`Don’tbeafraidofme,Marian,’wasallshesaid;`ImayforgetmyselfwithanoldfriendlikeMrGilmore,orwithadearsisterlikeyou,butIwillnotforgetmyselfwithSirPercivalGlyde。’
Ilookedather,andlistenedtoherinsilentsurprise。Throughalltheyearsofourcloseintimacythispassiveforceinhercharacterhadbeenhiddenfromme——hiddenevenfromherself,tilllovefoundit,andsufferingcalleditforth。
AstheclockonthemantelpiecestruckelevenSirPercivalknockedatthedoorandcamein。Therewassuppressedanxietyandagitationineverylineofhisface。Thedry,sharpcough,whichteaseshimatmosttimes,seemedtobetroublinghimmoreincessantlythanever。Hesatdownoppositetousatthetable,andLauraremainedbyme。Ilookedattentivelyatthemboth,andhewasthepalestofthetwo。
Hesaidafewunimportantwords,withavisibleefforttopreservehiscustomaryeaseofmanner。Buthisvoicewasnottobesteadied,andtherestlessuneasinessinhiseyeswasnottobeconcealed。Hemusthavefeltthishimself,forhestoppedinthemiddleofasentence,andgaveupeventheattempttohidehisembarrassmentanylonger。
TherewasjustonemomentofdeadsilencebeforeLauraaddressedhim。
`Iwishtospeaktoyou,SirPercival,’shesaid,`onasubjectthatisveryimportanttousboth。Mysisterishere,becauseherpresencehelpsmeandgivesmeconfidence。ShehasnotsuggestedonewordofwhatIamgoingtosay——Ispeakfrommyownthoughts,notfromhers。IamsureyouwillbekindenoughtounderstandthatbeforeIgoanyfarther?’
SirPercivalbowed。Shehadproceededthusfar,withperfectoutwardtranquillityandperfectproprietyofmanner。Shelookedathim,andhelookedather。Theyseemed,attheoutset,atleast,resolvedtounderstandoneanotherplainly。
`IhaveheardfromMarian,’shewenton,`thatIhaveonlytoclaimmyreleasefromourengagementtoobtainthatreleasefromyou。Itwasforbearingandgenerousonyourpart,SirPercival,tosendmesuchamessage-
ItisonlydoingyoujusticetosaythatIamgratefulfortheoffer,andIhopeandbelievethatitisonlydoingmyselfjusticetotellyouthatIdeclinetoacceptit。’
Hisattentivefacerelaxedalittle。ButIsawoneofhisfeet,softly,quietly,incessantlybeatingonthecarpetunderthetable,andIfeltthathewassecretlyasanxiousasever。
`lhavenotforgotten,’shesaid,`thatyouaskedmyfather’spermissionbeforeyouhonouredmewithaproposalofmarriage。PerhapsyouhavenotforgotteneitherwhatIsaidwhenIconsentedtoourengagement?Iventuredtotellyouthatmyfather’sinfluenceandadvicehadmainlydecidedmetogiveyoumypromise。Iwasguidedbymyfather,becauseIhadalwaysfoundhimthetruestofalladvisers,thebestandfondestofallprotectorsandfriends。Ihavelosthimnow——Ihaveonlyhismemorytolove,butmyfaithinthatdeardeadfriendhasneverbeenshaken。Ibelieveatthismoment,astrulyasIeverbelieved,thatheknewwhatwasbest,andthathishopesandwishesoughttobemyhopesandwishestoo。’
Hervoicetrembledforthefirsttime。Herrestlessfingersstoletheirwayintomylap,andheldfastbyoneofmyhands。Therewasanothermomentofsilence,andthenSirPercivalspoke。
`MayIask,’hesaid,`ifIhaveeverprovedmyselfunworthyofthetrustwhichithasbeenhithertomygreatesthonourandgreatesthappinesstopossess?’
`Ihavefoundnothinginyourconducttoblame,’sheanswered。`Youhavealwaystreatedmewiththesamedelicacyandthesameforbearance。
Youhavedeservedmytrust,and,whatisoffarmoreimportanceinmyestimation,youhavedeservedmyfather’strust,outofwhichminegrew。Youhavegivenmenoexcuse,evenifIhadwantedtofindone,foraskingtobereleasedfrommypledge。WhatIhavesaidsofarhasbeenspokenwiththewishtoacknowledgemywholeobligationtoyou。Myregardforthatobligation,myregardformyfather’smemory,andmyregardformyownpromise,allforbidmetosettheexample,onmyside,ofwithdrawingfromourpresentposition。Thebreakingofourengagementmustbeentirelyyourwishandyouract,SirPercival——notmine。’
Theuneasybeatingofhisfootsuddenlystopped,andheleanedforwardeagerlyacrossthetable。
`Myact?’hesaid。`Whatreasoncantherebeonmysideforwithdrawing?’
Iheardherbreathquickening——Ifeltherhandgrowingcold。Inspiteofwhatshehadsaidtomewhenwewerealone,Ibegantobeafraidofher。Iwaswrong。
`Areasonthatitisveryhardtotellyou,’sheanswered。`Thereisachangeinme,SirPercival——achangewhichisseriousenoughtojustifyyou,toyourselfandtome,inbreakingoffourengagement。’
Hisfaceturnedsopaleagainthatevenhislipslosttheircolour。
Heraisedthearmwhichlayonthetable,turnedalittleawayinhischair,andsupportedhisheadonhishand,sothathisprofileonlywaspresentedtous。
`Whatchange?’heasked。Thetoneinwhichheputthequestionjarredonme——therewassomethingpainfullysuppressedinit。
Shesighedheavily,andleanedtowardsmealittle,soastoresthershoulderagainstmine。Ifelthertrembling,andtriedtospareherbyspeakingmyself。Shestoppedmebyawarningpressureofherhand,andthenaddressedSirPercivaloncemore,butthistimewithoutlookingathim。
`Ihaveheard,’shesaid,`andIbelieveit,thatthefondestandtruestofallaffectionsistheaffectionwhichawomanoughttobeartoherhusband。
Whenourengagementbeganthataffectionwasminetogive,ifIcould,andyourstowin,ifyoucould。Willyoupardonme,andspareme,SirPercival,ifIacknowledgethatitisnotsoanylonger?’
Afewtearsgatheredinhereyes,anddroppedoverhercheeksslowlyasshepausedandwaitedforhisanswer。Hedidnotutteraword。Atthebeginningofhisreplyhehadmovedthehandonwhichhisheadrested,sothatithidhisface。Isawnothingbuttheupperpartofhisfigureatthetable。Notamuscleofhimmoved。Thefingersofthehandwhichsupportedhisheadweredenteddeepinhishair。Theymighthaveexpressedhiddenangerorhiddengrief——itwashardtosaywhich——therewasnosignificanttremblinginthem。Therewasnothing,absolutelynothing,totellthesecretofhisthoughtsatthatmoment——themomentwhichwasthecrisisofhislifeandthecrisisofhers。
Iwasdeterminedtomakehimdeclarehimself,forLaura’ssake。
`SirPercival!’Iinterposedsharply,`haveyounothingtosaywhenmysisterhassaidsomuch?More,inmyopinion,’Iadded,myunluckytempergettingthebetterofme,`thananymanalive,inyourposition,hasarighttohearfromher。’
Thatlastrashsentenceopenedawayforhimbywhichtoescapemeifhechose,andheinstantlytookadvantageofit。
`Pardonme,MissHalcombe,’hesaid,stillkeepinghishandoverhisface,`pardonmeifIremindyouthatIhaveclaimednosuchright。’
Thefewplainwordswhichwouldhavebroughthimbacktothepointfromwhichhehadwanderedwerejustonmylips,whenLauracheckedmebyspeakingagain。
`lhopeIhavenotmademypainfulacknowledgmentinvain,’shecontinued。
`IhopeithassecuredmeyourentireconfidenceinwhatIhavestilltosay?’
`Praybeassuredofit。’Hemadethatbriefreplywarmly,droppinghishandonthetablewhilehespoke,andturningtowardsusagain。Whateveroutwardchangehadpassedoverhimwasgonenow。Hisfacewaseagerandexpectant——itexpressednothingbutthemostintenseanxietytohearhernextwords。
`IwishyoutounderstandthatIhavenotspokenfromanyselfishmotive,’
shesaid。`Ifyouleaveme,SirPercival,afterwhatyouhavejustheard,youdonotleavemetomarryanotherman,youonlyallowmetoremainasinglewomanfortherestofmylife。Myfaulttowardsyouhasbegunandendedinmyownthoughts。Itcannevergoanyfarther。NowordhaspassedShehesitated。indoubtabouttheexpressionsheshouldusenext,hesitatedinamomentaryconfusionwhichitwasverysadandverypainfultosee。
`Nowordhaspassed,’shepatientlyandresolutelyresumed,`betweenmyselfandthepersontowhomIamnowreferringforthefirstandlasttimeinyourpresenceofmyfeelingstowardshim,orofhisfeelingstowardsme——nowordevercanpass——neitherhenorIarclikely,inthisworld,tomeetagain。Iearnestlybegyoutosparemefromsayinganymore,andtobelieveme,onmyword,inwhatIhavejusttoldyou。Itisthetruth,SirPercival,thetruthwhichIthinkmypromisedhusbandhasaclaimtohear,atanysacrificeofmyownfeelings。Itrusttohisgenerositytopardonme,andtohishonourtokeepmysecret。’
`Boththosetrustsaresacredtome,’hesaid,`andbothshallbesacredlykept。’
Afteransweringinthosetermshepaused,andlookedatherasifhewaswaitingtohearmore。
`IhavesaidallIwishtosay,’sheaddedquietly——`Ihavesaidmorethanenoughtojustifyyouinwithdrawingfromyourengagement。’
`Youhavesaidmorethanenough,’heanswered,`tomakeitthedearestobjectofmylifetokeeptheengagement。’Withthosewordsherosefromhischair,andadvancedafewstepstowardstheplacewhereshewassitting。
Shestartedviolently,andafaintcryofsurpriseescapedher。Everywordshehadspokenhadinnocentlybetrayedherpurityandtruthtoamanwhothoroughlyunderstoodthepricelessvalueofapureandtruewoman。
Herownnobleconducthadbeenthehiddenenemy,throughout,ofallthehopesshehadtrustedtoit。Ihaddreadedthisfromthefirst。Iwouldhavepreventedit。ifshehadallowedmethesmallestchanceofdoingso。
Ievenwaitedandwatchednow,whentheharmwasdone。forawordfromSirPercivalthatwouldgivemetheopportunityofputtinghiminthewrong。
`Youhaveleftittome,MissFairlie。toresignyou,’hecontinued。
`Iamnotheartlessenoughtoresignawomanwhohasjustshownherselftobethenoblestofhersex。’