“Onemorning，whileIwaswalkinginasolitaryplaceasusual，I
atoncesawthatallmycontrivancesandprojectstoeffectorprocuredeliveranceandsalvationformyselfwereutterlyinvain；Iwasbroughtquitetoastand，asfindingmyselftotallylost。Isawthatitwasforeverimpossibleformetodoanythingtowardshelpingordeliveringmyself，thatIhadmadeallthepleasIevercouldhavemadetoalleternity；andthatallmypleaswerevain，forIsawthatself-interesthadledmetopray，andthatIhadneveronceprayedfromanyrespecttothegloryofGod。Isawthattherewasnonecessaryconnectionbetweenmyprayersandthebestowmentofdivinemercy，thattheylaidnottheleastobligationuponGodtobestowhisgraceuponme；andthattherewasnomorevirtueorgoodnessinthemthantherewouldbeinmypaddlingwithmyhandinthewater。IsawthatI
hadbeenheapingupmydevotionsbeforeGod，fasting，praying，etc。，pretending，andindeedreallythinkingsometimesthatIwasaimingatthegloryofGod；whereasIneveroncetrulyintendedit，butonlymyownhappiness。IsawthatasIhadneverdoneanythingforGod，Ihadnoclaimonanythingfromhimbutperdition，onaccountofmyhypocrisyandmockery。WhenIsawevidentlythatIhadregardtonothingbutself-interest，thenmydutiesappearedavilemockeryandacontinualcourseoflies，forthewholewasnothingbutself-worship，andanhorridabuseofGod。
“Icontinued，asIremember，inthisstateofmind，fromFridaymorningtilltheSabbatheveningfollowingJuly12，1739，whenIwaswalkingagaininthesamesolitaryplace。Here，inamournfulmelancholystateIwasattemptingtopray；butfoundnohearttoengageinthatoranyotherduty；myformerconcern，exercise，andreligiousaffectionswerenowgone。IthoughtthattheSpiritofGodhadquiteleftme；butstillwasNOT
DISTRESSED；yetdisconsolate，asiftherewasnothinginheavenorearthcouldmakemehappy。Havingbeenthusendeavoringtopray——though，asIthought，verystupidandsenseless——fornearhalfanhour；then，asIwaswalkinginathickgrove，unspeakablegloryseemedtoopentotheapprehensionofmysoul。
Idonotmeananyexternalbrightness，noranyimaginationofabodyoflight，butitwasanewinwardapprehensionorviewthatIhadofGod，suchasIneverhadbefore，noranythingwhichhadtheleastresemblancetoit。IhadnoparticularapprehensionofanyonepersonintheTrinity，eithertheFather，theSon，ortheHolyGhost；butitappearedtobeDivineglory。Mysoulrejoicedwithjoyunspeakable，toseesuchaGod，suchagloriousDivineBeing；andIwasinwardlypleasedandsatisfiedthatheshouldbeGodoverallforeverandever。MysoulwassocaptivatedanddelightedwiththeexcellencyofGodthatIwasevenswallowedupinhim，atleasttothatdegreethatIhadnothoughtaboutmyownsalvation，andscarcereflectedthattherewassuchacreatureasmyself。Icontinuedinthisstateofinwardjoy，peace，andastonishing，tillneardarkwithoutanysensibleabatement；andthenbegantothinkandexaminewhatIhadseen；
andfeltsweetlycomposedinmymindalltheeveningfollowing。
Ifeltmyselfinanewworld，andeverythingaboutmeappearedwithadifferentaspectfromwhatitwaswonttodo。Atthistime，thewayofsalvationopenedtomewithsuchinfinitewisdom，suitableness，andexcellency，thatIwonderedIshouldeverthinkofanyotherwayofsalvation；wasamazedthatIhadnotdroppedmyowncontrivances，andcompliedwiththislovely，blessed，andexcellentwaybefore。IfIcouldhavebeensavedbymyowndutiesoranyotherwaythatIhadformerlycontrived，mywholesoulwouldnowhaverefusedit。Iwonderedthatalltheworlddidnotseeandcomplywiththiswayofsalvation，entirelybytherighteousnessofChrist。”[116]
[116]Edward’sandDwight’sLifeofBrainerd，NewHaven，1822，pp。45-47，abridged。
Ihaveitalicizedthepassagewhichrecordstheexhaustionoftheanxiousemotionhithertohabitual。Inalargeproportion，perhapsthemajority，ofreports，thewritersspeakasiftheexhaustionofthelowerandtheentranceofthehigheremotionweresimultaneous，[117]yetoftenagaintheyspeakasifthehigheractivelydrovethelowerout。Thisisundoubtedlytrueinagreatmanyinstances，asweshallpresentlysee。Butoftenthereseemslittledoubtthatbothconditions——subconsciousripeningoftheoneaffectionandexhaustionoftheother——mustsimultaneouslyhaveconspired，inordertoproducetheresult。
[117]Describingthewholephenomenonasachangeofequilibrium，wemightsaythatthemovementofnewpsychicenergiestowardsthepersonalcentreandtherecessionofoldonestowardsthemarginortherisingofsomeobjectsabove，andthesinkingofothersbelowtheconsciousthresholdwereonlytwowaysofdescribinganindivisibleevent。Doubtlessthisisoftenabsolutelytrue，andStarbuckisrightwhenhesaysthat“self-surrender“and“newdetermination。”thoughseemingatfirstsighttobesuchdifferentexperiences，are“reallythesamething。Self-surrenderseesthechangeintermsoftheoldself，determinationseesitintermsofthenew。”Op。cit。，p。160。
T。W。B。，aconvertofNettleton’s，beingbroughttoanacuteparoxysmofconvictionofsin，atenothingallday，lockedhimselfinhisroomintheeveningincompletedespair，cryingaloud，“Howlong，OLord，howlong？”“Afterrepeatingthisandsimilarlanguage。”hesays，“severaltimes，Iseemedtosinkawayintoastateofinsensibility。WhenIcametomyselfagainIwasonmyknees，prayingnotformyselfbutforothers。IfeltsubmissiontothewillofGod，willingthatheshoulddowithmeasshouldseemgoodinhissight。Myconcernseemedalllostinconcernforothers。”[118]
[118]A。A。Bonar：NettletonandhisLabors，Edinburgh，1854，p。
261。
OurgreatAmericanrevivalistFinneywrites：“Isaidtomyself：
’Whatisthis？ImusthavegrievedtheHolyGhostentirelyaway。
Ihavelostallmyconviction。Ihavenotaparticleofconcernaboutmysoul；anditmustbethattheSpirithasleftme。’
’Why！’thoughtI，’Ineverwassofarfrombeingconcernedaboutmyownsalvationinmylife。’……Itriedtorecallmyconvictions，togetbackagaintheloadofsinunderwhichIhadbeenlaboring。Itriedinvaintomakemyselfanxious。IwassoquietandpeacefulthatItriedtofeelconcernedaboutthat，lestitshouldbetheresultofmyhavinggrievedtheSpiritaway。”[119]
[119]CharlesG。Finney：MemoirswrittenbyHimself，1876，pp。
17，18。
Butbeyondallquestiontherearepersonsinwhom，quiteindependentlyofanyexhaustionintheSubject’scapacityforfeeling，orevenintheabsenceofanyacutepreviousfeeling，thehighercondition，havingreachedtheduedegreeofenergy，burststhroughallbarriersandsweepsinlikeasuddenflood。
Thesearethemoststrikingandmemorablecases，thecasesofinstantaneousconversiontowhichtheconceptionofdivinegracehasbeenmostpeculiarlyattached。Ihavegivenoneofthematlength——thecaseofMr。Bradley。ButIhadbetterreservetheothercasesandmycommentsontherestofthesubjectforthefollowinglecture。
LectureX
CONVERSION——ConcludedInthislecturewehavetofinishthesubjectofConversion，consideringatfirstthosestrikinginstantaneousinstancesofwhichSaintPaul’sisthemosteminent，andinwhich，oftenamidtremendousemotionalexcitementorperturbationofthesenses，acompletedivisionisestablishedinthetwinklingofaneyebetweentheoldlifeandthenew。Conversionofthistypeisanimportantphaseofreligiousexperience，owingtothepartwhichithasplayedinProtestanttheology，anditbehoovesustostudyitconscientiouslyonthataccount。
IthinkIhadbettercitetwoorthreeofthesecasesbeforeproceedingtoamoregeneralizedaccount。Onemustknowconcreteinstancesfirst；for，asProfessorAgassizusedtosay，onecanseenofartherintoageneralizationthanjustsofarasone’spreviousacquaintancewithparticularsenablesonetotakeitin。
Iwillgoback，then，tothecaseofourfriendHenryAlline，andquotehisreportofthe26thofMarch，1775，onwhichhispoordividedmindbecameunifiedforgood。
“AsIwasaboutsunsetwanderinginthefieldslamentingmymiserablelostandundonecondition，andalmostreadytosinkundermyburden，IthoughtIwasinsuchamiserablecaseasneveranymanwasbefore。Ireturnedtothehouse，andwhenI
gottothedoor，justasIwassteppingoffthethreshold，thefollowingimpressionscameintomymindlikeapowerfulbutsmallstillvoice。Youhavebeenseeking，praying，reforming，laboring，reading，hearing，andmeditating，andwhathaveyoudonebyittowardsyoursalvation？Areyouanynearertoconversionnowthanwhenyoufirstbegan？Areyouanymorepreparedforheaven，orfittertoappearbeforetheimpartialbarofGod，thanwhenyoufirstbegantoseek？
“ItbroughtsuchconvictiononmethatIwasobligedtosaythatIdidnotthinkIwasonestepnearerthanatfirst，butasmuchcondemned，asmuchexposed，andasmiserableasbefore。Icriedoutwithinmyself，OLordGod，Iamlost，andifthou，OLord，dostnotfindoutsomenewway，Iknownothingof，Ishallneverbesaved，forthewaysandmethodsIhaveprescribedtomyselfhaveallfailedme，andIamwillingtheyshouldfail。OLord，havemercy！OLord，havemercy！
“ThesediscoveriescontinueduntilIwentintothehouseandsatdown。AfterIsatdown，beingallinconfusion，likeadrowningmanthatwasjustgivinguptosink，andalmostinanagony，I
turnedverysuddenlyroundinmychair，andseeingpartofanoldBiblelyinginoneofthechairs，Icaughtholdofitingreathaste；andopeningitwithoutanypremeditation，castmyeyesonthe38thPsalm，whichwasthefirsttimeIeversawthewordofGod：ittookholdofmewithsuchpowerthatitseemedtogothroughmywholesoul，sothatitseemedasifGodwasprayingin，with，andforme。Aboutthistimemyfathercalledthefamilytoattendprayers；Iattended，butpaidnoregardtowhathesaidinhisprayer，butcontinuedprayinginthosewordsofthePsalm。Oh，helpme，helpme！criedI，thouRedeemerofsouls，andsaveme，orIamgoneforever；thoucanstthisnight，ifthoupleasest，withonedropofthybloodatoneformysins，andappeasethewrathofanangryGod。AtthatinstantoftimewhenIgavealluptohimtodowithmeashepleased，andwaswillingthatGodshouldruleovermeathispleasure，redeeminglovebrokeintomysoulwithrepeatedscriptures，withsuchpowerthatmywholesoulseemedtobemelteddownwithlove，theburdenofguiltandcondemnationwasgone，darknesswasexpelled，myhearthumbledandfilledwithgratitude，andmywholesoul，thatwasafewminutesagogroaningundermountainsofdeath，andcryingtoanunknownGodforhelp，wasnowfilledwithimmortallove，soaringonthewingsoffaith，freedfromthechainsofdeathanddarkness，andcryingout，MyLordandmyGod；thouartmyrockandmyfortress，myshieldandmyhightower，mylife，myjoy，mypresentandmyeverlastingportion。Lookingup，IthoughtIsawthatsamelight[hehadonmorethanonepreviousoccasionseensubjectivelyabrightblazeoflight]，thoughitappeareddifferent；andassoonasIsawit，thedesignwasopenedtome，accordingtohispromise，andIwasobligedtocryout：Enough，enough，OblessedGod！Theworkofconversion，thechange，andthemanifestationsofitarenomoredisputablethanthatlightwhichIsee，oranythingthateverIsaw。
“Inthemidstofallmyjoys，inlessthanhalfanhouraftermysoulwassetatliberty，theLorddiscoveredtomemylaborintheministryandcalltopreachthegospel。Icriedout，Amen，Lord，I’llgo；sendme，sendme。Ispentthegreatestpartofthenightinecstasiesofjoy，praisingandadoringtheAncientofDaysforhisfreeandunboundedgrace。AfterIhadbeensolonginthistransportandheavenlyframethatmynatureseemedtorequiresleep，Ithoughttoclosemyeyesforafewmoments；
thenthedevilsteppedin，andtoldmethatifIwenttosleep，I
shouldloseitall，andwhenIshouldawakeinthemorningI
wouldfindittobenothingbutafancyanddelusion。I
immediatelycriedout，OLordGod，ifIamdeceived，undeceiveme。
“Ithenclosedmyeyesforafewminutes，andseemedtoberefreshedwithsleep；andwhenIawoke，thefirstinquirywas，WhereismyGod？Andinaninstantoftime，mysoulseemedawakeinandwithGod，andsurroundedbythearmsofeverlastinglove。
AboutsunriseIarosewithjoytorelatetomyparentswhatGodhaddoneformysoul，anddeclaredtothemthemiracleofGod’sunboundedgrace。ItookaBibletoshowthemthewordsthatwereimpressedbyGodonmysoultheeveningbefore；butwhenIcametoopentheBible，itappearedallnewtome。
“IsolongedtobeusefulinthecauseofChrist，inpreachingthegospel，thatitseemedasifIcouldnotrestanylonger，butgoImustandtellthewondersofredeeminglove。Ilostalltasteforcarnalpleasures，andcarnalcompany，andwasenabledtoforsakethem。”[120]