“Youwillletmehelpyouwashup,“saidClara。
“Eh,therearesofew,itwillonlytakeaminute,“saidtheother。
Clara,however,driedthetea-things,andwasgladtobeon,suchgoodtermswithhismother;butitwastorturenottobeable,tofollowhimdownthegarden。Atlastsheallowedherselftogo;
shefeltasifaropeweretakenoffherankle。
TheafternoonwasgoldenoverthehillsofDerbyshire。Hestood,acrossintheothergarden,besideabushofpaleMichaelmasdaisies,watchingthelastbeescrawlintothehive。Hearinghercoming,heturnedtoherwithaneasymotion,saying:
“It’stheendoftherunwiththesechaps。”
Clarastoodnearhim。Overthelowredwallinfrontwas,thecountryandthefar-offhills,allgoldendim。
AtthatmomentMiriamwasenteringthroughthegarden-door。
ShesawClaragouptohim,sawhimturn,andsawthemcometo,resttogether。Somethingintheirperfectisolationtogethermade,herknowthatitwasaccomplishedbetweenthem,thattheywere,assheputit,married。Shewalkedveryslowlydownthecinder-track,ofthelonggarden。
Clarahadpulledabuttonfromahollyhockspire,andwasbreaking,ittogettheseeds。Aboveherbowedheadthepinkflowersstared,asifdefendingher。Thelastbeeswerefallingdowntothehive。
“Countyourmoney,“laughedPaul,asshebroketheflatseeds,onebyonefromtherollofcoin。Shelookedathim。
“I’mwelloff,“shesaid,smiling。
“Howmuch?,Pf!”Hesnappedhisfingers。”CanIturnthem,intogold?”
“I’mafraidnot,“shelaughed。
Theylookedintoeachother’seyes,laughing。Atthatmoment,theybecameawareofMiriam。Therewasaclick,andeverything,hadaltered。
“Hello,Miriam!”heexclaimed。”Yousaidyou’dcome!”
“Yes。Hadyouforgotten?”
SheshookhandswithClara,saying:
“Itseemsstrangetoseeyouhere。”
“Yes,“repliedtheother;“itseemsstrangetobehere。”
Therewasahesitation。
“Thisispretty,isn’tit?”saidMiriam。
“Ilikeitverymuch,“repliedClara。
ThenMiriamrealisedthatClarawasacceptedasshehadneverbeen。
“Haveyoucomedownalone?”askedPaul。
“Yes;IwenttoAgatha’stotea。Wearegoingtochapel。
IonlycalledinforamomenttoseeClara。”
“Youshouldhavecomeinheretotea,“hesaid。
Miriamlaughedshortly,andClaraturnedimpatientlyaside。
“Doyoulikethechrysanthemums?”heasked。
“Yes;theyareveryfine,“repliedMiriam。
“Whichsortdoyoulikebest?”heasked。
“Idon’tknow。Thebronze,Ithink。”
“Idon’tthinkyou’veseenallthesorts。Comeandlook。
ComeandseewhichareYOURfavourites,Clara。”
Heledthetwowomenbacktohisowngarden,wherethetowsled,bushesofflowersofallcoloursstoodraggedlyalongthepathdown,tothefield。Thesituationdidnotembarrasshim,tohisknowledge。
“Look,Miriam;thesearethewhiteonesthatcamefromyourgarden。
Theyaren’tsofinehere,arethey?”
“No,“saidMiriam。
“Butthey’rehardier。You’resosheltered;thingsgrowbig,andtender,andthendie。TheselittleyellowonesIlike。
Willyouhavesome?”
Whiletheywereouttherethebellsbegantoringinthechurch,soundingloudacrossthetownandthefield。Miriamlookedatthe,tower,proudamongtheclusteringroofs,andrememberedthesketches,hehadbroughther。Ithadbeendifferentthen,buthehadnotleft,herevenyet。Sheaskedhimforabooktoread。Heranindoors。
“What!isthatMiriam?”askedhismothercoldly。
“Yes;shesaidshe’dcallandseeClara。”
“Youtoldher,then?”camethesarcasticanswer。
“Yes;whyshouldn’tI?”
“There’scertainlynoreasonwhyyoushouldn’t,“saidMrs。Morel,andshereturnedtoherbook。Hewincedfromhismother’sirony,frownedirritably,thinking:,“Whycan’tIdoasIlike?”
“You’venotseenMrs。Morelbefore?”MiriamwassayingtoClara。
“No;butshe’ssonice!”
“Yes,“saidMiriam,droppingherhead;“insomewaysshe’s,veryfine。”
“Ishouldthinkso。”
“HadPaultoldyoumuchabouther?”
“Hehadtalkedagooddeal。”
“Ha!”
Therewassilenceuntilhereturnedwiththebook。
“Whenwillyouwantitback?”Miriamasked。
“Whenyoulike,“heanswered。
Claraturnedtogoindoors,whilstheaccompaniedMiriam,tothegate。
“WhenwillyoucomeuptoWilleyFarm?”thelatterasked。
“Icouldn’tsay,“repliedClara。
“Motheraskedmetosayshe’dbepleasedtoseeyouanytime,ifyoucaredtocome。”
“Thankyou;Ishouldliketo,butIcan’tsaywhen。”
“Oh,verywell!”exclaimedMiriamratherbitterly,turningaway。
Shewentdownthepathwithhermouthtotheflowershehad,givenher。
“You’resureyouwon’tcomein?”hesaid。
“No,thanks。”
“Wearegoingtochapel。”
“Ah,Ishallseeyou,then!”Miriamwasverybitter。
“Yes。”
Theyparted。Hefeltguiltytowardsher。Shewasbitter,andshescornedhim。Hestillbelongedtoherself,shebelieved;
yethecouldhaveClara,takeherhome,sitwithhernexthismother,inchapel,giveherthesamehymn-bookhehadgivenherself,yearsbefore。Sheheardhimrunningquicklyindoors。
Buthedidnotgostraightin。Haltingontheplotofgrass,heheardhismother’svoice,thenClara’sanswer:
“WhatIhateisthebloodhoundqualityinMiriam。”
“Yes,“saidhismotherquickly,“yes;DOESN’Titmakeyou,hateher,now!”
Hisheartwenthot,andhewasangrywiththemfortalking,aboutthegirl。Whatrighthadtheytosaythat?,Somethingin,thespeechitselfstunghimintoaflameofhateagainstMiriam。
ThenhisownheartrebelledfuriouslyatClara’stakingtheliberty,ofspeakingsoaboutMiriam。Afterall,thegirlwasthebetterwoman,ofthetwo,hethought,ifitcametogoodness。Hewentindoors。
Hismotherlookedexcited。Shewasbeatingwithherhand,rhythmicallyonthesofa-arm,aswomendowhoarewearingout。
Hecouldneverbeartoseethemovement。Therewasasilence;
thenhebegantotalk。
InchapelMiriamsawhimfindtheplaceinthehymn-book,forClara,inexactlythesamewayasheusedforherself。
Andduringthesermonhecouldseethegirlacrossthechapel,herhatthrowingadarkshadowoverherface。Whatdidshethink,seeingClarawithhim?,Hedidnotstoptoconsider。Hefelthimself,crueltowardsMiriam。
AfterchapelhewentoverPentrichwithClara。Itwasadark,autumnnight。Theyhadsaidgood-byetoMiriam,andhishearthad,smittenhimasheleftthegirlalone。”Butitservesherright,“
hesaidinsidehimself,anditalmostgavehimpleasuretogooff,underhereyeswiththisotherhandsomewoman。
Therewasascentofdampleavesinthedarkness。Clara’shand,laywarmandinertinhisownastheywalked。Hewasfullofconflict。
Thebattlethatragedinsidehimmadehimfeeldesperate。
UpPentrichHillClaraleanedagainsthimashewent。
Heslidhisarmroundherwaist。Feelingthestrongmotion,ofherbodyunderhisarmasshewalked,thetightnessinhis,chestbecauseofMiriamrelaxed,andthehotbloodbathedhim。
Heheldhercloserandcloser。
Then:,“YoustillkeeponwithMiriam,“shesaidquietly。
“Onlytalk。ThereneverWASagreatdealmorethantalk,betweenus,“hesaidbitterly。
“Yourmotherdoesn’tcareforher,“saidClara。
“No,orImighthavemarriedher。Butit’sallupreally!”
Suddenlyhisvoicewentpassionatewithhate。
“IfIwaswithhernow,weshouldbejawingaboutthe’Christian,Mystery’,orsomesuchtack。ThankGod,I’mnot!”
Theywalkedoninsilenceforsometime。
“Butyoucan’treallygiveherup,“saidClara。
“Idon’tgiveherup,becausethere’snothingtogive,“
hesaid。
“Thereisforher。”
“Idon’tknowwhysheandIshouldn’tbefriendsaslong,aswelive,“hesaid。”Butit’llonlybefriends。”
Claradrewawayfromhim,leaningawayfromcontactwithhim。
“Whatareyoudrawingawayfor?”heasked。
Shedidnotanswer,butdrewfartherfromhim。
“Whydoyouwanttowalkalone?”heasked。
Stilltherewasnoanswer。Shewalkedresentfully,hangingherhead。
“BecauseIsaidIwouldbefriendswithMiriam!”heexclaimed。
Shewouldnotanswerhimanything。
“Itellyouit’sonlywordsthatgobetweenus,“hepersisted,tryingtotakeheragain。
Sheresisted。Suddenlyhestrodeacrossinfrontofher,barringherway。
“Damnit!”hesaid。”Whatdoyouwantnow?”
“You’dbetterrunafterMiriam,“mockedClara。
Thebloodflamedupinhim。Hestoodshowinghisteeth。
Shedroopedsulkily。Thelanewasdark,quitelonely。Hesuddenly,caughtherinhisarms,stretchedforward,andputhismouthon,herfaceinakissofrage。Sheturnedfranticallytoavoidhim。
Heheldherfast。Hardandrelentlesshismouthcameforher。
Herbreastshurtagainstthewallofhischest。Helpless,shewent,looseinhisarms,andhekissedher,andkissedher。
Heheardpeoplecomingdownthehill。
“Standup!standup!”hesaidthickly,grippingherarmtill,ithurt。Ifhehadletgo,shewouldhavesunktotheground。
Shesighedandwalkeddizzilybesidehim。Theywentoninsilence。
“Wewillgooverthefields,“hesaid;andthenshewokeup。
Butsheletherselfbehelpedoverthestile,andshe,walkedinsilencewithhimoverthefirstdarkfield。Itwas,thewaytoNottinghamandtothestation,sheknew。Heseemed,tobelookingabout。Theycameoutonabarehilltopwherestood,thedarkfigureoftheruinedwindmill。Therehehalted。
Theystoodtogetherhighupinthedarkness,lookingatthelights,scatteredonthenightbeforethem,handfulsofglitteringpoints,villageslyinghighandlowonthedark,hereandthere。
“Liketreadingamongthestars,“hesaid,withaquakylaugh。
Thenhetookherinhisarms,andheldherfast。Shemoved,asidehermouthtoask,doggedandlow:
“Whattimeisit?”
“Itdoesn’tmatter,“hepleadedthickly。
“Yesitdoes——yes!,Imustgo!”
“It’searlyyet,“hesaid。
“Whattimeisit?”sheinsisted。
Allroundlaytheblacknight,speckledandspangledwithlights。
“Idon’tknow。”
Sheputherhandonhischest,feelingforhiswatch。
Hefeltthejointsfuseintofire。Shegropedinhiswaistcoatpocket,whilehestoodpanting。Inthedarknessshecouldseetheround,palefaceofthewatch,butnotthefigures。Shestoopedoverit。
Hewaspantingtillhecouldtakeherinhisarmsagain。
“Ican’tsee,“shesaid。
“Thendon’tbother。”
“Yes;I’mgoing!”shesaid,turningaway。
“Wait!,I’lllook!”Buthecouldnotsee。”I’llstrike,amatch。”
Hesecretlyhopeditwastoolatetocatchthetrain。
Shesawtheglowinglanternofhishandsashecradledthelight:
thenhisfacelitup,hiseyesfixedonthewatch。Instantlyallwas,darkagain。Allwasblackbeforehereyes;onlyaglowingmatchwas,rednearherfeet。Wherewashe?
“Whatisit?”sheasked,afraid。
“Youcan’tdoit,“hisvoiceansweredoutofthedarkness。
Therewasapause。Shefeltinhispower。Shehadheard,theringinhisvoice。Itfrightenedher。
“Whattimeisit?”sheasked,quiet,definite,hopeless。
“Twominutestonine,“hereplied,tellingthetruthwith,astruggle。
“AndcanIgetfromheretothestationinfourteenminutes?”
“No。Atanyrate——“
Shecoulddistinguishhisdarkformagainayardorsoaway。
Shewantedtoescape。
“Butcan’tIdoit?”shepleaded。
“Ifyouhurry,“hesaidbrusquely。”Butyoucouldeasily,walkit,Clara;it’sonlysevenmilestothetram。I’llcome,withyou。”
“No;Iwanttocatchthetrain。”
“Butwhy?”
“Ido——Iwanttocatchthetrain。”
Suddenlyhisvoicealtered。
“Verywell,“hesaid,dryandhard。”Comealong,then。”
Andheplungedaheadintothedarkness。Sheranafterhim,wantingtocry。Nowhewashardandcrueltoher。Sheranover,therough,darkfieldsbehindhim,outofbreath,readytodrop。
Butthedoublerowoflightsatthestationdrewnearer。Suddenly:
“Theresheis!”hecried,breakingintoarun。
Therewasafaintrattlingnoise。Awaytotherightthetrain,likealuminouscaterpillar,wasthreadingacrossthenight。
Therattlingceased。
“She’sovertheviaduct。You’lljustdoit。”
Clararan,quiteoutofbreath,andfellatlastintothetrain。
Thewhistleblew。Hewasgone。Gone!——andshewasinacarriage,fullofpeople。Shefeltthecrueltyofit。
Heturnedroundandplungedhome。Beforeheknewwhere,hewashewasinthekitchenathome。Hewasverypale。
Hiseyesweredarkanddangerous-looking,asifheweredrunk。
Hismotherlookedathim。
“Well,Imustsayyourbootsareinanicestate!”shesaid。
Helookedathisfeet。Thenhetookoffhisovercoat。
Hismotherwonderedifheweredrunk。
“Shecaughtthetrainthen?”shesaid。
“Yes。”
“IhopeHERfeetweren’tsofilthy。Whereonearthyoudragged,herIdon’tknow!”
Hewassilentandmotionlessforsometime。
“Didyoulikeher?”heaskedgrudginglyatlast。
“Yes,Ilikedher。Butyou’lltireofher,myson;youknow,youwill。”
Hedidnotanswer。Shenoticedhowhelabouredinhisbreathing。
“Haveyoubeenrunning?”sheasked。
“Wehadtorunforthetrain。”
“You’llgoandknockyourselfup。You’dbetterdrinkhotmilk。”
Itwasasgoodastimulantashecouldhave,butherefused,andwenttobed。Therehelayfacedownonthecounterpane,andshedtearsofrageandpain。Therewasaphysicalpain,thatmadehimbitehislipstilltheybled,andthechaosinside,himlefthimunabletothink,almosttofeel。
“Thisishowsheservesme,isit?”hesaidinhisheart,overandover,pressinghisfaceinthequilt。Andhehatedher。
Againhewentoverthescene,andagainhehatedher。
Thenextdaytherewasanewaloofnessabouthim。Clarawas,verygentle,almostloving。Buthetreatedherdistantly,withatouchofcontempt。Shesighed,continuingtobegentle。
Hecameround。
OneeveningofthatweekSarahBernhardtwasattheTheatreRoyal,inNottingham,giving“LaDameauxCamelias“。Paulwantedtosee,thisoldandfamousactress,andheaskedClaratoaccompanyhim。
Hetoldhismothertoleavethekeyinthewindowforhim。
“ShallIbookseats?”heaskedofClara。
“Yes。Andputonaneveningsuit,willyou?,I’veneverseen,youinit。”
“But,goodLord,Clara!,ThinkofMEineveningsuit,atthetheatre!”heremonstrated。
“Wouldyourathernot?”sheasked。
“IwillifyouWANTmeto;butIs’llfeelafool。”
Shelaughedathim。
“Thenfeelafoolformysake,once,won’tyou?”
Therequestmadehisbloodflushup。
“IsupposeIs’llhaveto。”
“Whatareyoutakingasuitcasefor?”hismotherasked。
Heblushedfuriously。
“Claraaskedme,“hesaid。
“Andwhatseatsareyougoingin?”
“Circle——three-and-sixeach!”
“Well,I’msure!”exclaimedhismothersarcastically。
“It’sonlyonceinthebluestofbluemoons,“hesaid。
HedressedatJordan’s,putonanovercoatandacap,andmet,Clarainacafe。Shewaswithoneofhersuffragettefriends。
Sheworeanoldlongcoat,whichdidnotsuither,andhadalittlewrap,overherhead,whichhehated。Thethreewenttothetheatretogether。
Claratookoffhercoatonthestairs,andhediscoveredshe,wasinasortofsemi-eveningdress,thatleftherarmsandneck,andpartofherbreastbare。Herhairwasdonefashionably。
Thedress,asimplethingofgreencrape,suitedher。Shelooked,quitegrand,hethought。Hecouldseeherfigureinsidethefrock,asifthatwerewrappedcloselyroundher。Thefirmnessandthe,softnessofheruprightbodycouldalmostbefeltashelookedather。
Heclenchedhisfists。
Andhewastositalltheeveningbesideherbeautifulnakedarm,watchingthestrongthroatrisefromthestrongchest,watchingthe,breastsunderthegreenstuff,thecurveofherlimbsinthetightdress。
Somethinginhimhatedheragainforsubmittinghimtothistorture,ofnearness。Andhelovedherasshebalancedherheadandstared,straightinfrontofher,pouting,wistful,immobile,asifshe,yieldedherselftoherfatebecauseitwastoostrongforher。
Shecouldnothelpherself;shewasinthegripofsomething,biggerthanherself。Akindofeternallookabouther,asifshe,wereawistfulsphinx,madeitnecessaryforhimtokissher。
Hedroppedhisprogramme,andcroucheddownonthefloortogetit,sothathecouldkissherhandandwrist。Herbeautywasatorture,tohim。Shesatimmobile。Only,whenthelightswentdown,shesankalittleagainsthim,andhecaressedherhandandarm,withhisfingers。Hecouldsmellherfaintperfume。Allthetime,hisbloodkeptsweepingupingreatwhite-hotwavesthatkilledhis,consciousnessmomentarily。
Thedramacontinued。Hesawitallinthedistance,goingon,somewhere;hedidnotknowwhere,butitseemedfarawayinsidehim。
HewasClara’swhiteheavyarms,herthroat,hermovingbosom。
Thatseemedtobehimself。Thenawaysomewheretheplaywenton,andhewasidentifiedwiththatalso。Therewasnohimself。
ThegreyandblackeyesofClara,herbosomcoming,downonhim,herarmthatheheldgrippedbetweenhishands,wereallthatexisted。Thenhefelthimselfsmallandhelpless,hertoweringinherforceabovehim。
Onlytheintervals,whenthelightscameup,hurthimexpressibly。
Hewantedtorunanywhere,solongasitwouldbedarkagain。
Inamaze,hewanderedoutforadrink。Thenthelightswereout,andthestrange,insanerealityofClaraandthedramatookholdof,himagain。
Theplaywenton。Buthewasobsessedbythedesireto,kissthetinyblueveinthatnestledinthebendofherarm。
Hecouldfeelit。Hiswholefaceseemedsuspendedtillhehad,puthislipsthere。Itmustbedone。Andtheotherpeople!
Atlasthebentquicklyforwardandtoucheditwithhislips。
Hismoustachebrushedthesensitiveflesh。Clarashivered,drewaway,herarm。
Whenallwasover,thelightsup,thepeopleclapping,hecametohimselfandlookedathiswatch。Histrainwasgone。
“Is’llhavetowalkhome!”hesaid。
Claralookedathim。
“Itistoolate?”sheasked。
Henodded。Thenhehelpedheronwithhercoat。
“Iloveyou!,Youlookbeautifulinthatdress,“hemurmured,overhershoulder,amongthethrongofbustlingpeople。
Sheremainedquiet。Togethertheywentoutofthetheatre。
Hesawthecabswaiting,thepeoplepassing。Itseemedhemet,apairofbrowneyeswhichhatedhim。Buthedidnotknow。
HeandClaraturnedaway,mechanicallytakingthedirectionto,thestation。
Thetrainhadgone。Hewouldhavetowalkthetenmileshome。
“Itdoesn’tmatter,“hesaid。”Ishallenjoyit。”
“Won’tyou,“shesaid,flushing,“comehomeforthenight?
Icansleepwithmother。”
Helookedather。Theireyesmet。
“Whatwillyourmothersay?”heasked。
“Shewon’tmind。”
“You’resure?”
“Quite!“
“SHALLIcome?”
“Ifyouwill。”
“Verywell。”
Andtheyturnedaway。Atthefirststopping-placetheytook,thecar。Thewindblewfreshintheirfaces。Thetownwasdark;
thetramtippedinitshaste。Hesatwithherhandfastinhis。
“Willyourmotherbegonetobed?”heasked。
“Shemaybe。Ihopenot。”
Theyhurriedalongthesilent,darklittlestreet,theonly,peopleoutofdoors。Claraquicklyenteredthehouse。Hehesitated。
Heleapedupthestepandwasintheroom。Hermotherappeared,intheinnerdoorway,largeandhostile。
“Whohaveyougotthere?”sheasked。
“It’sMr。Morel;hehasmissedhistrain。Ithoughtwemight,puthimupforthenight,andsavehimaten-milewalk。”
“H’m,“exclaimedMrs。Radford。”That’syourlookout!
Ifyou’veinvitedhim,he’sverywelcomeasfarasI’mconcerned。
YOUkeepthehouse!”
“Ifyoudon’tlikeme,I’llgoawayagain,“hesaid。
“Nay,nay,youneedn’t!,Comealongin!,Idunnowhatyou’ll,thinkofthesupperI’dgother。”
Itwasalittledishofchippotatoesandapieceofbacon。
Thetablewasroughlylaidforone。
“Youcanhavesomemorebacon,“continuedMrs。Radford。
“Morechipsyoucan’thave。”
“It’sashametobotheryou,“hesaid。
“Oh,don’tyoubeapologetic!,Itdoesn’tDOwi’me!,Youtreatedher,tothetheatre,didn’tyou?”Therewasasarcasminthelastquestion。
“Well?”laughedPauluncomfortably。
“Well,andwhat’saninchofbacon!,Takeyourcoatoff。”
Thebig,straight-standingwomanwastryingtoestimate,thesituation。Shemovedaboutthecupboard。Claratookhiscoat。
Theroomwasverywarmandcosyinthelamplight。
“Mysirs!”exclaimedMrs。Radford;“butyoutwo’sapair,ofbrightbeauties,Imustsay!,What’sallthatget-upfor?”
“Ibelievewedon’tknow,“hesaid,feelingavictim。
“Thereisn’troominTHIShousefortwosuchbobby-dazzlers,if,youflyyourkitesTHAThigh!”sheralliedthem。Itwasanastythrust。
Heinhisdinnerjacket,andClarainhergreendress,andbarearms,wereconfused。Theyfelttheymustshelter,eachotherinthatlittlekitchen。
“AndlookatTHATblossom!“continuedMrs。Radford,pointingtoClara。”Whatdoesshereckonshediditfor?”
PaullookedatClara。Shewasrosy;herneckwaswarm,withblushes。Therewasamomentofsilence。
“Youliketoseeit,don’tyou?”heasked。
Themotherhadtheminherpower。Allthetimehisheart,wasbeatinghard,andhewastightwithanxiety。Buthewould,fighther。
“Meliketoseeit!”exclaimedtheoldwoman。”WhatshouldI
liketoseehermakeafoolofherselffor?”
“I’veseenpeoplelookbiggerfools,“hesaid。Clarawas,underhisprotectionnow。
“Oh,ay!andwhenwasthat?”camethesarcasticrejoinder。
“Whentheymadefrightsofthemselves,“heanswered。
Mrs。Radford,largeandthreatening,stoodsuspended,onthehearthrug,holdingherfork。
“They’refoolseitherroad,“sheansweredatlength,turningtotheDutchoven。
“No,“hesaid,fightingstoutly。”Folkoughttolookaswell,astheycan。”
“AnddoyoucallTHATlookingnice!”criedthemother,pointingascornfulforkatClara。”That——thatlooksasifit,wasn’tproperlydressed!”
“Ibelieveyou’rejealousthatyoucan’tswankaswell,“
hesaidlaughing。
“Me!,Icouldhaveworneveningdresswithanybody,ifI’d,wantedto!”camethescornfulanswer。
“Andwhydidn’tyouwantto?”heaskedpertinently。”OrDID
youwearit?”
Therewasalongpause。Mrs。Radfordreadjustedthebacon,intheDutchoven。Hisheartbeatfast,forfearhehadoffendedher。
“Me!”sheexclaimedatlast。”No,Ididn’t!,AndwhenIwas,inservice,Iknewassoonasoneofthemaidscameoutinbare,shoulderswhatsortSHEwas,goingtohersixpennyhop!”
“Wereyoutoogoodtogotoasixpennyhop?”hesaid。
Clarasatwithbowedhead。Hiseyesweredarkandglittering。
Mrs。RadfordtooktheDutchovenfromthefire,andstoodnearhim,puttingbitsofbacononhisplate。
“THERE’Sanicecrozzlybit!”shesaid。
“Don’tgivemethebest!”hesaid。
“SHE’SgotwhatSHEwants,“wastheanswer。
Therewasasortofscornfulforbearanceinthewoman’stone,thatmadePaulknowshewasmollified。
“ButDOhavesome!”hesaidtoClara。
Shelookedupathimwithhergreyeyes,humiliatedandlonely。
“Nothanks!”shesaid。
“Whywon’tyou?”heansweredcarelessly。
Thebloodwasbeatinguplikefireinhisveins。Mrs。Radford,satdownagain,largeandimpressiveandaloof。HeleftClara,altogethertoattendtothemother。
“TheysaySarahBernhardt’sfifty,“hesaid。
“Fifty!,She’sturnedsixty!”camethescornfulanswer。
“Well,“hesaid,“you’dneverthinkit!,Shemademewant,tohowlevennow。”
“IshouldliketoseemyselfhowlingatTHATbadoldbaggage!”
saidMrs。Radford。”It’stimeshebegantothinkherselfagrandmother,notashriekingcatamaran——“
Helaughed。
“AcatamaranisaboattheMalaysuse,“hesaid。
“Andit’sawordasIuse,“sheretorted。
“Mymotherdoessometimes,andit’snogoodmytellingher,“
hesaid。
“Is’dthinksheboxesyourears,“saidMrs。Radford,good-humouredly。
“She’dliketo,andshesaysshewill,soIgiveheralittle,stooltostandon。”
“That’stheworstofmymother,“saidClara。”Sheneverwants,astoolforanything。”
“Butsheoftencan’ttouchTHATladywithalongprop,“
retortedMrs。RadfordtoPaul。
“Is’dthinkshedoesn’twanttouchingwithaprop,“helaughed。
“Ishouldn’t。”
“Itmightdothepairofyougoodtogiveyouacrack,ontheheadwithone,“saidthemother,laughingsuddenly。
“Whyareyousovindictivetowardsme?”hesaid。”I’venot,stolenanythingfromyou。”
“No;I’llwatchthat,“laughedtheolderwoman。
Soonthesupperwasfinished。Mrs。Radfordsatguardinher,chair。Paullitacigarette。Clarawentupstairs,returningwith,asleeping-suit,whichshespreadonthefendertoair。
“Why,I’dforgotallaboutTHEM!”saidMrs。Radford。
“Wherehavetheysprungfrom?”
“Outofmydrawer。”
“H’m!,Youbought’emforBaxter,an’hewouldn’twear’em,wouldhe?”——laughing。”Saidhereckonedtodowi’outtrousersi’
bed。”,SheturnedconfidentiallytoPaul,saying:,“Hecouldn’t,BEAR’em,thempyjamathings。”
Theyoungmansatmakingringsofsmoke。
“Well,it’severyonetohistaste,“helaughed。
Thenfollowedalittlediscussionofthemeritsofpyjamas。
“Mymotherlovesmeinthem,“hesaid。”ShesaysI’mapierrot。”
“Icanimaginethey’dsuityou,“saidMrs。Radford。
Afterawhileheglancedatthelittleclockthatwasticking,onthemantelpiece。Itwashalf-pasttwelve。
“Itisfunny,“hesaid,“butittakeshourstosettledown,tosleepafterthetheatre。”
“It’sabouttimeyoudid,“saidMrs。Radford,clearingthetable。
“AreYOUtired?”heaskedofClara。
“Nottheleastbit,“sheanswered,avoidinghiseyes。
“Shallwehaveagameatcribbage?”hesaid。
“I’veforgottenit。”
“Well,I’llteachyouagain。Mayweplaycrib,Mrs。Radford?”
heasked。
“You’llpleaseyourselves,“shesaid;“butit’sprettylate。”
“Agameorsowillmakeussleepy,“heanswered。
Clarabroughtthecards,andsatspinningherwedding-ringwhilst,heshuffledthem。Mrs。Radfordwaswashingupinthescullery。
AsitgrewlaterPaulfeltthesituationgettingmoreandmoretense。
“Fifteentwo,fifteenfour,fifteensix,andtwo’seight——!”
Theclockstruckone。Stillthegamecontinued。Mrs。Radford,haddoneallthelittlejobspreparatorytogoingtobed,hadlockedthedoorandfilledthekettle。StillPaulwenton,dealingandcounting。HewasobsessedbyClara’sarmsandthroat。
Hebelievedhecouldseewherethedivisionwasjustbeginning,forherbreasts。Hecouldnotleaveher。Shewatchedhishands,andfeltherjointsmeltastheymovedquickly。Shewassonear;
itwasalmostasifhetouchedher,andyetnotquite。Hismettlewas,roused。HehatedMrs。Radford。Shesaton,nearlydroppingasleep,butdeterminedandobstinateinherchair。Paulglancedather,thenat,Clara。Shemethiseyes,thatwereangry,mocking,andhardassteel。
Herownansweredhiminshame。HeknewSHE,atanyrate,was,ofhismind。Heplayedon。
AtlastMrs。Radfordrousedherselfstiffly,andsaid:
“Isn’titnighontimeyoutwowasthinkingo’bed?”
Paulplayedonwithoutanswering。Hehatedhersufficiently,tomurderher。
“Halfaminute,“hesaid。
Theelderwomanroseandsailedstubbornlyintothescullery,returningwithhiscandle,whichsheputonthemantelpiece。
Thenshesatdownagain。Thehatredofherwentsohot,downhisveins,hedroppedhiscards。
“We’llstop,then,“hesaid,buthisvoicewasstillachallenge。
Clarasawhismouthshuthard。Againheglancedather。
Itseemedlikeanagreement。Shebentoverthecards,coughing,toclearherthroat。
“Well,I’mgladyou’vefinished,“saidMrs。Radford。
“Here,takeyourthings“——shethrustthewarmsuitinhishand——“and,thisisyourcandle。Yourroom’soverthis;there’sonlytwo,soyoucan’tgofarwrong。Well,good-night。Ihopeyou’llrestwell。”
“I’msureIshall;Ialwaysdo,“hesaid。
“Yes;andsoyououghtatyourage,“shereplied。
Hebadegood-nighttoClara,andwent。Thetwistingstairs,ofwhite,scrubbedwoodcreakedandclangedateverystep。
Hewentdoggedly。Thetwodoorsfacedeachother。Hewentinhisroom,pushedthedoorto,withoutfasteningthelatch。
Itwasasmallroomwithalargebed。SomeofClara’s,hair-pinswereonthedressing-table——herhair-brush。Herclothes,andsomeskirtshungunderaclothinacorner。Therewasactually,apairofstockingsoverachair。Heexploredtheroom。
Twobooksofhisownwerethereontheshelf。Heundressed,foldedhissuit,andsatonthebed,listening。Thenheblew,outthecandle,laydown,andintwominuteswasalmostasleep。
Thenclick!——hewaswideawakeandwrithingintorment。Itwasasif,whenhehadnearlygottosleep,somethinghadbittenhimsuddenly,andsenthimmad。Hesatupandlookedattheroominthedarkness,hisfeetdoubledunderhim,perfectlymotionless,listening。Heheard,acatsomewhereawayoutside;thentheheavy,poisedtread,ofthemother;thenClara’sdistinctvoice:
“Willyouunfastenmydress?”
Therewassilenceforsometime。Atlastthemothersaid:
“Nowthen!aren’tyoucomingup?”
“No,notyet,“repliedthedaughtercalmly。
“Oh,verywellthen!,Ifit’snotlateenough,stopabitlonger。
Onlyyouneedn’tcomewakingmeupwhenI’vegottosleep。”
“Ishan’tbelong,“saidClara。
ImmediatelyafterwardsPaulheardthemotherslowlymounting,thestairs。Thecandlelightflashedthroughthecracksinhisdoor。
Herdressbrushedthedoor,andhisheartjumped。Thenitwasdark,andheheardtheclatterofherlatch。Shewasveryleisurelyindeed,inherpreparationsforsleep。Afteralongtimeitwasquitestill。
Hesatstrunguponthebed,shiveringslightly。Hisdoorwas,aninchopen。AsClaracameupstairs,hewouldintercepther。
Hewaited。Allwasdeadsilence。Theclockstrucktwo。Thenhe,heardaslightscrapeofthefenderdownstairs。Nowhecouldnot,helphimself。Hisshiveringwasuncontrollable。Hefelthemustgo,ordie。
Hesteppedoffthebed,andstoodamoment,shuddering。
Thenhewentstraighttothedoor。Hetriedtosteplightly。
Thefirststaircrackedlikeashot。Helistened。Theoldwoman,stirredinherbed。Thestaircasewasdark。Therewasaslit,oflightunderthestair-footdoor,whichopenedintothekitchen。
Hestoodamoment。Thenhewenton,mechanically。Everystepcreaked,andhisbackwascreeping,lesttheoldwoman’sdoorshouldopen,behindhimupabove。Hefumbledwiththedooratthebottom。
Thelatchopenedwithaloudclack。Hewentthroughintothekitchen,andshutthedoornoisilybehindhim。Theoldwomandaren’t,comenow。
Thenhestood,arrested。Clarawaskneelingonapileofwhite,underclothingonthehearthrug,herbacktowardshim,warmingherself。
Shedidnotlookround,butsatcrouchingonherheels,andher,roundedbeautifulbackwastowardshim,andherfacewashidden。
Shewaswarmingherbodyatthefireforconsolation。Theglow,wasrosyononeside,theshadowwasdarkandwarmontheother。
Herarmshungslack。
Heshudderedviolently,clenchinghisteethandfistshard,tokeepcontrol。Thenhewentforwardtoher。Heputonehand,onhershoulder,thefingersoftheotherhandunderherchinto,raiseherface。Aconvulsedshiverranthroughher,once,twice,athistouch。Shekeptherheadbent。
“Sorry!”hemurmured,realisingthathishandswereverycold。
Thenshelookedupathim,frightened,likeathingthatis,afraidofdeath。
“Myhandsaresocold,“hemurmured。
“Ilikeit,“shewhispered,closinghereyes。
Thebreathofherwordswereonhismouth。Herarmsclasped,hisknees。Thecordofhissleeping-suitdangledagainstherandmade,hershiver。Asthewarmthwentintohim,hisshudderingbecameless。
Atlength,unabletostandsoanymore,heraisedher,andshe,buriedherheadonhisshoulder。Hishandswentoverherslowly,withaninfinitetendernessofcaress。Sheclungclosetohim,tryingtohideherselfagainsthim。Heclaspedherveryfast。
Thenatlastshelookedathim,mute,imploring,lookingtoseeifshe,mustbeashamed。
Hiseyesweredark,verydeep,andveryquiet。Itwasasifher,beautyandhistakingithurthim,madehimsorrowful。Helookedat,herwithalittlepain,andwasafraid。Hewassohumblebeforeher。
Shekissedhimferventlyontheeyes,firstone,thentheother,andshefoldedherselftohim。Shegaveherself。Heheldherfast。
Itwasamomentintensealmosttoagony。
Shestoodlettinghimadoreherandtremblewithjoyofher。
Ithealedherhurtpride。Ithealedher;itmadeherglad。Itmade,herfeelerectandproudagain。Herpridehadbeenwoundedinsideher。
Shehadbeencheapened。Nowsheradiatedwithjoyandprideagain。
Itwasherrestorationandherrecognition。
Thenhelookedather,hisfaceradiant。Theylaughedto,eachother,andhestrainedhertohischest。Thesecondstickedoff,theminutespassed,andstillthetwostoodclaspedrigidtogether,mouthtomouth,likeastatueinoneblock。
Butagainhisfingerswentseekingoverher,restless,wandering,dissatisfied。Thehotbloodcameupwaveuponwave。
Shelaidherheadonhisshoulder。
“Comeyoutomyroom,“hemurmured。
Shelookedathimandshookherhead,hermouthpouting,disconsolately,hereyesheavywithpassion。Hewatchedherfixedly。
“Yes!”hesaid。
Againsheshookherhead。
“Whynot?”heasked。
Shelookedathimstillheavily,sorrowfully,andagainshe,shookherhead。Hiseyeshardened,andhegaveway。
When,lateron,hewasbackinbed,hewonderedwhyshehad,refusedtocometohimopenly,sothathermotherwouldknow。
Atanyrate,thenthingswouldhavebeendefinite。Andshecould,havestayedwithhimthenight,withouthavingtogo,asshewas,tohermother’sbed。Itwasstrange,andhecouldnotunderstandit。
Andthenalmostimmediatelyhefellasleep。
Heawokeinthemorningwithsomeonespeakingtohim。
Openinghiseyes,hesawMrs。Radford,bigandstately,lookingdown,onhim。Sheheldacupofteainherhand。
“Doyouthinkyou’regoingtosleeptillDoomsday?”shesaid。
Helaughedatonce。
“Itoughtonlytobeaboutfiveo’clock,“hesaid。
“Well,“sheanswered,“it’shalf-pastseven,whetherornot。
Here,I’vebroughtyouacupoftea。”
Herubbedhisface,pushedthetumbledhairoffhisforehead,androusedhimself。
“What’sitsolatefor!”hegrumbled。
Heresentedbeingwakened。Itamusedher。Shesawhisneck,intheflannelsleeping-jacket,aswhiteandroundasagirl’s。He,rubbedhishaircrossly。
“It’snogoodyourscratchingyourhead,“shesaid。
“Itwon’tmakeitnoearlier。Here,an’howlongd’youthinkI’m,goingtostandwaitingwi’thisherecup?”
“Oh,dashthecup!”hesaid。
“Youshouldgotobedearlier,“saidthewoman。
Helookedupather,laughingwithimpudence。
“IwenttobedbeforeYOUdid,“hesaid。
“Yes,myGuyney,youdid!”sheexclaimed。
“Fancy,“hesaid,stirringhistea,“havingteabroughttobed,tome!,Mymother’llthinkI’mruinedforlife。”
“Don’tsheneverdoit?”askedMrs。Radford。
“She’dasleavethinkofflying。”
“Ah,Ialwaysspoiltmylot!,That’swhythey’veturnedout,suchbaduns,“saidtheelderlywoman。
“You’donlyClara,“hesaid。”AndMr。Radford’sinheaven。
SoIsupposethere’sonlyyoulefttobethebadun。”
“I’mnotbad;I’monlysoft,“shesaid,asshewentout,ofthebedroom。”I’monlyafool,Iam!”
Clarawasveryquietatbreakfast,butshehadasortofair,ofproprietorshipoverhimthatpleasedhiminfinitely。Mrs。Radford,wasevidentlyfondofhim。Hebegantotalkofhispainting。
“What’sthegood,“exclaimedthemother,“ofyourwhittling,andworryingandtwistin’andtoo-in’atthatpaintingofyours?
WhatGOODdoesitdoyou,Ishouldliketoknow?,You’dbetter,beenjoyin’yourself。”
“Oh,but,“exclaimedPaul,“Imadeoverthirtyguineaslastyear。”
“Didyou!,Well,that’saconsideration,butit’snothing,tothetimeyouputin。”
“AndI’vegotfourpoundsowing。Amansaidhe’dgivemefive,poundsifI’dpainthimandhismissisandthedogandthecottage。
AndIwentandputthefowlsininsteadofthedog,andhewaswaxy,soIhadtoknockaquidoff。Iwassickofit,andIdidn’tlike,thedog。Imadeapictureofit。WhatshallIdowhenhepaysme,thefourpounds?”
“Nay!youknowyourownusesforyourmoney,“saidMrs。Radford。
“ButI’mgoingtobustthisfourpounds。Shouldwego,totheseasideforadayortwo?”
“Who?”
“YouandClaraandme。”
“What,onyourmoney!”sheexclaimed,half-wrathful。
“Whynot?”
“YOUwouldn’tbelonginbreakingyourneckatahurdlerace!”
shesaid。
“SolongasIgetagoodrunformymoney!,Willyou?”
“Nay;youmaysettlethatatweenyou。”
“Andyou’rewilling?”heasked,amazedandrejoicing。
“You’lldoasyoulike,“saidMrs。Radford,“whetherI’m,willingornot。”
CHAPTERXIII
BAXTERDAWES
SOONafterPaulhadbeentothetheatrewithClara,hewasdrinking,inthePunchBowlwithsomefriendsofhiswhenDawescamein。
Clara’shusbandwasgrowingstout;hiseyelidsweregettingslack,overhisbrowneyes;hewaslosinghishealthyfirmnessofflesh。
Hewasveryevidentlyonthedownwardtrack。Havingquarrelled,withhissister,hehadgoneintocheaplodgings。Hismistress,hadlefthimforamanwhowouldmarryher。Hehadbeeninprison,onenightforfightingwhenhewasdrunk,andtherewasashady,bettingepisodeinwhichhewasconcerned。
Paulandhewereconfirmedenemies,andyettherewasbetween,themthatpeculiarfeelingofintimacy,asiftheyweresecretly,neartoeachother,whichsometimesexistsbetweentwopeople,althoughtheyneverspeaktooneanother。Pauloftenthoughtof,BaxterDawes,oftenwantedtogetathimandbefriendswithhim。
HeknewthatDawesoftenthoughtabouthim,andthatthemanwas,drawntohimbysomebondorother。Andyetthetwoneverlooked,ateachothersaveinhostility。
SincehewasasuperioremployeeatJordan’s,itwasthething,forPaultoofferDawesadrink。
“What’llyouhave?”heaskedofhim。
“Nowtwi’ableederlikeyou!”repliedtheman。
Paulturnedawaywithaslightdisdainfulmovementoftheshoulders,veryirritating。
“Thearistocracy,“hecontinued,“isreallyamilitaryinstitution。
TakeGermany,now。She’sgotthousandsofaristocratswhoseonly,meansofexistenceisthearmy。They’redeadlypoor,andlife’s,deadlyslow。Sotheyhopeforawar。Theylookforwarasachance,ofgettingon。Tillthere’sawartheyareidlegood-for-nothings。
Whenthere’sawar,theyareleadersandcommanders。Thereyouare,then——theyWANTwar!”
Hewasnotafavouritedebaterinthepublic-house,beingtoo,quickandoverbearing。Heirritatedtheoldermenbyhisassertive,manner,andhiscocksureness。Theylistenedinsilence,andwere,notsorrywhenhefinished。
Dawesinterruptedtheyoungman’sflowofeloquencebyasking,inaloudsneer:
“Didyoulearnallthatatth’theatreth’othernight?”
Paullookedathim;theireyesmet。ThenheknewDaweshad,seenhimcomingoutofthetheatrewithClara。
“Why,whataboutth’theatre?”askedoneofPaul’sassociates,gladtogetadigattheyoungfellow,andsniffingsomethingtasty。
“Oh,himinabob-tailedeveningsuit,onthelardy-da!”
sneeredDawes,jerkinghisheadcontemptuouslyatPaul。
“That’scomin’itstrong,“saidthemutualfriend。
“Tartan’all?”
“Tart,begod!”saidDawes。
“Goon;let’shaveit!”criedthemutualfriend。
“You’vegotit,“saidDawes,“an’IreckonMorellyhaditan’all。”
“Well,I’llbejiggered!”saidthemutualfriend。”An’wasit,apropertart?”
“Tart,Godblimey——yes!”
“Howdoyouknow?”
“Oh,“saidDawes,“Ireckonhespentth’night——“
TherewasagooddealoflaughteratPaul’sexpense。
“ButwhoWASshe?,D’youknowher?”askedthemutualfriend。
“IshouldSHAYSHO,“saidDawes。
Thisbroughtanotherburstoflaughter。
“Thenspititout,“saidthemutualfriend。
Dawesshookhishead,andtookagulpofbeer。
“It’sawonderhehasn’tletonhimself,“hesaid。
“He’llbebraggin’ofitinabit。”
“Comeon,Paul,“saidthefriend;“it’snogood。Youmight,justaswellownup。”
“Ownupwhat?,ThatIhappenedtotakeafriendtothetheatre?”
“Ohwell,ifitwasallright,telluswhoshewas,lad,“
saidthefriend。
“SheWASallright,“saidDawes。
Paulwasfurious。Daweswipedhisgoldenmoustachewith,hisfingers,sneering。
“Strikeme——!,Oneo’thatsort?”saidthemutualfriend。
“Paul,boy,I’msurprisedatyou。Anddoyouknowher,Baxter?”
“Justabit,like!”
Hewinkedattheothermen。
“Ohwell,“saidPaul,“I’llbegoing!”
Themutualfriendlaidadetaininghandonhisshoulder。
“Nay,“hesaid,“youdon’tgetoffaseasyasthat,mylad。
We’vegottohaveafullaccountofthisbusiness。”
“ThengetitfromDawes!”hesaid。
“Youshouldn’tfunkyourowndeeds,man,“remonstratedthefriend。
ThenDawesmadearemarkwhichcausedPaultothrowhalf,aglassofbeerinhisface。
“Oh,Mr。Morel!”criedthebarmaid,andsherangthebell,forthe“chucker-out“。
Dawesspatandrushedfortheyoungman。Atthatminute,abrawnyfellowwithhisshirt-sleevesrolledupandhistrousers,tightoverhishaunchesintervened。
“Now,then!”hesaid,pushinghischestinfrontofDawes。
“Comeout!”criedDawes。
Paulwasleaning,whiteandquivering,againstthebrassrail,ofthebar。HehatedDawes,wishedsomethingcouldexterminate,himatthatminute;andatthesametime,seeingthewethairon,theman’sforehead,hethoughthelookedpathetic。Hedidnotmove。
“Comeout,you——,“saidDawes。
“That’senough,Dawes,“criedthebarmaid。
“Comeon,“saidthe“chucker-out“withkindlyinsistence,“you’dbetterbegettingon。”
And,bymakingDawesedgeawayfromhisowncloseproximity,heworkedhimtothedoor。
“THAT’Sthelittlesodasstartedit!”criedDawes,half-cowed,pointingtoPaulMorel。
“Why,whatastory,Mr。Dawes!”saidthebarmaid。”Youknow,itwasyouallthetime。”
Stillthe“chucker-out“keptthrustinghischestforwardathim,stillhekeptedgingback,untilhewasinthedoorwayandonthe,stepsoutside;thenheturnedround。
“Allright,“hesaid,noddingstraightathisrival。
Paulhadacurioussensationofpity,almostofaffection,mingledwithviolenthate,fortheman。Thecoloureddoorswungto;
therewassilenceinthebar。
“Serve,him,jollywellright!”saidthebarmaid。
“Butit’sanastythingtogetaglassofbeerinyoureyes,“
saidthemutualfriend。
“ItellyouIwasgladhedid,“saidthebarmaid。”Willyou,haveanother,Mr。Morel?”
SheheldupPaul’sglassquestioningly。Henodded。
“He’samanasdoesn’tcareforanything,isBaxterDawes,“
saidone。
“Pooh!ishe?”saidthebarmaid。”He’saloud-mouthedone,heis,andthey’renevermuchgood。Givemeapleasant-spokenchap,ifyouwantadevil!”
“Well,Paul,mylad,“saidthefriend,“you’llhavetotake,careofyourselfnowforawhile。”
“Youwon’thavetogivehimachanceoveryou,that’sall,“
saidthebarmaid。
“Canyoubox?”askedafriend。
“Notabit,“heanswered,stillverywhite。
“Imightgiveyouaturnortwo,“saidthefriend。
“Thanks,Ihaven’ttime。”
Andpresentlyhetookhisdeparture。
“Goalongwithhim,Mr。Jenkinson,“whisperedthebarmaid,tippingMr。Jenkinsonthewink。
Themannodded,tookhishat,said:,“Good-nightall!”
veryheartily,andfollowedPaul,calling:
“Halfaminute,oldman。Youan’me’sgoingthesameroad,Ibelieve。”
“Mr。Moreldoesn’tlikeit,“saidthebarmaid。”You’llsee,weshan’thavehiminmuchmore。I’msorry;he’sgoodcompany。
AndBaxterDaweswantslockingup,that’swhathewants。”
Paulwouldhavediedratherthanhismothershouldget,toknowofthisaffair。Hesufferedtorturesofhumiliation,andself-consciousness。Therewasnowagooddealofhislife,ofwhichnecessarilyhecouldnotspeaktohismother。Hehad,alifeapartfromher——hissexuallife。Therestshestillkept。
Buthefelthehadtoconcealsomethingfromher,anditirkedhim。
Therewasacertainsilencebetweenthem,andhefelthehad,inthatsilence,todefendhimselfagainsther;hefeltcondemned,byher。Thensometimeshehatedher,andpulledatherbondage。
Hislifewantedtofreeitselfofher。Itwaslikeacirclewherelife,turnedbackonitself,andgotnofarther。Sheborehim,lovedhim,kepthim,andhisloveturnedbackintoher,sothathecouldnot,befreetogoforwardwithhisownlife,reallyloveanotherwoman。
Atthisperiod,unknowingly,heresistedhismother’sinfluence。
Hedidnottellherthings;therewasadistancebetweenthem。
Clarawashappy,almostsureofhim。Shefeltshehadatlast,gothimforherself;andthenagaincametheuncertainty。Hetold,herjestinglyoftheaffairwithherhusband。Hercolourcameup,hergreyeyesflashed。
“That’shimtoa’T’,“shecried——“likeanavvy!,He’snotfit,formixingwithdecentfolk。”
“Yetyoumarriedhim,“hesaid。
Itmadeherfuriousthatheremindedher。
“Idid!”shecried。”ButhowwasItoknow?”
“Ithinkhemighthavebeenrathernice,“hesaid。
“YouthinkImadehimwhatheis!”sheexclaimed。
“Ohno!hemadehimself。Butthere’ssomethingabouthim——“