HetoldherbackstageattheCulloden，afteraperformance。IthadbeensettledwithRomethatday；hewasdyingtotellherandyetheknewshewasn’tgoingtolikeit。Hisreligiousambitionsweresomethinghehadneverdiscussedwithherasmuchashewantedto，forshebecameangry。Butwhenhecamebackstagethatnightitwastoodifficulttocontainhisjoyanylonger。"You’reaprawn，"shesaidindisgust。
　　"It’swhatIwant。"
　　"Idiot。"
　　"Callingmenameswon’tchangeathing，Jus。"
　　"DoyouthinkIdon’tknowthat？Itaffordsmealittlemuch-neededemotionalrelease，that’sall。"
　　"Ishouldthinkyou’dgetenoughonthestage，playingElectra。You’rereallygood，Jus。"
　　"AfterthisnewsI’llbebetter，"shesaidgrimly。"AreyougoingtoSaintPat’s？"
　　"No。I’mgoingtoRome，toCardinaldeBricassart。Mumarrangedit。""Dane，no！It’ssofaraway！"
　　"Well，whydon’tyoucome，too，atleasttoEngland？Withyourbackgroundandabilityyououghttobeabletogetaplacesomewherewithouttoomuchtrouble。"
　　ShewassittingatamirrorwipingoffElectra’spaint，stillinElectra’srobes；ringedwithheavyblackarabesques，herstrangeeyesseemedevenstranger。Shenoddedslowly。"Yes，Icould，couldn’tI？"sheaskedthoughtfully。"It’smorethantimeIdid……Australia’sgettingabittoosmall……Right，mate！You’reon！Englanditis！"
　　"Super！Justthink！Igetholidays，youknow，onealwaysdoesintheseminary，asifitwasauniversity。Wecanplantotakethemtogether，triparoundEuropeabit，comehometoDrogheda。Oh，Jus，I’vethoughtitallout！Havingyounotfarawaymakesitperfect。"
　　Shebeamed。"Itdoes，doesn’tit？Lifewouldn’tbethesameifIcouldn’ttalktoyou。"
　　"That’swhatIwasafraidyouweregoingtosay。"Hegrinned。"Butseriously，Jus，youworryme。I’dratherhaveyouwhereIcanseeyoufromtimetotime。Otherwisewho’sgoingtobethevoiceofyourconscience？"Hesliddownbetweenahoplite’shelmetandanawesomemaskofthePythonesstoapositiononthefloorwherehecouldseeher，coilinghimselfintoaneconomicalball，outofthewayofallthefeet。Therewereonlytwostars"dressingroomsattheCullodenandJustinedidn’trateeitherofthemyet。Shewasinthegeneraldressingroom，amongtheceaselesstraffic。"BloodyoldCardinaldeBricassart！"shespat。"IhatedhimthemomentIlaideyesonhim！"
　　Danechuckled。"Youdidn’t，youknow。"
　　"Idid！Idid！"
　　"No，youdidn’t。AuntAnnetoldmeoneChristmashol，andI’llbetyoudon’tknow。"
　　"Whatdon’tIknow？"sheaskedwarily。
　　"Thatwhenyouwereababyhefedyouabottleandburpedyou，rockedyoutosleep。AuntAnnesaidyouwereahorriblecrankybabyandhatedbeingheld，butwhenheheldyou，youreallylikedit。"
　　"It’saflaminglie！"
　　"No，it’snot。"Hegrinned。"Anyway，whydoyouhatehimsomuchnow？""Ijustdo。He’slikeaskinnyoldvulture，andhegivesmethedryheaves。"
　　"Ilikehim。Ialwaysdid。Theperfectpriest，that’swhatFatherWattycallshim。Ithinkheis，too。"
　　"Well，fuckhim，Isay！"
　　"Justine！"
　　"Shockedyouthattime，didn’tI？I’llbetyounevereventhoughtIknewthatword。"
　　Hiseyesdanced。"Doyouknowwhatitmeans？Tellme，Jussy，goon，Idareyou！"
　　Shecouldneverresisthimwhenheteased；herowneyesbegantotwinkle。"YoumightbegoingtobeaFatherRhubarb，youprawn，butifyoudon’talreadyknowwhatitmeans，you’dbetternotinvestigate。"
　　Hegrewserious。"Don’tworry，Iwon’t。"
　　AveryshapelypairoffemalelegsstoppedbesideDane，pivoted。Helookedup，wentred，lookedaway，andsaid，"Oh，hello，Martha，"inacasualvoice。"Helloyourself。"
　　Shewasanextremelybeautifulgirl，alittleshortonactingabilitybutsodecorativeshewasanassettoanyproduction；shealsohappenedtobeexactlyDane’scupoftea，andJustinehadlistenedtohisadmiringcommentsabouthermorethanonce。Tall，whatthemoviemagazinesalwayscalledsexsational，verydarkofhairandeye，fairofskin，withmagnificentbreasts。
　　PerchingherselfonthecornerofJustine’stable，sheswungonelegprovocativelyunderDane’snoseandwatchedhimwithanundisguisedappreciationheclearlyfounddisconcerting。Lord，hewasreallysomething！Howhadplainoldcart-horseJuscollectedherselfabrotherwholookedlikethis？Hemightbeonlyeighteenanditmightbecradle-snatching，butwhocared？
　　"Howaboutcomingovertomyplaceforcoffeeandwhatever？"sheasked，lookingdownatDane。"Thetwoofyou？"sheaddedreluctantly。Justineshookherheadpositively，hereyeslightingupatasuddenthought。"No，thanks，Ican’t。You’llhavetobecontentwithDane。"Heshookhisheadjustaspositively，butratherregretfully，asifhewastrulytempted。"Thanksanyway，Martha，butIcan’t。"Heglancedathiswatchasatasavior。"Lord，I’veonlygotaminuteleftonmymeter！Howmuchlongerareyougoingtobe，Jus？"
　　"Abouttenminutes。"
　　"I’llwaitforyououtside，allright？"
　　"Chicken！"shemocked。
　　Martha’sduskyeyesfollowedhim。"Heisabsolutelygorgeous。Whywon’thelookatme？"
　　Justinegrinnedsourly，scrubbedherfacecleanatlast。Thefreckleswerecomingback。MaybeLondonwouldhelp；nosun。"Oh，don’tworry，helooks。He’dlike，too。Butwillhe？NotDane。"
　　"Why？What’sthematterwithhim？Nevertellmehe’sapoof！Shit，whyisiteverygorgeousmanImeetisapoof？IneverthoughtDanewas，though；hedoesn’tstrikemethatwayatall。"
　　"Watchyourlanguage，youdumbwart！Hemostcertainlyisn’tapoof。Infact，thedayhelooksatSweetWilliam，ourscreamingjuvenile，I’llcuthisthroatandSweetWilliam’s，too。"
　　"Well，ifheisn’tapansyandhelikes，whydoesn’thetake？Doesn’thegetmymessage？DoeshethinkI’mtoooldforhim？""Sweetie，atahundredyouwon’tbetoooldfortheaverageman，don’tworryaboutit。No，Dane’sswornoffsexforlife，thefool。He’sgoingtobeapriest。"
　　Martha’slushmouthdroppedopen，sheswungbackhermaneofinkyhair。"Goon！"
　　"True，true。"
　　"Youmeantosayallthat’sgoingtobewasted？""Afraidso。He’sofferingittoGod。"
　　"ThenGod’sabiggerpoofterthanSweetWillie。"
　　"Youmightberight，"saidJustine。"Hecertainlyisn’ttoofondofwomen，anyway。Second-class，that’sus，waybackintheUpperCircle。FrontStallsandtheMezzanine，strictlymale。"
　　"Oh。"
　　JustinewriggledoutofElectra’srobe，flungathincottondressoverherhead，remembereditwaschillyoutside，addedacardigan，andpattedMarthakindlyonthehead。"Don’tworryaboutit，sweetie。Godwasverygoodtoyou；hedidn’tgiveyouanybrains。Believeme，it’sfarmorecomfortablethatway。You’llneveroffertheLordsofCreationanycompetition。"
　　"Idon’tknow，Iwouldn’tmindcompetingwithGodforyourbrother。""Forgetit。You’refightingtheEstablishment，anditjustcan’tbedone。You’dseduceSweetWilliefarquicker，takemywordforit。"
　　AVaticancarmetDaneattheairport，whiskedhimthroughsunnyfadedstreetsfullofhandsome，smilingpeople；hegluedhisnosetothewindowanddrankitallin，unbearablyexcitedatseeingforhimselfthethingshehadseenonlyinpictures-theRomancolumns，therococopalaces，theRenaissancegloryofSaintPeter’s。
　　Andwaitingforhim，cladthistimeinscarletfromheadtofoot，wasRalphRaoul，CardinaldeBricassart。Thehandwasoutstretched，itsringglowing；Danesankonbothkneestokissit。
　　"Standup，Dane，letmelookatyou。"
　　Hestood，smilingatthetallmanwhowasalmostexactlyhisownheight；theycouldlookeachotherhitheeye。ToDanetheCardinalhadanimmenseauraofspiritualpowerwhichmadehimthinkofapoperatherthanasaint，yetthoseintenselysadeyeswerenottheeyesofapope。Howmuchhemusthavesufferedtoappearso，buthownoblyhemusthaverisenabovehissufferingtobecomethismostperfectofpriests。AndCardinalRalphgazedatthesonhedidnotknowwashisson，lovinghim，hethought，becausehewasdearMeggie’sboy。Justsowouldhehavewantedtoseeasonofhisownbody；astall，asstrikinglygoodlooking，asgraceful。Inallhislifehehadneverseenamanmovesowell。Butfarmoresatisfyingthananyphysicalbeautywasthesimplebeautyofhissoul。Hehadthestrengthoftheangels，andsomethingoftheirunearthliness。Hadhebeensohimself，ateighteen？Hetriedtoremember，spanthecrowdedeventsofthreefifthsofalifetime；no，hehadneverbeenso。Wasitbecausethisonecametrulyofhisownchoice？Forhehimselfhadnot，thoughhehadhadthevocation，ofthatmuchhestillwassure。
　　"Sitdown，Dane。DidyoudoasIasked，starttolearnItalian？""AtthisstageIspeakitfluentlybutwithoutidiom，andIreaditverywell。Probablythefactthatit’smyfourthlanguagemakesiteasier。Iseemtohaveatalentforlanguages。AcoupleofweekshereandIoughttopickupthevernacular。"
　　"Yes，youwill。I，too，haveatalentforlanguages。"
　　"Well，they’rehandy，"saidDanelamely。Theawesomescarletfigurewasalittledaunting；itwassuddenlyhardtorememberthemanonthechestnutgeldingatDrogheda。
　　CardinalRalphleanedforward，watchinghim。
　　"Ipasstheresponsibilityforhimtoyou，Ralph，"Meggie’sletterhadsaid。"Ichargeyouwithhiswellbeing，hishappiness。WhatIstole，Igiveback。Itisdemandedofme。Onlypromisemetwothings，andI’llrestintheknowledgeyou’veactedinhisbestinterests。First，promisemeyou’llmakesurebeforeyouaccepthimthatthisiswhathetruly，absolutelywants。Secondly，thatifthisiswhathewants，you’llkeepyoureyeonhim，makesureitremainswhathewants。Ifheshouldloseheartforit，Iwanthimback。Forhebelongedtomefirst。ItisIwhogiveshimtoyou。""Dane，areyousure？"askedtheCardinal。
　　"Absolutely。"
　　"Why？"
　　Hiseyeswerecuriouslyaloof，uncomfortablyfamiliar，butfamiliarinawaywhichwasofthepast。
　　"BecauseoftheloveIbearOurLord。IwanttoserveHimasHispriestallofmydays。"
　　"DoyouunderstandwhatHisserviceentails，Dane？""Yes。"
　　"ThatnootherlovemustevercomebetweenyouandHim？ThatyouareHisexclusively，forsakingallothers？"
　　"Yes。"
　　"ThatHisWillbedoneinallthings，thatinHisserviceyoumustburyyourpersonality，yourindividuality，yourconceptofyourselfasuniquelyimportant？"
　　"Yes。"
　　"Thatifnecessaryyoumustfacedeath，imprisonment，starvationinHisName？Thatyoumustownnothing，valuenothingwhichmighttendtolessenyourloveforHim？"
　　"Yes。"
　　"Areyoustrong，Dane？"
　　"Iamaman，YourEminence。Iamfirstaman。Itwillb[*thorn]hard，Iknow。ButIpraythatwithHishelpIshallfindthestrength。"
　　"Mustitbethis，Dane？Willnothinglessthanthiscontentyou？""Nothing。"
　　"Andiflateronyoushouldchangeyourmind，whatwouldyoudo？""Why，Ishouldasktoleave，"saidDane，surprised。"IfIchangedmyminditwouldbebecauseIhadgenuinelymistakenmyvocation，fornootherreason。ThereforeIshouldasktoleave。Iwouldn’tbelovingHimanyless，butI’dknowthisisn’tthewayHemeansmetoserveHim。"
　　"Butonceyourfinalvowsaretakenandyouareordained，yourealizetherecanbenogoingback，nodispensation，absolutelynorelease？""Iunderstandthat，"saidDanepatiently。"Butifthereisadecisiontobemade，Iwillhavecometoitbeforethen。"CardinalRalphleanedbackinhischair，sighed。Hadheeverbeenthatsure？Hadheeverbeenthatstrong？"Whytome，Dane？WhydidyouwanttocometoRome？WhynothaveremainedinAustralia？""MumsuggestedRome，butithadbeeninmymindasadreamforalongtime。Ineverthoughttherewasenoughmoney。"
　　"Yourmotherisverywise。Didn’tshetellyou？""Tellmewhat，YourEminence？"
　　"Thatyouhaveanincomeoffivethousandpoundsayearandmanythousandsofpoundsalreadyinthebankinyourownname？"Danestiffened。"No。Shenevertoldme。"
　　"Verywise。Butit’sthere，andRomeisyoursifyouwant。DoyouwantRome？"
　　"Yes。"
　　"Whydoyouwantme，Dane？"
　　"Becauseyou’remyconceptionoftheperfectpriest，YourEminence。"CardinalRalph’sfacetwisted。"No，Dane，youcan’tlookuptomeasthat。I’mfarfromaperfectpriest。Ihavebrokenallmyvows，doyouunderstand？Ihadtolearnwhatyoualreadyseemtoknowinthemostpainfulwayapriestcan，throughthebreakingofmyvows。ForIrefusedtoadmitthatIwasfirstamortalman，andonlyafterthatapriest。"
　　"YourEminence，itdoesn’tmatter，"saidDanesoftly。"Whatyousaydoesn’tmakeyouanylessmyconceptionoftheperfectpriest。Ithinkyoudon’tunderstandwhatImean，that’sall。Idon’tmeananinhumanautomaton，abovetheweaknessesoftheflesh。Imeanthatyou’vesuffered，andgrown。DoIsoundpresumptuous？Idon’tintendto，truly。IfI’veoffendedyou，Ibegyourpardon。It’sisn’tthatit’ssohardtoexpressmythoughts！WhatImeanisthatbecomingaperfectpriestmusttakeyears，terriblepain，andallthetimekeepingbeforeyouanideal，andOurLord。"
　　Thetelephonerang；CardinalRalphpickeditupinaslightlyunsteadyhand，spokeinItalian。
　　"Yes，thankyou，we’llcomeatonce。"Hegottohisfeet。"It’stimeforafternoontea，andwe’retohaveitwithanold，oldfriendofmine。NexttotheHolyFatherhe’sprobablythemostimportantpriestintheChurch。Itoldhimyouwerecoming，andheexpressedawishtomeetyou。"
　　"Thankyou，YourEminence。"
　　Theywalkedthroughcorridors，thenthroughpleasantgardensquiteunlikeDrogheda’s，withtallcypressesandpoplars，neatrectanglesofgrasssurroundedbypillaredwalkways，mossyflagstones；pastGothicarches，underRenaissancebridges。Danedrankitin，lovingit。SuchadifferentworldfromAustralia，soold，perpetual。
　　Ittookthemfifteenminutesatabriskpacetoreachthepalace；theyentered，andpassedupagreatmarblestaircasehungwithpricelesstapestries。
　　VittorioScarbanza，CardinaldiContini-Verchesewassixty-sixnow，hisbodypartiallycrippledbyarheumaticcomplaint，buthismindasintelligentandalertasithadalwaysbeen。Hispresentcat，aRussianbluenamedNatasha，wascurledpurringinhislap。Sincehecouldn’trisetogreethisvisitorshecontentedhimselfwithawidesmile，andbeckonedthem。HiseyespassedfromRalph’sbelovedfacetoDaneO’neillandwidened，narrowed，fixedonhimstilly。Withinhischesthefelthisheartfalter，putthewelcominghandtoitinaninstinctivegestureofprotection，andsatstaringstupidlyupattheyoungereditionofRalphdeBricassart。"Vittorio，areyouallright？"CardinalRalphaskedanxiously，takingthefrailwristbetweenhisfingers，feelingforapulse。"Alittlepassingpain，nomore。Sitdown，sitdown！"
　　"First，I’dlikeyoutomeetDaneO’neill，whoisasItoldyouthesonofaverydearfriendofmine。Dane，thisisHisEminenceCardinaldiContini-Verchese。"
　　Daneknelt，pressedhislipstothering；overhisbenttawnyheadCardinalVittorio’sgazesoughtRalph’sface，scanneditmorecloselythaninmanyyears。Veryslightlyherelaxed；shehadnevertoldhim，then。Andhewouldn’tsuspect，ofcourse，whateveryonewhosawthemtogetherwouldinstantlysurmise。Notfather-son，ofcourse，butacloserelationshipoftheblood。PoorRalph！Hehadneverseenhimselfwalk，neverwatchedtheexpressionsonhisownface，nevercaughttheupwardflightofhisownlefteyebrow。TrulyGodwasgood，tomakemensoblind。"Sitdown。Theteaiscoming。So，youngman！Youwishtobeapriest，andhavesoughttheassistanceofCardinaldeBricassart？""Yes，YourEminence。"
　　"Youhavechosenwisely。Underhiscareyouwillcometonoharm。Butyoulookalittlenervous，myson。Isitthestrangeness？"DanesmiledRalph’ssmile，perhapsminusconsciouscharm，butsomuchRalph’ssmileitcaughtatanold，tiredheartlikeapassingflickfrombarbedwire。"I’moverwhelmed，YourEminence。Ihadn’trealizedquitehowimportantcardinalsare。IneverdreamedI’dbemetattheairport，orbehavingteawithyou。"
　　"Yes，itisunusual……Perhapsasourceoftrouble，Iseethat。Ah，hereisourtea！"Pleased，hewatcheditlaidout，liftedanadmonishingfinger。"Ah，no！Ishallbe"mother。"Howdoyoutakeyourtea，Dane？""ThesameasRalph，"heanswered，blusheddeeply。"I’msorry，YourEminence，Ididn’tmeantosaythat！"
　　"It’sallright，Dane，CardinaldiContini-Vercheseunderstands。WemetfirstasDaneandRalph，andwekneweachotherfarbetterthatway，didn’twe？Formalityisnewtoourrelationship。I’dpreferitremainDaneandRalphinprivate。HisEminencewon’tmind，willyou，Vittorio？""No。IamfondofChristiannames。ButreturningtowhatIwassayingabouthavingfriendsinhighplaces，myson。Itcouldbeatrifleuncomfortableforyouwhenyouenterwhicheverseminaryisdecidedupon，thislongfriendshipwithourRalph。Tohavetokeepgoingintoinvolvedexplanationseverytimetheconnectionbetweenyouisremarkeduponwouldbeverytedious。SometimesOurLordpermitsofalittlewhitelie"-hesmiled，thegoldinhisteethflashing-"andforeveryone’scomfortIwouldpreferthatweresorttoonesuchtinyfib。Foritisdifficulttoexplainsatisfactorilythetenuousconnectionsoffriendship，butveryeasytoexplainthecrimsoncordofblood。SowewillsaytoallandsundrythatCardinaldeBricassartisyouruncle，myDane，andleaveitatthat，"endedCardinalVittoriosuavely。Danelookedshocked，CardinalRalphresigned。"Donotbedisappointedinthegreat，myson，"saidCardinalVittoriogently。"They，too，havefeetofclay，andresorttocomfortvialittlewhitelies。Itisaveryusefullessonyouhavejustlearned，butlookingatyou，Idoubtyouwilltakeadvantageofit。However，youmustunderstandthatwescarletgentlemenarediplomatstoourfingertips。TrulyIthinkonlyofyou，myson。Jealousyandresentmentarenotstrangerstoseminariesanymorethantheyaretosecularinstitutions。YouwillsufferalittlebecausetheythinkRalphisyouruncle，yourmother’sbrother，butyouwouldsufferfarmoreiftheythoughtnobloodbondlinkedyoutogether。Wearefirstmen，anditiswithmenyouwilldealinthisworldasinothers。"
　　Danebowedhishead，thenleanedforwardtostrokethecat，pausingwithhishandextended。"MayI？Ilovecats，YourEminence。"
　　Noquickerpathwaytothatoldbutconstantheartcouldhehavefound。"Youmay。Iconfessshegrowstooheavyforme。Sheisaglutton，areyounot，Natasha？GotoDane；heisthenewgeneration。"
　　TherewasnopossibilityofJustinetransferringherselfandherbelongingsfromthesoutherntothenorthernhemisphereasquicklyasDanehad；bythetimesheworkedouttheseasonattheCullodenandbadeanotunregretfulfarewelltoBothwellGardens，herbrotherhadbeeninRometwomonths。"HowonearthdidImanagetoaccumulatesomuchjunk？"sheasked，surroundedbyclothes，papers，boxes。
　　Meggielookedupfromwhereshewascrouched，aboxofsteelwoolsoappadsinherhand。
　　"Whatwerethesedoingunderyourbed？"
　　Alookofprofoundreliefsweptacrossherdaughter’sflushedface。"Oh，thankGod！Isthatwheretheywere？IthoughtMrs。D’spreciouspoodleatethem；he’sbeenoffcolorforaweekandIwasn’tgametomentionmymissingsoappads。ButIknewthewretchedanimalatethem；he’lleatanythingthatdoesn’teathimfirst。Not，"continuedJustinethoughtfully，"thatIwouldn’tbegladtoseethelastofhim。"
　　Meggiesatbackonherheels，laughing。"Oh，Jus！Doyouknowhowfunnyyouare？"Shethrewtheboxontothebedamongamountainofthingsalreadythere。"You’renocredittoDrogheda，areyou？Afterallthecarewetookpushingneatnessandtidinessintoyourhead，too。"
　　"Icouldhavetoldyouitwasalostcause。DoyouwanttotakethesoappadsbacktoDrogheda？IknowI’msailingandmyluggageisunlimited，butIdaresaytherearetonsofsoappadsinLondon。"
　　MeggietransferredtheboxintoalargecartonmarkedMRS。D。"Ithinkwe’dbetterdonatethemtoMrs。Devine；shehastorenderthisflathabitableforthenexttenant。"Anunsteadytowerofunwasheddishesstoodontheendofthetable，sproutinggruesomewhiskersofmold。"Doyoueverwashyourdishes？"
　　Justinechuckledunrepentantly。"DanesaysIdon’twashthematall，Ishavetheminstead。"
　　"You’dhavetogivethislotahaircutfirst。Whydon’tyouwashthemasyouusethem？"
　　"Becauseitwouldmeantrekkingdowntothekitchenagain，andsinceIusuallyeataftermidnight，nooneappreciatesthepatterofmylittlefeet。""Givemeoneoftheemptyboxes。I’lltakethemdownanddisposeofthemnow，"saidhermother，resigned；shehadknownbeforevolunteeringtocomewhatwasboundtobeinstoreforher，andhadbeenratherlookingforwardtoit。Itwasn’tveryoftenanyonehadthechancetohelpJustinedoanything；wheneverMeggiehadtriedtohelphershehadendedfeelinganutterfool。Butindomesticmattersthesituationwasreversedforonce；shecouldhelptoherheart’scontentwithoutfeelingafool。
　　Somehowitgotdone，andJustineandMeggiesetoutinthestationwagonMeggiehaddrivendownfromGilly，boundfortheHotelAustralia，whereMeggiehadasuite。
　　"IwishyouDroghedapeoplewouldbuyahouseatPalmBeachorAvalon，"Justinesaid，depositinghercaseinthesuite’ssecondbedroom。"Thisisterrible，rightaboveMartinPlace。Justimaginebeingahop，skipandjumpfromthesurf！Wouldn’tthatinduceyoutohustleyourselvesonaplanefromGillymoreoften？"
　　"WhyshouldIcometoSydney？I’vebeendowntwiceinthelastsevenyears-toseeDaneoff，andnowtoseeyouoff。Ifwehadahouseitwouldneverbeused。"
　　"Codswallop。"
　　"Why？11
　　"Why？Becausethere’smoretotheworldthanbloodyDrogheda，dammit！Thatplace，itdrivesmebatty！"
　　Meggiesighed。"Believeme，Justine，there’llcomeatimewhenyou’llyearntocomehometoDrogheda。"
　　"DoesthatgoforDane，too？"
　　Silence。Withoutlookingatherdaughter，Meggietookherbagfromthetable。"We’llbelate。MadameRochersaidtwoo’clock。Ifyouwantyourdressesbeforeyousail，we’dbetterhurry。"
　　"Iamputinmyplace，"Justinesaid，andgrinned。"Whyisit，Justine，thatyoudidn’tintroducemetoanyofyourfriends？Ididn’tseeasignofanyoneatBothwellGardensexceptMrs。Devine，"MeggiesaidastheysatinGermaineRocher’ssalonwatchingthelanguidmannequinspreenandsimper。
　　"Oh，they’reabitshy……Ilikethatorangething，don’tyou？""Notwithyourhair。Settleforthegrey。"
　　"Pooh！Ithinkorangegoesperfectlywithmyhair。IngreyIlooklikesomethingthecatdraggedin，sortofmuddyandhalfrotten。Movewiththetimes，Mum。Redheadsdon’thavetobeseeninwhite，grey，black，emeraldgreenorthathorriblecolor-you’resoaddictedto-whatisit，ashesofroses？Victorian！"
　　"Youhavethenameofthecolorright，"Meggiesaid。Sheturnedtolookatherdaughter。"You’reamonster，"shesaidwryly，butwithaffection。Justinedidn’tpayanyattention；itwasnotthefirsttimeshehadheardit。"I’lltaketheorange，thescarlet，thepurpleprint，themossgreen，theburgundysuit……"
　　Meggiesattornbetweenlaughterandrage。WhatcouldonedowithadaughterlikeJustine？
　　TheHimalayasailedfromDarlingHarborthreedayslater。Shewasalovelyoldship，flat-hulledandveryseaworthy，builtinthedayswhennoonewasinatearinghurryandeveryoneacceptedthefactEnglandwasfourweeksawayviaSuezorfiveweeksawayviatheCapeofGoodHope。Nowadayseventheoceanlinerswerestreamlined，hullsshapedlikedestroyerstogettherefaster。Butwhattheydidtoasensitivestomachmadeseasonedsailorsquail。"Whatfun！"Justinelaughed。"We’vegotawholelovelyfootieteaminfirstclass，soitwon’tbeasdullasIthought。Someofthemaregorgeous。"
　　"Nowaren’tyougladIinsistedonfirstclass？""Isupposeso。"
　　"Justine，youbringouttheworstinme，youalwayshave，"Meggiesnapped，losinghertemperatwhatshetookforingratitude。Justthisoncecouldn’tthelittlewretchatleastpretendshewassorrytobegoing？"Stubborn，pig-headed，self-willed！Youexasperateme。"
　　ForamomentJustinedidn’tanswer，butturnedherheadawayasifshewasmoreinterestedinthefactthattheall-ashoregongwasringingthaninwhathermotherwassaying。Shebitthetremorfromherlips，putabrightsmileonthem。"IknowIexasperateyou，"shesaidcheerfullyasshefacedhermother。"Nevermind，wearewhatweare。Asyoualwayssay，Itakeaftermydad。"
　　Theyembracedself-consciouslybeforeMeggieslippedthankfullyintothecrowdsconvergingongangwaysandwaslosttosight。Justinemadeherwayuptothesundeckandstoodbytherailwithrollsofcoloredstreamersinherhands。Farbelowonthewharfshesawthefigureinthepinkish-greydressandhatwalktotheappointedspot，standshadinghereyes。Funny，atthisdistanceonecouldseeMumwasgettinguptowardfifty。Somewaytogoyet，butitwasthereinherstance。Theywavedinthesamemoment，thenJustinethrewthefirstofherstreamersandMeggiecaughtitsenddeftly。Ared，ablue，ayellow，apink，agreen，anorange；spiralingroundandround，tugginginthebreeze。
　　Apipebandhadcometobidthefootballteamfarewellandstoodwithpennonsflying，plaidsbillowing，skirlingaquaintversionof"NowIstheHour。"Theship’srailswerethickwithpeoplehangingover，holdingdesperatelytotheirendsofthethinpaperstreamers；onthewharfhundredsofpeoplecranedtheirnecksupward，lingeringhungrilyonthefacesgoingsofaraway，youngfacesmostly，offtoseewhatthehubofcivilizationontheothersideoftheworldwasreallylike。Theywouldlivethere，workthere，perhapscomebackintwoyears，perhapsnotcomebackatall。Andeveryoneknewit，wondered。
　　Theblueskywasplumpedwithsilver-whitecloudsandtherewasatearingSydneywind。Sunwarmedtheupturnedheadsandtheshoulderbladesofthoseleaningdown；agreatmulticoloredswathofvibratingribbonsjoinedshipandshore。Thensuddenlyagapappearedbetweentheoldboat’ssideandthewoodenstrutsofthewharf；theairfilledwithcriesandsobs；andonebyoneintheirthousandsthestreamersbroke，flutteredwildly，saggedlimplyandcrisscrossedthesurfaceofthewaterlikeamangledloom，joinedtheorangepeelsandthejellyfishtofloataway。
　　Justinekeptdoggedlytoherplaceattherailuntilthewharfwasafewhardlinesandlittlepinkpinheadsinthedistance；theHimalaya’stugsturnedher，towedherhelplesslyundertheboomingdecksoftheSydneyHarborBridge，outintothemainstreamofthatexquisitestretchofsunnywater。Itwasn’tlikegoingtoManlyontheferryatall，thoughtheyfollowedthesamepathpastNeutralBayandRoseBayandCremorneandVaucluse；no。ForthistimeitwasoutthroughtheHeads，beyondthecruelcliffsandthehighlacefansoffoam，intotheocean。Twelvethousandmilesofit，totheothersideoftheworld。Andwhethertheycamehomeagainornot，theywouldbelongneitherherenorthere，fortheywouldhavelivedontwocontinentsandsampledtwodifferentwaysoflife。
　　Money，Justinediscovered，madeLondonamostalluringplace。NotforherapennilessexistenceclingingtothefringesofEarl’sCourt-"KangarooValley"theycalleditbecausesomanyAustraliansmadeittheirheadquarters。NotforherthetypicalfateofAustraliansinEngland，youth-hostelingonashoestring，workingforapittanceinsomeofficeorschoolorhospital，shiveringthin-bloodedoveratinyradiatorinacold，damproom。Instead，forJustineamewsflatinKensingtonclosetoKnightsbridge，centrallyheated；andaplaceinthecompanyofClydeDaltinham-Roberts，TheElizabethanGroup。WhenthesummercameshecaughtatraintoRome。Inafteryearsshewouldsmile，rememberinghowlittleshesawofthatlongjourneyacrossFrance，downItaly；herwholemindwasoccupiedwiththethingsshehadtotellDane，memorizingthoseshesimplymustn’tforget。Thereweresomanyshewasboundtoleavesomeout。
　　WasthatDane？Thetall，fairmanontheplatform，wasthatDane？Hedidn’tlookanydifferent，andyethewasastranger。Notofherworldanymore。Thecryshewasgoingtogivetoattracthisattentiondiedunuttered；shedrewbackalittleinherseattowatchhim，forthetrainhadhaltedonlyafewfeetbeyondwherehestood，blueeyesscanningthewindowswithoutanxiety。Itwasgoingtobeaprettyone-sidedconversationwhenshetoldhimaboutlifesincehehadgoneaway，forsheknewnowtherewasnothirstinhimtosharewhatheexperiencedwithher。Damnhim！Hewasn’therbabybrotheranymore；thelifehewaslivinghadaslittletodowithherasitdidwithDrogheda。Oh，Dane！What’sitliketolivesomethingtwenty-fourhoursofeveryday？
　　"Hah！ThoughtI’ddraggedyoudownhereonawild-goosechase，didn’tyou？"shesaid，creepingupbehindhimunseen。
　　Heturned，squeezedherhandsandstareddownather，smiling。"Prawn，"hesaidlovingly，takingherbiggersuitcaseandtuckingherfreearminhis。"It’sgoodtoseeyou，"headdedashehandedherintotheredLagondahedroveeverywhere；Danehadalwaysbeenasportscarfanatic，andhadownedonesincehewasoldenoughtoholdalicense。
　　"Goodtoseeyou，too。Ihopeyoufoundmeanicepub，becauseImeantwhatIwrote。IrefusetobestuckinaVaticancellamongaheapofcelibates。"Shelaughed。
　　"Theywouldn’thaveyou，notwiththeDevil’shair。I’vebookedyouintoalittlepensionnotfarfromme，buttheyspeakEnglishsoyouneedn’tworryifI’mnotwithyou。AndinRomeit’snoproblemgettingaroundonEnglish；there’susuallysomeonewhocanspeakit。"
　　"TimeslikethisIwishIhadyourgiftforforeignlanguages。ButI’llmanage；I’mverygoodatmimesandcharades。"
　　"Ihavetwomonths，Jussy，isn’titsuper？SowecantakealookatFranceandSpainandstillhaveamonthonDrogheda。Imisstheoldplace。""Doyou？"Sheturnedtolookathim，atthebeautifulhandsguidingthecarexpertlythroughthecrazyRomantraffic。"Idon’tmissitatall；London’stoointeresting。"
　　"Youdon’tfoolme，"hesaid。"IknowwhatDroghedaandMummeantoyou。"Justineclenchedherhandsinherlapbutdidn’tanswerhim。"Doyoumindhavingteawithsomefriendsofminethisafternoon？"heaskedwhentheyhadarrived。"Iratheranticipatedthingsbyacceptingforyoualready。They’resoanxioustomeetyou，andasI’mnotafreemanuntiltomorrow，Ididn’tliketosayno。"
　　"Prawn！WhyshouldImind？IfthiswasLondonI’dbeinundatingyouwithmyfriends，sowhyshouldn’tyou？I’mgladyou’regivingmealook-seeattheblokesintheseminary，thoughit’sabitunfairtome，isn’tit？Handsoffthelotofthem。"
　　Shewalkedtothewindow，lookeddownatashabbylittlesquarewithtwotiredplanetreesinitspavedquadrangle，threetablesstrewnwiththem，andtoonesideachurchofnoparticulararchitecturalgraceorbeauty，coveredinpeelingstucco。
　　"Dane……"
　　"Yes？"
　　"Idounderstand，reallyIdo。"
　　"Yes，Iknow。"Hisfacelostitssmile。"IwishMumdid，Jus。""Mum’sdifferent。Shefeelsyoudesertedher；shedoesn’trealizeyouhaven’t。Nevermindabouther。She’llcomeroundintime。"
　　"Ihopeso。"Helaughed。"Bytheway，itisn’ttheblokesfromtheseminaryyou’regoingtomeettoday。Iwouldn’tsubjectthemoryoutosuchtemptation。It’sCardinaldeBricassart。Iknowyoudon’tlikehim，butpromiseyou’llbegood。"
　　Hereyeslitwithpeculiarwitchery。"Ipromise！I’llevenkisseveryringthat’sofferedtome。"
　　"Oh，youremember！Iwassomadatyouthatday，shamingmeinfrontofhim。"
　　"Well，sincethenI’vekissedalotofthingslesshygienicthanaring。There’sonehorriblepimplyyouthinactingclasswithhalitosisanddecayedtonsilsandarottenstomachIhadtokissatotaloftwenty-ninetimes，andIcanassureyou，mate，thatafterhimnothing’simpossible。"Shepattedherhair，turnedfromthemirror。"HaveIgottimetochange？""Oh，don’tworryaboutthat。Youlookfine。"
　　"Whoelseisgoingtobethere？"
　　Thesunwastoolowtowarmtheancientsquare，andtheleprouspatchesontheplanetreetrunkslookedworn，sick。Justineshivered。"CardinaldiContini-Verchesewillbethere。"
　　Shehadheardthatname，andopenedhereyeswider。"Phew！Youmoveinprettyexaltedcircles，don’tyou？"
　　"Yes。Itrytodeserveit。"
　　"Doesitmeansomepeoplemakeithardonyouinotherareasofyourlifehere，Dane？"sheasked，shrewdly。
　　"No，notreally。Whooneknowsisn’timportant。Ineverthinkofit，sonordoesanyoneelse。"
　　Theroom，theredmen！NeverinallherlifehadJustinebeensoconsciousoftheredundancyofwomeninthelivesofsomemenasatthatmoment，walkingintoaworldwherewomensimplyhadnoplaceexceptashumblenunservants。Shewasstillintheolive-greenlinensuitshehadputonoutsideTurin，rathercrumpledfromthetrain，andsheadvancedacrossthesoftcrimsoncarpetcursingDane’seagernesstobethere，wishingshehadinsistedondonningsomethinglesstravel-marked。
　　CardinaldeBricassartwasonhisfeet，smiling；whatahandsomeoldmanhewas。
　　"MydearJustine，"hesaid，extendinghisringwithawickedlookwhichindicatedhewellrememberedthelasttime，andsearchingherfaceforsomethingshedidn’tunderstand。"Youdon’tlookatalllikeyourmother。"Downononeknee，kissthering，smilehumbly，getup，smilelesshumbly。"No，Idon’t，doI？Icouldhavedonewithherbeautyinmychosenprofession，butonastageImanage。Becauseithasnothingtodowithwhatthefaceactuallyis，youknow。It’swhatyouandyourartcanconvincepeoplethefaceis。"
　　Adrychucklecamefromachair；oncemoreshetrodtosalutearingonanagingwormyhand，butthistimeshelookedupintodarkeyes，andstrangelyinthemsawlove。Loveforher，forsomeonehehadneverseen，couldscarcelyhaveheardmentioned。Butitwasthere。Shedidn’tlikeCardinaldeBricassartanymorenowthanshehadatfifteen，butshewarmedtothisoldman。
　　"Sitdown，mydear，"saidCardinalVittorio，hishandindicatingthechairnexttohim。
　　"Hello，pusskins，"saidJustine，ticklingtheblue-greycatinhisscarletlap。"She’snice，isn’tshe？"
　　"Indeedsheis。"
　　"What’shername？"
　　"Natasha。"
　　Thedooropened，butnottoadmittheteatrolley。Aman，mercifullycladasalayman；onemoreredsoutane，thoughtJustine，andI’llbellowlikeabull。
　　Buthewasnoordinaryman，evenifhewasalayman。TheyprobablyhadalittlehouseruleintheVatican，continuedJustine’sunrulymind，whichspecificallybarredordinarymen。Notexactlyshort，hewassopowerfullybuiltheseemedmorestockythanhewas，withmassiveshouldersandahugechest，abigleoninehead，longarmslikeashearer。Ape-mannish，exceptthatheexudedintelligenceandmovedwiththegaitofsomeonewhowouldgraspwhateverhewantedtooquicklyforthemindtofollow。Graspitandmaybecrushit，butneveraimlessly，thoughtlessly；withexquisitedeliberation。Hewasdark，buthisthickmaneofhairwasexactlythecolorofsteelwoolandofmuchthesameconsistency，couldsteelwoolhavebeencrimpedintotiny，regularwaves。
　　"Rainer，youcomeingoodtime，"saidCardinalVittorio，indicatingthechaironhisotherside，stillspeakinginEnglish。"Mydear，"hesaid，turningtoJustineasthemanfinishedkissinghisringandrose，"Iwouldlikeyoutomeetaverygoodfriend。HerrRainerMoerlingHartheim。Rainer，thisisDane’ssister，Jus-72tine。
　　Hebowed，clickinghisheelspunctiliously，gaveherabriefsmilewithoutwarmthandsatdown，justtoofarofftoonesidetosee。Justinebreathedasighofrelief，especiallywhenshesawthatDanehaddrapedhimselfwiththeeaseofhabitonthefloorbesideCardinalRalph’schair，rightinhercentralvision。Whileshecouldseesomeonesheknewandlovedwell，shewouldbeallright。ButtheroomandtheredmenandnowthisdarkmanwerebeginningtoirritatehermorethanDane’spresencecalmed；sheresentedthewaytheyshutherout。Sosheleanedtoonesideandtickledthecatagain，awarethatCardinalVittoriosensedandwasamusedbyherreactions。
　　"Isshespayed？"askedJustine。
　　"Ofcourse。"
　　"Ofcourse！ThoughwhyyouneededtobotherIdon’tknow。Justbeingapermanentinhabitantofthisplacewouldbeenoughtoneuteranyone’sovaries。"
　　"Onthecontrary，mydear，"saidCardinalVittorio，enjoyingherhugely。"Itiswemenwhohavepsychologicallyneuteredourselves。"
　　"Ibegtodiffer，YourEminence。"
　　"Soourlittleworldantagonizesyou？"
　　"Well，let’sjustsayIfeelabitsuperfluous，YourEminence。Aniceplacetovisit，butIwouldn’twanttolivehere。"
　　"Icannotblameyou。Ialsodoubtthatyouliketovisit。Butyouwillgetusedtous，foryoumustvisitusoften，please。"
　　Justinegrinned。"Ihatebeingonmybestbehavior，"sheconfided。"Itbringsouttheabsoluteworstinme。IcanfeelDane’shorrorsfromherewithoutevenlookingathim。"
　　"Iwaswonderinghowlongitwasgoingtolast，"saidDane，notatallputout。"ScratchJustine’ssurfaceandyoufindarebel。That’swhyshe’ssuchanicesisterformetohave。I’mnotarebel，butIdoadmirethem。"HerrHartheimshiftedhischairsothathecouldcontinuetokeepherinhislineofvisionevenwhenshestraightened，stoppedplayingwiththecat。Atthatmomentthebeautifulanimalgrewtiredofthehandwithanalienfemalescent，andwithoutgettingtoitsfeetcrawleddelicatelyfromredlaptogrey，curlingitselfunderHerrHartheim’sstrongsquarestrokinghands，purringsoloudlythateveryonelaughed。
　　"Excusemeforliving，"saidJustine，notproofagainstagoodjokeevenwhenshewasitsvictim。
　　"Hermotorisasgoodasever，"saidHerrHartheim，theamusementworkingfascinatingchangesinhisface。
　　HisEnglishwassogoodhehardlyhadanaccent，butithadanAmericaninflection；herolledhisrather’s。
　　Theteacamebeforeeveryonesettleddownagain，andoddlyenoughitwasHerrHartheimwhopoured，handingJustinehercupwithamuchfriendlierlookthanhehadgivenheratintroduction。
　　"InaBritishcommunity，"hesaidtoher，"afternoonteaisthemostimportantrefreshmentoftheday。Thingshappenoverteacups，don’tthey？Isupposebecausebyitsverynatureitcanbedemandedandtakenatalmostanytimebetweentwoandfive-thirty，andtalkingisthirstywork。"Thenexthalfhourseemedtoprovehispoint，thoughJustinetooknopartinthecongress。TalkveeredfromtheHolyFather’sprecarioushealthtothecoldwarandthentheeconomicrecession，allfourmenspeakingandlisteningwithanalertnessJustinefoundabsorbing，beginningtogropeforthequalitiestheyshared，evenDane，whowassostrange，somuchanunknown。Hecontributedactively；anditwasn’tlostuponherthatthethreeoldermenlistenedtohimwithacurioushumility，almostasifheawedthem。Hiscommentswereneitheruninformednornaive，buttheyweredifferent，original，holy。Wasitforhisholinesstheypaidsuchseriousattentiontohim？Thathepossessedit，andtheydidn’t？Wasittrulyavirtuetheyadmired，yearnedforthemselves？Wasitsorare？Threemensovastlydifferentonefromtheother，yetfarcloserboundtogetherthananyofthemweretoDane。HowdifficultitwastotakeDaneasseriouslyastheydid！Notthatinmanywayshehadn’tactedasanolderbrotherratherthanayounger；notthatshewasn’tawareofhiswisdom，hisintellectorhisholiness。Butuntilnowhehadbeenapartofherworld。Shehadtogetusedtothefactthathewasn’tanymore。
　　"Ifyouwishtogostraighttoyourdevotions，Dane，I’llseeyoursisterbacktoherhotel，"commandedHerr
　　RainerMoerlingHartheimwithoutconsultinganyone’swishesonthesubject。Andsoshefoundherselfwalkingtongue-tieddownthemarblestairsinthecompanyofthatsquat，powerfulman。OutsideintheyellowsheenofaRomansunsethetookherelbowandguidedherintoablackMercedeslimousine，itschauffeurstandingtoattention。
　　"Come，youdon’twanttospendyourfirsteveninginRomealone，andDaneisotherwiseoccupied，"hesaid，followingherintothecar。"You’retiredandbewildered，soit’sbetteryouhavecompany。"
　　"Youdon’tseemtobeleavingmeanychoice，HerrHartheim。""IwouldratheryoucalledmeRainer。"
　　"Youmustbeimportant，havingaposhcarandyourownchauffeur。""I’llbemoreimportantstillwhenI’mchancellorofWestGermany。"Justinesnorted。"I’msurprisedyou’renotalready。"
　　"Impudent！I’mtooyoung。"
　　"Areyou？"Sheturnedsidewaystolookathimmoreclosely，discoveringthathisdarkskinwasunlined，youthful，thatthedeeplyseteyesweren’tembeddedinthefleshysurroundsofage。
　　"I’mheavyandI’mgrey，butI’vebeengreysinceIwassixteenandheavysinceI’vehadenoughtoeat。AtthepresentmomentI’mamerethirty-one。""I’lltakeyourwordforit，"shesaid，kickinghershoesoff。"That’sstilloldtome-I’msweettwenty-one。"
　　"You’reamonster，"hesaid，smiling。
　　"IsupposeImustbe。Mymothersaysthesamething。OnlyI’mnotsurewhateitherofyoumeansbymonster，soyoucangivemeyourversion，please。""Haveyoualreadygotyourmother’sversion？""I’dembarrassthehelloutofherifIasked。"
　　"Don’tyouthinkyouembarrassme？"
　　"Istronglysuspect，HerrHartheim，thatyou’reamonster，too，soIdoubtifanythingembarrassesyou。"
　　"Amonster，"hesaidagainunderhisbreath。"Allrightthen，MissO’neill，I’lltrytodefinethetermforyou。Someonewhoterrifiesothers；rollsoverthetopofpeople；feelssostrongonlyGodcandefeat；hasnoscruplesandfewmorals。"
　　Shechuckled。"Itsoundslikeyou，tome。AndIhavesotoogotmoralsandscruples。I’mDane’ssister。"
　　"Youdon’tlookabitlikehim。"
　　"More’sthepity。"
　　"Hisfacewouldn’tsuityourpersonality。"
　　"You’reundoubtedlyright，butwithhisfaceImighthavedevelopedadifferentpersonality。"
　　"Dependingonwhichcomesfirst，eh，thechickenortheegg？Putyourshoeson；we’regoingtowalk。"
　　Itwaswarm，andgrowingdark；butthelightswerebrilliant，therewerecrowdsitseemednomatterwheretheywalked，andtheroadswerejammedwithshriekingmotorscooters，tinyaggressiveFiats，Goggomobilslookinglikehordesofpanickedfrogs。Finallyhehaltedinasmallsquare，itscobblesworntosmoothnessbythefeetofmanycenturies，andguidedJustineintoarestaurant。
　　"Unlessyou’dpreferalfresco？"heasked。
　　"Providedyoufeedme，Idon’tmuchcarewhetherit’sinside，outside，orhalfwaybetween。"
　　"MayIorderforyou？"
　　Thepaleeyesblinkedalittlewearilyperhaps，buttherewasstillfightinJustine。"Idon’tknowthatIgoforallthathigh-handedmasterful-malebusiness，"shesaid。"Afterall，howdoyouknowwhatIfancy？""SisterAnnacarriesherbanner，"hemurmured。"Tellmewhatsortoffoodyoulike，then，andI’llguaranteetopleaseyou。Fish？Veal？""Acompromise？Allright，I’llmeetyouhalfway，whynot？I’llhavepate，somescampiandahugeplateofsaltimbocca，andafterthatI’llhaveacassataandacappuccinocoffee。Fiddlearoundwiththatifyoucan。"
　　"Ioughttoslapyou，"hesaid，hisgoodhumorquiteunruffled。Hegaveherordertothewaiterexactlyasshehadstipulatedit，butinrapidItalian。"YousaidIdon’tlookabitlikeDane。Aren’tIlikehiminanywayatall？"sheaskedalittlepatheticallyovercoffee，toohungrytohavewastedtimetalkingwhiletherewasfoodonthetable。Helithercigarette，thenhisown，andleanedintotheshadowstowatchherquietly，thinkingbacktohisfirstmeetingwiththeboymonthsago。CardinaldeBricassartminusfortyyearsoflife；hehadseenitimmediately，andthenhadlearnedtheywereuncleandnephew，thatthemotheroftheboyandthegirlwasRalphdeBricassart’ssister。
　　"Thereisalikeness，yes，"hesaid。"Sometimesevenoftheface。Expressionsfarmorethanfeatures。Aroundtheeyesandthemouth，inthewayyouholdyoureyesopenandyourmouthsclosed。Oddlyenough，notlikenessesyousharewithyouruncletheCardinal。"
　　"UncletheCardinal？"sherepeatedblankly。
　　"CardinaldeBricassart。Isn’theyouruncle？Now，I’msureIwastoldhewas。"
　　"Thatoldvulture？He’snorelationofours，thankheavens。Heusedtobeourparishpriestyearsago，alongtimebeforeIwasborn。"
　　Shewasveryintelligent；butshewasalsoverytired。Poorlittlegirl-forthatwaswhatshewas，alittlegirl。Thetenyearsbetweenthemyawnedlikeahundred。Tosuspectwouldbringherworldtoruins，andshewassovaliantindefenseofit。Probablyshewouldrefusetoseeit，evenifsheweretoldoutright。Howtomakeitseemunimportant？Notlaborthepoint，definitelynot，butnotdropitimmediately，either。
　　"Thataccountsforit，then，"hesaidlightly。"Accountsforwhat？"
　　"ThefactthatDane’slikenesstotheCardinalisingeneralthings-height，coloring，build。"
　　"Oh！MygrandmothertoldmeourfatherwasratherliketheCardinaltolookat，"saidJustinecomfortably。
　　"Haven’tyoueverseenyourfather？"
　　"Notevenapictureofhim。HeandMumseparatedforgoodbeforeDanewasborn。"Shebeckonedthewaiter。"I’dlikeanothercappuccino，please。""Justine，you’reasavage！Letmeorderforyou！""No，dammit，Iwon’t！I’mperfectlycapableofthinkingformyself，andIdon’tneedsomebloodymanalwaystotellmewhatIwantandwhenIwantit，doyouhear？"
　　"Scratchthesurfaceandonefindsarebel；thatwaswhatDanesaid。""He’sright。Oh，ifyouknewhowIhatebeingpettedandcossetedandfussedover！Iliketoactformyself，andIwon’tbetoldwhattodo！Idon’taskforquarter，butIdon’tgiveany，either。"
　　"Icanseethat，"hesaiddryly。"Whatmadeyouso，Herzchen？Doesitruninthefamily？"
　　"Doesit？Ihonestlydon’tknow。Therearen’tenoughwomentotell，Isuppose。Onlyonepergeneration。Nanna，andMum，andme。Heapsofmen，though。"
　　"Exceptinyourgenerationtherearenotheapsofmen。OnlyDane。""DuetothefactMumleftmyfather，Iexpect。Sheneverseemedtogetinterestedinanyoneelse。Pity，Ithink。Mum’sarealhomebody；shewouldhavelikedahusbandtofussover。"
　　"Isshelikeyou？"
　　"Idon’tthinkso。"
　　"Moreimportantly，doyoulikeeachother？"
　　"MumandI？"Shesmiledwithoutrancor，muchashermotherwouldhavedonehadsomeoneaskedherwhethershelikedherdaughter。"I’mnotsureifwelikeeachother，butthereissomethingthere。Maybeit’sasimplebiologicalbond；Idon’tknow。"Hereyeskindled。"I’vealwayswantedhertotalktomethewayshedoestoDane，andwantedtogetalongwithherthewayDanedoes。Buteitherthere’ssomethinglackinginher，orsomethinglackinginme。Me，I’dreckon。She’samuchfinerpersonthanIam。"
　　"Ihaven’tmether，soIcan’tagreeordisagreewithyourjudgment。Ifit’sofanyconceivablecomforttoyou，Herzchen，Ilikeyouexactlythewayyouare。No，Iwouldn’tchangeathingaboutyou，evenyourridiculouspugnacity。"
　　"Isn’tthatniceofyou？AndafterIinsultedyou，too。I’mnotreallylikeDane，amI？"
　　"Daneisn’tlikeanyoneelseintheworld。"
　　"Youmeanbecausehe’ssonotofthisworld？""Isupposeso。"Heleanedforward，outoftheshadowsintotheweaklightofthelittlecandleinitsChiantibottle。"IamaCatholic，andmyreligionhasbeentheonethinginmylifewhichhasneverfailedme，thoughIhavefaileditmanytimes。IdislikespeakingofDane，becausemyhearttellsmesomethingsarebetterleftundiscussed。Certainlyyouaren’tlikehiminyourattitudetolife，orGod。Let’sleaveit，allright？"Shelookedathimcuriously。"Allright，Rainer，ifyouwant。I’llmakeapactwithyou-nomatterwhatwediscuss，itwon’tbethenatureofDane，orreligion。"
　　MuchhadhappenedtoRainerMoerlingHartheimsincethatmeetingwithRalphdeBricassartinJuly1943。AweekafterwardhisregimenthadbeendispatchedtotheEasternFront，wherehespenttheremainderofthewar。Tornandrudderless，tooyoungtohavebeenindoctrinatedintotheHitlerYouthinitsleisurelyprewardays，hehadfacedtheconsequencesofHitlerinfeetofsnow，withoutammunition，thefrontlinestretchedsothintherewasonlyonesoldierforeveryhundredyardsofit。Andoutofthewarhecarriedtwomemories:thatbittercampaigninbittercold，andthefaceofRalphdeBricassart。Horrorandbeauty，theDevilandGod。Halfcrazed，halffrozen，waitingdefenselessforKhrushchev’sguerrillastodropfromlow-flyingplanesparachutelessintothesnowdrifts，hebeathisbreastandmutteredprayers。Buthedidn’tknowwhatheprayedfor:bulletsforhisgun，escapefromtheRussians，hisimmortalsoul，themaninthebasilica，Germany，alesseningofgrief。Inthespringof1945hehadretreatedbackacrossPolandbeforetheRussians，likehisfellowsoldierswithonlyoneobjective-tomakeitintoBritish-orAmerican-occupiedGermany。ForiftheRussianscaughthim，hewouldbeshot。Hetorehispapersintoshredsandburnedthem，buriedhistwoIronCrosses，stolesomeclothesandpresentedhimselftotheBritishauthoritiesontheDanishborder。TheyshippedhimtoacampfordisplacedpersonsinBelgium。Thereforayearhelivedonthebreadandgruel，whichwasalltheexhaustedBritishcouldaffordtofeedthethousandsuponthousandsofpeopleintheircharge，waitinguntiltheBritishrealizedtheironlycoursewasrelease。
　　Twiceofficialsofthecamphadsummonedhimtopresenthimwithanultimatum。TherewasaboatwaitinginOstendharborloadingimmigrantsforAustralia。Hewouldbegivennewpapersandshippedtohisnewlandfreeofcharge，inreturnforwhichhewouldworkfortheAustraliangovernmentfortwoyearsinwhatevercapacitytheychose，afterwhichhislifewouldbecomeentirelyhisown。Notslavelabor；hewouldbepaidthestandardwage，ofcourse。Butonbothoccasionshemanagedtotalkhimselfoutofsummaryemigration。HehadhatedHitler，notGermany，andhewasnotashamedofbeingaGerman。HomemeantGermany；ithadoccupiedhisdreamsforoverthreeyears。Theverythoughtofyetagainbeingstrandedinacountrywherenoonespokehislanguagenorhetheirswasanathema。Soatthebeginningof1947hefoundhimselfpennilessonthestreetsofAachen，readytopickupthepiecesofanexistenceheknewhewantedverybadly。Heandhissoulhadsurvived，butnottogobacktopovertyandobscurity。ForRainerwasmorethanaveryambitiousman；hewasalsosomethingofagenius。HewenttoworkforGrundig，andstudiedthefieldwhichhadfascinatedhimsincehefirstgotacquaintedwithradar:electronics。Ideasteemedinhisbrain，butherefusedtosellthemtoGrundigforamillionthpartoftheirvalue。Insteadhegaugedthemarketcarefully，thenmarriedthewidowofamanwhohadmanagedtokeepacoupleofsmallradiofactories，andwentintobusinessforhimself。Thathewasbarelyintohistwentiesdidn’tmatter。Hismindwascharacteristicofafarolderman，andthechaosofpostwarGermanycreatedopportunitiesforyoungmen。Sincehisweddinghadbeenacivilone，theChurchpermittedhimtodivorcehiswife；in1951hepaidAnneliseHartheimexactlytwicethecurrentvalueofherfirsthusband’stwofactories，anddidjustthat，divorcedher。However，hedidn’tremarry。
　　WhathadhappenedtotheboyinthefrozenterrorofRussiadidnotproduceasoullesscaricatureofaman；ratheritarrestedthegrowthofsoftnessandsweetnessinhim，andthrewintohighreliefotherqualitieshepossessed-intelligence，ruthlessness，determination。Amanwhohasnothingtolosehaseverythingtogain，andamanwithoutfeelingscannotbehurt。Orsohetoldhimself。Inactualfact，hewascuriouslysimilartothemanhehadmetinRomein1943；likeRalphdeBricassartheunderstoodhedidwrongevenashedidit。Notthathisawarenessoftheevilinhimstoppedhimforasecond；onlythathepaidforhismaterialadvancementinpainandself-torment。Tomanypeopleitmightnothaveseemedworththepricehepaid，buttohimitwasworthtwicethesuffering。OnedayhewasgoingtorunGermanyandmakeitwhathehaddreamed，hewasgoingtoscotchthe
　　AryanLutheranethic，shapeabroaderone。Becausehecouldn’tpromisetoceasesinninghehadbeenrefusedabsolutionintheconfessionalseveraltimes，butsomehowheandhisreligionmuddledthroughinonepiece，untilaccumulatedmoneyandpowerremovedhimsomanylayersbeyondguilthecouldpresenthimselfrepentant，andbeshriven。
　　In1955，oneoftherichestandmostpowerfulmeninthenewWestGermanyandafreshfaceinitsBonnparliament，hewentbacktoRome。ToseekoutCardinaldeBricassart，andshowhimtheendresultofhisprayers。Whathehadimaginedthatmeetingmightbehecouldnotafterwardremember，forfrombeginningtoendofithewasconsciousofonlyonething:thatRalphdeBricassartwasdisappointedinhim。Hehadknownwhy，hehadn’tneededtoask。Buthehadn’texpectedtheCardinal’spartingremark:"IhadprayedyouwoulddobetterthanI，foryouweresoyoung。Noendisworthanymeans。ButIsupposetheseedsofourruinaresownbeforeourbirths。"
　　Backinhishotelroomhehadwept，butcalmedafterawhileandthought:What’spastisdonewith；forthefutureIwillbeashehoped。Andsometimeshesucceeded，sometimeshefailed。Buthetried。HisfriendshipwiththemenintheVaticanbecamethemostpreciousearthlythinginhislife，andRomebecametheplacetowhichhefledwhenonlytheircomfortseemedtostandbetweenhimselfanddespair。Comfort。Theirswasastrangekind。Notthelayingonofhands，orsoftwords。Ratherabalmfromthesoul，asiftheyunderstoodhispain。
　　Andhethought，ashewalkedthewarmRomannightafterdepositingJustineinherpension，thathewouldneverceasetobegratefultoher。Forashehadwatchedhercopewiththeordealofthatafternooninterview，hehadfeltastirringoftenderness。Bloodybutunbowed，thelittlemonster。Shecouldmatchthemeveryinchoftheway；didtheyrealizeit？Hefelt，hedecided，whathemighthavefeltonbehalfofadaughterhewasproudof，onlyhehadnodaughter。SohehadstolenherfromDane，carriedherofftowatchheraftermathreactiontothatoverpoweringecclesiasticism，andtotheDaneshehadneverseenbefore；theDanewhowasnotandcouldnoteverbeafull-heartedpartofherlife。
　　ThenicestthingabouthispersonalGod，hewenton，wasthatHecouldforgiveanything；HecouldforgiveJustineherinnategodlessnessandhimselftheshuttingdownofhisemotionalpowerhouseuntilsuchtimeasitwasconvenienttoreopenit。Onlyforawhilehehadpanicked，thinkinghehadlostthekeyforever。Hesmiled，threwawayhercigarette。Thekey……Well，sometimeskeyshadstrangeshapes。Perhapsitneededeverykinkineverycurlofthatredheadtotripthetumblers；perhapsinaroomofscarlethisGodhadhandedhimascarletkey。
　　Afleetingday，overinasecond。Butonlookingathiswatchhesawitwasstillearly，andknewthemanwhohadsomuchpowernowthatHisHolinesslayneardeathwouldstillbewakeful，sharingthenocturnalhabitsofhiscat。ThosedreadfulhiccupsfillingthesmallroomatCastelGandolfo，twistingthethin，pale，asceticfacewhichhadwatchedbeneaththewhitecrownforsomanyyears；hewasdying，andhewasagreatPope。Nomatterwhattheysaid，hewasagreatPope。IfhehadlovedhisGermans，ifhestilllikedtohearGermanspokenaroundhim，diditalteranything？NotforRainertojudgethat。
　　ButforwhatRainerneededtoknowatthemoment，CastelGandolfowasnotthesource。Upthemarblestairstothescarlet-and-crimsonroom，totalktoVittorioScarbanza，CardinaldiContini-Verchese。WhomightbethenextPope，ormightnot。Foralmostthreeyearsnowhehadwatchedthosewise，lovingdarkeyesrestwheretheymostlikedtorest；yes，bettertoseektheanswersfromhimthanfromCardinaldeBricassart。
　　"IneverthoughtI’dhearmyselfsayit，butthankGodwe’releavingforDrogheda，"saidJustine，refusingtothrowacoinintheTreviFountain。"WeweresupposedtotakealookatFranceandSpain；insteadwe’restillinRomeandI’masunnecessaryasanavel。Brothers！"
　　"Hmmm，soyoudeemnavelsunnecessary？Socrateswasofthesameopinion，Iremember，"saidRainer。
　　"Socrateswas？Idon’trecollectthat！Funny，IthoughtI’dreadmostofPlato，too。"Shetwistedtostareathim，thinkingthecasualclothesofaholidaymakerinRomesuitedhimfarbetterthanthesoberattireheworeforVaticanaudiences。
　　"Hewasabsolutelyconvincednavelswereunnecessary，asamatteroffact。Somuchsothattoprovehispointheunscrewedhisownnavelandthrewitaway。"
　　Herlipstwitched。"Andwhathappened？"
　　"Histogafelloff。"
　　"Hook！Hook！"Shegiggled。"Anyway，theydidn’tweartogasinAthensthen。ButIhaveahorriblefeelingthere’samoralinyourstory。"Herfacesobered。"Whydoyoubotherwithme，Rain？"
　　"Stubborn！I’vetoldyoubefore，mynameispronouncedRyner，notRayner。""Ah，butyoudon’tunderstand，"shesaid，lookingthoughtfullyatthetwinklingstreamsofwater，thedirtypoolloadedwithdirtycoins。"HaveyoueverbeentoAustralia？"
　　Hisshouldersshook，buthemadenosound。"TwiceIalmostwent，Herzchen，butImanagedtoavoidit。"
　　"Well，ifyouhadgoneyou’dunderstand。YouhaveamagicalnametoanAustralian，whenit’spronouncedmyway。Rainer。Rain。Lifeinthedesert。"Startled，hedroppedhiscigarette。"Justine，youaren’tfallinginlovewithme，areyou？"
　　"Whategotistsmenare！Ihatetodisappointyou，butno。"Then，asiftosoftenanyunkindnessinherwords，sheslippedherhandintohis，squeezed。"It’ssomethingmuchnicer。""Whatcouldbenicerthanfallinginlove？"
　　"Almostanything，Ithink。Idon’twanttoneedanyonelikethat，ever。""Perhapsyou’reright。It’scertainlyacripplinghandicap，takenontooearly。Sowhatismuchnicer？"
　　"Findingafriend。"Herhandrubbedhis。"Youaremyfriend，aren’tyou？""Yes。"Smiling，hethrewacoininthefountain。"There！ImusthavegivenitathousandD-marksovertheyears，justforreassurancethatIwouldcontinuetofeelthewarmthofthesouth。SometimesinmynightmaresI’mcoldagain。"
　　"Yououghttofeelthewarmthoftherealsouth，"saidJustine。"Ahundredandfifteenintheshade，ifyoucanfindany。"
　　"Nowonderyoudon’tfeeltheheat。"Helaughedthesoundlesslaugh，asalways；ahangoverfromtheolddays，whentolaughaloudmighthavetemptedfate。"Andtheheatwouldaccountforthefactthatyou’rehard-boiled。""YourEnglishiscolloquial，butAmerican。Iwouldhavethoughtyou’dhavelearnedEnglishinsomeposhBritishuniversity。"
　　"No。IbegantolearnitfromCockneyorScottishorMidlandstommiesinaBelgiancamp，anddidn’tunderstandawordofitexceptwhenIspoketothemanwhohadtaughtittome。Onesaid"abaht，"onesaid"aboot，"onesaid"about，"buttheyallmeant"about。"SowhenIgotbacktoGermanyIsaweverymotionpictureIcould，andboughttheonlyrecordsavailableinEnglish，recordsmadebyAmericancomedians。ButIplayedthemoverandoveragainathome，untilIspokeenoughEnglishtolearnmore。"
　　Hershoeswereoff，asusual；awed，hehadwatchedherwalkbarefootedonpavementshotenoughtofryanegg，andoverstonyplaces。
　　"Urchin！Putyourshoeson。"
　　"I’manAussie；ourfeetaretoobroadtobecomfortableinshoes。Comesofnoreallycoldweather；wegobarefootwheneverwecan。Icanwalkacrossapaddockofbindy-eyeburnsandpickthemoutofmyfeetwithoutfeelingthem，"shesaidproudly。"Icouldprobablywalkonhotcoals。"Thenabruptlyshechangedthesubject。"Didyouloveyourwife，Rain？""No。"
　　"Didsheloveyou？"
　　"Yes。Shehadnootherreasontomarryme。"
　　"Poorthing！Youusedher，andyoudroppedher。"
　　"Doesitdisappointyou？"
　　"No，Idon’tthinkso。Iratheradmireyouforit，actually。ButIdofeelverysorryforher，anditmakesmemoredeterminedthanevernottolandinthesamesoupshedid。"
　　"Admireme？"Histonewasblank，astonished。
　　"Whynot？I’mnotlookingforthethingsinyousheundoubtedlydid，nowamI？Ilikeyou，you’remyfriend。Shelovedyou，youwereherhusband。""Ithink，Herzchen，"hesaidalittlesadly，"thatambitiousmenarenotverykindtotheirwomen。"
　　"That’sbecausetheyusuallyfallforutterdoormatsofwomen，the"Yes，dear，no，dear，threebagsfull，dear，andwherewouldyoulikeitput？"’sort。Hardcheeseallround，Isay。IfI’dbeenyourwife，I’dhavetoldyoutogopeeuparope，butI’llbetsheneverdid，didshe？"Hislipsquivered。"No，poorAnnelise。Shewasthemartyredkind，soherweaponswerenotnearlysodirectorsodeliciouslyexpressed。IwishtheymadeAustralianfilms，soIknewyourvernacular。The"Yes，dear’bitIgot，butIhavenoideawhathardcheeseis。"
　　"Toughluck，sortof，butit’smoreunsympathetic。"Herbroadtoesclunglikestrongfingerstotheinsideofthefountainwall，sheteeteredprecariouslybackwardandrightedherselfeasily。"Well，youwerekindtoherintheend。Yougotridofher。She’sfarbetteroffwithoutyou，thoughsheprobablydoesn’tthinkso。WhereasIcankeepyou，becauseI’llneverletyougetundermyskin。"
　　"Hard-boiled。Youreallyare，Justine。Andhowdidyoufindoutthesethingsaboutme？"
　　"IaskedDane。Naturally，beingDanehejustgavemethebarefacts，butIdeducedtherest。"
　　"Fromyourenormousstoreofpastexperience，nodoubt。Whatafraudyouare！Theysayyou’reaverygoodactress，butIfindthatincredible。Howdoyoumanagetocounterfeitemotionsyoucanneverhaveexperienced？Asapersonyou’remoreemotionallybackwardthanmostfifteen-year-olds。"Shejumpeddown，satonthewallandleanedtoputhershoeson，wrigglinghertoesruefully。"Myfeetareswollen，dammit。"Therewasnoindicationbyareactionofrageorindignationthatshehadevenheardthelastpartofwhathesaid。Asifwhenaspersionsorcriticismswereleveledathershesimplyswitchedoffaninternalhearingaid。Howmanytheremusthavebeen。Themiraclewasthatshedidn’thateDane。
　　"That’sahardquestiontoanswer，"shesaid。"ImustbeabletodoitorIwouldn’tbesogood，isn’tthatright？Butit’slike……awaiting。Mylifeoffthestage，Imean。Iconservemyself，Ican’tspenditoffstage。Weonlyhavesomuchtogive，don’twe？AndupthereI’mnotmyself，orperhapsmorecorrectlyI’masuccessionofselves。Wemustallbeaprofoundmixtureofselves，don’tyouthink？Tome，actingisfirstandforemostintellect，andonlyafterthat，emotion。Theoneliberatestheother，andpolishesit。There’ssomuchmoretoitthansimplycryingorscreamingorproducingaconvincinglaugh。It’swonderful，youknow。Thinkingmyselfintoanotherself，someoneImighthavebeen，hadthecircumstancesbeenthere。That’sthesecret。Notbecomingsomeoneelse，butincorporatingtheroleintomeasifshewasmyself。Andsoshebecomesme。"Asthoughherexcitementwastoogreattobearinstillness，shejumpedtoherfeet。"Imagine，Rain！Intwentyyears’timeI’llbeabletosaytomyself，I’vecommittedmurders，I’vesuicided，I’vegonemad，I’vesavedmenorruinedthem。Oh！Thepossibilitiesareendless！""Andtheywillallbeyou。"Herose，tookherhandagain。"Yes，you’requiteright，Justine。Youcan’tspenditoffstage。Inanyoneelse，I’dsayyouwouldinspiteofthat，butbeingyou，I’mnotsosure。"
　　Iftheyappliedthemselvestoit，theDroghedapeoplecouldimaginethatRomeandLondonwerenofartherawaythanSydney，andthatthegrown-upDaneandJustinewerestillchildrengoingtoboardingschool。Admittedlytheycouldn’tcomehomeforalltheshortervacationsofotherdays，butonceayeartheyturnedupforamonthatleast。UsuallyinAugustorSeptember，andlookingmuchasalways。Veryyoung。Diditmatterwhethertheywerefifteenandsixteenortwentytwoandtwenty-three？AndiftheDroghedapeoplelivedforthatmonthinearlyspring，theymostdefinitelyneverwentroundsayingthingslike，Well，onlyafewweekstogo！or，Dearheaven，it’snotamonthsincetheyleft！ButaroundJulyeveryone’sstepbecamebrisker，andpermanentsmilessettledoneveryface。Fromthecookhousetothepaddockstothedrawingroom，treatsandgiftswereplanned。Inthemeantimetherewereletters。Mostlythesereflectedthepersonalitiesoftheirauthors，butsometimestheycontradicted。Onewouldhavethought，forinstance，thatDanewouldbeameticulouslyregularcorrespondentandJustineascrappyone。ThatFeewouldneverwriteatall。ThattheClearymenwouldwritetwiceayear。ThatMeggiewouldenrichthepostalservicewithletterseveryday，atleasttoDane。ThatMrs。Smith，MinnieandCatwouldsendbirthdayandChristmascards。ThatAnneMuellerwouldwriteoftentoJustine，nevertoDane。
　　Dane’sintentionsweregood，andhedidindeedwriteregularly。Theonlytroublewasheforgottoposthisefforts，withtheresultthattwoorthreemonthswouldgobywithoutaword，andthenDroghedawouldreceivedozensonthesamemailrun。TheloquaciousJustinewrotelengthymissiveswhichwerepurestreamof-consciousness，rudeenoughtoevokeblushesandclucksofalarm，andentirelyfascinating。Meggiewroteonceeverytwoweeksonly，tobothherchildren。ThoughJustineneverreceivedlettersfromhergrand-mother，Danedidquiteoften。Healsogotwordregularlyfromallhisuncles，aboutthelandandthesheepandthehealthoftheDroghedawomen，fortheyseemedtothinkitwastheirdutytoassurehimallwastrulywellathome。However，theydidn’textendthistoJustine，whowouldhavebeenflabbergastedbyitanyway。Fortherest，Mrs。Smith，Minnie，CatandAnneMueller，correspondencewentasmightbeexpected。Itwaslovelyreadingletters，andaburdenwritingthem。Thatis，forallsaveJustine，whoexperiencedtwingesofexasperationbecausenooneeversentherthekindshedesired-fat，wordyandfrank。ItwasfromJustinetheDroghedapeoplegotmostoftheirinformationaboutDane，forhislettersneverplungedhisreadersrightintothemiddleofascene。WhereasJustine’sdid。