"MeghanCleary，putthatpencildown！"shethundered。Thusbeganabattleroyal。Meggiewasincurablyandhopelesslyleft-handed。WhenSisterAgathaforciblybentthefingersofMeggie’srighthandcorrectlyaroundthepencilandpoiseditabovetheslate，MeggiesattherewithherheadreelingandnoideaintheworldhowtomaketheafflictedlimbdowhatSisterAgathainsisteditcould。Shebecamementallydeaf，dumbandblind；thatuselessappendageherrighthandwasnomorelinkedtoherthoughtprocessesthanhertoes。Shedribbledalinecleanofftheedgeoftheslatebecauseshecouldnotmakeitbend；shedroppedherpencilasifparalyzed；nothingSisterAgathacoulddowouldmakeMeggie’srighthandfoamanA。ThensurreptitiouslyMeggiewouldtransferherpenciltoherlefthand，andwithherarmcurledawkwardlyaroundthreesidesoftheslateshewouldmakearowofbeautifulcopperplateA’s。
SisterAgathawonthebattle。Onmorningline-upshetiedMeggie’sleftarmagainstherbodywithrope，andwouldnotundoituntilthedismissalbellrangatthreeintheafternoon。Evenatlunchtimeshehadtoeat，walkaroundandplaygameswithherleftsidefirmly42immobilized。Ittookthreemonths，buteventuallyshelearnedtowritecorrectlyaccordingtothetenetsofSisterAgatha，thoughtheformationofherletterswasnevergood。Tomakesureshewouldneverrevertbacktousingit，herleftarmwaskepttiedtoherbodyforafurthertwomonths；thenSisterAgathamadethewholeschoolassembletosayarosaryofthankstoAlmightyGodforHiswisdominmakingMeggieseetheerrorofherways。God’schildrenwereallright-handed；lefthandedchildrenwerethespawnoftheDevil，especiallywhenredheaded。
InthatfirstyearofschoolMeggielostherbabyplumpnessandbecameverythin，thoughshegrewlittleinheight。Shebegantobitehernailsdowntothequick，andhadtoendureSisterAgatha’smakingherwalkaroundeverydeskintheschoolholdingherhandsoutsoallthechildrencouldseehowuglybittennailswere。AndthiswhennearlyhalfthechildrenbetweenfiveandfifteenbittheirnailsasbadlyasMeggiedid。FeegotoutthebottleofbitteraloesandpaintedthetipsofMeggie’sfingerswiththehorriblestuff。Everyoneinthefamilywasenlistedtomakesureshegotnoopportunitytowashthebitteraloesoff，andwhentheotherlittlegirlsatschoolnoticedthetelltalebrownstainsshewasmortified。Ifsheputherfingersinhermouththetastewasindescribable，foulanddarklikesheep-dip；indesperationshespatonherhandkerchiefandrubbedherselfrawuntilshegotridoftheworstofit。Paddytookouthisswitch，amuchgentlerinstrumentthanSisterAgatha’scane，andsentherskippingroundthekitchen。Hedidnotbelieveinbeatinghischildrenonthehands，faceorbuttocks，onlyonthelegs。Legshurtasmuchasanywhere，hesaid，andcouldnotbedamaged。However，inspiteofbitteraloes，ridicule，SisterAgathaandPaddy’sswitch，Meggiewentonbitinghernails。
HerfriendshipwithTeresaAnnunziowasthejoyofherlife，theonlythingthatmadeschoolendurable。She43satthroughlessonsachingforplaytimetocomesoshecouldsitwithherarmaroundTeresa’swaistandTeresa’sarmaroundhersunderthebigfigtree，talking，talking。ThereweretalesaboutTeresa’sextraordinaryalienfamily，abouthernumerousdolls，andabouthergenuinewillowpatternteaset。
WhenMeggiesawtheteaset，shewasovercome。Ithad108pieces，tinyminiaturecupsandsaucersandplates，ateapotandasugarbowlandamilkjugandacreamjug，withweeknivesandspoonsandforksjusttherightsizefordollstouse。Teresahadinnumerabletoys；besidesbeingmuchyoungerthanhernearestsister，shebelongedtoanItalianfamily，whichmeantshewaspassionatelyandopenlyloved，andindulgedtothefullextentofherfather’smonetaryresources。Eachchildviewedtheotherwithaweandenvy，thoughTeresanevercovetedMeggie’sCalvinistic，stoicupbringing。Insteadshepitiedher。Nottobeallowedtoruntohermotherwithhugsandkisses？PoorMeggie！
AsforMeggie，shewasincapableofequatingTeresa’sbeaming，portlylittlemotherwithherownslenderunsmilingmother，sosheneverthought:IwishMumhuggedandkissedme。Whatshedidthinkwas:IwishTeresa’smumhuggedandkissedme。Thoughimagesofhugsandkisseswerefarlessinhermindthanimagesofthewillowpatternteaset。Sodelicate，sothinandwafery，sobeautiful！Oh，ifonlyshehadawillowpatternteaset，andcouldgiveAgnesafternoonteaoutofadeepblue-and-whitecupinadeepblue-and-whitesaucer！
DuringFridayBenedictionintheoldchurchwithitslovely，grotesqueMaoricarvingsandMaoripaintedceiling，Meggieknelttoprayforawillowpatternteasetofherveryown。WhenFatherHayesheldthemonstrancealoft，theHostpeereddimlythroughtheglasswindowinthemiddleofitsgem-encrustedraysandblessedthebowedheadsofthecongregation。AllsaveMeggie，thatis，forshedidn’t"evenseetheHost；shewastoobusytryingtorememberhowmanyplatestherewereinTeresa’swillowpatternteaset。AndwhentheMaorisintheorgangallerybrokeintoglorioussong，Meggie’sheadwasspinninginadazeofultramarinebluefarremovedfromCatholicismorPolynesia。
Theschoolyearwasdrawingtoaclose，Decemberandherbirthdayjustbeginningtothreatenfullsummer，whenMeggielearnedhowdearlyonecouldbuythedesireofone’sheart。ShewassittingonahighstoolnearthestovewhileFeedidherhairasusualforschool；itwasanintricatebusiness。Meggie’shairhadanaturaltendencytocurl，whichhermotherconsideredtobeagreatpieceofgoodluck。Girlswithstraighthairhadahardtimeofitwhentheygrewupandtriedtoproducegloriouswavymassesoutoflimp，thinstrands。AtnightMeggiesleptwithheralmostkneelengthlockstwistedpainfullyaroundbitsofoldwhitesheettornintolongstrips，andeachmorningshehadtoclamberuponthestoolwhileFeeundidtheragsandbrushedhercurlsin。
FeeusedanoldMasonPearsonhairbrush，takingonelong，scragglycurlinherlefthandandexpertlybrushingthehairaroundherindexfingeruntiltheentirelengthofitwasrolledintoashiningthicksausage；thenshecarefullywithdrewherfingerfromthecenteroftherollandshookitoutintoalong，enviablythickcurl。Thismaneuverwasrepeatedsometwelvetimes，thefrontcurlswerethendrawntogetheronMeggie’scrownwithafreshlyironedwhitetaffetabow，andshewasreadyfortheday。Alltheotherlittlegirlsworebraidstoschool，savingcurlsforspecialoccasions，butonthisonepointFeewasadamant；Meggieshouldhavecurlsallthetime，nomatterhowharditwastosparetheminuteseachmorning。HadFeerealizedit，hercharitywasmisguided，forherdaughter’shairwasfarandawaythemostbeautifulintheentireschool。TorubthefactinwithdailycurlsearnedMeggiemuchenvyandloathing。Theprocesshurt，butMeggiewastoousedtoittonotice，neverrememberingatimewhenithadnotbeendone。Fee’smusculararmyankedthebrushruthlesslythroughknotsandtanglesuntilMeggie’seyeswateredandshehadtohangontothestoolwithbothhandstokeepfromfallingoff。ItwastheMondayofthelastweekatschool，andherbirthdaywasonlytwodaysaway；sheclungtothestoolanddreamedaboutthewillowpatternteaset，knowingitforadream。TherewasoneintheWahinegeneralstore，andsheknewenoughofpricestorealizethatitscostputitfarbeyondherfather’sslendermeans。
SuddenlyFeemadeasound，sopeculiaritjerkedMeggieoutofhermusingandmadethemenfolkstillseatedatthebreakfasttableturntheirheadscuriously。
"HolyJesusChrist！"saidFee。
Paddyjumpedtohisfeet，hisfacestupefied；hehadneverheardFeetakethenameoftheLordinvainbefore。ShewasstandingwithoneofMeggie’scurlsinherhand，thebrushpoised，herfeaturestwistedintoanexpressionofhorrorandrevulsion。Paddyandtheboyscrowdedround；Meggietriedtoseewhatwasgoingonandearnedabackhandedslapwiththebristlesideofthebrushwhichmadehereyeswater。
"Look！"Feewhispered，holdingthecurlinarayofsunlightsoPaddycouldsee。
Thehairwasamassofbrilliant，glitteringgoldinthesun，andPaddysawnothingatfirst。ThenhebecameawarethatacreaturewasmarchingdownthebackofFee’shand。Hetookacurlforhimself，andinamongtheleapinglightsofithediscernedmorecreatures，goingabouttheirbusinessbusily。Littlewhitethingswerestuckinclumpsallalongtheseparatestrands，andthecreatureswereenergeticallyproducingmoreclumpsoflittlewhitethings。Meggie’shairwasahiveofindustry。
"She’sgotlice！"Paddysaid。
Bob，Jack，HughieandStuhadalook，andliketheirfatherremovedthemselvestoasafedistance；onlyFrankandFeeremainedgazingatMeggie’shair，mesmerized，whileMeggiesatmiserablyhunchedover，wonderingwhatshehaddone。PaddysatdowninhisWindsorchairheavily，staringintothefireandblinkinghard。
"It’sthatbloodyDagogirl！"hesaidatlast，andturnedtoglareatFee。"Bloodybastards，filthylotofflamingpigs！"
"Paddy！"Feegasped，scandalized。
"I’msorryforswearing，Mum，butwhenIthinkofthatblastedDagogivingherlicetoMeggie，IcouldgointoWahinethisminuteandtearthewholefilthygreasycafedown！"heexploded，poundinghisfistonhiskneefiercely。
"Mum，whatisit？"Meggiefinallymanagedtosay。"Look，youdirtylittlegrub！"hermotheranswered，thrustingherhanddowninfrontofMeggie’seyes。"Youhavethesethingseverywhereinyourhair，fromthatEyetiegirlyou’resothickwith！NowwhatamIgoingtodowithyou？"
MeggiegapedatthetinythingroamingblindlyroundFee’sbareskininsearchofmorehirsuteterritory，thenshebegantoweep。Withoutneedingtobetold，FrankgotthecoppergoingwhilePaddypacedupanddownthekitchenroaring，hisrageincreasingeverytimehelookedatMeggie。Finallyhewenttotherowofhooksonthewallinsidethebackdoor，jammedhishatonhisheadandtookthelonghorsewhipfromitsnail。"I’mgoingintoWahine，Fee，andI’mgoingtotellthatblastedDagowhathecandowithhisslimyfishandchips！ThenI’mgoingtoseeSisterAgathaandtellherwhatIthinkofher，allowinglousychildreninherschool！""Paddy，becareful！"Feepleaded。"Whatifitisn’ttheEyetiegirl？Evenifshehaslice，it’spossibleshemighthavegotthemfromsomeoneelsealongwithMeggie。"
"Rot！"saidPaddyscornfully。Hepoundeddown-thebacksteps，andafewminuteslatertheyheardhisroan’shoofsbeatingdowntheroad。Feesighed，lookingatFrankhopelessly。
"Well，Isupposewe’llbeluckyifhedoesn’tlandinjail。Frank，you’dbetterbringtheboysinside。Noschooltoday。"
OnebyoneFeewentthroughhersons’hairminutely，thencheckedFrank’sheadandmadehimdothesameforher。TherewasnoevidencethatanyoneelsehadacquiredpoorMeggie’smalady，butFeedidnotintendtotakechances。Whenthewaterinthehugelaundrycopperwasboiling，Frankgotthedishtubdownfromitshangingandfilledithalfwithhotwaterandhalfwithcold。ThenhewentouttotheBleedandfetchedinanunopenedfive-galloncanofkerosene，tookabaroflyesoapfromthelaundryandstartedworkonBob。Eachheadwasbrieflydampedinthetub，severalcupsofrawkerosenepouredoverit，andthewholedraggled，greasymesslatheredwithsoap。Thekeroseneandlyeburned；theboyshowledandrubbedtheireyesraw，scratchingattheirreddened，tinglingscalpsandthreateningghastlyvengeanceonallDagos。
Feewenttohersewingbasketandtookoutherbigshears。ShecamebacktoMeggie，whohadnotdaredtomovefromthestoolthoughanhourandmorehadelapsed，andstoodwiththeshearsinherhand，staringatthebeautifulfallofhair。Thenshebegantocutitsnip！snip！-untilallthelongcurlswerehuddledinglisteningheapsonthefloorandMeggie’swhiteskinwasbeginningtoshowinirregularpatchesalloverherhead。Doubtinhereyes，sheturnedthentoFrank。
"OughtItoshaveit？"sheasked，tight-upped。Frankputouthishand，revolted。"Oh，Mum，no！
Surelynot！Ifshegetsagooddouseofkeroseneitoughttobeenough。Pleasedon’tshaveit！"
SoMeggiewasmarchedtotheworktableandheldoverthetubwhiletheypouredcupaftercupofkeroseneoverherheadandscrubbedthecorrosivesoapthroughwhatwasleftofherhair。Whentheywerefinallysatisfied，shewasalmostblindfromscrewinguphereyesagainstthebiteofthecaustic，andlittlerowsofblistershadrisenalloverherfaceandscalp。Franksweptthefallencurlsintoasheetofpaperandthrustitintothecopperfire，thentookthebroomandstooditinapanfulofkerosene。HeandFeebothwashedtheirhair，gaspingasthelyesearedtheirskins，thenFrankgotoutabucketandscrubbedthekitchenfloorwithsheep-dip。Whenthekitchenwasassterileasahospitaltheywentthroughtothebedrooms，strippedeverysheetandblanketfromeverybed，andspenttherestofthedayboiling，wringingandpeggingoutthefamilylinen。Themattressesandpillowsweredrapedoverthebackfenceandsprayedwithkerosene，theparlorrugswerebeatenwithinaninchoftheirlives。Alltheboyswereputtohelping，onlyMeggieexemptedbecauseshewasinabsolutedisgrace。Shecrawledawaybehindthebarnandcried。Herheadthrobbedwithpainfromthescrubbing，theburnsandtheblisters；andshewassobitterlyashamedthatshewouldnotevenlookatFrankwhenhecametofindher，norcouldhepersuadehertocomeinside。
Intheendhehadtodragherintothehousebybruteforce，kickingandfighting，andshehadpushedherselfintoacornerwhenPaddycamebackfromWahineinthelateafternoon。HetookonelookatMeggie’sshornheadandburstintotears，sittingrockinghimselfintheWindsorchairwithhishandsoverhisface，whilethefamilystoodshufflingtheirfeetandwishingtheywereanywherebutwheretheywere。FeemadeapotofteaandpouredPaddyacupashebegantorecover。"WhathappenedinWahine？"sheasked。"Youweregoneanawfullongtime。""ItookthehorsewhiptothatblastedDagoandthrewhimintothehorsetrough，foronething。ThenInoticedMacLeodstandingoutsidehisshopwatching，soItoldhimwhathadhappened。MacLeodmusteredsomeofthechapsatthepubandwethrewthewholelotofthoseDagosintothehorsetrough，womentoo，andtippedafewgallonsofsheep-dipintoit。ThenIwentdowntotheschoolandsawSisterAgatha，andItellyou，shewasfittobetiedthatshehadn’tnoticedanything。ShehauledtheDagogirloutofherdesktolookinherhair，andsureenough，liceallovertheplace。Soshesentthegirlhomeandtoldhernottocomebackuntilherheadwasclean。IleftherandSisterDeclanandSisterCatherinelookingthrougheveryheadintheschool，andthereturnedouttobealotoflousyones。Thosethreenunswerescratchingthemselveslikemadwhentheythoughtnoonewaswatching。"Hegrinnedatthememory，thenhesawMeggie’sheadagainandsobered。Hestaredathergrimly。"Asforyou，younglady，nomoreDagosoranyoneexceptyourbrothers。Iftheyaren’tgoodenoughforyou，toobad。Bob，I’mtellingyouthatMeggie’stohavenothingtodowithanyoneexceptyouandtheboyswhileshe’satschool，doyouhear？"
Bobnodded。"Yes，Daddy。"
ThenextmorningMeggiewashorrifiedtodiscoverthatshewasexpectedtogotoschoolasusual。
"No，no，Ican’tgo！"shemoaned，herhandsclutchingatherhead。"Mum，Mum，Ican’tgotoschoollikethis，notwithSisterAgatha！""Oh，yes，youcan，"hermotherreplied，ignoringFrank’simploringlooks。"It’llteachyoualesson。"
SoofftoschoolwentMeggie，herfeetdraggingandherheaddoneupinabrownbandanna。SisterAgathaignoredherentirely，butatplaytimetheothergirlscaughtherandtoreherscarfawaytoseewhatshelookedlike。Herfacewasonlymildlydisfigured，butherheadwhenuncoveredwasahorriblesight，oozingandangry。ThemomenthesawwhatwasgoingonBobcameover，andtookhissisterawayintoasecludedcornerofthecricketpitch。"Don’tyoutakeanynoticeofthem，Meggie，"hesaidroughly，tyingthescarfaroundherheadawkwardlyandpattingherstiffshoulders。"Spitefullittlecats！IwishI’dthoughttocatchsomeofthosethingsoutofyourhead；I’msurethey’dkeep。Theminuteeveryoneforgot，I’dsprinkleafewheadswithanewlot。"
TheotherClearyboysgatheredaround，andtheysatguardingMeggieuntilthebellrang。
TeresaAnnunziocametoschoolbrieflyatlunchtime，herheadshaven。ShetriedtoattackMeggie，buttheboysheldheroffeasily。Asshebackedawaysheflungherrightarmupintheair，itsfistclenched，andslappedherlefthandonitsbicepsinafascinating，mysteriousgesturenooneunderstood，butwhichtheboysavidlyfiledawayforfutureuse。"Ihateyou！"Teresascreamed。"Medad’sgottomoveoutofthedistrictbecauseofwhatyourdaddidtohim！"Sheturnedandranfromtheplayground，howling。
Meggieheldherheadupandkepthereyesdry。Shewaslearning。Itdidn’tmatterwhatanyoneelsethought，itdidn’t，itdidn’t！Theothergirlsavoidedher，halfbecausetheywerefrightenedofBobandJack，halfbecausethewordhadgotaroundtheirparentsandtheyhadbeeninstructedtokeepaway；beingthickwiththeClearysusuallymeanttroubleofsomekind。SoMeggiepassedthelastfewdaysofschool"finCoventry，"astheycalledit，whichmeantshewastotallyostracized。EvenSisterAgatharespectedthenewpolicy，andtookherragesoutonStuartinstead。Aswereallbirthdaysamongthelittleonesifthey51fellonaschoolday，Meggie’sbirthdaycelebrationwasdelayeduntilSaturday，whenshereceivedthelongedforwillowpatternteaset。ItwasarrangedonabeautifullycraftedultramarinetableandchairsmadeinFrank’snonexistentsparetime，andAgneswasseatedononeofthetwotinychairswearinganewbluedressmadeinFee’snonexistentsparetime。Meggiestareddismallyattheblue-and-whitedesignsgambolingallaroundeachsmallpiece；atthefantastictreeswiththeirfunnypuffyblossoms，attheornatelittlepagoda，atthestrangelystilledpairofbirdsandtheminutefigureseternallyfleeingacrossthekinkybridge。Ithadlosteverybitofitsenchantment。Butdimlysheunderstoodwhythefamilyhadbeggareditselftogetherthethingtheythoughtdearesttoherheart。SoshedutifullymadeteaforAgnesinthetinysquareteapotandwentthroughtheritualasifinecstasy。Andshecontinueddoggedlytouseitforyears，neverbreakingorsomuchaschippingasinglepiece。Nooneeverdreamedthatsheloathedthewillowpatternteaset，thebluetableandchairs，andAgnes’sbluedress。
TwodaysbeforethatChristmasof1917Paddybroughthomehisweeklynewspaperandanewstackofbooksfromthelibrary。However，thepaperforoncetookprecedenceoverthebooks。ItseditorshadconceivedanovelideabasedonthefancyAmericanmagazineswhichveryoccasionallyfoundtheirwaytoNewZealand；theentiremiddlesectionwasafeatureonthewar。TherewereblurredphotographsoftheAnzacsstormingthepitilesscliffsatGallipoli，longarticlesextollingthebraveryoftheAntipodeansoldier，featuresonalltheAustralianandNewZealandwinnersoftheVictoriaCrosssinceitsinception，andamagnificentfull-pageetchingofanAustralianlighthorsecavalrymanmountedonhischarger，saberatthereadyandlongsilkyfeathersplumingfromundertheturned-upsideofhisslouchhat。
AtfirstopportunityFrankseizedthepaperandreadthefeaturehungrily，drinkinginitsjingoisticprose，hiseyesglowingeerily。"Daddy，Iwanttogo！"hesaidashelaidthepaperdownreverentlyonthetable。
Fee’sheadjerkedaroundasshesloppedstewalloverthetopofthestove，andPaddystiffenedinhisWindsorchair，hisbookforgotten。"You’retooyoung，Frank，"hesaid。
"No，I’mnot！I’mseventeen，Daddy，I’maman！WhyshouldtheHunsandTurksslaughterourmenlikepigswhileI’msittingheresafeandsound？It’smorethantimeaClearydidhisbit。"
"You’reunderage，Frank，theywon’ttakeyou。"
"Theywiltifyoudon’tobject，"Frankcounteredquickly，hisdarkeyesfixedonPaddy’sface。
"ButIdoobject。You’retheonlyoneworking
atthemomentandweneedthemoneyyoubringin，youknowthat。"
"ButI’llbepaidinthearmy！"
Paddylaughed。"The"soldier’sshilling’eh？BeingablacksmithinWahinepaysalotbetterthanbeingasoldierinEurope。"
"ButI’llbeoverthere，maybeI’llgetthechancetobesomethingbetterthanablacksmith！It’smyonlywayout，Daddy。"
"Nonsense！GoodGod，boy，youdon’tknowwhatyou’resaying。Waristerrible。Icomefromacountrythat’sbeenatwarforathousandyears，soIknowwhatI’msaying。Haven’tyouheardtheBoerWarchapstalking？YougointoWahineoftenenough，sonexttimelisten。Andanyway，itstrikesmethattheblastedEnglishuseAnzacsasfodderfortheenemyguns，puttingthemintoplaceswheretheydon’twanttowastetheirownprecioustroops。Lookatthewaythatsaber-rattlingChurchillsentourmenintosomethingasuselessasGallipoli！Tenthousandkilledoutoffiftythousand！Twiceasbadasdecimation。
"WhyshouldyougofightingoldMotherEngland’swarsforher？Whathassheeverdoneforyou，exceptbleedhercolonieswhite？IfyouwenttoEnglandthey’dlookdowntheirnosesatyouforbeingacolonial。EnZedisn’tinanydanger，norisAustralia。ItmightdooldMotherEnglandtheworldofgoodtobedefeated；it’smorethantimesomeonepaidherforwhatshe’sdonetoIreland。Icertainlywouldn’tweepanytearsiftheKaiserendedupmarchingdowntheStrand。"
"ButDaddy，Iwanttoenlist！"
"Youcanwantallyoulike，Frank，butyouaren’tgoing，soyoumayaswellforgetthewholeidea。You’renotbigenoughtobeasoldier。"Frank’sfaceflushed，hislipscametogether；hislackofstaturewasaverysorepointwithhim。Atschoolhehadalwaysbeenthesmallestboyinhisclass，andfoughttwiceasmanybattlesasanyoneelsebecauseofit。Oflateaterribledoubthadbeguntoinvadehisbeing，foratseventeenhewasexactlythesamefivefeetthreehehadbeenatfourteen；perhapshehadstoppedgrowing。Onlyheknewtheagoniestowhichhesubjectedhisbodyandhisspirit，thestretching，theexercises，thefruitlesshoping。Smithyinghadgivenhimastrengthoutofallproportiontohisheight，however；hadPaddyconsciouslychosenaprofessionforsomeoneofFrank’stemperament，hecouldnothavechosenbetter。Asmallstructureofpurepower，atseventeenhehadneverbeendefeatedinafightandwasalreadyfamousthroughouttheTaranakipeninsula。Allhisanger，frustrationandinferioritycameintoafightwithhim，andtheyweremorethanthebiggest，strongestlocalcouldcontendwith，alliedastheyweretoabodyinsuperbphysicalcondition，anexcellentbrain，viciousnessandindomitablewill。Thebiggerandtoughertheywere，themoreFrankwantedtoseethemhumbledinthedust。Hispeerstrodawidedetouraroundhim，forhisaggressivenesswaswellknown。Oflatehehadbranchedoutoftheranksofyouthsinhissearchforchallenges，andthelocalmenstilltalkedaboutthedayhehadbeatenJimCollinstoapulp，thoughJimCollinswastwenty-twoyearsold，stoodsixfeetfourinhissocksandcouldlifthorses。Withhisleftarmbrokenandhisribscracked，FrankhadfoughtonuntilJimCollinswasaslobberingmassofbloodiedfleshathisfeet，andhehadtobeforciblyrestrainedfromkickingthesenselessfacein。Assoonasthearmhealedandtheribscameoutofstrapping，Frankwentintotownandliftedahorse，justtoshowthatJimwasn’ttheonlyonewhocould，andthatitdidn’tdependonaman’ssize。Asthesireofthisphenomenon，PaddyknewFrank’sreputationverywellandunderstoodFrank’sbattletogainrespect，thoughitdidnotpreventhisbecomingangrywhenfightinginterfered"withtheworkintheforge。Beingasmallmanhimself，Paddyhadhadhisshareoffightstoprovehiscourage，butinhispartofIrelandhewasnotdiminutiveandbythetimehearrivedinNewZealand，wheremenweretaller，hewasamangrown。ThushissizewasnevertheobsessionwithhimitwaswithFrank。Nowhewatchedtheboycarefully，tryingtounderstandhimandfailing；thisonehadalwaysbeenthefarthestfromhisheart，nomatterhowhestruggledagainstdiscriminatingamonghischildren。HeknewitgrievedFee，thatsheworriedovertheunspokenantagonismbetweenthem，butevenhisloveforFeecouldnotovercomehisexasperationwithFrank。Frank’sshort，finelymadehandswerespread-acrosstheopenpaperdefensively，hiseyesrivetedonPaddy’sfaceinacuriousmixtureofpleadingandapridethatwastoostiff-neckedtoplead。Howalienthefacewas！NoClearyorArmstronginit，exceptperhapsalittlelookofFeearoundtheeyes，ifFee’seyeshadbeendarkandcouldhavesnappedandflashedthewayFrank’sdidonslightestprovocation。Onethingtheladdidnotlack，andthatwascourage。
ThesubjectendedabruptlywithPaddy’sremarkaboutFrank’ssize；thefamilyatestewedrabbitinunusualsilence，evenHughieandJacktreadingcarefullythroughasticky，self-consciousconversationpunctuatedbymuchshrillgiggling。Meggierefusedtoeat，fixinghergazeonFrankasifheweregoingtodisappearfromsightanymoment。Frankpickedathisfoodforadecentinterval，andassoonashecouldexcusedhimselffromthetable。Aminutelatertheyheardtheaxeclunkingdullyfromthewoodheap；FrankwasattackingthehardwoodlogsPaddyhadbroughthometostorefortheslow-burningfiresofwinter。
Wheneveryonethoughtshewasinbed，Meggiesqueezedoutofherbedroomwindowandsneakeddowntothewoodheap。Itwasatremendouslyimportantareainthecontinuinglifeofthehouse；aboutathousandsquarefeetofgroundpaddedanddeadenedbyathicklayerofchipsandbark，greathighstacksoflogsononesidewaitingtobereducedinsize，andontheothersidemosaic-likewallsofneatlypreparedwoodjusttherightsizeforthestovefirebox。Inthemiddleoftheopenspacethreetreestumpsstillrootedinthegroundwereusedasblockstochopdifferentheightsofwood。Frankwasnotonablock；hewasworkingonamassiveeucalyptuslogandundercuttingittogetitsmallenoughtoplaceonthelowest，wideststump。Itstwofoot-diameterbulklayontheearth，eachendimmobilizedbyanironspike，andFrankwasstandingontopofit，cuttingitintwobetweenhisspreadfeet。Theaxewasmovingsofastitwhistled，andthehandlemadeitsownseparateswishingsoundasitslidupanddownwithinhisslipperypalms。Upitflashedabovehishead，downitcameinadullsilverblur，carvingawedge-shapedchunkoutoftheiron-hardwoodaseasilyasifithadbeenapineoradeciduoustree。Sunderedpiecesofwoodwereflyinginalldirections，thesweatwasrunninginstreamsdownFrank’sbarechestandback，andhehadwoundhishandkerchiefabouthisbrowtokeepthesweatfromblindinghim。Itwasdangerouswork，undercutting；onemistimedorbadlydirectedhack，andhewouldbeminusafoot。Hehadhisleatherwristbandsontosoakupthesweatfromhisarms，butthedelicatehandswereungloved，grippingtheaxehandlelightlyandwithexquisitelydirectedskill。
Meggiecroucheddownbesidehisdiscardedshirtandundervesttowatch，awed。Threespareaxeswerelyingnearby，foreucalyptuswoodbluntedthesharpestaxeinnotimeatall。Shegraspedonebyitshandleanddraggeditontoherknees，wishingshecouldchopwoodlikeFrank。Theaxewassoheavyshecouldhardlyliftit。Colonialaxeshadonlyoneblade，honedtohair-splittingsharpness，fordouble-bladedaxesweretoolightforeucalyptus。Thebackoftheaxeheadwasaninchthickandweighted，thehandlepassingthroughit，firmlyanchoredwithsmallbitsofextrawood。Alooseaxeheadcouldcomeoffinmidswing，snapthroughtheairashardandfastasacannonballandkillsomeone。
Frankwascuttingalmostinstinctivelyinthefastfadinglight；Meggiedodgedthechipswiththeeaseoflongpracticeandwaitedpatientlyforhimtospyher。Thelogwashalfsevered，andheturnedhimselftheoppositeway，gasping；thenheswungtheaxeupagain，andbegantocutthesecondside。Itwasadeep，narrowgap，toconservewoodandhastentheprocess；asheworkedtowardthecenterofthelogtheaxeheaddisappearedentirelyinsidethecut，andthebigwedgesofwoodflewoutcloserandclosertohisbody。Heignoredthem，choppingevenfaster。Thelogpartedwithstunningsuddenness，andatthesamemomentheleapedlithelyintotheair，sensingthatitwasgoingalmostbeforetheaxetookitslastbite。Asthewoodcollapsedinward，helandedofftooneside，smiling；butitwasnotahappysmile。
Heturnedtopickupanewaxeandsawhissistersittingpatientlyinherprimnightgown，allbuttonedupandbuttoneddown。Itwasstillstrangetoseeherhairclusteringinamassofshortringletsinsteadofdoneupinitscustomaryrags，buthedecidedtheboyishstylesuitedher，andwisheditcouldremainso。Comingovertoher，hesquatteddownwithhisaxeheldacrosshisknees。
"Howdidyougetout，youlittletwerp？"
"IclimbedthroughthewindowafterStuwasasleep。"
"Ifyoudon’twatchout，you’llturnintoatomboy。"
"Idon’tmind。Playingwiththeboysisbetterthanplayingallbymyself。""Isupposeitis。"Hesatdownwithhisbackagainstalogandwearilyturnedhisheadtowardher。"What’sthematter，Meggie？""Frank，you’renotreallygoingaway，areyou？"Sheputherhandswiththeirmanglednailsdownonhisthighandstaredupathimanxiously，hermouthopenbecausehernosewasstuffedfullfromfightingtearsandshecouldn’tbreathethroughitverywell。
"Imightbe，Meggie。"Hesaiditgently。
"Oh，Frank，youcan’t！MumandIneedyou！Honestly，Idon’tknowwhatwe’ddowithoutyou！"
Hegrinnedinspiteofhispain，atherunconsciousechoingofFee’swayofspeaking。
"Meggie，sometimesthingsjustdon’thappenthewayyouwantthemto。Yououghttoknowthat。WeClearyshavebeentaughttoworktogetherforthegoodofall，nevertothinkofourselvesfirst。ButIdon’tagreewiththat；Ithinkweoughttobeabletothinkofourselvesfirst。IwanttogoawaybecauseI’mseventeenandit’stimeImadealifeformyself。ButDaddysaysno，I’mneededathomeforthegoodofthefamilyasawhole。AndbecauseI’mnottwenty-one，I’vegottodoasDaddysays。"
Meggienoddedearnestly，tryingtountanglethethreadsofFrank’sexplanation。
"Well，Meggie，I’vethoughtlongandhardaboutit。I’mgoingaway，andthat’sthat。IknowyouandMumwillmissme，butBob’sgrowingupfast，andDaddyandtheboyswon’tmissmeatall。It’sonlythemoneyIbringininterestsDaddy。"
"Don’tyoulikeusanymore，Frank？"
Heturnedtosnatchherintohisarms，huggingandcaressingherintorturedpleasure，mostofitgriefandpainandhunger。"Oh，Meggie！IloveyouandMummorethanalltheothersputtogether！God，whyweren’tyouolder，soIcouldtalktoyou？Ormaybeit’sbetterthatyou’resolittle，maybeit’sbetter……"
Helethergoabruptly，strugglingtomasterhimself，rollinghisheadbackandforthagainstthelog，histhroatandmouthworking。Thenhelookedather。"Meggie，whenyou’reolderyou’llunderstandbetter。"
"Pleasedon’tgoaway，Frank，"sherepeated。
Helaughed，almostasob。"Oh，Meggie！Didn’tyouhearanyofit？Well，itdoesn’treallymatter。Themainthingisyou’renottotellanyoneyousawmetonight，hear？Idon’twantthemthinkingyou’reinonit。"
"Ididhear，Frank，Iheardallofit，"Meggiesaid。"Iwon’tsayawordtoanybody，though，Ipromise。Butoh，Idowishyoudidn’thavetogoaway！"Shewastooyoungtobeabletotellhimwhatwasnomorethananunreasoningsomethingwithinherheart；whoelsewasthere，ifFrankwent？Hewastheonlyonewhogaveherovertaffection，theonlyonewhoheldherandhuggedher。WhenshewassmallerDaddyusedtopickherupalot，buteversinceshestartedatschoolhehadstoppedlettinghersitonhisknee，wouldn’tletherthrowherarmsaroundhisneck，saying，"You’reabiggirlnow，Meggie。"AndMumwasalwayssobusy，sotired，sowrappedintheboysandthehouse。ItwasFrankwholayclosesttoherheart，Frankwholoomedasthestarinherlimitedheaven。Hewastheonlyonewhoseemedtoenjoysittingtalkingtoher，andheexplainedthingsinawayshecouldunderstand。
EversincethedayAgneshadlostherhairtherehadbeenFrank，andinspiteofhersoretroublesnothingsincehadspearedherquitetothecore。NotcanesorSisterAgathaorlice，becauseFrankwastheretocomfortandconsole。
Butshegotupandmanagedasmile。"Ifyouhavetogo，Frank，thenit’sallright。"
"Meggie，yououghttobeinbed，atleastyou’dbetterbebacktherebeforeMumchecks。Scoot，quickly！"
Thereminderdroveallelsefromherhead；shethrustherfacedownandfishedforthetrailingbackofhergown，pulleditthroughbetweenherlegsandhelditlikeatailinreverseinfrontofherassheran，barefeetspurningthesplintersandsharpchips。
InthemorningFrankwasgone。WhenFeecametopullMeggiefromherbedshewasgrimandterse；Meggiehoppedoutlikeascaldedcatanddressedherselfwithoutevenaskingforhelpwithallthelittlebuttons。Inthekitchentheboysweresittingglumlyaroundthetable，andPaddy’schairwasempty。SowasFrank’s。Meggieslidintoherplaceandsatthere，teethchatteringinfear。AfterbreakfastFeeshooedthemoutsidedourly，andbehindthebarnBobbrokethenewstoMeggie。
"Frank’srunaway，"hebreathed。
"Maybehe’sjustgoneintoWahine，"Meggiesuggested。"No，silly！He’sgonetojointhearmy。Oh，IwishIwasbigenoughtogowithhim！Theluckycoot！"
"Well，Iwishhewasstillathome。"
Bobshrugged。"You’reonlyagirl，andthat’swhatI’dexpectagirltosay。"
Thenormallyincendiaryremarkwaspermittedtopassunchallenged；Meggietookherselfinsidetohermothertoseewhatshecoulddo。"Where’sDaddy？"sheaskedFeeafterhermotherhadsethertoironinghandkerchiefs。
"GoneintoWahine。"
"WillhebringFrankbackwithhim？"
Feesnorted。"Tryingtokeepasecretinthisfamilyisimpossible。No，hewon’tcatchFrankinWahine，heknowsthat。He’sgonetosendatelegramtothepoliceandthearmyinWanganui。They’llbringhimback。"
"Oh，Mum，Ihopetheyfindhim]Idon’twantFranktogoaway！"Feeslappedthecontentsofthebutterchurnonto。thetableandattackedthewateryyellowmoundwithtwowoodenpats。"NoneofuswantFranktogoaway。That’swhyDaddy’sgoingtoseehe’sbroughtback。"Hermouthquiveredforamoment；shewhackedthebutterharder。"PoorFrank！Poor，poorFrank！"shesighed，nottoMeggiebuttoherself。"Idon’tknowwhythechildrenmustpayforoursins。MypoorFrank，sooutofthings……"ThenshenoticedthatMeggiehadstoppedironing，andshutherlips，andsaidnomore。ThreedayslaterthepolicebroughtFrankback。Hehadputupaterrificstruggle，theWanganuisergeantonescortdutytoldPaddy。"Whatafighteryou’vegot！Whenhesawthearmyladswereawakeuphewasofflikeashot，downthestepsandintothestreetwithtwosoldiersafterhim。Ifhehadn’thadthebadlucktorunintoaconstableonpatrol，Ireckonhe’dagotaway，too。Heputuparealwackofight；tookfiveofthemtogetthemanacleson。"
Sosaying，heremovedFrank’sheavychainsandpushedhimroughlythroughthefrontgate；hestumbledagainstPaddy，andshrankawayasifthecontactstung。
Thechildrenwereskulkingbythesideofthehousetwentyfeetbeyondtheadults，watchingandwaiting。Bob，JackandHughiestoodstiffly，hopingFrankwouldputupanotherfight；Stuartjustlookedonquietly，fromoutofhispeaceful，sympatheticlittlesoul；Meggieheldherhandstohercheeks，pushingandkneadingattheminanagonyoffearthatsomeonemeanttohurtFrank。
Heturnedtolookathismotherfirst，blackeyesintogreyinadarkandbittercommunionwhichhadneverbeenspoken，noreverwas。Paddy’sfiercebluegazebeathimdown，contemptuousandscathing，asifthiswaswhathehadexpected，andFrank’sdowncastlidsacknowledgedhisrighttobeangry。FromthatdayforwardPaddyneverspoketohissonbeyondcommoncivility。ButitwasthechildrenFrankfoundhardesttoface，ashamedandembarrassed，thebrightbirdbroughthomewiththeskyunplumbed，wingsclipped，songdrownedintosilence。
MeggiewaiteduntilafterFeehaddonehernightlyrounds，thenshewriggledthroughtheopenwindowandmadeoffacrossthebackyard。SheknewwhereFrankwouldbe，upinthehayinthebarn，safefrompryingeyesandhisfather。
"Frank，Frank，whereareyou？"shesaidinastagewhisperassheshuffledintothestillyblacknessofthebarn，hertoesexploringtheunknowngroundinfrontofherassensitivelyasananimal。
"Overhere，Meggie，"camehistiredvoice，hardlyFrank’svoiceatall，nolifeorpassiontoit。
Shefollowedthesoundtowherehewasstretchedoutinthehay，andsnuggleddownbesidehimwithherarmsasfararoundhischestastheywouldreach。"Oh，Frank，I’msogladyou’reback，"shesaid。Hegroaned，sliddowninthestrawuntilhewaslowerthanshe，andputhisheadonherbody。Meggieclutchedathisthickstraighthair，crooning。Itwastoodarktoseeher，andtheinvisiblesubstanceofhersympathyundidhim。Hebegantoweep，knottinghisbodyintoslowtwistingrailsofpain，histearssoakinghernightgown。Meggiedidnotweep。Somethinginherlittlesoulwasoldenoughandwomanenoughtofeeltheirresistible，stingingjoyofbeingneeded；shesatrockinghisheadbackandforth，backandforth，untilhisgriefexpendeditselfinemptiness。
TWO
1921-1928Ralph
TheroadtoDroghedabroughtbacknomemoriesofhisyouth，thoughtFatherRalphdeBricassart，eyeshalfshutagainsttheglareashisnewDaimlerbouncedalongintheruttedwheeltracksthatmarchedthroughthelongsilvergrass。NolovelymistygreenIreland，this。AndDrogheda？Nobattlefield，nohighseatofpower。Orwasthatstrictlytrue？Betterdisciplinedthesedaysbutacuteasever，hissenseofhumorconjuredinhismindanimageofaCromwellianMaryCarsondealingoutherparticularbrandofimperialmalevolence。Notsuchahighflowncomparison，either；theladysurelywieldedasmuchpowerandcontrolledasmanyindividualsasanypuissantwarlordofelderdays。
Thelastgateloomedupthroughastandofboxandstringybark；thecarcametoathrobbinghalt。Clappingadisreputablegreybroad-brimmedhatonhisheadtowardoffthesun，FatherRalphgotout，ploddedtothesteelboltonthewoodenstrut，pulleditbackandflungthegateopenwithwearyimpatience。Thereweretwenty-sevengatesbetweenthepresbyteryinGillanboneandDroghedahomestead，eachonemeaninghehadtostop，getoutofthecar，openthegate，getintothecaranddriveitthrough，stop，getout，gobacktoclosethegate，thengetinthecaragainandproceedtothenextone。Manyandmanyatimehelongedtodispensewithatleasthalftheritual，scootondownthetrackleavingthegatesopenlikeaseriesofastonishedmouthsbehindhim；buteventheawesomeauraofhiscallingwouldnotpreventtheownersofthegatesfromtarringandfeatheringhimforit。Hewishedhorseswereasfastandefficientascars，becauseonecouldopenandclosegatesfromthebackofahorsewithoutdismounting。
"Nothingisgivenwithoutadisadvantageinit，"hesaid，pattingthedashboardofthenewDaimlerandstartingoffdownthelastmileofthegrassy，treelessHomePaddock，thegatefirmlyboltedbehindhim。EventoanIrishmanusedtocastlesandmansions，thisAustralianhomesteadwasimposing。Droghedawastheoldestandthebiggestpropertyinthedistrict，andhadbeenendowedbyitslatedotingownerwithafittingresidence。Builtofbutter-yellowsandstoneblockshandhewninquarriesfivehundredmileseastward，thehousehadtwostoriesandwasconstructedonausterelyGeorgianlines，withlarge，many-panedwindowsandawide，iron-pillaredverandarunningallthewayarounditsbottomstory。Gracingthesidesofeverywindowwereblackwoodenshutters，notmerelyornamentalbutuseful；intheheatofsummertheywerepulledclosedtokeeptheinteriorcool。
Thoughitwasautumnnowandthespindlingvinewasgreen，inspringthewistariawhichhadbeenplantedthedaythehousewasfinishedfiftyyearsbeforewasasolidmassoflilacplumes，riotingallovertheouterwallsandtheverandaroof。Severalacresofmeticulouslyscythedlawnsurroundedthehouse，strewnwithformalgardensevennowfullofcolorfromroses，wall-flowers，dahliasandmarigolds。Astandofmagnificentghostgumswithpallidwhitetrunksanddriftingthinleaveshangingseventyfeetabovethegroundshadedthehousefromthepitilesssun，theirbrancheswreathed66inbrilliantmagentawherebougainvilleavinesgrewintertwinedwiththem。EventhoseindispensableOutbackmonstrositiesthewatertankswerethicklyclothedinhardynativevines，rosesandwistaria，andthusmanagedtolookmoredecorativethanfunctional。ThankstothelateMichaelCarson’spassionforDroghedahomestead，hehadbeenlavishinthematterofwatertanks；rumorhaditDroghedacouldaffordtokeepitslawnsgreenanditsflowerbedsbloomingthoughnorainfellintenyears。AsoneapproacheddowntheHomePaddockthehouseanditsghostgumstooktheeyefirst，butthenonewasawareofmanyotheryellowsandstonehousesofonestorybehinditandtoeachside，interlockingwiththemainstructurebymeansofroofedrampssmotheredincreepers。Awidegraveldrivewaysucceededthewheelrutsofthetrack，curvingtoacircularparkingareaatonesideofthebighouse，butalsocontinuingbeyonditandoutofsightdowntowheretherealbusinessofDroghedalay:thestockyards，theshearingshed，thebarns。PrivatelyFatherRalphpreferredthegiantpeppertreeswhichshadedalltheseoutbuildingsandtheirattendantactivitiestotheghostgumsofthemainhouse。Peppertreesweredensewithpalegreenfrondsandalivewiththesoundofbees，justtherightlazysortoffoliageforanOutbackstation。
AsFatherRalphparkedhiscarandwalkedacrossthelawn，themaidwaitedonthefrontveranda，herfreckledfacewreathedinsmiles。"Goodmorning，Minnie，"hesaid。
"Oh，Father，happyitistoseeyouthisfinedearmornin"，"shesaidinherstrongbrogue，onehandholdingthedoorwideandtheotheroutstretchedtoreceivehisbattered，unclericalhat。
Insidethedimhall，withitsmarbletilesandgreetbrass-railedstaircase，hepauseduntilMinniegavehimanodbeforeenteringthedrawingroom。
MaryCarsonwassittinginherwingchairbyanopenwindowwhichextendedfifteenfeetfromfloortoceiling，apparentlyindifferenttothecoldairfloodingin。Hershockofredhairwasalmostasbrightasithadbeeninheryouth；thoughthecoarsefreckledskinhadpickedupadditionalsplotchesfromage，forawomanofsixty-fiveshehadfewwrinkles，ratherafinenetworkoftinydiamond-shapedcushionslikeaquiltedbedspread。TheonlycluestoherintractablenaturelayinthetwodeepfissureswhichranoneoneithersideofherRomannose，toendpullingdownthecornersofhermouth，andinthestonylookofthepale-blueeyes。FatherRalphcrossedtheAubussoncarpetsilentlyandkissedherhands；thegesturesatwellonamanastallandgracefulashewas，especiallysinceheworeaplainblacksoutanewhichgavehimsomethingofacourtlyair。Herexpressionlesseyessuddenlycoyandsparkling，MaryCarsonalmostsimpered。"Willyouhavetea，Father？"sheasked。
"ItdependsonwhetheryouwishtohearMass，"hesaid，sittingdowninthechairfacinghersandcrossinghislegs，thesoutaneridingupsufficientlytoshowthatunderitheworebreechesandknee-highboots，aconcessiontothelocaleofhisparish。"I’vebroughtyouCommunion，butifyou’dliketohearMassIcanbereadytosayitinaveryfewminutes。Idon’tmindcontinuingmyfastalittlelonger。"
"You’retoogoodtome，Father，"shesaidsmugly，knowingperfectlywellthathe，alongwitheverybodyelse，didhomagenottoherbuttohermoney。"Pleasehavetea，"shewenton。"I’mquitehappywithCommunion。"Hekepthisresentmentfromshowinginhisface；thisparishhadbeenexcellentforhisself-control。Ifoncehewasofferedthechancetoriseoutoftheobscurityhistemperhadlandedhimin，hewouldnotagainmakethesamemistake。Andifheplayedhiscardswell，thisoldwomanmightbetheanswertohisprayers。
"Imustconfess，Father，thatthispastyearhasbeenverypleasant，"shesaid。"You’reafarmoresatisfactoryshepherdthanoldFatherKellywas，Godrothissoul。"Hervoiceonthelastphrasewassuddenlyharsh，vindictive。Hiseyesliftedtoherface，twinkling。"MydearMrs。Carson！That’snotaveryCatholicsentiment。"
"Butthetruth。Hewasadrunkenoldsot，andI’mquitesureGodwillrothissoulasmuchasthedrinkrottedhisbody。"Sheleanedforward。"Iknowyoufairlywellbythistime；IthinkI’mentitledtoaskyouafewquestions，don’tyou？Afterall，youfeelfreetouseDroghedaasyourprivateplayground-offlearninghowtobeastockman，polishingyourriding，escapingfromthevicissitudesoflifeinGilly。Allatmyinvitation，ofcourse，butIdothinkI’mentitledtosomeanswers，don’tyou？"Hedidn’tliketoberemindedthatheoughttofeelgrateful，buthehadbeenwaitingforthedaywhenshewouldthinksheownedhimenoughtobegindemandingthingsofhim。"Indeedyouare，Mrs。Carson。Ican’tthankyouenoughforpermittingmetherunofDrogheda，andforallyourgifts-myhorses，mycar。"
"Howoldareyou？"sheaskedwithoutfurtherpreamble。"Twenty-eight，"hereplied。
"YoungerthanIthought。Evenso，theydon’tsendpriestslikeyoutoplaceslikeGilly。Whatdidyoudo，tomakethemsendsomeonelikeyououthereintothebackofbeyond？"
"Iinsultedthebishop，"hesaidcalmly，smiling。"Youmusthave！ButIcan’tthinkapriestofyourpeculiartalentscanbehappyinaplacelikeGillanbone。"
"ItisGod’swill。"
"Stuffandnonsense！You’reherebecauseofhumanfailings-yourownandthebishop’s。OnlythePopeisinfallible。You’reutterlyoutofyournaturalelementinGilly，weallknowthat，notthatwe’renotgratefultohavesomeonelikeyouforachange，insteadoftheordainedremittancementheysendususually。Butyournaturalelementliesinsomecorridorofecclesiasticalpower，nothereamonghorsesandsheep。You’dlookmagnificentincardinal’sred。"
"Nochanceofthat，I’mafraid。IfancyGillanboneisnotexactlytheepicenteroftheArchbishopPapalLegate’smap。Anditcouldbeworse。Ihaveyou，andIhaveDrogheda。"
Sheacceptedthedeliberatelyblatantflatteryinthespiritinwhichitwasintended，enjoyinghisbeauty，hisattentiveness，hisbarbedandsubtlemind；trulyhewouldmakeamagnificentcardinal。Inallherlifeshecouldnotrememberseeingabetter-lookingman，noronewhousedhisbeautyinquitethesameway。Hehadtobeawareofhowhelooked:theheightandtheperfectproportionsofhisbody，thefinearistocraticfeatures，thewayeveryphysicalelementhadbeenputtogetherwithadegreeofcareabouttheappearanceofthefinishedproductGodlavishedonfewofHiscreations。Fromthelooseblackcurlsofhisheadandthestartlingblueofhiseyestothesmall，slenderhandsandfeet，hewasperfect。Yes，hehadtobeconsciousofwhathewas。Andyettherewasanaloofnessabouthim，awayhehadofmakingherfeelhehadneverbeenenslavedbyhisbeauty，noreverwouldbe。Hewoulduseittogetwhathewantedwithoutcompunctionifitwouldhelp，butnotasthoughhewasenamoredofit；ratherasifhedeemedpeoplebeneathcontemptforbeinginfluencedbyit。Andshewouldhavegivenmuchtoknowwhatinhispastlifehadmadehimso。
Curious，howmanypriestswerehandsomeasAdonis，hadthesexualmagnetismofDonJuan。Didtheyespousecelibacyasarefugefromtheconsequences？"WhydoyouputupwithGillanbone？"sheasked。"Whynotleavethepriesthoodratherthanputupwithit？Youcouldberichandpowerfulinanyoneofanumberoffieldswithyourtalents，andyoucan’ttellmethethoughtofpoweratleastdoesn’tappealtoyou。"
Hislefteyebrowflewup。"MydearMrs。Carson，you’reaCatholic。Youknowmyvowsaresacred。UntilmydeathIremainapriest。Icannotdenyit。"Shesnortedwithlaughter。"Oh，comenow！Doyoureallybelievethatifyourenouncedyourvowsthey’dcomeafteryouwitheverythingfromboltsoflightningtobloodhoundsandshotguns？"
"Ofcoursenot。NordoIbelieveyou’restupidenoughtothinkfearofretributioniswhatkeepsmewithinthepriestlyfold。"
"Oho！Waspish，FatherdeBricassart！Thenwhatdoeskeepyoutied？Whatcompelsyoutosufferthedust，theheatandtheGillyflies？Forallyouknow，itmightbealifesentence。"
Ashadowmomentarilydimmedtheblueeyes，buthesmiled，pityingher。"You’reagreatcomfort，aren’tyou？"Hislipsparted，helookedtowardtheceilingandsighed。"Iwasbroughtupfrommycradletobeapriest，butit’sfarmorethanthat。HowcanIexplainittoawoman？Iamavessel，Mrs。Carson，andattimesI’mfilledwithGod。IfIwereabetterpriest，therewouldbenoperiodsofemptinessatall。Andthatfilling，thatonenesswithGod，isn’tafunctionofplace。WhetherI’minGillanboneorabishop’spalace，itoccurs。Buttodefineitisdifficult，becauseeventopriestsit’sagreatmystery。Adivinepossession，whichothermencanneverknow。That’sit，perhaps。Abandonit？Icouldn’t。"
"Soit’sapower，isit？Whyshoulditbegiventopriests，then？Whatmakesyouthinkthemeresmearingofchrismduringanexhaustinglylongceremonyisabletoendowanymanwithit？"
Heshookhishead。"Look，it’syearsoflife，evenbeforegettingtothepointofordination。ThecarefuldevelopmentofastateofmindwhichopensthevesseltoGod。It’searned！Everydayit’searned。Whichisthepurposeofthevows，don’tyousee？Thatnoearthlythingscomebetweenthepriestandhisstateofmind——notloveofawoman，norloveofmoney，norunwillingnesstoobeythedictatesofothermen。Povertyisnothingnewtome；Idon’tcomefromarichfamily。Cha/yIacceptwithoutfindingitdifficulttomaintain。Andobedience？Forme，it’sthehardestofthethree。ButIobey，becauseifIholdmyselfmoreimportantthanmyfunctionasareceptacleforGod，I’mlost。Iobey。Andifnecessary，I’mwillingtoendureGillanboneasalifesentence。"
"Thenyou’reafool，"shesaid。"I，too，thinkthattherearemoreimportantthingsthanlovers，butbeingareceptacleforGodisn’toneofthem。Odd。IneverrealizedyoubelievedinGodsoardently。Ithoughtyouwereperhapsamanwhodoubted。"
"Idodoubt。Whatthinkingmandoesn’t？That’swhyattimesI’mempty。"Helookedbeyondher，atsomethingshecouldn’tsee。"Doyouknow，IthinkI’dgiveupeveryambition，everydesireinme，forthechancetobeaperfectpriest？"
"Perfectioninanything，"shesaid，"isunbearablydull。Myself，Ipreferatouchofimperfection。"
Helaughed，lookingatherinadmirationtingedwithenvy。Shewasaremarkablewoman。
Herwidowhoodwasthirty-threeyearsoldandheronlychild，ason，haddiedininfancy。BecauseofherpeculiarstatusintheGillanbonecommunityshehadnotavailedherselfofanyoftheoverturesmadetoherbythemoreambitiousmalesofheracquaintance；asMichaelCarson’swidowshewasindisputablyaqueen，butassomeone’swifeshepassedcontrol"ofallshehadtothatsomeone。NotMaryCarson’sideaofliving，toplaysecondfiddle。Soshehadabjuredtheflesh，preferringtowieldpower；itwasinconceivablethatsheshouldtakealover，forwhenitcametogossipGillanbonewasasreceptiveasawiretoanelectricalcurrent。Toproveherselfhumanandweakwasnotapartofherobsession。
Butnowshewasoldenoughtobeofficiallybeyondthedrivesofthebody。Ifthenewyoungpriestwasassiduousinhisdutiestoherandsherewardedhimwithlittlegiftslikeacar，itwasnotatallincongruous。AstaunchpillaroftheChurchallherlife，shehadsupportedherparishanditsspiritualleaderinfittingfashionevenwhenFatherKellyhadhiccuppedhiswaythroughtheMass。ShewasnotaloneinfeelingcharitablyinclinedtowardFatherKelly’ssuccessor；FatherRalphdeBricassartwasdeservedlypopularwitheverymemberofhisflock，richorpoor。IfhismoreremoteparishionerscouldnotgetintoGillytoseehim，hewenttothem，anduntilMaryCarsonhadgivenhimhiscarhehadgoneonhorseback。Hispatienceandkindnesshadbroughthimlikingfromallandsincerelovefromsome；MartinKingofBugelahadexpensivelyrefurnishedthepresbytery，DominicO’RourkeofDibban-Dibbanpaidthesalaryofagoodhousekeeper。
SofromthepedestalofherageandherpositionMaryCarsonfeltquitesafeinenjoyingFatherRalph；shelikedmatchingherwitsagainstabrainasintelligentasherown，shelikedoutguessinghimbecauseshewasneversuresheactuallydidoutguesshim。
"GettingbacktowhatyouweresayingaboutGillynotbeingtheepicenteroftheArchbishopPapalLegate’smap，"shesaid，settlingdeeplyintoherchair，"whatdoyouthinkwouldshakethereverendgentlemansufficientlytomakeGillythepivotofhisworld？"
Thepriestsmiledruefully。"Impossibletosay。Acoupofsomesort？Thesuddensavingofathousandsouls，asuddencapacitytohealthelameandtheblind……Buttheageofmiraclesispast。"
"Oh，comenow，Idoubtthat！It’sjustthatHe’salteredHistechnique。ThesedaysHeusesmoney。"
"Whatacynicyouare！Maybethat’swhyIlikeyousomuch，Mrs。Carson。""MynameisMary。PleasecallmeMary。"
MinniecameinwheelingtheteatrolleyasFatherdeBricassartsaid，"Thankyou，Mary。"
Overfreshbannocksandanchoviesontoast，MaryCarsonsighed。"DearFather，Iwantyoutoprayespeciallyhardformethismorning。""CallmeRalph，"hesaid，thenwentonmischievously，"Idoubtit’spossibleformetoprayanyharderforyouthanInormallydo，butI’lltry。""Oh，you’reacharmer！Orwasthatremarkinnuendo？Idon’tusuallycareforobviousness，butwithyouI’mneversureiftheobviousnessisn’tactuallyacloakforsomethingdeeper。Likeacarrotbeforeadonkey。Justwhatdoyoureallythinkofme，FatherdeBricassart？I’llneverknow，becauseyou’llneverbetactlessenoughtotellme，willyou？Fascinating，fascinating……Butyoumustprayforme。I’mold，andI’vesinnedmuch。""Agecreepsonusall，andI，too，havesinned。"
Adrychuckleescapedher。"I’dgivealottoknowhowyou’vesinned！Indeed，indeedIwould。"Shewassilentforamoment，thenchangedthesubject。"AtthisminuteI’mminusaheadstockman。"
"Again？"
"Fiveinthepastyear。It’sgettinghardtofindadecentman。""Well，rumorhathityou’renotexactlyagenerousoraconsiderateemployer。"
"Oh，impudent！"shegasped，laughing。"Whoboughtyouabrand-newDaimlersoyouwouldn’thavetoride？"
"Ah，butlookhowhardIprayforyou！"
"IfMichaelhadonlyhadhalfyourwitandcharacter，Imighthavelovedhim，"shesaidabruptly。Herfacechanged，becamespiteful。"DoyouthinkI’mwithoutarelativeintheworldandmustleavemymoneyandmylandtoMotherChurch，isthatit？"
"Ihavenoidea，"hesaidtranquilly，pouringhimselfmoretea。
"Asamatteroffact，Ihaveabrotherwithalargeandthrivingfamilyofsons。"
"Howniceforyou，"hesaiddemurely。
"WhenImarriedIwasquitewithoutworldlygoods。IknewI’dnevermarrywellinIreland，whereawomanhastohavebreedingandbackgroundtocatcharichhusband。SoIworkedmyfingerstothebonetosavemypassagemoneytoalandwheretherichmenaren’tsofussy。AllIhadwhenIgotherewereafaceandafigureandabetterbrainthanwomenaresupposedtohave，andtheywereadequatetocatchMichaelCarson，whowasarichfool。Hedotedonmeuntilthedayhedied。"
"Andyourbrother？"heprompted，thinkingshewasgoingoffatatangent。"MybrotheriselevenyearsyoungerthanIam，whichwouldmakehimfifty-fournow。We’retheonlytwostillalive。Ihardlyknowhim；hewasasmallchildwhenIleftGalway。AtpresenthelivesinNewZealand，thoughifheemigratedtomakehisfortunehehasn’tsucceeded。"ButlastnightwhenthestationhandbroughtmethenewsthatArthurTeviothadpackedhistrapsandgone，IsuddenlythoughtofPadraic。HereIam，notgettinganyyounger，withnofamilyaroundme。AnditoccurredtomethatPaddyisanexperiencedmanoftheland，withoutthemeanstoownland。Whynot，Ithought，writetohimandaskhimtobringhimselfandhissonshere？WhenIdiehe’llinheritDroghedaandMicharLimited，ashe’smyonlylivingrelativecloserthansomeunknowncousinsbackinIreland。"Shesmiled。"Itseemssillytowait，doesn’tit？Hemightaswellcomenowaslater，getusedtorunningsheepontheblacksoilplains，whichI’msureisquitedifferentfromsheepinNewZealand。ThenwhenI’mgonehecanstepintomyshoeswithoutfeelingthepinch。"Headlowered，shewatchedFatherRalphclosely。
"Iwonderyoudidn’tthinkofitearlier，"hesaid。"Oh，Idid。ButuntilrecentlyIthoughtthelastthingIwantedwasalotofvultureswaitinganxiouslyformetobreathemylast。Onlylatelythedayofmydemiseseemsalotcloserthanitusedto，andIfeel……oh，Idon’tknow。Asifitmightbenicetobesurroundedbypeopleofmyownfleshandblood。"
"What’sthematter，doyouthinkyou’reill？"heaskedquickly，arealconcerninhiseyes。
Sheshrugged。"I’mperfectlyallright。Yetthere’ssomethingominousaboutturningsixty-five。Suddenlyoldageisnotaphenomenonwhichwilloccur；ithasoccurred。"
"Iseewhatyoumean，andyou’reright。Itwillbeverypleasantforyou，hearingyoungvoicesinthehouse。"
"Oh，theywon’tlivehere，"shesaid。"Theycanliveintheheadstockman’shousedownbythecreek，wellawayfromme。I’mnotfondofchildrenortheirvoices。"
"Isn’tthatarathershabbywaytotreatyouronlybrother，Mary？Evenifyouragesaresodisparate？"
"He’llinherit-lethimearnit，"shesaidcrudely。
FionaClearywasdeliveredofanotherboysixdaysbeforeMeggie’sninthbirthday，countingherselfluckynothingbutacoupleofmiscarriageshadhappenedintheinterim。AtnineMeggiewasoldenoughtobearealhelp。Feeherselfwasfortyyearsold，toooldtobearchildrenwithoutagreatdealofstrength-sappingpain。Thechild，namedHarold，wasadelicatebaby；forthefirsttimeanyonecouldeverremember，thedoctorcameregularlytothehouse。
Andastroublesdo，theClearytroublesmultiplied。Theaftermathofthewarwasnotaboom，butaruraldepression。Workbecameincreasinglyhardertoget。
OldAngusMacWhirterdeliveredatelegramtothehouseonedayjustastheywerefinishingtea，andPaddytoreitopenwithtremblinghands；telegramsneverheldgoodnews。Theboysgatheredround，allsaveFrank，whotookhiscupofteaandleftthetable。Fee’seyesfollowedhim，thenturnedbackasPaddygroaned。"Whatisit？"sheasked。
Paddywasstaringatthepieceofpaperasifitheldnewsofadeath。"Archibalddoesn’twantus。"
Bobpoundedhisfistonthetablesavagely；hehadbeensolookingforwardtogoingwithhisfatherasanapprenticeshearer，andArchibald’swastohavebeenhisfirstpen。"Whyshouldhedoadirtythinglikethistous，Daddy？Wewereduetostarttheretomorrow。"
"Hedoesn’tsaywhy，Bob。Isupposesomescabcontractorundercutme。""Oh，Paddy！"Feesighed。
BabyHalbegantocryfromthebigbassinetbythestove，butbeforeFeecouldmoveMeggiewasup；Frankhadcomebackinsidethedoorandwasstanding，teainhand，watchinghisfathernarrowly。"Well，IsupposeI’llhavetogoandseeArchibald，"Paddysaidatlast。"It’stoolatenowtolookforanothershadtoreplacehis，butIdothinkheowesmeabetterexplanationthanthis。We’lljusthavetohopewecanfindworkmilkinguntilWilloughby’sshedstartsinJuly。"
Meggiepulledasquareofwhitetowelfromthehugepilesittingbythestovewarmingandspreaditcarefullyontheworktable，thenliftedthecryingchildoutofthewickercrib。TheClearyhairglitteredsparselyonhislittleskullasMeggiechangedhisdiaperswiftly，andasefficientlyashermothercouldhavedone。
"LittleMotherMeggie，"Franksaid，toteaseher。"I’mnot！"sheansweredindignantly。"I’mjusthelpingMum。""Iknow，"hesaidgently。"You’reagoodgirl，weeMeggie。"Hetuggedatthewhitetaffetabowonthebackofherheaduntilithunglopsided。Upcamethebiggreyeyestohisfaceadoringly；overthenoddingheadofthebabyshemighthavebeenhisownage，orolder。Therewasapaininhischest，thatthisshouldhavefallenuponheratanagewhentheonlybabysheoughttobecaringforwasAgnes，nowrelegatedforgottentothebedroom。Ifitwasn’tforherandtheirmother，hewouldhavebeengonelongsince。Helookedathisfathersourly，thecauseofthenewlifecreatingsuchchaosinthehouse。Servedhimright，gettingdoneoutofhisshed。
SomehowtheotherboysandevenMeggiehadneverintrudedonhisthoughtsthewayHaldid；butwhenFee’swaistlinebegantoswellthistime，hewasoldenoughhimselftobemarriedandafather。EveryoneexceptlittleMeggiehadbeenuncomfortableaboutit，hismotherespecially。Thefurtiveglancesoftheboysmadehershrinklikearabbit；shecouldnotmeetFrank’seyesorquenchtheshameinherown。Norshouldanywomangothroughthat，Franksaidtohimselfforthethousandthtime，rememberingthehorrifyingmoansandcrieswhichhadcomefromherbedroomthenightHalwasborn；ofagenow，hehadn’tbeenpackedoffelsewhereliketheothers。ServedDaddyright，losinghisshed。Adecentmanwouldhaveleftheralone。Hismother’sheadinthenewelectriclightwasspungold，thepureprofileasshelookeddownthelongtableatPaddyunspeakablybeautiful。HowhadsomeoneaslovelyandrefinedasshemarriedanitinerantshearerfromthebogsofGalway？WastingherselfandherSpodechina，herdamasktablenaperyandherPersianrugsintheparlorthatnooneeversaw，becauseshedidn’tfitinwiththewivesofPaddy’speers。Shemadethemtooconsciousoftheirvulgarloudvoices，theirbewildermentwhenfacedwithmorethanonefork。SometimesonaSundayshewouldgointothelonelyparlor，sitdownatthespinetunderthewindowandplay，thoughhertouchhadlonggonefromwantoftimetopracticeandshecouldnolongermanageanybut78thesimplestpieces。Hewouldsitbeneaththewindowamongthelilacsandthelilies，andclosehiseyestolisten。Therewasasortofvisionhehadthen，ofhismothercladinalongbustledgownofpalestpinkshadowlacesittingatthespinetinahugeivoryroom，greatbranchesofcandlesallaroundher。Itwouldmakehimlongtoweep，butheneverweptanymore；notsincethatnightinthebarnafterthepolicehadbroughthimhome。MeggiehadputHalbackinthebassinet，andgonetostandbesidehermother。Therewasanotheronewasted。Thesameproud，sensitiveprofile；somethingofFionaaboutherhands，herchild’sbody。Shewouldbeverylikehermotherwhenshe，too，wasawoman。Andwhowouldmarryher？AnotheroafishIrishshearer，oraclodhoppingyokelfromsomeWahinedairyfarm？Shewasworthmore，butshewasnotborntomore。Therewasnowayout，thatwaswhateveryonesaid，andeveryyearlongerthathelivedseemedtobearitout。
Suddenlyconsciousofhisfixedregard，FeeandMeggieturnedtogether，smilingathimwiththepeculiartendernesswomensaveforthemostbelovedmenintheirlives。Frankputhiscuponthetableandwentouttofeedthedogs，wishinghecouldweep，orcommitmurder。Anythingwhichmightbanishthepain。
ThreedaysafterPaddylosttheArchibaldshed，MaryCarson’slettercame。HehadopeneditintheWahinepostofficethemomenthecollectedhismail，andcamebacktothehouseskippinglikeachild。"We’regoingtoAustralia！"heyelled，wavingtheexpensivevellumpagesunderhisfamily’sstunnednoses。
Therewassilence，alleyesrivetedonhim。Fee’swereshocked，sowereMeggie’s，buteverymalepairhadlitwithjoy。Frank’sblazed。"But，Paddy，whyshouldshethinkofyousosuddenlyafteralltheseyears？"Feeaskedaftershehadreadtheletter。"Hermoney’snotnewtoher，norisherisolation。Ineverrememberherofferingtohelpusbefore。"
"Itseemsshe’sfrightenedofdyingalone，"hesaid，asmuchtoreassurehimselfasFee。"Yousawwhatshewrote:"Iamnotyoung，andyouandyourboysaremyheirs。IthinkweoughttoseeeachotherbeforeIdie，andit’stimeyoulearnedhowtorunyourinheritance。Ihavetheintentionofmakingyoumyheadstockman-itwillbeexcellenttraining，andthoseofyourboyswhoareoldenoughtoworkmayhaveemploymentasstockmenalso。Droghedawillbecomeafamilyconcern，runbythefamilywithouthelpfromoutsiders。"
"DoesshesayanythingaboutsendingusthemoneytogettoAustralia？"Feeasked。
Paddy’sbackstiffened。"Iwouldn’tdreamofdunningherforthat！"hesnapped。"WecangettoAustraliawithoutbeggingfromher；Ihaveenoughputby。"
"Ithinksheoughttopayourway，"Feemaintainedstubbornly，andtoeveryone’sshockedsurprise；shedidnotoftenvoiceanopinion。"Whyshouldyougiveupyourlifehereandgoofftoworkforheronthestrengthofapromisegiveninaletter？She’sneverliftedafingertohelpusbefore，andIdon’ttrusther。AllIeverrememberyoursayingaboutherwasthatshehadthetightestclutchonapoundyou’deverseen。Afterall，Paddy，it’snotasifyouknowhersoverywell；therewassuchabiggapbetweenyouinage，andshewenttoAustraliabeforeyouwereoldenoughtostartschool。""Idon’tseehowthataltersthingsnow，andifsheistight-fisted，allthemoreforustoinherit。No，Fee，we’regoingtoAustralia，andwe’llpayourownwaythere。"
Feesaidnomore。Itwasimpossibletotellfromherfacewhethersheresentedbeingsosummarilydismissed。
"Hooray，we’regoingtoAustralia！"Bobshouted，grabbingathisfather’sshoulder。Jack，HughieandStu80jiggedupanddown，andFrankwassmiling，hiseyesseeingnothingintheroombutsomethingfarbeyondit。OnlyFeeandMeggiewonderedandfeared，hopingpainfullyitwouldallcometonothing，fortheirlivescouldbenoeasierinAustralia，justthesamethingsunderstrangeconditions。"Where’sGillanbone？"Stuartasked。
Outcametheoldatlas；poorthoughtheClearyswere，therewereseveralshelvesofbooksbehindthekitchendiningtable。TheboysporedoveryellowingpagesuntiltheyfoundNewSouthWales。UsedtosmallNewZealand。distances，itdidn’toccurtothemtoconsultthescaleofmilesinthebottomleft-handcorner。TheyjustnaturallyassumedNewSouthWaleswasthesamesizeastheNorthIslandofNewZealand。AndtherewasGillanbone，uptowardthetopleft-handcorner；aboutthesamedistancefromSydneyasWanganuiwasfromAuckland，itseemed，thoughthedotsindicatingtownswerefarfewerthanontheNorthIslandmap。
"It’saveryoldatlas，"Paddysaid。"AustraliaislikeAmerica，growinginleapsandbounds。I’msuretherearealotmoretownsthesedays。"Theywouldhavetogosteerageontheship，butitwasonlythreedaysafterall，nottoobad。NotliketheweeksandweeksbetweenEnglandandtheAntipodes。Alltheycouldaffordtotakewiththemwereclothes，china，cutlery，householdlinens，cookingutensilsandthoseshelvesofpreciousbooks；thefurniturewouldhavetobesoldtocoverthecostofshippingFee’sfewbitsandpiecesintheparlor，herspinetandrugsandchairs。"Iwon’thearofyourleavingthembehind，"PaddytoldFeefirmly。"Areyousurewecanaffordit？"
"Positive。Astotheotherfurniture，Marysaysshe’sreadyingtheheadstockman’shouseandthatit’sgoteverythingwe’relikelytobeneeding。I’mgladwedon’thavetoliveinthesamehouseasMary。"
"SoamI，"saidFee。