ChapterOneONANexceptionallyhoteveningearlyinJulyayoungmancameoutofthegarretinwhichhelodgedinS。Placeandwalkedslowly,asthoughinhesitation,towardsK。bridge。
　　Hehadsuccessfullyavoidedmeetinghislandladyonthestaircase。
　　Hisgarretwasundertheroofofahigh,five-storiedhouseandwasmorelikeacupboardthanaroom。Thelandladywhoprovidedhimwithgarret,dinners,andattendance,livedonthefloorbelow,andeverytimehewentouthewasobligedtopassherkitchen,thedoorofwhichinvariablystoodopen。Andeachtimehepassed,theyoungmanhadasick,frightenedfeeling,whichmadehimscowlandfeelashamed。Hewashopelesslyindebttohislandlady,andwasafraidofmeetingher。
　　Thiswasnotbecausehewascowardlyandabject,quitethecontrary;
　　butforsometimepasthehadbeeninanoverstrainedirritablecondition,vergingonhypochondria。Hehadbecomesocompletelyabsorbedinhimself,andisolatedfromhisfellowsthathedreadedmeeting,notonlyhislandlady,butanyoneatall。Hewascrushedbypoverty,buttheanxietiesofhispositionhadoflateceasedtoweighuponhim。Hehadgivenupattendingtomattersofpracticalimportance;hehadlostalldesiretodoso。Nothingthatanylandladycoulddohadarealterrorforhim。Buttobestoppedonthestairs,tobeforcedtolistentohertrivial,irrelevantgossip,topesteringdemandsforpayment,threatsandcomplaints,andtorackhisbrainsforexcuses,toprevaricate,tolie-no,ratherthanthat,hewouldcreepdownthestairslikeacatandslipoutunseen。
　　Thisevening,however,oncomingoutintothestreet,hebecameacutelyawareofhisfears。
　　“Iwanttoattemptathinglikethatandamfrightenedbythesetrifles,“hethought,withanoddsmile。“Hm……yes,allisinaman'shandsandheletsitallslipfromcowardice,that'sanaxiom。Itwouldbeinterestingtoknowwhatitismenaremostafraidof。Takinganewstep,utteringanewwordiswhattheyfearmost……ButIamtalkingtoomuch。It'sbecauseIchatterthatIdonothing。OrperhapsitisthatIchatterbecauseIdonothing。I'velearnedtochatterthislastmonth,lyingfordaystogetherinmydenthinking……ofJacktheGiant-killer。WhyamIgoingtherenow?AmIcapableofthat?Isthatserious?Itisnotseriousatall。It'ssimplyafantasytoamusemyself;aplaything!Yes,maybeitisaplaything。“
　　Theheatinthestreetwasterrible：andtheairlessness,thebustleandtheplaster,scaffolding,bricks,anddustallabouthim,andthatspecialPetersburgstench,sofamiliartoallwhoareunabletogetoutoftowninsummer-allworkedpainfullyupontheyoungman'salreadyoverwroughtnerves。Theinsufferablestenchfromthepot-houses,whichareparticularlynumerousinthatpartofthetown,andthedrunkenmenwhomhemetcontinually,althoughitwasaworkingday,completedtherevoltingmiseryofthepicture。Anexpressionoftheprofoundestdisgustgleamedforamomentintheyoungman'srefinedface。Hewas,bytheway,exceptionallyhandsome,abovetheaverageinheight,slim,well-built,withbeautifuldarkeyesanddarkbrownhair。Soonhesankintodeepthought,ormoreaccuratelyspeakingintoacompleteblanknessofmind;hewalkedalongnotobservingwhatwasabouthimandnotcaringtoobserveit。Fromtimetotime,hewouldmuttersomething,fromthehabitoftalkingtohimself,towhichhehadjustconfessed。Atthesemomentshewouldbecomeconsciousthathisideasweresometimesinatangleandthathewasveryweak;fortwodayshehadscarcelytastedfood。
　　Hewassobadlydressedthatevenamanaccustomedtoshabbinesswouldhavebeenashamedtobeseeninthestreetinsuchrags。Inthatquarterofthetown,however,scarcelyanyshortcomingindresswouldhavecreatedsurprise。OwingtotheproximityoftheHayMarket,thenumberofestablishmentsofbadcharacter,thepreponderanceofthetradingandworkingclasspopulationcrowdedinthesestreetsandalleysintheheartofPetersburg,typessovariousweretobeseeninthestreetsthatnofigure,howeverqueer,wouldhavecausedsurprise。Buttherewassuchaccumulatedbitternessandcontemptintheyoungman'sheart,that,inspiteofallthefastidiousnessofyouth,hemindedhisragsleastofallinthestreet。Itwasadifferentmatterwhenhemetwithacquaintancesorwithformerfellowstudents,whom,indeed,hedislikedmeetingatanytime。Andyetwhenadrunkenmanwho,forsomeunknownreason,wasbeingtakensomewhereinahugewaggondraggedbyaheavydrayhorse,suddenlyshoutedathimashedrovepast：“Heythere,Germanhatter“bawlingatthetopofhisvoiceandpointingathim-theyoungmanstoppedsuddenlyandclutchedtremulouslyathishat。ItwasatallroundhatfromZimmerman's,butcompletelywornout,rustywithage,alltornandbespattered,brimlessandbentononesideinamostunseemlyfashion。Notshame,however,butquiteanotherfeelingakintoterrorhadovertakenhim。
　　“Iknewit,“hemutteredinconfusion,“Ithoughtso!That'stheworstofall!Why,astupidthinglikethis,themosttrivialdetailmightspoilthewholeplan。Yes,myhatistoonoticeable……Itlooksabsurdandthatmakesitnoticeable……WithmyragsIoughttowearacap,anysortofoldpancake,butnotthisgrotesquething。Nobodywearssuchahat,itwouldbenoticedamileoff,itwouldberemembered……Whatmattersisthatpeoplewouldrememberit,andthatwouldgivethemaclue。Forthisbusinessoneshouldbeaslittleconspicuousaspossible……Trifles,triflesarewhatmatter!Why,it'sjustsuchtriflesthatalwaysruineverything……“
　　Hehadnotfartogo;heknewindeedhowmanystepsitwasfromthegateofhislodginghouse：exactlysevenhundredandthirty。Hehadcountedthemoncewhenhehadbeenlostindreams。Atthetimehehadputnofaithinthosedreamsandwasonlytantalisinghimselfbytheirhideousbutdaringrecklessness。Now,amonthlater,hehadbeguntolookuponthemdifferently,and,inspiteofthemonologuesinwhichhejeeredathisownimpotenceandindecision,hehadinvoluntarilycometoregardthis“hideous“dreamasanexploittobeattempted,althoughhestilldidnotrealisethishimself。Hewaspositivelygoingnowfora“rehearsal“ofhisproject,andateverystephisexcitementgrewmoreandmoreviolent。
　　Withasinkingheartandanervoustremor,hewentuptoahugehousewhichononesidelookedontothecanal,andontheotherintothestreet。Thishousewasletoutintinytenementsandwasinhabitedbyworkingpeopleofallkinds-tailors,locksmiths,cooks,Germansofsorts,girlspickingupalivingasbesttheycould,pettyclerks,&c。Therewasacontinualcomingandgoingthroughthetwogatesandinthetwocourtyardsofthehouse。Threeorfourdoor-keeperswereemployedonthebuilding。Theyoungmanwasverygladtomeetnoneofthem,andatonceslippedunnoticedthroughthedoorontheright,andupthestaircase。Itwasabackstaircase,darkandnarrow,buthewasfamiliarwithitalready,andknewhisway,andhelikedallthesesurroundings：insuchdarknesseventhemostinquisitiveeyeswerenottobedreaded。
　　“IfIamsoscarednow,whatwoulditbeifitsomehowcametopassthatIwerereallygoingtodoit？”hecouldnothelpaskinghimselfashereachedthefourthstorey。Therehisprogresswasbarredbysomeporterswhowereengagedinmovingfurnitureoutofaflat。HeknewthattheflathadbeenoccupiedbyaGermanclerkinthecivilservice,andhisfamily。ThisGermanwasmovingoutthen,andsothefourthflooronthisstaircasewouldbeuntenantedexceptbytheoldwoman。“That'sagoodthinganyway,“hethoughttohimself,asherangthebelloftheoldwoman'sflat。Thebellgaveafainttinkleasthoughitweremadeoftinandnotofcopper。Thelittleflatsinsuchhousesalwayshavebellsthatringlikethat。Hehadforgottenthenoteofthatbell,andnowitspeculiartinkleseemedtoremindhimofsomethingandtobringitclearlybeforehim……Hestarted,hisnerveswereterriblyoverstrainedbynow。Inalittlewhile,thedoorwasopenedatinycrack：theoldwomaneyedhervisitorwithevidentdistrustthroughthecrack,andnothingcouldbeseenbutherlittleeyes,glitteringinthedarkness。But,seeinganumberofpeopleonthelanding,shegrewbolder,andopenedthedoorwide。
　　Theyoungmansteppedintothedarkentry,whichwaspartitionedofffromthetinykitchen。Theoldwomanstoodfacinghiminsilenceandlookinginquiringlyathim。Shewasadiminutive,witheredupoldwomanofsixty,withsharpmalignanteyesandasharplittlenose。Hercolourless,somewhatgrizzledhairwasthicklysmearedwithoil,andsheworenokerchiefoverit。Roundherthinlongneck,whichlookedlikeahen'sleg,wasknottedsomesortofflannelrag,and,inspiteoftheheat,therehungflappingonhershoulders,amangyfurcape,yellowwithage。Theoldwomancoughedandgroanedateveryinstant。Theyoungmanmusthavelookedatherwitharatherpeculiarexpression,foragleamofmistrustcameintohereyesagain。
　　“Raskolnikov,astudent,Icamehereamonthago,“theyoungmanmadehastetomutter,withahalfbow,rememberingthatheoughttobemorepolite。
　　“Iremember,mygoodsir,Irememberquitewellyourcominghere,“
　　theoldwomansaiddistinctly,stillkeepingherinquiringeyesonhisface。
　　“Andhere……Iamagainonthesameerrand,“Raskolnikovcontinued,alittledisconcertedandsurprisedattheoldwoman'smistrust。“Perhapssheisalwayslikethatthough,onlyIdidnotnoticeittheothertime,“hethoughtwithanuneasyfeeling。
　　Theoldwomanpaused,asthoughhesitating;thensteppedononeside,andpointingtothedooroftheroom,shesaid,lettinghervisitorpassinfrontofher：
　　“Stepin,mygoodsir。“
　　Thelittleroomintowhichtheyoungmanwalked,withyellowpaperonthewalls,geraniumsandmuslincurtainsinthewindows,wasbrightlylightedupatthatmomentbythesettingsun。
　　“Sothesunwillshinelikethisthentoo！”flashedasitwerebychancethroughRaskolnikov'smind,andwitharapidglancehescannedeverythingintheroom,tryingasfaraspossibletonoticeandrememberitsarrangement。Buttherewasnothingspecialintheroom。Thefurniture,allveryoldandofyellowwood,consistedofasofawithahugebentwoodenback,anovaltableinfrontofthesofa,adressing-tablewithalooking-glassfixedonitbetweenthewindows,chairsalongthewallsandtwoorthreehalf-pennyprintsinyellowframes,representingGermandamselswithbirdsintheirhands-thatwasall。Inthecorneralightwasburningbeforeasmallikon。
　　Everythingwasveryclean;thefloorandthefurniturewerebrightlypolished;everythingshone。
　　“Lizaveta'swork,“thoughttheyoungman。Therewasnotaspeckofdusttobeseeninthewholeflat。
　　“It'sinthehousesofspitefuloldwidowsthatonefindssuchcleanliness,“Raskolnikovthoughtagain,andhestoleacuriousglanceatthecottoncurtainoverthedoorleadingintoanothertinyroom,inwhichstoodtheoldwoman'sbedandchestofdrawersandintowhichhehadneverlookedbefore。Thesetworoomsmadeupthewholeflat。
　　“Whatdoyouwant？”theoldwomansaidseverely,comingintotheroomand,asbefore,standinginfrontofhimsoastolookhimstraightintheface。
　　“I'vebroughtsomethingtopawnhere,“andhedrewoutofhispocketanold-fashionedflatsilverwatch,onthebackofwhichwasengravedaglobe;thechainwasofsteel。
　　“Butthetimeisupforyourlastpledge。Themonthwasupthedaybeforeyesterday。“
　　“Iwillbringyoutheinterestforanothermonth;waitalittle。“
　　“Butthat'sformetodoasIplease,mygoodsir,towaitortosellyourpledgeatonce。“
　　“Howmuchwillyougivemeforthewatch,AlyonaIvanovna？”
　　“Youcomewithsuchtrifles,mygoodsir,it'sscarcelyworthanything。Igaveyoutworoubleslasttimeforyourringandonecouldbuyitquitenewatajeweler'sforaroubleandahalf。“
　　“Givemefourroublesforit,Ishallredeemit,itwasmyfather's。
　　Ishallbegettingsomemoneysoon。“
　　“Aroubleandahalf,andinterestinadvance,ifyoulike！”
　　“Aroubleandahalf！”criedtheyoungman。
　　“Pleaseyourself“-andtheoldwomanhandedhimbackthewatch。
　　Theyoungmantookit,andwassoangrythathewasonthepointofgoingaway;butcheckedhimselfatonce,rememberingthattherewasnowhereelsehecouldgo,andthathehadhadanotherobjectalsoincoming。
　　“Handitover,“hesaidroughly。
　　Theoldwomanfumbledinherpocketforherkeys,anddisappearedbehindthecurtainintotheotherroom。Theyoungman,leftstandingaloneinthemiddleoftheroom,listenedinquisitively,thinking。
　　Hecouldhearherunlockingthechestofdrawers。
　　“Itmustbethetopdrawer,“hereflected。“Soshecarriesthekeysinapocketontheright。Allinonebunchonasteelring……
　　Andthere'sonekeythere,threetimesasbigasalltheothers,withdeepnotches;thatcan'tbethekeyofthechestofdrawers……
　　thentheremustbesomeotherchestorstrong-box……that'sworthknowing。Strong-boxesalwayshavekeyslikethat……buthowdegradingitallis。“
　　Theoldwomancameback。
　　“Here,sir：aswesaytencopeckstheroubleamonth,soImusttakefifteencopecksfromaroubleandahalfforthemonthinadvance。ButforthetworoublesIlentyoubefore,youowemenowtwentycopecksonthesamereckoninginadvance。Thatmakesthirty-fivecopecksaltogether。SoImustgiveyouaroubleandfifteencopecksforthewatch。Hereitis。“
　　“What!onlyaroubleandfifteencopecksnow！”
　　“Justso。“
　　Theyoungmandidnotdisputeitandtookthemoney。Helookedattheoldwoman,andwasinnohurrytogetaway,asthoughtherewasstillsomethinghewantedtosayortodo,buthedidnothimselfquiteknowwhat。
　　“Imaybebringingyousomethingelseinadayortwo,AlyonaIvanovna-avaluablething-silver-acigarettebox,assoonasI
　　getitbackfromafriend……“hebrokeoffinconfusion。
　　“Well,wewilltalkaboutitthen,sir。“
　　“Good-bye-areyoualwaysathomealone,yoursisterisnotherewithyou？”Heaskedherascasuallyaspossibleashewentoutintothepassage。
　　“Whatbusinessissheofyours,mygoodsir？”
　　“Oh,nothingparticular,Isimplyasked。Youaretooquick……
　　Good-day,AlyonaIvanovna。“
　　Raskolnikovwentoutincompleteconfusion。Thisconfusionbecamemoreandmoreintense。Ashewentdownthestairs,heevenstoppedshort,twoorthreetimes,asthoughsuddenlystruckbysomethought。Whenhewasinthestreethecriedout,“Oh,God,howloathsomeitallis!andcanI,canIpossibly……No,it'snonsense,it'srubbish！”headdedresolutely。“Andhowcouldsuchanatrociousthingcomeintomyhead?Whatfilthythingsmyheartiscapableof。Yes,filthyaboveall,disgusting,loathsome,loathsome!-andforawholemonthI'vebeen……“Butnowords,noexclamations,couldexpresshisagitation。Thefeelingofintenserepulsion,whichhadbeguntooppressandtorturehisheartwhilehewasonhiswaytotheoldwoman,hadbynowreachedsuchapitchandhadtakensuchadefiniteformthathedidnotknowwhattodowithhimselftoescapefromhiswretchedness。Hewalkedalongthepavementlikeadrunkenman,regardlessofthepassers-by,andjostlingagainstthem,andonlycametohissenseswhenhewasinthenextstreet。Lookinground,henoticedthathewasstandingclosetoatavernwhichwasenteredbystepsleadingfromthepavementtothebasement。Atthatinstanttwodrunkenmencameoutatthedoor,andabusingandsupportingoneanother,theymountedthesteps。
　　Withoutstoppingtothink,Raskolnikovwentdownthestepsatonce。
　　Tillthatmomenthehadneverbeenintoatavern,butnowhefeltgiddyandwastormentedbyaburningthirst。Helongedforadrinkofcoldbeer,andattributedhissuddenweaknesstothewantoffood。Hesatdownatastickylittletableinadarkanddirtycorner;
　　orderedsomebeer,andeagerlydrankoffthefirstglassful。Atoncehefelteasier;andhisthoughtsbecameclear。
　　“Allthat'snonsense,“hesaidhopefully,“andthereisnothinginitalltoworryabout!It'ssimplyphysicalderangement。Justaglassofbeer,apieceofdrybread-andinonemomentthebrainisstronger,themindisclearerandthewillisfirm!Phew,howutterlypettyitallis！”
　　Butinspiteofthisscornfulreflection,hewasbynowlookingcheerfulasthoughheweresuddenlysetfreefromaterribleburden：
　　andhegazedroundinafriendlywayatthepeopleintheroom。Butevenatthatmomenthehadadimforebodingthatthishappierframeofmindwasalsonotnormal。
　　Therewerefewpeopleatthetimeinthetavern。Besidesthetwodrunkenmenhehadmetonthesteps,agroupconsistingofaboutfivemenandagirlwithaconcertinahadgoneoutatthesametime。
　　Theirdeparturelefttheroomquietandratherempty。Thepersonsstillinthetavernwereamanwhoappearedtobeanartisan,drunk,butnotextremelyso,sittingbeforeapotofbeer,andhiscompanion,ahuge,stoutmanwithagreybeard,inashortfull-skirtedcoat。
　　Hewasverydrunk：andhaddroppedasleeponthebench;everynowandthen,hebeganasthoughinhissleep,crackinghisfingers,withhisarmswideapartandtheupperpartofhisbodyboundingaboutonthebench,whilehehummedsomemeaninglessrefrain,tryingtorecallsomesuchlinesasthese：-
　　“HiswifeayearhefondlylovedHiswifea-ayearhe-fondlyloved。“-
　　Orsuddenlywakingupagain：-
　　“WalkingalongthecrowdedrowHemettheoneheusedtoknow。“-
　　Butnoonesharedhisenjoyment：hissilentcompanionlookedwithpositivehostilityandmistrustatallthesemanifestations。Therewasanothermanintheroomwholookedsomewhatlikearetiredgovernmentclerk。Hewassittingapart,nowandthensippingfromhispotandlookingroundatthecompany。He,too,appearedtobeinsomeagitation。
　　ChapterTwoRASKOLNIKOVwasnotusedtocrowds,and,aswesaidbefore,heavoidedsocietyofeverysort,moreespeciallyoflate。Butnowallatoncehefeltadesiretobewithotherpeople。Somethingnewseemedtobetakingplacewithinhim,andwithithefeltasortofthirstforcompany。Hewassowearyafterawholemonthofconcentratedwretchednessandgloomyexcitementthathelongedtorest,ifonlyforamoment,insomeotherworld,whateveritmightbe;and,inspiteofthefilthinessofthesurroundings,hewasgladnowtostayinthetavern。
　　Themasteroftheestablishmentwasinanotherroom,buthefrequentlycamedownsomestepsintothemainroom,hisjaunty,tarredbootswithredturn-overtopscomingintovieweachtimebeforetherestofhisperson。Heworeafullcoatandahorriblygreasyblacksatinwaistcoat,withnocravat,andhiswholefaceseemedsmearedwithoillikeanironlock。Atthecounterstoodaboyofaboutfourteen,andtherewasanotherboysomewhatyoungerwhohandedwhateverwaswanted。Onthecounterlaysomeslicedcucumber,somepiecesofdriedblackbread,andsomefish,choppedupsmall,allsmellingverybad。Itwasinsufferablyclose,andsoheavywiththefumesofspiritsthatfiveminutesinsuchanatmospheremightwellmakeamandrunk。
　　Therearechancemeetingswithstrangersthatinterestusfromthefirstmoment,beforeawordisspoken。SuchwastheimpressionmadeonRaskolnikovbythepersonsittingalittledistancefromhim,wholookedlikearetiredclerk。Theyoungmanoftenrecalledthisimpressionafterwards,andevenascribedittopresentiment。Helookedrepeatedlyattheclerk,partlynodoubtbecausethelatterwasstaringpersistentlyathim,obviouslyanxioustoenterintoconversation。Attheotherpersonsintheroom,includingthetavern-keeper,theclerklookedasthoughhewereusedtotheircompany,andwearyofit,showingashadeofcondescendingcontemptforthemaspersonsofstationandcultureinferiortohisown,withwhomitwouldbeuselessforhimtoconverse。Hewasamanoverfifty,baldandgrizzled,ofmediumheight,andstoutlybuilt。Hisface,bloatedfromcontinualdrinking,wasofayellow,evengreenish,tinge,withswolleneyelidsoutofwhichkeenreddisheyesgleamedlikelittlechinks。Buttherewassomethingverystrangeinhim;therewasalightinhiseyesasthoughofintensefeeling-perhapstherewereeventhoughtandintelligence,butatthesametimetherewasagleamofsomethinglikemadness。Hewaswearinganoldandhopelesslyraggedblackdresscoat,withallitsbuttonsmissingexceptone,andthatonehehadbuttoned,evidentlyclingingtothislasttraceofrespectability。Acrumpledshirtfrontcoveredwithspotsandstains,protrudedfromhiscanvaswaistcoat。Likeaclerk,heworenobeard,normoustache,buthadbeensolongunshaventhathischinlookedlikeastiffgreyishbrush。Andtherewassomethingrespectableandlikeanofficialabouthismannertoo。Buthewasrestless;heruffleduphishairandfromtimetotimelethisheaddropintohishandsdejectedlyrestinghisraggedelbowsonthestainedandstickytable。AtlasthelookedstraightatRaskolnikov,andsaidloudlyandresolutely：
　　“MayIventure,honouredsir,toengageyouinpoliteconversation?Forasmuchas,thoughyourexteriorwouldnotcommandrespect,myexperienceadmonishesmethatyouareamanofeducationandnotaccustomedtodrinking。Ihavealwaysrespectededucationwheninconjunctionwithgenuinesentiments,andIambesidesatitularcounsellorinrank。Marmeladov-suchismyname;titularcounsellor。I
　　makeboldtoinquire-haveyoubeenintheservice？”
　　“No,Iamstudying,“answeredtheyoungman,somewhatsurprisedatthegrandiloquentstyleofthespeakerandalsoatbeingsodirectlyaddressed。Inspiteofthemomentarydesirehehadjustbeenfeelingforcompanyofanysort,onbeingactuallyspokentohefeltimmediatelyhishabitualirritableanduneasyaversionforanystrangerwhoapproachedorattemptedtoapproachhim。
　　“Astudentthen,orformerlyastudent,“criedtheclerk。“JustwhatIthought!I'mamanofexperience,immenseexperience,sir,“andhetappedhisforeheadwithhisfingersinself-approval。“You'vebeenastudentorhaveattendedsomelearnedinstitution!……Butallowme……“Hegotup,staggered,tookuphisjugandglass,andsatdownbesidetheyoungman,facinghimalittlesideways。Hewasdrunk,butspokefluentlyandboldly,onlyoccasionallylosingthethreadofhissentencesanddrawlinghiswords。HepounceduponRaskolnikovasgreedilyasthoughhetoohadnotspokentoasoulforamonth。
　　“Honouredsir,“hebeganalmostwithsolemnity,“povertyisnotavice,that'satruesaying。YetIknowtoothatdrunkennessisnotavirtue,andthatthat'seventruer。Butbeggary,honouredsir,beggaryisavice。Inpovertyyoumaystillretainyourinnatenobilityofsoul,butinbeggary-never-noone。Forbeggaryamanisnotchasedoutofhumansocietywithastick,heissweptoutwithabroom,soastomakeitashumiliatingaspossible;andquiteright,too,forasmuchasinbeggaryIamreadytobethefirsttohumiliatemyself。Hencethepot-house!Honouredsir,amonthagoMr。Lebeziatnikovgavemywifeabeating,andmywifeisaverydifferentmatterfromme!Doyouunderstand?Allowmetoaskyouanotherquestionoutofsimplecuriosity：haveyoueverspentanightonahaybarge,ontheNeva？”
　　“No,Ihavenothappenedto,“answeredRaskolnikov。“Whatdoyoumean？”
　　“Well,I'vejustcomefromoneandit'sthefifthnightI'vesleptso……“Hefilledhisglass,emptieditandpaused。Bitsofhaywereinfactclingingtohisclothesandstickingtohishair。Itseemedquiteprobablethathehadnotundressedorwashedforthelastfivedays。Hishands,particularly,werefilthy。Theywerefatandred,withblacknails。
　　Hisconversationseemedtoexciteageneralthoughlanguidinterest。
　　Theboysatthecounterfelltosniggering。Theinnkeepercamedownfromtheupperroom,apparentlyonpurposetolistentothe“funnyfellow“andsatdownatalittledistance,yawninglazily,butwithdignity。EvidentlyMarmeladovwasafamiliarfigurehere,andhehadmostlikelyacquiredhisweaknessforhigh-flownspeechesfromthehabitoffrequentlyenteringintoconversationwithstrangersofallsortsinthetavern。Thishabitdevelopsintoanecessityinsomedrunkards,andespeciallyinthosewhoarelookedaftersharplyandkeptinorderathome。Henceinthecompanyofotherdrinkerstheytrytojustifythemselvesandevenifpossibleobtainconsideration。
　　“Funnyfellow！”pronouncedtheinnkeeper。“Andwhydon'tyouwork,whyaren'tyouatyourduty,ifyouareintheservice？”
　　“WhyamInotatmyduty,honouredsir,“Marmeladovwenton,addressinghimselfexclusivelytoRaskolnikov,asthoughithadbeenhewhoputthatquestiontohim。“WhyamInotatmyduty?DoesnotmyheartachetothinkwhatauselesswormIam?AmonthagowhenMr。
　　Lebeziatnikovbeatmywifewithhisownhands,andIlaydrunk,didn'tIsuffer?Excuseme,youngman,hasiteverhappenedtoyou……hm……
　　well,topetitionhopelesslyforaloan？”
　　“Yes,ithas。Butwhatdoyoumeanbyhopelessly？”
　　“Hopelesslyinthefullestsense,whenyouknowbeforehandthatyouwillgetnothingbyit。Youknow,forinstance,beforehandwithpositivecertaintythatthisman,thismostreputableandexemplarycitizen,willonnoconsiderationgiveyoumoney;andindeedIaskyouwhyshouldhe?ForheknowsofcoursethatIshan'tpayitback。
　　Fromcompassion?ButMr。Lebeziatnikovwhokeepsupwithmodernideasexplainedtheotherdaythatcompassionisforbiddennowadaysbyscienceitself,andthatthat'swhatisdonenowinEngland,wherethereispoliticaleconomy。Why,Iaskyou,shouldhegiveittome?
　　AndyetthoughIknowbeforehandthathewon't,Isetofftohimand……“
　　“Whydoyougo？”putinRaskolnikov。
　　“Well,whenonehasnoone,nowhereelseonecango!Foreverymanmusthavesomewheretogo。Sincetherearetimeswhenoneabsolutelymustgosomewhere!Whenmyowndaughterfirstwentoutwithayellowticket,thenIhadtogo……formydaughterhasayellowpassport,“headdedinparenthesis,lookingwithacertainuneasinessattheyoungman。“Nomatter,sir,nomatter！”hewentonhurriedlyandwithapparentcomposurewhenboththeboysatthecounterguffawedandeventheinnkeepersmiled-“Nomatter,Iamnotconfoundedbythewaggingoftheirheads;foreveryoneknowseverythingaboutitalready,andallthatissecretismadeopen。AndIacceptitall,notwithcontempt,butwithhumility。Sobeit!Sobeit!'Beholdtheman!'Excuseme,youngman,canyou……No,toputitmorestronglyandmoredistinctly;notcanyoubutdareyou,lookinguponme,assertthatIamnotapig？”
　　Theyoungmandidnotansweraword。
　　“Well,“theoratorbeganagainstolidlyandwithevenincreaseddignity,afterwaitingforthelaughterintheroomtosubside。“Well,sobeit,Iamapig,butsheisalady!Ihavethesemblanceofabeast,butKaterinaIvanovna,myspouse,isapersonofeducationandanofficer'sdaughter。Granted,granted,Iamascoundrel,butsheisawomanofanobleheart,fullofsentiments,refinedbyeducation。
　　Andyet……oh,ifonlyshefeltforme!Honouredsir,honouredsir,youknoweverymanoughttohaveatleastoneplacewherepeoplefeelforhim!ButKaterinaIvanovna,thoughsheismagnanimous,sheisunjust……Andyet,althoughIrealisethatwhenshepullsmyhairsheonlydoesitoutofpity-forIrepeatwithoutbeingashamed,shepullsmyhair,youngman,“hedeclaredwithredoubleddignity,hearingthesniggeringagain-“but,myGod,ifshewouldbutonce……Butno,no!It'sallinvainandit'snousetalking!Nousetalking!
　　Formorethanonce,mywishdidcometrueandmorethanonceshehasfeltformebut……suchismyfateandIamabeastbynature！”
　　“Rather！”assentedtheinnkeeperyawning。Marmeladovstruckhisfistresolutelyonthetable。
　　“Suchismyfate!Doyouknow,sir,doyouknow,Ihavesoldherverystockingsfordrink?Nothershoes-thatwouldbemoreorlessintheorderofthings,butherstockings,herstockingsIhavesoldfordrink!HermohairshawlIsoldfordrink,apresenttoherlongago,herownproperty,notmine;andweliveinacoldroomandshecaughtcoldthiswinterandhasbeguncoughingandspittingbloodtoo。
　　WehavethreelittlechildrenandKaterinaIvanovnaisatworkfrommorningtillnight;sheisscrubbingandcleaningandwashingthechildren,forshe'sbeenusedtocleanlinessfromachild。ButherchestisweakandshehasatendencytoconsumptionandIfeelit!
　　DoyousupposeIdon'tfeelit?AndthemoreIdrinkthemoreIfeelit。That'swhyIdrinktoo。Itrytofindsympathyandfeelingindrink……IdrinksothatImaysuffertwiceasmuch！”Andasthoughindespairhelaidhisheaddownonthetable。
　　“Youngman,“hewenton,raisinghisheadagain,“inyourfaceI
　　seemtoreadsometroubleofmind。WhenyoucameinIreadit,andthatwaswhyIaddressedyouatonce。Forinunfoldingtoyouthestoryofmylife,Idonotwishtomakemyselfalaughing-stockbeforetheseidlelisteners,whoindeedknowallaboutitalready,butIamlookingforamanoffeelingandeducation。Knowthenthatmywifewaseducatedinahigh-classschoolforthedaughtersofnoblemen,andonleavingshedancedtheshawldancebeforethegovernorandotherpersonagesforwhichshewaspresentedwithagoldmedalandacertificateofmerit。Themedal……well,themedalofcoursewassold-
　　longago,hm……butthecertificateofmeritisinhertrunkstillandnotlongagosheshowedittoourlandlady。Andalthoughsheismostcontinuallyonbadtermswiththelandlady,yetshewantedtotellsomeoneorotherofherpasthonoursandofthehappydaysthataregone。Idon'tcondemnherforit,Idon'tblameher,fortheonethingleftherisrecollectionofthepast,andalltherestisdustandashes。Yes,yes,sheisaladyofspirit,proudanddetermined。Shescrubsthefloorsherselfandhasnothingbutblackbreadtoeat,butwon'tallowherselftobetreatedwithdisrespect。That'swhyshewouldnotoverlookMr。Lebeziatnikov'srudenesstoher,andsowhenhegaveherabeatingforit,shetooktoherbedmorefromthehurttoherfeelingsthanfromtheblows。ShewasawidowwhenI
　　marriedher,withthreechildren,onesmallerthantheother。Shemarriedherfirsthusband,aninfantryofficer,forlove,andranawaywithhimfromherfather'shouse。Shewasexceedinglyfondofherhusband;buthegavewaytocards,gotintotroubleandwiththathedied。Heusedtobeatherattheend：andalthoughshepaidhimback,ofwhichIhaveauthenticdocumentaryevidence,tothisdayshespeaksofhimwithtearsandshethrowshimuptome;andIamglad,Iamgladthat,thoughonlyinimagination,sheshouldthinkofherselfashavingoncebeenhappy……AndshewasleftathisdeathwiththreechildreninawildandremotedistrictwhereIhappenedtobeatthetime;andshewasleftinsuchhopelesspovertythat,althoughIhaveseenmanyupsanddownsofallsort,Idon'tfeelequaltodescribingiteven。Herrelationshadallthrownheroff。Andshewasproud,too,excessivelyproud……Andthen,honouredsir,andthen,I,beingatthetimeawidower,withadaughteroffourteenleftmebymyfirstwife,offeredhermyhand,forIcouldnotbearthesightofsuchsuffering。Youcanjudgetheextremityofhercalamities,thatshe,awomanofeducationandcultureanddistinguishedfamily,shouldhaveconsentedtobemywife。Butshedid!Weepingandsobbingandwringingherhands,shemarriedme!Forshehadnowheretoturn!Doyouunderstand,sir,doyouunderstandwhatitmeanswhenyouhaveabsolutelynowheretoturn?No,thatyoudon'tunderstandyet……Andforawholeyear,Iperformedmydutiesconscientiouslyandfaithfully,anddidnottouchthis“hetappedthejugwithhisfinger,“forIhavefeelings。Butevenso,Icouldnotpleaseher;andthenIlostmyplacetoo,andthatthroughnofaultofminebutthroughchangesintheoffice;andthenIdidtouchit!……Itwillbeayearandahalfagosoonsincewefoundourselvesatlastaftermanywanderingsandnumerouscalamitiesinthismagnificentcapital,adornedwithinnumerablemonuments。HereIobtainedasituation……IobtaineditandIlostitagain。Doyouunderstand?
　　ThistimeitwasthroughmyownfaultIlostit：formyweaknesshadcomeout……WehavenowpartofaroomatAmaliaFyodorovnaLippevechsel's;andwhatweliveuponandwhatwepayourrentwith,I
　　couldnotsay。Therearealotofpeoplelivingtherebesidesourselves。Dirtanddisorder,aperfectBedlam……hm……yes……Andmeanwhilemydaughterbymyfirstwifehasgrownup;andwhatmydaughterhashadtoputupwithfromherstep-motherwhilstshewasgrowingup,Iwon'tspeakof。For,thoughKaterinaIvanovnaisfullofgenerousfeelings,sheisaspiritedlady,irritableandshort-tempered……Yes。Butit'snousegoingoverthat!Sonia,asyoumaywellfancy,hashadnoeducation。Ididmakeaneffortfouryearsagotogiveheracourseofgeographyanduniversalhistory,butasIwasnotverywellupinthosesubjectsmyselfandwehadnosuitablebooks,andwhatbookswehad……hm,anywaywehavenoteventhosenow,soallourinstructioncametoanend。WestoppedatCyrusofPersia。Sinceshehasattainedyearsofmaturity,shehasreadotherbooksofromantictendencyandoflateshehadreadwithgreatinterestabookshegotthroughMr。Lebeziatnikov,Lewes'
　　Physiology-doyouknowit?-andevenrecountedextractsfromittous：andthat'sthewholeofhereducation。AndnowmayIventuretoaddressyou,honouredsir,onmyownaccountwithaprivatequestion。Doyousupposethatarespectablepoorgirlcanearnmuchbyhonestwork?Notfifteenfarthingsadaycansheearn,ifsheisrespectableandhasnospecialtalentandthatwithoutputtingherworkdownforaninstant!Andwhat'smore,IvanIvanitchKlopstockthecivilcounsellor-haveyouheardofhim?-hasnottothisdaypaidherforthehalf-dozenlinenshirtsshemadehimanddroveherroughlyaway,stampingandrevilingher,onthepretextthattheshirtcollarswerenotmadelikethepatternandwereputinaskew。Andtherearethelittleoneshungry……AndKaterinaIvanovnawalkingupanddownandwringingherhands,hercheeksflushedred,astheyalwaysareinthatdisease：'Hereyoulivewithus,'saysshe,'youeatanddrinkandarekeptwarmandyoudonothingtohelp。'Andmuchshegetstoeatanddrinkwhenthereisnotacrustforthelittleonesforthreedays!Iwaslyingatthetime……well,whatofit!IwaslyingdrunkandIheardmySoniaspeakingsheisagentlecreaturewithasoftlittlevoice……fairhairandsuchapale,thinlittleface。Shesaid：'KaterinaIvanovna,amIreallytodoathinglikethat?'AndDaryaFrantsovna,awomanofevilcharacterandverywellknowntothepolice,hadtwoorthreetimestriedtogetatherthroughthelandlady。'Andwhynot?'saidKaterinaIvanovnawithajeer,'youaresomethingmightyprecioustobesocarefulof!'Butdon'tblameher,don'tblameher,honouredsir,don'tblameher!Shewasnotherselfwhenshespoke,butdriventodistractionbyherillnessandthecryingofthehungrychildren;anditwassaidmoretowoundherthananythingelse……Forthat'sKaterinaIvanovna'scharacter,andwhenchildrencry,evenfromhunger,shefallstobeatingthematonce。Atsixo'clockIsawSoniagetup,putonherkerchiefandhercape,andgooutoftheroomandaboutnineo'clockshecameback。ShewalkedstraightuptoKaterinaIvanovnaandshelaidthirtyroublesonthetablebeforeherinsilence。Shedidnotutteraword,shedidnotevenlookather,shesimplypickedupourbiggreendrapdedamesshawlwehaveashawl,madeofdrapdedames,putitoverherheadandfaceandlaydownonthebedwithherfacetothewall;onlyherlittleshouldersandherbodykeptshuddering……AndIwentonlyingthere,justasbefore……AndthenIsaw,youngman,IsawKaterinaIvanovna,inthesamesilencegouptoSonia'slittlebed;
　　shewasonherkneesalltheeveningkissingSonia'sfeet,andwouldnotgetup,andthentheybothfellasleepineachother'sarms……
　　together,together……yes……andI……laydrunk。“
　　Marmeladovstoppedshort,asthoughhisvoicehadfailedhim。Thenhehurriedlyfilledhisglass,drank,andclearedhisthroat。
　　“Sincethen,sir,“hewentonafterabriefpause-“Sincethen,owingtoanunfortunateoccurrenceandthroughinformationgivenbyevil-intentionedpersons-inallwhichDaryaFrantsovnatookaleadingpartonthepretextthatshehadbeentreatedwithwantofrespect-
　　sincethenmydaughterSofyaSemyonovnahasbeenforcedtotakeayellowticket,andowingtothatsheisunabletogoonlivingwithus。Forourlandlady,AmaliaFyodorovnawouldnothearofitthoughshehadbackedupDaryaFrantsovnabeforeandMr。Lebeziatnikovtoo……hm……AllthetroublebetweenhimandKaterinaIvanovnawasonSonia'saccount。AtfirsthewasformakinguptoSoniahimselfandthenallofasuddenhestoodonhisdignity：'how,'saidhe,'canahighlyeducatedmanlikemeliveinthesameroomswithagirllikethat?'AndKaterinaIvanovnawouldnotletitpass,shestoodupforher……andsothat'showithappened。AndSoniacomestousnow,mostlyafterdark;shecomfortsKaterinaIvanovnaandgivesherallshecan……ShehasaroomattheKapernaumovs,thetailors,shelodgeswiththem;Kapernaumovisalamemanwithacleftpalateandallofhisnumerousfamilyhavecleftpalatestoo。Andhiswife,too,hasacleftpalate。Theyallliveinoneroom,butSoniahasherown,partitionedoff……Hm……yes……verypoorpeopleandallwithcleftpalates……yes。ThenIgotupinthemorning,andputonmyrags,liftedupmyhandstoheavenandsetofftohisexcellencyIvanAfanasyevitch。HisexcellencyIvanAfanasyevitch,doyouknowhim?No?Well,then,it'samanofGodyoudon'tknow。Heiswax……
　　waxbeforethefaceoftheLord;evenaswaxmelteth!……Hiseyesweredimwhenheheardmystory。'Marmeladov,oncealreadyyouhavedeceivedmyexpectations……I'lltakeyouoncemoreonmyownresponsibility'-that'swhathesaid,'remember,'hesaid,'andnowyoucango。'Ikissedthedustathisfeet-inthoughtonly,forinrealityhewouldnothaveallowedmetodoit,beingastatesmanandamanofmodernpoliticalandenlightenedideas。Ireturnedhome,andwhenIannouncedthatI'dbeentakenbackintotheserviceandshouldreceiveasalary,heavens,whatato-dotherewas……！”
　　Marmeladovstoppedagaininviolentexcitement。Atthatmomentawholepartyofrevellersalreadydrunkcameinfromthestreet,andthesoundsofahiredconcertinaandthecrackedpipingvoiceofachildofsevensinging“TheHamlet“wereheardintheentry。Theroomwasfilledwithnoise。Thetavern-keeperandtheboyswerebusywiththenew-comers。Marmeladovpayingnoattentiontothenewarrivalscontinuedhisstory。Heappearedbynowtobeextremelyweak,butashebecamemoreandmoredrunk,hebecamemoreandmoretalkative。Therecollectionofhisrecentsuccessingettingthesituationseemedtorevivehim,andwaspositivelyreflectedinasortofradianceonhisface。Raskolnikovlistenedattentively。
　　“Thatwasfiveweeksago,sir。Yes……AssoonasKaterinaIvanovnaandSoniaheardofit,mercyonus,itwasasthoughI
　　steppedintothekingdomofHeaven。Itusedtobe：youcanlielikeabeast,nothingbutabuse。Nowtheywerewalkingontiptoe,hushingthechildren。'SemyonZaharovitchistiredwithhisworkattheoffice,heisresting,shh!'TheymademecoffeebeforeIwenttoworkandboiledcreamforme!Theybegantogetrealcreamforme,doyouhearthat?Andhowtheymanagedtogettogetherthemoneyforadecentoutfit-elevenroubles,fiftycopecks,Ican'tguess。Boots,cottonshirt-fronts-mostmagnificent,auniform,theygotupallinsplendidstyle,forelevenroublesandahalf。ThefirstmorningIcamebackfromtheofficeIfoundKaterinaIvanovnahadcookedtwocoursesfordinner-soupandsaltmeatwithhorseradish-whichwehadneverdreamedoftillthen。Shehadnotanydresses……noneatall,butshegotherselfupasthoughsheweregoingonavisit;andnotthatshe'danythingtodoitwith,shesmartenedherselfupwithnothingatall,she'ddoneherhairnicely,putonacleancollarofsomesort,cuffs,andthereshewas,quiteadifferentperson,shewasyoungerandbetterlooking。Sonia,mylittledarling,hadonlyhelpedwithmoney'forthetime,'shesaid,'itwon'tdoformetocomeandseeyoutoooften。Afterdarkmaybewhennoonecansee。'Doyouhear,doyouhear?Ilaydownforanapafterdinnerandwhatdoyouthink：thoughKaterinaIvanovnahadquarrelledtothelastdegreewithourlandladyAmaliaFyodorovnaonlyaweekbefore,shecouldnotresistthenaskingherintocoffee。Fortwohourstheyweresitting,whisperingtogether。'SemyonZaharovitchisintheserviceagain,now,andreceivingasalary,'saysshe,'andhewenthimselftohisexcellencyandhisexcellencyhimselfcameouttohim,madealltheotherswaitandledSemyonZaharovitchbythehandbeforeeverybodyintohisstudy。'Doyouhear,doyouhear?'Tobesure,'
　　sayshe,'SemyonZaharovitch,rememberingyourpastservices,'sayshe,'andinspiteofyourpropensitytothatfoolishweakness,sinceyoupromisenowandsincemoreoverwe'vegotonbadlywithoutyou,'
　　doyouhear,doyouhear;'andso,'sayshe,'Irelynowonyourwordasagentleman。'Andallthat,letmetellyou,shehassimplymadeupforherself,andnotsimplyoutofwantonness,forthesakeofbragging;no,shebelievesitallherself,sheamusesherselfwithherownfancies,uponmywordshedoes!AndIdon'tblameherforit,no,Idon'tblameher!……SixdaysagowhenIbroughthermyfirstearningsinfull-twenty-threeroublesfortycopecksaltogether-shecalledmeherpoppet：'poppet,'saidshe,'mylittlepoppet。'Andwhenwewerebyourselves,youunderstand?Youwouldnotthinkmeabeauty,youwouldnotthinkmuchofmeasahusband,wouldyou?……Well,shepinchedmycheek'mylittlepoppet,'saidshe。“
　　Marmeladovbrokeoff,triedtosmile,butsuddenlyhischinbegantotwitch。Hecontrolledhimselfhowever。Thetavern,thedegradedappearanceoftheman,thefivenightsinthehaybarge,andthepotofspirits,andyetthispoignantloveforhiswifeandchildrenbewilderedhislistener。Raskolnikovlistenedintentlybutwithasicksensation。Hefeltvexedthathehadcomehere。
　　“Honouredsir,honouredsir,“criedMarmeladovrecoveringhimself-
　　“Oh,sir,perhapsallthisseemsalaughingmattertoyou,asitdoestoothers,andperhapsIamonlyworryingyouwiththestupidityofallthetrivialdetailsofmyhomelife,butitisnotalaughingmattertome。ForIcanfeelitall……AndthewholeofthatheavenlydayofmylifeandthewholeofthateveningIpassedinfleetingdreamsofhowIwouldarrangeitall,andhowIwoulddressallthechildren,andhowIshouldgiveherrest,andhowIshouldrescuemyowndaughterfromdishonourandrestorehertothebosomofherfamily……Andagreatdealmore……Quiteexcusable,sir。
　　Well,then,sirMarmeladovsuddenlygaveasortofstart,raisedhisheadandgazedintentlyathislistenerwell,ontheverynextdayafterallthosedreams,thatistosay,exactlyfivedaysago,intheevening,byacunningtrick,likeathiefinthenight,IstolefromKaterinaIvanovnathekeyofherbox,tookoutwhatwasleftofmyearnings,howmuchitwasIhaveforgotten,andnowlookatme,allofyou!It'sthefifthdaysinceIlefthome,andtheyarelookingformethereandit'stheendofmyemployment,andmyuniformislyinginatavernontheEgyptianbridge。IexchangeditforthegarmentsI
　　haveon……andit'stheendofeverything！”
　　Marmeladovstruckhisforeheadwithhisfist,clenchedhisteeth,closedhiseyesandleanedheavilywithhiselbowonthetable。Butaminutelaterhisfacesuddenlychangedandwithacertainassumedslynessandaffectationofbravado,heglancedatRaskolnikov,laughedandsaid：
　　“ThismorningIwenttoseeSonia,Iwenttoaskherforapick-me-up!He-he-he！”
　　“Youdon'tsayshegaveittoyou？”criedoneofthenew-comers;
　　heshoutedthewordsandwentoffintoaguffaw。
　　“Thisveryquartwasboughtwithhermoney,“Marmeladovdeclared,addressinghimselfexclusivelytoRaskolnikov。“Thirtycopecksshegavemewithherownhands,herlast,allshehad,asIsaw……Shesaidnothing,sheonlylookedatmewithoutaword……Notonearth,butupyonder……theygrieveovermen,theyweep,buttheydon'tblamethem,theydon'tblamethem!Butithurtsmore,ithurtsmorewhentheydon'tblame!Thirtycopecksyes!Andmaybesheneedsthemnow,eh?Whatdoyouthink,mydearsir?Fornowshe'sgottokeepupherappearance。Itcostsmoney,thatsmartness,thatspecialsmartness,youknow?Doyouunderstand?Andthere'spomatum,too,yousee,shemusthavethings;petticoats,starchedones,shoes,too,realjauntyonestoshowoffherfootwhenshehastostepoverapuddle。Doyouunderstand,sir,doyouunderstandwhatallthatsmartnessmeans?
　　AndhereI,herownfather,hereItookthirtycopecksofthatmoneyforadrink!AndIamdrinkingit!AndIhavealreadydrunkit!
　　Come,whowillhavepityonamanlikeme,eh?Areyousorryforme,sir,ornot?Tellme,sir,areyousorryornot?He-he-he！”
　　Hewouldhavefilledhisglass,buttherewasnodrinkleft。Thepotwasempty。
　　“Whatareyoutobepitiedfor？”shoutedthetavern-keeperwhowasagainnearthem。
　　Shoutsoflaughterandevenoathsfollowed。Thelaughterandtheoathscamefromthosewhowerelisteningandalsofromthosewhohadheardnothingbutweresimplylookingatthefigureofthedischargedgovernmentclerk。
　　“Tobepitied!WhyamItobepitied？”Marmeladovsuddenlydeclaimed,standingupwithhisarmoutstretched,asthoughhehadbeenonlywaitingforthatquestion。
　　“WhyamItobepitied,yousay?Yes!there'snothingtopitymefor!Ioughttobecrucified,crucifiedonacross,notpitied!
　　Crucifyme,ohjudge,crucifymebutpityme!AndthenIwillgoofmyselftobecrucified,forit'snotmerry-makingIseekbuttearsandtribulation!……Doyousuppose,youthatsell,thatthispintofyourshasbeensweettome?ItwastribulationIsoughtatthebottomofit,tearsandtribulation,andhavefoundit,andIhavetastedit;butHewillpityusWhohashadpityonallmen,Whohasunderstoodallmenandallthings,HeistheOne。Hetooisthejudge。HewillcomeinthatdayandHewillask：'Whereisthedaughterwhogaveherselfforhercross,consumptivestep-motherandforthelittlechildrenofanother?Whereisthedaughterwhohadpityuponthefilthydrunkard,herearthlyfather,undismayedbyhisbeastliness?'AndHewillsay,'Cometome!Ihavealreadyforgiventheeonce……Ihaveforgiventheeonce……Thysinswhicharemanyareforgiventheeforthouhastlovedmuch……'AndhewillforgivemySonia,Hewillforgive,Iknowit……IfeltitinmyheartwhenIwaswithherjustnow!AndHewilljudgeandwillforgiveall,thegoodandtheevil,thewiseandthemeek……AndwhenHehasdonewithallofthem,thenHewillsummonus。'Youtoocomeforth,'Hewillsay,'Comeforthyedrunkards,comeforth,yeweakones,comeforth,yechildrenofshame!'Andweshallallcomeforth,withoutshameandshallstandbeforehim。AndHewillsayuntous,'Yeareswine,madeintheImageoftheBeastandwithhismark;butcomeyealso!'Andthewiseonesandthoseofunderstandingwillsay,'OhLord,whydostThoureceivethesemen?'AndHewillsay,'ThisiswhyIreceivethem,ohyewise,thisiswhyIreceivethem,ohyeofunderstanding,thatnotoneofthembelievedhimselftobeworthyofthis。'AndHewillholdoutHishandstousandweshallfalldownbeforehim……andweshallweep……andweshallunderstandallthings!Thenweshallunderstandall!……andallwillunderstand,KaterinaIvanovnaeven……shewillunderstand……Lord,Thykingdomcome！”Andhesankdownonthebenchexhausted,andhelpless,lookingatnoone,apparentlyobliviousofhissurroundingsandplungedindeepthought。Hiswordshadcreatedacertainimpression;therewasamomentofsilence;butsoonlaughterandoathswereheardagain。
　　“That'shisnotion！”
　　“Talkedhimselfsilly！”
　　“Afineclerkheis！”
　　Andsoon,andsoon。
　　“Letusgo,sir,“saidMarmeladovallatonce,raisinghisheadandaddressingRaskolnikov-“comealongwithme……Kozel'shouse,lookingintotheyard。I'mgoingtoKaterinaIvanovna-timeIdid。“
　　Raskolnikovhadforsometimebeenwantingtogoandhehadmeanttohelphim。Marmeladovwasmuchunsteadieronhislegsthaninhisspeechandleanedheavilyontheyoungman。Theyhadtwoorthreehundredpacestogo。Thedrunkenmanwasmoreandmoreovercomebydismayandconfusionastheydrewnearerthehouse。
　　“It'snotKaterinaIvanovnaIamafraidofnow,“hemutteredinagitation-“andthatshewillbeginpullingmyhair。Whatdoesmyhairmatter!Bothermyhair!That'swhatIsay!Indeeditwillbebetterifshedoesbeginpullingit,that'snotwhatIamafraidof……it'shereyesIamafraidof……yes,hereyes……theredonhercheeks,too,frightensme……andherbreathingtoo……Haveyounoticedhowpeopleinthatdiseasebreathe……whentheyareexcited?Iamfrightenedofthechildren'scrying,too……ForifSoniahasnottakenthemfood……Idon'tknowwhat'shappened!Idon'tknow!ButblowsIamnotafraidof……Know,sir,thatsuchblowsarenotapaintome,butevenanenjoyment。InfactIcan'tgetonwithoutit……
　　It'sbetterso。Letherstrikeme,itrelievesherheart……it'sbetterso……Thereisthehouse。ThehouseofKozel,thecabinetmaker……aGerman,well-to-do。Leadtheway！”
　　Theywentinfromtheyardanduptothefourthstorey。Thestaircasegotdarkeranddarkerastheywentup。Itwasnearlyeleveno'clockandalthoughinsummerinPetersburgthereisnorealnight,yetitwasquitedarkatthetopofthestairs。
　　Agrimylittledoorattheverytopofthestairsstoodajar。Averypoor-lookingroomabouttenpaceslongwaslightedupbyacandle-end;
　　thewholeofitwasvisiblefromtheentrance。Itwasallindisorder,litteredupwithragsofallsorts,especiallychildren'sgarments。
　　Acrossthefurthestcornerwasstretchedaraggedsheet。Behinditprobablywasthebed。TherewasnothingintheroomexcepttwochairsandasofacoveredwithAmericanleather,fullofholes,beforewhichstoodanolddealkitchen-table,unpaintedanduncovered。Attheedgeofthetablestoodasmolderingtallow-candleinanironcandlestick。Itappearedthatthefamilyhadaroomtothemselves,notpartofaroom,buttheirroomwaspracticallyapassage。Thedoorleadingtotheotherrooms,orrathercupboards,intowhichAmaliaLippevechsel'sflatwasdividedstoodhalfopen,andtherewasshouting,uproarandlaughterwithin。Peopleseemedtobeplayingcardsanddrinkingteathere。Wordsofthemostunceremoniouskindflewoutfromtimetotime。
　　RaskolnikovrecognisedKaterinaIvanovnaatonce。Shewasarathertall,slimandgracefulwoman,terriblyemaciated,withmagnificentdarkbrownhairandwithahecticflushinhercheeks。Shewaspacingupanddowninherlittleroom,pressingherhandsagainstherchest;herlipswereparchedandherbreathingcameinnervousbrokengasps。Hereyesglitteredasinfeverandlookedaboutwithaharshimmovablestare。Andthatconsumptiveandexcitedfacewiththelastflickeringlightofthecandle-endplayinguponitmadeasickeningimpression。SheseemedtoRaskolnikovaboutthirtyyearsoldandwascertainlyastrangewifeforMarmeladov……Shehadnotheardthemanddidnotnoticethemcomingin。Sheseemedtobelostinthought,hearingandseeingnothing。Theroomwasclose,butshehadnotopenedthewindow;astenchrosefromthestaircase,butthedoorontothestairswasnotclosed。Fromtheinnerroomscloudsoftobaccosmokefloatedin,shekeptcoughing,butdidnotclosethedoor。Theyoungestchild,agirlofsix,wasasleep,sittingcurleduponthefloorwithherheadonthesofa。Aboyayearolderstoodcryingandshakinginthecorner,probablyhehadjusthadabeating。Besidehimstoodagirlofnineyearsold,tallandthin,wearingathinandraggedchemisewithanancientcashmerepelisseflungoverherbareshoulders,longoutgrownandbarelyreachingherknees。Herarm,asthinasastick,wasroundherbrother'sneck。
　　Shewastryingtocomforthim,whisperingsomethingtohim,anddoingallshecouldtokeephimfromwhimperingagain。Atthesametimeherlargedarkeyes,whichlookedlargerstillfromthethinnessofherfrightenedface,werewatchinghermotherwithalarm。Marmeladovdidnotenterthedoor,butdroppedonhiskneesintheverydoorway,pushingRaskolnikovinfrontofhim。Thewomanseeingastrangerstoppedindifferentlyfacinghim,comingtoherselfforamomentandapparentlywonderingwhathehadcomefor。
　　Butevidentlyshedecidedthathewasgoingintothenextroom,ashehadtopassthroughherstogetthere。Takingnofurthernoticeofhim,shewalkedtowardstheouterdoortocloseitandutteredasuddenscreamonseeingherhusbandonhiskneesinthedoorway。
　　“Ah！”shecriedoutinafrenzy,“hehascomeback!Thecriminal!
　　themonster!……Andwhereisthemoney?What'sinyourpocket,showme!Andyourclothesarealldifferent!Whereareyourclothes?
　　Whereisthemoney!speak！”
　　Andshefelltosearchinghim。Marmeladovsubmissivelyandobedientlyheldupbotharmstofacilitatethesearch。Notafarthingwasthere。
　　“Where'sthemoney？”shecried-“Mercyonus,canhehavedrunkitall?Thereweretwelvesilverroublesleftinthechest！”andinafurysheseizedhimbythehairanddraggedhimintotheroom。
　　Marmeladovsecondedhereffortsbymeeklycrawlingalongonhisknees。
　　“Andthisisaconsolationtome!Thisdoesnothurtme,butisapositivecon-so-la-tion,ho-nou-redsir,“hecalledout,shakentoandfrobyhishairandevenoncestrikingthegroundwithhisforehead。
　　Thechildasleeponthefloorwokeup,andbegantocry。Theboyinthecornerlosingallcontrolbegantremblingandscreamingandrushedtohissisterinviolentterror,almostinafit。Theeldestgirlwasshakinglikealeaf。
　　“He'sdrunkit!he'sdrunkitall,“thepoorwomanscreamedindespair-“andhisclothesaregone!Andtheyarehungry,hungry！”-andwringingherhandsshepointedtothechildren。“Oh,accursedlife!
　　Andyou,areyounotashamed？”-shepouncedallatonceuponRaskolnikov-“fromthetavern!Havebeendrinkingwithhim?Youhavebeendrinkingwithhim,too!Goaway！”
　　Theyoungmanwashasteningawaywithoututteringaword。Theinnerdoorwasthrownwideopenandinquisitivefaceswerepeeringinatit。Coarselaughingfaceswithpipesandcigarettesandheadswearingcapsthrustthemselvesinatthedoorway。Furtherincouldbeseenfiguresindressinggownsflungopen,incostumesofunseemlyscantiness,someofthemwithcardsintheirhands。Theywereparticularlydiverted,whenMarmeladov,draggedaboutbyhishair,shoutedthatitwasaconsolationtohim。Theyevenbegantocomeintotheroom;atlastasinistershrilloutcrywasheard：thiscamefromAmaliaLippevechselherselfpushingherwayamongstthemandtryingtorestoreorderafterherownfashionandforthehundredthtimetofrightenthepoorwomanbyorderingherwithcoarseabusetoclearoutoftheroomnextday。Ashewentout,Raskolnikovhadtimetoputhishandintohispocket,tosnatchupthecoppershehadreceivedinexchangeforhisroubleinthetavernandtolaythemunnoticedonthewindow。Afterwardsonthestairs,hechangedhismindandwouldhavegoneback。
　　“WhatastupidthingI'vedone,“hethoughttohimself,“theyhaveSoniaandIwantitmyself。“Butreflectingthatitwouldbeimpossibletotakeitbacknowandthatinanycasehewouldnothavetakenit,hedismisseditwithawaveofhishandandwentbacktohislodging。“Soniawantspomatumtoo,“hesaidashewalkedalongthestreet,andhelaughedmalignantly-“suchsmartnesscostsmoney……Hm!AndmaybeSoniaherselfwillbebankruptto-day,forthereisalwaysarisk,huntingbiggame……diggingforgold……thentheywouldallbewithoutacrustto-morrowexceptformymoney。
　　HurrahforSonia!Whataminethey'vedugthere!Andthey'remakingthemostofit!Yes,theyaremakingthemostofit!They'veweptoveritandgrownusedtoit。Mangrowsusedtoeverything,thescoundrel！”
　　Hesankintothought。
　　“AndwhatifIamwrong,“hecriedsuddenlyafteramoment'sthought。“Whatifmanisnotreallyascoundrel,maningeneral,I
　　mean,thewholeraceofmankind-thenalltherestisprejudice,simplyartificialterrorsandtherearenobarriersandit'sallasitshouldbe。“
　　ChapterThreeHEWAKEDuplatenextdayafterabrokensleep。Buthissleephadnotrefreshedhim;hewakedupbilious,irritable,ill-tempered,andlookedwithhatredathisroom。Itwasatinycupboardofaroomaboutsixpacesinlength。Ithadapoverty-strickenappearancewithitsdustyyellowpaperpeelingoffthewalls,anditwassolow-pitchedthatamanofmorethanaverageheightwasillateaseinitandfelteverymomentthathewouldknockhisheadagainsttheceiling。
　　Thefurniturewasinkeepingwiththeroom：therewerethreeoldchairs,ratherrickety;apaintedtableinthecorneronwhichlayafewmanuscriptsandbooks;thedustthatlaythickuponthemshowedthattheyhadbeenlonguntouched。Abigclumsysofaoccupiedalmostthewholeofonewallandhalfthefloorspaceoftheroom;itwasoncecoveredwithchintz,butwasnowinragsandservedRaskolnikovasabed。Oftenhewenttosleeponit,ashewas,withoutundressing,withoutsheets,wrappedinhisoldstudent'sovercoat,withhisheadononelittlepillow,underwhichheheapedupallthelinenhehad,cleananddirty,bywayofabolster。Alittletablestoodinfrontofthesofa。
　　Itwouldhavebeendifficulttosinktoalowerebbofdisorder,buttoRaskolnikovinhispresentstateofmindthiswaspositivelyagreeable。Hehadgotcompletelyawayfromeveryone,likeatortoiseinitsshell,andeventhesightoftheservantgirlwhohadtowaituponhimandlookedsometimesintohisroommadehimwrithewithnervousirritation。Hewasintheconditionthatovertakessomemonomaniacsentirelyconcentratedupononething。Hislandladyhadforthelastfortnightgivenupsendinghiminmeals,andhehadnotyetthoughtofexpostulatingwithher,thoughhewentwithouthisdinner。Nastasya,thecookandonlyservant,wasratherpleasedatthelodger'smoodandhadentirelygivenupsweepinganddoinghisroom,onlyonceaweekorsoshewouldstrayintohisroomwithabroom。Shewakedhimupthatday。
　　“Getup,whyareyouasleep！”shecalledtohim。“It'spastnine,Ihavebroughtyousometea;willyouhaveacup?Ishouldthinkyou'refairlystarving？”
　　Raskolnikovopenedhiseyes,startedandrecognizedNastasya。
　　“Fromthelandlady,eh？”heasked,slowlyandwithasicklyfacesittinguponthesofa。
　　“Fromthelandlady,indeed！”
　　Shesetbeforehimherowncrackedteapotfullofweakandstaleteaandlaidtwoyellowlumpsofsugarbythesideofit。
　　“Here,Nastasya,takeitplease,“hesaid,fumblinginhispocketforhehadsleptinhisclothesandtakingoutahandfulofcoppers-
　　“runandbuymealoaf。Andgetmealittlesausage,thecheapest,atthepork-butcher's。“
　　“TheloafI'llfetchyouthisveryminute,butwouldn'tyouratherhavesomecabbagesoupinsteadofsausage?It'scapitalsoup,yesterday's。Isaveditforyouyesterday,butyoucameinlate。
　　It'sfinesoup。“
　　Whenthesouphadbeenbrought,andhehadbegunuponit,Nastasyasatdownbesidehimonthesofaandbeganchatting。Shewasacountrypeasant-womanandaverytalkativeone。
　　“PraskovyaPavlovnameanstocomplaintothepoliceaboutyou,“
　　shesaid。
　　Hescowled。
　　“Tothepolice?Whatdoesshewant？”
　　“Youdon'tpayhermoneyandyouwon'tturnoutoftheroom。
　　That'swhatshewants,tobesure。“
　　“Thedevil,that'sthelaststraw,“hemuttered,grindinghisteeth,“no,thatwouldnotsuitme……justnow。Sheisafool,“headdedaloud。“I'llgoandtalktoherto-day。“
　　“Foolsheisandnomistake,justasIam。Butwhy,ifyouaresoclever,doyoulieherelikeasackandhavenothingtoshowforit?
　　Onetimeyouusedtogoout,yousay,toteachchildren。Butwhyisityoudonothingnow？”
　　“Iamdoing……“Raskolnikovbegansullenlyandreluctantly。
　　“Whatareyoudoing？”
　　“Work……“
　　“Whatsortofwork？”
　　“Iamthinking,“heansweredseriouslyafterapause。
　　Nastasyawasovercomewithafitoflaughter。Shewasgiventolaughterandwhenanythingamusedher,shelaughedinaudibly,quiveringandshakingallovertillshefeltill。
　　“Andhaveyoumademuchmoneybyyourthinking？”shemanagedtoarticulateatlast。
　　“Onecan'tgoouttogivelessonswithoutboots。AndI'msickofit。“
　　“Don'tquarrelwithyourbreadandbutter。“
　　“Theypaysolittleforlessons。What'stheuseofafewcoppers？”
　　heanswered,reluctantly,asthoughreplyingtohisownthought。
　　“Andyouwanttogetafortuneallatonce？”
　　Helookedatherstrangely。
　　“Yes,Iwantafortune,“heansweredfirmly,afterabriefpause。
　　“Don'tbeinsuchahurry,youquitefrightenme!ShallIgetyoutheloafornot？”
　　“Asyouplease。“
　　“Ah,Iforgot!Alettercameforyouyesterdaywhenyouwereout。“
　　“Aletter?forme!fromwhom？”
　　“Ican'tsay。Igavethreecopecksofmyowntothepostmanforit。Willyoupaymeback？”
　　“Thenbringittome,forGod'ssake,bringit,“criedRaskolnikovgreatlyexcited-“goodGod！”
　　Aminutelatertheletterwasbroughthim。Thatwasit：fromhismother,fromtheprovinceofR___。Heturnedpalewhenhetookit。
　　Itwasalongwhilesincehehadreceivedaletter,butanotherfeelingalsosuddenlystabbedhisheart。
　　“Nastasya,leavemealone,forgoodness'sake;hereareyourthreecopecks,butforgoodness'sake,makehasteandgo！”
　　Theletterwasquiveringinhishand;hedidnotwanttoopenitinherpresence;hewantedtobeleftalonewiththisletter。WhenNastasyahadgoneout,helifteditquicklytohislipsandkissedit;
　　thenhegazedintentlyattheaddress,thesmall,slopinghandwriting,sodearandfamiliar,ofthemotherwhohadoncetaughthimtoreadandwrite。Hedelayed;heseemedalmostafraidofsomething。Atlastheopenedit;itwasathickheavyletter,weighingovertwoounces,twolargesheetsofnotepaperwerecoveredwithverysmallhandwriting。
　　“MydearRodya,“wrotehismother-“it'stwomonthssinceIlasthadatalkwithyoubyletterwhichhasdistressedmeandevenkeptmeawakeatnight,thinking。ButIamsureyouwillnotblamemeformyinevitablesilence。YouknowhowIloveyou;youareallwehavetolookto,DouniaandI,youareourall,ouronehope,ouronestay。
　　WhatagriefitwastomewhenIheardthatyouhadgivenuptheuniversitysomemonthsago,forwantofmeanstokeepyourselfandthatyouhadlostyourlessonsandyourotherwork!HowcouldIhelpyououtofmyhundredandtwentyroublesayearpension?ThefifteenroublesIsentyoufourmonthsagoIborrowed,asyouknow,onsecurityofmypension,fromVassilyIvanovitchVahrushinamerchantofthistown。Heisakind-heartedmanandwasafriendofyourfather'stoo。Buthavinggivenhimtherighttoreceivethepension,I
　　hadtowaittillthedebtwaspaidoffandthatisonlyjustdone,sothatI'vebeenunabletosendyouanythingallthistime。Butnow,thankGod,IbelieveIshallbeabletosendyousomethingmoreandinfactwemaycongratulateourselvesonourgoodfortunenow,ofwhichIhastentoinformyou。Inthefirstplace,wouldyouhaveguessed,dearRodya,thatyoursisterhasbeenlivingwithmeforthelastsixweeksandweshallnotbeseparatedinthefuture。