Hespentthateveningtillteno’clockgoingfromonelowhaunttoanother。Katiatooturnedupandsanganotherguttersong,howacertain“villainandtyrant”
“begankissingKatia。”
SvidrigailovtreatedKatiaandtheorgan-grinderandsomesingersandthewaitersandtwolittleclerks。Hewasparticularlydrawntotheseclerksbythefactthattheybothhadcrookednoses,onebenttotheleftandtheothertotheright。Theytookhimfinallytoapleasuregarden,wherehepaidfortheirentrance。Therewasonelankythree-year-oldpine-treeandthreebushesinthegarden,besidesa“Vauxhall,”whichwasinrealityadrinking-barwhereteatoowasserved,andtherewereafewgreentablesandchairsstandingroundit。AchorusofwretchedsingersandadrunkenbutexceedinglydepressedGermanclownfromMunichwitharednoseentertainedthepublic。Theclerksquarrelledwithsomeotherclerksandafightseemedimminent。Svidrigailovwaschosentodecidethedispute。Helistenedtothemforaquarterofanhour,buttheyshoutedsoloudthattherewasnopossibilityofunderstandingthem。TheonlyfactthatseemedcertainwasthatoneofthemhadstolensomethingandhadevensucceededinsellingitonthespottoaJew,butwouldnotsharethespoilwithhiscompanion。FinallyitappearedthatthestolenobjectwasateaspoonbelongingtotheVauxhall。Itwasmissedandtheaffairbegantoseemtroublesome。Svidrigailovpaidforthespoon,gotup,andwalkedoutofthegarden。Itwasaboutsixo’clock。Hehadnotdrunkadropofwineallthistimeandhadorderedteamoreforthesakeofappearancesthananything。
Itwasadarkandstiflingevening。Threateningstorm-cloudscameovertheskyaboutteno’clock。Therewasaclapofthunder,andtheraincamedownlikeawaterfall。Thewaterfellnotindrops,butbeatontheearthinstreams。Therewereflashesoflightningeveryminuteandeachflashlastedwhileonecouldcountfive。
Drenchedtotheskin,hewenthome,lockedhimselfin,openedthebureau,tookoutallhismoneyandtoreuptwoorthreepapers。Then,puttingthemoneyinhispocket,hewasabouttochangehisclothes,but,lookingoutofthewindowandlisteningtothethunderandtherain,hegaveuptheidea,tookuphishatandwentoutoftheroomwithoutlockingthedoor。HewentstraighttoSonia。Shewasathome。
Shewasnotalone:thefourKapernaumovchildrenwerewithher。Shewasgivingthemtea。ShereceivedSvidrigailovinrespectfulsilence,lookingwonderinglyathissoakingclothes。Thechildrenallranawayatonceinindescribableterror。
SvidrigailovsatdownatthetableandaskedSoniatositbesidehim。Shetimidlypreparedtolisten。
“ImaybegoingtoAmerica,SofyaSemyonovna,”saidSvidrigailov,“andasIamprobablyseeingyouforthelasttime,Ihavecometomakesomearrangements。Well,didyouseetheladyto-day?Iknowwhatshesaidtoyou,youneednottellme。”Soniamadeamovementandblushed。“Thosepeoplehavetheirownwayofdoingthings。Astoyoursistersandyourbrother,theyarereallyprovidedforandthemoneyassignedtothemI’veputintosafekeepingandhavereceivedacknowledgments。Youhadbettertakechargeofthereceipts,incaseanythinghappens。Here,takethem!Wellnow,that’ssettled。Herearethree5-per-centbondstothevalueofthreethousandroubles。Takethoseforyourself,entirelyforyourself,andletthatbestrictlybetweenourselves,sothatnooneknowsofit,whateveryouhear。Youwillneedthemoney,fortogoonlivingintheoldway,SofyaSemyonovna,isbad,andbesidesthereisnoneedforitnow。”
“Iamsomuchindebtedtoyou,andsoarethechildrenandmystepmother,”saidSoniahurriedly,“andifI’vesaidsolittle…pleasedon’tconsider…”
“That’senough!that’senough!”
“Butasforthemoney,ArkadyIvanovitch,Iamverygratefultoyou,butIdon’tneeditnow。Icanalwaysearnmyownliving。Don’tthinkmeungrateful。Ifyouaresocharitable,thatmoney。…”
“It’sforyou,foryou,SofyaSemyonovna,andpleasedon’twastewordsoverit。Ihaven’ttimeforit。Youwillwantit。RodionRomanovitchhastwoalternatives:abulletinthebrainorSiberia。”Sonialookedwildlyathim,andstarted。“Don’tbeuneasy,IknowallaboutitfromhimselfandIamnotagossip;Iwon’ttellanyone。Itwasgoodadvicewhenyoutoldhimtogivehimselfupandconfess。Itwouldbemuchbetterforhim。Well,ifitturnsouttobeSiberia,hewillgoandyouwillfollowhim。That’sso,isn’tit?Andifso,you’llneedmoney。You’llneeditforhim,doyouunderstand?Givingittoyouisthesameasmygivingittohim。Besides,youpromisedAmaliaIvanovnatopaywhat’sowing。Iheardyou。Howcanyouundertakesuchobligationssoheedlessly,SofyaSemyonovna?ItwasKaterinaIvanovna’sdebtandnotyours,soyououghtnottohavetakenanynoticeoftheGermanwoman。Youcan’tgetthroughtheworldlikethat。Ifyouareeverquestionedaboutme—to-morroworthedayafteryouwillbeasked—don’tsayanythingaboutmycomingtoseeyounowanddon’tshowthemoneytoanyoneorsayawordaboutit。Well,nowgood-bye。”Hegotup。“MygreetingstoRodionRomanovitch。Bytheway,you’dbetterputthemoneyforthepresentinMr。Razumihin’skeeping。YouknowMr。Razumihin?Ofcourseyoudo。He’snotabadfellow。Takeittohimto-morrowor…whenthetimecomes。Andtillthen,hideitcarefully。”
SoniatoojumpedupfromherchairandlookedindismayatSvidrigailov。Shelongedtospeak,toaskaquestion,butforthefirstmomentsshedidnotdareanddidnotknowhowtobegin。
“Howcanyou…howcanyoubegoingnow,insuchrain?”
“Why,bestartingforAmerica,andbestoppedbyrain!Ha,ha!Good-bye,SofyaSemyonovna,mydear!Liveandlivelong,youwillbeofusetoothers。Bytheway…tellMr。RazumihinIsendmygreetingstohim。TellhimArkadyIvanovitchSvidrigailovsendshisgreetings。Besureto。”
Hewentout,leavingSoniainastateofwonderinganxietyandvagueapprehension。
Itappearedafterwardsthatonthesameevening,attwentypasteleven,hemadeanotherveryeccentricandunexpectedvisit。Therainstillpersisted。Drenchedtotheskin,hewalkedintothelittleflatwheretheparentsofhisbetrothedlived,inThirdStreetinVassilyevskyIsland。Heknockedsometimebeforehewasadmitted,andhisvisitatfirstcausedgreatperturbation;butSvidrigailovcouldbeveryfascinatingwhenheliked,sothatthefirst,andindeedveryintelligentsurmiseofthesensibleparentsthatSvidrigailovhadprobablyhadsomuchtodrinkthathedidnotknowwhathewasdoingvanishedimmediately。ThedecrepitfatherwaswheeledintoseeSvidrigailovbythetenderandsensiblemother,whoasusualbegantheconversationwithvariousirrelevantquestions。Sheneveraskedadirectquestion,butbeganbysmilingandrubbingherhandsandthen,ifshewereobligedtoascertainsomething—forinstance,whenSvidrigailovwouldliketohavethewedding—shewouldbeginbyinterestedandalmosteagerquestionsaboutParisandthecourtlifethere,andonlybydegreesbroughttheconversationroundtoThirdStreet。Onotheroccasionsthishadofcoursebeenveryimpressive,butthistimeArkadyIvanovitchseemedparticularlyimpatient,andinsistedonseeinghisbetrothedatonce,thoughhehadbeeninformed,tobeginwith,thatshehadalreadygonetobed。Thegirlofcourseappeared。
SvidrigailovinformedheratoncethathewasobligedbyveryimportantaffairstoleavePetersburgforatime,andthereforebroughtherfifteenthousandroublesandbeggedheracceptthemasapresentfromhim,ashehadlongbeenintendingtomakeherthistriflingpresentbeforetheirwedding。Thelogicalconnectionofthepresentwithhisimmediatedepartureandtheabsolutenecessityofvisitingthemforthatpurposeinpouringrainatmidnightwasnotmadeclear。Butitallwentoffverywell;eventheinevitableejaculationsofwonderandregret,theinevitablequestionswereextraordinarilyfewandrestrained。Ontheotherhand,thegratitudeexpressedwasmostglowingandwasreinforcedbytearsfromthemostsensibleofmothers。Svidrigailovgotup,laughed,kissedhisbetrothed,pattedhercheek,declaredhewouldsooncomeback,andnoticinginhereyes,togetherwithchildishcuriosity,asortofearnestdumbinquiry,reflectedandkissedheragain,thoughhefeltsincereangerinwardlyatthethoughtthathispresentwouldbeimmediatelylockedupinthekeepingofthemostsensibleofmothers。Hewentaway,leavingthemallinastateofextraordinaryexcitement,butthetendermamma,speakingquietlyinahalfwhisper,settledsomeofthemostimportantoftheirdoubts,concludingthatSvidrigailovwasagreatman,amanofgreataffairsandconnectionsandofgreatwealth—therewasnoknowingwhathehadinhismind。Hewouldstartoffonajourneyandgiveawaymoneyjustasthefancytookhim,sothattherewasnothingsurprisingaboutit。Ofcourseitwasstrangethathewaswetthrough,butEnglishmen,forinstance,areevenmoreeccentric,andallthesepeopleofhighsocietydidn’tthinkofwhatwassaidofthemanddidn’tstandonceremony。Possibly,indeed,hecamelikethatonpurposetoshowthathewasnotafraidofanyone。Aboveall,notawordshouldbesaidaboutit,forGodknowswhatmightcomeofit,andthemoneymustbelockedup,anditwasmostfortunatethatFedosya,thecook,hadnotleftthekitchen。Andaboveallnotawordmustbesaidtothatoldcat,MadameResslich,andsoonandsoon。Theysatupwhisperingtilltwoo’clock,butthegirlwenttobedmuchearlier,amazedandrathersorrowful。
Svidrigailovmeanwhile,exactlyatmidnight,crossedthebridgeonthewaybacktothemainland。Therainhadceasedandtherewasaroaringwind。Hebeganshivering,andforonemomenthegazedattheblackwatersoftheLittleNevawithalookofspecialinterest,eveninquiry。Buthesoonfeltitverycold,standingbythewater;heturnedandwenttowardsY。Prospect。Hewalkedalongthatendlessstreetforalongtime,almosthalfanhour,morethanoncestumblinginthedarkonthewoodenpavement,butcontinuallylookingforsomethingontherightsideofthestreet。Hehadnoticedpassingthroughthisstreetlatelythattherewasahotelsomewheretowardstheend,builtofwood,butfairlylarge,anditsnameherememberedwassomethinglikeAdrianople。Hewasnotmistaken:thehotelwassoconspicuousinthatGod-forsakenplacethathecouldnotfailtoseeiteveninthedark。Itwasalong,blackenedwoodenbuilding,andinspiteofthelatehourtherewerelightsinthewindowsandsignsoflifewithin。Hewentinandaskedaraggedfellowwhomethiminthecorridorforaroom。Thelatter,scanningSvidrigailov,pulledhimselftogetherandledhimatoncetoacloseandtinyroominthedistance,attheendofthecorridor,underthestairs。Therewasnoother,allwereoccupied。Theraggedfellowlookedinquiringly。
“Istheretea?”askedSvidrigailov。
“Yes,sir。”
“Whatelseisthere?”
“Veal,vodka,savouries。”
“Bringmeteaandveal。”
“Andyouwantnothingelse?”heaskedwithapparentsurprise。
“Nothing,nothing。”
Theraggedmanwentaway,completelydisillusioned。
“Itmustbeaniceplace,”thoughtSvidrigailov。“HowwasitIdidn’tknowit?IexpectIlookasifIcamefromacafechantantandhavehadsomeadventureontheway。Itwouldbeinterestingtoknowwhostayhere?”
Helightedthecandleandlookedattheroommorecarefully。Itwasaroomsolow-pitchedthatSvidrigailovcouldonlyjuststandupinit;ithadonewindow;thebed,whichwasverydirty,andtheplain-stainedchairandtablealmostfilleditup。Thewallslookedasthoughtheyweremadeofplanks,coveredwithshabbypaper,sotornanddustythatthepatternwasindistinguishable,thoughthegeneralcolour—yellow—couldstillbemadeout。Oneofthewallswascutshortbytheslopingceiling,thoughtheroomwasnotanatticbutjustunderthestairs。
Svidrigailovsetdownthecandle,satdownonthebedandsankintothought。Butastrangepersistentmurmurwhichsometimesrosetoashoutinthenextroomattractedhisattention。Themurmurhadnotceasedfromthemomentheenteredtheroom。Helistened:someonewasupbraidingandalmosttearfullyscolding,butheheardonlyonevoice。
Svidrigailovgotup,shadedthelightwithhishandandatoncehesawlightthroughacrackinthewall;hewentupandpeepedthrough。Theroom,whichwassomewhatlargerthanhis,hadtwooccupants。Oneofthem,averycurly-headedmanwitharedinflamedface,wasstandingintheposeofanorator,withouthiscoat,withhislegswideaparttopreservehisbalance,andsmitinghimselfonthebreast。Hereproachedtheotherwithbeingabeggar,withhavingnostandingwhatever。Hedeclaredthathehadtakentheotheroutofthegutterandhecouldturnhimoutwhenheliked,andthatonlythefingerofProvidenceseesitall。Theobjectofhisreproacheswassittinginachair,andhadtheairofamanwhowantsdreadfullytosneeze,butcan’t。Hesometimesturnedsheepishandbefoggedeyesonthespeaker,butobviouslyhadnottheslightestideawhathewastalkingaboutandscarcelyheardit。Acandlewasburningdownonthetable;therewerewine-glasses,anearlyemptybottleofvodka,breadandcucumber,andglasseswiththedregsofstaletea。Aftergazingattentivelyatthis,Svidrigailovturnedawayindifferentlyandsatdownonthebed。
Theraggedattendant,returningwiththetea,couldnotresistaskinghimagainwhetherhedidn’twantanythingmore,andagainreceivinganegativereply,finallywithdrew。Svidrigailovmadehastetodrinkaglassofteatowarmhimself,butcouldnoteatanything。Hebegantofeelfeverish。Hetookoffhiscoatand,wrappinghimselfintheblanket,laydownonthebed。Hewasannoyed。“Itwouldhavebeenbettertobewellfortheoccasion,”hethoughtwithasmile。Theroomwasclose,thecandleburntdimly,thewindwasroaringoutside,heheardamousescratchinginthecornerandtheroomsmeltofmiceandofleather。Helayinasortofreverie:onethoughtfollowedanother。Hefeltalongingtofixhisimaginationonsomething。“Itmustbeagardenunderthewindow,”hethought。“There’sasoundoftrees。HowIdislikethesoundoftreesonastormynight,inthedark!Theygiveoneahorridfeeling。”HerememberedhowhehaddislikeditwhenhepassedPetrovskyParkjustnow。ThisremindedhimofthebridgeovertheLittleNevaandhefeltcoldagainashehadwhenstandingthere。“Ineverhavelikedwater,”hethought,“eveninalandscape,”andhesuddenlysmiledagainatastrangeidea:“Surelynowallthesequestionsoftasteandcomfortoughtnottomatter,butI’vebecomemoreparticular,likeananimalthatpicksoutaspecialplace…forsuchanoccasion。IoughttohavegoneintothePetrovskyPark!Isupposeitseemeddark,cold,ha-ha!AsthoughIwereseekingpleasantsensations!…Bytheway,whyhaven’tIputoutthecandle?”heblewitout。“They’vegonetobednextdoor,”hethought,notseeingthelightatthecrack。“Well,now,MarfaPetrovna,nowisthetimeforyoutoturnup;it’sdark,andtheverytimeandplaceforyou。Butnowyouwon’tcome!”
Hesuddenlyrecalledhow,anhourbeforecarryingouthisdesignonDounia,hehadrecommendedRaskolnikovtotrusthertoRazumihin’skeeping。“IsupposeIreallydidsayit,asRaskolnikovguessed,toteasemyself。ButwhataroguethatRaskolnikovis!He’sgonethroughagooddeal。Hemaybeasuccessfulrogueintimewhenhe’sgotoverhisnonsense。Butnowhe’stooeagerforlife。Theseyoungmenarecontemptibleonthatpoint。But,hangthefellow!Lethimpleasehimself,it’snothingtodowithme。”
Hecouldnotgettosleep。BydegreesDounia’simagerosebeforehim,andashudderranoverhim。“No,Imustgiveupallthatnow,”hethought,rousinghimself。“Imustthinkofsomethingelse。It’squeerandfunny。Ineverhadagreathatredforanyone,Ineverparticularlydesiredtoavengemyselfeven,andthat’sabadsign,abadsign,abadsign。Ineverlikedquarrellingeither,andneverlostmytemper—that’sabadsigntoo。AndthepromisesImadeherjustnow,too—Damnation!But—whoknows?—perhapsshewouldhavemadeanewmanofmesomehow。…”
Hegroundhisteethandsankintosilenceagain。AgainDounia’simagerosebeforehim,justasshewaswhen,aftershootingthefirsttime,shehadloweredtherevolverinterrorandgazedblanklyathim,sothathemighthaveseizedhertwiceoverandshewouldnothaveliftedahandtodefendherselfifhehadnotremindedher。Herecalledhowatthatinstanthefeltalmostsorryforher,howhehadfeltapangathisheart…
“Aie!Damnation,thesethoughtsagain!Imustputitaway!”
Hewasdozingoff;thefeverishshiverhadceased,whensuddenlysomethingseemedtorunoverhisarmandlegunderthebedclothes。Hestarted。“Ugh!hangit!Ibelieveit’samouse,”hethought,“that’sthevealIleftonthetable。”Hefeltfearfullydisinclinedtopullofftheblanket,getup,getcold,butallatoncesomethingunpleasantranoverhislegagain。Hepulledofftheblanketandlightedthecandle。Shakingwithfeverishchillhebentdowntoexaminethebed:therewasnothing。Heshooktheblanketandsuddenlyamousejumpedoutonthesheet。Hetriedtocatchit,butthemouserantoandfroinzigzagswithoutleavingthebed,slippedbetweenhisfingers,ranoverhishandandsuddenlydartedunderthepillow。Hethrewdownthepillow,butinoneinstantfeltsomethingleaponhischestanddartoverhisbodyanddownhisbackunderhisshirt。Hetremblednervouslyandwokeup。
Theroomwasdark。Hewaslyingonthebedandwrappedupintheblanketasbefore。Thewindwashowlingunderthewindow。“Howdisgusting,”hethoughtwithannoyance。
Hegotupandsatontheedgeofthebedsteadwithhisbacktothewindow。“It’sbetternottosleepatall,”hedecided。Therewasacolddampdraughtfromthewindow,however;withoutgettinguphedrewtheblanketoverhimandwrappedhimselfinit。Hewasnotthinkingofanythinganddidnotwanttothink。Butoneimageroseafteranother,incoherentscrapsofthoughtwithoutbeginningorendpassedthroughhismind。Hesankintodrowsiness。Perhapsthecold,orthedampness,orthedark,orthewindthathowledunderthewindowandtossedthetreesrousedasortofpersistentcravingforthefantastic。Hekeptdwellingonimagesofflowers,hefanciedacharmingflowergarden,abright,warm,almosthotday,aholiday—Trinityday。Afine,sumptuouscountrycottageintheEnglishtasteovergrownwithfragrantflowers,withflowerbedsgoingroundthehouse;theporch,wreathedinclimbers,wassurroundedwithbedsofroses。Alight,coolstaircase,carpetedwithrichrugs,wasdecoratedwithrareplantsinchinapots。Henoticedparticularlyinthewindowsnosegaysoftender,white,heavilyfragrantnarcissusbendingovertheirbright,green,thicklongstalks。Hewasreluctanttomoveawayfromthem,buthewentupthestairsandcameintoalarge,highdrawing-roomandagaineverywhere—atthewindows,thedoorsontothebalcony,andonthebalconyitself—wereflowers。Thefloorswerestrewnwithfreshly-cutfragranthay,thewindowswereopen,afresh,cool,lightaircameintotheroom。Thebirdswerechirrupingunderthewindow,andinthemiddleoftheroom,onatablecoveredwithawhitesatinshroud,stoodacoffin。Thecoffinwascoveredwithwhitesilkandedgedwithathickwhitefrill;wreathsofflowerssurroundeditonallsides。Amongtheflowerslayagirlinawhitemuslindress,withherarmscrossedandpressedonherbosom,asthoughcarvedoutofmarble。Butherloosefairhairwaswet;therewasawreathofrosesonherhead。Thesternandalreadyrigidprofileofherfacelookedasthoughchiselledofmarbletoo,andthesmileonherpalelipswasfullofanimmenseunchildishmiseryandsorrowfulappeal。Svidrigailovknewthatgirl;therewasnoholyimage,noburningcandlebesidethecoffin;nosoundofprayers:thegirlhaddrownedherself。Shewasonlyfourteen,butherheartwasbroken。Andshehaddestroyedherself,crushedbyaninsultthathadappalledandamazedthatchildishsoul,hadsmirchedthatangelpuritywithunmeriteddisgraceandtornfromheralastscreamofdespair,unheededandbrutallydisregarded,onadarknightinthecoldandwetwhilethewindhowled。…
Svidrigailovcametohimself,gotupfromthebedandwenttothewindow。Hefeltforthelatchandopenedit。Thewindlashedfuriouslyintothelittleroomandstunghisfaceandhischest,onlycoveredwithhisshirt,asthoughwithfrost。Underthewindowtheremusthavebeensomethinglikeagarden,andapparentlyapleasuregarden。There,too,probablythereweretea-tablesandsinginginthedaytime。Nowdropsofrainflewinatthewindowfromthetreesandbushes;itwasdarkasinacellar,sothathecouldonlyjustmakeoutsomedarkblursofobjects。Svidrigailov,bendingdownwithelbowsonthewindow-sill,gazedforfiveminutesintothedarkness;theboomofacannon,followedbyasecondone,resoundedinthedarknessofthenight。“Ah,thesignal!Theriverisoverflowing,”hethought。“Bymorningitwillbeswirlingdownthestreetinthelowerparts,floodingthebasementsandcellars。Thecellarratswillswimout,andmenwillcurseintherainandwindastheydragtheirrubbishtotheirupperstoreys。Whattimeisitnow?”Andhehadhardlythoughtitwhen,somewherenear,aclockonthewall,tickingawayhurriedly,struckthree。
“Aha!Itwillbelightinanhour!Whywait?I’llgooutatoncestraighttothepark。I’llchooseagreatbushtheredrenchedwithrain,sothatassoonasone’sshouldertouchesit,millionsofdropsdriponone’shead。”
Hemovedawayfromthewindow,shutit,lightedthecandle,putonhiswaistcoat,hisovercoatandhishatandwentout,carryingthecandle,intothepassagetolookfortheraggedattendantwhowouldbeasleepsomewhereinthemidstofcandle-endsandallsortsofrubbish,topayhimfortheroomandleavethehotel。“It’sthebestminute;Icouldn’tchooseabetter。”
Hewalkedforsometimethroughalongnarrowcorridorwithoutfindinganyoneandwasjustgoingtocallout,whensuddenlyinadarkcornerbetweenanoldcupboardandthedoorhecaughtsightofastrangeobjectwhichseemedtobealive。Hebentdownwiththecandleandsawalittlegirl,notmorethanfiveyearsold,shiveringandcrying,withherclothesaswetasasoakinghouse-flannel。ShedidnotseemafraidofSvidrigailov,butlookedathimwithblankamazementoutofherbigblackeyes。Nowandthenshesobbedaschildrendowhentheyhavebeencryingalongtime,butarebeginningtobecomforted。Thechild’sfacewaspaleandtired,shewasnumbwithcold。“Howcanshehavecomehere?Shemusthavehiddenhereandnotsleptallnight。”Hebeganquestioningher。Thechildsuddenlybecominganimated,chatteredawayinherbabylanguage,somethingabout“mammy”andthat“mammywouldbeather,”andaboutsomecupthatshehad“bwoken。”Thechildchatteredonwithoutstopping。Hecouldonlyguessfromwhatshesaidthatshewasaneglectedchild,whosemother,probablyadrunkencook,intheserviceofthehotel,whippedandfrightenedher;thatthechildhadbrokenacupofhermother’sandwassofrightenedthatshehadrunawaytheeveningbefore,hadhiddenforalongwhilesomewhereoutsideintherain,atlasthadmadeherwayinhere,hiddenbehindthecupboardandspentthenightthere,cryingandtremblingfromthedamp,thedarknessandthefearthatshewouldbebadlybeatenforit。Hetookherinhisarms,wentbacktohisroom,satheronthebed,andbeganundressingher。Thetornshoeswhichshehadonherstockinglessfeetwereaswetasiftheyhadbeenstandinginapuddleallnight。Whenhehadundressedher,heputheronthebed,coveredherupandwrappedherintheblanketfromherheaddownwards。Shefellasleepatonce。Thenhesankintodrearymusingagain。
“Whatfollytotroublemyself,”hedecidedsuddenlywithanoppressivefeelingofannoyance。“Whatidiocy!”Invexationhetookupthecandletogoandlookfortheraggedattendantagainandmakehastetogoaway。“Damnthechild!”hethoughtasheopenedthedoor,butheturnedagaintoseewhetherthechildwasasleep。Heraisedtheblanketcarefully。Thechildwassleepingsoundly,shehadgotwarmundertheblanket,andherpalecheekswereflushed。Butstrangetosaythatflushseemedbrighterandcoarserthantherosycheeksofchildhood。“It’saflushoffever,”thoughtSvidrigailov。Itwasliketheflushfromdrinking,asthoughshehadbeengivenafullglasstodrink。Hercrimsonlipswerehotandglowing;butwhatwasthis?Hesuddenlyfanciedthatherlongblackeyelasheswerequivering,asthoughthelidswereopeningandaslycraftyeyepeepedoutwithanunchildlikewink,asthoughthelittlegirlwerenotasleep,butpretending。Yes,itwasso。Herlipspartedinasmile。Thecornersofhermouthquivered,asthoughsheweretryingtocontrolthem。Butnowshequitegaveupalleffort,nowitwasagrin,abroadgrin;therewassomethingshameless,provocativeinthatquiteunchildishface;itwasdepravity,itwasthefaceofaharlot,theshamelessfaceofaFrenchharlot。Nowbotheyesopenedwide;theyturnedaglowing,shamelessglanceuponhim;theylaughed,invitedhim。…Therewassomethinginfinitelyhideousandshockinginthatlaugh,inthoseeyes,insuchnastinessinthefaceofachild。“What,atfiveyearsold?”Svidrigailovmutteredingenuinehorror。“Whatdoesitmean?”Andnowsheturnedtohim,herlittlefaceallaglow,holdingoutherarms。…“Accursedchild!”Svidrigailovcried,raisinghishandtostrikeher,butatthatmomenthewokeup。
Hewasinthesamebed,stillwrappedintheblanket。Thecandlehadnotbeenlighted,anddaylightwasstreaminginatthewindows。
“I’vehadnightmareallnight!”Hegotupangrily,feelingutterlyshattered;hisbonesached。Therewasathickmistoutsideandhecouldseenothing。Itwasnearlyfive。Hehadoverslepthimself!Hegotup,putonhisstilldampjacketandovercoat。Feelingtherevolverinhispocket,hetookitoutandthenhesatdown,tookanotebookoutofhispocketandinthemostconspicuousplaceonthetitlepagewroteafewlinesinlargeletters。Readingthemover,hesankintothoughtwithhiselbowsonthetable。Therevolverandthenotebooklaybesidehim。Someflieswokeupandsettledontheuntouchedveal,whichwasstillonthetable。Hestaredatthemandatlastwithhisfreerighthandbegantryingtocatchone。Hetriedtillhewastired,butcouldnotcatchit。Atlast,realisingthathewasengagedinthisinterestingpursuit,hestarted,gotupandwalkedresolutelyoutoftheroom。Aminutelaterhewasinthestreet。
Athickmilkymisthungoverthetown。SvidrigailovwalkedalongtheslipperydirtywoodenpavementtowardstheLittleNeva。HewaspicturingthewatersoftheLittleNevaswolleninthenight,PetrovskyIsland,thewetpaths,thewetgrass,thewettreesandbushesandatlastthebush。…Hebeganill-humouredlystaringatthehouses,tryingtothinkofsomethingelse。Therewasnotacabmanorapasser-byinthestreet。Thebrightyellow,wooden,littlehouseslookeddirtyanddejectedwiththeirclosedshutters。Thecoldanddamppenetratedhiswholebodyandhebegantoshiver。Fromtimetotimehecameacrossshopsignsandreadeachcarefully。Atlasthereachedtheendofthewoodenpavementandcametoabigstonehouse。Adirty,shiveringdogcrossedhispathwithitstailbetweenitslegs。Amaninagreatcoatlayfacedownwards;deaddrunk,acrossthepavement。Helookedathimandwenton。Ahightowerstoodupontheleft。“Bah!”heshouted,“hereisaplace。WhyshoulditbePetrovsky?Itwillbeinthepresenceofanofficialwitnessanyway。…”
Healmostsmiledatthisnewthoughtandturnedintothestreetwheretherewasthebighousewiththetower。Atthegreatclosedgatesofthehouse,alittlemanstoodwithhisshoulderleaningagainstthem,wrappedinagreysoldier’scoat,withacopperAchilleshelmetonhishead。HecastadrowsyandindifferentglanceatSvidrigailov。Hisfaceworethatperpetuallookofpeevishdejection,whichissosourlyprintedonallfacesofJewishracewithoutexception。Theyboth,SvidrigailovandAchilles,staredateachotherforafewminuteswithoutspeaking。AtlastitstruckAchillesasirregularforamannotdrunktobestandingthreestepsfromhim,staringandnotsayingaword。
“Whatdoyouwanthere?”hesaid,withoutmovingorchanginghisposition。
“Nothing,brother,goodmorning,”answeredSvidrigailov。
“Thisisn’ttheplace。”
“Iamgoingtoforeignparts,brother。”
“Toforeignparts?”
“ToAmerica。”
“America。”
Svidrigailovtookouttherevolverandcockedit。Achillesraisedhiseyebrows。
“Isay,thisisnottheplaceforsuchjokes!”
“Whyshouldn’titbetheplace?”
“Becauseitisn’t。”
“Well,brother,Idon’tmindthat。It’sagoodplace。Whenyouareasked,youjustsayhewasgoing,hesaid,toAmerica。”
Heputtherevolvertohisrighttemple。
“Youcan’tdoithere,it’snottheplace,”criedAchilles,rousinghimself,hiseyesgrowingbiggerandbigger。
Svidrigailovpulledthetrigger。
Thesameday,aboutseveno’clockintheevening,Raskolnikovwasonhiswaytohismother’sandsister’slodging—thelodginginBakaleyev’shousewhichRazumihinhadfoundforthem。Thestairswentupfromthestreet。Raskolnikovwalkedwithlaggingsteps,asthoughstillhesitatingwhethertogoornot。Butnothingwouldhaveturnedhimback:hisdecisionwastaken。
“Besides,itdoesn’tmatter,theystillknownothing,”hethought,“andtheyareusedtothinkingofmeaseccentric。”
Hewasappallinglydressed:hisclothestornanddirty,soakedwithanight’srain。Hisfacewasalmostdistortedfromfatigue,exposure,theinwardconflictthathadlastedfortwenty-fourhours。Hehadspentallthepreviousnightalone,Godknowswhere。Butanywayhehadreachedadecision。
Heknockedatthedoorwhichwasopenedbyhismother。Douniawasnotathome。Eventheservanthappenedtobeout。AtfirstPulcheriaAlexandrovnawasspeechlesswithjoyandsurprise;thenshetookhimbythehandanddrewhimintotheroom。
“Hereyouare!”shebegan,falteringwithjoy。“Don’tbeangrywithme,Rodya,forwelcomingyousofoolishlywithtears:Iamlaughingnotcrying。DidyouthinkIwascrying?No,Iamdelighted,butI’vegotintosuchastupidhabitofsheddingtears。I’vebeenlikethateversinceyourfather’sdeath。Icryforanything。Sitdown,dearboy,youmustbetired;Iseeyouare。Ah,howmuddyyouare。”
“Iwasintherainyesterday,mother。…”Raskolnikovbegan。
“No,no,”PulcheriaAlexandrovnahurriedlyinterrupted,“youthoughtIwasgoingtocross-questionyouinthewomanishwayIusedto;don’tbeanxious,Iunderstand,Iunderstanditall:nowI’velearnedthewayshereandtrulyIseeformyselfthattheyarebetter。I’vemadeupmymindonceforall:howcouldIunderstandyourplansandexpectyoutogiveanaccountofthem?Godknowswhatconcernsandplansyoumayhave,orwhatideasyouarehatching;soit’snotformetokeepnudgingyourelbow,askingyouwhatyouarethinkingabout?But,mygoodness!whyamIrunningtoandfroasthoughIwerecrazy…?Iamreadingyourarticleinthemagazineforthethirdtime,Rodya。DmitriProkofitchbroughtittome。DirectlyIsawitIcriedouttomyself:‘There,foolishone,’Ithought,‘that’swhatheisbusyabout;that’sthesolutionofthemystery!Learnedpeoplearealwayslikethat。Hemayhavesomenewideasinhisheadjustnow;heisthinkingthemoverandIworryhimandupsethim。’Ireadit,mydear,andofcoursetherewasagreatdealIdidnotunderstand;butthat’sonlynatural—howshouldI?”
“Showme,mother。”
Raskolnikovtookthemagazineandglancedathisarticle。Incongruousasitwaswithhismoodandhiscircumstances,hefeltthatstrangeandbittersweetsensationthateveryauthorexperiencesthefirsttimeheseeshimselfinprint;besides,hewasonlytwenty-three。Itlastedonlyamoment。Afterreadingafewlineshefrownedandhisheartthrobbedwithanguish。Herecalledalltheinwardconflictoftheprecedingmonths。Heflungthearticleonthetablewithdisgustandanger。
“But,howeverfoolishImaybe,Rodya,Icanseeformyselfthatyouwillverysoonbeoneoftheleading—ifnottheleadingman—intheworldofRussianthought。Andtheydaredtothinkyouweremad!Youdon’tknow,buttheyreallythoughtthat。Ah,thedespicablecreatures,howcouldtheyunderstandgenius!AndDounia,Douniawasallbutbelievingit—whatdoyousaytothat?Yourfathersenttwicetomagazines—thefirsttimepoemsI’vegotthemanuscriptandwillshowyouandthesecondtimeawholenovelIbeggedhimtoletmecopyitoutandhowweprayedthattheyshouldbetaken—theyweren’t!Iwasbreakingmyheart,Rodya,sixorsevendaysagooveryourfoodandyourclothesandthewayyouareliving。ButnowIseeagainhowfoolishIwas,foryoucanattainanypositionyoulikebyyourintellectandtalent。Nodoubtyoudon’tcareaboutthatforthepresentandyouareoccupiedwithmuchmoreimportantmatters。…”
“Dounia’snotathome,mother?”
“No,Rodya。Ioftendon’tseeher;sheleavesmealone。DmitriProkofitchcomestoseeme,it’ssogoodofhim,andhealwaystalksaboutyou。Helovesyouandrespectsyou,mydear。Idon’tsaythatDouniaisverywantinginconsideration。Iamnotcomplaining。ShehasherwaysandIhavemine;sheseemstohavegotsomesecretsoflateandIneverhaveanysecretsfromyoutwo。Ofcourse,IamsurethatDouniahasfartoomuchsense,andbesidesshelovesyouandme…butIdon’tknowwhatitwillallleadto。You’vemademesohappybycomingnow,Rodya,butshehasmissedyoubygoingout;whenshecomesinI’lltellher:‘Yourbrothercameinwhileyouwereout。Wherehaveyoubeenallthistime?’Youmustn’tspoilme,Rodya,youknow;comewhenyoucan,butifyoucan’t,itdoesn’tmatter,Icanwait。Ishallknow,anyway,thatyouarefondofme,thatwillbeenoughforme。Ishallreadwhatyouwrite,Ishallhearaboutyoufromeveryone,andsometimesyou’llcomeyourselftoseeme。Whatcouldbebetter?Hereyou’vecomenowtocomfortyourmother,Iseethat。”
HerePulcheriaAlexandrovnabegantocry。
“HereIamagain!Don’tmindmyfoolishness。Mygoodness,whyamIsittinghere?”shecried,jumpingup。“ThereiscoffeeandIdon’tofferyouany。Ah,that’stheselfishnessofoldage。I’llgetitatonce!”
“Mother,don’ttrouble,Iamgoingatonce。Ihaven’tcomeforthat。Pleaselistentome。”
PulcheriaAlexandrovnawentuptohimtimidly。
“Mother,whateverhappens,whateveryouhearaboutme,whateveryouaretoldaboutme,willyoualwayslovemeasyoudonow?”heaskedsuddenlyfromthefullnessofhisheart,asthoughnotthinkingofhiswordsandnotweighingthem。
“Rodya,Rodya,whatisthematter?Howcanyouaskmesuchaquestion?Why,whowilltellmeanythingaboutyou?Besides,Ishouldn’tbelieveanyone,Ishouldrefusetolisten。”
“I’vecometoassureyouthatI’vealwayslovedyouandIamgladthatwearealone,evengladDouniaisout,”hewentonwiththesameimpulse。“Ihavecometotellyouthatthoughyouwillbeunhappy,youmustbelievethatyoursonlovesyounowmorethanhimself,andthatallyouthoughtaboutme,thatIwascruelanddidn’tcareaboutyou,wasallamistake。Ishallneverceasetoloveyou。…Well,that’senough:IthoughtImustdothisandbeginwiththis。…”
PulcheriaAlexandrovnaembracedhiminsilence,pressinghimtoherbosomandweepinggently。
“Idon’tknowwhatiswrongwithyou,Rodya,”shesaidatlast。“I’vebeenthinkingallthistimethatweweresimplyboringyouandnowIseethatthereisagreatsorrowinstoreforyou,andthat’swhyyouaremiserable。I’veforeseenitalongtime,Rodya。Forgivemeforspeakingaboutit。Ikeepthinkingaboutitandlieawakeatnights。Yoursisterlaytalkinginhersleepalllastnight,talkingofnothingbutyou。Icaughtsomething,butIcouldn’tmakeitout。IfeltallthemorningasthoughIweregoingtobehanged,waitingforsomething,expectingsomething,andnowithascome!Rodya,Rodya,whereareyougoing?Youaregoingawaysomewhere?”
“Yes。”
“That’swhatIthought!Icancomewithyou,youknow,ifyouneedme。AndDounia,too;shelovesyou,shelovesyoudearly—andSofyaSemyonovnamaycomewithusifyoulike。Yousee,Iamgladtolookuponherasadaughtereven…DmitriProkofitchwillhelpustogotogether。But…where…areyougoing?”
“Good-bye,mother。”
“What,to-day?”shecried,asthoughlosinghimforever。
“Ican’tstay,Imustgonow。…”
“Andcan’tIcomewithyou?”
“No,butkneeldownandpraytoGodforme。YourprayerperhapswillreachHim。”
“Letmeblessyouandsignyouwiththecross。That’sright,that’sright。Oh,God,whatarewedoing?”
Yes,hewasglad,hewasverygladthattherewasnoonethere,thathewasalonewithhismother。Forthefirsttimeafterallthoseawfulmonthshisheartwassoftened。Hefelldownbeforeher,hekissedherfeetandbothwept,embracing。Andshewasnotsurprisedanddidnotquestionhimthistime。Forsomedaysshehadrealisedthatsomethingawfulwashappeningtohersonandthatnowsometerribleminutehadcomeforhim。
“Rodya,mydarling,myfirstborn,”shesaidsobbing,“nowyouarejustaswhenyouwerelittle。Youwouldrunlikethistomeandhugmeandkissme。Whenyourfatherwaslivingandwewerepoor,youcomfortedussimplybybeingwithusandwhenIburiedyourfather,howoftenwewepttogetherathisgraveandembraced,asnow。AndifI’vebeencryinglately,it’sthatmymother’shearthadaforebodingoftrouble。ThefirsttimeIsawyou,thatevening,youremember,assoonaswearrivedhere,Iguessedsimplyfromyoureyes。Myheartsankatonce,andto-daywhenIopenedthedoorandlookedatyou,Ithoughtthefatalhourhadcome。Rodya,Rodya,youarenotgoingawayto-day?”
“No!”
“You’llcomeagain?”
“Yes…I’llcome。”
“Rodya,don’tbeangry,Idon’tdaretoquestionyou。IknowImustn’t。Onlysaytwowordstome—isitfarwhereyouaregoing?”
“Veryfar。”
“Whatisawaitingyouthere?Somepostorcareerforyou?”
“WhatGodsends…onlyprayforme。”Raskolnikovwenttothedoor,butsheclutchedhimandgazeddespairinglyintohiseyes。Herfaceworkedwithterror。
“Enough,mother,”saidRaskolnikov,deeplyregrettingthathehadcome。
“Notforever,it’snotyetforever?You’llcome,you’llcometo-morrow?”
“Iwill,Iwill,good-bye。”Hetorehimselfawayatlast。
Itwasawarm,fresh,brightevening;ithadclearedupinthemorning。Raskolnikovwenttohislodgings;hemadehaste。Hewantedtofinishallbeforesunset。Hedidnotwanttomeetanyonetillthen。GoingupthestairshenoticedthatNastasyarushedfromthesamovartowatchhimintently。“Cananyonehavecometoseeme?”hewondered。HehadadisgustedvisionofPorfiry。ButopeninghisdoorhesawDounia。Shewassittingalone,plungedindeepthought,andlookedasthoughshehadbeenwaitingalongtime。Hestoppedshortinthedoorway。Sherosefromthesofaindismayandstoodupfacinghim。Hereyes,fixeduponhim,betrayedhorrorandinfinitegrief。Andfromthoseeyesalonehesawatoncethatsheknew。
“AmItocomeinorgoaway?”heaskeduncertainly。
“I’vebeenalldaywithSofyaSemyonovna。Wewerebothwaitingforyou。Wethoughtthatyouwouldbesuretocomethere。”
Raskolnikovwentintotheroomandsankexhaustedonachair。
“Ifeelweak,Dounia,Iamverytired;andIshouldhavelikedatthismomenttobeabletocontrolmyself。”
Heglancedathermistrustfully。
“Wherewereyouallnight?”
“Idon’trememberclearly。Yousee,sister,Iwantedtomakeupmymindonceforall,andseveraltimesIwalkedbytheNeva,IrememberthatIwantedtoenditallthere,but…Icouldn’tmakeupmymind,”hewhispered,lookingathermistrustfullyagain。
“ThankGod!Thatwasjustwhatwewereafraidof,SofyaSemyonovnaandI。Thenyoustillhavefaithinlife?ThankGod,thankGod!”
Raskolnikovsmiledbitterly。
“Ihaven’tfaith,butIhavejustbeenweepinginmother’sarms;Ihaven’tfaith,butIhavejustaskedhertoprayforme。Idon’tknowhowitis,Dounia,Idon’tunderstandit。”
“Haveyoubeenatmother’s?Haveyoutoldher?”criedDounia,horror-stricken。“Surelyyouhaven’tdonethat?”
“No,Ididn’ttellher…inwords;butsheunderstoodagreatdeal。Sheheardyoutalkinginyoursleep。Iamsureshehalfunderstandsitalready。PerhapsIdidwrongingoingtoseeher。Idon’tknowwhyIdidgo。Iamacontemptibleperson,Dounia。”
“Acontemptibleperson,butreadytofacesuffering!Youare,aren’tyou?”
“Yes,Iamgoing。Atonce。Yes,toescapethedisgraceIthoughtofdrowningmyself,Dounia,butasIlookedintothewater,IthoughtthatifIhadconsideredmyselfstrongtillnowI’dbetternotbeafraidofdisgrace,”hesaid,hurryingon。“It’spride,Dounia。”
“Pride,Rodya。”
Therewasagleamoffireinhislustrelesseyes;heseemedtobegladtothinkthathewasstillproud。
“Youdon’tthink,sister,thatIwassimplyafraidofthewater?”heasked,lookingintoherfacewithasinistersmile。
“Oh,Rodya,hush!”criedDouniabitterly。Silencelastedfortwominutes。Hesatwithhiseyesfixedonthefloor;Douniastoodattheotherendofthetableandlookedathimwithanguish。Suddenlyhegotup。
“It’slate,it’stimetogo!Iamgoingatoncetogivemyselfup。ButIdon’tknowwhyIamgoingtogivemyselfup。”
Bigtearsfelldownhercheeks。
“Youarecrying,sister,butcanyouholdoutyourhandtome?”
“Youdoubtedit?”
Shethrewherarmsroundhim。
“Aren’tyouhalfexpiatingyourcrimebyfacingthesuffering?”shecried,holdinghimcloseandkissinghim。
“Crime?Whatcrime?”hecriedinsuddenfury。“ThatIkilledavilenoxiousinsect,anoldpawnbrokerwoman,ofusetonoone!…Killingherwasatonementforfortysins。Shewassuckingthelifeoutofpoorpeople。Wasthatacrime?IamnotthinkingofitandIamnotthinkingofexpiatingit,andwhyareyouallrubbingitinonallsides?‘Acrime!acrime!’OnlynowIseeclearlytheimbecilityofmycowardice,nowthatIhavedecidedtofacethissuperfluousdisgrace。It’ssimplybecauseIamcontemptibleandhavenothinginmethatIhavedecidedto,perhapstooformyadvantage,asthat…Porfiry…suggested!”
“Brother,brother,whatareyousaying?Why,youhaveshedblood?”criedDouniaindespair。
“Whichallmenshed,”heputinalmostfrantically,“whichflowsandhasalwaysflowedinstreams,whichisspiltlikechampagne,andforwhichmenarecrownedintheCapitolandarecalledafterwardsbenefactorsofmankind。Lookintoitmorecarefullyandunderstandit!Itoowantedtodogoodtomenandwouldhavedonehundreds,thousandsofgooddeedstomakeupforthatonepieceofstupidity,notstupidityeven,simplyclumsiness,fortheideawasbynomeanssostupidasitseemsnowthatithasfailed。…Everythingseemsstupidwhenitfails。BythatstupidityIonlywantedtoputmyselfintoanindependentposition,totakethefirststep,toobtainmeans,andtheneverythingwouldhavebeensmoothedoverbybenefitsimmeasurableincomparison。…ButI…Icouldn’tcarryouteventhefirststep,becauseIamcontemptible,that’swhat’sthematter!AndyetIwon’tlookatitasyoudo。IfIhadsucceededIshouldhavebeencrownedwithglory,butnowI’mtrapped。”
“Butthat’snotso,notso!Brother,whatareyousaying?”
“Ah,it’snotpicturesque,notaestheticallyattractive!Ifailtounderstandwhybombardingpeoplebyregularsiegeismorehonourable。Thefearofappearancesisthefirstsymptomofimpotence。I’venever,neverrecognisedthismoreclearlythannow,andIamfurtherthaneverfromseeingthatwhatIdidwasacrime。I’venever,neverbeenstrongerandmoreconvincedthannow。”
Thecolourhadrushedintohispaleexhaustedface,butasheutteredhislastexplanation,hehappenedtomeetDounia’seyesandhesawsuchanguishinthemthathecouldnothelpbeingchecked。Hefeltthathehad,anyway,madethesetwopoorwomenmiserable,thathewas,anyway,thecause…
“Douniadarling,ifIamguiltyforgivemethoughIcannotbeforgivenifIamguilty。Good-bye!Wewon’tdispute。It’stime,hightimetogo。Don’tfollowme,Ibeseechyou,Ihavesomewhereelsetogo。…Butyougoatonceandsitwithmother。Ientreatyouto!It’smylastrequestofyou。Don’tleaveheratall;Ileftherinastateofanxiety,thatsheisnotfittobear;shewilldieorgooutofhermind。Bewithher!Razumihinwillbewithyou。I’vebeentalkingtohim。…Don’tcryaboutme:I’lltrytobehonestandmanlyallmylife,evenifIamamurderer。PerhapsIshallsomedaymakeaname。Iwon’tdisgraceyou,youwillsee;I’llstillshow。…Nowgood-byeforthepresent,”heconcludedhurriedly,noticingagainastrangeexpressioninDounia’seyesathislastwordsandpromises。“Whyareyoucrying?Don’tcry,don’tcry:wearenotpartingforever!Ah,yes!Waitaminute,I’dforgotten!”
Hewenttothetable,tookupathickdustybook,openeditandtookfrombetweenthepagesalittlewater-colourportraitonivory。Itwastheportraitofhislandlady’sdaughter,whohaddiedoffever,thatstrangegirlwhohadwantedtobeanun。Foraminutehegazedatthedelicateexpressivefaceofhisbetrothed,kissedtheportraitandgaveittoDounia。
“Iusedtotalkagreatdealaboutittoher,onlytoher,”hesaidthoughtfully。“ToherheartIconfidedmuchofwhathassincebeensohideouslyrealised。Don’tbeuneasy,”hereturnedtoDounia,“shewasasmuchopposedtoitasyou,andIamgladthatsheisgone。Thegreatpointisthateverythingnowisgoingtobedifferent,isgoingtobebrokenintwo,”hecried,suddenlyreturningtohisdejection。“Everything,everything,andamIpreparedforit?DoIwantitmyself?Theysayitisnecessaryformetosuffer!What’stheobjectofthesesenselesssufferings?shallIknowanybetterwhattheyarefor,whenIamcrushedbyhardshipsandidiocy,andweakasanoldmanaftertwentyyears’penalservitude?AndwhatshallIhavetoliveforthen?WhyamIconsentingtothatlifenow?Oh,IknewIwascontemptiblewhenIstoodlookingattheNevaatdaybreakto-day!”
Atlasttheybothwentout。ItwashardforDounia,butshelovedhim。Shewalkedaway,butaftergoingfiftypacessheturnedroundtolookathimagain。Hewasstillinsight。Atthecornerhetooturnedandforthelasttimetheireyesmet;butnoticingthatshewaslookingathim,hemotionedherawaywithimpatienceandevenvexation,andturnedthecornerabruptly。
“Iamwicked,Iseethat,”hethoughttohimself,feelingashamedamomentlaterofhisangrygesturetoDounia。“ButwhyaretheysofondofmeifIdon’tdeserveit?Oh,ifonlyIwerealoneandnoonelovedmeandItoohadneverlovedanyone!Nothingofallthiswouldhavehappened。ButIwondershallIinthosefifteenortwentyyearsgrowsomeekthatIshallhumblemyselfbeforepeopleandwhimperateverywordthatIamacriminal?Yes,that’sit,that’sit,that’swhattheyaresendingmetherefor,that’swhattheywant。Lookatthemrunningtoandfroaboutthestreets,everyoneofthemascoundrelandacriminalatheartand,worsestill,anidiot。Buttrytogetmeoffandthey’dbewildwithrighteousindignation。Oh,howIhatethemall!”
Hefelltomusingbywhatprocessitcouldcometopass,thathecouldbehumbledbeforeallofthem,indiscriminately—humbledbyconviction。Andyetwhynot?Itmustbeso。Wouldnottwentyyearsofcontinualbondagecrushhimutterly?Waterwearsoutastone。Andwhy,whyshouldheliveafterthat?Whyshouldhegonowwhenheknewthatitwouldbeso?Itwasthehundredthtimeperhapsthathehadaskedhimselfthatquestionsincethepreviousevening,butstillhewent。
WhenhewentintoSonia’sroom,itwasalreadygettingdark。AlldaySoniahadbeenwaitingforhiminterribleanxiety。Douniahadbeenwaitingwithher。Shehadcometoherthatmorning,rememberingSvidrigailov’swordsthatSoniaknew。Wewillnotdescribetheconversationandtearsofthetwogirls,andhowfriendlytheybecame。Douniagainedonecomfortatleastfromthatinterview,thatherbrotherwouldnotbealone。Hehadgonetoher,Sonia,firstwithhisconfession;hehadgonetoherforhumanfellowshipwhenheneededit;shewouldgowithhimwhereverfatemightsendhim。Douniadidnotask,butsheknewitwasso。ShelookedatSoniaalmostwithreverenceandatfirstalmostembarrassedherbyit。Soniawasalmostonthepointoftears。Shefeltherself,onthecontrary,hardlyworthytolookatDounia。Dounia’sgraciousimagewhenshehadbowedtohersoattentivelyandrespectfullyattheirfirstmeetinginRaskolnikov’sroomhadremainedinhermindasoneofthefairestvisionsofherlife。
Douniaatlastbecameimpatientand,leavingSonia,wenttoherbrother’sroomtoawaithimthere;shekeptthinkingthathewouldcometherefirst。Whenshehadgone,Soniabegantobetorturedbythedreadofhiscommittingsuicide,andDouniatoofearedit。Buttheyhadspentthedaytryingtopersuadeeachotherthatthatcouldnotbe,andbothwerelessanxiouswhiletheyweretogether。Assoonastheyparted,eachthoughtofnothingelse。SoniarememberedhowSvidrigailovhadsaidtoherthedaybeforethatRaskolnikovhadtwoalternatives—Siberiaor…Besidessheknewhisvanity,hisprideandhislackoffaith。
“Isitpossiblethathehasnothingbutcowardiceandfearofdeathtomakehimlive?”shethoughtatlastindespair。
Meanwhilethesunwassetting。Soniawasstandingindejection,lookingintentlyoutofthewindow,butfromitshecouldseenothingbuttheunwhitewashedblankwallofthenexthouse。Atlastwhenshebegantofeelsureofhisdeath—hewalkedintotheroom。
Shegaveacryofjoy,butlookingcarefullyintohisfacesheturnedpale。
“Yes,”saidRaskolnikov,smiling。“Ihavecomeforyourcross,Sonia。Itwasyoutoldmetogotothecross-roads;whyisityouarefrightenednowit’scometothat?”
Soniagazedathimastonished。Histoneseemedstrangetoher;acoldshiverranoverher,butinamomentsheguessedthatthetoneandthewordswereamask。Hespoketoherlookingaway,asthoughtoavoidmeetinghereyes。
“Yousee,Sonia,I’vedecidedthatitwillbebetterso。Thereisonefact。…Butit’salongstoryandthere’snoneedtodiscussit。Butdoyouknowwhatangersme?Itannoysmethatallthosestupidbrutishfaceswillbegapingatmedirectly,pesteringmewiththeirstupidquestions,whichIshallhavetoanswer—they’llpointtheirfingersatme。…Tfoo!YouknowIamnotgoingtoPorfiry,Iamsickofhim。I’drathergotomyfriend,theExplosiveLieutenant;howIshallsurprisehim,whatasensationIshallmake!ButImustbecooler;I’vebecometooirritableoflate。YouknowIwasnearlyshakingmyfistatmysisterjustnow,becausesheturnedtotakealastlookatme。It’sabrutalstatetobein!Ah!whatamIcomingto!Well,wherearethecrosses?”
Heseemedhardlytoknowwhathewasdoing。Hecouldnotstaystillorconcentratehisattentiononanything;hisideasseemedtogallopafteroneanother,hetalkedincoherently,hishandstrembledslightly。
WithoutawordSoniatookoutofthedrawertwocrosses,oneofcypresswoodandoneofcopper。Shemadethesignofthecrossoverherselfandoverhim,andputthewoodencrossonhisneck。
“It’sthesymbolofmytakingupthecross,”helaughed。“AsthoughIhadnotsufferedmuchtillnow!Thewoodencross,thatisthepeasantone;thecopperone,thatisLizaveta’s—youwillwearyourself,showme!Soshehaditon…atthatmoment?Iremembertwothingslikethesetoo,asilveroneandalittleikon。Ithrewthembackontheoldwoman’sneck。Thosewouldbeappropriatenow,really,thosearewhatIoughttoputonnow。…ButIamtalkingnonsenseandforgettingwhatmatters;I’msomehowforgetful。…YouseeIhavecometowarnyou,Sonia,sothatyoumightknow…that’sall—that’sallIcamefor。ButIthoughtIhadmoretosay。Youwantedmetogoyourself。Well,nowIamgoingtoprisonandyou’llhaveyourwish。Well,whatareyoucryingfor?Youtoo?Don’t。Leaveoff!Oh,howIhateitall!”
Buthisfeelingwasstirred;hisheartached,ashelookedather。“Whyisshegrievingtoo?”hethoughttohimself。“WhatamItoher?Whydoessheweep?Whyisshelookingafterme,likemymotherorDounia?She’llbemynurse。”
“Crossyourself,sayatleastoneprayer,”Soniabeggedinatimidbrokenvoice。
“Ohcertainly,asmuchasyoulike!Andsincerely,Sonia,sincerely。…”
Buthewantedtosaysomethingquitedifferent。
Hecrossedhimselfseveraltimes。Soniatookuphershawlandputitoverherhead。ItwasthegreendrapdedamesshawlofwhichMarmeladovhadspoken,“thefamilyshawl。”Raskolnikovthoughtofthatlookingatit,buthedidnotask。Hebegantofeelhimselfthathewascertainlyforgettingthingsandwasdisgustinglyagitated。Hewasfrightenedatthis。HewassuddenlystrucktoobythethoughtthatSoniameanttogowithhim。
“Whatareyoudoing?Whereareyougoing?Stayhere,stay!I’llgoalone,”hecriedincowardlyvexation,andalmostresentful,hemovedtowardsthedoor。“What’stheuseofgoinginprocession?”hemutteredgoingout。
Soniaremainedstandinginthemiddleoftheroom。Hehadnotevensaidgood-byetoher;hehadforgottenher。Apoignantandrebelliousdoubtsurgedinhisheart。
“Wasitright,wasitright,allthis?”hethoughtagainashewentdownthestairs。“Couldn’thestopandretractitall…andnotgo?”
Butstillhewent。Hefeltsuddenlyonceforallthathemustn’taskhimselfquestions。Asheturnedintothestreetherememberedthathehadnotsaidgood-byetoSonia,thathehadleftherinthemiddleoftheroominhergreenshawl,notdaringtostirafterhehadshoutedather,andhestoppedshortforamoment。Atthesameinstant,anotherthoughtdawneduponhim,asthoughithadbeenlyinginwaittostrikehimthen。
“Why,withwhatobjectdidIgotoherjustnow?Itoldher—onbusiness;onwhatbusiness?Ihadnosortofbusiness!TotellherIwasgoing;butwherewastheneed?DoIloveher?No,no,Idroveherawayjustnowlikeadog。DidIwanthercrosses?Oh,howlowI’vesunk!No,Iwantedhertears,Iwantedtoseeherterror,toseehowherheartached!Ihadtohavesomethingtoclingto,somethingtodelayme,somefriendlyfacetosee!AndIdaredtobelieveinmyself,todreamofwhatIwoulddo!Iamabeggarlycontemptiblewretch,contemptible!”
Hewalkedalongthecanalbank,andhehadnotmuchfurthertogo。ButonreachingthebridgehestoppedandturningoutofhiswayalongitwenttotheHayMarket。
Helookedeagerlytorightandleft,gazedintentlyateveryobjectandcouldnotfixhisattentiononanything;everythingslippedaway。“Inanotherweek,anothermonthIshallbedriveninaprisonvanoverthisbridge,howshallIlookatthecanalthen?Ishouldliketorememberthis!”slippedintohismind。“Lookatthissign!HowshallIreadthoselettersthen?It’swrittenhere‘Campany,’that’sathingtoremember,thatlettera,andtolookatitagaininamonth—howshallIlookatitthen?WhatshallIbefeelingandthinkingthen?…Howtrivialitallmustbe,whatIamfrettingaboutnow!Ofcourseitmustallbeinteresting…initsway…Ha-ha-ha!WhatamIthinkingabout?Iambecomingababy,Iamshowingofftomyself;whyamIashamed?Foo!howpeopleshove!thatfatman—aGermanhemustbe—whopushedagainstme,doesheknowwhomhepushed?There’sapeasantwomanwithababy,begging。It’scuriousthatshethinksmehappierthansheis。Imightgivehersomething,fortheincongruityofit。Here’safivecopeckpieceleftinmypocket,wheredidIgetit?Here,here…takeit,mygoodwoman!”
“Godblessyou,”thebeggarchantedinalachrymosevoice。
HewentintotheHayMarket。Itwasdistasteful,verydistastefultobeinacrowd,buthewalkedjustwherehesawmostpeople。Hewouldhavegivenanythingintheworldtobealone;butheknewhimselfthathewouldnothaveremainedaloneforamoment。Therewasamandrunkanddisorderlyinthecrowd;hekepttryingtodanceandfallingdown。Therewasaringroundhim。Raskolnikovsqueezedhiswaythroughthecrowd,staredforsomeminutesatthedrunkenmanandsuddenlygaveashortjerkylaugh。Aminutelaterhehadforgottenhimanddidnotseehim,thoughhestillstared。Hemovedawayatlast,notrememberingwherehewas;butwhenhegotintothemiddleofthesquareanemotionsuddenlycameoverhim,overwhelminghimbodyandmind。
HesuddenlyrecalledSonia’swords,“Gotothecross-roads,bowdowntothepeople,kisstheearth,foryouhavesinnedagainstittoo,andsayaloudtothewholeworld,‘Iamamurderer。’”Hetrembled,rememberingthat。Andthehopelessmiseryandanxietyofallthattime,especiallyofthelasthours,hadweighedsoheavilyuponhimthathepositivelyclutchedatthechanceofthisnewunmixed,completesensation。Itcameoverhimlikeafit;itwaslikeasinglesparkkindledinhissoulandspreadingfirethroughhim。Everythinginhimsoftenedatonceandthetearsstartedintohiseyes。Hefelltotheearthonthespot。…
Hekneltdowninthemiddleofthesquare,boweddowntotheearth,andkissedthatfilthyearthwithblissandrapture。Hegotupandboweddownasecondtime。
“He’sboozed,”ayouthnearhimobserved。
Therewasaroaroflaughter。
“He’sgoingtoJerusalem,brothers,andsayinggood-byetohischildrenandhiscountry。He’sbowingdowntoalltheworldandkissingthegreatcityofSt。Petersburganditspavement,”addedaworkmanwhowasalittledrunk。
“Quiteayoungman,too!”observedathird。
“Andagentleman,”someoneobservedsoberly。
“There’snoknowingwho’sagentlemanandwhoisn’tnowadays。”
TheseexclamationsandremarkscheckedRaskolnikov,andthewords,“Iamamurderer,”whichwereperhapsonthepointofdroppingfromhislips,diedaway。Heboretheseremarksquietly,however,and,withoutlookinground,heturneddownastreetleadingtothepoliceoffice。Hehadaglimpseofsomethingonthewaywhichdidnotsurprisehim;hehadfeltthatitmustbeso。ThesecondtimeheboweddownintheHayMarkethesaw,standingfiftypacesfromhimontheleft,Sonia。Shewashidingfromhimbehindoneofthewoodenshantiesinthemarket-place。Shehadfollowedhimthenonhispainfulway!RaskolnikovatthatmomentfeltandknewonceforallthatSoniawaswithhimforeverandwouldfollowhimtotheendsoftheearth,whereverfatemighttakehim。Itwrunghisheart…buthewasjustreachingthefatalplace。
Hewentintotheyardfairlyresolutely。Hehadtomounttothethirdstorey。“Ishallbesometimegoingup,”hethought。Hefeltasthoughthefatefulmomentwasstillfaroff,asthoughhehadplentyoftimeleftforconsideration。
Againthesamerubbish,thesameeggshellslyingaboutonthespiralstairs,againtheopendoorsoftheflats,againthesamekitchensandthesamefumesandstenchcomingfromthem。Raskolnikovhadnotbeenheresincethatday。Hislegswerenumbandgavewayunderhim,butstilltheymovedforward。Hestoppedforamomenttotakebreath,tocollecthimself,soastoenterlikeaman。“Butwhy?whatfor?”hewondered,reflecting。“IfImustdrinkthecupwhatdifferencedoesitmake?Themorerevoltingthebetter。”Heimaginedforaninstantthefigureofthe“explosivelieutenant,”IlyaPetrovitch。Washeactuallygoingtohim?Couldn’thegotosomeoneelse?ToNikodimFomitch?Couldn’theturnbackandgostraighttoNikodimFomitch’slodgings?Atleastthenitwouldbedoneprivately。…No,no!Tothe“explosivelieutenant”!Ifhemustdrinkit,drinkitoffatonce。
Turningcoldandhardlyconscious,heopenedthedooroftheoffice。Therewereveryfewpeopleinitthistime—onlyahouseporterandapeasant。Thedoorkeeperdidnotevenpeepoutfrombehindhisscreen。Raskolnikovwalkedintothenextroom。“PerhapsIstillneednotspeak,”passedthroughhismind。Somesortofclerknotwearingauniformwassettlinghimselfatabureautowrite。Inacorneranotherclerkwasseatinghimself。Zametovwasnotthere,nor,ofcourse,NikodimFomitch。
“Noonein?”Raskolnikovasked,addressingthepersonatthebureau。
“Whomdoyouwant?”
“A-ah!Notasoundwasheard,notasightwasseen,butIscenttheRussian…howdoesitgooninthefairytale…I’veforgotten!‘Atyourservice!’”afamiliarvoicecriedsuddenly。
Raskolnikovshuddered。TheExplosiveLieutenantstoodbeforehim。Hehadjustcomeinfromthethirdroom。“Itisthehandoffate,”thoughtRaskolnikov。“Whyishehere?”
“You’vecometoseeus?Whatabout?”criedIlyaPetrovitch。Hewasobviouslyinanexceedinglygoodhumourandperhapsatrifleexhilarated。“Ifit’sonbusinessyouareratherearly。1It’sonlyachancethatIamhere…howeverI’lldowhatIcan。Imustadmit,I…whatisit,whatisit?Excuseme。…”
“Raskolnikov。”
“Ofcourse,Raskolnikov。Youdidn’timagineI’dforgotten?Don’tthinkIamlikethat…RodionRo—Ro—Rodionovitch,that’sit,isn’tit?”
“RodionRomanovitch。”
“Yes,yes,ofcourse,RodionRomanovitch!Iwasjustgettingatit。Imademanyinquiriesaboutyou。IassureyouI’vebeengenuinelygrievedsincethat…sinceIbehavedlikethat…itwasexplainedtomeafterwardsthatyouwerealiteraryman…andalearnedonetoo…andsotosaythefirststeps…Mercyonus!Whatliteraryorscientificmandoesnotbeginbysomeoriginalityofconduct!MywifeandIhavethegreatestrespectforliterature,inmywifeit’sagenuinepassion!Literatureandart!Ifonlyamanisagentleman,alltherestcanbegainedbytalents,learning,goodsense,genius。Asforahat—well,whatdoesahatmatter?IcanbuyahataseasilyasIcanabun;butwhat’sunderthehat,whatthehatcovers,Ican’tbuythat!Iwasevenmeaningtocomeandapologisetoyou,butthoughtmaybeyou’d…ButIamforgettingtoaskyou,isthereanythingyouwantreally?Ihearyourfamilyhavecome?”
“Yes,mymotherandsister。”
“I’veevenhadthehonourandhappinessofmeetingyoursister—ahighlycultivatedandcharmingperson。IconfessIwassorryIgotsohotwithyou。Thereitis!Butasformylookingsuspiciouslyatyourfaintingfit—thataffairhasbeenclearedupsplendidly!Bigotryandfanaticism!Iunderstandyourindignation。Perhapsyouarechangingyourlodgingonaccountofyourfamily’sarriving?”
“No,Ionlylookedin…Icametoask…IthoughtthatIshouldfindZametovhere。”
“Oh,yes!Ofcourse,you’vemadefriends,Iheard。Well,no,Zametovisnothere。Yes,we’velostZametov。He’snotbeenheresinceyesterday…hequarrelledwitheveryoneonleaving…intherudestway。Heisafeather-headedyoungster,that’sall;onemighthaveexpectedsomethingfromhim,butthere,youknowwhattheyare,ourbrilliantyoungmen。Hewantedtogoinforsomeexamination,butit’sonlytotalkandboastaboutit,itwillgonofurtherthanthat。Ofcourseit’saverydifferentmatterwithyouorMr。Razumihinthere,yourfriend。Yourcareerisanintellectualoneandyouwon’tbedeterredbyfailure。Foryou,onemaysay,alltheattractionsoflifenihilest—youareanascetic,amonk,ahermit!…Abook,apenbehindyourear,alearnedresearch—that’swhereyourspiritsoars!Iamthesamewaymyself。…HaveyoureadLivingstone’sTravels?”
“No。”
“Oh,Ihave。ThereareagreatmanyNihilistsaboutnowadays,youknow,andindeeditisnottobewonderedat。Whatsortofdaysarethey?Iaskyou。Butwethought…youarenotaNihilistofcourse?Answermeopenly,openly!”
“N-no…”
“Believeme,youcanspeakopenlytomeasyouwouldtoyourself!Officialdutyisonethingbut…youarethinkingImeanttosayfriendshipisquiteanother?No,you’rewrong!It’snotfriendship,butthefeelingofamanandacitizen,thefeelingofhumanityandoflovefortheAlmighty。Imaybeanofficial,butIamalwaysboundtofeelmyselfamanandacitizen。…YouwereaskingaboutZametov。ZametovwillmakeascandalintheFrenchstyleinahouseofbadreputation,overaglassofchampagne…that’sallyourZametovisgoodfor!WhileI’mperhaps,sotospeak,burningwithdevotionandloftyfeelings,andbesidesIhaverank,consequence,apost!Iammarriedandhavechildren,Ifulfilthedutiesofamanandacitizen,butwhoishe,mayIask?Iappealtoyouasamanennobledbyeducation…Thenthesemidwives,too,havebecomeextraordinarilynumerous。”
Raskolnikovraisedhiseyebrowsinquiringly。ThewordsofIlyaPetrovitch,whohadobviouslybeendining,wereforthemostpartastreamofemptysoundsforhim。Butsomeofthemheunderstood。Helookedathiminquiringly,notknowinghowitwouldend。
“Imeanthosecrop-headedwenches,”thetalkativeIlyaPetrovitchcontinued。“Midwivesismynameforthem。Ithinkitaverysatisfactoryone,ha-ha!TheygototheAcademy,studyanatomy。IfIfallill,amItosendforayoungladytotreatme?Whatdoyousay?Ha-ha!”IlyaPetrovitchlaughed,quitepleasedwithhisownwit。“It’sanimmoderatezealforeducation,butonceyou’reeducated,that’senough。Whyabuseit?Whyinsulthonourablepeople,asthatscoundrelZametovdoes?Whydidheinsultme,Iaskyou?Lookatthesesuicides,too,howcommontheyare,youcan’tfancy!Peoplespendtheirlasthalfpennyandkillthemselves,boysandgirlsandoldpeople。Onlythismorningweheardaboutagentlemanwhohadjustcometotown。NilPavlitch,Isay,whatwasthenameofthatgentlemanwhoshothimself?”
“Svidrigailov,”someoneansweredfromtheotherroomwithdrowsylistlessness。
Raskolnikovstarted。
“Svidrigailov!Svidrigailovhasshothimself!”hecried。
“What,doyouknowSvidrigailov?”
“Yes…Iknewhim。…Hehadn’tbeenherelong。”
“Yes,that’sso。Hehadlosthiswife,wasamanofrecklesshabitsandallofasuddenshothimself,andinsuchashockingway。…Heleftinhisnotebookafewwords:thathediesinfullpossessionofhisfacultiesandthatnooneistoblameforhisdeath。Hehadmoney,theysay。Howdidyoucometoknowhim?”
“I…wasacquainted…mysisterwasgovernessinhisfamily。”
“Bah-bah-bah!Thennodoubtyoucantellussomethingabouthim。Youhadnosuspicion?”
“Isawhimyesterday…he…wasdrinkingwine;Iknewnothing。”
Raskolnikovfeltasthoughsomethinghadfallenonhimandwasstiflinghim。
“You’veturnedpaleagain。It’ssostuffyhere…”
“Yes,Imustgo,”mutteredRaskolnikov。“Excusemytroublingyou。…”
“Oh,notatall,asoftenasyoulike。It’sapleasuretoseeyouandIamgladtosayso。”
IlyaPetrovitchheldouthishand。
“Ionlywanted…IcametoseeZametov。”
“Iunderstand,Iunderstand,andit’sapleasuretoseeyou。”
“I…amveryglad…good-bye,”Raskolnikovsmiled。
Hewentout;hereeled,hewasovertakenwithgiddinessanddidnotknowwhathewasdoing。Hebegangoingdownthestairs,supportinghimselfwithhisrighthandagainstthewall。Hefanciedthataporterpushedpasthimonhiswayupstairstothepoliceoffice,thatadoginthelowerstoreykeptupashrillbarkingandthatawomanflungarolling-pinatitandshouted。Hewentdownandoutintotheyard。There,notfarfromtheentrance,stoodSonia,paleandhorror-stricken。Shelookedwildlyathim。Hestoodstillbeforeher。Therewasalookofpoignantagony,ofdespair,inherface。Sheclaspedherhands。Hislipsworkedinanugly,meaninglesssmile。Hestoodstillaminute,grinnedandwentbacktothepoliceoffice。
IlyaPetrovitchhadsatdownandwasrummagingamongsomepapers。Beforehimstoodthesamepeasantwhohadpushedbyonthestairs。
“Hulloa!Backagain!haveyouleftsomethingbehind?What’sthematter?”
Raskolnikov,withwhitelipsandstaringeyes,cameslowlynearer。Hewalkedrighttothetable,leanedhishandonit,triedtosaysomething,butcouldnot;onlyincoherentsoundswereaudible。
“Youarefeelingill,achair!Here,sitdown!Somewater!”
Raskolnikovdroppedontoachair,buthekepthiseyesfixedonthefaceofIlyaPetrovitch,whichexpressedunpleasantsurprise。Bothlookedatoneanotherforaminuteandwaited。Waterwasbrought。
“ItwasI…”beganRaskolnikov。
“Drinksomewater。”
Raskolnikovrefusedthewaterwithhishand,andsoftlyandbrokenly,butdistinctlysaid:
“ItwasIkilledtheoldpawnbrokerwomanandhersisterLizavetawithanaxeandrobbedthem。”
IlyaPetrovitchopenedhismouth。Peopleranuponallsides。
Raskolnikovrepeatedhisstatement。