Itseemstomeridiculous。Iwonderwhyyoudidn’tpass。”
  “Shortofbrains,eh,’Postle?”saidBeatricebriefly。
  “Onlybrainstobitewith,“repliedPaul,laughing。
  “Nuisance!”shecried;and,springingfromherseat,sherushedandboxedhisears。Shehadbeautifulsmallhands。
  Heheldherwristswhileshewrestledwithhim。Atlastshe,brokefree,andseizedtwohandfulsofhisthick,darkbrownhair,whichsheshook。
  “Beat!”hesaid,ashepulledhishairstraightwithhisfingers。
  “Ihateyou!”
  Shelaughedwithglee。
  “Mind!”shesaid。”Iwanttositnexttoyou。”
  “I’dasliefbeneighbourswithavixen,“hesaid,neverthelessmakingplaceforherbetweenhimandMiriam。
  “Diditrufflehisprettyhair,then!”shecried;and,withher,hair-comb,shecombedhimstraight。”Andhisnicelittlemoustache!”
  sheexclaimed。Shetiltedhisheadbackandcombedhisyoungmoustache。
  “It’sawickedmoustache,’Postle,“shesaid。”It’saredfordanger。
  Haveyougotanyofthosecigarettes?”
  Hepulledhiscigarette-casefromhispocket。Beatricelooked,insideit。
  “AndfancymehavingConnie’slastcig。”saidBeatrice,puttingthethingbetweenherteeth。Heheldalitmatchtoher,andshepuffeddaintily。
  “Thankssomuch,darling,“shesaidmockingly。
  Itgaveherawickeddelight。
  “Don’tyouthinkhedoesitnicely,Miriam?”sheasked。
  “Oh,very!”saidMiriam。
  Hetookacigaretteforhimself。
  “Light,oldboy?”saidBeatrice,tiltinghercigaretteathim。
  Hebentforwardtohertolighthiscigaretteathers。
  Shewaswinkingathimashedidso。Miriamsawhiseyestrembling,withmischief,andhisfull,almostsensual,mouthquivering。
  Hewasnothimself,andshecouldnotbearit。Ashewasnow,shehadnoconnectionwithhim;shemightaswellnothaveexisted。
  Shesawthecigarettedancingonhisfullredlips。Shehatedhisthick,hairforbeingtumbledlooseonhisforehead。
  “Sweetboy!”saidBeatrice,tippinguphischinandgiving,himalittlekissonthecheek。
  “Is’llkisstheeback,Beat,“hesaid。
  “Thawunna!”shegiggled,jumpingupandgoingaway。
  “Isn’theshameless,Miriam?”
  “Quite,“saidMiriam。”Bytheway,aren’tyouforgetting,thebread?”
  “ByJove!”hecried,flingingopentheovendoor。
  Outpuffedthebluishsmokeandasmellofburnedbread。
  “Oh,golly!”criedBeatrice,comingtohisside。Hecrouched,beforetheoven,shepeeredoverhisshoulder。”Thisiswhatcomes,oftheoblivionoflove,myboy。”
  Paulwasruefullyremovingtheloaves。Onewasburntblack,onthehotside;anotherwashardasabrick。
  “Poormater!”saidPaul。
  “Youwanttograteit,“saidBeatrice。”Fetchmethenutmeg-grater。”
  Shearrangedthebreadintheoven。Hebroughtthegrater,andshegratedthebreadontoanewspaperonthetable。
  Hesetthedoorsopentoblowawaythesmellofburnedbread。
  Beatricegratedaway,puffinghercigarette,knockingthecharcoaloff,thepoorloaf。
  “Myword,Miriam!you’reinforitthistime,“saidBeatrice。
  “I!”exclaimedMiriaminamazement。
  “You’dbetterbegonewhenhismothercomesin。Iknowwhy,KingAlfredburnedthecakes。NowIseeit!,’Postlewouldfixup,ataleabouthisworkmakinghimforget,ifhethoughtitwouldwash。
  Ifthatoldwomanhadcomeinabitsooner,she’dhaveboxedthe,brazenthing’searswhomadetheoblivion,insteadofpoorAlfred’s。”
  Shegiggledasshescrapedtheloaf。EvenMiriamlaughed,inspiteofherself。Paulmendedthefireruefully。
  Thegardengatewasheardtobang。
  “Quick!”criedBeatrice,givingPaulthescrapedloaf。
  “Wrapitupinadamptowel。”
  Pauldisappearedintothescullery。Beatricehastily,blewherscrapingsintothefire,andsatdowninnocently。
  Anniecameburstingin。Shewasanabrupt,quitesmartyoungwoman。
  Sheblinkedinthestronglight。
  “Smellofburning!”sheexclaimed。
  “It’sthecigarettes,“repliedBeatricedemurely。
  “Where’sPaul?”
  LeonardhadfollowedAnnie。Hehadalongcomicface,andblueeyes,verysad。
  “Isupposehe’sleftyoutosettleitbetweenyou,“hesaid。
  HenoddedsympatheticallytoMiriam,andbecamegentlysarcastic,toBeatrice。
  “No,“saidBeatrice,“he’sgoneoffwithnumbernine。”
  “Ijustmetnumberfiveinquiringforhim,“saidLeonard。
  “Yes——we’regoingtosharehimuplikeSolomon’sbaby,“
  saidBeatrice。
  Annielaughed。
  “Oh,ay,“saidLeonard。”Andwhichbitshouldyouhave?”
  “Idon’tknow,“saidBeatrice。”I’llletalltheothers,pickfirst。”
  “An’you’dhavetheleavings,like?”saidLeonard,twistingup,acomicface。
  Anniewaslookingintheoven。Miriamsatignored。
  Paulentered。
  “Thisbread’safinesight,ourPaul,“saidAnnie。
  “Thenyoushouldstopan’lookafterit,“saidPaul。
  “YoumeanYOUshoulddowhatyou’rereckoningtodo,“
  repliedAnnie。
  “Heshould,shouldn’the!”criedBeatrice。
  “Is’dthinkhe’dgotplentyonhand,“saidLeonard。
  “Youhadanastywalk,didn’tyou,Miriam?”saidAnnie。
  “Yes——butI’dbeeninallweek——“
  “Andyouwantedabitofachange,like,“insinuatedLeonardkindly。
  “Well,youcan’tbestuckinthehouseforever,“Annieagreed。
  Shewasquiteamiable。Beatricepulledonhercoat,andwentout,withLeonardandAnnie。Shewouldmeetherownboy。
  “Don’tforgetthatbread,ourPaul,“criedAnnie。
  “Good-night,Miriam。Idon’tthinkitwillrain。”
  Whentheyhadallgone,Paulfetchedtheswathedloaf,unwrappedit,andsurveyeditsadly。
  “It’samess!”hesaid。
  “But,“answeredMiriamimpatiently,“whatisit,afterall——twopence,ha’penny。”
  “Yes,but——it’sthemater’spreciousbaking,andshe’lltake,ittoheart。However,it’snogoodbothering。”
  Hetooktheloafbackintothescullery。Therewasalittle,distancebetweenhimandMiriam。Hestoodbalancedoppositeherfor,somemomentsconsidering,thinkingofhisbehaviourwithBeatrice。
  Hefeltguiltyinsidehimself,andyetglad。Forsomeinscrutable,reasonitservedMiriamright。Hewasnotgoingtorepent。
  Shewonderedwhathewasthinkingofashestoodsuspended。
  Histhickhairwastumbledoverhisforehead。Whymightshenot,pushitbackforhim,andremovethemarksofBeatrice’scomb?
  Whymightshenotpresshisbodywithhertwohands。Itlooked,sofirm,andeverywhitliving。Andhewouldletothergirls,whynother?
  Suddenlyhestartedintolife。Itmadeherquiveralmost,withterrorashequicklypushedthehairoffhisforeheadandcame,towardsher。
  “Half-pasteight!”hesaid。”We’dbetterbuckup。
  Where’syourFrench?”
  Miriamshylyandratherbitterlyproducedherexercise-book。
  Everyweekshewroteforhimasortofdiaryofherinnerlife,inherownFrench。Hehadfoundthiswastheonlywaytogether,todocompositions。Andherdiarywasmostlyalove-letter。He,wouldreaditnow;shefeltasifhersoul’shistoryweregoing,tobedesecratedbyhiminhispresentmood。Hesatbesideher。
  Shewatchedhishand,firmandwarm,rigorouslyscoringherwork。
  HewasreadingonlytheFrench,ignoringhersoulthatwasthere。
  Butgraduallyhishandforgotitswork。Hereadinsilence,motionless。
  Shequivered。
  “’Cematinlesoiseauxm’onteveille,’“heread。”’Ilfaisait,encoreuncrepuscule。Maislapetitefenetredemachambreetaitbleme,etpuis,jaune,ettouslesoiseauxduboiseclaterentdansunchanson,vifetresonnant。Toutel’aubetressaillit。J’avaisrevedevous。
  Est-cequevousvoyezaussil’aube?,Lesoiseauxm’eveillentpresque,touslesmatins,ettoujoursilyaquelquechosedeterreurdans,lecridesgrives。Ilestsiclair——’“
  Miriamsattremulous,halfashamed。Heremainedquitestill,tryingtounderstand。Heonlyknewshelovedhim。Hewasafraid,ofherloveforhim。Itwastoogoodforhim,andhewasinadequate。
  Hisownlovewasatfault,nothers。Ashamed,hecorrectedherwork,humblywritingaboveherwords。
  “Look,“hesaidquietly,“thepastparticipleconjugated,withavoiragreeswiththedirectobjectwhenitprecedes。”
  Shebentforward,tryingtoseeandtounderstand。Herfree,finecurlstickledhisface。Hestartedasiftheyhadbeenredhot,shuddering。Hesawherpeeringforwardatthepage,herredlipsparted,piteously,theblackhairspringinginfinestrandsacrosshertawny,ruddycheek。Shewascolouredlikeapomegranateforrichness。
  Hisbreathcameshortashewatchedher。Suddenlyshelookedupathim。
  Herdarkeyeswerenakedwiththeirlove,afraid,andyearning。
  Hiseyes,too,weredark,andtheyhurther。Theyseemedtomasterher。
  Shelostallherself-control,wasexposedinfear。Andheknew,beforehecouldkissher,hemustdrivesomethingoutofhimself。
  Andatouchofhateforhercreptbackagainintohisheart。
  Hereturnedtoherexercise。
  Suddenlyheflungdownthepencil,andwasattheoven,inaleap,turningthebread。ForMiriamhewastooquick。
  Shestartedviolently,andithurtherwithrealpain。Eventheway,hecrouchedbeforetheovenhurther。Thereseemedtobesomething,cruelinit,somethingcruelintheswiftwayhepitchedthebread,outofthetins,caughtitupagain。Ifonlyhehadbeengentle,inhismovementsshewouldhavefeltsorichandwarm。Asitwas,shewashurt。
  Hereturnedandfinishedtheexercise。
  “You’vedonewellthisweek,“hesaid。
  Shesawhewasflatteredbyherdiary。Itdidnotrepay,herentirely。
  “Youreallydoblossomoutsometimes,“hesaid。”Youought,towritepoetry。”
  Sheliftedherheadwithjoy,thensheshookitmistrustfully。
  “Idon’ttrustmyself,“shesaid。
  “Youshouldtry!”
  Againsheshookherhead。
  “Shallweread,orisittoolate?”heasked。
  “Itislate——butwecanreadjustalittle,“shepleaded。
  Shewasreallygettingnowthefoodforherlifeduring,thenextweek。HemadehercopyBaudelaire’s“LeBalcon“。Thenhe,readitforher。Hisvoicewassoftandcaressing,butgrowing,almostbrutal。Hehadawayofliftinghislipsandshowing,histeeth,passionatelyandbitterly,whenhewasmuchmoved。
  Thishedidnow。ItmadeMiriamfeelasifheweretramplingonher。
  Shedarednotlookathim,butsatwithherheadbowed。Shecould,notunderstandwhyhegotintosuchatumultandfury。Itmadeherwretched。
  ShedidnotlikeBaudelaire,onthewhole——norVerlaine。
  “Beholdhersinginginthefield,Yonsolitaryhighlandlass。”
  Thatnourishedherheart。Sodid“FairInes“。And——
  “Itwasabeauteousevening,calmandpure,Andbreathingholyquietlikeanun。”
  Thesewerelikeherself。Andtherewashe,sayinginhis,throatbitterly:
  “Tuterappelleraslabeautedescaresses。”
  Thepoemwasfinished;hetookthebreadoutoftheoven,arrangingtheburntloavesatthebottomofthepanchion,thegoodonesatthetop。Thedesiccatedloafremainedswathed,upinthescullery。
  “Materneedn’tknowtillmorning,“hesaid。”Itwon’tupset,hersomuchthenasatnight。”
  Miriamlookedinthebookcase,sawwhatpostcardsandletters,hehadreceived,sawwhatbookswerethere。Shetookonethathad,interestedhim。Thenheturneddownthegasandtheysetoff。
  Hedidnottroubletolockthedoor。
  Hewasnothomeagainuntilaquartertoeleven。Hismother,wasseatedintherocking-chair。Annie,witharopeofhairhanging,downherback,remainedsittingonalowstoolbeforethefire,herelbowsonherknees,gloomily。Onthetablestoodtheoffending,loafunswathed。Paulenteredratherbreathless。Noonespoke。
  Hismotherwasreadingthelittlelocalnewspaper。Hetookoff,hiscoat,andwenttositdownonthesofa。Hismothermovedcurtly,asidetolethimpass。Noonespoke。Hewasveryuncomfortable。
  Forsomeminuteshesatpretendingtoreadapieceofpaperhefoundon,thetable。Then——
  “Iforgotthatbread,mother,“hesaid。
  Therewasnoanswerfromeitherwoman。
  “Well,“hesaid,“it’sonlytwopenceha’penny。Icanpayyou,forthat。”
  Beingangry,heputthreepenniesonthetableandslid,themtowardshismother。Sheturnedawayherhead。Hermouth,wasshuttightly。
  “Yes,“saidAnnie,“youdon’tknowhowbadlymymotheris!”
  Thegirlsatstaringglumlyintothefire。
  “Whyisshebadly?”askedPaul,inhisoverbearingway。
  “Well!”saidAnnie。”Shecouldscarcelygethome。”
  Helookedcloselyathismother。Shelookedill。
  “WHYcouldyouscarcelygethome?”heaskedher,stillsharply。
  Shewouldnotanswer。
  “Ifoundheraswhiteasasheetsittinghere,“saidAnnie,withasuggestionoftearsinhervoice。
  “Well,WHY?”insistedPaul。Hisbrowswereknitting,hiseyes,dilatingpassionately。
  “Itwasenoughtoupsetanybody,“saidMrs。Morel,“hugging,thoseparcels——meat,andgreen-groceries,andapairofcurtains——“
  “Well,whyDIDyouhugthem;youneedn’thavedone。”
  “Thenwhowould?”
  “LetAnniefetchthemeat。”
  “Yes,andIWOULDfetchthemeat,buthowwasItoknow。
  YouwereoffwithMiriam,insteadofbeinginwhenmymothercame。”
  “Andwhatwasthematterwithyou?”askedPaulofhismother。
  “Isupposeit’smyheart,“shereplied。Certainlyshelooked,bluishroundthemouth。
  “Andhaveyoufeltitbefore?”
  “Yes——oftenenough。”
  “Thenwhyhaven’tyoutoldme?——andwhyhaven’tyouseenadoctor?”
  Mrs。Morelshiftedinherchair,angrywithhimforhishectoring。
  “You’dnevernoticeanything,“saidAnnie。”You’retooeager,tobeoffwithMiriam。”
  “Oh,amI——andanyworsethanyouwithLeonard?”
  “Iwasinataquartertoten。”
  Therewassilenceintheroomforatime。
  “Ishouldhavethought,“saidMrs。Morelbitterly,“thatshe,wouldn’thaveoccupiedyousoentirelyastoburnawholeovenful,ofbread。”
  “Beatricewashereaswellasshe。”
  “Verylikely。Butweknowwhythebreadisspoilt。”
  “Why?”heflashed。
  “BecauseyouwereengrossedwithMiriam,“repliedMrs。Morelhotly。
  “Oh,verywell——thenitwasNOT!”herepliedangrily。
  Hewasdistressedandwretched。Seizingapaper,hebegan,toread。Annie,herblouseunfastened,herlongropesofhairtwisted,intoaplait,wentuptobed,biddinghimaverycurtgood-night。
  Paulsatpretendingtoread。Heknewhismotherwanted,toupbraidhim。Healsowantedtoknowwhathadmadeherill,forhewastroubled。So,insteadofrunningawaytobed,ashewould,havelikedtodo,hesatandwaited。Therewasatensesilence。
  Theclocktickedloudly。
  “You’dbettergotobedbeforeyourfathercomesin,“saidthe,motherharshly。”Andifyou’regoingtohaveanythingtoeat,you’dbettergetit。”
  “Idon’twantanything。”
  Itwashismother’scustomtobringhimsometriflefor,supperonFridaynight,thenightofluxuryforthecolliers。
  Hewastooangrytogoandfinditinthepantrythisnight。
  Thisinsultedher。
  “IfIWANTEDyoutogotoSelbyonFridaynight,Icanimagine,thescene,“saidMrs。Morel。”Butyou’renevertootiredtogo,ifSHEwillcomeforyou。Nay,youneitherwanttoeatnordrinkthen。”
  “Ican’tlethergoalone。”
  “Can’tyou?,Andwhydoesshecome?”
  “NotbecauseIaskher。”
  “Shedoesn’tcomewithoutyouwanther——“
  “Well,whatifIDOwanther——“hereplied。
  “Why,nothing,ifitwassensibleorreasonable。Buttogo,trapseinguptheremilesandmilesinthemud,cominghomeatmidnight,andgottogotoNottinghaminthemorning——“
  “IfIhadn’t,you’dbejustthesame。”
  “Yes,Ishould,becausethere’snosenseinit。
  Isshesofascinatingthatyoumustfollowherallthatway?”
  Mrs。Morelwasbitterlysarcastic。Shesatstill,withavertedface,strokingwitharhythmic,jerkedmovement,theblacksateen,ofherapron。ItwasamovementthathurtPaultosee。
  “Idolikeher,“hesaid,“but——“
  “LIKEher!”saidMrs。Morel,inthesamebitingtones。”Itseems,tomeyoulikenothingandnobodyelse。There’sneitherAnnie,norme,noranyonenowforyou。”
  “Whatnonsense,mother——youknowIdon’tloveher——I——Itell,youIDON’Tloveher——shedoesn’tevenwalkwithmyarm,becauseI
  don’twantherto。”
  “Thenwhydoyouflytohersooften?”
  “IDOliketotalktoher——IneversaidIdidn’t。ButIDON’T
  loveher。”
  “Istherenobodyelsetotalkto?”
  “Notaboutthethingswetalkof。There’salotofthings,thatyou’renotinterestedin,that——“
  “Whatthings?”
  Mrs。MorelwassointensethatPaulbegantopant。
  “Why——painting——andbooks。YOUdon’tcareaboutHerbertSpencer。”
  “No,“wasthesadreply。”AndYOUwon’tatmyage。”
  “Well,butIdonow——andMiriamdoes——“
  “Andhowdoyouknow,“Mrs。Morelflasheddefiantly,“thatI
  shouldn’t。Doyouevertryme!”
  “Butyoudon’t,mother,youknowyoudon’tcarewhether,apicture’sdecorativeornot;youdon’tcarewhatMANNERitisin。”
  “HowdoyouknowIdon’tcare?,Doyouevertryme?,Doyou,evertalktomeaboutthesethings,totry?”
  “Butit’snotthatthatmatterstoyou,mother,youknow,t’snot。”
  “Whatisit,then——whatisit,then,thatmatterstome?”
  sheflashed。Heknittedhisbrowswithpain。
  “You’reold,mother,andwe’reyoung。”
  HeonlymeantthattheinterestsofHERagewerenotthe,interestsofhis。Butherealisedthemomenthehadspoken,thathehadsaidthewrongthing。
  “Yes,Iknowitwell——Iamold。AndthereforeImaystandaside;
  Ihavenothingmoretodowithyou。Youonlywantmetowaiton,you——therestisforMiriam。”
  Hecouldnotbearit。Instinctivelyherealisedthathe,waslifetoher。And,afterall,shewasthechiefthingtohim,theonlysupremething。
  “Youknowitisn’t,mother,youknowitisn’t!”
  Shewasmovedtopitybyhiscry。
  “Itlooksagreatdeallikeit,“shesaid,halfputtingaside,herdespair。
  “No,mother——IreallyDON’Tloveher。Italktoher,butI
  wanttocomehometoyou。”
  Hehadtakenoffhiscollarandtie,androse,bare-throated,togotobed。Ashestoopedtokisshismother,shethrewher,armsroundhisneck,hidherfaceonhisshoulder,andcried,inawhimperingvoice,sounlikeherownthathewrithedinagony:
  “Ican’tbearit。Icouldletanotherwoman——butnother。
  She’dleavemenoroom,notabitofroom——“
  AndimmediatelyhehatedMiriambitterly。
  “AndI’venever——youknow,Paul——I’veneverhadahusband——notreally——“
  Hestrokedhismother’shair,andhismouthwasonherthroat。
  “Andsheexultssointakingyoufromme——she’snotlike,ordinarygirls。”
  “Well,Idon’tloveher,mother,“hemurmured,bowinghishead,andhidinghiseyesonhershoulderinmisery。Hismotherkissed,himalong,ferventkiss。
  “Myboy!”shesaid,inavoicetremblingwithpassionatelove。
  Withoutknowing,hegentlystrokedherface。
  “There,“saidhismother,“nowgotobed。You’llbesotired,inthemorning。”,Asshewasspeakingsheheardherhusbandcoming。
  “There’syourfather——nowgo。”,Suddenlyshelookedathimalmost,asifinfear。”PerhapsI’mselfish。Ifyouwanther,takeher,myboy。”
  Hismotherlookedsostrange,Paulkissedher,trembling。
  “Ha——mother!”hesaidsoftly。
  Morelcamein,walkingunevenly。Hishatwasoveronecorner,ofhiseye。Hebalancedinthedoorway。
  “Atyourmischiefagain?”hesaidvenomously。
  Mrs。Morel’semotionturnedintosuddenhateofthedrunkard,whohadcomeinthusuponher。
  “Atanyrate,itissober,“shesaid。
  “H’m——h’m!h’m——h’m!”hesneered。Hewentintothepassage,hunguphishatandcoat。Thentheyheardhimgodownthreesteps,tothepantry。Hereturnedwithapieceofpork-pieinhisfist。
  ItwaswhatMrs。Morelhadboughtforherson。
  “Norwasthatboughtforyou。Ifyoucangivemenomorethan,twenty-fiveshillings,I’msureI’mnotgoingtobuyyoupork-pie,tostuff,afteryou’veswilledabellyfulofbeer。”
  “Wha-at——wha-at!”snarledMorel,topplinginhisbalance。
  “Wha-at——notforme?”Helookedatthepieceofmeatandcrust,andsuddenly,inaviciousspurtoftemper,flungitintothefire。
  Paulstartedtohisfeet。
  “Wasteyourownstuff!”hecried。
  “What——what!”suddenlyshoutedMorel,jumpingupandclenching,hisfist。”I’llshowyer,yeryoungjockey!”
  “Allright!”saidPaulviciously,puttinghisheadononeside。
  “Showme!”
  Hewouldatthatmomentdearlyhavelovedtohaveasmack,atsomething。Morelwashalfcrouching,fistsup,readytospring。
  Theyoungmanstood,smilingwithhislips。
  “Ussha!”hissedthefather,swipingroundwithagreatstroke,justpasthisson’sface。Hedarednot,eventhoughsoclose,reallytouchtheyoungman,butswervedaninchaway。
  “Right!”saidPaul,hiseyesuponthesideofhisfather’s,mouth,whereinanotherinstanthisfistwouldhavehit。
  Heachedforthatstroke。Butheheardafaintmoanfrombehind。
  Hismotherwasdeadlypaleanddarkatthemouth。Morelwas,dancinguptodeliveranotherblow。
  “Father!”saidPaul,sothatthewordrang。
  Morelstarted,andstoodatattention。
  “Mother!”moanedtheboy。”Mother!”
  Shebegantostrugglewithherself。Heropeneyeswatchedhim,althoughshecouldnotmove。Graduallyshewascomingtoherself。
  Helaidherdownonthesofa,andranupstairsforalittlewhisky,whichatlastshecouldsip。Thetearswerehoppingdownhisface。
  Ashekneeledinfrontofherhedidnotcry,butthetearsran,downhisfacequickly。Morel,ontheoppositesideoftheroom,satwithhiselbowsonhiskneesglaringacross。
  “What’sa-matterwith’er?”heasked。
  “Faint!”repliedPaul。
  “H’m!”
  Theelderlymanbegantounlacehisboots。Hestumbledoff,tobed。Hislastfightwasfoughtinthathome。
  Paulkneeledthere,strokinghismother’shand。
  “Don’tbepoorly,mother——don’tbepoorly!”hesaidtime,aftertime。
  “It’snothing,myboy,“shemurmured。
  Atlastherose,fetchedinalargepieceofcoal,andraked,thefire。Thenheclearedtheroom,puteverythingstraight,laidthethingsforbreakfast,andbroughthismother’scandle。
  “Canyougotobed,mother?”
  “Yes,I’llcome。”
  “SleepwithAnnie,mother,notwithhim。”
  “No。I’llsleepinmyownbed。”
  “Don’tsleepwithhim,mother。”
  “I’llsleepinmyownbed。”
  Sherose,andheturnedoutthegas,thenfollowedherclosely,upstairs,carryinghercandle。Onthelandinghekissedherclose。
  “Good-night,mother。”
  “Good-night!”shesaid。
  Hepressedhisfaceuponthepillowinafuryofmisery。
  Andyet,somewhereinhissoul,hewasatpeacebecausehestill,lovedhismotherbest。Itwasthebitterpeaceofresignation。
  Theeffortsofhisfathertoconciliatehimnextdaywere,agreathumiliationtohim。
  Everybodytriedtoforgetthescene。
  CHAPTERIX
  DEFEATOFMIRIAM
  PAULwasdissatisfiedwithhimselfandwitheverything。
  Thedeepestofhislovebelongedtohismother。Whenhefelthe,hadhurther,orwoundedhisloveforher,hecouldnotbearit。
  Nowitwasspring,andtherewasbattlebetweenhimandMiriam。
  Thisyearhehadagooddealagainsther。Shewasvaguelyaware,ofit。Theoldfeelingthatshewastobeasacrificetothislove,whichshehadhadwhensheprayed,wasmingledinallheremotions。
  Shedidnotatthebottombelievesheeverwouldhavehim。Shedid,notbelieveinherselfprimarily:,doubtedwhethershecouldever,bewhathewoulddemandofher。Certainlysheneversawherself,livinghappilythroughalifetimewithhim。Shesawtragedy,sorrow,andsacrificeahead。Andinsacrificeshe,wasproud,inrenunciationshewasstrong,forshedidnottrust,herselftosupporteverydaylife。Shewaspreparedforthebig,thingsandthedeepthings,liketragedy。Itwasthesufficiency,ofthesmallday-lifeshecouldnottrust。
  TheEasterholidaysbeganhappily。Paulwashisownfrankself。
  Yetshefeltitwouldgowrong。OntheSundayafternoonshestood,atherbedroomwindow,lookingacrossattheoak-treesofthewood,inwhosebranchesatwilightwastangled,belowthebrightsky,oftheafternoon。Grey-greenrosettesofhoneysuckleleaves,hungbeforethewindow,somealready,shefancied,showingbud。
  Itwasspring,whichshelovedanddreaded。
  Hearingtheclackofthegateshestoodinsuspense。
  Itwasabrightgreyday。Paulcameintotheyardwithhisbicycle,whichglitteredashewalked。Usuallyheranghisbellandlaughed,towardsthehouse。To-dayhewalkedwithshutlipsandcold,cruelbearing,thathadsomethingofaslouchandasneerinit。
  Sheknewhimwellbynow,andcouldtellfromthatkeen-looking,aloofyoungbodyofhiswhatwashappeninginsidehim。Therewas,acoldcorrectnessinthewayheputhisbicycleinitsplace,thatmadeherheartsink。
  Shecamedownstairsnervously。Shewaswearinganewnetblouse,thatshethoughtbecameher。Ithadahighcollarwithatinyruff,remindingherofMary,QueenofScots,andmakingher,shethought,lookwonderfullyawoman,anddignified。Attwentyshewas,full-breastedandluxuriouslyformed。Herfacewasstilllikeasoft,richmask,unchangeable。Buthereyes,oncelifted,werewonderful。
  Shewasafraidofhim。Hewouldnoticehernewblouse。
  He,beinginahard,ironicalmood,wasentertainingthefamily,toadescriptionofaservicegiveninthePrimitiveMethodistChapel,conductedbyoneofthewell-knownpreachersofthesect。
  Hesatattheheadofthetable,hismobileface,withtheeyes,thatcouldbesobeautiful,shiningwithtendernessordancing,withlaughter,nowtakingononeexpressionandthenanother,inimitationofvariouspeoplehewasmocking。Hismockery,alwayshurther;itwastoonearthereality。Hewastooclever,andcruel。Shefeltthatwhenhiseyeswerelikethis,hardwith,mockinghate,hewouldspareneitherhimselfnoranybodyelse。
  ButMrs。Leiverswaswipinghereyeswithlaughter,andMr。Leivers,justawakefromhisSundaynap,wasrubbinghisheadinamusement。
  Thethreebrotherssatwithruffled,sleepyappearanceintheir,shirt-sleeves,givingaguffawfromtimetotime。Thewhole,familyloveda“take-off“morethananything。
  HetooknonoticeofMiriam。Later,shesawhimremark,hernewblouse,sawthattheartistapproved,butitwonfrom,himnotasparkofwarmth。Shewasnervous,couldhardlyreach,theteacupsfromtheshelves。
  Whenthemenwentouttomilk,sheventuredtoaddress,himpersonally。
  “Youwerelate,“shesaid。
  “WasI?”heanswered。
  Therewassilenceforawhile。
  “Wasitroughriding?”sheasked。
  “Ididn’tnoticeit。”,Shecontinuedquicklytolaythetable。
  Whenshehadfinished——
  “Teawon’tbeforafewminutes。Willyoucomeandlook,atthedaffodils?”shesaid。
  Herosewithoutanswering。Theywentoutintothebackgardenunder,thebuddingdamson-trees。Thehillsandtheskywerecleanandcold。
  Everythinglookedwashed,ratherhard。MiriamglancedatPaul。
  Hewaspaleandimpassive。Itseemedcrueltoherthathiseyes,andbrows,whichsheloved,couldlooksohurting。
  “Hasthewindmadeyoutired?”sheasked。Shedetected,anunderneathfeelingofwearinessabouthim。
  “No,Ithinknot,“heanswered。
  “Itmustberoughontheroad——thewoodmoansso。”
  “Youcanseebythecloudsit’sasouth-westwind;thathelps,mehere。”
  “Yousee,Idon’tcycle,soIdon’tunderstand,“shemurmured。
  “Isthereneedtocycletoknowthat!”hesaid。
  Shethoughthissarcasmswereunnecessary。Theywentforward,insilence。Roundthewild,tussockylawnatthebackofthehouse,wasathornhedge,underwhichdaffodilswerecraningforwardfrom,amongtheirsheavesofgrey-greenblades。Thecheeksoftheflowers,weregreenishwithcold。Butstillsomehadburst,andtheirgold,ruffledandglowed。Miriamwentonherkneesbeforeonecluster,tookawild-lookingdaffodilbetweenherhands,turnedupits,faceofgoldtoher,andboweddown,caressingitwithhermouth,andcheeksandbrow。Hestoodaside,withhishandsinhispockets,watchingher。Oneafteranothersheturneduptohimthefaces,oftheyellow,burstenflowersappealingly,fondlingthemlavishly,allthewhile。
  “Aren’ttheymagnificent?”shemurmured。
  “Magnificent!,It’sabitthick——they’repretty!”
  Shebowedagaintoherflowersathiscensureofherpraise。
  Hewatchedhercrouching,sippingtheflowerswithfervidkisses。
  “Whymustyoualwaysbefondlingthings?”hesaidirritably。
  “ButIlovetotouchthem,“shereplied,hurt。
  “Canyouneverlikethingswithoutclutchingthemasifyou,wantedtopulltheheartoutofthem?,Whydon’tyouhaveabit,morerestraint,orreserve,orsomething?”
  Shelookedupathimfullofpain,thencontinuedslowly,tostrokeherlipsagainstaruffledflower。Theirscent,asshe,smelledit,wassomuchkinderthanhe;italmostmadehercry。
  “Youwheedlethesouloutofthings,“hesaid。”Iwould,neverwheedle——atanyrate,I’dgostraight。”
  Hescarcelyknewwhathewassaying。Thesethingscamefrom,himmechanically。Shelookedathim。Hisbodyseemedoneweapon,firmandhardagainsther。
  “You’realwaysbeggingthingstoloveyou,“hesaid,“asifyou,wereabeggarforlove。Eventheflowers,youhavetofawnonthem——“
  Rhythmically,Miriamwasswayingandstrokingtheflowerwith,hermouth,inhalingthescentwhicheveraftermadehershudder,asitcametohernostrils。
  “Youdon’twanttolove——youreternalandabnormalcraving,istobeloved。Youaren’tpositive,you’renegative。
  Youabsorb,absorb,asifyoumustfillyourselfupwithlove,becauseyou’vegotashortagesomewhere。”
  Shewasstunnedbyhiscruelty,anddidnothear。Hehadnot,thefaintestnotionofwhathewassaying。Itwasasifhisfretted,torturedsoul,runhotbythwartedpassion,jettedoffthesesayings,likesparksfromelectricity。Shedidnotgraspanythinghesaid。
  Sheonlysatcrouchedbeneathhiscrueltyandhishatredofher。
  Sheneverrealisedinaflash。Overeverythingshebrooded,andbrooded。
  AfterteahestayedwithEdgarandthebrothers,takingno,noticeofMiriam。She,extremelyunhappyonthislooked-forholiday,waitedforhim。Andatlastheyieldedandcametoher。
  Shewasdeterminedtotrackthismoodofhistoitsorigin。
  Shecounteditnotmuchmorethanamood。
  “Shallwegothroughthewoodalittleway?”sheaskedhim,knowingheneverrefusedadirectrequest。
  Theywentdowntothewarren。Onthemiddlepaththey,passedatrap,anarrowhorseshoehedgeofsmallfir-boughs,baitedwiththegutsofarabbit。Paulglancedatitfrowning。
  Shecaughthiseye。
  “Isn’titdreadful?”sheasked。
  “Idon’tknow!,Isitworsethanaweaselwithitsteethina,rabbit’sthroat?,Oneweaselormanyrabbits?,Oneortheothermustgo!”
  Hewastakingthebitternessoflifebadly。Shewasrather,sorryforhim。
  “Wewillgobacktothehouse,“hesaid。”Idon’twant,towalkout。”
  Theywentpastthelilac-tree,whosebronzeleaf-budswere,comingunfastened。Justafragmentremainedofthehaystack,amonumentsquaredandbrown,likeapillarofstone。Therewas,alittlebedofhayfromthelastcutting。
  “Letussithereaminute,“saidMiriam。
  Hesatdownagainsthiswill,restinghisbackagainstthehard,wallofhay。Theyfacedtheamphitheatreofroundhillsthatglowed,withsunset,tinywhitefarmsstandingout,themeadowsgolden,thewoodsdarkandyetluminous,tree-topsfoldedovertree-tops,distinctinthedistance。Theeveninghadcleared,andtheeast,wastenderwithamagentaflushunderwhichthelandlaystill,andrich。
  “Isn’titbeautiful?”shepleaded。
  Butheonlyscowled。Hewouldratherhavehadituglyjustthen。
  Atthatmomentabigbull-terriercamerushingup,open-mouthed,prancedhistwopawsontheyouth’sshoulders,lickinghisface。
  Pauldrewback,laughing。Billwasagreatrelieftohim。
  Hepushedthedogaside,butitcameleapingback。
  “Getout,“saidthelad,“orI’lldottheeone。”
  Butthedogwasnottobepushedaway。SoPaulhadalittle,battlewiththecreature,pitchingpoorBillawayfromhim,who,however,onlyflounderedtumultuouslybackagain,wildwithjoy。
  Thetwofoughttogether,themanlaughinggrudgingly,thedog,grinningallover。Miriamwatchedthem。Therewassomethingpathetic,abouttheman。Hewantedsobadlytolove,tobetender。
  Theroughwayhebowledthedogoverwasreallyloving。Billgotup,pantingwithhappiness,hisbrowneyesrollinginhiswhiteface,andlumberedbackagain。HeadoredPaul。Theladfrowned。
  “Bill,I’vehadenougho’thee,“hesaid。
  Butthedogonlystoodwithtwoheavypaws,thatquivered,withlove,uponhisthigh,andflickeredaredtongueathim。
  Hedrewback。
  “No,“hesaid——“no——I’vehadenough。”
  Andinaminutethedogtrottedoffhappily,tovarythefun。
  Heremainedstaringmiserablyacrossatthehills,whosestill,beautyhebegrudged。HewantedtogoandcyclewithEdgar。
  YethehadnotthecouragetoleaveMiriam。
  “Whyareyousad?”sheaskedhumbly。
  “I’mnotsad;whyshouldIbe,“heanswered。”I’monlynormal。”
  Shewonderedwhyhealwaysclaimedtobenormalwhenhe,wasdisagreeable。
  “Butwhatisthematter?”shepleaded,coaxinghimsoothingly。
  “Nothing!”
  “Nay!”shemurmured。
  Hepickedupastickandbegantostabtheearthwithit。
  “You’dfarbetternottalk,“hesaid。
  “ButIwishtoknow——“shereplied。
  Helaughedresentfully。
  “Youalwaysdo,“hesaid。
  “It’snotfairtome,“shemurmured。
  Hethrust,thrust,thrustatthegroundwiththepointedstick,digginguplittleclodsofearthasifhewereinafeverofirritation。
  Shegentlyandfirmlylaidherbandonhiswrist。
  “Don’t!”shesaid。”Putitaway。”
  Heflungthestickintothecurrant-bushes,andleanedback。
  Nowhewasbottledup。
  “Whatisit?”shepleadedsoftly。
  Helayperfectlystill,onlyhiseyesalive,andtheyfull,oftorment。
  “Youknow,“hesaidatlength,ratherwearily——“youknow——we’d,betterbreakoff。”
  Itwaswhatshedreaded。Swiftlyeverythingseemedtodarken,beforehereyes。
  “Why!”shemurmured。”Whathashappened?”
  “Nothinghashappened。Weonlyrealisewhereweare。
  It’snogood——“
  Shewaitedinsilence,sadly,patiently。Itwasnogoodbeing,impatientwithhim。Atanyrate,hewouldtellhernowwhatailedhim。
  “Weagreedonfriendship,“hewentoninadull,monotonousvoice。
  “HowoftenHAVEweagreedforfriendship!,Andyet——itneither,stopsthere,norgetsanywhereelse。”
  Hewassilentagain。Shebrooded。Whatdidhemean?
  Hewassowearying。Therewassomethinghewouldnotyield。
  Yetshemustbepatientwithhim。
  “Icanonlygivefriendship——it’sallI’mcapableof——it’s,aflawinmymake-up。Thethingoverbalancestooneside——Ihate,atopplingbalance。Letushavedone。”
  Therewaswarmthoffuryinhislastphrases。Hemeantshe,lovedhimmorethanheher。Perhapshecouldnotloveher。
  Perhapsshehadnotinherselfthatwhichhewanted。Itwasthe,deepestmotiveofhersoul,thisself-mistrust。Itwassodeepshe,daredneitherrealisenoracknowledge。Perhapsshewasdeficient。
  Likeaninfinitelysubtleshame,itkeptheralwaysback。Ifitwereso,shewoulddowithouthim。Shewouldneverletherselfwanthim。
  Shewouldmerelysee。
  “Butwhathashappened?”shesaid。
  “Nothing——it’sallinmyself——itonlycomesoutjustnow。
  We’realwayslikethistowardsEaster-time。”
  Hegrovelledsohelplessly,shepitiedhim。Atleastshe,neverflounderedinsuchapitiableway。Afterall,itwashe,whowaschieflyhumiliated。
  “Whatdoyouwant?”sheaskedhim。
  “Why——Imustn’tcomeoften——that’sall。WhyshouldImonopolise,youwhenI’mnot——Yousee,I’mdeficientinsomethingwithregard,toyou——“
  Hewastellingherhedidnotloveher,andsooughttoleaveher,achancewithanotherman。Howfoolishandblindandshamefullyclumsy,hewas!,Whatwereothermentoher!,Whatwerementoheratall!
  Buthe,ah!shelovedhissoul。WasHEdeficientinsomething?
  Perhapshewas。
  “ButIdon’tunderstand,“shesaidhuskily。”Yesterday——“
  Thenightwasturningjangledandhatefultohimasthe,twilightfaded。Andshebowedunderhersuffering。
  “Iknow,“hecried,“youneverwill!,You’llneverbelievethat,Ican’t——can’tphysically,anymorethanIcanflyuplikeaskylark——“
  “What?”shemurmured。Nowshedreaded。
  “Loveyou。”
  Hehatedherbitterlyatthatmomentbecausehemadehersuffer。
  Loveher!,Sheknewhelovedher。Hereallybelongedtoher。
  Thisaboutnotlovingher,physically,bodily,wasamereperversity,onhispart,becauseheknewshelovedhim。Hewasstupidlike,achild。Hebelongedtoher。Hissoulwantedher。Sheguessed,somebodyhadbeeninfluencinghim。Shefeltuponhimthehardness,theforeignnessofanotherinfluence。
  “Whathavetheybeensayingathome?”sheasked。
  “It’snotthat,“heanswered。
  Andthensheknewitwas。Shedespisedthemfortheircommonness,hispeople。Theydidnotknowwhatthingswerereallyworth。
  Heandshetalkedverylittlemorethatnight。Afterallhe,lefthertocyclewithEdgar。
  Hehadcomebacktohismother。Herswasthestrongest,tieinhislife。Whenhethoughtround,Miriamshrankaway。
  Therewasavague,unrealfeelabouther。Andnobodyelsemattered。
  Therewasoneplaceintheworldthatstoodsolidanddidnotmelt,intounreality:,theplacewherehismotherwas。Everybodyelse,couldgrowshadowy,almostnon-existenttohim,butshecouldnot。
  Itwasasifthepivotandpoleofhislife,fromwhichhecould,notescape,washismother。
  Andinthesamewayshewaitedforhim。Inhimwasestablished,herlifenow。Afterall,thelifebeyondofferedverylittleto,Mrs。Morel。ShesawthatourchanceforDOINGishere,anddoing,countedwithher。Paulwasgoingtoprovethatshehadbeenright;
  hewasgoingtomakeamanwhomnothingshouldshiftoffhisfeet;
  hewasgoingtoalterthefaceoftheearthinsomewaywhichmattered。
  Whereverhewentshefelthersoulwentwithhim。Whateverhedidshe,felthersoulstoodbyhim,ready,asitwere,tohandhimhistools。
  ShecouldnotbearitwhenhewaswithMiriam。Williamwasdead。
  ShewouldfighttokeepPaul。
  Andhecamebacktoher。Andinhissoulwasafeelingofthe,satisfactionofself-sacrificebecausehewasfaithfultoher。
  Shelovedhimfirst;helovedherfirst。Andyetitwasnotenough。
  Hisnewyounglife,sostrongandimperious,wasurgedtowards,somethingelse。Itmadehimmadwithrestlessness。Shesawthis,andwishedbitterlythatMiriamhadbeenawomanwhocouldtakethis,newlifeofhis,andleavehertheroots。Hefoughtagainsthismother,almostashefoughtagainstMiriam。
  ItwasaweekbeforehewentagaintoWilleyFarm。
  Miriamhadsufferedagreatdeal,andwasafraidtoseehimagain。
  Wasshenowtoenduretheignominyofhisabandoningher?
  Thatwouldonlybesuperficialandtemporary。Hewouldcomeback。
  Sheheldthekeystohissoul。Butmeanwhile,howhewouldtorture,herwithhisbattleagainsther。Sheshrankfromit。
  However,theSundayafterEasterhecametotea。Mrs。Leivers,wasgladtoseehim。Shegatheredsomethingwasfrettinghim,thathefoundthingshard。Heseemedtodrifttoherforcomfort。
  Andshewasgoodtohim。Shedidhimthatgreatkindnessoftreating,himalmostwithreverence。
  Hemetherwiththeyoungchildreninthefrontgarden。
  “I’mgladyou’vecome,“saidthemother,lookingathim,withhergreatappealingbrowneyes。”Itissuchasunnyday。
  Iwasjustgoingdownthefieldsforthefirsttimethisyear。”
  Hefeltshewouldlikehimtocome。Thatsoothedhim。Theywent,talkingsimply,hegentleandhumble。Hecouldhaveweptwithgratitude,thatshewasdeferentialtohim。Hewasfeelinghumiliated。
  AtthebottomoftheMowClosetheyfoundathrush’snest。
  “ShallIshowyoutheeggs?”hesaid。
  “Do!”repliedMrs。Leivers。”TheyseemSUCHasignofspring,andsohopeful。”
  Heputasidethethorns,andtookouttheeggs,holdingthem,inthepalmofhishand。
  “Theyarequitehot——Ithinkwefrightenedheroffthem,“
  hesaid。
  “Ay,poorthing!”saidMrs。Leivers。
  Miriamcouldnothelptouchingtheeggs,andhishandwhich,itseemedtoher,cradledthemsowell。
  “Isn’titastrangewarmth!”shemurmured,togetnearhim。
  “Bloodheat,“heanswered。
  Shewatchedhimputtingthemback,hisbodypressedagainst,thehedge,hisarmreachingslowlythroughthethorns,hishand,foldedcarefullyovertheeggs。Hewasconcentratedontheact。
  Seeinghimso,shelovedhim;heseemedsosimpleandsufficient,tohimself。Andshecouldnotgettohim。
  Afterteashestoodhesitatingatthebookshelf。Hetook,“TartarindeTarascon“。Againtheysatonthebankofhayatthefoot,ofthestack。Hereadacoupleofpages,butwithoutanyheartforit。
  Againthedogcameracinguptorepeatthefunoftheotherday。
  Heshovedhismuzzleintheman’schest。Paulfingeredhisear,foramoment。Thenhepushedhimaway。
  “Goaway,Bill,“hesaid。”Idon’twantyou。”
  Billslunkoff,andMiriamwonderedanddreaded,whatwascoming。Therewasasilenceaboutthe,youththatmadeherstillwithapprehension。
  Itwasnothisfuries,buthisquietresolutionsthatshefeared。
  Turninghisfacealittletooneside,sothatshecould,notseehim,hebegan,speakingslowlyandpainfully:
  “Doyouthink——ifIdidn’tcomeupsomuch——youmightget,tolikesomebodyelse——anotherman?”
  Sothiswaswhathewasstillharpingon。
  “ButIdon’tknowanyothermen。Whydoyouask?”shereplied,inalowtonethatshouldhavebeenareproachtohim。
  “Why,“heblurted,“becausetheysayI’venorighttocomeup,likethis——withoutwemeantomarry——“
  Miriamwasindignantatanybody’sforcingtheissuesbetweenthem。
  ShehadbeenfuriouswithherownfatherforsuggestingtoPaul,laughingly,thatheknewwhyhecamesomuch。
  “Whosays?”sheasked,wonderingifherpeoplehadanything,todowithit。Theyhadnot。
  “Mother——andtheothers。Theysayatthisrateeverybodywill,considermeengaged,andIoughttoconsidermyselfso,becauseit’s,notfairtoyou。AndI’vetriedtofindout——andIdon’tthinkI
  loveyouasamanoughttolovehiswife。Whatdoyouthinkaboutit?”
  Miriambowedherheadmoodily。Shewasangryathaving,thisstruggle。Peopleshouldleavehimandheralone。
  “Idon’tknow,“shemurmured。
  “Doyouthinkweloveeachotherenoughtomarry?”
  heaskeddefinitely。Itmadehertremble。
  “No,“sheansweredtruthfully。”Idon’tthinkso——we’re,tooyoung。”
  “Ithoughtperhaps,“hewentonmiserably,“thatyou,withyour,intensityinthings,mighthavegivenmemore——thanIcouldevermake,uptoyou。Andevennow——ifyouthinkitbetter——we’llbeengaged。”
  NowMiriamwantedtocry。Andshewasangry,too。Hewas,alwayssuchachildforpeopletodoastheylikedwith。
  “No,Idon’tthinkso,“shesaidfirmly。
  Heponderedaminute。
  “Yousee,“hesaid,“withme——Idon’tthinkonepersonwould,evermonopolizeme——beeverythingtome——Ithinknever。”
  Thisshedidnotconsider。
  “No,“shemurmured。Then,afterapause,shelookedathim,andherdarkeyesflashed。
  “Thisisyourmother,“shesaid。”Iknowsheneverlikedme。”
  “No,no,itisn’t,“hesaidhastily。”Itwasforyoursake,shespokethistime。Sheonlysaid,ifIwasgoingon,Iought,toconsidermyselfengaged。”,Therewasasilence。”AndifIask,youtocomedownanytime,youwon’tstopaway,willyou?”
  Shedidnotanswer。Bythistimeshewasveryangry。
  “Well,whatshallwedo?”shesaidshortly。”IsupposeI’d,betterdropFrench。Iwasjustbeginningtogetonwithit。
  ButIsupposeIcangoonalone。”
  “Idon’tseethatweneed,“hesaid。”Icangiveyou,aFrenchlesson,surely。”
  “Well——andthereareSundaynights。Ishan’tstopcoming,tochapel,becauseIenjoyit,andit’sallthesociallifeIget。
  Butyou’venoneedtocomehomewithme。Icangoalone。”
  “Allright,“heanswered,rathertakenaback。”ButifIaskEdgar,he’llalwayscomewithus,andthentheycansaynothing。”
  Therewassilence。Afterall,then,shewouldnotlosemuch。
  Foralltheirtalkdownathishometherewouldnotbemuchdifference。
  Shewishedtheywouldmindtheirownbusiness。
  “Andyouwon’tthinkaboutit,andletittroubleyou,willyou?”
  heasked。
  “Ohno,“repliedMiriam,withoutlookingathim。
  Hewassilent。Shethoughthimunstable。Hehadnofixity,ofpurpose,noanchorofrighteousnessthatheldhim。
  “Because,“hecontinued,“amangetsacrosshisbicycle——and,goestowork——anddoesallsortsofthings。Butawomanbroods。”
  “No,Ishan’tbother,“saidMiriam。Andshemeantit。
  Ithadgoneratherchilly。Theywentindoors。
  “HowwhitePaullooks!”Mrs。Leiversexclaimed。”Miriam,you,shouldn’thavelethimsitoutofdoors。Doyouthinkyou’ve,takencold,Paul?”
  “Oh,no!”helaughed。
  Buthefeltdoneup。Itworehimout,theconflictinhimself。
  Miriampitiedhimnow。Butquiteearly,beforenineo’clock,herose,togo。
  “You’renotgoinghome,areyou?”askedMrs。Leiversanxiously。
  “Yes,“hereplied。”IsaidI’dbeearly。”,Hewasveryawkward。
  “ButthisISearly,“saidMrs。Leivers。
  Miriamsatintherocking-chair,anddidnotspeak。
  Hehesitated,expectinghertoriseandgowithhimtothebarn,asusualforhisbicycle。Sheremainedasshewas。Hewasataloss。
  “Well——good-night,all!”hefaltered。
  Shespokehergood-nightalongwithalltheothers。
  Butashewentpastthewindowhelookedin。Shesawhimpale,hisbrowsknitslightlyinawaythathadbecomeconstantwithhim,hiseyesdarkwithpain。
  Sheroseandwenttothedoorwaytowavegood-byetohimashe,passedthroughthegate。Herodeslowlyunderthepine-trees,feelingacurandamiserablewretch。Hisbicyclewenttiltingdown,thehillsatrandom。Hethoughtitwouldbearelieftobreakone’sneck。
  Twodayslaterhesentherupabookandalittlenote,urginghertoreadandbebusy。
  AtthistimehegaveallhisfriendshiptoEdgar。
  Helovedthefamilysomuch,helovedthefarmsomuch;itwas,thedearestplaceonearthtohim。Hishomewasnotsolovable。
  Itwashismother。Butthenhewouldhavebeenjustashappywith,hismotheranywhere。WhereasWilleyFarmhelovedpassionately。
  Helovedthelittlepokeykitchen,wheremen’sbootstramped,andthedogsleptwithoneeyeopenforfearofbeingtroddenon;
  wherethelamphungoverthetableatnight,andeverythingwassosilent。
  HelovedMiriam’slong,lowparlour,withitsatmosphereofromance,itsflowers,itsbooks,itshighrosewoodpiano。Helovedthegardens,andthebuildingsthatstoodwiththeirscarletroofsonthenaked,edgesofthefields,crepttowardsthewoodasifforcosiness,thewildcountryscoopingdownavalleyanduptheunculturedhillsof,theotherside。Onlytobetherewasanexhilarationandajoytohim。
  HelovedMrs。Leivers,withherunworldlinessandherquaintcynicism;
  helovedMr。Leivers,sowarmandyoungandlovable;helovedEdgar,wholitupwhenhecame,andtheboysandthechildrenand,Bill——eventhesowCirceandtheIndiangame-cockcalledTippoo。
  AllthisbesidesMiriam。Hecouldnotgiveitup。
  Sohewentasoften,buthewasusuallywithEdgar。Onlyall,thefamily,includingthefather,joinedincharadesandgames,atevening。Andlater,Miriamdrewthemtogether,andtheyread,Macbethoutofpennybooks,takingparts。Itwasgreatexcitement。
  Miriamwasglad,andMrs。Leiverswasglad,andMr。Leiversenjoyedit。
  Thentheyalllearnedsongstogetherfromtonicsol-fa,singing,inacircleroundthefire。ButnowPaulwasveryrarelyalone,withMiriam。Shewaited。WhensheandEdgarandhewalkedhome,togetherfromchapelorfromtheliterarysocietyinBestwood,sheknewhistalk,sopassionateandsounorthodoxnowadays,wasforher。ShedidenvyEdgar,however,hiscyclingwithPaul,hisFridaynights,hisdaysworkinginthefields。ForherFriday,nightsandherFrenchlessonsweregone。Shewasnearlyalwaysalone,walking,ponderinginthewood,reading,studying,dreaming,waiting。
  Andhewrotetoherfrequently。
  OneSundayeveningtheyattainedtotheiroldrareharmony。
  EdgarhadstayedtoCommunion——hewonderedwhatitwaslike——with,Mrs。Morel。SoPaulcameonalonewithMiriamtohishome。Hewas,moreorlessunderherspellagain。Asusual,theywerediscussing,thesermon。HewassettingnowfullsailtowardsAgnosticism,butsuchareligiousAgnosticismthatMiriamdidnotsuffersobadly。
  TheywereattheRenanViedeJesusstage。Miriamwasthe,threshing-flooronwhichhethreshedoutallhisbeliefs。Whilehe,trampledhisideasuponhersoul,thetruthcameoutforhim。Shealone,washisthreshing-floor。Shealonehelpedhimtowardsrealization。
  Almostimpassive,shesubmittedtohisargumentandexpounding。
  Andsomehow,becauseofher,hegraduallyrealizedwherehewaswrong。
  Andwhatherealized,sherealized。Shefelthecouldnotdowithouther。
  Theycametothesilenthouse。Hetookthekeyoutof,thescullerywindow,andtheyentered。Allthetimehewent,onwithhisdiscussion。Helitthegas,mendedthefire,andbroughthersomecakesfromthepantry。Shesatonthesofa,quietly,withaplateonherknee。Sheworealargewhitehat,withsomepinkishflowers。Itwasacheaphat,buthelikedit。
  Herfacebeneathwasstillandpensive,golden-brownandruddy。
  Alwaysherearswerehidinhershortcurls。Shewatchedhim。
  ShelikedhimonSundays。Thenheworeadarksuitthatshowedthe,lithemovementofhisbody。Therewasaclean,clear-cutlookabouthim。
  Hewentonwithhisthinkingtoher。SuddenlyhereachedforaBible。
  Miriamlikedthewayhereachedup——sosharp,straighttothemark。
  Heturnedthepagesquickly,andreadherachapterofSt。John。
  Ashesatinthearmchairreading,intent,hisvoiceonlythinking,shefeltasifhewereusingherunconsciouslyasamanuseshis,toolsatsomeworkheisbenton。Shelovedit。Andthewistfulness,ofhisvoicewaslikeareachingtosomething,anditwasasifshe,werewhathereachedwith。Shesatbackonthesofaawayfromhim,andyetfeelingherselftheveryinstrumenthishandgrasped。
  Itgavehergreatpleasure。
  Thenhebegantofalterandtogetself-conscious。Andwhenhe,cametotheverse,“Awoman,whensheisintravail,hathsorrow,becauseherhouriscome“hemisseditout。Miriamhadfelthim,growinguncomfortable。Sheshrankwhenthewell-knownwordsdid,notfollow。Hewentonreading,butshedidnothear。Agrief,andshamemadeherbendherhead。Sixmonthsagohewouldhave,readitsimply。Nowtherewasascotchinhisrunningwithher。
  Nowshefelttherewasreallysomethinghostilebetweenthem,somethingofwhichtheywereashamed。
  Sheatehercakemechanically。Hetriedtogoonwithhisargument,butcouldnotgetbacktherightnote。SoonEdgarcamein。
  Mrs。Morelhadgonetoherfriends’。ThethreesetofftoWilleyFarm。
  Miriambroodedoverhissplitwithher。Therewassomethingelse,hewanted。Hecouldnotbesatisfied;hecouldgivehernopeace。
  Therewasbetweenthemnowalwaysagroundforstrife。
  Shewantedtoprovehim。Shebelievedthathischiefneedinlife,washerself。Ifshecouldproveit,bothtoherselfandtohim,therestmightgo;shecouldsimplytrusttothefuture。