AshethoughtfurtherherememberedthatallthingsworktogetherforgoodtothemthatloveGod;wasitpossible,heaskedhimself,thathetoo,howeverimperfectly,hadbeentryingtolovehim?HedarednotanswerYes,buthewouldtryhardthatitshouldbeso。
ThentherecameintohismindthatnobleairofHandel’s:“GreatGod,whoyetbutdarklyknown。”andhefeltitashehadneverfeltitbefore。HehadlosthisfaithinChristianity,buthisfaithinsomething——heknewnotwhat,butthattherewasasomethingasyetbutdarklyknownwhichmaderightrightandwrongwrong——hisfaithinthisgrewstrongerandstrongerdaily。
Againtherecrossedhismindthoughtsofthepowerwhichhefelttobeinhim,andofhowandwhereitwastofinditsvent。Thesameinstinctwhichhadledhimtoliveamongthepoorbecauseitwasthenearestthingtohimwhichhecouldlayholdofwithanyclearnesscametohisassistanceheretoo。HethoughtoftheAustraliangoldandhowthosewholivedamongithadneverseenitthoughitaboundedallaroundthem:“Thereisgoldeverywhere。”heexclaimedinwardly,“tothosewholookforit。”Mightnothisopportunitybecloseuponhimifhelookedcarefullyenoughathisimmediatesurroundings?Whatwashisposition?Hehadlostall。Couldhenotturnhishavinglostallintoanopportunity?Mighthenot,ifhetoosoughtthestrengthoftheLord,find,likeStPaul,thatitwasperfectedinweakness?
Hehadnothingmoretolose;money,friends,character,allweregoneforaverylongtimeifnotforever;buttherewassomethingelsealsothathadtakenitsflightalongwiththese。Imeanthefearofthatwhichmancoulddountohim。Cantabilvacuus。Whocouldhurthimmorethanhehadbeenhurtalready?Lethimbutbeabletoearnhisbread,andheknewofnothingwhichhedarednotventureifitwouldmaketheworldahappierplaceforthosewhowereyoungandloveable。Hereinhefoundsomuchcomfortthathealmostwishedhehadlosthisreputationevenmorecompletely——forhesawthatitwaslikeaman’slifewhichmaybefoundofthemthatloseitandlostofthemthatwouldfindit。HeshouldnothavehadthecouragetogiveupallforChrist’ssake,butnowChristhadmercifullytakenall,andlo!itseemedasthoughallwerefound。
AsthedayswentslowlybyhecametoseethatChristianityandthedenialofChristianityafterallmetasmuchasanyotherextremesdo;itwasafightaboutnames——notaboutthings;practicallytheChurchofRome,theChurchofEngland,andthefreethinkerhavethesameidealstandardandmeetinthegentleman;forheisthemostperfectsaintwhoisthemostperfectgentleman。Thenhesawalsothatitmatterslittlewhatprofession,whetherofreligionorirreligion,amanmaymake,providedonlyhefollowsitoutwithcharitableinconsistency,andwithoutinsistingonittothebitterend。Itisintheuncompromisingnesswithwhichdogmaisheldandnotinthedogmaorwantofdogmathatthedangerlies。Thiswasthecrowningpointoftheedifice;whenhehadgotherehenolongerwishedtomolesteventhePope。TheArchbishopofCanterburymighthavehoppedaboutallroundhimandevenpickedcrumbsoutofhishandwithoutrunningriskofgettingaslysprinkleofsalt。Thatwaryprelatehimselfmightperhapshavebeenofadifferentopinion,buttherobinsandthrushesthathopaboutourlawnsarenotmoreneedlesslydistrustfulofthehandthatthrowsthemoutcrumbsofbreadinwinter,thantheArchbishopwouldhavebeenofmyhero。
Perhapshewashelpedtoarriveattheforegoingconclusionbyaneventwhichalmostthrustinconsistencyuponhim。Afewdaysafterhehadlefttheinfirmarythechaplaincametohiscellandtoldhimthattheprisonerwhoplayedtheorganinchapelhadjustfinishedhissentenceandwasleavingtheprison;hethereforeofferedtheposttoErnest,whohealreadyknewplayedtheorgan。Ernestwasatfirstindoubtwhetheritwouldberightforhimtoassistatreligiousservicesmorethanhewasactuallycompelledtodo,butthepleasureofplayingtheorgan,andtheprivilegeswhichthepostinvolved,madehimseeexcellentreasonsfornotridingconsistencytodeath。Having,then,onceintroducedanelementofinconsistencyintohissystem,hewasfartooconsistentnottobeinconsistentconsistently,andhelapsederelongintoanamiableindifferentismwhichtooutwardappearancedifferedbutlittlefromtheindifferentismfromwhichMrHawkehadarousedhim。
Bybecomingorganisthewassavedfromthetreadmill,forwhichthedoctorhadsaidhewasunfitasyet,butwhichhewouldprobablyhavebeenputtoinduecourseassoonashewasstronger。Hemighthaveescapedthetailor’sshopaltogetheranddoneonlythecomparativelylightworkofattendingtothechaplain’sroomsifhehadliked,buthewantedtolearnasmuchtailoringashecould,anddidnotthereforetakeadvantageofthisoffer;hewasallowed,however,twohoursadayintheafternoonforpractice。Fromthatmomenthisprisonlifeceasedtobemonotonous,andtheremainingtwomonthsofhissentenceslippedbyalmostasrapidlyastheywouldhavedoneifhehadbeenfree。Whatwithmusic,books,learninghistrade,andconversationwiththechaplain,whowasjustthekindly,sensiblepersonthatErnestwantedinordertosteadyhimalittle,thedayswentbysopleasantlythatwhenthetimecameforhimtoleaveprison,hedidso,orthoughthedidso,notwithoutregret。
IncomingtotheconclusionthathewouldsevertheconnectionbetweenhimselfandhisfamilyonceforallErnesthadreckonedwithouthisfamily。Theobaldwantedtoberidofhisson,itistrue,insofarashewishedhimtobenoneareratanyratethantheAntipodes;buthehadnoideaofentirelybreakingwithhim。HeknewhissonwellenoughtohaveaprettyshrewdideathatthiswaswhatErnestwouldwishhimself,andperhapsasmuchforthisreasonasforanyotherhewasdeterminedtokeepuptheconnection,provideditdidnotinvolveErnest’scomingtoBattersbynoranyrecurringoutlay。
Whenthetimeapproachedforhimtoleaveprison,hisfatherandmotherconsultedastowhatcoursetheyshouldadopt。
“Wemustneverleavehimtohimself。”saidTheobaldimpressively;
“wecanneitherofuswishthat。”
“Oh,no!no!dearestTheobald。”exclaimedChristina。“Whoeverelsedesertshim,andhoweverdistanthemaybefromus,hemuststillfeelthathehasparentswhoseheartsbeatwithaffectionforhimnomatterhowcruellyhehaspainedthem。”
“Hehasbeenhisownworstenemy。”saidTheobald。“Hehasneverlovedusaswedeserved,andnowhewillbewithheldbyfalseshamefromwishingtoseeus。Hewillavoidusifhecan。”
“Thenwemustgotohimourselves。”saidChristina,“whetherhelikesitornotwemustbeathissidetosupporthimasheentersagainupontheworld。”
“Ifwedonotwanthimtogiveustheslipwemustcatchhimasheleavesprison。”
“Wewill,wewill;ourfacesshallbethefirsttogladdenhiseyesashecomesout,andourvoicesthefirsttoexhorthimtoreturntothepathsofvirtue。”
“Ithink。”saidTheobald,“ifheseesusinthestreethewillturnroundandrunawayfromus。Heisintenselyselfish。”
“Thenwemustgetleavetogoinsidetheprison,andseehimbeforehegetsoutside。”
Afteragooddealofdiscussionthiswastheplantheydecidedonadopting,andhavingsodecided,TheobaldwrotetothegovernorofthegaolaskingwhetherhecouldbeadmittedinsidethegaoltoreceiveErnestwhenhissentencehadexpired。Hereceivedanswerintheaffirmative,andthepairleftBattersbythedaybeforeErnestwastocomeoutofprison。
Ernesthadnotreckonedonthis,andwasrathersurprisedonbeingtoldafewminutesbeforeninethathewastogointothereceivingroombeforehelefttheprisonastherewerevisitorswaitingtoseehim。Hisheartfell,forheguessedwhotheywere,buthescreweduphiscourageandhastenedtothereceivingroom。There,sureenough,standingattheendofthetablenearestthedoorwerethetwopeoplewhomheregardedasthemostdangerousenemieshehadinalltheworld——hisfatherandmother。
Hecouldnotfly,butheknewthatifhewaveredhewaslost。
Hismotherwascrying,butshesprangforwardtomeethimandclaspedhiminherarms。“Oh,myboy,myboy。”shesobbed,andshecouldsaynomore。
Ernestwasaswhiteasasheet。Hisheartbeatsothathecouldhardlybreathe。Helethismotherembracehim,andthenwithdrawinghimselfstoodsilentlybeforeherwiththetearsfallingfromhiseyes。
Atfirsthecouldnotspeak。Foraminuteorsothesilenceonallsideswascomplete。Then,gatheringstrength,hesaidinalowvoice:
“Mother。”itwasthefirsttimehehadcalledheranythingbut“mamma“?“wemustpart。”Onthis,turningtothewarder,hesaid:
“IbelieveIamfreetoleavetheprisonifIwishtodoso。Youcannotcompelmetoremainherelonger。Pleasetakemetothegates。”
Theobaldsteppedforward。“Ernest,youmustnot,shallnot,leaveusinthisway。”
“Donotspeaktome。”saidErnest,hiseyesflashingwithafirethatwasunwontedinthem。AnotherwarderthencameupandtookTheobaldaside,whilethefirstconductedErnesttothegates。
“Tellthem。”saidErnest,“frommethattheymustthinkofmeasonedead,forIamdeadtothem。SaythatmygreatestpainisthethoughtofthedisgraceIhaveinflicteduponthem,andthataboveallthingselseIwillstudytoavoidpainingthemhereafter;butsayalsothatiftheywritetomeIwillreturntheirlettersunopened,andthatiftheycomeandseemeIwillprotectmyselfinwhateverwayIcan。”
Bythistimehewasattheprisongate,andinanothermomentwasatliberty。Afterhehadgotafewstepsoutheturnedhisfacetotheprisonwall,leantagainstitforsupport,andweptasthoughhisheartwouldbreak。
GivingupfatherandmotherforChrist’ssakewasnotsuchaneasymatterafterall。Ifamanhasbeenpossessedbydevilsforlongenoughtheywillrendhimastheyleavehim,howeverimperativelytheymayhavebeencastout。Ernestdidnotstaylongwherehewas,forhefearedeachmomentthathisfatherandmotherwouldcomeout。
Hepulledhimselftogetherandturnedintothelabyrinthofsmallstreetswhichopenedoutinfrontofhim。