LevinlookedmoreattentivelyatVankaParmenovandhiswife。
Theywereloadingahaycockontothewagonnotfarfromhim。IvanParmenovwasstandingonthewagon，taking，layinginplace，andstampingdownthehugebundlesofhay，whichhisprettyyoungwifedeftlyhandeduptohim，atfirstinarmfuls，andthenonthepitchfork。Theyoungwifeworkedeasily，merrily，anddeftly。Theclose-packedhaydidnotoncebreakawaybyherfork。Firstsheteddedit，stucktheforkintoit，thenwitharapid，supplemovementleanedthewholeweightofherbodyonit，andatoncewithabendofherbackundertheredbeltshedrewherselfup，andarchingherfullbosomunderthelongwhiteapron，withadeftturnswungtheforkinherarms，andflungthebundleofhayhighontothewagon。Ivan，obviouslydoinghisbesttosavehereveryminuteofunnecessarylabor，madehaste，openingwidehisarmstoclutchthebundleandlayitinthewagon。Assherakedtogetherwhatwasleftofthehay，theyoungwifeshookoffthebitsofhaythathadfallenonherneck，and，arrangingtheredkerchiefthatwasgonebackwardbaringherwhitebrow，notbrownedbythesun，shecreptunderthewagontotieuptheload。Ivandirectedherhowtofastenthecordtothecrosspiece，andatsomethingshesaidhelaughedaloud。
Intheexpressionsofbothfaceswastobeseenvigorous，young，freshlyawakenedlove。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]
TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart3，Chapter12[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter12Theloadwastiedon。Ivanjumpeddownandtookthequiet，sleekhorsebythebridle。Theyoungwifeflungtherakeupontheload；withaboldstep，swingingherarms，shewenttojointhewomen，whowereformingaringforthehaymakers’dance。Ivandroveofftotheroadandfellintolinewiththeotherloadedwagons。Thepeasantwomen，withtheirrakesontheirshoulders，gaywithbrightflowers，andchatteringwithringing，merryvoices，walkedbehindthehaywagon。Onewilduntrainedfemalevoicebrokeintoasong，andsangitalonethroughaverse，andthenthesameversewasunanimouslytakenupandrepeatedbyhalfahundredstronghealthyvoices，ofallsorts，coarseandfine。
Thewomen，allsinging，begantocomeclosetoLevin，andhefeltasthoughastormwereswoopingdownuponhimwithathunderofmerriment。
Thestormswoopeddown，envelopedhimandthehaycockonwhichhewaslying，andtheotherhaycocks，andwagonloads，andthewholemeadowanddistantfieldsallseemedtobeshakingandsingingtothemeasuresofthiswildmerrysong，withitsshoutsandwhistlesandclapping。Levinfeltenviousofthishealthandmirthfulness；helongedtotakepartintheexpressionofthisjoyoflife。Buthecoulddonothing，andhadtolieandlookonandlisten。Whenthepeasants，withtheirsinging，hadvanishedoutofsightandhearing，awearyfeelingofdespondencyathisownisolation，hisphysicalinactivity，hisalienationfromthisworld，cameoverLevin。
Someoftheverypeasantswhohadbeenmostactiveinwranglingwithhimoverthehay，somewhomhehadtreatedwithcontumely，andwhohadtriedtocheathim-thoseverypeasantshadgreetedhimgood-humoredly，andevidentlyhadnot，wereincapableofhaving，anyfeelingofrancoragainsthim，anyregret，anyrecollectionevenofhavingtriedtodeceivehim。Allthatwasdrownedinaseaofmerrycommonlabor。Godgavetheday，Godgavethestrength。Andthedayandthestrengthwereconsecratedtolabor，andthatlaborwasitsownreward。Forwhomthelabor？Whatwouldbeitsfruits？Thesewereidleconsiderations-besidethepoint。
OftenLevinhadadmiredthislife，oftenhehadasenseofenvyofthemenwholedthislife；buttoday，forthefirsttime，especiallyundertheinfluenceofwhathehadseenintheattitudeofIvanParmenovtohisyoungwife，theideapresenteditselfdefinitelytohismindthatitwasinhispowertoexchangethedreary，artificial，idle，andindividualisticlifehewasleadingforthislaborious，pure，andgenerallydelightfullife。
Theoldmanwhohadbeensittingbesidehimhadlongagogonehome；thepeoplehadallgonetheirdifferentways。Thosewholivednearhadgonehome，whilethosewhocamefromafarweregatheredintoagroupforsupper，andtospendthenightinthemeadow。Levin，unobservedbythepeasants，stilllayonthehaycock，andstilllookedon，andlistened，andmused。Thepeasantswhoremainedforthenightinthemeadowscarcelysleptalltheshortsummernight。Atfirsttherewasthesoundofmerrytalkandgenerallaughingoverthesupper，thensingingagain，andlaughter。
Allthelongdayoftoilhadleftnotraceinthemsavelightnessofheart。Beforetheearlydawnallwashushed。Nothingwastobeheardbutthenightsoundsofthefrogsthatneverceasedinthemarsh，andthehorsessnortinginthemistthatroseoverthemeadowbeforemorning。Rousinghimself，Levingotupfromthehaycock，and，lookingatthestars，hesawthatthenightwasover。
`Well，whatamIgoingtodo？HowamItosetaboutit？’hesaidtohimself，tryingtoexpresstohimselfallthethoughtsandfeelingshehadpassedthroughinthisbriefnight。Allthethoughtsandfeelingshehadpassedthroughfellintothreeseparatetrainsofthought。Onewastherenunciationofhisoldlife，ofhisutterlyuselesseducation。Thisrenunciationgavehimsatisfaction，andwaseasyandsimple。Anotherseriesofthoughtsandmentalimagesrelatedtothelifehelongedtolivenow。
Thesimplicity，thepurity，thesanityofthislifehefeltclearly，andhewasconvincedhewouldfindinititscontent，itspeace，anditsdignity，ofthelackofwhichhewassomiserablyconscious。Butathirdseriesofideasturneduponthequestionofhowtoeffectthistransitionfromtheoldlifetothenew。Andtherenothingtookclearshapeforhim。`A
wife。Workandthenecessityofwork。LeavePokrovskoe？Buyland？Becomeamemberofapeasantcommunity？Marryapeasantgirl？HowamItosetaboutit？’heaskedhimselfagain，andcouldnotfindananswer。`Ihaven’tsleptallnight，though，andIcan’tthinkitoutclearly，’hesaidtohimself。`I’llworkitoutlater。Onething’scertain-thisnighthasdecidedmyfate。Allmyolddreamsofhomelifewereabsurd，nottherealthing，’hetoldhimself。`It’salleversomuchsimplerandbetter……’
`Howbeautiful！’hethought，lookingatthestrange，asitwere，mother-of-pearlshellofwhitefleecycloudletsrestingrightoverhisheadinthemiddleofthesky。`Howexquisiteitallisinthisexquisitenight！Andwhenwastheretimeforthatcloudshelltoform？JustnowI
lookedatthesky，andtherewasnothinginit-onlytwowhitestreaks。
Yes，andsoimperceptibly，too，myviewsoflifechanged！’
Hewentoutofthemeadowandwalkedalongthehighroadtowardthevillage。Aslightwindarose，andtheskylookedgrayandsullen。Thegloomymomenthadcomethatusuallyprecedesthedawn，thefulltriumphoflightoverdarkness。
Shrinkingfromthecold，Levinwalkedrapidly，lookingattheground。`What’sthat？Someonecoming，’hethought，catchingthetinkleofbells，andliftinghishead。Fortypacesfromhimacarriageandfourwiththeluggageonitstopwasdrivingtowardhimalongthegrassyhighroadonwhichhewaswalking。Theshafthorsesweretiltedagainsttheshaftsbytheruts，butthedexterousdriversittingontheboxheldtheshaftovertheruts，sothatthewheelsranonthesmoothpartoftheroad。
ThiswasallLevinnoticed，andwithoutwonderingwhoitcouldbe，hegazedabsentlyatthecoach。
Inthecoachwasanoldladydozinginonecorner，andatthewindow，evidentlyonlyjustawake，satayounggirlholdinginbothhandstheribbonsofawhitecap。Withafacefulloflightandthought，fullofasubtle，complexinnerlife，thatwasremotefromLevin，shewasgazingfromthewindowattheglowofthesunrise。
Attheveryinstantwhenthisapparitionwasvanishing，thetruthfuleyesglancedathim。Sherecognizedhim，andherfacelightedupwithwonderingdelight。
Hecouldnotbemistaken。Therewerenoothereyeslikethoseinalltheworld。Therewasonlyonecreatureintheworldthatcouldconcentrateforhimallthebrightnessandmeaningoflife。Itwasshe。ItwasKitty。
HecomprehendedthatshewasdrivingtoErgushovofromtherailwaystation。
AndeverythingthathadbeenstirringLevinduringthissleeplessnight，alltheresolutionshehadmade，allvanishedatonce。Herecalledwithhorrorhisdreamsofmarryingapeasantgirl。Thereonly，inthiscarriagethathadcrossedovertotheothersideoftheroad，andwasrapidlydisappearing-thereonlycouldhefindthesolutionoftheriddleofhislife，whichhadweighedsoagonizinglyuponhimoflate。
Shedidnotlookoutagain。Thesoundofthecarriagespringswasnolongeraudible，thebellscouldscarcelybeheard。Thebarkingofdogsshowedthecarriagehadreachedthevillage，andallthatwasleftwastheemptyfieldsallround，thevillageinfront，andhehimselfisolatedandapartfromitall，wanderinglonelyalongthedesertedhighroad。
Heglancedatthesky，expectingtofindtherethecloudshellhehadbeenadmiringandtakingasthesymboloftheideasandfeelingsofthatnight。Therewasnothingintheskyintheleastlikeashell。
There，intheremoteheightsabove，amysteriouschangehadbeenaccomplished。
Therewasnotraceofashell，andtherewasstretchedoverfullyhalftheskyanevencoveroftiny，andevertinier，cloudlets。Theskyhadgrownblueandbright；andwiththesamesoftness，butwiththesameremoteness，itmethisquestioninggaze。
`No，’hesaidtohimself，`howevergoodthatlifeofsimplicityandtoilmaybe，Icannotgobacktoit。Iloveher。’
[NextChapter][TableofContents]TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart3，Chapter13[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter13NonebutthosewhoweremostintimatewithAlexeiAlexandrovichknewthat，whileonthesurfacethecoldestandmostrationalofmen，hehadoneweaknessquiteopposedtothegeneraltrendofhischaracter。AlexeiAlexandrovichcouldnothearorseeachildorwomancryingwithoutbeingmoved。Thesightoftearsthrewhimintoastateofnervousagitation，andheutterlylostallpowerofreflection。Theheadclerkofhisboardandthesecretarywereawareofthis，andusedtowarnwomenwhocamewithpetitionsonnoaccounttogivewaytotears，iftheydidnotwanttoruintheirchances。
`Hewillgetangry，andwillnotlistentoyou，’theyusedtosay。And，asafact，insuchcasestheemotionaldisturbancesetupinAlexeiAlexandrovichbythesightoftearsfoundexpressioninhastyanger。`Icandonothing。
Kindlyleavetheroom！’hewouldusuallyshoutinsuchcases。
When，returningfromtheraces，AnnahadinformedhimofherrelationswithVronsky，andimmediatelyafterwardhadburstintotears，hidingherfaceinherhands，AlexeiAlexandrovich，forallthefuryarousedinhimagainsther，wasawareatthesametimeofarushofthatemotionaldisturbancealwaysproducedinhimbytears。Consciousofit，andconsciousthatanyexpressionofhisfeelingsatthatminutewouldbeoutofkeepingwiththesituation，hetriedtosuppresseverymanifestationoflifeinhimself，andsoneitherstirrednorlookedather。ThiswaswhathadcausedthatstrangeexpressionofdeathlikerigidityinhisfacewhichhadsoimpressedAnna。
Whentheyreachedthehousehehelpedhertogetoutofthecarriage，and，makinganefforttomasterhimself，tookleaveofherwithhisusualurbanity，andutteredthatphrasethatboundhimtonothing；hesaidthattomorrowhewouldletherknowhisdecision。
Hiswife’swords，confirminghisworstsuspicions，hadsentacruelpangtotheheartofAlexeiAlexandrovich。Thatpangwasintensifiedbythestrangefeelingofphysicalpityforherengenderedbyhertears。
ButwhenhewasallaloneinthecarriageAlexeiAlexandrovich，tohissurpriseanddelight，feltcompletereliefbothfromthispityandfromthedoubtsandagoniesofjealousy。
Heexperiencedthesensationsofamanwhohashadatoothoutaftersufferinglongfromtoothache。Afterafearfulagonyandasenseofsomethinghuge，biggerthantheheaditself，beingtornoutofhisjaw，thesufferer，hardlyabletobelieveinhisowngoodluck，feelsallatoncethatwhathassolongenvenomedhisexistenceandenchainedhisattention，existsnolonger，andthathecanliveandthinkagain，andtakeaninterestinotherthingsbesideshistooth。ThisfeelingAlexeiAlexandrovichwasexperiencing。Theagonyhadbeenstrangeandterrible，butnowitwasover；
hefeltthathecouldliveagainandthinkofsomethingotherthanhiswife。
`Nohonor，noheart，noreligion；acorruptwoman。Ialwaysknewitandalwayssawit，thoughItriedtodeceivemyselftospareher，’hesaidtohimself。Anditactuallyseemedtohimthathealwayshadseenit:herecalledincidentsoftheirpastlife，inwhichhehadneverseenanythingwrongbefore-nowtheseincidentsprovedclearlythatshehadalwaysbeenacorruptwoman。`Imadeamistakeinlinkingmylifetohers；
buttherewasnothingwronginmymistake，andsoIcannotbeunhappy。
It’snotIwhoamtoblame，’hetoldhimself，`butshe。ButIhavenothingtodowithher。Shedoesnotexistforme。’
Allthatwouldbefallherandherson，towardwhomhissentimentswereasmuchchangedastowardher，ceasedtointeresthim。Theonlythingthatinterestedhimnowwasthequestioninwhatwayhecouldbest，withmostproprietyandcomfortforhimself，andsowithmostjustice，shakeclearthemudwithwhichshehadspatteredhiminherfall，andthenproceedalonghispathofactive，honorable，andusefulexistence。
`Icannotbemadeunhappybythefactthatacontemptiblewomanhascommittedacrime。Ihaveonlytofindthebestwayoutofthedifficultpositioninwhichshehasplacedme。AndIshallfindit，’hesaidtohimself，frowningmoreandmore。`I’mneitherthefirstnorthelast。’AndtosaynothingofhistoricalinstancesdatingfromMenelaus，recentlyrevivedinthememoryofallbyLaBelleHé；lè；ne，awholelistofcontemporaryexamplesofhusbandswithunfaithfulwivesinthehighestsocietyrosebeforeAlexeiAlexandrovich’simagination。`Daryalov，Poltavsky，PrinceKaribanov，CountPaskudin，Dram……Yes，evenDram……suchanhonest，capablefellow……Semionov，Chagin，Sigonin，’AlexeiAlexandrovichremembered。
`Admittingthatacertainquiteirrationalridiculefallstothelotofthesemen，yetIneversawanythingbutamisfortuneinit，andalwaysfeltsympathyforit，’AlexeiAlexandrovichsaidtohimself，thoughindeedthiswasnotthefact，andhehadneverfeltsympathyformisfortunesofthatkind，butthemoreoftenhehadheardofinstancesofunfaithfulwivesbetrayingtheirhusbands，themorehighlyhehadthoughtofhimself。`Itisamisfortunewhichmaybefallanyone。Andthismisfortunehasbefallenme。Theonlythingtobedoneistomakethebestofthesituation。’Andhebeganpassinginreviewthemethodsofproceedingofmenwhohadbeeninthesamepositionthathewasin。
`Daryalovfoughtaduel……’
TheduelhadparticularlyfascinatedthethoughtsofAlexeiAlexandrovichinhisyouth，justbecausehewasphysicallyafaintheartedman，andwashimselfwellawareofthefac（丁香书院小说）t。AlexeiAlexandrovichcouldnotwithouthorrorcontemplatetheideaofapistolaimedathimself，andnevermadeuseofanyweaponinhislife。Thishorrorhadinhisyouthsethimoftenponderingondueling，andpicturinghimselfinapositioninwhichhewouldhavetoexposehislifetodanger。Havingattainedsuccessandanestablishedpositionintheworld，hehadlongagoforgottenthisfeeling；butthehabitualbentoffeelingreasserteditself，anddreadofhisowncowardiceprovedevennowsostrongthatAlexeiAlexandrovichspentalongwhilethinkingoverthequestionofduelinginallitsaspects，andhuggingtheideaofaduel，thoughhewasfullyawarebeforehandthathewouldneverunderanycircumstancesfightone。
`There’snodoubtoursocietyisstillsobarbarousit’snotthesameinEnglandthatverymany’-andamongthesewerethosewhoseopinionAlexeiAlexandrovichparticularlyvalued-`lookfavorablyontheduel；butwhatresultisattainedbyit？SupposeIcallhimout，’AlexeiAlexandrovichwentontohimself，andvividlypicturingthenighthewouldspendafterthechallenge，andthepistolaimedathim，heshuddered，andknewthatheneverwoulddoit-`supposeIcallhimout。SupposeIamtaught，’hewentonmusing，`Iamplaced，Ipressthetrigger，’hesaidtohimself，closinghiseyes，`anditturnsoutIhavekilledhim，’AlexeiAlexandrovichsaidtohimself，andheshookhisheadasthoughtodispelsuchsillyideas。`Whatsenseisthereinmurderingamaninordertodefineone’srelationtoaguiltywifeandson？IshouldstillhavetodecidewhatIoughttodowithher。Butwhatismoreprobable，andwhatwoulddoubtlesslyoccur-Ishouldbekilledorwounded。I，theinnocentperson，shouldbethevictim-killedorwounded。It’sevenmoresenseless。But，apartfromthat，achallengetofightwouldbeanacthardlyhonestonmyside。Don’tIknowbeforehandthatmyfriendswouldneverallowmetofightaduel-wouldneverallowthelifeofastatesman，neededbyRussia，tobeexposedtodanger？Whatwouldcomeofit？Itwouldcomeofitthat，knowingbeforehandthatthematterwouldnevercometorealdanger，itwouldamounttomysimplytryingtogainacertainshamreputationbysuchachallenge。Thatwouldbedishonest，thatwouldbefalse，thatwouldbedeceivingmyselfandothers。Aduelisquiteimpossible，andnooneexpectsitofme。Myaimissimplytosafeguardmyreputation，whichisessentialfortheuninterruptedpursuitofmypublicduties。’Officialduties，whichhadalwaysbeenofgreatconsequenceinAlexeiAlexandrovich’seyes，seemedofspecialimportancetohismindatthismoment。
Consideringandrejectingtheduel，AlexeiAlexandrovichturnedtodivorce-anothersolutionselectedbyseveralofthehusbandsheremembered。
Passinginmentalreviewalltheinstancesheknewofdivorcestherewereplentyofthemintheveryhighestsocietywithwhichhewasveryfamiliar，AlexeiAlexandrovichcouldnotfindasingleexampleinwhichtheobjectofdivorcewasthatwhichhehadinview。Inalltheseinstancesthehusbandhadpracticallycededorsoldhisunfaithfulwife，andtheverypartywho，beinginfault，hadnottherighttocontractamarriage，hadformedcounterfeit，pseudo-matrimonialtieswithanewhusband。Inhisowncase，AlexeiAlexandrovichsawthatalegaldivorce，thatistosay，oneinwhichonlytheguiltywifewouldberepudiated，wasimpossibleofattainment。Hesawthatthecomplexconditionsofthelifetheyledmadethecoarseproofsofhiswife’sguilt，requiredbythelaw，outofthequestion；hesawthatacertainrefinementinthatlifewouldnotadmitofsuchproofsbeingbroughtforward，evenifhehadthem，andthattobringforwardsuchproofswoulddamagehiminthepublicestimationmorethanitwouldher。
Anattemptatdivorcecouldleadtonothingbutapublicscandal，whichwouldbeaperfectgodsendtohisenemiesforcalumnyandattacksonhishighpositioninsociety。Hischiefobject，todefinethepositionwiththeleastamountofdisturbancepossible，wouldnotbeattainedbydivorceeither。Moreover，intheeventofdivorce，orevenofanattempttoobtainadivorce，itwasobviousthatthewifebrokeoffallrelationswiththehusbandandthrewinherlotwiththelover。And，inspiteofthecomplete，ashesupposed，contemptandindifferencehenowfeltforhiswife，atthebottomofhisheartAlexeiAlexandrovichstillhadonefeelingleftinregardtoher-adisinclinationtoseeherfreetothrowinherlotwithVronsky，sothathercrimewouldbetoheradvantage。ThemerenotionofthissoexasperatedAlexeiAlexandrovich，thatdirectlyitrosetohismindhegroanedwithinwardagony，andgotupandchangedhisplaceinthecarriage，andforalongwhileafterhesatwithscowlingbrows，wrappinghisnumbedandbonylegsinthefleecyrug。
`Apartfromformaldivorce，onemightstilldoasKaribanov，Paskudin，andthatgoodfellowDramdid-thatis，separatefromone’swife，’hewentonthinking，whenhehadregainedhiscomposure。Butthissteptoopresentedthesamedrawbackofpublicscandalasadivorce，and，whatwasmore，aseparation，quiteasmuchasaregulardivorce，flunghiswifeintothearmsofVronsky。`No，it’soutofthequestion，outofthequestion！’
hesaidaloud，twistinghisrugabouthimagain。`Icannotbeunhappy，butneithershenorheoughttobehappy。’
Thefeelingofjealousy，whichhadtorturedhimduringtheperiodofuncertainty，hadpassedawayattheinstantwhen，withagony，thetoothhadbeenextractedbyhiswife’swords。Butthatfeelinghadbeenreplacedbyanother-thedesire，notmerelythatsheshouldnottriumph，butthatsheshouldgetduepunishmentforhercrime。Hedidnotacknowledgethisfeeling，butatthebottomofhishearthelongedforhertosufferforhavingdestroyedhispeaceofmind，andhavingdishonoredhim。Andonceagaingoingovertheconditionsinseparablefromaduel，adivorce，aseparation，andonceagainrejectingthem，AlexeiAlexandrovichfeltconvincedthattherewasonlyonesolution-tokeepherwithhim，concealingwhathadhappenedfromtheworld，andusingeverymeasureinhispowertobreakofftheintrigue，andstillmore-thoughthishedidnotadmittohimself-topunishher。`Imustcommunicatetohermydecision；that，thinkingovertheterriblepositioninwhichshehasplacedherfamily，allothersolutionswillbeworseforbothsidesthananexternalstatusquo，andthatsuchIagreetoretain，onthestrictconditionofobedienceonherparttomywishes-thatistosay，cessationofallintercoursewithherlover。’Whenthisdecisionhadbeenfinallyadopted，anotherweightyconsiderationoccurredtoAlexeiAlexandrovichinsupportofit。`BysuchacourseonlyshallIbeactinginaccordancewiththedictatesofreligion，’hetoldhimself。`Inadoptingthiscourse，Iamnotcastingoffaguiltywife，butgivingherachanceofamendment；and，indeed，difficultasthetaskwillbetome，Ishalldevotepartofmyenergiestoherreformationandsalvation。’ThoughAlexeiAlexandrovichwasperfectlyawarethathecouldnotexertanymoralinfluenceoverhiswife，thatsuchanattemptatreformationcouldleadtonothingbutfalsity；thoughinpassingthroughthesedifficultmomentshehadnotoncethoughtofseekingguidanceinreligion；yetnow，whenhisconclusioncorresponded，asitseemedtohim，withtherequirementsofreligion，thisreligioussanctiontohisdecisiongavehimcompletesatisfaction，andtosomeextentrestoredhispeaceofmind。Hewaspleasedtothinkthat，eveninsuchanimportantcrisisinlife，noonewouldbeabletosaythathehadnotactedinaccordancewiththeprinciplesofthatreligionwhosebannerhehadalwaysheldaloftamidthegeneralcoolnessandindifference。Asheponderedoversubsequentdevelopments，AlexeiAlexandrovichdidnotsee，indeed，whyhisrelationswithhiswifeshouldnotremainpracticallythesameasbefore。Nodoubt，shecouldneverregainhisesteem，buttherewasnot，andtherecouldnotbe，anysortofreasonwhyhisexistenceshouldbetroubled，andwhyheshouldsufferbecauseshewasabadandfaithlesswife。`Yes，timewillpass-time，whicharrangesallthings；
andtheoldrelationswillbereestablished，’AlexeiAlexandrovichtoldhimself；sofarreestablished，thatis，thatIshallnotbesensibleofabreakinthecontinuityofmylife。Sheisboundtobeunhappy，butI
amnottoblame，andsoIcannotbeunhappy。’
[NextChapter][TableofContents]
TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart3，Chapter14[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter14AshenearedPeterburg，AlexeiAlexandrovichnotonlyadheredentirelytohisdecision，butwasevencomposinginhisheadtheletterhewouldwritetohiswife。GoingintothehallAlexeiAlexandrovichglancedatthelettersandpapersbroughtfromhisMinistryanddirectedthattheyshouldbebroughttohiminhisstudy。
`Thehorsescanbetakenout，andIwillseenoone，’hesaidinanswertotheporter，withacertainpleasure，indicativeofhisagreeableframeofmind，emphasizingthewords，`seenoone。’
InhisstudyAlexeiAlexandrovichwalkedupanddowntwice，andstoppedatanimmensewritingtable，onwhichsixcandleshadalreadybeenlightedbythevaletwhohadprecededhim。Hecrackedhisknuckles，andsatdown，sortingouthiswritingappurtenances。Puttinghiselbowsonthetable，hebenthisheadononeside，thoughtaminute，andbegantowrite，withoutpausingforasecond。Hewrotewithoutusinganyformofaddresstoher，andwroteinFrench，makinguseoftheplural`vous，’
whichhasnotthesamenoteofcoldnessasthecorrespondingRussianform。
`Atourlastconversation，Inotifiedyouofmyintentionofcommunicatingtoyoumydecisioninregardtothesubjectofthatconversation。
Havingcarefullyconsideredeverything，Iamwritingnowwiththeobjectoffulfillingthatpromise。Mydecisionisasfollows。Whateveryourconductmayhavebeen，IdonotconsidermyselfjustifiedinbreakingthetiesinwhichweareboundbyaHigherPower。Thefamilycannotbebrokenupbyawhim，acaprice，orevenbythesinofoneofthepartnersinthemarriage，andourlifemustgoonasithasdoneinthepast。Thisisessentialforme，foryou，andforourson。Iamfullypersuadedthatyouhaverepented，anddorepent，ofwhathascalledforththepresentletter，andthatyouwillco-operatewithmeineradicatingthecauseofourestrangement，andforgettingthepast。Inthecontraryevent，youcanconjecturewhatawaitsyouandyourson。AllthisIhopetodiscussmoreindetailinapersonalinterview。Astheseasonisdrawingtoaclose，IwouldbegyoutoreturntoPeterburgasquicklyaspossible-notlaterthanTuesday。Allnecessarypreparationsshallbemadeforyourarrivalhere。IbegyoutonotethatIattachparticularsignificancetocompliancewiththisrequest。
A。Karenin`P。S-Ienclosethemoneywhichmaybeneededforyourexpenses。’Hereadtheletterthroughandfeltpleasedwithit，andespeciallybecausehehadrememberedtoenclosemoney:therewasnotaharshword，notareproachinit，norwasthereundueindulgence。Mostofall，itwasagoldenbridgeforareturn。Foldingtheletterandsmoothingitwithamassiveivoryknife，andputtingitinanenvelopewiththemoney，herangthebellwiththegratificationitalwaysaffordedhimtousethewell-arrangedappointmentsofhiswritingtable。
`GivethistoamessengertobedeliveredtoAnnaArkadyevnatomorrow，atthesummervilla，’hesaid，gettingup。
`Certainly，YourExcellency；isteatobeservedinthestudy？’
AlexeiAlexandrovichorderedteatobebroughttothestudy，andplayingwiththemassivepaperknife，hemovedtohiseasychair，nearwhichtherehadbeenplacedreadyforhimalampandtheFrenchworkonlestablesEugubinesthathehadbegun。OvertheeasychairtherehunginagoldframeanovalportraitofAnna，afinepaintingbyacelebratedartist。AlexeiAlexandrovichglancedatit。Theunfathomableeyesgazedironicallyandinsolentlyathim，astheydidthatnightoftheirlastexplanation。InsufferablyinsolentandchallengingwastheeffectinAlexeiAlexandrovich’seyesoftheblacklaceaboutthehead，admirablytouchedinbythepainter，theblackhairandhandsomewhitehandthefourthfingerofwhichwascoveredwithrings。Afterlookingattheportraitforaminute，AlexeiAlexandrovichshudderedsothathislipsquiveredandproduced`brrr，’
andturnedaway。Hemadehastetositdowninhiseasychairandopenedthebook。Hetriedtoread，buthecouldnotrevivetheveryvividinteresthehadfeltbeforeinEugubineinscriptions。Helookedatthebookandthoughtofsomethingelse。Hethoughtnotofhiswife，butofacomplicationthathadariseninhisofficiallife，whichatthetimeconstitutedthechiefinterestofit。Hefeltthathehadpenetratedmoredeeplythaneverbeforeintothisintricateaffair，andthathehadoriginatedaleadingidea-hecouldsayitwithoutself-flattery-calculatedtoclearupthewholebusiness，tostrengthenhiminhisofficialcareer，todiscomfithisenemies，andtherebytobeofthegreatestbenefittotheState。Directlytheservanthadsettheteaandlefttheroom，AlexeiAlexandrovichgotupandwenttothewritingtable。Movingintothemiddleofthetableaportfolioofcurrentpapers，withascarcelyperceptiblesmileofself-satisfaction，hetookapencilfromarackandplungedintotheperusalofacomplexreportrelatingtothepresentcomplication。Thecomplicationwasofthisnature:AlexeiAlexandrovich’scharacteristicqualityasapolitician，thatspecialindividualqualificationthateveryrisingfunctionarypossesses，thequalificationthatwithhisunflaggingambition，hisreserve，hishonesty，andhisself-confidencehadmadehiscareer，washiscontemptforredtape，hiscuttingdownofcorrespondence，hisdirectcontact，whereverpossible，withthelivingfact，andhiseconomy。IthappenedthatthefamousCommissionofthe2ndofJunehadsetonfootaninquiryintotheirrigationoflandsintheZaraiskyprovince，whichfellunderAlexeiAlexandrovich’sdepartment，andwasaglaringexampleoffruitlessexpenditureandpaperreforms。AlexeiAlexandrovichwasawareofthetruthofthis。TheirrigationoftheselandsintheZaraiskyprovincehadbeeninitiatedbythepredecessorofAlexeiAlexandrovich’spredecessor。Andvastsumsofmoneyhadactuallybeenspent，andwerestillbeingspent，onthisbusiness，andutterlyunproductively，andthewholebusinesscouldobviouslyleadtonothingwhatever。AlexeiAlexandrovichhadperceivedthisatonceonenteringoffice，andwouldhavelikedtolayhandsonthebusiness。Butatfirst，whenhedidnotyetfeelsecureinhisposition，heknewitwouldaffecttoomanyinterests，andwouldbeimprudent；lateronhehadbeenengrossedinotherquestions，andhadsimplyforgottenthiscase。Itwentofitself，likeallsuchcases，bythemereforceofinertia。Manypeoplegainedtheirlivelihoodbythisbusiness，especiallyonehighlyconscientiousandmusicalfamily:allthedaughtersplayedonstringedinstruments，andAlexeiAlexandrovichknewthefamilyandhadstoodgodfathertooneoftheelderdaughters。TheraisingofthisquestionbyahostileMinistrywasinAlexeiAlexandrovich’sopinionadishonorableproceeding，seeingthatineveryMinistrytherewerethingssimilarandworse，whichnooneinquiredinto，forwell-knownreasonsofofficialetiquette。However，nowthatthegauntlethadbeenthrowndowntohim，hehadboldlypickeditupanddemandedtheappointmentofaspecialcommissiontoinvestigateandverifytheworkingoftheCommissionofIrrigationofthelandsintheZaraiskyprovince；butincompensationhegavenoquartertotheenemyeither。HedemandedalsotheappointmentofanotherspecialcommissiontoinquireintothequestionoftheNativeTribesOrganization。ThequestionoftheNativeTribeshadbeenbroughtupincidentallyintheCommitteeofthe2ndofJune，andhadbeenpressedforwardactivelybyAlexeiAlexandrovich，asoneadmittingofnodelayonaccountofthedeplorableconditionofthenativetribes。IntheCommitteethisquestionhadbeenagroundofcontentionbetweenseveralMinistries。
TheMinistryhostiletoAlexeiAlexandrovichprovedthattheconditionofthenativetribeswasexceedinglyflourishing，thattheproposedreconstructionmightbetheruinoftheirprosperity，andthatiftherewereanythingwrong，itarosemainlyfromthefailureonthepartofAlexeiAlexandrovich’sMinistrytocarryoutthemeasuresprescribedbylaw。NowAlexeiAlexandrovichintendedtodemand:First，thatanewcommissionshouldbeformedwhichshouldbeempoweredtoinvestigatetheconditionofthenativetribesonthespot；secondly，ifitshouldappearthattheconditionofthenativetribesactuallywassuchasitappearedtobefromtheofficialdatainthehandsoftheCommittee，thatanothernewscientificcommissionshouldbeappointedtoinvestigatethedeplorableconditionofthenativetribesfromthe-apolitical，badministrative，c
economic，dethnographical，ematerial，andfreligiouspointsofview；thirdly，thatevidenceshouldberequiredfromtherivalMinistryofthemeasuresthathadbeentakenduringthelasttenyearsbythatMinistryforavertingthedisastrousconditionsinwhichthenativetribeswerenowplaced；and，fourthlyandfinally，thatthatMinistrybeaskedtoexplainwhyithad，asappearedfromthereportssubmittedbeforetheCommittee，underNos。17，015and18，308，datedDecember5，1863，andJune7，1864respectively，actedindirectcontraventionoftheintentionofthebasicandorganiclaw，T……Statute18，andthenotetoStatute36。AflushofeagernesssuffusedthefaceofAlexeiAlexandrovichasherapidlywroteoutasynopsisoftheseideasforhisownbenefit。Havingfilledasheetofpaper，hegotup，rang，andsentanotetotheheadclerktolookupcertainnecessaryfactsforhim。Gettingupandwalkingabouttheroom，heglancedagainattheportrait，frowned，andsmiledcontemptuously。
AfterreadingalittlemoreofthebookonEugubineinscriptions，andrenewinghisinterestinit，AlexeiAlexandrovichwenttobedateleveno’clock，andrecollectingashelayinbedtheincidentwithhiswife，hesawitnowinbynomeanssogloomyalight。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart3，Chapter15[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter15ThoughAnnahadobstinatelyandwithexasperationcontradictedVronsky-whenhetoldhertheirpositionwasimpossible，andpersuadedhertolayopeneverythingtoherhusband-atthebottomofherheartsheregardedherownpositionasfalseanddishonorable，andshelongedwithherwholesoultochangeit。Onthewayhomefromtheracesshehadtoldherhusbandthetruthinamomentofexcitement，andinspiteoftheagonyshehadsufferedindoingso，shewasgladofit。Afterherhusbandhadlefther，shetoldherselfthatshewasglad，thatnoweverythingwasmadeclear，andatleasttherewouldbenomorelyinganddeception。Itseemedtoherbeyonddoubtthatherpositionwasnowmadeclearforever。Itmightbebad，thisnewposition，butitwouldbeclear；therewouldbenoindefinitenessorfalsehoodaboutit。Thepainshehadcausedherselfandherhusbandinutteringthosewordswouldberewardednowbyeverythingbeingmadeclear，shethought。ThateveningshesawVronsky，butshedidnottellhimofwhathadpassedbetweenherandherhusband，though，tomakethepositionclear，itwasnecessarytotellhim。
Whenshewokeupnextmorningthefirstthingthatrosetohermindwaswhatshehadsaidtoherhusband，andthosewordsseemedtohersoawfulthatshecouldnotconceivenowhowshecouldhavebroughtherselftoutterthosestrange，coarsewords，andcouldnotimaginewhatwouldcomeofit。Butthewordswerespoken，andAlexeiAlexandrovichhadgoneawaywithoutsayinganything。`IsawVronskyanddidnottellhim。AttheveryinstanthewasgoingawayIwouldhaveturnedhimbackandtoldhim，butIchangedmymind，becauseitwasstrangethatIhadnottoldhimthefirstminute。WhywasitIwantedtotellhimanddidn’t？’Andinanswertothisquestionaburningblushofshamespreadoverherface。Sheknewwhathadkeptherfromit，sheknewthatshehadbeenashamed。Herposition，whichhadseemedtohersimplifiedthenightbefore，suddenlystruckhernowasnotonlynotsimple，butasabsolutelyhopeless。Shefeltterrifiedatthedisgrace，ofwhichshehadnoteventhoughtbefore。Directlyshethoughtofwhatherhusbandwoulddo，themostterribleideascametohermind。Shehadavisionofbeingturnedoutofthehouse，ofhershamebeingproclaimedtoalltheworld。Sheaskedherselfwheresheshouldgowhenshewasturnedoutofthehouse，andshecouldnotfindananswer。
WhenshethoughtofVronsky，itseemedtoherthathedidnotloveher，thathewasalreadybeginningtobetiredofher，thatshecouldnotofferherselftohim，andshefeltbitteragainsthimforit。Itseemedtoherthatthewordsthatshehadspokentoherhusband，andhadcontinuallyrepeatedinherimagination，shehadsaidtoeveryone，andeveryonehadheardthem。Shecouldnotbringherselftolookthoseofherownhouseholdintheface。Shecouldnotbringherselftocallhermaid，andstilllessgodownstairsandseehersonandhisgoverness。
Themaid，whohadbeenlisteningatherdoorforalongwhile，cameintoherroomofherownaccord。Annaglancedinquiringlyintoherface，andblushedwithascaredlook。Themaidbeggedherpardonforcomingin，sayingthatshehadfanciedthebellrang。Shebroughtherclothesandanote。ThenotewasfromBetsy。BetsyremindedherthatLizaMerkalovaandBaronessStoltzwerecomingtoplaycroquetwithherthatmorningwiththeiradorers，KaluzhskyandoldStremov。`Come，ifonlyasastudyincharacters。Ishallexpectyou，’shefinished。
Annareadthenoteandheavedadeepsigh。
`Nothing-Ineednothing，’shesaidtoAnnushka，whowasrearrangingthebottlesandbrushesonthedressingtable。`Youmaygo。I’lldressatonceandcomedown。Ineednothing，nothing。’
Annushkawentout，butAnnadidnotbegindressing，andsatinthesameposition，herheadandhandshanginglistlessly，andeverynowandthensheshiveredallover，wasapparentlyabouttomakesomegesture，uttersomeword，andsankbackintolifelessnessagain。Sherepeatedcontinually，`MyGod！myGod！’Butneither`God’nor`my’hadanymeaningtoher。TheideaofseekinghelpinherdifficultyinreligionwasasremotefromherasseekinghelpfromAlexeiAlexandrovichhimself，althoughshehadneverhaddoubtsofthefaithinwhichshehadbeenbroughtup。Sheknewthatthesupportofreligionwaspossibleonlyuponconditionofrenouncingwhatmadeupforherthewholemeaningoflife。Shewasnotsimplymiserable，shebegantofeelalarmatthenewspiritualcondition，neverexperiencedbefore，inwhichshefoundherself。Shefeltasthougheverythingwerebeginningtobedoubleinhersoul，justasobjectssometimesappeardoubletoovertiredeyes。Shehardlyknewattimeswhatitwasshefeared，andwhatshehopedfor。Whethershefearedordesiredwhathadhappened，orwhatwasgoingtohappen，andexactlywhatshelongedfor，shecouldnothavesaid。
`Ah，whatamIdoing！’shesaidtoherself，feelingasuddenthrillofpaininbothsidesofherhead。Whenshecametoherself，shesawthatshewasholdingherhairinbothhands，eachsideofhertemples，andshewaspressingthem。Shejumpedup，andbeganwalkingabout。
`Thecoffeeisready，andmademoiselleandSeriozhaarewaiting，’
saidAnnushka，comingbackagainandfindingAnnainthesameposition。
`Seriozha？WhataboutSeriozha？’Annaasked，withsuddeneagerness，recollectingherson’sexistenceforthefirsttimethatmorning。
`He’sbeennaughty，Ithink，’answeredAnnushkawithasmile。
`Inwhatway？’
`Somepeacheswerelyingonthetableinthecornerroom。Ithinkheateoneofthemonthesly。’
TherecollectionofhersonsuddenlyrousedAnnafromthehelplessconditioninwhichshefoundherself。Sherecalledthepartlysincere，thoughgreatlyexaggerated，roleofthemotherlivingforherchild，whichshehadtakenupoflateyears，andshefeltwithjoythatintheplightinwhichshefoundherselfshehadadominionindependentofanypositionshewouldbeplacedinbyherrelationstoherhusbandortoVronsky。Thisdominionwasherson。Inwhateverpositionshemightbeplaced，shecouldnotabandonherson。Herhusbandmightputhertoshameandturnherout，Vronskymightgrowcoldtoherandgoonlivinghisownlifeapartshethoughtofhimagainwithbitternessandreproach；shecouldnotleaveherson。Shehadanaiminlife。Andshemustact；acttosecurethepositionofherson，sothathemightnotbetakenfromher。Quicklyindeed，asquicklyaspossible，shemusttakeactionbeforehewastakenfromher。
Shemusttakehersonandgoaway。Herewastheonethingshehadtodonow。Shemustbecalm，andgetoutofthisinsufferableposition。Thethoughtofimmediateactionbindinghertoherson，ofgoingawaysomewherewithhim，gaveherthiscalming。
Shedressedquickly，wentdownstairs，andwithresolutestepswalkedintothedrawingroom，whereshefound，asusual，waitingforher，thecoffee，Seriozha，andhisgoverness。Seriozha，allinwhite，withhisbackandheadbent，wasstandingatatableunderalookingglass，andwithanexpressionofintenseconcentrationwhichsheknewwell，andinwhichheresembledhisfather，hewasdoingsomethingtotheflowershecarried。
Thegovernesshadaparticularlysevereexpression。Seriozhascreamedshrilly，asheoftendid，`Ah，mamma！’andstopped，hesitatingwhethertogotogreethismotherandputdowntheflowers，ortofinishmakingthewreathandgowiththeflowers。
Thegoverness，aftersayinggoodmorning，beganalonganddetailedaccountofSeriozha’snaughtiness，butAnnadidnothearher；shewasconsideringwhethershewouldtakeherwithherornot。`No，Iwon’ttakeher，’shedecided。`I’llgoalonewithmyson。’
`Yes，it’sverywrong，’saidAnna，andtakinghersonbytheshouldershelookedathim，notseverely，butwithatimidglancethatbewilderedanddelightedtheboy，andshekissedhim。`Leavehimtome，’shesaidtotheastonishedgoverness，andwithoutlettinggoofherson，shesatdownatthetable，wherecoffeewassetreadyforher。
`Mamma！I……Ididn’t……’hesaid，tryingtomakeoutfromherexpressionwhatwasinstoreforhiminregardtothepeaches。
`Seriozha，’shesaid，assoonasthegovernesshadlefttheroom，`thatwaswrong，butyou’llneverdoitagain，willyou？……Youloveme？’
Shefeltthatthetearswerecomingintohereyes。`CanIhelplovinghim？’shesaidtoherself，lookingdeeplyintohisscaredandatthesametimedelightedeyes。`Andcanheeverjoinhisfatherinpunishingme？Isitpossiblehewillnotfeelforme？’Tearswerealreadyflowingdownherface，andtohidethemshegotupabruptlyandalmostranoutontheterrace。
Afterthethundershowersofthelastfewdays，cold，brightweatherhadsetin。Theairwascoldinthebrightsunthatfilteredthroughthefreshlywashedleaves。
Sheshivered，bothfromthecoldandfromtheinwardhorrorwhichhadclutchedherwithfreshforceintheopenair。
`Runalong，runalongtoMariette，’shesaidtoSeriozha，whohadfollowedherout，andshebeganwalkingupanddownonthestrawmattingoftheterrace。`Canitbethattheywon’tforgiveme，won’tunderstandhowitallcouldnothavebeenotherwise？’shesaidtoherself。
Standingstill，andlookingatthetopsoftheaspentreeswavinginthewind，withtheirfreshlywashed，brightlyshiningleavesinthecoldsunshine，sheknewthattheywouldnotforgiveher，thateveryoneandeverythingwouldbemercilesstohernowaswasthatsky，thatgreen。
Andagainshefeltthateverythingwasdoublinginhersoul。`Imustn’t，mustn’tthink，’shesaidtoherself。`Imustgetready。Togowhere？When？
Whomtotakewithme？Yes-toMoscow，bytheeveningtrain。AnnushkaandSeriozha，andonlythemostnecessarythings。ButfirstImustwritetothemboth。’Shewentquicklyindoorsintoherboudoir，satdownatthetable，andwrotetoherhusband:
`AfterwhathashappenedIcannotremainanylongerinyourhouse。
Iamgoingaway，andtakingmysonwithme。Idon’tknowthelaw；andsoIdon’tknowwithwhichoftheparentsthesonshouldremain；butItakehimwithmebecauseIcannotlivewithouthim。Begenerous，leavehimtome。’
Uptothispointshewroterapidlyandnaturally，buttheappealtohisgenerosity，aqualityshedidnotrecognizeinhim，andthenecessityofwindinguptheletterwithsomethingtouching，pulledherup。
`OfmyfaultandmyremorseIcannotspeak，because……’
Shestoppedagain，findingnoconnectioninherideas。`No，’shesaidtoherself，`there’snoneedofanything，’andtearinguptheletter，shewroteitagain，leavingouttheallusiontogenerosity，andsealeditup。
AnotherletterhadtobewrittentoVronsky。`Ihavetoldmyhusband，’
shewrote，andshesatalongwhileunabletowritemore。Itwassocoarse，sounfeminine。`AndwhatmoreamItowritehim？’shesaidtoherself。
Againaflushofshamespreadoverherface；sherecalledhiscomposure，andafeelingofangeragainsthimimpelledhertotearthesheetwiththephraseshehadwrittenintotinybits。`Noneedofanything，’shesaidtoherself，andclosingherblottingcaseshewentupstairs，toldthegovernessandtheservantsthatshewasgoingthatdaytoMoscow，andatoncesettoworktopackupherthings。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]
TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart3，Chapter16[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter16Alltheroomsofthesummervillawerefullofporters，gardeners，andfootmen，goingtoandfrocarryingoutthings。Cupboardsandchestswereopen；twicetheyhadtoruntoastoreforcord；piecesofnewspaperwereclutteringthefloor。Twotrunks，somebagsandstrapped-upplaidshadbeencarrieddownintothehall。Thecarriageandtwohiredcabswerewaitingatthesteps。Anna，forgettingherinwardagitationintheworkofpacking，wasstandingatatableinherboudoir，packinghertravelingbag，whenAnnushkacalledherattentiontotheclatterofsomecarriagedrivingup。
AnnalookedoutofthewindowandsawAlexeiAlexandrovich’smessengeronthesteps，ringingatthefrontdoorbell。
`Runandfindoutwhatitis，’shesaid，and，withacalmsenseofbeingpreparedforanything，shesatdowninalowchair，foldingherhandsonherknees。AfootmanbroughtinathickpacketdirectedinAlexeiAlexandrovich’shand。
`Themessengerhasorderstowaitforananswer，’hesaid。
`Verywell，’shesaid，andassoonashehadlefttheroomshetoreopentheletterwithtremblingfingers。Apacketofunfoldedbanknotesdoneupwithabandfelloutofit。Sheextricatedtheletterandbeganreadingitfromtheend。`Preparationsshallbemadeforyourarrivalhere……
Iattachparticularsignificancetocompliance……’sheread。Sheranthroughitbackward，readitallthrough，andoncemorereadtheletterallthroughagain，fromthebeginning。Whenshehadfinished，shefeltthatshewascoldallover，andthatafearfulcalamity，suchasshehadnotexpected，hadburstuponher。
Inthemorningshehadregrettedthatshehadspokentoherhusband，andwishedfornothingsomuchasthatthosewordsmightbeunspoken。Andherethisletterregardedthemasunspoken，andgaveherwhatshehadwanted。
Butnowthisletterseemedtohermoreawfulthananythingshehadbeenabletoconceive。
`He’sright！’shesaid。`Ofcourse，he’salwaysright；he’saChristian，he’sgenerous！Yes，vile，basecreature！Andnooneunderstandsitexceptme，andnooneeverwill；andIcan’texplainit。Theysayhe’ssoreligious，sohigh-principled，soupright，soclever；buttheydon’tseewhatI’veseen。Theydon’tknowhowhehascrushedmylifeforeightyears，crushedeverythingthatwaslivinginme-hehasnotonceeventhoughtthatI’malivewomanwhomusthavelove。Theydon’tknowhowateverystephe’shumiliatedme，andbeenjustaspleasedwithhimself。Haven’tIstriven-strivenwithallmystrength-tofindsomethingtogivemeaningtomylife？Haven’tIstruggledtolovehim，tolovemysonwhenIcouldnotlovemyhusband？ButthetimecamewhenIknewthatIcouldn’tcheatmyselfanylonger，thatIwasalive，thatIwasnottoblame，thatGodhasmademesothatImustloveandlive。Andnowwhatdoeshedo？Ifhe’dkilledme，ifhe’dkilledhim，Icouldhaveborneanything，Icouldhaveforgivenanything；but，no，he……’
`HowwasitIdidn’tguesswhathewoulddo？He’sdoingjustwhat’snaturaltohismeancharacter。He’llkeephimselfintheright，whilehe’lldriveme，inmyruin，stilllower，stilltoworseruin……’
`’Youcanconjecturewhatawaitsyouandyourson，’’sherecalledapartofhisletter。`That’sathreattotakeawaymychild，andmostlikelyaccordingtotheirstupidlawhecan。ButIknowverywellwhyhesaysit。Hedoesn’tbelieveeveninmyloveformychild，orhedespisesitjustashealwaysusedtoridiculeit。Hedespisesthatfeelinginme，butheknowsthatIwon’tabandonmychild，thatIcan’tabandonmychild，thattherecouldbenolifeformewithoutmychild，evenwithhimwhomIlove；butthatifIabandonedmychildandranawayfromhim，I
shouldbeactinglikethemostinfamous，basestofwomen。Heknowsthat，andknowsthatIamincapableofdoingthat。’
`Ourlifemustgoonasithasdoneinthepast，’sherecalledanothersentenceinhisletter。`Thatlifewasmiserableenoughintheolddays；ithasbeenawfuloflate。Whatwillitbenow？Andheknowsallthat；heknowsthatIcan’trepentbreathing，repentloving；heknowsthatitcanleadtonothingbutlyinganddeceit；buthewantstogoontorturingme。Iknowhim；Iknowthathe’sathomeandishappyindeceit，likeafishswimminginthewater。No，Iwon’tgivehimthathappiness。
I’llbreakthroughthespider’swebofliesinwhichhewantstocatchme，comewhatmay。Anything’sbetterthanlyinganddeceit。’
`Buthow？MyGod！myGod！WaseverawomansomiserableasIam？……’
`No；Iwillbreakthroughit，Iwillbreakthroughit！’shecried，jumpingupandkeepingbackhertears。Andshewenttothewritingtabletowritehimanotherletter。Butatthebottomofherheartshefeltthatshewasnotstrongenoughtobreakthroughanything，thatshewasnotstrongenoughtogetoutofheroldposition，howeverfalseanddishonorableitmightbe。
Shesatdownatthewritingtable，butinsteadofwritingsheclaspedherhandsonthetable，and，layingherheadonthem，burstintotears，withsobsandheavingbreast，likeachildcrying。Shewasweepingbecauseherdreamofherpositionbeingmadeclearanddefinitehadbeenannihilatedforever。Sheknewbeforehandthateverythingwouldgoonintheoldway，andfarworse，indeed，thanintheoldway。Shefeltthatherpositionintheworldsheenjoyed，andwhichhadseemedtoherofsolittleconsequenceinthemorning，wasnowprecioustoher，thatshewouldnothavethestrengthtoexchangeitfortheshamefulpositionofawomanwhohasabandonedhusbandandchildtojoinherlover；thathowevermuchshemightstruggle，shecouldnotbestrongerthanherself。Shewouldneverknowfreedominlove，butwouldremainforeveraguiltywife，withthemenaceofdetectionhangingoverherateveryinstant；deceivingherhusbandforthesakeofashamefulconnectionwithamanlivingapartandawayfromher，whoselifeshecouldnevershare。Sheknewthatthiswashowitwouldbe，andatthesametimeitwassoawfulthatshecouldnotevenconceivewhatitwouldendin。Andshecriedwithoutrestraint，aschildrencrywhentheyarepunished。
Thesoundofafootman’sstepsforcedhertorouseherself，and，hidingherfacefromhim，shepretendedtobewriting。
`Themessengerasksifthere’sanyanswer，’thefootmaninformedher。
`Anyanswer？Yes，’saidAnna。`Lethimwait。I’llring。’
`WhatcanIwrite？’shethought。`WhatcanIdecideuponalone？
WhatdoIknow？WhatdoIwant？WhatisthereIcarefor？’Againshefeltthathersoulwasbeginningtodouble。Shewasterrifiedagainatthisfeeling，andclutchedatthefirstpretextfordoingsomethingwhichmightdivertherthoughtsfromherself。`IoughttoseeAlexei’soshecalledVronskyinherthoughts；`noonebuthecantellmewhatIoughttodo。
I’llgotoBetsy’s，perhapsIshallseehimthere，’shesaidtoherself，completelyforgettingthat，whenshehadtoldhimthedaybeforethatshewasnotgoingtoPrincessTverskaia’shehadsaidthatinthatcaseheshouldnotgoeither。Shewentuptothetable，wrotetoherhusband:`I
havereceivedyourletter-A。’；and，ringingthebell，gaveittothefootman。
`Wearenotgoing，’shesaidtoAnnushka，asshecamein。
`Notgoingatall？’
`No；don’tunpacktilltomorrow，andletthecarriagewait。I’mgoingtothePrincess。’
`WhichdressamItogetready？’
[NextChapter][TableofContents]
TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart3，Chapter17[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter17ThecroquetpartytowhichthePrincessTverskaiahadinvitedAnnawastoconsistoftwoladiesandtheiradorers。ThesetwoladieswerethechiefrepresentativesofaselectnewPeterburgcircle，nicknamed，inimitationofsomeimitation，Lesseptmerveillesdumonde。Theseladiesbelongedtoacirclewhich，thoughofthehighestsociety，wasutterlyhostiletothatinwhichAnnamoved。Moreover，oldStremov，oneofthemostinfluentialpeopleinPeterburg，andtheadmirerofLizaMerkalova，wasAlexeiAlexandrovich’senemyinthepoliticalworld。FromalltheseconsiderationsAnnahadnotmeanttogo，andthehintsinPrincessTverskaia’snotereferredtoherrefusal。ButnowAnnawaseagertogo，inthehopeofseeingVronsky。
AnnaarrivedatPrincessTverskaia’searlierthantheotherguests。
Attheverymomentofherentry，Vronsky’sfootman，withhissidewhiskerscombedout，andlookinglikeaKammerjunker，wentintoo。Hestoppedatthedoor，and，takingoffhiscap，letherpass。Annarecognizedhim，andonlythenrecalledthatVronskyhadtoldherthedaybeforethathewouldnotcome。Mostlikelyhewassendinganotetosayso。
Asshetookoffheroutergarmentinthehall，sheheardthefootmansay，rollinghisr’sevenlikeaKammerjunker:`FromtheCountforthePrincess，’ashehandedoverthenote。
Shelongedtoquestionhimastowherehismasterwas。Shelongedtoturnbackandsendhimalettertocomeandseeher，ortogoherselftoseehim。Butnoneofthethreecourseswaspossible。Alreadysheheardbellsringingaheadofhertoannounceherarrival，andPrincessTverskaia’sfootmanwasstandingattheopendoorwaitingforhertopassintotheinnerrooms。
`ThePrincessisinthegarden；shewillbeinformedimmediately。
Wouldyoubepleasedtowalkintothegarden？’announcedanotherfootmaninanotherroom。
Thepositionofuncertainty，ofindecision，wasstillthesameasathome-worse，infact，sinceitwasimpossibletotakeanystep，impossibletoseeVronsky，andshehadtoremainhereamongoutsiders，incompanysouncongenialtoherpresentmood。Butshewaswearingadressthatsheknewsuitedher。Shewasnotalone；allaroundwasthatluxurioussettingofidlenessthatshewasusedto，andshefeltlesswretchedthanathome。Shewasnotforcedtothinkwhatshehadtodo。Everythingwouldbedoneofitself。OnmeetingBetsycomingtowardherinawhitegownthatstruckherbyitselegance，Annasmiledtoherjustasshealwaysdid。
PrincessTverskaiawaswalkingwithTushkevichandayounglady，arelation，who，tothegreatjoyofherparentsintheprovinces，wasspendingthesummerwiththefashionablePrincess。
TherewasprobablysomethingunusualaboutAnna，forBetsynoticeditatonce。
`Isleptbadly，’answeredAnna，lookingintentlyatthefootmanwhocametomeetthem，and，asshesupposed，broughtVronsky’snote。
`HowgladIamyou’vecome！’saidBetsy。`I’mtired，andwasjustlongingtohavesometeabeforetheycome。Youmightgo，’sheturnedtoTushkevich，`withMasha，andtrythecroquetgroundoverthere，wherethey’vebeenclippingit。Weshallhavetimetotalkalittleovertea，we’llhaveacozychat，eh？’shesaidinEnglishtoAnna，withasmile，pressingthehandwhichheldaparasol。
`Yes，especiallyasIcan’tstayverylongwithyou。I’mforcedtogoontooldMadameVrede。I’vebeenpromisingtogoforacentury，’
saidAnna，towhomlying，alienasitwastohernature，hadbecomenotmerelysimpleandnaturalinsociety，butapositivesourceofsatisfaction。
Whyshesaidthis，whichshehadnotthoughtofasecondbefore，shecouldnothaveexplained。ShehadsaiditsimplyfromthereflectionthatasVronskywouldnotbehere，shehadbettersecureherownfreedom，andtrytoseehimsomehow。ButwhyshehadspokenofoldHoffrauleinVrede，whomshehadtogoandsee，asshehadtoseemanyotherpeople，shecouldnothaveexplained；andyet，asitafterwardturnedout，hadshecudgeledherbrainsforthemostcunningsubterfugetomeetVronsky，shecouldhavethoughtofnothingbetter。
`No。I’mnotgoingtoletyougoforanything，’answeredBetsy，lookingintentlyintoAnna’sface。`Really，ifIwerenotfondofyou，Ishouldfeeloffended。Onewouldthinkyouwereafraidmysocietywouldcompromiseyou-Teainthesmalldiningroom，please，’shesaid，halfclosinghereyes，asshealwaysdidwhenaddressingthefootman。
Takingthenotefromhim，shereadit。
`Alexeiisplayingusfalse，’shesaidinFrench；`hewritesthathecan’tcome，’sheadded，inatoneassimpleandnaturalasthoughitcouldneverenterherheadthatVronskycouldmeananythingmoretoAnnathanagameofcroquet。AnnaknewthatBetsykneweverything，but，hearinghowshespokeofVronskybeforeher，shealmostfeltpersuadedforaminutethatsheknewnothing。
`Ah！’saidAnnaindifferently，asthoughnotgreatlyinterestedinthematter；andshewenton，smiling:`Howcanyouoryourfriendscompromiseanyone？’
Thisplayingwithwords，thishidingofasecret，hadagreatfascinationforAnna，as，indeed，ithasforallwomen。Anditwasnotthenecessityofconcealment，notthepurposeforwhichtheconcealmentwascontrived，buttheprocessofconcealmentitselfwhichattractedher。
`Ican’tbemorecatholicthanthePope，’shesaid。`StremovandLizaMerkalova-why，they’rethecreamofthecreamofsociety。Besides，they’rereceivedeverywhere，andI’-shelaidspecialstressontheI-
`haveneverbeenstrictandintolerant。It’ssimplythatIhaven’tthetime。’
`No；youdon’tcare，perhaps，tomeetStremov？LethimandAlexeiAlexandrovichtiltateachotherintheCommittee-that’snoaffairofours。But，insociety，he’sthemostamiablemanIknow，andanardentcroquetplayer。Youshallsee。And，inspiteofhisabsurdpositionasLiza’slovesickswainathisage，yououghttoseehowhecarriesofftheabsurdposition。He’sverynice。Don’tyouknowSapphoStoltz？Oh，that’sanewtype-quitenew！’
Betsywentonwithallthischatter，yet，atthesametime，fromhergood-humored，shrewdglance，Annafeltthatshepartlyguessedherplight，andwashatchingsomethingforherbenefit。Theywereinthelittleboudoir。
`ImustwritetoAlexei，though，’andBetsysatdowntothetable，scribbledafewlines，andputthenoteinanenvelope。`I’mtellinghimtocometodinner。I’veoneladyextratodinnerwithme，andnomantotakeherin。LookwhatI’vesaid-willthatpersuadehim？Excuseme，I
mustleaveyouforaminute。Wouldyousealitup，please，andsenditoff？shesaidfromthedoor；`Ihavetogivesomedirections。’
Withoutamoment’shesitation，AnnasatdowntothetablewithBetsy’sletter，and，withoutreadingit，wrotebelow:`It’sessentialformetoseeyou。CometotheVredegarden。Ishallbethereatsixo’clock。’
Shesealeditup，and，Betsycomingback，inherpresencehandedthenotefortransmittal。
Attea，whichwasbroughtthemonalittleteatableinthecoollittledrawingroom，acozychatpromisedbyPrincessTverskaiabeforethearrivalofhervisitorsreallydidcomeoffbetweenthetwowomen。
Theycriticizedthepeopletheywereexpecting，andtheconversationfelluponLizaMerkalova。
`She’sverysweet，andIalwayslikedher，’saidAnna。
`Yououghttolikeher。Sheravesaboutyou。Yesterdayshecameuptomeaftertheracesandwasindespairatnotfindingyou。Shesaysyou’rearealheroineofromance，andthatifshewereamanshewoulddoallsortsofmadthingsforyoursake。Stremovsaysshedoesthatasitis。’
`Butdotellme，please-Inevercouldmakeitout，’saidAnna，afterbeingsilentforsometime，speakinginatonethatshowedshewasnotaskinganidlequestion，butthatwhatshewasaskingwasofgreaterimportancetoherthanitshouldhavebeen，`dotellme，please:whatareherrelationswithPrinceKaluzhsky-Mishka，ashe’scalled？I’vemetthemsolittle。Whatdoesitmean？’
Betsysmiledwithhereyes，andlookedintentlyatAnna。
`It’sanewmode，’shesaid。`They’vealladoptedthatmode。They’veflungtheircapsoverthewindmills。Buttherearewaysandwaysofflingingthem。’
`Yes，butpreciselywhatareherrelationswithKaluzhsky？’
Betsybrokeintounexpectedlymirthfulandirrepressiblelaughter，athingwhichrarelyhappenedwithher。
`You’reencroachingonPrincessMiaghkaia’sspecialdomainnow。
That’sthequestionofanenfantterrible，’andBetsyobviouslytriedtorestrainherself，butcouldnot，andwentoffintopealsofthatinfectiouslaughterpeculiartopeoplewhodonotlaughoften。`You’dbetteraskthem，’shebroughtout，betweentearsoflaughter。
`No；youlaugh，’saidAnna，laughingtoo，inspiteofherself，`butInevercouldunderstandit。Ican’tunderstandthehusband’sroleinit。’
`Thehusband？LizaMerkalova’shusbandcarrieshershawl，andisalwaysreadytobeofuse。Butnoonecarestoinquireaboutwhatisreallygoingon。Youknow，indecentsocietyonedoesn’ttalkorthinkevenofcertaindetailsofthetoilet。That’showitisinthiscase。’
`WillyoubeatMadameRolandaky’sfete？’askedAnna，tochangetheconversation。
`Idon’tthinkso，’answeredBetsy，and，withoutlookingatherfriend，shebeganfillingthelittletransparentcupswithfragranttea。
PuttingacupbeforeAnna，shetookoutathincigarette，and，fittingitintoasilverholder，shelightedit。`It’slikethis，yousee:I’minafortunateposition，’shebegan，quiteseriousnow，asshetookuphercup。`Iunderstandyou，andIunderstandLiza。Lizanowisoneofthosenaivenaturesthat，likechildren，don’tknowwhat’sgoodandwhat’sbad。
Anyway，shedidn’tcomprehenditwhenshewasveryyoung。Andnowshe’sawarethatthelackofcomprehensionsuitsher。Now，perhaps，shedoesn’tknowonpurpose，’saidBetsy，withasubtlesmile。`But，anyway，itsuitsher。Theverysamething，don’tyousee，maybelookedattragically，andturnedintomisery，oritmaybelookedatsimply，andevenhumorously。
Possiblyyouareinclinedtolookatthingstootragically。’
`HowIshouldliketoknowotherpeoplejustasIknowmyself！’
saidAnna，seriouslyanddreamily。`AmIworsethanotherpeople，orbetter？
IthinkI’mworse。’
`Enfantterrible，enfantterrible！’repeatedBetsy。`Butheretheyare。’
[NextChapter][TableofContents]TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart3，Chapter18[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter18Theyheardthesoundofstepsandaman’svoice，thenawoman’svoiceandlaughter，andimmediatelythereaftertherewalkedintheexpectedguests:
SapphoStoltz，andayoungmanbeamingwithexcessofhealth，theso-calledVaska。Itwasevidentthatamplesuppliesofbeefsteak，truffles，andBurgundywereprofitableforhishealth。Vaskabowedtothetwoladies，andglancedatthem，butonlyforonesecond。HewalkedafterSapphointothedrawingroom，andfollowedheraboutasthoughhewerechainedtoher，keepinghissparklingeyesfixedonherasthoughhewantedtoeather。SapphoStoltzwasablondebeautywithblackeyes。Shewalkedwithsmartlittlestepsinhigh-heeledshoes，andshookhandswiththeladiesvigorously，likeaman。
Annahadnevermetthisnewstaroffashion，andwasstruckbyherbeauty，theexaggeratedextremetowhichherdresswascarried，andtheboldnessofhermanners。Onherheadtherewassuchanechafaudageofsoft，goldenhair-herownandfalsemixed-thatherheadwasequalinsizetotheelegantlyroundedbust，ofwhichsomuchwasexposedinfront。Theimpulsiveabruptnessofhermovementswassuchthatateverystepthelinesofherkneesandtheupperpartofherlegsweredistinctlymarkedunderherdress，andthequestioninvoluntarilyroseinone’smindwhereintheundulating，piled-upmountainofmaterialatthebacktherealbodyofthewoman，sosmallandslender，sonakedinfront，andsohiddenbehindandbelow，reallycametoanend。
BetsymadehastetointroducehertoAnna。
`Onlyfancy，weallbutranovertwosoldiers，’shebegantellingthematonce，usinghereyes，smilingandtwitchingawayhertrain，whichsheatfirstthrewtoomuchtooneside。`IdroveherewithVaska……Ah，tobesure，youdon’tknoweachother。’And，mentioninghissurname，sheintroducedtheyoungman，and，reddening，brokeintoaringinglaughathermistake-thatis，atherhavingcalledhimVaskabeforeastranger。
VaskabowedoncemoretoAnna，buthesaidnothingtoher。HeaddressedSappho:`You’velostyourbet。Wegotherefirst。Payup，’saidhe，smiling。
Sappholaughedstillmorefestively。
`Notjustnow，’saidshe。
`It’sallone，I’llhaveitlater。’
`Verywell，verywell。Oh，yes，’sheturnedsuddenlytoPrincessBetsy:`Iamaniceperson……Ipositivelyforgotit……I’vebroughtyouavisitor。Andherehecomes。’