“Och！thetipo’themornin’toye，SirPathrickO’Grandison，Barronitt，mavourneen；andit’sanategintlemanthatyeare，sureenough，andit’smesilfandmefortenjistthat’llbeatyursarvice，dear，innytimeo’
　　dayatallatallfortheasking。”Andit’snotmesilfyewudhavetobebateinthepurliteness；soImadeherabowthatwudha’brokenyurheartaltegithertobehould，andthinIpulledaffmehatwithaflourish，andthinIwinkedatherhardwidbotheyes，asmuchastosay，“Trueforyou，yeraswatelittlecrature，Mrs。Tracle，medarlint，andIwishImaybedrowntheddeadinabog，ifit’snotmesilf，SirPathrickO’Grandison，Barronitt，that’llmakeahoulbushelo’lovetoyurleddyship，inthetwinklingo’theeyeofaLondonderrypurraty。”
　　Anditwasthenixtmornin’，sure，jistasIwasmakingupmemindwhitheritwouldn’tbethepurlitethingtosindabito’writin’tothewiddybywayofalove-litter，whenupcom’dthedeliveryservantwidanilligantcard，andhetouldmethatthenameonitforInivercouldradethecopperplateprintinonaccountofbeinglifthandedwasallaboutMounseer，theCount，AGoose，Lookaisy，Maiter-di-dauns，andthatthehoulofthedivilishlingowasthespalpeenylongnameofthelittleouldfurrenerFrinchmanaslivedovertheway。
　　Andjistwidthatincum’dthelittlewillianhimself，andthenhemademeabrothofabow，andthinhesaidhehadounlytakenthelibertyofdoingmethehonorofthegivingmeacall，andthinhewentontopalaveratagreatrate，anddivilthebitdidIcomprehindwhathewudbeaftherthetillingmeatallatall，exciptingandsavingthathesaid“pullywou，woollywou。”andtouldme，amongabushelo’lies，badlucktohim，thathewasmadfortheloveo’mywiddyMisthressTracle，andthatmywiddyMrs。Traclehadapuncheonforhim。
　　Atthehearin’ofthis，yemayswear，though，Iwasasmadasagrasshopper，butIremimberedthatIwasSirPathrickO’Grandison，Barronitt，andthatitwasn’talthegithergentaaltolittheangergittheupperhando’thepurliteness，soImadelighto’thematterandkiptdark，andgotquitesociablewidthelittlechap，andaftherawhilewhatdidhedobutaskmetogowidhimtothewiddy’s，sayinghewudgivemethefeshionableinthroductiontoherleddyship。
　　“Isitthereyeare？”saidIthintomesilf，“andit’sthrueforyou，Pathrick，thatye’rethefortunittestmortalinlife。We’llsoonseenowwhitherit’syourswatesilf，orwhitherit’slittleMounseerMaiter-di-dauns，thatMisthressTracleisheadandearsinthelovewid。”
　　Widthatwewintafftothewiddy’s，nextdoor，andyemaywellsayitwasanilligantplace；soitwas。Therewasacarpetalloverthefloor，andinonecornertherewasaforty-pinnyandaJew’sharpandthedivilknowswhatilse，andinanothercornerwasasofy，thebeautifullestthinginallnatur，andsittingonthesofy，sureenough，therewastheswatelittleangel，MisthressTracle。
　　“Thetipo’themornin’toye。”saysI，“Mrs。Tracle。”andthinImadesichanilligantobaysancethatitwudhaquitealthegitherbewilderedthebraino’ye。
　　“Wullywoo，pullywoo，plumpinthemud。”saysthelittlefurrennerFrinchman，“andsureMrs。Tracle。”sayshe，thathedid，“isn’tthisgintlemanherejisthisreverenceSirPathrickO’Grandison，Barronitt，andisn’thealthegitherandentirelythemostparticularfrindandacquaintancethatIhaveinthehoulworld？”
　　Andwidthatthewiddy，shegitsupfromthesofy，andmakestheswatestcurthchynoriverwasseen；andthindownshesitslikeanangel；andthin，bythepowers，itwasthatlittlespalpeenMounseerMaiter-di-daunsthatplumpedhissilfrightdownbytherightsideofher。Ochhon！I
　　ixpictedthetwoeyeso’mewudhacum’doutofmyheadonthespot，Iwassodispiratemad！Howiver，“Baitwho！”saysI，afterawhile。“Isitthereyeare，MounseerMaiter-di-dauns？”andsodownIplumpedontheliftsideofherleddyship，tobeavenwiththewillain。Botheration！itwudhadoneyourheartgoodtopercavetheilligantdoublewinkthatIgivedherjistthinrightinthefacewithbotheyes。
　　ButthelittleouldFrinchmanheniverbeginnedtosuspictmeatallatall，anddisperateharditwashemadethelovetoherleddyship。“Woullywou。”sayshe，Pullywou。”sayshe，“Plumpinthemud。”sayshe。
　　“That’salltonouse，MounseerFrog，mavourneen。”thinksI；andItalkedashardandasfastasIcouldallthewhile，andthrothitwasmesilfjistthatdivartedherleddyshipcomplatelyandintirely，byrasonoftheilligantconversationthatIkiptupwidherallaboutthedearbogsofConnaught。Andbyandbyshegivedmesuchaswatesmile，fromoneindofhermouthtotheither，thatitmademeasbouldasapig，andIjisttookhouldoftheindofherlittlefingerinthemostdillikitestmannerinnatur，lookingatherallthewhileouto’thewhitesofmyeyes。
　　Andthenounlypercavethecutenessoftheswateangel，fornosoonerdidsheobsarvethatIwasaftherthesquazingofherflipper，thansheupwiditinajiffy，andputitawaybehindherback，jistasmuchastosay，“Nowthin，SirPathrickO’Grandison，there’sabittherchanceforye，mavourneen，forit’snotaltogetherthegentaalthingtobeaftherthesquazingofmyflipperrightfullinthesightofthatlittlefurrennerFrinchman，MounseerMaiter-di-dauns。”
　　WidthatIgiv’dherabigwinkjisttosay，“litSirPathrickaloneforthelikeso’themthricks。”andthinIwintaisytowork，andyou’dhavediedwidthedivarsiontobehouldhowcliverlyIslippedmyrightarmbetwanethebacko’thesofy，andthebackofherleddyship，andthere，sureenough，Ifoundaswatelittleflipperallawaitingtosay，“thetipo’themornin’toye，SirPathrickO’Grandison，Barronitt。”Andwasn’titmesilf，sure，thatjistgiv’ditthelastelittlebitofasquazeintheworld，allinthewayofacommincement，andnottobetooroughwidherleddyship？andoch，botheration，wasn’titthegentaalestanddilikittestofallthelittlesquazesthatIgotinreturn？“Bloodandthunder，SirPathrick，mavourneen。”thinksItomesilf，“faitit’sjistthemother’ssonofyou，andnobodyelseatallatall，that’sthehandsomestandthefortunittestyoungbog-throtterthatevercum’doutofConnaught！”AndwiththatIgivdtheflipperabigsquaze，andabigsquazeitwas，bythepowers，thatherleddyshipgiv’dtomeback。Butitwouldhasplitthesevensidesofyouwidthelaffin’tobehould，jistthenallatonce，theconsatedbehaviorofMounseerMaiter-di-dauns。Thelikeso’sichajabbering，andasmirking，andaparley-wouingashebegin’dwidherleddyship，niverwasknownbeforeuponarth；anddivilmayburnmeifitwasn’tmeownverytwopeepersthatcotch’dhimtippingherthewinkoutofoneeye。Och，hon！ifitwasn’tmesilfthinthatwasmadasaKilkennycatIshudliketobetouldwhoitwas！
　　“Letmeinfarmyou，MounseerMaiter-di-dauns。”saidI，aspurliteasiveryeseed，“thatit’snotthegintaalthingatallatall，andnotforthelikeso’youinnyhow，tobeafthertheogglingandagogglingatherleddyshipinthatfashion。”andjistwidthatsuchanothersquazeasitwasIgiv’dherflipper，allasmuchastosay，“isn’titSirPathricknow，myjewel，that’llbeabletotheprotictingo’you，mydarlint？”andthentherecum’danothersquazeback，allbywayoftheanswer。“Thrueforyou，SirPathrick。”itsaidasplainasiverasquazesaidintheworld，“Thrueforyou，SirPathrick，mavourneen，andit’sapropernategintlemanyearethat’sGod’struth。”andwiththatsheopenedhertwobeautifulpeeperstillIbelavedtheywudha’cum’doutofherhidalthegitherandintirely，andshelookedfirstasmadasacatatMounseerFrog，andthinassmilingasallouto’doorsatmesilf。
　　“Thin。”sayshe，thewillian，“Ochhon！andawolly-wou，pully-wou。”andthenwidthatheshoveduphistwoshoulderstillthedivilthebitofhishidwastobediskivered，andthenheletdownthetwocornersofhispurraty-trap，andthinnotahaporthmoreofthesatisfactioncouldIgitouto’thespalpeen。
　　Belaveme，myjewel，itwasSirPathrickthatwasunreasonablemadthin，andthemorebytokenthattheFrinchmankiptanwidhiswinkingatthewiddy；andthewiddyshekeptanwidthesquazingofmyflipper，asmuchastosay，“Athimagain，SirPathrickO’Grandison，mavourneen：“soIjustrippedoutwidabigoath，andsaysI；
　　“Yelittlespalpeenyfrogofabog-throttingsonofabloodynoun！”andjistthinwhatd’yethinkitwasthatherleddyshipdid？Trothshejumpedupfromthesofyasifshewasbit，andmadeoffthroughthedoor，whileI
　　turnedmyheadroundaftherher，inacomplatebewildermentandbotheration，andfollowedherwidmetwopeepers。YoupercaveIhadareasonofmyownforknowingthatshecouldn’tgitdownthestaresalthegitherandintirely；forIknewverywellthatIhadhouldofherhand，forthedivilthebithadIiverlititgo。AndsaysI；“Isn’titthelastelittlebitofamistakeintheworldthatye’vebeenaftherthemaking，yerleddyship？Comebacknow，that’sadarlint，andI’llgiveyeyurflipper。”Butaffshewintdownthestairslikeashot，andthinI
　　turnedroundtothelittleFrinchfurrenner。Ochhon！ifitwasn’thisspalpeenylittlepawthatIhadhouldofinmyownwhythinthinitwasn’tthat’sall。
　　Andmaybeitwasn’tmesilfthatjistdiedthenoutrightwidthelaffin’，tobeholdthelittlechapwhenhefoundoutthatitwasn’tthewiddyatallatallthathehadhadhouldofallthetime，butonlySirPathrickO’Grandison。Theoulddivilhimselfniverbehildsichalongfaceashepetan！AsforSirPathrickO’Grandison，Barronitt，itwasn’tforthelikesofhisriverencetobeaftherthemindingofathrifleofamistake。
　　Yemayjistsay，thoughforit’sGod’sthruth，thataforeIlefthouldoftheflipperofthespalpeenwhichwasnottillaftherherleddyship’sfutmanhadkickedusbothdownthestairs，Igiv’ditsuchanatelittlebrothofasquazeasmadeitallupintoraspberryjam。
　　“Woullywou。”sayshe，“pullywou。”sayshe“Cottam！”
　　Andthat’sjistthethruthoftherasonwhyhewearshislifthandinasling。
　　_Quandunbonvinmeublemonestomac，JesuisplussavantqueBalzac-
　　PlussagequePibrac；
　　Monbrassseulfaisantl’attaqueDelanationCoseaque，Lamettroitausac；
　　DeCharonjepasseroislelac，Endormantdanssonbac；
　　J’iroisaufierEac，Sansquemonc渦rfitticnitac，Pr閟enterdutabac。
　　FrenchVaudeville_
　　THATPierreBon-Bonwasa_restaurateur_ofuncommonqualifications，nomanwho，duringthereignof-，frequentedthelittleC鈌？inthecul-de-sacLeFebvreatRouen，will，Iimagine，feelhimselfatlibertytodispute。ThatPierreBon-Bonwas，inanequaldegree，skilledinthephilosophyofthatperiodis，Ipresume，stillmoreespeciallyundeniable。
　　His_pat閟？lafois_werebeyonddoubtimmaculate；butwhatpencandojusticetohisessays_surlaNature_-histhoughtssur_l’Ame_-hisobservations_surl’Esprit？_Ifhis_omelettes_-ifhis_fricandeaux_
　　wereinestimable，what_litt閞ateur_ofthatdaywouldnothavegiventwiceasmuchforan“_Id閑deBon-Bon_“asforallthetrashof“_Id閑s_“
　　ofalltherestofthe_savants？_Bon-Bonhadransackedlibrarieswhichnoothermanhadransacked-hadmorethananyotherwouldhaveentertainedanotionofreading-hadunderstoodmorethananyotherwouldhaveconceivedthepossibilityofunderstanding；andalthough，whileheflourished，therewerenotwantingsomeauthorsatRouentoassert“thathis_dicta_evincedneitherthepurityoftheAcademy，northedepthoftheLyceum“-although，markme，hisdoctrineswerebynomeansverygenerallycomprehended，stillitdidnotfollowthattheyweredifficultofcomprehension。Itwas，Ithink，onaccountoftheirself-evidencythatmanypersonswereledtoconsiderthemabstruse。ItistoBon-Bon-butletthisgonofarther-itistoBon-BonthatKanthimselfismainlyindebtedforhismetaphysics。TheformerwasindeednotaPlatonist，norstrictlyspeakinganAristotelian-nordidhe，likethemodernLeibnitz，wastethoseprecioushourswhichmightbeemployedintheinventionofa_fricas閑_or，_faciligradu_，theanalysisofasensation，infrivolousattemptsatreconcilingtheobstinateoilsandwatersofethicaldiscussion。Notatall。Bon-BonwasIonic-Bon-BonwasequallyItalic。Hereasoned_？priori_-Hereasonedalso_？posteriori_。Hisideaswereinnate-orotherwise。HebelievedinGeorgeofTrebizonde-HebelievedinBossarion[Bessarion]。Bon-Bonwasemphaticallya-Bon-Bonist。
　　Ihavespokenofthephilosopherinhiscapacityof_restaurateur_。I
　　wouldnot，however，haveanyfriendofmineimaginethat，infulfillinghishereditarydutiesinthatline，ourherowantedaproperestimationoftheirdignityandimportance。Farfromit。Itwasimpossibletosayinwhichbranchofhisprofessionhetookthegreaterpride。Inhisopinionthepowersoftheintellectheldintimateconnectionwiththecapabilitiesofthestomach。Iamnotsure，indeed，thathegreatlydisagreedwiththeChinese，whoheldthatthesoulliesintheabdomen。TheGreeksatalleventswereright，hethought，whoemployedthesamewordsforthemindandthediaphragm。{*1BythisIdonotmeantoinsinuateachargeofgluttony，orindeedanyotherseriouschargetotheprejudiceofthemetaphysician。IfPierreBon-Bonhadhisfailings-andwhatgreatmanhasnotathousand？-ifPierreBon-Bon，Isay，hadhisfailings，theywerefailingsofverylittleimportance-faultsindeedwhich，inothertempers，haveoftenbeenlookeduponratherinthelightofvirtues。Asregardsoneofthesefoibles，Ishouldnotevenhavementioneditinthishistorybutfortheremarkableprominency-theextreme_altorelievo_-
　　inwhichitjuttedoutfromtheplaneofhisgeneraldisposition。Hecouldneverletslipanopportunityofmakingabargain。