AndJuliasatewithJuan，halfembracedAndhalfretiringfromtheglowingarm，Whichtrembledlikethebosomwhere'twasplaced；
Yetstillshemusthavethoughttherewasnoharm，Orelse'twereeasytowithdrawherwaist；
Butthenthesituationhaditscharm，Andthen-Godknowswhatnext-Ican'tgoon；
I'malmostsorrythatIe'erbegun。
OhPlato！Plato！youhavepavedtheway，Withyourconfoundedfantasies，tomoreImmoralconductbythefanciedswayYoursystemfeignso'erthecontroullesscoreOfhumanhearts，thanallthelongarrayOfpoetsandromancers：-You'reabore，Acharlatan，acoxcomb-andhavebeen，Atbest，nobetterthanago-between。
AndJulia'svoicewaslost，exceptinsighs，Untiltoolateforusefulconversation；
Thetearsweregushingfromhergentleeyes，Iwishindeedtheyhadnothadoccasion，Butwho，alas！canlove，andthenbewise？
Notthatremorsedidnotopposetemptation；
Alittlestillshestrove，andmuchrepentedAndwhispering'Iwillne'erconsent'-consented。
'TissaidthatXerxesoffer'darewardTothosewhocouldinventhimanewpleasure：
Methinkstherequisition'sratherhard，Andmusthavecosthismajestyatreasure：
Formypart，I'mamoderate-mindedbard，FondofalittlelovewhichIcallleisure；
Icarenotfornewpleasures，astheoldArequiteenoughforme，sotheybuthold。
OhPleasure！youareindeedapleasantthing，Althoughonemustbedamn'dforyou，nodoubt：
ImakearesolutioneveryspringOfreformation，eretheyearrunout，Butsomehow，thismyvestalvowtakeswing，Yetstill，Itrustitmaybekeptthroughout：
I'mverysorry，verymuchashamed，Andmean，nextwinter，tobequitereclaim'd。
HeremychasteMusealibertymusttake-
Startnot！stillchasterreader-she'llbenicehence-
Forward，andthereisnogreatcausetoquake；
Thislibertyisapoeticlicence，WhichsomeirregularitymaymakeInthedesign，andasIhaveahighsenseOfAristotleandtheRules，'tisfitTobeghispardonwhenIerrabit。
ThislicenceistohopethereaderwillSupposefromJunethesixththefatalday，WithoutwhoseepochmypoeticskillForwantoffactswouldallbethrownaway，ButkeepingJuliaandDonJuanstillInsight，thatseveralmonthshavepass'd；we'llsay'TwasinNovember，butI'mnotsosureAbouttheday-theera'smoreobscure。
We'lltalkofthatanon-'TissweettohearAtmidnightontheblueandmoonlitdeepThesongandoarofAdria'sgondolier，Bydistancemellow'd，o'erthewaterssweep；
'Tissweettoseetheeveningstarappear；
'Tissweettolistenasthenight-windscreepFromleaftoleaf；'tissweettoviewonhighTherainbow，basedonocean，spanthesky。
'Tissweettohearthewatch-dog'shonestbarkBaydeep-mouth'dwelcomeaswedrawnearhome；
'TissweettoknowthereisaneyewillmarkOurcoming，andlookbrighterwhenwecome；
'Tissweettobeawaken'dbythelark，Orlull'dbyfallingwaters；sweetthehumOfbees，thevoiceofgirls，thesongofbirds，Thelispofchildren，andtheirearliestwords。
Sweetisthevintage，whentheshoweringgrapesInBacchanalprofusionreeltoearth，Purpleandgushing：sweetareourescapesFromcivicrevelrytoruralmirth；
Sweettothemiserarehisglitteringheaps，Sweettothefatherishisfirst-born'sbirth，Sweetisrevenge-especiallytowomen，Pillagetosoldiers，prize-moneytoseamen。
Sweetisalegacy，andpassingsweetTheunexpecteddeathofsomeoldladyOrgentlemanofseventyyearscomplete，Who'vemade'usyouth'waittoo-toolongalreadyForanestate，orcash，orcountryseat，Stillbreaking，butwithstaminasosteadyThatalltheIsraelitesarefittomobitsNextownerfortheirdouble-damn'dpost-obits。
'Tissweettowin，nomatterhow，one'slaurels，Bybloodorink；'tissweettoputanendTostrife；'tissometimessweettohaveourquarrels，Particularlywithatiresomefriend：
Sweetisoldwineinbottles，aleinbarrels；
DearisthehelplesscreaturewedefendAgainsttheworld；anddeartheschoolboyspotWene'erforget，thoughthereweareforgot。
Butsweeterstillthanthis，thanthese，thanall，Isfirstandpassionatelove-itstandsalone，LikeAdam'srecollectionofhisfall；
Thetreeofknowledgehasbeenpluck'd-all'sknown-
AndlifeyieldsnothingfurthertorecallWorthyofthisambrosialsin，soshown，Nodoubtinfable，astheunforgivenFirewhichPrometheusfilch'dforusfromheaven。
Man'sastrangeanimal，andmakesstrangeuseOfhisownnature，andthevariousarts，AndlikesparticularlytoproduceSomenewexperimenttoshowhisparts；
Thisistheageofodditiesletloose，Wheredifferenttalentsfindtheirdifferentmarts；
You'dbestbeginwithtruth，andwhenyou'velostyourLabour，there'sasuremarketforimposture。
Whatoppositediscoverieswehaveseen！
Signsoftruegenius，andofemptypockets。
Onemakesnewnoses，oneaguillotine，Onebreaksyourbones，onesetsthemintheirsockets；
ButvaccinationcertainlyhasbeenAkindantithesistoCongreve'srockets，WithwhichtheDoctorpaidoffanoldpox，Byborrowinganewonefromanox。
Breadhasbeenmadeindifferentfrompotatoes；
Andgalvanismhassetsomecorpsesgrinning，Buthasnotanswer'dliketheapparatusOftheHumaneSociety'sbeginningBywhichmenareunsuffocatedgratis：
Whatwondrousnewmachineshavelatebeenspinning！
Isaidthesmall-poxhasgoneoutoflate；
Perhapsitmaybefollow'dbythegreat。
'TissaidthegreatcamefromAmerica；
Perhapsitmaysetoutonitsreturn，-
Thepopulationtheresospreads，theysay'Tisgrownhightimetothinitinitsturn，Withwar，orplague，orfamine，anyway，Sothatcivilisationtheymaylearn；
Andwhichinravagethemoreloathsomeevilis-
Theirreallues，orourpseudo-syphilis？
Thisisthepatent-ageofnewinventionsForkillingbodies，andforsavingsouls，Allpropagatedwiththebestintentions；
SirHumphryDavy'slantern，bywhichcoalsAresafelyminedforinthemodehementions，Tombuctootravels，voyagestothePoles，Arewaystobenefitmankind，astrue，Perhaps，asshootingthematWaterloo。
Man'saphenomenon，oneknowsnotwhat，Andwonderfulbeyondallwondrousmeasure；
'Tispitythough，inthissublimeworld，thatPleasure'sasin，andsometimessin'sapleasure；
Fewmortalsknowwhatendtheywouldbeat，Butwhetherglory，power，orlove，ortreasure，Thepathisthroughperplexingways，andwhenThegoalisgain'd，wedie，youknow-andthen-
Whatthen？-Idonotknow，nomoredoyou-
Andsogoodnight-Returnwetoourstory：
'TwasinNovember，whenfinedaysarefew，Andthefarmountainswaxalittlehoary，Andclapawhitecapeontheirmantlesblue；
Andtheseadashesroundthepromontory，Andtheloudbreakerboilsagainsttherock，Andsobersunsmustsetatfiveo'clock。
'Twas，asthewatchmensay，acloudynight；
Nomoon，nostars，thewindwasloworloudBygusts，andmanyasparklinghearthwasbrightWiththepiledwood，roundwhichthefamilycrowd；
There'ssomethingcheerfulinthatsortoflight，Evenasasummersky'swithoutacloud：
I'mfondoffire，andcrickets，andallthat，Alobstersalad，andchampagne，andchat。
'Twasmidnight-DonnaJuliawasinbed，Sleeping，mostprobably，-whenatherdoorAroseaclattermightawakethedead，Iftheyhadneverbeenawokebefore，Andthattheyhavebeensoweallhaveread，Andaretobeso，attheleast，oncemore；-
Thedoorwasfasten'd，butwithvoiceandfistFirstknockswereheard，then'Madam-Madam-hist！
'ForGod'ssake，Madam-Madam-here'smymaster，Withmorethanhalfthecityathisback-
Waseverheardofsuchacurstdisaster！
'Tisnotmyfault-Ikeptgoodwatch-Alack！
Doprayundotheboltalittlefaster-
They'reonthestairjustnow，andinacrackWillallbehere；perhapsheyetmayfly-
Surelythewindow'snotsoveryhigh！'
BythistimeDonAlfonsowasarrived，Withtorches，friends，andservantsingreatnumber；
Themajorpartofthemhadlongbeenwived，AndthereforepausednottodisturbtheslumberOfanywickedwoman，whocontrivedBystealthherhusband'stemplestoencumber：
Examplesofthiskindaresocontagious，Wereonenotpunish'd，allwouldbeoutrageous。
Ican'ttellhow，orwhy，orwhatsuspicionCouldenterintoDonAlfonso'shead；
ButforacavalierofhisconditionItsurelywasexceedinglyill-bred，Withoutawordofpreviousadmonition，Toholdaleveeroundhislady'sbed，Andsummonlackeys，arm'dwithfireandsword，Toprovehimselfthethinghemostabhorr'd。
PoorDonnaJulia，startingasfromsleepMind-thatIdonotsay-shehadnotslept，Beganatoncetoscream，andyawn，andweep；
HermaidAntonia，whowasanadept，Contrivedtoflingthebed-clothesinaheap，Asifshehadjustnowfromoutthemcrept：
Ican'ttellwhysheshouldtakeallthistroubleToprovehermistresshadbeensleepingdouble。
ButJuliamistress，andAntoniamaid，Appear'dliketwopoorharmlesswomen，whoOfgoblins，butstillmoreofmenafraid，Hadthoughtonemanmightbedeterr'dbytwo，Andthereforesidebysideweregentlylaid，Untilthehoursofabsenceshouldrunthrough，Andtruanthusbandshouldreturn，andsay，'Mydear，Iwasthefirstwhocameaway。'
NowJuliafoundatlengthavoice，andcried，'Inheaven'sname，DonAlfonso，whatd'yemean？
Hasmadnessseizedyou？wouldthatIhaddiedEresuchamonster'svictimIhadbeen！
Whatmaythismidnightviolencebetide，Asuddenfitofdrunkennessorspleen？
Dareyoususpectme，whomthethoughtwouldkill？
Search，then，theroom！'-Alfonsosaid，'Iwill。'
Hesearch'd，theysearch'd，andrummagedeverywhere，Closetandclothes'press，chestandwindow-seat，Andfoundmuchlinen，lace，andseveralpairOfstockings，slippers，brushes，combs，complete，Withotherarticlesofladiesfair，Tokeepthembeautiful，orleavethemneat：
Arrastheyprick'dandcurtainswiththeirswords，Andwoundedseveralshutters，andsomeboards。
Underthebedtheysearch'd，andtheretheyfound-
Nomatterwhat-itwasnotthattheysought；
Theyopen'dwindows，gazingifthegroundHadsignsorfootmarks，buttheearthsaidnought；
Andthentheystaredeachother'sfacesround：
'Tisodd，notoneofalltheseseekersthought，Andseemstomealmostasortofblunder，Oflookinginthebedaswellasunder。
Duringthisinquisition，Julia'stongueWasnotasleep-'Yes，searchandsearch，'shecried，'Insultoninsultheap，andwrongonwrong！
ItwasforthisthatIbecameabride！
ForthisinsilenceIhavesuffer'dlongAhusbandlikeAlfonsoatmyside；
ButnowI'llbearnomore，norhereremain，IftherebelaworlawyersinallSpain。
'Yes，DonAlfonso！husbandnownomore，Ifeveryouindeeddeservedthename，Is'tworthyofyouryears？-youhavethreescore-
Fifty，orsixty，itisallthesame-
Is'twiseorfitting，causelesstoexploreForfactsagainstavirtuouswoman'sfame？
Ungrateful，perjured，barbarousDonAlfonso，Howdareyouthinkyourladywouldgoonso？
'IsitforthisIhavedisdain'dtoholdThecommonprivilegesofmysex？
ThatIhavechosenaconfessorsooldAnddeaf，thatanyotheritwouldvex，Andneveroncehehashadcausetoscold，ButfoundmyveryinnocenceperplexSomuch，healwaysdoubtedIwasmarried-
HowsorryyouwillbewhenI'vemiscarried！
'WasitforthisthatnoCortejoe'erIyethavechosenfromouttheyouthofSeville？
IsitforthisIscarcewentanywhere，Excepttobull-fights，mass，play，rout，andrevel？
Isitforthis，whate'ermysuitorswere，Ifavor'dnone-nay，wasalmostuncivil？
IsitforthisthatGeneralCountO'Reilly，WhotookAlgiers，declaresIusedhimvilely？
'DidnottheItalianMusicoCazzaniSingatmyheartsixmonthsatleastinvain？
Didnothiscountryman，CountCorniani，CallmetheonlyvirtuouswifeinSpain？
WeretherenotalsoRussians，English，many？
TheCountStrongstroganoffIputinpain，AndLordMountCoffeehouse，theIrishpeer，Whokill'dhimselfforlovewithwinelastyear。
'HaveInothadtwobishopsatmyfeet，TheDukeofIchar，andDonFernanNunez？
Andisitthusafaithfulwifeyoutreat？
Iwonderinwhatquarternowthemoonis：
IpraiseyourvastforbearancenottobeatMealso，sincethetimesoopportuneis-
Oh，valiantman！withsworddrawnandcock'dtrigger，Now，tellme，don'tyoucutaprettyfigure？
'Wasitforthisyoutookyoursuddenjourney。
UnderpretenceofbusinessindispensableWiththatsublimeofrascalsyourattorney，WhomIseestandingthere，andlookingsensibleOfhavingplay'dthefool？thoughbothIspurn，heDeservestheworst，hisconduct'slessdefensible，Because，nodoubt，'twasforhisdirtyfee，Andnotfromanylovetoyounorme。
'Ifhecomesheretotakeadeposition，Byallmeansletthegentlemanproceed；
You'vemadetheapartmentinafitcondition：
There'spenandinkforyou，sir，whenyouneed-
Leteverythingbenotedwithprecision，Iwouldnotyoufornothingshouldbefee'd-
But，asmymaid'sundrest，prayturnyourspiesout。'
'Oh！'sobb'dAntonia，'Icouldteartheireyesout。'
'Thereisthecloset，therethetoilet，thereTheantechamber-searchthemunder，over；
Thereisthesofa，therethegreatarm-chair，Thechimney-whichwouldreallyholdalover。
Iwishtosleep，andbegyouwilltakecareAndmakenofurthernoise，tillyoudiscoverThesecretcavernofthislurkingtreasure-
Andwhen'tisfound，letme，too，havethatpleasure。
'Andnow，Hidalgo！nowthatyouhavethrownDoubtuponme，confusionoverall，PrayhavethecourtesytomakeitknownWhoisthemanyousearchfor？howd'yecalHim？what'shislineage？lethimbutbeshown-
Ihopehe'syoungandhandsome-ishetall？
Tellme-andbeassured，thatsinceyoustainMyhonourthus，itshallnotbeinvain。
'Atleast，perhaps，hehasnotsixtyyears，Atthatagehewouldbetoooldforslaughter，Orforsoyoungahusband'sjealousfearsAntonia！letmehaveaglassofwater。
Iamashamedofhavingshedthesetears，Theyareunworthyofmyfather'sdaughter；
Mymotherdream'dnotinmynatalhourThatIshouldfallintoamonster'spower。
'Perhaps'tisofAntoniayouarejealous，YousawthatshewassleepingbymysideWhenyoubrokeinuponuswithyourfellows：
Lookwhereyouplease-we'venothing，sir，tohide；
Onlyanothertime，Itrust，you'lltellus，OrforthesakeofdecencyabideAmomentatthedoor，thatwemaybeDresttoreceivesomuchgoodcompany。
'Andnow，sir，Ihavedone，andsaynomore；
ThelittleIhavesaidmayservetoshowTheguilelessheartinsilencemaygrieveo'erThewrongstowhoseexposureitisslow：
Ileaveyoutoyourconscienceasbefore，'Twillonedayaskyouwhyyouusedmeso？
Godgrantyoufeelnotthenthebitterestgrief！-
Antonia！where'smypocket-handkerchief？'
Sheceased，andturn'duponherpillow；paleShelay，herdarkeyesflashingthroughtheirtears，Likeskiesthatrainandlighten；asaveil，Wavedando'ershadingherwancheek，appearsHerstreaminghair；theblackcurlsstrive，butfail，Tohidetheglossyshoulder，whichuprearsItssnowthroughall；-hersoftlipslieapart，Andlouderthanherbreathingbeatsherheart。
TheSenhorDonAlfonsostoodconfused；
Antoniabustledroundtheransack'droom，And，turninguphernose，withlooksabusedHermasterandhismyrmidons，ofwhomNotone，excepttheattorney，wasamused；
He，likeAchates，faithfultothetomb，Sotherewerequarrels，carednotforthecause，Knowingtheymustbesettledbythelaws。
Withpryingsnub-nose，andsmalleyes，hestood，FollowingAntonia'smotionshereandthere，Withmuchsuspicioninhisattitude；
Forreputationshehadlittlecare；
Sothatasuitoractionweremadegood，Smallpityhadhefortheyoungandfair，Andne'erbelievedinnegatives，tilltheseWereprovedbycompetentfalsewitnesses。
ButDonAlfonsostoodwithdowncastlooks，And，truthtosay，hemadeafoolishfigure；
When，aftersearchinginfivehundrednooks，Andtreatingayoungwifewithsomuchrigour，Hegain'dnopoint，exceptsomeself-rebukes，AddedtothosehisladywithsuchvigourHadpour'duponhimforthelasthalf-hour，Quick，thick，andheavy-asathunder-shower。
Atfirsthetriedtohammeranexcuse，Towhichthesolereplywastearsandsobs，Andindicationsofhysterics，whosePrologueisalwayscertainthroes，andthrobs，Gasps，andwhateverelsetheownerschoose：
Alfonsosawhiswife，andthoughtofJob's；
Hesawtoo，inperspective，herrelations，Andthenhetriedtomusterallhispatience。
Hestoodinacttospeak，orratherstammer，ButsageAntoniacuthimshortbeforeTheanvilofhisspeechreceivedthehammer，With'Pray，sir，leavetheroom，andsaynomore，Ormadamdies。'-Alfonsomutter'd，'D-nher，'
Butnothingelse，thetimeofwordswaso'er；
Hecastaruefullookortwo，anddid，Heknewnotwherefore，thatwhichhewasbid。
Withhimretiredhis'possecomitatus，'
Theattorneylast，wholinger'dnearthedoorReluctantly，stilltarryingthereaslateasAntonialethim-notalittlesoreAtthismoststrangeandunexplain'd'hiatus'
InDonAlfonso'sfacts，whichjustnowworeAnawkwardlook；asherevolvedthecase，Thedoorwasfasten'dinhislegalface。
Nosoonerwasitbolted，than-Ohshame！
Ohsin！Ohsorrow！andohwomankind！
Howcanyoudosuchthingsandkeepyourfame，Unlessthisworld，andt'othertoo，beblind？
Nothingsodearasanunfilch'dgoodname！
Buttoproceed-forthereismorebehind：
Withmuchheartfeltreluctancebeitsaid，YoungJuanslipp'dhalf-smother'd，fromthebed。
Hehadbeenhid-Idon'tpretendtosayHow，norcanIindeeddescribethewhere-
Young，slender，andpack'deasily，helay，Nodoubt，inlittlecompass，roundorsquare；
ButpityhimIneithermustnormayHissuffocationbythatprettypair；
'Twerebetter，sure，todieso，thanbeshutWithmaudlinClarenceinhisMalmseybutt。
And，secondly，Ipitynot，becauseHehadnobusinesstocommitasin，Forbidbyheavenly，finedbyhumanlaws，Atleast'twasratherearlytobegin；
ButatsixteentheconsciencerarelygnawsSomuchaswhenwecallourolddebtsinAtsixtyyears，anddrawtheaccomptsofevil，Andfindadeucedbalancewiththedevil。
OfhispositionIcangivenonotion：
'TiswrittenintheHebrewChronicle，Howthephysicians，leavingpillandpotion，Prescribed，bywayofblister，ayoungbelle，WhenoldKingDavid'sbloodgrewdullinmotion，Andthatthemedicineanswer'dverywell；
Perhaps'twasinadifferentwayapplied，ForDavidlived，butJuannearlydied。
What'stobedone？AlfonsowillbebackThemomenthehassenthisfoolsaway。
Antonia'sskillwasputupontherack，Butnodevicecouldbebroughtintoplay-
Andhowtoparrytherenew'dattack？
Besides，itwantedbutfewhoursofday：
Antoniapuzzled；Juliadidnotspeak，Butpress'dherbloodlessliptoJuan'scheek。
Heturn'dhisliptohers，andwithhishandCall'dbackthetanglesofherwanderinghair；
Eventhentheirlovetheycouldnotallcommand，Andhalfforgottheirdangeranddespair：
Antonia'spatiencenowwasatastand-
'Come，come，'tisnotimenowforfoolingthere，'
Shewhisper'd，ingreatwrath-'ImustdepositThisprettygentlemanwithinthecloset：
'Pray，keepyournonsenseforsomeluckiernight-
Whocanhaveputmymasterinthismood？
Whatwillbecomeon't-I'minsuchafright，Thedevil'sintheurchin，andnogood-
Isthisatimeforgiggling？thisaplight？
Why，don'tyouknowthatitmayendinblood？
You'llloseyourlife，andIshalllosemyplace，Mymistressall，forthathalf-girlishface。
'HaditbutbeenforastoutcavalierOftwenty-fiveorthirtycome，makehaste-
Butforachild，whatpieceofworkishere！
Ireally，madam，wonderatyourtasteCome，sir，getin-mymastermustbenear：
There，forthepresent，attheleast，he'sfast，AndifwecanbuttillthemorningkeepOurcounsel-Juan，mind，youmustnotsleep。'
Now，DonAlfonsoentering，butalone，Closedtheorationofthetrustymaid：
Sheloiter'd，andhetoldhertobegone，Anordersomewhatsullenlyobey'd；
However，presentremedywasnone，Andnogreatgoodseem'danswer'difshestay'd：
Regardingbothwithslowandsidelongview，Shesnuff'dthecandle，curtsied，andwithdrew。
Alfonsopausedaminute-thenbegunSomestrangeexcusesforhislateproceeding；
Hewouldnotjustifywhathehaddone，Tosaythebest，itwasextremeill-breeding；
Buttherewereamplereasonsforit，noneOfwhichhespecifiedinthishispleading：
Hisspeechwasafinesample，onthewhole，Ofrhetoric，whichthelearn'dcall'rigmarole。'
Juliasaidnought；thoughallthewhilethereroseAreadyanswer，whichatonceenablesAmatron，whoherhusband'sfoibleknows，Byafewtimelywordstoturnthetables，Which，ifitdoesnotsilence，stillmustpose，-
Evenifitshouldcompriseapackoffables；
'Tistoretortwithfirmness，andwhenheSuspectswithone，doyoureproachwiththree。
Julia，infact，hadtolerablegrounds，-
Alfonso'sloveswithInezwerewellknown，Butwhether'twasthatone'sownguiltconfounds-
Butthatcan'tbe，ashasbeenoftenshown，Aladywithapologiesabounds；-
ItmightbethathersilencesprangaloneFromdelicacytoDonJuan'sear，Towhomsheknewhismother'sfamewasdear。
Theremightbeonemoremotive，whichmakestwo；
Alfonsone'ertoJuanhadalluded，-
Mention'dhisjealousybutneverwhoHadbeenthehappylover，heconcluded，Conceal'damongsthispremises；'tistrue，Hismindthemoreo'erthisitsmysterybrooded；
TospeakofIneznowwere，onemaysay，LikethrowingJuaninAlfonso'sway。
Ahint，intendercases，isenough；
Silenceisbest，besidesthereisatactThatmodernphraseappearstomesadstuff，Butitwillservetokeepmyversecompact-
Whichkeeps，whenpush'dbyquestionsratherrough，Aladyalwaysdistantfromthefact：
Thecharmingcreaturesliewithsuchagrace，There'snothingsobecomingtotheface。
Theyblush，andwebelievethem；atleastI
Havealwaysdoneso；'tisofnogreatuse，Inanycase，attemptingareply，Forthentheireloquencegrowsquiteprofuse；
Andwhenatlengththey'reoutofbreath，theysigh，Andcasttheirlanguideyesdown，andletlooseAtearortwo，andthenwemakeitup；
Andthen-andthen-andthen-sitdownandsup。
Alfonsoclosedhisspeech，andbegg'dherpardon，WhichJuliahalfwithheld，andthenhalfgranted，Andlaidconditionshethoughtveryhardon，Denyingseverallittlethingshewanted：
HestoodlikeAdamlingeringnearhisgarden，Withuselesspenitenceperplex'dandhaunted，Beseechingshenofurtherwouldrefuse，When，lo！hestumbledo'erapairofshoes。
Apairofshoes！-whatthen？notmuch，iftheyAresuchasfitwithladies'feet，buttheseNoonecantellhowmuchIgrievetosay
Weremasculine；toseethem，andtoseize，Wasbutamoment'sact-Ah！well-a-day！
Myteethbegintochatter，myveinsfreeze-
Alfonsofirstexaminedwelltheirfashion，Andthenflewoutintoanotherpassion。
Helefttheroomforhisrelinquish'dsword，AndJuliainstanttotheclosetflew。
'Fly，Juan，fly！forheaven'ssake-notaword-
Thedoorisopen-youmayyetslipthroughThepassageyousooftenhaveexplored-
Hereisthegarden-key-Fly-fly-Adieu！
Haste-haste！IhearAlfonso'shurryingfeet-
Dayhasnotbroke-there'snooneinthestreet：
Nonecansaythatthiswasnotgoodadvice，Theonlymischiefwas，itcametoolate；
Ofallexperience'tistheusualprice，Asortofincome-taxlaidonbyfate：
Juanhadreach'dtheroom-doorina。trice，Andmighthavedonesobythegarden-gate，ButmetAlfonsoinhisdressing-gown，Whothreaten'ddeath-soJuanknock'dhimdown。
Direwasthescuffle，andoutwentthelight；
Antoniacriedout'Rape！'andJulia'Fire！'
Butnotaservantstirr'dtoaidthefight。
Alfonso，pommell'dtohisheart'sdesire，Sworelustilyhe'dberevengedthisnight；
AndJuan，too，blasphemedanoctavehigher；
Hisbloodwasup：thoughyoung，hewasaTartar，Andnotatalldisposedtoproveamartyr。
Alfonso'sswordhaddropp'derehecoulddrawit，Andtheycontinuedbattlinghandtohand，ForJuanveryluckilyne'ersawit；
Histempernotbeingundergreatcommand，Ifatthatmomenthehadchancedtoclawit，Alfonso'sdayshadnotbeeninthelandMuchlonger-Thinkofhusbands'，lovers'lives！
Andhowyemaybedoublywidows-wives！
Alfonsograppledtodetainthefoe，AndJuanthrottledhimtogetaway，Andblood'twasfromthenosebegantoflow；
Atlast，astheymorefaintlywrestlinglay，Juancontrivedtogiveanawkwardblow，Andthenhisonlygarmentquitegaveway；
Hefled，likeJoseph，leavingit；butthere，Idoubt，alllikenessendsbetweenthepair。
Lightscameatlength，andmen，andmaids，whofoundAnawkwardspectacletheireyesbefore；
Antoniainhysterics，Juliaswoon'd，Alfonsoleaning，breathless，bythedoor；
Somehalf-torndraperyscatter'dontheground，Someblood，andseveralfootsteps，butnomore：
Juanthegategain'd，turn'dthekeyabout，Andlikingnottheinside，lock'dtheout。
Hereendsthiscanto-NeedIsing，orsay，HowJuannaked，favour'dbythenight，Whofavourswhatsheshouldnot，foundhisway，Andreach'dhishomeinanunseemlyplight？
Thepleasantscandalwhicharosenextday，Theninedays'wonderwhichwasbroughttolight，AndhowAlfonsosuedforadivorce，WereintheEnglishnewspapers，ofcourse。
Ifyouwouldliketoseethewholeproceedings，Thedepositions，andthecauseatfull，Thenamesofallthewitnesses，thepleadingsOfcounseltononsuit，ortoannul，There'smorethanoneedition，andthereadingsArevarious，buttheynoneofthemaredull；
Thebestisthatinshort-handta'enbyGurney，WhotoMadridonpurposemadeajourney。
ButDonnaInez，todivertthetrainOfoneofthemostcirculatingscandalsThathadforcenturiesbeenknowninSpain，AtleastsincetheretirementoftheVandals，Firstvow'dandneverhadshevow'dinvain
ToVirginMaryseveralpoundsofcandles；
Andthen，bytheadviceofsomeoldladies，Shesenthersontobeshipp'dofffromCadiz。
ShehadresolvedthatheshouldtravelthroughAllEuropeanclimes，bylandorsea，Tomendhisformermorals，andgetnew，EspeciallyinFranceandItalyAtleastthisisthethingmostpeopledo。
Juliawassentintoaconvent：sheGrieved，but，perhaps，herfeelingsmaybebetterShowninthefollowingcopyofherLetter：-
'Theytellme'tisdecided；youdepart：
'Tiswise-'tiswell，butnotthelessapain；
Ihavenofurtherclaimonyouryoungheart，Mineisthevictim，andwouldbeagain；
TolovetoomuchhasbeentheonlyartIused；-Iwriteinhaste，andifastainBeonthissheet，'tisnotwhatitappears；
Myeyeballsburnandthrob，buthavenotears。
'Iloved，Iloveyou，forthislovehavelostState，station，heaven，mankind's，myownesteem，Andyetcannotregretwhatithathcost，Sodearisstillthememoryofthatdream；
Yet，ifInamemyguilt，'tisnottoboast，NonecandeemharshlierofmethanIdeem：
ItracethisscrawlbecauseIcannotrest-
I'venothingtoreproach，ortorequest。
'Man'sloveisofman'slifeathingapart，'Tiswoman'swholeexistence；manmayrangeThecourt，camp，church，thevessel，andthemart；
Sword，gown，gain，glory，offerinexchangePride，fame，ambition，tofilluphisheart，Andfewtherearewhomthesecannotestrange；
Menhavealltheseresources，webutone，Toloveagain，andbeagainundone。
'Youwillproceedinpleasure，andinpride，Belovedandlovingmany；alliso'erFormeonearth，exceptsomeyearstohideMyshameandsorrowdeepinmyheart'score；
TheseIcouldbear，butcannotcastasideThepassionwhichstillragesasbefore-
Andsofarewell-forgiveme，loveme-No，Thatwordisidlenow-butletitgo。
'Mybreasthasbeenallweakness，issoyet；
ButstillIthinkIcancollectmymind；
Mybloodstillrusheswheremyspirit'sset，Asrollthewavesbeforethesettledwind；
Myheartisfeminine，norcanforget-
Toall，exceptoneimage，madlyblind；
Soshakestheneedle，andsostandsthepole，Asvibratesmyfondhearttomyfix'dsoul。
'Ihavenomoretosay，butlingerstill，Anddarenotsetmysealuponthissheet，AndyetImayaswellthetaskfulfil，Mymiserycanscarcebemorecomplete：
Ihadnotlivedtillnow，couldsorrowkill；
Deathshunsthewretchwhofaintheblowwouldmeet，AndImustevensurvivethislastadieu，Andbearwithlife，toloveandprayforyou！'
Thisnotewaswrittenupongilt-edgedpaperWithaneatlittlecrow-quill，slightandnew：
Hersmallwhitehandcouldhardlyreachthetaper，Ittrembledasmagneticneedlesdo，Andyetshedidnotletonetearescapeher；
Thesealasun-flower；'Ellevoussuitpartout，'
Themottocutuponawhitecornelian；
Thewaxwassuperfine，itshuevermilion。
ThiswasDonJuan'searliestscrape；butwhetherIshallproceedwithhisadventuresisDependentonthepublicaltogether；
We'llsee，however，whattheysaytothis：
Theirfavourinanauthor'scap'safeather，Andnogreatmischief'sdonebytheircaprice；
Andiftheirapprobationweexperience，Perhapsthey'llhavesomemoreaboutayearhence。
Mypoem'sepic，andismeanttobeDividedintwelvebooks；eachbookcontaining，Withlove，andwar，aheavygaleatsea，Alistofships，andcaptains，andkingsreigning，Newcharacters；theepisodesarethree：
Apanoramicviewofhell'sintraining，AfterthestyleofVirgilandofHomer，SothatmynameofEpic'snomisnomer。
Allthesethingswillbespecifiedintime，WithstrictregardtoAristotle'srules，TheVadeMecumofthetruesublime，Whichmakessomanypoets，andsomefools：
Prosepoetslikeblank-verse，I'mfondofrhyme，Goodworkmenneverquarrelwiththeirtools；
I'vegotnewmythologicalmachinery，Andveryhandsomesupernaturalscenery。
There'sonlyoneslightdifferencebetweenMeandmyepicbrethrengonebefore，Andheretheadvantageismyown，IweenNotthatIhavenotseveralmeritsmore，Butthiswillmorepeculiarlybeseen；
Theysoembellish，that'tisquiteaboreTheirlabyrinthoffablestothreadthrough，Whereasthisstory'sactuallytrue。
Ifanypersondoubtit，IappealTohistory，tradition，andtofacts，Tonewspapers，whosetruthallknowandfeel，Toplaysinfive，andoperasinthreeacts；
Alltheseconfirmmystatementagooddeal，ButthatwhichmorecompletelyfaithexactsIsthatmyself，andseveralnowinSeville，SawJuan'slastelopementwiththedevil。
IfeverIshouldcondescendtoprose，I'llwritepoeticalcommandments，whichShallsupersedebeyondalldoubtallthoseThatwentbefore；intheseIshallenrichMytextwithmanythingsthatnooneknows，Andcarryprecepttothehighestpitch：
I'llcallthework'Longinuso'eraBottle，Or，EveryPoethisownAristotle。'
ThoushaltbelieveinMilton，Dryden，Pope；
ThoushaltnotsetupWordsworth，Coleridge，Southey；
Becausethefirstiscrazedbeyondallhope，Theseconddrunk，thethirdsoquaintandmouthy：
WithCrabbeitmaybedifficulttocope，AndCampbell'sHippocreneissomewhatdrouthy：
ThoushaltnotstealfromSamuelRogers，norCommit-flirtationwiththemuseofMoore。
ThoushaltnotcovetMr。Sotheby'sMuse，HisPegasus，noranythingthat'shis；
Thoushaltnotbearfalsewitnesslike'theBlues'
There'sone，atleast，isveryfondofthis；
Thoushaltnotwrite，inshort，butwhatIchoose：
Thisistruecriticism，andyoumaykiss-
Exactlyasyouplease，ornot，-therod；
IfanypersonshouldpresumetoassertThisstoryisnotmoral，first，Ipray，Thattheywillnotcryoutbeforethey'rehurt，Thenthatthey'llreadito'eragain，andsayBut，doubtless，nobodywillbesopert
Thatthisisnotamoraltale，thoughgay；
Besides，inCantoTwelfth，ImeantoshowTheveryplacewherewickedpeoplego。
If，afterall，thereshouldbesomesoblindTotheirowngoodthiswarningtodespise，Ledbysometortuosityofmind，Nottobelievemyverseandtheirowneyes，Andcrythatthey'themoralcannotfind，'
Itellhim，ifaclergyman，helies；
Shouldcaptainstheremark，orcritics，make，Theyalsolietoo-underamistake。
ThepublicapprobationIexpect，Andbegthey'lltakemywordaboutthemoral，WhichIwiththeiramusementwillconnectSochildrencuttingteethreceiveacoral；
Meantime，they'lldoubtlesspleasetorecollectMyepicalpretensionstothelaurel：
Forfearsomeprudishreadersshouldgrowskittish，I'vebribedmygrandmother'sreview-theBritish。
IsentitinalettertotheEditor，Whothank'dmedulybyreturnofpost-
I'mforahandsomearticlehiscreditor；
Yet，ifmygentleMusehepleasetoroast，Andbreakapromiseafterhavingmadeither，Denyingthereceiptofwhatitcost，Andsmearhispagewithgallinsteadofhoney，AllIcansayis-thathehadthemoney。
IthinkthatwiththisholynewallianceImayensurethepublic，anddefyAllothermagazinesofartorscience，Daily，ormonthly，orthreemonthly；I
Havenotessay'dtomultiplytheirclients，Becausetheytellme'twereinvaintotry，AndthattheEdinburghReviewandQuarterlyTreatadissentingauthorverymartyrly。
'NonegohocferremcalidajuventaConsulePlanco，'Horacesaid，andsoSayI；bywhichquotationthereismeantaHintthatsomesixorsevengoodyearsagoLongereIdreamtofdatingfromtheBrenta
Iwasmostreadytoreturnablow，AndwouldnotbrookatallthissortofthingInmyhotyouth-whenGeorgetheThirdwasKing。
ButnowatthirtyyearsmyhairisgreyIwonderwhatitwillbelikeatforty？
Ithoughtofaperuketheotherday-
Myheartisnotmuchgreener；and，inshort，I
Havesquander'dmywholesummerwhile'twasMay，Andfeelnomorethespirittoretort；I
Havespentmylife，bothinterestandprincipal，Anddeemnot，whatIdeem'd，mysoulinvincible。
Nomore-nomore-Oh！nevermoreonmeThefreshnessoftheheartcanfalllikedew，WhichoutofallthelovelythingsweseeExtractsemotionsbeautifulandnew，Hivedinourbosomslikethebago'thebee：
Think'stthouthehoneywiththoseobjectsgrew？
Alas！'twasnotinthem，butinthypowerTodoubleeventhesweetnessofaflower。
Nomore-nomore-Oh！nevermore，myheart，Canstthoubemysoleworld，myuniverse！
Onceallinall，butnowathingapart，Thoucanstnotbemyblessingormycurse：
Theillusion'sgoneforever，andthouartInsensible，Itrust，butnonetheworse，AndinthysteadI'vegotadealofjudgment，Thoughheavenknowshowiteverfoundalodgment。
Mydaysofloveareover；menomoreThecharmsofmaid，wife，andstilllessofwidow，Canmakethefoolofwhichtheymadebefore，-
Inshort，ImustnotleadthelifeIdiddo；
Thecreduloushopeofmutualmindsiso'er，Thecopioususeofclaretisforbidtoo，Soforagoodold-gentlemanlyvice，IthinkImusttakeupwithavarice。
Ambitionwasmyidol，whichwasbrokenBeforetheshrinesofSorrow，andofPleasure；
AndthetwolasthaveleftmemanyatokenO'erwhichreflectionmaybemadeatleisure：
Now，likeFriarBacon'sbrazenhead，I'vespoken，'Timeis，Timewas，Time'spast：'-achymictreasureIsglitteringyouth，whichIhavespentbetimes-
Myheartinpassion，andmyheadonrhymes。
WhatistheendofFame？'tisbuttofillAcertainportionofuncertainpaper：
Somelikenittoclimbingupahill，Whosesummit，likeallhills，islostinvapour；
Forthismenwrite，speak，preach，andheroeskill，Andbardsburnwhattheycalltheir'midnighttaper，'
Tohave，whentheoriginalisdust，Aname，awretchedpicture，andworsebust。
Whatarethehopesofman？OldEgypt'sKingCheopserectedthefirstpyramidAndlargest，thinkingitwasjustthethingTokeephismemorywhole，andmummyhid；
Butsomebodyorotherrummaging，Burglariouslybrokehiscoffin'slid：
Letnotamonumentgiveyouormehopes，SincenotapinchofdustremainsofCheops。
ButIbeingfondoftruephilosophy，Sayveryoftentomyself，'Alas！
Allthingsthathavebeenbornwereborntodie，AndfleshwhichDeathmowsdowntohayisgrass；
You'vepass'dyouryouthnotsounpleasantly，Andifyouhadito'eragain-'twouldpass-
Sothankyourstarsthatmattersarenoworse，AndreadyourBible，sir，andmindyourpurse。'
Butforthepresent，gentlereader！andStillgentlerpurchaser！thebard-that'sI-
Must，withpermission，shakeyoubythehand，Andso'Yourhumbleservant，andgood-b'ye！'
Wemeetagain，ifweshouldunderstandEachother；andifnot，IshallnottryYourpatiencefurtherthanbythisshortsample-
'Twerewellifothersfollow'dmyexample。
'Go，littlebook，fromthismysolitude！
Icasttheeonthewaters-gothyways！
Andif，asIbelieve，thyveinbegood，Theworldwillfindtheeaftermanydays。'
WhenSouthey'sread，andWordsworthunderstood，Ican'thelpputtinginmyclaimtopraise-
ThefourfirstrhymesareSouthey'severyline：
ForGod'ssake，reader！takethemnotformine。
CANTOTHESECOND。
OHye！whoteachtheingenuousyouthofnations，Holland，France，England，Germany，orSpain，Iprayyeflogthemuponalloccasions，Itmendstheirmorals，nevermindthepain：
ThebestofmothersandofeducationsInJuan'scasewerebutemploy'dinvain，Since，inawaythat'sratheroftheoddest，heBecamedivestedofhisnativemodesty。
Hadhebutbeenplacedatapublicschool，Inthethirdform，oreveninthefourth，Hisdailytaskhadkepthisfancycool，Atleast，hadhebeennurturedinthenorth；
Spainmayproveanexceptiontotherule，Butthenexceptionsalwaysproveitsworth-
AladofsixteencausingadivorcePuzzledhistutorsverymuch，ofcourse。
Ican'tsaythatitpuzzlesmeatall，Ifallthingsbeconsider'd：first，therewasHislady-mother，mathematical，A-nevermind；histutor，anoldass；
Aprettywomanthat'squitenatural，Orelsethethinghadhardlycometopass；
Ahusbandratherold，notmuchinunityWithhisyoungwife-atime，andopportunity。
Well-well，theworldmustturnuponitsaxis，Andallmankindturnwithit，headsortails，Andliveanddie，makeloveandpayourtaxes，Andastheveeringwindshifts，shiftoursails；
Thekingcommandsus，andthedoctorquacksus，Thepriestinstructs，andsoourlifeexhales，Alittlebreath，love，wine，ambition，fame，Fighting，devotion，dust，-perhapsaname。
IsaidthatJuanhadbeensenttoCadiz-
Aprettytown，Irecollectitwell-
'TistherethemartofthecolonialtradeisOrwas，beforePerulearn'dtorebel，Andsuchsweetgirls-Imean，suchgracefulladies，Theirverywalkwouldmakeyourbosomswell；
Ican'tdescribeit，thoughsomuchitstrike，Norlikenit-Ineversawthelike：
AnArabhorse，astatelystag，abarbNewbroke，acameleopard，agazelle，No-noneofthesewilldo；-andthentheirgarb！
Theirveilandpetticoat-Alas！todwellUponsuchthingswouldverynearabsorbAcanto-thentheirfeetandankles，-well，ThankHeavenI'vegotnometaphorquitereadyAndso，mysoberMuse-come，let'sbesteady-
ChasteMuse！-well，ifyoumust，youmust-theveilThrownbackamomentwiththeglancinghand，Whiletheo'erpoweringeye，thatturnsyoupale，Flashesintotheheart：-AllsunnylandOflove！whenIforgetyou，mayIfailTo-saymyprayers-butneverwasthereplann'dAdressthroughwhichtheeyesgivesuchavolley，ExceptingtheVenetianFazzioli。
Buttoourtale：theDonnaInezsentHersontoCadizonlytoembark；
Tostaytherehadnotanswer'dherintent，Butwhy？-weleavethereaderinthedark-
'Twasforavoyagethattheyoungmanwasmeant，AsifaSpanishshipwereNoah'sark，Toweanhimfromthewickednessofearth，Andsendhimlikeadoveofpromiseforth。
DonJuanbadehisvaletpackhisthingsAccordingtodirection，thenreceivedAlectureandsomemoney：forfourspringsHewastotravel；andthoughInezgrievedAseverykindofpartinghasitsstings，Shehopedhewouldimprove-perhapsbelieved：
Aletter，too，shegaveheneverreadit
Ofgoodadvice-andtwoorthreeofcredit。
Inthemeantime，topassherhoursaway，BraveIneznowsetupaSundayschoolFornaughtychildren，whowouldratherplayLiketruantroguesthedevil，orthefool；
Infantsofthreeyearsoldweretaughtthatday，Dunceswerewhipt，orsetuponastool：
ThegreatsuccessofJuan'seducation，Spurr'dhertoteachanothergeneration。
Juanembark'd-theshipgotunderway，Thewindwasfair，thewaterpassingrough：
Adevilofasearollsinthatbay，AsI，who'vecross'ditoft，knowwellenough；
And，standingupondeck，thedashingsprayFliesinone'sface，andmakesitweather-tough：
Andtherehestoodtotake，andtakeagain，Hisfirst-perhapshislast-farewellofSpain。
Ican'tbutsayitisanawkwardsightToseeone'snativelandrecedingthroughThegrowingwaters；itunmansonequite，Especiallywhenlifeisrathernew：
IrecollectGreatBritain'scoastlookswhite，Butalmosteveryothercountry'sblue，Whengazingonthem，mystifiedbydistance，Weenteronournauticalexistence。
SoJuanstood，bewilder'donthedeck：
Thewindsung，cordagestrain'd，andsailorsswore，Andtheshipcreak'd，thetownbecameaspeck，Fromwhichawaysofairandfasttheybore。
Thebestofremediesisabeef-steakAgainstsea-sickness：tryit，sir，beforeYousneer，andIassureyouthisistrue，ForIhavefounditanswer-somayyou。
DonJuanstood，and，gazingfromthestern，BeheldhisnativeSpainrecedingfar：
Firstpartingsformalessonhardtolearn，Evennationsfeelthiswhentheygotowar；
Thereisasortofunexprestconcern，Akindofshockthatsetsone'sheartajar：
AtleavingeventhemostunpleasantpeopleAndplaces，onekeepslookingatthesteeple。
ButJuanhadgotmanythingstoleave，Hismother，andamistress，andnowife，SothathehadmuchbettercausetogrieveThanmanypersonsmoreadvancedinlife；
AndifwenowandthenasighmustheaveAtquittingeventhosewequitinstrife，Nodoubtweweepforthosetheheartendears-
Thatis，tilldeepergriefscongealourtears。
SoJuanwept，asweptthecaptiveJewsByBabel'swaters，stillrememberingSion：
I'dweep，-butmineisnotaweepingMuse，Andsuchlightgriefsarenotathingtodieon；
Youngmenshouldtravel，ifbuttoamuseThemselves；andthenexttimetheirservantstieonBehindtheircarriagestheirnewportmanteau，Perhapsitmaybelinedwiththismycanto。
AndJuanwept，andmuchhesigh'dandthought，Whilehissalttearsdropp'dintothesaltsea，'Sweetstothesweet'Ilikesomuchtoquote；
Youmustexcusethisextract，'tiswhereshe，TheQueenofDenmark，forOpheliabroughtFlowerstothegrave；and，sobbingoften，heReflectedonhispresentsituation，Andseriouslyresolvedonreformation。
'Farewell，mySpain！alongfarewell！'hecried，'PerhapsImayrevisittheenomore，Butdie，asmanyanexiledhearthathdied，Ofitsownthirsttoseeagainthyshore：
Farewell，whereGuadalquivir'swatersglide！
Farewell，mymother！and，sincealliso'er，Farewell，too，dearestJulia！-HerehedrewHerletteroutagain，andreaditthrough。
'And，oh！ife'erIshouldforget，Iswear-
Butthat'simpossible，andcannotbe-
Soonershallthisblueoceanmelttoair，Soonershallearthresolveitselftosea，ThanIresignthineimage，oh，myfair！
Orthinkofanythingexceptingthee；
AminddiseasednoremedycanphysicHeretheshipgavealurch，andhegrewsea-sick。
'Soonershallheavenkissearthherehefellsicker，Oh，Julia！whatiseveryotherwo？
ForGod'ssakeletmehaveaglassofliquor；
Pedro，Battista，helpmedownbelow。
Julia，mylove！yourascal，Pedro，quicker-
Oh，Julia！thiscurstvesselpitchesso-
BelovedJulia，hearmestillbeseeching！'
Herehegrewinarticulatewithretching。