believetwoorthreeheadsoffamiliesintheneighbourhoodgavetheirsonsabsolutelibertyofchoiceinthematteroftheirprofessions——andamnotsurethattheyhadnotafterwardsconsiderablecausetoregrethavingdoneso。Thevisitors,seeingTheobaldlookshyandwhollyunmovedbytheexhibitionofsomuchconsiderationforhiswishes,wouldremarktothemselvesthattheboyseemedhardlylikelytobeequaltohisfatherandwouldsethimdownasanunenthusiasticyouth,whooughttohavemorelifeinhimandbemoresensibleofhisadvantagesthanheappearedtobe。
Noonebelievedintherighteousnessofthewholetransactionmorefirmlythantheboyhimself;asenseofbeingillateasekepthimsilent,butitwastooprofoundandtoomuchwithoutbreakforhimtobecomefullyalivetoit,andcometoanunderstandingwithhimself。Hefearedthedarkscowlwhichwouldcomeoverhisfather’sfaceupontheslightestopposition。Hisfather’sviolentthreats,orcoarsesneers,wouldnothavebeentakenauserieuxbyastrongerboy,butTheobaldwasnotastrongboy,andrightlyorwrongly,gavehisfathercreditforbeingquitereadytocarryhisthreatsintoexecution。Oppositionhadnevergothimanythinghewantedyet,norindeedhadyielding,forthematterofthat,unlesshehappenedtowantexactlywhathisfatherwantedforhim。Ifhehadeverentertainedthoughtsofresistance,hehadnonenow,andthepowertoopposewassocompletelylostforwantofexercisethathardlydidthewishremain;therewasnothingleftsavedullacquiescenceasofanasscrouchedbetweentwoburdens。Hemayhavehadanill-definedsenseofidealsthatwerenothisactuals;hemightoccasionallydreamofhimselfasasoldierorasailorfarawayinforeignlands,orevenasafarmer’sboyuponthewolds,buttherewasnotenoughinhimfortheretobeanychanceofhisturninghisdreamsintorealities,andhedriftedonwithhisstream,whichwasaslow,and,Iamafraid,amuddyone。
IthinktheChurchCatechismhasagooddealtodowiththeunhappyrelationswhichcommonlyevennowexistbetweenparentsandchildren。Thatworkwaswrittentooexclusivelyfromtheparentalpointofview;thepersonwhocomposeditdidnotgetafewchildrentocomeinandhelphim;hewasclearlynotyounghimself,norshouldIsayitwastheworkofonewholikedchildren——inspiteofthewords“mygoodchild“which,ifIrememberrightly,areonceputintothemouthofthecatechistand,afterall,carryaharshsoundwiththem。Thegeneralimpressionitleavesuponthemindoftheyoungisthattheirwickednessatbirthwasbutveryimperfectlywipedoutatbaptism,andthatthemerefactofbeingyoungatallhassomethingwithitthatsavoursmoreorlessdistinctlyofthenatureofsin。
IfaneweditionoftheworkiseverrequiredIshouldliketointroduceafewwordsinsistingonthedutyofseekingallreasonablepleasureandavoidingallpainthatcanbehonourablyavoided。Ishouldliketoseechildrentaughtthattheyshouldnotsaytheylikethingswhichtheydonotlike,merelybecausecertainotherpeoplesaytheylikethem,andhowfoolishitistosaytheybelievethisorthatwhentheyunderstandnothingaboutit。IfitbeurgedthattheseadditionswouldmaketheCatechismtoolongI
wouldcurtailtheremarksuponourdutytowardsourneighbouranduponthesacraments。Intheplaceoftheparagraphbeginning“I
desiremyLordGodourHeavenlyFather“Iwould——butperhapsIhadbetterreturntoTheobald,andleavetherecastingoftheCatechismtoablerhands。
MrPontifexhadsethisheartonhisson’sbecomingafellowofacollegebeforehebecameaclergyman。Thiswouldprovideforhimatonceandwouldensurehisgettingalivingifnoneofhisfather’secclesiasticalfriendsgavehimone。Theboyhaddonejustwellenoughatschooltorenderthispossible,sohewassenttooneofthesmallercollegesatCambridgeandwasatoncesettoreadwiththebestprivatetutorsthatcouldbefound。AsystemofexaminationhadbeenadoptedayearorsobeforeTheobaldtookhisdegreewhichhadimprovedhischancesofafellowship,forwhateverabilityhehadwasclassicalratherthanmathematical,andthissystemgavemoreencouragementtoclassicalstudiesthanhadbeengivenhitherto。
Theobaldhadthesensetoseethathehadachanceofindependenceifheworkedhard,andhelikedthenotionofbecomingafellow。Hethereforeappliedhimself,andintheendtookadegreewhichmadehisgettingafellowshipinallprobabilityamerequestionoftime。
ForawhileMrPontifexseniorwasreallypleased,andtoldhissonhewouldpresenthimwiththeworksofanystandardwriterwhomhemightselect。TheyoungmanchosetheworksofBacon,andBaconaccordinglymadehisappearanceintennicelyboundvolumes。A
littleinspection,however,showedthatthecopywasasecondhandone。
Nowthathehadtakenhisdegreethenextthingtolookforwardtowasordination——aboutwhichTheobaldhadthoughtlittlehithertobeyondacquiescinginitassomethingthatwouldcomeasamatterofcoursesomeday。Now,however,ithadactuallycomeandwasassertingitselfasathingwhichshouldbeonlyafewmonthsoff,andthisratherfrightenedhiminasmuchastherewouldbenowayoutofitwhenhewasonceinit。Hedidnotlikethenearviewofordinationaswellasthedistantone,andevenmadesomefeebleeffortstoescape,asmaybeperceivedbythefollowingcorrespondencewhichhissonErnestfoundamonghisfather’spaperswrittenongilt-edgedpaper,infadedinkandtiedneatlyroundwithapieceoftape,butwithoutanynoteorcomment。Ihavealterednothing。Thelettersareasfollows:-
“MydearFather,——Idonotlikeopeningupaquestionwhichhasbeenconsideredsettled,butasthetimeapproachesIbegintobeverydoubtfulhowfarIamfittedtobeaclergyman。Not,Iamthankfultosay,thatIhavethefaintestdoubtsabouttheChurchofEngland,andIcouldsubscribecordiallytoeveryoneofthethirty-ninearticleswhichdoindeedappeartometobetheneplusultraofhumanwisdom,andPaley,too,leavesnoloop-holeforanopponent;
butIamsureIshouldberunningcountertoyourwishesifIweretoconcealfromyouthatIdonotfeeltheinwardcalltobeaministerofthegospelthatIshallhavetosayIhavefeltwhentheBishopordainsme。Itrytogetthisfeeling,Iprayforitearnestly,andsometimeshalfthinkthatIhavegotit,butinalittletimeitwearsoff,andthoughIhavenoabsoluterepugnancetobeingaclergymanandtrustthatifIamoneIshallendeavourtolivetotheGloryofGodandtoadvanceHisinterestsuponearth,yetIfeelthatsomethingmorethanthisiswantedbeforeIamfullyjustifiedingoingintotheChurch。IamawarethatIhavebeenagreatexpensetoyouinspiteofmyscholarships,butyouhaveevertaughtmethatIshouldobeymyconscience,andmyconsciencetellsmeIshoulddowrongifIbecameaclergyman。GodmayyetgivemethespiritforwhichIassureyouIhavebeenandamcontinuallypraying,butHemaynot,andinthatcasewoulditnotbebetterformetotryandlookoutforsomethingelse?IknowthatneitheryounorJohnwishmetogointoyourbusiness,nordoIunderstandanythingaboutmoneymatters,butistherenothingelsethatIcando?IdonotliketoaskyoutomaintainmewhileIgoinformedicineorthebar;butwhenIgetmyfellowship,whichshouldnotbelongfirst,Iwillendeavourtocostyounothingfurther,andI
mightmakealittlemoneybywritingortakingpupils。Itrustyouwillnotthinkthisletterimproper;nothingisfurtherfrommywishthantocauseyouanyuneasiness。Ihopeyouwillmakeallowanceformypresentfeelingswhich,indeed,springfromnothingbutfromthatrespectformyconsciencewhichnoonehassoofteninstilledintomeasyourself。Prayletmehaveafewlinesshortly。Ihopeyourcoldisbetter。WithlovetoElizaandMaria,Iam,youraffectionateson,“THEOBALDPONTIFEX。”
“DearTheobald,——Icanenterintoyourfeelingsandhavenowishtoquarrelwithyourexpressionofthem。Itisquiterightandnaturalthatyoushouldfeelasyoudoexceptasregardsonepassage,theimproprietyofwhichyouwillyourselfdoubtlessfeeluponreflection,andtowhichIwillnotfurtheralludethantosaythatithaswoundedme。Youshouldnothavesaid’inspiteofmyscholarships。’Itwasonlyproperthatifyoucoulddoanythingtoassistmeinbearingtheheavyburdenofyoureducation,themoneyshouldbe,asitwas,madeovertomyself。Everylineinyourletterconvincesmethatyouareundertheinfluenceofamorbidsensitivenesswhichisoneofthedevil’sfavouritedevicesforluringpeopletotheirdestruction。Ihave,asyousay,beenatgreatexpensewithyoureducation。Nothinghasbeensparedbymetogiveyoutheadvantages,which,asanEnglishgentleman,Iwasanxioustoaffordmyson,butIamnotpreparedtoseethatexpensethrownawayandtohavetobeginagainfromthebeginning,merelybecauseyouhavetakensomefoolishscruplesintoyourhead,whichyoushouldresistasnolessunjusttoyourselfthantome。
“Don’tgivewaytothatrestlessdesireforchangewhichisthebaneofsomanypersonsofbothsexesatthepresentday。
“Ofcourseyouneedn’tbeordained:nobodywillcompelyou;youareperfectlyfree;youaretwenty-threeyearsofage,andshouldknowyourownmind;butwhynothaveknownitsooner,insteadofneversomuchasbreathingahintofoppositionuntilIhavehadalltheexpenseofsendingyoutotheUniversity,whichIshouldneverhavedoneunlessIhadbelievedyoutohavemadeupyourmindabouttakingorders?Ihavelettersfromyouinwhichyouexpressthemostperfectwillingnesstobeordained,andyourbrotherandsisterswillbearmeoutinsayingthatnopressureofanysorthasbeenputuponyou。Youmistakeyourownmind,andaresufferingfromanervoustimiditywhichmaybeverynaturalbutmaynotthelessbepregnantwithseriousconsequencestoyourself。Iamnotatallwell,andtheanxietyoccasionedbyyourletterisnaturallypreyinguponme。MayGodguideyoutoabetterjudgement——Youraffectionatefather,G。PONTIFEX。”
OnthereceiptofthisletterTheobaldpluckeduphisspirits。“Myfather。”hesaidtohimself,“tellsmeIneednotbeordainedifI
donotlike。Idonotlike,andthereforeIwillnotbeordained。
Butwhatwasthemeaningofthewords’pregnantwithseriousconsequencestoyourself’?Didtherelurkathreatunderthesewords——thoughitwasimpossibletolayholdofitorofthem?Weretheynotintendedtoproducealltheeffectofathreatwithoutbeingactuallythreatening?”
Theobaldknewhisfatherwellenoughtobelittlelikelytomisapprehendhismeaning,buthavingventuredsofaronthepathofopposition,andbeingreallyanxioustogetoutofbeingordainedifhecould,hedeterminedtoventurefarther。Heaccordinglywrotethefollowing:
“Mydearfather,——Youtellme——andIheartilythankyou——thatnoonewillcompelmetobeordained。Iknewyouwouldnotpressordinationuponmeifmyconsciencewasseriouslyopposedtoit;I
havethereforeresolvedongivinguptheidea,andbelievethatifyouwillcontinuetoallowmewhatyoudoatpresent,untilIgetmyfellowship,whichshouldnotbelong,Iwillthenceaseputtingyoutofurtherexpense。IwillmakeupmymindassoonaspossiblewhatprofessionIwilladopt,andwillletyouknowatonce——Youraffectionateson,THEOBALDPONTIFEX。”