MrKibblehadstaggeredup，withhislowerjawdropped，catchingPottersonbytheshoulder，andpointingtothehalf-door。Henowcriedout:'Potterson！Look！Lookthere！'Pottersonstartedup，startedback，andexclaimed:'Heavendefendus，what'sthat！'
Bella'shusbandsteppedbacktoBella，tookherinhisarmsforshewasterrifiedbytheunintelligibleterrorofthetwomen，andshutthedoorofthelittleroom。Ahurryofvoicessucceeded，inwhichMrInspector'svoicewasbusiest；itgraduallyslackenedandsank；
andMrInspectorreappeared。'Sharp'stheword，sir！'hesaid，lookinginwithaknowingwink。'We'llgetyourladyoutatonce。'
Immediately，Bellaandherhusbandwereunderthestars，makingtheirwayback，alone，tothevehicletheyhadkeptinwaiting。
Allthiswasmostextraordinary，andBellacouldmakenothingofitbutthatJohnwasintheright。Howintheright，andhowsuspectedofbeinginthewrong，shecouldnotdivine。SomevagueideathathehadneverreallyassumedthenameofHandford，andthattherewasaremarkablelikenessbetweenhimandthatmysteriousperson，washernearestapproachtoanydefiniteexplanation。ButJohnwastriumphant；thatmuchwasmadeapparent；andshecouldwaitfortherest。
WhenJohncamehometodinnernextday，hesaid，sittingdownonthesofabyBellaandbaby-Bella:'Mydear，Ihaveapieceofnewstotellyou。IhavelefttheChinaHouse。'
Asheseemedtolikehavingleftit，Bellatookitforgrantedthattherewasnomisfortuneinthecase。
'Inaword，mylove，'saidJohn，'theChinaHouseisbrokenupandabolished。Thereisnosuchthinganymore。'
'Then，areyoualreadyinanotherHouse，John?'
'Yes，mydarling。Iaminanotherwayofbusiness。AndIamratherbetteroff。'
Theinexhaustiblebabywasinstantlymadetocongratulatehim，andtosay，withappropriateactiononthepartofaverylimparmandaspeckledfist:'Threecheers，ladiesandgemplemorums。
Hoo——ray！'
'Iamafraid，mylife，'saidJohn，'thatyouhavebecomeverymuchattachedtothiscottage?'
'AfraidIhave，John?OfcourseIhave。'
'ThereasonwhyIsaidafraid，'returnedJohn，'is，becausewemustmove。'
'OJohn！'
'Yes，mydear，wemustmove。Wemusthaveourhead-quartersinLondonnow。Inshort，there'sadwelling-houserent-free，attachedtomynewposition，andwemustoccupyit。'
'That'sagain，John。'
'Yes，mydear，itisundoubtedlyagain。'
Hegaveheraveryblithelook，andaveryslylook。Whichoccasionedtheinexhaustiblebabytosquareathimwiththespeckledfists，anddemandinathreateningmannerwhathemeant?
'Mylove，yousaiditwasagain，andIsaiditwasagain。Averyinnocentremark，surely。'
'Iwon't，'saidtheinexhaustiblebaby，'——allow——you——to——make——
game——of——my——venerable——Ma。'Ateachdivisionadministeringasoftfacerwithoneofthespeckledfists。
Johnhavingstoopeddowntoreceivethesepunishingvisitations，Bellaaskedhim，woulditbenecessarytomovesoon?Whyyes，indeedsaidJohn，hedidproposethattheyshouldmoveverysoon。Takingthefurniturewiththem，ofcourse?saidBella。
Why，nosaidJohn，thefactwas，thatthehousewas——inasortofakindofaway——furnishedalready。
Theinexhaustiblebaby，hearingthis，resumedtheoffensive，andsaid:'Butthere'snonurseryforme，sir。Whatdoyoumean，marble-heartedparent?'Towhichthemarble-heartedparentrejoinedthattherewasa——sortofakindofa——nursery，anditmightbe'madetodo'。'Madetodo?'returnedtheInexhaustible，administeringmorepunishment，'whatdoyoutakemefor?'AndwasthenturnedoveronitsbackinBella'slap，andsmotheredwithkisses。
'Butreally，Johndear，'saidBella，flushedinquitealovelymannerbytheseexercises，'willthenewhouse，justasitstands，doforbaby?That'sthequestion。'
'Ifeltthattobethequestion，'hereturned，'andthereforeIarrangedthatyoushouldcomewithmeandlookatit，to-morrowmorning。'
Appointmentmade，accordingly，forBellatogoupwithhimto-
morrowmorning；Johnkissed；andBelladelighted。
WhentheyreachedLondoninpursuanceoftheirlittleplan，theytookcoachanddrovewestward。Notonlydrovewestward，butdroveintothatparticularwestwarddivision，whichBellahadseenlastwhensheturnedherfacefromMrBoffin'sdoor。Notonlydroveintothatparticulardivision，butdroveatlastintothatverystreet。Notonlydroveintothatverystreet，butstoppedatlastatthatveryhouse。
'Johndear！'criedBella，lookingoutofwindowinaflutter。'Doyouseewhereweare?'
'Yes，mylove。Thecoachman'squiteright。'
Thehouse-doorwasopenedwithoutanyknockingorringing，andJohnpromptlyhelpedherout。Theservantwhostoodholdingthedoor，askednoquestionofJohn，neitherdidhegobeforethemorfollowthemastheywentstraightup-stairs。Itwasonlyherhusband'sencirclingarm，urgingheron，thatpreventedBellafromstoppingatthefootofthestaircase。Astheyascended，itwasseentobetastefullyornamentedwithmostbeautifulflowers。
'OJohn！'saidBella，faintly。'Whatdoesthismean?'
'Nothing，mydarling，nothing。Letusgoon。'
Goingonalittlehigher，theycametoacharmingaviary，inwhichanumberoftropicalbirds，moregorgeousincolourthantheflowers，wereflyingabout；andamongthosebirdsweregoldandsilverfish，andmosses，andwater-lilies，andafountain，andallmannerofwonders。
'OmydearJohn！'saidBella。'Whatdoesthismean?'
'Nothing，mydarling，nothing。Letusgoon。'
Theywenton，untiltheycametoadoor。AsJohnputouthishandtoopenit，Bellacaughthishand。
'Idon'tknowwhatitmeans，butit'stoomuchforme。Holdme，John，love。'
Johncaughtherupinhisarm，andlightlydashedintotheroomwithher。
BeholdMrandMrsBoffin，beaming！BeholdMrsBoffinclappingherhandsinanecstacy，runningtoBellawithtearsofjoypouringdownhercomelyface，andfoldinghertoherbreast，withthewords:'Mydearydeary，dearygirl，thatNoddyandmesawmarriedandcouldn'twishjoyto，orsomuchasspeakto！Mydeary，deary，deary，wifeofJohnandmotherofhislittlechild！Mylovingloving，brightbright，PrettyPretty！Welcometoyourhouseandhome，mydeary！'
Chapter13
SHOWINGHOWTHEGOLDENDUSTMANHELPEDTOSCATTERDUST
Inallthefirstbewildermentofherwonder，themostbewilderinglywonderfulthingtoBellawastheshiningcountenanceofMrBoffin。Thathiswifeshouldbejoyous，open-hearted，andgenial，orthatherfaceshouldexpresseveryqualitythatwaslargeandtrusting，andnoqualitythatwaslittleormean，wasaccordantwithBella'sexperience。But，thathe，withaperfectlybeneficentairandaplumprosyface，shouldbestandingthere，lookingatherandJohn，likesomejovialgoodspirit，wasmarvellous。For，howhadhelookedwhenshelastsawhiminthatveryroomitwastheroominwhichshehadgivenhimthatpieceofhermindatparting，andwhathadbecomeofallthosecrookedlinesofsuspicion，avarice，anddistrust，thattwistedhisvisagethen?
MrsBoffinseatedBellaonthelargeottoman，andseatedherselfbesideher，andJohnherhusbandseatedhimselfontheothersideofher，andMrBoffinstoodbeamingateveryoneandeverythinghecouldsee，withsurpassingjollityandenjoyment。MrsBoffinwasthentakenwithalaughingfitofclappingherhands，andclappingherknees，androckingherselftoandfro，andthenwithanotherlaughingfitofembracingBella，androckinghertoandfro——bothfits，ofconsiderableduration。
'Oldlady，oldlady，'saidMrBoffin，atlength；'ifyoudon'tbeginsomebodyelsemust。'
'I'magoingtobegin，Noddy，mydear，'returnedMrsBoffin。'Onlyitisn'teasyforapersontoknowwheretobegin，whenapersonisinthisstateofdelightandhappiness。Bella，mydear。Tellme，who'sthis?'
'Whoisthis?'repeatedBella。'Myhusband。'
'Ah！Buttellmehisname，deary！'criedMrsBoffin。
'Rokesmith。'
'No，itain't！'criedMrsBoffin，clappingherhands，andshakingherhead。'Notabitofit。'
'Handfordthen，'suggestedBella。
'No，itain't！'criedMrsBoffin，againclappingherhandsandshakingherhead。'Notabitofit。'
'Atleast，hisnameisJohn，Isuppose?'saidBella。
'Ah！Ishouldthinkso，deary！'criedMrsBoffin。'Ishouldhopeso！
ManyandmanyisthetimeIhavecalledhimbyhisnameofJohn。
Butwhat'shisothername，histrueothername?Giveaguess，mypretty！'
'Ican'tguess，'saidBella，turningherpalefacefromonetoanother。
'Icould，'criedMrsBoffin，'andwhat'smore，Idid！Ifoundhimout，allinaflashasImaysay，onenight。Didn'tI，Noddy?'
'Ay！Thattheoldladydid！'saidMrBoffin，withstoutprideinthecircumstance。
'Harkeetome，deary，'pursuedMrsBoffin，takingBella'shandsbetweenherown，andgentlybeatingonthemfromtimetotime。'ItwasafteraparticularnightwhenJohnhadbeendisappointed——ashethought——inhisaffections。ItwasafteranightwhenJohnhadmadeanoffertoacertainyounglady，andthecertainyoungladyhadrefusedit。Itwasafteraparticularnight，whenhefelthimselfcast-away-like，andhadmadeuphismindtogoseekhisfortune。
Itwastheverynextnight。MyNoddywantedapaperoutofhisSecretary'sroom，andIsaystoNoddy，“Iamgoingbythedoor，andI'llaskhimforit。”Itappedathisdoor，andhedidn'thearme。
Ilookedin，andsawhimasittinglonelybyhisfire，broodingoverit。Hechancedtolookupwithapleasedkindofsmileinmycompanywhenhesawme，andtheninasinglemomenteverygrainofthegunpowderthathadbeenlyingsprinkledthickabouthimeversinceIfirstseteyesuponhimasamanattheBower，tookfire！ToomanyatimehadIseenhimsittinglonely，whenhewasapoorchild，tobepitied，heartandhand！ToomanyatimehadIseenhiminneedofbeingbrightenedupwithacomfortingword！Toomanyandtoomanyatimetobemistaken，whenthatglimpseofhimcomeatlast！No，no！Ijustmakesouttocry，“I
knowyounow！You'reJohn！“AndhecatchesmeasIdrops——Sowhat，'saysMrsBoffin，breakingoffintherushofherspeechtosmilemostradiantly，'mightyouthinkbythistimethatyourhusband'snamewas，dear?'
'Not，'returnedBella，withquiveringlips；'notHarmon?That'snotpossible?'
'Don'ttremble。Whynotpossible，deary，whensomanythingsarepossible?'demandedMrsBoffin，inasoothingtone。
'Hewaskilled，'gaspedBella。
'Thoughttobe，'saidMrsBoffin。'ButifeverJohnHarmondrewthebreathoflifeonearth，thatiscertainlyJohnHarmon'sarmroundyourwaistnow，mypretty。IfeverJohnHarmonhadawifeonearth，thatwifeiscertainlyyou。IfeverJohnHarmonandhiswifehadachildonearth，thatchildiscertainlythis。'
Byamaster-strokeofsecretarrangement，theinexhaustiblebabyhereappearedatthedoor，suspendedinmid-airbyinvisibleagency。MrsBoffin，plungingatit，broughtittoBella'slap，wherebothMrsandMrBoffinasthesayingis'tookitoutof'theInexhaustibleinashowerofcaresses。ItwasonlythistimelyappearancethatkeptBellafromswooning。This，andherhusband'searnestnessinexplainingfurthertoherhowithadcometopassthathehadbeensupposedtobeslain，andhadevenbeensuspectedofhisownmurder；also，howhehadputapiousfrauduponherwhichhadpreyeduponhismind，asthetimeforitsdisclosureapproached，lestshemightnotmakefullallowancefortheobjectwithwhichithadoriginated，andinwhichithadfullydeveloped。
'Butblessye，mybeauty！'criedMrsBoflin，takinghimupshortatthispoint，withanotherheartyclapofherhands。'Itwasn'tJohnonlythatwasinit。Wewasallofusinit。'
'Idon't，'saidBella，lookingvacantlyfromonetoanother，'yetunderstand——'
'Ofcourseyoudon't，mydeary，'exclaimedMrsBoffin。'Howcanyoutillyou'retold！SonowIamagoingtotellyou。Soyouputyourtwohandsbetweenmytwohandsagain，'criedthecomfortablecreature，embracingher，'withthatblessedlittlepicterlyingonyourlap，andyoushallbetoldallthestory。Now，I'magoingtotellthestory。Once，twice，threetimes，andthehorsesisoff。Heretheygo！WhenIcriesoutthatnight，“Iknowyounow，you'reJohn！“——whichwasmyexactwords；wasn'tthey，John?'
'Yourexactwords，'saidJohn，layinghishandonhers。
'That'saverygoodarrangement，'criedMrsBoffin。'Keepitthere，John。Andaswewasallofusinit，Noddyyoucomeandlayyoursatopofhis，andwewon'tbreakthepiletillthestory'sdone。'
MrBoffinhitchedupachair，andaddedhisbroadbrownrighthandtotheheap。
'That'scapital！'saidMrsBoffin，givingitakiss。'Seemsquiteafamilybuilding；don'tit?Butthehorsesisoff。Well！WhenI
criesoutthatnight，“Iknowyounow！you'reJohn！“Johncatchesofme，itistrue；butIain'talightweight，blessye，andhe'sforcedtoletmedown。Noddy，hehearsanoise，andinhetrots，andassoonasIanywayscomestomyselfIcallstohim，“Noddy，wellI
mightsayasIdidsay，thatnightattheBower，fortheLordbethankfulthisisJohn！“Onwhichhegivesaheave，anddownhegoeslikewise，withhisheadunderthewriting-table。Thisbringsmeroundcomfortable，andthatbringshimroundcomfortable，andthenJohnandhimandmeweallfallacryingforjoy。'
'Yes！Theycryforjoy，mydarling，'herhusbandstruckin。'Youunderstand?Thesetwo，whomIcometolifetodisappointanddispossess，cryforjoy！'
Bellalookedathimconfusedly，andlookedagainatMrsBoffin'sradiantface。
'That'sright，mydear，don'tyoumindhim，'saidMrsBoffin，'sticktome。Well！Thenwesitsdown，graduallygetscool，andholdsaconfabulation。John，hetellsushowheisdespairinginhismindonaccountsofacertainfairyoungperson，andhow，ifIhadn'tfoundhimout，hewasgoingawaytoseekhisfortunefarandwide，andhadfullymeantnevertocometolife，buttoleavethepropertyasourwrongfulinheritanceforeverandaday。AtwhichyouneverseeamansofrightenedasmyNoddywas。Fortothinkthatheshouldhavecomeintothepropertywrongful，howeverinnocent，and——morethanthat——mighthavegoneonkeepingittohisdyingday，turnedhimwhiterthanchalk。'
'Andyoutoo，'saidMrBoffin。
'Don'tyoumindhim，neither，mydeary，'resumedMrsBoffin；
'sticktome。Thisbringsupaconfabulationregardingthecertainfairyoungperson；whenNoddyhegivesitashisopinionthatsheisadearycreetur。“Shemaybealeetlespoilt，andnat'rallyspoilt，“
hesays，“bycircumstances，butthat'sonlythesurface，andIlaymylife，“hesays，“thatshe'sthetruegoldengoldatheart。”
'Sodidyou，'saidMrBoffin。
'Don'tyoumindhimasinglemorsel，mydear，'proceededMrsBoffin，'butsticktome。ThensaysJohn，O，ifhecouldbutproveso！Thenwebothofusupsandsays，thatminute，“Proveso！“'
Withastart，BelladirectedahurriedglancetowardsMrBoffin。
But，hewassittingthoughtfullysmilingatthatbroadbrownhandofhis，andeitherdidn'tseeit，orwouldtakenonoticeofit。
'“Proveit，John！“wesays，'repeatedMrsBoffin。'“Proveitandovercomeyourdoubtswithtriumph，andbehappyforthefirsttimeinyourlife，andfortherestofyourlife。”ThisputsJohninastate，tobesure。Thenwesays，“Whatwillcontentyou?Ifshewastostandupforyouwhenyouwasslighted，ifshewastoshowherselfofagenerousmindwhenyouwasoppressed，ifshewastobetruesttoyouwhenyouwaspoorestandfriendliest，andallthisagainstherownseeminginterest，howwouldthatdo?““Do?“saysJohn，“itwouldraisemetotheskies。”“Then，“saysmyNoddy，“makeyourpreparationsfortheascent，John，itbeingmyfirmbeliefthatupyougo！“'
BellacaughtMrBoffin'stwinklingeyeforhalfaninstant；buthegotitawayfromher，andrestoredittohisbroadbrownhand。
'Fromthefirst，youwasalwaysaspecialfavouriteofNoddy's，'saidMrsBoffin，shakingherhead。'Oyouwere！AndifIhadbeeninclinedtobejealous，Idon'tknowwhatImightn'thavedonetoyou。ButasIwasn't——why，mybeauty，'withaheartylaughandanembrace，'Imadeyouaspecialfavouriteofmyowntoo。Butthehorsesiscomingroundthecorner。Well！ThensaysmyNoddy，shakinghissidestillhewasfittomake'emacheagain:“Lookoutforbeingslightedandoppressed，John，forifeveramanhadahardmaster，youshallfindmefromthispresenttimetobesuchtoyou。Andthenhebegan！'criedMrsBoffin，inanecstacyofadmiration。'Lordblessyou，thenhebegan！AndhowheDID
begin；didn'the！'
Bellalookedhalffrightened，andyethalflaughed。
'But，blessyou，'pursuedMrsBoffin，'ifyoucouldhaveseenhimofanight，atthattimeofit！Thewayhe'dsitandchuckleoverhimself！Thewayhe'dsay“I'vebeenaregularbrownbearto-day，“
andtakehimselfinhisarmsandhughimselfatthethoughtsofthebrutehehadpretended。Buteverynighthesaystome:“Betterandbetter，oldlady。Whatdidwesayofher?She'llcomethroughit，thetruegoldengold。This'llbethehappiestpieceofworkweeverdone。”Andthenhe'dsay，“I'llbeagrislieroldgrowlerto-
morrow！“andlaugh，hewould，tillJohnandmewasoftenforcedtoslaphisback，andbringitoutofhiswindpipeswithalittlewater。'
MrBoffin，withhisfacebentoverhisheavyhand，madenosound，butrolledhisshoulderswhenthusreferredto，asifhewerevastlyenjoyinghimself。
'Andso，mygoodandpretty，'pursuedMrsBoffin，'youwasmarried，andtherewaswehidupinthechurch-organbythishusbandofyours；forhewouldn'tletusoutwithitthen，aswasfirstmeant。“No，“hesays，“she'ssounselfishandcontented，thatIcan'taffordtoberichyet。Imustwaitalittlelonger。”Then，whenbabywasexpected，hesays，“Sheissuchacheerful，glorioushousewifethatIcan'taffordtoberichyet。Imustwaitalittlelonger。”Thenwhenbabywasborn，hesays，“Sheissomuchbetterthansheeverwas，thatIcan'taffordtoberichyet。Imustwaitalittlelonger。”Andsohegoesonandon，tillIsaysoutright，“Now，John，ifyoudon'tfixatimeforsettingherupinherownhouseandhome，andlettinguswalkoutofit，I'llturnInformer。”
Thenhesayshe'llonlywaittotriumphbeyondwhatweeverthoughtpossible，andtoshowhertousbetterthanevenweeversupposed；andhesays，“Sheshallseemeundersuspicionofhavingmurderedmyself，andYOUshallseehowtrustingandhowtrueshe'llbe。”Well！Noddyandmeagreedtothat，andhewasright，andhereyouare，andthehorsesisin，andthestoryisdone，andGodblessyoumyBeauty，andGodblessusall！'
Thepileofhandsdispersed，andBellaandMrsBoffintookagoodlonghugofoneanother:totheapparentperiloftheinexhaustiblebaby，lyingstaringinBella'slap。
'ButISthestorydone?'saidBella，pondering。'Istherenomoreofit?'
'Whatmoreofitshouldtherebe，deary?'returnedMrsBoffin，fullofglee。
'Areyousureyouhaveleftnothingoutofit?'askedBella。
'Idon'tthinkIhave，'saidMrsBoffin，archly。
'Johndear，'saidBella，'you'reagoodnurse；willyoupleaseholdbaby?'HavingdepositedtheInexhaustibleinhisarmswiththosewords，BellalookedhardatMrBoffin，whohadmovedtoatablewherehewasleaninghisheaduponhishandwithhisfaceturnedaway，and，quietlysettlingherselfonherkneesathisside，anddrawingonearmoverhisshoulder，said:'PleaseIbegyourpardon，andImadeasmallmistakeofawordwhenItookleaveofyoulast。PleaseIthinkyouarebetternotworsethanHopkins，betternotworsethanDancer，betternotworsethanBlackberryJones，betternotworsethananyofthem！Pleasesomethingmore！'criedBella，withanexultantringinglaughasshestruggledwithhimandforcedhimtoturnhisdelightedfacetohers。'PleaseIhavefoundoutsomethingnotyetmentioned。PleaseIdon'tbelieveyouareahard-heartedmiseratall，andpleaseIdon'tbelieveyoueverforonesingleminutewere！'
Atthis，MrsBoffinfairlyscreamedwithrapture，andsatbeatingherfeetuponthefloor，clappingherhands，andbobbingherselfbackwardsandforwards，likeadementedmemberofsomeMandarin'sfamily。
'O，Iunderstandyounow，sir！'criedBella。'Iwantneitheryounoranyoneelsetotellmetherestofthestory。IcantellittoYOU，now，ifyouwouldliketohearit。'
'Canyou，mydear?'saidMrBoffin。'Tellitthen。'
'What?'criedBella，holdinghimprisonerbythecoatwithbothhands。'Whenyousawwhatagreedylittlewretchyouwerethepatronof，youdeterminedtoshowherhowmuchmisusedandmisprizedrichescoulddo，andoftenhaddone，tospoilpeople；didyou?NotcaringwhatshethoughtofyouandGoodnessknowsTHATwasofnoconsequence！youshowedher，inyourself，themostdetestablesidesofwealth，sayinginyourownmind，“Thisshallowcreaturewouldneverworkthetruthoutofherownweaksoul，ifshehadahundredyearstodoitin；butaglaringinstancekeptbeforehermayopenevenhereyesandsetherthinking。”Thatwaswhatyousaidtoyourself，wasit，sir?'
'Ineversaidanythingofthesort，'MrBoffindeclaredinastateofthehighestenjoyment。
'Thenyououghttohavesaidit，sir，'returnedBella，givinghimtwopullsandonekiss，'foryoumusthavethoughtandmeantit。Yousawthatgoodfortunewasturningmystupidheadandhardeningmysillyheart——wasmakingmegrasping，calculating，insolent，insufferable——andyoutookthepainstobethedearestandkindestfingerpostthateverwassetupanywhere，pointingouttheroadthatIwastakingandtheenditledto。Confessinstantly！'
'John，'saidMrBoffin，onebroadpieceofsunshinefromheadtofoot，'Iwishyou'dhelpmeoutofthis。'
'Youcan'tbeheardbycounsel，sir，'returnedBella。'Youmustspeakforyourself。Confessinstantly！'
'Well，mydear，'saidMrBoffin，'thetruthis，thatwhenwedidgoinforthelittleschemethatmyoldladyhaspintedout，IdidputittoJohn，whatdidhethinkofgoinginforsomesuchgeneralschemeasYOUhavepintedout?ButIdidn'tinanywaysowordit，becauseIdidn'tinanywaysomeanit。IonlysaidtoJohn，wouldn'titbemoreconsistent，megoinginforbeingareg'larbrownbearrespectinghim，togoinasareg'larbrownbearallround?'
'Confessthisminute，sir，'saidBella，'thatyoudidittocorrectandamendme！'
'Certainly，mydearchild，'saidMrBoffin，'Ididn'tdoittoharmyou；youmaybesureofthat。AndIdidhopeitmightjusthintacaution。Still，itoughttobementionedthatnosoonerhadmyoldladyfoundoutJohn，thanJohnmadeknowntoherandmethathehadhadhiseyeuponathanklesspersonbythenameofSilasWegg。PartlyforthepunishmentofwhichWegg，byleadinghimoninaveryunhandsomeandunderhandedgamethathewasplaying，thembooksthatyouandmeboughtsomanyoftogetherand，by-the-by，mydear，hewasn'tBlackberryJones，butBlewberrywasreadaloudtomebythatpersonofthenameofSilasWeggaforesaid。'
Bella，whowasstillonherkneesatMrBoffin'sfeet，graduallysankdownintoasittingpostureontheground，asshemeditatedmoreandmorethoughtfully，withhereyesuponhisbeamingface。
'Still，'saidBella，afterthismeditativepause，'thereremaintwothingsthatIcannotunderstand。MrsBoffinneversupposedanypartofthechangeinMrBoffintobereal；didshe?——Youneverdid；
didyou?'askedBella，turningtoher。
'No！'returnedMrsBoffin，withamostrotundandglowingnegative。
'Andyetyoutookitverymuchtoheart，'saidBella。'Irememberitsmakingyouveryuneasy，indeed。'
'Ecod，youseeMrsJohnhasasharpeye，John！'criedMrBoffin，shakinghisheadwithanadmiringair。'You'reright，mydear。
Theoldladynearlyblowedusintoshiversandsmithers，manytimes。'
'Why?'askedBella。'Howdidthathappen，whenshewasinyoursecret?'
'Why，itwasaweaknessintheoldlady，'saidMrBoffin；'andyet，totellyouthewholetruthandnothingbutthetruth，I'mratherproudofit。Mydear，theoldladythinkssohighofmethatshecouldn'tabeartoseeandhearmecomingoutasareg'larbrownone。Couldn'tabeartomake-believeasImeantit！Inconsequenceofwhich，wewaseverlastinglyindangerwithher。'
MrsBoffinlaughedheartilyatherself；butacertainglisteninginherhonesteyesrevealedthatshewasbynomeanscuredofthatdangerouspropensity。
'Iassureyou，mydear，'saidMrBoffin，'thatonthecelebrateddaywhenImadewhathassincebeenagreedupontobemygrandestdemonstration——IalludetoMewsaysthecat，Quackquacksaystheduck，andBow-wow-wowsaysthedog——Iassureyou，mydear，thatonthatcelebratedday，themflintyandunbelivingwordshitmyoldladysohardonmyaccount，thatIhadtoholdher，topreventherrunningoutafteryou，anddefendingmebysayingI
wasplayingapart。'
MrsBoffinlaughedheartilyagain，andhereyesglistenedagain，anditthenappeared，notonlythatinthatburstofsarcasticeloquenceMrBoffinwasconsideredbyhistwofellow-
conspiratorstohaveoutdonehimself，butthatinhisownopinionitwasaremarkableachievement。'Neverthoughtofitaforethemoment，mydear！'heobservedtoBella。'WhenJohnsaid，ifhehadbeensohappyastowinyouraffectionsandpossessyourheart，itcomeintomyheadtoturnrounduponhimwith“Winheraffectionsandpossessherheart！Mewsaysthecat，Quackquacksaystheduck，andBow-wow-wowsaysthedog。”Icouldn'ttellyouhowitcomeintomyheadorwherefrom，butithadsomuchthesoundofarasperthatIowntoyouitastonishedmyself。Iwasawfulnighburstingoutalaughingthough，whenitmadeJohnstare！'
'Yousaid，mypretty，'MrsBoffinremindedBella，'thattherewasoneotherthingyoucouldn'tunderstand。'
'Oyes！'criedBella，coveringherfacewithherhands；'butthatI
nevershallbeabletounderstandaslongasIlive。Itis，howJohncouldlovemesowhenIsolittledeservedit，andhowyou，MrandMrsBoffin，couldbesoforgetfulofyourselves，andtakesuchpainsandtrouble，tomakemealittlebetter，andafteralltohelphimtosounworthyawife。ButIamveryverygrateful。'
ItwasJohnHarmon'sturnthen——JohnHarmonnowforgood，andJohnRokesmithfornevermore——topleadwithherquiteunnecessarilyinbehalfofhisdeception，andtotellher，overandoveragain，thatithadbeenprolongedbyherownwinninggracesinhersupposedstationoflife。Thisledontomanyinterchangesofendearmentandenjoymentonallsides，inthemidstofwhichtheInexhaustiblebeingobservedstaring，inamostimbecilemanner，onMrsBoffin'sbreast，waspronouncedtobesupernaturallyintelligentastothewholetransaction，andwasmadetodeclaretotheladiesandgemplemorums，withawaveofthespeckledfistwithdifficultydetachedfromanexceedinglyshortwaist，'IhavealreadyinformedmyvenerableMathatIknowallaboutit！'
Then，saidJohnHarmon，wouldMrsJohnHarmoncomeandseeherhouse?Andadaintyhouseitwas，andatastefullybeautiful；
andtheywentthroughitinprocession；theInexhaustibleonMrsBoffin'sbosomstillstaringoccupyingthemiddlestation，andMrBoffinbringinguptherear。AndonBella'sexquisitetoilettetablewasanivorycasket，andinthecasketwerejewelsthelikeofwhichshehadneverdreamedof，andaloftonanupperfloorwasanurserygarnishedaswithrainbows；'thoughwewerehardputtoit，'saidJohnHarmon，'togetitdoneinsoshortatime。
Thehouseinspected，emissariesremovedtheInexhaustible，whowasshortlyafterwardsheardscreamingamongtherainbows；
whereuponBellawithdrewherselffromthepresenceandknowledgeofgemplemorums，andthescreamingceased，andsmilingPeaceassociatedherselfwiththatyoungolivebranch。
'Comeandlookin，Noddy！'saidMrsBoffintoMrBoffin。
MrBoffin，submittingtobeledontiptoetothenurserydoor，lookedinwithimmensesatisfaction，althoughtherewasnothingtoseebutBellainamusingstateofhappiness，seatedinalittlelowchairuponthehearth，withherchildinherfairyoungarms，andhersofteyelashesshadinghereyesfromthefire。
'Itlooksasiftheoldman'sspirithadfoundrestatlast；don'tit?'
saidMrsBoffin。
'Yes，oldlady。'
'Andasifhismoneyhadturnedbrightagain，afteralonglongrustinthedark，andwasatlastabeginningtosparkleinthesunlight?'
'Yes，oldlady。'
'Anditmakesaprettyandapromisingpicter；don'tit?'
'Yes，oldlady。'
But，awareattheinstantofafineopeningforapoint，MrBoffinquenchedthatobservationinthis——deliveredinthegrisliestgrowlingoftheregularbrownbear。'Aprettyandahopefulpicter?
Mew，Quackquack，Bow-wow！'Andthentrottedsilentlydownstairs，withhisshouldersinastateoftheliveliestcommotion。
Chapter14
CHECKMATETOTHEFRIENDLYMOVE
MrandMrsJohnHarmonhadsotimedtheirtakingpossessionoftheirrightfulnameandtheirLondonhouse，thattheeventbefelontheverydaywhenthelastwaggon-loadofthelastMoundwasdrivenoutatthegatesofBoffin'sBower。Asitjoltedaway，MrWeggfeltthatthelastloadwascorrespondinglyremovedfromhismind，andhailedtheauspiciousseasonwhenthatblacksheep，Boffin，wastobecloselysheared。
OverthewholeslowprocessoflevellingtheMounds，Silashadkeptwatchwithrapaciouseyes。But，eyesnolessrapacioushadwatchedthegrowthoftheMoundsinyearsbygone，andhadvigilantlysiftedthedustofwhichtheywerecomposed。Novaluablesturnedup。Howshouldtherebeany，seeingthattheoldhardjailerofHarmonyJailhadcoinedeverywaifandstrayintomoney，longbefore?
Thoughdisappointedbythisbareresult，MrWeggfelttoosensiblyrelievedbythecloseofthelabour，togrumbletoanygreatextent。
Aforeman-representativeofthedustcontractors，purchasersoftheMounds，hadwornMrWeggdowntoskinandbone。Thissupervisoroftheproceedings，assertinghisemployers'rightstocartoffbydaylight，nightlight，torchlight，whentheywould，musthavebeenthedeathofSilasiftheworkhadlastedmuchlonger。
Seemingnevertoneedsleephimself，hewouldreappear，withatied-upbrokenhead，infantailhatandvelveteensmalls，likeanaccursedgoblin，atthemostunholyanduntimelyhours。Tiredoutbykeepingclosewardoveralongday'sworkinfogandrain，Silaswouldhavejustcrawledtobedandbedozing，whenahorridshakeandrumbleunderhispillowwouldannounceanapproachingtrainofcarts，escortedbythisDemonofUnrest，tofalltoworkagain。Atanothertime，hewouldberumbledupoutofhissoundestsleep，inthedeadofthenight；atanother，wouldbekeptathisposteight-and-fortyhoursonend。Themorehispersecutorbesoughthimnottotroublehimselftoturnout，themoresuspiciouswasthecraftyWeggthatindicationshadbeenobservedofsomethinghiddensomewhere，andthatattemptswereonfoottocircumventhim。Socontinuallybrokenwashisrestthroughthesemeans，thatheledthelifeofhavingwageredtokeeptenthousanddog-watchesintenthousandhours，andlookedpiteouslyuponhimselfasalwaysgettingupandyetnevergoingtobed。Sogauntandhaggardhadhegrownatlast，thathiswoodenlegshoweddisproportionate，andpresentedathrivingappearanceincontrastwiththerestofhisplaguedbody，whichmightalmosthavebeentermedchubby。
However，Wegg'scomfortwas，thatallhisdisagreeableswerenowover，andthathewasimmediatelycomingintohisproperty。Oflate，thegrindstonedidundoubtedlyappeartohavebeenwhirlingathisownnoseratherthanBoffin's，butBoffin'snosewasnowtobesharpenedfine。Thusfar，MrWegghadlethisdustyfriendofflightly，havingbeenbaulkedinthatamiabledesignoffrequentlydiningwithhim，bythemachinationsofthesleeplessdustman。HehadbeenconstrainedtodeputeMrVenustokeeptheirdustyfriend，Boffin，underinspection，whilehehimselfturnedlankandleanattheBower。
ToMrVenus'smuseumMrWeggrepairedwhenatlengththeMoundsweredownandgone。Itbeingevening，hefoundthatgentleman，asheexpected，seatedoverhisfire；butdidnotfindhim，asheexpected，floatinghispowerfulmindintea。
'Why，yousmellrathercomfortablehere！'saidWegg，seemingtotakeitill，andstoppingandsniffingasheentered。
'IAMrathercomfortable，sir，'saidVenus。
'Youdon'tuselemoninyourbusiness，doyou?'askedWegg，sniffingagain。
'No，MrWegg，'saidVenus。'WhenIuseitatall，Imostlyuseitincobblers'punch。'
'Whatdoyoucallcobblers'punch?'demandedWegg，inaworsehumourthanbefore。
'It'sdifficulttoimpartthereceiptforit，sir，'returnedVenus，'because，howeverparticularyoumaybeinallottingyourmaterials，somuchwillstilldependupontheindividualgifts，andtherebeingafeelingthrownintoit。Butthegroundworkisgin。'
'InaDutchbottle?'saidWegggloomily，ashesathimselfdown。
'Verygood，sir，verygood！'criedVenus。'Willyoupartake，sir?'
'WillIpartake?'returnedWeggverysurlily。'Why，ofcourseI
will！WILLamanpartake，ashasbeentormentedoutofhisfivesensesbyaneverlastingdustmanwithhisheadtiedup！WILLhe，too！Asifhewouldn't！'
'Don'tletitputyouout，MrWegg。Youdon'tseeminyourusualspirits。'
'Ifyoucometothat，youdon'tseeminyourusualspirits，'growledWegg。'Youseemtobesettingupforlively。'
Thiscircumstanceappeared，inhisthenstateofmind，togiveMrWegguncommonoffence。
'Andyou'vebeenhavingyourhaircut！'saidWegg，missingtheusualdustyshock。
'Yes，MrWegg。Butdon'tletthatputyouout，either。'
'AndIamblestifyouain'tgettingfat！'saidWegg，withculminatingdiscontent。'Whatareyougoingtodonext?'
'Well，MrWegg，'saidVenus，smilinginasprightlymanner，'I
suspectyoucouldhardlyguesswhatIamgoingtodonext。'
'Idon'twanttoguess，'retortedWegg。'AllI'vegottosayis，thatit'swellforyouthatthediwisionoflabourhasbeenwhatithasbeen。It'swellforyoutohavehadsolightapartinthisbusiness，whenminehasbeensoheavy。Youhaven'thadYOURrestbroke，I'llbebound。'
'Notatall，sir，'saidVenus。'Neverrestedsowellinallmylife，I
thankyou。'
'Ah！'grumbledWegg，'youshouldhavebeenme。Ifyouhadbeenme，andhadbeenfrettedoutofyourbed，andyoursleep，andyourmeals，andyourmind，forastretchofmonthstogether，you'dhavebeenoutofconditionandoutofsorts。'
'Certainly，ithastrainedyoudown，MrWegg，'saidVenus，contemplatinghisfigurewithanartist'seye。'Trainedyoudownverylow，ithas！Soweazenandyellowisthekiveringuponyourbones，thatonemightalmostfancyyouhadcometogivealook-inupontheFrenchgentlemaninthecorner，insteadofme。'
MrWegg，glancingingreatdudgeontowardstheFrenchgentleman'scorner，seemedtonoticesomethingnewthere，whichinducedhimtoglanceattheoppositecorner，andthentoputonhisglassesandstareatallthenooksandcornersofthedimshopinsuccession。
'Why，you'vebeenhavingtheplacecleanedup！'heexclaimed。
'Yes，MrWegg。Bythehandofadorablewoman。'
'Thenwhatyou'regoingtodonext，Isuppose，istogetmarried?'
'That'sit，sir。'
Silastookoffhisglassesagain——findinghimselftoointenselydisgustedbythesprightlyappearanceofhisfriendandpartnertobearamagnifiedviewofhimandmadetheinquiry:
'Totheoldparty?'
'MrWegg！'saidVenus，withasuddenflushofwrath。'Theladyinquestionisnotaoldparty。'
'Imeant，'exclaimedWegg，testily，'tothepartyasformerlyobjected?'
'MrWegg，'saidVenus，'inacaseofsomuchdelicacy，Imusttroubleyoutosaywhatyoumean。Therearestringsthatmustnotbeplayedupon。Nosir！Notsounded，unlessinthemostrespectfulandtunefulmanner。OfsuchmelodiousstringsisMissPleasantRiderhoodformed。'
'ThenitIStheladyasformerlyobjected?'saidWegg。
'Sir，'returnedVenuswithdignity，'Iacceptthealteredphrase。Itistheladyasformerlyobjected。'
'Whenisittocomeoff?'askedSilas。
'MrWegg，'saidVenus，withanotherflush。'IcannotpermitittobeputintheformofaFight。Imusttemperatelybutfirmlycalluponyou，sir，toamendthatquestion。'
'Whenisthelady，'Weggreluctantlydemanded，constraininghisilltemperinremembranceofthepartnershipanditsstockintrade，'agoingtogiveher'andwhereshehasalreadygivenher'art?'
'Sir，'returnedVenus，'Iagainacceptthealteredphrase，andwithpleasure。Theladyisagoingtogiveher'andwhereshehasalreadygivenher'art，nextMonday。'
'Thenthelady'sobjectionhasbeenmet?'saidSilas。
'MrWegg，'saidVenus，'asIdidnametoyou，Ithink，onaformeroccasion，ifnotonformeroccasions——'
'Onformeroccasions，'interruptedWegg。
'——What，'pursuedVenus，'whatthenatureofthelady'sobjectionwas，Imayimpart，withoutviolatinganyofthetenderconfidencessincesprungupbetweentheladyandmyself，howithasbeenmet，throughthekindinterferenceoftwogoodfriendsofmine:one，previouslyacquaintedwiththelady:andone，not。Thepintwasthrownout，sir，bythosetwofriendswhentheydidmethegreatserviceofwaitingontheladytotryifaunionbetwixttheladyandmecouldnotbebroughttobear——thepint，Isay，wasthrownoutbythem，sir，whetherif，aftermarriage，Iconfinedmyselftothearticulationofmen，children，andtheloweranimals，itmightnotrelievethelady'smindofherfeelingrespectingbeingasalady——
regardedinabonylight。Itwasahappythought，sir，andittookroot。'
'Itwouldseem，MrVenus，'observedWegg，withatouchofdistrust，'thatyouareflushoffriends?'
'Prettywell，sir，'thatgentlemananswered，inatoneofplacidmystery。'So-so，sir。Prettywell。'
'However，'saidWegg，aftereyeinghimwithanothertouchofdistrust，'Iwishyoujoy。Onemanspendshisfortuneinoneway，andanotherinanother。Youaregoingtotrymatrimony。Imeantotrytravelling。'
'Indeed，MrWegg?'
'Changeofair，sea-scenery，andmynaturalrest，IhopemaybringmeroundafterthepersecutionsIhaveundergonefromthedustmanwithhisheadtiedup，whichIjustnowmentioned。ThetoughjobbeingendedandtheMoundslaidlow，thehouriscomeforBoffintostumpup。Wouldtento-morrowmorningsuityou，partner，forfinallybringingBoffin'snosetothegrindstone?'
Tento-morrowmorningwouldquitesuitMrVenusforthatexcellentpurpose。
'Youhavehadhimwellunderinspection，Ihope?'saidSilas。
MrVenushadhadhimunderinspectionprettywelleveryday。
'Supposeyouwasjusttosteproundto-nightthen，andgivehimordersfromme——Isayfromme，becauseheknowsIwon'tbeplayedwith——tobereadywithhispapers，hisaccounts，andhiscash，atthattimeinthemorning?'saidWegg。'Andasamatterofform，whichwillbeagreeabletoyourownfeelings，beforewegooutforI'llwalkwithyoupartoftheway，thoughmyleggivesundermewithweariness，let'shavealookatthestockintrade。'
MrVenusproducedit，anditwasperfectlycorrect；MrVenusundertooktoproduceitagaininthemorning，andtokeeptrystwithMrWeggonBoffin'sdoorstepastheclockstruckten。AtacertainpointoftheroadbetweenClerkenwellandBoffin'shouseMrWeggexpresslyinsistedthatthereshouldbenoprefixtotheGoldenDustman'snamethepartnersseparatedforthenight。
Itwasaverybadnight；towhichsucceededaverybadmorning。
Thestreetsweresounusuallyslushy，muddy，andmiserable，inthemorning，thatWeggrodetothesceneofaction；arguingthatamanwhowas，asitwere，goingtotheBanktodrawoutahandsomeproperty，couldwellaffordthattriflingexpense。
Venuswaspunctual，andWeggundertooktoknockatthedoor，andconducttheconference。Doorknockedat。Dooropened。
'Boffinathome?'
TheservantrepliedthatMRBoffinwasathome。
'He'lldo，'saidWegg，'thoughitain'twhatIcallhim。'
Theservantinquirediftheyhadanyappointment?
'Now，Itellyouwhat，youngfellow，'saidWegg，'Iwon'thaveit。
Thiswon'tdoforme。Idon'twantmenials。IwantBoffin。'
Theywereshownintoawaiting-room，wheretheall-powerfulWeggworehishat，andwhistled，andwithhisforefingerstirredupaclockthatstooduponthechimneypiece，untilhemadeitstrike。
InafewminutestheywereshownupstairsintowhatusedtobeBoffin'sroom；which，besidesthedoorofentrance，hadfolding-
doorsinit，tomakeitoneofasuiteofroomswhenoccasionrequired。Here，Boffinwasseatedatalibrary-table，andhereMrWegg，havingimperiouslymotionedtheservanttowithdraw，drewupachairandseatedhimself，inhishat，closebesidehim。Here，also，MrWegginstantlyunderwenttheremarkableexperienceofhavinghishattwitchedoffhisheadandthrownoutofawindow，whichwasopenedandshutforthepurpose。
'Becarefulwhatinsolentlibertiesyoutakeinthatgentleman'spresence，'saidtheownerofthehandwhichhaddonethis，'orIwillthrowyouafterit。'
Wegginvoluntarilyclappedhishandtohisbarehead，andstaredattheSecretary。For，itwasheaddressedhimwithaseverecountenance，andwhohadcomeinquietlybythefolding-doors。
'Oh！'saidWegg，assoonasherecoveredhissuspendedpowerofspeech。'Verygood！IgavedirectionsforYOUtobedismissed。
Andyouain'tgone，ain'tyou?Oh！We'lllookintothispresently。
Verygood！'
'No，norIain'tgone，'saidanothervoice。
Somebodyelsehadcomeinquietlybythefolding-doors。Turninghishead，Weggbeheldhispersecutor，theever-wakefuldustman，accoutredwithfantailhatandvelveteensmallscomplete。Who，untyinghistied-upbrokenhead，revealedaheadthatwaswhole，andafacethatwasSloppy's。
'Ha，ha，ha，gentlemen！'roaredSloppyinapealoflaughter，andwithimmeasureablerelish。'HeneverthoughtasIcouldsleepstanding，andoftendoneitwhenIturnedforMrsHigden！HeneverthoughtasIusedtogiveMrsHigdenthePolice-newsindifferentvoices！ButIdidleadhimalifeallthroughit，gentlemen，IhopeIreallyandtrulyDID！'Here，MrSloppyopeninghismouthtoaquitealarmingextent，andthrowingbackhisheadtopealagain，revealedincalculablebuttons。
'Oh！'saidWegg，slightlydiscomfited，butnotmuchasyet:'oneandoneistwonotdismissed，isit?Bof——fin！Justletmeaskaquestion。Whosetthischapon，inthisdress，whenthecartingbegan?Whoemployedthisfellow?'
'Isay！'remonstratedSloppy，jerkinghisheadforward。'Nofellows，orI'llthrowyououtofwinder！'
MrBoffinappeasedhimwithawaveofhishand，andsaid:'I
employedhim，Wegg。'
'Oh！Youemployedhim，Boffin?Verygood。MrVenus，weraiseourterms，andwecan'tdobetterthanproceedtobusiness。Bof——
fin！Iwanttheroomclearedofthesetwoscum。'
'That'snotgoingtobedone，Wegg，'repliedMrBoffin，sittingcomposedlyonthelibrary-table，atoneend，whiletheSecretarysatcomposedlyonitattheother。
'Bof——fin！Notgoingtobedone?'repeatedWegg。'Notatyourperil?'
'No，Wegg，'saidMrBoffin，shakinghisheadgood-humouredly。
'Notatmyperil，andnotonanyotherterms。'
Weggreflectedamoment，andthensaid:'MrVenus，willyoubesogoodashandmeoverthatsamedockyment?'
'Certainly，sir，'repliedVenus，handingittohimwithmuchpoliteness。'Thereitis。Havingnow，sir，partedwithit，Iwishtomakeasmallobservation:notsomuchbecauseitisanywaysnecessary，orexpressesanynewdoctrineordiscovery，asbecauseitisacomforttomymind。SilasWegg，youareapreciousoldrascal。'
MrWegg，who，asifanticipatingacompliment，hadbeenbeatingtimewiththepapertotheother'spolitenessuntilthisunexpectedconclusioncameuponhim，stoppedratherabruptly。
'SilasWegg，'saidVenus，'knowthatItookthelibertyoftakingMrBoffinintoourconcernasasleepingpartner，ataveryearlyperiodofourfirm'sexistence。
'Quitetrue，'addedMrBoffin；'andItestedVenusbymakinghimapretendedproposalortwo；andIfoundhimonthewholeaveryhonestman，Wegg。'
'SoMrBoffin，inhisindulgence，ispleasedtosay，'Venusremarked:'thoughinthebeginningofthisdirt，myhandswerenot，forafewhours，quiteascleanasIcouldwish。ButIhopeImadeearlyandfullamends。'
'Venus，youdid，'saidMrBoffin。'Certainly，certainly，certainly。'
Venusinclinedhisheadwithrespectandgratitude。'Thankyou，sir。Iammuchobligedtoyou，sir，forall。Foryourgoodopinionnow，foryourwayofreceivingandencouragingmewhenIfirstputmyselfincommunicationwithyou，andfortheinfluencesincesokindlybroughttobearuponacertainlady，bothbyyourselfandbyMrJohnHarmon。'Towhom，whenthusmakingmentionofhim，healsobowed。
Weggfollowedthenamewithsharpears，andtheactionwithsharpeyes，andacertaincringingairwasinfusingitselfintohisbullyingair，whenhisattentionwasre-claimedbyVenus。
'Everythingelsebetweenyouandme，MrWegg，'saidVenus，'nowexplainsitself，andyoucannowmakeout，sir，withoutfurtherwordsfromme。ButtotallytopreventanyunpleasantnessormistakethatmightariseonwhatIconsideranimportantpoint，tobemadequiteclearatthecloseofouracquaintance，IbegtheleaveofMrBoffinandMrJohnHarmontorepeatanobservationwhichIhavealreadyhadthepleasureofbringingunderyournotice。Youareapreciousoldrascal！'
'Youareafool，'saidWegg，withasnapofhisfingers，'andI'dhavegotridofyoubeforenow，ifIcouldhavestruckoutanywayofdoingit。Ihavethoughtitover，Icantellyou。Youmaygo，andwelcome。Youleavethemoreforme。Because，youknow，'saidWegg，dividinghisnextobservationbetweenMrBoffinandMrHarmon，'Iamworthmyprice，andImeantohaveit。Thisgettingoffisallverywellinitsway，andittellswithsuchananatomicalPumpasthisone，'pointingoutMrVenus，'butitwon'tdowithaMan。Iamheretobeboughtoff，andIhavenamedmyfigure。
Now，buyme，orleaveme。'
'I'llleaveyou，Wegg，saidMrBoffin，laughing，'asfarasIamconcerned。'
'Bof——fin！'repliedWegg，turninguponhimwithasevereair，'I
understandYOURnew-bornboldness。IseethebrassunderneathYOURsilverplating。YOUhavegotYOURnoseoutofjoint。
Knowingthatyou'venothingatstake，youcanaffordtocometheindependentgame。Why，you'rejustsomuchsmearyglasstoseethrough，youknow！ButMrHarmonisinanothersitiwation。
WhatMrHarmonrisks，isquiteanotherpairofshoes。Now，I'veheerdsomethinglatelyaboutthisbeingMrHarmon——Imakeoutnow，somehintsthatI'vemetonthatsubjectinthenewspaper——
andIdropyou，Bof——fin，asbeneathmynotice。IaskMrHarmonwhetherhehasanyideaofthecontentsofthispresentpaper?'
'Itisawillofmylatefather's，ofmorerecentdatethanthewillprovedbyMrBoffinaddresswhomagain，asyouhaveaddressedhimalready，andI'llknockyoudown，leavingthewholeofhispropertytotheCrown，'saidJohnHarmon，withasmuchindifferenceaswascompatiblewithextremesternness。
'Bightyouare！'criedWegg。'Then，'screwingtheweightofhisbodyuponhiswoodenleg，andscrewinghiswoodenheadverymuchononeside，andscrewinguponeeye:'then，Iputthequestiontoyou，what'sthispaperworth?'
'Nothing，'saidJohnHarmon。
Wegghadrepeatedthewordwithasneer，andwasenteringonsomesarcasticretort，when，tohisboundlessamazement，hefoundhimselfgrippedbythecravat；shakenuntilhisteethchattered；
shovedback，staggering，intoacorneroftheroom；andpinnedthere。
'Youscoundrel！'saidJohnHarmon，whoseseafaringholdwaslikethatofavice。
'You'reknockingmyheadagainstthewall，'urgedSilasfaintly。
'Imeantoknockyourheadagainstthewall，'neturnedJohnHarmon，suitinghisactiontohiswords，withtheheartiestgoodwill；'andI'dgiveathousandpoundsforleavetoknockyourbrainsout。Listen，youscoundrel，andlookatthatDutchbottle。'
Sloppyhelditup，forhisedification。
'ThatDutchbottle，scoundrel，containedthelatestwillofthemanywillsmadebymyunhappyself-tormentingfather。Thatwillgiveseverythingabsolutelytomynoblebenefactorandyours，MrBoffin，excludingandrevilingme，andmysisterthenalreadydeadofabrokenheart，byname。ThatDutchbottlewasfoundbymynoblebenefactorandyours，afterheenteredonpossessionoftheestate。
ThatDutchbottledistressedhimbeyondmeasure，because，thoughIandmysisterwerebothnomore，itcastasluruponourmemorywhichheknewwehaddonenothinginourmiserableyouth，todeserve。ThatDutchbottle，therefore，heburiedintheMoundbelongingtohim，andthereitlaywhileyou，youthanklesswretch，wereproddingandpoking——oftenverynearit，Idaresay。Hisintentionwas，thatitshouldneverseethelight；buthewasafraidtodestroyit，lesttodestroysuchadocument，evenwithhisgreatgenerousmotive，mightbeanoffenceatlaw。AfterthediscoverywasmadeherewhoIwas，MrBoffin，stillrestlessonthesubject，toldme，uponcertainconditionsimpossibleforsuchahoundasyoutoappreciate，thesecretofthatDutchbottle。Iurgeduponhimthenecessityofitsbeingdugup，andthepaperbeinglegallyproducedandestablished。Thefirstthingyousawhimdo，andthesecondthinghasbeendonewithoutyourknowledge。
Consequently，thepapernowrattlinginyourhandasIshakeyou——
andIshouldliketoshakethelifeoutofyou——isworthlessthantherottencorkoftheDutchbottle，doyouunderstand?'
JudgingfromthefallencountenanceofSilasashisheadwaggedbackwardsandforwardsinamostuncomfortablemanner，hedidunderstand。
Now，scoundrel，'saidJohnHarmon，takinganothersailor-liketurnonhiscravatandholdinghiminhiscorneratarms'length，'Ishallmaketwomoreshortspeechestoyou，becauseIhopetheywilltormentyou。Yourdiscoverywasagenuinediscoverysuchasitwas，fornobodyhadthoughtoflookingintothatplace。Neitherdidweknowyouhadmadeit，untilVenusspoketoMrBoffin，thoughIkeptyouundergoodobservationfrommyfirstappearancehere，andthoughSloppyhaslongmadeitthechiefoccupationanddelightofhislife，toattendyoulikeyourshadow。Itellyouthis，thatyoumayknowweknewenoughofyoutopersuadeMrBoffintoletusleadyouon，deluded，tothelastpossiblemoment，inorderthatyourdisappointmentmightbetheheaviestpossibledisappointment。That'sthefirstshortspeech，doyouunderstand?'
Here，JohnHarmonassistedhiscomprehensionwithanothershake。
'Now，scoundrel，'hepursued，'Iamgoingtofinish。Yousupposedmejustnow，tobethepossessorofmyfather'sproperty——SoIam。
Butthroughanyactofmyfather's，orbyanyrightIhave?No。
ThroughthemunificenceofMrBoffin。Theconditionsthathemadewithme，beforepartingwiththesecretoftheDutchbottle，were，thatIshouldtakethefortune，andthatheshouldtakehisMoundandnomore。IoweeverythingIpossess，solelytothedisinterestedness，uprightness，tenderness，goodnesstherearenowordstosatisfymeofMrandMrsBoffin。Andwhen，knowingwhatIknew，Isawsuchamud-wormasyoupresumetoriseinthishouseagainstthisnoblesoul，thewonderis，'addedJohnHarmonthroughhisclenchedteeth，andwithaveryuglyturnindeedonWegg'scravat，'thatIdidn'ttrytotwistyourheadoff，andflingTHAToutofwindow！So。That'sthelastshortspeech，doyouunderstand?'
Silas，released，puthishandtohisthroat，clearedit，andlookedasifhehadaratherlargefishboneinthatregion。Simultaneouslywiththisactiononhispartinhiscorner，asingular，andonthesurfaceanincomprehensible，movementwasmadebyMrSloppy:
whobeganbackingtowardsMrWeggalongthewall，inthemannerofaporterorheaverwhoisabouttoliftasackofflourorcoals。
'Iamsorry，Wegg，'saidMrBoffin，inhisclemency，'thatmyoldladyandIcan'thaveabetteropinionofyouthanthebadoneweareforcedtoentertain。ButIshouldn'tliketoleaveyou，afterallsaidanddone，worseoffinlifethanIfoundyou。Thereforesayinaword，beforewepart，whatit'llcosttosetyouupinanotherstall。'
'Andinanotherplace，'JohnHarmonstruckin。'Youdon'tcomeoutsidethesewindows。'
'MrBoffin，'returnedWegginavaricioushumiliation:'whenIfirsthadthehonourofmakingyouracquaintance，Ihadgottogetheracollectionofballadswhichwas，Imaysay，aboveprice。'
'Thentheycan'tbepaidfor，'saidJohnHarmon，'andyouhadbetternottry，mydearsir。'
'Pardonme，MrBoffin，'resumedWegg，withamalignantglanceinthelastspeaker'sdirection，'Iwasputtingthecasetoyou，who，ifmysensesdidnotdeceiveme，putthecasetome。Ihadaverychoicecollectionofballads，andtherewasanewstockofgingerbreadinthetinbox。Isaynomore，butwouldratherleaveittoyou。'
'Butit'sdifficulttonamewhat'sright，'saidMrBoffinuneasily，withhishandinhispocket，'andIdon'twanttogobeyondwhat'sright，becauseyoureallyhaveturnedoutsuchaverybadfellow。
Soartful，andsoungratefulyouhavebeen，Wegg；forwhendidI
everinjureyou?'
'Therewasalso，'MrWeggwenton，inameditativemanner，'aerrandconnection，inwhichIwasmuchrespected。ButIwouldnotwishtobedeemedcovetous，andIwouldratherleaveittoyou，MrBoffin。'
'Uponmyword，Idon'tknowwhattoputitat，'theGoldenDustmanmuttered。
'Therewaslikewise，'resumedWegg，'apairoftrestles，forwhichaloneaIrishperson，whowasdeemedajudgeoftrestles，offeredfiveandsix——asumIwouldnothearof，forIshouldhavelostbyit——
andtherewasastool，aumbrella，aclothes-horse，andatray。ButIleaveittoyou，MrBoffin。'
TheGoldenDustmanseemingtobeengagedinsomeabstrusecalculation，MrWeggassistedhimwiththefollowingadditionalitems。
'Therewas，further，MissElizabeth，MasterGeorge，AuntJane，andUncleParker。Ah！Whenamanthinksofthelossofsuchpatronageasthat；whenamanfindssofairagardenrootedupbypigs；hefindsithardindeed，withoutgoinghigh，toworkitintomoney。ButIleaveitwhollytoyou，sir。'
MrSloppystillcontinuedhissingular，andonthesurfacehisincomprehensible，movement。
'Leadingonhasbeenmentioned，'saidWeggwithamelancholyair，'andit'snoteasytosayhowfarthetoneofmymindmayhavebeenloweredbyunwholesomereadingonthesubjectofMisers，whenyouwasleadingmeandothersontothinkyouoneyourself，sir。AllIcansayis，thatIfeltmytoneofmindaloweringatthetime。Andhowcanamanputapriceuponhismind！Therewaslikewiseahatjustnow。ButIleavetheoletoyou，MrBoffin。'
'Come！'saidMrBoffin。'Here'sacoupleofpound。'
'Injusticetomyself，Icouldn'ttakeit，sir。'
ThewordswerebutoutofhismouthwhenJohnHarmonliftedhisfinger，andSloppy，whowasnowclosetoWegg，backedtoWegg'sback，stooped，graspedhiscoatcollarbehindwithbothhands，anddeftlyswunghimuplikethesackofflourorcoalsbeforementioned。AcountenanceofspecialdiscontentandamazementMrWeggexhibitedinthisposition，withhisbuttonsalmostasprominentlyonviewasSloppy'sown，andwithhiswoodenleginahighlyunaccommodatingstate。But，notformanysecondswashiscountenancevisibleintheroom；for，Sloppylightlytrottedoutwithhimandtrotteddownthestaircase，MrVenusattendingtoopenthestreetdoor。MrSloppy'sinstructionshadbeentodeposithisburdenintheroad；but，ascavenger'scarthappeningtostandunattendedatthecorner，withitslittleladderplantedagainstthewheel，MrS。founditimpossibletoresistthetemptationofshootingMrSilasWeggintothecart'scontents。Asomewhatdifficultfeat，achievedwithgreatdexterity，andwithaprodigioussplash。
Chapter15
WHATWASCAUGHTINTHETRAPSTHATWERESET
HowBradleyHeadstonehadbeenrackedandriveninhismindsincethequieteveningwhenbytheriver-sidehehadrisen，asitwere，outoftheashesoftheBargeman，nonebuthecouldhavetold。Notevenhecouldhavetold，forsuchmiserycanonlybefelt。
First，hehadtobearthecombinedweightoftheknowledgeofwhathehaddone，ofthathauntingreproachthathemighthavedoneitsomuchbetter，andofthedreadofdiscovery。Thiswasloadenoughtocrushhim，andhelabouredunderitdayandnight。
Itwasasheavyonhiminhisscantysleep，asinhisred-eyedwakinghours。Itborehimdownwithadreadunchangingmonotony，inwhichtherewasnotamoment'svariety。Theoverweightedbeastofburden，ortheoverweightedslave，canforcertaininstantsshiftthephysicalload，andfindsomeslightrespiteeveninenforcingadditionalpainuponsuchasetofmusclesorsuchalimb。Noteventhatpoormockeryofreliefcouldthewretchedmanobtain，underthesteadypressureoftheinfernalatmosphereintowhichhehadentered。
Timewentby，andnovisiblesuspiciondoggedhim；timewentby，andinsuchpublicaccountsoftheattackaswererenewedatintervals，hebegantoseeMrLightwoodwhoactedaslawyerfortheinjuredmanstrayingfurtherfromthefact，goingwideroftheissue，andevidentlyslackeninginhiszeal。Bydegrees，aglimmeringofthecauseofthisbegantobreakonBradley'ssight。
ThencamethechancemeetingwithMrMilveyattherailwaystationwhereheoftenlingeredinhisleisurehours，asaplacewhereanyfreshnewsofhisdeedwouldbecirculated，oranyplacardreferringtoitwouldbeposted，andthenhesawinthelightwhathehadbroughtabout。
For，thenhesawthatthroughhisdesperateattempttoseparatethosetwoforever，hehadbeenmadethemeansofunitingthem。
Thathehaddippedhishandsinblood，tomarkhimselfamiserablefoolandtool。ThatEugeneWrayburn，forhiswife'ssake，sethimasideandlefthimtocrawlalonghisblastedcourse。
HethoughtofFate，orProvidence，orbethedirectingPowerwhatitmight，ashavingputafrauduponhim——overreachedhim——andinhisimpotentmadragebit，andtore，andhadhisfit。
Newassuranceofthetruthcameuponhiminthenextfewfollowingdays，whenitwasputforthhowthewoundedmanhadbeenmarriedonhisbed，andtowhom，andhow，thoughalwaysinadangerouscondition，hewasashadebetter。Bradleywouldfarratherhavebeenseizedforhismurder，thanhewouldhavereadthatpassage，knowinghimselfspared，andknowingwhy。
But，nottobestillfurtherdefraudedandoverreached——whichhewouldbe，ifimplicatedbyRiderhood，andpunishedbythelawforhisabjectfailure，asthoughithadbeenasuccess——hekeptcloseinhisschoolduringtheday，venturedoutwarilyatnight，andwentnomoretotherailwaystation。HeexaminedtheadvertisementsinthenewspapersforanysignthatRiderhoodactedonhishintedthreatofsosummoninghimtorenewtheiracquaintance，butfoundnone。HavingpaidhimhandsomelyforthesupportandaccommodationhehadhadattheLockHouse，andknowinghimtobeaveryignorantmanwhocouldnotwrite，hebegantodoubtwhetherhewastobefearedatall，orwhethertheyneedevermeetagain。
Allthistime，hismindwasneverofftherack，andhisragingsenseofhavingbeenmadetoflinghimselfacrossthechasmwhichdividedthosetwo，andbridgeitoverfortheircomingtogether，nevercooleddown。Thishorribleconditionbroughtonotherfits。
Hecouldnothavesaidhowmany，orwhen；buthesawinthefacesofhispupilsthattheyhadseenhiminthatstate，andthattheywerepossessedbyadreadofhisrelapsing。
Onewinterdaywhenaslightfallofsnowwasfeatheringthesillsandframesoftheschoolroomwindows，hestoodathisblackboard，crayoninhand，abouttocommencewithaclass；when，readinginthecountenancesofthoseboysthattherewassomethingwrong，andthattheyseemedinalarmforhim，heturnedhiseyestothedoortowardswhichtheyfaced。Hethensawaslouchingmanofforbiddingappearancestandinginthemidstoftheschool，withabundleunderhisarm；andsawthatitwasRiderhood。
Hesatdownonastoolwhichoneofhisboysputforhim，andhehadapassingknowledgethathewasindangeroffalling，andthathisfacewasbecomingdistorted。But，thefitwentoffforthattime，andhewipedhismouth，andstoodupagain。
'Begyourpardon，governor！Byyourleave！'saidRiderhood，knucklinghisforehead，withachuckleandaleer。'Whatplacemaythisbe?'
'Thisisaschool。'
'Whereyoungfolkslearnswot'sright?'saidRiderhood，gravelynodding。'Begyourpardon，governor！Byyourleave！Butwhoteachesthisschool?'
'Ido。'
'You'rethemaster，areyou，learnedgovernor?'
'Yes。Iamthemaster。'
'Andalovelythingitmustbe，'saidRiderhood，'furtolearnyoungfolkswot'sright，andfurtoknowwotTHEYknowwotyoudoit。
Begyourpardon，learnedgovernor！Byyourleave！——Thatthereblackboard；wot'sitfor?'
'Itisfordrawingon，orwritingon。'
'Isitthough！'saidRiderhood。'Who'dhavethoughtit，fromthelooksonit！WOULDyoubesokindaswriteyournameuponit，learnedgovernor?'Inawheedlingtone。
Bradleyhesitatedforamoment；butplacedhisusualsignature，enlarged，upontheboard。
'Iain'talearnedcharactermyself，'saidRiderhood，surveyingtheclass，'butIdoadmirelearninginothers。Ishoulddearlyliketohearthesehereyoungfolksreadthattherenameoff，fromthewriting。'
Thearmsoftheclasswentup。Atthemiserablemaster'snod，theshrillchorusarose:'BradleyHeadstone！'
'No?'criedRiderhood。'Youdon'tmeanit?Headstone！Why，that'sinachurchyard。Hooroarforanotherturn！'
Anothertossingofarms，anothernod，andanothershrillchorus:
'BradleyHeadstone！'
'I'vegotitnow！'saidRiderhood，afterattentivelylistening，andinternallyrepeating:'Bradley。Isee。Chris'enname，Bradleysim'lartoRogerwhichismyown。Eh?Fam'lyname，Headstone，sim'lartoRiderhoodwhichismyown。Eh?'
Shrillchorus。'Yes！'