Siberia。Onthebanksofabroadsolitaryriverstandsatown,oneoftheadministrativecentresofRussia;inthetownthereisafortress,inthefortressthereisaprison。Intheprisonthesecond-classconvictRodionRaskolnikovhasbeenconfinedforninemonths。Almostayearandahalfhaspassedsincehiscrime。
Therehadbeenlittledifficultyabouthistrial。Thecriminaladheredexactly,firmly,andclearlytohisstatement。Hedidnotconfusenormisrepresentthefacts,norsoftentheminhisowninterest,noromitthesmallestdetail。Heexplainedeveryincidentofthemurder,thesecretofthepledgethepieceofwoodwithastripofmetalwhichwasfoundinthemurderedwoman’shand。Hedescribedminutelyhowhehadtakenherkeys,whattheywerelike,aswellasthechestanditscontents;heexplainedthemysteryofLizaveta’smurder;describedhowKochand,afterhim,thestudentknocked,andrepeatedalltheyhadsaidtooneanother;howheafterwardshadrundownstairsandheardNikolayandDmitrishouting;howhehadhiddenintheemptyflatandafterwardsgonehome。HeendedbyindicatingthestoneintheyardofftheVoznesenskyProspectunderwhichthepurseandthetrinketswerefound。Thewholething,infact,wasperfectlyclear。Thelawyersandthejudgeswereverymuchstruck,amongotherthings,bythefactthathehadhiddenthetrinketsandthepurseunderastone,withoutmakinguseofthem,andthat,whatwasmore,hedidnotnowrememberwhatthetrinketswerelike,orevenhowmanytherewere。Thefactthathehadneveropenedthepurseanddidnotevenknowhowmuchwasinitseemedincredible。Thereturnedouttobeinthepursethreehundredandseventeenroublesandsixtycopecks。Frombeingsolongunderthestone,someofthemostvaluablenoteslyinguppermosthadsufferedfromthedamp。Theywerealongwhiletryingtodiscoverwhytheaccusedmanshouldtellalieaboutthis,whenabouteverythingelsehehadmadeatruthfulandstraightforwardconfession。Finallysomeofthelawyersmoreversedinpsychologyadmittedthatitwaspossiblehehadreallynotlookedintothepurse,andsodidn’tknowwhatwasinitwhenhehiditunderthestone。Buttheyimmediatelydrewthedeductionthatthecrimecouldonlyhavebeencommittedthroughtemporarymentalderangement,throughhomicidalmania,withoutobjectorthepursuitofgain。Thisfellinwiththemostrecentfashionabletheoryoftemporaryinsanity,sooftenappliedinourdaysincriminalcases。MoreoverRaskolnikov’shypochondriacalconditionwasprovedbymanywitnesses,byDr。Zossimov,hisformerfellowstudents,hislandladyandherservant。AllthispointedstronglytotheconclusionthatRaskolnikovwasnotquitelikeanordinarymurdererandrobber,butthattherewasanotherelementinthecase。
Totheintenseannoyanceofthosewhomaintainedthisopinion,thecriminalscarcelyattemptedtodefendhimself。Tothedecisivequestionastowhatmotiveimpelledhimtothemurderandtherobbery,heansweredveryclearlywiththecoarsestfranknessthatthecausewashismiserableposition,hispovertyandhelplessness,andhisdesiretoprovideforhisfirststepsinlifebythehelpofthethreethousandroubleshehadreckonedonfinding。Hehadbeenledtothemurderthroughhisshallowandcowardlynature,exasperatedmoreoverbyprivationandfailure。Tothequestionwhatledhimtoconfess,heansweredthatitwashisheartfeltrepentance。Allthiswasalmostcoarse。…
Thesentencehoweverwasmoremercifulthancouldhavebeenexpected,perhapspartlybecausethecriminalhadnottriedtojustifyhimself,buthadrathershownadesiretoexaggeratehisguilt。Allthestrangeandpeculiarcircumstancesofthecrimeweretakenintoconsideration。Therecouldbenodoubtoftheabnormalandpoverty-strickenconditionofthecriminalatthetime。Thefactthathehadmadenouseofwhathehadstolenwasputdownpartlytotheeffectofremorse,partlytohisabnormalmentalconditionatthetimeofthecrime。IncidentallythemurderofLizavetaservedindeedtoconfirmthelasthypothesis:amancommitstwomurdersandforgetsthatthedoorisopen!Finally,theconfession,attheverymomentwhenthecasewashopelesslymuddledbythefalseevidencegivenbyNikolaythroughmelancholyandfanaticism,andwhen,moreover,therewerenoproofsagainsttherealcriminal,nosuspicionsevenPorfiryPetrovitchfullykepthisword—allthisdidmuchtosoftenthesentence。Othercircumstances,too,intheprisoner’sfavourcameoutquiteunexpectedly。RazumihinsomehowdiscoveredandprovedthatwhileRaskolnikovwasattheuniversityhehadhelpedapoorconsumptivefellowstudentandhadspenthislastpennyonsupportinghimforsixmonths,andwhenthisstudentdied,leavingadecrepitoldfatherwhomhehadmaintainedalmostfromhisthirteenthyear,Raskolnikovhadgottheoldmanintoahospitalandpaidforhisfuneralwhenhedied。Raskolnikov’slandladyborewitness,too,thatwhentheyhadlivedinanotherhouseatFiveCorners,Raskolnikovhadrescuedtwolittlechildrenfromahouseonfireandwasburntindoingso。Thiswasinvestigatedandfairlywellconfirmedbymanywitnesses。Thesefactsmadeanimpressioninhisfavour。
Andintheendthecriminalwas,inconsiderationofextenuatingcircumstances,condemnedtopenalservitudeinthesecondclassforatermofeightyearsonly。
AttheverybeginningofthetrialRaskolnikov’smotherfellill。DouniaandRazumihinfounditpossibletogetheroutofPetersburgduringthetrial。RazumihinchoseatownontherailwaynotfarfromPetersburg,soastobeabletofolloweverystepofthetrialandatthesametimetoseeAvdotyaRomanovnaasoftenaspossible。PulcheriaAlexandrovna’sillnesswasastrangenervousoneandwasaccompaniedbyapartialderangementofherintellect。
WhenDouniareturnedfromherlastinterviewwithherbrother,shehadfoundhermotheralreadyill,infeverishdelirium。ThateveningRazumihinandsheagreedwhatanswerstheymustmaketohermother’squestionsaboutRaskolnikovandmadeupacompletestoryforhermother’sbenefitofhishavingtogoawaytoadistantpartofRussiaonabusinesscommission,whichwouldbringhimintheendmoneyandreputation。
ButtheywerestruckbythefactthatPulcheriaAlexandrovnaneveraskedthemanythingonthesubject,neitherthennorthereafter。Onthecontrary,shehadherownversionofherson’ssuddendeparture;shetoldthemwithtearshowhehadcometosaygood-byetoher,hintingthatshealoneknewmanymysteriousandimportantfacts,andthatRodyahadmanyverypowerfulenemies,sothatitwasnecessaryforhimtobeinhiding。Asforhisfuturecareer,shehadnodoubtthatitwouldbebrilliantwhencertainsinisterinfluencescouldberemoved。SheassuredRazumihinthathersonwouldbeonedayagreatstatesman,thathisarticleandbrilliantliterarytalentprovedit。Thisarticleshewascontinuallyreading,sheevenreaditaloud,almosttookittobedwithher,butscarcelyaskedwhereRodyawas,thoughthesubjectwasobviouslyavoidedbytheothers,whichmighthavebeenenoughtoawakenhersuspicions。
TheybegantobefrightenedatlastatPulcheriaAlexandrovna’sstrangesilenceoncertainsubjects。Shedidnot,forinstance,complainofgettingnolettersfromhim,thoughinpreviousyearsshehadonlylivedonthehopeoflettersfromherbelovedRodya。ThiswasthecauseofgreatuneasinesstoDounia;theideaoccurredtoherthathermothersuspectedthattherewassomethingterribleinherson’sfateandwasafraidtoask,forfearofhearingsomethingstillmoreawful。Inanycase,Douniasawclearlythathermotherwasnotinfullpossessionofherfaculties。
Ithappenedonceortwice,however,thatPulcheriaAlexandrovnagavesuchaturntotheconversationthatitwasimpossibletoanswerherwithoutmentioningwhereRodyawas,andonreceivingunsatisfactoryandsuspiciousanswersshebecameatoncegloomyandsilent,andthismoodlastedforalongtime。Douniasawatlastthatitwashardtodeceiveherandcametotheconclusionthatitwasbettertobeabsolutelysilentoncertainpoints;butitbecamemoreandmoreevidentthatthepoormothersuspectedsomethingterrible。Douniarememberedherbrother’stellingherthathermotherhadoverheardhertalkinginhersleeponthenightafterherinterviewwithSvidrigailovandbeforethefataldayoftheconfession:hadnotshemadeoutsomethingfromthat?Sometimesdaysandevenweeksofgloomysilenceandtearswouldbesucceededbyaperiodofhystericalanimation,andtheinvalidwouldbegintotalkalmostincessantlyofherson,ofherhopesofhisfuture。…Herfanciesweresometimesverystrange。Theyhumouredher,pretendedtoagreewithhershesawperhapsthattheywerepretending,butshestillwentontalking。
FivemonthsafterRaskolnikov’sconfession,hewassentenced。RazumihinandSoniasawhiminprisonasoftenasitwaspossible。Atlastthemomentofseparationcame。Douniasworetoherbrotherthattheseparationshouldnotbeforever,Razumihindidthesame。Razumihin,inhisyouthfulardour,hadfirmlyresolvedtolaythefoundationsatleastofasecurelivelihoodduringthenextthreeorfouryears,andsavingupacertainsum,toemigratetoSiberia,acountryrichineverynaturalresourceandinneedofworkers,activemenandcapital。TheretheywouldsettleinthetownwhereRodyawasandalltogetherwouldbeginanewlife。Theyallweptatparting。
Raskolnikovhadbeenverydreamyforafewdaysbefore。Heaskedagreatdealabouthismotherandwasconstantlyanxiousabouther。HeworriedsomuchaboutherthatitalarmedDounia。Whenheheardabouthismother’sillnesshebecameverygloomy。WithSoniahewasparticularlyreservedallthetime。WiththehelpofthemoneylefttoherbySvidrigailov,SoniahadlongagomadeherpreparationstofollowthepartyofconvictsinwhichhewasdespatchedtoSiberia。NotawordpassedbetweenRaskolnikovandheronthesubject,butbothknewitwouldbeso。Atthefinalleave-takinghesmiledstrangelyathissister’sandRazumihin’sferventanticipationsoftheirhappyfuturetogetherwhenheshouldcomeoutofprison。Hepredictedthattheirmother’sillnesswouldsoonhaveafatalending。Soniaandheatlastsetoff。
TwomonthslaterDouniawasmarriedtoRazumihin。Itwasaquietandsorrowfulwedding;PorfiryPetrovitchandZossimovwereinvitedhowever。DuringallthisperiodRazumihinworeanairofresolutedetermination。Douniaputimplicitfaithinhiscarryingouthisplansandindeedshecouldnotbutbelieveinhim。Hedisplayedararestrengthofwill。Amongotherthingshebeganattendinguniversitylecturesagaininordertotakehisdegree。Theywerecontinuallymakingplansforthefuture;bothcountedonsettlinginSiberiawithinfiveyearsatleast。TillthentheyrestedtheirhopesonSonia。
PulcheriaAlexandrovnawasdelightedtogiveherblessingtoDounia’smarriagewithRazumihin;butafterthemarriageshebecameevenmoremelancholyandanxious。TogiveherpleasureRazumihintoldherhowRaskolnikovhadlookedafterthepoorstudentandhisdecrepitfatherandhowayearagohehadbeenburntandinjuredinrescuingtwolittlechildrenfromafire。ThesetwopiecesofnewsexcitedPulcheriaAlexandrovna’sdisorderedimaginationalmosttoecstasy。Shewascontinuallytalkingaboutthem,evenenteringintoconversationwithstrangersinthestreet,thoughDouniaalwaysaccompaniedher。Inpublicconveyancesandshops,wherevershecouldcapturealistener,shewouldbeginthediscourseaboutherson,hisarticle,howhehadhelpedthestudent,howhehadbeenburntatthefire,andsoon!Douniadidnotknowhowtorestrainher。Apartfromthedangerofhermorbidexcitement,therewastheriskofsomeone’srecallingRaskolnikov’snameandspeakingoftherecenttrial。PulcheriaAlexandrovnafoundouttheaddressofthemotherofthetwochildrenhersonhadsavedandinsistedongoingtoseeher。
Atlastherrestlessnessreachedanextremepoint。Shewouldsometimesbegintocrysuddenlyandwasoftenillandfeverishlydelirious。OnemorningshedeclaredthatbyherreckoningRodyaoughtsoontobehome,thatsherememberedwhenhesaidgood-byetoherhesaidthattheymustexpecthimbackinninemonths。Shebegantoprepareforhiscoming,begantodoupherroomforhim,tocleanthefurniture,towashandputupnewhangingsandsoon。Douniawasanxious,butsaidnothingandhelpedhertoarrangetheroom。Afterafatiguingdayspentincontinualfancies,injoyfulday-dreamsandtears,PulcheriaAlexandrovnawastakenillinthenightandbymorningshewasfeverishanddelirious。Itwasbrainfever。Shediedwithinafortnight。Inherdeliriumshedroppedwordswhichshowedthatsheknewagreatdealmoreaboutherson’sterriblefatethantheyhadsupposed。
ForalongtimeRaskolnikovdidnotknowofhismother’sdeath,thougharegularcorrespondencehadbeenmaintainedfromthetimehereachedSiberia。ItwascarriedonbymeansofSonia,whowroteeverymonthtotheRazumihinsandreceivedananswerwithunfailingregularity。AtfirsttheyfoundSonia’slettersdryandunsatisfactory,butlaterontheycametotheconclusionthattheletterscouldnotbebetter,forfromtheseletterstheyreceivedacompletepictureoftheirunfortunatebrother’slife。Sonia’sletterswerefullofthemostmatter-of-factdetail,thesimplestandclearestdescriptionofallRaskolnikov’ssurroundingsasaconvict。Therewasnowordofherownhopes,noconjectureastothefuture,nodescriptionofherfeelings。Insteadofanyattempttointerprethisstateofmindandinnerlife,shegavethesimplefacts—thatis,hisownwords,anexactaccountofhishealth,whatheaskedforattheirinterviews,whatcommissionhegaveherandsoon。Allthesefactsshegavewithextraordinaryminuteness。Thepictureoftheirunhappybrotherstoodoutatlastwithgreatclearnessandprecision。Therecouldbenomistake,becausenothingwasgivenbutfacts。
ButDouniaandherhusbandcouldgetlittlecomfortoutofthenews,especiallyatfirst。Soniawrotethathewasconstantlysullenandnotreadytotalk,thathescarcelyseemedinterestedinthenewsshegavehimfromtheirletters,thathesometimesaskedafterhismotherandthatwhen,seeingthathehadguessedthetruth,shetoldhimatlastofherdeath,shewassurprisedtofindthathedidnotseemgreatlyaffectedbyit,notexternallyatanyrate。Shetoldthemthat,althoughheseemedsowrappedupinhimselfand,asitwere,shuthimselfofffromeveryone—hetookaverydirectandsimpleviewofhisnewlife;thatheunderstoodhisposition,expectednothingbetterforthetime,hadnoill-foundedhopesasissocommoninhispositionandscarcelyseemedsurprisedatanythinginhissurroundings,sounlikeanythinghehadknownbefore。Shewrotethathishealthwassatisfactory;hedidhisworkwithoutshirkingorseekingtodomore;hewasalmostindifferentaboutfood,butexceptonSundaysandholidaysthefoodwassobadthatatlasthehadbeengladtoacceptsomemoneyfromher,Sonia,tohavehisownteaeveryday。Hebeggedhernottotroubleaboutanythingelse,declaringthatallthisfussabouthimonlyannoyedhim。Soniawrotefurtherthatinprisonhesharedthesameroomwiththerest,thatshehadnotseentheinsideoftheirbarracks,butconcludedthattheywerecrowded,miserableandunhealthy;thathesleptonaplankbedwitharugunderhimandwasunwillingtomakeanyotherarrangement。Butthathelivedsopoorlyandroughly,notfromanyplanordesign,butsimplyfrominattentionandindifference。
Soniawrotesimplythathehadatfirstshownnointerestinhervisits,hadalmostbeenvexedwithherindeedforcoming,unwillingtotalkandrudetoher。Butthatintheendthesevisitshadbecomeahabitandalmostanecessityforhim,sothathewaspositivelydistressedwhenshewasillforsomedaysandcouldnotvisithim。Sheusedtoseehimonholidaysattheprisongatesorintheguard-room,towhichhewasbroughtforafewminutestoseeher。Onworkingdaysshewouldgotoseehimatworkeitherattheworkshopsoratthebrickkilns,orattheshedsonthebanksoftheIrtish。
Aboutherself,Soniawrotethatshehadsucceededinmakingsomeacquaintancesinthetown,thatshedidsewing,and,astherewasscarcelyadressmakerinthetown,shewaslookeduponasanindispensablepersoninmanyhouses。Butshedidnotmentionthattheauthoritieswere,throughher,interestedinRaskolnikov;thathistaskwaslightenedandsoon。
AtlastthenewscameDouniahadindeednoticedsignsofalarmanduneasinessintheprecedinglettersthatheheldalooffromeveryone,thathisfellowprisonersdidnotlikehim,thathekeptsilentfordaysatatimeandwasbecomingverypale。InthelastletterSoniawrotethathehadbeentakenveryseriouslyillandwasintheconvictwardofthehospital。
Hewasillalongtime。Butitwasnotthehorrorsofprisonlife,notthehardlabour,thebadfood,theshavenhead,orthepatchedclothesthatcrushedhim。Whatdidhecareforallthosetrialsandhardships!hewasevengladofthehardwork。Physicallyexhausted,hecouldatleastreckononafewhoursofquietsleep。Andwhatwasthefoodtohim—thethincabbagesoupwithbeetlesfloatinginit?Inthepastasastudenthehadoftennothadeventhat。Hisclotheswerewarmandsuitedtohismanneroflife。Hedidnotevenfeelthefetters。Washeashamedofhisshavenheadandparti-colouredcoat?Beforewhom?BeforeSonia?Soniawasafraidofhim,howcouldhebeashamedbeforeher?AndyethewasashamedevenbeforeSonia,whomhetorturedbecauseofitwithhiscontemptuousroughmanner。Butitwasnothisshavenheadandhisfettershewasashamedof:hispridehadbeenstungtothequick。Itwaswoundedpridethatmadehimill。Oh,howhappyhewouldhavebeenifhecouldhaveblamedhimself!Hecouldhaveborneanythingthen,evenshameanddisgrace。Buthejudgedhimselfseverely,andhisexasperatedconsciencefoundnoparticularlyterriblefaultinhispast,exceptasimpleblunderwhichmighthappentoanyone。Hewasashamedjustbecausehe,Raskolnikov,hadsohopelessly,stupidlycometogriefthroughsomedecreeofblindfate,andmusthumblehimselfandsubmitto“theidiocy”ofasentence,ifhewereanyhowtobeatpeace。
Vagueandobjectlessanxietyinthepresent,andinthefutureacontinualsacrificeleadingtonothing—thatwasallthatlaybeforehim。Andwhatcomfortwasittohimthatattheendofeightyearshewouldonlybethirty-twoandabletobeginanewlife!Whathadhetolivefor?Whathadhetolookforwardto?Whyshouldhestrive?Toliveinordertoexist?Why,hehadbeenreadyathousandtimesbeforetogiveupexistenceforthesakeofanidea,forahope,evenforafancy。Mereexistencehadalwaysbeentoolittleforhim;hehadalwayswantedmore。Perhapsitwasjustbecauseofthestrengthofhisdesiresthathehadthoughthimselfamantowhommorewaspermissiblethantoothers。
Andifonlyfatewouldhavesenthimrepentance—burningrepentancethatwouldhavetornhisheartandrobbedhimofsleep,thatrepentance,theawfulagonyofwhichbringsvisionsofhangingordrowning!Oh,hewouldhavebeengladofit!Tearsandagonieswouldatleasthavebeenlife。Buthedidnotrepentofhiscrime。
Atleasthemighthavefoundreliefinragingathisstupidity,ashehadragedatthegrotesqueblundersthathadbroughthimtoprison。Butnowinprison,infreedom,hethoughtoverandcriticisedallhisactionsagainandbynomeansfoundthemsoblunderingandsogrotesqueastheyhadseemedatthefataltime。
“Inwhatway,”heaskedhimself,“wasmytheorystupiderthanothersthathaveswarmedandclashedfromthebeginningoftheworld?Onehasonlytolookatthethingquiteindependently,broadly,anduninfluencedbycommonplaceideas,andmyideawillbynomeansseemso…strange。Oh,scepticsandhalfpennyphilosophers,whydoyouhalthalf-way!”
“Whydoesmyactionstrikethemassohorrible?”hesaidtohimself。“Isitbecauseitwasacrime?Whatismeantbycrime?Myconscienceisatrest。Ofcourse,itwasalegalcrime,ofcourse,theletterofthelawwasbrokenandbloodwasshed。Well,punishmefortheletterofthelaw…andthat’senough。Ofcourse,inthatcasemanyofthebenefactorsofmankindwhosnatchedpowerforthemselvesinsteadofinheritingitoughttohavebeenpunishedattheirfirststeps。Butthosemensucceededandsotheywereright,andIdidn’t,andsoIhadnorighttohavetakenthatstep。”
Itwasonlyinthatthatherecognisedhiscriminality,onlyinthefactthathehadbeenunsuccessfulandhadconfessedit。
Hesufferedtoofromthequestion:whyhadhenotkilledhimself?Whyhadhestoodlookingattheriverandpreferredtoconfess?Wasthedesiretolivesostrongandwasitsohardtoovercomeit?HadnotSvidrigailovovercomeit,althoughhewasafraidofdeath?
Inmiseryheaskedhimselfthisquestion,andcouldnotunderstandthat,attheverytimehehadbeenstandinglookingintotheriver,hehadperhapsbeendimlyconsciousofthefundamentalfalsityinhimselfandhisconvictions。Hedidn’tunderstandthatthatconsciousnessmightbethepromiseofafuturecrisis,ofanewviewoflifeandofhisfutureresurrection。
Hepreferredtoattributeittothedeadweightofinstinctwhichhecouldnotstepover,againthroughweaknessandmeanness。Helookedathisfellowprisonersandwasamazedtoseehowtheyalllovedlifeandprizedit。Itseemedtohimthattheylovedandvaluedlifemoreinprisonthaninfreedom。Whatterribleagoniesandprivationssomeofthem,thetrampsforinstance,hadendured!Couldtheycaresomuchforarayofsunshine,fortheprimevalforest,thecoldspringhiddenawayinsomeunseenspot,whichthetramphadmarkedthreeyearsbefore,andlongedtoseeagain,ashemighttoseehissweetheart,dreamingofthegreengrassrounditandthebirdsinginginthebush?Ashewentonhesawstillmoreinexplicableexamples。
Inprison,ofcourse,therewasagreatdealhedidnotseeanddidnotwanttosee;helivedasitwerewithdowncasteyes。Itwasloathsomeandunbearableforhimtolook。Butintheendtherewasmuchthatsurprisedhimandhebegan,asitwereinvoluntarily,tonoticemuchthathehadnotsuspectedbefore。Whatsurprisedhimmostofallwastheterribleimpossiblegulfthatlaybetweenhimandalltherest。Theyseemedtobeadifferentspecies,andhelookedatthemandtheyathimwithdistrustandhostility。Hefeltandknewthereasonsofhisisolation,buthewouldneverhaveadmittedtillthenthatthosereasonsweresodeepandstrong。ThereweresomePolishexiles,politicalprisoners,amongthem。Theysimplylookeddownuponalltherestasignorantchurls;butRaskolnikovcouldnotlookuponthemlikethat。HesawthattheseignorantmenwereinmanyrespectsfarwiserthanthePoles。ThereweresomeRussianswhowerejustascontemptuous,aformerofficerandtwoseminarists。Raskolnikovsawtheirmistakeasclearly。Hewasdislikedandavoidedbyeveryone;theyevenbegantohatehimatlast—why,hecouldnottell。Menwhohadbeenfarmoreguiltydespisedandlaughedathiscrime。
“You’reagentleman,”theyusedtosay。“Youshouldn’thackaboutwithanaxe;that’snotagentleman’swork。”
ThesecondweekinLent,histurncametotakethesacramentwithhisgang。Hewenttochurchandprayedwiththeothers。Aquarrelbrokeoutoneday,hedidnotknowhow。Allfellonhimatonceinafury。
“You’reaninfidel!Youdon’tbelieveinGod,”theyshouted。“Yououghttobekilled。”
HehadnevertalkedtothemaboutGodnorhisbelief,buttheywantedtokillhimasaninfidel。Hesaidnothing。Oneoftheprisonersrushedathiminaperfectfrenzy。Raskolnikovawaitedhimcalmlyandsilently;hiseyebrowsdidnotquiver,hisfacedidnotflinch。Theguardsucceededininterveningbetweenhimandhisassailant,ortherewouldhavebeenbloodshed。
Therewasanotherquestionhecouldnotdecide:whyweretheyallsofondofSonia?Shedidnottrytowintheirfavour;sherarelymetthem,sometimesonlyshecametoseehimatworkforamoment。Andyeteverybodyknewher,theyknewthatshehadcomeouttofollowhim,knewhowandwhereshelived。Shenevergavethemmoney,didthemnoparticularservices。OnlyonceatChristmasshesentthemallpresentsofpiesandrolls。ButbydegreescloserrelationssprangupbetweenthemandSonia。Shewouldwriteandpostlettersforthemtotheirrelations。Relationsoftheprisonerswhovisitedthetown,attheirinstructions,leftwithSoniapresentsandmoneyforthem。Theirwivesandsweetheartsknewherandusedtovisither。AndwhenshevisitedRaskolnikovatwork,ormetapartyoftheprisonersontheroad,theyalltookofftheirhatstoher。“LittlemotherSofyaSemyonovna,youareourdear,goodlittlemother,”coarsebrandedcriminalssaidtothatfraillittlecreature。Shewouldsmileandbowtothemandeveryonewasdelightedwhenshesmiled。Theyevenadmiredhergaitandturnedroundtowatchherwalking;theyadmiredhertooforbeingsolittle,and,infact,didnotknowwhattoadmirehermostfor。Theyevencametoherforhelpintheirillnesses。
HewasinthehospitalfromthemiddleofLenttillafterEaster。Whenhewasbetter,herememberedthedreamshehadhadwhilehewasfeverishanddelirious。HedreamtthatthewholeworldwascondemnedtoaterriblenewstrangeplaguethathadcometoEuropefromthedepthsofAsia。Allweretobedestroyedexceptaveryfewchosen。Somenewsortsofmicrobeswereattackingthebodiesofmen,butthesemicrobeswereendowedwithintelligenceandwill。Menattackedbythembecameatoncemadandfurious。Butneverhadmenconsideredthemselvessointellectualandsocompletelyinpossessionofthetruthasthesesufferers,neverhadtheyconsideredtheirdecisions,theirscientificconclusions,theirmoralconvictionssoinfallible。Wholevillages,wholetownsandpeopleswentmadfromtheinfection。Allwereexcitedanddidnotunderstandoneanother。Eachthoughtthathealonehadthetruthandwaswretchedlookingattheothers,beathimselfonthebreast,wept,andwrunghishands。Theydidnotknowhowtojudgeandcouldnotagreewhattoconsiderevilandwhatgood;theydidnotknowwhomtoblame,whomtojustify。Menkilledeachotherinasortofsenselessspite。Theygatheredtogetherinarmiesagainstoneanother,butevenonthemarchthearmieswouldbeginattackingeachother,therankswouldbebrokenandthesoldierswouldfalloneachother,stabbingandcutting,bitinganddevouringeachother。Thealarmbellwasringingalldaylonginthetowns;menrushedtogether,butwhytheyweresummonedandwhowassummoningthemnooneknew。Themostordinarytradeswereabandoned,becauseeveryoneproposedhisownideas,hisownimprovements,andtheycouldnotagree。Thelandtoowasabandoned。Menmetingroups,agreedonsomething,sworetokeeptogether,butatoncebeganonsomethingquitedifferentfromwhattheyhadproposed。Theyaccusedoneanother,foughtandkilledeachother。Therewereconflagrationsandfamine。Allmenandallthingswereinvolvedindestruction。Theplaguespreadandmovedfurtherandfurther。Onlyafewmencouldbesavedinthewholeworld。Theywereapurechosenpeople,destinedtofoundanewraceandanewlife,torenewandpurifytheearth,butnoonehadseenthesemen,noonehadheardtheirwordsandtheirvoices。
Raskolnikovwasworriedthatthissenselessdreamhauntedhismemorysomiserably,theimpressionofthisfeverishdeliriumpersistedsolong。ThesecondweekafterEasterhadcome。Therewerewarmbrightspringdays;intheprisonwardthegratingwindowsunderwhichthesentinelpacedwereopened。Soniahadonlybeenabletovisithimtwiceduringhisillness;eachtimeshehadtoobtainpermission,anditwasdifficult。Butsheoftenusedtocometothehospitalyard,especiallyintheevening,sometimesonlytostandaminuteandlookupatthewindowsoftheward。
Oneevening,whenhewasalmostwellagain,Raskolnikovfellasleep。Onwakinguphechancedtogotothewindow,andatoncesawSoniainthedistanceatthehospitalgate。Sheseemedtobewaitingforsomeone。Somethingstabbedhimtotheheartatthatminute。Heshudderedandmovedawayfromthewindow。NextdaySoniadidnotcome,northedayafter;henoticedthathewasexpectingheruneasily。Atlasthewasdischarged。OnreachingtheprisonhelearntfromtheconvictsthatSofyaSemyonovnawaslyingillathomeandwasunabletogoout。
Hewasveryuneasyandsenttoinquireafterher;hesoonlearntthatherillnesswasnotdangerous。Hearingthathewasanxiousabouther,Soniasenthimapencillednote,tellinghimthatshewasmuchbetter,thatshehadaslightcoldandthatshewouldsoon,verysooncomeandseehimathiswork。Hisheartthrobbedpainfullyashereadit。
Againitwasawarmbrightday。Earlyinthemorning,atsixo’clock,hewentofftoworkontheriverbank,wheretheyusedtopoundalabasterandwheretherewasakilnforbakingitinashed。Therewereonlythreeofthemsent。Oneoftheconvictswentwiththeguardtothefortresstofetchatool;theotherbegangettingthewoodreadyandlayingitinthekiln。Raskolnikovcameoutoftheshedontotheriverbank,satdownonaheapoflogsbytheshedandbegangazingatthewidedesertedriver。Fromthehighbankabroadlandscapeopenedbeforehim,thesoundofsingingfloatedfaintlyaudiblefromtheotherbank。Inthevaststeppe,bathedinsunshine,hecouldjustsee,likeblackspecks,thenomads’tents。Theretherewasfreedom,thereothermenwereliving,utterlyunlikethosehere;theretimeitselfseemedtostandstill,asthoughtheageofAbrahamandhisflockshadnotpassed。Raskolnikovsatgazing,histhoughtspassedintoday-dreams,intocontemplation;hethoughtofnothing,butavaguerestlessnessexcitedandtroubledhim。SuddenlyhefoundSoniabesidehim;shehadcomeupnoiselesslyandsatdownathisside。Itwasstillquiteearly;themorningchillwasstillkeen。Sheworeherpooroldburnousandthegreenshawl;herfacestillshowedsignsofillness,itwasthinnerandpaler。Shegavehimajoyfulsmileofwelcome,butheldoutherhandwithherusualtimidity。Shewasalwaystimidofholdingoutherhandtohimandsometimesdidnotofferitatall,asthoughafraidhewouldrepelit。Healwaystookherhandasthoughwithrepugnance,alwaysseemedvexedtomeetherandwassometimesobstinatelysilentthroughouthervisit。Sometimesshetrembledbeforehimandwentawaydeeplygrieved。Butnowtheirhandsdidnotpart。Hestolearapidglanceatheranddroppedhiseyesonthegroundwithoutspeaking。Theywerealone,noonehadseenthem。Theguardhadturnedawayforthetime。
Howithappenedhedidnotknow。Butallatoncesomethingseemedtoseizehimandflinghimatherfeet。Heweptandthrewhisarmsroundherknees。Forthefirstinstantshewasterriblyfrightenedandsheturnedpale。Shejumpedupandlookedathimtrembling。Butatthesamemomentsheunderstood,andalightofinfinitehappinesscameintohereyes。Sheknewandhadnodoubtthathelovedherbeyondeverythingandthatatlastthemomenthadcome。…
Theywantedtospeak,butcouldnot;tearsstoodintheireyes。Theywerebothpaleandthin;butthosesickpalefaceswerebrightwiththedawnofanewfuture,ofafullresurrectionintoanewlife。Theywererenewedbylove;theheartofeachheldinfinitesourcesoflifefortheheartoftheother。
Theyresolvedtowaitandbepatient。Theyhadanothersevenyearstowait,andwhatterriblesufferingandwhatinfinitehappinessbeforethem!Buthehadrisenagainandheknewitandfeltitinallhisbeing,whileshe—sheonlylivedinhislife。
Ontheeveningofthesameday,whenthebarrackswerelocked,Raskolnikovlayonhisplankbedandthoughtofher。Hehadevenfanciedthatdaythatalltheconvictswhohadbeenhisenemieslookedathimdifferently;hehadevenenteredintotalkwiththemandtheyansweredhiminafriendlyway。Herememberedthatnow,andthoughtitwasboundtobeso。Wasn’teverythingnowboundtobechanged?
Hethoughtofher。Herememberedhowcontinuallyhehadtormentedherandwoundedherheart。Herememberedherpaleandthinlittleface。Buttheserecollectionsscarcelytroubledhimnow;heknewwithwhatinfinitelovehewouldnowrepayallhersufferings。Andwhatwereall,alltheagoniesofthepast!Everything,evenhiscrime,hissentenceandimprisonment,seemedtohimnowinthefirstrushoffeelinganexternal,strangefactwithwhichhehadnoconcern。Buthecouldnotthinkforlongtogetherofanythingthatevening,andhecouldnothaveanalysedanythingconsciously;hewassimplyfeeling。Lifehadsteppedintotheplaceoftheoryandsomethingquitedifferentwouldworkitselfoutinhismind。
UnderhispillowlaytheNewTestament。Hetookitupmechanically。ThebookbelongedtoSonia;itwastheonefromwhichshehadreadtheraisingofLazarustohim。Atfirsthewasafraidthatshewouldworryhimaboutreligion,wouldtalkaboutthegospelandpesterhimwithbooks。ButtohisgreatsurpriseshehadnotonceapproachedthesubjectandhadnotevenofferedhimtheTestament。Hehadaskedherforithimselfnotlongbeforehisillnessandshebroughthimthebookwithoutaword。Tillnowhehadnotopenedit。
Hedidnotopenitnow,butonethoughtpassedthroughhismind:“Canherconvictionsnotbeminenow?Herfeelings,heraspirationsatleast。…”
Shetoohadbeengreatlyagitatedthatday,andatnightshewastakenillagain。Butshewassohappy—andsounexpectedlyhappy—thatshewasalmostfrightenedofherhappiness。Sevenyears,onlysevenyears!Atthebeginningoftheirhappinessatsomemomentstheywerebothreadytolookonthosesevenyearsasthoughtheyweresevendays。Hedidnotknowthatthenewlifewouldnotbegivenhimfornothing,thathewouldhavetopaydearlyforit,thatitwouldcosthimgreatstriving,greatsuffering。
Butthatisthebeginningofanewstory—thestoryofthegradualrenewalofaman,thestoryofhisgradualregeneration,ofhispassingfromoneworldintoanother,ofhisinitiationintoanewunknownlife。Thatmightbethesubjectofanewstory,butourpresentstoryisended。