Thebloodrushedtoherface。Hehadhisreasons,then——shewassurenowthathehadhisreasons!Inthetenyearsoftheirmarriage,howoftenhadeitherofthemstoppedtoconsidertheideasonwhichitwasfounded?Howoftendoesamandigaboutthebasementofhishousetoexamineitsfoundation?Thefoundationisthere,ofcourse——thehouserestsonit——butonelivesabovestairsandnotinthecellar。Itwasshe,indeed,whointhebeginninghadinsistedonreviewingthesituationnowandthen,onrecapitulatingthereasonswhichjustifiedhercourse,onproclaiming,fromtimetotime,heradherencetothereligionofpersonalindependence;butshehadlongceasedtofeeltheneedofanysuchidealstandards,andhadacceptedhermarriageasfranklyandnaturallyasthoughithadbeenbasedontheprimitiveneedsoftheheart,andneedednospecialsanctiontoexplainorjustifyit。
“OfcourseIstillbelieveinourideas!”sheexclaimed。
“ThenIrepeatthatIdon'tunderstand。Itwasapartofyourtheorythatthegreatestpossiblepublicityshouldbegiventoourviewofmarriage。Haveyouchangedyourmindinthatrespect?”
Shehesitated。“Itdependsoncircumstances——onthepubliconeisaddressing。ThesetofpeoplethattheVanSiderensgetaboutthemdon'tcareforthetruthorfalsenessofadoctrine。Theyareattractedsimplybyitsnovelty。“
“AndyetitwasinjustsuchasetofpeoplethatyouandImet,andlearnedthetruthfromeachother。“
“Thatwasdifferent。“
“Inwhatway?”
“Iwasnotayounggirl,tobeginwith。Itisperfectlyunfittingthatyounggirlsshouldbepresentat——atsuchtimes——
shouldhearsuchthingsdiscussed——“
“IthoughtyouconsidereditoneofthedeepestsocialwrongsthatsuchthingsneverAREdiscussedbeforeyounggirls;butthatisbesidethepoint,forIdon'trememberseeinganyyounggirlinmyaudienceto-day——“
“ExceptUnaVanSideren!”
Heturnedslightlyandpushedbackthelampathiselbow。
“Oh,MissVanSideren——naturally——“
“Whynaturally?”
“Thedaughterofthehouse——wouldyouhavehadhersentoutwithhergoverness?”
“IfIhadadaughterIshouldnotallowsuchthingstogooninmyhouse!”
Westall,strokinghismustache,leanedbackwithafaintsmile。
“IfancyMissVanSiderenisquitecapableoftakingcareofherself。“
“Nogirlknowshowtotakecareofherself——tillit'stoolate。“
“Andyetyouwoulddeliberatelydenyherthesurestmeansofself-defence?”
“Whatdoyoucallthesurestmeansofself-defence?”
“Somepreliminaryknowledgeofhumannatureinitsrelationtothemarriagetie。“
Shemadeanimpatientgesture。“Howshouldyouliketomarrythatkindofagirl?”
“Immensely——ifsheweremykindofgirlinotherrespects。“
Shetookuptheargumentatanotherpoint。
“Youarequitemistakenifyouthinksuchtalkdoesnotaffectyounggirls。Unawasinastateofthemostabsurdexaltation——“
Shebrokeoff,wonderingwhyshehadspoken。
Westallreopenedamagazinewhichhehadlaidasideatthebeginningoftheirdiscussion。“Whatyoutellmeisimmenselyflatteringtomyoratoricaltalent——butIfearyouoverrateitseffect。IcanassureyouthatMissVanSiderendoesn'thavetohaveherthinkingdoneforher。She'squitecapableofdoingitherself。“
“Youseemveryfamiliarwithhermentalprocesses!”flashedunguardedlyfromhiswife。
Helookedupquietlyfromthepageshewascutting。
“Ishouldliketobe,“heanswered。“Sheinterestsme。“
II
Iftherebeadistinctioninbeingmisunderstood,itwasonedeniedtoJuliaWestallwhensheleftherfirsthusband。Everyonewasreadytoexcuseandeventodefendher。TheworldsheadornedagreedthatJohnArmentwas“impossible,“andhostessesgaveasighofreliefatthethoughtthatitwouldnolongerbenecessarytoaskhimtodine。
Therehadbeennoscandalconnectedwiththedivorce:neithersidehadaccusedtheotheroftheoffenceeuphemisticallydescribedas“statutory。“TheArmentshadindeedbeenobligedtotransfertheirallegiancetoaStatewhichrecognizeddesertionasacausefordivorce,andconstruedthetermsoliberallythattheseedsofdesertionwereshowntoexistineveryunion。EvenMrs。Arment'ssecondmarriagedidnotmaketraditionalmoralitystirinitssleep。Itwasknownthatshehadnotmethersecondhusbandtillaftershehadpartedfromthefirst,andshehad,moreover,replacedarichmanbyapoorone。ThoughClementWestallwasacknowledgedtobearisinglawyer,itwasgenerallyfeltthathisfortuneswouldnotriseasrapidlyashisreputation。TheWestallswouldprobablyalwayshavetolivequietlyandgoouttodinnerincabs。CouldtherebebetterevidenceofMrs。Arment'scompletedisinterestedness?
Ifthereasoningbywhichherfriendsjustifiedhercoursewassomewhatcruderandlesscomplexthanherownelucidationofthematter,bothexplanationsledtothesameconclusion:JohnArmentwasimpossible。Theonlydifferencewasthat,tohiswife,hisimpossibilitywassomethingdeeperthanasocialdisqualification。Shehadoncesaid,inironicaldefenceofhermarriage,thatithadatleastpreservedherfromthenecessityofsittingnexttohimatdinner;butshehadnotthenrealizedatwhatcosttheimmunitywaspurchased。JohnArmentwasimpossible;butthestingofhisimpossibilitylayinthefactthathemadeitimpossibleforthoseabouthimtobeotherthanhimself。Byanunconsciousprocessofeliminationhehadexcludedfromtheworldeverythingofwhichhedidnotfeelapersonalneed:hadbecome,asitwere,aclimateinwhichonlyhisownrequirementssurvived。Thismightseemtoimplyadeliberateselfishness;buttherewasnothingdeliberateaboutArment。Hewasasinstinctiveasananimalorachild。Itwasthischildishelementinhisnaturewhichsometimesforamomentunsettledhiswife'sestimateofhim。Wasitpossiblethathewassimplyundeveloped,thathehaddelayed,somewhatlongerthanisusual,thelaboriousprocessofgrowingup?Hehadthekindofsporadicshrewdnesswhichcausesittobesaidofadullmanthatheis“nofool“;anditwasthisqualitythathiswifefoundmosttrying。Eventothenaturalistitisannoyingtohavehisdeductionsdisturbedbysomeunforeseenaberrancyofformorfunction;andhowmuchmoresotothewifewhoseestimateofherselfisinevitablyboundupwithherjudgmentofherhusband!
Arment'sshrewdnessdidnot,indeed,implyanylatentintellectualpower;itsuggested,rather,potentialitiesoffeeling,ofsuffering,perhaps,inablindrudimentaryway,onwhichJulia'ssensibilitiesnaturallydeclinedtolinger。Shesofullyunderstoodherownreasonsforleavinghimthatshedislikedtothinktheywerenotascomprehensibletoherhusband。
Shewashaunted,inheranalyticmoments,bythelookofperplexity,tooinarticulateforwords,withwhichhehadacquiescedtoherexplanations。
Thesemomentswererarewithher,however。Hermarriagehadbeentooconcreteamiserytobesurveyedphilosophically。Ifshehadbeenunhappyforcomplexreasons,theunhappinesswasasrealasthoughithadbeenuncomplicated。Soulismorebruisablethanflesh,andJuliawaswoundedineveryfibreofherspirit。Herhusband'spersonalityseemedtobeclosinggraduallyinonher,obscuringtheskyandcuttingofftheair,tillshefeltherselfshutupamongthedecayingbodiesofherstarvedhopes。Asenseofhavingbeendecoyedbysomeworld-oldconspiracyintothisbondageofbodyandsoulfilledherwithdespair。Ifmarriagewastheslowlife-longacquittalofadebtcontractedinignorance,thenmarriagewasacrimeagainsthumannature。She,forone,wouldhavenoshareinmaintainingthepretenceofwhichshehadbeenavictim:thepretencethatamanandawoman,forcedintothenarrowestofpersonalrelations,mustremaintheretilltheend,thoughtheymayhaveoutgrownthespanofeachother'snaturesasthematuretreeoutgrowstheironbraceaboutthesapling。
ItwasinthefirstheatofhermoralindignationthatshehadmetClementWestall。Shehadseenatoncethathewas“interested,“andhadfoughtoffthediscovery,dreadinganyinfluencethatshoulddrawherbackintothebondageofconventionalrelations。Towardofftheperilshehad,withanalmostcrudeprecipitancy,revealedheropinionstohim。Tohersurprise,shefoundthathesharedthem。Shewasattractedbythefranknessofasuitorwho,whilepressinghissuit,admittedthathedidnotbelieveinmarriage。Herworstaudacitiesdidnotseemtosurprisehim:hehadthoughtoutallthatshehadfelt,andtheyhadreachedthesameconclusion。Peoplegrewatvaryingrates,andtheyokethatwasaneasyfitfortheonemightsoonbecomegallingtotheother。Thatwaswhatdivorcewasfor:thereadjustmentofpersonalrelations。Assoonastheirnecessarilytransitivenaturewasrecognizedtheywouldgainindignityaswellasinharmony。Therewouldbenofartherneedoftheignobleconcessionsandconnivances,theperpetualsacrificeofpersonaldelicacyandmoralpride,bymeansofwhichimperfectmarriageswerenowheldtogether。Eachpartnertothecontractwouldbeonhismettle,forcedtoliveuptothehigheststandardofself-development,onpainoflosingtheother'srespectandaffection。Thelownaturecouldnolongerdragthehigherdown,butmuststruggletorise,orremainaloneonitsinferiorlevel。Theonlynecessaryconditiontoaharmoniousmarriagewasafrankrecognitionofthistruth,andasolemnagreementbetweenthecontractingpartiestokeepfaithwiththemselves,andnottolivetogetherforamomentaftercompleteaccordhadceasedtoexistbetweenthem。Thenewadulterywasunfaithfulnesstoself。
Itwas,asWestallhadjustremindedher,onthisunderstandingthattheyhadmarried。Theceremonywasanunimportantconcessiontosocialprejudice:nowthatthedoorofdivorcestoodopen,nomarriageneedbeanimprisonment,andthecontractthereforenolongerinvolvedanydiminutionofself-respect。Thenatureoftheirattachmentplacedthemsofarbeyondthereachofsuchcontingenciesthatitwaseasytodiscussthemwithanopenmind;andJulia'ssenseofsecuritymadeherdwellwithatenderinsistenceonWestall'spromisetoclaimhisreleasewhenheshouldceasetoloveher。Theexchangeofthesevowsseemedtomakethem,inasense,championsofthenewlaw,pioneersintheforbiddenrealmofindividualfreedom:theyfeltthattheyhadsomehowachievedbeatitudewithoutmartyrdom。
This,asJulianowreviewedthepast,sheperceivedtohavebeenhertheoreticalattitudetowardmarriage。Itwasunconsciously,insidiously,thathertenyearsofhappinesswithWestallhaddevelopedanotherconceptionofthetie;areversion,rather,totheoldinstinctofpassionatedependencyandpossessorshipthatnowmadeherbloodrevoltatthemerehintofchange。Change?
Renewal?Wasthatwhattheyhadcalledit,intheirfoolishjargon?Destruction,exterminationrather——thisrendingofamyriadfibresinterwovenwithanother'sbeing!Another?Buthewasnotother!Heandshewereone,oneinthemysticsensewhichalonegavemarriageitssignificance。Thenewlawwasnotforthem,butforthedisunitedcreaturesforcedintoamockeryofunion。Thegospelshehadfeltcalledontoproclaimhadnobearingonherowncase……Shesentforthedoctorandtoldhimshewassuresheneededanervetonic。
Shetookthenervetonicdiligently,butitfailedtoactasasedativetoherfears。Shedidnotknowwhatshefeared;butthatmadeheranxietythemorepervasive。HerhusbandhadnotrevertedtothesubjectofhisSaturdaytalks。Hewasunusuallykindandconsiderate,withasofteningofhisquickmanner,atouchofshynessinhisconsideration,thatsickenedherwithnewfears。Shetoldherselfthatitwasbecauseshelookedbadly——
becauseheknewaboutthedoctorandthenervetonic——thatheshowedthisdeferencetoherwishes,thiseagernesstoscreenherfrommoraldraughts;buttheexplanationsimplyclearedthewayforfreshinferences。
Theweekpassedslowly,vacantly,likeaprolongedSunday。OnSaturdaythemorningpostbroughtanotefromMrs。VanSideren。
WoulddearJuliaaskMr。Westalltocomehalfanhourearlierthanusual,astherewastobesomemusicafterhis“talk“?
Westallwasjustleavingforhisofficewhenhiswifereadthenote。Sheopenedthedrawing-roomdoorandcalledhimbacktodeliverthemessage。
Heglancedatthenoteandtosseditaside。“Whatabore!I
shallhavetocutmygameofracquets。Well,Isupposeitcan'tbehelped。Willyouwriteandsayit'sallright?”
Juliahesitatedamoment,herhandstiffeningonthechair-backagainstwhichsheleaned。
“Youmeantogoonwiththesetalks?”sheasked。
“I——whynot?”hereturned;andthistimeitstruckherthathissurprisewasnotquiteunfeigned。Thediscoveryhelpedhertofindwords。
“Yousaidyouhadstartedthemwiththeideaofpleasingme——“
“Well?”
“Itoldyoulastweekthattheydidn'tpleaseme。“
“Lastweek?Oh——“Heseemedtomakeaneffortofmemory。“I
thoughtyouwerenervousthen;yousentforthedoctorthenextday。“
“ItwasnotthedoctorIneeded;itwasyourassurance——“
“Myassurance?”
Suddenlyshefeltthefloorfailunderher。Shesankintothechairwithachokingthroat,herwords,herreasonsslippingawayfromherlikestrawsdownawhirlingflood。
“Clement,“shecried,“isn'titenoughforyoutoknowthatI
hateit?”
Heturnedtoclosethedoorbehindthem;thenhewalkedtowardherandsatdown。“Whatisitthatyouhate?”heaskedgently。
Shehadmadeadesperateefforttorallyherroutedargument。
“Ican'tbeartohaveyouspeakasif——asif——ourmarriage——wereliketheotherkind——thewrongkind。WhenIheardyouthere,theotherafternoon,beforeallthoseinquisitivegossipingpeople,proclaimingthathusbandsandwiveshadarighttoleaveeachotherwhenevertheyweretired——orhadseensomeoneelse——“
Westallsatmotionless,hiseyesfixedonapatternofthecarpet。
“YouHAVEceasedtotakethisview,then?”hesaidasshebrokeoff。“YounolongerbelievethathusbandsandwivesARE
justifiedinseparating——undersuchconditions?”
“Undersuchconditions?”shestammered。“Yes——Istillbelievethat——buthowcanwejudgeforothers?Whatcanweknowofthecircumstances——?”
Heinterruptedher。“Ithoughtitwasafundamentalarticleofourcreedthatthespecialcircumstancesproducedbymarriagewerenottointerferewiththefullassertionofindividualliberty。“Hepausedamoment。“IthoughtthatwasyourreasonforleavingArment。“
Sheflushedtotheforehead。Itwasnotlikehimtogiveapersonalturntotheargument。
“Itwasmyreason,“shesaidsimply。
“Well,then——whydoyourefusetorecognizeitsvaliditynow?”
“Idon't——Idon't——Ionlysaythatonecan'tjudgeforothers。“
Hemadeanimpatientmovement。“Thisismerehair-splitting。
Whatyoumeanisthat,thedoctrinehavingservedyourpurposewhenyouneededit,younowrepudiateit。“
“Well,“sheexclaimed,flushingagain,“whatifIdo?Whatdoesitmattertous?”
Westallrosefromhischair。Hewasexcessivelypale,andstoodbeforehiswifewithsomethingoftheformalityofastranger。
“Itmatterstome,“hesaidinalowvoice,“becauseIdoNOT
repudiateit。“
“Well——?”
“AndbecauseIhadintendedtoinvokeitas“——
Hepausedanddrewhisbreathdeeply。Shesatsilent,almostdeafenedbyherheart-beats——
“asacompletejustificationofthecourseIamabouttotake。“
Juliaremainedmotionless。“Whatcourseisthat?”sheasked。
Heclearedhisthroat。“Imeantoclaimthefulfilmentofyourpromise。“
Foraninstanttheroomwaveredanddarkened;thensherecoveredatorturingacutenessofvision。Everydetailofhersurroundingspresseduponher:thetickoftheclock,theslantofsunlightonthewall,thehardnessofthechair-armsthatshegrasped,wereaseparatewoundtoeachsense。
“Mypromise——“shefaltered。
“Yourpartofourmutualagreementtoseteachotherfreeifoneortheothershouldwishtobereleased。“
Shewassilentagain。Hewaitedamoment,shiftinghispositionnervously;thenhesaid,withatouchofirritability:“Youacknowledgetheagreement?”
Thequestionwentthroughherlikeashock。Sheliftedherheadtoitproudly。“Iacknowledgetheagreement,“shesaid。
“And——youdon'tmeantorepudiateit?”
Alogonthehearthfellforward,andmechanicallyheadvancedandpusheditback。
“No,“sheansweredslowly,“Idon'tmeantorepudiateit。“
Therewasapause。Heremainednearthehearth,hiselbowrestingonthemantel-shelf。Closetohishandstoodalittlecupofjadethathehadgivenherononeoftheirweddinganniversaries。Shewonderedvaguelyifhenoticedit。
“Youintendtoleaveme,then?”shesaidatlength。
Hisgestureseemedtodeprecatethecrudenessoftheallusion。
“Tomarrysomeoneelse?”
Againhiseyeandhandprotested。Sheroseandstoodbeforehim。
“Whyshouldyoubeafraidtotellme?IsitUnaVanSideren?”
Hewassilent。
“Iwishyougoodluck,“shesaid。
III
Shelookedup,findingherselfalone。Shedidnotrememberwhenorhowhehadlefttheroom,orhowlongafterwardshehadsatthere。Thefirestillsmoulderedonthehearth,buttheslantofsunlighthadleftthewall。
Herfirstconsciousthoughtwasthatshehadnotbrokenherword,thatshehadfulfilledtheveryletteroftheirbargain。Therehadbeennocryingout,novainappealtothepast,noattemptattemporizingorevasion。Shehadmarchedstraightuptotheguns。
Nowthatitwasover,shesickenedtofindherselfalive。Shelookedabouther,tryingtorecoverherholdonreality。Heridentityseemedtobeslippingfromher,asitdisappearsinaphysicalswoon。“Thisismyroom——thisismyhouse,“sheheardherselfsaying。Herroom?Herhouse?Shecouldalmosthearthewallslaughbackather。
Shestoodup,adullacheineverybone。Thesilenceoftheroomfrightenedher。Sheremembered,now,havingheardthefrontdoorclosealongtimeago:thesoundsuddenlyre-echoedthroughherbrain。Herhusbandmusthaveleftthehouse,then——herHUSBAND?
Shenolongerknewinwhattermstothink:thesimplestphraseshadapoisonededge。Shesankbackintoherchair,overcomebyastrangeweakness。Theclockstruckten——itwasonlyteno'clock!
Suddenlysherememberedthatshehadnotordereddinner……orweretheydiningoutthatevening?DINNER——DININGOUT——theoldmeaninglessphraseologypursuedher!Shemusttrytothinkofherselfasshewouldthinkofsomeoneelse,asomeonedissociatedfromallthefamiliarroutineofthepast,whosewantsandhabitsmustgraduallybelearned,asonemightspyoutthewaysofastrangeanimal……
Theclockstruckanotherhour——eleven。Shestoodupagainandwalkedtothedoor:shethoughtshewouldgoupstairstoherroom。HERroom?Againthewordderidedher。Sheopenedthedoor,crossedthenarrowhall,andwalkedupthestairs。Asshepassed,shenoticedWestall'ssticksandumbrellas:apairofhisgloveslayonthehalltable。Thesamestair-carpetmountedbetweenthesamewalls;thesameoldFrenchprint,initsnarrowblackframe,facedheronthelanding。Thisvisualcontinuitywasintolerable。Within,agapingchasm;without,thesameuntroubledandfamiliarsurface。Shemustgetawayfromitbeforeshecouldattempttothink。But,onceinherroom,shesatdownonthelounge,astuporcreepingoverher……
Graduallyhervisioncleared。Agreatdealhadhappenedintheinterval——awildmarchingandcountermarchingofemotions,arguments,ideas——afuryofinsurgentimpulsesthatfellbackspentuponthemselves。Shehadtried,atfirst,torally,toorganizethesechaoticforces。Theremustbehelpsomewhere,ifonlyshecouldmastertheinnertumult。Lifecouldnotbebrokenoffshortlikethis,forawhim,afancy;thelawitselfwouldsidewithher,woulddefendher。Thelaw?Whatclaimhadsheuponit?Shewastheprisonerofherownchoice:shehadbeenherownlegislator,andshewasthepredestinedvictimofthecodeshehaddevised。Butthiswasgrotesque,intolerable——amadmistake,forwhichshecouldnotbeheldaccountable!Thelawshehaddespisedwasstillthere,mightstillbeinvoked……
invoked,buttowhatend?CouldsheaskittochainWestalltoherside?SHEhadbeenallowedtogofreewhensheclaimedherfreedom——shouldsheshowlessmagnanimitythanshehadexacted?
Magnanimity?Thewordlashedherwithitsirony——onedoesnotstrikeanattitudewhenoneisfightingforlife!Shewouldthreaten,grovel,cajole……shewouldyieldanythingtokeepherholdonhappiness。Ah,butthedifficultylaydeeper!Thelawcouldnothelpher——herownapostasycouldnothelpher。Shewasthevictimofthetheoriessherenounced。Itwasasthoughsomegiantmachineofherownmakinghadcaughtherupinitswheelsandwasgrindinghertoatoms……
Itwasafternoonwhenshefoundherselfout-of-doors。Shewalkedwithanaimlesshaste,fearingtomeetfamiliarfaces。Thedaywasradiant,metallic:oneofthosesearchingAmericandayssocalculatedtorevealtheshortcomingsofourstreet-cleaningandtheexcessesofourarchitecture。Thestreetslookedbareandhideous;everythingstaredandglittered。Shecalledapassinghansom,andgaveMrs。VanSideren'saddress。Shedidnotknowwhathadleduptotheact;butshefoundherselfsuddenlyresolvedtospeak,tocryoutawarning。itwastoolatetosaveherself——butthegirlmightstillbetold。ThehansomrattledupFifthAvenue;shesatwithhereyesfixed,avoidingrecognition。
AttheVanSiderens'doorshesprangoutandrangthebell。
Actionhadclearedherbrain,andshefeltcalmandself-
possessed。Sheknewnowexactlywhatshemeanttosay。
Theladieswerebothout……theparlor-maidstoodwaitingforacard。Julia,withavaguemurmur,turnedawayfromthedoorandlingeredamomentonthesidewalk。Thensherememberedthatshehadnotpaidthecab-driver。Shedrewadollarfromherpurseandhandedittohim。Hetouchedhishatanddroveoff,leavingheraloneinthelongemptystreet。Shewanderedawaywestward,towardstrangethoroughfares,whereshewasnotlikelytomeetacquaintances。Thefeelingofaimlessnesshadreturned。
OnceshefoundherselfintheafternoontorrentofBroadway,sweptpasttawdryshopsandflamingtheatricalposters,withasuccessionofmeaninglessfacesglidingbyintheoppositedirection……
Afeelingoffaintnessremindedherthatshehadnoteatensincemorning。Sheturnedintoasidestreetofshabbyhouses,withrowsofash-barrelsbehindbentarearailings。InabasementwindowshesawthesignLADIES'RESTAURANT:apieandadishofdoughnutslayagainstthedustypanelikepetrifiedfoodinanethnologicalmuseum。Sheentered,andayoungwomanwithaweakmouthandabrazeneyeclearedatableforhernearthewindow。
Thetablewascoveredwitharedandwhitecottonclothandadornedwithabunchofceleryinathicktumblerandasalt-
cellarfullofgrayishlumpysalt。Juliaorderedtea,andsatalongtimewaitingforit。Shewasgladtobeawayfromthenoiseandconfusionofthestreets。Thelow-ceilingedroomwasempty,andtwoorthreewaitresseswiththinpertfacesloungedinthebackgroundstaringatherandwhisperingtogether。Atlasttheteawasbroughtinadiscoloredmetalteapot。Juliapouredacupanddrankithastily。Itwasblackandbitter,butitflowedthroughherveinslikeanelixir。Shewasalmostdizzywithexhilaration。Oh,howtired,howunutterablytiredshehadbeen!
Shedrankasecondcup,blackerandbitterer,andnowhermindwasoncemoreworkingclearly。Shefeltasvigorous,asdecisive,aswhenshehadstoodontheVanSiderens'door-step——
butthewishtoreturntherehadsubsided。Shesawnowthefutilityofsuchanattempt——thehumiliationtowhichitmighthaveexposedher……Thepityofitwasthatshedidnotknowwhattodonext。Theshortwinterdaywasfading,andsherealizedthatshecouldnotremainmuchlongerintherestaurantwithoutattractingnotice。Shepaidforherteaandwentoutintothestreet。Thelampswerealight,andhereandthereabasementshopcastanoblongofgas-lightacrossthefissuredpavement。Inthedusktherewassomethingsinisterabouttheaspectofthestreet,andshehastenedbacktowardFifthAvenue。
Shewasnotusedtobeingoutaloneatthathour。
AtthecornerofFifthAvenueshepausedandstoodwatchingthestreamofcarriages。Atlastapolicemancaughtsightofherandsignedtoherthathewouldtakeheracross。Shehadnotmeanttocrossthestreet,butsheobeyedautomatically,andpresentlyfoundherselfonthefarthercorner。Thereshepausedagainforamoment;butshefanciedthepolicemanwaswatchingher,andthissentherhasteningdownthenearestsidestreet……Afterthatshewalkedalongtime,vaguely……Nighthadfallen,andnowandthen,throughthewindowsofapassingcarriage,shecaughttheexpanseofaneveningwaistcoatortheshimmerofanoperacloak……
Suddenlyshefoundherselfinafamiliarstreet。Shestoodstillamoment,breathingquickly。Shehadturnedthecornerwithoutnoticingwhitheritled;butnow,afewyardsaheadofher,shesawthehouseinwhichshehadoncelived——herfirsthusband'shouse。Theblindsweredrawn,andonlyafainttranslucencemarkedthewindowsandthetransomabovethedoor。Asshestoodtheresheheardastepbehindher,andamanwalkedbyinthedirectionofthehouse。Hewalkedslowly,withaheavymiddle-
agedgait,hisheadsunkalittlebetweentheshoulders,theredcreaseofhisneckvisibleabovethefurcollarofhisovercoat。
Hecrossedthestreet,wentupthestepsofthehouse,drewforthalatch-key,andlethimselfin……
Therewasnooneelseinsight。Julialeanedforalongtimeagainstthearea-railatthecorner,hereyesfixedonthefrontofthehouse。Thefeelingofphysicalwearinesshadreturned,butthestrongteastillthrobbedinherveinsandlitherbrainwithanunnaturalclearness。Presentlysheheardanotherstepdrawnear,andmovingquicklyaway,shetoocrossedthestreetandmountedthestepsofthehouse。Theimpulsewhichhadcarriedherthereprolongeditselfinaquickpressureoftheelectricbell——thenshefeltsuddenlyweakandtremulous,andgraspedthebalustradeforsupport。Thedooropenedandayoungfootmanwithafreshinexperiencedfacestoodonthethreshold。
Juliaknewinaninstantthathewouldadmither。
“IsawMr。Armentgoinginjustnow,“shesaid。“Willyouaskhimtoseemeforamoment?”
Thefootmanhesitated。“IthinkMr。Armenthasgoneuptodressfordinner,madam。“
Juliaadvancedintothehall。“Iamsurehewillseeme——Iwillnotdetainhimlong,“shesaid。Shespokequietly,authoritatively,inthetonewhichagoodservantdoesnotmistake。Thefootmanhadhishandonthedrawing-roomdoor。
“Iwilltellhim,madam。Whatname,please?”
Juliatrembled:shehadnotthoughtofthat。“Merelysayalady,“shereturnedcarelessly。
Thefootmanwaveredandshefanciedherselflost;butatthatinstantthedooropenedfromwithinandJohnArmentsteppedintothehall。Hedrewbacksharplyashesawher,hisfloridfaceturningsallowwiththeshock;thenthebloodpouredbacktoit,swellingtheveinsonhistemplesandreddeningthelobesofhisthickears。
ItwaslongsinceJuliahadseenhim,andshewasstartledatthechangeinhisappearance。Hehadthickened,coarsened,settleddownintotheenclosingflesh。Butshenotedthisinsensibly:
heroneconsciousthoughtwasthat,nowshewasfacetofacewithhim,shemustnotlethimescapetillhehadheardher。Everypulseinherbodythrobbedwiththeurgencyofhermessage。
Shewentuptohimashedrewback。“Imustspeaktoyou,“shesaid。
Armenthesitated,redandstammering。Juliaglancedatthefootman,andherlookactedasawarning。Theinstinctiveshrinkingfroma“scene“predominatedovereveryotherimpulse,andArmentsaidslowly:“Willyoucomethisway?”
Hefollowedherintothedrawing-roomandclosedthedoor。
Julia,assheadvanced,wasvaguelyawarethattheroomatleastwasunchanged:timehadnotmitigateditshorrors。Thecontadinastilllurchedfromthechimney-breast,andtheGreekslaveobstructedthethresholdoftheinnerroom。Theplacewasalivewithmemories:theystartedoutfromeveryfoldoftheyellowsatincurtainsandglidedbetweentheanglesoftherosewoodfurniture。Butwhilesomesubordinateagencywascarryingtheseimpressionstoherbrain,herwholeconsciouseffortwascentredintheactofdominatingArment'swill。Thefearthathewouldrefusetohearhermountedlikefevertoherbrain。Shefeltherpurposemeltbeforeit,wordsandargumentsrunningintoeachotherintheheatofherlonging。Foramomenthervoicefailedher,andsheimaginedherselfthrustoutbeforeshecouldspeak;
butasshewasstrugglingforaword,Armentpushedachairforward,andsaidquietly:“Youarenotwell。“
Thesoundofhisvoicesteadiedher。Itwasneitherkindnorunkind——avoicethatsuspendedjudgment,rather,awaitingunforeseendevelopments。Shesupportedherselfagainstthebackofthechairanddrewadeepbreath。“ShallIsendforsomething?”hecontinued,withacoldembarrassedpoliteness。
Juliaraisedanentreatinghand。“No——no——thankyou。Iamquitewell。“
Hepausedmidwaytowardthebellandturnedonher。“ThenmayI
ask——?”
“Yes,“sheinterruptedhim。“IcameherebecauseIwantedtoseeyou。ThereissomethingImusttellyou。“
Armentcontinuedtoscrutinizeher。“Iamsurprisedatthat,“hesaid。“Ishouldhavesupposedthatanycommunicationyoumaywishtomakecouldhavebeenmadethroughourlawyers。“
“Ourlawyers!”Sheburstintoalittlelaugh。“Idon'tthinktheycouldhelpme——thistime。“
Arment'sfacetookonabarricadedlook。“Ifthereisanyquestionofhelp——ofcourse——“
Itstruckher,whimsically,thatshehadseenthatlookwhensomeshabbydevilcalledwithasubscription-book。Perhapshethoughtshewantedhimtoputhisnamedownforsomuchinsympathy——oreveninmoney……Thethoughtmadeherlaughagain。Shesawhislookchangeslowlytoperplexity。Allhisfacialchangeswereslow,andsheremembered,suddenly,howithadoncedivertedhertoshiftthatlumberingscenerywithaword。Forthefirsttimeitstruckherthatshehadbeencruel。“ThereISaquestionofhelp,“shesaidinasofterkey:“youcanhelpme;butonlybylistening……Iwanttotellyousomething……“
Arment'sresistancewasnotyielding。“Woulditnotbeeasierto——write?”hesuggested。
Sheshookherhead。“Thereisnotimetowrite……anditwon'ttakelong。“Sheraisedherheadandtheireyesmet。“Myhusbandhasleftme,“shesaid。
“Westall——?”hestammered,reddeningagain。
“Yes。Thismorning。JustasIleftyou。Becausehewastiredofme。“
Thewords,utteredscarcelyaboveawhisper,seemedtodilatetothelimitoftheroom。Armentlookedtowardthedoor;thenhisembarrassedglancereturnedtoJulia。
“Iamverysorry,“hesaidawkwardly。
“Thankyou,“shemurmured。
“ButIdon'tsee——“
“No——butyouwill——inamoment。Won'tyoulistentome?
Please!”Instinctivelyshehadshiftedherpositionputtingherselfbetweenhimandthedoor。“Ithappenedthismorning,“
shewentoninshortbreathlessphrases。“Ineversuspectedanything——Ithoughtwewere——perfectlyhappy……Suddenlyhetoldmehewastiredofme……thereisagirlhelikesbetter……
Hehasgonetoher……“Asshespoke,thelurkinganguishroseuponher,possessingheroncemoretotheexclusionofeveryotheremotion。Hereyesached,herthroatswelledwithit,andtwopainfultearsburntawaydownherface。
Arment'sconstraintwasincreasingvisibly。“This——thisisveryunfortunate,“hebegan。“ButIshouldsaythelaw——“
“Thelaw?”sheechoedironically。“Whenheasksforhisfreedom?”
“Youarenotobligedtogiveit。“
“Youwerenotobligedtogivememine——butyoudid。“
Hemadeaprotestinggesture。
“Yousawthatthelawcouldn'thelpyou——didn'tyou?”shewenton。“ThatiswhatIseenow。Thelawrepresentsmaterialrights——itcan'tgobeyond。Ifwedon'trecognizeaninnerlaw……
theobligationthatlovecreates……beinglovedaswellasloving……thereisnothingtopreventourspreadingruinunhindered……isthere?”Sheraisedherheadplaintively,withthelookofabewilderedchild。“ThatiswhatIseenow……
whatIwantedtotellyou。Heleavesmebecausehe'stired……
butIwasnottired;andIdon'tunderstandwhyheis。That'sthedreadfulpartofit——thenotunderstanding:Ihadn'trealizedwhatitmeant。ButI'vebeenthinkingofitallday,andthingshavecomebacktome——thingsIhadn'tnoticed……whenyouandI……“Shemovedclosertohim,andfixedhereyesonhiswiththegazethattriestoreachbeyondwords。“IseenowthatYOU
didn'tunderstand——didyou?”
Theireyesmetinasuddenshockofcomprehension:aveilseemedtobeliftedbetweenthem。Arment'sliptrembled。
“No,“hesaid,“Ididn'tunderstand。“
Shegavealittlecry,almostoftriumph。“Iknewit!Iknewit!Youwondered——youtriedtotellme——butnowordscame……
Yousawyourlifefallinginruins……theworldslippingfromyou……andyoucouldn'tspeakormove!”
Shesankdownonthechairagainstwhichshehadbeenleaning。
“NowIknow——nowIknow,“sherepeated。
“Iamverysorryforyou,“sheheardArmentstammer。
Shelookedupquickly。“That'snotwhatIcamefor。Idon'twantyoutobesorry。Icametoaskyoutoforgiveme……fornotunderstandingthatYOUdidn'tunderstand……That'sallI
wantedtosay。“Sherosewithavaguesensethattheendhadcome,andputoutagropinghandtowardthedoor。
Armentstoodmotionless。Sheturnedtohimwithafaintsmile。
“Youforgiveme?”
“Thereisnothingtoforgive——“
“Thenwillyoushakehandsforgood-by?”Shefelthishandinhers:itwasnerveless,reluctant。
“Good-by,“sherepeated。“Iunderstandnow。“
Sheopenedthedoorandpassedoutintothehall。Asshedidso,Armenttookanimpulsivestepforward;butjustthenthefootman,whowasevidentlyalivetohisobligations,advancedfromthebackgroundtoletherout。SheheardArmentfallback。Thefootmanthrewopenthedoor,andshefoundherselfoutsideinthedarkness。
TheEndofTheReckoningVerseBOTTICELLI'SMADONNAINTHELOUVRE。
WHATstrangepresentiment,OMother,liesOnthywastebrowandsadly-foldedlips,ForefeelingtheLight'sterribleeclipseOnCalvary,asiflovemadetheewise,AndthoucouldstreadinthosedearinfanteyesThesorrowthatbeneaththeirsmilingsleeps,AndguesswhatbittertearsamotherweepsWhenthecrossdarkensheruncloudedskies?
SadLady,ifsomemother,passingthee,Shouldfeelathrobofthyforebodingpain,Andthink——“Mychildathomeclingssotome,Withthesamesmile……andyetinvain,invain,SinceeventhisJesusdiedonCalvary“——
Saytoherthen:“Healsoroseagain。“
THETOMBOFILARIAGIUNIGI。
ILARIA,thouthatwertsofairanddearThatdeathwouldfaindisownthee,griefmadewiseWithprophecythyhusband'swidowedeyesAndbadehimcallthemaster'sarttorearThyperfectimageonthesculpturedbier,Withdreaminglids,handslaidinpeacefulguiseBeneaththebreastthatseemstofallandrise,Andlipsthatatlove'scallshouldanswer,“Here!”
First-bornoftheRenascence,whenthysoulCastthesweetrobingofthefleshaside,Intotheseloveliermarblelimbsitstole,Regenerateinart'ssunriseclearandwideAssaintswho,havingkeptfaith'sraimentwhole,Changeitaboveforgarmentsglorified。
THESONNET。
PUREform,thatlikesomechaliceofoldtimeContain'sttheliquidofthepoet'sthoughtWithinthycurvinghollow,gem-enwroughtWithinterwoventraceriesofrhyme,Whileo'erthybrimthebubblingfanciesclimb,WhatthingamI,thatundismayedhavesoughtTopourmyversewithtremblinghanduntaughtIntoashapesosmallyetsosublime?
Becauseperfectionhauntstheheartsofmen,BecausethysacredchalicegatheredupThewineofPetrarch,Shakspere,Shelley——thenReceivethesetearsoffailureastheydropSolevintageofmylife,sinceIamfainTopourtheminaconsecratedcup。
TWOBACKGROUNDS。
I。
LAVIERGEAUDONATEUR。
HEREbytheampleriver'sargentsweep,Bosomedintilthandvintagetoherwalls,Atower-crownedCybeleinarmoredsleepThecitylies,fatplentyinherhalls,Withcalm,parochialspiresthatholdinfeeThefriendlygablesclusteredattheirbase,And,equipoisedo'ertowerandmarket-place,TheGothicminster'swingedimmensity;
Andinthatnarrowburgh,withequalmood,Twoplacidhearts,toalllife'sgoodresigned,Might,fromthealtartothelych-gate,findLongyearsofpeaceanddreamlessplenitude。
II。
MONALISA。
YonstrangebluecitycrownsascarpedsteepNomortalfoothathbloodlesslyessayed;
Dreamsandillusionsbeaconfromitskeep,ButatthegateanAngelbareshisblade;
AndtalesaretoldofthosewhothoughttogainAtdawnitsramparts;butwheneveningfellFarofftheysaweachfadingpinnacleLitwithwildlightningsfromtheheavenofpain;
Yettheretwosouls,whomlife'sperversitiesHadmockedwithwantinplenty,tearsinmirth,Mightmeetindreams,ungarmentedofearth,AnddrainJoy'sawfulchalicetothelees。
EXPERIENCE。
I。
LIKECrusoewiththebootlessgoldwestandUponthedesertvergeofdeath,andsay:
“WhatshallavailthewoesofyesterdayTobuyto-morrow'swisdom,inthelandWhosecurrencyisstrangeuntoourhand?
Inlife'ssmallmarkettheyhaveservedtopaySomelate-foundrapture,couldwebutdelayTillTimehathmatchedourmeanstoourdemand。“
ButotherwiseFatewillsit,for,behold,Ourgatheredstrengthofindividualpain,WhenTime'slongalchemyhathmadeitgold,Dieswithus——hoardedalltheseyearsinvain,SincethosethatmightbeheirtoitthemouldRenew,andcointhemselvesnewgriefsagain。
II。
O,Death,wecomefull-handedtothygate,Richwithstrangeburdenofthemingledyears,Gainsandrenunciations,mirthandtears,Andlove'soblivion,andrememberinghate,NorknowwewhatcompulsionlaidsuchfreightUponoursouls——andshallourhopesandfearsBuynothingofthee,Death?Beholdourwares,Andsellustheonejoyforwhichwewait。
Hadwelivedlonger,lifehadsuchforsale,Withthelastcoinofsorrowpurchasedcheap,Butnowwestandbeforethyshadowypale,Andallourlongingsliewithinthykeep——
Death,canitbetheyearsshallnaughtavail?
“Notso,“Deathanswered,“theyshallpurchasesleep。“
CHARTRES。
I。
IMMENSE,august,likesomeTitanicbloom,Themightychoirunfoldsitslithiccore,Petalledwithpanesofazure,gulesandor,SplendidlylambentintheGothicgloom,AndstamenedwithkeenflameletsthatillumeThepalehigh-altar。Ontheprayer-wornfloor,Bysurgingworshippersthick-throngedofyore,Afewbrowncrones,familiarsofthetomb,ThestrandeddriftwoodofFaith'sebbingsea——
Forthesealonethefinialsfrettheskies,Thetopmostbossesshaketheirblossomsfree,Whilefromthetripleportals,withgraveeyes,Tranquil,andfixeduponeternity,Thecloudofwitnessesstilltestifies。
II。
Thecrimsonpaneslikeblood-dropsstigmatizeThewesternfloor。Theaislesaremuteandcold。
ArigidfetichinherrobeofgoldTheVirginofthePillar,withblankeyes,Enthronedbeneathhervotivecanopies,Gathersameagreremnanttoherfold。
Therestissolitude;thechurch,grownold,Standsstarkandgraybeneaththeburningskies。
Wellnighagainitsmightyframe-workgrowsTobeapartofnature'sself,withdrawnFromhothumanity'simpatientwoes;
Thefloorisridgedlikesomerudemountainlawn,AndintheeastonegiantwindowshowsTheroseatecoldnessofanAlpatdawn。
LIFE。
LIFE,likeamarbleblock,isgiventoall,Ablank,inchoatemassofyearsanddays,WhenceonewithardentchiselswiftessaysSomeshapeofstrengthorsymmetrytocall;
Oneshattersitinbitstomendawall;
Oneinacraftierhandthechisellays,Andone,towakethemirthinLesbia'sgaze,Carvesitapaceintoysfantastical。
Butleastishewho,withenchantedeyesFilledwithhighvisionsoffairshapestobe,MuseswhichgodheshallimmortalizeIntheproudParian'sperpetuity,TilltwilightwarnshimfromthepunctualskiesThatthenightcomethwhereinnoneshallsee。
ANAUTUMNSUNSET
I
LEAGUEREDinfireThewildblackpromontoriesofthecoastextendTheirsavagesilhouettes;
Thesuninuniversalcarnagesets,And,haltinghigher,Themotionlessstorm-cloudsmasstheirsullenthreats,Likeanadvancingmobinsword-pointspenned,That,balked,yetstandsatbay。
Mid-zenithhangsthefascinateddayInwind-lustratedhollowscrystalline,AwanvalkyriewhosewidepinionsshineAcrosstheensanguinedruinsofthefray,Andinherliftedhandswingshigho'erhead,Abovethewasteofwar,Thesilvertorch-lightoftheeveningstarWherewithtosearchthefacesofthedead。
II
Lagoonedingold,SeemnotthosejettypromontoriesratherTheoutpostsofsomeancientlandforlorn,Uncomfortedofmorn,Whereoldoblivionsgather,Themelancholy,unconsolingfoldOfallthingsthatgoutterlytodeathAndmixnomore,nomoreWithlife'sperpetuallyawakeningbreath?
ShallTimenotferrymetosuchashore,Oversuchsaillessseas,Towalkwithhope'sslainimportunitiesInmiserablemarriage?Nay,shallnotAllthingsbethereforgot,Savethesea'sgoldenbarrierandtheblackClosecrouchingpromontories?
Deadtoallshames,forgottenofallglories,ShallInotwanderthere,ashadow'sshade,Aspectreself-destroyed,SopurgedofallremembranceandsuckedbackIntotheprimalvoid,ThatshouldweonthatshorephantasmalmeetIshouldnotknowthecomingofyourfeet?
End