However，theoldladystillcommunedwithherself。Shecouldseethatthetransactionwouldbetoheradvantage，yetitwasoneofsuchanovelandunprecedentednaturethatshewasbeginningtofearlestthispurchaserofsoulsintendedtocheather。CertainlyhehadcomefromGodonlyknewwhere，andatthedeadofnight，too！
　　“But，sir，Ihaveneverinmylifesolddeadfolk——onlylivingones。
　　ThreeyearsagoItransferredtwowenchestoProtopopovforahundredroublesapiece，andhethankedmekindly，fortheyturnedoutsplendidworkers——abletomakenapkinsoranythingelse。
　　“Yes，butwiththelivingwehavenothingtodo，damnit！IamaskingyouonlyaboutDEADfolk。“
　　“Yes，yes，ofcourse。ButatfirstsightIfeltafraidlestIshouldbeincurringaloss——lestyoushouldbewishingtooutwitme，goodsir。Yousee，thedeadsoulsareworthrathermorethanyouhaveofferedforthem。“
　　“Seehere，madam。Whatawomanitis！HOWcouldtheybeworthmore？Thinkforyourself。Theyaresomuchlosstoyou——somuchloss，doyouunderstand？Takeanyworthless，rubbishyarticleyoulike——apieceofoldrag，forexample。Thatragwillyetfetchitsprice，foritcanbeboughtforpaper-making。ButthesedeadsoulsaregoodforNOTHINGATALL。CanyounameanythingthattheyAREgoodfor？”
　　“True，true——theyAREgoodfornothing。Butwhattroublesmeisthefactthattheyaredead。“
　　“Whatablockheadofacreature！”saidChichikovtohimself，forhewasbeginningtolosepatience。“Blessherheart，Imayaswellbegoing。Shehasthrownmeintoaperfectsweat，thecursedoldshrew！”
　　Hetookahandkerchieffromhispocket，andwipedtheperspirationfromhisbrow。Yetheneednothaveflownintosuchapassion。Morethanonerespectedstatesmanrevealshimself，whenconfrontedwithabusinessmatter，tobejustsuchanotherasMadamKorobotchka，inthat，oncehehasgotanideaintohishead，thereisnogettingitoutofhim——youmayplyhimwithdaylight-cleararguments，yettheywillreboundfromhisbrainasanindia-rubberballreboundsfromaflagstone。Nevertheless，wipingawaytheperspiration，Chichikovresolvedtotrywhetherhecouldnotbringherbacktotheroadbyanotherpath。
　　“Madam，“hesaid，“eitheryouaredecliningtounderstandwhatIsayoryouaretalkingforthemeresakeoftalking。IfIhandyouoversomemoney——fifteenroublesforeachsoul，doyouunderstand？——itisMONEY，notsomethingwhichcanbepickeduphaphazardonthestreet。
　　Forinstance，tellmehowmuchyousoldyourhoneyfor？”
　　“Fortwelveroublesperpood。“
　　“Ah！Thenbythosewords，madam，youhavelaidatriflingsinuponyoursoul；foryoudidNOTsellthehoneyfortwelveroubles。“
　　“BytheLordGodIdid！”
　　“Well，well！Nevermind。Honeyisonlyhoney。Now，youhadcollectedthatstuff，itmaybe，forayear，andwithinfinitecareandlabour。
　　Youhadfussedafterit，youhadtrottedtoandfro，youhaddulyfrozenoutthebees，andyouhadfedtheminthecellarthroughoutthewinter。ButthesedeadsoulsofwhichIspeakarequiteanothermatter，forinthiscaseyouhaveputforthnoexertions——itwasmerelyGod'swillthattheyshouldleavetheworld，andthusdecreasethepersonnelofyourestablishment。Intheformercaseyoureceivedsoyouallegetwelveroublesperpoodforyourlabour；butinthiscaseyouwillreceivemoneyforhavingdonenothingatall。Norwillyoureceivetwelveroublesperitem，butFIFTEEN——androublesnotinsilver，butroublesingoodpapercurrency。“
　　ThatthesepowerfulinducementswouldcertainlycausetheoldwomantoyieldChichikovhadnotadoubt。
　　“True，“hishostessreplied。“Buthowstrangelybusinesscomestomeasawidow！PerhapsIhadbetterwaitalittlelonger，seeingthatotherbuyersmightcomealong，andImightbeabletocompareprices。“
　　“Forshame，madam！Forshame！Thinkwhatyouaresaying。Whoelse，I
　　wouldask，wouldcaretobuythosesouls？Whatusecouldtheybetoanyone？”
　　“Ifthatisso，theymightcomeinusefultoME，“musedtheoldwomanaloud；afterwhichshesatstaringatChichikovwithhermouthopenandafaceofnervousexpectancyastohispossiblerejoinder。
　　“Deadfolkusefulinahousehold！”heexclaimed。“Why，whatcouldyoudowiththem？Setthemuponpolestofrightenawaythesparrowsfromyourgarden？”
　　“TheLordsaveus，butwhatthingsyousay！”sheejaculated，crossingherself。
　　“Well，WHATcouldyoudowiththem？Bythistimetheyaresomuchbonesandearth。Thatisallthereisleftofthem。TheirtransfertomyselfwouldbeONPAPERonly。Come，come！Atleastgivemeananswer。“
　　Againtheoldwomancommunedwithherself。
　　“Whatareyouthinkingof，NastasiaPetrovna？”inquiredChichikov。
　　“IamthinkingthatIscarcelyknowwhattodo。PerhapsIhadbettersellyousomehemp？”
　　“WhatdoIwantwithhemp？Pardonme，butjustwhenIhavemadetoyouadifferentproposalaltogetheryoubeginfussingabouthemp！Hempishemp，andthoughImaywantsomewhenINEXTvisityou，Ishouldliketoknowwhatyouhavetosaytothesuggestionunderdiscussion。“
　　“Well，Ithinkitaveryqueerbargain。NeverhaveIheardofsuchathing。“
　　UponthisChichikovlostallpatience，upsethischair，andbidhergotothedevil；ofwhichpersonageeventhemerementionterrifiedherextremely。
　　“Donotspeakofhim，Ibegofyou！”shecried，turningpale。“MayGod，rather，blesshim！Lastnightwasthethirdnightthathehasappearedtomeinadream。Yousee，aftersayingmyprayers，I
　　bethoughtmeoftellingmyfortunebythecards；andGodmusthavesenthimasapunishment。Helookedsohorrible，andhadhornslongerthanabull's！”
　　“Iwonderyoudon'tseeSCORESofdevilsinyourdreams！MerelyoutofChristiancharityhehadcometoyoutosay，'Iperceiveapoorwidowgoingtorackandruin，andlikelysoontostandindangerofwant。'Well，gotorackandruin——yes，youandallyourvillagetogether！”
　　“Theinsults！”exclaimedtheoldwoman，glancingathervisitorinterror。
　　“Ishouldthinkso！”continuedChichikov。“Indeed，Icannotfindwordstodescribeyou。Tosaynomoreaboutit，youarelikeadoginamanger。Youdon'twanttoeatthehayyourself，yetyouwon'tletanyoneelsetouchit。AllthatIamseekingtodoistopurchasecertaindomesticproductsofyours，forthereasonthatIhavecertainGovernmentcontractstofulfil。“Thislastheaddedinpassing，andwithoutanyulteriormotive，savethatitcametohimasahappythought。NeverthelessthementionofGovernmentcontractsexercisedapowerfulinfluenceuponNastasiaPetrovna，andshehastenedtosayinatonethatwasalmostsupplicatory：
　　“Whyshouldyoubesoangrywithme？HadIknownthatyouweregoingtoloseyourtemperinthisway，Ishouldneverhavediscussedthematter。“
　　“NowonderthatIlosemytemper！Aneggtoomanyisnogreatmatter，yetitmayproveexceedinglyannoying。“
　　“Well，well，Iwillletyouhavethesoulsforfifteenroubleseach。
　　Also，withregardtothosecontracts，donotforgetmeifatanytimeyoushouldfindyourselfinneedofrye-mealorbuckwheatorgroatsordeadmeat。“
　　“No，IshallNEVERforgetyou，madam！”hesaid，wipinghisforehead，wherethreeseparatestreamsofperspirationweretricklingdownhisface。Thenheaskedherwhetherinthetownshehadanyacquaintanceoragentwhomshecouldempowertocompletethetransferenceoftheserfs，andtocarryoutwhatsoeverelsemightbenecessary。
　　“Certainly，“repliedMadameKorobotchka。“Thesonofourarchpriest，FatherCyril，himselfisalawyer。“
　　UponthatChichikovbeggedhertoaccordthegentlemaninquestionapowerofattorney，while，tosaveextratrouble，hehimselfwouldthenandtherecomposetherequisiteletter。
　　“ItwouldbeafinethingifheweretobuyupallmymealandstockfortheGovernment，“thoughtMadametoherself。“Imustencouragehimalittle。Therehasbeensomedoughstandingreadysincelastnight，soIwillgoandtellFetiniatotryafewpancakes。Also，itmightbewelltotryhimwithaneggpie。Wemakethennicelyhere，andtheydonottakelonginthemaking。“
　　Soshedepartedtotranslateherthoughtsintoaction，aswellastosupplementthepiewithotherproductsofthedomesticcuisine；while，forhispart，Chichikovreturnedtothedrawing-roomwherehehadspentthenight，inordertoprocurefromhisdispatch-boxthenecessarywriting-paper。Theroomhadnowbeensetinorder，thesumptuousfeatherbedremoved，andatablesetbeforethesofa。
　　Depositinghisdispatch-boxuponthetable，heheavedagentlesighonbecomingawarethathewassosoakedwithperspirationthathemightalmosthavebeendippedinariver。Everything，fromhisshirttohissocks，wasdripping。“Mayshestarvetodeath，thecursedoldharridan！”heejaculatedafteramoment'srest。Thenheopenedhisdispatch-box。Inpassing，ImaysaythatIfeelcertainthatatleastSOMEofmyreaderswillbecurioustoknowthecontentsandtheinternalarrangementsofthatreceptacle。WhyshouldInotgratifytheircuriosity？Tobeginwith，thecentreoftheboxcontainedasoap-dish，with，disposedaroundit，sixorsevencompartmentsforrazors。Nextcamesquarepartitionsforasand-box[7]andaninkstand，aswellasscoopedoutintheirmidstahollowofpens，sealing-wax，andanythingelsethatrequiredmoreroom。Lastlytherewereallsortsoflittledivisions，bothwithandwithoutlids，forarticlesofasmallernature，suchasvisitingcards，memorialcards，theatretickets，andthingswhichChichikovhadlaidbyassouvenirs。Thisportionoftheboxcouldbetakenout，andbelowitwerebothaspaceformanuscriptsandasecretmoney-box——thelattermadetodrawoutfromthesideofthereceptacle。
　　[7]Toserveasblotting-paper。
　　Chichikovsettoworktocleanapen，andthentowrite。Presentlyhishostessenteredtheroom。
　　“Whatabeautifulboxyouhavegot，mydearsir！”sheexclaimedasshetookaseatbesidehim。“ProbablyyouboughtitinMoscow？”
　　“Yes——inMoscow，“repliedChichikovwithoutinterruptinghiswriting。
　　“Ithoughtso。OneCANgetgoodthingsthere。Threeyearsagomysisterbroughtmeafewpairsofwarmshoesformysons，andtheyweresuchexcellentarticles！Tothisdaymyboyswearthem。Andwhatnicestampedpaperyouhave！”shehadpeeredintothedispatch-box，where，sureenough，therelayafurtherstoreofthepaperinquestion。
　　“Wouldyoumindlettingmehaveasheetofit？Iamwithoutanyatall，althoughIshallsoonhavetobepresentingapleatothelandcourt，andpossessnotamorselofpapertowriteiton。“
　　UponthisChichikovexplainedthatthepaperwasnotthesortproperforthepurpose——thatitwasmeantforserf-indenturing，andnotfortheframingofpleas。Nevertheless，toquiether，hegaveherasheetstampedtothevalueofarouble。Next，hehandedherthelettertosign，andrequested，inreturn，alistofherpeasants。Unfortunately，suchalisthadneverbeencompiled，letaloneanycopiesofit，andtheonlywayinwhichsheknewthepeasants'nameswasbyheart。
　　However，hetoldhertodictatethem。Someofthenamesgreatlyastonishedourhero，so，stillmore，didthesurnames。Indeed，frequently，onhearingthelatter，hehadtopausebeforewritingthemdown。Especiallydidhehaltbeforeacertain“PeterSavelievNeuvazhaiKorito。““Whatastringoftitles！”involuntarilyheejaculated。TotheChristiannameofanotherserfwasappended“KoroviKirpitch，“andtothatofathird“KolesoIvan。“However，atlengththelistwascompiled，andhecaughtadeepbreath；whichlatterproceedingcausedhimtocatchalsotheattractiveodourofsomethingfriedinfat。
　　“Ibeseechyoutohaveamorsel，“murmuredhishostess。Chichikovlookedup，andsawthatthetablewasspreadwithmushrooms，pies，andotherviands。
　　“Trythisfreshly-madepieandanegg，“continuedMadame。
　　Chichikovdidso，andhavingeatenmorethanhalfofwhatsheofferedhim，praisedthepiehighly。Indeed，itwasatoothsomedish，and，afterhisdifficultiesandexertionswithhishostess，ittastedevenbetterthanitmightotherwisehavedone。
　　“Andalsoafewpancakes？”suggestedMadame。
　　ForanswerChichikovfoldedthreetogether，and，havingdippedtheminmeltedbutter，consignedthelottohismouth，andthenwipedhismouthwithanapkin。Twicemorewastheprocessrepeated，andthenherequestedhishostesstoorderthebritchkatobegotready。IndispatchingFetiniawiththenecessaryinstructions，sheorderedhertoreturnwithasecondbatchofhotpancakes。
　　“Yourpancakesareindeedsplendid，“saidChichikov，applyinghimselftothesecondconsignmentoffrieddaintieswhentheyhadarrived。
　　“Yes，wemakethemwellhere，“repliedMadame。“Yethowunfortunateitisthattheharvestshouldhaveprovedsopoorastohavepreventedmefromearninganythingonmy——Butwhyshouldyoubeinsuchahurrytodepart，goodsir？”ShebrokeoffonseeingChichikovreachforhiscap。“Thebritchkaisnotyetready。“
　　“Thenitisbeinggotso，madam，itisbeinggotso，andIshallneedamomentortwotopackmythings。“
　　“Asyouplease，dearsir；butdonotforgetmeinconnectionwiththoseGovernmentcontracts。“
　　“No，IhavesaidthatNEVERshallIforgetyou，“repliedChichikovashehurriedintothehall。
　　“Andwouldyouliketobuysomelard？”continuedhishostess，pursuinghim。
　　“Lard？Ohcertainly。Whynot？Only，only——IwilldosoANOTHERtime。“
　　“IshallhavesomereadyataboutChristmas。“
　　“Quiteso，madam。THENIwillbuyanythingandeverything——thelardincluded。“
　　“Andperhapsyouwillbewantingalsosomefeathers？IshallbehavingsomeforsaleaboutSt。Philip'sDay。“
　　“Verywell，verywell，madam。“
　　“Thereyousee！”sheremarkedastheysteppedoutontotheverandah。
　　“ThebritchkaisNOTyetready。“
　　“Butitsoonwillbe，itsoonwillbe。Onlydirectmetothemainroad。“
　　“HowamItodothat？”saidMadame。“'Twouldpuzzleawisemantodoso，forinthesepartstherearesomanyturnings。However，Iwillsendagirltoguideyou。Youcouldfindroomforheronthebox-seat，couldyounot？”
　　“Yes，ofcourse。“
　　“ThenIwillsendher。Sheknowsthewaythoroughly。Onlydonotcarryheroffforgood。Alreadysometradershavedeprivedmeofoneofmygirls。“
　　Chichikovreassuredhishostessonthepoint，andMadamepluckedupcourageenoughtoscan，firstofall，thehousekeeper，whohappenedtobeissuingfromthestorehousewithabowlofhoney，and，next，ayoungpeasantwhohappenedtobestandingatthegates；and，whilethusengaged，shebecamewhollyabsorbedinherdomesticpursuits。Butwhypayhersomuchattention？TheWidowKorobotchka，MadameManilov，domesticlife，non-domesticlife——awaywiththemall！Howstrangelyarethingscompounded！Inatricemayjoyturntosorrow，shouldonehaltlongenoughoverit：inatriceonlyGodcansaywhatideasmaystrikeone。Youmayfalleventothinking：“Afterall，didMadameKorobotchkastandsoverylowinthescaleofhumanperfection？WastherereallysuchaverygreatgulfbetweenherandMadameManilov——betweenherandtheMadameManilovwhomwehaveseenentrenchedbehindthewallsofagenteelmansioninwhichtherewereafinestaircaseofwroughtmetalandanumberofrichcarpets；theMadameManilovwhospentmostofhertimeinyawningbehindhalf-readbooks，andinhopingforavisitfromsomesociallydistinguishedpersoninorderthatshemightdisplayherwitandcarefullyrehearsedthoughts——thoughtswhichhadbeenderigeurintownforaweekpast，yetwhichreferred，nottowhatwasgoingoninherhouseholdoronherestate——bothofwhichpropertieswereatoddsandends，owingtoherignoranceoftheartofmanagingthem——buttothecomingpoliticalrevolutioninFranceandthedirectioninwhichfashionableCatholicismwassupposedtobemoving？Butawaywithsuchthings！Whyneedwespeakofthem？Yethowcomesitthatsuddenlyintothemidstofourcareless，frivolous，unthinkingmomentstheremayenteranother，andaverydifferent，tendency？——thatthesmilemaynothaveleftahumanfacebeforeitsownerwillhaveradicallychangedhisorhernaturethoughnothisorherenvironmentwiththeresultthatthefacewillsuddenlybecomelitwitharadianceneverbeforeseenthere？……
　　“Hereisthebritchka，hereisthebritchka！”exclaimedChichikovonperceivingthatvehicleslowlyadvancing。“Ah，youblockhead！”hewentontoSelifan。“Whyhaveyoubeenloiteringabout？Isupposelastnight'sfumeshavenotyetleftyourbrain？”
　　TothisSelifanreturnednoreply。
　　“Good-bye，madam，“addedthespeaker。“Butwhereisthegirlwhomyoupromisedme？”
　　“Here，Pelagea！”calledthehostesstoawenchofaboutelevenwhowasdressedinhome-dyedgarmentsandcouldboastofapairofbarefeetwhich，fromadistance，mightalmosthavebeenmistakenforboots，soencrustedweretheywithfreshmire。“Here，Pelagea！Comeandshowthisgentlemantheway。“
　　Selifanhelpedthegirltoascendtothebox-seat。Placingonefootuponthestepbywhichthegentrymounted，shecoveredthesaidstepwithmud，andthen，ascendinghigher，attainedthedesiredpositionbesidethecoachman。Chichikovfollowedinherwakecausingthebritchkatoheeloverwithhisweightashedidso，andthensettledhimselfbackintohisplacewithan“Allright！Good-bye，madam！”asthehorsesmovedawayatatrot。
　　Selifanlookedgloomyashedrove，butalsoveryattentivetohisbusiness。Thiswasinvariablyhiscustomwhenhehadcommittedthefaultofgettingdrunk。Also，thehorseslookedunusuallywell-groomed。Inparticular，thecollarononeofthemhadbeenneatlymended，althoughhithertoitsstateofdilapidationhadbeensuchasperenniallytoallowthestuffingtoprotrudethroughtheleather。Thesilencepreservedwaswell-nighcomplete。Merelyflourishinghiswhip，Selifanspoketotheteamnowordofinstruction，althoughtheskewbaldwasasreadyasusualtolistentoconversationofadidacticnature，seeingthatatsuchtimesthereinshunglooselyinthehandsoftheloquaciousdriver，andthewhipwanderedmerelyasamatterofformoverthebacksofthetroika。Thistime，however，therecouldbeheardissuingfromSelifan'ssullenlipsonlytheuniformlyunpleasantexclamation，“Nowthen，youbrutes！Getonwithyou，getonwithyou！”
　　ThebayandtheAssessortoofeltputoutatnothearingthemselvescalled“mypets“or“goodlads“；while，inaddition，theskewbaldcameinforsomenastycutsacrosshissleekandamplequarters。“Whathasputmasteroutlikethis？”thoughttheanimalasitshookitshead。
　　“Heavenknowswherehedoesnotkeepbeatingme——acrosstheback，andevenwhereIamtendererstill。Yes，hekeepscatchingthewhipinmyears，andlashingmeunderthebelly。“
　　“Totheright，eh？”snappedSelifantothegirlbesidehimashepointedtoarain-soakedroadwhichtrendedawaythroughfreshgreenfields。
　　“No，no，“shereplied。“Iwillshowyoutheroadwhenthetimecomes。“
　　“Whichway，then？”heaskedagainwhentheyhadproceededalittlefurther。
　　“Thisway。“Andshepointedtotheroadjustmentioned。
　　“Getalongwithyou！”retortedthecoachman。“ThatDOESgototheright。Youdon'tknowyourrighthandfromyourleft。“
　　Theweatherwasfine，butthegroundsoexcessivelysoddenthatthewheelsofthebritchkacollectedmireuntiltheyhadbecomecakedaswithalayeroffelt，acircumstancewhichgreatlyincreasedtheweightofthevehicle，andpreventeditfromclearingtheneighbouringparishesbeforetheafternoonwasarrived。Also，withoutthegirl'shelpthefindingofthewaywouldhavebeenimpossible，sinceroadswiggledawayineverydirection，likecrabsreleasedfromanet，and，butfortheassistancementioned，Selifanwouldhavefoundhimselflefttohisowndevices。Presentlyshepointedtoabuildingahead，withthewords，“THEREisthemainroad。“
　　“Andwhatisthebuilding？”askedSelifan。
　　“Atavern，“shesaid。
　　“Thenwecangetalongbyourselves，“heobserved。“Doyougetdown，andbeoffhome。“
　　Withthathestopped，andhelpedhertoalight——mutteringashedidso：“Ah，youblackfootedcreature！”
　　Chichikovaddedacoppergroat，andshedepartedwellpleasedwithherrideinthegentleman'scarriage。
　　CHAPTERIV
　　Onreachingthetavern，Chichikovcalledahalt。Hisreasonsforthisweretwofold——namely，thathewantedtorestthehorses，andthathehimselfdesiredsomerefreshment。Inthisconnectiontheauthorfeelsboundtoconfessthattheappetiteandthecapacityofsuchmenaregreatlytobeenvied。Ofthosewell-to-dofolkofSt。PetersburgandMoscowwhospendtheirtimeinconsideringwhattheyshalleatonthemorrow，andincomposingadinnerforthedayfollowing，andwhoneversitdowntoamealwithoutfirstofallinjectingapillandthenswallowingoystersandcrabsandaquantityofothermonsters，whileeternallydepartingforKarlsbadortheCaucasus，theauthorhasbutasmallopinion。Yes，THEYarenotthepersonstoinspireenvy。
　　Rather，itisthefolkofthemiddleclasses——folkwhoatoneposthousecallforbacon，andatanotherforasuckingpig，andatathirdforasteakofsturgeonorabakedpuddingwithonions，andwhocansitdowntotableatanyhour，asthoughtheyhadneverhadamealintheirlives，andcandevourfishofallsorts，andguzzleandchewitwithaviewtoprovokingfurtherappetite——these，Isay，arethefolkwhoenjoyheaven'smostfavouredgift。ToattainsuchacelestialconditionthegreatfolkofwhomIhavespokenwouldsacrificehalftheirserfsandhalftheirmortgagedandnon-mortgagedproperty，withtheforeignanddomesticimprovementsthereon，iftherebytheycouldcompasssuchastomachasispossessedbythefolkofthemiddleclass。But，unfortunately，neithermoneynorrealestate，whetherimprovedornon-improved，canpurchasesuchastomach。
　　Thelittlewoodentavern，withitsnarrow，buthospitable，curtainsuspendedfromapairofrough-hewndoorpostslikeoldchurchcandlesticks，seemedtoinviteChichikovtoenter。True，theestablishmentwasonlyaRussianhutoftheordinarytype，butitwasahutoflargerdimensionsthanusual，andhadarounditswindowsandgablescarvedandpatternedcornicesofbright-colouredwoodwhichthrewintoreliefthedarkerhueofthewalls，andconsortedwellwiththefloweredpitcherspaintedontheshutters。
　　Ascendingthenarrowwoodenstaircasetotheupperfloor，andarrivinguponabroadlanding，Chichikovfoundhimselfconfrontedwithacreakingdoorandastoutoldwomaninastripedprintgown。“Thisway，ifyouplease，“shesaid。WithintheapartmentdesignatedChichikovencounteredtheoldfriendswhichoneinvariablyfindsinsuchroadsidehostelries——towit，aheavysamovar，foursmooth，bescratchedwallsofwhitepine，athree-corneredpresswithcupsandteapots，egg-cupsofgildedchinastandinginfrontofikonssuspendedbyblueandredribands，acatlatelydeliveredofafamily，amirrorwhichgivesonefoureyesinsteadoftwoandapancakeforaface，and，besidetheikons，somebunchesofherbsandcarnationsofsuchfadeddustinessthat，shouldoneattempttosmellthem，oneisboundtoburstoutsneezing。
　　“Haveyouasucking-pig？”Chichikovinquiredofthelandladyasshestoodexpectantlybeforehim。
　　“Yes。“
　　“Andsomehorse-radishandsourcream？”
　　“Yes。“
　　“Thenservethem。“
　　Thelandladydepartedforthepurpose，andreturnedwithaplate，anapkinthelatterstarchedtotheconsistencyofdriedbark，aknifewithabonehandlebeginningtoturnyellow，atwo-prongedforkasthinasawafer，andasalt-cellarincapableofbeingmadetostandupright。
　　Followingtheacceptedcustom，ourheroenteredintoconversationwiththewoman，andinquiredwhethersheherselforalandlordkeptthetavern；howmuchincomethetavernbroughtin；whetherhersonslivedwithher；whethertheoldestwasabachelorormarried；whomtheeldesthadtakentowife；whetherthedowryhadbeenlarge；whetherthefather-in-lawhadbeensatisfied，andwhetherthesaidfather-in-lawhadnotcomplainedofreceivingtoosmallapresentatthewedding。Inshort，Chichikovtouchedoneveryconceivablepoint。
　　Likewiseofcoursehedisplayedsomecuriosityastothelandownersoftheneighbourhood。Theirnames，heascertained，wereBlochin，Potchitaev，Minoi，Cheprakov，andSobakevitch。
　　“ThenyouareacquaintedwithSobakevitch？”hesaid；whereupontheoldwomaninformedhimthatsheknewnotonlySobakevitch，butalsoManilov，andthatthelatterwasthemoredelicateeaterofthetwo，since，whereasManilovalwaysorderedaroastfowlandsomevealandmutton，andthentastedmerelyamorselofeach，Sobakevitchwouldorderonedishonly，butconsumethewholeofit，andthendemandmoreatthesameprice。
　　WhilstChichikovwasthusconversingandpartakingofthesuckingpiguntilonlyafragmentofitseemedlikelytoremain，thesoundofanapproachingvehiclemadeitselfheard。Peeringthroughthewindow，hesawdrawuptothetaverndooralightbritchkadrawnbythreefinehorses。Fromittheredescendedtwomen——oneflaxen-hairedandtall，andtheotherdark-hairedandofslighterbuild。Whiletheflaxen-hairedmanwascladinadark-bluecoat，theotheronewaswrappedinacoatofstripedpattern。Behindthebritchkastoodasecond，butanempty，turn-out，drawnbyfourlong-coatedsteedsinraggedcollarsandropeharnesses。Theflaxen-hairedmanlostnotimeinascendingthestaircase，whilehisdarkerfriendremainedbelowtofumbleatsomethinginthebritchka，talking，ashedidso，tothedriverofthevehiclewhichstoodhitchedbehind。Somehow，thedark-hairedman'svoicestruckChichikovasfamiliar；andashewastakinganotherlookathimtheflaxen-hairedgentlemanenteredtheroom。Thenewcomerwasamanofloftystature，withasmallredmoustacheandalean，hard-bittenfacewhoserednessmadeitevidentthatitsacquaintance，ifnotwiththesmokeofgunpowder，atalleventswiththatoftobacco，wasintimateandextensive。NeverthelesshegreetedChichikovcivilly，andthelatterreturnedhisbow。Indeed，thepairwouldhaveenteredintoconversation，andhavemadeoneanother'sacquaintancesinceabeginningwasmadewiththeirsimultaneouslyexpressingsatisfactionatthecircumstancethatthepreviousnight'srainhadlaidthedustontheroads，andtherebymadedrivingcoolandpleasantwhenthegentleman'sdarker-favouredfriendalsoenteredtheroom，and，throwinghiscapuponthetable，pushedbackamassofdishevelledblacklocksfromhisbrow。Thelatestarrivalwasamanofmediumheight，butwellputtogether，andpossessedofapairoffullredcheeks，asetofteethaswhiteassnow，andcoal-blackwhiskers。Indeed，sofreshwashiscomplexionthatitseemedtohavebeencompoundedofbloodandmilk，whilehealthdancedinhiseveryfeature。
　　“Ha，ha，ha！”hecriedwithagestureofastonishmentatthesightofChichikov。“WhatchancebringsYOUhere？”
　　UponthatChichikovrecognisedNozdrev——themanwhomhehadmetatdinneratthePublicProsecutor's，andwho，withinaminuteortwooftheintroduction，hadbecomesointimatewithhisfellowguestastoaddresshiminthesecondpersonsingular，inspiteofthefactthatChichikovhadgivenhimnoopportunityfordoingso。
　　“Wherehaveyoubeento-day？”Nozdrevinquired，and，withoutwaitingforananswer，wenton：“Formyself，Iamjustfromthefair，andcompletelycleanedout。Actually，Ihavehadtodothejourneybackwithstagehorses！Lookoutofthewindow，andseethemforyourself。“
　　AndheturnedChichikov'sheadsosharplyinthedesireddirectionthathecameveryneartobumpingitagainstthewindowframe。“Didyoueverseesuchabagoftricks？Thecursedthingshaveonlyjustmanagedtogethere。Infact，onthewayIhadtotransfermyselftothisfellow'sbritchka。“Heindicatedhiscompanionwithafinger。“Bytheway，don'tyouknowoneanother？HeisMizhuev，mybrother-in-law。
　　HeandIweretalkingofyouonlythismorning。'Justyousee，'saidI
　　tohim，'ifwedonotfallinwithChichikovbeforewehavedone。'
　　Heavens，howcompletelycleanedoutIam！NotonlyhaveIlostfourgoodhorses，butalsomywatchandchain。“Chichikovperceivedthatinverytruthhisinterlocutorwasminusthearticlesnamed，aswellasthatoneofNozdrev'swhiskerswaslessbushyinappearancethantheotherone。“HadIhadanothertwentyroublesinmypocket，“wentonNozdrev，“IshouldhavewonbackallthatIhavelost，aswellashavepouchedafurtherthirtythousand。Yes，Igiveyoumywordofhonouronthat。“
　　“ButyouweresayingthesamethingwhenlastImetyou，“putintheflaxen-hairedman。“Yet，eventhoughIlentyoufiftyroubles，youlostthemall。“
　　“ButIshouldnothavelostthemTHIStime。Don'ttrytomakemeoutafool。IshouldNOThavelostthem，Itellyou。HadIonlyplayedtherightcard，Ishouldhavebrokenthebank。“
　　“ButyoudidNOTbreakthebank，“remarkedtheflaxen-hairedman。
　　“No。ThatwasbecauseIdidnotplaymycardsright。Butwhataboutyourpreciousmajor'splay？IsTHATgood？”
　　“Goodornot，atleasthebeatyou。“
　　“Splendidofhim！NeverthelessIwillgetmyownback。Lethimplaymeatdoubles，andweshallsoonseewhatsortofaplayerheis！FriendChichikov，atfirstwehadaglorioustime，forthefairwasatremendoussuccess。Indeed，thetradesmensaidthatneveryethadtherebeensuchagathering。Imyselfmanagedtoselleverythingfrommyestateatagoodprice。Infact，wehadamagnificenttime。Ican'thelpthinkingofit，deviltakeme！ButwhatapityYOUwerenotthere！Threeverstsfromthetownthereisquarteredaregimentofdragoons，andyouwouldscarcelybelievewhatalotofofficersithas。Fortyatleastthereare，andtheydoafinelotofknockingaboutthetownanddrinking。Inparticular，Staff-CaptainPotsieluevisaSPLENDIDfellow！Youshouldjustseehismoustache！Why，hecallsgoodclaret'trash'！'Bringmesomeoftheusualtrash，'ishiswayoforderingit。AndLieutenantKuvshinnikov，too！Heisasdelightfulastheotherman。Infact，Imaysaythateveryoneofthelotisarake。Ispentmywholetimewiththem，andyoucanimaginethatPonomarev，thewinemerchant，didafinetradeindeed！Allthesame，heisarascal，youknow，andoughtnottobedealtwith，forheputsallsortsofrubbishintohisliquor——Indianwoodandburntcorkandelderberryjuice，thevillain！Nevertheless，gethimtoproduceabottlefromwhathecallshis'specialcellar，'andyouwillfancyyourselfintheseventhheavenofdelight。Andwhatquantitiesofchampagnewedrank！Comparedwithit，provincialstuffiskvass[1]。
　　TrytoimaginenotmerelyClicquot，butasortofblendofClicquotandMatradura——Clicquotofdoublestrength。AlsoPonomarevproducedabottleofFrenchstuffwhichhecalls'Bonbon。'Haditabouquet，askyou？Why，ithadthebouquetofarosegarden，ofanythingelseyoulike。Whattimeswehad，tobesure！JustafterwehadleftPnomarev'splace，someprinceoranotherarrivedinthetown，andsentoutforsomechampagne；butnotabottlewasthereleft，fortheofficershaddrunkeveryone！Why，Imyselfgotthroughseventeenbottlesatasitting。“
　　[1]Aliquordistilledfromfermentedbreadcrustsorsourfruit。
　　“Come，come！YouCAN'Thavegotthroughseventeen，“remarkedtheflaxen-hairedman。
　　“ButIdid，Igivemywordofhonour，“retortedNozdrev。
　　“Imaginewhatyoulike，butyoudidn'tdrinkevenTENbottlesatasitting。“
　　“WillyoubetthatIdidnot？”
　　“No；forwhatwouldbetheuseofbettingaboutit？”
　　“Thenatleastwagerthegunwhichyouhavebought。“
　　“No，Iamnotgoingtodoanythingofthekind。“
　　“Justasanexperiment？”
　　“No。“
　　“Itisaswellforyouthatyoudon't，since，otherwise，youwouldhavefoundyourselfminusbothgunandcap。However，friendChichikov，itisapityyouwerenotthere。Hadyoubeenthere，IfeelsureyouwouldhavefoundyourselfunabletopartwithLieutenantKuvshinnikov。
　　Youandhewouldhavehititoffsplendidly。Youknow，heisquiteadifferentsortfromthePublicProsecutorandourotherprovincialskinflints——fellowswhoshiverintheirshoesbeforetheywillspendasinglekopeck。HEwillplayfaro，oranythingelse，andatanytime。
　　Whydidyounotcomewithus，insteadofwastingyourtimeoncattlebreedingorsomethingofthesort？Butnevermind。Embraceme。Ilikeyouimmensely。Mizhuev，seehowcuriouslythingshaveturnedout。
　　Chichikovhasnothingtodowithme，orIwithhim，yethereishecomefromGodknowswhere，andlandedintheveryspotwhereIhappentobeliving！Imaytellyouthat，nomatterhowmanycarriagesI
　　possessed，Ishouldgamblethelotaway。RecentlyIwentinforaturnatbilliards，andlosttwojarsofpomade，achinateapot，andaguitar。ThenIstakedsomemorethings，and，likeafool，lostthemall，andsixroublesinaddition。WhatadogisthatKuvshinnikov！HeandIattendednearlyeveryballintheplace。Inparticular，therewasawoman——decolletee，andsuchaswell！Imerelythoughttomyself，'Thedeviltakeher！'butKuvshinnikovissuchawagthathesatdownbesideher，andbeganpayingherstringsofcomplimentsinFrench。
　　However，Ididnotneglectthedamselsaltogether——althoughHEcallsthatsortofthing'goinginforstrawberries。'Bytheway，Ihaveasplendidpieceoffishandsomecaviarewithme。'TisallIHAVE
　　broughtback！InfactitisaluckychancethatIhappenedtobuythestuffbeforemymoneywasgone。Whereareyoufor？”
　　“Iamabouttocallonafriend。“
　　“Onwhatfriend？Lethimgotothedevil，andcometomyplaceinstead。“
　　“Icannot，Icannot。Ihavebusinesstodo。“
　　“Oh，businessagain！Ithoughtso！”
　　“ButIHAVEbusinesstodo——andpressingbusinessatthat。“
　　“Iwagerthatyou'relying。Ifnot，tellmewhomyou'regoingtocallupon。“
　　“UponSobakevitch。“
　　InstantlyNozdrevburstintoalaughcompassableonlybyahealthymaninwhoseheadeverytoothstillremainsaswhiteassugar。BythisI
　　meanthelaughofquiveringcheeks，thelaughwhichcausesaneighbourwhoissleepingbehinddoubledoorsthreeroomsawaytoleapfromhisbedandexclaimwithdistendedeyes，“Hullo！SomethingHASupsethim！”
　　“Whatistheretolaughat？”askedChichikov，atriflenettled；butNozdrevlaughedmoreunrestrainedlythanever，ejaculating：“Oh，spareusall！ThethingissoamusingthatIshalldieofit！”
　　“Isaythatthereisnothingtolaughat，“repeatedChichikov。“ItisinfulfilmentofapromisethatIamonmywaytoSobakevitch's。“
　　“Thenyouwillscarcelybegladtobealivewhenyou'vegotthere，forheistheveriestmiserinthecountryside。Oh，_I_knowyou。However，ifyouthinktofindthereeitherfaroorabottleof'Bonbon'youaremistaken。Lookhere，mygoodfriend。LetSobakevitchgotothedevil，andcometoMYplace，whereatleastIshallhaveapieceofsturgeontoofferyoufordinner。Ponomarevsaidtomeonparting：
　　'Thispieceisjustthethingforyou。Evenifyouweretosearchthewholemarket，youwouldneverfindabetterone。'Butofcourseheisaterriblerogue。Isaidtohimoutright：'YouandtheCollectorofTaxesarethetwogreatestskinflintsinthetown。'Butheonlystrokedhisbeardandsmiled。EverydayIusedtobreakfastwithKuvshinnikovinhisrestaurant。Well，whatIwasnearlyforgettingisthis：that，thoughIamawarethatyoucan'tforgoyourengagement，I
　　amnotgoingtogiveyouup——no，notfortenthousandroublesofmoney。Itellyouthatinadvance。“
　　Herehebrokeofftoruntothewindowandshouttohisservantwhowasholdingaknifeinonehandandacrustofbreadandapieceofsturgeonintheother——hehadcontrivedtofilchthelatterwhilefumblinginthebritchkaforsomethingelse：
　　“Hi，Porphyri！Bringherethatpuppy，yourascal！Whatapuppyitis！
　　Unfortunatelythatthiefofalandlordhasgivenitnothingtoeat，eventhoughIhavepromisedhimtheroanfillywhich，asyoumayremember，IswoppedfromKhvostirev。“Asamatterofact，ChichikovhadneverinhislifeseeneitherKhvostirevortheroanfilly。
　　“Barin，doyouwishforanythingtoeat？”inquiredthelandladyassheentered。
　　“No，nothingatall。Ah，friendChichikov，whattimeswehad！Yes，givemeaglassofvodka，oldwoman。Whatsorttoyoukeep？”
　　“Aniseed。“
　　“Thenbringmeaglassofit，“repeatedNozdrev。
　　“Andoneformeaswell，“addedtheflaxen-hairedman。
　　“Atthetheatre，“wentonNozdrev，“therewasanactresswhosanglikeacanary。Kuvshinnikov，whohappenedtobesittingwithme，said：'Myboy，youhadbettergoandgatherthatstrawberry。'Asfortheboothsatthefair，theynumbered，Ishouldsay，fifty。“Atthispointhebrokeofftotaketheglassofvodkafromthelandlady，whobowedlowinacknowledgementofhisdoingso。AtthesamemomentPorphyri——afellowdressedlikehismasterthatistosay，inagreasy，waddedovercoat——enteredwiththepuppy。
　　“Putthebrutedownhere，“commandedNozdrev，“andthenfastenitup。“
　　Porphyridepositedtheanimaluponthefloor；whereuponitproceededtoactafterthemannerofdogs。
　　“THERE'Sapuppyforyou！”criedNozdrev，catchingholdofitbytheback，andliftingitup。Thepuppyutteredapiteousyelp。
　　“Icanseethatyouhaven'tdonewhatItoldyoutodo，“hecontinuedtoPorphyriafteraninspectionoftheanimal'sbelly。“Youhavequiteforgottentobrushhim。“
　　“IDIDbrushhim，“protestedPorphyri。
　　“Thenwheredidthesefleascomefrom？”
　　“Icannotthink。Perhapstheyhaveleaptintohiscoatoutofthebritchka。“
　　“Youliar！Asamatteroffact，youhaveforgottentobrushhim。
　　Nevertheless，lookattheseears，Chichikov。Justfeelthem。“
　　“WhyshouldI？Withoutdoingthat，Icanseethatheiswell-bred。“
　　“Nevertheless，catchholdofhisearsandfeelthem。“
　　TohumourthefellowChichikovdidashehadrequested，remarking：
　　“Yes，heseemslikelytoturnoutwell。“
　　“Andfeelthecoldnessofhisnose！Justtakeitinyourhand。“
　　Notwishingtooffendhisinterlocutor，Chichikovfeltthepuppy'snose，saying：“Somedayhewillhaveanexcellentscent。“
　　“Yes，willhenot？'Tistherightsortofmuzzleforthat。ImustsaythatIhavelongbeenwantingsuchapuppy。Porphyri，takehimawayagain。“
　　Porphyriliftedupthepuppy，andboreitdownstairs。
　　“Lookhere，Chichikov，“resumedNozdrev。“YouMUSTcometomyplace。
　　Itliesonlyfiveverstsaway，andwecangotherelikethewind，andyoucanvisitSobakevitchafterwards。“
　　“ShallI，orshallInot，gotoNozdrev's？”reflectedChichikov。“Ishelikelytoproveanymoreusefulthantherest？Well，atleastheisaspromising，eventhoughhehaslostsomuchatplay。Buthehasaheadonhisshoulders，andthereforeImustgocarefullyifIamtotacklehimconcerningmyscheme。“
　　Withthatheaddedaloud：“Verywell，IWILLcomewithyou，butdonotletusbelong，formytimeisveryprecious。“
　　“That'sright，that'sright！”criedNozdrev。“Splendid，splendid！Letmeembraceyou！”AndhefelluponChichikov'sneck。“Allthreeofuswillgo。“
　　“No，no，“putintheflaxen-hairedman。“Youmustexcuseme，forI
　　mustbeoffhome。“
　　“Rubbish，rubbish！IamNOTgoingtoexcuseyou。“
　　“Butmywifewillbefuriouswithme。YouandMonsieurChichikovmustchangeintotheotherbritchka。“
　　“Come，come！Thethingisnottobethoughtof。“
　　Theflaxen-hairedmanwasoneofthosepeopleinwhosecharacter，atfirstsight，thereseemstolurkacertaingrainofstubbornness——somuchsothat，almostbeforeonehasbeguntospeak，theyarereadytodisputeone'swords，andtodisagreewithanythingthatmaybeopposedtotheirpeculiarformofopinion。Forinstance，theywilldeclinetohavefollycalledwisdom，oranytunedancedtobuttheirown。Always，however，willtherebecomemanifestintheircharacterasoftspot，andintheendtheywillacceptwhathithertotheyhavedenied，andcallwhatisfoolishsensible，andevendance——yes，betterthananyoneelsewilldo——toatunesetbysomeoneelse。Inshort，theygenerallybeginwell，butalwaysendbadly。
　　“Rubbish！”saidNozdrevinanswertoafurtherobjectiononhisbrother-in-law'spart。And，sureenough，nosoonerhadNozdrevclappedhiscapuponhisheadthantheflaxen-hairedmanstartedtofollowhimandhiscompanion。
　　“Butthegentlemanhasnotpaidforthevodka？”putintheoldwoman。
　　“Allright，allright，goodmother。Lookhere，brother-in-law。Payher，willyou，forIhavenotakopeckleft。“
　　“Howmuch？”inquiredthebrother-in-law。
　　“What，sir？Eightykopecks，ifyouplease，“repliedtheoldwoman。
　　“Alie！Giveherhalfarouble。Thatwillbequiteenough。“
　　“No，itwillNOT，barin，“protestedtheoldwoman。However，shetookthemoneygratefully，andevenrantothedoortoopenitforthegentlemen。Asamatteroffact，shehadlostnothingbythetransaction，sinceshehaddemandedfullyaquartermorethanthevodkawasworth。
　　Thetravellersthentooktheirseats，andsinceChichikov'sbritchkakeptalongsidethebritchkawhereinNozdrevandhisbrother-in-lawwereseated，itwaspossibleforallthreementoconversetogetherastheyproceeded。BehindthemcameNozdrev'ssmallerbuggy，withitsteamofleanstagehorsesandPorphyriandthepuppy。Butinasmuchastheconversationwhichthetravellersmaintainedwasnotofakindlikelytointerestthereader，ImightdoworsethansaysomethingconcerningNozdrevhimself，seeingthatheisdestinedtoplaynosmallroleinourstory。
　　Nozdrev'sfacewillbefamiliartothereader，seeingthateveryonemusthaveencounteredmanysuch。Fellowsofthekindareknownas“gayyoungsparks，“and，evenintheirboyhoodandschooldays，earnareputationforbeingbonscamaradesthoughwithitalltheycomeinforsomehardknocksforthereasonthattheirfacesevinceanelementoffrankness，directness，andenterprisewhichenablesthemsoontomakefriends，and，almostbeforeyouhavehadtimetolookaround，tostartaddressingyouinthesecondpersonsingular。Yet，whilecementingsuchfriendshipsforalleternity，almostalwaystheybeginquarrellingthesameevening，since，throughout，theyarealoquacious，dissipated，high-spirited，over-showytribe。Indeed，atthirty-fiveNozdrevwasjustwhathehadbeenaneighteenandtwenty——hewasjustsuchaloveroffastliving。Norhadhismarriageinanywaychangedhim，andthelesssosincehiswifehadsoondepartedtoanotherworld，andleftbehindhertwochildren，whomhedidnotwant，andwhowerethereforeplacedinthechargeofagood-lookingnursemaid。Neveratanytimecouldheremainathomeformorethanasingleday，forhiskeenscentcouldrangeoverscoresandscoresofversts，anddetectanyfairwhichpromisedballsandcrowds。
　　Consequentlyinatricehewouldbethere——quarrelling，andcreatingdisturbancesoverthegaming-tablelikeallmenofhistype，hehadaperfectpassionforcardsyetplayingneitherafaultlessnoranover-cleangame，sincehewasbothablundererandabletoindulgeinalargenumberofillicitcutsandotherdevices。Theresultwasthatthegameoftenendedinanotherkindofsportaltogether。Thatistosay，eitherhereceivedagoodkicking，orhehadhisthickandveryhandsomewhiskerspulled；withtheresultthatoncertainoccasionshereturnedhomewithoneofthoseappendageslookingdecidedlyragged。
　　Yethisplump，healthy-lookingcheeksweresorobustlyconstituted，andcontainedsuchanabundanceofrecreativevigour，thatanewwhiskersoonsproutedinplaceoftheoldone，andevensurpasseditspredecessor。AgainandthefollowingisaphenomenonpeculiartoRussiaaveryshorttimewouldhaveelapsedbeforeoncemorehewouldbeconsortingwiththeverycronieswhohadrecentlycuffedhim——andconsortingwiththemasthoughnothingwhatsoeverhadhappened——noreferencetothesubjectbeingmadebyhim，andtheytooholdingtheirtongues。
　　Inshort，Nozdrevwas，asitwere，amanofincident。Neverwashepresentatanygatheringwithoutsomesortofafracasoccurringthereat。Eitherhewouldrequiretobeexpelledfromtheroombygendarmes，orhisfriendswouldhavetokickhimoutintothestreet。
　　Atallevents，shouldneitherofthoseoccurrencestakeplace，atleasthedidsomethingofanaturewhichwouldnototherwisehavebeenwitnessed。Thatistosay，shouldhenotplaythefoolinabuffettosuchanextentastomakeveryonesmile，youmaybesurethathewasengagedinlyingtoadegreewhichattimesabashedevenhimself。
　　Moreover，themanliedwithoutreason。Forinstance，hewouldbegintellingastorytotheeffectthathepossessedablue-coatedorared-coatedhorse；until，intheend，hislistenerswouldbeforcedtoleavehimwiththeremark，“Youaregivingussomefinestuff，oldfellow！”Also，menlikeNozdrevhaveapassionforinsultingtheirneighbourswithouttheleastexcuseafforded。Forthatmatter，evenamanofgoodstandingandofrespectableexterior——amanwithastaronhisbreast——mayunexpectedlypressyourhandoneday，andbegintalkingtoyouonsubjectsofanaturetogivefoodforseriousthought。Yetjustasunexpectedlymaythatmanstartabusingyoutoyourface——anddosoinamannerworthyofacollegiateregistrarratherthanofamanwhowearsastaronhisbreastandaspirestoconverseonsubjectswhichmeritreflection。Allthatonecandoinsuchacaseistostandshruggingone'sshouldersinamazement。Well，Nozdrevhadjustsuchaweakness。Themorehebecamefriendlywithaman，thesoonerwouldheinsulthim，andbereadytospreadcalumniesastohisreputation。Yetallthewhilehewouldconsiderhimselftheinsultedone'sfriend，and，shouldhemeethimagain，wouldgreethiminthemostamicablestylepossible，andsay，“Yourascal，whyhaveyougivenupcomingtoseeme。“Thus，takenallround，Nozdrevwasapersonofmanyaspectsandnumerouspotentialities。Inoneandthesamebreathwouldheproposetogowithyouwhithersoeveryoumightchooseeventotheveryendsoftheworldshouldyousorequireortoenteruponanysortofanenterprisewithyou，ortoexchangeanycommodityforanyothercommoditywhichyoumightcaretoname。Guns，horses，dogs，allweresubjectsforbarter——thoughnotforprofitsofarasYOUwereconcerned。Suchtraitsaremostlytheoutcomeofaboisteroustemperament，asisadditionallyexemplifiedbythefactthatifatafairhechancedtofallinwithasimpletonandtofleecehim，hewouldthenproceedtobuyaquantityoftheveryfirstarticleswhichcametohand——horse-collars，cigar-lighters，dressesforhisnursemaid，foals，raisins，silverewers，lengthsofholland，wheatmeal，tobacco，revolvers，driedherrings，pictures，whetstones，crockery，boots，andsoforth，untileveryatomofhismoneywasexhausted。Yetseldomwerethesearticlesconveyedhome，since，asarule，thesamedaysawthemlosttosomemoreskilfulgambler，inadditiontohispipe，histobacco-pouch，hismouthpiece，hisfour-horsedturn-out，andhiscoachman：withtheresultthat，strippedtohisveryshirt，hewouldbeforcedtobegtheloanofavehiclefromafriend。
　　SuchwasNozdrev。Somemaysaythatcharactersofhistypehavebecomeextinct，thatNozdrevsnolongerexist。Alas！suchassaythiswillbewrong；formanyadaymustpassbeforetheNozdrevswillhavedisappearedfromourken。Everywheretheyaretobeseeninourmidst——theonlydifferencebetweenthenewandtheoldbeingadifferenceofgarments。Personsofsuperficialobservationareapttoconsiderthatamancladinadifferentcoatisquiteadifferentpersonfromwhatheusedtobe。
　　Tocontinue。ThethreevehiclesbowleduptothestepsofNozdrev'shouse，andtheiroccupantsalighted。Butnopreparationswhatsoeverhadbeenmadefortheguest'sreception，foronsomewoodentrestlesinthecentreofthedining-roomacoupleofpeasantswereengagedinwhitewashingtheceilinganddrawlingoutanendlesssongastheysplashedtheirstuffaboutthefloor。Hastilybiddingpeasantsandtrestlestobegone，Nozdrevdepartedtoanotherroomwithfurtherinstructions。Indeed，soaudiblewasthesoundofhisvoiceasheordereddinnerthatChichikov——whowasbeginningtofeelhungryoncemore——wasenabledtogatherthatitwouldbeatleastfiveo'clockbeforeamealofanykindwouldbeavailable。Onhisreturn，Nozdrevinvitedhiscompanionstoinspecthisestablishment——eventhoughasearlyastwoo'clockhehadtoannouncethatnothingmorewastobeseen。
　　Thetourbeganwithaviewofthestables，wherethepartysawtwomarestheoneagrey，andtheotheraroanandacolt；whichlatteranimal，thoughfarfromshowy，Nozdrevdeclaredtohavecosthimtenthousandroubles。
　　“YouNEVERpaidtenthousandroublesforthebrute！”exclaimedthebrother-in-law。“Heisn'tworthevenathousand。“
　　“ByGod，IDIDpaytenthousand！”assertedNozdrev。
　　“Youcanswearthatasmuchasyoulike，“retortedtheother。
　　“WillyoubetthatIdidnot？”askedNozdrev，butthebrother-in-lawdeclinedtheoffer。
　　Next，Nozdrevshowedhisguestssomeemptystallswhereanumberofequallyfineanimalssoheallegedhadlatelystood。Alsotherewasonviewthegoatwhichanoldbeliefstillconsiderstobeanindispensableadjuncttosuchplaces，eventhoughitsapparentuseistopaceupanddownbeneaththenosesofthehorsesasthoughtheplacebelongedtoit。Thereafterthehosttookhisgueststolookatayoungwolfwhichhehadgottiedtoachain。“Heisfedonnothingbutrawmeat，“heexplained，“forIwanthimtogrowupasfierceaspossible。“Thenthepartyinspectedapondinwhichtherewere“fishofsuchasizethatitwouldtaketwomenalltheirtimetoliftoneofthemout。“
　　Thispieceofinformationwasreceivedwithrenewedincredulityonthepartofthebrother-in-law。
　　“Now，Chichikov，“wentonNozdrev，“letmeshowyouatrulymagnificentbraceofdogs。Thehardnessoftheirmuscleswillsurpriseyou，andtheyhavejowlsassharpasneedles。“
　　Sosaying，heledthewaytoasmall，butneatly-built，shedsurroundedoneverysidewithafenced-inrun。Enteringthisrun，thevisitorsbeheldanumberofdogsofallsortsandsizesandcolours。
　　IntheirmidstNozdrevlookedlikeafatherlordingitoverhisfamilycircle。Erectingtheirtails——their“stems，“asdogfancierscallthosemembers——theanimalscameboundingtogreettheparty，andfullyascoreofthemlaidtheirpawsuponChichikov'sshoulders。Indeed，onedogwasmovedwithsuchfriendlinessthat，standingonitshindlegs，itlickedhimonthelips，andsoforcedhimtospit。Thatdone，thevisitorsdulyinspectedthecouplealreadymentioned，andexpressedastonishmentattheirmuscles。Trueenough，theywerefineanimals。Next，thepartylookedataCrimeanbitchwhich，thoughblindandfastnearingherend，had，twoyearsago，beenatrulymagnificentdog。Atallevents，sosaidNozdrev。Nextcameanotherbitch——alsoblind；thenaninspectionofthewater-mill，whichlackedthespindle-socketwhereintheupperstoneoughttohavebeenrevolving——“fluttering，“tousetheRussianpeasant'squaintexpression。“Butnevermind，“saidNozdrev。“Letusproceedtotheblacksmith'sshop。“Sototheblacksmith'sshopthepartyproceeded，andwhenthesaidshophadbeenviewed，Nozdrevsaidashepointedtoafield：
　　“InthisfieldIhaveseensuchnumbersofharesastorenderthegroundquiteinvisible。Indeed，ononeoccasionI，withmyownhands，caughtaharebythehindlegs。“
　　“Younevercaughtaharebythehindlegswithyourhands！”remarkedthebrother-in-law。
　　“ButIDID“reiteratedNozdrev。“However，letmeshowyoutheboundarywheremylandscometoanend。“
　　Sosaying，hestartedtoconducthisguestsacrossafieldwhichconsistedmostlyofmoleheaps，andinwhichthepartyhadtopicktheirwaybetweenstripsofploughedlandandofharrowed。SoonChichikovbegantofeelweary，fortheterrainwassolow-lyingthatinmanyspotswatercouldbeheardsquelchingunderfoot，andthoughforawhilethevisitorswatchedtheirfeet，andsteppedcarefully，theysoonperceivedthatsuchacourseavailedthemnothing，andtooktofollowingtheirnoses，withouteitherselectingoravoidingthespotswherethemirehappenedtobedeeperorthereverse。Atlength，whenaconsiderabledistancehadbeencovered，theycaughtsightofaboundary-postandanarrowditch。
　　“Thatistheboundary，“saidNozdrev。“Everythingthatyouseeonthissideofthepostismine，aswellastheforestontheothersideofit，andwhatliesbeyondtheforest。“
　　“WHENdidthatforestbecomeyours？”askedthebrother-in-law。“Itcannotbelongsinceyoupurchasedit，foritneverUSEDtobeyours。“
　　“Yes，itisn'tlongsinceIpurchasedit，“saidNozdrev。
　　“Howlong？”
　　“Howlong？Why，Ipurchaseditthreedaysago，andgaveaprettysumforit，asthedevilknows！”
　　“Indeed？Why，threedaysagoyouwereatthefair？”
　　“Wiseacre！Cannotonebeatafairandbuylandatthesametime？Yes，IWASatthefair，andmystewardboughtthelandinmyabsence。“
　　“Oh，yourSTEWARDboughtit。“Thebrother-in-lawseemeddoubtful，andshookhishead。
　　Theguestsreturnedbythesamerouteasthatbywhichtheyhadcome；
　　whereafter，onreachingthehouse，Nozdrevconductedthemtohisstudy，whichcontainednotatraceofthethingsusuallytobefoundinsuchapartments——suchthingsasbooksandpapers。Onthecontrary，theonlyarticlestobeseenwereaswordandabraceofguns——theone“ofthemworththreehundredroubles，“andtheother“abouteighthundred。“Thebrother-in-lawinspectedthearticlesinquestion，andthenshookhisheadasbefore。Next，thevisitorswereshownsome“realTurkish“daggers，ofwhichoneboretheinadvertentinscription，“SaveliSibiriakov[2]，MasterCutler。“Thencameabarrel-organ，onwhichNozdrevstartedtoplaysometuneoranother。Forawhilethesoundswerenotwhollyunpleasing，butsuddenlysomethingseemedtogowrong，foramazurkastarted，tobefollowedby“Marlboroughhasgonetothewar，“andtothis，again，theresucceededanantiquatedwaltz。
　　Also，longafterNozdrevhadceasedtoturnthehandle，oneparticularlyshrill-pitchedpipewhichhad，throughout，refusedtoharmonisewiththerestkeptupaprotractedwhistlingonitsownaccount。Thenfollowedanexhibitionoftobaccopipes——pipesofclay，ofwood，ofmeerschaum，pipessmokedandnon-smoked；pipeswrappedinchamoisleatherandnotsowrapped；anamber-mountedhookahastakewonatcardsandatobaccopouchworked，itwasalleged，bysomecountesswhohadfalleninlovewithNozdrevataposthouse，andwhosehandiworkNozdrevaverredtoconstitutethe“sublimityofsuperfluity“——atermwhich，intheNozdrevianvocabulary，purportedtosignifytheacmeofperfection。
　　[2]Thatistosay，adistinctivelyRussianname。
　　Finally，aftersomehors-d'oeuvresofsturgeon'sback，theysatdowntotable——thetimebeingthennearlyfiveo'clock。ButthemealdidnotconstitutebyanymeansthebestofwhichChichikovhadeverpartaken，seeingthatsomeofthedisheswereovercooked，andotherswerescarcelycookedatall。Evidentlytheircompounderhadtrustedchieflytoinspiration——shehadlaidholdofthefirstthingwhichhadhappenedtocometohand。Forinstance，hadpepperrepresentedthenearestarticlewithinreach，shehadaddedpepperwholesale。Hadacabbagechancedtobesoencountered，shehadpresseditalsointotheservice。Andthesamewithmilk，bacon，andpeas。Inshort，herruleseemedtohavebeen“Makeahotdishofsomesort，andsomesortoftastewillresult。“Fortherest，Nozdrevdrewheavilyuponthewine。
　　Evenbeforethesouphadbeenserved，hehadpouredoutforeachguestabumperofportandanotherof“haut“sauterne。Neverinprovincialtownsisordinary，vulgarsauterneevenprocurable。Next，hecalledforabottleofmadeira——“asfineatippleaseverafield-marshalldrank“；butthemadeiraonlyburntthemouth，sincethedealers，familiarwiththetasteofourlandedgentrywholove“good“madeira
　　invariablydoctorthestuffwithcopiousdashesofrumandImperialvodka，inthehopethatRussianstomachswillthusbeenabledtocarryoffthelot。AfterthisbottleNozdrevcalledforanotherand“averyspecial“brand——abrandwhichhedeclaredtoconsistofablendofburgundyandchampagne，andofwhichhepouredgenerousmeasuresintotheglassesofChichikovandthebrother-in-lawastheysattorightandleftofhim。ButsinceChichikovnoticedthat，afterdoingso，headdedonlyascantymodicumofthemixturetohisowntumbler，ourherodeterminedtobecautious，andthereforetookadvantageofamomentwhenNozdrevhadagainplungedintoconversationandwasyetathirdtimeengagedinrefillinghisbrother-in-law'sglass，tocontrivetoupsethisChichikov'sglassoverhisplate。Intimetherecamealsototableatartofmountain-ashberries——berrieswhichthehostdeclaredtoequal，intaste，ripeplums，butwhich，curiouslyenough，smackedmoreofcornbrandy。Next，thecompanyconsumedasortofpastyofwhichtheprecisenamehasescapedme，butwhichthehostrendereddifferentlyevenonthesecondoccasionofitsbeingmentioned。Themealover，andthewholetaleofwinestried，theguestsstillretainedtheirseats——acircumstancewhichembarrassedChichikov，seeingthathehadnomindtopropoundhispetschemeinthepresenceofNozdrev'sbrother-in-law，whowasacompletestrangertohim。No，thatsubjectcalledforamicableandPRIVATEconversation。
　　Nevertheless，thebrother-in-lawappearedtobodelittledanger，seeingthathehadtakenonboardafullcargo，andwasnowengagedindoingnothingofamoremenacingnaturethanpickinghisnose。
　　Atlengthhehimselfnoticedthathewasnotaltogetherinaresponsiblecondition；whereforeheroseandbegantomakeexcusesfordepartinghomewards，thoughinatonesodrowsyandlethargicthat，toquotetheRussianproverb，hemightalmosthavebeen“pullingacollarontoahorsebytheclasps。“
　　“No，no！”criedNozdrev。“IamNOTgoingtoletyougo。“
　　“ButIMUSTgo，“repliedthebrother-in-law。“Don'tdrytohinderme。Youareannoyingmegreatly。“
　　“Rubbish！Wearegoingtoplayagameofbanker。“
　　“No，no。Youmustplayitwithoutme，myfriend。Mywifeisexpectingmeathome，andImustgoandtellherallaboutthefair。Yes，I
　　MUSTgoifIamtopleaseher。Donottrytodetainme。“
　　“Yourwifebe——！ButhaveyouREALLYanimportantpieceofbusinesswithher？”
　　“No，no，myfriend。Therealreasonisthatsheisagoodandtrustfulwoman，andthatshedoesagreatdealforme。ThetearsspringtomyeyesasIthinkofit。Donotdetainme。AsanhonourablemanIsaythatImustgo。OfthatIdoassureyouinallsincerity。“
　　“Oh，lethimgo，“putinChichikovunderhisbreath。“Whatusewillhebehere？”
　　“Verywell，“saidNozdrev，“though，damnit，Idonotlikefellowswholosetheirheads。“Thenheaddedtohisbrother-in-law：“Allright，Thetuk[3]。Offyougotoyourwifeandyourwoman'stalkandmaythedevilgowithyou！”
　　[3]AjeeringappellationwhichowesitsorigintothefactthatcertainRussianscherishaprejudiceagainsttheinitialcharacteroftheword——namely，theGreektheta，orTH。
　　“DonotinsultmewiththetermThetuk，“retortedthebrother-in-law。
　　“ToherIowemylife，andsheisadear，goodwoman，andhasshownmemuchaffection。AttheverythoughtofitIcouldweep。Yousee，shewillbeaskingmewhatIhaveseenatthefair，andtellheraboutitImust，forsheissuchadear，goodwoman。“
　　“Thenoffyougotoherwithyourpackoflies。Hereisyourcap。“
　　“No，goodfriend，youarenottospeakofherlikethat。Bysodoingyouoffendmegreatly——Isaythatsheisadear，goodwoman。“
　　“Thenrunalonghometoher。“
　　“Yes，Iamjustgoing。Excusemeforhavingbeenunabletostay。
　　GladlywouldIhavestayed，butreallyIcannot。“
　　Thebrother-in-lawrepeatedhisexcusesagainandagainwithoutnoticingthathehadenteredthebritchka，thatithadpassedthroughthegates，andthathewasnowintheopencountry。Permissiblywemaysupposethathiswifesucceededingleaningfromhimfewdetailsofthefair。
　　“Whatafool！”saidNozdrevas，standingbythewindow，hewatchedthedepartingvehicle。“Yethisoff-horseisnotsuchabadone。ForalongtimepastIhavebeenwantingtogetholdofit。Amanlikethatissimplyimpossible。Yes，heisaThetuk，aregularThetuk。“
　　Withthattheyrepairedtotheparlour，where，onPorphyribringingcandles，Chichikovperceivedthathishosthadproducedapackofcards。
　　“Itellyouwhat，“saidNozdrev，pressingthesidesofthepacktogether，andthenslightlybendingthem，sothatthepackcrackedandacardflewout。“Howwoulditbeif，topassthetime，Iweretomakeabankofthreehundred？”
　　Chichikovpretendednottohaveheardhim，butremarkedwithanairofhavingjustrecollectedaforgottenpoint：
　　“Bytheway，IhadomittedtosaythatIhavearequesttomakeofyou。“
　　“Whatrequest？”
　　“Firstgivemeyourwordthatyouwillgrantit。“
　　“Whatistherequest，Isay？”
　　“Thenyougivemeyourword，doyou？”
　　“Certainly。“
　　“Yourwordofhonour？”
　　“Mywordofhonour。“
　　“This，then，ismyrequest。Ipresumethatyouhavealargenumberofdeadserfswhosenameshavenotyetbeenremovedfromtherevisionlist？”
　　“Ihave。Butwhydoyouask？”
　　“BecauseIwantyoutomakethemovertome。“
　　“Ofwhatusewouldtheybetoyou？”
　　“Nevermind。Ihaveapurposeinwantingthem。“
　　“Whatpurpose？”
　　“Apurposewhichisstrictlymyownaffair。Inshort，Ineedthem。“
　　“Youseemtohavehatchedaveryfinescheme。Outwithit，now！Whatisinthewind？”
　　“HowcouldIhavehatchedsuchaschemeasyousay？Onecouldnotverywellhatchaschemeoutofsuchatrifleasthis。“
　　“Thenforwhatpurposedoyouwanttheserfs？”
　　“Oh，thecuriosityoftheman！Hewantstopokehisfingersintoandsmellovereverydetail！”
　　“Whydoyoudeclinetosaywhatisinyourmind？Atallevents，untilyouDOsayIshallnotmoveinthematter。“
　　“Buthowwoulditbenefityoutoknowwhatmyplansare？Awhimhasseizedme。Thatisall。Norareyouplayingfair。Youhavegivenmeyourwordofhonour，yetnowyouaretryingtobackoutofit。“
　　“Nomatterwhatyoudesiremetodo，Ideclinetodoituntilyouhavetoldmeyourpurpose。“
　　“WhatamItosaytothefellow？”thoughtChichikov。Hereflectedforamoment，andthenexplainedthathewantedthedeadsoulsinordertoacquireabetterstandinginsociety，sinceatpresenthepossessedlittlelandedproperty，andonlyahandfulofserfs。
　　“Youarelying，“saidNozdrevwithoutevenlettinghimfinish。“Yes，youarelyingmygoodfriend。“
　　Chichikovhimselfperceivedthathisdevicehadbeenaclumsyone，andhispretextweak。“Imusttellhimstraightout，“hesaidtohimselfashepulledhiswitstogether。
　　“ShouldItellyouthetruth，“headdedaloud，“Imustbegofyounottorepeatit。ThetruthisthatIamthinkingofgettingmarried。But，unfortunately，mybetrothed'sfatherandmotherareveryambitiouspeople，anddonotwantmetomarryher，sincetheydesirethebridegroomtoownnotlessthanthreehundredsouls，whereasIownbutahundredandfifty，andthatnumberisnotsufficient。“
　　“Againyouarelying，“saidNozdrev。
　　“Thenlookhere；Ihavebeenlyingonlytothisextent。“AndChichikovmarkedoffuponhislittlefingeraminuteportion。
　　“NeverthelessIwillbetmyheadthatyouhavebeenlyingthroughout。“
　　“Come，come！Thatisnotverycivilofyou。WhyshouldIhavebeenlying？”
　　“BecauseIknowyou，andknowthatyouarearegularskinflint。Isaythatinallfriendship。IfIpossessedanypoweroveryouIshouldhangyoutothenearesttree。“
　　ThisremarkhurtChichikov，foratanytimehedislikedexpressionsgrossoroffensivetodecency，andneverallowedanyone——no，notevenpersonsofthehighestrank——tobehavetowardshimwithanunduemeasureoffamiliarity。Consequentlyhissenseofumbrageonthepresentoccasionwasunbounded。
　　“ByGod，IWOULDhangyou！”repeatedNozdrev。“Isaythisfrankly，andnotforthepurposeofoffendingyou，butsimplytocommunicatetoyoumyfriendlyopinion。“
　　“Toeverythingtherearelimits，“retortedChichikovstiffly。“Ifyouwanttoindulgeinspeechesofthatsortyouhadbetterreturntothebarracks。“
　　However，afterapauseheadded：
　　“Ifyoudonotcaretogivemetheserfs，whynotSELLthem？”
　　“SELLthem？_I_knowyou，yourascal！Youwouldn'tgivemeverymuchforthem，WOULDyou？”
　　“Anicefellow！Lookhere。Whataretheytoyou？Somanydiamonds，eh？”
　　“Ithoughtso！_I_knowyou！”
　　“Pardonme，butIcouldwishthatyouwereamemberoftheJewishpersuasion。Youwouldgivethemtomefastenoughthen。“
　　“Onthecontrary，toshowyouthatIamnotausurer，Iwilldeclinetoaskofyouasinglekopeckfortheserfs。Allthatyouneeddoistobuythatcoltofmine，andthenIwillthrowintheserfsinaddition。“
　　“Butwhatshould_I_wantwithyourcolt？”saidChichikov，genuinelyastonishedattheproposal。
　　“WhatshouldYOUwantwithhim？Why，Ihaveboughthimfortenthousandroubles，andamreadytoletyouhavehimforfour。“
　　“Iaskyouagain：ofwhatusecouldthecoltpossiblybetome？Iamnotthekeeperofabreedingestablishment。“
　　“Ah！Iseethatyoufailtounderstandme。Letmesuggestthatyoupaydownatoncethreethousandroublesofthepurchasemoney，andleavetheotherthousanduntillater。“
　　“ButIdonotmeantobuythecolt，damnhim！”
　　“Thenbuytheroanmare。“
　　“No，northeroanmare。“
　　“Thenyoushallhaveboththemareandthegreyhorsewhichyouhaveseeninmystablesfortwothousandroubles。“
　　“Irequirenohorsesatall。“
　　“Butyouwouldbeabletosellthemagain。Youwouldbeabletogetthricetheirpurchasepriceattheveryfirstfairthatwasheld。“
　　“Thensellthematthatfairyourself，seeingthatyouaresocertainofmakingatripleprofit。“
　　“Oh，Ishouldmakeitfastenough，onlyIwantYOUtobenefitbythetransaction。“