accomplicesinthecrime。
Thesecondconclusioncameasthenecessaryconsequenceofthefirst。
WethreehadnomercytoexpectfromCountFoscoandSirPercivalGlyde。
Thesuccessoftheconspiracyhadbroughtwithitacleargaintothosetwomenofthirtythousandpounds——twentythousandtoone,tenthousandtotheotherthroughhiswife。Theyhadthatinterest,aswellasotherinterests,inensuringtheirimpunityfromexposure,andtheywouldleavenostoneunturned,nosacrificeunattempted,notreacheryuntried,todiscovertheplaceinwhichtheirvictimwasconcealed,andtopartherfromtheonlyfriendsshehadintheworld——MarianHalcombeandmyself。
Thesenseofthisseriousperil——aperilwhicheverydayandeveryhourmightbringnearerandnearertous——wastheoneinfluencethatguidedmeinfixingtheplaceofourretreat。IchoseitinthefareastofLondon,wheretherewerefewestidlepeopletoloungeandlookabouttheminthestreets。Ichoseitinapoorandapopulousneighbourhood——becausetheharderthestruggleforexistenceamongthemenandwomenaboutus,thelesstheriskoftheirhavingthetimeortakingthepainstonoticechancestrangerswhocameamongthem。ThesewerethegreatadvantagesIlookedto,butourlocalitywasagaintousalsoinanotherandahardlylessimportantrespect。Wecouldlivecheaplybythedailyworkofmyhands,andcouldsaveeveryfarthingwepossessedtoforwardthepurpose,therighteouspurpose,ofredressinganinfamouswrong——which,fromfirsttolast,Inowkeptsteadilyinview。
Inaweek’stimeMarianHalcombeandIhadsettledhowthecourseofournewlivesshouldbedirected。
Therewerenootherlodgersinthehouse,andwehadthemeansofgoinginandoutwithoutpassingthroughtheshop。Iarranged,forthepresentatleast,thatneitherMariannorLaurashouldstiroutsidethedoorwithoutmybeingwiththem,andthatinmyabsencefromhometheyshouldletnooneintotheirroomsonanypretencewhatever。Thisruleestablished,I
wenttoafriendwhomIhadknowninformerdays——awoodengraverinlargepractice——toseekforemployment,tellinghim,atthesametime,thatIhadreasonsforwishingtoremainunknown。
HeatonceconcludedthatIwasindebt,expressedhisregretintheusualforms,andthenpromisedtodowhathecouldtoassistme。Ilefthisfalseimpressionundisturbed,andacceptedtheworkhehadtogive。
Heknewthathecouldtrustmyexperienceandmyindustry。Ihadwhathewanted,steadinessandfacility,andthoughmyearningswerebutsmall,theysufficedforournecessities。Assoonaswecouldfeelcertainofthis,MarianHalcombeandIputtogetherwhatwepossessed。Shehadbetweentwoandthreehundredpoundsleftofherownproperty,andIhadnearlyasmuchremainingfromthepurchase-moneyobtainedbythesaleofmydrawing-master’spracticebeforeIleftEngland。Togetherwemadeupbetweenusmorethanfourhundredpounds。ldepositedthislittlefortuneinabank,tobekeptfortheexpenseofthosesecretinquiriesandinvestigationswhichIwasdeterminedtosetonfoot,andtocarryonbymyselfifIcouldfindnoonetohelpme。Wecalculatedourweeklyexpendituretothelastfarthing,andwenevertouchedourlittlefundexceptinLaura’sinterestsandforLaura’ssake。
Thehouse-work,which,ifwehaddaredtrustastrangernearus,wouldhavebeendonebyaservant,wastakenonthefirstday,takenasherownright,byMarianHalcombe。`Whatawoman’shandsarefitfor,’shesaid,`earlyandlate,thesehandsofmineshalldo。’Theytrembledassheheldthemout。ThewastedarmstoldtheirsadstoryofthePast,assheturnedupthesleevesofthepoorplaindressthatsheworeforsafety’ssake;
buttheunquenchablespiritofthewomanburntbrightinherevenyet。
Isawthebigtearsrisethickinhereyes,andfallslowlyoverhercheeksasshelookedatme。Shedashedthemawaywithatouchofheroldenergy,andsmiledwithafaintreflectionofheroldgoodspirits。`Don’tdoubtmycourage,Walter,’shepleaded,`it’smyweaknessthatcries,notme。
Thehouse-workshallconqueritifIcan’t。’Andshekeptherword——thevictorywaswonwhenwemetintheevening,andshesatdowntorest。Herlargesteadyblackeyeslookedatmewithaflashoftheirbrightfirmnessofbygonedays。`Iamnotquitebrokendownyet,’shesaid。`Iamworthtrustingwithmyshareofthework。’BeforeIcouldanswer,sheaddedinawhisper,`Andworthtrustingwithmyshareintheriskandthedangertoo。Rememberthat,ifthetimecomes!’
Ididrememberitwhenthetimecame。
AsearlyastheendofOctoberthedailycourseofourliveshadassumeditssettleddirection,andwethreewereascompletelyisolatedinourplaceofconcealmentasifthehousewelivedinhadbeenadesertisland,andthegreatnetworkofstreetsandthethousandsofourfellow-creaturesallroundusthewatersofanillimitablesea。Icouldnowreckononsomeleisuretimeforconsideringwhatmyfutureplanofactionshouldbe,andhowImightarmmyselfmostsecurelyattheoutsetforthecomingstrugglewithSirPercivalandtheCount。
IgaveupallhopeofappealingtomyrecognitionofLaura,ortoMarian’srecognitionofher,inproofofheridentity。Ifwehadlovedherlessdearly,iftheinstinctimplantedinusbythatlovehadnotbeenfarmorecertainthananyexerciseofreasoning,farkeenerthananyprocessofobservation,evenwemighthavehesitatedonfirstseeingher。
Theoutwardchangeswroughtbythesufferingandtheterrorofthepasthadfearfully,almosthopelessly,strengthenedthefatalresemblancebetweenAnneCatherickandherself。InmynarrativeofeventsatthetimeofmyresidenceinLimmeridgeHouse,Ihaverecorded,frommyownobservationofthetwo,howthelikeness,strikingasitwaswhenviewedgenerally,failedinmanyimportantpointsofsimilaritywhentestedindetail。Inthoseformerdays,iftheyhadbothbeenseentogethersidebyside,nopersoncouldforamomenthavemistakenthemonefortheother——ashashappenedoftenintheinstancesoftwins。Icouldnotsaythisnow。ThesorrowandsufferingwhichIhadonceblamedmyselfforassociatingevenbyapassingthoughtwiththefutureofLauraFairlie,hadsettheirprofaningmarksontheyouthandbeautyofherface;andthefatalresemblancewhichIhadonceseenandshudderedatseeing,inideaonly,wasnowarealandlivingresemblancewhichasserteditselfbeforemyowneyes。Strangers,acquaintances,friendsevenwhocouldnotlookatheraswelooked,ifshehadbeenshowntotheminthefirstdaysofherrescuefromtheAsylum,mighthavedoubtedifsheweretheLauraFairlietheyhadonceseen,anddoubtedwithoutblame。
Theoneremainingchance,whichIhadatfirstthoughtmightbetrustedtoserveus——thechanceofappealingtoherrecollectionofpersonsandeventswithwhichnoimpostercouldbefamiliar,wasproved,bythesadtestofourlaterexperience,tobehopeless。EverylittlecautionthatMarianandIpractisedtowardsher——everylittleremedywetried,tostrengthenandsteadyslowlytheweakened,shakenfaculties,wasafreshprotestinitselfagainsttheriskofturninghermindbackonthetroubledandtheterriblepast。
TheonlyeventsofformerdayswhichweventuredonencouraginghertorecallwerethelittletrivialdomesticeventsofthathappytimeatLimmeridge,whenIfirstwentthereandtaughthertodraw。ThedaywhenIrousedthoseremembrancesbyshowingherthesketchofthesummer-housewhichshehadgivenmeonthemorningofourfarewell,andwhichhadneverbeenseparatedfrommesince,wasthebirthdayofourfirsthope。Tenderlyandgradually,thememoryoftheoldwalksanddrivesdawneduponher,andthepoorwearypiningeyeslookedatMarianandatmewithanewinterest,withafalteringthoughtfulnessinthem,whichfromthatmomentwecherishedandkeptalive。Iboughtheralittleboxofcolours,andasketch-bookliketheoldsketch-bookwhichIhadseeninherhandsonthemorningthatwefirstmet。Onceagain——ohme,onceagain!——atsparehourssavedfrommywork,inthedullLondonlight,inthepoorLondonroom,Isatbyhersidetoguidethefalteringtouch,tohelpthefeeblehand。DaybydayIraisedandraisedthenewinteresttillitsplaceintheblankofherexistencewasatlastassured——tillshecouldthinkofherdrawingandtalkofit,andpatientlypractiseitbyherself,withsomefaintreflectionoftheinnocentpleasureinmyencouragement,thegrowingenjoymentinherownprogress,whichbelongedtothelostlifeandthelosthappinessofpastdays。
Wehelpedhermindslowlybythissimplemeans,wetookheroutbetweenustowalkonfinedays,inaquietoldCitysquarenearathand,wheretherewasnothingtoconfuseoralarmher——wesparedafewpoundsfromthefundatthebanker’stogetherwine,andthedelicatestrengtheningfoodthatsherequired——weamusedherintheeveningswithchildren’sgamesatcards,withscrapbooksfullofprintswhichIborrowedfromtheengraverwhoemployedme——bythese,andothertriflingattentionslikethem,wecomposedherandsteadiedher,andhopedallthings,ascheerfullyaswecouldfromtimeandcare,andlovethatneverneglectedandneverdespairedofher。Buttotakehermercilesslyfromseclusionandrepose——toconfrontherwithstrangers,orwithacquaintanceswhowerelittlebetterthanstrangers——torousethepainfulimpressionsofherpastlifewhichwehadsocarefullyhushedtorest——this,eveninherowninterests,wedarednotdo。Whateversacrificesitcost,whateverlong,weary,heart-breakingdelaysitinvolved,thewrongthathadbeeninflictedonher,ifmortalmeanscouldgrappleit,mustberedressedwithoutherknowledgeandwithoutherhelp。
Thisresolutionsettled,itwasnextnecessarytodecidehowthefirstriskshouldbeventured,andwhatthefirstproceedingsshouldbe。
AfterconsultingwithMarian,Iresolvedtobeginbygatheringtogetherasmanyfactsascouldbecollected——thentoasktheadviceofMrKyrlewhomweknewwecouldtrust,andtoascertainfromhim,inthefirstinstance,ifthelegalremedylayfairlywithinourreach。IowedittoLaura’sinterestsnottostakeherwholefutureonmyownunaidedexertions,solongastherewasthefaintestprospectofstrengtheningourpositionbyobtainingreliableassistanceofanykind。
ThefirstsourceofinformationtowhichIappliedwasthejournalkeptatBlackwaterParkbyMarianHalcombe。TherewerepassagesinthisdiaryrelatingtomyselfwhichshethoughtitbestthatIshouldnotsee。Accordingly,shereadtomefromthemanuscript,andItookthenotesIwantedasshewenton。Wecouldonlyfindtimetopursuethisoccupationbysittinguplateatnight。Threenightsweredevotedtothepurpose,andwereenoughtoputmeinpossessionofallthatMariancouldtell。
MynextproceedingwastogainasmuchadditionalevidenceasIcouldprocurefromotherpeoplewithoutexcitingsuspicion。IwentmyselftoMrsVeseytoascertainifLaura’simpressionofhavingslepttherewascorrectornot。Inthiscase,fromconsiderationforMrsVesey’sageandinfinity,andinallsubsequentcasesofthesamekindfromconsiderationsofcaution,Ikeptourrealpositionasecret,andwasalwayscarefultospeakofLauraas`thelateLadyGlyde’。
MrsVesey’sanswertomyinquiriesonlyconfirmedtheapprehensionswhichIhadpreviouslyfelt。Laurahadcertainlywrittentosayshewouldpassthenightundertheroofofheroldfriend——butshehadneverbeennearthehouse。