Theywent。Itwascoldandratherdismal。Shewaitedforhim,tobewarmandtenderwithher,insteadofwhichheseemedhardly,awareofher。Hesatintherailway-carriage,lookingout,andwas,startledwhenshespoketohim。Hewasnotdefinitelythinking。
Thingsseemedasiftheydidnotexist。Shewentacrosstohim。
“Whatisitdear?”sheasked。
“Nothing!”hesaid。”Don’tthosewindmillsailslookmonotonous?”
Hesatholdingherhand。Hecouldnottalknorthink。
Itwasacomfort,however,tositholdingherhand。Shewas,dissatisfiedandmiserable。Hewasnotwithher;shewasnothing。
Andintheeveningtheysatamongthesandhills,lookingat,theblack,heavysea。
“Shewillnevergivein,“hesaidquietly。
Clara’sheartsank。
“No,“shereplied。
“Therearedifferentwaysofdying。Myfather’speople,arefrightened,andhavetobehauledoutoflifeintodeath,likecattleintoaslaughter-house,pulledbytheneck;
butmymother’speoplearepushedfrombehind,inchbyinch。
Theyarestubbornpeople,andwon’tdie。”
“Yes,“saidClara。
“Andshewon’tdie。Shecan’t。Mr。Renshaw,theparson,wasin,theotherday。’Think!’hesaidtoher;’youwillhaveyourmother,andfather,andyoursisters,andyourson,intheOtherLand。’
Andshesaid:,’Ihavedonewithoutthemforalongtime,andCAN
dowithoutthemnow。ItisthelivingIwant,notthedead。’
Shewantstoliveevennow。”
“Oh,howhorrible!”saidClara,toofrightenedtospeak。
“Andshelooksatme,andshewantstostaywithme,“hewent,onmonotonously。”She’sgotsuchawill,itseemsasifshewould,nevergo——never!”
“Don’tthinkofit!”criedClara。
“Andshewasreligious——sheisreligiousnow——butitisnogood。
Shesimplywon’tgivein。Anddoyouknow,IsaidtoheronThursday:,’Mother,ifIhadtodie,I’ddie。
I’dWILLtodie。’,Andshesaidtome,sharp:,’DoyouthinkI
haven’t?,Doyouthinkyoucandiewhenyoulike?’“
Hisvoiceceased。Hedidnotcry,onlywentonspeaking,mo-notonously。Clarawantedtorun。Shelookedround。
Therewastheblack,re-echoingshore,thedarkskydownonher。
Shegotupterrified。Shewantedtobewheretherewaslight,wheretherewereotherpeople。Shewantedtobeawayfromhim。
Hesatwithhisheaddropped,notmovingamuscle。
“AndIdon’twanthertoeat,“hesaid,“andsheknowsit。
WhenIaskher:,’Shallyouhaveanything’she’salmostafraidto,say’Yes。’,’I’llhaveacupofBenger’s,’shesays。’It’llonlykeep,yourstrengthup,’Isaidtoher。’Yes’——andshealmostcried——’but,there’ssuchagnawingwhenIeatnothing,Ican’tbearit。’
SoIwentandmadeherthefood。It’sthecancerthatgnawslike,thatather。Iwishshe’ddie!”
“Come!”saidClararoughly。”I’mgoing。”
Hefollowedherdownthedarknessofthesands。Hedid,notcometoher。Heseemedscarcelyawareofherexistence。
Andshewasafraidofhim,anddislikedhim。
InthesameacutedazetheywentbacktoNottingham。
Hewasalwaysbusy,alwaysdoingsomething,alwaysgoingfromone,totheotherofhisfriends。
OntheMondayhewenttoseeBaxterDawes。Listlessandpale,themanrosetogreettheother,clingingtohischairasheheld,outhishand。
“Youshouldn’tgetup,“saidPaul。
Dawessatdownheavily,eyeingMorelwithasortofsuspicion。
“Don’tyouwasteyourtimeonme,“hesaid,“ifyou’veowt,bettertodo。”
“Iwantedtocome,“saidPaul。”Here!,Ibroughtyousomesweets。”
Theinvalidputthemaside。
“It’snotbeenmuchofaweek-end,“saidMorel。
“How’syourmother?”askedtheother。
“Hardlyanydifferent。”
“Ithoughtshewasperhapsworse,beingasyoudidn’tcome,onSunday。”
“IwasatSkegness,“saidPaul。”Iwantedachange。”
Theotherlookedathimwithdarkeyes。Heseemedtobe,waiting,notquitedaringtoask,trustingtobetold。
“IwentwithClara,“saidPaul。
“Iknewasmuch,“saidDawesquietly。
“Itwasanoldpromise,“saidPaul。
“Youhaveityourownway,“saidDawes。
ThiswasthefirsttimeClarahadbeendefinitelymentioned,betweenthem。
“Nay,“saidMorelslowly;“she’stiredofme。”
AgainDaweslookedathim。
“SinceAugustshe’sbeengettingtiredofme,“Morelrepeated。
Thetwomenwereveryquiettogether。Paulsuggestedagame,ofdraughts。Theyplayedinsilence。
“Is’llgoabroadwhenmymother’sdead,“saidPaul。
“Abroad!”repeatedDawes。
“Yes;Idon’tcarewhatIdo。”
Theycontinuedthegame。Daweswaswinning。
“Is’llhavetobeginanewstartofsomesort,“saidPaul;
“andyouaswell,Isuppose。”
HetookoneofDawes’spieces。
“Idunnowhere,“saidtheother。
“Thingshavetohappen,“Morelsaid。”It’snogooddoing,anything——atleast——no,Idon’tknow。Givemesometoffee。”
Thetwomenatesweets,andbegananothergameofdraughts。
“Whatmadethatscaronyourmouth?”askedDawes。
Paulputhishandhastilytohislips,andlookedoverthegarden。
“Ihadabicycleaccident,“hesaid。
Dawes’shandtrembledashemovedthepiece。
“Youshouldn’tha’laughedatme,“hesaid,verylow。
“When?”
“ThatnightonWoodboroughRoad,whenyouandherpassed,me——youwithyourhandonhershoulder。”
“Ineverlaughedatyou,“saidPaul。
Daweskepthisfingersonthedraught-piece。
“Ineverknewyouweretheretilltheverysecondwhenyoupassed,“
saidMorel。
“Itwasthatasdidme,“Dawessaid,verylow。
Paultookanothersweet。
“Ineverlaughed,“hesaid,“exceptasI’malwayslaughing。”
Theyfinishedthegame。
ThatnightMorelwalkedhomefromNottingham,inordertohave,somethingtodo。ThefurnacesflaredinaredblotchoverBulwell;
theblackcloudswerelikealowceiling。Ashewentalongtheten,milesofhighroad,hefeltasifhewerewalkingoutoflife,betweentheblacklevelsoftheskyandtheearth。Butattheend,wasonlythesick-room。Ifhewalkedandwalkedforever,therewas,onlythatplacetocometo。
Hewasnottiredwhenhegotnearhome,orHedidnotknowit。
Acrossthefieldhecouldseetheredfirelightleapinginher,bedroomwindow。
“Whenshe’sdead,“hesaidtohimself,“thatfirewillgoout。”
Hetookoffhisbootsquietlyandcreptupstairs。
Hismothersdoorwaswideopen,becauseshesleptalonestill。
Theredfirelightdasheditsglowonthelanding。Softasashadow,hepeepedinherdoorway。
“Paul!”shemurmured。
Hisheartseemedtobreakagain。Hewentinandsatbythebed。
“Howlateyouare!”shemurmured。
“Notvery,“hesaid。
“Why,whattimeisit?”Themurmurcameplaintiveandhelpless。
“It’sonlyjustgoneeleven。”
Thatwasnottrue;itwasnearlyoneo’clock。
“Oh!”shesaid;“Ithoughtitwaslater。”
Andheknewtheunutterablemiseryofhernightsthatwould,notgo。
“Can’tyousleep,mypigeon?”hesaid。
“No,Ican’t,“shewailed。
“Nevermind,Little!”Hesaidcrooning。”Nevermind,mylove。
I’llstopwithyouhalfanhour,mypigeon;thenperhapsitwill,bebetter。”
Andhesatbythebedside,slowly,rhythmicallystrokingher,browswithhisfinger-tips,strokinghereyesshut,soothingher,holdingherfingersinhisfreehand。Theycouldhearthesleepers’
breathingintheotherrooms。
“Nowgotobed,“shemurmured,lyingquitestillunderhis,fingersandhislove。
“Willyousleep?”heasked。
“Yes,Ithinkso。”
“Youfeelbetter,myLittle,don’tyou?”
“Yes,“shesaid,likeafretful,half-soothedchild。
Stillthedaysandtheweekswentby。Hehardlyeverwenttosee,Claranow。Buthewanderedrestlesslyfromonepersontoanother,forsomehelp,andtherewasnoneanywhere。Miriamhadwritten,tohimtenderly。Hewenttoseeher。Herheartwasverysore,whenshesawhim,white,gaunt,withhiseyesdarkandbewildered。
Herpitycameup,hurtinghertillshecouldnotbearit。
“Howisshe?”sheasked。
“Thesame——thesame!”hesaid。”Thedoctorsaysshecan’tlast,butIknowshewill。She’llbehereatChristmas。”
Miriamshuddered。Shedrewhimtoher;shepressedhimtoherbosom;
shekissedhimandkissedhim。Hesubmitted,butitwastorture。
Shecouldnotkisshisagony。Thatremainedaloneandapart。
Shekissedhisface,androusedhisblood,whilehissoulwasapart,writhingwiththeagonyofdeath。Andshekissedhimandfingered,hisbody,tillatlast,feelinghewouldgomad,hegotawayfromher。
Itwasnotwhathewantedjustthen——notthat。Andshethoughtshe,hadsoothedhimanddonehimgood。
Decembercame,andsomesnow。Hestayedathomeallthewhilenow。
Theycouldnotaffordanurse。Anniecametolookafterhermother;
theparishnurse,whomtheyloved,cameinmorningandevening。
PaulsharedthenursingwithAnnie。Often,intheevenings,whenfriendswereinthekitchenwiththem,theyalllaughedtogether,andshookwithlaughter。Itwasreaction。Paulwassocomical,Anniewassoquaint。Thewholepartylaughedtilltheycried,tryingtosubduethesound。AndMrs。Morel,lyingaloneinthe,darknessheardthem,andamongherbitternesswasafeeling,ofrelief。
ThenPaulwouldgoupstairsgingerly,guiltily,toseeifshe,hadheard。
“ShallIgiveyousomemilk?”heasked。
“Alittle,“sherepliedplaintively。
Andhewouldputsomewaterwithit,sothatitshouldnot,nourishher。Yethelovedhermorethanhisownlife。
Shehadmorphiaeverynight,andherheartgotfitful。
Anniesleptbesideher。Paulwouldgoinintheearlymorning,whenhissistergotup。Hismotherwaswastedandalmostashen,inthemorningwiththemorphia。Darkeranddarkergrewhereyes,allpupil,withthetorture。Inthemorningsthewearinessandache,weretoomuchtobear。Yetshecouldnot——wouldnot——weep,oreven,complainmuch。
“Yousleptabitlaterthismorning,littleone,“hewould,saytoher。
“DidI?”sheanswered,withfretfulweariness。
“Yes;it’snearlyeighto’clock。”
Hestoodlookingoutofthewindow。Thewholecountry,wasbleakandpallidunderthesnow。Thenhefeltherpulse。
Therewasastrongstrokeandaweakone,likeasoundanditsecho。
Thatwassupposedtobetokentheend。Shelethimfeelherwrist,knowingwhathewanted。
Sometimestheylookedineachother’seyes。Thentheyalmost,seemedtomakeanagreement。Itwasalmostasifhewereagreeing,todiealso。Butshedidnotconsenttodie;shewouldnot。
Herbodywaswastedtoafragmentofash。Hereyesweredarkand,fulloftorture。
“Can’tyougivehersomethingtoputanendtoit?”heasked,thedoctoratlast。
Butthedoctorshookhishead。
“Shecan’tlastmanydaysnow,Mr。Morel,“hesaid。
Paulwentindoors。
“Ican’tbearitmuchlonger;weshallallgomad,“saidAnnie。
Thetwosatdowntobreakfast。
“Goandsitwithherwhilewehavebreakfast,Minnie,“saidAnnie。
Butthegirlwasfrightened。
Paulwentthroughthecountry,throughthewoods,overthesnow。
Hesawthemarksofrabbitsandbirdsinthewhitesnow。
Hewanderedmilesandmiles。Asmokyredsunsetcameonslowly,painfully,lingering。Hethoughtshewoulddiethatday。Therewas,adonkeythatcameuptohimoverthesnowbythewood’sedge,andputitsheadagainsthim,andwalkedwithhimalongside。
Heputhisarmsroundthedonkey’sneck,andstrokedhischeeks,againsthisears。
Hismother,silent,wasstillalive,withherhardmouth,grippedgrimly,hereyesofdarktortureonlyliving。
ItwasnearingChristmas;therewasmoresnow。Annieand,hefeltasiftheycouldgoonnomore。Stillherdarkeyes,werealive。Morel,silentandfrightened,obliteratedhimself。
Sometimeshewouldgointothesick-roomandlookather。
Thenhebackedout,bewildered。
Shekeptherholdonlifestill。Theminershadbeenout,onstrike,andreturnedafortnightorsobeforeChristmas。
Minniewentupstairswiththefeeding-cup。Itwastwodaysafter,themenhadbeenin。
“Havethemenbeensayingtheirhandsaresore,Minnie?”
sheasked,inthefaint,querulousvoicethatwouldnotgivein。
Minniestoodsurprised。
“NotasIknowof,Mrs。Morel,“sheanswered。
“ButI’llbettheyaresore,“saidthedyingwoman,asshe,movedherheadwithasighofweariness。”But,atanyrate,there’llbesomethingtobuyinwiththisweek。”
Notathingdidsheletslip。
“Yourfather’spitthingswillwantwellairing,Annie,“shesaid,whenthemenweregoingbacktowork。
“Don’tyoubotheraboutthat,mydear,“saidAnnie。
OnenightAnnieandPaulwerealone。Nursewasupstairs。
“She’llliveoverChristmas,“saidAnnie。Theywerebothfull,ofhorror。”Shewon’t,“herepliedgrimly。”Is’llgivehermorphia。”
“Which?”saidAnnie。
“AllthatcamefromSheffield,“saidPaul。
“Ay——do!”saidAnnie。
Thenextdayhewaspaintinginthebedroom。Sheseemed,tobeasleep。Hesteppedsoftlybackwardsandforwardsathis,painting。Suddenlyhersmallvoicewailed:
“Don’twalkabout,Paul。”
Helookedround。Hereyes,likedarkbubblesinherface,werelookingathim。
“No,mydear,“hesaidgently。Anotherfibreseemedtosnap,inhisheart。
Thateveninghegotallthemorphiapillstherewere,andtook,themdownstairs。Carefullyhecrushedthemtopowder。
“Whatareyoudoing?”saidAnnie。
“Is’llput’eminhernightmilk。”
Thentheybothlaughedtogetherliketwoconspiringchildren。
Ontopofalltheirhorrorflickedthislittlesanity。
NursedidnotcomethatnighttosettleMrs。Moreldown。
Paulwentupwiththehotmilkinafeeding-cup。Itwasnine,o’clock。
Shewasrearedupinbed,andheputthefeeding-cupbetweenher,lipsthathewouldhavediedtosavefromanyhurt。Shetookasip,thenputthespoutofthecupawayandlookedathimwithherdark,wonderingeyes。Helookedather。
“Oh,itISbitter,Paul!”shesaid,makingalittlegrimace。
“It’sanewsleepingdraughtthedoctorgavemeforyou,“hesaid。
“Hethoughtitwouldleaveyouinsuchastateinthemorning。”
“AndIhopeitwon’t,“shesaid,likeachild。
Shedranksomemoreofthemilk。
“ButitIShorrid!”shesaid。
Hesawherfrailfingersoverthecup,herlipsmaking,alittlemove。
“Iknow——Itastedit,“hesaid。”ButI’llgiveyousomeclean,milkafterwards。”
“Ithinkso,“shesaid,andshewentonwiththedraught。
Shewasobedienttohimlikeachild。Hewonderedifsheknew。
Hesawherpoorwastedthroatmovingasshedrankwithdifficulty。
Thenherandownstairsformoremilk。Therewerenograinsinthebottom,ofthecup。
“Hasshehadit?”whisperedAnnie。
“Yes——andshesaiditwasbitter。”
“Oh!”laughedAnnie,puttingherunderlipbetweenherteeth。
“AndItoldheritwasanewdraught。Where’sthatmilk?”
Theybothwentupstairs。
“Iwonderwhynursedidn’tcometosettlemedown?”
complainedthemother,likeachild,wistfully。
“Shesaidshewasgoingtoaconcert,mylove,“repliedAnnie。
“Didshe?”
Theyweresilentaminute。Mrs。Morelgulpedthelittle,cleanmilk。
“Annie,thatdraughtWAShorrid!”shesaidplaintively。
“Wasit,mylove?,Well,nevermind。”
Themothersighedagainwithweariness。Herpulsewas,veryirregular。
“LetUSsettleyoudown,“saidAnnie。”Perhapsnursewill,besolate。”
“Ay,“saidthemother——“try。”
Theyturnedtheclothesback。PaulsawhismotherLIkeagirl,curledupinherflannelnightdress。Quicklytheymadeonehalf,ofthebed,movedher,madetheother,straightenedhernightgown,overhersmallfeet,andcoveredherup。
“There,“saidPaul,strokinghersoftly。”There!——nowyou’llsleep。”
“Yes,“shesaid。”Ididn’tthinkyoucoulddothebedsonicely,“
sheadded,almostgaily。Thenshecurledup,withhercheek,onherhand,herheadsnuggedbetweenhershoulders。Paulput,thelongthinplaitofgreyhairoverhershoulderandkissedher。
“You’llsleep,mylove,“hesaid。
“Yes,“sheansweredtrustfully。”Good-night。”
Theyputoutthelight,anditwasstill。
Morelwasinbed。Nursedidnotcome。AnnieandPaulcame,tolookatheratabouteleven。Sheseemedtobesleepingasusual,afterherdraught。Hermouthhadcomeabitopen。
“Shallwesitup?”saidPaul。
“Is’llliewithherasIalwaysdo,“saidAnnie。”Shemight,wakeup。”
“Allright。Andcallmeifyouseeanydifference。”
“Yes。”
Theylingeredbeforethebedroomfire,feelingthenightbig,andblackandsnowyoutside,theirtwoselvesaloneintheworld。
Atlasthewentintothenextroomandwenttobed。
Hesleptalmostimmediately,butkeptwakingeverynowandagain。
Thenhewentsoundasleep。HestartedawakeatAnnie’swhispered,“Paul,Paul!”Hesawhissisterinherwhitenightdress,withher,longplaitofhairdownherback,standinginthedarkness。
“Yes?”hewhispered,sittingup。
“Comeandlookather。”
Heslippedoutofbed。Abudofgaswasburninginthe,sickchamber。Hismotherlaywithhercheekonherhand,curledup,asshehadgonetosleep。Buthermouthhadfallenopen,andshe,breathedwithgreat,hoarsebreaths,likesnoring,andtherewere,longintervalsbetween。
“She’sgoing!”hewhispered。
“Yes,“saidAnnie。
“Howlonghasshebeenlikeit?”
“Ionlyjustwokeup。”
Anniehuddledintothedressing-gown,Paulwrappedhimself,inabrownblanket。Itwasthreeo’clock。Hemendedthefire。
Thenthetwosatwaiting。Thegreat,snoringbreathwastaken——held,awhile——thengivenback。Therewasaspace——alongspace。
Thentheystarted。Thegreat,snoringbreathwastakenagain。
Hebentclosedownandlookedather。
“Isn’titawful!”whisperedAnnie。
Henodded。Theysatdownagainhelplessly。Againcamethegreat,snoringbreath。Againtheyhungsuspended。Againitwasgivenback,longandharsh。Thesound,soirregular,atsuchwideintervals,soundedthroughthehouse。Morel,inhisroom,slepton。
PaulandAnniesatcrouched,huddled,motionless。Thegreatsnoring,soundbeganagain——therewasapainfulpausewhilethebreathwas,held——backcametheraspingbreath。Minuteafterminutepassed。
Paullookedatheragain,bendinglowoverher。
“Shemaylastlikethis,“hesaid。
Theywerebothsilent。Helookedoutofthewindow,andcould,faintlydiscernthesnowonthegarden。
“Yougotomybed,“hesaidtoAnnie。”I’llsitup。”
“No,“shesaid,“I’llstopwithyou。”
“I’dratheryoudidn’t,“hesaid。
AtlastAnniecreptoutoftheroom,andhewasalone。
Hehuggedhimselfinhisbrownblanket,crouchedinfrontof,hismother,watching。Shelookeddreadful,withthebottomjaw,fallenback。Hewatched。Sometimeshethoughtthegreatbreath,wouldneverbeginagain。Hecouldnotbearit——thewaiting。
Thensuddenly,startlinghim,camethegreatharshsound。
Hemendedthefireagain,noiselessly。Shemustnotbedisturbed。
Theminuteswentby。Thenightwasgoing,breathbybreath。
Eachtimethesoundcamehefeltitwringhim,tillatlasthecould,notfeelsomuch。
Hisfathergotup。Paulheardtheminerdrawinghis,stockingson,yawning。ThenMorel,inshirtandstockings,entered。
“Hush!”saidPaul。
Morelstoodwatching。Thenhelookedathisson,helplessly,andinhorror。
“HadIbetterstopa-whoam?”hewhispered。
“No。Gotowork。She’lllastthroughto-morrow。”
“Idon’tthinkso。”
“Yes。Gotowork。”
Theminerlookedatheragain,infear,andwentobediently,outoftheroom。Paulsawthetapeofhisgartersswingingagainst,hislegs。
Afteranotherhalf-hourPaulwentdownstairsanddrankacup,oftea,thenreturned。Morel,dressedforthepit,cameupstairsagain。
“AmItogo?”hesaid。
“Yes。”
AndinafewminutesPaulheardhisfather’sheavystepsgo,thuddingoverthedeadeningsnow。Minerscalledinthestreets,astheytrampedingangstowork。Theterrible,long-drawnbreaths,continued——heave——heave——heave;thenalongpause——then——ah-h-h-h-h!
asitcameback。Farawayoverthesnowsoundedthehooters,oftheironworks。Oneafteranothertheycrowedandboomed,somesmallandfaraway,somenear,theblowersofthecollieries,andtheotherworks。Thentherewassilence。Hemendedthefire。
Thegreatbreathsbrokethesilence——shelookedjustthesame。
Heputbacktheblindandpeeredout。Stillitwasdark。
Perhapstherewasalightertinge。Perhapsthesnowwasbluer。
Hedrewuptheblindandgotdressed。Then,shuddering,hedrank,brandyfromthebottleonthewash-stand。ThesnowWASgrowingblue。
Heheardacartclankingdownthestreet。Yes,itwasseveno’clock,anditwascomingalittlebitlight。Heheardsomepeoplecalling。
Theworldwaswaking。Agrey,deathlydawncreptoverthesnow。
Yes,hecouldseethehouses。Heputoutthegas。Itseemed,verydark。Thebreathingcamestill,buthewasalmostusedtoit。
Hecouldseeher。Shewasjustthesame。Hewonderedifhepiled,heavyclothesontopofheritwouldstop。Helookedather。
Thatwasnother——notherabit。Ifhepiledtheblanketandheavycoats,onher——
Suddenlythedooropened,andAnnieentered。Shelooked,athimquestioningly。
“Justthesame,“hesaidcalmly。
Theywhisperedtogetheraminute,thenhewentdownstairs,togetbreakfast。Itwastwentytoeight。SoonAnniecamedown。
“Isn’titawful!,Doesn’tshelookawful!”shewhispered,dazedwithhorror。
Henodded。
“Ifshelookslikethat!”saidAnnie。
“Drinksometea,“hesaid。
Theywentupstairsagain。Soontheneighbourscamewiththeir,frightenedquestion:
“Howisshe?”
Itwentonjustthesame。Shelaywithhercheekinherhand,hermouthfallenopen,andthegreat,ghastlysnorescameandwent。
Atteno’clocknursecame。Shelookedstrangeandwoebegone。
“Nurse,“criedPaul,“she’lllastlikethisfordays?”
“Shecan’t,Mr。Morel,“saidnurse。”Shecan’t。”
Therewasasilence。
“Isn’titdreadful!”wailedthenurse。”Whowouldhavethought,shecouldstandit?,Godownnow,Mr。Morel,godown。”
Atlast,atabouteleveno’clock,hewentdownstairs,andsatintheneighbour’shouse。Anniewasdownstairsalso。
NurseandArthurwereupstairs。Paulsatwithhisheadinhishand。
SuddenlyAnniecameflyingacrosstheyardcrying,halfmad:
“Paul——Paul——she’sgone!”
Inasecondhewasbackinhisownhouseandupstairs。
Shelaycurledupandstill,withherfaceonherhand,andnurse,waswipinghermouth。Theyallstoodback。Hekneeleddown,andputhisfacetohersandhisarmsroundher:
“Mylove——mylove——oh,mylove!”hewhisperedagainandagain。
“Mylove——oh,mylove!”
Thenheheardthenursebehindhim,crying,saying:
“She’sbetter,Mr。Morel,she’sbetter。”
Whenhetookhisfaceupfromhiswarm,deadmotherhewent,straightdownstairsandbeganblackinghisboots。
Therewasagooddealtodo,letterstowrite,andsoon。
Thedoctorcameandglancedather,andsighed。
“Ay——poorthing!”hesaid,thenturnedaway。”Well,call,atthesurgeryaboutsixforthecertificate。”
Thefathercamehomefromworkataboutfouro’clock。He,draggedsilentlyintothehouseandsatdown。Minniebustledto,givehimhisdinner。Tired,helaidhisblackarmsonthetable。
Therewereswedeturnipsforhisdinner,whichheliked。
Paulwonderedifheknew。Itwassometime,andnobodyhadspoken。
Atlastthesonsaid:
“Younoticedtheblindsweredown?”
Morellookedup。
“No,“hesaid。”Why——hasshegone?”
“Yes。”
“Whenworthat?”
“Abouttwelvethismorning。”
“H’m!”
Theminersatstillforamoment,thenbeganhisdinner。
Itwasasifnothinghadhappened。Heatehisturnipsinsilence。
Afterwardshewashedandwentupstairstodress。Thedoorofherroom,wasshut。
“Haveyouseenher?”Annieaskedofhimwhenhecamedown。
“No,“hesaid。
Inalittlewhilehewentout。Anniewentaway,andPaul,calledontheundertaker,theclergyman,thedoctor,theregistrar。
Itwasalongbusiness。Hegotbackatnearlyeighto’clock。The,undertakerwascomingsoontomeasureforthecoffin。Thehouse,wasemptyexceptforher。Hetookacandleandwentupstairs。
Theroomwascold,thathadbeenwarmforsolong。Flowers,bottles,plates,allsick-roomlitterwastakenaway;everythingwas,harshandaustere。Shelayraisedonthebed,thesweepofthesheet,fromtheraisedfeetwaslikeacleancurveofsnow,sosilent。
Shelaylikeamaidenasleep。Withhiscandleinhishand,hebent,overher。Shelaylikeagirlasleepanddreamingofherlove。
Themouthwasalittleopenasifwonderingfromthesuffering,butherfacewasyoung,herbrowclearandwhiteasiflifehad,nevertouchedit。Helookedagainattheeyebrows,atthesmall,winsomenoseabitononeside。Shewasyoungagain。Onlythehair,asitarchedsobeautifullyfromhertempleswasmixedwithsilver,andthetwosimpleplaitsthatlayonhershoulderswerefiligree,ofsilverandbrown。Shewouldwakeup。Shewouldlifthereyelids。
Shewaswithhimstill。Hebentandkissedherpassionately。
Buttherewascoldnessagainsthismouth。Hebithis,lipswithhorror。Lookingather,hefelthecouldnever,neverlet,hergo。No!,Hestrokedthehairfromhertemples。That,too,wascold。Hesawthemouthsodumbandwonderingatthehurt。
Thenhecrouchedonthefloor,whisperingtoher:
“Mother,mother!”
Hewasstillwithherwhentheundertakerscame,youngmen,whohadbeentoschoolwithhim。Theytouchedherreverently,andinaquiet,businesslikefashion。Theydidnotlookather。
Hewatchedjealously。HeandAnnieguardedherfiercely。
Theywouldnotletanybodycometoseeher,andtheneighbours,wereoffended。
AfterawhilePaulwentoutofthehouse,andplayedcards,atafriend’s。Itwasmidnightwhenhegotback。Hisfatherrose,fromthecouchasheentered,sayinginaplaintiveway:
“Ithoughtthawornivercomin’,lad。”
“Ididn’tthinkyou’dsitup,“saidPaul。
Hisfatherlookedsoforlorn。Morelhadbeenamanwithout,fear——simplynothingfrightenedhim。Paulrealisedwithastartthat,hehadbeenafraidtogotobed,aloneinthehousewithhisdead。
Hewassorry。
“Iforgotyou’dbealone,father,“hesaid。
“Dostwantowttoeat?”askedMorel。
“No。”
“Sithee——Imadetheeadropo’hotmilk。Getitdownthee;
it’scoldenoughforowt。”
Pauldrankit。
AfterawhileMorelwenttobed。Hehurriedpastthecloseddoor,andlefthisowndooropen。Soonthesoncameupstairsalso。
Hewentintokisshergood-night,asusual。Itwascoldanddark。
Hewishedtheyhadkeptherfireburning。Stillshedreamedher,youngdream。Butshewouldbecold。
“Mydear!”hewhispered。”Mydear!”
Andhedidnotkissher,forfearsheshouldbecold,andstrangetohim。Iteasedhimshesleptsobeautifully。
Heshutherdoorsoftly,nottowakeher,andwenttobed。
InthemorningMorelsummonedhiscourage,hearingAnnie,downstairsandPaulcoughingintheroomacrossthelanding。
Heopenedherdoor,andwentintothedarkenedroom。Hesawthe,whiteupliftedforminthetwilight,butherhedarednotsee。
Bewildered,toofrightenedtopossessanyofhisfaculties,hegot,outoftheroomagainandlefther。Heneverlookedatheragain。
Hehadnotseenherformonths,becausehehadnotdaredtolook。
Andshelookedlikehisyoungwifeagain。
“Haveyouseenher?”Annieaskedofhimsharplyafterbreakfast。
“Yes,“hesaid。
“Anddon’tyouthinkshelooksnice?”
“Yes。”
Hewentoutofthehousesoonafter。Andallthetime,Heseemedtobecreepingasidetoavoidit。
Paulwentaboutfromplacetoplace,doingthebusinessof,thedeath。HemetClarainNottingham,andtheyhadteatogether,inacafe,whentheywerequitejollyagain。Shewasinfinitely,relievedtofindhedidnottakeittragically。
Later,whentherelativesbegantocomeforthefuneral,theaffairbecamepublic,andthechildrenbecamesocialbeings。
Theyputthemselvesaside。Theyburiedherinafuriousstorm,ofrainandwind。Thewetclayglistened,allthewhiteflowers,weresoaked。Anniegrippedhisarmandleanedforward。
DownbelowshesawadarkcornerofWilliam’scoffin。Theoak,boxsanksteadily。Shewasgone。Therainpouredinthegrave。
Theprocessionofblack,withitsumbrellasglistening,turnedaway。
Thecemeterywasdesertedunderthedrenchingcoldrain。
Paulwenthomeandbusiedhimselfsupplyingtheguestswithdrinks。
HisfathersatinthekitchenwithMrs。Morel’srelatives,“superior“people,andwept,andsaidwhatagoodlassshe’dbeen,andhowhe’dtriedtodoeverythinghecouldforher——everything。
Hehadstrivenallhislifetodowhathecouldforher,andhe’d,nothingtoreproachhimselfwith。Shewasgone,buthe’ddone,hisbestforher。Hewipedhiseyeswithhiswhitehandkerchief。
He’dnothingtoreproachhimselffor,herepeated。Allhislifehe’d,donehisbestforher。
Andthatwashowhetriedtodismissher。Henever,thoughtofherpersonally。Everythingdeepinhimhedenied。
Paulhatedhisfatherforsittingsentimentalisingoverher。
Heknewhewoulddoitinthepublic-houses。Fortherealtragedy,wentoninMorelinspiteofhimself。Sometimes,later,hecame,downfromhisafternoonsleep,whiteandcowering。
“IHAVEbeendreamingofthymother,“hesaidinasmallvoice。
“Haveyou,father?,WhenIdreamofherit’salwaysjustasshe,waswhenshewaswell。Idreamofheroften,butitseemsquite,niceandnatural,asifnothinghadaltered。”
ButMorelcrouchedinfrontofthefireinterror。
Theweekspassedhalf-real,notmuchpain,notmuchofanything,perhapsalittlerelief,mostlyanuitblanche。Paulwentrestless,fromplacetoplace。Forsomemonths,sincehismotherhadbeenworse,hehadnotmadelovetoClara。Shewas,asitwere,dumbtohim,ratherdistant。Dawessawherveryoccasionally,butthetwo,couldnotgetaninchacrossthegreatdistancebetweenthem。
Thethreeofthemweredriftingforward。
Dawesmendedveryslowly。Hewasintheconvalescenthome,atSkegnessatChristmas,nearlywellagain。Paulwenttothe,seasideforafewdays。HisfatherwaswithAnnieinSheffield。
DawescametoPaul’slodgings。Histimeinthehomewasup。
Thetwomen,betweenwhomwassuchabigreserve,seemedfaithful,toeachother。DawesdependedonMorelnow。HeknewPaulandClara,hadpracticallyseparated。
TwodaysafterChristmasPaulwastogobacktoNottingham。
TheeveningbeforehesatwithDawessmokingbeforethefire。
“YouknowClara’scomingdownforthedayto-morrow?”
hesaid。
Theothermanglancedathim。
“Yes,youtoldme,“hereplied。
Pauldranktheremainderofhisglassofwhisky。
“Itoldthelandladyyourwifewascoming,“hesaid。
“Didyou?”saidDawes,shrinking,butalmostleavinghimself,intheother’shands。Hegotupratherstiffly,andreached,forMorel’sglass。
“Letmefillyouup,“hesaid。
Pauljumpedup。
“Yousitstill,“hesaid。
ButDawes,withrathershakyhand,continuedtomixthedrink。
“Saywhen,“hesaid。
“Thanks!”repliedtheother。”Butyou’venobusinesstogetup。”
“Itdoesmegood,lad,“repliedDawes。”Ibegintothink,I’mrightagain,then。”
“Youareaboutright,youknow。”
“Iam,certainlyIam,“saidDawes,noddingtohim。
“AndLensayshecangetyouoninSheffield。”
Dawesglancedathimagain,withdarkeyesthatagreedwith,everythingtheotherwouldsay,perhapsatrifledominatedbyhim。
“It’sfunny,“saidPaul,“startingagain。Ifeelinalot,biggermessthanyou。”
“Inwhatway,lad?”
“Idon’tknow。Idon’tknow。It’sasifIwasinatangled,sortofhole,ratherdarkanddreary,andnoroadanywhere。”
“Iknow——Iunderstandit,“Dawessaid,nodding。”Butyou’ll,findit’llcomeallright。”
Hespokecaressingly。
“Isupposeso,“saidPaul。
Dawesknockedhispipeinahopelessfashion。
“You’venotdoneforyourselflikeIhave,“hesaid。
Morelsawthewristandthewhitehandoftheotherman,grippingthestemofthepipeandknockingouttheash,asifhe,hadgivenup。
“Howoldareyou?”Paulasked。
“Thirty-nine,“repliedDawes,glancingathim。
Thosebrowneyes,fulloftheconsciousnessoffailure,almostpleadingforreassurance,forsomeonetore-establishtheman,inhimself,towarmhim,tosethimupfirmagain,troubledPaul。
“You’lljustbeinyourprime,“saidMorel。”Youdon’tlook,asifmuchlifehadgoneoutofyou。”
Thebrowneyesoftheotherflashedsuddenly。
“Ithasn’t,“hesaid。”Thegoisthere。”
Paullookedupandlaughed。
“We’vebothgotplentyoflifeinusyettomakethingsfly,“
hesaid。
Theeyesofthetwomenmet。Theyexchangedonelook。
Havingrecognisedthestressofpassioneachintheother,theyboth,dranktheirwhisky。
“Yes,begod!”saidDawes,breathless。