，asherbrothermighthavekissedit。Shestarted，butsheneverlookedup。Somestrangefearofdiscoveryseemedtopossessher。"Horace？"shewhispered，timidly。Julianmadenoreply。Hewentbacktohisplace，andallowedhertothinkitwasHorace。
Thesacrificewasimmenseenough——feelingtowardherashefelt——tobeworthyofthemanwhomadeit。
Afewminuteshadbeenallsheaskedfor。Inafewminutessheturnedtowardthemagain。Hersweetvoicewassteadyoncemore；hereyesrestedsoftlyonHoraceasshewenton。
"Whatwasitpossibleforafriendlessgirlinmypositiontodo，whenthefullknowledgeoftheoutragehadbeenrevealedtome？
"IfIhadpossessednearanddearrelativestoprotectandadviseme，thewretchesintowhosehandsIhadfallenmighthavefeltthepenaltyofthelaw。Iknewnomoreoftheformalitieswhichsetthelawinmotionthanachild。ButIhadanotheralternativeyouwillsay。Charitablesocietieswouldhavereceivedmeandhelpedme，ifIhadstatedmycasetothem。IknewnomoreofthecharitablesocietiesthanIknewofthelaw。Atleast，then，ImighthavegonebacktothehonestpeopleamongwhomIhadlived？WhenIreceivedmyfreedom，aftertheintervalofsomedays，Iwasashamedtogobacktothehonestpeople。Helplesslyandhopelessly，withoutsinorchoiceofmine，Idrifted，asthousandsofotherwomenhavedrifted，intothelifewhichsetamarkonmefortherestofmydays。
"Areyousurprisedattheignorancewhichthisconfessionreveals？
"You，whohaveyoursolicitorstoinformyouoflegalremediesandyournewspapers，circulars，andactivefriendstosoundthepraisesofcharitableinstitutionscontinuallyinyourears——you，whopossesstheseadvantages，havenoideaoftheouterworldofignoranceinwhichyourlostfellow-creatureslive。Theyknownothingunlesstheyareroguesaccustomedtopreyonsocietyofyourbenevolentschemestohelpthem。Thepurposeofpubliccharities，andthewaytodiscoverandapplytothem，oughttobepostedatthecornerofeverystreet。Whatdoweknowofpublicdinnersandeloquentsermonsandneatlyprintedcirculars？Everynowandthentheeaseofsomeforlorncreaturegenerallyofawomanwhohascommittedsuicide，withinfiveminutes'walk，perhaps，ofaninstitutionwhichwouldhaveopeneditsdoorstoher，appearsinthenewspapers，shocksyoudreadfully，andisthenforgottenagain。Takeasmuchpainstomakecharitiesandasylumsknownamongthepeoplewithoutmoneyasaretakentomakeanewplay，anewjournal，oranewmedicineknownamongthepeoplewithmoneyandyouwillsavemanyalostcreaturewhoisperishingnow。
"YouwillforgiveandunderstandmeifIsaynomoreofthisperiodofmylife。Letmepasstothenewincidentinmycareerwhichbroughtmeforthesecondtimebeforethepublicnoticeinacourtoflaw。
"Sadasmyexperiencehasbeen，ithasnottaughtmetothinkillofhumannature。Ihadfoundkindheartstofeelformeinmyformertroubles；andIhadfriends——faithful，self-denying，generousfriends——amongmysistersinadversitynow。Oneofthesepoorwomenshehasgone，Iamgladtothink，fromtheworldthatusedhersohardlyespeciallyattractedmysympathies。Shewasthegentlest，themostunselfishcreatureIhaveevermetwith。Welivedtogetherlikesisters。Morethanonceinthedarkhourswhenthethoughtofself-destructioncomestoadesperatewoman，theimageofmypoordevotedfriend，lefttosufferalone，roseinmymindandrestrainedme。Youwillhardlyunderstandit，butevenwehadourhappydays。WhensheorIhadafewshillingstospare，weusedtoofferoneanotherlittlepresents，andenjoyoursimplepleasureingivingandreceivingaskeenlyasifwehadbeenthemostreputablewomenliving。
"OnedayItookmyfriendintoashoptobuyheraribbon——onlyabowforherdress。Shewastochooseit，andIwastopayforit，anditwastobetheprettiestribbonthatmoneycouldbuy。
"Theshopwasfull；wehadtowaitalittlebeforewecouldbeserved。
"Nexttome，asIstoodatthecounterwithmycompanion，wasagaudily-dressedwoman，lookingatsomehandkerchiefs。Thehandkerchiefswerefinelyembroidered，butthesmartladywashardtoplease。Shetumbledthemupdisdainfullyinaheap，andaskedforotherspecimensfromthestockintheshop。Theman，inclearingthehandkerchiefsoutoftheway，suddenlymissedone。Hewasquitesureofit，fromapeculiarityintheembroiderywhichmadethehandkerchiefespeciallynoticeable。Iwaspoorlydressed，andIwasclosetothehandkerchiefs。Afteronelookatmeheshoutedtothesuperintendent：'Shutthedoor！Thereisathiefintheshop！'
"Thedoorwasclosed；thelosthandkerchiefwasvainlysoughtforonthecounterandonthefloor。Arobberyhadbeencommitted；andIwasaccusedofbeingthethief。
"IwillsaynothingofwhatIfelt——Iwillonlytellyouwhathappened。
"Iwassearched，andthehandkerchiefwasdiscoveredonme。Thewomanwhohadstoodnexttome，onfindingherselfthreatenedwithdiscovery，hadnodoubtcontrivedtoslipthestolenhandkerchiefintomypocket。Onlyanaccomplishedthiefcouldhaveescapeddetectioninthatwaywithoutmyknowledge。Itwasuseless，inthefaceofthefacts，todeclaremyinnocence。Ihadnocharactertoappealto。Myfriendtriedtospeakforme；butwhatwasshe？Onlyalostwomanlikemyself。Mylandlady'sevidenceinfavorofmyhonestyproducednoeffect；itwasagainstherthatsheletlodgingstopeopleinmyposition。Iwasprosecuted，andfoundguilty。Thetaleofmydisgraceisnowcomplete，Mr。Holmcroft。NomatterwhetherIwasinnocentornot，theshameofitremains——Ihavebeenimprisonedfortheft。
"Thematronoftheprisonwasthenextpersonwhotookaninterestinme。ShereportedfavorablyofmybehaviortotheauthoritiesandwhenIhadservedmytimeasthephrasewasamongusshegavemealettertothekindfriendandguardianofmylateryears——totheladywhoiscomingheretotakemebackwithhertotheRefuge。
"Fromthistimethestoryofmylifeislittlemorethanthestoryofawoman'svaineffortstorecoverherlostplaceintheworld。
"Thematron，onreceivingmeintotheRefuge，franklyacknowledgedthattherewereterribleobstaclesinmyway。ButshesawthatIwassincere，andshefeltagoodwoman'ssympathyandcompassionforme。Onmyside，Ididnotshrinkfrombeginningtheslowandwearyjourneybackagaintoareputablelifefromthehumbleststarting-point——fromdomesticservice。AfterfirstearningmynewcharacterintheRefuge，Iobtainedatrialinarespectablehouse。Iworkedhard，andworkeduncomplainingly；butmymother'sfatallegacywasagainstmefromthefirst。Mypersonalappearanceexcitedremark；mymannersandhabitswerenotthemannersandhabitsofthewomenamongwhommylotwascast。Itriedoneplaceafteranother——alwayswiththesameresults。SuspicionandjealousyIcouldendure；butIwasdefenselesswhencuriosityassailedmeinitsturn。Soonerorlaterinquiryledtodiscovery。Sometimestheservantsthreatenedtogivewarninginabody——andIwasobligedtogo。Sometimes，wheretherewasayoungmaninthefamily，scandalpointedatmeandathim——andagainIwasobligedtogo。Ifyoucaretoknowit，MissRoseberrycantellyouthestoryofthosesaddays。IconfidedittoheronthememorablenightwhenwemetintheFrenchcottage；Ihavenoheartrepeatitnow。AfterawhileIweariedofthehopelessstruggle。Despairlaiditsholdonme——IlostallhopeinthemercyofGod。MorethanonceIwalkedtooneorotherofthebridges，andlookedovertheparapetattheriver，andsaidtomyself'Otherwomenhavedoneit：whyshouldn'tI？'
"Yousavedmeatthattime，Mr。Gray——asyouhavesavedmesince。IwasoneofyourcongregationwhenyoupreachedinthechapeloftheRefugeYoureconciledothersbesidesmetoourhardpilgrimage。Intheirnameandinmine，sir，Ithankyou。
"IforgethowlongitwasafterthebrightdaywhenyoucomfortedandsustainedusthatthewarbrokeoutbetweenFranceandGermany。ButIcanneverforgettheeveningwhenthematronsentformeintoherownroomandsaid，'Mydear，yourlifehereisawastedlife。Ifyouhavecourageenoughlefttotryit，Icangiveyouanotherchance。'
"IpassedthroughamonthofprobationinaLondonhospital。AweekafterthatIworetheredcrossoftheGenevaConvention——IwasappointednurseinaFrenchambulance。Whenyoufirstsawme，Mr。Holmcroft，Istillhadmynurse'sdresson，hiddenfromyouandfromeverybodyunderagraycloak。
"Youknowwhatthenexteventwas；youknowhowIenteredthishouse。
"Ihavenottriedtomaketheworstofmytrialsandtroublesintellingyouwhatmylifehasbeen。IhavehonestlydescribeditforwhatitwaswhenImetwithMissRoseberry——alifewithouthope。MayyouneverknowthetemptationthattriedmewhentheshellstruckitsvictimintheFrenchcottage！Thereshelay——dead！Hernamewasuntainted。Herfuturepromisedmetherewardwhichhadbeendeniedtothehonesteffortsofapenitentwoman。MylostplaceintheworldwasofferedbacktomeontheoneconditionthatIstoopedtowinitbyafraud。Ihadnoprospecttolookforwardto；Ihadnofriendneartoadvisemeandtosaveme；thefairestyearsofmywomanhoodhadbeenwastedinthevainstruggletorecovermygoodname。SuchwasmypositionwhenthepossibilityofpersonatingMissRoseberryfirstforceditselfonmymind。Impulsively，recklessly——wickedly，ifyoulike——Iseizedtheopportunity，andletyoupassmethroughtheGermanlinesunderMissRoseberry'sname。ArrivedinEngland，havinghadtimetoreflect，Imademyfirstandlastefforttodrawbackbeforeitwastoolate。IwenttotheRefuge，andstoppedontheoppositesideofthestreet，lookingatit。TheoldhopelesslifeofirretrievabledisgraceconfrontedmeasIfixedmyeyesonthefamiliardoor；thehorrorofreturningtothatlifewasmorethanIcouldforcemyselftoendure。Anemptycabpassedmeatthemoment。Thedriverhelduphishand。InsheerdespairIstoppedhim，andwhenhesaid'Whereto？'insheerdespairagainIanswered，'MablethorpeHouse。'
"OfwhatIhavesufferedinsecretsincemyownsuccessfuldeceptionestablishedmeunderLadyJanet'scareIshallsaynothing。Manythingswhichmusthavesurprisedyouinmyconductaremadeplaintoyoubythistime。YoumusthavenoticedlongsincethatIwasnotahappywoman。Nowyouknowwhy。
"Myconfessionismade；myconsciencehasspokenatlast。Youarereleasedfromyourpromisetome——youarefree。ThankMr。JulianGrayifIstandhereself-accusedoftheoffense，thatIhavecommitted，beforethemanwhomIhavewronged。"
[NextChapter]
[TableofContents]TheNewMagdalen，Chapter28CHAPTERXXVIII。
SENTENCEISPRONOUNCEDONHER。
ITwasdone。Thelasttonesofhervoicediedawayinsilence。
HereyesstillrestedonHorace。Afterhearingwhathehadheardcouldheresistthatgentle，pleadinglook？Wouldheforgiveher？AwhilesinceJulianhadseentearsonhischeeks，andhadbelievedthathefeltforher。Whywashenowsilent？Wasitpossiblethatheonlyfeltforhimself？
Forthelasttime——atthecrisisofherlife——Julianspokeforher。Hehadneverlovedherashelovedheratthatmoment；ittriedevenhisgenerousnaturetopleadhercausewithHoraceagainsthimself。Buthehadpromisedher，withoutreserve，allthehelpthathertruestfriendcouldoffer。Faithfullyandmanfullyheredeemedhispromise。
"Horace！"hesaid。
Horaceslowlylookedup。Julianroseandapproachedhim。
"Shehastoldyoutothankme，ifherconsciencehasspoken。ThankthenoblenaturewhichansweredwhenIcalleduponit！Ownthepricelessvalueofawomanwhocanspeakthetruth。Herheartfeltrepentanceisajoyinheaven。Shallitnotpleadforheronearth？Honorher，ifyouareaChristian！Feelforher，ifyouareaman！"
Hewaited。Horaceneveransweredhim。
Mercy'seyesturnedtearfullyonJulian。Hisheartwastheheartthatfeltforher！Hiswordswerethewordswhichcomfortedandpardonedher！WhenshelookedbackagainatHorace，itwaswithaneffort。Hislastholdonherwaslost。Inherinmostmindathoughtroseunbidden——athoughtwhichwasnottoberepressed。"CanIeverhavelovedthisman？"
Sheadvancedasteptowardhim；itwasnotpossible，evenyet，tocompletelyforgotthepast。Sheheldoutherhand。
Heroseonhisside——withoutlookingather。
"Beforewepartforever，"shesaidtohim，"willyoutakemyhandasatokenthatyouforgiveme？"
Hehesitated。Hehalfliftedhishand。Thenextmomentthegenerousimpulsediedawayinhim。Initsplacecamethemeanfearofwhatmighthappenifhetrustedhimselftothedangerousfascinationofhertouch。Hishanddroppedagainathisside；heturnedawayquickly。
"Ican'tforgiveher！"hesaid。
Withthathorribleconfession——withoutevenalastlookather——helefttheroom。
AtthemomentwhenheopenedthedoorJulian'scontemptforhimburstitswaythroughallrestraints。
"Horace，"hesaid，"Ipityyou！"
AsthewordsescapedhimhelookedbackatMercy。Shehadturnedasidefrombothofthem——shehadretiredtoadistantpartofthelibraryThefirstbitterforetasteofwhatwasinstoreforherwhenshefacedtheworldagainhadcometoherfromHorace！Theenergywhichhadsustainedherthusfarquailedbeforethedreadfulprospect——doublydreadfultoawoman——ofobloquyandcontempt。Shesankonherkneesbeforealittlecouchinthedarkestcorneroftheroom。"OChrist，havemercyonme！"Thatwasherprayer——nomore。
Julianfollowedher。Hewaitedalittle。Thenhiskindhandtouchedher；hisfriendlyvoicefellconsolinglyonherear。
"Rise，poorwoundedheart！Beautiful，purifiedsoul，God'sangelsrejoiceoveryou！TakeyourplaceamongthenoblestofGod'screatures！"
Heraisedherashespoke。Allherheartwentouttohim。Shecaughthishand——shepressedittoherbosom；shepressedittoherlips——thendroppeditsuddenly，andstoodbeforehimtremblinglikeafrightenedchild。
"Forgiveme！"wasallshecouldsay。"Iwassolostandlonely——andyouaresogoodtome！"
Shetriedtoleavehim。Itwasuseless——herstrengthwasgone；shecaughtattheheadofthecouchtosupportherself。Helookedather。Theconfessionofhislovewasjustrisingtohislips——helookedagain，andcheckedit。No，notatthatmoment；notwhenshewashelplessandashamed；notwhenherweaknessmightmakeheryield，onlytoregretitatalatertime。Thegreatheartwhichhadsparedherandfeltforherfromthefirstsparedherandfeltforhernow。
He，too，lefther——butnotwithoutawordatparting。
"Don'tthinkofyourfuturelifejustyet，"hesaid，gently。"Ihavesomethingtoproposewhenrestandquiethaverestoredyou。"Heopenedthenearestdoor——thedoorofthedining-room——andwentout。
Theservantsengagedincompletingthedecorationofthedinner-tablenoticed，when"Mr。Julian"enteredtheroom，thathiseyeswere"brighterthanever。"Helookedtheyremarkedlikeamanwho"expectedgoodnews。"Theywereinclinedtosuspect——thoughhewascertainlyratheryoungforit——thatherladyship'snephewwasinafairwayofprefermentintheChurch。
Mercyseatedherselfonthecouch。
Therearelimits，inthephysicalorganizationofman，totheactionofpain。Whensufferinghasreachedagivenpointofintensitythenervoussensibilitybecomesincapableoffeelingmore。TheruleofNature，inthisrespect，appliesnotonlytosufferersinthebody，buttosufferersinthemindaswell。Grief，rage，terror，havealsotheirappointedlimits。Themoralsensibility，likethenervoussensibility，reachesitsperiodofabsoluteexhaustion，andfeelsnomore。
ThecapacityforsufferinginMercyhadattaineditsterm。Aloneinthelibrary，shecouldfeelthephysicalreliefofrepose；shecouldvaguelyrecallJulian'spartingwordstoher，andsadlywonderwhattheymeant——shecoulddonomore。
Anintervalpassed；abriefintervalofperfectrest。
SherecoveredherselfsufficientlytobeabletolookatherwatchandtoestimatethelapseoftimethatmightyetpassbeforeJulianreturnedtoherashehadpromised。Whilehermindwasstilllanguidlyfollowingthistrainofthoughtshewasdisturbedbytheringingofabellinthehall，usedtosummontheservantwhosedutieswereconnectedwiththatpartofthehouse。Inleavingthelibrary，Horacehadgoneoutbythedoorwhichledintothehall，andhadfailedtocloseit。Sheplainlyheardthebell——andamomentlatermoreplainlystillsheheardLadyJanet'svoice！
Shestartedtoherfeet。LadyJanet'sletterwasstillinthepocketofherapron——theletterwhichimperativelycommandedhertoabstainfrommakingtheveryconfessionthathadjustpassedherlips！Itwasnearthedinnerhour，andthelibrarywasthefavoriteplaceinwhichthemistressofthehouseandherguestsassembledatthattime。Itwasnomatterofdoubt；itwasanabsolutecertaintythatLadyJanethadonlystoppedinthehallonherwayintotheroom。
ThealternativeforMercylaybetweeninstantlyleavingthelibrarybythedining-roomdoor——orremainingwhereshewas，attheriskofbeingsoonerorlatercompelledtoownthatshehaddeliberatelydisobeyedherbenefactress。Exhaustedbywhatshehadalreadysuffered，shestoodtremblingandirresolute，incapableofdecidingwhichalternativesheshouldchoose。
LadyJanet'svoice，clearandresolute，penetratedintotheroom。Shewasreprimandingtheservantwhohadansweredthebell。
"Isityourdutyinmyhousetolookafterthelamps？"
"Yes，mylady。"
"Andisitmydutytopayyouyourwages？""
"Ifyouplease，mylady。"
"WhydoIfindthelightinthehalldim，andthewickofthatlampsmoking？IhavenotfailedinmydutytoYou。Don'tletmefindyoufailingagaininyourdutytoMe。"
NeverhadLadyJanet'svoicesoundedsosternlyinMercy'searasitsoundednow。Ifshespokewiththattoneofseveritytoaservantwhohadneglectedalamp，whathadheradopteddaughtertoexpectwhenshediscoveredthatherentreatiesandhercommandshadbeenalikesetatdefiance？
Havingadministeredherreprimand，LadyJanethadnotdonewiththeservantyet。Shehadaquestiontoputtohimnext。
"WhereisMissRoseberry？"
"Inthelibrary，mylady。"
Mercyreturnedtothecouch。Shecouldstandnolonger；shehadnotevenresolutionenoughlefttolifthereyestothedoor。
LadyJanetcameinmorerapidlythanusual。Sheadvancedtothecouch，andtappedMercyplayfullyonthecheekwithtwoofherfingers。
"Youlazychild！Notdressedfordinner？Oh，fie，fie！"
Hertonewasasplayfullyaffectionateastheactionwhichhadaccompaniedherwords。InspeechlessastonishmentMercylookedupather。
Alwaysremarkableforthetasteandsplendorofherdress，LadyJanethadonthisoccasionsurpassedherself。Thereshestoodrevealedinhergrandestvelvet，herrichestjewelry，herfinestlace——withnoonetoentertainatthedinner-tablebuttheordinarymembersofthecircleatMablethorpeHouse。Noticingthisasstrangetobeginwith，Mercyfurtherobserved，forthefirsttimeinherexperience，thatLadyJanet'seyesavoidedmeetinghers。Theoldladytookherplacecompanionablyonthecouch；sheridiculedher"lazychild's"plaindress，withoutanornamentofanysortonit，withherbestgrace；sheaffectionatelyputherarmroundMercy'swaist，andrearrangedwithherownhandthedisorderedlocksofMercy'shair——buttheinstantMercyherselflookedather，LadyJanet'seyesdiscoveredsomethingsupremelyinterestinginthefamiliarobjectsthatsurroundedheronthelibrarywalls。
Howwerethesechangestobeinterpreted？Towhatpossibleconclusiondidtheypoint？
Julian'sprofounderknowledgeofhumannature，ifJulianhadbeenpresent，mighthavefoundaclewtothemystery。HemighthavesurmisedincredibleasitwasthatMercy'stimiditybeforeLadyJanetwasfullyreciprocatedbyLadyJanet'stimiditybeforeMercy。Itwasevenso。ThewomanwhoseimmovablecomposurehadconqueredGraceRoseberry'sutmostinsolenceinthehourofhertriumph——thewomanwho，withoutonceflinching，hadfacedeveryotherconsequenceofherresolutiontoignoreMercy'struepositioninthehouse——quailedforthefirsttimewhenshefoundherselffacetofacewiththeverypersonforwhomshehadsufferedandsacrificedsomuch。ShehadshrunkfromthemeetingwithMercy，asMercyhadshrunkfromthemeetingwithher。Thesplendorofherdressmeantsimplythat，whenotherexcusesfordelayingthemeetingdownstairshadallbeenexhausted，theexcuseofalong，andelaboratetoilethadbeentriednext。Eventhemomentsoccupiedinreprimandingtheservanthadbeenmomentsseizedonasthepretextforanotherdelay。Thehastyentranceintotheroom，thenervousassumptionofplayfulnessinlanguageandmanner，theevasiveandwanderingeyes，wereallreferabletothesamecause。Inthepresenceofothers，LadyJanethadsuccessfullysilencedtheprotestofherowninbreddelicacyandinbredsenseofhonor。InthepresenceofMercy，whomshelovedwithamother'slove——inthepresenceofMercy，forwhomshehadstoopedtodeliberateconcealmentofthetruth——allthatwashighandnobleinthewoman'snatureroseinherandrebukedher。Whatwillthedaughterofmyadoption，thechildofmyfirstandlastexperienceofmaternallove，thinkofme，nowthatIhavemademyselfanaccompliceinthefraudofwhichsheisashamed？HowcanIlookherintheface，whenIhavenothesitated，outofselfishconsiderationformyowntranquillity，toforbidthatfrankavowalofthetruthwhichherfinersenseofdutyhadspontaneouslyboundhertomake？ThosewerethetorturingquestionsinLadyJanet'smind，whileherarmwaswoundaffectionatelyroundMercy'swaist，whileherfingerswerebusyingthemselvesfamiliarlywiththearrangementofMercy'shair。Thence，andthenceonly，sprangtheimpulsewhichsethertalking，withanuneasyaffectationoffrivolity，ofanytopicwithintherangeofconversation，solongasitrelatedtothefuture，andcompletelyignoredthepresentandthepast。
"Thewinterhereisunendurable，"LadyJanetbegan。"Ihavebeenthinking，Grace，aboutwhatwehadbetterdonext。"
Mercystarted。LadyJanethadcalledher"Grace。"LadyJanetwasstilldeliberatelyassumingtobeinnocentofthefaintestsuspicionofthetruth。
"No，"resumedherladyship，affectingtomisunderstandMercy'smovement，"youarenottogoupnowanddress。Thereisnotime，andIamquitereadytoexcuseyou。Youareafoiltome，mydear。Youhavereachedtheperfectionofshabbiness。Ah！IrememberwhenIhadmywhimsandfanciestoo，andwhenIlookedwellinanythingIwore，justasyoudo。Nomoreofthat。AsIwassaying，Ihavebeenthinkingandplanningwhatwearetodo。Wereallycan'tstayhere。Coldoneday，andhotthenext——whataclimate！Asforsociety，whatdoweloseifwegoaway？Thereisnosuchthingassocietynow。Assembliesofwell-dressedmobsmeetateachother'shouses，teareachother'sclothes，treadoneachother'stoes。Ifyouareparticularlylucky，yousitonthestaircase，yougetatepidice，andyouhearvapidtalkinslangphrasesallroundyou。Thereismodernsociety。Ifwehadagoodopera，itwouldbesomethingtostayinLondonfor。Lookattheprogrammefortheseasononthattable——promisingasmuchaspossibleonpaper，andperformingaslittleaspossibleonthestage。Thesameworks，sungbythesamesingersyearafteryear，tothesamestupidpeople——inshortthedullestmusicaleveningsinEurope。No！themoreIthinkofit，themoreplainlyIperceivethatthereisbutonesensiblechoicebeforeus：wemustgoabroad。Setthatprettyheadtowork；choosenorthorsouth，eastorwest；it'sallthesametome。Whereshallwego？"