MRSHPassionately。Thenshehassaidthatshecaresforyou！
　　Don’tbelieveher，PipIt’salie-asbadasyourstome！
　　CAPTGSsssteady！I’veanotionthatafriendofyoursislookingatyou。
　　MRSHHe！IhatehimHeintroducedyoutome。
　　CAPTGAside。AndsomepeoplewouldlikewomentoassistinmakingthelawsIntroductiontoimplycondonementAloud。
　　Well，yousee，ifyoucanremembersofarbackasthat，Icouldn’t，in’commonpoliteness，refusetheoffer。
　　MRSHIncommonpolitenessIWehavegotbeyondthat！
　　CAPTGAside。OldgroundmeansfreshtroubleAloud。OnmyhonorMRSHYourwhat？Ha，ha！
　　CAPTGDishonor，thenShe’snotwhatyouimagineImeantto-
　　MRSHDon’ttellmeanythingabouther！Shewon’tcareforyou，andwhenyoucomeback，afterhavingmadeanexhibitionofyourself，you’llfindmeoccupiedwith-
　　CAPTGInsolently。Youcouldn’twhileIamaliveAside。Ifthatdoesn’tbringherpridetoherrescue，nothingwill。
　　MRSHDr~wingherselfup。Couldn’tdoit？I’Softening。
　　You’rerightIdon’tbelieveIcould-thoughyouarewhatyouare-acowardandaliaringrain。
　　CAPTGItdoesn’thurtsomuchafteryourlittlelecture-withdemonstrations。
　　MRSHOnemassofvanity！Willnothingevertouchyouinthislife？TheremustbeaHereafterifit’sonlyforthebenefitof-Butyouwillhaveitalltoyourself。
　　CAPTGUnderhiseyebrows。Areyoucertainofthat？
　　MRSHIshallhavehadmineinthislife；anditwillservemeright，CAPTGButtheadmirationthatyouinsistedonsostronglyamomentago？Aside。Oh，Iamabrute！
　　MRSHFiercely。Willthatcon-solemeforknowingthatyouwillgotoherwiththesamewords，thesamearguments，andthe-thesamepetnamesyouusedtome？Andifshecaresforyou，youtwowilllaughovermystoryWon’tthatbepunishmentheavyenoughevenforme-evenforme？-Andit’salluselessThat’sanotherpunishment。
　　CAPTGFeebly。Oh，come！I’mnotsolowasyouthink。
　　MRSHNotnow，perhaps，butyouwillbeOh，Pip，ifawomanflattersyourvanity，there’snothingonearththatyouwouldnottellher；andnomeannessthatyouwouldnotdoHaveIknownyousolongwithoutknowingthat？
　　CAPTGIfyoucantrustmeinnothingelse-andIdon’ts~ewhyI
　　shouldbetrusted-youcancountuponmyholdingmytongue。
　　MRSHIfyoudeniedeverythingyou’vesaidthiseveninganddeclareditwasallin’funalongpause，I’dtrustyouNototherwiseAllIaskis，don’ttellhermynamePleasedon’tAmanmightforget：awomanneverwouldLooksuptableandseeshostessbeginningtocollecteyes。Soit’sallended，throughnofaultofmine-Haven’tIbehavedbeautifully？I’veacceptedyourdismissal，andyoumanageditascruellyasyoucould，andI
　　havemadeyourespectmysex，haven’tI？Arrangingglovesandfan。Ionlypraythatshe’llknowyousomedayasIknowyounow。
　　Iwouldn’tbeyouthen，forIthinkevenyourconceitwillbehurtI
　　hopeshe’llpayyoubackthehumiliationyou’vebroughtonmeI
　　hope-NoIdon’t！Ican’tgiveyouup！ImusthavesomethingtolookforwardtoorIshallgocrazyWhenit’sallover，comebacktome，comebacktome，andyou’llfindthatyou’remyPipstill！
　　CAPTGVeryclearly。Falsemove，andyoupayforitIt’sagirl！
　　MRSHRising。Thenitwastrue！Theysaid-butIwouldn’tinsultyoubyaskingAgirl！IwasagirlnotverylongagoBegoodtoher，PipIdaresayshebelievesin’you。
　　GoesoutwithanuncertainsmileHewatchesherthroughthedoor，andsettlesintoachairasthemenredistributethemselves。
　　CAPTGNow，ifthereisanyPowerwholooksafterthisworld，willHekindlytellmewhatIhavedone？Reachingoutfortheclaret，andhalfaloud。WhathaveIdone？
　　WITHANYAMAZEMENT
　　Andarenotafraidwithanyamazement-
　　MarriageService。
　　SCENE-Abachelor’sbedroom-toilet-tablearrangedwithunnaturalneat-nessCAPTAINGADSBYasleepandsnoringheavilyTime，10：30AM-agloriousautumndayatSimlaEnterdelicatelyCaptainMAFFLINofGADSBY’sregimentLooksatsleeper，andshakeshisheadmurmuring“PoorGaddy。”Performsviolentfantasiawithhair-brushesonchairback。
　　CAPTMWakeup，mysleepingbeauty！Roars。
　　“Uprouseye，then，mymerrymerrymen！
　　Itisouropeningday！
　　Itisouropeningda-ay！”
　　Gaddy，thelittledicky-birdshavebeenbillingandcooingforeversolong；andI’mhere！
　　CAPTGSittingupandyawning。’Mornin’Thisisawf’lygoodofyou，oldfellowMostawf’lygoodofyou’Don’tknowwhatI
　　shoulddowithoutyou’Ponmysoul，Idon’t’Haven’tsleptawinkallnight。
　　CAPTMIdidn’tgetintillhalf-pasteleven’Hadalookatyouthen，andyouseemedtobesleepingassoundlyasacondemnedcriminal。
　　CAPTGJack，ifyouwanttomakethosedisgustinglyworn-outjokes，you’dbettergoawayWithportentousgravity。It’sthehappiestdayinmylife。
　　CAPTMChucklinggrimly。Notbyaverylongchalk，myson。
　　You’regoingthroughsomeofthemostrefinedtortureyou’veeverknownButbecalmIamwithyou’Shun！Dress！
　　CAPTGEh！Wha-at？
　　CAPTMDoyousupposethatyouareyourownmasterforthenexttwelvehours？Ifyoudo，ofcourse-Makesforthedoor。
　　CAPTGNo！ForGoodness’sake，oldman，don’tdothat！You’llsee~through，won’tyou？I’vebeenmuggingupthatbeastlydrill，andcan’trememberalineofit。
　　CAPTMOverturningG。’suniform。GoandtubDon’tbotherme。
　　I’llgiveyoutenminutestodressin。
　　interval，filledbythenoiseasO/onesplashinginthebath-room……
　　CAPTGEmergingfromdressing-room。Whattimeisit？
　　CAPTMNearlyeleven。
　　CAPTGFivehoursmoreOLord！
　　CAPTMAside。’Firstsignoffunk，that’Wonderifit’sgoingtospreadAloud。Comealongtobreakfast。
　　CAPTGIcan’teatanythingIdon’twantanybreakfast。
　　CAPTMAside。Soearly！Aloud~CAPTAINGamsby，Iorderyoutoeatbreakfast，andadashedgoodbreak-fast，tooNoneofyourbridalairsandgraceswithme！
　　LeadsGdownstairsandstandsoverhimwhileheeatstwochops。
　　CAPTGWhohaslookedathiswatchthriceinthelastfiveminutes。Whattimeisit？
　　CAPTMTimetocomeforawalkLightup。
　　CAPTGIhaven’tsmokedfortendays，andIwon’tnowTakescherootwhichMhascutforhim，andblowssmokethroughhisnoseluxuriously。Wearen’tgoingdowntheMall，arewe？
　　CAPTMAside。They’reallalikeinthesestagesAloud。No，myVestalWe’regoingalongthequietestroadwecanfind。
　　CAPTGAnychanceofseeingHer？CAPTMInnocent！No！
　　Comealong，and，ifyouwantmeforthefinalobsequies，don’tcutmyeyeoutwithyourstick。
　　CAPTGSpinninground。Isay，isn’tShethedearestcreaturethateverwalked？What’sthetime？Whatcomesafter“wiltthoutakethiswoman“？
　　CAPTMYougofortheringR’clectit’llbeonthetopofmyright-handlittlefinger，andjustbecarefulhowyoudrawitoff，becauseIshallhavetheVerger’sfeessomewhereinmyglove。
　　CAPTGWalkingforwardhastily。D-theVerger！Comealong！
　　It’spasttwelveandIhaven’tseenHersinceyesterdayevening。
　　Spinningroundagain。She’sanabsoluteangel，Jack，andShe’sadasheddealtoogoodformeLookhere，doesShecomeuptheaisleonmyarm，orhow？
　　CAPTMIfIthoughtthattherewastheleastchanceofyourrememberinganythingfortwoconsecutiveminutes，I’dtellyou。
　　Stoppassagingaboutlikethat！
　　CAPTGHaltinginhemiddleoftheroad。Isay，Jack。
　　CAPTMKeepquietforanothertenminutesifyoucan，youlunatic；andwalk！
　　Thetwotrampatfivemilesanhourforfifteenminutes。
　　CAPTGWhat’sthetime？Howaboutthecursedwedding-cakeandtheslippers？Theydon’tthrow’emaboutinchurch，dothey？
　　CAPTMIn-variablyThePadreleadsoffwithhisboots。
　　CAPTGConfoundyoursillysoul！Don’tmakefunofmeIcan’tstandit，andIwon’t！
　　CAPTMUntroubled。So-ooo，oldhorseYou’llhavetosleepforacoupleofhoursthisafternoon。
　　CAPTGSpinninground。I’mnotgoingtobetreatedlikeadashedchildunderstandthatCAPTMAside。Nervesgonetofiddle-stringsWhatadaywe’rehaving！TenderlyputtinghishandonG。’sshoulder。MyDavid，howlonghaveyouknownthisJonathan？WouldIcomeupheretomakeafoolofyou-afteralltheseyears？
　　CAPTGPenitently。Iknow，Iknow，Jack-butI’masupsetasI
　　canbeDon’tmindwhatIsayJusthearmerunthroughthedrillandseeifI’vegotitallright：-“Tohaveandtoholdforbetterorworse，asitwasinthebeginning，isnow，andevershallbe，worldwithoutend，sohelpmeGodAmen。”
　　CAPTMSuffocatingwithsuppressedlaughter。YesThat’saboutthegistofitI’llpromptifyougetintoahat。
　　CAPTGEarnestly。Yes，you’llstickbyme，Jack，won’tyou？
　　I’mawfullyhappy，butIdon’tmindtellingyouthatI’minabluefunk！
　　CAPTMGravely。Areyou？Ishouldneverhavenoticedit。
　　Youdon’tlooklikeit。
　　CAPTGDon’tI？That’sallrightSpinninground。Onmysoulandhonor，Jack，She’sthesweetestlittleangelthatevercamedownfromtheskyThereisn’tawomanonearthfittospeaktoHer。
　　CAPTMAside。AndthisisoldGandy！Aloud。Goonifitrelievesyou。
　　CAPTGYoucanlaugh！That’sallyouwildassesofbachelorsarefitfor。
　　CAPTMDrawling。YouneverwouldwaitforthetrooptocomeupYouaren’tquitemarriedyet，y’know。
　　CAPTGUgh！ThatremindsmeIdon’tbelieveIshallbeabletogetintoanybootsLet’sgohomeandtry’emonHurriesforward。
　　CAPTM’Wouldn’tbeinyourshoesforanythingthatAsiahastooffer。
　　CAPTGSpinninground。Thatjustshowsyourhideousblacknessofsoul-yourdensestupidity-yourbrutalnarrow-mindednessThere’sonly~nefaultaboutyouYou’rethebestofgoodfellows，andIdon’tknowwhat[shouldhavedonewithoutyou，but-youaren’tmarriedWagshisheadgravely。
　　Takeawife，Jack。
　　CAPTMWithafacelikeawall。Va-asWhoseforchoice？
　　CAPTGIfyou’regoingtobeablackguard，I’mgoingon-What’sthetime？
　　CAPTMHums。-
　　An’since’twasveryclearwedrankonlyginger-beer，Faith，theremustha’beensomestingointheginger。”
　　Comeback，youmaniacI’mgoingtotakeyouhome，andyou’regoingtoliedown。
　　CAPTGWhatonearthdoIwanttoliedownfor？
　　CAPTMGivemealightfromyourcherootandsee。
　　CAPTGWatchingcheroot-buttquiverlikeatuning-fork。
　　SweetstateI’min！
　　CAPTMYouareI’llgetyouapegandyou’llgotosleep。
　　TheyreturnandMcompoundsafour-fingerpeg。
　　CAPTGObus！bus！It’llmakemeasdrunkasanowl。
　　CAPTM’Curiousthing，’twon’thavetheslightesteffectonyou。
　　Drinkitoff，chuckyourselfdownthere，andgotobye-bye。
　　CAPTGIt’sabsurdIsha’n’tsleep，IknowIsha’n’tlFallsintoheavydozeatendofsevenminutesCAPTMwatcheshimtenderly。
　　CAPTMPooroldGandy！I’veseenafewturnedoffbefore，butneveronewhowenttothegallowsinthiscondition’Can’ttellhowitaffects’em，thoughIt’sthethoroughbredsthatsweatwhenthey’rebackedintodouble-harness-Andthat’sthemanwhowentthroughthegunsatAmdheranlikeadevilpossessedofdevils。
　　LeansoverG。Butthisisworsethantheguns，oldpal-worsethantheguns，isn’tit？Gturnsinhissleep，andMtoucheshimclumsilyontheforehead。Poor，dearoldGaddyIGoingliketherestof’em-goingliketherestof’em-Friendthatstickethcloserthanabrother-eightyearsDashedbitofaslipofagirl-eightweeks！And-where’syourfriend？Smokesdisconsolatelytillchurchclockstrikesthree。
　　CAPTMUpwithyou！Getintoyourkit。