“EverythingIsawseemedtobeaburdentome；theearthseemedaccursedformysake：alltrees，plants，rocks，hills，andvalesseemedtobedressedinmourningandgroaning，undertheweightofthecurse，andeverythingaroundmeseemedtobeconspiringmyruin。Mysinsseemedtobelaidopen；sothatIthoughtthateveryoneIsawknewthem，andsometimesIwasalmostreadytoacknowledgemanythings，whichIthoughttheyknew：yeasometimesitseemedtomeasifeveryonewaspointingmeoutasthemostguiltywretchuponearth。Ihadnowsogreatasenseofthevanityandemptinessofallthingsherebelow，thatIknewthewholeworldcouldnotpossiblymakemehappy，no，northewholesystemofcreation。WhenIwakedinthemorning，thefirstthoughtwouldbe，Oh，mywretchedsoul，whatshallIdo，whereshallIgo？AndwhenIlaiddown，wouldsay，Ishallbeperhapsinhellbeforemorning。Iwouldmanytimeslookonthebeastswithenvy，wishingwithallmyheartIwasintheirplace，thatI
　　mighthavenosoultolose；andwhenIhaveseenbirdsflyingovermyhead，haveoftenthoughtwithinmyself，Oh，thatIcouldflyawayfrommydangeranddistress！Oh，howhappyshouldIbe，ifIwereintheirplace！”[82]
　　[82]TheLifeandJournaloftheRev。Mr。HenryAlline，Boston1806，pp。25，26。Iowemyacquaintancewiththisbooktomycolleague，Dr。BenjaminRand。
　　Envyoftheplacidbeastsseemstobeaverywidespreadaffectioninthistypeofsadness。
　　Theworstkindofmelancholyisthatwhichtakestheformofpanicfear。Hereisanexcellentexample，forpermissiontoprintwhichIhavetothankthesufferer。TheoriginalisinFrench，andthoughthesubjectwasevidentlyinabadnervousconditionatthetimeofwhichhewrites，hiscasehasotherwisethemeritofextremesimplicity。Itranslatefreely。
　　“Whilstinthisstateofphilosophicpessimismandgeneraldepressionofspiritsaboutmyprospects，Iwentoneeveningintoadressing-roominthetwilighttoprocuresomearticlethatwasthere；whensuddenlytherefelluponmewithoutanywarning，justasifitcameoutofthedarkness，ahorriblefearofmyownexistence。SimultaneouslytherearoseinmymindtheimageofanepilepticpatientwhomIhadseenintheasylum，ablack-hairedyouthwithgreenishskin，entirelyidiotic，whousedtositalldayononeofthebenches，orrathershelvesagainstthewall，withhiskneesdrawnupagainsthischin，andthecoarsegrayundershirt，whichwashisonlygarment，drawnovertheminclosinghisentirefigure。HesattherelikeasortofsculpturedEgyptiancatorPeruvianmummy，movingnothingbuthisblackeyesandlookingabsolutelynon-human。ThisimageandmyfearenteredintoaspeciesofcombinationwitheachotherTHATSHAPEAMI，I
　　felt，potentially。NothingthatIpossesscandefendmeagainstthatfate，ifthehourforitshouldstrikeformeasitstruckforhim。Therewassuchahorrorofhim，andsuchaperceptionofmyownmerelymomentarydiscrepancyfromhim，thatitwasasifsomethinghithertosolidwithinmybreastgavewayentirely，andIbecameamassofquiveringfear。Afterthistheuniversewaschangedformealtogether。Iawokemorningaftermorningwithahorribledreadatthepitofmystomach，andwithasenseoftheinsecurityoflifethatIneverknewbefore，andthatI
　　haveneverfeltsince。[83]Itwaslikearevelation；andalthoughtheimmediatefeelingspassedaway，theexperiencehasmademesympatheticwiththemorbidfeelingsofotherseversince。Itgraduallyfaded，butformonthsIwasunabletogooutintothedarkalone。
　　[83]CompareBunyan。“TherewasIstruckintoaverygreattrembling，insomuchthatatsometimesIcould，fordaystogether，feelmyverybody，aswellasmymind，toshakeandtotterunderthesenseofthedreadfuljudgmentofGod，thatshouldfallonthosethathavesinnedthatmostfearfulandunpardonablesin。Ifeltalsosuchcloggingandheatatmystomach，byreasonofthismyterror，thatIwas，especiallyatsometimes，asifmybreast-bonewouldhavesplitasunder……
　　ThusdidIwind，andtwine，andshrink，undertheburdenthatwasuponme；whichburdenalsodidsooppressmethatIcouldneitherstand，norgo，norlie，eitheratrestorquiet。”
　　“IngeneralIdreadedtobeleftalone。Irememberwonderinghowotherpeoplecouldlive，howImyselfhadeverlived，sounconsciousofthatpitofinsecuritybeneaththesurfaceoflife。Mymotherinparticular，averycheerfulperson，seemedtomeaperfectparadoxinherunconsciousnessofdanger，whichyoumaywellbelieveIwasverycarefulnottodisturbbyrevelationsofmyownstateofmindIhavealwaysthoughtthatthisexperienceofmelancholiaofminehadareligiousbearing。”
　　Onaskingthiscorrespondenttoexplainmorefullywhathemeantbytheselastwords，theanswerhewrotewasthis：——
　　“ImeanthatthefearwassoinvasiveandpowerfulthatifIhadnotclungtoscripture-textslike’TheeternalGodismyrefuge，’
　　etc。，’Comeuntome，allyethatlaborandareheavy-laden，’
　　etc。，’Iamtheresurrectionandthelife，’etc。，IthinkI
　　shouldhavegrownreallyinsane。”[84]
　　[84]Foranothercaseoffearequallysudden，seeHenryJames：
　　SocietytheRedeemedFormofMan，Boston，1879，pp。43ff。
　　Thereisnoneedofmoreexamples。Thecaseswehavelookedatareenough。Oneofthemgivesusthevanityofmortalthings；
　　anotherthesenseofsin；andtheremainingonedescribesthefearoftheuniverse；——andinoneorotherofthesethreewaysitalwaysisthatman’soriginaloptimismandself-satisfactiongetleveledwiththedust。
　　Innoneofthesecaseswasthereanyintellectualinsanityordelusionaboutmattersoffact；butwerewedisposedtoopenthechapterofreallyinsanemelancholia，withits
　　hallucinationsanddelusions，itwouldbeaworsestorystill——desperationabsoluteandcomplete，thewholeuniversecoagulatingaboutthesuffererintoamaterialofoverwhelminghorror，surroundinghimwithoutopeningorend。Nottheconceptionorintellectualperceptionofevil，butthegrislyblood-freezingheart-palsyingsensationofitcloseuponone，andnootherconceptionorsensationabletoliveforamomentinitspresence。Howirrelevantlyremoteseemallourusualrefinedoptimismsandintellectualandmoralconsolationsinpresenceofaneedofhelplikethis！Hereistherealcoreofthereligiousproblem：Help！help！Noprophetcanclaimtobringafinalmessageunlesshesaysthingsthatwillhaveasoundofrealityintheearsofvictimssuchasthese。Butthedeliverancemustcomeinasstrongaformasthecomplaint，ifitistotakeeffect；andthatseemsareasonwhythecoarserreligions，revivalistic，orgiastic，withbloodandmiraclesandsupernaturaloperations，maypossiblyneverbedisplaced。Someconstitutionsneedthemtoomuch。
　　Arrivedatthispoint，wecanseehowgreatanantagonismmaynaturallyarisebetweenthehealthy-mindedwayofviewinglifeandthewaythattakesallthisexperienceofevilassomethingessential。Tothislatterway，themorbid-mindedway，aswemightcallit，healthy-mindednesspureandsimpleseemsunspeakablyblindandshallow。Tothehealthy-mindedway，ontheotherhand，thewayofthesicksoulseemsunmanlyanddiseased。
　　Withtheirgrubbinginrat-holesinsteadoflivinginthelight；
　　withtheirmanufactureoffears，andpreoccupationwitheveryunwholesomekindofmisery，thereissomethingalmostobsceneaboutthesechildrenofwrathandcraversofasecondbirth。Ifreligiousintoleranceandhangingandburningcouldagainbecometheorderoftheday，thereislittledoubtthat，howeveritmayhavebeeninthepast，thehealthy-mindedwouldatpresentshowthemselvesthelessindulgentpartyofthetwo。
　　Inourownattitude，notyetabandoned，ofimpartialonlookers，whatarewetosayofthisquarrel？Itseemstomethatweareboundtosaythatmorbid-mindednessrangesoverthewiderscaleofexperience，andthatitssurveyistheonethatoverlaps。Themethodofavertingone’sattentionfromevil，andlivingsimplyinthelightofgoodissplendidaslongasitwillwork。Itwillworkwithmanypersons；itwillworkfarmoregenerallythanmostofusarereadytosuppose；andwithinthesphereofitssuccessfuloperationthereisnothingtobesaidagainstitasareligioussolution。Butitbreaksdownimpotentlyassoonasmelancholycomes；andeventhoughonebequitefreefrommelancholyone’sself，thereisnodoubtthathealthy-mindednessisinadequateasaphilosophicaldoctrine，becausetheevilfactswhichitrefusespositivelytoaccountforareagenuineportionofreality；andtheymayafterallbethebestkeytolife’ssignificance，andpossiblytheonlyopenersofoureyestothedeepestlevelsoftruth。
　　Thenormalprocessoflifecontainsmomentsasbadasanyofthosewhichinsanemelancholyisfilledwith，momentsinwhichradicalevilgetsitsinningsandtakesitssolidturn。Thelunatic’svisionsofhorrorarealldrawnfromthematerialofdailyfact。Ourcivilizationisfoundedontheshambles，andeveryindividualexistencegoesoutinalonelyspasmofhelplessagony。Ifyouprotest，myfriend，waittillyouarrivethereyourself！Tobelieveinthecarnivorousreptilesofgeologictimesishardforourimagination——theyseemtoomuchlikemeremuseumspecimens。Yetthereisnotoothinanyoneofthosemuseum-skullsthatdidnotdailythroughlongyearsoftheforetimeholdfasttothebodystrugglingindespairofsomefatedlivingvictim。Formsofhorrorjustasdreadfultothevictims，ifonasmallerspatialscale，filltheworldaboutusto-day。Hereonourveryhearthsandinourgardenstheinfernalcatplayswiththepantingmouse，orholdsthehotbirdflutteringinherjaws。Crocodilesandrattlesnakesandpythonsareatthismomentvesselsoflifeasrealasweare；theirloathsomeexistencefillseveryminuteofeverydaythatdragsitslengthalong；andwhenevertheyorotherwildbeastsclutchtheirlivingprey，thedeadlyhorrorwhichanagitatedmelancholiacfeelsistheliterallyrightreactiononthesituation。[85]
　　[85]Example：“Itwasabouteleveno’clockatnight……butI
　　strolledonstillwiththepeople……Suddenlyupontheleftsideofourroad，acracklingwasheardamongthebushes；allofuswerealarmed，andinaninstantatiger，rushingoutofthejungle，pouncedupontheoneofthepartythatwasforemost，andcarriedhimoffinthetwinklingofaneye。Therushoftheanimal，andthecrushofthepoorvictim’sbonesinhismouth，andhislastcryofdistress，’Hohai！’involuntarilyreechoedbyallofus，wasoverinthreeseconds；andthenIknownotwhathappenedtillIreturnedtomysenses，whenIfoundmyselfandcompanionslyingdownonthegroundasifpreparedtobedevouredbyourenemythesovereignoftheforest。Ifindmypenincapableofdescribingtheterrorofthatdreadfulmoment。Ourlimbsstiffened，ourpowerofspeechceased，andourheartsbeatviolently，andonlyawhisperofthesame’Hohai！’washeardfromus。Inthisstatewecreptonallfoursforsomedistanceback，andthenranforlifewiththespeedofanArabhorseforabouthalfanhour，andfortunatelyhappenedtocometoasmallvillage……Afterthiseveryoneofuswasattackedwithfever，attendedwithshivering，inwhichdeplorablestateweremainedtillmorning。”——AutobiographyofLutullahaMohammedanGentleman，Leipzig，1857，p。112。
　　Itmayindeedbethatnoreligiousreconciliationwiththeabsolutetotalityofthingsispossible。Someevils，indeed，areministerialtohigherformsofgood；butitmaybethatthereareformsofevilsoextremeastoenterintonogoodsystemwhatsoever，andthat，inrespectofsuchevil，dumbsubmissionorneglecttonoticeistheonlypracticalresource。Thisquestionmustconfrontusonalaterday。Butprovisionally，andasamerematterofprogramandmethod，sincetheevilfactsareasgenuinepartsofnatureasthegoodones，thephilosophicpresumptionshouldbethattheyhavesomerationalsignificance，andthatsystematichealthy-mindedness，failingasitdoestoaccordtosorrow，pain，anddeathanypositiveandactiveattentionwhatever，isformallylesscompletethansystemsthattryatleasttoincludetheseelementsintheirscope。
　　Thecompletestreligionswouldthereforeseemtobethoseinwhichthepessimisticelementsarebestdeveloped。Buddhism，ofcourse，andChristianityarethebestknowntousofthese。Theyareessentiallyreligionsofdeliverance：themanmustdietoanunreallifebeforehecanbebornintothereallife。Inmynextlecture，Iwilltrytodiscusssomeofthepsychologicalconditionsofthissecondbirth。Fortunatelyfromnowonwardweshallhavetodealwithmorecheerfulsubjectsthanthosewhichwehaverecentlybeendwellingon。